Chapter Text
At 28, Shinsuke starts counting again.
He doesn't count the people—the past—that he left behind. Instead, he counts the next steps and days that he takes after surviving what shouldn't have been possible.
He counts days, weeks, months... Each spent over a new objective: chasing after Utsuro's scattered blood and saving Shouyou from his accursed fate.
He counts each moment spent as a walking corpse. A living ghost.
Ultimately, his feet lead him to the one place where everything began.
The days of laughter and various challenges to spars which always end with childish banters and wounds and bruises, their friends and classmates, the small wooden building of Shoka Sonjuku...
Everything he has ever counted in this place has burnt down and faded with time.
The sight of various countryside policemen hovering around the location made his eye twitch in irritation.
How did they find out about this place? Irked, he glanced down at the pouch on his hand. Inside it contains the remains of their senior disciple. Sorry, maybe next time.
In a one-man journey, he trekked to stop the emerging religion from spreading. By his lonesome, he obstructed the plans of Seibouists in different places.
“...We need to recover the ‘heart’ of our God.” Shinsuke paused, making sure to listen carefully. His hand promptly found its way to his sword just in case he might have to get into a fight. “Find him. Find the man called Shiroyasha and take our Master's heart back.”
Shinsuke's only eye widened at what he heard. Then, it shook.
He waited for the mass of Tengenism believers and Naraku to pass him by as he hid behind a wall. Unknowingly, his grip on his sword's hilt tightened.
Suddenly feeling suffocated by nothing, he couldn't help but hold in his breath.
...Gintoki?
At 29, Shinsuke meets Gintoki again. In the end, it'll always be between him and Gintoki, so it seems.
“Exactly how much longer do you have,” Gintoki asks after they've finally caught up on what the other has been doing these past two years.
It's a question that even Shinsuke cannot answer. He only knows of one thing...
“Not too long, I suppose.” His nonchalant response makes Gintoki click his tongue. Shinsuke couldn't help himself and smiles at that reaction. “What? Gonna miss me or something?”
“Who'd miss your ugly mug?” Gintoki scoffs, “You know, instead of this heart I have with me, it would've been more worthwhile if you spent these two years searching for some stilts that'd make you look a tad bit higher instead. Because honestly, I'm doubting how much longer all that arrogance can fit inside such a little body, Chibisugi-kun.”
Normally, that insult would've been answered with an insult in return. But just this once, Shinsuke lets it go with a huff of smoke right on the other's face, which results with Gintoki in a coughing fit.
And thus, their long boat ride to Edo continues peacefully. It would take a few more hours or so, according to the crew that Shinsuke managed to convince into taking them along. Shouka Sonjuku's so far in the countryside and yet the bakufu still saw them—Yoshida Shouyou and Shouka Sonjuku's students—as a threat. The reminder makes something inside Shinsuke feel a little proud; of Shouyou, and himself for being that Shouyou's student. He always had been and always will be, honestly. Although the man seated in front of him probably wouldn't like his current train of thought.
Even if they now have a new opportunity to save their master, it doesn't erase their past. Their first failure. That incident's already engraved in their minds almost as much as Gintoki's annoying face has been carved into the depths of Shinsuke's mind as the last memory of his crushed left eye.
In the meantime that Shinsuke had been pondering to himself, Gintoki started eating the sweets that he collected from his journey. From the side, Shinsuke observes him while quietly smoking his kiseru pipe.
The moment he accepted Oboro's bones into his rotting body, he had resolved himself to living only for the sake of saving Shouyou—his other desires be damned. But maybe, just this once...
“Hey. You do anything that a client asks, right?” Gintoki's head whirls toward his direction so quick with an almost-out-of-character hardened glare that it almost caught Shinsuke off-guard.
Just one last time...
“Can I get you to do something for me?”
Gintoki's expression shifts as he takes a deep inhale. He puts down the unfinished yatsuhashi in his hand on the wooden table in front of him. Then, he looks at Shinsuke with a blank expression, deep crimson eyes now appearing incomprehensible as if he hadn't just glared at Shinsuke so threateningly.
“If it isn't clear to you yet, I'm not a Yorozuya anymore, moron.”
“Hm, why do you look so sad?” he asks, teasingly, “Come on. If you beg, I might just be willing to comfort you.” Shinsuke takes a step closer towards Gintoki, who immediately snaps.
“Who the heck's sad, you bastard?! Gin-san will only get sad if Ketsuno Ana gets married again or, even worse, dies! And don't expect me to beg you. Ever! Have you forgotten who you are and who you're talking to? Do you really think Gin-san would beg you of all people? In this lifetime?!” Shinsuke rolls his eyes as Gintoki pauses for a moment to catch his breath after that long rambling. Once he has slightly calmed down, Gintoki waves his hand around in the air in a motion like he's brushing Shinsuke's statement off. “Anyway, Gin-san is busy enough. If you're looking for someone to do your dirty work for you, you should've taken those lego soldiers of yours with you.”
“Stop shouting. And I told you already, the Kiheitai aren't lego soldiers.” Shinsuke places his kiseru a little distance away from Gintoki's snack on the table, then he lifts the other man's chin to get a good look at his face.
“So he says, but he was able to quickly figure out who I was referring to,” he hears the permhead mutter, sarcastically. He ignores the remark.
“Don't worry, I'm not gonna make you do anything difficult. I've barely got any time to play around as it is.” He watches the way Gintoki quietens and stiffens subtly. He's certain he has piqued the taller man's attention.
Gintoki's face contorts into one of feigned annoyance in the next second, his eyebrows drawn as he ruffles his fluffy mess of silver hair. He sighs, “Fine, you're so stubborn. What is it?”
As soon as he asks, Shinsuke leans closer. “Let me screw you, Gintoki.”
He expected to receive a violent reaction. Maybe a punch, a kick on his shins, or at least some aggressive shouting. But for a few moments, Gintoki doesn't move nor speak. The lack of any reaction makes Shinsuke wonder if Gintoki has quickly changed his mind. Thinking that, he smiles bitterly.
He's about to pull back and shrug things off as a mere joke, when a hand suddenly made its way onto the back of his head.
“...You better pay me well for this, bastard.”
Then, lips clashed against lips.
Please. Let me be selfish, just one last time.
Gintoki rises to his feet, shoving Shinsuke against the table's edge and kissing him passionately. It's a quick outburst at the beginning, with Gintoki kissing him and letting go before Shinsuke can get used to the sensation. Teasing as usual, like the sadist that he is; not that Shinsuke's any different, really. However, Shinsuke's lips are never left alone for too long because Gintoki's own always come back to kiss him again and again, with much more force than the previous. Harder, livelier, faster, and effortlessly sweet. Or maybe that's just because of the sweets that Gintoki has been eating before this.
Somehow, Shinsuke's hands end up being held behind his back but he lets it be as Gintoki starts grinding and he grinds back. Shinsuke kisses Gintoki back like a man who has been teased by someone for far too long and is finally given permission to take as much as he can so he does as much. He kisses him like he’s been starved, nibbling and biting, making sure that Gintoki can think of nothing but him—nothing but them and just the two of them. And Gintoki easily responds, equally starved. Actually, maybe even more.
Gintoki's hand remains ruffling and tugging onto Shinsuke's hair, while his other hand restrains Shinsuke's wrists behind the latter's back, gripping them tightly in his grasp as if to say that parting away was no longer a choice for either of them and that there was no turning back anymore.
In a way, it's the most overwhelmed Shinsuke has felt in a long time, in which he is conscious of how heat is accumulating on his dick, how the feeling of being trapped between a wooden table and Gintoki is now just incorporating up his desire, and how incredible it feels to be so overwhelmed that he can't think clearly and can only let low moans escape his mouth helplessly.
The moment of haziness cracks as Shinsuke grimaces when his back suddenly meets the hard wood of the only bed inside the cabin room. Once he has processed the situation, he scowls at Gintoki. And if Gintoki thinks in his head that Shinsuke glaring daggers at him was genuinely hot, then he's either too sex-deprived or there's just something wrong with his brain.
“If we end up breaking this bed, I’m totally blaming you,” Shinsuke grumbles.
“Just shut up and fuck me, you shorty,” Gintoki taunts from above, grabbing himself a handful of Shinsuke's hair and pulling the other's face closer to his. Shinsuke's lone eye stays on Gintoki's cheeky grin and he finds himself unable to look away. Gintoki's gaze is focused as he runs his index finger down the other's sternum all the way down to the dip in muscle below his waist line before he trails it back up, ending its journey directly under Shinsuke's chin. He lifts Shinsuke's gaze to his red eyes. “And for the record, I'm not paying a single yen if that crew you got makes us pay for anything that we end up breaking. Not even 300 yen.”
Shinsuke's retort comes a couple seconds later, voice sounding a bit dry and breathy, his gaze only growing more intense. He places his hands around Gintoki's waist, pulling him closer. “Since when have you ever paid for anything, anyway?”
“Gin-san's an upstanding citizen, I'll have you know.”
“Upstanding citizens pay their rent, taxes, and employees properly. Things that you, without a doubt, don't do.”
“You talk like you're an upstanding citizen! Upstanding citizens don't randomly bomb places or have someone unknowingly bomb a place for them!”
“You have a point, but you're definitely talking about Zura.”
“Well, upstanding citizens don't harass their brother's girlfriend, kill people like their vampire henchmen and adoptive father, use brain parasites, and etcetera!”
“Okay, I have killed people before, particularly the members of the bakufu. And the person that did the things you mentioned does sound like me. But that wasn't me, it was D**!” Shinsuke narrowed his eye in irritation, then pinched Gintoki on his side, making the latter yelp. “You know, I'm trying real hard to not get mad so the mood wouldn't drop. But your ass must be getting really jealous of all the shit that's been constantly spitting out of your mouth. Is this your new type of foreplay, huh, Gintoki?”
Gintoki is tempted to press even harder, feels inclined to strike back with a barrage of snide remarks and insults that Shinsuke never lets anyone else lash out at himself, except for Gintoki. To keep Shinsuke's piercing gaze on his own longer—for as much time as possible.
There's just something strangely captivating about Takasugi Shinsuke. And it’s probably as dangerous as a bad omen could be, perhaps even more. However, Gintoki doesn’t want to think about it right now, not when he has the said captivating man under him.
He sighs, deciding to commit to the situation for now. He lowers his head to capture the other’s lips once more. Shinsuke ardently meets him halfway, deepening the kiss. Then, Gintoki feels a smirk etching onto Shinsuke's lips and bites back a moan when Shinsuke suddenly thrusted his body against Gintoki's. At the same time, hands made their way to his ass, cupping and kneading the cheeks across his clothes, making him jolt in surprise.
During Gintoki's brief moment of weakness, Shinsuke manages to lock their legs and turn them over, switching their positions. Gintoki groans as his own back hits the hard, wooden bed.
And fuck, this is probably even hotter. Hotter than the magma that pierced through the skin of Ice from One Park, ultimately bringing him his tragic end even though they made it seem like Zuffy would be able to save him. Perhaps even as hot as the M*ngkeyou Sh*ring*n's black flames. But probably still can't compare to Z*nk* no T*chi. And maybe Gintoki shouldn't be thinking about these attacks that he'd likely never be able to do since he still can't even master the Kame hame ha after all these years, when he's currently about to be fucked senseless while on a boat ride to Edo.
Case in point, when Shinsuke gets worked up like this, sex always gets a lot hotter. A lot, a lot. Of course, that doesn't stop Gintoki from glaring at the man, though.
“You're such an asshole.”
“And yet, you still agreed to let this asshole screw your asshole,” Shinsuke retorts with a smirk. He closes in on Gintoki again. Yep, a lot hotter. “Deal with it.”
Gintoki takes in Shinsuke's tongue. He lets it roam around his mouth, playing and dancing with his own, as he wraps his arms around Shinsuke's neck, pressing his body against the other. Shinsuke swiftly takes off his blue haori and throws it across the room, and they both pay it no mind, only concentrating on each other's lips, and tongue, heated gazes, and breaths.
But Gintoki refuses to be taken so easily.
Maybe it's not the time to keep playing their push-and-pull and hard-to-get game, but that's just how they have always been. He pulls away from their kiss, and as they slowly settle into heavy panting and breathing, he suddenly cranes his neck to bite the open skin around Shinsuke's collar bone.
“W-What are you planning again, you—”
Gintoki draws circles around Shinsuke's back as he presses kisses on the red flesh; the warmth of skin radiating through him. Then he starts nibbling and sucking on it, softly and just enough to not leave behind a mark—a habit engrained in them both during their trysts in the war. And Shinsuke swallows hard, his knees buckling.
Gintoki takes advantage of Shinsuke's unguarded state to take over the control yet again, returning to their earlier position with him straddling Shinsuke's lap as he tugs tightly at Shinsuke's hair. He grins smugly at the smaller man's annoyed expression.
They both know that Gintoki knows better. Despite the years that flew by, the two of them somehow still understand each other in aspects that probably shouldn't even matter anymore.
In any case, the simple fact that Shinsuke doesn’t immediately retaliate makes it obvious that he's turned on by this as much as Gintoki himself.
“Stay still, bastard. How about letting me take you for once.” A mischievous grin spreads across Gintoki's features as he descends for another kiss.
Shinsuke, on the other hand, has different ideas and he launches himself again to reclaim control, not even letting Gintoki relish in it for a moment longer. This time, Gintoki reluctantly relents without much struggle. Because there’s admittedly nothing hotter than holding Shinsuke's gaze while seeing that burning desire directed at him, and him alone.
However, before they could get any further, Gintoki suddenly parts away from him, making Shinsuke blink in confusion.
“What is it?”
Gintoki stares at him, expressionless. Then looks down at their bodies that were just about to get wholly naked and tightly clinging onto each other. Perhaps, they're taking a little too long with foreplay. But now that he's thinking about it, they've never tried this before. Not when they barely had the time to even screw around amidst the war.
“Hey. What is it?” Shinsuke repeats, one hand stopping mid-way through lifting Gintoki's thigh to his shoulder while the other was undressing Gintoki. One glance at his face and one would be able to tell that he appears bothered, perhaps even concerned.
Gintoki blinked. “You think they've got a bath in here or—”
“Did you really stop making out with me just to ask that?” Shinsuke tugs onto the sleeve of Gintoki's yukata that had already fallen off the latter's shoulder. He's about to press kisses on Gintoki's exposed skin, but the other man thwarts his attempts by pushing his head away.
“Oi, oi. Listen, Takasugi-kun! I don't know if, for some unknown reason, you've become some sort of anti-hygiene man seeking to destroy everything hygienic during the long time that we weren't together. However, I'll have you know that Gin-san might struggle with eating all 3 meals a day but he'd never go through his day without taking a clean bath after sex, okay?!”
“I got it, dammit. Keep it down! You'll wake up the crew with your loud voice, idiot.”
Gintoki grinded his teeth together. His hand reached for Shinsuke's dick, then he carefully clasped it into his grip, not too tight nor too loose.
He hissed, threateningly. “How about I make you keep it down so Gin-san wouldn't have to get dirty in the first place?”
“You're acting like yours isn't hard already.”
Gintoki kicks Shinsuke off of the bed, fixing the way his yukata covers his body. “Go check if there's a bathroom here or anything that'd get me cleaned up, 'cause I'm not doing shit with you if it means that I'd have to go to Edo while being all sticky and reeking like sex.”
“You're acting like you'd even be brave enough to go see anyone that you know there,” mumbles Shinsuke.
Gintoki ignores it and doesn't take it as a retaliation. He kicks Shinsuke's leg from where the other still hasn't picked himself up on the wooden floor of the ship's cabin room. “Go on, Takasugi-kun. Chop-chop!”
Shinsuke glowers at him. Before anything, he sits cross-legged on the floor and crosses his arms over his torso. Then, he silently grumbles to himself, notably keeping Gintoki within his peripheral vision, before he sighs. The sight amused Gintoki, having never seen as much emotions flickering across the other man’s face in such a short amount of time before.
After what looked like an unpleasant internal debate (from Gintoki's perspective on the side), Shinsuke finally settled into a glum resolution as he glared at Gintoki.
“Fine. You and that ass of yours better be ready when I get back.” He grumpily exits the room, muttering to himself, “...Did that idiot really have to drop the mood like that, tsk.”
After going at it much like dogs in heat (although they don't really like that comparison) for a few hours, while making sure not to make too much noises since they aren't exactly alone on the ship and they at least had some few decency to spare over not bothering other people's rest, Shinsuke embraces a sleeping Gintoki in his arms. Just like the old times. But this time, he calmly smokes his kiseru as he runs his fingers through unruly, silver hair.
In a rare calm, they take their time. They don't need to be in a rush to prepare and engage in another abrupt battle, nor does he need to be hurriedly escaping onto his own tent from Gintoki's during the wee hours of the morning to make sure that their allies wouldn't find out about their frequent night trysts—though, he's quite certain that everyone held suspicions at some point.
He peers at the man sleeping beside him, whose skin, all clear of hickies or anything that could possibly expose them of their deed except for a few red spots that could easily be hidden with clothes, was still fully bare and exposed for the world to see. For a moment, he considers marking Gintoki. But that thought doesn't last and he shakes his head as the barest of smiles take over his features.
Gintoki is not his. Especially not his to mark. Despite fucking each other plenty of times in the past and the previous night, they have never actually talked about taking that one final leap that would take their relationship up a notch and give them a label. And now, doing so would simply be pointless. For naught.
“Shinsuke...” Gintoki's soft murmuring makes Shinsuke look down at him. He has his eyes closed but Shinsuke doesn't doubt that he'd heard him say his given name. Maybe, he's sleep-talking?
“...If you had never met me and Shouyou, I wonder if it would've saved us some grief...” The hand holding his smoking pipe starts shaking. “...Why did we have to prance around each other like stupid brats for too long?”
Shinsuke stares at that tearful face, then squeezes his right eye shut. When he opens it again, he wipes the tears off of Gintoki's face. His hand remains in its place and caresses the slumbering man's cheek.
“...I don't know either, Gintoki.” He puts down his kiseru on the table nearby, then pulls the other man closer into his warm embrace. “But nothing was your fault alone.”
The sound of knocking on the door snaps him out of his stupor. “We'll be arriving soon, Sir,” says one of the crew owning the boat they were riding on. Shinsuke promptly responds with a ‘thank you,’ and he listens to the sound of footsteps getting farther and farther away from the little cabin room he and Gintoki were staying in.
“Gintoki, I hate you with all my heart.” He chuckles, knowing that even he himself will be in disbelief of his next words, “...and yet, I also love you no less than that.” He smiles bitterly, nuzzling his nose against Gintoki's. “I can't tell you this anymore while you're awake, especially not with the little time I have left. But thanks for going along with my last favor, Gintoki. I'm sorry, we have to keep pretending till the end.”
Pretending that I don't love you even though we both know the truth.
As he had sternly convinced himself from before he asked Gintoki, it's far too late to start anything when he's already certain he wouldn't be able to return. He'd rather take everything—including all of their feelings and burdens—to the grave with him.
The moment that Gintoki awakens, he blinks his still sleepy eyes at Shinsuke before a snort of laughter slips out of his slightly drooling mouth. There's barely the tiniest of curls, almost unnoticeable, at the edges of his lips which are magnified by the glimmer in his dull yet riveting red eyes—a light that shone from within him, the same old solace from his unchanging, sturdy presence.
His smile is nothing but a reminiscent of a wide and bright grin oozing with so much mischief in a brat's body. And yet, Shinsuke can't help but still feel as if it's threatening to turn him to ash.
The night had ended, and the sun had returned. Shinsuke finds himself smiling back despite himself, letting himself be burned.
Just a bit more, he tells himself.
When they finally step foot in Edo, gone are the traces of the previous night once more.
He reaffirms Gintoki of his resolve. There wouldn't be any chance to back down, henceforth.
And again, Shinsuke reminds himself of his own borrowed time, of his currently hanging life's main objective. That is, to save Shouyou-sensei from his accursed fate. His own other desires be damned.
“Gintoki, hand over the heart. I told you, I'm not entrusting this task to someone busy playing games of pretend.”
Katsura wistfully stared at the two backs in front of him. For a quick second, he pondered if he had spoken unnecessarily.
The three of them—these two people in front of him, especially—have strayed onto completely separate paths for so long, and had finally come back together.
He's not certain of the standing between the pair; if they have ever properly gotten each other's feelings across or not, if they've dated before and broken up, or are still together, and whatnot. Those things about their complicated relationship... Katsura has never inquired.
On the contrary, one thing he can say with certainty is that they all have truly undergone a full circle. Katsura himself included.
With complexities filling his thoughts, he turned away and let the pair have their moment.
“Go. There's something more fitting for you to be carrying than that heart, right?” There's the sound of footsteps, trying to be discreet and failing, above them. They each shifted their postures in preparation for what's to come. “I have what I have to take back, and you have yours.”
You're no longer just our Gintoki. Shinsuke doesn't say.
Seeing that huge crowd of people—some he recognizes and some he doesn't—forcing themselves into this situation, despite knowing that the person they were trying to save here could ultimately lead to the destruction of everything they tried to rebuild... Shinsuke couldn't tell if they were all just that insanely stupid.
Maybe it was due to Gintoki's stupid influence.
Beyond everything, and for all that Gintoki acts like a goddamned annoying bastard, he has this strange effect on people where they can't help but be heavily attracted—romantically or not.
One thing for sure is that these people are all completely determined to take what they came for and wouldn't be deterred... Such people came here. They came not to save the world, nor to stop some terrorists or religion from taking over the country.
They all came here for Gintoki.
In a way, it reminds him of their young selves that joined the war more than a decade ago. They hadn't come for honorable goals, either. At that time, the three of them weren't successful, failing to take their master back with them.
However, these people could still take Gintoki with them.
Back to their home in Edo and back to their happy daily lives—lives that don't include Shinsuke. Shinsuke, who is merely hanging onto borrowed time just enough to confront his failures right now. Just enough to be able to share Gintoki's and their master's burdens and take them to the grave with him. Shinsuke has nothing to lose anymore, having already parted ways with what he had—the Kiheitai—because he already knew he doesn't have much time to live and would rather spare them from the eventual pain.
But Gintoki isn't the same.
He's no longer just a disciple of Yoshida Shouyou nor the infamous Shiroyasha from the war.
He has become Yorozuya Gin-chan, a person loved and held dear by many.
As much as Shinsuke liked to make himself believe that Gintoki had been living while turning away from their past, Gintoki had actually moved forward and built countless connections and bonds with others. Thus, Shinsuke will use his blade of the past so that Gintoki can finally focus on his present and look forward to the future—so that Gintoki can continue onward with those connections and bonds. Compared to his current borrowed time, it's probably not enough compensation.
He waits for the other man to reply, yet all he receives is silence.
He opens his mouth to speak again but, at that exact moment, cracks began to form from the roof above them and down goes three intruding Seibouists, whom they each greet with a swing of their swords.
A barrage of bullets could be heard trying to destroy the door separating them from the outside. All three disciples of Shoka Sonjuku shared a look of understanding before simultaneously dragging the three Seibouists with their swords to meet the incoming worshippers outside. Katsura makes sure to throw a bomb as a present, and they jump to avoid the explosion.
“...Takasugi, there's no longer anything that I gotta take back. I already got them back a long time ago.” Even from below the man, Shinsuke can tell that Gintoki's smiling. He feels something inside him stir and falter. “The reason I'm here is so I don't lose a single one of them.”
Hearing his words, Shinsuke couldn't help but smile somberly. Right. The man I loved was this type of person. It makes him wonder for a quick moment if perhaps, like him, Gintoki has been counting, too. Maybe, Gintoki counts the shared memories of their past and still thinks about them sometimes. Or maybe, he counts all those people that came here for him and the memories he made with them.
But Shinsuke immediately erases the thought from his mind. Nah, this bastard's too lazy to do that.
At 29, Shinsuke re-counts everything.
“This crushed left eye of mine... It closed that day, with the last thing it saw burned into it.”
Just as he says so, a specific image reflects within his eye as if someone had pressed it on replay in his head.
It stings.
“Your damp face.. I've lived staring at it with this left eye, an excruciating amount. So, by the time this right eye of mine closes...” Shinsuke fumbles a bit until his hand manages to reach Gintoki's cheek. Glistening red eyes widened. “...You'd better not be showing me the same thing.”
At 29, countless memories flashed through Shinsuke's mind. All that he has ever counted and all that he thought he had thrown away this whole time.
Shinsuke smiles. “The man that stood in my way.. The man that I always strived to defeat.. The man that I chased after for so long...”
The man that I tried to kill, and tried even harder not to yearn for, he adds in his mind.
His right eye resists the urge to close as he stares into Gintoki's eyes. The heaviness against his eyelids was getting harder to bear by each passing second. “...That face isn't him.”
It's not the stupid face of the man I hate and love the most.
“Shins—”
“Gintoki.” The said man pressed his lips together into a hard line and closed his eyes shut as he lowered his head for a few seconds. If this were any other time, Shinsuke probably would've teased him.
Shinsuke watches him try to contain his feelings, with a little, melancholic smile on his own bloody lips.
They have been playing this game for so long, it wouldn't feel right to put it to an abrupt stop during his final moments. Moreover, he has long firmed his resolve himself before they even reached the ports of Edo.
If he was being entirely honest, he has a few regrets. Like breaking so much promises that he made during his lifetime—to himself, his late mother, and old comrades. Like wasting so much time with Gintoki and prancing around each other without actually talking things out even though there were things that probably could've been fixed if only they tried to communicate properly.
Now that he's at his deathbed, he's starting to realize just how foolish they have truly been.
How extremely foolish he has been.
But he supposes that's simply part of life.
And like his mother had told him when he was a mere child, love was painful.
Shinsuke had loved.
He loved Shouyou-sensei. He loved Gintoki. And it ended up hurting them in the process.
Despite that, he feels that he has lived a fulfilling life. He lived, standing by his beliefs.
He's not sure if, in the end, he ever became a great samurai worthy of his late mother and Shouyou-sensei. However, one thing he has ultimately decided on is that he's done holding Gintoki back with their past.
And perhaps, not giving an actual conclusion to their relationship would be better for them both.
It's already far too late to start anything more, anyway.
Gintoki forces a grin. It lacks its usual flare. None of the cheekiness from when they were kids, the rare affection from when they were teens, nor the sarcasm and hesitance from when they had reunited each time.
At the very least, it's not awkward. Just genuine.
To Shinsuke, it's enough. Enough to almost make him consider asking yet again for one last favor—maybe, a kiss of farewell—but he quickly dismisses that thought. That doesn't suit them, anyway.
“Go wait for me in hell, Takasugi,” Shinsuke ignores the slight trembling that he feels from the hands enveloping him.
Enclosed in the arms of the man he loves most, as if wanting to overwrite the last memory of his other eye, his right eye lingers and memorizes as much detail of that face as it still can.
“I'm not letting you walk off the victor. I'll win next time.”
“...Fine by me.” And then, it slowly closes. “I'll be leaving first, this time. Don't follow me so soon, Gintoki.”
Before he draws his final breath, he feels something soft and damp fall upon his cheek and gets the urge to keep his eye open even as his sight becomes fully clouded by nothing but darkness.
...Damn rain.
At 29, Shinsuke can no longer count anymore.