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It was just reaching dusk when Levi entered Erwin Smith’s office. The harsh, orange glow of the sun permeated through the window at the back of the room, casting an intense silhouette of the squad leader as he sat at his desk.
“Ah, Levi,” the man acknowledged. “Please, have a seat.”
Levi responded with a curt nod, sitting in one of the wooden chairs opposite him.
“I assume you are prepared for the recon mission tomorrow?” Erwin inquired.
“Is that why you asked for me? Just to see if I was prepared?” Levi huffed monotone, rolling his eyes.
“It was a simple question. An ice breaker, really,” Erwin returned.
His tone of voice was steady, calm. It was how he always talked, save for those rare moments of softness he sometimes let slip when it was just the two of them. As it stood, Levi didn’t know what to make of the man’s current demeanor.
Erwin was like that. Calculating, meticulous. He kept everyone at a distance, something that Levi could identify with. Levi couldn’t, however, make anyone feel like the most important person in the world. Charm someone into ‘dedicating their heart,’ riding to certain death, with just a breathtaking smile and empty promises of heroism.
That was the one thing about Erwin Smith, Levi thought, he’d never let you know where you stand.
He must have been silent for too long, as Erwin furrowed his ridiculously big brows at Levi’s lack of response.
“Levi…” he began, gentler this time.
“Yes,” Levi intercepted before the man could get any further with whatever he had planned on saying. “I’m prepared. We ride out, kill some titans, some titans kill us, we come back empty-handed, tails between our legs. Did I miss anything?”
Erwin didn’t seem pleased by this response, if his pinched lips were anything to go by, but he didn’t say anything regarding Levi’s answer further.
“Very well then. Onto the reason I called you here,” Erwin began, moving a paper that was in front of him to the side.
Levi fought off another eye roll. He had known there was another reason for being here. Erwin didn’t do “check-ins,” not with him.
The first time he had tried was soon after his first expedition. After Isabel and Furlan had died. After Levi had failed to kill Erwin Smith, and by some cruel twist of fate chose to join the scouts and follow his target-turned-tentative-ally into the same jaws of death that took his friends from him. Erwin had sat him down a few days later to go over the logistics of his permanent placement in the corps, beginning similarly to how he had now. A polite “check-in.” Levi had called BS, and they’d dodged the pleasantries from then on. It had been refreshing, seemingly for both parties.
The fact that Erwin had opened with that again did not bode well.
“We have some last-minute recruits that will be joining us outside the walls tomorrow,” Erwin stated. “I advised against it, but Commander Shadis insisted. Said the orders came from above.”
Levi raised an eyebrow. Those in the inner walls typically didn’t care about the goings on of the scout regiment, as long as their piles of wealth didn’t go anywhere near it. Why would they care about sending some green soldiers to what would most likely be violent, gruesome deaths?
“Their names are Friedrich, Otto, and Ragnar,” Erwin continued. “They have been assigned to ride with us.”
“Why?” Levi asked, displeased.
“It’s their first expedition beyond the walls,” Erwin began, a twinkle of humor in his eye. “Perhaps riding with Humanity’s Strongest Soldier should give them the greatest chances of success.”
Levi could tell he was deflecting, but let it slide. Erwin could keep his secrets; Levi trusted him in that regard. He did, however, scrunch his nose at the use of the title the public had bestowed upon him. He was the best soldier the corps had seen in decades, maybe ever. He was a natural with the ODM gear, and his endurance and strength were like no other. He knew this. Erwin made sure he knew this. That didn’t mean he wanted—or deserved—all that positive attention.
Having had his fun, Erwin returned to a calmer, more serious countenance.
“I don’t particularly mind. It may serve us well to keep an eye on them,” he said, carefully.
Levi looked up at him then, meeting eyes that were already steadily locked on him. Erwin didn’t elaborate further, and Levi didn’t expect him to. His message was delivered, more or less. He couldn’t say any more.
Levi appreciated the little Erwin shared with him, whenever he did. There was a lot Levi was not allowed to know. Partly as a lower-ranking member of the corps, but mainly because of his background and the circumstances under which he joined the scouts. But that never stopped Erwin from confiding in him where he could; it never deterred Erwin from trusting him.
They conversed a bit more over mundane, inconsequential things after that. Had a cup of tea together while Erwin finished some reports and Levi attempted to read one of the several books stacked atop the shelves in Erwin’s office. It had become a routine of theirs to enjoy one another’s company in silence.
Levi dismissed himself later, long after the sun had set beyond the walls, returning to his bunk to rest before the events of the morning.
———
The rumble of the ground signaled the rising of the gate. He couldn’t see it from where he was positioned towards the middle of the flank, but the sensation was a familiar one. The stone barrier that separated life inside the walls from the world beyond had been opened.
Some of the local townsfolk had gathered on the streets of Shiganshina, as tradition. Parents of soldiers, seeing their children off for what they hoped wouldn’t be the last time, tears in their eyes. Angry citizens, jeering at the corps who sat atop their horses, shouting at their idiocy and warning them of their certain deaths. Levi ignored all of it. It was easier that way.
What Levi could not block out, however, no matter how many times he rode outside the walls, were the children. Kids, not much older than Isabel when he first met her, watching in awe from the sidelines. Not cheering or antagonizing, just watching with a sense of pride and surety on their faces. Kids he knew planned to ‘dedicate their hearts’ one day. He hated seeing them the most.
From his side, he felt an elbow on his arm. Turning to meet the disturbance, Levi found Erwin. The man didn’t say anything, just gave Levi a serious, reassuring nod. Levi returned it with one of his own, and an unintelligible shout from the front of the procession signaled the start of the expedition.
Soon enough, the group Levi was in had breached the wall and expanded out into the open fields. New recruits Friedrich and Otto took up the spots on either side of him, while Ragnar was stationed at his back.
Earlier in the morning, before they had congregated at the wall, Levi had learned via Hange that they were Military Police before joining The Scouts. How Hange had found that out, Levi didn’t want to know, but it was intriguing information nonetheless. It certainly didn’t help to settle his uncertainty as they rode further from the safety of the walls.
A few hours and six titan kills later, a soldier from the front of the formation rode towards the group. Levi recognized him as one of Shadis’ right-hand men.
“Squad Leader Erwin Smith, Sir,” the soldier addressed.
“What is it, Oskar?” Erwin responded.
It was subtle, but Levi could tell Erwin was taken aback by the other man’s arrival.
“Commander Shadis has requested your presence at the front,” the soldier went on. “He says it is urgent.”
“I see.”
Levi watched as Erwin turned over his shoulder, eyes meeting his. They held something Levi had never seen on the man’s face before. He didn’t have time to decipher it before Erwin kicked his horse to speed up and follow the messenger soldier.
“You will look to Levi for orders in my absence. I trust his judgement,” he called as he prepared to ride away. “I’ll return as soon as I can.”
With that, he and the other soldier were gone, off towards the front of the formation. Levi felt an inexplicable sinking in his gut as he watched him go. He didn’t have time to dwell on it, however, when the ground began to shake, and the familiar thump of large footsteps echoed to the left of him.
A ten-meter titan emerged from the woods not far from the group; it noticed them pretty quickly. The titan wasn’t anything Levi hadn’t handled before, and while the soldiers he was with had handled themselves just fine on the previous encounters of the day, Levi didn’t want to make them risk their lives taking down a titan he could easily cut down himself.
“I’ll take care of this one,” Levi instructed over his shoulder. “You guys stay in formation and ride ahead.”
Having communicated his orders, Levi peeled off from the group. He directed his horse straight for the titan, getting up in his saddle and preparing to launch his gear.
It was an ugly-looking thing: bulging eyes and a perpetual grin. As Levi drew nearer, the creature attempted a swipe at him. Levi dodged by lodging a wire in the titan’s meaty shoulder and swinging up to get a clear shot at its neck. He was just about to slice open the nape when he heard the sound of two more ODM cords firing and reeling in.
Ragnar and Otto were suddenly at his sides, one on the left shoulder with him, the other on the right.
“What do you idiots think you're doing?” Levi reprimanded angrily. “I said to keep riding!”
The two men didn’t answer, just stood watching Levi. The titan, whose back they were still perched on, lurched backward to try and shake the scouts loose. Thankfully, their gear kept them all in place, but it didn’t change the fact that the titan was still a threat.
Shaking his head in blinding frustration at the recruits' insubordination and visible lack of action, Levi released some bursts from his gas cartridges as he ran up the titan's head. He was preparing to get another shot at the nape.
A sudden searing pain shot through Levi’s leg as he jumped in the air, and looking down revealed the grapple of an ODM wire had gone through his calf. All he could do was watch as he was reeled by his wounded leg to the ground below at high speed.
The impact was brutal. All the air escaped Levi’s lungs in an instant. His entire back was aching and felt disconnected from the rest of his body. His vision was a blur, and everything was still shaking as a result of the titan’s thunderous steps. Levi could only hope Otto and Ragnar would stop their useless gawking and keep it distracted or take it out soon.
His vision began to clear as the third member of the squad came into his view. Friedrich was standing over him, swords out. Blood was dripping from where his grapple had detached from Levi’s leg and returned to his cartridges.
“I-I’m so sorry, sir,” he began. “It’s just this gear. I’ve never been great at using it before.”
He was stuttering over his words, apologetic. Perhaps if his head had been clearer, Levi would have played along and bought himself some more time.
As it was, however, he said dazedly, “You were an MP….”
Friedrich’s face changed suddenly. Gone was the nervous pallor of a fresh recruit. What replaced it was a sneering, proud individual who knew exactly what he was doing.
“That’s too bad,” Friedrich sighed, looking down at Levi. “And here I planned on making your death quick and letting the titan do the rest. Ah, well, a dismembered body is still a dismembered body. No one can ever really tell what did it out here anyway, isn’t that right?”
Friedrich raised his sword over his head and brought it down quickly, aiming for Levi’s extended right arm. Levi retracted it just in time, rolling over onto his front in a pained attempt to get upright. A boot to his aching back proved his attempt futile, and he was knocked back down to the muddy ground, the boot still firmly planted on top of him.
Levi wasn’t one to give up so soon, however. He pulled a sword out from one of his side scabbards and, in a reverse grip, swung it in an arch behind his back. The angle was odd, but it did the trick. The pressure of the boot lifted, and Friedrich fell back in pain.
Levi got up then, stumbling to spin around and finding Friedrich clutching the bottom of his shin, which was bleeding profusely. He looked furiously at Levi.
“Stand down,” Levi huffed out through tightening lungs.
As much as he knew he should, Levi didn’t want to kill this man. He was young, probably hired by a noble to carry out a task so much bigger than him. He was like Levi in that regard. And he was scared, Levi could tell. Injured in titan territory for the first time in his life.
It was then that Levi realized the commotion of the ten-meter titan had stopped, and Levi turned to check on Otto and Ragnar.
A blow to the head from the pommel of a sword made him lose his weapon and sent him stumbling to the ground once more. He grabbed his head at the point of collision, warm blood pooling past his fingers.
“Friedrich, you alright?” came one of the men as Levi fought to get his senses back under control.
“Why did you kill the titan? That was our cover! Fucking idiots,” Friedrich yelled, exasperated.
“It was gonna kill us if we didn’t!” came the other.
Levi’s head was pounding. He had to force his legs under him, blindly attempting to stand and defend himself with his other sword. It was easily knocked away by one of the three men. Another must have got behind him in his haze, as his legs were kicked out from under him, knees buckling and sending him to kneel in the dirt.
“Let’s just kill him, ok?” whoever was behind him said as they grabbed a fistful of Levi’s hair.
His head was pulled back, and a sword was placed against his throat. He could kind of see now through his dark fringe, Friedrich still on the ground, Otto tending to his wound.
“Let’s get it done, and then we can ride back to the walls,” the person behind him, Ragnar, continued. Levi’s hearing felt like he was underwater, but he could make out the words with some head-pounding concentration. “We can be back in Sina before any of this can get back to us. Another titan will probably come along and get rid of his remains anyway.”
As if on cue, a quiet rumble was heard in the distance, its pace steadily approaching.
“Ok, fine,” Otto spoke up, looking anxiously over Ragnar’s shoulder towards the approaching sound. “If you’re gonna do it, then do it.”
“Friedrich?” Ragnar asked, looking for the go-ahead.
Levi noted that he, too, seemed anxious about the approaching noise. It was almost on top of them. And while it could have been the concussion, Levi swore the commotion was different than the sound of a titan. He swore he could hear his name being shouted, too.
“Yes, ok, yes fucking do it, we gotta go!”
Ragnar’s grip tightened on the hilt, and Levi felt the first beads of blood break past the blade at his neck. He closed his eyes, and then suddenly he was released.
Snapping his eyes back open, Levi had enough time to see Otto with a blade through his chest, and Friedrich attempting to crawl away, before exhaustion took over and he slumped to the ground.
Levi could hear Friedrich begging, before going quiet, and if the wet pillow under his head was anything to go by, then Ragnar was dead too.
“Levi,” commanded a voice above him, and Levi answered by letting his eyelids flutter open.
Erwin was looking down at Levi from a crouched position by his side. There was blood spatter on the side of his face, and since it wasn’t steaming, Levi knew it was the blood of the three MPs.
“Levi…” Erwin spoke again, gentler this time. His hand went up to wipe some of the blood from Levi’s brow that had seeped from his head injury.
“Whatever Shadis wanted better have been pretty fucking important,” Levi coughed out.
Some of the worry creasing Erwin’s brow softened then.
“We can talk about that later,” he said in response.
Erwin’s horse had been the assumed titan. Levi came to this conclusion because the thundering that was coming from behind them this time most definitely and undeniably belonged to one of the big fuckers.
“Shit,” Levi muttered. Just his luck.
“We should go,” Erwin stated gravely, and before Levi could ask ‘how?’, Erwin had lifted him into a carry and took off for his horse.
———
It was later that evening when Erwin visited him in the hospital wing of the scout headquarters. They had returned to the walls not long after the incident with the MPs, and Levi had been resting ever since. He had a mild concussion, bruised ribs, and the wound on his leg had been stitched and wrapped in gauze.
“Levi,” Erwin began, standing at the end of Levi’s bed. “Is everything healing all right?”
Formal as ever.
“It’s fine,” answered Levi. “What do you want?”
Erwin smiled at that saying, “I don’t always have some secret hidden motivation, you know? Not with you.”
Levi didn't respond. He didn’t know how to, and his head hurt too much when he tried to figure it out.
“I just wanted to see that you were ok,” Erwin added softly.
“In the field, you said something when I asked about Shadis,” Levi began, steering away from the direction the conversation was headed, instead trying to cut to the chase. “You said we would talk about it later.”
Recognition flashed behind Erwin’s hard, blue eyes. He hadn’t remembered. He really was here just to check on Levi.
“Well?” Levi prompted. “What did that dumbass want?”
“Nothing,” Erwin answered.
However that acknowledgment made him feel, Erwin kept a neutral expression.
“Nothing?” Levi repeated, incredulously.
He knew Commander Shadis was shit at his job, but this was ridiculous.
“When I had arrived at the front, he had informed me that the issue had been resolved,” Erwin recounted. “And when I inquired further about the nature of the issue, he wouldn’t expand further. He just instructed me to get back to my squad.”
“Why would he…” Levi trailed off.
“Because he knew what was going to happen,” Erwin finished for him. “At least that is the conclusion I have come to. I assume that, along with the MPs being assigned to my group, he was sent orders to call me away a little while into the expedition. I’m fairly certain he was unaware of their intentions, but he was reasonably suspicious. He warned me the day before to keep an eye out. I’ll confess, when all of this began with the new recruits, I thought it was my life that was in danger, not yours. The nobility within the walls have always had trepidations about my ambitions.”
Levi looked at Erwin sharply then. Of course Erwin had known all along; of course he had kept the threat to his own life a secret.
“Until Shadis had asked for me, I was certain I was riding into a trap of some sort. But when I was called to the front, doubt crept in. I realized everything I had anticipated was correct; I just assigned the wrong target. You have also made a name for yourself recently. The public holds you on a pedestal. You challenge the societal norms of life within the walls. You burn so bright, Levi. I should have known someone would try to snuff that flame out.”
He was sitting at the end of the bed now, staring at his hands as if they held all the answers, while trying to maintain an air of calm authority.
“I do not make mistakes often. Not like this, and not with such disastrous outcomes. I am truly sorry for my oversight, Levi.”
Levi could only stare at the man before him. Erwin Smith was many things. He was intelligent, conniving, determined, charismatic, resourceful, charming, and so incredibly stupid, but he was not honest. Not like this.
“Why?” was all Levi could think to say.
“Why?” Erwin asked, confusion on his face.
His calm exterior mask had slipped when he turned to face Levi. It was as if he was looking to Levi to have all the answers. Like he wanted Levi to have all the answers. It was unnerving.
“Why are you sorry?” Levi continued. “You made a mistake. It’s fine. You didn’t know. I don’t blame you or anything if that’s what this is about.”
Erwin looked at Levi as if his words were ridiculous.
“I’m sorry because—” he began loudly, before lowering his voice to keep the conversation between them. “I’m sorry because I care about you, Levi. I thought you knew that.”
“Huh.”
“Levi, you're my friend, my closest friend. And sometimes I think maybe you’re even more than that.”
I guess he can let people know where they stand.
“Thank you,” Levi spoke after a long time, his voice a low murmur in the large hospital wing.
“What for?” Erwin asked, leaning in to hear Levi better, matching his tone.
“For trusting me,” Levi decided on.
It wasn’t the full reason for his gratitude, and it didn’t begin to touch on his own opinions of his and Erwin’s relationship, but he thought it summed things up well enough.
Erwin seemed to think so, too, because he gave Levi the warmest, most genuine smile Levi had ever seen on the man’s face.
“Get some rest,” Erwin said, getting to his feet.
Levi acknowledged his words with a small nod, which Erwin returned with one of his own, before disappearing out of the room and down the corridor.