Wow, this chapter was hella intense, and there were points I wasn't sure if I could stay in the space without a bit of panic. I absolutely 100% understood Scott fighting back in this, and I was honestly surprised that he didn't just haul off and punch Steve. LOLOLOL I'm super glad that Steve finally pulled the fuck back and checked his attitude and experience at the gate and realized that something more, something darker and perhaps emotionally/mentally dangerous was going on in Scott's head and took the hint that Scott wasn't fighting back just to be a brat to get what he wanted. Steve's clearly used to getting his way (I'll refrain from my personal view of BDSMers - the worst ones I've met anyway) and doesn't take kindly to being told no, or at least to being questioned. He has to realize that Scott is a more than competent leader in his day to day life, and that he wouldn't go into a new situation without researching everything he *might* run into thoroughly, and that means, he'd have read a lot of other people's personal experiences, advice, wisdom, whatever on this subject for sure, so when he tried to introduce his concerns to Steve, Steve wasn't actually listening to him. He was shutting him down and making him feel out of control in a way that he didn't feel safe, even with Steve who he clearly WANTS to feel safe around. Steve was kind of bowling over Scott's concerns with a "just trust me" mentality, and yeah. Scott's got oodles of experience that tells him not to just blindly trust anyone (even though he clearly blindly trusted Charles - and Jean - and look at where that's gotten him!), and he so much wants to trust Steve, but he also wants to please Steve, and having "you're being a spoiled brat" thrown at him (let's see, who does Scott know that's spoiled - Warren, Jean, Charles - and it's never been him being spoiled but he knows that behaving spoiled is a Bad Thing), definitely not a good way to keep Scott in a good head space. Poor thing. So I was SUPER glad when Steve got to that point where he realized he may well have broken Scott in a bad way and changed the course of their evening. This...THIS gives me hope for them as a couple in this story - that he'll slow down and listen to Scott as much as he expects Scott to listen to him. (I can hear Emma right now going, "How about you work on Scott's trust issues *first* before you jump into the rest of this?" LOL) I think eventually, these two are going to get it with each other - they're going to find that place where Scott feels entirely safe and that he trusts Steve, but that Steve trusts him, too, and listens. A place where they really do come at this like equals, and that point will be AMAZING for them both! It's like...Scott knows he has a lot he can learn from Steve; now it's Steve's turn to realize what he can learn from Scott.
“I can’t imagine you’re getting what you need at the school Scott,” Steve’s voice was a touch darker - Steve, dude, you have no idea how little of what Scott needs isn't getting met at the school by the adult he's supposed to be trusting with his life!
“Let’s skip over the daddy thing for now. I’m not quite sure it’s for us. I think we can do better.” - Oh thank fuck! That didn't quite work for them, and that was pretty awkwardly hilarious in how much it didn't work for them! I like that they tried it and Steve was like, "Yeah, nope, let's not go there again, that was weird."
I want to make you proud of me not disappoint you, - Right here, that should've been a big flag that made Steve go, "Oh wait, shit, this is a kid compared to me, with a sketchy childhood/teenhood, who now has a mentor content to create child soldiers, who mentally and emotionally demands perfection in all things in a way that only one person is going to live up to, and that ain't Scott!"
Scott’s guilt clung to every syllable falling from his lips as he wondered if Steve would want to discard him for proving less than ready to be what Steve needed in his life. - This broke my heart. That Scott felt guilty about any of this, that he saw it as a reason for Steve to dump him/discard him, and I wonder if he actually spoke those words - if Steve noticed the guilt (kind of hard when you really can't see your person's eyes) and wondered about it and Scott expressed his guilt and fears, if Steve would've had an even stronger reaction to pulling back and redirecting the course of their relationship - not entirely ditching the d/s play, but finding another inlet to come at it from. Steve's kind of ham-handedly doing things the way he's always done them (oh gee, but now he can cook woop) instead of adapting to his love interest as well as expecting to be adapted to. Scott is more Steve's equal than I think Steve is used to - his last person who was his equal was Tony, and he realized they were better off as party-brothers than partners. I think if Steve keeps listening to Scott and maybe tries guiding him instead of trying to...I don't want to say rule him or control him, but what guiding he was trying for was a little heavy-handed...I think if Steve learns to listen more and adapt and doesn't let Scott clamp down on his concerns, they're going to find something utterly powerful and beautiful together in all the aspects they're both looking for together. I look forward to you getting them there! (And ignore my panic-induced yelling at Steve LOL)
This chapter was a learning one for both of them as they start working through the intricacies of one another and sorting it all out. They are both coming from very different places in this relationship with Steve having age/experience and Scott being new to everything around him, yet wanting to leap right into everything all at once. Scott's got a lot of trauma to unpack and I think they reached a point where Steve is gaining a deeper understanding of that and will dial it back a bit in his approach to what is ahead for them. We talked about the parallels between Bucky and Scott and how Steve's kind of sorting through that as well in the dynamics of their relationship and that's something that I imagine will come into play as they go along and learn what to expect/anticipate from one another. I really think Steve has this side where he wants to nurture/take care of Scott and his needs and it's a matter of learning the right approach and this night with it's highs and lows was a good opening to gaining a clearer understanding of each other. The more they talk to one another, the more Steve starts to see as they move forward in the future I think.
See that's the nice thing about characters. They find what works for them, what doesn't and how they can find a way to sort it out in a mutually beneficial way that helps them grow and evolve. You know I'm all about character evolution and growth as they work through the things that they are facing.
Scott's got some heavy emotional things happening that Steve's only touched over but he's seeing it. He's gaining an understanding and I think this was a major turning point for them in a lot of ways as Scott's working through his fears and curiosities to gain a deeper understanding of a healthy relationship and Steve's getting a sense of where he wants to be moving forward. He had that relationship with Bucky a lifetime ago, then he's kind of floated through different experiences and that brief thing with Tony, but with Scott all the rules are different and he's learning to adjust to that and sort through finding a path that works best for them together as they go along towards something bigger in each other.
Thanks again for the feedback and the insightful comment. Plenty of food for thought here and I appreciate that!
I've read a lot about that happening in real BDSM situations - older person with experience, younger person without experience (and has either read about BDSM or not) who is overly eager to please and gets impatient because they're led to believe by the older dominant person that they have to be perfect little good boys/girls right out of the gate, even without discussion or negotiation. Steve starts out kind of like this with Scott (more than kind of) and like we've talked about, he probably did the same with Bucky because he was younger, and because both of them were young at that point, Steve probably thought he was getting it right. LOL It's good that he really took in Scott's emotional outpouring there because this will help with the trust between them - real trust, that is. Scott would've said he trusted Steve and kept trying to please him, but he wouldn't have been open about his feelings. This will give them the chance to build really good and healthy trust between them and have a strong relationship. Once Steve uncovers so much of Scott's trauma, I think that Steve will first off be pissed as hell to find out what all he went through (even with Charles), but he'll also be able to figure out where his actions and words will be helpful and where they'll trigger him. And maybe even once they've got Bucky squared away and they start untangling his abuse, Steve'll have an understanding on how to help his friend and how to help Tony help Bucky.
Yeah, I haven't seen that much in fics I've (tried) to read that involve BDSM. Usually I don't read them anymore because the way a lot of people write them, I get panic attacks (or just really squicked out at the way they write them), but you come at it from a much healthier angle - I suppose like older people who've been in the scene longer come at it. You let characters learn in the process of what they're doing together, and if it doesn't work, they don't force it. Steve in this started to insist that Scott keep pushing forward, and Scott tried, but it was taxing on him, and instead of continuing to call Scott a brat, Steve recognized that Scott doesn't even really have it in him to be a brat (BDSM or otherwise) because he's been too traumatized, and too conditioned to seek praise instead of punishment.
In a lot of ways, Scott having all of this heavy emotional trauma to deal with - so much so that he broke down sobbing with Steve - will be a good thing. Steve will help him through it (and no doubt wonder why Charles Xavier a known telepath isn't doing fuck-all to help Scott at all).
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Wolfsheart on Chapter 3 Wed 06 Sep 2023 10:08PM UTC
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