This is insanely 🔥🔥! Writing in the 3rd person is ok, but I’m liking the way you are currently writing these characters. It gives a more intimate view of what they are thinking &, especially, feeling. I like what Bea is express towards the end of the chapter, expressing what she is thinking about, in terms of becoming more sexually active, as well as her long term relationship w/ Lilith:
”To let anyone see my full self, my naked self, or touch me in areas where most of the time no one goes near but me has always made me feel shaky. It’s so stupid. On the football pitch, I know I’m brave and strong. I can almost break my nose and brush it off. But when I'm in this situation, I’m scared. Okay, maybe scared isn’t the right word; more like nervous. I’m not scared of Lilith, or I wouldn’t be willing to do this as I am. It’s just such an exposed thing to do”
” My depressive thoughts haven’t been as prevalent recently because of how much I’ve been thinking about doing this with Lilith. That is a very good thing. Once this nervousness dies down, though, once I get comfortable being with her, I’ll see what being in a relationship with her is like. Dating is one thing; being in a full-blown relationship is another. I have my own way of living, and letting her into that world on a regular basis is not something I’ll decide on doing after a few weeks of dating”.
I also like hearing Ava’s response to Bea being in therapy. Very positive, overall, but Ava makes note how she really sees Bea, especially when she is trying to project herself in a particular light, different from what she actually may be feeling:
”I didn’t know Beatrice went to therapy. It does add up, though, to be fair. I can see behind her eyes that she’s carrying a lot of stress from her captaincy, but beyond that, it’s clear that Beatrice is deeply sad under the surface. When she smiles most of the time before Lilith or even after she’s started dating Lilith, they aren’t real smiles. They’re fake, and a lot of the words she says when she thinks people aren’t listening give her depressive state of mind away. I’m glad she’s talking about her feelings with a professional. Doing that can be really good for someone. Letting out the demons is far better than holding them in. That way, she can face them like the brave person I’ve seen she undoubtedly is over the period of time I've been at the club”’
I’m thoroughly enjoying this fanfic! I can’t wait to read more!
Comment on Contentment
fireandice103 on Chapter 5 Thu 20 Jun 2024 08:23PM UTC
Last Edited Thu 20 Jun 2024 11:10PM UTC
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