Makes sense, what’s left to hide with the SEKAI right? Bad timing on her part, they were just about to pack up 😅.
I dunno, give them a second Touya, they just might pull you in 😁.
It’s definitely a Saki thing. She’s always super accomadating in fanfics I’ve read.
Luka’s here as well! She’s a senpai too, now that I think about it. Now that was some An from Street Miku.
Kohane you’re gonna murder this man.
Tsukasa’s feng shui is interesting. I’m picturing it in my head and his room looks like a stage. Like if there was a part in the play where someone had to get assassinated in their room while they sleep, his room would come to mind with a spotlight to illuminate just the bed while a dark figure dances around the room in a fully solo monologue before going to the bed and laying the dagger in their chest.
I was gonna say “you’re really third wheeling Saki right www” but seeing it be intended that way is hilarious (=^▽^)σ. They’re here having a whole as romantic sketch. Nene: I..want to spend more time with you… Tsukasa: ＿|￣|○ . OH WAIT HE ACTUALLY FELL TO THE GROUND! LMAO I WAS JUST USING THE BEST SUITED KAOMOJI BEFORE I FINISHED THAT PART! Saki!? Mind the paparazzi lovebirds… The outgoing energy coming off of Saki is incredible… the Saki-aura…
I just pictured Tsukasa as a single father looking after his four daughters with Honami’s thought 😅. WHOA SHIHO WWWW! Nice guess but be glad you’re wrong ✌︎('ω'✌︎ ). Whoa… sasuga Ichika. Got the soul read. And now she’s airing out the receipts. Good luck Nene. That description of the kind of love Nene shows Tsukasa to others is something I agree on 🧐. It’s like 1 step back and 2 steps forward (like you said). The relationship between the older brother star and the little mermaid inspired singer.
Shiho you’re good don’t worry.
I can picture the reveal scene happening on the game screen.
Lovebirds mind the paparazzi. I’m getting embarassed by this (//∇//).
Saki…
Again Saki…
Handy dandy Miku at your behest! Right, Ichika!? Wonderland Miku is adorable!
SHIHO PLEASE YOU’RE GONNA MAKE THIS DAY INSANELY MORE CHAOTIC WWWW!
Hmmm, I kinda get what you mean with the characterization of Leo/Need. Ichika kinda sounds like her common area conversations, which isn’t bad at all but I definitely see what you mean when you say you don’t feel the most confident in her characterisation. I would say though that even though you’re not the most confident in it, I’d say it’s mostly cause they have relatively short appearances, especially School Miku. Unfortunately apart from what I said, I’m not gonna be the most helpful with Leo/Need past Honami, School Len, and a little bit of Saki, sorry.
Though like I said before, I like the parts of them you do have here; Ichika’s thoughtfulness with how she guessed it was Nene and offering to help Saki (cause she’s good at complimenting people), Saki’s outgoing personality plus the little bit of airheaded/ditziness she has, Honami’s gentleness and her mother-like aura is present when she mentions Emu, and Shiho’s… well actually from what I know of, you actually nailed Shiho pretty well (I’m not 100% confident about it but Shiho seems pretty much Shiho here). I can picture how they would move as well so I’d say you didn’t do bad with their characterisation.
For the word bloating, hmmm…. I’d say I mostly see it in the moments where NeneKasa are in their own world in this chapter. I think from Tsukasa asking if Nene was inviting him on a shopping date up until Saki lets them know she’s still there. I go on tangents often as well so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I wouldn’t say it was to the point of word bloating (this whole chapter as well). There’s a couple of sentences that just reiterate some things again, so a little trimming might be needed. I guess there’s small bits where it MIGHT have worked better if a character was saying it and not just thoughts, but nothing I can say for sure though.
Using the birthday comments to see a rough idea of character relationships is actually really smart, I might have to do something like that in the future…
My favourite moments of the Anthology was the two pages on Rui’s robot servant for Ena, Honami pointing out the Tsukasa constellation, and every part of Kanade and Ena’s focus chapter especially when Ena appreciates Kanade for understanding her.
This was quite a tangent, even for me so I hope you have find yourself having some good today if not a good day!
I have to ask, is this your official account now, Faker? Before you had a guest account and all.
I honestly don't know how much more I can make Akito tank cuteness. Like I do plan on making them get together but how? Not so sure.
Tsukasa's room is an enigma to me. But I have seen comments saying it fits because it really does feel more like a stage than a room.
I try not to leave details hanging! Like the Saki being in the background was something I intended! If there are some missing holes, then do tell! I usually reread my things 2 or 3 times over to make sure everything feels cohesive and all. Tsukasa falling was indeed part of the plan, he just couldn't handle the damage she dealt.
To be completely honest, even if Nene bullies Tsukasa, this is exactly how I see their relationship, platonic or romantic. She realizes his good qualities while teasing his bad ones but still makes sure that it's clear that she is very appreciative of him and what he has done for her.
At this point, this singular day will last up until like 2 more chapters because Shizuku has entered the battle and I still have to make Nenekasa cuddle. I feel like I can nail Saki and Shiho (She kinda feels like a less sarcastic Akito in a way). Honami I also felt was fine and it was just Ichika who I felt needed work! I'll keep rereading this chapter and see where I can shrink it a little, the repetition is probably my thing though. For the Leo/need thoughts part, I can probably transform them into actual speech instead!
Yep! As a guest I was just switching up the names to suit the type of comment I wanted to make. But I ended up making some quite interesting comments with my thoughts in them so I couldn’t just pick one name. So I just mixed the names I pretty much always used for a bit of clarity.
I didn’t even know he had a curtain for privacy until now which is a little better in terms of being a room.
Oh he very much doesn't have a curtain in canon! In the end, notes was the Twitter remake that I found a while ago! That's what I plan on making his room be by the end of the shopping date
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