Well firstly just a huge congratulations on finishing such a massive fic with so many moving parts and a HUGE ensemble of characters. I had such a blast reading this over the last two days and I took a LOT of notes, but the big overall things I wanna say are just I am always so impressed with how amazingly you are able to intertwine various things from canon, whether that be dialogue, characters, small moments. I honestly have to assume I'm going to watch Adventureland with my jaw on the floor at how many things you intertwined from that as well. Your Mark POV is just, so spot on and dynamic and singular while still giving us enough details that we can glimpse so much beyond just his internal monologue. Thank you so so much for sharing and without further ado: some running commentary
-Ahhhh
-freshly printed resume!!!
-The instant theme park class system SO good
- Pinnacle Mark understander/scholar
-Ferris Wheel foreshadowing???
-Love this description of Dustin’s hair
-”(assuming Mark isn’t a loser anyway, which, okay, he’s more self-aware than to think otherwise), but Dustin seems charismatic and he’s already treating Mark like a long-time buddy, so Mark decides, tentatively, that he’s amenable to being work-allies with him.”
-Love this Dustin intro just jumping into it really shows what Mark loves about him
-Wow I need to watch Adventureland now I guess
-JUST WAIT TIL CHRIS IS HERE
-Alright Chris/Dustin can have some rights, I just like how much they seem to like each other !!!
-HOT GIRL CHRISTY AND ALICE ENTRANCE LETS GOOO THEIR CUTE LITTLE SHIRTS
“So Mark’s fucked, because he has never been on a girl’s “good side” except those three glorious weeks that Erica Albright had decided he wasn’t that repulsive, after all, but even she had changed her mind and saw fit to dump him in the cafeteria for everyone to see.” Heartbroken, love to see it (also love his self-bullying internal monologue like she dated him! She liked him!!)
-WINKLEPOSSE AT THE CAROUSEL LETS GOOOOOO (winning the rides vs. games war I see)
-Also Mark describing the twins as scary looking is SO fun
-I love that Mark & Wardo are still going to Harvard that’s so cute
-His cute little mental drawing of Eduardo!!!!
-Sean!
-Looove Mark measuring the summer in paycheques I love how tangibly minded he is
-RADIOHEAD that’s cute
-Something about Eduardo saying Mark will give the fish love really got me
-GLAMOROUS EDUARDO
-“Computer science,” Mark says, after a too-long silence. “You?”
“Econ.”
Boring. “You like that?”
Eduardo shrugs. “Sometimes. I like that I’m good at it.”
That’s something Mark understands. “I’m good at programming.”
“And you like it?” Eduardo asks, and he’s looking at Mark like it matters, like he’s not just saying it to say it.
“Yeah,” he says after a second. “Yeah, I like it.”
“That’s great,” Eduardo says. “That’s more important than being good at it.”
“Not to recruiters.”
-Hey coursematch, I thought you were dead
-One time I dropped my laptop on a concrete basement floor because I was balancing a bowl of ice cream on it, so, huge relate
-Love the tangibility of the goal of the laptop (Adventureland or Troutsoup original???)
-Mark gestures at the hot dog, still held in Eduardo’s outstretched arm. “This is an unbelievable thing.”
-It’s nice to listen to him. He talks about everything like it’s the most important thing, like speaking about it gives it meaning.
-You have done such an amazing job of balancing them having a genuine meetcute while still maintaining the (imo very important dynamic) of Mark and Eduardo Being Friends™
-Loooove Eduardo’s fuckass mercedes
-ALICE GIRL GOOD FOR YOU SHOOTING YOUR SHOT I’M SORRY HE’S DUMB
-Yesss let Eduardo flop over his words, you are so brave!!!
-I looove that your Dustin is enough of a douchebag to really show why he and Mark are so good together
-Oh DUSTIN dubbed him Wardo, very fun
-”One of the scary twins is running the wheel, and although he glares unkindly at the two of them, he doesn't stop them on their way to board the next empty carriage.” Cameron pls chill I’m sorry your bf is busy or w/e (jk soupie pls tell me which twin this is)
-Mark and Eduardo doing couple things while pretending they’re not is something that can be so personal
-The romantic romance of this is soooo swoon
-Eduardo bites off his smile, nodding solemnly. "Right. And I didn't even have to promise you a handjob."
-Oh very very interesting Mark development
-YOU DIDN’T KNOW ME AT THIRTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN
-Oh the scrambler my beloved
-Eduardo’s dad owns the park reveal???
-I love the rating system
-Mark gives this one a 10/10, but he tells Eduardo 7/10 to preserve his dignity. LIKE YOU GET MARK SO WELL, YOU GET HIS WEIRD LITTLE ITNERNAL VS EXTERNAL PRESENTATION PEEEEERFECTLY
-The Shark week call back is soooo so good
-carousel animal of choice is sooooo so real (mine is hippocampi btw)
-KC!!!!!!!!!!! HEY GIRLY, she should be allowed to commit one (1) murder
-Mark being like, I have SOME dignity I’m not looking at porn on the family computer is sooooo sooo mucho gusto
-USING THE CLEAN SHIRT jfc
-I sim[ply love it when people justify their little jerk off fantasies to themselves, I love the contrast between the self indulgence and the need to internally keep up a certain narrative
-Chris puts himself next to Dustin whenever he’s working horse races because he thinks it’s funny how Dustin’s voice gets all fast and dramatic while he’s giving the play-by-play, and Dustin never fails to remind them all that he used to be the announcer at his high school basketball games because he thinks that’s way cooler than it is. CUTIE
-Mark not realizing he’s invited at first oh BABYBOY
-HIS MASCULINE CURSIVE
-Awww pot makes him anxious, wonderful characterization
-Stephanie and her cute babies!!!
-Oh Christy fire lets go babeyeyeyeye
-I love Mark being so baffled by Eduardo and Christy being a thing because this is actually GREAT news for him about Wardo’s type
-Dustin….budddy….
-Really really love Sean’s ghost presence in this fic, really suits him
-The minimum wage vs. presumably unpaid internship class stuff is veeeery fun
-LIKEABILITY AS A SURVIVAL SKILL YOU FUCKING GEEEEET IT
-“Wardoooooooooo!” Dustin croons, using the railing post at the end of the stairs to swing himself around to put himself, quite literally, in the middle of their conversation. “So, you’re friends with Stephanie.”
-Goddd going in the pool at a party you will always be famous
-“This is… cool,” Mark says, meaning the party, needing to say something. There can’t be more than an arm’s length between them. Eduardo’s looking right at him. He has nice shoulders. He has nice everything.
-The vibes of this scene are impeccable
-Yessss screenglass door parallel
-Loooove Chris cracking the code
-Yessss anxious wreck Mark
-When they kiss, every cell in Mark’s body exhales. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Eduardo's eyes are dark, but they sparkle yellow from the overhead street lights when his face breaks into another smile. "So that's what I wanted to talk to you about."
-Mark enjoying the break from control is so so soooo delicious, I love character who are so uptight but secretly would love someone else to do the tightness on their behalf
-MASH FACES, very good
-I loooove love Eduardo doing the classic actions and words mismatch
-maybe some mushy talk about liking each other, but that idea excites and disgusts him in equal measure
-Shout out to Chris’ phallic churro it’s giving Challengers
-Looove Chris going full vengeful homo
-Eduardo looks back at Chris, too. "That meddling little shit," he says fondly. HE’S DOING HRRR
-"And," Eduardo says, even quieter, "I'm crazy attracted to you."
And now Mark's face is burning again. "Don't say that."
"Come on," Eduardo says. "Even if it's true?"
"Especially if it's true."
"Even if I think about you all the time?"
GODDDDDD
-Love that even from Mark’s POV you do such a good job capturing what Eduardo likes about him
-Looove this awkward little dating but not talking about it yet montage
-DIJON!!!!!
-”So it doesn't really matter if they were on a date or not, but they probably were.” OPBSESSED with translating their lack of talking about their business partnership into a lack of talking about their relationship surely not a recipe for disaster
-I looove love the very teen timeline of them like, not hooking up yet but it being very veeeerrrryyy much on the brain
-LOVE Mark leaving it alone for so long and then coming at it completely head on re: Eduardo’s dad
-Okay shout out to Ed Zuck and this guy Johnny he definitely fucked
-I reaaaally really like how Eduardo is answering these questions, I love the steady hold on it and how he is aware he Doesn’t Like It without it tipping into so much melodrama
-"Are you jealous?" Eduardo asks, not accusatory, just curious—which somehow makes it worse. "Is this you being jealous?"
-"Okay, this is going to sound stupid."
"Say it."
"Like… Take care of you?"
"You don't need to take care of me."
"I know." Eduardo traces a crease in the tarp below him with his fingertip. "But I want to, I think. Even when I don't really know what that means."
Eduardo’s paternalism is actually something that can be sooooo so tender
-"No, like—" Mark struggles for the right words. "Like, I might need you." "Oh," Eduardo says
-You are so fucking good at reworking canon stuff in a way that doesn’t feel overly literal but draws so clearly what parts you are working from
-Mark learns that Eduardo is great at mini-golf, adequate at darts, and piss-poor at bowling. Top tier characterization
-ET TU DUSTIN
-I looove how LONG Dustin’s reaction is, and honestly very genuine
-"You guys fucking hate me," Dustin decides. "You wouldn't care if I fell off the drop tower."
-Dustin scoffs. "Fucking figures. Everyone got laid at that party except me." Well, they weren't doing any laying, per se.
"What?" Eduardo asks. "Were people having sex in my house?" 👀👀👀👀👀👀
-I love Dustin’s general light (?internalized?) homophobia really adds to the time period -"Nice vote of confidence," Chris says. "Congrats on being boyfriends; let's settle your divorce now." "Oh," Eduardo blurts. "We're not—" "Boyfriends," Chris finishes, not missing a beat, "Official, exclusive. Sorry. Didn't mean anything by it." Dustin whistles lowly. "Way to go." "No, it's okay," Eduardo says. "Just—yeah." -SUFFFFFFER -also genuinely I really like that Dustin gets to be upset and sure it’s melodramatic and indulgent but there IS a reason for it that the narrative takes seriously, like obviously it’s different when people aren’t straight but being outside a secret fucking sucks - "And it was KC and Divya that hooked up at your party. She blew him in the upstairs bathroom." INCHERESTINGGG -Yesss talk at cross purposes yessss -I love fireworks in fics because they are objectively hard to describe but it’s such a Specific Evocative Vibe -He is warm, so warm, his hand and his leg next to Mark's, and Mark doesn't feel sated by the gesture, he feels wound up tighter, like he needs to lick into Eduardo's mouth as soon as possible, witnesses be damned. -YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS -I love Mark’s internal monologue that yes yes friends are nice but it’s getting in the way of his coding!!!!!!! -Mark’s horniess being the biggest threat to Wardo’s stealth is so so delicious to me -Even knowing that them having sexy time at Eduardo’s house cannot end well I’m so so so sooooo excited -SEAN PARKER ON THE SCENE I HAVE PRAYED FOR TIMES LIKE THIS -Oh and he’s WORKING, very intriguing -I also love that your timing on Sean is very similar to the timing on Sean entering the scene in TSN proper, I love how much your narrative pacing is a good mirror -He moves through the park like charisma personified, clapping some staff on the back, leaning in to greet others with a warm hello, snaking his arms around the girls’ waists to squeeze. Mark doesn’t think he’s especially good looking, but he’s not bad-looking, either, OBSESSSED with this description of Sean -Honestly I think Christy and Sean should have some fun together, I think their crazy might cancel each other’s out -She’s talking quietly, and he’s leaned in close, nodding, and in an instant both of their heads turn to look directly at Mark (or maybe Eduardo or Dustin. It’s jarring regardless). “Ugh,” Dustin says. “I don’t like that.” -Phenoooooomenal staging here -MY staff, okay interesting -Damn they’re not gonna get that fuck at the Saverins are they -Oh very interested to see what Dustin’s history with Sean is here, I always like seeing that fleshed off since we don’t get much to work off in canon -Dustin waits for Sean to pass out of earshot, then cracks up. "That was twisted, Wardo." Eduardo doesn't wait for Mark to ask what that was all about. "Last year he seduced an underage customer," he says under his breath, still glaring in Sean's direction. "She was eighteen," Dustin amends. "She'd just turned eighteen," Eduardo snaps. "And he's, like, twenty-five." "That's not underage—" "What, so it's okay?" "I didn't say it was okay!" -Yes!! Nuance! Messy! Canon! Interesting! -But not enough that Eduardo will think he's some crazy pervert and throw him off the couch if he's not up for that kind of thing. -This vs. the Troutsoup canon is SO funny don’t worry babes he’d love you if you were a crazy pervert too - "Mark," he says again, voice wobbling. "God, you're unreal." -OH JEALOUS, yes go sicko mode -Your sex scene choreo is always soooo good and dynamic and CLEAR -Okay Mrs Saverin this diva in her fur coat in July -Snake eats tail cruelty begets cruelty -Sean finding a pissed off Mark is always a recipe for absolute disaster -Oh I loooove love love the echoing of the Mark/Erica breakup -Honestly I’m too much of a Mark apologist I’m like, wow Mark did nothing wrong #TeamMark -Using Dustin to convey Eduardo’s version of the convo is suuuch a good way to get that in there without disrupting Mark’s POV, and I also really like that they both get to have pretty justified perspectives on what happened -Bobby eating funnel cake for breakfast is such a funny little detail -MARK RIDES BETRAYL -Amy!!! -This fly by of Sean is just absolutely incredible, also Mark drawing the mental paralells between him and Eduardo is very fun -Sean's attention goes from 50% nachos to 100% Mark. His blue eyes find Mark's immediately, piercing, examining. "You were?" he asks slowly. BLOOD IN THE WAAAATER -OH oh noooo oh nooo, okay Mark apologism dialled back to like, 50% -But I also really like that you’ve captured so much of what makes Sean SO appealing to Mark, it’s having someone who takes his version as The version and makes him feel like the authority on something -There’s also such a cool mirroring here of like, Mark using Sean and Eduardo using his father as kind of conduits of their own behaviour and not fully seeing like, no /they/ are the ones making the choices. Like obviously Eduardo’s is a little more nuanced, but I just think that’s cool that there’s a synchronicity even in their flaws -I always loooove the part of the heroes journey when someone has to be like, ah fuck I gotta be an active participant in my own life goddamit it, and Mark is always such a fun semi-reluctant participant -Goddd the hollowness of him getting his last pay cheque and not caring -OH HELLO LOCATION JUMP THAT REALLY SURPRISED ME -He tells her he's going to all of his classes all the time, which is less true, but there's nothing being taught in COMPSCI 50 that he didn't already teach himself years ago. -"Yeah," Mark says immediately. Without breaking his gaze from Eduardo's, he reaches a hand back to shut the lid of his laptop, but misses on the first try, flailing his hand at nothing, and then succeeds with a click. -I loooove love this apology premise, it feels so Mark and I like how it allows him to take responsibility in such a similar way as the betrayal -"It's nice," Mark adds uselessly, trying to prolong the conversation. "Um, I like the. Architecture." -EDUARDO ACCOUNTABILITY WE LOVE TO SEE IT -Truly it’s so so important to Me Personally that we get a good mix of Eduardo being in the tumble dryer of people letting him down, while also accepting that he LOVES to crawl in that thing -Walking beside Eduardo is pleasantly familiar; even more so when they emerge into the warm, brilliant light of a day that still feels like summer. -It was Eduardo's idea to go to the party. It's Eduardo's idea to go to most of the things that get Mark out of his dorm besides his classes, which he's still mostly going to. In the months since they've been friends again, Mark has gone to three seminars, two networking events, and six parties, which is impressive, even if the parties all kind of sucked. -THE SHIIIIRT, NORTH FACE HOODIE….2! -It feels like a reward for all the thinking Mark hasn't done about kissing Eduardo again. He's been trying to be good: to keep their new friendship free of expectation, of assumptions that they'd return to their once-usual state of operations. His success has been varied, namely setback by a few ill-timed dreams about Eduardo's hands, his mouth, but Mark's shock in this moment is a testament to how little he'd expected to be kissing Eduardo again, so soon. -This Mark pining is DELICIOUS, fake texts come true -I want you to know in my pdf the sex scene starts on page 69 (nice) -"Do you want me to suck you off?" Eduardo asks, so earnestly that Mark finds it a bit funny. How many times had Mark imagined this, dreamed this? Seeing Eduardo just like this, from above, his wide eyes and his wet mouth? Does Mark want to get sucked off—is Eduardo serious? "Okay," Mark says, voice tight. Eduardo looks up, meets his eye, smiles at him. "Just okay?" "Yes," Mark says quickly. And stupidly, "Please?" "That's very sweet," Eduardo says, and holds Mark's base with one hand while he takes his tip past his lips. -WE LOVE A SEXY BLOWJOB CALL BACK -The growth of Mark going from so jealous over Eduardo having hooked up with other people to just wanting to ask him later about it -déjà-vu sits bitter-sweetly at the edge of Mark's mind. GOD AIN’T THAT THE MARKWARDO EXPERIENCE SUMMED UP -he heady taste of cock still on his tongue while he sucks at Mark's, so vile and dirty it turns a corner right into being hot again, and Mark arcs up to meet him, to taste more. -I am clapping and cheering
- 2004 period piece my beloved. Dustin loves his friends he can be a little homophobic as a treat he’ll grow out of it - “Mark’s horniess being the biggest threat to Wardo’s stealth” ur the funniest person on earth and so right so true - yayyyy im so grateful for your commentary on the timeline and how much it feels like tsn. When I started working on this I was shocked by how much I could lay these two movies on top of each other and let them do the work but I guess every story is the same story. The social network is a romantic drama to Me. - you’re giving me Christy Sean thoughts omg stoppppppp. Omg stop im thinking about christysean now. You stop that. Stop it! - you’re giving me Dustin Sean thoughts omg stoppppppp. Omg stop im thinking about dustinsean now. You stop that. Stop it! - legit laughed out loud at the ref to troutsoup canon yea these people are freaks. To ME! - “Mark drawing the mental parallels between [Sean] and Eduardo” you reach into my head and you take the thoughts right out. Idk how many times I can write You Get It without you getting bored and blocking me but I am going to test your limit - just got to the part art using mr saver in/Sean as conduits of their own shit and im going in again. Ready? You Get It. You Get Me - yeah I was thinking about how to Fix Shit and I could not for the life of me picture mark fully apologizing. Like I think This Mark (not the other one obviously) would want to fix things, but he would just leave it at that. Fix things and call it a day. Don’t risk being shamed again, don’t do anything that has any real effect on your future or reputation to people you don’t care about. Wait for Eduardo to come to you, don’t embarrass yourself - getting ur tumble dryer Eduardo comment tattooed that resonates with my ideas of him so much - 69 (nice) Can’t thank you enough my dear dear friend in this fandom. Your comments mean the world to me and I love gabbing with you. Here’s to much more contributions to this lovely place!
Okay, specific notes time: - the Radiohead thing is so funny shsjssks most people who have commented have done so on that specifically…heeheehee glad that’s resonating with people. I also love all of your comments on dustin’s characterization because you Get It so good. He’s so fun to write Because I make him a lil douchebaggy… and ur right that does align him with mark so perfectly… mhm mhm mhm mhm - laptop coaster is so real of u it reminds me of Sean putting the drinks on that laptop right before the Hallway Scene - I’m so glad you thought the meet cute/friendhsip development of it all felt natural because I. Agonized over that for ages - trout soup behind the scenes secret YES that twin is cam of course he is yasssssssss. Prolly mad bc Divya wants to get blown by KC happens to the best of us yeaggghhh - you have picked out every single easter egg I put in here I can’t stop smiling. That’s why I motherfucking Do It you get meeeeee - going into the pool at a party you will ALWAYS be famous (one of too many things I ripped directly from the movie mhm) - banging on my keyboard abt mark letting go of control when Eduardo takes it yeah you GET IT - challengers churro ijbol - its so fun to write them not communicating. Challenging because I don’t wanna fall into annoying miscommunication tropes but like. They do not talk to each other about anything that matters
Oh phonecallfromgod… you are too lovely for this and all the support you have shown me… I could not be more grateful to share this fandom space with you. You are so compassionate and so motivating and so intelligent. Sometimes you pick themes outta my stuff that I hadn’t even intended and it makes me feel way smarter than the monkey smacking a keyboard that I am. It took me so long to read these because I couldn’t stop grinning at my phone and closing the browser to practice breathing exercises ougghhhhhh
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