Chapter Text
**Updated 04 Dec 2016**
*June 28th
The last day of summer term for 5th year started like any other day. Students of all Houses scrambled to pack their trunks, attempting to fit not only everything that they brought at the start of the year, but everything that they had managed to accumulate over the course of three terms.
The one exception to this frantic dance all students seemed to be participating in was one Harry Potter. Harry Potter was relaxing on his four poster bed in the 5th year Gryffindor boys dorm attempting to become one with his duvet. The last thing that Harry wanted to think about was packing up all of his belongings and returning to Privet Drive. Harry had decided when he got up that morning if he didn’t partake in the frantic packing dance that the end of term feast would never happen, he’d never have to get on the train to London, and he’d never have to face the Dursleys or think any more about the death of his Godfather, Sirius Black.
Harry felt- no, he knew that it was his fault Sirius was dead. If he had never gone to the Department of Mysteries that night, Sirius would still be here. He would be greeting Harry at King’s Cross when he got off The Hogwarts Express, and he would be reassuring Harry that he could spend the majority of the summer at Headquarters: Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Except, Sirius wasn’t. There would be no big black slobbery dog greeting Harry at King’s Cross. There would be no reassurances of a mostly Dursley free summer at Number 12. There would be no more contagious barking laugh, dancing grey eyes, or unconditional love. Harry wanted nothing more at that moment to just become one with his duvet and sink into oblivion.
“Harry James Potter!” A shrill voice cut through the sound of four teenage boys frantically scrambling to find all of their belongings.
“Yes, Hermione?” Really, the last person that Harry wanted to speak with at that given moment was currently ripping the curtains of his bed back in full lecture mode.
“Why are you not packing? It’s the last day of term and tomorrow we head back to London. You know that there is not enough time for you to get all of your stuff together in the morning. You don’t want to forget anything, do you?”
Hermione always meant well, but when she went all mother hen it was most annoying. Harry didn’t want to pack. Harry wanted Hermione to leave him alone and never come back. Right now she was the last person he wanted to talk to. Right now, he would rather be stuck in a broom cupboard with Draco Malfoy for a whole week with no proper clothes than talk to Hermione. Harry also knew that if he didn’t talk to her she would never go away.
“Hermione, I know that I need to pack. Right now however there are more important things on my mind then whether or not I remember all of my socks. Besides, you know me; I never unpack my entire trunk. I’m still mostly packed from Christmas Hols. Just let me get some more rest and I will finish packing before the feast. I promise, okay?”
Harry knew that he sounded whingy. Really, he didn’t care. Ron shot him a look like he had been on one too many receiving ends of Hermione’s packing rants. Harry sat up with a lurch and huffed. He decided to huff again, this time louder. He wanted to make sure that Hermione heard him. Maybe she would leave the room totally frustrated at Harry and then he could go back to attempting to commune with the cotton spirits that lived in his covers. Maybe, just maybe, she would give up on Harry all together. That wouldn’t be bad. Harry didn’t want his friends to get hurt. He loved Hermione and Ron very much, but the last thing he needed to happen was for them to get killed. It did seem that everyone that Harry had ever cared about got killed by Voldemort. First his parents, then Sirius, who was next? Voldemort had even tried to kill Ron’s dad this past term. No, Hermione and Ron were much better off if they quit hanging out with Harry.
“Fine Harry. Just be ready and packed before we go down to the feast. I’ll see you and Ron then.” Hermione turned with a sour look on her face and closed the door to the dorm behind her.
Harry lay back down on his bed, closed his eyes and tried to picture happier times with Sirius and Remus at Grimmauld Place. Of course, he didn’t have too many memories since their time together was short, but he promised himself that he would cherish each and every one of those memories for as long as he would live. Knowing that he had to pack, Harry sat up from his position on the bed and began to round up the meager possessions he had around the dorm room.
This year Harry was going to be smart. He had purchased a bag in Hogsmeade on the last weekend they were allowed to go. Into this bag went his photo album, invisibility cloak, a few of his school books, all of his candy from Honeydukes and the Marauder’s Map. Of course, he didn’t have any use for the map once he left Hogwarts, but Harry would be fooling himself if he didn’t think that Uncle Vernon wouldn’t try anything with Harry’s possessions now that Sirius was gone.
Having felt like he successfully packed his belongings, Harry joined Ron in the walk down to the Gryffindor common room. Hermione was waiting there for Harry and Ron to walk down to the feast. They always went to the leaving feast together, just the three of them. It had become a tradition. Even though Harry thought that he shouldn’t hang out with his friends anymore he wasn’t about ready to bail on a tradition they had been doing for the past 4 years.
Just as they stepped out of the portrait, Theodore Nott stepped out of the shadows. He looked like he had been waiting there for some time.
“Hermione.” Theo spoke with just a slight hint of nervousness.
“Hermione? What is that slimy Slytherin doing hanging out at the entrance to our common room?” Ron was mad. His voice shook with all the fury he could put into it. The only thing that could have made him more upset was if Malfoy had been waiting there instead.
“Ron, that ‘slimy Slytherin’ as you put it is currently my boyfriend. He has come to escort me to the leaving feast. You would do well to drop it and let me enjoy this time with him.”
“But… but…” Ron was rendered speechless by Hermione’s confession. Everyone knew that Ron had a crush on Hermione. Everyone but Hermione, that is. Or, maybe she did know and was trying to show Ron what he was missing out on. Either way, Harry didn’t want to get involved.
“No buts. Theo is going to be here for a while, so it would be in your best interests to either shut up or walk to the feast by yourself. Right Harry?”
“Oh no, Hermione. You aren’t going to bring me into another one of your spectacular fights with Ron. I don’t care who you date or who you walk with to the leaving feast. We’re all headed that way anyway.” The last thing that Harry wanted to do was get on Hermione’s bad side when it came to a fight between her and Ron. Normally Harry would feel torn, but this time he wanted to just wish Hermione the best and slip away into the shadows.
Of course, he did neither of these things. Harry looked at Hermione, smiled his best smile and continued his ministrations toward the Great Hall. Once inside he looked over the gathering students. Glad that the summer term had ended, but sad that he had to leave the only place that he had ever truly felt like home.
*June 29th
The next morning was a furious whirlwind of activity. Missing socks were located under beds, books were hastily thrown into trunks, and wands were left and then retrieved numerous times before the ragtag group of Gryffindors made their way to the platform in Hogsmeade to board the Hogwarts Express back to Platform 9 and ¾ in London.
Once everyone was secure in the train Harry decided that he should find a compartment where he could be alone. The last thing he wanted to do was sit watching Hermione make eyes at Theo while Ron grumbled about the misgivings of certain slimy snakes. Harry knew that Tonks and Kingsley were on the train for his protection and that he could go sit with them, but he was in no mood to speak to either the tall dark Auror or Sirius’ cousin.
He crept down the corridor, peering in doors and windows, each compartment more filled than the last. With only a few to go Harry spied one that for all intents and purposes seems empty. The door stood ajar and at first listen he heard no familiar noise coming from inside indicative of a large group of people congregating within.
Harry pushed open the door and paused. The compartment wasn’t as empty as he had thought it was. Inside was none other than Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini. They didn’t notice Harry however, as they were currently mapping out the insides of each other’s mouths with their tongues. He wanted to stay and take in the scene, but something told him that if it was him snogging his boyfriend, he would want privacy. Harry very quietly closed the door and crept back into the hallway to find a less occupied compartment.
****
As the train pulled into King’s Cross station in London, the dread that had been building up in Harry reached a breaking point. Harry took a deep breath, collected his trunk and slowly made his way off the train. He tried very hard not to make eye contact with any of his classmates, as he was sure if he did he would break down. The last thing Uncle Vernon needed to see was Harry Potter standing on the Platform crying. He would definitely get it then.
He walked up to Kingsley and Tonks just as they were finished informing the Dursleys that Harry’s Godfather had died at the end of the school year and if they could take things easy on Harry this summer while he grieved, it would be appreciated. Harry of course knew that the worst thing the two Aurors could have done was tell the Dursleys that Sirius was dead. Harry was pretty sure that the threat of Sirius Black getting back at the Dursleys for hurting Harry was the only thing that had been keeping Harry alive over the past two summers at Privet Drive. Now he didn’t even have that to laud over their heads. Harry started to hyperventilate.
‘Breathe Harry.’ He thought. ‘It’ll be okay. What’s the worst that can happen? They’ll forget to feed you, maybe get the belt a few times. It could be worse, you could be dead. All you have to do is keep your head down and do what Vernon wants. Don’t give him any excuse to beat you. One day at a time. You can do this for Sirius. It’s the least you can do.’
“Ready Harry?” Tonks smiled. “We’re all finished. I’m sure your Aunt and Uncle will give you plenty of space this summer to grieve.”
“Come on, boy,” Vernon yelled. “We haven’t got all day. Dudley wants to go to the arcade with his friends. Hurry up!”
“Coming, Uncle Vernon.” Harry was terrified. Vernon was already getting angry and they weren’t even off the main platform. What would happen once he was away from the safety of the Aurors? This break felt like it was shaping up to be the worst yet.
“Bye Tonks. Bye Kingsley. Thanks for seeing me safe off.” Harry smiled. It may have been fake, but he thought he sold it fairly well.
“Take care Harry.” Kingsley said, clapping the younger man on the shoulder. “Let us know if you need anything.”
‘Yeah,’ thought Harry. ‘Cause that is really gonna happen. If Dumbledore has his way, I won’t be talking to anyone this summer.’
“Thanks again, Kingsley. I will.”
Kingsley dropped his hand from Harry’s shoulder and leaned in close and informed him that he would not be able to go to the Burrow or to Headquarters this summer due to the increase in Death Eater activity in the area. Dumbledore felt that it was extremely important that Harry remain behind the blood wards at Number 4 Privet Drive for the entire summer. He wasn’t to leave the house or the property for any reason without a member of the order. Someone would be doing his school shopping for him in August after his O.W.L.’s arrived with his course load for the fall.
‘Great,’ thought Harry. ‘Thanks for letting my Uncle know that I can’t leave the house this summer. He’ll just be able to beat the shite out of me even more now that no one will notice the bruises.’
Kingsley and Tonks bid their goodbyes to Harry letting him know they would see him when they came to deliver his supplies for school. Harry walked slowly to the car, knowing just exactly what fate awaited him when he arrived ‘home’.
***
Shortly after darkness fell that night, Harry lit his lamp and looked into the full length mirror in his room. His Uncle had brought the mirror up from the cupboard under the stairs just so Harry would be able to see every bruise he had inflicted on him. Not that Harry could see all the bruises. Uncle Vernon had seen fit to break Harry’s glasses when he gave him a black eye for not wanting to come out of his room and prepare supper. Vernon had told Harry that it was still his job to prepare meals. It didn’t matter to him that Harry’s freak of a godfather had gone and gotten himself killed. In this house Harry was expected to do as he was told or face the consequences. In this case, the consequences were a black eye, three bruised ribs, a sprained ankle, a broken finger, and five belt lashings across his bare back.
Of course, Harry had received worse in the past for far less, but it had been a few summers since he had been subjected to this type of abuse. The past two summers had been relatively tame. Harry was still yelled at, still called boy, still made to live no better off than a house elf, but at least there were no beatings. Sirius being in his life had assured that. The last thing the perfectly normal Dursleys wanted was a mass murderer coming after them for beating his godson. Of course, the Dursleys didn’t know that Sirius was innocent. Harry had never told them.
*July 2nd
July 2nd
Professor Dumbledore,
I am writing you this letter because I feel that my life may be in danger. I know that it is best for me to remain behind the Blood Wards here at Privet Drive, but I can’t. You see, my Uncle has decided to resume his beatings of me this summer now that he knows Sirius can’t interfere with anything he does. Kingsley and Tonks took it upon themselves to inform my uncle that Sirius had died this past term when they dropped me off at King’s Cross. The first thing my uncle did when we got back was to lock all of my things in the cupboard under the stairs and then drag me to my bedroom by the scruff of my shirt. I was locked in my room and told that I could not come out until it was time for me to make supper.
I refused, of course, to come out of my room later. I am still grieving for Sirius and need some time to process my thoughts. I tried to explain this to my uncle and he beat me senseless and broke my glasses.
Professor, I am very worried for myself. This is the very start of summer and already he is breaking bones. I fear that if I continue to live under this roof with him I won’t live to see the start of my 6th year. Just today he beat me again because I told him that Hedwig needed out of her cage every few days to stretch her wings or she wouldn’t be able to fly again. I think that he broke a rib or two this time when he kicked me down the stairs. I’m scared Professor. I can’t protect myself against someone 5 times my size. It doesn’t help that he lets Dudley beat on me whenever he feels like it either.
Please send some help. I need to leave. I understand if I really can’t, but could you at least send someone to watch over me? Someone who can heal me. Again, I fear that if help doesn’t arrive soon, I won’t make it to see the end of the summer.
Sincerely,
Harry J. Potter
*July 9th
The day started out like any other day. Horrible. Harry limped around the house attempting to do the enormous list of chores the Dursleys left for him while they attended a day at the movies, shopping and pizza. Dudley had made sure to inform Harry no less than five times that they were going for pizza after the movies. Harry didn’t care about the movies. He had never been allowed to go to the cinema, so he had no idea what kind of entertainment value they held. Pizza on the other hand would be quite the luxury. It had been two days since Harry had eaten last. Even though he was alone in the house now, he knew not to sneak any food. Uncle Vernon would find out- he always managed to somehow. Harry would receive a beating. If he was lucky he would be locked behind the door of his bedroom, if not he would be locked in the cupboard with no light or blanket.
At nine that evening the Dursleys waddled into Number 4 after a night of merriment. Harry still had a few chores left on his list. Vernon felt that wasn’t good enough, even though Harry had tried his hardest with all of the various ailments afflicting his body. Harry was striped, pushed up against the hallway wall and beaten with Uncle Vernon’s belt. Dudley then got in a few well-placed punches to the back and stomach. Harry curled up on the floor to protect himself. Vernon of course, took this as a personal affront and kicked Harry repeated in the face and hands. Harry heard his wrist snap, the tears now flowing freely down his cheeks, wetting the overstretched collar of his t-shirt.
Harry lay on his bed for a long time that night, unable to fall asleep with all the pain he felt in his body. He knew his left wrist was now broken and he had a bloody nose that just wouldn’t stop. Of course Uncle Vernon never allowed him anything to clean himself up with, so he had to resort to either his t-shirt or the bed covers. It was a good thing that the bed covers were already covered in blood from the last time Vernon had kicked the shite out of him- he was already used to the stiff crusty feel under his body as he slept.
Harry thought that maybe it would be better off if he was just dead. If only he had his wand he could do it. There was always a Muggle method- Harry didn’t have access to a firearm or pills, but he did have access to the cutlery in the kitchen. He wouldn’t have to worry about the Ministry after that. If he did use an Unforgivable on himself- if that were even possible, maybe they would send an owl informing him of his misuse of underage magic. He could see it now…
Dear Mr. Harry James Potter,
We at the Department for the Misuse of Underage Magic have found that an Unforgivable (the Avada Kedavra Curse) was used by your wand at approximately 10:45 pm on July 9th. There will be a hearing in Courtroom 10 at 9am on July 20th to ascertain guilt or innocence. Please bring yourself and your wand to the Ministry of Magic in London that day.
Sincerely,
Travis Weithers
Deputy Secretary
Department for the Misuse of Underage Magic
Oh yes. That would just be perfect. Kill yourself and they expect you to show up for a trial. Harry guessed that he could sneak down to the kitchen and get a knife. It couldn’t hurt anymore then the wounds that were regularly inflicted on his body, could they? It had become painfully obvious that Dumbledore wasn’t going to do anything to help him. But, then again, when did he ever? He had known of the prophecy since before Harry had been born, and yet, he hadn’t felt the need to inform Harry of it until the sphere in the Department of Mysteries was destroyed. Even then it had been obvious that he hadn’t wanted to tell Harry. He wanted to be able to keep manipulating him. But Harry felt that maybe Dumbledore was just out of the country. That would explain why it was taking so long for an answer to his letter. Yes, that had to be it. Dumbledore would send Harry help. He said that there would always be help available to him. If that was true while he was at Hogwarts, wouldn’t it be true while he was at Privet Drive, too?