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Sara really should’ve expected this.
Walking into Damien Darhk’s lair after her mind was restored was always going to be a risky move. Being in the same room as him without trying to kill him – an almost impossible challenge.
In her defense, she gave it her best shot. Even when it became obvious that Darhk was simply taunting her with her sister’s death, she tried to resist the urge to stab him in the neck. Truly. Even if it took every bit of self-restraint she acquired as a Legend, and all the additional meditation practices she learned with the League when she was trying to get a hold on her bloodlust. (She didn’t really pick up on much of that Zen mindset during her first time at Nanda Parbat, but that really wasn’t her fault. Her mentor was rather… distracting.)
The ten seconds alone that she lasted before punching Damien Darhk in the face are a testament to all the progress she made. Alas, it still all ended in a predictable impasse.
Well, aside from the bit where she didn’t know that Darhk had his magic in this world. But really, Sara should have expected that.
Just as she should have been prepared for him to order Amaya to do his dirty work. After all, that’s what they’ve been doing in this godforsaken reality for the past year.
So, why did she suddenly find it so hard to breathe?
(Well, it was also Darhk’s magic, if she was being honest. The whole being suspended in the air move was no fun on her lungs.)
At that moment she found herself frozen by more than just that psychotic murderer’s voodoo nonsense. Amaya was slowly approaching her and she could clearly read the hesitation in her eyes. There was a part of Sara that wanted to see if she could do it, if what they had in this world meant anything to her. They might have been both degraded to these evil lackeys, morphed into a version of themselves she could barely recognize, and yet, she wanted, needed to know… Was any of it real?
It took her another second to realize however, that it wouldn’t matter. This Amaya, much like the real one, was bound by duty and responsibility. Even if it was hard, even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness, she was always going to make the right call.
And in that moment and in this twisted reality, making the right call meant shooting Sara in the head.
So Sara shot first.
After that, it was a blur. Once Amaya’s memories came rushing back, they fought their way out, and ran until Sara suddenly felt herself being pulled away into a dark alleyway.
“Amaya, what—“ Sara cut herself off, having a quick look around the area, and lowering her voice to continue, “Are we being followed? I thought we lost them back at the train station, why—“
“No, no, it’s not that.” Amaya was fidgeting, Sara finally noticed and oh. They were going to do this. Now. Right now. Except Sara wasn’t ready. Nope, not ready at all.
“Then we should move as fast as we can. Nate’s house is just a few blocks away and the sooner we get there—“
“Iwantedtotalktoyouaboutthepastyear.” Sara was impressed by how Amaya got that out in one breath. She also briefly considered giving her an out, pretending that she didn’t understand her meaning, but that really wouldn’t have been fair to Amaya. It was obvious that she wanted to get this over with, and after everything they’ve been through, Sara felt like she owed that much to her. Plus, it was rare to see the normally so composed Amaya this nervous.
Although Sara did recall numerous occasions during the past year in this Doomworld scenario where she managed to get those kind of reactions out of the other woman….
And those mental images totally weren’t helping right now.
“Listen,” Sara took a deep breath, swallowing through the lump in her throat. “It’s okay. We weren’t ourselves. So, whatever happened, whatever we’ve done…” Sara sees a flash of black hair, and Felicity’s body dropping to the ground, and suddenly she’s suffocating, but she pushes through. “We should just let it all go. Try and move forward.”
“Right,” Amaya’s eyes look haunted, but her voice is much softer as she continues. “I know that. And I hope you know it too. Sara… it wasn’t your fault.”
Amaya’s hand tentatively reaches out, landing on Sara’s shoulder, and she nods. The two of them were never ones for big heart-to-hearts, but they understand each other. Now maybe more than ever.
“But that wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.” And Sara knows, of course she knows. And maybe she was just stalling, or maybe she needed the reassurance to fight off her own demons, but now they’re here, ready to have the talk… And Amaya’s fidgeting again, nevertheless, she keeps her hand on Sara’s arm while she’s considering her next words. But Sara decides to save her the trouble.
“Amaya,” Sara sighs. She can feel her skin heating up at the place of contact between them, and her heart beating loudly in her ears, but she needs Amaya to know that it’s fine, so she manages a weak smile. “It really is okay, you know? We can pretend that none of this ever happened. Not Darhk, not—“ The lump is back in Sara’s throat, blocking her airways, but she needs to make sure that Amaya understands, so she takes another shaky breath to finish. “Not us.”
A beat. Amaya’s hand feels like it’s scorching through her leather jacket and Sara’s eyes are fixating on the spot, waiting for her to pull away. Instead…
“Is that what you want?” Amaya’s voice is quiet, a whisper in the cold night air, but Sara still hears the slight break in it, the raw emotions hiding behind it. “To forget about it?”
“I—,” Sara finally looks up and it’s a mistake, because Amaya’s staring at her with those eyes, eyes that are somehow both guarded and earnest, and Sara gets lost in the wonderful dichotomy that is Amaya and her piercing gaze. She feels Amaya’s hand slide up and down her arm in a comforting gesture, and Sara instinctively knows that Amaya is already aware of the answer to her question. Because of course she does. It’s Amaya. How could she want to forget? How could anyone who ever met Amaya, anyone who ever loved her want to give her up?
And that’s the problem, isn’t it?
But you got to rip off the band aid at some point.
“I know that things are complicated with you and Nate… And I know this isn’t something that you would’ve been looking for otherwise, and that you’re against the whole team fraternizing, which really is a good rule, and I probably shouldn’t get involved with anyone anyway since I’m the captain, and I just want you to know that I understand. I know you’ve got enough on your plate as it is, and I don’t want you to worry about this as well. And it’s okay… I’m okay with that. Or I’m going to be—“
And then Amaya is suddenly pulling her to herself, and she’s cutting her off with a kiss, and all of Sara’s thoughts leave her. But her body reacts, and by the time she regains her senses, she’s already kissing Amaya back.
And it’s different, so different from any other kiss they shared in the last year. Everything that happened during that time was hurried, and rash and hard, but their lips now meet in a slow, tentative kiss, and it’s soft, so incredibly soft. Sara feels like she could drown in the softness that is Amaya. She brings her hand up to caress her face while she adjusts the angle of the kiss, taking Amaya’s upper lip in her own, while Amaya reaches down with the hand she kept on her arm, slowly intertwining their fingers.
Once they part, Amaya’s gaze is full of wonder, like she can’t believe herself that she did that, and Sara can’t imagine that she looks much more different. She feels her gaze wandering back to Amaya’s lips, and she’s about to close the distance once again when they hear a gunshot in the distance and reality – or this reality in particular – catches up to her.
“We should go.”
Amaya seems to have woken from her trance as well, and she silently nods, but the small smile that flashes on her face is full of promise. Neither of them says it, but there’s a mutual understanding between them now. “We’ll talk when this is over.”
They never get their chance for that talk. Sara watches helplessly when Len – the Len from the past, she tries reminding herself, not the one she knew – freezes Amaya’s body. She’s choking on a silent scream when it shatters into tiny little pieces all over the floor. Sara promises right there and then to kill them all.
And that’s what she does.
They go back in time, right before the Legion gets their hands on the Spear, and they save the day. They save Amaya. Except this Amaya never went through the other reality. She doesn’t remember the promises they made that night. But neither does she know of all the horrors they committed in Darhk’s name. And Sara feels terrible for wanting her to.
Once she dismisses her team she walks into the empty library, takes a deep breath, and sits down on the desk. She wants to scream, to cry, to laugh, but instead she just feels her grip on the table’s edges turning white. Maybe it’s for the best. Honestly, who was she kidding, anyway? This was never going to work out. She should just do what she always planned to do – try and forget about all of it.
She really should put more effort into those meditation practices.
“Are you okay?”
Sara startles, before she can get a grip on her reaction. She looks up to see Amaya standing in the doorway, studying her with a concerned expression.
She doesn’t trust her voice, so she just silently nods. Amaya nods back, accepting her non-answer, and walks up to her, leaning against the table next to her. Sara knows that it’s her way of offering a chance to open up about what’s bothering her without pushing her to do so.
They stay there, sitting in comfortable silence, and in that moment Sara feels like it might just all turn out okay after all.