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DAY 1 (MORNING)
“We are now about to penetrate a country on which the foot of civilized man has never trodden. The good or evil it has in store for us is yet to be determined. We carry ever article by which we are to survive. The party are in excellent health and spirits, zealously attached to the enterprise and anxious to proceed. Entertaining as I do the most confident host, I could but esteem this moment of our departure as among the most happy of my life.”
From The Journals of Lewis and Clark, 1805
Empty boxes and bottles of champagne were scattered everywhere. Link sat on the floor of his empty, unfurnished living room, dejectedly staring at the wedding invitation card in his hands. ‘Please save the date for the wedding of Christy and Link!’ it said, with a picture of the couple right in the middle. He looked at it for a little while longer, reminiscing, before sending it through the paper shredder located in front of him. Only about a hundred more, he thinks before taking another card to be shredded. His phone vibrates on the floor next to him, the caller ID showing that Rhett was calling, but Link doesn’t notice over the noise of the shredder. He continues to shred the cards.
Meanwhile, Link’s phone goes to voicemail.
“Hi, this is Link, I can’t come to the phone right now because I am on my honeymoon! Call you in a week when I get back.” *Beep*
“Hi Link, it’s me, Rhett, your best friend, calling to see if you’re doing okay. I know the answer is probably no, but don’t worry, I’m coming over to cheer you up, buddyroll! Get ready!”
Suddenly, the shredder stops, because, of course it does. Link tries shaking it, then banging it on the hard floor when that doesn’t work. He doesn’t hear the knocking on the door, or the sound the door makes when it is opened.
“Morning, Link!” Rhett says cheerfully as he walks into the house, closing the door behind him.
“Hey.” Is all the response that he gets from Link, still fiddling with the shredder.
“Look what I brought!” Rhett exclaims as he stands in front of Link, holding out a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a box of frosted mini wheats in the other. Link seems unfazed as he takes a big gulp out of a bottle, draining it completely. Rhett frowns.
“No effect? Wow, that’s a first.” Rhett says, kneeling to his heartbroken friend. He’s never seen Link reject peanut butter or cereal, let alone both at the same time.
“Here, have a bottle.” Link offers, and Rhett takes it silently, examining the label. “Christy cancels the wedding, then she takes all of the furniture. But on the bright side, I have a lifetime supply of Rozay.” Link says bitterly.
“Hey, things are looking up!” Rhett says as a joke, but Link doesn’t find it funny. He just stares at Rhett blankly. Rhett tries a different approach. “Dude, what are you wearing?”
Link looks down at his apparel, which aren’t so much clothes as they are a long-sleeved t-shirt and a sleeping bag onesie, then looks back to Rhett, a little ashamed.
“I mean, you look like a kangaroo! But you know, marsupials actually travel in pairs though.” Rhett gives Link a look, and at first, Link doesn’t understand, but then it dawns on him.
So Link grabs another sleeping bag onesie, two camping chairs, and another bottle of champagne. They sit in the empty living room, drinking Rozay straight out of the bottle in comfortable silence.
From the pen of William Clark
“Every great journey, like a giant Redwood, begins initially as a small seed. On the day my old friend, Meriwether Lewis, came to visit, I was entirely unaware that he had come to plant this very seed into my life.
“Link, we have to get you outside.” Rhett starts. “You’ve been in here for what, a week? You need some sun on you, bo!” Link sighs.
“We were going to start our honeymoon today.” He tells Rhett. “One-week hike. Very romantic. It’s too late to return all this gear.” He nods towards the pile of camping equipment piled in one corner of the room.
“Did you cancel it?” Rhett asks.
“No.” Link answers. And just like that, Rhett knows what he has to do.
“So, you’re outside where you’re, like, just in the forest and nature with someone you care about?” Rhett tries dropping the hint. Link doesn’t get it.
“Yeah. It just would’ve been me and Christy out there.”
“Well, Christy’s not available.” Rhett tries again.
“I’m aware of that, Rhett. Thank you.” Link retorts, a little sassy.
“No, I’m just saying, it sounds like a trip that shouldn’t be cancelled, and that it would be nice to have a companion on this wonderful journey.” Rhett tries one last time. Link hums in agreement.
“Would’ve been.” Link could be so dense sometimes.
“Link, you know that you are my best friend, and I’ll always be there for you, through thick and thin, just like you’ve been there for me. I just want to help a brother out.” Rhett explains.
“So wait, you want… What are you saying?” Link seems genuinely confused, and Rhett can’t help but smile.
“We are going to go on your honeymoon together!” Rhett spells it out.
“No, you don’t have to…” Link tries to decline Rhett’s offer, but Rhett won’t take no for an answer.
“It’s gonna be great, Link! We’re doing this! Come on, you and me, in the woods, just the two of us, it’ll be just like old times!” Link gives him a suffering look. Rhett gives Link his best puppy-dog face.
“Fine.” Link gives in.
Rhett smiles and takes a sip of his Rozay.
DAY 1 (EVENING)
“Okay Link, what’s the plan?” Rhett asks as they drive past the city into the woods.
“Well, it’s gonna be seven days, seven nights, hike in the wilderness, gorgeous views, rugged overlooks…”
“That sounds amazing!”
“And on the last day, there’s a special treat. One night in a big, piney, wilderness lodge.”
“Sounds very romantic.” Rhett teases.
“Yeah, that’s the kind of the weird thing about this...” Link says, a bit uncomfortable all of the sudden.
“Why would it be weird? We’ve slept in the same bed before. If it would be weird for anyone, it would be me!” Rhett scoffs.
“And why would that be?” Link asks to entertain Rhett, even though he was sure he knew the answer.
“Are you kidding? Do you know how many times you’ve spooned me in your sleep?” It was a rhetorical question, but Link answered anyway.
“Every time?” Link blushed a little, but said it with dignity.
“Damn straight. We really should get a board or something to put between us.” Rhett joked.
“I can’t help it man! I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, I sleep with reckless abandon. And there’s nothing that can change that.” Rhett smiled. In reality, he actually didn’t mind that much. He loved his best friend just the way he was and wouldn’t change a thing about Link even if he could. He decided to leave the conversation at that and change the topic.
“So, Link, I’ve heard there are mythical beasts in this forest.”
“You mean, like our fans or actual magical creatures?”
“Magical creatures, man!” Link snorted.
“No there are not.”
“Yeah! Like yeti sightings, werewolf kills, sasquatch encounters.”
“Okay, I’m telling you again, that does not exist.” They’ve had this conversation before.
“Well, I’ve seen photos of sasquatch.” Rhett argues.
“I’ve seen photos of Godzilla.” Link retorts.
“Have you seen Die Hard 2?”
“No, I have not seen Die Hard 2.”
“So maybe the movie doesn’t exist.”
Link doesn’t dignify that with a response.
Link takes the last of his belongings out of the boot of the car and closes it, walking up to Rhett whom had been checking their hiking route at a nearby signboard. He turns when the hears the rustling of Link’s backpack.
“You ready?” Link asks Rhett. Rhett nods.
“Yeah. I entered us at the registry. That way, if a sasquatch or something eats us, our parents will be able to get ahold of our remains.” Rhett quips.
“That’s a good idea.” Link plays along.
And with that, they start their journey.
“Woohoo! Are you looking at this, Rhett?”
“I see it, Link.”
What did I tell you? This is exactly what I needed! This is my therapy, my anti-depressant!” Link exclaims as he takes in the beautiful surroundings. The trees were hundreds of feet tall, all brown and green, the sun was shining perfectly, and the weather was not too hot but not too cold, just the right temperature. Link felt the adrenaline pump through his veins, he was extremely excited and happy, momentarily forgetting his problems and letting go.
Rhett smiled at Link. He loved to see Link happy and not thinking about Christy. Now it was only the two of them, just like before. Truth be told, Rhett had missed the times when it was just them together hanging out or doing stuff. He was man enough to admit that he did get jealous when Christy came into the picture and figuratively took Link away from Rhett. Don’t get him wrong, Rhett liked Christy. She was a nice girl, and she was great for Link, but she just wasn’t ready for marriage, and it couldn’t work out. She had cancelled the wedding, and left Link crestfallen.
“Take it in, Link. Take it in.”
“What does it bring to mind for you?” Link asks Rhett.
“It’s like heaven, but with trees. And you know how much I like wood. Especially all these Rhett-woods.” Link nods.
“This is the greatest thing.” Rhett couldn’t agree more.
“The wooded country through which we now pass is the most rugged and most beautiful I have ever seen. But this beauty surely belies some unknown danger. I am no coward, but I fear that not all will make it across the continent. But for now, all are in good spirits. Not a whisper of discontent can be heard among the men. We act in unison, with the most perfect harmony.”
Link’s adrenaline was starting to wear off. Rhett could see it in the way Link’s pace started to slow down, and Link started to get breathy. This shouldn’t have been a problem, since they had only hiked a short distance so far, but yet, Rhett could see Link was growing tired.
“Hey bo, are you okay?” Link doesn’t answer. “It’s just, we’re slowing down. Could we maybe increase our pace a bit?”
“What’s the altitude here?” Link wheezes. Rhett raises an eyebrow. Link stops hiking, trying to catch a breath. “Man, these bags are heavy, huh?”
“Uh, not really. Feels normal to me.” Rhett says, shrugging. “Are you okay?” Rhett tries again.
“Yeah, I think that morning bottle of Rozay is catching up to me.” Link says, still out of breath.
“In hindsight, that was a bad idea.” Rhett remarks. He waits a few seconds for Link to catch his breath.
“Okay. I’m good. Let’s go.” And so they continue. Link was still not doing well, but Rhett kept an eye on him, slowing down if he saw Link truly need a break. They hiked ridges and hills, stopping at a small waterfall.
“My legs are tingling.” Link said as he took a seat on a rock near the stream. Rhett took a seat on another rock next to him. He suddenly felt nostalgic. This reminded him of Cape Fear River, where as teenagers, Rhett and Link would sit and talk about any of their problems or issues. Link was oblivious to Rhett’s thoughts.
“Ah, nature.” Rhett took a deep breath of fresh air. He loved the smell of the dirt, trees and water. It felt very calming. Link, on the other hand, was not calm.
“I can’t feel my butt.” Link whined. Rhett just laughed and shook his head.
“Come on, man. There’s an open area just up the stream. We’ll stop there for the night.” Link agreed.
“I can’t feel my toes, which I understand, but I can’t feel my fingers, which scares me.” Link complained. They were both already in their sleeping bags, lying next to each other in the tent.
“How far did we walk today, Link?” Link grabs his phone to check.
“We walked two point… just two miles.”
“How many miles left?”
“Eighty-four.” A beat of silence.
“I think we need to walk faster.”
DAY 2
The next morning, they were up bright and early. Rhett packed all the camping gear while Link brushed his teeth. Link felt marginally better after a night’s rest, and was back to his normal self.
“Alright, Link. We’re ready for a hike!” Rhett said as he packed the last of the equipment. Link, who was still brushing his teeth, mumbled in response.
“Hey, you know Link, if you pack smaller and lighter things, you’ll be able to move faster.” Link spit out the toothpaste.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. So if you don’t get up soon, I’m gonna behead your toothbrush. That’ll make it approximately 6 grams lighter.” Rhett said as if he was sharing a little-known fact.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Wanna try me?” Link scoffed, but stood up. Rhett nodded approvingly and proceeded to walk to the pathway, not waiting for Link to finish picking up his equipment. “Great! Going on a hike with my friend Link, who is right behind me for sure!” Rhett looked back to see Link still fumbling with his things.
“Oh look, Link, I found a pyramid or something interesting! Come on, quick! It’s disappearing!” He heard Link guffaw. Rhett grinned in reply.
“One of our great tasks is to record native specimens in this new part of the continent. Meriwether has taken a keen interest in this, even employing a special apparatus in these pursuits. I too have joined Meriwether in this endeavor, and I am eager to assist in the process. Though his methodology is sometimes perplexing, I have no doubt that the present and future generations will be much delighted with our discoveries."
“It’s so beautiful here Link!” Rhett said as he took multiple pictures of the flora and fauna around them, just by using his phone. Link could see that Rhett was very engrossed in this activity, putting a lot of effort into it.
“What a nice flower! Look Link, a ladybug!” Those were the kind of statements Link would hear from Rhett once in a while when Rhett found something interesting. Link wasn’t much of a photographer, more of a sight-seeing person, but the edge of his mouth turned upwards when he saw Rhett avidly concentrating on zooming in on a tiny ladybug perched on a leaf. Link just shook his head fondly when he heard the phone shutter, indicating Rhett was taking burst photos.
“Oh, right!” Rhett exclaimed, like he had just remembered something. Link wondered what Rhett was looking for as he dug through his backpack riotously, pulling out something Link didn’t even know Rhett owned.
“Selfie stick!” Rhett proclaimed.
“Since when do you even have one of those?”
“You don’t know everything about me.” Rhett said mysteriously. Link snorted. “Come on, let’s go take a picture in front of that waterfall.” Rhett pointed to a bridge ahead of them that crossed over a stream, a small but nice waterfall right beside it. Link followed Rhett over the bridge in front of the waterfall and stood beside him as Rhett tried to find the perfect angle for a shot.
“Hey, man, lean back a bit.” Rhett told Link.
“What?”
“Just do it. I want to get a good shot of the waterfall.” Link raised an eyebrow but did what he was told. Rhett adjusted the selfie stick a few times, but wasn’t able to find a good shot. Rhett looked around, and an idea came to mind.
“Aha!” He exclaimed as he set the phone and selfie stick onto a huge nearby rock, balancing it perfectly right on the top. He set the timer to 5 seconds then quickly took his place next to Link.
“Alright, perfect! Say cheese! 3, 2,1!” They both posed using Shaka signs, and Rhett immediately went to check the photo, showing the picture to Link.
“That’s a good pic.”
“Yep. It’s definitely going on GMM.”
“The mythical beasts will be ecstatic.”
But distractions only work for so long. Link’s mind drifts back to Christy, how sweet and beautiful she was, how she looked when the sun shone on her face, how her hair would blow in the wind, how he would get lost in her eyes, or how her smile could light up the whole room.
Rhett saw the glum look on his friends face and suggested they stop for lunch. Both were now seated next to each other on a log, eating sandwiches they had previously prepared, only the sound of birds chirping filling the atmosphere.
“Could you pass me the GORP?” Link said.
“GORP?”
“Yeah, you know, the trail mix.”
“Oh.” Rhett said, passing the ziplock bag. “What’s GORP?”
“It’s an acronym. Stands for ‘good old raisins and peanuts’.”
“Oh.” Rhett didn’t know that.
“You know Rhett, I’ve been thinking about a GMM episode idea.”
“Yeah?”
“Will it bed.”
“Will it bed?”
“Yeah, dude, will it bed! We could like, use dirt and mud to make a bed, or tons of marshmallows for the mattress, the possibilities are endless!”
“Will it bed. I like it.”
“Yeah!”
“You know what else I like?”
“What?”
“Fast lunches and long hikes. So let’s get moving.”
“Wait, you’re done?” Link hadn’t even eaten half of his sandwich.
“Time waits for no man, Link.” Rhett says, already walking.
“Okay, I guess I’ll take my break while we’re hiking.” Link yells sarcastically. If Rhett hears him, he doesn’t respond.
They were hiking silently when they saw another man, presumably another hiker, in front of them, kicking dirt and rocks around on the ground.
“Hey there!” Link yelled, startling the man.
“Jesus Christ, you guys scared me.” The man says, laughing. “I haven’t seen someone here in a long time. What are you guys doing out here?”
Link opens his mouth to answer, but Rhett beats him to it.
“We’re on a honeymoon.” Rhett states, knowing very well how it would sound to a random person. Link gives Rhett a look.
“Oh! That’s awesome! Congratulations!”
“We’re on my honeymoon. He’s coming along with me on my honeymoon.” Link tries to clarify, suddenly blushing. Rhett grins at him.
“Well, have a wonderful life together.” The man comments.
“Just to be clear, friends.” Link gestures between him and Rhett.
“You guys are going to make a beautiful family. You’re gonna have kids right?”
“Yes.” Rhett answers. It’s not a lie, Rhett does plan on having kids in the future.
“Awesome.”
“With other people.” Link adds.
“I’m really happy for you guys.”
“Thank you.” Rhett smirks.
Suddenly, the man’s face goes blank, focusing on a spot far behind Rhett and Link. “Did you hear that?”
Rhett and Link look to each other. They didn’t hear anything.
“Hear what?” Rhett asks. The man looks around for a few seconds, before turning to them, looking relieved.
“It’s gone.”
“What was it?”
“Well, not to freak you guys out or anything, but enjoy your time together.”
“Okay…” Link says.
“Because there are these wolves.” The man suddenly turns around again, seeming to detect a sound neither Rhett nor Link can hear.
“Was that a wolf?”
“Yeah. They’re government experiment wolves. Pumped with GMO’s. They’re massive. Huge animals. They kill for pleasure. Their fangs are huge! And they leave their kill so that you see it, so that you know that you are the one that is being hunted! They’ve got these huge, giant, velociraptor claws!” And suddenly, the man lurches at Link. Rhett instinctively tries to protect Link while Link takes a step back, a bit horrified. Then, like a switch, the man is calm again.
“But listen, have a great honeymoon, enjoy your time together, just be cool, okay? Don’t sweat, because the wolves smell the sweat.” Rhett and Link share a look, silently communicating ‘this dude is nuts’.
“And here, I’m gonna give you a honeymoon present, because I like you guys.” The man reaches into his bag and pulls out a jar full of mushrooms. “They’re really good, I grew them myself. But I’ll be taking this little family with me.” He says, pulling out four mushrooms of different sizes.
“This is Alberto, and Regina, Raul and Sebastien. He’s the youngest one of the family.” The man points to each mushroom respectively. Then, the man shoves all of them into his mouth.
“So, listen.” The man mumbles, mouth full of mushrooms, as he hands the jar to Rhett. Rhett takes it reluctantly. “Enjoy your honeymoon, enjoy the hike, enjoy mother nature.” He says, walking past Rhett and Link. He is almost gone before he turns around and takes one more look at Rhett and Link, realization dawning on him.
“Hey, wait a minute. Good Mythical Morning!” He points to the duo. Rhett and Link nod awkwardly.
“Love the show! Watch it every day! Thanks for being part of my life.”
“Uh, your welcome.” Then the man is gone.
“Dude, that was terrifying.”
“I know. The guy was probably high the whole time.”
“Let’s get out of here. I don’t want to be eaten by the murderous government experiment velociraptor wolves.” Link snorts.
“My dearest love, I write to you from the other side of the continent, with no knowledge of when, or if, you will ever receive these words. I know that when we last saw each other, our hearts were heavy, and I pray this finds you in better spirits, living a life fulfilled. For me, this new endeavor has been a work of staggering difficulty, yet the rewards are many, and we make great progress. I am lucky to travel with a man such as Meriwether, uniquely qualified to lead this expedition. I was thinking this morning, of the days we first met in Kentucky, and what a joyous time that was. I hope that someday you will read this letter, and if somehow, I return home again, that our eyes will meet once more. Yours, William Clark.”
Link finds himself thinking about Christy again. As soon as Rhett stops to take pictures at a rocky terrain in front of a stream, Link finds a rock to sit on, takes out his phone and starts browsing through his pictures. Pictures of him and Christy, by the beach, sitting on the sand, witnessing the sunset. He thinks of texting Christy, just to see how she’s doing, if she’s just as heartbroken as he is, or if they could try and make it work again.
But then he looks at Rhett, taking pictures of the waterfall at all kinds of different angles, and changes his mind. He doesn’t need her, he thinks. He has everything he needs right here.
He finds himself now thinking about Rhett. How his best friend from first grade has stuck with him for years, helping him whenever he was down and needed him the most. They’ve been through everything together, from middle school to high school, then college, then Commercial Kings, Good Mythical Morning and god knows what else he has in store for them. All Link knows is that they will be together every step of the way, and that Rhett is truly the only person he could count on. And that’s all that mattered.
Link is snapped out of his thoughts when he hears a familiar voice shout.
“LINK! HELP!”
“Rhett?” Link calls, getting up and running towards the source of the shouting.
“HELP! LINK! I’M TRAPPED! LINK!” Link runs towards a bridge, finally finding Rhett, and what he sees makes him go pale.
“Oh my gosh.” He whispers, running to Rhett.
“LINK! PLEASE!”
“OH MY GOD!” Link screams when he gets to Rhett. The scene was horrible. Rhett’s arm was trapped between two huge boulders, blood gushing everywhere. Rhett’s face was a look of pure pain, and in his other hand, he was holding a knife.
“WHAT HAPPENED?!” Link was in full blown panic mode now.
“It was the rocks! I was taking pictures and suddenly the rocks fell on my arm and now I’m trapped!” Rhett explained. “Help me!”
“Oh gosh!” Link tries to hold onto Rhett’s arm, maybe he can push it out. But when Link grabs it, Rhett screams, and Link immediately lets go.
“Oh my god, what do I do?! I can’t call anyone, there’s no service here! How do I help?!”
“Here!” He hands Link the knife.
“What?!”
“You have to cut it off!”
“WHAT?! NO!” Link screams.
“You have to, Link!”
“NO! I CAN’T, MAN!”
“You gotta!”
“NO! I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS, NO!”
“LINK I’M GONNA DIE IF YOU DON’T!” Link stares at Rhett with wide eyes, then takes the knife.
“Oh my goodness, okay, I can’t believe I’m doing this, I’m gonna do a countdown, alright!? 3, 2…”
“Wait, Link! I Just want to say, no matter what happens, I love you, buddy!”
“I love you too, Rhett!” Link says, cupping the back of Rhett’s head for a second before getting ready to cut the arm.
“Oh gosh, okay. 3, 2…” Suddenly, Rhett’s arm is pulled out from between the boulders. They both stares at each other with wide eyes before cheering.
“OH MY GOODNESS! THANK GOD!” Link cries. Rhett screams in joy before bringing his arm to his mouth and licking it.
“Look Link! A snack!” Rhett exclaims. Link stares at Rhett, bewildered.
“Is that ketchup?!”
“Do you have any fries?” Rhett says in lieu of response. Link covers his face with his hands and runs his fingers through his hair, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Dang it, Rhett!”
“I got you good, brother!”
“That was really elaborate. You did get me though.” Link smiled, shaking his head, still a little woozy from what had just happened.
“I was kinda scared you were gonna faint when you saw the ketchup.”
“You are a six-year-old boy.”
“Maybe seven.” Rhett wiggled his eyebrows. Link guffawed.
“Dang it, man. I almost had a heart attack.” Link said as he turned around, walking away from Rhett.
“Hey Link, do you have a towel?”
DAY 3
Link dreams of waking up in bed next to Christy. When he wakes up for real, it’s in a sleeping bag, in a tent, next to Rhett. Link doesn’t find it much different. They’re both people that he loves, and Link smiles both times. He stares at Rhett, just like he did Christy, taking in all the details of his best friend’s face. Rhett looks so calm when he sleeps, and Link finds it endearing. He’s starting to think that maybe Rhett was what he needed all along. He knew that Rhett would never leave him, not like Christy did. Maybe, if he took a chance, he could finally find his true happiness with Rhett. He never really explored his sexuality, labelling himself straight because that’s what good boys who grew up in the 80s in North Carolina did. But now, looking at Rhett, fast asleep, his hair ruffled, and a smile on his face, he could imagine himself being not so straight.
But Rhett was straight. At least, Link thought he was. Or maybe he was like Link, another lost soul waiting to be found by someone they deserve. Link couldn’t know for sure. But what Link did know was that he wouldn’t risk their friendship. Not even over something like that. So Link decided not to act on any of his feeling, and act like nothing was out of the ordinary.
His phone suddenly beeps, breaking him from his train of thought. He reaches for it, noticing Rhett stir from his sleep.
“Hey.” Rhett mumbles sleepily.
“Hey.” Link answers, checking his phone. He seemed to have gotten a text. “Dude, I have reception.” Link says getting up. He checks the message. It’s from Christy. Link’s heart plummets.
Hey. Need to talk. Call me. It says. Link swallows hard. He immediately tries to call Christy, but the service is gone. He stands and tries to get out of the tent.
“Hey, where you goin’?” Rhett slurs, still half asleep.
“Reception’s gone.” Is Links reply. He goes out, holding his phone up in the air. No luck. Link sighs. He hears Rhett stumble out of the tent.
“What’s up?” Rhett asks.
“Christy texted me. Said she wanted to talk.” Link tells Rhett.
“Oh.” Rhett sounds a bit disappointed, but Link doesn’t notice. “Hey, let’s go for a swim, man. Clean up. Lake is just over there.” Rhett gestures. Link looks to Rhett and then nods.
“Yeah, okay.”
They both clean themselves up, Link admiring Rhett’s body more than he used to, but not being too obvious about it. Rhett doesn’t notice.
When they finish, they are clean, fresh and ready to go.
Link is still looking for reception. Holding his phone up while hiking is not an easy task, and slows down his pace, therefore slows down Rhett’s pace.
“Come on, man. Hurry up. We’re wasting time.” Rhett says, annoyed.
“Hoping for a signal. I’ve got to call Christy back, man.” Link says.
“Link, stop. Focus on the nature. The surroundings. Look!” He gestures to the environment. He looks back to see Link’s eyes still glued to his phone. Even when she’s not here, Christy manages to steal Link away from him. Rhett sighs and keeps on walking.
“It seems we are now beyond reach of the known world. I think of those at home who have no knowledge of our well-being. If we are alive, or dead.”
“No signal. Nothing.” Link states, disappointed. Rhett keeps quiet. “Why do you think Christy contacted me? I mean, do you think she wants to move back in with me?” He asks Rhett.
“I don’t know Link.” Rhett says with no spirit.
“Okay, according to this map, we should go onto the other side of this ridge, and there could be a tower over there.” Link says, hopeful.
“We’re surround only by nature, Link. I don’t think beavers could build cellphone towers.” Rhett mocks.
“Well the phone says otherwise.”
They go to ridge, and Link holds out his phone, trying to get service.
“Nothing. Still.” Link gives up. Rhett takes pity on his friend.
“Link, I’m taller than you. Here, let me try.” He takes Link’s phone and holds it up high over the ridge, stepping right at the edge. It suddenly vibrates, and Link lets out a yelp of joy.
“We got it! We got recep-” just as Rhett was about to hand the phone to Link, it slipped out of his hands, and down into the stream below. They both stared.
“Oops.” Rhett said, guilty.
Link stared at his smashed phone, trying to swipe the screen, hoping it would magically turn on. No such luck.
“It’s completely broken.” Link stated, dejected.
“I’m sorry, Link.”
“Give me your phone.”
“My phone died, man. I’ve been taking a lot of pictures. It drained my battery.” Link groaned.
“The maps were in this phone!”
“Oh that’s okay. Before it broke, I checked. We have to go to a place called Blue Moon.”
“Yeah, well do you know where that is?”
“We’ll find it. I mean, how many Blue Moons could there be, Link?”
There they stood, in front of a sign that read:
Blue Moon Trails
<-- Blue Moon Bridge
Blue Moon Hills -->
Link looked to the left, while Rhett looked to the right.
“I think it’s Blue Moon Hills.” Rhett said after a while.
“Okay. Why is that?”
“It’s in my guts.”
“Oh, we’re going with your guts now? That’s how we’re hiking?”
“Guess so.”
“Fine. Let’s go.”
“Let’s do it.”
“When I first viewed these mountains, I felt a sudden pleasure. But now, as I reflect on the difficulties which this snowy barrier throws in our way, and the sufferings and hardship of our party, it in some measure, counterbalances those fond memories. After narrowly avoiding ruinous injury, we look forward to descending from this wretched mountain. But we take joy in knowing that tonight, we shall bed at the last outpost of civilization.”
Turns out, Blue Moon Hills was not the correct path, but Rhett and Link found that out the hard way.
“Gosh, it’s freezing!” Link said as they trekked hills and hills of fresh, white snow.
“We chose the wrong path.” Rhett said, stating the obvious.
“You think?” Link said, almost slipping. “What are your guts telling you now?”
“I don’t know. My GPS is down, Link.”
“You have a GPS?”
“Guts Positioning System. It’s not working because I’m hungry. I think it needs a sandwich.”
“Well, this was your idea, to do Blue Moon Hills.”
“Whoever named this place was an idiot. Any hills these size are called mountains.” Link very much agreed.
A long detour later, they finally arrived at their destination, the forest lodge. This was where they would collect their other much needed equipment, and where they would stay for the night. Link went to pick up the gear and to do some other things as well.
“I called Christy. She didn’t pick up.” Link said, tiredly sitting down at the table where Rhett was seated. Rhett shrugged. “But, I did pick up another map, and you are not going to touch it.” Link warned Rhett.
“I would treat it like a baby if I touched it.” Rhett jokingly offered.
“Listen, I mailed this two weeks ago.” Link said gesturing to a box placed on the table. “It was supposed to be for me and Christy, but now, it’s for me and you.” Rhett brightened at that. “Champagne, oatmeal raisin mix, and…” Link did not want to mention what the third item was, but Rhett beat him to it.
“Condoms?” Rhett said wiggling his eyebrows. Link blushed profoundly.
“We don’t need those.” Link stammered, closing the box.
“But who knows, Link?” Rhett said, giving Link an overly flirtatious look. Link felt himself flush even more, if that was possible.
“Those are not meant for us.” Rhett just laughed. He loved when Link was flustered. He had always thought it was cute. They spent a few minutes in comfortable silence, enjoying their lunch. Then, Link decided to speak up.
“Look, okay. I’ve got to be the grown up. I’m gonna put the whole phone incident behind us. It was an accident, and honestly, it’s kind of a blessing in disguise. I mean, I’d rather not have the outside world encroaching on us.” Rhett nodded.
“Yeah, man. Sorry again about that.” Link held out his hand for a handshake. Rhett happily took it, indicating that the past was in the past.
“So, this champagne’s not gonna drink itself.” Link said, raising his eyebrows.
“Who are we to deny it?” Rhett answered, standing up and following Link to their room in the forest lodge.
They were completely hammered. Night had arrived, and throwing back bottle after bottle of champagne had left Rhett lying on the floor, champagne bottle in hand, and Link sitting next to him, leaning against the wall of the room.
Rhett was blowing on the mouth of the bottle, seeming genuinely interested in hearing the sounds produced. He shook the bottle, frowning when he noticed it was empty.
“Link! We’re empty. We need some more champagne.”
“Right.” Link said, getting up from his position to retrieve some more bottles. Rhett continued blowing, tapping the bottle to see it that made any difference.
Just as Link was about to grab another bottle, he notices a piece of paper underneath it. Written on it was his name, in very familiar handwriting. Curiosity getting the better of him, he opens it and reads.
Dear Link,
I just found your secret honeymoon package. And even though I’m probably right there sitting next to you, I decided to write you a little note. I wanted to just tell you that I’m the luckiest person in the world just to have you in my life. I know things haven’t been easy lately, but I’m sure it will all be worth it. I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together. Love you like crazy.
Your new wife, Christy
His eyes begin to water. He blinks rapidly, signaling the unshed tears to go away. He can’t help but sniffle a little, drawing the attention of his best friend. Rhett sees the look on Link’s face and immediately knows something is wrong.
“Hey, buddyroll. You okay?” Rhett asks, walking to Link and seating himself next to him. Link quickly folds up the paper and shoves it into his pocket.
“Fine. Just getting another drink.” Link puts on a fake smile, but Rhett can see right through it. Still, he doesn’t say anything. Rhett puts his hand on Link’s knee, trying to console him. Link, a little surprised by the touch, looks to the hand, then to Rhett, and smiles. He does feel a bit better. The touch speaks more than a million words could. It says ‘I’ve been there for you, I’m here for you now, and I’ll always be there for you’ without having to verbally say anything, and to Link, it’s the most comforting thing he could have right now. Rhett smiles back, and that’s all that Link needs.
DAY 4
They’re at a creek, taking in the fresh air and beautiful scenery that nature had to offer. Link was calmly sitting on a rock, observing the natural phenomena around them. Rhett, after recharging his phone battery at the lodge, was taking more pictures.
“Hey Link, I’m going down the creek to get a few more pictures.” Rhett says.
“Be careful! Wouldn’t want any wolves to get you.” Link reminds Rhett.
“Ha-ha. Yeah, sure.” Rhett says, making his way down the creek. Link smiles mischievously. He has a plan to get back at Rhett.
“Meriwether has once again left to capture new specimens. Sometimes I worry what might happen to him when he is alone.”
“This is perfect.” Rhett says as he takes a picture of a gorgeous flower near the creek. It was well worth the fall he almost took getting to it. That should be enough pictures for now. His phone memory was almost full, anyway. He takes a look at the other pictures he’s taken the past few days, scrolling through his photo gallery. He stops when he sees what he is sure is his favorite photo of the trip. It was the picture that he had taken with Link at the waterfall.
It was breathtaking. And Rhett wasn’t just talking about the waterfall. Link looked amazing, muscles showing in all the right places and the blue of the waterfall highlighting the blue in Link’s eyes, along with that big goofy smile Link always had on when he was happy. It was contagious. Rhett couldn’t help but smile in return seeing the genuine look of happiness. Link had looked so down in the dumps lately, so Rhett took pride in being able to cheer Link up.
Rhett had come to realize a long time ago how he felt about Link. He didn’t exactly remember when, but one day, it just clicked. He had started to look at his friend as more than a friend, and has been living that way ever since. Not being brave enough to act on his feeling, he kept them a secret, sneaking longing glances at Link when he wasn’t paying attention. He still teased and flirted with Link when he could, loving the way Link would blush at his crude comments, but it still hurt when he couldn’t touch Link the way he wanted to.
To be honest, going on this whole trip was just Rhett’s idea of trying to get closer to Link. Link had previously been spending so much time with Christy, and Rhett couldn’t blame him. She was going to be his wife, and Rhett had accepted his role as only being the best friend. But when Christy up and left, he saw the opportunity and couldn’t resist. This could be his chance to make a move on Link and finally get his happy ending. But the more he thought about it, the less brave he became. He had no way how Link would react, if he even would be friends with Rhett after finding out about Rhett’s feelings. So he decided to hide behind tricks and practical jokes, which was, in a way, his self-defense mechanism.
As Rhett was having his inner monologue, something rustled in the bushes behind him. He quickly turned around, dropping his phone in the process.
“Dang it!” He cursed to himself. “Hello?” He called out. No answer. Rhett scanned the area one more time before bending down and picking up his phone. When he stood back up, what he saw scared the crap out of him.
“AAAAH!” Rhett screamed, stumbling back and tripping, falling butt first. There, Link stood, wearing a horrifying white werewolf mask with red eyes and razor sharp teeth, laughing at him.
“Oh man! You should see your face!” Link wheezed, taking off the mask. Rhett was still a bit traumatized.
“It’s me man, don’t worry.” Link reassured Rhett. Rhett tried to smile, but his heart was still racing.
“You got me, dude.”
“I know. I figured, the thing with the arm, and now we’re even.” Link said, still chuckling, holding out an arm to Rhett. Rhett took it and got up off the ground, hands covering his face.
“Dude, are you okay?” Link giggled, hugging Rhett to calm him down.
“No.” Rhett let out a long breath, but he couldn’t help but join Link in laughing. Link kept a hand on Rhett’s shoulder as they walked back towards their trail.
“Where did you even get the mask???” Rhett asked, still shook. Link ignored him.
“We’re even now, brother. Even Steven.” Link said.
“Yeah, sure man. Okay. My heart couldn’t handle it anyway.” Link chuckled.
“What drives men to do such things? Are we full of courage? Are we mad? Or do we simply flee what we’ve left behind?”
Their journey continues. Every now and then, Christy pops into Link’s mind. He wonders how they ended up like this, and what he did wrong. But then Rhett says something, just a small quip or comment, and it’s enough to make all of the bitterness Link feels vanish. He doesn’t know what he would do, what he would become without Rhett. And he doesn’t want to find out.
They walk a bit further until they come across another human being, one who looked much saner than their previous encounter.
“Hey there!” The woman greets them. She’s blond, has blue eyes, and a beautiful smile. Nobody could say she was unattractive.
“Hi!” Rhett answered politely, Link walking up behind him.
“Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal, right?” Link smiled.
“Yeah.” Well, this woman must be a mythical beast.
“I’ve been stalking you.” The woman says, straight-faced. There’s a beat of silence, and they both think ‘oh no not another whacko’ before she breaks into a grin.
“I’m kidding. I saw your names on the hiking registry.” Rhett and Link let out a sigh of relief, grinning back. Guess she wasn’t a mythical beast, then. “I’m Claire. I guess we must have passed you guys yesterday over by Blue Moon Bridge.”
“Yeah, we actually ended up doing Blue Moon Hills, which was far less direct.” Link said, shooting an accusing glance towards Rhett, who didn’t look the least bit guilty.
“It was very scenic.” Rhett stated.
“Well, did you guys want to stay with our group tonight?” Claire offered, pointing to a bunch of other people on the campground behind them. “We have backpacker beer.”
“Sure, why not?” Rhett said.
“That sounds great.” Link agreed.
“Cool. Well, there’s a great spot over there.” Claire pointed. “You can go grab it, and I’ll meet you there.”
“Alright.”
“Awesome.”
“Thanks.” Rhett and Link start walking towards the campground.
The group was gathered around the campfire, one man already singing an acoustic song while playing his guitar. Rhett and Link went to set up their tent, getting everything ready before joining them. As the man finished his last chords of the song, everyone applauded, and Rhett decided to introduce himself.
“Hi, I’m Rhett, and this is Link. I guess we came out here to get away from our daily lives and let loose." Everyone cheered to that.
“Hey, you guys want some backpacker beer?” Claire asked.
“Sure.”
“It’s really easy to make. Here’s some water, naturally sourced that we’ve then carbonated, which is step 1.” She explained, handing two bottle to Rhett and Link. “And then here is the drink.” She then took out a mason jar with a brown liquid labelled ‘CONCENTRATED’. “Just a teaspoon of this into what you guys have. Be careful, because it’s like, 70% alcohol.” She warned, handing the jar to Link. Link looked at Rhett, impressed.
“So, where you from?”
They talked until the sun went down, some question from Claire and some from Rhett and Link. They somehow stumbled upon the story of Link and Christy, and it went a bit downhill from there.
“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard!” Claire declared in sympathy.
“It was a tough time.” Link answered, morose. “But, whatever doesn’t kill you, you know?”
“No! I mean, that is literally the saddest thing I have ever heard. I don’t know how you’re keeping it all together right now.” Claire put a hand on Link’s knee tenderly. Rhett glared a bit.
“Well, Link’s a lot better now, aren’t ya, buddy?” Rhett slapped Link on the back for emphasis, maybe a little too hard, and Link gave Rhett a look that said “What in the world is wrong with you?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” Link said, rubbing his back. “But I’ve got the best best man anyone could ever hope for right here, so what else do I need?” Link gestured to Rhett, and Rhett beamed.
“So Rhett, you were the best man. Did you write a speech?” Claire asked.
“Yeah, actually. I have it right here.” Rhett said, searching his pockets and pulling out some notes.
“You do? That’s amazing! You have to say it!”
“Yeah?”
“Oh no man, it’s fine. You don’t have to.” Link tried to dismiss.
“Yes he does. Come on! Speech! Speech! Speech!” Soon everyone was joining in, cheering for Rhett to do the speech. Who was he to say no?
“Alright, alright.” Everyone cheered, except Link, who buried his face in his hands. Rhett stood up and started the speech.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Before I begin, I want to thank all of you for being here to celebrate this very special occasion on this fine day. For those who don’t know, my name is Rhett, and I’m Link’s best man, which isn’t really a surprise since I’ve known Link from the first grade. We’ve been through thick and thin together, and he’s always had my back while I’ve always had his. I mean, that’s what best friends are for, right? Always getting into trouble together, and then pinning it on the other when we get caught. Wait, you’re telling me that’s not how best friends work? Man, I guess, I’ve been doing it wrong all this time.” That earned a chuckle from everyone.
“As I said, we’ve been best friends since childhood. I mean, we were practically inseparable. We even had the same first kisses and same first girlfriends. Both at different times, mind you. So when Link came to me and told him he was getting married, I realized something. Something that had never ever crossed my mind for all the years I had known Link.” Rhett paused for dramatic effect, and sneaked a glance at his audience. They were all listening intently. Even Link was looking at him, full of suspense.
“I realized that one night, tonight to be exact, would be the moment that I will, figuratively, but also quite literally, if that’s possible, give away my best friend.” He looked to Link, who’s cheeks had a tinge of pink at the moment. Everyone else cooed.
“So, ladies and gentlemen, I want to ask you a question. Who is the luckiest person here right now? I know what everyone is thinking. ‘It’s the soon to be wedded couple, of course!’ Well, you would be wrong. The luckiest person here is me. Why? Because I’ve had the pleasure of having this man be my best friend for all my life, and if this luck continues, I hope he holds that position in my life till the day I die.” Rhett sneaks another look at Link, and if his cheeks were pink before, they were full-on red now.
“So here’s to Link, may he have a long a happy life.” Rhett raises his bottle and toasts to Link, looking directly at him. “And brother, just know that whatever you do, I’ll be there every step of the way.”
Rhett finished it at that, leaving out the parts about Christy, because even though he was a jerk for reading the speech and therefore reminding Link of what could have been, he wasn’t that big of a jerk.
Link smiled appreciatively at Rhett, touched by the speech. Everyone clapped and cheered for them as Rhett sat down.
“Aww, that was so sweet!” Claire said.
“It really was.” Link agreed. “I’m just sorry you didn’t get to say it at my actual wedding.”
“Well, there’s always next time.” Rhett answered.
“You’re really good at talking, you should host a talk show or something.” Claire said, and that confirmed Rhett and Link’s earlier suspicion. They both shared a smile.
“Well, we actually do.” Rhett said, looking back to Claire.
“What?”
“Well, it’s not The Tonight Show or anything fancy like that.” Link said, being modest. Claire’s eyes widen in sudden realization.
“Wait, I knew you looked familiar! You’re YouTubers!”
“We call ourselves ‘Internetainers’, but essentially, yeah.” Rhett shrugged, playing it cool.
“You’re famous! Good Mythical Morning, right?”
“Yup.”
“I’ve watched a few episodes. But I liked the 100th episode song. It was nice.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, you should sing it!” Claire encouraged. Rhett and Link looked to each other.
“Man, that was a long time ago….”
“Yeah, I don’t know if I even remember the lyrics…”
“Or the chords….”
“And I don’t have my recorder with me….”
“Come on. Sing it! Nick, give Rhett the guitar.” Nick obliged, handing Rhett the acoustic guitar. Rhett looked at Link, silently asking ‘you want to do this?’ Link shrugged, ‘I guess we’ve got to’.
Rhett fiddled with the guitar, then gave Link a nod when he was ready. Link started a beat by patting his thighs. It all started to come back to them as they started singing together.
Good Mythical Morning
We’ve shared embarrassing things about ourselves,
Like the time you tried to impress a girl by eating a rat’s tail,
And we’ve discussed how easily ‘Would you like parmesan with that?’,
Can be misheard as ‘Where’d you get that jacket at?’
And we danced in the park with a strange coke-drinking lady,
And your son was bit by a squirrel who possibly had rabies,
And y’all said Pokemon was the best TV theme song, ‘
You teach me and I’ll teach you, Pokemon, gotta catch ‘em all!’
Good Mythical Morning
One hundred episodes
Good Mythical Morning
Guess we’ll keep going
Guess we’ll keep going
Good Mythical Morning
One hundred episodes
Good Mythical Morning
Guess we’ll keep going
Guess we’ll keep going
When they finished, they had a big round of applause from their fellow campers, but neither of them really noticed. They were both staring at each other, each lost in the other’s eyes. It was like singing this song, after all this time, had resurfaced old feelings and actually made them realize how far they had come since then. It felt like they were staring at each other for ages before Rhett’s eyes flashed down to Link’s lips. It was only for a second, but Link’s heartbeat quickened marginally. Afraid he would do something he would regret if he stayed, Link excused himself for a toilet break.
“Man, I need to pee.” Link said as he got up. He didn’t wait for a response as he scurried into the nearby bushes. As soon as he was out of sight, Link leaned against a tree and let out a huge breath. Gosh, that was intense. Never in his life had he felt that much need to kiss someone. And Rhett had even glanced at his lips. He was staring just as intently at Link as Link was at him. What did that mean? Did Rhett feel the same way too? Or was Link just imagining all of that? Link’s mind was racing with all sorts of questions that he needed answers to, but didn’t know how to get. Well, Link did know how to get them, but it was very risky.
Link weighed out the pros and cons. On one hand, he really thought that a relationship between him and Rhett could work, but on the other, it could jeopardize their whole friendship if it didn’t. Should Link take a chance? Or should he just stay in his safe zone? Link thought it over a few times before finally coming to a conclusion. He decided he would tell Rhett about how he felt. He knew Rhett was an open-minded person, so Link rationalized that Rhett wouldn’t just ditch him for having feelings for another man. So, it was final. He would tell Rhett later tonight when they were both alone.
Link pushed off of the tree, his head finally clear. He walked back to the campfire, a determined look on his face. But then, he saw Rhett and Claire, and the look of determination was gone.
Rhett and Claire were talking, Rhett probably going on about something to do with GMM. Suddenly, Claire burst into laughter, indicating Rhett had made a joke. She leaned in close to Rhett, putting a hand on his shoulder, smiling at him. Rhett smiled back. It wasn’t anything drastic, but it was enough to make Link lose his courage. What was he thinking? Rhett was straight. He would never go for Link. And Rhett was obviously into Claire. How didn’t he see this before?
Link dejectedly made his way to the tent. He didn’t feel like conversing with anyone anymore tonight. He just wanted to sleep, and forget everything. As he was about to enter the tent, a mason jar labelled ‘CONCENTRATED’ caught his eye. Should he? Well, it wouldn’t really make a difference. He was going to sleep anyway. It would probably put him out even more quickly. So, Link did. He drank a huge gulp, straight out of the bottle. Then, he got into his sleeping bag and was out like a light.
DAY 5
Link woke up the next morning with a huge goddamn hangover. His head ached, and he groaned as he rubbed at his eyes. The sound of birds chirping was very distinct and extremely annoying to him at the moment. He squinted as he sat up and looked around, the natural light of day feeling like a flashlight being held directly in front of his eyes. He looked to his right, expecting Rhett to still be fast asleep, only to find an empty sleeping bag. His brows furrowed, making his head ache even more.
Where was Rhett? His memory from last night was a bit of a blur. All he remembered was seeing Rhett and Claire flirting. Oh gosh, did Rhett sleep with Claire? Now his head hurt even more.
Suddenly, Link felt angry. How could Rhett do this to him? This trip was supposed to be about cheering Link up, but now, Link felt even worse. How could Rhett be selfish enough to take advantage of things and abandon Link? Did Rhett not care about him?
Link got out of the sleeping bag and stumbled out of the tent, his head spinning. A particularly loud bird seemed to chirp from somewhere beyond the bushes, and Link turned to the source of the sound. There, he saw the tall figure of his best friend, whom he was angry with, trying to take pictures of said bird. Link didn’t think twice as he stomped up to Rhett, yelling loudly.
“Hey!” Rhett turned around, startled at the sudden shouting, but turned back the other way, only to see that the bird had already flown away.
“Man, why’d you do that for? I didn’t even get a shot!” Rhett complained.
“Oh sorry, did I ruin your little picture? Well too bad.” Link mocked. Rhett looked confused.
“Dude, what is with you?”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“What?”
“Claire! Did you sleep with her?” Rhett looked appalled.
“No! Gosh, Link. Why would you even think that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was because she was all over you yesterday night?”
“What? No she wasn’t.”
“Come on, I saw you two laughing together.”
“Well, what about you?” Now it was Link’s turn to be confused.
“What?”
“She was flirting with you, man! All that ‘That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard’ crap.”
“Well…” Link stammered a bit. “That’s… that’s different!”
“How? How is that different Link?”
“She was trying to be a good friend! Not like the one I’ve had these past few days!” Link shouted, and as the words flew out his mouth, he immediately regretted them. Link saw a flash of hurt come across Rhett’s face before it went completely blank. There was a long silence.
“Rhett...” Rhett cut Link off before he could say anything.
“You know what, I’m gonna go to the next campsite without you. Clearly you need to be alone.” Rhett said, face neutral. He turned around and walked away, leaving Link standing in the middle of the woods all alone.
Rhett, using his long legs to his advantage, took very large and speedy strides, leaving Link in his footsteps. Link tried to keep up, but it was no use. Rhett’s pace was intentionally just too fast for Link. Link had almost tripped over a rock in the process of catching up, but he figured he deserved it with the way he had treated Rhett. He knew he had gone too far with that last comment, and he desperately just wanted to take it back. Link felt ashamed. He should have known that his best friend would never do anything to hurt him or their friendship in any way. Link was blinded by jealously and rage until he couldn’t see how much Rhett was trying to help him. The whole hike, Link was beating himself up about the fight with Rhett. His feet went on autopilot, and before he knew it, he had arrived at the campsite. Rhett had already pitched up the tent and was sitting in front of it on a camping chair, back facing Link.
Link dropped his bag next to the tent and took out his own camping chair, setting it up beside Rhett, but not too close, as to give Rhett some space. He plopped into his chair, head hung backwards, facing up to the sky. Then, he closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Rhett continued to look the other way.
“Fatigue is high, bad spirits abound. This is without a doubt the lowest point of our journey.”
The sound of classical music filled the air, startling the two men out of their thoughts. Rhett’s eyebrows furrowed, looking to Link for the first time in hours. Link mirrored the expression briefly, but then realization struck and Link groaned, covering his face with his hands.
“I can’t believe I forgot to cancel them.” He mumbled. Rhett turned to look at the group of elderly musicians heading towards them. They were dressed in old-fashioned clothes that came straight out of 15th century Europe and were playing wooden instruments. It was a jovial song, and Rhett felt his mood lighten as he listened to the soothing sounds of archaic music. When the last note was played, ending the song with perfect harmony, Rhett and Link gave them a round of applause. The leader of the group smiled appreciatively.
“Hello. You must be Link.” The man smiled politely, looking at Link.
“Yes.” Link replied, waving his hand in a way of saying ‘hi’ and giving the man a fake smile.
“And you must be Chris…ty?” The man said unsure, looking to Rhett.
“Umm…” Rhett looked to Link, who shrugged.
“Well, we’re very pleased to be playing for you on this special occasion.” The man continued happily. “This is the Oregon Renaissance Band, and we have just played a piece by Anthony Holborne called ‘The Night Watch’. We have a few more numbers to play for you this evening, so we hope that you enjoy what we’ve put together for you.” The man looked so eager to play, and Rhett and Link didn’t have the heart to tell him off, so they both smiled and let the group carry on with their performance, enjoying the music.
Day turned to dusk, and play did the Renaissance Band. They were nearing the end of the performance, and Rhett was in a much better spirit, actually appreciating the historical music that filled the air. He looked to Link, wondering if he was as entertained as Rhett was, but saw that Link was nowhere near as joyful as Rhett.
In fact, it was quite the opposite. Link was on the brink of tears. The performance had made him emotional as it reminded Link of Christy and how much she loved classical music, and also how this was supposed to be for the two of them, a surprise for their second last day of the honeymoon. He had pictured Christy’s beaming smile when she found out, that they would share a loving kiss and cuddle as they enjoyed the music. But worst of all was that now, he wanted to do all those things with someone else, while that someone else was currently still rightfully mad at him. Well, if only Link knew what that someone else was thinking.
Rhett’s heart clenched as he saw the pained look on Link’s face. He felt even more guilty when he saw Link’s hand wipe away an unshed tear. He knew Link was hurting. Rhett also knew that Link didn’t mean anything that he had said earlier, but that didn’t make it sting any less. However, Rhett did understand where it came from. Having just been left by his fiancé, Link was having trust issues. He was vulnerable. So he lashed out when he thought that Rhett was trying to take advantage. He stared at the sorrowful man beside him, desperately wanting to envelop Link in a warm embrace that would make him forget all of his worries. But that would be inappropriate. Rhett let out a soft sigh and turned his attention back to the musicians who were wrapping up the last song.
DAY 6
Last night, they had gone to sleep without saying a word to each other, Link being too depressed to say anything, and Rhett wanting to give Link space.
This morning, Link was the early riser, mostly because he couldn’t sleep. He was up all night thinking of how he needed to make things right with Rhett. But how could he make it up to him? An apology was not good enough. He saw Rhett, sound asleep in his sleeping bag, and it eased him a little to know that at least one of them would have a good night’s rest.
Link walked over to his backpack, searching for some water. He was parched. While ruffling through his bag, he stumbled across something he had forgotten was even there. Suddenly, he had an idea. It was a stupid idea, but it was a lot better than some half-hearted apology. And it was worth a try. So he excitedly grabbed it and ran to the tent, waking Rhett up from his slumber.
“Rhett.” Link jostled him slowly. Rhett sprung from his sleep, startled.
“Huh? What?” Rhett blinked a few times before his eyes focused on Link.
“Hey man, I know I’ve been a real jerk yesterday.” Link started.
“Uh, yeah.”
“So I want to apologize to you.” Truthfully, Rhett wasn’t mad at Link anymore, so he told Link.
“It’s okay. I forgive you, Link.” Link was a bit surprised by how easy that was, but his work wasn’t done yet.
“Don’t give it to me that easily, dude.”
“It’s fine, Link. We’re still best bud-” Rhett was shushed by Link.
“I’m gonna make it up to you. And here’s how.” He then shows Rhett what is in his hands. Rhett’s eyes widen when he sees the mason jar full of mushrooms that had been given by that nut job a few days ago. He looks to Link with a bemused expression.
“Are you serious?” Link nods.
“Look, I know we’ve never done this before, but you never know until you try right?” Link rationalized. Rhett thought about it for a while, then shrugged.
“Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Give me that.” Link handed him the jar. Rhett gingerly took four mushrooms, looked to Link once last time, and then with determination, stuffed them into his mouth. Link grinned, taking his share and following suit. Soon, they were both high off their asses, running around the woods like madmen.
“Dude, I can’t feel my legs!”
“I can’t feel any of my body, man!”
“I feel like I’m floating!”
“Everything’s so green here!”
“Man, why didn’t we do this sooner?”
“Because we’re dumb!” It wasn’t funny, but somehow they both burst into laughter. It died down not long after, with Rhett finding a dead grasshopper on the ground next to him.
“Awww, poor thing.” Rhett picked up the grasshopper, found a small pile of dead leaves, and placed the leaves on top of it.
“There you go. I’m making sure you get a proper burial. Rest in peace.” Rhett had a moment of silence for the deceased. It was quiet. A little too quiet. Wait, where was Link? Rhett looked around, trying to find his best friend. He spotted Link standing, back facing Rhett.
“Hey Link!” He shouted.
“Shhhhh!” Link hushed him. Rhett’s eyebrows furrowed, and he walked over to Link, stopping dead on his tracks when he saw what was in front of Link.
It was a gray wolf. A real life, actual gray wolf right in front of their very eyes. Rhett blinked a few times, squinting, making sure it wasn’t the mushrooms which were making him see it. But Link could see it too. So that meant that it was real. He should be feeling something right now, shouldn’t he? But what? Rhett’s hazed mind couldn’t figure out how to react to the situation.
Suddenly, the wolf started growling. It had an animal carcass right in front of it, and it seemed to be very possessive. Like a switch in Rhett’s head, he suddenly knew what it was he was supposed to be feeling. Fear. And gosh, was he terrified. He tried to take a few steps back, pulling Link by the shoulders with him. That only seemed to threaten the wolf as it lunged towards them. So Rhett and Link did the only thing they could do. They ran for their life, screaming.
They had lost the wolf and were now both sitting on the ground, leaning against a huge redwood, trying to catch their breath. They sat there in silence, contemplating on what to do next.
“Do you think the wolf is going to eat us?” Rhett asked Link. Silence. “What if that was one of the government experiment wolves that guy was talking about?” Rhett’s eyes widened, but Link’s mind was elsewhere.
“I think I know why Christy left me.” Link said somberly. Rhett sighed. This again. “If we make it out of here alive, I promise I’m gonna stop being so reckless and be more careful about everything.” Another beat of silence.
“I dropped your phone on purpose.” Rhett confesses. Link says nothing.
DAY 7
They took shifts that night just in case the wolf decided to come back for them in the middle of the night. Link took the first shift since he was already sober by the thoughts of Christy, and then around 3 a.m. Rhett took the second.
Link woke up to the sound of Rhett drinking water from his bottle. When Rhett realized Link was up, he greeted him cheerfully.
“Hey buddy! Good news! We didn’t get eaten last night! Suck it wolf!” Rhett shouted. Link smiled and shook his head.
“Let’s go find that lodge.”
“Dude, I’m so hungry.” Rhett stated, walking towards Link. “Hungry like a…. well, like a wolf, actually.” Rhett laughed. Link snorted. He knew that when Rhett started cracking jokes, Link had his best friend back. Rhett reached out an arm to Link and Link gladly took it, getting up to continue the rest of their journey.
“Great joy in the party. We have reached the end of the continent. To my dear friend Meriwether, no man exists wherein I would have preferred to endure such a journey. Now let us enjoy this celebrated day.”
“Wow, Link. That looks real future-esque.” Rhett comments.
“Yeah, it’s quite modern, isn’t it?”
“Link, are you ready for all the food?”
“I’m ready man. Gimme.”
“Man, I’m starving.”
“Gentlemen!” A man in a forest ranger uniform greets them. “Welcome to Big-Piney.”
“Thank you.”
“Is one of you Link?”
“Yup. That’s me.”
“Your room is ready for you right over there, just head up to the front desk and they’ll give you the key.”
“Great! Thanks.”
“Wait, you look familiar. You have that talk show on YouTube, right? Mythical something…”
“Good Mythical Morning?”
“That’s it! My daughter watches you all the time.”
While Link is having this conversation with the ranger, Rhett’s eyes drift to the lodge, and something catches his eye. Well, someone.
Christy is right there, leaning on the wooden railing of the lodge with a cup of hot beverage in her hands. She doesn’t seem to notice Rhett staring at her, and Rhett wonders if it’s too late to turn back and go someplace else.
“Well, it was nice meeting you boys. You can go on in, breakfast is ready, eggs, hot coffee, all of it’s there. Have a great stay!” The forest ranger wishes them, and Link still has that beautiful smile on his face, which means it’s not too late.
“Hey, Link. Hey, look at me.” Rhett tries to distract Link from looking to the lodge. Link looks at Rhett, confused.
“Is there a problem?”
“Uhhh, you know what, I’m not really hungry anymore. Why don’t we just keep on going?”
“What? You were starving just a minute ago.”
“Not anymore. Come on, Link. This way!”
“Dude, stop playing. I really just want to eat and have a hot shower right now, so let’s go.” Rhett tries to get to Link before he turns around, but it’s too late.
Link’s heart plummets when he sees Christy. Their eyes lock, and they both have shocked looked on their faces. Rhett feels like he’s intruding. He awkwardly greets Christy.
“Hey Christy! Man, those trees sure look nice. I’ll be over there taking pictures if anyone needs me.” Rhett leaves towards the forest, leaving Link and Christy alone together.
“I texted you but I never heard back.” Christy started off the conversation. “I was trying to tell you I’d be here.” Link looked at her for a moment.
“That’s what you were trying to tell me?” Link finally said.
“Yeah. Why?” Christy asked. Link shrugged.
“Nothing. I just thought… I don’t know what I was thinking.” They were quiet for a moment.
“Listen, I’m…. I’m sorry. I wasn’t ready to get married. I just… I wish I had told you a lot earlier. I could’ve saved us a lot of heartache.” Link just listened. “But I’m glad you went on the honeymoon. You look different.” Christy said, trying to lighten the mood. “You look like shit actually…” she joked, and Link couldn’t help the small smile that made its way onto his face. “But you look happy.” Christy finished.
Link nodded, agreeing. He was happy, that part was true.
“So how was hiking with Rhett?” Link just shook his head, not knowing where to start.
“It was interesting. I mean, we got to relive all the memories of our childhood while simultaneously making new ones. We got to get away from reality.” Link explained, looking fondly at his friend who was standing maybe fifty feet away from them, very interested in taking pictures of some mushrooms he had found on the forest floor.
“What is he doing?” Christy asked, slightly confused.
“He’s been kind of into taking pictures lately. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s his new obsession.” Link answered, knowing fully well how his friend got when he was obsessed with something. Christy chuckled, seeing Rhett bending over and back trying to find the perfect angle to capture. “It’s been quite a honeymoon.”
Link thought back on the last couple of days. Lots of things had happened. There had been pranks, he had accused his friend of being unfaithful, they had gotten high and were chased by a wolf. It was crazy. But it was just the amount of crazy that Link needed in his life, and only one person could give him that.
“So why didn’t you answer my texts?” Christy asked.
“My phone kind of… fell from a cliff and broke. Long story.” Link brushed it off. “But it was a distraction and I’m kind of glad it’s gone. I think I’m gonna start focusing more on what’s in front of me.” He said, looking directly at Rhett, who was oblivious. Christy, however was not.
“You should tell him.” Christy stated.
“What?” Link was surprised.
“Don’t act dumb Link. I see how you look at him. Anyone would be blind not to.” Link blushed. He was caught.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Well, not obvious enough if he can’t see it.” Christy said. Link looked at Christy a little hesitantly.
“How? How do I tell him?” Christy smiled.
“Use your words. Show him.” Christy put a hand on Link’s shoulder to soothe him. “After all, they worked on me, didn’t they?” Christy reminded Link. Link smiled gratefully at her.
“Thanks Christy.”
It was that moment when Rhett chose to look towards his best friend. Seeing the both of them smiling at each other, with Christy’s hand on Link’s shoulder, told Rhett what he needed to know. They were getting back together. Rhett could feel his heart breaking into two, but what could he do? If Christy was what made Link happy, then Rhett was going to have to accept that. Link didn’t need Rhett anymore. Rhett looked at Link who was unaware and gave him a melancholic smile.
“Good luck Link.” He said quietly, turning around to continue his hike back without Link. He wasn’t hungry anymore.
Rhett had hiked for a few minutes when Link caught up to him.
“Hey, Rhett! Hey!” He shouted, a little out of breath from having to run to catch up with Rhett. Rhett gave him a sad smile.
“Hey.”
“I just noticed you were taking off.” Link waited for Rhett’s response, but when he got none, he added “without me.”
“I figured you wanted to figure things out with Christy, so I thought…” he nodded towards the hiking trail, indicating he was going to leave.
“Dude, you really think I’m not gonna finish this trip with you?” Link said, face full of disbelief.
“Well, I-” Rhett stuttered.
“I’m a little insulted.” Link said playfully. Rhett’s eyebrows furrowed.
“What about Christy?”
“Me and Christy are done, Rhett. She wasn’t ready for marriage, and I… well, I wasn’t ready either.”
“What? But you loved her! You had planned this huge wedding with this great honeymoon and-”
“I guess my heart was with someone else.” Link cut Rhett off easily. With that, Rhett’s eyebrows furrowed even more.
“Who?” Link looked at the look of pure confusion on his friend’s face, and smiled. It was just so cute.
“Someone whom I’ve known a very long time, who’s kind, and sweet, and the best friend anyone could hope for.” Link said as he moved closer and closer to Rhett. Rhett could feel his heartbeat increase. Was Link saying what he thought Link was saying?
“Someone who’s caring, and thoughtful, and someone whom I’ve been a huge jerk to, even though they had done everything and anything to help me when I was feeling down. And also, hopefully, someone who will forgive me for being such a big jerk?” With every word, Link took a step towards Rhett, right until their bodies were almost touching. Link looked up at Rhett, blue eyes staring straight into green eyes.
Rhett swallowed. He didn’t know what to do. Was this really happening? In the end, he settled with nodding.
“Okay…” Rhett said, his voice small.
“Just okay?” Link asked, still looking into Rhett’s eyes.
“Ummm….”
“How will I know if you really forgive me?” Link asked, feigning innocence. Rhett’s breath hitched. Link wanted this. There was no denying it anymore. It was all too clear. So Rhett gave it to him.
Rhett leaned down, connecting their lips. It was electric and nothing like either one of them had ever experienced. The kiss was shy at first, but soon grew passionate, both wanting to take what they had been missing all those years. Rhett slipped his tongue into Link’s mouth, sliding it over Link’s, hearing Link groan. He felt the blood rush down into his pants, and quickly stopped the kiss before things got too heated. Rhett’s mouth turned upwards when a small whine was came from the other man. He leaned his forehead against Link’s.
“Come on. Let’s finish this trip so we can go home. Together.” And finish it they did.