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From rob-anybody's excellent tag spiral:
WHERE IS THE HOBBIT RESTAURANT AU #WHERE THRANDUIL IS THE PIE KING #AND THORIN RUNS A SUCCESSFUL 5-STAR RESTAURANT #AND HE USED TO SELL THRANDUIL'S PIES THROUGH HIS PLACE #UNTIL THERE WAS A HORRIBLE FALLING OUT OVER SOMETHING STUPID #AND NOW THEY'RE MORTAL ENEMIES #MEANWHILE DWALIN MAKES SPECIAL MEALS FOR THRANDUIL AGAINST THORIN'S WISHES #BECAUSE HE JUST WANTS THEM TO GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN #(either personally or professionally; he doesn't care which) #SO THAT THEY'LL STOP HAVING SCREAMING MATCHES IN THE MIDDLE OF LUNCH HOUR #BILBO AS THE REGULAR CUSTOMER WHO IS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT AND DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO ESCAPE #SMAUG AS THE TERRIBLE SNOTTY FOOD CRITIC THAT NO ONE LIKES #THE REST OF THE DWARVES EITHER WORK THE KITCHEN OR THE FINANCES #SO THORIN HAS PLENTY OF TIME TO IVSIT THRANDUIL AND YELL AT HIM OVER PIE FILLING CHOICES AND GENERAL BUSINESS ACUMEN #CHI MCBRIDE AS THRANDUIL'S SECOND-IN-COMMAND WHO JUST WANTS SOME GODDAMN PEACE AND QUIET #AND TO BE DONE WITH THIS ELF AND HOBBIT BULLSHIT
The prompt went a little sideways from there.
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