Chapter 1: First Meeting
Notes:
While certain scenes/aspects of this fic will be inspired by both The 100 and Acotar...this is my version. I hope that you enjoy it. I will try to update weekly, depending on how things go.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Have you ever even seen a map of Arkadia?"
Clarke tried to stop the blush from creeping into her cheeks.
"Not really-no" she said, staring in awe at the huge mural covering most of the wall. She wasn't sure where to look first. So many shapes. Colors. Little symbols that meant nothing to her mortal eyes.
"Well then, let's start at the beginning" Jasper said, getting closer to the wall. "This is where you were" he said, pointing towards the bottom. His finger pointed to a spot on the mural, which was really a large painting of Arkadia, a little ways away from the thick gray line that she understood separated the northern and southern parts of their continent. Underneath the gray line, there was nothing. Just a gray wasteland, stretching towards the bottom of the mural.
"And this is where you are" Monty added, pointing to a spot past the wall, directly above the spot where Jasper's finger still stood.
Clarke followed his finger, noticing the way the gray color faded into beautiful hues of lilac, pink and pale blue. Spring Clan colors.
"Obviously, you know by now that we're in the Spring Clan" Monty said.
"Obviously" Clarke said. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She was the one who'd asked them about it. Asked them to show her. To explain. No need to be rude, even if the statement was a little condescending. She'd been in the Spring Clan, located just above the mortal realm of the continent for almost three months.
Spring. The birthing season. Year round. So unlike the fleeting spring she'd come to appreciate at home, underneath the safety of the wall.
Monty blushed.
"Right" he said, "and just past the Spring Clan, Summer Clan" his fingers traveled up the map and Clarke studied the territory, changing to hues of bright blue and dark purple. Summer Clan. Eternal summer. She vaguely wondered about how warm it was there. If it was the kind of heat that she'd felt at home. The kind so hot and so dry it left the doorknob on her front door scorching hot after a long day.
"And then" Jasper began, "Autumn Clan."
These colors were more familiar. Deep red and light orange. Brown. The kind of colors she would see at home, while she walked through the sparse forest past her village.
"Winter Clan" Jasper said, lifting his finger higher.
Shades of light blue and bright white, and something that she could only describe as sunlight on fresh snow.
"Day Clan" Monty added, standing on his toes, pointing to the second most upper part of the mural.
That one was smeared in shades of green. Dark green, like the patches of bearberry that sprouted in her woods. Soft but bright green, like leaves of sweet bay she'd stumble across every once in a while.
"And that up there" Jasper said, pointing to the very top of the mural, too far out of his reach, "that's the Night Clan."
The topmost part of the mural, of the continent, was completely black. Clarke gazed up at it, seeming just as out of place on the lively mural of bright colors as the gray that covered the south.
"Why is that part black?" she asked, hoping they wouldn't deem it a stupid question.
"It's the darkest part of our lands" Monty answered, staring at that patch of black. Clarke could see shapes etched into the paint. She squinted, trying to get a better look. She was pretty sure that the little loops meant mountain tops. Possibly even rocky terrain. She didn't know what to make of the tiny little skulls though.
"Because it's always night?" she asked.
"That" Jasper said, "And a few other reasons."
Clarke bit her tongue. She didn't want to come off as too curious, too eager, especially since this was the most they'd told her about this part of the continent. About their lands.
"So everyone just stays within their own territory?" she asked. It seemed like a casual enough question.
"For the most part, yeah" Monty said. "But we do trade between clans. Some people travel. And, well, we do go to other territories for festivities and more...more pressing matters."
What kind of pressing matters? she wondered.
"So you guys have been in the other territories then?" she asked.
"All but one" Jasper said, shrugging.
"Which one?"
"The Night Clan" Monty answered.
"Why?"
The two exchanged a look, one Clarke didn't miss. Even so, she didn't take the question back. She waited, staring up at the darkness that seemed so out of place in their bright and lively Spring Clan home.
"Because" Jasper said, "No one is ever invited. Especially not from Spring Clan. No one from here has gone and lived to tell about it. Not in a very long time, anyway."
Clarke suppressed a shudder.
"Why?"
Jasper and Monty exchanged a weary glance, like they always did when her questions became too prodding. Clarke sighed in frustration.
"Tell me about the High Lords and Ladies, then" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What do you want to know?" Monty asked.
"Who are they? What...what makes them so special? Why are they any different from you?" she asked. A hundred other questions ran through her mind. A hundred other answers she needed. But she settled for these three first and hoped that the rest would come in due time.
"They're High Fey" Jasper shrugged, like the title alone was supposed to answer all of her questions.
"We are just...just normal Fey" Monty added, picking up on Clarke's frustration. "We all have variety of gifts. Skills. Depending on our bloodline."
Monty sat down on the wooden floor and Jasper followed suit. Clarke sank down to her knees, toying with the hem of her lilac tunic.
"But the High Fey" Jasper began, admiration in eyes as he stared up at the mural "They are from the purest, oldest families in our realm."
"And while we regular Fey do possess some magic and ability....it pales in comparison to the Six" Monty added. "A lot of us lesser Fey have the standard abilities. Fighting skills, superior strength. Speed. Healing powers. Some of us posses the gift of transportation. Some can move objects with their minds. Some have the ability to grow wings. Some can shape shift. It varies. Like I said, it just depends on our bloodline. They have our skills and much, much more."
"Such as?" Clarke asked.
"Well, you've seen what Finn can do" Jasper said.
Clarke blushed despite herself.
"He can control the air" Clarke said, pulling herself back together. "He can make a solid barricade from it. Send winds rushing in any direction."
"Yeah" Monty said. "The other Six have their own gifts."
"Such as?" Clarke repeated, not bothering to hide her agitation.
"Luna Flo, the High Lady of the Summer Clan, can control the tides" Jasper said, "they say that's why she made her home near the water."
"But she can drown you on land" Monty added, "make you choke on water even when you're nowhere near it."
Clarke suppressed another shudder.
The two boys glanced back and forth from the mural to one another.
"Wells Jaha, the High Lord of the Autumn Clan can control fire" Jasper said, "can burn you alive without blinking an eye."
"Roan King is the High Lord of the Winter Clan" Monty started, "and his specialty is ice. He can freeze entire lakes. Freeze the very blood running through your mortal veins."
Clarke felt a chill run down her spine.
"The High Lady of the Day Clan, Lexa Woods, can split the very ground we walk on. I've heard she's moved mountains for her people in Day territory" Jasper said, staring up at the patch of wild green on the mural.
"And the High Lord of the Night Clan" Monty began as all three stared up at the darkest part of the mural, "He's the bringer of darkness. He can appear out of shadows. He can get into your mind, pick your brain and shatter it before you even know he's there."
She swallowed thickly, hoping her fear wouldn't be easily read on her face.
"And are-are they like you?" she asked. "Are they kind?"
"Some of them are, yes" Monty said.
"And some of them are not."
Clarke turned on the spot, feeling her heart rate speed up.
Finn. The High Lord of Spring Clan.
He sauntered forward with a grace that upset her a little. He wasn't at all like she'd imagined he would be, and a small part of her felt bad for being so judgmental.
Judgmental is better than dead, she thought to herself. If she hadn't ended up at Spring Clan, she might not have been so lucky.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked, extending his hand.
Clarke nodded, not hesitating a second before rising to her feet and joining him. They walked through the mansion, towards the back where the gardens stretched for miles.
"Did you have a nice day?" Finn asked.
"I did" she said. And she meant it. She'd been having a lot of nice days lately. And even though she kept her ears open for any piece of vital information, even though she tried to get to know more about this side of the wall...she couldn't deny that other things were starting to occupy her waking hours. Mostly Finn and that boyish charm. The easy smile that she had finally started returning. The way it felt when he placed a hand on her lower back to guide her.
"More history lessons?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.
"I'm curious" Clarke said, shrugging her shoulders.
"I can tell."
"It's not every century that a mortal crosses the border" she said.
"No" Finn began, throwing her that easy smile, "it's not."
~3 months ago~
She walked through the darkness, hoping that her parents had gone to bed. They never scolded her for staying out late, but she didn't feel like coming up with lie about where she was. There were only so many things that a girl her age could be doing, out past midnight on a warm summer night.
But she'd had another long day of grazing the woods for sustenance. And Niylah's father hadn't been home. She needed the reprieve of those slim arms. That tender touch.
Taking her key out, she unlocked the front door of her home, cursing under her breath when the heavy door scraped against the floor of the cottage.
Pitch black. Perfect.
She closed the door behind her, setting her worn boots on the ground. Tiptoeing, she made her way across the small sitting room to her own. The room that had been hers since she was born. But then her foot caught on something and she fell forward, cursing as she landed on her knees.
She sat up, feeling a little agitated. Her parents worked from home, so their small cottage was often littered with their supplies. They were the laughing stock of the village. Her parents, healers and scientists, spent most of their time following in their parents footsteps. They spent their time and the little bit of money they had on a ongoing project. A weapon of sorts.
They'd raised her to believe in the dark magic that lingered beyond the wall. The wall itself was proof of its existence. And even though she grew more and more skeptical through the years, she still believed.
She believed, because her parents had convinced her. They were sure that monsters, Fey, witches and other creatures would eventually plague the mortal realm as they had hundreds of years ago. And even though she'd never seen any of them, any proof of their existence or their magic with her own eyes, she believed. The alternative was that her neighbors, her peers, were right. Her parents were crazy.
But Clarke knew they weren't. They were fanatics. Maybe even a little obsessive. But they were also intelligent and kind. They were loving. She typically had enough to eat, even though they spent almost all of their resources on their project. When they had money left over, her father would surprise her with color pencils. Her mother would braid her hair back and tell her stories.
They never let her contribute to any of their research. But she'd spent enough time around them throughout the years to get the gist of their goals.
They were making something that would render Fey magic useless. Something to disable them. Not permanently, no. Just long enough for their mortal victims to get away. Or deliver a killing blow.
She'd spent years watching them. Listening. She'd sat through countless arguments, excited whispers of almost having it, only for it to end in disappointment. And eventually start again. Over and over, for years.
Clarke rose, hoping that she hadn't woken them. She set out for her room again, treading more carefully. She took two more steps before tumbling forward, again.
Flesh. She'd tripped over flesh.
She scrambled back. Had they fallen asleep on the floor? Had they been too tired to go to their bedroom?
It was then that she noticed the smell. Something like copper, something like rust. Suddenly, she heard her fathers voice in her mind.
"Fey magic always smells like blood to mortal senses."
She rose with her heart pounding in her chest.
"Mom? Dad?"
Silence.
She took a few steps to the right, towards their small kitchen. Her parents often spent their nights huddled around the kitchen table, littered with books and different vials. And candles, since they often worked well into the night.
Putting her hands out, she blindly felt for the table. Once she felt the old wood beneath her fingers, she carefully ran her hands over the items on the table until her hand circled around a candle. She continued searching the table with her other hand, feeling for the small box of matches she knew she would find.
After lighting the candle, she turned her back on the table. She moved on wobbly legs, her heart pounding so hard it almost hurt.
She found them on the floor, both face down.
It didn't take long for her to realize that they weren't asleep.
Clarke, if something ever happens to us, something you can't explain- don't look for answers.
Clarke, if something ever happens to us, make your way further south. You'll be safer, the further you go from the wall.
Clarke, if something ever happens to us, don't try to avenge us. Save our people. Protect them with the information we will leave you with. You'll know what to do, because if we are ever exposed of...it will mean that we've found it. That we've succeeded.
Clarke, we love you.
They'd told her those things over the course of her 19 years. But within the last year, their messages had become more urgent. It didn't make sense to her at the time. And typically, she shrugged their advice off.
But after she buried her parents the day after she found them, she understood. They were trying to warn her.
They'd spent their lives looking, trying.
They must have finally succeeded.
Why else would she have found them, their bodies lifeless and their eyes vacant? With no wounds, no blood. No evidence of a struggle. No forced entry. No fight.
She buried them in the back yard. No one came to offer condolences. To say goodbye. The only proof of their death was the packed dirt, the blisters on her palms. Her fathers old watch, now hanging from her slim wrist.
After packing every knife in her kitchen, the little bit of food they'd had, and the book her father had given her, she left. She didn't bother closing the door behind her. She wasn't coming back.
Two days.
It took her two days to find it. The small patch of bright green grass, so out of place around the drab, lifeless green of her forest.
Her father had shown it to her when she was a little girl. At first, it didn't make an impression on her. But when she put her hand up, she couldn't feel the wall. She'd been expecting to feel it, like putting her hand against cool glass. But she hadn't felt it.
Her father never took her back. Not once he had turned on the spot and found her trying to crawl through the little space.
It was the first time he'd ever yelled at her. It was the first time she'd ever disappointed him. And it hurt so much that she never asked to go back. Never tried to find it again.
She knew that he would be disappointed. She wasn't taking his advice.
But what choice did she have? She could go south, yes. But she had no money. No valuable skills, besides gathering fruits and berries, and occasionally snaring a rabbit or a squirrel. She wasn't a good healer. Not as skilled as her mother.
And besides, if they didn't want her to go on, why did they leave her the book?
A leather bound journal, with all of the limited information they had about the other side of the wall. And the creatures that inhabited it. The last thirty pages of the journal had been cut up. A perfect rectangle, right in the middle, leaving space for the slim box they'd placed inside.
She knew what it held even before she opened it.
Whatever they'd discovered, they'd left it for her. A part of her knew they'd left it so that she could protect herself, or spend her life trying to replicate it. They'd left her pages upon pages of their research. And she was sure that if she'd stayed behind, she could have found it.
But she didn't want to. What she wanted was to find whoever it was that had killed her parents. Ask them why. Ask them if they'd said anything before they died. And then she wanted to kill them, too. Kill them for taking away her family. Her sense of safety. The little bit of love that made living easier.
She knew it was very likely that she would die, too. She just didn't care.
After finding them, she spent hours crying, screaming. Holding them. Apologizing for every mean thought she'd ever had, every ungrateful thing she'd ever said.
No one came. But it wasn't like she'd expected them to.
Her parents really had been the laughing stock of the village. They didn't have friends, or acquaintances. Their daughter had been laughed at, picked on for having strange parents.
Why would she help them?
After the grief subsided, it was anger that overtook her. A numbing anger that left no room for sympathy, for love.
Terrible people existed beyond the wall. But the ones on her side were no better.
So when she found that patch of grass, she didn't think twice before crawling through. She didn't have anything to lose. The only important thing in her life had been taken from her. She didn't think her life was worth fighting for, after that. But her parents....they were worth it. They were worth the fight.
When she woke up, the first thing she noticed was the smell. Sweet and light. Like she'd stuck her face in bundle of roses.
She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep. The stiffness in her joints as she sat up made her think that it'd been more than a couple hours. Perhaps even a day or two.
After she sat up, she found herself in the most beautiful place she'd ever seen.
A meadow. A meadow with soft green grass, thick and tall trees. A cloudless blue sky. Exuberant bushes and flowers. The flowers were everywhere. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting to find. But it definitely hadn't been that.
Her senses betrayed her. Her caution subsided, and she found herself taking deep breaths, trying to fill her lungs with the sweet air. So unlike the thick, humid air of home.
She ran her hands through the grass. She touched the rough bark on the trees. She plucked a flower and felt the soft petals between her fingers.
After she realized that it was real, that she'd gotten past the wall, everything else came crashing down.
She looked behind her, to the place where she'd come from.
Go back. You can still go back.
But she didn't have anything, or anyone, to go back to.
She turned around, scanning the woods. Reaching into her old satchel, she pulled out one of the many knives she'd packed. And then she moved.
If anything, the land around her grew more and more beautiful. The trees shaded her from the sun, under their thick canopy of leaves. She heard birds, birds chirping.
It was hours before he found her.
And he looked so normal that for a second, she stopped dead in her tracks, staring at him.
But then he stepped closer and she noticed the beautiful glow to his skin. His perfect, creamy unmarred skin. His light brown eyes. A thick head of glossy brown hair, with the tips of pointed ears peeking between it's wisps.
She took a step back, bringing her knife up.
"I'm not going to hurt you" he said, putting his hands up. His voice was almost as pretty as his face. "Who are you?"
She didn't say anything.
Instead, she considered her options. She could turn on the spot and make for the wall. Try to get through it before the creature caught her. Or she could let him get closer. Try to fight him. Maybe she had enough time to get her journal. Open the little box and throw the ash-like substance in his face.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
He didn't move closer when she took another step back.
He glanced at the knife in her hand, still keeping his hands in the air. As if that would convince her that he meant her no harm.
They stood across from one another with the beautiful woods around them. Clarke took a second to look past him, to see if anyone else had come with him. But the woods looked empty. She couldn't see or hear anyone else.
"I'm not going to hurt you" he repeated.
And to her surprise, he sat down.
She eyed him warily, wondering what the creature was planning. She didn't even consider sitting down. She needed to be up, she needed to be ready to run, if it came to it.
"My name is Finn" he said.
Finn. A normal name, for a semi-normal looking boy. He sat there, watching her. Waiting for her to introduce herself.
She said nothing.
After a couple of minutes, he sighed.
"If you won't tell me your name, will you at least tell me why you're here? What's a mortal doing on this side of the wall?"
After scanning the woods one more time, she let her hand drop. But she still kept her fingers gripped tight around the hilt of the knife.
"How can you tell?" she finally asked.
"Your smell" he said, giving her a little smile.
"Where am I?"
"You're the one that went past the wall" he said, "shouldn't you already know?"
His voice was light, like he was trying to make the situation less tense.
After getting no response from her, he spoke again, "You are in the Spring Clan" he said, "the first territory past the wall. May I ask why you came? How did you even get here?"
She considered her options again.
Stay or go. Tell or stay silent. Run or kill. Kill or be killed.
"The wall" she finally said, "There's a hole in it."
He sighed, dropping his head.
"Yeah" he said, looking back up at her "I've heard rumors of their being holes in the wall. I guess I was just hoping that they weren't true."
"Why?"
"You don't belong here" he said, "and we don't belong there."
"And what is here exactly? What does that mean, Spring Clan?" she asked.
"Why should I tell you?" he asked, "You won't even tell me your name."
And again, he smiled. Much like the rest of him, his smile was beautiful.
"How about this" he said, "I answer one of your questions if you answer one of mine?"
She considered it.
While she looked for the wall, she took short breaks to rest and eat. And sift through her father's journal.
Fey cannot tell a lie, he'd written.
If it was true, then this Fey would tell her the truth about where she was. About this side of the wall. But she didn't know if the statement was true or not.
She thought about if for a couple of minutes. Her father had written the message. He'd been right about their existence. Maybe he was right about this too?
"Is it true that Fey can't lie?" she asked.
"It is" he said, "but I wouldn't trust everything a Fey says. We may not be able to lie, but we can twist our words."
"Why would you tell me that?" she asked before she could stop herself.
"It's my turn" he said with a smile. "What's your name?"
He was...strange. So different from what she'd imagined. So different from what she had expected.
She'd read about the wicked Fey and the witches, the dark magic in her fathers book. But he'd also written about the existence of good Fey. Fey who cherished humans. Those who saw them as equals. Those who had fought on their side, five hundred years ago.
Maybe Finn was one of them. But maybe that was what he wanted her to think.
"I'm Clarke" she finally said. Something in her gut made her sure that he'd meant what he said, about not wanting to hurt her.
After that, they talked for hours.
Clarke still kept her distance. But she'd eventually sat down and left the knife beside her. She didn't give him any important information, like her family name or what village she'd come from.
But Finn answered all of her questions. And he kept his distance. And he smiled at her. And when the sun began to set, he rose to his feet and offered to walk her back to the wall.
She rose, looking around at the place that had, up until then, only existed in her mind.
"I don't have anywhere to go" she finally said, looking down at her worn boots.
"This side of the wall is no place for a mortal woman" Finn said, "especially a beautiful one."
She felt the blush creep into her cheeks at the compliment.
"But if you are bent on staying on this side of the wall" he began, "then you can come to my estate. I can provide for you. I am the High Lord of this clan and I can promise that you will be safe there."
It was with awe, and maybe a little stupidity, that she nodded.
"Well come on, then" he said, extending his hand, "we don't bite."
I'm sure I'm not the first human to hear that, she thought.
Even so, she accepted his outstretched hand.
It took weeks for her to accept it.
To believe what Finn had said. To accept that she wasn't going to be tortured or killed. Or toyed with for sport.
Weeks to accept that Harper, one of Finn's assistants, wasn't going to smother her in her sleep. That Jasper and Monty, Finn's lackeys, weren't going to use their magic on her. Weeks to understand that the various servants and ground keepers and cooks and housekeepers weren't going to hurt her.
The first few days, she stayed in the room that Finn showed her to. She stayed in the plush, fancy chamber fit more for a queen than a mere mortal woman. She didn't eat their food. But she had broken down and drank the water from her gold and marble bathroom sink.
And then one night, she finally came to dinner. Too hungry to turn down yet another invitation from Finn.
Surprise washed over the three faces that sat in the vast dining room when she entered. The food, of course, was magnificent. And she was sure it didn't only taste that way because she was starving.
Jasper, Monty and Finn tried to get her to join in on the conversation. She occasionally nodded her head, but not a single word passed her lips.
By the fourth dinner, she finally spoke up, surprising all three of them by cracking a joke at Jasper's expense.
She couldn't help it. The three of them were some of the nicest people she'd ever met. And Jasper and Monty's light banter made it hard for her not to crack a smile or two on occasion.
With each dinner that passed, she opened up a little more. And after a while, she started leaving her room between meals.
She wandered through the mansion, marveling at the structure and the fancy items within it. She walked through the gardens, her eyes wide in surprise at the beauty. She started returning the smiles, the hello's from the various people that she encountered on a daily basis.
A part of her remained weary. A part of her waited for the moment when they'd show their true colors.
A few times, she even set out. Determined to leave.
She'd told Finn that she came to find answers about her parents. And since he couldn't give her any, she'd go find someone who could.
But whenever she got close to the gate, she'd turn around and go back to her room.
She told herself that it was because she needed to know more about this side of the wall. She needed to know what to expect, so that she could be prepared. She needed answers. She needed more.
But a small part of her knew that she didn't want to leave because this place...this beautiful place, a place that had come right out of her daydreams, was real. That she didn't really want to leave because was safe. She was taken care of. She had food, shelter and everything else under the sun. She'd never had that, on the other side of the wall.
She hated that small part of herself.
She slowly and warily began trusting the people around her. She made more of an effort not to be cold. To accept the things she was handed without any guilt or suspicion.
She started accepting Harper's help. Letting the girl braid her hair back and pick her outfits for the day. She accepted Jasper and Monty's offers, letting them show her around the estate. She didn't shoo them away when they tried to hang out with her. She let Finn take her horseback riding through woods that emerged past his gardens.
And ever so slowly, she began asking more questions. She started asking about their abilities. Their powers. She asked for proof when she didn't believe what they told her.
She laughed herself sick when Jasper proved his strength and his ability to heal quickly at the same time by breaking his own nose.
And she finally accepted that Finn, and his people, were the good kind of Fey that her father had written about.
She started returning Finn's smiles. She stared at him a little longer than necessary during dinner. She laughed at his jokes and accepted every offer of spending time together. She let her knuckles brush his whenever they strolled through the gardens.
And she didn't pull away when he started kissing her cheek goodnight after he walked her to her room.
After three months, living didn't seem like such a burden after all.
~present~
After her history lesson and walk with Finn through the gardens, she spent a little time in Finn's study. He'd brought her there after their walk, surprising her with a set of fine brushes and paint she could never afford at home. An easel with a stool waited for her by the large window that faced the gardens.
She'd been so happy, so grateful that she'd turned around and hugged him for the first time. Whispered her thanks in his ear.
The next day, Clarke made her way down the winding stairwell, smiling at the servants she passed. It was another beautiful spring day, and she'd decided to wear a long, gauzy pink dress. She felt unnaturally giddy.
Making her way towards the dining room, she pondered what she would do with her day. Maybe, if Finn wasn't too busy, she could spend a little time with him. Try to get to know the High Lord a little better. Her heart rate sped up at the thought of being alone with him again.
But just before she turned the corner, the sounds coming from the dining room made her stop short.
Finn, Jasper and Monty were speaking in hushed tones. Like they didn't want to be heard. She took another tentative step forward, hoping their magic couldn't detect that she was near. That she was eavesdropping.
"It's getting worse" Monty said, "we found two just a mile from the estate."
"Where do they even come from?" Jasper asked. "I mean, I know where they come from, but how do they get here without us knowing?"
"I don't care" Finn said, "just-just take care of it."
"But they're getting closer and closer" Monty countered, "how many of them are there?"
"It doesn't matter" Finn said, "we'll just keep doing what we've been doing. I've got it under control."
"Do you think it's some sort of message?" Jasper asked. "Do you think she has her eyes on this place?"
"She has her eyes on every clan" Finn said, "not just ours."
"Have any of the others had similar issues?" Monty asked.
Clarke took another step forward, straining to listen.
"I've heard similar reports from Summer and Autumn" Finn said.
"But not the solar clans?" Monty pushed.
"I don't have access to that kind of-" Finn began but stopped.
The whole room went silent. Clarke figured that was her chance to expose herself, to pretend that she hadn't been eavesdropping.
"Good morning" she said, plastering a smile on her face. What were they talking about? Who is the she they were referring to? What's getting closer to the estate?
All three bid her a good morning as she sat down and filled her plate. She didn't expect them to continue the conversation.
They didn't.
Instead, they ate quickly at started getting ready.
"Where are you guys headed?"
"Border patrol" Finn said.
"Oh" Clarke sighed. They'd been going on patrol a lot more frequently in the past few weeks. "Can I come?"
All three heads snapped up and looked at her like she'd just cursed their mother. And then, all three laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing" Finn said, "nothing at all."
"Then why are you laughing? Why can't I come?" she asked. Maybe it was a little much. But she'd been living here for three months and she could count the number of times she'd went past the estate's border. On one hand. She wanted to see a little more of their glorious land.
"It's no place for a mortal woman" Finn said, "trust me."
"Why?" Clarke asked, "monsters?"
Finn smiled and she resisted the urge to smile back.
"We'll be back soon" he said, kissing the top of her head.
Clarke blushed. It was the first time he'd ever made any sort of romantic gesture in front of Monty and Jasper. The two boys smiled fondly before following Finn out of the door.
Clarke sighed, feeling a little disappointed. And even though she knew they meant well, the comment and the laughter rubbed her the wrong way. So much so that she lost her appetite and made her way towards the library.
She browsed the wide variety, picking out books at random until a particular book grabbed her attention. She sifted through the pages, looking at all the different creatures and their descriptions. It seemed like pretty valuable information. She should know some of these things, like certain weaknesses and characteristics of the creatures she might encounter past the estate. If they ever let her go with them.
A few stood out to her as she read through the book, trying to file the information for possible later use. She was almost halfway through when she came across one that peaked her interest far more than the others.
A Truth-Teller, the text said. A spindly looking creature, no bigger than a child. Hooded and skeleton like, with it's bony fingers and hooded cloak. A creature that could answer any of your questions, if you captured it.
Clarke left the library in search of Harper. She found her working in the gardens and mercifully alone.
"Hey" Clarke said, walking up beside her. She didn't waste time with formalities, not now. She and Harper were close enough. "Are these real?"
Harper took one look at the picture and let out a short laugh. "Truth-Tellers? Of course they are."
"How do I find one? How can I catch one?"
Harper gave her that look. The one she always gave whenever Clarke asked her something she didn't want her to.
"Don't be ridiculous" Harper said, "I can tell you more than that greedy creature can."
"How can I find one?" Clarke repeated.
"Honestly, Clarke, get your head out of your mortal ass" Harper said, rolling her eyes. "There is no reason for you to be searching for that thing. What do you want to ask?"
"If you don't tell me" Clarke said, closing the book, "I'll just ask someone else."
"Finn would kill me" Harper said, giving Clarke a pleading look.
"He doesn't have to know."
"And if that thing kills you? Then what?"
"It won't" Clarke said, "I've read about it."
"Oh, she's read about it."
"Fine" Clarke said, moving to turn away. "I'll just ask Jasper."
"Wait" Harper sighed from behind her.
Clarke turned back around, smiling sweetly.
"Set up a snare using a nice cloak" Harper said, "but keep the cloak out of it's reach until it answers your questions. Then throw it as far as you can and run like hell. Nine times out of ten, they go for the cloak."
"And the other time?"
"I hope you don't find out" Harper said.
Clarke placed a kiss on Harper's cheek before turning away and running back inside to change. She would need pants for this.
She sat in the tree for hours. Hours. And no sign of a damn Truth-Teller. She opened the book again, reading the little bit of information on the side. She was sure that she'd picked the right position. She'd set her trap right beneath a willow tree. And the nice cloak was a shade of magenta that would be very, very hard to miss. Even from a distance.
She sighed.
The sun was setting. She'd have to leave within the next half an hour if she wanted to beat Finn and the others home. She didn't want to think about how they'd react if they found out.
As caring and kind as they'd been...they were a little sheltering. They didn't let her come with them when they left for border patrol. They followed her when she went into the gardens. There always seemed to be a pair of eyes tracking her every move. She was surprised that she'd been able to get away from the estate without being spotted, even though she'd climbed out of a window to leave the mansion.
Twenty minutes later, as she prepared to jump from the tree, a cloaked figure came into her line of site. Clarke held her breath, half hoping her trap would work and half hoping that the creature would turn back the way it came. But then she heard the pop of her snare and a shriek came from the creature as it's legs became bound in the trap she'd set.
Once she was sure that the creature couldn't lunge at her, she dropped from the tree. Scooping up the magenta cloak, she stepped towards the Truth-Teller. It looked exactly as it had in the picture from her book. Small, skeleton-like.
"Oh my" it croaked, "I've been caught by a mortal."
"How can you tell?"
"I can smell you from here" the Truth-Teller said. And then it sighed. Like it was disappointed. "What do you want to know, child?"
"Who killed my parents?" Clarke asked, keeping her voice low. She didn't know what other things might be lurking in these woods.
"I am a Truth-Teller" the creature croaked, "but even I have to obey Fey oaths."
"What oaths?"
"I cannot give you an answer to that question" it said, "even if I wanted to."
"Why?"
"Rules of magic prevent it."
"How?"
"If it's secret, if it's a whisper between souls under oath even I can't speak of it" it said. "I would if I could. I am sorry. Do you have another question?"
"Well, can you at least tell me how to find out?" Clarke snapped.
Useless. Completely and totally useless.
The Truth-Teller paused, considering whatever words were about to come from it's mouth.
"Stay with the High Lord" it said, "And all of your questions will be answered. Stay with the High Lord and you shall know peace."
Clarke felt her stomach drop.
"Did Finn....did the Spring Clan have anything to do with it? Do they know something?"
"No"
It made no sense. But Harper had said it was real. That it told the truth.
"Then how can I find the answer if I stay with the High Lord? If he and his clan had nothing to do with it?" Clarke asked.
"Who said anything about the High Lord of Spring Clan?"
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Of course it was speaking in riddles. Just because they told the truth didn't mean they couldn't twist it. It made no sense.
The sun had already started to set. And it was at least an hours walk back to the estate. She'd never gone this deep into the woods before. Clarke threw the robe as far as she could, then pulled the knot to release the creature from it's binding. She didn't look back as she tore through the woods.
Night had set by the time she saw the distant lights from the estate. She prayed that they weren't looking for her. She hoped that she had beaten them back. She didn't want to explain why or how she'd gone into the woods.
She took a deep breath, pondering the foolishness of her decision. Harper would definitely hear about it.
But all thoughts of Harper, of the Truth-Teller, vanished from her mind when she heard a rustling just up ahead. She could spot the estate through the tree line, but she still had a good ten feet to go before she reached the edge of the woods.
She scanned her surroundings, gripping the dagger she'd strapped to her side. The rustling now came from behind her and she whipped the other way, trying to find the source in the darkness.
Sweat coated her palms. Her heart began beating a lot faster.
She heard another rustle to her left and turn to glance between the trees. It was then that she made eye contact with the scariest thing she'd ever seen in her life.
A man, it looked like. But severely, severely deformed. Bones jutting out at random angles. Built more like an ox than an actual man.
She took a step back and heard movement to her right. Another one emerged. Just as grotesque as the one to her left.
And to her horror, a third one emerged only a few feet ahead of her.
She was so close. So close to the estate. But she'd turned her back and now she couldn't see if there was anyone out there. If anyone would hear her if she screamed.
All three men took a step towards her at the same time. And then another.
She took a few more steps back, feeling more afraid than she'd ever felt in her life. But she wouldn't dare to turn her back on them. Not while they were so close to her. Not while they could grab her if she took the time to turn and run.
"You" a voice said from behind her.
All three of the monsters stopped in their tracks. And they weren't even looking at her. But past her. She was still too afraid to look back.
"I've been looking for you" the same voice said.
Clarke didn't recognize it. But it was deep and gravely. Two large hands clasped around her forearms, whoever it was stepping closer to her from behind.
The monsters retreated. They almost looked scared, scrambling away.
It was then that felt the firm grip on her arms. It was then that she noticed the shadows dancing at her sides.
"Reapers and a mortal?" he said with his lips right at her ear, "Finn must be in more trouble than I thought."
Darkness. It was the first word that came to her mind.
His voice sounded like darkness.
Notes:
I know what you are thinking. I thought this was a Bellarke fic? What's with all the (gag) Flarke?- Yes, this is definitely a Bellarke fic. But if you have read any of my stories before, you know I like to set my story up before we dive in. Keep in mind that this is a slow burn :D
Next chapter will definitely have more Bellamy. And if you have read my stories before- you know I like taking my characters on a journey. This Clarke is the "princess who needs saving" Clarke. But rest assured, she will come into her own.
What did you guys think? Any questions or concerns? This fic is very different from my other ones. But I am excited :)
Please take a look at the tags!! This fic will start out light...but it won't stay that way. And as always, I will be dropping hints about character motives among other things within the fic. Thank you for reading!!! <3
Chapter 2: I See You
Notes:
Updating early because that finale snatched my soul from my body :/
And yes, the chapter title is inspired by that line from Clarke. But coincidentally enough, it fits perfectly with what happens in this chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Clarke pulled away from the strangers grip, her fingers tight around the dagger Monty had given her weeks ago.
But when she turned, no one stood behind her.
She frantically scanned the woods in the darkness, looking for any sign of him.
But he was gone. Like he'd disappeared into the shadows around her.
She sprinted for the treeline, trying to put as much distance between herself, the voice she'd heard and the three creatures that had cornered her.
She almost cried tears of joy when she came to the back gate. She didn't even care if they'd spot her. She just wanted to be safe inside the confines of the estate.
After closing the gate behind her, she scanned the dark woods for any movement. Any indication that they were still out there. But the woods were undisturbed. And the only movement she noticed and sound she heard was the wind ruffling the leaves and branches on the taller trees.
Sweat poured down her face. Fear still made her heart wild in her chest.
Taking a few deep breaths, she retreated from the gate. She kept to the darkness, to the shadows as she made her way towards the mansion.
When she finally came to the window she'd snuck out of, she let out a sigh in relief. She was safe.
After taking a cold shower, she dressed for dinner.
"So" Harper said, leaning against the door frame of her bedroom, "I'm guessing it went for the cloak?"
Clarke couldn't find it in herself to laugh at the joke. The events that had taken place after she'd captured the Truth-Teller left her humor-less.
"What did it tell you?" she asked.
Clarke tied her braid off with a pink bow before rising to her feet.
"Nothing important" she mumbled, walking past Harper.
"Not going to say I told you so" Harper said, shaking her head, "but I should."
Clarke only shrugged before making her way downstairs.
They had another pleasant dinner, and she let out another sigh in relief when she realized that the three hadn't learned that she'd snuck out. And even though she had a million questions, she couldn't ask them without giving herself away.
She was sure that the three monsters that she'd encountered where what the boys had been discussing that morning. She wanted to know what they were. How they'd gotten here. Who had sent them. What their purpose was. But she couldn't really ask.
And the voice she'd heard. The touch she'd felt on her arms. The shadows at her sides. She wanted to know who they belonged to. Some small, weary voice in the back of her mind told her that she already knew. But she was too scared to admit it to herself.
"Can people who aren't from this clan come here?" she suddenly asked, "Fey from other territories, I mean?"
All three eyes turned to look at her.
"Not without an invitation" Finn slowly said, "why?"
"I'm just curious" she quickly answered.
All three boys eyed her suspiciously.
"It would violate the rules of Arkadia" Monty said, "if someone crossed the border into our lands."
"So they can? Cross-I mean?"
"Technically, yes" Finn said, "but we'd hear about it as soon as they did. They can't get close to the estate though. Not without me knowing."
"How?"
"It's complicated" Finn said, shrugging his shoulders "my magic keeps this place secure. No one comes here without my permission."
But he had been here. He'd been so close to the estate. How had Finn not known?
She tried to join in on the conversation. Tried to forget about the stranger she'd encountered. Tried to push the grotesque creatures from her mind.
She'd lost her appetite, pushing her food around on her plate. And after a while, she rose to leave, telling them that she was tired. But she didn't protest when Finn stood to walk her to her room, like he'd began doing almost every night.
They walked in silence. Just before they reached her room, he reached out and laced his fingers through hers. She turned her head and looked at him, noticing the pink tinge to his usually pale cheeks. She squeezed his hand, silently letting him know that it was more than okay for him to hold her hand.
"Do you feel safe here?" he asked once they'd reached her room.
"Yeah" she said, leaning against her bedroom door, "I do. Why do you ask?"
"Your questions from before implied otherwise" he said.
Clarke looked away, finding it hard to let a lie cross her lips when he'd been so honest with her.
"You are, you know" he said, "Safe. You are safe here. I won't let anything happen to you."
She glanced up at him, feeling affection swell in her chest at his words. His face was so close to hers. Closer than it'd ever been.
He reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She felt like her heart was going to jump from her chest.
He came a little closer, cupped her cheek and kissed her.
Holy shit.
She closed her eyes, feeling his soft lips on hers. And for a moment, she was so shocked that she didn't do anything but stand there, trying to keep herself upright. But then the moment passed and she kissed him back.
"Sweet dreams" he said after finally pulling away.
She nodded and watched him go the way they'd come.
That night, she didn't lock her door like she usually did.
Days passed and she slowly started forgetting about her encounters beyond the mansion. But the monsters and the dark voice sometimes weaved their way into her dreams, and she'd wake thrashing and drenched in sweat.
A part of her felt a little guilty. She knew she should have told Finn that someone had gotten close to the estate. That three of the monsters had been lurking just beyond the gate.
But he already worried about her safety a lot. He seemed to grow more and more protective of her the closer they got. It made her smile. She knew that he was being protective because he actually cared about her, even if it was a little overbearing sometimes.
He'd started making more time for her. He joined her in the study, watching her as she painted. He kissed her every single night. And it was becoming harder and harder to pull away. To stop. Part of her didn't want to. Part of her wanted to tip-toe to his room in the dead of night. But she restrained herself. She still left her door unlocked, though. Hoping he'd find his way to her room, and soon.
And when she wasn't spending time with him, or Jasper and Monty, or Harper, she was in the library. Trying to find useful information within its stacks and stacks of books.
One morning, she noticed that the servants seemed a lot more excited, meticulously cleaning and hanging decorations inside and outside of the mansion.
She sat down at the large table, already full of food and drink, and made herself a plate while she waited for her companions.
The three eventually joined her, discussing some person she didn't know.
"Good morning" Finn said, placing a kiss on the top of her head.
She bid him and the boys a good morning before asking about the decorations.
"Spring Solstice" Monty said, between bites of melon.
"What's that?"
"Our holiday in the Spring Clan" Jasper said, "it only comes once a year. We celebrate the year that's passed and pray for the year that's to come."
"Among other things" Monty said, smirking at his best friend.
"Like what?"
"We use our magic to bless the land and pray to the Mother" Jasper said, "that's how we keep the spring year round."
"The Mother?"
"Think of it as what you mortals call 'God'" Monty said.
"So there will be Fey be here? Other Fey?" Clarke asked.
"Yeah, and a lot of them" Jasper answered, taking a long sip from his cup, "most of the High Fey will be here too. And they'll bring the strongest ones, the ones their closest to with them."
Clarke started to feel a little uneasy.
"Don't worry" Finn said, glancing at her from across the table "you won't be there."
"What?" Clarke asked, "Why? Where will I go?"
"You'll be in your room" he said, "and I'll make sure no one gets in. I'll make sure they don't know you're here."
She didn't know if she was supposed to feel relieved or annoyed. It wasn't like she was dying to meet other Fey, especially the ones from the different clans. But she didn't want to be locked in her room like a prisoner either.
She spent her day helping the servants get the mansion ready, even though they tried to tell her they didn't need her help. She searched the gardens for Harper, wanting to get some orders but Harper only sent her away.
Their excitement rubbed off on her and by the time she settled in for dinner, she'd decided that she wanted to join them for Spring Solstice.
But Finn shot the idea down almost as soon as the sentence had left her mouth.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because it's not safe for you among our kind" he said.
"But I thought you said they were good, like you?"
"I said that some of them were" he said.
"But you said that you'd only be inviting some of them" she countered, "and I guess it's safe to assume that you won't invite any of the bad ones?"
"I'm sorry" he said, "but it's for your own good. Trust me."
After that, she let the topic drop. He obviously wouldn't budge. And even though she was grateful for his concern, she grew agitated.
"Don't be mad at me" he said, while they walked to her room at the end of the night.
"I'm not mad."
"I know that humans can lie" he said, smiling at her.
She couldn't help but smile back.
"I promise that I'll show you more" he said, placing his hand on her hips, "but I can't let you join us. I really am sorry. I would love to spend the Spring Solstice with you. Only you."
She blushed despite herself.
"It's alright" she said, placing her hands on his, "I understand. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I don't know if I've said that before. But I really am thankful. Thank you."
He only smiled and leaned forward, crushing her lips with his own.
Their kisses became a little deeper. His hands started to wander.
"Do you want to join me in my room?" she asked, feeling his lips on her neck.
He pulled away, searching her eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah" she said, staring at his lips, "I'm sure."
She laid in bed, thinking about what had happened the night before.
She closed her eyes, recalling the way his lips had felt on hers. The way his hands roamed over her body. The way he'd groaned in her ear. They'd been getting closer and closer. And she couldn't wait any longer.
After a couple more hours, she rose from her bed and munched on the food that had been brought to her room earlier that morning.
The celebration wouldn't be in full swing until the sun set, but guests had already started arriving and she'd been told by Finn, more than once, that she was not to leave the confines of her room.
It was harder to stay upset about it, especially after they'd had sex again that morning. So she resigned to lay in bed, to eat and watch the party from the window in her room.
She stared in awe at the Fey passing through the gardens, talking and laughing with one another. Beautiful men and women of all shapes and sizes and ages.
She could tell who the outsiders were based on what colors they were wearing. They seemed to match the colors on the mural.
The Fey from the Autumn Clan wore thick, beautiful material of brown, yellow, orange. The Fey from Summer Clan in long and short skirts and dresses, gauzy and shades of blue. She spotted brown and green sturdy clothes on the most striking brunette and figured that she belonged to the Day Clan.
And unsurprisingly, there was no Fey clad in black. She'd been sure that the Night Clan wouldn't be making an appearance, not with the way Jasper and Monty had talked about them. Not with whatever had happened between the two clans.
She watched from the window, feeling her chest tighten at their laughter. Their smiles. The hugs they exchanged.
Eventually, she began growing a little bitter again. So she moved from the window and found the sketch pad Finn had given her as a present. She tried to replicate some of the clothing, some of the faces she'd seen.
She tried taking a nap. But the noises coming from the garden were making it harder and harder to stay away from the window.
By the time that the sun set, she found herself staring through the glass once more. Watching them.
After a while, she looked towards the door.
You have to stay here, she heard Finn's voice in her mind.
It's not safe for you.
Promise me you'll stay.
But then she heard another voice. A dark, wicked one she didn't recognize.
Go.
She bit her bottom lip.
Go.
They would smell her. Someone was bound to notice.
But there were so many people there. So much food and drink. Flowers. Bonfires. Maybe they wouldn't notice her smell among all those other things?
Go.
She walked to her dresser and searched through it, settling for a long pink dress with thin straps and a laced pattern on the front. She put it on and undid her braid, letting her hair flow freely down her back. Let it cover her ears.
She studied herself in the mirror, noticing the way the dress fit her. The food had done good things to her curves, her face. She looked a lot softer. Her eyes were bright with excitement.
Go, the wicked voice urged.
So she did.
"Blessed be the Mother" a man from beside her said, "and may She feed the land for the year to come."
She'd gotten as far as the dining room before she was approached. No one had looked at her strangely. In fact, most of them didn't look at her at all. And the few who did only smiled and nodded their heads in greeting.
She'd made it to the dining room. She now stood at a table full of nice glasses full of sparky yellow drink. She smiled at the stranger, a beautiful brown male with short hair, wearing a dark brown tunic and tan pants.
She wasn't sure if she was supposed to say something back. Repeat the phrase. So she only nodded her head and picked up a glass.
"I haven't seen you before" he said, reaching forward to grab a glass for himself. "You're from the Spring Clan?"
Clarke nodded her head, taking a tentative sip from her glass. Warmth spread through her throat and settled in her stomach.
"I'm Wells" he said, extending a hand, "Wells Jaha of Autumn Clan."
Her eyes widened in surprise.
Wells Jaha. High Lord of the Autumn Clan.
"Pleased to meet you" Clarke said, putting her hand in his.
And maybe it was a little rude, but she didn't tell the stranger her name.
If it bothered him, he didn't show it. He smiled and a different kind of warmth washed through her.
"What's it like in Autumn Clan?" she asked before she could stop herself.
"You've never been?"
"No" she shook her head.
"It's the most beautiful place in the world" he said, "but I may be a little biased."
She didn't hesitate before smiling at him again. Something about him radiated kindness. Warmth. Much like the autumn season itself.
"You should visit some time" he said, "I think you would enjoy it."
"I'd like that" she said.
No way in hell she'd ever get to go, but still. She wanted to.
Another person joined them, tapping on Wells' shoulder and grabbing his attention. And even though Clarke wanted to stay, to talk to him a little more, she stepped away. She didn't want to talk to anyone for too long, worried that they'd notice she wasn't one of them.
She walked through the crowd, returning the smiles thrown her way as she made her way into the gardens.
She had another conversation with a woman clad in white at table full of different kinds of fruit. And then another, shortly after that. This one in Spring Clan colors.
And she'd been enjoying herself so much, eating their food and drinking their wine, listening to their music that she didn't notice when someone came up behind her and grabbed her arm.
"For the love of the Mother, what are you doing out here, Clarke?"
She turned, finding Jasper and Monty crowded around her.
"Finn told you to stay inside" Monty whispered.
"You weren't supposed to leave your room" Jasper said, pulling her towards the flower bushes. They waited until they were hidden behind the hedges before they began scolding her again.
"It's not safe for you here."
"Do you have any idea what could have happened?"
"If they find out you're a-"
"Finn is going to be so pissed."
"That's enough" Clarke said, putting her hands up. "I can take care of myself, okay?"
"Clarke, you need to go back-" Monty began.
"No" she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I've been out here for almost an hour and no one has noticed. I'm having a good time."
"It's dangerous-"
"So help me" she said.
"How?" Jasper asked.
"I don't know, use your magic or something!"
The two exchanged a glance.
"Come on" Clarke said, "I don't want to go back to my room and spend the night alone. I'd rather be out here with you guys."
"Finn would kill us" Jasper said.
"He doesn't have to know" she said, "I'll- I'll be really careful. Come on guys. Do this for me."
They exchanged another weary glance.
"Pretty please?" she said, batting her lashes "with a cherry on top?"
"I hate cherries" Jasper said, sighing, "but dammit. I can't resist those eyes. What do you say, Monty?"
Monty stayed quiet for a couple minutes while Clarke and Jasper assaulted him with pleading eyes.
"Fine" he finally said, rolling his eyes.
"Close your eyes" Jasper said.
She did. She kept them closed as she listened to the muffled whispers and grunts between the two boys.
After a while, they stopped talking.
"Alright" Jasper said, "Open your eyes."
She opened her eyes.
Nothing felt different. She felt just as she'd felt before she'd closed them.
"What did you do?"
"Not much" Monty said, "just hid that mortal smell. Gave you more of a Fey look."
She touched her ears. They felt pointed, like Finn's had when she'd touched them the night before.
"Thank you guys" she said, giving each of them a quick hug, "I promise I'll be careful."
"We've heard that before" Monty said, rolling his eyes again.
"Finn will look for us eventually" Jasper said, "so I guess you should stay away from us."
"Got it" Clarke said, giving them a sweet smile before returning to the party.
She wasn't sure if it was the wine, the music, or the company that made her feel so light. So free. Maybe it was a combination of all three things.
Either way, she felt more carefree than she'd felt in months.
She felt happy.
And because Jasper and Monty had cloaked her in their magic, she didn't shy away from the other Fey that approached her. As the night went on, she began conversing with more and more Fey from outside clans. She met the kind, spirited High Lady of the Summer Clan, Luna. She crossed paths with Wells again. And when a beautiful brunette from Day Clan asked her to dance, she accepted the invitation.
She spun in a circle, letting the music and the lively crowd take her to a place she hadn't been since before her parents died. She danced until her feet were sore. She drank more of their wine.
When she finally excused herself to go grab another drink, she found herself questioning Finn's motives. Why had he said that it wouldn't be safe for her? They were all being kind. Not a single Fey looked at her with malice in their eye. Not a single one.
She'd just grabbed the stem of another glass when she felt a warm hand wrap around her forearm.
"Inside, now" Finn said.
Clarke felt like she was a little girl again. Like her father had just caught her trying to crawl through the hole in the wall. She looked past him and found Jasper and Monty standing side by side, looking as guilty as she felt.
Finn didn't wait for a response. He stomped towards the mansion.
"We're gonna need a drink for this" Jasper said, walking up beside her and grabbing a glass for himself. Monty picked one up for himself, giving Clarke an apologizing look before following Jasper towards the mansion.
She sighed and took two glasses, one for herself and one for Finn, before trailing after the boys with her shoulders slumped.
The three walked after Finn, heading to the sitting room at the end of the hall. Finn waited until all three of them were inside before closing the door to the party and the remaining guests.
"Explain yourselves" he said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Jasper and Monty glanced at one another, holding the stems of their glasses so hard their knuckles paled.
"It's my fault" Clarke said, stepping forward. "I asked them to use their magic on me so that I could join the party."
"And you two agreed?" Finn asked, his voice unusually cold.
Again, Jasper and Monty glanced at one another, like they couldn't look him in the eye.
"I begged them" Clarke said, "It's not their fault. They were only trying to help me."
"Help get you killed is more like it" Finn snapped.
Clarke set the two glasses down on the small side table next to the door before approaching him.
"Finn, come on" she said, placing a tentative hand on his arm, "I-I couldn't stand being locked up in that room. Not when you guys were having so much fun-"
"This isn't for fun" he said, "this is a tradition. Something we have to do."
"No one even noticed I was there" she said, "and the few who did were nice to me."
"That's because they couldn't tell you were a mortal" he snapped.
"Yeah, thanks to Jasper and Monty."
"Clarke, do you have any idea how reckless-" he began.
But he didn't finish the sentence. Instead, panic flashed across his face.
"Hide her" he said, gently pushing Clarke towards Jasper and Monty "he's coming."
The panic on Finn's face was mirrored in Jasper's and Monty's. Clarke looked around, frantically searching the room for the source of their unease.
Jasper pulled her towards the window and Monty followed.
"Don't make a sound" Monty said.
And then the two boys stood in front of her, like they were shielding her body with their own. She didn't think they were doing a very well job of hiding her. She could still see over their shoulders.
She watched as Finn's entire body tensed. He looked at the closed door.
"It'll still see me" she whispered.
"No, we've cloaked you with our magic. He won't see you but if you talk while he's here, he'll hear it" Monty whispered back, "So stay quiet."
She drew in a deep breath, hating how loud her heart seemed to be pounding in her ears. Maybe she wouldn't have to speak. Maybe he'd hear her heart thrashing in her chest.
She listened.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Slow, leisurely steps like whoever was coming wasn't in any hurry.
She noticed the sweat dripping down Jasper's neck. The way the muscles in Monty's back seemed to grow rigid.
The door opened on its own accord. Clarke carefully rose on her tiptoes to look at the stranger standing on the other side.
A lump formed in her throat.
There, on the other side, stood a dark beautiful stranger.
Clad in all black, he stepped through the threshold.
His tan skin was sprinkled with freckles. The short black curls on his head were almost as dark as his eyes. He was a few inches taller than Finn, his shoulders were a lot broader. And where Finn's face still held on to some of it's boy-like softness, the strangers face was hard. His lips full, a sharp jawline and a small dimple on his chin.
"Finn" he said, staring at the High Lord of the Spring Clan with a smirk on his face. "My invitation must have been lost in the mail."
His voice was deep and raspy. And for a second, Clarke felt like she couldn't breathe.
You. I've been looking for you.
"What do you want, Bellamy?" Finn asked, sounding bored.
Bellamy.
Such a pretty name for such a lethal looking person.
"To celebrate" he said, stepping further into the room, "it is the Spring Solstice after all, isn't it?"
"You weren't invited for a reason" Finn said, clenching his hands into fists at his sides.
"That's not true" Bellamy said, glancing around the room, "if I recall correctly, all High Lords and Ladies are expected to attend."
"You've never come before" Finn countered, his eyes not leaving the stranger, "and it's not like you ever let any of us come for your holiday."
Bellamy didn't respond. Instead, he glanced towards Jasper and Monty.
"Jasper, Monty" he said, nodding towards them.
"Bellamy" Jasper said, nodding back, "so glad you could make it."
"Fashionably late, I presume?" Monty asked.
Clarke would have found the banter light, if it weren't for the sudden tension in the room. If it weren't for the defensive positions her three companions had taken.
"As always" Bellamy said, giving them another smirk.
"Cut the shit" Finn said, "what do you want?"
"I would really appreciate it if you used a kinder tone, Finn" Bellamy said, his voice mocking. "Is that any way to speak to a High Lord?"
High Lord.
He was a High Lord. The information didn't surprise her. She'd guessed it, realized it, when she'd heard his voice. But she'd been to afraid to admit it to herself.
"What do you want?" Finn asked, pausing between each word.
"I assume you've noticed the Reapers crawling around your lands?" Bellamy asked, taking a seat on the plush chair before him.
"What business is it of yours?" Finn asked.
"I'm sure you know where they are coming from" he said, looking completely and totally at ease.
"I'm sure you do too" Finn countered. He hadn't moved from his place. He hadn't relaxed at all.
"I have a feeling she's just trying to prove her power to us" Bellamy said, "I've spoken with the other leaders of the clans and their situations seem a lot worse. More people are disappearing."
"Somehow I doubt you share their concerns" Finn said.
"And why's that?"
"Last I heard, you were hers. And here you are, delivering a message for her. What else does she have you do?"
Bellamy smirked.
"Believe it or not" he said, leaning forward, "I'm trying to help you."
"I doubt that."
"I don't care" he said, "I came here to warn you."
"Warn us of what?" Jasper asked.
"More like threaten us" Finn said.
"Her Reapers have been found in every territory, Finn" Bellamy said, "including mine. I'm assuming that she'll summon us sooner rather than later."
"And?"
"And I'd like to know where you stand. We need to be ready" Bellamy said, leaning back.
"I'm not telling you anything" Finn said, "for all I know, she's the one who sent you here. So get the fuck out of my house."
Bellamy glared at him.
"I'm not going to ask you twice" Bellamy said.
"You don't have to" Finn said, "Now get out."
Bellamy rose, looking completely murderous.
"I came here as a courtesy" he said, "I should rip your fucking head off for speaking to me like that. But I made you a promise, so I won't."
"Get out" Finn growled, his body practically shaking with anger.
Bellamy only smirked before turning towards the door.
Jasper and Monty each let out a sigh. Finn stopped shaking. Clarke felt like she could finally breathe again.
But just before he reached the threshold, he turned his head and spotted the two glasses of wine.
And ever so slowly, he turned back around, scanning the room.
His eyes dropped to the glasses that Jasper and Monty held in their hands. And then back at the two sitting on the table.
And to her horror, an evil looking smirk slowly etched its way onto his lips.
With a wave of his hand, Jasper and Monty both fell forward, their glasses breaking on the floor.
And then Bellamy was looking right at her.
He sees you.
Run, some desperate voice in her head urged. But she couldn't move. She couldn't even blink.
"There you are" Bellamy said, walking towards her.
Jasper and Monty both rose to their feet, blocking his path to her.
He stopped when he was in front of them, but his eyes didn't leave hers. And for some reason, she couldn't look away.
"Move" he said, still staring at her.
The two boys didn't move. Clarke noticed Finn still as a statue behind Bellamy.
"I won't ask you again" Bellamy said, finally looking away from Clarke to glance between the two boys.
They bowed their heads and stepped aside, giving him a clear path.
"And who are you?" Bellamy asked, stopping when he was only mere inches away from her.
Clarke couldn't find her voice. She felt paralyzed with fear.
"She's-she's my friend" Monty said from behind them. "A mortal I found in the woods."
"That so?" Bellamy asked, his voice almost playful.
Run.
Suddenly she felt a tingling behind her neck, right at the top of her spinal column.
Panic coursed through her veins when she felt it. Something like a fog, a mist in her mind. Bringing forward the memories of the day she'd had, starting with her morning with Finn. Her afternoon flashed before her eyes. The sex with Finn, the watching, the Fey she'd met, the drawings, the dancing, the fight with the boys standing behind them.
And in an instant, the tingling vanished. The fog lifted.
And Bellamy turned to look at Finn.
"Oh, I think she's more than just a friend" he said. And again, his voice was playful. Clarke would have found it charming, if it weren't for the predatory look in his eyes.
"Please" Finn choked, "don't-don't hurt her."
"And why would I do that?" Bellamy asked, turning to face Clarke again, "I'd much rather play with her."
"Leave her alone" Jasper said, "she-she doesn't have anything to do with-"
"Be quiet" Bellamy said, cutting Jasper off like he'd physically taken the words from his mouth. "What's your name?"
Clarke couldn't speak. But she had enough dignity to keep her head raised, staring him down.
He only smirked at her defiance.
"I can get back in your head and find out" he said, "or you could just tell me. I'd rather not see Finn's pale ass again."
"It's Clarke" she said through clenched teeth. "My name is Clarke."
"Clarke" Bellamy said. "So nice to finally meet you."
And to her relief, he turned and walked away.
"Bellamy, please" Finn said, taking a step after him. "Don't tell- don't tell anyone. Don't tell her."
Bellamy stared at Finn for a long, quiet moment before nodding.
"Beg" he said, "beg and I won't tell a soul."
"Please" Finn said, his voice desperate.
"On your knees" Bellamy said, "like your coward of a father."
Finn looked mad with rage.
Clarke only stared at the scene unfolding before her.
To her surprise, Finn dropped to his knees before Bellamy.
"You two as well" Bellamy said, still staring down at Finn, "for trying to trick a High Lord."
Jasper and Monty stepped forward and took their places beside Finn. All three on their knees. All three staring at the man before them with hatred.
Clarke felt sick to her stomach. It was disgusting and it made her want to slit his throat.
Bellamy only let out a laugh before stepping through the threshold and closing the door behind him.
As soon as the door closed, the tension left the room.
Clarke felt like she could move again. Embarrassment and rage washed over her as she walked towards the three boys. Monty and Jasper rose, standing beside a still-kneeling Finn. Clarke dropped to her knees, placing a hand on Finn's shoulder.
"Finn, are you-" she began. But the rest of her sentence never left her mouth.
Instead, Finn let out a scream and the air around them seemed to explode. It sent her flying across the room. She heard a sickening crack as her head hit the wall before her body collapsed on the floor.
Her whole body shook as she raised her head, staring around the room. The furniture had toppled over, the various vases and decorations were shattered. Monty and Jasper laid a few feet to her left, both on the ground. The back of her head throbbed as she stared, wide-eyed, at Finn. He was standing straight, looking at her like he was horrified. He was at her side in an instant.
"Clarke, I-I'm so sorry" he said, taking her face into his hands. "I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry."
He repeated it over and over, his voice frantic, as he helped her get to her feet.
Jasper and Monty rose, grunting.
She didn't know what to say. Or do. So she only stared at Finn, watching his face get more and more panicked by the second.
By the time that the ringing in her head stopped, Jasper and Monty were at her side, asking her if she was okay. Asking her if she needed to be healed.
When she saw the tears in Finn's eyes, she found her voice.
"It's alright" she said, "I'm fine."
"Are you sure?" he asked, holding her close, "Clarke, I am so sorry. I-I couldn't control it. It was an accident."
"It's alright" she repeated, wanting to calm him down.
After a while, he finally believed her. She would definitely be sore in the morning, but she was okay.
He apologized over and over, to the point where it got a little annoying. So she told him she was alright one last time before making him leave. Before making him go check on his guests. She helped Jasper and Monty clean up and all three of them remained silent. Once things looked as decent as they could with what had happened, they walked her to her room.
"That man" she began, "Bellamy- he's the High Lord of the Night Clan?"
"Yeah" Jasper said, "and a real dick."
"Why wasn't he invited?"
"I just told you" Jasper said, "he's a dick. Or did you not get that?"
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"What happened?" she asked, "Between Spring Clan and Night Clan? Why does he hate you guys? And what did he mean, 'like your coward of a father'"?
Jasper and Monty both let out a sigh. They'd made it to her room but she made no move to go inside, wanting to know more about the situation.
"The war" Monty said, "the one that resulted in the wall being built."
"What about it?"
"It started because of the Spring and Night Clans" Jasper said.
"Why?"
"It's a long story" Jasper said, "and one you should probably ask Finn. He was there."
What?
"But that was five hundred years ago" Clarke said, her eyes wide in shock.
"Did you miss the part about this being the immortal side of the wall?" Monty asked.
"We're not....exactly immortal" Jasper added, "We age differently from you guys. A lot slower, obviously. But we are most powerful when we reach our peak. That's why we stay like this for so long. For example, in two hundred years, I will still look like this. You will be dust."
Clarke narrowed her eyes.
"So Fey can die of old age?"
"Yeah" Monty said, "But seeing as that would take thousands and thousands of years...it doesn't happen very often. We usually die before then."
"So why did the war start?" Clarke pressed.
"Love" Jasper said, "like all other tragedies."
"Just tell me" she snapped.
"Sorry Clarke" Monty said, giving her an apologetic look, "but it's probably best that you hear it from him."
She felt so annoyed and so pissed off that she slammed her door in their faces.
Stupid, elusive Fey.
But as she laid in her bed, she couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Couldn't help but wonder why all of this started. Couldn't help but feel a shiver run down her spinal column whenever she thought of the High Lord of the Night Clan.
And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't fall asleep. There were too many questions running through her head.
By the time Finn made his way into her bed, the sun had started rising. And she was still wide awake. He crawled in and didn't say a word. He only held her close. And wrapped in his warmth, she closed her eyes. His heartbeat lulled her to sleep.
When she woke up, the sunlight was still streaming through her windows. And she could still feel Finn's arms around her. He was usually gone by the time she woke up and it surprised her a little to find him beside her, eyes open and staring at her.
"Good morning" he whispered.
"I'm pretty sure it's late in the afternoon" she said, trying to get the sad look to disappear from his eyes.
He gave her a sad smile, probably more for her than for himself.
"Finn" she said, turning to face him and place her palm on his cheek "I'm alright. I understand what happened."
She'd seen proof of his magic before. Like when he'd taken her to a meadow on a cloudless day and made all the leaves and flowers around her move, with a strong gust of wind sent by him. By his magic. She'd seen the way he'd ripped open a pillow and made all the feathers float around her, tickling her ear and her sides.
"I'm sorry" he said, with a pleading look on his face.
"I know" she said, moving closer to him.
Her words of encouragement didn't soothe him. But she could think of another way or two to get his mind off of the night before.
He stayed by her side all day. And since she still felt a little tired, a little groggy from sleep, they spent most of their day in bed.
By the time the moon rose, she felt remarkably better. And the sad look had vanished from his eyes. His smile was easy again.
After settling back into bed and turning the lights off, she placed her head on his chest and listened to the sound of his slow and steady heartbeat.
"What happened?" she whispered.
"What do you mean?"
"The war."
He was silent for a couple of minutes. And just as she was about to speak up and push for more information, he spoke.
"If I tell you" he said, "you might look at us, at me, differently."
"I won't" she said, moving away so that she could look him in the eyes.
"Yeah you will" he said, toying with the thick comforter covering his bottom half.
"Finn, it was five hundred years ago" she said, "it won't change my mind about you. You've shown me what you are, who you are. You've brought me to this place. These people. I promise that nothing you say will change my mind. It won't make me love you any less."
The word was out before she had made the conscious decision to say it.
He turned to look at her, eyes wide.
"You love me?"
She looked away, feeling her cheeks flame. Her parents were the only people she'd ever loved. The only people she'd even uttered the word to.
"I-I do" she finally said, still looking down.
But he only turned on his side, cupped her jaw and kissed her so deep it made her head spin.
"I love you too" he whispered against her lips.
His hands started to roam over her body, but she grabbed them.
"No way" she said, "you're not going to distract me."
He let out a short laugh before turning on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
"His name was Marcus" he said, after a few minutes of silence.
"Who?"
"The mortal who started the war" Finn said.
Clarke settled in, getting comfortable. He was finally going to tell her something she'd been wanting to know since she was a little girl. She wanted to know why the continent had been separated in two.
"He was the lover of the High Lady of the Night Clan" Finn said, still staring at the ceiling. "At the time, mortals lived on this side of the wall, too. But how they were seen, how they were treated all depended on what territory they'd gotten to."
"Some mortals lived among the Fey in peace, like in the Summer Clan. Some were seen as lesser folk, but still lived okay in places like the Day Clan. And in some places, they were slaves. And treated as such" he said, pausing to look at her, "like in the Spring Clan."
She felt a lump form in her throat.
"My father" Finn started again, "he was a cruel man. And he saw humans like he saw animals. Their only purpose was to make our lives better. Easier. They did the work we Fey were too good to do. They built our homes, cooked our food, farmed our lands. That was the way I grew up."
She closed her eyes, thinking about all of the things her father had written about in his journal. The wicked Fey who bought and sold humans as slaves. Using them as they saw fit, and treating them worse than they treated animals.
"It was a sensitive topic" Finn said, "and it caused a lot of unease, a lot of tension between the clans. Some believed that it was okay, the things we were doing to them. The Winter Clan had almost as many human slaves as we did. But since we were the first territory past the moral lands, we had the most."
"And then one day" he said, "one day, the High Lady of the Night Clan fell in love with a mortal. She married him."
"What?" Clarke gasped, "So he became the High Lord?"
"No" Finn said, shaking his head, "High Fey are born. Not made or given the title because they marry one of us. We six are the only High Fey in existence."
"So what happened?"
"The High Lady got pregnant" he said, "and gave birth to a child. She was half fey, half human. Some of the other High Fey saw it as a monstrosity. My father in particular. They believed humans were below us. Treating them decently was already a stretch. But creating offspring with them? That was an outrage. It was seen as an abomination. Mixing pure Fey blood with human blood was a stain in our history, my father said" he paused, like he was recalling the very words his father had uttered. "He saw it as impure. And he wanted to rid the land of the message the child was giving. So after a while, he planned an attack on the Night Clan. To erase the stain."
Unease coiled in her belly. She stopped herself from asking another question.
"He attacked the Night Clan and killed the High Lady's lover" Finn said. "She and her army were unprepared. My father only wanted the mate and the child dead. But he couldn't find her anywhere. And after a long battle, with most of the Night Clan army dead, he left."
"They say the entire continent heard her cries when she found him" he said, "but I don't remember much. I'd never been in battle before so my father hadn't let me come. But after that, we all felt her wrath."
"But we had an advantage" he continued on, "our lands were the furthest from the Night Clan. So whenever she tried to attack, another clan stopped her. From what I understand, some did it out of kindness. They didn't want more Fey blood to be split because of a mere mortal. But other clans stood with my father. So whenever they crossed a border, they didn't get very far."
"After two years, she stopped trying. No one was invited to the Night Clan. They never came to any of our territories. Another year passed..."
The unease in her stomach grew, and she found herself biting on her nails. A disgusting habit, one that her mother often scolded her for.
"One afternoon, a band of Night Clan soldiers raided our estate. We had no idea how they'd gotten in, how they'd gotten past the other clans. They all had wings, but even in the air we can feel when another clan is crossing the border into our territory" he paused and Clarke had a feeling that the story was about to get much, much worse. "They killed my mother."
She reached for his hand in the darkness.
"My father killed them all. But it didn't make it any better" Finn said, his voice thick with sadness. "You see, my mother was my fathers mate. The mating bond had snapped into place for him almost as soon as he'd met her. It took years for her to feel it, too."
"Mating bond?"
"Like soul mates" Finn said, staring at her through the darkness. "A lot of Fey are blessed with soul mates. Sometimes, you know as soon as you meet the person. And other times, it takes years for it to...to connect, like it did for my mother."
"Have you..." she trailed off.
"No" he said, shaking his head. "As I said, it usually takes a while. A few people know even before they meet their soul mate. They get flashes, like dreams, of things their mate is doing even before they know their identity. But for the most part, it takes a while."
She nodded, storing that piece of information in the back of her mind. Something for her to decipher, to think about later.
"And then what happened?" she asked.
"Losing a mate is....traumatic. It's like the loss of half of your soul, half of your heart" Finn said, "my father was a terrible man. He barely had a soul. The only good thing about him was the love he felt for my mother. He didn't speak a word after he slaughtered those soldiers. Didn't even bury my mother. Instead, he walked out of the mansion by himself and disappeared for days."
Finn paused and Clarke looked up at him, searching his face for clues about what happened next.
"When he came back" Finn said, closing his eyes, "there was a child with him. A girl."
She looked away, feeling the bile rising in her throat.
"We kept her here" Finn whispered, "for 20 years."
Clarke closed her eyes, fighting off the nausea.
"Right in the cellar under our mansion" he whispered, "she didn't see the sun once."
She finally had the nerve to look back at him.
"He tortured her" Finn said, "did any and every unimaginable thing under the skies to that girl. Some days, he didn't even leave the cellar. Some days, he didn't go at all."
"Why didn't you do anything?" she asked, the words drawn from her throat like a plea.
"What was I supposed to do, Clarke?" he asked, looking over at her, "her mother killed mine. Her clan attacked mine. She was the enemy."
"She was just a child" Clarke choked out.
She hated that she had asked. She hated that she knew.
"I know" Finn said, "and a few times...I almost let her out. Almost. But I was supposed to lead in my fathers footsteps. I was supposed to take his place, once I reached the age of maturity. I think you can understand. Your parents were seen as fanatics, lunatics. You still loved them, though."
My parents didn't torture a child! she wanted to scream. But she kept her mouth shut.
"I hated it" he said, "I hated him and I hated myself even more. But after he'd taken the child, the High Lady declared war on us. It lasted for 20 years, Clarke. Every day, we'd hear about the things she was doing, trying to get her child back. The countless Fey she slaughtered. I had no choice" he said, his voice pleading "I had to support my father. I had to protect my clan."
His voice had become panicked, his eyes wild. So she reached over and laced her fingers through his again, hoping it would calm him down.
"I was young" he said, "I was stupid. I didn't-"
"It's alright" she said, giving his hand a squeeze. "Just-just tell me the rest."
"My father kept our lands safe for all those years" Finn said, turning away, "and she was here the entire time. One afternoon, a small Night Clan army broke through our borders. They set the woods on fire, burning a lot of our crops. Our food. A couple of villages. My father was so angry that after he killed them..." he paused, "after he killed them, he came home and cut the child's wings off."
"Her wings?" Clarke whispered, feeling tears gather in her eyes.
"Yes" Finn said, his own eyes a little watery, "she was half Fey. Her mother was the High Lady, so of course she had a significant amount of power. She had gifts. My father tortured her until she bared her wings for him, and then he cut them off."
Clarke closed her eyes again.
"The child" Finn said, "she let out a wail that made our mansion shake. And she didn't stop. She cried and screamed for days."
I'm going to be sick.
Clarke could feel her dinner rising up her throat.
"After that, her brother reached his age of maturity" Finn said.
Clarke took a few deep breaths. Tried to calm herself down. She had to hear the rest of the story. He wouldn't tell her if she threw up all over him. He'd think she was too fragile to hear it.
"When we High Fey reach our peak, our age of maturity, we take our parents positions" Finn said, "we slowly absorb our parents remaining power. It depends on how strong we personally are, but they usually die within the year."
What happened to her? What happened to the girl?
"When Bellamy peaked" Finn began, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat, "his mother died within the week."
Terror, sadness and hatred fought for her attention.
"He was here in less than that" Finn whispered.
Clarke turned on her back and stared at the ceiling. As horrible as the story was, it still hadn't ended. She wasn't sure if she was ready to hear the rest.
"He and a small group broke through our lands faster than any Fey had thought possible" Finn said. "We were unprepared. But my father still thought we stood a chance because he'd only come with six soldiers. We had an army."
"It was then that Bellamy used his gift" he said, "he killed half the army in less than a minute. They began dropping dead where they stood. His companions were slower. They killed our soldiers the old fashioned way, like most Fey do. With swords and knives. But Bellamy..." he trailed off.
"It didn't last very long" Finn said, "as you can imagine. His soldiers captured me and made me watch as they slaughtered the rest of our army. The servants here. Any and every Spring Clan member they could find. And then Bellamy got my father on his knees, made him beg for his life. He took out his dagger and carved the Night Clan symbol onto my father's chest, three mountains with a crescent moon and a star, before slitting his throat on the patio outside, making me the youngest and only Fey to take my fathers place before I was ready. "
A shudder went through her.
"I thought he would kill me" Finn said, "but he only made me show him where we were keeping the girl. Somehow, she'd made it. After twenty years of torture, she was still there, huddled in that cellar."
He swallowed thickly before turning to face her.
"He scooped the child into his arms" he said, "and then he told me that he wasn't going to kill me. That it wouldn't be enough. He said that instead, I'd be paying for what I had done for the rest of my life."
He turned away again.
"After that, the treaty was made. All of the other High Lord and Ladies agreed to it. The war between our two clans lasted for so long, and it disturbed their homes as well. They suffered on our behalf. And it all started with a mortal" he said, "So the wall was made to prevent anything like that ever happening again."
There were so many questions she wanted to ask. Answers that she still needed. But she couldn't find her voice. So she turned on her side and let him wrap her in his warmth.
"And now he knows about you" Finn whispered, more to himself than to her. "He knows that I care for you. He knows."
That night, she dreamt of a faceless girl.
A child, screaming as her wings were torn from her body, again and again.
Notes:
What did you guys think? Any questions? Did you like the backstory??
Things pick up next chapter, which happens to be called "The Enemy of My Enemy"...as you can probably already tell....this Bellamy is definitely more like season 1 Bellamy. They will have their first (real) interaction.
Sucks that the hiatus has begun for the show- so I will try my best to update weekly. Maybe earlier since I've got this Bellarke shaped hole in my heart after the S4 finale.
Thank you guys for reading :)
Chapter Text
"But what if he wasn't lying? What if she sends for us? Or worse, what if she comes here?" Jasper asked.
Clarke found herself eavesdropping her her two friends. Her lover. Again.
She hated that she had to. But they kept things from her. And she wasn't sure if it was whether she was a mortal, or maybe because she was an outsider. Or, more specifically, a female mortal.
"She won't" Finn said.
"You don't know that" Monty said, "what if Jasper's right? What if Bellamy was trying to warn us?"
"That piece of shit was trying to intimidate us and you know it" Finn said, his voice unusually agitated.
"But what-"
"Enough!" Finn yelled. She heard the sounds of the silverware, the glasses clattering, like he'd slammed his fist on the table.
Jasper and Monty stayed quiet.
"I will not have this discussion again" Finn said.
"You're not the only person with something to lose" Jasper said.
"I know that" Finn said, using a gentler tone. "I know that."
"So don't ignore it" Monty said, "Haven't you learned your-"
But whatever he was going to say died in his throat. Instead, he coughed, like he'd changed his mind about the sentence.
Haven't you learned your lesson? About ignoring things? Clarke was sure that it was what Monty had wanted to say. But he'd thought better of it. Maybe he didn't want to hurt his friend. Or defy his High Lord. Or maybe, he was too scared to finish the sentence.
Either way, Clarke took the opportunity to join them. They didn't finish their conversation, just as she figured they wouldn't. It was becoming more and more agitating. The secrets they were keeping from her.
After a bit of fake chatter about the nice weather, she asked them what they were doing for the day.
"We're going to the border" Finn said, stabbing at the food on his plate.
"Again?" Clarke asked.
What the hell is going on?
"Yeah" Finn said, sighing.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
He looked at her with a gentle, soft look in his eyes. A look that told her that he appreciated her offer. A look that told her that he cared.
"No" he said, "there isn't. But thank you."
He rose from his chair, and when Jasper and Monty moved to follow, he shook his head.
"I'm taking the others" he said, watching as the two sat back down.
He kissed the top of her head before leaving.
Clarke didn't bother asking if she could come along. It wasn't her place, like they'd said. So instead, she silently prayed for his safe return for the rest of the day.
Days passed and things around the estate seemed to grow more tense. The servants talked in hushed whispers. The guards went to the border and stayed there almost every day. Jasper and Monty had taken on the roles of her personal guards, escorting her wherever she went.
But they were good company, good friends. So she didn't have it in her heart to send them away. She didn't ask. But she had a feeling that the guards at the border were hunting the monsters. Reapers, they were called. And her own personal guards were protecting her from someone a lot more sinister.
But one afternoon, she noticed someone in the skies. Flying, like a bird.
Monty and Jasper stared up at the sky with her.
"Don't worry" Jasper said, "he's one of ours."
"We don't have many Fey who can fly here" Monty added, "but we do have some."
"Who has the most?"
"The solar clans" Monty said, "Day and Night. About half of their population have the ability to fly."
Suddenly, Clarke thought of the little girl. The one who now often visited her in her nightmares.
"What happened to her?" Clarke asked, "The daughter of the High Lady of the Night Clan?"
And again, they two boys exchanged their silent glances at one another.
"Finn told me everything" Clarke said, "I know about the war. I know the story. What happened to her?"
She sat down in the grass, watching as the winged man flew further and further away.
"We don't really know" Jasper said, joining her. "There are rumors, but no one has laid eyes on her since she left."
"What kind of rumors?"
"Some people say that she went mad, withered away" Monty said. "They say that Bellamy keeps her hidden away, locked up like Finn's father had done. For her protection or ours? Who knows?"
"But other people" Jasper began, "others say she grew up strong. Lethal. Some call her the Assassin of the Night Clan. They say her brother lets her do all of his dirty work, killing those that defy him."
Sadness washed over Clarke. She'd been foolishly hoping to hear something different. To hear that the girl was okay. That she was good and kind and healthy.
"So she's either mental and locked away" Monty said, "or possibly the only person on the continent more ruthless than her brother."
"Finn said that Bellamy promised that he would pay for what he'd done" Clarke said, "has he ever...I mean, what has he done? Why do you guys hate him so much?"
"Besides the fact that when he came here he killed every person he could get his hands on?" Jasper asked, arching an eyebrow.
Clarke looked down at her hands.
"Finn might have undersold the tale" Monty said, "he probably didn't want to upset you. Or make you think that he was weak. But when the Night Clan attacked, they killed a quarter of our population. They burned our crops. Our woods. Our villages. It took us years" he paused, looking around "to restore the land to it's former glory. Even with magic. Even with help from the Summer and Winter Clan. Especially since Finn hadn't fully matured yet. Bellamy didn't give him that opportunity."
"He has no soul" Jasper said, "or so they say."
"Do you think..." she began, feeling a little skittish, "do you think that he'll come here again?"
"I'm sure he will" Jasper said, "but that's the thing. I can't tell you how or when. He likes freaking us out. He likes making Finn uncomfortable. He could be prowling the woods right now. Or he could be in some dungeon deep within one of his mountains. He shows up every couple of decades or so. He likes knowing that Finn is scared."
"What did he mean" Monty asked, "On Spring Solstice?"
"What?" Clarke asked.
"He said...he said that it was nice to finally meet you?"
"Oh, uh. I don't know" she said, hoping they couldn't tell she was lying.
He'd said it was nice to finally meet her because they'd crossed paths, weeks ago, when she had snuck out of the mansion to trap the Truth-Teller.
"I'm going to go inside" she said, rising to her feet. She hated to admit it, but the idea of him being around at this very moment made her uneasy. She hated that she was feeling what he intended to make her feel.
"Alright" Jasper said.
And of course, they followed her in.
She sighed and stopped herself from snapping at them.
"He's just worried that something will happen to you when he's not around" Monty said, picking up on her agitation.
"I'm not a child."
"No, but you are a mortal."
Finn held her closer at night. Made love more gently. Checked on her throughout the day. Reminded her that she was safe each night before she closed her eyes.
But the unease around the estate only seemed to grow.
One afternoon, she heard screaming coming from the dining room. She'd been in Finn's study, painting away, when she heard the screams.
She ran down the stairs, heading towards the sound. Wanting nothing more than to help whoever or whatever was making those horrible noises. But as she entered the dining room, she found Finn and two other guards holding down a thrashing man.
"Get out of here" Finn yelled, once he saw her standing there.
But she couldn't move. She couldn't even look away. The man they were holding down had dark red blood running down his back.
"They took them!" he screeched, "They took them!"
Clarke stepped closer, noticing the remaining clothes on the man matched the ones Finn and the other two were wearing.
He was from Spring Clan. And his wings had been taken. Ripped right off of his back.
A gust of wind pushed her out of the room, slamming the door shut once she was out. She only had enough time to reach the closest sink before vomiting everything she had consumed that day.
A few nights later, out of the blue, Finn told her he was taking her home. To the gray wasteland. To the other side of the wall.
"But why?" she asked, watching as Harper started packing her things.
"It's not safe for you here anymore" he said, a panicked look on his face.
"But I....I don't want to go" she said, hating the way her voice sounded.
But it softened something inside of him and he grabbed her by the hand and led her to the spare room down the hall.
"It won't be forever" he said, wrapping his arms around her. "I hope that it won't even be months. Maybe it'll only be weeks. But you have to go."
"But why?" she asked, pulling away from him.
"It's safer if you don't know" he said, his voice pleading. "Please, Clarke. I just- I need to protect you. I need to keep you safe."
"But I don't even know what happened to my parents!" she yelled.
It'd been slowly eating away at her. Some days she never thought about them at all.
"I know" he said, "and I promise that as soon as it's safe for you here, I'll bring you back and I will do everything in my power to help you find out. I love you, Clarke. I love you and I need for you to be safe."
"What about you?"
"Something's happened and I won't be here to protect you" he said, reaching to hold her again, "But as soon as I get back, as soon as it's safe, I'll come back to get you. I love you so much. I need to protect you."
She sighed, feeling the tears prickle behind her eyes at the idea of leaving this place. Leaving the first place she'd ever really, truly felt safe. A place where she had friends. A home. A lover. She hated the idea of leaving him.
"You have to go" he said, his voice thick with sadness, "but I promise that I will come get you as soon as I can. I love you, Clarke."
"I love you too" she whispered against his lips.
By the time that she said her goodbyes to Jasper, Monty and Harper, her stuff had been packed. A horse drawn carriage awaited. She was handed a bag of money that she was sure would last her a lifetime beyond the wall. And then Finn got on the horse and she was told to get inside the carriage. Her tears dried on her face as she watched the estate grow further and further away.
He took her to spot in the wall different from the one she'd come through. One big enough for a horse and a carriage, apparently.
Their goodbye was short. Their last kiss even shorter.
He couldn't risk going beyond the wall, so she got on the horse and glanced at him one last time before she prompted the horse to go forward.
When she woke up, she was lying face down in old, dry grass. Her horse stood a few feet away, with the carriage still intact.
The first thing she did was cry.
Being back on this side of the wall made it all feel like a dream. Maybe it had been. The only thing that convinced her otherwise was the fact that the horse and the carriage were still there with her.
She looked around at the thin, spindly trees. The stale grass. The dead leaves on the ground.
Lifeless.
This side of the wall felt lifeless.
She hadn't even found out what happened to her parents. She'd been too busy falling in love. Making friends. Living in a dream. As she climbed onto her horse, she wasn't sure who she hated more. The person who had caused all of this, or herself.
Empty. The woods were empty. Her heart felt empty.
By the time that the sun set, she was still in the woods. In those ugly, dreary woods that reminded her of the life she'd led before she'd crossed the wall.
Even though she'd lived in a poor village, full of hateful people, her parents had been the light in her life. And when that light went out, there was nothing, no one, to replace it.
Darkness.
She felt it around her. So unlike the peaceful, starlit darkness on the other side.
Go.
She heard that wicked voice again. The one she'd heard the night of Spring Solstice.
Go, the voice urged as she looked back.
For some reason, the voice reminded her of the High Lord of the Night Clan.
She shook her head. If it was his voice she was hearing, she definitely shouldn't go back.
Finn needs you, her own voice pleaded, Jasper and Monty need you. Save them!
But she was just a mortal. A 19 year old human girl. What could she do for them? They were so much more powerful, so much stronger than she was. They'd been blessed with gifts. What could she do?
Try, her voice begged, you have to try.
It was Finn, Jasper, Monty, Harper and her parents she thought of as she made the horse turn around.
Maybe they were right. Maybe there wasn't anything she could do for them. Maybe she really was just a mortal who needed to be taken care of, coddled by them.
But they'd done so much for her. She had to at least try. Didn't she?
She knew something was wrong even before she got through the gates.
For one thing, she couldn't spot a single soul. As soon as she stepped through the front doors, she knew she was too late. Their once beautiful mansion now laid in half-ruin. Walls had collapsed. The paintings had been torn. Glass littered the floor.
But there was no blood.
It was the only thing that left her a little hopeful.
She searched the mansion, the gardens. But she didn't come across a single soul. She felt like screaming.
You're too late! They're already gone! Stupid, weak!
She was so wrapped in her own self-hatred that at first she didn't notice her. She'd come to the kitchen, parched from her day of searching and travel, and almost walked right into the cloaked figure raiding through the cabinets.
Bending down, she picked up the biggest, sharpest piece of glass she could find. She used her shirtsleeve to protect her own hand before taking a step towards the figure. But more glass crunched beneath her boots and the figured jumped back, exposing herself.
"Harper?"
Harper lifted the hood of her cloak, staring at Clarke like she was a ghost.
"What are you doing here?" she hissed, glancing around the kitchen. "Finn told you to leave. He took you to the wall. What are you doing here?"
But Clarke only dropped the glass and closed the distance between them, wrapping her friend in a warm embrace.
"What happened?" Clarke asked, pulling away to glance her friend over. To make sure that she was okay.
"What are you doing here, Clarke?" Harper asked, her voice weary.
"I-I came to help" Clarke said.
"Help?" Harper asked, scoffing before she turned on the spot. She studied a sharp knife before packing it into her satchel. She continued, searching through the cabinets.
"What happened?"
"Go home, Clarke" was all Harper said in response.
She was so tired. So fucking tired of them treating her like she was a fragile child. So it was with no guilt at all that she grabbed Harper by the shoulders and slammed her against the fridge.
"What happened?" she repeated, using the most threatening voice she could muster.
Harper's eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed in anger.
"I'm going to give you five seconds to let go of me" she said, "or I will kick your ass."
Clarke let go. She'd gotten Harper's attention, which was all she'd wanted.
Harper straightened her cloak before glaring at Clarke.
"There's a plague" Harper said, "a woman. Different from the High Fey. But a lot more powerful than the average fairy. She's been looming over these lands for years. Centuries, even."
Harper turned away and began searching the kitchen. Clarke was just about to grab her again before she spoke up.
"I'm sure you've noticed that things haven't been exactly peaceful around here lately" she said, "and she's the reason why. The Reapers are hers. She had sent them to each clan, to scout. To threaten? Who knows?"
"Why? What does she want?"
"She wants to tear the wall down" Harper said.
Clarke felt the heat drain from her body.
"What? Why?"
"Why do you think?" Harper asked, "She hates mortals. Believes they are lesser than we are. All of the people who live with her down there do too. From what little I have learned of the woman...her parents were killed by mortals. Mortals they'd been friends with. So she's been biding her time. Waiting for the right moment to strike."
"To strike?"
"To attack the High Fey" Harper snapped, turning around the face Clarke. "She hates them for making the treaty."
"What did she do?"
The anger left Harper's usually kind features. And sadness replaced them.
"They were summoned to her home under the mountain" Harper said.
"What mountain?"
"The worst place you can imagine" Harper said, "even worse than the Night Clan. It's-it's called Mount Weather. And it lies underground, between the Autumn and Winter Clans. Whenever Fey disappear....that's presumably where they disappear to."
"Why hasn't anyone done anything? Before?"
"A lot of the High Fey didn't see her as a threat. Just a fanatic. A leech" Harper said, her face shriveled in disgust, "she didn't bother them and so they left her and her people alone. One of her monsters would emerge every now and again. But they were few and far between. In the past few months, they've become a real problem. As you are well aware, I'm sure."
That still didn't explain why everyone was gone.
"Where's Finn?" Clarke asked, feeling her heart hammering in her chest.
The sad look on Harper;s face told her the answer.
"She summoned them" Harper quietly said, "Told them that if they wanted to stop having Reapers killing their people and raiding their land, they had to come. And of course, they all brought their strongest warriors with them. But..."
Sweat coated her palms. Her mouth felt unbearably dry.
"But once everyone had arrived" Harper said, "she tricked them."
"How?"
"I don't know the details" she said, "but from what I gathered...she invited them to a feast. And just as they had taken their seats, she poisoned them with something. Ash, I'm told. Some sort of ash that rendered their powers, their bodies useless. And then, using the help of an old witch, she stole their magic."
Clarke felt like her head was spinning.
It won't kill them. Just incapacitate them long enough for you to get away. Or deliver a killing blow, her father had said.
"Did-did she kill them?"
"Skies no" Harper said, shaking her head. "She couldn't take all of their power. Even with the witches help. She took a lot of it, yes. But they are still alive. Much weaker though. And she needs them to bring the wall down."
A second of relief.
"So what is she doing with them?"
"I don't know" Harper said, "keeping them prisoner, I suppose. Trying to get them on her side one way or another. Either by breaking their will or their souls. All of those who went inside, the High Fey included, are trapped there. I doubt she will let them go until they give themselves to her. Until they agree to her terms. From what I hear, a few of them have already agreed."
"Where is everyone else?"
"Gone, fled" Harper said, "the estate of any High Fey is not safe at the moment."
"Where is it?"
"Clarke..." Harper began, "You should go while you still can. I don't think she'll get anywhere near the wall any time soon. Perhaps not even in your lifetime. These things take time. 50 years means nothing to us. You'll probably be dead in the ground before it happens."
"Where is it?" Clarke repeated, trying to stay as calm as she could.
"There's nothing you can do!"
"Where is it?" she repeated through clenched teeth.
Harper looked like she wanted to argue. But after a couple of minutes, she sighed.
"I can take you to it" she said. "I'll have to pass by on my way, in any case."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going home, Clarke."
Harper turned on the spot and began packing. Clarke pushed her questions to the back of her mind and ran towards her carriage.
She changed into sturdier clothes. She packed the dagger Monty had given her. She slipped the slim box from her fathers journal into her jacket pocket. And then she followed Harper outside.
"I thought you were from Spring Clan" Clarke whispered.
There wasn't a soul in the woods, but Harper had told her to be quiet.
"I'm not" Harper said. "I'm from Autumn Clan. Hundreds of us were sent here after the war, to try and salvage the land. To repopulate it. I ended up staying a lot longer than I should have."
After that, they walked in silence.
Within a couple of hours, they'd gotten deeper into the woods than Clarke had ever gone. But if Mount Weather was between the Autumn and Winter Clans, they still had a long way to go.
Eventually Harper took them down a steep valley.
The forest didn't make much of an impression on Clarke. She couldn't help but wonder about what was happening to Finn, to Jasper and Monty, to Wells and Luna at this very moment.
At the very bottom of the valley, there was a lone cave, formed out of the rocks that sprung from the earth itself.
"What is this?" Clarke asked, once Harper came to a stop at the mouth of the cave.
"This is how you get to Mount Weather" Harper said.
"But I thought you said-"
"All dark and dangerous places lead to Mount Weather in our lands" Harper said, cutting her off. "Finn may have been a little overbearing, but he was trying to save you from things like this. Those who go in don't come back."
Real, genuine fear washed over her.
If I go inside, I will die.
It was a very likely possibility.
The thought must have crossed Harper's mind as well, because before Clarke knew it, the girl stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her waist.
"You shouldn't be doing this" Harper said, pulling away, "but I have come to understand that you are a hardheaded creature, Clarke Griffin. So here is where we part ways."
Clarke nodded.
"I will only give you one piece of advice" Harper said, "if you somehow manage to stay alive long enough to use it."
"What is it?"
"Do not, under any circumstance, make deals with the Fey" Harper said, squeezing Clarke's hand for emphasis, "I mean it, Clarke. Fey cannot tell a lie, but they can leave out the truth. They can screw you over with a sentence. But the bond made between two souls that make a deal cannot be broken. So don't make any. Got it?"
Clarke nodded, feeling her body growing numb.
They exchanged another short embrace and then, she watched Harper walk away. A part of her felt like following.
But if she followed, she'd only be running from her problems again. She'd ran to the wall to forget about what had happened to her parents, instead of trying to save the mortal realm like they'd wanted her to. She'd run from the very problem of her parents death, by staying at the Spring Clan and settling for a comfortable life. By not trying to find answers. She'd run from her problems by not asking, by not pushing Finn and the others to tell her more. To show her more.
She'd become weak. Dependent.
And they all knew it. That's why they were so hell bent on taking care of her.
But this one chance, this one opportunity to try to fight, to face her problems lied within the dark shadows of the cave before her.
She had nothing to lose. She was done waiting. Done counting on others to help, to show her the way.
She gripped her dagger tight and thought of her parents, hoping that she hadn't disappointed them. She thought of Finn, Jasper and Monty. Her friends. She sent one last prayer to whoever might be listening and then she stepped into the cave.
She couldn't see a damn thing.
But she could hear voices coming from deep within the cave.
She wasn't sure how it worked. Some Fey magic too complicated for her mortal mind to understand. But eventually, she saw light. She stepped towards it, noticing a crack in the cave. It was where the voices were coming from. Where the light was coming from.
After taking another deep breath, she pushed her body through the opening and found herself being gawked at by a number of Fey.
She looked around, taking in the vast cavern.
Holes leading to different areas had formed around it. And at the very center of the cavern, there was a huge pit. Clarke ignored the stares and stepped closer, peering down into the pit.
Hundreds of Fey lingered inside. Talking, laughing. Dancing like they were at a party.
"This is no place for a mortal" a short, kind looking fairy beside her whispered. "Get out of here, girl. Go, while you still can."
She'd just opened her mouth to respond, to ask about the High Fey that had been taken when a large hand wrapped around her forearm.
The Fey around her looked away, some even took a few steps back.
Clarke turned to see the grotesque face of a Reaper for a second before pain shot through her. His fist connected to her temple and she fell to the floor. She opened her eyes just in time to see the heavy boot coming towards her before everything went black.
A burning pain woke her.
She tried to open her eyes, but they were almost swollen shut.
From what little she could see, it looked like she was in a cell. A small room, made from the rock of the earth. A heavy wooden door with a small window at the top. And a fire burning from a torch outside of her door was the source of dim lighting in her cell.
Her shaking hands when to her face, trying to assess the damage.
The pain around her eyes was horrible. The pain in her head, even worse. Her lip was busted open. She could feel a deep gash on the bridge of her nose. She could taste dried blood on her tongue. Her joints were stiff, like she'd been laying in one position for a long time. But her nose hurt worst of all.
It didn't take long for her to realize that it was broken.
Despite the pain in her ribs, she drew her knees to her chest. And then she cried.
She cried because she'd never been in more pain in her life. She cried because she'd woken up. And she cried because she had been stupid enough to come to this place, to think that she could actually do something for her friends.
Hours passed, maybe even a day. And other than the screaming, the moaning and the cries that came from the other people in her vicinity, she heard nothing. She saw no one.
Trapped, like an animal in a cage.
Somehow, she drifted off to sleep. Maybe even passed out from the pain. She didn't care.
"Clarke, wake up."
She heard the voice. Felt the hand on her shoulder. And when she opened her eyes, a beat up and bruised Jasper was kneeling beside her. She looked past him and saw Monty standing on his toes, peering out of the window.
"We don't have much time" Jasper said.
Clarke sat up, and even though her muscles screamed in protest, it was tears of relief that filled her swollen eyes.
"You're alive" she croaked.
"So are you" Jasper said, trying to smile at her. But he glanced over her face, her body. And turned to share that weary, silent exchange with Monty.
It didn't annoy her this time.
"I'm not even going to ask why you're here" Jasper said, "I think I know the answer anyway. We don't have much time."
"What-what happened?"
"The Reapers found you. Gave you the good old Mount Weather welcome before they realized you were a mortal. Ontari had you thrown in here. She told them to bring you to her, if you woke up at all" Jasper said.
"Ontari?"
"It's a long story and as I said, we don't have much time."
"She's the one who trapped you here" Clarke said, "The one who stole your powers."
"How do you know that?" Jasper asked, a confused look on his face. "No, it doesn't even matter. The important thing is, yes, she stole a lot of our magic. But we do still have some of it, especially if we work together. Monty, come here."
The two boys crouched beside her, studying her face.
"We can't get rid of all of it" Monty said, "she'll know someone helped you if you're not a little fucked up. But we can heal you. What hurts the most?"
"My-my nose" Clarke said, "And my ribs."
"Alright" Monty said, "this is going to hurt. So close your eyes and try not to scream."
She closed her eyes, grateful that they'd come. So happy to see that they were still alive. A little less grateful when a shooting pain washed over her.
"Sorry" Monty said, "I had to set it first."
Clarke bit down on her bottom lip, trying not to cry out. She could taste fresh blood in her mouth. But then the pain in her nose subsided. A few minutes later, it completely vanished. The pain coming from her abdomen, her ribs, lessened until they were just a dull throb.
And after about five more minutes, she felt like a brand new woman. A sore one. But a lot better than she'd felt since she'd woken up.
She still couldn't see very well. But it was the least of her concerns.
"We have to go" Jasper whispered, "if they catch us down here..."
Clarke took their hands in hers.
"Thank you" she whispered, staring between them, "for everything."
"We'll try to come see you again" Monty said, giving her hand a little squeeze.
"Stay strong" Jasper said, rising to his feet, "and don't let her break you."
She nodded.
"Do you have any idea of what she'll do to me?" Clarke asked, a little afraid to hear the answer.
"We don't know" Monty said, "but if it's any consolation...I doubt she'll kill you on the spot."
"Why not?"
Again, that silent exchange.
"I need to know what I'm walking in to" she said.
"From what little we've learned about her" Monty said, "she doesn't see death as punishment."
It didn't make her feel better. Not at all.
A jug of water was thrown into her room, along with a slab of old, dry bread. She ate it anyway. And drank almost half the jug in less than an hour.
Two more days passed, and the only thing that gave her a clue about the time was the water and food thrown into her cell from the small window.
For two days, she waited, fidgeting at every step she heard. Every shadow that passed her door. Watching, waiting to be summoned.
But no one came.
And the only voices she heard were the ones that were screaming, moaning, crying in pain.
By the third day, she considered bashing her head against the wall. At least then she would fall asleep. At least then the voices would shut up.
Instead, the door to her cell was opened and a bag was put over her head.
She didn't try to fight them. She didn't scream or thrash against their steel grip. She decided to wait. To save her strength.
After walking for what she judged to be about ten minutes, she heard voices again. She heard music. Music.
And these voices weren't screaming. But talking, laughing. Singing.
She heard the whispers of the people around her as she was ushered through the crowd. She walked for another five minutes before she was led up a short flight of stairs and pushed roughly to her knees.
The light blinded her sore eyes, after days and days of almost-darkness.
The first thing she noticed was the woman. No, she wasn't even a woman. More-so like a girl than a woman. She looked no older than Finn, or Jasper and Monty.
But she was beautiful. Even with the ugly scars on the sides of her face.
The girl, whom Clarke surely guessed was Ontari, sat on a throne just a few feet from where Clarke kneeled.
Her long, brown glossy hair hung in a perfect curtain around her face. She wore a fine long black dress that pooled down the throne she sat one, and covered her to the neck.
But as beautiful as she was, there was only malice in her dark eyes.
"Oh my" she purred, "I haven't seen one in decades. I forgot how ugly they were."
The crowd snickered behind her. But it was another laugh that finally drew her attention from Ontari.
Sitting at her side, one step below her on his very own throne, sat the High Lord of the Night Clan. His mouth titled up in a smirk as he took her in.
Rage, pure violence rose in her chest.
But then she looked beside him and spotted the beautiful brunette she'd seen on Spring Solstice. Lexa, High Lady of the Day Clan. Her mouth set in a hard line, her eyes boring into Clarke's.
And beside her, Wells Jaha of the Autumn Clan.
Clarke turned her head and saw Finn, sitting to Ontari's left. His position directly across from Bellamy's. She let her eyes drift to the two people sitting beside him, and it didn't take long for her to realize that the woman next to Finn was Luna of the Summer Clan. Even though she looked a little different. She looked sad. Lifeless, even. The man beside her surely Roan of the Winter Clan. He looked strong. Lethal.
Her eyes went back to Finn, searching his face and his body for any sign of injury. Anything. But he didn't meet her gaze. He stared straight ahead.
"I asked you a question, worm" Ontari snapped, pulling Clarke's attention back to the girl at the center of them all.
They way they were sitting beside but below her formed a sort of pyramid. And of course she was at the very center.
"Clarke" Bellamy said, "her name is Clarke Griffin."
"Thank you, High Lord" Ontari said, turning to smirk at Bellamy. He smirked back and Clarke had the sudden urge to gauge both of their eyes out.
"Clarke Griffin" Ontari said, tasting her name out. "Your name sounds familiar."
Probably because you killed my parents.
She might not have done it herself. But Clarke was sure that she had something to do with it. How else would she have gotten her hands on the ash?
"What are you doing here, Clarke Griffin?"
The crowd behind her stayed completely silent. Ontari, and all those beside her, were staring at Clarke. Waiting for her to answer. All of them, except for Finn.
She rose on wobbly knees. If she was going to die, she would do it with some dignity. She'd die standing.
"I came" she began, but her voice was coming out raspy and weak. She stopped mid-sentence and cleared her throat. "I came to save my friends."
Ontari smiled. A slow, beautiful smile.
"Anyone else?"
Clarke swallowed. She wasn't sure how much Ontari knew about her. And she definitely didn't want to give her more information than necessary.
When she didn't answer, Ontari turned to Finn.
"Is this" she said, "or is this not the mortal you've been courting?"
She seemed to know quite a bit.
Finn stayed quiet, staring straight ahead.
Clarke tried not to let the hurt register on her face. Why wasn't he looking at her? Why was he pretending that he didn't know her?
"Really, Finn?" Ontari said, arching a perfect eyebrow. "Bellamy? Please check if my information is correct."
Bellamy rose from his throne, standing to stare past Ontari, at Finn.
He knows I am? Why is he making a show of this?
"That's the one" Bellamy said, sitting back down.
"Oh, my, Finn. I thought you learned your lesson last time? You know what happens when you ignore me" Ontari said, her voice playful. "I guess I will just have to remind you again." She looked past Clarke to the Reaper standing behind her. "Find Jasper and Monty. And give them each twenty lashes, courtesy of their High Lord."
Clarke closed her eyes, fighting the urge to yell at the woman, to try and stop the Reaper. Right now, she couldn't do anything for them. All she could do was hope that they were able to heal themselves as fast as they healed her.
"Now, Clarke Griffin" Ontari said, "Did you come here to save your beloved?"
Again, the people behind her snickered. This time, both Bellamy and Roan joined in. It took all her effort to keep her eyes on Ontari.
"I did" she said.
"And how are you going to do that?"
"I don't know" Clarke said.
"Well, that's not a very good plan" Ontari said, cocking her head to the side.
A laugh from the crowd. A real one, this time.
"It really has been a long time since I've seen a human" Ontari said. "And I think that killing you here and now would be a little boring, don't you agree?"
Her words were mocking. Her voice was playful. But Clarke could see the cruelty in her eyes.
"I agree" Clarke said, narrowing her eyes, using the strongest voice she could muster.
"So what about..." Ontari began. But then she paused, like she was thinking about her options. "How about I give you the opportunity to save your High Lord?"
"How?"
"Four trials" Ontari said, "on each full moon, you will perform a task of my choosing. An exercise of sorts. Built to test you, to see if you are truly worthy of a High Lord?"
Four full moons. She would have to spend four months here. And that was assuming she lived that long.
"What kind of trial?"
Don't make any deals, Harper had said.
"I just told you. Tasks to test your strength, your spirit. Your wit" she said, smiling "and if you succeed, I will set your High Lord free."
The entire place went quiet.
Clarke glanced at Finn, but again, he avoided her gaze.
"If I complete your tasks..."she began, thinking about her options, "you set them all free. All four High Lords and the two High Ladies. And the rest of the people who came with them."
Ontari's eyes widened in surprise. In fact, almost all of the High Fey sitting before her were staring at her with their eyes wide. Even Finn. All of them except for Bellamy, who only smirked. Like he'd known what she was going to say.
"Alright" Ontari said, smiling now "if you live to complete all four of my tasks, I will let them go."
Clarke repeated the sentence to herself over and over, looking for loopholes. After a couple minutes of silence, Ontari seemed to grow inpatient. She started tapping her foot.
"Will you accept my offer or not?" she snapped.
"I will" Clarke said, "I accept your offer."
The crowd began to murmur behind her. The High Fey looked between one another. But Ontari only had eyes for Clarke.
"This is going to be the most fun I've had in centuries" Ontari said, her smile bright. "Take her away."
"What? No" Clarke yelled, fighting against the Reaper grabbing her from behind.
"Well you didn't expect to stay here with us, did you?" Ontari asked. "You're a mortal. And you belong in your cage. You will be give chores, of course, everyone has to earn their keep. But your cell will be your new home."
They started pulling her back. She figured she'd already sold her soul. So she had nothing left to lose.
"Finn!" she yelled, and to her relief his eyes finally locked on hers, "I love you!"
The Reaper she'd been fighting with finally had enough. He stuffed a rag in her mouth and put the bag back over her head before throwing her across his shoulder and taking her back to her cell.
Pacing in her cell, she tried to recall when she'd last seen the moon. What phase it had been in. But no matter how hard she thought about it, she couldn't even remember the last time she'd looked at the moon.
Her days were spent pacing around her cell, driving herself insane with the possibilities. There were so many things that Ontari could have her do. So many things she would fail at.
But she would fight. She would fight with every fiber in her being, because not only would she save Finn, but she'd save all of them. And surely after that, they would want to protect the mortals. They would want to keep the wall up.
If she succeeded, then she'd save the people she wanted to save and the people her parents wanted her to protect.
The meals seemed to come at regular intervals, so she figured about another week had passed before they came to get her again.
And again, she let them put the bag over her head and lead her out of her cell door.
After five minutes, they stopped. Wherever they were, it wasn't the large cavern she'd been to the first time she was summoned.
They lifted the bag from her head and again, the light blinded her for a couple of seconds. She let her eyes adjust before scanning her surroundings.
She stood at the edge of a deep pond. The water before her was murky, but she could tell that it was deeper than an average pond.
Fucking magic.
There wasn't anything alarming about it, other than it's width. Almost twenty feet long and just as wide.
She heard the people before she saw them. Their voices were coming from above her.
She looked up, realizing that she was in some sort of hole. Some trench. The Fey crowded around the circle, all peering down at her. She turned in a circle, looking for familiar faces.
At one end of the circle, Ontari leaned over a metal railing, smiling down at her. And of course, her High Fey stood on either side of her.
She gave herself a minute to look at Finn. To try and remember the details of his face. Because she very well could die within the day, the hour. She might not see his face again.
She spotted Jasper and Monty, as well as a woman she'd talked to during Spring Solstice on the opposite end.
"Clarke Griffin" Ontari said, effectively shushing the crowd, "this task is simple. Retrieve the necklace at the bottom of the pond and you shall pass."
Too simple.
Clarke was sure that there was more to the task. And Ontari was purposefully leaving whatever it was out. She glanced back towards the murky waters.
"Get to it, girl" Ontari said, "the people have already placed their bets."
She heard laughter.
They were betting on her. On how long she would survive. She was risking her ass for them, and they were fucking betting on her.
She shrugged her jacket off, untied her boots. She heard a few whistles, a few cat-calls. But she tuned them all out.
If she was supposed to get the necklace, she'd get the damn necklace.
Leaving her pants and shirt on, she sat at the edge of the pond. Carefully, she lowered her legs in. Nothing about the water seemed alarming. It wasn't too hot, like she'd expecting. It didn't burn her skin. It wasn't too cold.
The voices grew louder and louder, the deeper she sank. She took a deep breath and submerged her head into the water.
She opened her eyes. She knew it was risky. The water was dirty, but she couldn't waste her time or breath trying to search the pond floor with her fingers. She swam a little deeper. And she she'd suspected, it was a lot deeper than any other pond she'd ever been in.
The dirty water made it hard to see much of anything, but she figure that a bright and hopefully shiny necklace would stand out.
She made out a few jagged rocks, covering the pond floor. But no sign of a necklace.
Suddenly, something moved below her. Something to her left. It swam towards her and for a second, she felt too curious to move.
But then she saw the creatures claws. It's round little body, like a slug the size of large dog.
She kicked her legs, trying to get back to the surface.
The adrenaline shooting through her veins maid her kick harder, push faster, until she could see the light. She had to get out of the water. She didn't dare look down.
When her head broke through the water, she didn't stop. Propelling her arms forward, she frantically swam for the edge of the pond.
Get out. Get out of the water.
Her breathing became so rapid she swallowed mouthfuls of the dirty water before her hands touched the dirt at the edge of the pond.
The crowd was yelling, but she couldn't decipher any of the words they were saying.
"Behind you!" a loud voice screeched, drowning out the others. Jasper.
She made the mistake of looking behind her before trying to lift herself from the pond. And just as she'd turned and lifted herself up, her torso on the land but her legs still in the water, the creature's mouth latched on the her left foot and she cried out in pain.
She kicked at it with her right foot, but it's sharp teeth had gotten up to her ankle.
She screamed, kicking at the vile beast with all her strength. And mercifully, one particular kick was strong enough to send it back into the water. But not before it tore at the skin on her left foot.
She crawled back on all fours, the tears on her face flowing freely at the pain, at the site of her foot.
Raw, claw-like tooth marks had her skin bleeding. Her flesh exposed. Some areas were merely scratched, but some had to be at least a centimeter deep. She could see the pearly glow of bone in a couple spots. And at least two of her toes had been broken. Like the creatures entire mouth had been made of sharp teeth.
"No necklace in your hand, Clarke Griffin" Ontari shouted from above.
A few people snickered but for the most part, the crowd went silent.
The pain in her foot was making it hard for her to concentrate on anything else.
"We don't have all day" Ontari said. "Either retrieve the necklace or give up."
Clarke glared up at her. She didn't bother wiping the tears from her face. She was soaked, head to toe, in that filthy pond water.
She looked around, searching for where she'd left her socks and boots.
She put both socks on her left foot before lacing the boot up. She put the second boot on and the Fey went quiet. Watching her. Waiting to see what she would do next.
She felt like an animal. But she supposed that was how Ontari wanted her to feel.
As she got ready, she tried to recall all the information she'd learned about the creatures on this side of the wall. Something about the monster was pulling at a memory.
She stood, limping her way around the pond. Trying to spot it within the waters.
And then, it came to her. She'd read about this thing, this monster, the same day she'd found out about the Truth-Teller. This creature was in the very same book.
Closing her eyes, she imagined that she was back in the library. She saw herself sifting through the pages.
Kappa.
The creature was a called a Kappa. She'd seen in the book, only a few pages away from the section about the Truth-Teller.
There was a reason Ontari had picked a necklace. Kappa's loved anything shiny. And they killed by drowning, by submerging their victims to the bottom of whatever body of water they were in.
She stared into the water, going around and around the pond to try and locate it. No doubt it was guarding the necklace. She just had to find out where.
"What's it doing?" a voice from above asked.
"She's looking for it" another added.
There.
She spotted it at one corner of the pond, almost across from where she'd originally went in. That's why she'd had the head start. She studied her surroundings, looking for anything shiny she could distract the creature with.
But there was nothing. The Reapers that had brought her here weren't even around. Nothing but dirt and rocks.
"Clarke, honey, you have to actually try if you want to set your beloved free" Ontari crooned.
Clarke looked down at her hands.
Her fathers watch still remained. She'd never taken it off. Not once, since she'd taken it from his wrist before burying him.
Tears of joy and longing prickled behind her eyes.
Of course. Of course her father would still help her, even in death.
She lifted her head, and in her confidence, she smiled at Ontari. But she didn't wait for a reaction. Instead, she unclasped the watch and threw it to the other side of the pond, watching it sink deeper and deeper.
She stood at the edge of the pond, now watching the Kappa.
And when it spotted the glint, the shiny bit of metal from her fathers watch, it swam towards it.
She didn't think twice.
She dived in, head first, swimming like hell towards the bottom.
When her hands made contact with the mud and rocks gathered at the bottom, she opened her eyes. And there, only mere inches away from her fingers, laid a ruby necklace.
She snatched the necklace and turned away, kicking so fast and so hard her legs began to burn within seconds.
Breaking through the water, she didn't stop to look for the Kappa. She swam towards the edge of the pond and hoisted herself up, feeling the pain in her foot become almost unbearable as she dragged herself onto the dirt.
But she'd swallowed mouthfuls of that water again. She turned, now on her hands and knees, and coughed and coughed until her lungs felt like they'd been lit on fire.
The whole place was quiet. But then she looked up, raised her hand and showed them the blood-red ruby necklace.
Almost half the crowd broke out in cheers. Screaming at her. Congratulating her. Ontari even cracked a smile.
Luna stared at her from above, completely shocked but laughing. Lexa and Roan didn't smile or laugh, but Clarke could see almost something like approval in their eyes. Wells smiled and nodded, silently congratulating her. Finn wasn't even looking at her.
But Belllamy, he was staring right at her with that fucking smirk on his face. And just before he turned away, he winked.
The Reapers came out of a hole in the wall and she only had time to grab her jacket before the bag was over her head. But as was ushered towards the door, limping, she heard Ontari finally speak up.
"It looks like only one person bet that the girl would succeed. Congratulations" she said.
And the rest was drowned out as she made her way back to her cell.
She woke, hours later, with tears already on her face.
She'd taken her foot out of the boot as carefully as she could. She used the little bit of water still in her jug to wash it, wincing in pain the entire time. But her clothes were too dirty to use as a bandage. So all she could do was prop her foot up on her boot and try not to cry. Try and fail.
She hoped, prayed that Jasper or Monty would come. Come to at least ease some of the pain. Or just come to see her.
They didn't.
The tears eventually dried up. As did her clothes.
She smelled terrible, now that the water and dirt had dried on her skin. Her hair and clothes. She was filthy, head to toe. But that was the least of her concerns.
She felt feverish, only a few hours after passing her first task. And no matter how many hours passed, her pain wouldn't subside.
Eventually she fell asleep, only to be woken up by the pain once again.
If anything, the pain seemed to grow worse with time.
Infection.
She didn't want to think about it. But she already had a fever. And the water had been so dirty. The Kappa's wounds had run so deep.
She didn't even have enough strength to lift herself from the tiny cot on her floor. When they brought her another jug or water and a small bowl of something she assumed was soup, she couldn't bring herself to crawl towards it. She couldn't even bear the thought of moving her leg.
But by some miracle, she fell asleep once more.
She opened her eyes.
The fire from the torch outside her door seemed a little brighter than usual. She lifted her head, already feeling the pain from her foot radiating through her body.
It was swollen. Much more swollen than it'd been before she'd fallen asleep. Puffy and full of fluid. Pus. Dried and fresh blood. Tears gathered in her eyes. She laid her head back down, staring at the ceiling.
Dying from infection. How fit for a human.
"That looks bad."
Her head snapped up and she crawled back onto her cot. Pain shot up her leg but the fear she felt was greater.
Bellamy pushed off of the wall he'd been leaning against and took a few small steps towards her. He'd been standing directly across from her. How long had he been there? How hadn't she noticed him before?
He crouched down, right beside her cot and stared at her foot.
"Bad and painful" he said.
"What the hell do you want?" she asked, pressing closer to the wall.
"I came to check on you" he said, smirking at her, "since you made me a lot of money, I figured it was the least I could do."
She took a moment to think about what he'd just said.
"You're the-you bet on me?"
"I did" he said, rising to his feet.
"Why?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
He looked exactly like he had that day he'd come to Finn's mansion. Clad in all back. Not a single speck of dust on the fine material of his simple outfit. Black boots, black pants and a simple black shirt.
"Everyone was betting against you" he said, "I felt like being rebellious."
"Fuck off" she said, "And get the hell out of my cell."
"Brave words for a prisoner."
"Like you're any different?" she countered, "You're just as much of a prisoner as I am."
"But I'm not the one dying from infection."
She glared at him, feeling even more angry that she'd been at the trial.
"Get the fuck out of my head" she snapped.
"I'm not in your head" he said, rolling his eyes. "Anyone can take a look at that foot and tell it's infected."
She turned away, not even sure why she was bothering to argue with him.
"I can help you" he said, staring down at her.
"I don't want your help."
"Maybe not" he said, "but you need it."
"I don't."
"I'm not your enemy, Clarke."
"Right" she said, "you're my fucking knight in shining armor. Is that it?"
"No" he said, "I don't look very good in armor."
She turned away, determined to stare at the wall until he left.
"And I'm no knight" he said, stepping forward before crouching down again, "I'm a High Lord. And I'm offering to help you."
"Get the fuck out. Go play your mind games with someone else. I'm not interested."
He stayed quiet for a few minutes.
"I'd been hoping that you were smarter than your High Lord" he finally said, "But you are just as stupid as he is."
The pain in her foot was becoming unbearable. Her fever hadn't broken. If anything, she felt hotter than before. And she felt so hopeless, so angry that she didn't think twice before using the little bit of strength she had to slap him.
"Fuck you" she spit.
His eyes stayed closed for a couple of seconds, after the slap echoed in the small cell. And when he opened them, she said one last prayer. He was going to kill her. She could see it in his gaze.
She closed her eyes, hoping it would be fast.
"I don't know if Finn tolerated this type of treatment" he said, "for you to feel comfortable enough to do that. I could crush all the bones in your other foot for it. I should."
He stood up.
"But I won't" he said, "not this time. This time, I'll give you a pass. But if you ever lay your fucking hand on me again, it'll be the last time you use that fucking hand. Got that?"
She opened her eyes, staring at the wall beside her. He reached forward and grabbed her jaw, jerking her head to the side to face him.
"Got that?" he repeated.
"Yes" she said, staring at him.
He let go of her jaw.
"As I said, I am not your enemy, Clarke."
"You're Finn's enemy" she said.
"And?"
"So that makes you my enemy, too."
He laughed.
"Do you have any idea of how pathetic you sound?" he asked. "You have a fucking brain. Use it. Stop acting like some puppet to that coward. 'So that makes you my enemy, too'" he let out a short, cruel laugh. "He didn't even acknowledge you."
She felt her cheeks flame. And not because of the fever.
"I'm not-" she began.
Why the fuck am I even arguing with him? Why am I wasting my breath?
"You have two options." he said, "You can either accept my help here and now. Or you could sit here and hope that your little High Lord will find a way to help you. You can pray that his weak lackeys will come heal you like they did the last time. And maybe they will. Or maybe you'll die waiting."
"What's in it for you?"
He smiled, leaning against the wall across from her.
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."
"She doesn't seem like your enemy" Clarke said, "in fact, you seem to fight right in beside her."
He shrugged.
"Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things" he said, with that infuriating smirk on his face.
"And why should I believe you?"
"I bet on you" he said.
"So?"
"I had faith in you. I believed in you" he said, "maybe you should repay the favor."
"I'm not interested" she said, turning away.
She needed help. But he was the last person she could trust. He hated Finn. He wanted to make him suffer. And he apparently had no soul. How was she supposed to believe anything he said?
"Alright" he said, standing up straight, "I won't ask you again."
He walked towards the door.
He didn't go through it. Instead, he seemed to be disappearing right into the shadows of her small cell.
She stared, watching him go. Feeling desperation rising in her chest.
"Wait."
He stopped and came back into full form, like Jasper and Monty said he could. Right from the shadows.
"Yes?"
"If-if I accept your help" she began, "what will you want in return? I don't assume you're doing this out of the kindness of your heart. If you have one, that is."
He let out a short, dark laugh. The hairs on her arms stood up.
He closed the distance between them, crouching down so that they were face to face again.
"I will help you get through your trials" he said, "and I will help you survive this place. And in return..."
She held her breath, anticipating to hear anything from performing some sort of mortal sacrifice to sexual favors in return.
"No sacrifices or sexual favors" he said, smirking at her, "unless that's something you're interested in?"
"Get the fuck out of my head" she yelled, seething with anger.
"In return" he began, completely ignoring her anger "when we get out of here, you come to the Night Clan for two weeks of every month."
"What? Why?" she was so surprised that the anger left her voice.
"Do we have a deal or not?"
Do not, under any circumstance, make a deal with a Fey.
She heard Harper's warning again. But what choice did she have? Her foot was infected, her toes were broken. The fever had already set in. It'd been days and no one else had come to visit her. And for someone who'd had their powers taken, he sure seemed to have a lot left over.
"Five days" she said.
"A week."
"Five days" she repeated, "Five days of every month."
"Six."
She stared into his dark eyes, so different from her own.
"Six days" she said, "And you stay the fuck out of my head."
"I won't go into your head unless it's important" he said, "unless it's life or death. Unless I have to."
She thought about it.
The pain in her foot was urging to to go ahead and seal the deal. But a wary voice in the back of her mind was telling her to send him straight to hell.
"Six days, of my choosing, in the Night Clan with me every month" he said.
"Alright" she whispered, feeling dread coursing through her veins.
She didn't want to think about those six days. She couldn't. She didn't want to think about how she would tell Finn, or the others, that she'd made a deal with the High Lord of the Night Clan of all people.
"It's a deal" he said, rising to his feet.
It wasn't until he smiled that she really, truly felt the terror in her gut.
"Heal me" she said, trying to fight off the terror seeping into her veins. "Heal me."
"Please would help."
She glared at him.
He only smiled.
She prepared to yell at him, but a deep, sharp pain came from her foot and she let out a whimper. Placing her hand over her mouth, she closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. Not in front of him.
But the pain left faster than it had come. And when she opened her eyes, her foot was completely healed. And not only were the bite marks gone, but her skin looked...clean, almost perfect. No evidence of the creatures attack.
She glanced down, noticing the clean, dry clothes on her body. She ran a hand through her hair. Soft and silky. She couldn't feel the gash that had been on her nose, she didn't feel warm with fever, she could see perfectly out of both eyes.
She stared up at him, feeling a little shocked.
"Much better" he said, smirking down at her. "You look good in black."
He disappeared into the shadows before she could yell at him. But he hadn't missed the middle finger she'd thrown up as he left.
It was then that she noticed the tattoo. It was on her left wrist. Out in the open for all to see. Three little mountains, and in the corner...a crescent moon and a star.
She stared at the tattoo.
Anyone who saw it would know that she belonged to the Night Clan.
Notes:
AHH!! It's begun.
Definitely a lot more Bellamy from here on out.What do you think he has in store for her?? What about her next trials? And those deals? Anyone feeling a little nervous about them? Things will heat up in the next chapter which is called "The Loss of Innocence"....but probably not in the way you're expecting. Well, maybe?? Hehe :D
Thank you guys SO MUCH for the feedback on the last chapter. It blew me away. It's extremely inspiring to hear what you guys think/how the fic makes you feel, so thank you for that and THANKS for reading. One week of the hiatus is down. Only a billion more to go, sigh. I hope this fic will help <3 :)
Chapter 4: The Loss of Innocence
Notes:
*Just a general warning- the fic will get a little dark for next few chapters.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Days passed and she stayed in her cell. The voices of those in pain were the only ones she heard. She thought that she'd get used to them. That she would learn how to tune them out.
But she couldn't.
And they were breaking her, bit by bit. Tearing away at her soul until she felt like she didn't have one. Until she felt that the rest of her miserable life would be spent in that cell, listening to those voices and knowing there was nothing she could do to help them.
A week after she'd passed her first trial, she was given her first chore. She'd been brought to a small, dirty kitchen. The Reaper who had brought her pushed her to towards the sink in the corner of the small room.
"Clean these glasses by the time I get back" he said, "or I will rip a fingernail off for each one that isn't."
He left her there, staring at six dirty wineglasses.
The small sink was full of water. But it was filthy. Muddy, much like the rest of the place.
She grabbed the first glass, trying to wash it with her fingers. But it only seemed to get more dirty. Little flecks of dirt and mud were embedded into the swirls, into the patterns on the crystal glass.
She gave up and picked up one of the cleaner looking ones, using her fingernails to try and scrape the mud out.
Various servants made their way in and out of the kitchen. No one looked at her. No one even acknowledged her presence.
After an hour, both the glasses and the water only looked dirtier. She started to panic, thinking about the Reaper's parting words. She needed her fingernails.
But she was sure that they'd given her the task knowing she would fail. There was no other explanation for why she couldn't make the glasses look a little cleaner. Why the water seemed to grow dirtier by the minute.
Tears of frustration were building in her eyes by the time she felt a presence behind her.
She turned, spotting a curious looking Luna.
Clarke waited, but the woman didn't say anything. After a couple of minutes, she turned her back. Desperately trying to clean the stupid glasses.
"You didn't have to negotiate" Luna finally said, moving to stand at Clarke's side. "Why did you, anyway?" Luna asked. "She probably would have taken it easier on you if you wouldn't have. If you had agreed to saving only your High Lord."
"It wouldn't have been right" Clarke said, swooping her fingers around the glass in her hand.
Luna studied her in silence for a few minutes. Clarke was starting to grow uncomfortable. She could feel Luna's eyes boring into her.
"I doubt you will succeed" Luna said, "and I think you must know that, in your heart. But thank you."
And with that, she left.
Clarke stared after her, wondering what she was up to. But when she turned back to the sink, she found it full of crystal clear water. Smiling to herself, she quickly washed the glasses. After she was done, she waited patiently for the Reaper to fetch her and take her back to her cell.
When he finally showed up, he confirmed her suspicions. The surprised look on his face told her all she needed to know.
And again, she was roughly ushered to her cell. But they had stopped putting the bag over her head, so she freely searched her surroundings.
Some of the Fey looked at her with admiration. Some with pity. And some of them looked at her like she was their next meal, snickering as she walked by.
She could feel herself withering away as the days passed. They were starving her. The voices were driving her mad. But she thought of her friends, her family, and all the people she would save to keep herself together.
Two weeks later, when she was brought out of her cell for another chore, it was Wells Jaha of Autumn Clan that came to her rescue.
She'd been given a simple task.
Clean this place up or go without water for the next week.
They'd taken her to the large cavern she'd been in the first time she met Ontari. The place where she'd made the deal. But unlike the last time, it was completely empty. No Fey dancing. No party.
Just a lot of tables and chairs. A lot of trash. Old food and spilt drinks.
She started at one corner, cleaning as fast as she could.
She was almost halfway through the large space when she felt him come up beside her. And the ordeal with him was similar to the one she'd had with Luna. He asked her why she'd done it. Thanked her for her courage. And then he spent twenty minutes helping her clean. And seeing as he could use his magic, it took him less than a quarter of the time it had taken her.
A part of her was grateful for it. The help. He was the third High Fey who had reached out to her. Offered her help.
But another part of her felt a little sad.
Three of them. Even Bellamy.
And yet, Finn had made no move to reach out. He hadn't even checked on her.
She thought about it for days, wondering what angle he was playing at. Perhaps he knew that it would only cause her more trouble? Maybe it would only make Ontari angrier? Make her crueler?
She didn't know.
The next time she was taken from her room, she'd been told that the moon was full. That it was time for her second trial.
She walked through the crowd, ignoring all of the faces around her. For some reason, she didn't feel frightened. She didn't know if it was because she was ready to get started, ready for another opportunity to come that much closer to freeing her friends. Or if it was because she just didn't care anymore.
Either way, at least she was out of that cell. At least she couldn't hear the voices.
"Clarke Griffin" Ontari said, now clad in a short red dress, "your second trial awaits."
Clarke didn't bother looking at the High Fey sitting at each of her sides. But she did sneak one glace towards Finn. She wasn't surprised to find him staring straight ahead.
"For this task, you must solve a riddle."
The entire cavern remained silent. Every single person in the room was hanging on to each of Ontari's words.
"But because I don't have all day" she began, "I need to give you a little motivation."
Clarke felt unease coiling in her stomach as Ontari stared towards the entrance. Clarke, along with every other person in the room, turned to look.
Jasper and Monty were led into the cavern, flanked by two Reapers each. Their hands were tied behind their backs. They both had a gag in their mouth. They all watched as the Reapers brought them to the front and shoved them to their knees.
"Wells" Ontari said, "please light the pits."
Clarke looked at Wells and saw regret washing over him. His eyes bored into hers, silently telling her that he was sorry.
Suddenly, two fire pits at each side of the room lit up. Clarke hadn't noticed them before. But something about them seemed familiar. They looked like something from home. Like something their village butcher had in his quarters.
She understood what was going to happen even before the Reapers led Monty and Jasper away from one another.
They were each tied to a wooden post.
"While you think about your answer" Ontari began, "Jasper and Monty will be...a little warm" she finished with a smile.
Cooking was more like it. Like animals on a rotisserie.
"Are you ready?"
She shook her head, turning back to Ontari. She couldn't worry about them, not right now. She needed to concentrate. If she solved the riddle, they wouldn't be there for long.
"I must warn you" Ontari said, "that with each minute that passes...the fire will get hotter. It will grow a little taller. Isn't that right, Wells?"
He nodded, giving Clarke another apologetic look. She understood. He had people he needed to protect, too. Himself included.
"Solve this riddle" she said, "and save Jasper and Monty."
The only sounds in the cavern were coming from the two fires.
"What is greater than the Mother" Ontari began, "more evil than a witch..."
Clarke concentrated on the words, her thoughts already racing.
"Mortals have it. Fey need it. But if you eat it...." she smiled that wicked smile, "you die."
What is greater than the Mother, more evil than a witch? Mortals have it. Fey need it. But if you eat it, you die?
She closed her eyes, thinking about each phrase. Each word. She repeated the riddle, over and over.
She heard snickering throughout the crowd. She felt all of their eyes on her. But no matter how hard she thought, nothing came to mind.
She wasn't sure how long she stood there, repeating the riddle over and over in her mind. But when she heard both Monty and Jasper begin to groan, she opened her eyes.
Their bodies were dangerously close to the fires beneath them. One more minute and the shirt Jasper had on would make contact with the flames.
Her heart rate sped up. Sweat began running down her back. And she could feel it again, the fear. More alive than ever, as she listened to her two friends growing more and more uncomfortable by the second.
What is greater than the Mother, more evil than a witch? Mortals have it. Fey need it. But if you eat it, you die?
She stared at the floor, thinking about the phrase. Nothing came to mind. Absolutely nothing. She couldn't think of an answer to one part of the riddle, much less the entire thing. It was like her mind had been wiped clean.
Nothing.
It was Bellamy's voice she heard in her head.
Say it. Say 'nothing'.
She heard a scream come from Monty just as she raised her head to look at the High Lord. He looked almost bored, staring down at her.
"Nothing" she said, without really even thinking about it.
The smile dropped from Ontari's face and Wells let out a sigh in relief. In less than a second, the fires had gone out.
Clarke looked towards her friends. noticing the angry welts forming on Monty's neck. The soot on his shirt. The bit of exposed flesh, since the fire had burned away part of his shirt.
But it didn't look like anything he couldn't handle.
A cheer broke out behind her.
What is greater than the Mother, more evil than a witch? Mortals have it. Fey need it. But if you eat it, you die?
Nothing.
That was the answer. How hadn't she thought of it before?
Her victory was short lived. The look on Ontari's face told her that she hadn't been expecting Clarke to pass. To solve her stupid riddle. Clarke vaguely wondered what she would have done, what she could still do to her, if she had lost.
The possibilities were endless. And after she realized that she'd done it, that she had passed, the emptiness she'd been feeling before came back. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before she'd be back in her cell. Before the voices would weave themselves into her mind. Her dreams.
She looked up, hoping to make eye contact with Finn. She was slowly but surely forgetting the precise color of his eyes.
But again, his eyes were the only ones in the room that weren't on her.
She wanted to feel happy. She'd passed another task. She was halfway through.
Look at me!
She wanted to scream it. Ask him to look. To have a little faith in her.
But she resigned to telling herself that there was a reason he didn't.
The intervals of her daily meals told her that four days had passed before she was summoned again.
This time, the Reaper took her further than she'd even been in Mount Weather. She ended up in a room, a chamber of sorts. A lot nicer than the other rooms she'd been in. There wasn't much inside. Just a wooden dresser with a mirror. A fireplace. And a large bed, with soft and silky sheets on it.
"Clean the fireplace" the Reaper said, "or the ashes in it will be your only meal for the next two weeks."
Clarke rolled her eyes, turning her back on the Reaper. He closed the door behind her without another word.
She walked towards the large fireplace, feeling a little agitated when she realized there were no cleaning supplies to be found. Nothing. Just a metal poker and two large, charred pieces of wood. But it was full of ashes from past fires.
She looked around the room, hoping to find a broom or anything she could use to clean it. She searched through the dresser, finding nothing but clothing within the drawers. She looked towards the bed, wondering if the occupant would notice if she took one of the pillowcases. She could use her hands and scoop the ashes up. She just needed a place to put them.
They hadn't said she couldn't.
So she walked to the bed, running her hands over the soft, silky sheets. She hadn't seen anything so nice in weeks.
She wondered how it would feel to lay down on it. The cot in her cell was thin. Her back ached from sleeping on it. But the bed before her was soft, plush. She closed her eyes, daydreaming about her bed back at home, in the Spring Clan. Her mind started to drift to the other things that had happened in bed.
She had just grabbed one of the thick pillows, ready to pull it's case off when she heard someone approaching. She quickly dropped the pillow and went back to the fireplace, grabbing the poker and hiding it behind her back.
The door opened and Bellamy stepped through.
"What are you doing in here?" he asked, glancing at her like he didn't really care about the answer. He closed the door behind him.
Her grip on the poker became a little tighter.
"My chore" she said.
He didn't respond. Instead, he walked towards the bed. And after shrugging his jacket and boots off, he laid down right in the center. He turned on his side, putting his head on his hand.
"Well don't just stand there" he said, "get to it."
She clenched her jaw. Already feeling pissed off. He hadn't so much as spoken to her since they made their deal. Not that she was complaining.
"Although, I don't see how a poker is going to help you clean the fireplace. Unless you plan on using it for something else?"
"I can think of a few other things I could use it for" she said, her voice cold.
He let out a short laugh, turning onto his back.
"I bet you could" he said, crossing his arms behind his head.
He was infuriating. She wasn't even sure if it was intentional or not.
She turned on the spot, putting the poker back in it's place. It was still within her reach, though. She figured it was a good idea to stay close to it. In case she needed a weapon to protect herself
.
She got down on her knees and removed the two logs from the fireplace. She began scooping the ashes to one side, trying to make the task look more manageable. She still had no idea where she would put the ashes. But it looked better, with one side looking somewhat cleaner.
"Would you like my help?"
He had moved to one side of the bed, staring at her as he laid there with that smug look on his face. Watching her.
"I don't know" she said, "what will you want in return this time? My firstborn?"
He laughed again. Like they were old friends and not enemies. And maybe to him, they weren't. But he was still the same person he'd been to her, months ago. The fact that she'd agreed to their deal didn't change the fact that he was an asshole. A monster. A killer. Determined to ruin Finns life, and hers in the process.
"No but thank you for the offer" he said, rising to sit on the side of the bed. "You never thanked me for giving you the answer to the riddle."
"Thank you" she said, her voice still cold.
He rolled his eyes.
"Can you stop acting like a child?" he asked, "We're allies now. We're in this together."
She turned to glare at him.
"We are not allies" she said, "and we are definitely not in this together."
"Alright" he said, sighing. He laid back down and turned the other way.
She tried not to look his way again. Tried not to think about what would happen if she used the poker to stab him in the back. Instead, she focused on the fireplace.
After another half an hour, she started to worry. The Reaper would be back soon. And she didn't think Bellamy would be okay with her snatching the pillow he was resting his head on. Using it's case to get rid of the ashes.
She considered packing it into her jacket. Her pockets. But there was so much of it.
"Hey" she finally said.
He turned around, the smirk already on his face like he knew it was only a matter of time before she'd ask him for help.
"Can you help me?" she asked, feeling bile rise in the back of her throat. Hating that she had talk to him, look at him. Accept his help again.
"Of course I can" he said, rising to his feet.
He took a look at the fireplace and then back at her.
Her hands were dirty up to her elbows. And she was pretty sure that there was soot on her face, from leaning so far into the fireplace.
"You look dirty" he said, "and not the good kind."
She clenched her jaw, turning away from him and eyeing the poker.
"But I will help you" he said. She could almost hear the smirk on his face. "In exchange for one kiss."
She whipped her head around to glare at him.
"No fucking way" she said, rising to her feet. "I'd rather eat the ash for a week."
"We both know that's not true."
She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling rage seeping into her bones.
"Why the hell do you want to kiss me anyway?"
"You're a mortal" he said, shrugging his shoulders, "and I am curious."
She thought about her options. She didn't want to eat ash, of course. But she also didn't want to kiss him. She'd rather face the Kappa again. But the Reapers would come fetch her in a matter of minutes. And she needed help.
She thought about her options, slowly letting her hands fall to her sides. She waited until she heard the knock on the door to speak.
"Alright" she said, "clean the fireplace and I will kiss you."
He motioned his hand towards the fireplace and she turned to find it spotlessly clean.
She glared at him.
"Come in!" she yelled.
The Reaper opened the door and took one look at the fireplace before turning to the side. Telling her it was time to go. She stepped past Bellamy, ready to leave. But he grabbed her forearm, raising an eyebrow at her.
"And what about your part?"
She yanked her arm free, stepping closer until she was right in his face. He stared down at her, and for the first time since she'd met him, he looked a little surprised.
"I said I would kiss you" she said, "but I didn't say when."
The look on his face told her that he didn't like the challenge. But a slow, wicked smile made it's way onto his face. When she turned around again, he let her go without protest.
"You're learning" he said, "welcome to the great game."
She walked towards the Reaper, feeling good that she'd screwed him over. At least for now.
"No more chores" Bellamy said. "I'll take over from now on."
The Reaper only nodded.
Clarke suppressed a shudder. Maybe kissing him would have been the smarter option.
Even though she was glad that they didn't summon her for chores, glad that she wouldn't have to be at the mercy of another Fey or face the consequences of failing...it left her with less to do.
She paced around her cell. Tried to exercise her body. Get some strength into her muscles. But seeing as she barely got enough to eat, she tired quickly.
Sleep was the only real reprieve she had. And even then, her nightmares woke her every night. If the voices didn't, first.
So when a scared looking girl came to fetch her less than a week after her ordeal with Bellamy, part of her was glad for it. Whatever it was.
The girl, a tan dark haired girl who looked to be about Clarke's own age if she were a mortal stood on the other side of the door. Clarke waited but the girl didn't speak. She stepped inside, took Clarke's hand in her own, and led her from the cell.
She stayed quiet the entire time they walked. Clarke did, too. Mostly because she got the sense that the girl was uncomfortable. Maybe frightened. But partly because she didn't care.
The girl brought her to a small room, where she filled a nice claw-foot tub with water. She nodded towards it when it was ready and Clarke stepped in without question.
She cleaned her skin, her hair. By the time she stepped out, she felt remarkably better. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd taken a bath.
The girl sat her down on a stool in front of a small table and Clarke tried not to look in the mirror, a little afraid of what she would find. The girl dried her hair with a towel and began braiding it into a crown around her head.
Clarke started growing nervous. She'd never been groomed and prepared before. What did they have in store for her tonight?
"Where are you taking me?"
The girl didn't respond. She continued braiding Clarke's hair in silence.
Clarke let out a sigh in frustration.
After she finished her hair, she applied a little eye makeup onto Clarke's lids. Onto her lashes. And she was so surprised that she didn't bother refuting.
When she was finished, she moved to the other side of the room. She picked up something that looked like a dress and walked towards Clarke.
"I'm not putting that on until you tell me why you're doing this" Clarke said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Then I guess you'll just have to go naked" the girl said, her voice quiet but frustrated.
Clarke glared at her, keeping her arms crossed.
"Come on, Clarke" the girl said, "put the dress on."
"How do you know my name?"
"Everyone knows your name" the girl said, shrugging.
"What's yours?" Clarke asked, uncrossing her arms. Something about the girl was sad but kind.
"Maya" she said. "Now will you please let me dress you?"
Clarke nodded. She didn't want to go naked.
But after Maya helped her put the dress-if she could even consider it one-on her body, she figured that she may as well have gone naked. The dress, made out of soft black chiffon material, was nothing like any of the clothes she'd worn before. And it left little to the imagination. Two drapes went down her shoulders, down to the navel where they connected as one, with only a thin gold strap around her hips to keep them together and tethered to the back.
Her breasts were mostly covered but the dress went right down the middle. Her back, her hips and her thighs weren't covered by the material.
"You look great" Maya said, running her eyes from the top of Clarke's head to her feet.
"Great?" Clarke spit, "I look like- like-"
She couldn't even think of a word bad enough to describe the way she looked. She'd never in her life worn something that...revealing.
"I'm not wearing this" she said, shaking her head. "No way."
"Stop being so dramatic" Maya said, "this is a nice dress. You look really good."
"Says the girl in a fucking tunic" Clarke spit.
She turned around, staring at herself in the mirror.
She'd lost weight. Her cheeks weren't as round as they used to be. The bags under her eyes were dark purple. And combined with the dress, the dark makeup and the hairstyle, she could barely recognize herself.
A knock came from the door and Maya turned to answer it before Clarke could stop her.
And to her dismay, Bellamy stood on the other side. He glanced at her, once, from head to toe from the doorway.
"It'll do" he said, shrugging. "lets go."
Clarke crossed her arms over her chest again. Of course he was behind it.
"Where are we going?"
"To a party" Bellamy said, smirking again.
"I'm not going anywhere in this thing" she said, clenching her jaw in defiance.
"Yes you are" Bellamy said, not bothering to step inside. "Now go."
Maya looked to Clarke, motioning her eyes towards the door. Telling her to go.
She grew a little nervous but she made no move to leave.
"I won't ask you twice" he said.
Something about the tone was cold. Authoritative and threatening. She felt her defiance falter under his stare.
Her feet moved.
He didn't wait and she followed behind him, a string of curse words running through her mind.
Once they reached the cavern, the Fey parted before him. Watching. Speaking in hushed whispers. Clarke kept her head high, following after him and avoiding their gazes.
He stopped at a table full of beverages and she almost ran into him from behind. They Fey around them were still looking, whispering. He turned around and handed her a goblet full of a dark red liquid.
"Drink" he said, taking another one for himself.
She glared at him, bringing the cup to her lips.
It burned her throat. Her stomach. It reminded her of her anger.
She spent the rest of the night following him around as he spoke to various people. Laughed with them. Traded stories. Once she realized none of the information would be of any use to her, she tuned it out.
The only thing she noticed was the evil smile on Ontari's face once she spotted them from her place at the front of the room.
Eventually, he sat down at a table full of Fey she didn't recognize. She felt stupid and out of place, standing behind him.
She accepted the glass he offered her without protest. Hoping it was something that would get her drunk so that she wouldn't remember the night.
The place was crowded. The music was too loud. And no one spoke to her.
But they did look. Gawking at her before turning their heads and whispering to their companions.
She spotted Jasper and Monty across the room. They took one look at her, one look at the person she was tethered to, and turned their backs.
She reached for another drink.
When she woke up the next day, she realized it was the first time she hadn't had nightmares. The first time she'd slept more than a couple of hours.
She couldn't remember much of what happened the night before, other than the following Bellamy around. And the stares from the people around her. She vaguely recalled dancing and a blush crept its way onto her face, even though she was alone. She'd danced alone around him, around the other Fey beside him and that was it. But it wasn't the type of dancing she'd done on Spring Solstice.
But her body still felt the same. The dress was still on, looking only a little rumpled from how she'd slept. That part gave her a little sense of relief.
After that, Maya came to get her every couple of nights.
She didn't protest. She sat, patiently, on the stool as Maya did her hair. Her makeup. Put some provocative black clothing onto her body before Bellamy came to get her.
She started looking forward to those nights. Nights where she could drink and follow him around in peace. And wake up the next morning feeling refreshed. The alcohol helped her go into a deep sleep where even the screaming voices couldn't wake her.
For the most part, he completely ignored her presence. He didn't talk to her. Didn't even really acknowledge her. But if she lagged behind or tried to leave his side, he gave her a look that made her walk a little faster or stop dead in her tracks.
She couldn't understand what he was trying to achieve. Why he was doing it. But at some point, she stopped caring about that, too.
But one night, after being dressed in a similar dress to the one she'd worn the first night, Maya did something different. She left her hair down. She barely put any makeup on her. And she lavished her body in a sweet smelling lotion that made her skin sparkle when the light hit it.
And when they arrived to the party, Bellamy took the cup she'd reached for and set it back on the table.
"Your next trial is tomorrow" he said, "so no drinking tonight."
"What are you, my father?" Clarke mumbled.
He turned his back and walked away. And she followed because she knew she was supposed to. But the words she'd uttered made her heart feel heavy. She thought about her father. Wondering if he was turning over in his grave because of her. Because of what she had subjected herself to.
The night went on and she stayed by Bellamy's side. She crossed her arms over her chest, hating the way some of the people were looking at her. At her body.
And then, something changed. Instead of staying with the crowd, Bellamy walked towards the front of the room.
Clarke followed after him, noticing that some of the other Fey were joining them.
A long table waited at the front of the room, with Ontari at the head. There was food and drink. A late dinner, it looked like. Clarke noticed the rest of the High Fey pulling themselves from the crowd to join her.
There were three thrones on each side, with a couple of chairs between them.
The High Lady of the Day Clan, Lexa, sat down on the first throne. A feline, lethal looking woman sat down in a chair beside her.
Slowly the High Fey and their companions began filling the seats up.
Once they were all seated, there was only one empty throne. Clarke figured that it belonged to Bellamy. But she wasn't sure if it was a coincidence or some sort of scheme, when she noticed that the person sitting directly across from the empty throne was Finn. He sat in his own throne, picking at the food on his plate.
Bellamy strode towards the table, greeting those who greeted him. He was seated three seats down from Ontari, next to a beautiful girl from the Winter Clan who had taken her seat beside her High Lord, Roan.
And even though they completely ignored her, she felt so stupid, so embarrassed to be standing behind him. Especially since she wasn't drunk. And especially since she stood directly in Finn's line of sight.
She couldn't look up. She didn't want to see if he was looking at her. But she hoped that he wasn't. She didn't want him to see her like this. Dressed like the belonging of another High Lord.
They began chatting among themselves. Suddenly Bellamy turned his head.
"Come here" he said.
There was enough room for her to stand between him and the girl from Winter Clan.
"Why don't you sit down for a while?" he suggested.
She looked around. There were no empty chairs at the table.
He stared up at her, eyes cold and mouth set in a hard line.
"Sit down" he said.
She felt heat crawling up her chest, making her whole body flush in embarrassment at the order. She swallowed thickly, avoiding the stares as she took a small step and sat down in his lap.
The throne was big enough for it not to be a tight squeeze. But she felt her whole body grow rigid at the contact. She sat in his lap, a little more to the left so she wasn't completely blocking him. Her legs, barely covered by the fabric of her dress draped between his parted knees. Her toes didn't even touch the ground.
He reached forward and grabbed a cup, bringing it to his lips. But his eyes were on Finn.
She felt completely and totally mortified.
A few of their companions snickered. Wells shook his head in disgust. Luna rolled her eyes.
"Bellamy" Ontari crooned from the head of the table, "did you really have to bring your pet to dinner?"
He laughed and Clarke clenched her hands into fists, fighting the urge to grab one of the knives and shove it through his eye.
"See, Finn?" Ontari said, now staring at Finn, "I told you. Mortals have no sense of loyalty."
Despite her better judgment, Clarke turned to glare at her.
Ontari only raised an eyebrow.
Clarke swallowed the anger, the curses she wanted to send flying towards the girl. Instead, she looked around at the others. What were they thinking? Did they actually believe that she'd given herself over to Bellamy? After her proclamation of love to Finn?
She couldn't tell. She was sure that some of them at least had to know the truth. That Bellamy was making her do this. That he was doing it to hurt Finn. Didn't they?
"Stop squirming" Bellamy said, his lips right at her ear, "it's distracting me."
"Fuck yourself" she said, squaring her jaw and staring at Finn. He, of all people, had to know that she wasn't there willingly.
Before Bellamy could say anything in response, the girl next to them rose out of her chair. Clarke only had time to look at her beautiful face, her full lips before the girl smacked her.
"How dare you speak to a High Lord like that, you mortal trash?"
Her face burned where the girl had slapped her. She could taste fresh blood on her lip from the impact. She heard Ontari let out a pleasant laugh.
Clarke glared at the girl still looming above her.
"Thank you for your concern" Bellamy said, "but I will punish her as I see fit. Don't put your hands on her again."
The girl only nodded, giving Clarke another nasty glare before sitting back down.
The conversation picked back up and they began chatting again. Clarke stayed as still as possible. She kept her eyes on a knife beside Bellamy's plate. She didn't look anywhere else.
"Do you want something to eat?"
She shook her head no. She didn't want anything. So she resolved to sit there, like a statue.
But then one of his hands settled on her bare hip. And the other on her knee.
And it was then and there that Finn finally looked at her.
He met her gaze for the fraction of a second before his eyes fell to where Bellamy had placed his hands. And ever so slowly, the hand on her knee began traveling up her thigh.
Finn watched. His own hands digging into the arms of his throne. And he looked angrier than she'd ever seen him look.
Do something! Say something!
But he didn't. He only watched.
Bellamy's hand settled halfway up her inner thigh. His fingers hidden underneath the material of her dress.
"Have I told you that you look extraordinary tonight?" Bellamy asked.
She glanced sideways at him but his eyes were on Finn. She wasn't sure why she was shocked. The lengths he would go to to piss Finn off shouldn't have come as a surprise.
She didn't say anything in response. The night went on, and Bellamy left his hands possessively around her. On her body. And all Finn did was watch.
By the time he told her it was time to go, her back ached from staying so still. But when they both rose to leave, Ontari stopped them.
"So your third trial is tomorrow" she said, standing up. The others left the table. "Are you excited?"
Clarke nodded, trying to keep the fear from her eyes.
"Bellamy," Ontari said, turning to face him "tell me about her nightmares."
"What?"
From the look on his face, Clarke could tell that the request came as a surprise.
"Tell me about her nightmares" Ontari repeated.
The surprise vanished from his face as he turned to look at Clarke. She wasn't sure why Ontari would request such a thing. She didn't know what use the information could be to her.
She felt that fog inside of her head, the prickling behind her neck as she closed her eyes.
But the feeling vanished shortly after it came.
"Leave us" Ontari said, giving Clarke a dismissive look.
"Wait over there" Bellamy said, nodding towards a table to the far left. She couldn't really tell for sure, but she could have sworn that he had grown nervous.
She wandered towards the table, watching them speak. Wishing she knew what was going on. But then she spotted Finn at the entrance to the cavern. And he was looking right at her.
Her heart began to pound in her chest.
Bellamy had told her to stay. But Finn was there. And he was finally looking at her.
It was the thought of the trial that made her feet move. She could die tomorrow. She wanted to see him, really see him one last time. Just in case.
She kept glancing over her shoulder, making sure that Bellamy and Ontari weren't looking her way. And then she made her way towards Finn. To one of the few people she still cared about in this world.
He stared at her the entire time.
But when she reached him, her words died in her throat. All she could do was stare at him as tears of longing prickled behind her eyes.
"Clarke" he whispered, "I-I love you. Don't forget that."
Relief and affection washed over her.
"I won't" she said.
And not a second later, she felt a warm hand on her hip.
"There you are" Bellamy said from behind her. "I was wondering where you'd gone off to."
She closed her eyes, wishing more than anything to have another minute alone with Finn. But his eyes only hardened, now staring past her.
She could feel Bellamy behind her, his body so close to her own. His other hand traveled to her neck. His touch was light, almost delicate.
"Maybe I need to put a collar on you" he said, running a finger down the center of her neck. "What do you think, Finn?"
Finn only stared.
Clarke restrained herself from elbowing the man behind her. She knew it would only cause a scene.
"Lets go" Bellamy said, draping his arm around her shoulders and leading her away. She couldn't even look back.
As soon as they were out of view, his hand dropped and he stepped aside, leaving a little distance between them as they walked to her cell.
Her hands were clenched in fists at her sides. She was seething with anger. But she knew better than to voice her thoughts while so many ears could listen.
When the door to her cell opened, she stepped to the side. Silently telling him to go in first. He sighed, rolling his eyes. But he still went in. She closed the door behind them before turning to face him.
"What" she began, trying to control her shaking hands "the fuck is wrong with you?"
He leaned against the wall, looking totally at ease with a playful smile on his lips.
"I didn't realize" she started, not giving him time to respond "that when we'd made the deal, I'd signed myself over to you? I'm a fucking person. I'm not a toy. I'm not something you can play with. I'm not here as a way for you to get back at Finn. I'm risking my fucking life to save all of you and you're using me to-"
"Get over yourself" he said, rolling his eyes.
"Get over myself?" she repeated, stepping closer to him, "You are using me to make him angry. Can't you put your childish vendetta aside and do something useful? Try to get us out of here? Do you even fucking want to?"
"Of course I want to" he snapped, pushing off of the wall and getting right in her face, "if you honestly think that everything I do revolves around that fucking coward than you really are as stupid as he is. I don't give a shit about Finn or anyone else here" he said, his voice cruel, "I need to get home. Everything I do is for that reason."
"Really?" she asked, narrowing her eyes, "And how the fuck does you making him angry do anything to help us? How?"
She tried to keep her voice low. But the anger washing over her was making it harder and harder by the second.
"You're not doing anything to help anyone other than yourself" she began, "because you're nothing but a selfish asshole too hell-bent on making Finn's life miserable to do anyone else any good."
"I don't give a fuck about Finn" he said, moving so close that she took a step back, "and it's not my fault you're in love with a coward."
"He's not a coward-"
"Yes he is" Bellamy said, "and you know it. I may be an asshole but at least I'm playing the game. The others are, too. He's the only one that's settled. Waiting on your ass to save him or die. I don't know. But he isn't doing anything to help us."
"And what the fuck are you trying to achieve by making him jealous?"
He sighed, turning away from her like he was done with the conversation.
"Like it or not" he began, "your last trial will be the turning point. If you even fucking make it, that is. Do you honestly think she will let us go without a fight?"
"She-she said she would" Clarke said, crossing her arms over her chest.
He turned to face her, a pitying look in his eyes.
"I know what she said" he began, "but she won't go down without a fight. Neither will those who stand with her. And if you haven't fucking noticed, there are a lot more of them than there are of us."
"So?"
"So we need to be ready to fight" he said, "I know I am. I know the other High Fey are. As well as those who came with us. We need to be prepared."
"What does that have to do with Finn?"
"You've seen what he's like when he's provoked" Bellamy said. All of the anger left his voice. And instead he was smirking at her.
Smirking like he knew exactly what had happened, all those months ago when he came to the Spring Clan. How Finn had exploded and wrecked the living room. How he sent her, Jasper and Monty flying across the room.
"So you're what-trying to provoke him?"
"Yes" Bellamy said, "because he isn't doing us any favors by sitting there. By cowering."
"You're not doing him any favors by trying to make him jealous."
"And you are?" he countered, raising an eyebrow, "Standing there, letting him ignore you like you're a piece of furniture."
"That's not true-" she began, feeling her cheeks flame in embarrassment.
"Yes it is" he said, cutting her off. "And it's pathetic. Have a little self worth, Clarke."
"Fuck you" she spit, "coming from a guy using me to-"
"I am" he said, cutting her off again. "I am using the fuck out of you. But at least I am doing something."
She felt so angry. So fucking angry she couldn't even speak. She wasn't sure if he was telling the whole truth about his motives.
"And if you haven't pieced it together, Ontari thinks that you are suffering by my hand" he said, "so she's got no reason to try and make your life even more miserable."
He sighed.
"When the time comes" he said, "I want him to explode."
She stayed quiet, thinking about what he'd just told her. Wondering if it was the truth behind his motives.
"Despite what you may think" he said, leaning against the wall, "I have more important things to worry about than getting back at Finn. I don't give a shit about him. I hope I never see him again after this."
He pushed off of the wall, bumping into her on his way out of the door.
"So get the fuck over yourself" he said, "you may not like it, but I am trying to help you. And he's not as important as you think he is."
She glared at his back as he left the cell.
Maybe he had a point. But he was, without a doubt, one of the worst people she'd ever met.
She laid on her cot, staring up at the ceiling. Thinking about everything she should have said to Bellamy. Things she would still say, if she lived to get the chance. Mostly about how big of an asshole he was. Among other horrible things.
But eventually, she pushed the thoughts aside.
She had to think about her trial. She knew that it would have something to do with her nightmares. Why else would have Ontari wanted to know about them?
Sleep ran from her that night, as she went over and over the possibilities. Lately her nightmares had been inspired by the people around her. The voices she heard whenever she was in her cell. She dreamnt of them. Dreamnt of the different things that could be evoking those sounds from them. But she didn't know what Ontari could do with that.
Either way, it was sure to be cruel, whatever it was. She had to prepare herself.
She spent the rest of the night going over the things that had happened during the last two trials. Looking for clues, similarities. Anything that would give her and edge.
And when she'd exhausted that topic, she thought of hope.
She thought of the reasons she'd come to Mount Weather in the first place. She thought of Finn, Jasper and Monty. She thought about the kind people who had helped her. The ones who had cheered for her. The ones who were surely praying for her to succeed. She thought of Harper, hoping that the girl had made her way home.
By the time the Reaper came to fetch her the next night, a calm determination had washed over her. Whatever it was, it was personal. And she would be damned if she let herself get in the way of passing the trial.
She walked into the cavern with her head held high, not bothering to look at the people beside her.
But then someone in the crowd grabbed her arm and she turned to see the High Lady of the Day Clan, Lexa, staring at her.
"You've come far" she quietly said. The Reaper stopped in his tracks. Even though the High Fey were Ontari's prisoners, they still had enough authority to do what they wanted. "Don't look back" she said, "don't stop now. Keep going. Whatever it is...you can handle it. Your heart shows no sign of weakness, Clarke."
And with that, she let go of her arm and stepped away. The people parted, giving her a clear path to her throne beside Ontari.
Clarke stared after her, feeling confidence wash through her. If the other High Fey, like Lexa, believed in her...if they had faith in her, a mere mortal, than she could do it. She could pass the trial and save them. She had to.
She continued on after the Reaper and made her way to the front of the room.
All six High Fey sat in their thrones, with Ontari sitting in the middle. She gave Clarke a smile, like she usually did, but for some reason it seemed more cunning.
"Clarke Griffin" she said, silencing the crowd behind her, "you have made it to the third trial."
I'm sorry.
She heard Bellamy's voice in her head. She tore her eyes from Ontari and looked at the High Lord. But for once, he wasn't looking at her. Instead, his eyes were fixed straight ahead. And unlike Finn's distant, far off look, his was...angry. Like he was trying to burn holes into the wall he was staring at.
"...to conquer your fears" Ontari said.
Clarke turned her attention back to Ontari, trying to pay attention.
But she couldn't stop thinking about the I'm sorry she heard. It sounded...sad. She had a feeling he wasn't apologizing for the things he'd said the night before. The things he'd done. But something else. She just didn't know what.
Suddenly everyone turned towards the entrance. Clarke watched the smile on Ontari's face turn smug. Like she was in on something Clarke had failed to understand.
She turned towards the entrance with fear coursing through her veins.
Another Reaper made his way through the crowd, pulling a male behind him. The male was shirtless, being led through the crowd with a bag over his head. The Reaper brought him to the front and pushed him to his knees, right beside where Clarke stood.
"For this task" Ontari said, "you will need a sharp knife."
The Reaper who had brought her emerged from the crowd, holding a dark red pillow. And on the pillow, a shiny knife with a serrated blade.
Her heart rate sped up. She found it a little hard to inhale.
"You should know that this man is innocent" Ontari said, "that his only crime is being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And for foolishly bragging about the length of his wings."
No.
The Reaper removed the bag from the mans head. He looked only a few years older than her.
"Bare your wings" Ontari said, staring at the male.
"Please" he begged, with tears freely flowing down his face.
No, she desperately thought, No. I can't. I won't.
"Now" Ontari commanded, "or face my wrath and die like a coward."
The man choked out another sob. But his wings suddenly emerged from his back. Dark, beautiful wings. Not feathered, like the ones of a bird. Almost like the ones of a bat, but not quite. Black, veiny membranes held together by thin fragile bones.
They looked soft. And they were almost as wide as the Reaper beside her was tall.
Clarke shook her head, taking a step back.
"Are you refusing?" Ontari asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Clarke looked from her to the other High Fey, all who were staring back at her. Their eyes were urging her to go on, to do it. Luna's eyes were darting from Clarke's the the knife, silently telling her to pick it up. Lexa squared her jaw, giving Clarke a knowing look. Don't stop. Keep going, she'd said.
And Bellamy. Had he known? Was that why he was apologizing?
His eyes locked on hers. He gave her a subtle nod.
She stepped towards the Reaper and took the knife from the pillow. It felt heavy in her trembling hand. She gripped it so hard her knuckles paled, and stepped towards the man still kneeling on the floor.
Ontari raised an eyebrow in question.
The only sound in the cavern was coming from the weeping man at her feet. She felt bile rising in her throat. She swallowed it down and grabbed the topmost part of the mans left wing.
He let out another cry. But he didn't move. Didn't try to run. He must have understood that he wouldn't get very far, even with his wings.
They were soft. They felt like thick flower petals.
"Please!" he shrieked.
"Be quiet!" Ontari snapped. He immediately went quiet.
You can do this. You can do this. You're so close, she told herself.
The hand holding the knife shook.
"Either begin or give up" Ontari said, sounding angrier than she'd ever sounded.
Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry" she said, bringing the knife down.
The wings were strong, but only just so. The serrated knife did it's job and she cut through the bone-like protrusion at the top of his shoulder blade. They weren't bones, not really. Bone would be a lot harder to saw through.
He screamed, he began to thrash. He tried moving forward, tried to get away.
"Finn" Ontari said, "keep him in place."
Finn lifted his hand and suddenly, the man couldn't move more than an inch in any direction. Like he'd been placed in an tight, invisible box.
Dark red blood gushed from his back.
The membranous parts were easier to cut through. Like thick fabric.
The hand holding the knife was drenched in blood. The knife itself was becoming slippery in her grasp. But she continued on, tearing down his back.
"Please!" he begged.
"I'm sorry" she pleaded, cutting through more bone-like substance. "I'm so sorry."
Blood dripped onto the floor. It covered her boots. But he didn't stop screaming, no matter how close to the bottom she got.
She could feel blisters beginning to form on her palms.
When she finally tore through the little bit of soft membrane at the bottom, the entire wing fell to the floor. The right one began to flap, to thrash wildly. But the Reaper beside her stepped forward and roughly grabbed the wing, keeping it in it's place.
The man cried out again and Clarke closed her eyes, wishing she could tune him out.
When she was finished, when both wings lied lifeless on the floor, Finn lifted the barricade and the man fell forward. He had stopped crying at some point but she hadn't noticed. He lay in front of her, face down on the ground, whimpering. And where his beautiful, delicate wings had been, there were now only bloody stumps.
"My wings" he whispered, over and over like a mantra.
The knife dropped the floor, landing the puddle of blood. Splashing it onto her pants. And when she turned to face the crowd, she found most of them looking at her like she was a monster.
Men and women, with beautiful tear streaked faces, stared at her tear-less eyes.
A few looked at her with pity. Like they were sorry for her. But the majority stared at her like she was the bad-guy in their story. And maybe she was. She felt like it.
She didn't turn to face Ontari. She couldn't. Instead, walked towards the entrance to the cavern. Wanting nothing more than to be back in her cell, where she could cry and scream in private. The Fey parted. A few of them even clutched to their loved ones, pulling them from her path. Like she was going to take their wings, too.
The Reaper followed after her.
And once she was back in her cell, she couldn't shed a single tear. Instead, she stared down at her bloody hands. Her boots left red footprints behind her. All she could smell was blood.
She wasn't sure how long she stood there, staring at those hands. Hands that she'd once used to pick flowers. To braid her mothers hair.
But eventually, the numbness subsided and she stepped out of her boots. She used the remaining water she had to wash her hands. And finally, she laid down on her cot and began to cry.
She cried for the wings she'd taken. The man who would remember her as the girl who took them.
She cried for her parents. She cried for the life she used to have, back when the most difficult decision she had to make was how to spend her day. She cried for the innocence that had been taken from her. Ripped from her body, like the mans wings.
When she felt his presence, she hastily wiped the tears from her eyes, grateful that she'd turned to face the wall.
She didn't want him to see them.
"Are you alright?"
"Fine" she said, not bothering to turn around.
He stayed quiet for a long time. She eventually turned to see if he was still there.
He was.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"I came to check on you" he said. He was sitting on the floor with his back pressed to the wall opposite of hers.
"I'm fine" she said, "get out."
She turned back around, hoping he would leave.
"Alright" he said. She could hear him rising to his feet. "But if you need anything-"
"I don't need anything from you" she snapped, turning her head to glare at him. "Get the fuck out of my cell. Leave me alone."
He clenched his jaw but said nothing. She turned back around. After a few minutes, she peeked over her shoulder. And he was gone.
But he'd left something behind. She rose from the cot. He'd left her a full canister of water and two oranges. The bloody footprints were gone. As was the puddle she'd created when she had washed her hands. Her pants weren't sprinkled with flecks of dried blood.
She bent down, taking the items he'd left for her back onto her cot. Her father had brought her an orange once, during a particularly hot summer. She hadn't tasted one since.
She spent the rest of her night on her cot, slowly peeling the oranges and eating them wedge by wedge. And when she was finished, her hands smelled tangy and sweet. She left the peels right beside her cot.
And as she drifted off to sleep, she realized that she couldn't smell it anymore. The blood.
Just the oranges.
Notes:
One more trial to go!!! Next chapter is called "Into the Abyss"...any ideas?? Hopes and dreams?
As I said, things will get a little dark from here on out- especially for Clarke. In more ways than one, lol.
How are you guys liking the Bellarke so far? Clarke is pretty hardheaded. And Bellamy's obviously got his own issues. They're not friends just yet. More like reluctant allies. But we're getting there :)Thank you guys for your encouraging comments! They have been so kind and inspirational. You guys are honestly the best. You all motivate me to keep writing. So thank you for that, and thank you for reading.
<3
Chapter Text
Days passed and she wasn't summoned by Bellamy or anyone else.
She was grateful for it. She didn't want them to look at her. She didn't want to be around the people who had witnessed her do the most awful thing she'd ever done, up until that point in her life.
She didn't feel much of anything. Not even the thought of Finn could pull her from her pit of self-loathing and hatred.
And by the sixth night, when Bellamy showed up, she was grateful to have someone to hate besides herself.
The hatred she had for herself only seemed to intensify her distaste for him. For people like him. In a strange way, he was starting to remind her of herself. So of course, she only hated him more.
"You did the right thing" he said, leaning against her cell wall. "The only thing you could have done."
She let out a short, bitter laugh.
"Wrong" she said, "I could have died instead."
He glared at her.
"Stop being so weak" he said.
She clenched her jaw and dug her fingernails into her palms.
"You can't be weak" he said, "not here. Here, weakness is death. And not just your own."
"I don't care."
"Yes you do" he said, "so pull yourself together."
"That's easy for you to say" she spit, glaring at him. "You're not the one who had to-" she couldn't finish the sentence.
"No" he said, "but I would have done the same thing if I had to."
"I bet you would have" she said.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
She said nothing. He knew exactly what it was supposed to mean.
"You are not the only person that has to make hard decisions, Clarke" he said. She could tell that he was trying to control his tone. Reign his anger in. "You may feel that way because this is the first time you've ever had to. But some of us have had to make those types of decision our whole lives. So stop wallowing in your self-pity. You're not special. We all do what we have to."
Tears of anger prickled behind her eyes. She couldn't find her voice to retort. He stayed quiet for a while, too. But eventually he sighed and rose to his feet.
"If it's any consolation" he said, "if it was me, I would have let you take mine. We all have to make sacrifices."
"But it wasn't you" she snapped, "it wasn't you because your the fucking High Lord of the Night Clan. What would you know about sacrifice?"
He considered her words for a moment before speaking.
"You don't know anything about me" he said, "I would sacrifice a lot more than my wings for my people."
"It's a cruel decision to make for someone else" she countered.
"It is" he said, "but sometimes we don't get to decide who holds the knife. Sometimes we have no choice."
"There's always a choice."
"But never a good one" he said, staring down at her with pity. "Get yourself together. You still have one more trial."
He walked towards the door, ready to leave.
"What happened to her?"
"Who?" he asked, turning to face her.
"Your sister" she said.
The look on his face grew darker. He clenched his jaw.
"Do not" he began, narrowing his eyes, "speak a word of my sister. Ever."
"But where is she?" Clarke pressed.
"I said don't-"
"What happened to her?" Clarke asked.
"Clarke-"
"Where are you keeping her?"
"Stop"
"Is she-"
He was at her side in an instant.
His large hand closed around her neck.
"Don't even think about her" he said, tightening his grip. Her hands went to her neck, trying to pull his fingers from her throat. She could feel her airway constricting. "And if you so much as utter a single word about her, to anyone, I will rip your fucking tongue out."
He let go of her neck and she gasped for air, staring after him as he disappeared into the shadows.
He didn't come by after that. Not for a while.
A part of her was grateful for it. For his absence. It meant that she didn't have to face the others. Or him. But after days and days of being alone, with only the miserable voices around to keep her company, she began growing restless.
And lonely.
She wondered why Jasper and Monty hadn't been able to visit her again. But maybe it was because it was dangerous for them, being associated with her.
She shook her head.
No, it definitely is. There was a reason Ontari had picked them as the subjects for her second trial. And even though she missed them, she hoped that they would stay away. Being close to her, in this place, wasn't a good thing. Not if it was real, of course.
She paced around her cell, trying not to think about Finn. Trying and failing not to think about what he'd said to her the last time they talked.
I love you. Don't forget that.
How could she? When love was something she so rarely felt, in this new life?
She thought about her upcoming trial. About what new horror she might have to face. But her hands were already so bloody. Her soul so tainted. She wasn't sure if there was anything she couldn't face. Not after what she'd done in this place.
She tried not to think about Bellamy, either. Or the mixed emotions that arose whenever she did. She still hated him. But their last few conversations left her wondering if there was more to him. Something savable. Something redeeming.
Maybe he hadn't been completely honest with her when he told her about his motives. But a part of her began to believe that at least some part of him hadn't done the things he'd done completely out of vengeance. That, maybe, his home and his people were more important to him than some 500 year old vendetta against Finn.
What he said about using her was true. Ontari and the others did seem to think that she was suffering at his hand. More than she really was.
And what he'd said made sense, no matter how much she wanted to deny it.
He was terrible. But he was trying. Trying to help her pass her tasks. Trying to escape. Trying to help the others. He was trying to break Finn. But maybe out of more than just hatred. Maybe he really was doing it to get Finn to do something other than be a witness. An enabler.
At first she had thought that Finn had his reason for being so distant.
But what if Bellamy was right? What if Finn had given up? What if he had resolved to let the chips fall where they may?
She couldn't do that. She couldn't just give up. How could he? Didn't he think he had things to fight for?
It gave her a headache. The countless questions that ran through her mind. So after a while, she resigned to lay on her cot and stare at the ceiling of her cell.
She dreamed of their home in the Spring Clan. Wondering if it had changed in the three months since they'd been gone. She started thinking about the future- a future after this final trial.
But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't imagine it. She couldn't see a future for herself that didn't involve trials. A full moon. Her cell. Screaming.
Almost two full weeks passed before he showed up again.
And even though she hated to admit it, she wasn't that angry when she saw him. It'd been two weeks since she'd had a conversation with another person. No, he wasn't at the top of her people I want to talk to list. But she couldn't really be picky at the moment.
"You look terrible" was his greeting.
"It's nice to see you too" she said, her voice sarcastic.
"Somehow I doubt you mean that" he said, leaning against the wall. "And I can't say I blame you."
They were both quiet for a few minutes. Clarke wondered if he was thinking about their last conversation. About what had happened.
"I apologize" he began, "for the way I acted."
Anger washed over her.
"I thought you had agreed to stay out of my head?" she yelled.
"I wasn't in your head" he said, genuine surprise washing over his features.
"Oh-I..." she trailed off, a little embarrassed that she'd revealed that she'd been thinking about it, too.
"Either way" he began, "I apologize for losing my temper. I-I shouldn't have done that. I hope that you can accept my apology."
She shrugged, not really knowing what to say. The fact that he was apologizing at all left her a little dumbfounded. What did he care, how she felt?
"But I would appreciate it if you didn't bring her up again" he said.
He didn't have to elaborate. She understood what he meant. She nodded.
"No party tonight?" she asked, wanting to change the subject.
"That's why I came by" he said, "do you want to go?"
She thought about it.
"Will you be trying to provoke Finn again?"
A slow smile crept it's way onto his face.
"Always."
"Then no."
"So you don't agree?" he asked, "You think it's okay? What he's doing?"
He seemed to be growing agitated already. And even though she longed to have contact with another person, she didn't feel like fighting with him again.
"He's not doing anything" she said.
"Exactly. He's sitting there, watching all of this happen and not doing anything to fix it."
"Like you're so fucking high and mighty" she countered, quickly forgetting about the fact that she hadn't wanted to argue with him. "Aren't you the guy who slaughtered a quarter of the Spring Clan?"
He clenched his jaw.
"That's what I thought" she said, leaning back onto her cot before wrapping her arms around her knees.
They glared at one another in silence.
"And one more thing" she finally said, "this thing. I want it gone" she pointed to her wrist.
"Do you not have tattoos in the mortal realm?"
"Fuck you. Get rid of it."
"It's a tattoo" he said, "and it's there to stay. Why? Worried about what the neighbors will say?"
"I'm not part of the Night Clan" she snapped, "and if I ever set foot in that place, it won't be by my free will."
"Who knows?" he said, his voice playful again, "Maybe you'll like it."
"I highly doubt that."
"We'll see" he said, "if we ever get out of here, that is."
She felt a heavy weight on her chest at the comment. If we ever get out of here.
"Are you sure you don't want to come?" he asked, pushing off of the wall.
"I'm sure" she said.
"Suit yourself" he said, "sit here and think. Do nothing. You are the same kind of person he is. No wonder you like him so much."
She stuck her middle finger up at him, watching as he disappeared into the shadows.
He laughed.
For a moment, she was tempted to ask him to stay. To talk to her, argue with her for a couple more minutes. She'd been so lonely.
She quickly shot the idea down. No company was better than company she hated. But his parting words stayed with her for days.
The next time he came, she knew it was close to her final trial. She noticed it in the tense way he held his shoulders.
"How much longer?"
"Three days" he said, sitting down across from her.
"Do you have any idea of what she has planned?"
"None"
She could feel the nervous energy growing in her chest.
"I'll help in any way I can" he said, "but I'm sure that whatever it is, you can handle it."
"I think you've helped enough" she said, not bothering to hide the wariness in her voice.
"What the fuck do you want, then?" he snapped, "I've been trying to help you since you've gotten here. It's not my fucking fault that you can't accept my help."
She bit her tongue, trying to control her anger.
"I know that I'm not the person you want help from" he said, "but in case you haven't noticed...I'm the only one that's tried. And unfortunately, we need each other."
Again, she bit her tongue. Trying not to revoke the fact that they needed one another.
"Will you do something for me, then?" she asked.
"What?"
"Will you help me see Finn?"
"And why would I do that?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. "You getting a quick fuck before your last trial isn't high on my priority list."
She felt her cheeks flame in embarrassment at the comment.
"It's not about-" she began, but cut herself off. She didn't have to explain anything to him. If he had ever been in love, which she highly doubted, than she wouldn't of had to. "Will you help me see him or not? Just once."
"In case you die?"
"Yeah" she said. "Do me this one kindness."
He rolled his eyes.
"Don't you think he'll make an effort to see you?" he asked, "In case you do actually die?"
"I do" she said through clenched teeth.
"I don't" he said, "and neither do you. That's why your asking me. If you actually thought he would, then you wouldn't be."
"Get the fuck out" she said, turning to lay back down onto her cot. "I don't think we have anything more to discuss."
He stayed quiet for a few minutes.
"Alright" he finally said, "the night before your final trial, you come with me to the party. And I'll give you a few minutes."
She didn't bother thanking him. She wasn't sure if he'd actually go through with his promise.
When Maya came to get her the night before her trial, it wasn't just fear coursing through her veins. It was fear and excitement. But all that excitement depended on if Bellamy actually meant what he said, about letting her see Finn.
She didn't complain, not once, while Maya got her ready.
"Where are you from?" Clarke asked.
"The Night Clan" Maya said. She turned around and pulled the top of her shirt down, exposing the back of her right shoulder. A tattoo of three mountains, a crescent moon and a star.
Clarke had figured as much, since she seemed to be working with Bellamy. But she seemed so...so different from him. From the few Night Clan members she'd met throughout the past few months.
Maya was kind. And quiet.
"Do you like it there?"
"Of course" Maya said, "it's my home."
"You came here" Clarke began, "with Bellamy? Are you...I mean, why did he bring you?" but as soon as the words were out, she realized how awful they sounded. "I-I mean...why..." she trailed off.
But Maya only smiled.
"He is my High Lord" Maya said, working on the braid at the top of Clarke's head, "and he required my presence."
Clarke stared at the girl, wondering what her story was.
"But more importantly" Maya said, "he is my friend."
"Bellamy has friends?"
Maya let out a short, quiet giggle. And it made Clarke smile.
"Believe it or not" she said, "yes. He does have friends."
She finally finished the braid and took a step back, studying Clarke from head to toe.
"You look good" she said, smiling a little.
"Thanks."
She knew Maya meant well. And maybe to someone from the Night Clan, she did look good.
They sat in silence for a little while, waiting for Bellamy. Clarke started to think about all the things she wanted to tell Finn. She wanted everything out in the open, in case this really would be the last time she talked to him. And she hoped to get a kiss or two in.
"He's got a good heart" Maya said, pulling Clarke from her daydreams.
"What?"
"Bellamy," she said, "he has a good heart. I know you may not see it right now, but he does."
Just then, they heard a knock on the door.
Clarke rose to her feet.
"You're right" she said, "I don't see it."
The Fey stared at her, like she knew they would. And she followed Bellamy around, like she knew he'd expect her to. She tried to remain patient. To give him time to keep his word. She waited, not wanting to push him.
"Last trial is tomorrow" a voice from beside her said.
Both she and Bellamy turned to find Roan, High Lord of Winter Clan, standing beside them.
Clarke only nodded.
"You've come this far" he said, "it'd be a shame to lose now."
Bellamy smirked.
"But if you are anything like your High Lord" he said, glancing towards Bellamy before turning back to Clarke, raking his eyes over her body, "then maybe we do stand a chance of getting out of here."
The first thing she wanted to was tell him was to never look at her again. The second, that Bellamy definitely wasn't her anything. And third, she wanted to send him straight to hell.
"Don't stop now, mortal" Roan said. "Especially since my life may depend on it."
He stepped away after that.
"Seems like I'm not the only High Lord that believes in you" Bellamy said.
Clarke rolled her eyes.
But Roan coming to offer even a few badly worded encouragements only reminded her that out of all the High Fey, Finn was the only one who hadn't.
Luna and Wells had helped her, months ago. Lexa had approached her before her third trial and told her that her heart showed no sign of weakness. Roan just offered her a little bit of encouragement, despite the wandering eyes.
And Bellamy had been on her side since the beginning. He had bet on her. Healed her. Kept her company. She still wasn't really sure why. But he had been there. He had helped her, even though she hated to admit it.
So that made Finn the only one of the Six who hadn't really tried to help her through her trials.
The thought made her sad and she searched the room for him. She spotted him almost halfway across the vast cavern, sitting beside Jasper and Monty at one of the tables.
When she looked back at Bellamy, he was already looking at her.
"Go" he said, "and don't get caught."
"Where- I mean, how can I-" she stuttered, unsure about how to approach.
"There's a room in the far left corner of the cavern" Bellamy said, "go to him. Tell him you'll meet him there. Tell him to wait a couple minutes before following. I'll try to keep an eye out. But don't stay long. Ten minutes."
She nodded, leaving without another word.
She made her way through the crowd, trying not to draw attention to herself.
Both Jasper's and Monty's eyes widened when they saw her approaching. They mumbled something to Finn, who's head snapped up and stared at her like she was a ghost.
She walked until she stood behind them, scanning the crowd for Ontari and anyone else who might be looking too closely before crouching down and whispering the location and directions to Finn. And then she made her way back through the crowd, trying to get to the room that Bellamy had described. She briefly paused at the door, wondering if this was some sort of trick. But after she took a deep breath, she opened the door and found herself in a small supply closet. And there was nothing sinister about it.
She paced around the small room, waiting for Finn to join her.
A small, weary voice in her the back her mind began to doubt if he would even show up. But she pushed the voice away. He would show up. He had to.
And then he did.
He closed the door behind him and stared at her.
Just as she'd opened her mouth to speak, he closed the distance between them and crushed his lips on hers.
Tears prickled behind her closed lids. She hadn't kissed him in months. Their kisses were frantic and messy. And before long, his hands began roaming over her body.
"Finn" she mumbled against his lips, "we-we don't have much time. Bellamy said only ten minutes and we've been kissing-"
He pulled back to stare at her.
"Bellamy knows about this?"
"Yeah" she sighed, trying to catch her breath, "he helped me-"
"Clarke, you can't trust him" he said, his eyes wide, "this is probably a trick of some sorts-"
"I don't know" she said.
"What did he say exactly?"
She sighed in frustration.
"Finn, I just told you that I only had a few more minutes" she said, "do you honestly want to talk about Bellamy right now?"
"Clarke, he's doing this to get back at me. You can't trust a word-"
But she didn't really want to hear it. So she shut him up with another kiss and pretty soon, he forgot about Bellamy. They kissed for a couple more minutes, whispering their I love you's against one another's lips.
"I have to go" she finally said, pulling away.
She realized, in that moment, that this might actually be the last time they got to be together.
"Be careful" he said, "at the trial tomorrow. You can do it Clarke. I know you can. And when we get out of here, I promise I will never let anything like this happen to you again."
A lump formed in her throat. He believed in her. He did. Bellamy was wrong.
She held him longer than she should have. But then she really did have to go. She placed one final kiss onto his lips and made her way out of the closet.
The rest of the night passed with a blur. She thought about her brief reunion with Finn the entire time. And before she knew it, Bellamy was walking her back to her cell.
They walked in silence, and it was then that she noticed that he hadn't been his usual self for most of the evening. He was more...reserved. Thoughtful. That infuriating smirk hadn't made an appearance in hours. And he didn't bother trying to provoke her or Finn all night.
It was a little strange.
"Good luck tomorrow" he said, once they'd reached her cell.
She only nodded.
He turned to go without another word and she felt something tugging at her heart.
"Bellamy"
He turned to look back at her and she couldn't really find it in herself to utter the words. She had called his name because she wanted to thank him for helping her see Finn. But the words lodged into her throat. And all of a sudden the idea of thanking him, after all that he had done, seemed a little absurd.
She shook her head, changing her mind. She went into her cell without another glance at him.
"I think that I speak for all of us here when I say that I did not think you would make it to your fourth trial, Clarke Griffin" Ontari said.
Unlike the past three trials, this time, she didn't crack a smile. Her face was hard. Her eyes bored into Clarke's.
"But here you are" she started, "on the fourth full moon. And you are still alive. So close now, to freeing your beloved."
Clarke swallowed thickly, not looking at anyone besides Ontari.
"Which one, who knows?" she said.
A few people laughed but for the most part, the room remained quiet.
"Either way" she said, "here we are. And here comes your fourth trial."
She and everyone else in the room turned to look at the entrance. Six people were being brought to the front. All six of them had their hands bound and bags over their heads.
Clarke closed her eyes.
Each trial had been been deliberately set up to break some part of her.
The first trial tested her strength, her limited knowledge about this side of the wall and broke her bones. The second trial tested her wit and resulted in the understanding that anyone she got close to would be subjected to Ontari's wrath.
The third trial had tested her spirit and broken it. And she was sure that whatever Ontari had planned for the fourth trial...it would break her heart. Destroy her soul.
So when Ontari motioned for the six people to get on their knees in a perfect line, Clarke knew what she would be asked of even before Ontari spoke the words.
"For your final trial" she said, "you must kill one person from each clan."
She heard gasps behind her. Even a few angry yells. The High Fey sitting on each side of Ontari glanced between one another. The trial was coming as a surprise to them. To their clans.
"Ontari, please think about-" Luna began.
But Ontari only motioned with her hand.
Luna began choking on water. Spitting it out onto her clothes while the other High Fey glanced between one another.
"Anything else you want to say, Luna?"
After a coughing fit that lasted a good five minutes, Luna shook her head.
"Anyone else?"
No one spoke up.
"Alright then" she said, glaring at Clarke. "Kill a Fey from each clan."
The six Fey before her were on their knees. And a pillow rested right in front of them. Six Fey, six pillows and six different daggers.
Clarke felt the air leave her lungs as she stared at the group before her, only a few feet separating them from one another.
"But these Fey" Ontari began again, "are innocent, Clarke Griffin. The kindest souls among the ones that linger here. Kill them and free their leaders."
She could tell which clan they were from by the clothes on their bodies.
She looked towards their leaders, searching their eyes for any doubt. Or maybe it was approval she was looking for. Maybe she wanted for them to tell her it was okay. Maybe it would make the task easier.
But as she moved to stand in front of the first one down the line, she felt something inside her break.
If she did this, there would be no going back. She would lose her soul. She couldn't come back from this, if she did it.
But it she didn't, she would be dead. The High Fey would be stuck here. And Ontari would continue on, breaking them bit by bit until they stood firmly on her side.
Maybe Harper was right. Maybe it wouldn't happen in her lifetime. Maybe she could die and leave it for future generations of mortals to figure out.
But maybe they wouldn't have a chance to. Maybe they would die. Or become slaves. Clarke was sure that whatever Ontari had planned for them wouldn't be good, or kind.
And she did. She had a chance. All she had to do was kill six innocents. Looking at it from a different point of view, it was a small price to pay. Take six lives and save thousands. But looking at it from her point of view, it was cold-blooded murder. And nothing that happened, or didn't happen, as a result would change the fact that six innocent souls would be gone for good. By her hand.
The first person wore a dark green jacket and thick brown pants. Clarke looked towards Lexa. This person was from her clan. The Reaper lifted the bag and Clarke found herself staring into the eyes of older gentleman, probably about her fathers age if the man had been a mortal.
The man stared at her before dropping his eyes to the dagger at his knees. He looked back up at Clarke and nodded, silently telling her to do it.
She dropped to her knees across from the man and picked the dagger up with shaking fingers.
He stared at her, his light blue eyes so much like her own.
She decided then and there that she wouldn't look at their leaders. If she was going to do this, she wouldn't make them give her their approval. She knew she had it. But they didn't deserve that burden. And seeing as the she'd be the one to kill them, she did.
She placed the hand not holding the dagger on the mans shoulder. He gave her another nod.
"And we hereby commit these souls" she whispered, "to the deep."
She thrust her hand forward and up, going right between the fourth and fifth ribs to stab his heart. Her move was calculated. It would bring the quickest death. Something her mother had taught her, in another lifetime.
She dropped the dagger and in a couple of minutes, the man dropped to the floor, bleeding out.
She crawled over to the next person in the line.
The Reaper lifted the bag from their head and exposed a frightened looking young man, clad in colors of the Autumn Clan.
"Please" he whispered, "don't do this. Please!"
"Who at their last," Clarke said, "gave all to the world of the living."
She shoved the dagger into his heart and his scream echoed around the cavern.
She moved onto the next person in the line.
By then, she could feel tears pooling in her eyes.
And again, the Reaper tore the bag from the Fey's head. Clarke looked into the eyes of pretty brunette. He tan skin and flowy blue dress reminded Clarke of Luna.
"May they be remembered forever" she whispered, stabbing the girl through the heart.
She took longer to die than the other two. Clarke tried not to throw up as she watched the girl twitch on the ground.
She moved onto the next person, the tears now freely streaming from her face.
"Until there is no more pain" she said, right before the girl clad in Winter Clan attire screamed and called for her mother.
"No more suffering" she croaked, feeling the warm blood of the Fey from Spring Clan seeping onto her hand.
By the time she reached the last person, the five bodies to her right had gone rigid. Their blood flowed freely onto the stone floor and pooled around them.
Not a single person spoke. Not even Ontari.
Clarke moved until she was kneeling across from the final Fey, this one clad in a black dress.
Clarke couldn't feel her fingers. She'd been gripping the daggers so hard. And her hand was covered in blood, a little bit from the five other Fey she'd killed. The tears from her eyes slipped down her face. And in some distant, dark part of her heart- she felt a kind of sadness that she'd never felt up until that point. But a numb feeling had washed over her. And she felt far away from her body. Like her soul had wandered off, and wouldn't be coming back.
She didn't wait for the Reaper. She pulled the bag off of the final Fey's head and found Maya staring back at her.
The tears in her eyes blurred her vision and she felt the knife drop from her grasp and clatter onto the floor.
She decided that she couldn't do it. Couldn't do it because now the face had a name. And she knew the sound of it's voice. And she'd heard it laugh and sigh in frustration. Now the face was a kind, intelligent girl.
Clarke thought about how scared she had looked when they'd first met.
But now Maya only stared at her. And this time, she didn't look scared. She reached down and picked the dagger up before placing it in Clarke's shaking hand. Her fingers curled around Clarke's, giving her hand a squeeze before nodding her head.
"Finish, Clarke" she said. "You have to finish."
Clarke stared into her her dark, determined eyes for a few more minutes.
"And the abyss itself shall give up Her dead" Clarke choked out.
Maya smiled at her.
"And return them to us" she finished, a sob rising in her chest as she plunged the dagger into Maya's chest.
As soon as Maya's body hit the floor, Clarke fell onto her hands. She laid there, covered in their blood, on her hands and knees while her body shook with sobs. She knew that they were watching her. But she couldn't control the gasps, the cries coming from her throat.
After the fresh blood on her hands turned cold, she finally lifted her head and rose on wobbly knees.
All of the eyes in the cavern were on her, including Ontari's.
"So it appears that you have passed the final trial" Ontari said. Clarke could hear the cold rage in her voice. She could see the disbelief, the anger in her eyes.
"She passed" a voice from behind her yelled.
"We're free!" another screamed.
And then all hell broke loose as the Fey behind her began to cheer. But Clarke only watched as the puddle of blood before her grew bigger and bigger.
When she finally tore her eyes away from the blood, she noticed that the High Fey didn't seem to share the enthusiasm of their subjects. All six of them looked tense, their eyes darting from one another's.
"How-how did you get the ash? Did you kill my parents?" Clarke asked, looking at Ontari.
But the girl said nothing. She only stared, the fire in her eyes burning brighter by the second.
"Finn" Clarke called out. Ontari's silence was making her grow nervous. Something was about to happen.
This time, he looked at her.
"Lets go home" she said.
"Not so fast" Ontari said, rising from her throne.
The tension in the room seemed to grow as the entire place went quiet once more.
"We had a deal" Clarke said, looking at Ontari.
"We did" she said, smiling now, "and I will let them go. They are free."
She heard the mumbling begin again, this time coming from the High Fey at the front of the room.
"But I never said anything about you."
Clarke only had time to glance towards Finn before Ontari put her hand out, pointing it at Clarke before raising it.
She felt her body being lifted into the air, now looking down at all the Fey below her.
"Stupid mortal" Ontari screeched, "did you ever really believe you could deserve to be with one of us?"
Clarke let out a scream as she felt the bones in her legs, her arms begin to break. Ontari used her second hand to send the High Fey flying across the room. Their bodies hit the side of the cavern with a sickening crunch.
"You are nothing" Ontaril yelled, "nothing!"
And as she felt the air being sucked from her lungs, the bones in her spinal column begin to crush, she heard one voice drowning out the others.
It was Bellamy. And he was yelling her name.
Yelling it like maybe, after all, he did care.
When she opened her eyes, she was looking at her own body being thrown to the ground.
"Clarke!"
She couldn't make sense of it. She didn't understand why she was in Bellamy's mind, looking through his eyes. Fighting with his body to reach her own.
He glanced to the side and made eye contact with Lexa. She nodded her head and looked to the roof of the cavern. The very walls of the mountain began to shake.
And Bellamy pushed through screaming Fey, trying to get to Ontari.
The Reapers poured into the cavern, heading straight for the six High Fey now making their way toward Ontari.
Wells stopped in his tracks, setting fire to the Reapers now fighting with the people from all the different Clans. Luna drowned the Fey that fought on Ontari's side. Roan and Lexa fought back to back, taking on the the Fey and the Reapers alike. Finn stood there, doing nothing like he was paralyzed with fear. But when Bellamy yelled his name, he let out a scream and all of the people in their path were suddenly thrown across the room.
And all the while, Bellamy continued pushing through the crowd with his eyes set on Ontari and the dead girl she was still torturing.
Chaos. Complete chaos.
The walls began to shake and collapse in on themselves, blocking the entrance to the cavern and cutting the Reapers off.
And when he finally broke through the crowd, she spotted him.
"Traitor!" she screamed, and a gust of wind sent him flying back towards one of the walls.
The impact knocked the air from his lungs but he rose again, just in time to see Luna breaking through the crowd. And then Wells.
Both of them looked to him first and he nodded.
The three of them ran towards Ontari at the same time.
She may have taken most of their powers. But there were three of them and only one of her. By the time she sent Wells flying across the room, Bellamy grabbed her from behind, pinning her arms behind her back. He swung her around, just in time for Luna to jump over a fallen rock and plunge her dagger deep into Ontari's chest.
But they didn't stop there.
He looked up and found Roan, Luna, Lexa and Wells beside him.
And one by one, they used their powers on her until she was nothing but ash. Then they joined their people, still in the mist of battle, and began taking out Ontari's Reapers and the Fey that belonged to her. Their magic now back in full force. And all Clarke could do was watch through Bellamy's eyes, feel an anger like she'd never felt in her own body. Watch as he set his eyes on person after person, glancing at them for mere seconds and watching as their bodies fell to the floor. Black shadows and dark blood pouring from their ears, their mouths, their eyes.
The whole ordeal couldn't have lasted more than fifteen minutes. And by the time Bellamy pushed through the remaining crowd gathered in a circle, Clarke found herself staring at her own dead body.
Something inside of the body she was in, Bellamy's body, seemed to crumble. Like his heart paused for three or four beats before picking back up, only to cave in on itself.
Finn laid, draped over her lifeless form with Jasper and Monty at his sides. He placed a hand right over top of her heart and Clarke watched through Bellamy's eyes as a pink glow emitted from the spot his hand laid on.
Tears were dripping down his face.
He looked up and glanced at Bellamy and the people behind him. The High Fey.
"Please" he begged, "please."
Luna was the first person to step forward.
She kneeled down beside Clarke's body, putting her hand where Finn's had been only moments ago.
"For her kindness" Luna said. This time, the glow around her heart was dark blue.
She rose and Wells took her place, placing his hand on top of Clarke's heart until there was a red glow around it.
"For her bravery" he said.
Lexa's hand took his spot, and a dark green glow emitted from Clarke's chest.
"For her strength" she said.
And the Roan followed with a pale white glow.
"For her courage" he said.
Finally, Finn lifted his head and stared at Bellamy.
"Please, Bellamy" he cried, "please."
Clarke watched through his eyes as his own hand went to her heart, darkness emitting from his palm into her chest. His hand seemed to rest there a little longer than the others. He didn't say anything.
And when he withdrew his hand, Clarke could feel herself being pulled from his body.
The last thing she noticed was that the feeling in her chest, in his chest, seemed to ease. Like maybe his heart began beating again.
When she woke up, she was lying on a soft mattress. A fluffy yellow comforter was tangled around her legs. And she couldn't hear the voices.
She stared at the rocky ceiling. The air left her lungs when she realized that she was still in Mount Weather.
"Good morning" Finn whispered.
She turned to find him lying beside her with his hands at his sides.
Tears pooled in her eyes before she could stop them. And when he leaned forward, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She hoped that he wouldn't stop kissing her and for a long time, he didn't. Not until they were both sweaty and naked, laying beside one another.
"How?" she asked, "How am I still alive?"
"The six of us used our powers to heal you" he said, "it's a long and complicated story. One I will tell you once we get home."
"We're going home?"
"Yes" he whispered, "we'll be leaving tomorrow to go back to Spring Clan."
She smiled for the first time in a long time. In fact, she couldn't even remember the last time she had smiled. But then she remembered what she'd done and the smile vanished from her face.
"Clarke" Finn whispered, "you're-you're not a mortal anymore."
She'd been so happy, so happy to see him that she hadn't even noticed. She sat up in bed, staring at her surroundings. She could see better, much clearer than she could have before. Her skin was soft and creamy, no trace of the scars she'd acquired over the years anywhere on her body. She hadn't even realized it before he had told her.
"You haven't come into full form yet" he said, "but it's started."
When she touched her ears, they felt like Finn's and not her own.
"How?" she asked, turning to face him. "How is this possible?"
"As I said, it's a long story" he said, "a complicated one. Nothing like this has happened before, so we don't know much. But it's one I will tell you when we get home. Right now, I just want to hold you. Can we just lay here for a little while?" he asked, "I promise I will tell you everything later."
She wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel, as she laid down beside him and let him wrap her in a warm embrace. This body looked a little different. And laying there, she realized that it felt different, too.
How hadn't she noticed, when she had woken up?
As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered if it was because she had changed while she was still a mortal. Before they made her.
She remembered that feeling, like her body wasn't her own, like her soul had left, when she plunged her dagger into an innocent heart.
Jasper and Monty came to visit, excitedly talking of home and all the things they could do, now that she was one of them. Luna, Lexa and Roan stopped by to thank her for her bravery. Wells brought her flowers and thanked her as well, telling her that the entire continent was in her debt. That they would all know the story of the mortal who saved the High Fey and their clans. That he hoped she could visit him in the Autumn Clan. Finn held her close. He didn't let go of her hand, not for one second. And it felt good, being in his presence again.
But despite the warm smiles, the gratitude and the love she was showered in...something inside of couldn't really accept any of it. Not after she'd think about the things she had done to earn their congratulations.
She woke up a couple of hours before they were supposed to leave for home. She felt like she was being summoned.
She quietly rose from bed, trying not to wake a still sleeping Finn and put her clothes on. Something in her gut told her she new exactly who was summoning her.
She closed the door behind her, following the strange, tugging feeling in her chest until she stepped through two doors and ended up on a balcony of sorts, carved right in to the side of the mountain.
The sun was just beginning to rise and the site took her breath away.
Four months. She hadn't seen the sun in four months.
"What do you want?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Glad to see that becoming one of us hasn't changed your attitude" he said, leaning against the railing and looking ahead.
She stayed silent, waiting to hear why he'd summoned her.
"Feels like it's been a lot longer than four months" he said, turning to glance at her.
She shrugged her shoulders. Why was he making an attempt at small talk?
"How do you feel?" he asked, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.
She stared into his dark eyes. Two unforgiving, bottomless pits. She realized that it was the first time since she had woken up after dying that someone, anyone, had asked her how she felt.
They'd all been congratulating her. Thanking her. Telling her how brave and courageous and strong she was. But they hadn't asked her how she felt.
"Different" she said, staring towards the rising sun. "I-I don't..."
I don't feel the same. My body doesn't feel the same. My soul doesn't feel the same. Everything is different.
And she was pretty sure that becoming one of them didn't have much to do with it. Like maybe the heart beating in her chest wasn't really the one she'd had when she'd first come across the wall.
Why did I see myself die through your eyes?
"Just different" she said.
He looked at her like he understood. And maybe he did. He'd been by her side more than anyone else had been, the past four months.
"Why did you call me out here anyway?" she snapped, feeling uncomfortable under his knowing gaze.
"Just to say goodbye" he said.
He wasn't taking the bait. He ignored her anger.
"Goodbye" she said, still staring straight ahead.
He sighed. And for a moment, he turned to go. But then he changed his mind and turned back to face her.
"You may be different, Clarke" he said, "but your heart is still the same. I hope that it will stay that way."
For some reason, a lump formed in her throat. Tears pooled in her eyes.
"What do you know of my heart?" she asked, glaring at him.
And for the fraction of a second, she saw something like sadness in his eyes. But then his eyes grew hard. His face closed off.
"Nothing" he said.
And then he left.
Notes:
So the trials are over and the next part of Clarke's journey can begin. What'd you guys think? How will all of this change Clarke??
Next chapter is called "The Faceless Girl". Any guesses as to what might happen??
As always, thank you guys for reading. Your excitement makes me excited. You can find me on Tumblr at and-so-we-meet-again.tumblr.com where I've answered some questions/posted things about the fic and general Bellarke stuff :)
Chapter Text
"Why do you have to do this every single time?" Monroe asked, rolling her eyes, shoving the dress into Clarke's hands.
"Because" Clarke said, shoving the dress back "this one is completely fucking ridiculous."
The dress was pink and frilly. But that wasn't what bothered her. It was more like a ballgown with it's bell-shaped skirt, like the ones she would see princesses wearing in the picture books she read as a child.
"It's a special night" Monroe said, again.
She'd said that it was a special night when she fixed Clarke's hair in a style she wasn't a fan of, either. Small, tight curls fell over her shoulders. A fancy, diamond engraved pin held it together at the back.
She'd said that it was a special night when she opened the box to show Clarke the white gloves she'd we wearing for the night.
She'd said that it was a special night when Clarke asked Monroe why she kept looking at her with a sly, elusive smile on her face.
And now she had to put on the most ridiculous gown she'd ever seen because again, it was a special night.
Three months.
It had been three months since they had left Mount Weather. Three months since Clarke had been anywhere but the Spring Clan. Anywhere but Finn's estate, for that matter.
Monroe had shown up only two weeks after they had gotten home. Someone to help you in Harper's absence, Finn had said. She hadn't heard from Harper since she had left.
And it wasn't that Clarke didn't like Monroe. She was decent enough. But despite the fact that they had both worked for Finn, Harper had become her friend. And Monroe was still more of an assistant than anything. And unlike Harper, Monroe didn't so much as blink at Clarke's protest. Instead, she just told her to put on the dress. Or stay close to the gates. Or to go inside.
She didn't answer Clarke's questions, like Harper used to. She only did what she was supposed to do, which mostly involved planning Clarke's outfits on more important occasions. Follow her around. Made sure she stayed at the estate. Made sure she didn't do anything stupid. Not that she'd even had an opportunity to do anything reckless.
Clarke sighed and dropped her arms. There was no point in arguing.
So she let Monroe put the ridiculous dress on her body. And when Monroe brought the gloves to her, she only glanced at the tattoo before putting them on. They fit her fingers perfectly and went all the way up to her elbows.
She hadn't heard from Bellamy, or anyone from the Night Clan, since they had said goodbye on that balcony.
It was possibly the one piece of real luck she'd had since they came home.
Finn had been livid, of course, when he saw the tattoo. And he only grew more and more angry as she explained why she had it. After she'd told him the entire story, he left the mansion for a couple of hours. She could hear trees snapping in the forest from her room.
At first, he spent week after week in the library with Jasper and Monty, trying to find a way to break the deal. But by the second month, and still no sign of Bellamy, he relaxed. So did Clarke. Maybe Bellamy had forgotten all about her. She hoped that was the case.
Either way, she usually kept the tattoo covered up by long sleeves. To her, it was a reminder of all the things that had happened in Mount Weather. To Finn, it was a reminder of Bellamy.
The first time he'd touched the skin of her left wrist, his fingers pulled away like it had burned them. Since then, he made an effort to avoid touching her left hand in general.
Ridiculous, she thought, staring at herself in the mirror.
After she was pleased with her work, Monroe left. She had other things to do.
They were having a party, Finn had said. A grand celebration. They hadn't had any guests over since they'd gotten home. But now that everything had finally settled, Finn decided to throw a party. To welcome us home, he'd said.
But she'd noticed that morning that the servants were looking at her differently. Like they were happy to see her. Excited for her. And Monroe kept talking about what a special night it was going to be.
Clarke left her room despite Monroe's warning, in search of Jasper and Monty. Finn had seemed nervous all day. And when she'd asked him about it, he had shrugged her off. She figured she could get some answers from the boys, at least.
She found them outside, helping two females weave strings of light between the trees in the garden. Their eyes widened, taking her in.
"Clarke, you look beautiful" Jasper said.
They sauntered towards her at the same time.
"What are you doing out here?" Monty asked.
"Can I talk to you guys" she began, noticing the way the two girls eyed her from head to toe "-in private?"
The three of them walked deeper into the gardens until they sat on a marble bench between the flower bushes.
"What's going on?" she asked, "Tonight, I mean."
"We're celebrating" Jasper said, "our arrival home."
"We came home three months ago" Clarke said, narrowing her eyes.
"Yeah..well-we've, we've been busy" Monty stuttered, "we've had so much to do. And well, we weren't in the best of shape when we got home. Physically and emotionally. It didn't feel right-"
Clarke eyed them suspiciously. They were keeping something from her. She grew angry at the thought.
"Tell me what is going on" she said, trying to control her anger.
"What?" Jasper asked, "He just told you. I-we are having a celebration to-"
"I know you're not telling me everything" she said. Stupid, elusive Fey. "I know you're hiding something. Didn't you learn your lesson, last time?"
They looked ashamed.
They'd talked about this, more than once, since they'd gotten back from Mount Weather. Clarke had scolded them, Finn too, for keeping things from her. It was the reason she'd gone to Mount Weather completely unprepared for what she had to face. They'd kept things from her and left her in the dark. Literally.
"Finn asked us not to say anything" Monty said, his eyes pleading her to understand. To quit pushing.
"I am so sick of hearing that" she snapped, rising to her feet.
For the past three months, they've treated her more like a child than they had when she was a mortal. She wasn't allowed to go anywhere by herself. And if she were going past the estate borders, even just further into the Spring Clan, she would have understood.
But she hadn't left the estate since they'd gotten back. She had gone from the mansion to the gardens and back again. For three months.
Finn and the others did. They left to check on the rest of their lands, their people. But whenever she asked to come, they told her it wasn't safe. That it wasn't her place.
They didn't let her train with them, despite the fact that she was now as strong as they were. They watched over her. Made her come to meals when she didn't feel like eating. Someone was watching her, breathing her air, no matter where she was or what she was doing.
She hadn't snapped because at first, the company was craved. She'd spent four months by herself without them, with only the Reapers and Bellamy to keep her company. So at first, she was grateful for it. For their presence.
But she had started growing more and more agitated as the weeks went by. The first time she nicely asked Monty and Jasper to give her a little freedom, a little space, they told her they couldn't. And when she asked why, they simply said that Finn asked them not to say anything. She heard that phrase over and over, until a annoyed Jasper snapped and told her that it was for her own good.
"It's different this time" Monty said, grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving. "This time, it's not because he's worried about you. This time, it's because it's a surprise."
"What kind of surprise?" she asked.
Monty and Jasper glanced between one another, leaving her in the dark as to what they were thinking.
"Whatever" she snapped, "I don't even care."
"Don't be mad" Jasper said, "please Clarke. We don't like it when you're mad at us."
"It doesn't seem to bother you that much!" she yelled, "Considering all you do is whatever he tells you to do. And you can't even tell me this one thing."
They both sighed.
"Fine" Monty said, "but don't blame us for ruining it. And don't tell Finn."
"I won't" Clarke quickly said, "I promise this will stay between us."
They glanced at one another again before moving closer to her, looking over their backs to make sure the three of them were alone.
"Finn is going to ask you to marry him" Jasper whispered with an excited smile on his face.
"Wha-what?"
"He's gonna propose to you" Monty said, taking her hand in his. "Tonight. That's why we're having a party. That's why so many people are invited."
She was at a loss for words. She didn't know what she'd been expecting to hear, but it definitely hadn't been that.
"Now go inside" Jasper said, "and practice your surprised face in the mirror."
Clarke left without another word.
The first thing she felt was happiness. Excitement. She practically ran to her room.
But when she sat down at her vanity table and looked at herself in the mirror, she began to grow a little nervous.
She loved him. She knew that much.
But the thought of being a wife, especially to a High Lord, scared her a little. What would their people expect of her? Would they expect anything at all?
As she sat there, looking at herself, she felt dread growing in her stomach.
Eventually, she began to understand what they would ask of her. What her life as the wife of a High Lord would entail. The past three months of her life flashed before her eyes. Nothing but strolling through the gardens, reading in the library, helping redecorate the manor after it had been destroyed. Sitting by Finn's side. Going to dinners and parties. Being followed around, being under constant watch and protection.
At first, she had thought that it was exactly what she had wanted.
Here, she didn't have to make any decisions. And the most difficult part of her life was waking every night, screaming and thrashing as the nightmares pulled her from sleep.
They weren't getting any better, even though she never slept alone.
Finn still had his own room. But he'd taken to sleeping with her in hers every single night. Sometimes, he had them too.
Besides the nightmares, the only hard part of her life was trying to live it. Trying to forget about everything that had happened in Mount Weather. Trying to get used to her new heart.
But now, studying her reflection in the mirror, she wasn't sure if it was what she wanted.
By the time Monroe came to get her, sweat had seeped through her gloves. The dress began to feel a lot tighter. The unease in her stomach was making her nauseous.
Stop it, she thought to herself, making her way down the grand stairwell. Stop it. You want this. You want him.
She knew that part was true. She did want Finn.
Their relationship was almost perfect. Almost like it was before Mount Weather. But some days, a darker part of her mind would take her to a place where she was alone. And she would remember everything he had done, or hadn't done, during those four months.
But it seemed like he was trying to make up for it. She just wished that sheltering her wasn't his way of doing it.
The mansion and the gardens were full of people, all from Spring Clan. They stared at her fondly, love and admiration in their eyes. She tried to return their smiles.
She was eventually brought to Finn's side, and for the next couple of hours, she kept her arm looped around his as he talked to various people. He introduced her to every single person that approached him, but Clarke found it hard to answer any of their questions. So she nodded her head and spoke as little as possible, letting Finn do all the talking.
And even though she tried to accept their congratulations, their constant proclamations of how brave and strong and courageous she was...she could barely smile in response.
There is nothing brave about killing innocent people! she wanted to scream. But of course, that wasn't an appropriate response to their gratitude.
By the time they sat down at a huge table with most of their guests around them, she was fidgeting. And not because she was excited. But because she was nervous. She couldn't eat. She felt too nervous, her stomach tied in knots. So she pushed the food around her plate and tried to stay seated.
When she reached out for her glass of wine, her fingers were shaking.
I can't do this. I can't.
Finn eventually rose from his seat and called the crowd to attention by tapping his fork against his own wineglass. Clarke tried to pay attention as he spoke to them. Said his thanks. Talked about his plans for the future.
But her heart began to pound in her chest.
I need to get out of here.
"But that is not the only reason I have invited you here tonight" Finn said, glancing around, "I am sure that many of you know that my beloved, Clarke Griffin, saved me as well as the other High Fey. As well as all those who were trapped below the mountain."
Clarke glanced around nervously, watching as the Fey around her began to smile and stare at her.
"Clarke" Finn said, turning to face her, "you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I have called all these people here to witness the most important night of our lives."
God please help me. Make me disappear.
But she wasn't a mortal anymore. She wasn't supposed to believe in God.
"Would you do me the honor of taking my hand in marriage" Finn said, dropping to his knees beside her, "and become my wife?"
Mother, please help me.
Clarke opened her mouth to speak, to say yes. But no words passed her lips. She could feel all of their eyes on her. And Finn's expression was growing from excited to confused by the second.
Please! Anyone!
She closed her mouth, feeling her heart sink.
But then, in the silence, she heard a loud crack. Something like lightening. There wasn't a cloud in the sky.
The people around her gasped and all of their heads, Finn's and hers included, turned toward the sound that had come from behind them.
And standing there, between the mansion and the party, stood Bellamy.
Some people began to scream, jumping away, pushing their chairs back. Some disappeared completely, transporting themselves somewhere else. Finn rose to his feet, as did the rest of the guard. And all Clarke could do was stare. Bellamy stood there, looking like the night itself. The shadows danced at his feet.
"Sorry I'm late" Bellamy said, walking towards where she sat at the front of the crowd, with all of the Spring Clan watching.
"What are you doing here?" Finn asked through clenched teeth.
Everyone else watched, waited. Clarke could feel the tension in the air.
"Seeing as I never got my invitation to the party" Bellamy said, stopping when he was only a few feet away from Finn, "I think you know why I'm here."
Finn stepped in front of Clarke, blocking her view.
"You are not taking her" Finn said.
"Yes" she heard Bellamy say, "I am."
The tension only seemed to grow. Clarke could tell it was only a matter of seconds before all hell broke loose.
"Well, he sure does know how to make an entrance" Jasper mumbled from beside her.
She stood up and stepped past Finn, lacing her fingers through his.
"It's alright" she said.
"No, it isn't" Finn said, still looking at Bellamy.
"Finn" Clarke pleaded, placing her hand on his cheek and turning his head so he would look at her, "it's alright. I have to go."
He stared at her, his mouth parted in protest.
But the last thing she wanted was a fight. So she stood on her toes and placed a kiss on his lips. And then she let go and took a step towards Bellamy.
They met eyes for the first time in three months.
A smirk made it's way onto his face when he took her in.
"You look fucking ridiculous" he said, putting his hand out. "That's the ugliest dress I've ever seen. And I've been around for a while."
She turned, looking back at Finn and the rest of the people watching their exchange in silence before turning back to Bellamy.
"Fuck you" she said, glaring at him. And then she placed her hand in his and the shadows swallowed her whole.
She kept her eyes closed, feeling like she was being pulled in all directions for what felt like five full minutes, before she opened them and found herself somewhere completely different.
She was in a large hallway, with stone pillars on each of her sides, reaching all the way to the roof. She looked back and noticed that the end of the hall didn't stop, but instead, led right outside. She could see mountains in the distance. There were no doors at the end of the hall, just sheer black curtains. Wherever they were, it was high.
She looked ahead and noticed that the hall turned in two different directions ahead of them.
And finally, she turned to the side and found an amused looking Bellamy staring at her. And of course, he was in all black. And of course, the stupid smirk was on his face.
"Welcome to the Night Clan" he said.
"Take me back" she said through gritted teeth, "right now."
"I don't think so."
He stepped away, walking ahead of her without another glance back.
She took a minute to calm herself down. To reign the anger in. By the time she reached him, he was at the end of the hall. To their left, there was a large sitting room. And to their right, another hallway.
"Take me back" she repeated, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Six days" he said, "that was our deal."
"I understand that" she said, crossing her arms over her chest, "but I need to go home. Now."
"Why?" he asked, "So you can reject Finn in front of all his guests? Let the man keep some pride, Clarke."
"How do you even-" she yelled, but then he smirked again and she lost the little bit of self control she had.
She shoved him back.
"Take me home!"
"No" he said, smiling like he found her amusing.
"Bellamy-"
"Go change. Burn that hideous thing" he said, "I'll wait back here" he nodded towards the sitting room behind him.
"I am not doing anything" she said, narrowing her eyes. "You better take me back now or I swear-"
"What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "What are you going to do?"
She stared at him in angry silence.
"Down the hall" he began, "the last room on the right is yours."
And with that, he turned on his heel and left her standing there, seething with anger in her pink dress.
He turned the corner and she couldn't spot him anymore. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and made her way down the hall. There were three doors on each side before the hall ended with the black curtains again. She couldn't hear anything other than the wind as she placed her hand on the doorknob of the room he had said was hers.
"She seems nice" a sarcastic female voice said.
Clarke stopped for a second, wondering who was with them before she opened the door to her room and slammed it behind her.
She turned, studying the room.
She'd expected a dungeon, or a torture chamber maybe. But the room was...nice. It was a small, cozy room. The right side of the room held a big, comfortable looking bed with a fluffy white comforter and about twenty pillows. There was a large dresser, with mirrors on the two doors. A small desk with a stool. There was another door beside the one that led to the room and Clarke opened it, finding a small bathroom.
But the left side was completely open, leaving the sheer black curtains as the only kind of barrier to the outside. She walked towards them and pushed one of the many aside.
They were, it appeared, at the very top of a tall mountain. Like this place, this palace was built so that they could look down at the rest of the area. But other than more mountains and the night sky, she couldn't see anything else. No houses, no villages. Nothing but the woods.
She vaguely wondered if she'd survive if she jumped. But it wasn't like they were on the edge of the cliff. The mountain they were on only seemed to slope down, with the woods unnaturally quiet below them. She couldn't even jump to her death.
She figured it was magic that kept the place warm. There was no way they could be this high in the sky without freezing their assess off.
She hated to admit it, but it was beautiful.
Turning her back, she looked around the room. When she saw herself in the mirror, embarrassment washed over her. Bellamy was an asshole. But he was also right. She did look fucking ridiculous.
She stomped towards the dresser, throwing the doors open and grabbing the first pair of pants she found. She grabbed a shirt and practically tore the dress off of her body, stuffing it at the bottom of the dresser.
The pants and shirt, along with everything else in the dresser, were black. But they were nice, flowy pants with a stretchy waistband. The shirt was simple and even though it hugged to her chest and left her her shoulders and naval exposed, it was soft and comfortable.
She didn't bother looking the the mirror. She searched the table and its contents until she found a simple black hairband. She tore the pin from her hair and tied it in a messy bun at the top of her head.
Throwing the pillows to the floor, she crawled into the fluffy bed and closed her eyes.
All she wanted was to forget about the day she'd had. The place she was. The 'no' that had almost left her lips.
For two days, she didn't leave her room. And no one came to get her, either. Other than the wind, she didn't hear anyone or anything. She drank water from the sink in her bathroom to quench her thirst. But by the third day, she had to leave her room. She couldn't control her hunger, even out of anger and spite.
When she emerged, she made her way down the hall to the sitting room. For a while, all she could do was look around. It was enormous.
On one side, there was a large plush couch with a small table and pillows for sitting across from it. On the other, a more professional looking area with a huge table and twelve chairs. That side of the wall was made of shelves covered in books.
And up ahead, there were only the black curtains.
In the center just a few feet from the wall of curtains sat a small, circular wooden table with four chairs. And to her surprise, it was full.
Hunger made her feet move, and pretty soon she was sitting in one of the chairs with a plate full of food and a steaming cup of coffee.
She studied her surroundings as she ate.
When she heard footsteps, she debating leaving. But she wasn't done eating, so she resigned to sit there and finish her meal before she went back to her room.
Bellamy walked past her and parted the curtains before sitting down across from her. She kept waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. When she finally looked up at him, she noticed he was reading. Drinking from his cup. Eating. Not even looking at her.
"What is this place?" she asked, unable to stop herself. She was too curious.
"A more..." he began, not even looking up from his book, "professional home of mine."
She rolled her eyes.
"You have more than one home?"
"Yes" he said, "this is my home as the High Lord. My real home is somewhere else."
"Where?"
"Far away from here" he said.
She stopped herself from throwing her mug at him for being so elusive.
"Where are all the people? The servants?"
He finally put his book down and glanced up at her.
"They live inside the mountain" he said. His face was serious, like he knew how the words would affect her.
Inside this mountain. They're under the mountain. Like Mount Weather.
"It is by their choice" he said, like he knew exactly what she was thinking. "I let them live how they want to."
He didn't elaborate. Instead, he picked his book back up.
They ate in silence for the rest of the meal.
"Can I borrow one?" she asked, rising from her chair. "A book, I mean. I need something to do other than fantasize about ways to kill you."
A smiled played at his lips.
"Of course" he said, nodding towards the wall behind her, "do anything you want."
"Besides go home?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I'll take you home" he said, glancing back down at the book, "in three days."
She stomped away, grabbing the first book her hand touched and made her way back to her room.
The rest of her days there passed by in a similar fashion. She read in her room. Slept. Woke from nightmares. And left only to eat. Sometimes he would join her, but more often than not, she was alone.
She liked it.
And not only because he wasn't around to upset her. But because she had grown tired of constantly being around people, constantly being surveyed.
The morning of her sixth day, she eagerly waited for Bellamy to show up as she ate breakfast. And when he did, she let him sit there and read and eat before she demanded that he take her home.
"At least let me finish this chapter" he said, rolling his eyes.
"Fine" she snapped, "but you better read fast. I want to go home within the hour."
He sighed before dropping his eyes to his book again. She wasn't sure where he was when he wasn't around. What he'd been doing, since she barely ever saw him. But she didn't care enough to ask.
She read her own book while he read his, and just as she was getting to a particularly good part of her book, she heard footsteps coming towards them.
Bellamy didn't so much as look up.
Clarke stared towards the sound until a beautiful brunette stepped inside, making her way towards them.
She wordlessly sat down and began filling her plate.
She was, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful girls Clarke had ever seen. Her sleek brown hair came down to her lower back. She had prominent cheekbones and delicate, fiercely shaped eyebrows above her piercing blue-green eyes. And even though she was only in a tanktop and loose sleeping pants, Clarke found it a little hard to look away from the girl. She could see the tops of tattoos peeking out around her shoulders.
"My head is killing me" she said.
It was the same voice she'd heard her first day here.
"We're going home today, right? Only been here for six days and I already miss the Col. I don't even know why I agreed to come with you" she said, glancing towards Bellamy.
He nodded.
The girl slapped butter onto a piece of toast and took a huge bite before turning to face Clarke.
"Clarke Griffin" she said, "it's so nice to finally meet you."
Clarke didn't really know how to respond. She was used to people knowing who she was before she told them.
"I'm Octavia" she said, taking another bite.
"Nice to meet you too" Clarke said. Mostly because it was the decent thing to do.
"You're going back home? To Spring Clan?" Octavia asked.
"That's the plan" Clarke said, closing her book.
"Gross" the girl said.
Bellamy let out a chuckle and Clarke glared at him.
She wasn't sure who this girl was. Or what she was doing here, when there was no one else around. But they had to be close. They apparently shared the same home. Clarke wondered if the girl was what Jasper and Monty were to Finn. His lackeys. Or maybe she was more than a friend. Clarke didn't really know. And she didn't care enough to ask.
Bellamy closed his book and Clarke only waited a second before rising from her chair.
"Lets go" she said, moving to exit the room. To go back to the spot they'd been when he had brought her here.
"I'll see you around, Clarke" Octavia yelled from behind her.
Clarke didn't care enough to say anything back. Or even look the girls way. She made her way down the hall and waited for Bellamy.
She didn't give him the chance to speak. She only put her hand out.
"Take me home" she said.
"Your wish is my command" he said, smirking at her before wrapping her in darkness once more.
When she opened her eyes, she was standing on a small hill, looking down at the mansion and it's gardens. And she felt so happy that she didn't even bother to give Bellamy a few nasty parting words. Instead, she left without a word and ran towards her home.
Finn, Jasper and Monty ran through the front doors of the mansion just as she approached the gate. She ran towards them at full speed, launching herself into Finn's arms. He set her down after a minute.
"Are you alright?" he asked, glancing her over from head to toe. "What happened? Did they hurt you?"
"I'm fine" she said, searching his face. She had missed him so much.
She was assaulted with countless questions from all three boys about her well-being before she put her hands up to make them stop talking over one another.
"I am fine" she said, placing an emphasis on each word, "completely fine. Nothing happened to me. Stop asking me if I'm okay. I am fine."
"But-"
"Are you-"
"Did he-"
"Oh my god" she said, rolling her eyes. She stepped past them, making her way inside.
When they joined her in the dining room, she told them once more that she was okay before they seemed to accept it.
"What was it like?" Finn asked, "Who did you see? Where did he take you?"
"Can we talk about this later?" she asked, lacing her fingers through his. "I've missed you. Lets go to my room."
A softness washed over him. He brought his hand up and cupped her cheek before placing a short kiss on her lips.
"You need to tell us everything" he said after pulling away, "while it's still fresh in your mind."
She couldn't mask the hurt, the anger that washed over her.
"I'm sorry" he said, "but I need you to do this."
She nodded, feeling a little upset. She had missed him so much. She had thought about him every night before she went to bed. She'd even missed Jasper and Monty. And they wanted to question her.
But she resigned to tell them about her six days in the Night Clan, wondering what use the information could have. There wasn't much to tell. She wasn't sure why they wanted to know in the first place. But they made her tell them, word for word, everything Bellamy had said to her. Describe everything she saw. She even told them about the girl she'd met.
And the place the girl had mention.
We're going home today, right?
I already miss the Col.
That part got Finn's attention. He exchanged a knowing glance with Jasper and Monty. They asked her to repeat what the girl had said, word for word. None of it made sense to Clarke. But of course, they didn't tell her the significance of the information when she asked.
It wasn't until hours and hours later, wrapped around one another, that he told her that he had missed her too.
"I didn't think he would bring you back" Finn said.
"I don't think he will hurt me" she said, shrugging.
"Clarke-"
"Finn, you are holding my naked body right now..." she said, "and you're thinking about Bellamy?"
He sighed, looking a little frustrated.
"I can handle him on my own" she said, "so please let it go."
"I'll let it go" he said, "when I find a way to get you out of this deal. It's different from the ones we've experienced ourselves. No one from here has made a deal with a member of the Night Clan in centuries."
Clarke sighed, rolling onto her back.
"I'm sorry" Finn said, "but I'm trying to help you."
Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
No one was giving her the type of help she wanted.
Finn's paranoia only seemed to grow.
And even though she had missed being home, her longing only lasted a couple of days before she grew tired of it again. She hated to admit it, but she was starting to feel like they were suffocating her.
Finn didn't bring the engagement up again. Neither did anyone else.
She wasn't sure if it was because Bellamy had ruined their special night. Or because they were all witnesses to her hesitation. Either way, it was never spoken of again.
The next three weeks of her life passed like the three months before it. Clarke could feel herself withering away.
She hadn't drawn or so much as looked at a painting since Mount Weather. And even though she hated thinking about it, part of her wanted to talk to someone about it.
But all they did was thank her for her bravery when she tried. All they did was tell her that it was over, that they would never let anything like that happen to her again.
They didn't ask her why she refused to wear anything red. They didn't care that the color only reminded her of blood. They didn't ask about why she woke sweaty and usually screaming every night. She wasn't sure how Finn didn't notice. Part of her knew he did. But he just didn't want to talk about it.
So she spent her days doing nothing. Being followed from this place to that. Being stuffed into this dress or that. She started losing weight. She noticed it in the way her clothes began to hang off of her.
And no conversation she had felt genuine. Even though she had known most of these people for months, they talked to her like they were her acquaintances. Not her friends.
Jasper and Monty kept her company. But the conversations she had with them weren't much different. No one wanted to talk about what had happened. What she had done.
Finn held her tight. Whispered I love you over and over while they made love. But more often than not, she found herself staring at the ceiling, feeling nothing at all while he moaned in her ear.
If anyone noticed that the life was draining out of her, they didn't bother to ask.
It seemed like they were all happy about her finally settling. She didn't ask questions. She didn't wander too far into the gardens. She read in silence while trying to ignore the eyes on her back. She didn't bother testing if she had any gifts, like the ones that Jasper and Monty had described. What use would they be, anyway?
She was, for the first time in her life, completely safe. All of her needs were filled. She had shelter, clothing, food and water. People in her life. What more did she want, anyway?
Days passed and nothing seemed to change. She'd taken on the role of a good house wife who did what she was told and knew her boundaries. After they told her that she couldn't go on border patrol, or train, or go past the estate to any of the other villages for the hundredth time...she quit asking.
It's for your protection. We can't let anything happen to you. We want to keep you safe. It's because we care.
And she knew she was being watched, so she didn't bother sneaking out. A part of her just didn't have the energy try.
When Bellamy showed up one night during dinner, she rose to her feet and went to his side before another fight broke out.
And when she opened her eyes and found herself back at the palace he'd brought her to the first time, she only wrenched her hand from his and went to her room without a single word to him.
The next afternoon, she tiptoed out of her room and again, found a table full of food waiting for her. She searched his book collection first, looking for the book she had been reading when she'd been here last for fifteen minutes before turning away, frustrated when she couldn't find it.
But as she got closer to the table, she noticed it sitting right where she'd left it.
She picked it back up and spent the rest of the day in the sitting area, reading while she sat on one of the huge pillows.
When he showed up for dinner, she hadn't moved from her position. She continued on reading, until she heard his footsteps coming towards her. He set a plate down beside her before taking a seat only a few feet away.
"You like the book?" he asked.
She nodded, not bothering to look up.
At some point, she reached beside her and began munching on the food he'd brought.
"Are you-" he began, but stopped.
She looked over at him, already agitated. It seemed like the first thing she'd felt in weeks.
"Have you been training?" he asked. It was as if he'd changed his mind about his original question and went with that one instead.
"No"
She turned back to her book.
"Why not?"
"Why should I?" she asked.
"You should know how to protect yourself" he said, "and aren't you curious?"
"About what?"
"About what abilities you may posses?"
"I don't posses anything" she said. She wished he would quit talking. It was making it harder to concentrate.
"How do you know?" he asked, "If you haven't tried?"
"I don't care, Bellamy" she said, "let me read in peace."
"You didn't even insult me when I came to get you" he said.
"So?"
"So what's wrong?" he asked, smirking at her.
"Nothing" she said.
"Clarke, have you taken a look at yourself?" he asked, the smirk leaving his face. His tone grew serious, somber.
She closed her book and rose from the pillow. What did her care about her well being? What was he trying to accomplish?
"Come on" he said, "don't go. Talk to me for a little bit."
She turned to glare at him.
"And why the hell" she asked, narrowing her eyes "would I do that?"
"We're friends, aren't we?"
"I could never" she sneered, "be your friend."
"Why?" he asked, "All that unresolved sexual tension between us?"
She reached down and picked her empty plate up. He ducked at the last second and it hit the wall behind him, shattering onto the floor.
A slow grin made it's way onto his face.
"That's more like it" he said.
She glared at him one more time before leaving.
The next day, she didn't emerge from her room at all. Not until her stomach began to hurt and she left in search of dinner.
Surprise washed over her when she found Octavia sitting at the table. No Bellamy in sight.
"Good evening" Octavia said, shoving a huge piece of steak into her mouth.
"Hey" Clarke said, taking her regular seat.
"You should try this" Octavia said, filling Clarke's plate with different foods "and this. The cooks really outdid themselves tonight."
"Where's Bellamy?"
"Somewhere under the mountain" Octavia said, getting back to her own meal.
"The cooks?"
"They're down there too" she said, "they keep this place more stocked when they know we have a guest."
"Oh" was all Clarke said back. For a while they ate in silence.
And Clarke couldn't tell if it was just because she was hungry, but the food really was delicious. It was rich with flavor and different spices. Not really like what she was used to in the Spring Clan.
"Lets hang out" Octavia said, once it looked like she was done eating.
"Hang out?" Clarke asked, in between bites of food.
"Yes, Clarke" Octavia said, smirking at her, "lets hang out. Just us girls."
For some reason, Clarke grew nervous.
She had never had many female friends. She didn't have many friends in general. But in her old life, the girls her age weren't kind or friendly. She had a few that she talked to every now and again, but she was the girl with the crazy parents. Not very many people tried to befriend her. And in the Spring Clan, she had only Jasper and Monty. She'd had Harper, but that didn't last long and they never really hung out.
"What do you want to do?" Clarke asked, feeling a little suspicious.
"How about we go for a swim?"
"A swim?" Clarke lifted an eyebrow.
"Yeah" Octavia said, smiling now.
"I don't have a bathing suit."
"You can use one of mine" Octavia said, rising from her chair, "It might be a little small, since your boobs are bigger than mine but you'll be decent."
Clarke pursed her lips at the comment.
But Octavia didn't wait for her to respond. She walked away.
For some reason, Clarke followed.
Octavia took her to a room down the same hall her own was located and left the door open after her. Clarke looked around, noticing that the room was similar to hers but more full. She searched through a chest with six drawers before handing Clarke a bathing suit.
"Go get dressed" she said.
Clarke went to her own room and put the swimsuit on. She'd never worn one before. And Octavia was right. The pink top was a little small for her. The two triangles covering her breasts left the sides exposed. But she looked decent enough. She pulled on the small bottoms and looked in the mirror.
She quickly looked away, after noticing how foreign her body looked. She looked even paler than usual. Her stomach didn't poke out the way it used to. Even her legs looked thinner.
She wrapped herself in a towel and opened the door to find Octavia waiting on the other side. Octavia held her own towel tight against her body as she walked towards the first room on the left and stepped inside.
It looked like the other two, but when Octavia opened pushed the curtains aside, instead of grass there was a long, rectangular tub-like structure full of water. Built right into the ground. Steam drifted from the water and Octavia let her towel drop to the floor, taking a few short steps inside.
Clarke followed.
Octavia beckoned with her hand and the curtains closed behind them.
It was so deep that it came to her waist while she was standing, but there were four seat-like areas built into the large space. Little lights built right between the seats lit the space up.
Clarke took a seat directly across from Octavia and let the water warm her skin, her bones. She leaned her head back, looking up at the night sky. She'd never seen so many stars.
"Do you like it there?"
Clarke opened her eyes and found Octavia staring back at her. She must have submerged her entire body into the pool. Her wet hair was slicked back.
"Where?"
"Spring Clan" Octavia said.
Clarke started to say yes but the word never left her mouth.
"For the most part" she said instead.
"Have you been anywhere else?"
"Besides here? No" Clarke said.
"Why not?"
"I just...I haven't."
"Do you want to?"
"I guess so" Clarke shrugged. "Have you?'
"Yeah" Octavia said, "I've been to all of the other territories."
"Even the Spring Clan?"
Something in Octavia's face changed.
"Yeah" she said, looking towards the sky, "yeah. I've been to Spring Clan."
"How?" Clarke asked, "I mean, don't you guys hate them?"
"Of course" Octavia said, smiling a little "we do. But I was there once. A long time ago."
They sat in the warm water until Clarke's fingers grew pruny.
At some point, Octavia moved from her seat and came a little closer, throwing her elbows over the side, staring at the mountains below them.
Clarke noticed the tattoos again. Her hair was covering most of her back, but it looked like her entire back was covered in intricate designs.
"Do you like it here?" Octavia asked, peeking over her shoulders.
Clarke opened her mouth to say no. But again, the word wouldn't leave her lips.
"You forget that Fey can't lie?" Octavia said, arching a perfect eyebrow.
Clarke felt a slow, guilty grin make it's way onto her face.
Octavia laughed.
"Do you want to play a game?"
"A game?" Clarke asked.
"What's with you?" Octavia asked, "Don't you have friends you do stuff with at Spring Clan?"
"I have friends" she snapped, feeling herself growing a little defensive.
"Alright" Octavia said, "lets see who can stay underneath the water the longest?"
It seemed ridiculous. But Octavia had already pulled her to the middle of the pool.
"Three, two, one" Octavia said, and then they both went into the water.
Clarke opened her eyes to find Octavia looking back at her underneath the clear water. She was smiling like she'd already won and it made Clarke kind of want to slap her.
But when she felt her lungs begin to burn, she couldn't stop herself from emerging from the water. Despite the fact that Octavia was still smiling.
"I won!" she yelled, splashing Clarke.
Clarke only rolled her eyes. It was a stupid game, anyway.
"Lets play another-" Octavia began, but Clarke cut her off.
"I don't feel like playing" she said, moving back to sit where she'd been.
"Come on" Octavia said, "don't be a sore loser."
"I'm not" Clarke said. And she wasn't. She just didn't feel like she had the energy, the strength to entertain Octavia. Someone who seemed to radiate life. Someone so different from herself.
"Fine" Octavia sighed, "let's just lay here like the old people do."
Clarke only shrugged.
"What's up with you?" Octavia asked, tying her hair into a messy bun. "Bellamy had said you were fun."
"He said I was fun?" Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow. The fact that he'd talked about her at all came as a surprise.
"No" Octavia said, swimming to the edge again, "but the way he described you made me think that you would be."
"Sorry to disappoint you" Clarke said, staring up at the night sky.
She felt Octavia's eyes on her. But again, she found it hard to care.
After what felt like an hour of silence, Clarke lifted her head, ready to tell Octavia that she was leaving. But then she finally got to look at the tattoos covering Octavia's back.
At the top, right between her shoulder blades, there were three mountains with a crescent moon and a star. And all around them, covering the entirety of Octavia's slender back, were little linear designs.
Clarke found herself swimming a little closer to Octavia, a little mesmerized by the sheer beauty and intricacy of the design.
But as she got closer, she noticed something else.
Underneath the tattoos, jagged and brutal scars covered the two sides of her back. The tattoos hid them from far away, but up close, her skin was a battlefield.
"It was you" Clarke said, feeling bile rise in her throat.
Octavia turned to look at her, raised an eyebrow in question.
"You're the-the girl" Clarke said, "the daughter of the High Lady of the Night Clan."
Octavia nodded.
Suddenly, everything made sense. Her relationship with Bellamy. The fact that she was here with him. The fact that they shared a home. The fact that she had said that she'd been to the Spring Clan, long ago.
Octavia didn't look like his sister, not really, because they had different fathers. But as she studied her, Clarke noticed the way in which they were similar. Their prominent and angular jaws. They were both tall and lean. And they both had the same infuriating smirk.
"How?" Clarke asked, thinking about the story Finn had told her months and months ago.
"How what?" Octavia asked.
"How did you..." Clarke began, recalling all that she had heard. "How did you make it? How did you survive? What got you through it?"
Octavia swallowed thickly before leaning back and looking towards the sky.
"Hope" she said, looking back at Clarke.
"Hope?" Clarke questioned.
Clarke wanted to know. She wanted to know what Octavia meant. How she had the drive, the will to keep living.
"My brother" Octavia said, "I knew that he would come for me. So I held on to that hope."
"For twenty years?" Clarke asked.
She couldn't imagine it.
"For twenty years" Octavia said, "I waited. I had faith in him. I knew he would save me. And he did."
Clarke swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat.
"I'm going to bed" Octavia said.
Clarke stayed for a little while longer and then made her way to her own room.
As she laid in bed, she thought about Octavia. Of all the things that she must have gone through. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't imagine having that much faith, that much hope in another being.
She didn't know what it felt like anymore. Loving someone that much. Knowing they loved you just as much in return.
She couldn't remember what it felt like to have hope.
And right before she drifted off to sleep, she thought of Bellamy. Of what he had said to her, all those months ago, under the mountain.
I had faith in you. I believed in you. Maybe you should repay the favor?
Notes:
So the next part of the story has started! What'd you guys think??
As you can probably tell, something dark is building inside of Clarke. Consuming her. And next chapter, it will blow. She will come into her own in due time, but for right now she's trying to cope with this new life and the loss of her innocence.
Next chapter is called "Don't Tell Me I Am Cold" in which Clarke gets to know the Blake's a little better. And she learns a few things about herself, as well. Also, Finn finds a way out of the deal. Any ideas??
Thank you all so much for the feedback last chapter. You guys literally blew me away!! Feel free to message me on tumblr at and-so-we-meet-again.tumblr.com where I've answered questions and stuff about the fic. Thank you all for reading. I can't stress just how wonderful you guys have been. Your enthusiasm makes me so happy. <3
Chapter Text
The next morning, Clarke ate by herself.
She kept waiting for Octavia to show up. For Bellamy.
She couldn't deny that the two had preoccupied her thoughts since the night before. Since she'd learned that they were brother and sister. Since she'd learned that the tale Finn had told her had been about Octavia.
She felt something like hope blooming inside of her.
Octavia seemed...good. She was obviously sane. And Bellamy had brought him with her. So Jasper and Monty, and the rumors, were wrong. She hadn't withered away and lost her mind.
As for the violent rumors, she didn't know how true they were, not for sure. But something told her that they weren't true, either. Something had her doubting that Octavia was as evil as they'd described her. How could a girl that wanted to play games in the pool be evil?
Maybe she was wrong. But a feeling in her gut told her she wasn't.
It gave Clarke a little hope for herself. For the things she'd been through. Then again, Octavia hadn't been the one holding the knife when a pair of wings had been taken. That was her. She was the one on the other side.
And she hadn't killed six innocent people.
Her thoughts began to grow dark. She shook her head and closed her eyes, beckoning the thoughts to leave her. She was holding her fork so hard she could feel the metal beginning to mend underneath her fingers.
"What are you doing?"
She opened her eyes, finding a confused looking Bellamy staring at her.
"Nothing" she said, glancing back at her book. No matter how hard she had concentrated, she couldn't pay attention.
He didn't say anything else. He sat down and ate.
When she was sure that he wasn't looking, she glanced up at him. Studied him, now that she'd started thinking about him a little differently.
From what little she knew about him, she was sure that Octavia hadn't been wrong. Clarke could tell that he loved her, fiercely so, and she began to wonder. Someone who loved another person that much couldn't be that bad.
And the longer she thought about it, the more complicated her thoughts grew. She knew he wasn't bad. Not in the way that the people from Spring Clan had described. There was definitely something dark there. Perhaps even dangerous.
But there was also warmth. Love that blossomed for his sister. Maybe even friendship. Something he was extending to Clarke herself.
"Can I help you with something?" he said, not looking up at his book.
"What?"
"You've been staring at me for the past ten minutes" he said, meeting her gaze. "Why?"
"Nothing" she repeated, feeling a slow blush make it's way up her chest.
"I can just look in your head, you know."
Her eyes snapped back up, glaring at him.
"You promised" she said through clenched teeth.
Part of her didn't really care. But the other part didn't want him to know that she was thinking about Octavia. That she knew.
She also didn't want him to know that she'd started to wonder about him. Think about more than ways to kill him.
"I did" he said, "I won't."
"Then don't threaten me."
"I wasn't" he said, "I was just hoping it would push you to talk to me."
She rolled her eyes. They continued eating in silence for a little while. After a while, she rose and went to her room. She didn't see him or Octavia again. Not until the sixth day, when Bellamy showed up to take her home.
Once they were back at the Spring Clan, she turned to leave but he stopped her.
"Clarke"
"What is it?"
"I think you should consider it" he said.
"Consider what?"
"What I said, about training" he said. "Octavia and I can help you. You...you need to get stronger."
And he said it like he pitied her. Like he saw her weakness.
"I don't want your help" she said, her tone cold as she turned her back on him and made her way home.
Again, Finn grilled her for information as soon as she stepped inside. Jasper and Monty assaulted her with questions. And even though she didn't have much to tell them, they kept pushing her.
She didn't tell them about who Octavia really was. Something in her gut prevented her from telling them what she had learned.
But that night while they ate dinner together, she figured that it couldn't hurt.
She knew that Finn still felt guilty about not helping Octavia, all those years ago when his father had tortured her. He must have still thought about it. She recalled the way his eyes had glistened, the way he had pleaded for her understanding once he had told her.
Jasper and Monty had thought and heard the worst rumors. Maybe it would ease their minds, as well.
"She's alive" Clarke said, feeling her heart hammering in her chest.
"Who is?" Finn asked.
"Octavia" Clarke said, "the girl your father..." she paused, reconsidering her words, "Bellamy's sister."
All three boys stared at her, their eyes wide.
"What?" Jasper asked.
"She's alive" Clarke repeated, "and she's alright. She's normal. Nice, even. She's the girl I've been telling you about. It's her. She's his sister. That's why she's there with him."
They remained silent.
"Clarke" Finn said, "why didn't you tell me before?"
"I just.." she began, not really knowing what to tell him. "Bellamy asked me not to talk about her."
"And since when do you take orders from Bellamy?" Finn asked, a little agitated.
"It wasn't an order" Clarke snapped, "he asked me. Nicely."
"Nicely?" Monty said, "Bellamy can be nice?"
"He's not as bad as you guys-"
"Clarke" Finn said, "he murdered my father. He killed a quarter of the Spring Clan and made a promise to make me pay for something I didn't even do. He treated you like a-a pet in Mount Weather. And you're saying that he's nice?"
She felt her cheeks flame. When he put it that way, it sounded terrible.
"I didn't say that he was nice" she said, "I just- I meant that he's not..." she trailed off, hating the way they were looking at her.
They finished their meal in silence.
She didn't want to bring Bellamy up again. Not with the tension in the room. But what he'd said to her when they parted, the way he had looked at her, had stuck with her for the rest of the day.
Sill, she waited until five more days passed before bringing it up again.
"I think that I should train" she said over dinner.
"Why? Haven't we talked about this?" Finn asked.
"Bellamy said that I might have...abilities" she nervously finished.
Jasper and Monty glanced between one another, and then at Finn, looking as nervous as Clarke felt.
"So now you take his advice too?" Finn asked.
"I should know how to protect myself" she countered, "Shouldn't I?"
"You are safe here" Finn said. "nothing is going to happen to you. Besides, it would send a bad message."
"A bad message?"
"To the other High Fey" Finn said.
"Why?"
"We healed you with our powers" he said, "and if you start trying to harness them...well, I don't think they'd be happy about it. Bellamy included. They could see it as stealing. They could mark you as a threat."
"Would they?"
"Wouldn't you?" Jasper asked, looking at her. "I mean, transportation is one thing. Trying to control fire? Only Wells can do that."
Clarke thought about it. It made sense. They could be threatened by it and come to fix their mistake.
"It's out of the question" Finn said, "you don't need them anyway."
"I guess so" she said.
But after that, she began to wonder.
Her days morphed into one long day where she woke, ate and read. She didn't bother bringing up training again. They obviously wouldn't let her. But Bellamy's words stuck with her. The weakness he obviously saw in her had stuck with her and bothered her for days.
So one afternoon, two weeks after she came home, she found herself thinking about what he had said while she soaked in the tub. And since she was alone, she figured it was worth a try.
She closed her eyes, leaning back, concentrating on making the water hotter.
But no matter how hard she tried, no matter what she thought, it only seemed to grow cooler. And not because of magic. But because she had sat there for over an hour, trying to warm it with her mind.
Embarrassment washed over her. And she sent a silent fuck you to Bellamy for ever making her think she possessed any abilities at all. She dried her body and got dressed, feeling her anger at him burning inside of her chest like a fire.
But as she moved to leave the bathroom, she noticed something.
She hadn't opened the drain to let the water out after her bath. And she could see little puffs of steam rising from the top.
She stared at it, wide-eyed, before approaching and dipping her fingers into the water. It was warm. She stuck her entire hand in, just to make sure she wasn't imagining it.
Oh my god, she thought, I did it. I actually fucking did it!
It was with excitement that she ran down the stairs, looking for the boys. But a servant had told her that they had left the estate for the afternoon. She waited for them in Finn's study, sitting on the floor and staring at the books. Trying to make them fall off of the shelves using only her mind.
She hadn't made any progress by the time they came home.
Still, she was excited about what she'd done with the water that afternoon. It wasn't much. But it was something. She waited until dinner to tell them about it.
"What?" Jasper asked, "Like, you actually did it?"
"When I stuck my hand back in the water" Clarke said, "it was warm."
A smile crept it's way onto her face.
"Show us" Monty said, "make our drinks warm and we will believe you."
She raised an eyebrow at the challenge.
"No, Clarke" Finn said, "I don't think you should-"
But she'd already set her eyes on Monty's cup. Using all the concentration she could muster, she warmed it. Imagined steam rising from it. Imagined it being so hot it would burn his doubting tongue.
It turned out that spite was a good motivator, because when Monty took a sip of his drink, he stared at Clarke with admiration.
"It's warm" he said, smiling at her, passing the cup to Jasper who seemed just as surprised. He passed the cup to Finn who only looked at it.
"Clarke" he said, "what did we agree on?"
"I know" she said, "but they don't have to know."
She glanced around, looking at the three boys.
"It can stay between the four of us" she said, "no one else has to know. That way, they can't get angry and I can still learn how to use my powers."
"You shouldn't have any powers in the first place" Finn said, "how can you not understand that?"
"We could train her here" Monty said, glancing at Finn, "inside the mansion."
"Yeah" Jasper said, looking as excited as Clarke felt, "we can use the study. And we can make sure no one hears us or walks in-"
"That is out of the question" Finn said, "it's too dangerous."
"But-" Clarke began, but he cut her off.
"I don't think you understand how detrimental that situation could be" he said, looking at her like she was a child, "if someone like Roan found out that you took even a sliver of his power, it wouldn't be just you that would be in danger. It would be my entire clan, Clarke. How can you not understand that?"
She felt something like embarrassment wash through her.
"And if your powers were remarkable" he said, "then I would at least consider it. But this water is lukewarm. And nothing stays hidden in a place where people can't lie. Even if you do try to keep it a secret."
Jasper and Monty considered his words.
"Maybe Finn is right" Jasper said.
Clarke felt bitter, and disappointed. They still didn't see her as an equal. She couldn't tell if it was because she was a woman. Or because she was Clarke. The girl who had coming running straight into their open arms, asking for help. A tragedy.
For all the thanks she'd gotten from them and everyone else, they still didn't see her as an equal. Even though she was the one who saved them. Not the other way around.
"You don't need to protect yourself" Finn said, placing his hand over hers. "We-I will protect you."
"Like you did in Mount Weather?" she asked, glaring at him.
She regretted the words as soon as they were out. But she realized, in that moment, just how angry she was at him. For sitting there and doing nothing to change the situation he was in.
For being a witness.
But she knew the words were cruel. That it wasn't the right way to go about the topic, the situation. She had only opened her mouth to take the words back, to apologize, when she was blown across the room. Jasper, Monty, and the entire dining room table as well as everything on it went with her.
Her ears were ringing by the time she rose on wobbly knees.
He was at her side in a instant. Apologizing over and over. He continued apologizing throughout the night. He cried. And no matter how many times she told him she was okay, the sadness never left his eyes.
He held her close. Kissed every inch of her body and whispered how much he loved her while they had sex while she stared at the ceiling.
But afterwards, after he had fallen asleep, she thought about what Bellamy had said.
You should know how to protect yourself.
He didn't specify why. Or from whom.
He didn't need to.
The next few days, Finn didn't leave her side. And he continued apologizing.
She grew a little agitated, but tried to remind herself that he was feeling bad about what had happened. If she'd still been mortal, it would have been worse. But she wasn't and it didn't really hurt after a couple of hours. So she tamed his unease as best she could.
He told her, again, why training wasn't a good idea.
And after a while, she started to believe him. It would send a bad message. And so what if she could warm water? It wasn't that great of a gift. And the others, if she had any, would probably be just as mediocre. She couldn't protect herself with a warm cup of water. They weren't worth the trouble so she never mentioned it again.
She was in her room with Finn the next time Bellamy showed up. They both felt his presence, like a cold darkness washing over them while they laid in bed, even before they heard the knock on the door.
They quickly got dressed and opened the door to find him smirking at them.
And of course, Finn grew angry.
"I'll be back in six days" Clarke reminded him.
But Finn completely ignored her. Instead, he stepped in front of her like that was supposed to stop Bellamy from taking her.
"Break the deal" Finn said, his jaw clenched in anger.
"Wow, your words are inspiring" Bellamy mocked, "I suddenly have an urge to break the deal."
"Please" Finn said, "Break it and I will give you anything you want."
Clarke stepped out from behind him and glared.
"Finn, stop it" she said. Was he really that stupid? Would he really offer Bellamy anything? Just to keep him from taking her for six days?
Clarke watched as Bellamy considered the offer. She felt something tighten in her gut.
"Anything you want" Finn repeated, "anything at all."
So he really was that stupid. But Bellamy only turned and glanced at her.
"Thank you for the offer" he said, glancing back at Finn, "but I already have everything I want."
Finn looked completely murderous and Bellamy only smirked, like he was totally at ease.
"Can you wait outside?" Finn asked, "I would just like a moment alone with Clarke."
Bellamy nodded and they watched him lazily make his way downstairs before Finn pulled her back into her bedroom. He paused for a little while, probably to make sure that Bellamy wasn't eavesdropping.
"You can't make offers like that" Clarke whispered, "to anyone."
"I know" Finn said, "but I would give anything up to keep you here. To keep you safe."
"Finn-"
"I know a way" he whispered, "I know how you can make him break the deal."
"What is it?" Clarke asked, her eyes wide. Had he found something? Had they figured it out?
"You won't like it" he said.
"What?"
"I think that you should threaten him" Finn said.
Clarke stared at him in confusion. How could she threaten a High Lord? She didn't even have any powers? Bellamy would laugh in her face if she tried.
"With Octavia" he elaborated.
Disbelief flashed across her face.
"I know" he said, "I know you don't want to. I know it's horrible. But you don't have to do anything. Just imply it."
"Finn, he would kill me" she said.
"No" he said, shaking his head, "he won't. He would have killed you by now if he was going to. But you say that he loves her. I think we both know how much. If you even indicate-"
"I can't" she said, "I won't."
"So you want to keep going with him?" Finn asked, "You want him to show up and take you like you're a-a-"
He didn't finish the sentence and she was glad for it.
"Please" he said, "I know it will work. I think you know it too. Do this for me, for us. Do it and he won't ever terrorize you again. He won't show up here."
She swallowed, feeling bile rise in her throat as she thought about it. She hated to admit it, she didn't want to admit it, but she had a feeling that Finn was right.
She let go of Bellamy's hand and started towards her room but he stopped her.
"Eat lunch with me" he said.
"Why?" she asked, "Don't you have better things to do?"
"Of course I do" he said, "but I'll always make time for you."
She rolled her eyes.
"I'll see you later" she said, walking to her room and closing the door behind her. She heard him let out a frustrated sigh.
The next morning, she found him eating breakfast at the table after she walked in. She'd finished her book and searched his collection for something else before sitting back down.
"Do you have any plans for today?" Bellamy asked from across the table.
She lifted her book as an answer.
"Have you considered my offer? Do you want to train with me?" he asked.
"No" she said, not bothering to look up at him.
He sighed in frustration. Again. She could feel him staring at her. After a few minutes, she grew uncomfortable.
"What, Bellamy?" she sighed, putting her book down.
"Tell me how to help you" he said.
"Help me?"
"Yeah" he said, "I mean...look at you. You're-" he didn't finish the sentence.
"What about me?" she asked, feeling herself growing angry. She saw that judgmental, pitying look in his eyes.
"You're not you" he said, shrugging.
"You don't even know me."
"I know enough to understand that you need help" he said, leaning forward and placing his elbows on the table, "what are you doing, Clarke? What's happened to you?"
Something about the question pulled at her heart.
"Maybe it's because I'm being treated like a toy" she said, "maybe it's because I'm around you. Maybe it's because I don't want to be here. Ever thought of that?"
He sighed.
"I know that's not it. Just tell me how I can help you" he said.
"You can't" she snapped, "so leave me alone."
"How haven't they noticed? Do they even care?" he asked, "Does he even care?"
"Of course he cares!" she snapped, rising from her chair. "What the hell do you know, anyway? You are such a fucking-"
But in her anger, she sent his plate flying across the room.
She hadn't touched it.
He stared at her, wide-eyed. A smirk made it's way onto his face.
"I thought you said you didn't possess any gifts?"
She didn't bother replying. Instead, she went to her room.
He didn't make an appearance for the next few days. Not once. But the night before she was supposed to go home, she heard a knock on her door while she was reading in bed.
She opened the door and found Octavia on the other side.
"Eat dinner with us" she said, not waiting for an answer before grabbing Clarke's hand and leading her out of her room and down the hall.
Bellamy didn't say anything to her in greeting. And she found it a little hard to look at him after her last outburst.
Tell me how to help you.
She wasn't sure why he cared. Why he was trying. He could have ignored her, made her spend her days alone. But for some reason, he was trying to be her friend. She wondered if it was genuine. With him, she honestly couldn't tell. But again, he was trying. He wanted to help her and she couldn't understand why.
She ate in silence while Octavia and Bellamy talked back and forth for a little while.
"So, Clarke" Octavia began, "why don't you want to train with us?"
"Why do you even care?" she snapped, "What should it matter to you, if I train or not?"
Octavia glanced at Bellamy, her eyebrows raised.
"Sheesh" she said, "who pissed in your wine?"
Clarke rolled her eyes.
They stayed quiet for a little bit and Clarke tried to control the emotions washing over her.
"Won't it send a bad message?" she asked, looking at Octavia.
"What?"
"Me, training" she said, "won't it send a bad message to-to the people who made me?"
"So what if it does?" Octavia asked.
"I don't need that kind of trouble" she said, "Finn doesn't-" but she stopped herself from finishing that sentence. "What I mean is, won't they try to...kill me? If I took even a shred of their powers?"
She finally turned to Bellamy. Wondering what his answer would be. He was a High Lord. He should know.
"If you honed your powers" he said, "they wouldn't be able to."
"You don't have to be who they want you to be, Clarke" Octavia said.
"But they would try?" she pressed, ignoring Octavia's comment.
"Some of them, maybe" he said, shrugging, "but who cares?"
"I care" she said, "I-I don't need that."
"Well, what do you need?" he asked, sounding a little agitated.
"Can we please have a normal conversation that doesn't involve fighting?" Octavia asked, glancing between them, "Please?"
"I'm not fighting with her" Bellamy said, smiling a little "I don't want her to send me flying through those curtains."
"Don't tempt me" Clarke said, feeling the ghost of a smile on her lips.
"Wouldn't dare it" he said.
"What?" Octavia asked, "You can do that?"
"No" Clarke said.
"Not yet" Bellamy corrected, "but you could if you tried. If you practiced."
They were both staring at her. And for some reason, she wanted to tell them about the water.
"I tried something else" she quietly said.
"What'd you try?" Octavia asked.
"I-I warmed the water in my tub" she said. It didn't sound like much, now when it was out in the open. "And the water in my friends cup."
"Show us!" Octavia yelled, placing her glass of red wine before Clarke.
Clarke nervously glanced between them. What if Finn was right? What if they told the others? She stared at the glass, pondering whether she should try or not.
"Do it! Do it! Do it!" Octavia chanted, pounding her fists against the table.
So she did.
After a while, Octavia grabbed the glass and took a sip.
"It's warm" she said, smiling at Clarke, "she did it."
She handed the cup to Bellamy and he took a sip. When he set the glass down, he was smiling at her.
"I know" Clarke said, "it's just barely warm but-"
"But you've just started" Bellamy said, "I'm sure with training, it'll only get better."
A small smile crept it's way onto her face.
"What other powers do you have?" Octavia asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know" Clarke said, "I don't know that I have any."
"I bet you do" Octavia said, "right, Bellamy?"
He nodded.
"Can we talk about something else?" Clarke asked, feeling a little uneasy.
The Blake's glanced between one another.
"Of course" Bellamy said.
"Do you want to hear a funny story?" Octavia asked.
"Sure"
"So there's this really, really long winding stairwell at the biggest library in..." she paused, "at this other place, and one time" she glanced at Bellamy, "one time I wanted to go sledding but there wasn't snow anywhere near us."
Clarke wondered about what Octavia was going to say, about where the library was. And why Octavia felt the need to be secretive about it.
"So Bellamy, being the greatest big brother a girl could want, built me this horrible trashy sled that could apparently go down the stairs-"
"O, I was really young-"
"So this asshole" Octavia said, cutting him off "puts my little ass on this sled and sends me down said stairway. And of course, I ate shit and ended up tumbling most of the way down. I ended up breaking an arm but that wasn't the worst part-"
Clarke smiled.
"When I got to her" Bellamy continued, "she opened her mouth to cry and I noticed that her two front teeth were gone."
They stared at one another, laughing at the memory.
"After I healed her arm" Bellamy said, "we spent two hours searching the place for her two front teeth."
"Do you have any brothers or sister?" Octavia asked.
"No"
"But mortals populate like rabbits" Octavia said, "how come?"
"I don't really know" Clarke said.
"That's sad" Octavia said, "I don't think being an only child would be much fun."
"Well, I never had to share, so that was good...and besides" Clarke said, "I got to keep my two front teeth."
Bellamy and Octavia glanced at one another and then at Clarke.
"Clarke Griffin" Octavia said, "did you just make a joke?"
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"Wow" Bellamy said, "I can't believe it."
"Are you sure you got the right girl, Bellamy?" Octavia joked.
But their jokes didn't make her feel bad. Or angry. She found their banter...light. Welcomed.
"Very funny" Clarke said, not hiding her smile.
"And she smiled!" Octavia yelled.
She stood in her chair and dramatically pointed at Clarke.
"Who is this impostor Bellamy?" Octavia yelled, "Who are you and what have you done with our non-smiling, non-joking Clarke Griffin?"
But the whole thing was so dramatic, so over done it only made Clarke smile harder.
For the rest of the night, they told her more funny stories about their childhood. And by the time she got in bed, she felt lighter than she had in months.
But the next morning, it wasn't the nightmares that woke her. It was the dread building in her gut.
She thought about what Finn had suggested.
Do this for me. For us.
If she didn't...then Bellamy would keep coming back for her. He would keep bringing her here. And even though she didn't hate it anymore, it was causing trouble back at home. If she didn't try, then they would all see it as her taking his side. Or something of that nature.
But if she did...well, she was pretty sure it could work. But if it didn't, if he kept making her come with him, then it wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't trust her around Octavia. He'd probably tell Octavia to stop coming by.
She stayed quiet all through breakfast, thinking about what Finn had said. And when Bellamy rose and told her he was taking her home, she knew that she had to at least try if she wanted things at home to be okay. As they walked down the hall, her heart began to pound in her chest.
She could be dead, flat-out dead in minutes. She recalled the way he had choked her, all those months ago when they were in Mount Weather.
"I don't think you should come get me anymore" she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Trying to make her voice sound cold.
"Why not?" Bellamy asked, "I've enjoyed your company."
He smirked at her and it didn't piss her off like it used to.
"I'm serious, Bellamy" she said.
If she didn't try...who knows what other desperate, despicable thing Finn might think of?
"So am I" he said.
"I need you to break our arrangement off" she said, her voice emotionless, "I know that you can."
"Clarke-"
"I have powers" she said, "and if you're right...they'll only grow."
"So?"
She swallowed past the lump in her throat.
"I know about Octavia" she said.
And for a second, he looked confused. But then the threat registered and he tensed.
"Excuse me?" he asked, his voice cruel. Like it had been when they first met.
"I don't want to hurt her. But-"
He didn't let her finish. Instead, he grabbed her hand and within minutes, she could smell the air from home and feel the grass tickling her toes around her sandals. When she opened her eyes, she found Bellamy staring at her. And it wasn't anger she saw. But pure disappointment.
"What's happened to you?" he asked, "Why have you become so cold?"
Something about the question, about his tone made tears pool in her eyes.
"I won't come back for you" he said.
She knew that he wasn't saying it because he felt threatened. He said it because he didn't want to come back for her.
Shame, burning shame washed over her as she looked down at her feet, unable to look him in the eyes. By the time she looked back up, he was gone. He left no trace behind, not a single shadow.
She felt something inside of her crumble, thinking about his question.
Why have you become so cold?
He didn't stick around to hear her answer.
Finn was ecstatic, of course.
He didn't even question her this time. Instead he led her to her bedroom and began to kiss down her neck. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget about what Bellamy had said. The way he had looked at her. She realized that she would never see Octavia again.
Not that the girl would want to see her. Bellamy would probably tell her about what Clarke had said. How low she'd stooped.
So she pushed Finn off of her, told him that she wasn't feeling well.
Did he care? Did he not feel bad, at all? After everything his father had done to Octavia? After everything he hadn't done?
In the days that passed, her shame only grew.
They had been kind to her, no matter what their motives may or may not had been. They had tried to help her.
If anything, she only began to wither away faster than before. Most days, she didn't have the energy to get out of bed. But as long as she came to dinner every single night, they didn't push her to do anything else. So she sat there and pretended like she was listening. It wasn't hard to do, considering all she really did was nod or shake her head.
Jasper and Monty began looking at her differently. Like maybe they saw what was happening but didn't know what to do to fix it.
One night, she woke from a nightmare and realized that she'd never even asked Bellamy about Maya. She didn't know if the girl had a family. Friends. But maybe it was better that she hadn't.
Some days she would look up and find Finn staring at her with a worried look on his face. But all she had to do was smile at him, and the look would disappear all together. It bothered her that a smile, one he couldn't see through, was all it took.
Maybe he just liked pretending that she was happy. Maybe that made it easier for him.
Maybe he was convincing himself that what he was doing and what he wasn't doing was okay. Just like he had with Octavia.
By the time the fourth week came, she grew a little nervous. Bellamy had said that he wouldn't be coming back. But he might have changed his mind. She still had the tattoo. Then again, he did say she couldn't get rid of it.
After the sixth week, and no sign of Bellamy, she finally accepted it.
He wasn't coming back for her.
And for some reason, it upset her more than she thought it would have. More than it should have.
Only a week later, she found herself wishing that he would show up. That he'd come there and upset her. Rile her up. If only so that she could feel something besides indifference.
It was the thought of her mother and her father that finally gave her enough strength to get out of bed. To find Jasper and Monty and spend a couple hours with them. And the next day, she rose early and ate breakfast with them. Asked them to tell her stories of their childhood. They looked at her a little strangely, but they told her a couple stories anyway. But then Finn told them it was time to go and the three rose without telling her anything else. She'd become used to it, but that morning, she questioned them about it for the first time in months.
"We're just going to a village nearby" Finn said.
"Why?"
"They had an accident last week" Jasper said, "a few houses burned down so we're going to help."
"Can I come?"
Jasper and Monty looked at her with pity before glancing towards Finn. Waiting for his answer. They took one look at his face before glancing at one another and leaving the dining room.
She felt her heart sink.
"Clarke" Finn said, "we talked about this."
"But you promised" she said, hating the way her voice sounded. Like she was whining. "You said that you would show me more. That was months ago, Finn."
"It's not safe for you" he said, "I won't be gone for long."
"But the Reapers are gone" she said, "and Bellamy won't be coming back for me."
"I'm sorry" he said.
"I can't sit here anymore" she said, "let me come with you. Let me help."
"We don't need your help" he said. She could tell that he was growing tired of her whining. "Why don't you go paint or something?" he suggested.
"I don't want to fucking paint!" she snapped, "I want to go with you."
"I'm sorry" he repeated. "But you can't."
And then he kissed the top of her head and left.
She smelled something like burning wood. And when she looked down at at where her hands were gripping the armrests of her chair, she lifted them and saw her the imprints of her hands in the wood. Like she'd burned it.
She rose from her chair and followed after him.
Jasper and Monty were standing in the doorway. Finn had almost reached them when she called his name.
"Please" she said, hating herself for begging. Hating that she had put herself in a position where she had to beg anyone in the first place. Hating him for taking her to that place. "Please let me come with you."
Jasper and Monty looked sad. But when Finn turned, his face was indifferent.
"I said no, Clarke" he said.
And then he turned his back.
Anger boiled in her chest.
"You can't stop me" she said, walking towards them, "You're either going to take me with you or I'm going by myself."
All three boys were standing in the doorway, looking at her.
"Yes I can" he said. And then he left. Jasper and Monty followed.
And when she tried to follow after them, she hit the wall so hard her head snapped back. She put her palms up, feeling the invisible barrier in the doorway. She slammed her fists against it but it wouldn't budge.
Finn got on his horse without a second look back. Jasper and Monty stood there, watching her with pity in their eyes.
"Jasper! Monty!" she screamed, "Please!"
They both walked towards her at the same time, stopping when they were on the other side of the barrier.
"Just-just give him more time" Monty said.
"Try to understand" Jasper said, "he watched you die, Clarke."
"But I'm the one who died!" she screamed, feeling the tears pooling in her eyes.
"Sorry, Clarke. We'll try to talk to him" Jasper said. And then they left.
She checked every door, every window downstairs. The barrier stopped her from even sticking her hand out. The servants ignored her while she ran upstairs with the tears streaming freely down her face.
Nothing. She couldn't go anywhere. He'd locked her inside.
She went back to the front door, pounding against it with all her strength. She threw her body against it. Tried to burn holes in it with her hands.
But of course, it stayed up.
She backed away from it, fisting her hair in her hands. She felt like she was back in her cell. Like instead of the Reapers, Finn would be the one to take her to and from her place of confinement.
Anger, hatred, dread, self-loathing and desperation built in her chest until she let out a scream that made the very ground beneath her shake.
But the wall stayed up and no one came to check on her.
She backed away from the door until she was in his study. Something inside of her broke and darkness seeped from every cell, every vein and artery and tissue within her body. She screamed again, and the books began falling off of the shelves. She went around the room, breaking and burning everything she set her hands on.
But her tears only kept falling. And in her anger, she destroyed everything in her path.
When the entire place was wrecked, she sank onto the floor in the middle of the room and wrapped her arms around her knees. Her body began to shake.
She wished her parents were alive to help her. But they weren't. And no one else would. She put her face in her hands, rocking her body back and forth as the sobs made her chest tighten.
When she opened them, she saw the tattoo.
She traced the shapes of the mountains, the crescent moon and the star, wishing she had accepted their help. Wishing she would have at least asked Bellamy to teach her how he could disappear into the shadows.
She closed her eyes again, willing herself to becoming nothing. No one. To fade into blackness and never emerge again. She wanted the darkness to swallow her whole.
She was still wrapped around herself, shaking with her eyes closed when she heard it. A loud crash. And then little, smaller thuds like things were dropping. No, not things. But people. She didn't care enough to open her eyes. She didn't think she had the strength to. In some distant part of her mind, she heard a pair of footsteps walking up the stairwell. And another pair walking towards her.
In a matter of minutes, she felt slim but strong arms lifting her up. One arm around her back and the other under her knees.
She opened her eyes and stared up at Octavia. For the first time since she'd seen the girl, she looked scared. Beads of sweat coated the top of the girls forehead.
Clarke closed her eyes again, feeling something deep and dark pulling her towards sleep.
"I've got her" Octavia said.
And then Clarke felt herself being passed into a pair of bigger, stronger arms. He pulled her body against his chest and she felt some of the cold leave her bones.
And finally, the darkness took her.
When she woke up, she was in her room at Bellamy's home.
She opened her eyes and found him sitting at the edge of her bed, watching her. His facial expression was unreadable, and for a little while, she said nothing.
But eventually she remembered what had happened. What had been done to her. What she'd done in response. A part of her felt like she should be embarrassed, ashamed even, for letting them find her in that state. But didn't think she had the strength to feel anything at all.
"How long have I been asleep?" she asked.
"I don't really know" Bellamy said, "I stopped counting after the tenth hour."
He smiled a little but unlike the ones she'd seen from him before, this one was sad.
"Do you want to go back?" he asked.
She stayed quiet for a little while. He waited patiently.
"No" she said, "not yet."
"Alright" he said, rising to his feet. "You can stay here for as long as you'd like. I've told them not to bother you. There's food if you are hungry. And if you need anything, a servant will stop by every six hours."
She nodded, wrapping the comforter around herself.
"I'll come by in a couple of days" he said, "we can talk then."
"You're leaving?"
"Yeah" he said.
He gave her another sad smile and walked towards the door.
It was with no emotion and no hope that she spoke up.
"Can I come with you?"
He turned to look at her and she wondered what he was thinking. She closed her eyes, already accepting the fact that she was going to stay in this bed for the next couple of days.
"Of course" he said, "if you want to."
She opened her eyes to find him still standing there, looking at her. Waiting for an answer.
"Where are you going?"
"Home" he said.
Part of her didn't feel like she had the energy to get up. To follow.
But she knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep. She'd be awake. And then she'd have to think about everything that had happened to her since her parents died.
She shook her head yes before she made the conscious decision to do so.
"Alright" Bellamy said, "get ready. I'll wait for you outside."
But when he opened the door to leave, she found herself speaking up again.
"Bellamy?"
He turned his head and looked at her over his shoulder.
"Thank you" she said, "for coming back for me."
Notes:
So, my favorite part of the story begins!! Bellamy's taking Clarke home!!
Next chapter, you guys will meet some new characters! And Clarke's story takes a turn. I'm excited about it :D
Like those blatant parallels between Finn and Bellamy?? The Flarke is finally coming to a close. But we haven't seen the last of Finn. Dun, dun, dun.
Thank you guys so much for all of your feedback and for your continuing encouragements. You have no idea how much I appreciate you all :) <3
Chapter Text
When she opened her eyes, she was standing in a small hallway near the front door. To what, she wasn't sure.
"Is that him?" she heard a male voice ask from down the hall.
"Just a second!" Bellamy yelled towards the voices.
She heard muffled grunts and giggles, the shuffling of feet.
"So" Bellamy said, turning to face Clarke, "just a few house rules."
She couldn't see past him, to where the voices were coming from. There was a front door behind her, and a flight of stairs led to the top floor of wherever they were at.
"This is my personal home" he said, "and no one can enter without an invitation. Other than you and me, there are seven other people who can get in and out of here. You can decide to let another person in, but I would appreciate it if you told me first."
She nodded but doubted she would ever have to. Who would she invite anyway?
"There are three bedrooms upstairs" he said, "you can use the one at the end of the hall. If you need anything, just tell me. If you would like to leave and explore the city, feel free to. Although you might want an escort, the first time anyway. You can get lost."
The city? What city?
"And finally, there are people here" he said, "as I'm sure you can tell. They are...." he trailed off, looking for the right word "they can be a little intense when they're all together. If you want to join us, you can. But if you're not up for it, I won't blame you."
He smirked a little at the last sentence, waiting for her to answer.
She looked past him to where the voices were coming from. She heard Octavia's voice. As well as the voice of another female and multiple males.
"I'm going to rest" she said. Just getting out of bed and coming here had already drained her. She didn't think she had it in her to talk to people at the moment.
"Alright" Bellamy said. "If you need anything, just come find me."
She nodded her head before turning and making her way up the flight of stairs.
Upstairs, there was a short hall with one door on each side and one in the very center. She made her way towards it, hoping that the bed inside would be comfortable.
She opened the door and didn't bother looking around. She just made her way to the bed and laid down, grateful that it was soft and fluffy. She fell asleep within minutes.
When she woke up, the first thing she noticed was the light.
Soft light was streaming through the large window at the back of her room. She rose from bed and made her way towards it, pushing aside the lacy white curtains.
The back of the house they were in faced a large mountain. And in the back yard, there was a small garden. The light was soft, like the sun was setting behind them. She felt a little confused. Jasper and Monty had told her that it was always night here. And it had always been dark when she came to the palace.
She turned on the spot and glanced around the room. It seemed like one of the many guest rooms she'd seen back at the mansion. The wooden bed sat in the middle of the room. She'd thrown the many pillows to the floor when she'd gotten in. Across from the bed, there was a chest with drawers. A small table with a vase of flowers stood by the door to her room.
There were two other doors, one on each side of the bed, and Clarke opened them to find one bare closet and a small bathroom.
All in all, the place was cozy. It had a homey feel to it. And for some reason, it reminded her of her home beyond the wall, although it was much nicer.
She went to the bathroom and took a shower, letting the cool water wake her up. She put her clothes back on, simple black tights and a roomy black sweater and opened the door to her room. She could hear voices coming from downstairs.
A part of her wanted to go back to bed. But she figured that she would have to face them eventually. And the growling in her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten in over a day.
She quietly tiptoed out of the room with her bare feet and stopped at the top of the stairs to listen. From what she could tell, there were at least five other people down there. She sighed, making her way down the stairs.
They all went quiet as they heard her approaching. The hallway merged left and she found herself standing in a kitchen.
It was beautiful, of course, all wooden cabinets and marbled counter tops.
A guy with his back turned to her stood in the center, chopping vegetables before turning to mix something cooking on the stove.
She turned her head and realized that she was just in one large room. There was a long dining table at the end of kitchen, with eight chairs. And past the table, the room turned into a sitting area. There were couches pushed against the two side walls with coffee tables in front of them. The back wall held a large window to the outside, with two shelving units between it, packed with books and other items.
She could see the sun setting in the distance through the creamy lace curtains.
Glancing around, she noticed that every single person in the room was staring at her.
She spotted Octavia first, sitting cross-legged on the floor by one of the coffee tables, eating a piece of cake. Across from her, three boys lounged on the couch. Three dark, beautiful boys. All who stared at her with varying looks of interest. Across from them, on the other side of the room, Bellamy sat on the other. A beautiful brunette laid on the couch beside him with her feet propped in his lap. And finally, the boy in the kitchen. A pale, snarky looking boy who only glanced at her for a second before turning back to whatever he was making.
She stood there, taking all of it in, feeling awkward. Her hands began to fidget in the silence, and she grabbed the hem of her sweater to stop her fingers from shaking.
Bellamy lifted the girls legs from his lap and stood, walking over to her while everyone watched.
"Hey" he said, "feeling better?"
She nodded.
Her first instinct was to say something sarcastic, something nasty. But she reminded herself that she was there by choice. That really, he'd been trying to be her friend all along. It was a difficult thought to process.
"Do you want to join us for dinner?" he asked.
"Sure" she said, peeking around his shoulder to find the others still staring at her. Still watching their exchange.
Bellamy nodded, the expression on his face was unreadable.
"Okay then" he said, turning to stand beside her, giving her a full view to the others again. "Clarke, this is my family" he said, nodding towards the rag-tag looking group of people sitting on the other side of the room.
"Oh" he said, "and Murphy" he added, nodding towards the boy cooking away beside him.
"Fuck off, Bellamy" the guy, Murphy said.
Octavia and one of the boys laughed. The others smiled.
Bellamy walked towards them and Clarke followed. For some reason, she felt extremely nervous. He stopped when he was past the dining table.
"You know Octavia" he said, nodding towards his sister.
Octavia looked up, giving Clarke a small smile.
"This is Lincoln" Bellamy said, nodding towards the guy sitting on the left side of the couch. The man, Lincoln, gave her a kind smile. He was tall and muscular, with tattoos covering both of his brown arms. He had a kind, handsome face.
"Miller" Bellamy said, nodding towards the guy sitting in the middle. Miller lifted his hand in greeting. He skin was almost the same shade of Lincolns, but tattoo-less. And he looked a little shorter, a little less muscular than the man beside him.
"Ilian" Bellamy said, nodding towards the guy sitting on the far right. Ilian looked more...reserved. He glanced at Clarke for a second, nodded her way and then looked out the window. His long brown hair was tied in a bun, and he had a tattoo on his face.
"That" Bellamy said, pointing towards the girl sitting on the other side, "is Raven."
Raven rose from the couch, walking with a slight limp until she reached Clarke.
"Sorry about those idiots" she said, nodding towards the boys sitting on the couch, "it appears they don't have basic manners." She put her hand forward and Clarke took it into her own, giving it a little shake. "Nice to finally meet you."
Clarke raised an eyebrow at the statement before turning to look at Bellamy.
But he was looking at Raven.
"I-I mean..." Raven began.
"Smooth, Raven" Miller said.
"Oh shut up" Raven shot back, rolling her eyes.
She turned on her heel and plopped back onto the couch. Bellamy nodded, silently telling Clarke to follow. She sat down beside Raven, and Bellamy sat down beside her.
For a couple seconds, no one spoke. They all looked at her, at each other. And she looked down at her hands, feeling out of place.
"Good grief" Octavia sighed, "don't freak the girl out. She just got here."
A laugh broke out from a couple people and Clarke tried to smile.
"It's day here" she said, to no one in particular.
"Yeah?" Raven asked.
"I-I was under the impression, I mean- I was told that it was always night in the Night Clan" she said, "like how it's always spring in the Spring Clan?"
"It's not true" Bellamy said from beside her, "I mean, there are places much further north where it's basically dark all the time. But most of the territory sees the sun and the moon, just like everyone else."
"I swear Spring Clan started that rumor" Octavia mumbled.
Spring Clan.
Something in her chest tightened. She wondered what was going on over there. She wondered what had happened, when they'd come home and found the study wrecked and her missing.
"Take a look" Bellamy said, nodding towards the large window. She didn't even have to force herself to go to the window. She was genuinely curious. She stood, feeling all of their eyes on her back as she made her way towards it. She pushed the curtains apart and looked outside.
She had seen many, many beautiful things on this side of the wall.
But the site before her was, without a doubt, the most beautiful place she'd ever seen.
Bellamy's home seemed to be pushed against a mountain. Probably elevated on a small hill, giving him a perfect view of the city below.
She'd heard about cities. Her father had told her. But she'd never seen one. She didn't know they still existed. She'd only seen villages and manors up until then.
The city was located on the coast with the mountains behind it in both directions. It went on for miles and miles, and for a while Clarke gaped at the vastness. And it wasn't on a flat expanse like she'd imagined cities being on. But the streets, the buildings rose and fell before her. And after miles and miles of life, there was only water. Water that was now colored pink and orange by the setting sun.
And the homes. The buildings.
They were all different shapes and sizes and colors. Pink, yellow, blue, white. Even orange. It made the city look like a colorful mosaic. Different pieces that fit together to make one beautiful, breathtaking site before her very eyes. But unlike a mosaic, the city was alive. Clarke could hear music from the streets, even from inside. She could spot people, Fey, everywhere. Hundreds of them. Walking in the streets. Sitting at tables in front of cafe's and restaurants. Reading, laughing together on their balconies.
She spotted a group of children, just fifteen feet away, running through the streets. Passing a ball back and forth. She realized it was the first time since she'd crossed the wall that she'd seen a child.
She wasn't even sure how long she stood there. But she couldn't tear her eyes away.
She spotted a young couple, walking right past the gate that lead to Bellamy's home, with ice cream cones in their hands. She saw small canoes with people in them near the shore. The water ahead of them and the green, lush mountains behind them, wrapping around the city...
She couldn't look away.
"What is this place?" she eventually said, still stuck at the window. Not even bothering to turn.
She felt someone come up beside her, and she tore her eyes from the view to glance at Octavia. She looked out the window and a fond smile made it's way onto her face.
"Welcome to the City of Light" Octavia said.
"Where-" she began, "I mean, how-" but she wasn't sure how to phrase her questions. She had so many. In all that she'd learned, all that she'd heard and seen with her own eyes...she didn't think a place like this existed in the Night Clan. She didn't think a place like this existed in general.
"This is our home" Octavia said, "and it doesn't exist to the outside world. It only exists to those of us who live here. No-one knows about it, except those who inhabit it."
To Clarke, it sounded like she was trying to reassure her.
But she couldn't really focus on the words coming from Octavia's mouth. She couldn't focus on anything besides the city before her. For the first time since she'd left Mount Weather, she had the urge to paint. To draw. She wasn't going to, no. But she had the urge to capture it.
She stayed at the window long after Octavia left. And the other's didn't say anything. They didn't bother her. They let her stand there, studying the city without a word.
It wasn't until Octavia came back and put a hand on her shoulder that she finally turned.
"It's dinner time" Octavia said, nodding her head to the side.
Clarke looked past her, noticing that the others were seated already. As she approached, she realized there was only one empty chair. And that it was at the head of the table.
On one side, Lincoln, Miller and Ilian sat. Murphy sat at the end of the table. And on the other, Octavia took her seat between Bellamy and Raven. Clarke wondered if they'd adjusted their usual seating, or if they usually left the chair at the head of the table empty.
She sat down, feeling a little nervous while they chatted, passing dishes and other items back and forth between each other. Murphy rose from his chair and walked until he was beside her. He didn't say anything. He simply picked her empty plate up and began moving down the table, filling it with food. When he set it down, it was full.
"Gotta try a little bit of everything" he said. "Not to toot my own horn, but I am quite the cook."
"You can't say 'not to toot my own horn" and then toot it" Miller said, fixing his own plate.
"You should be saying toot at all" Octavia added.
They continued to talk back and forth, speaking over one another. Clarke felt a little overwhelmed.
She glanced beside her, at Bellamy, and met his gaze.
"Sorry" he said, "I told you they were a little intense."
She glanced back down at her plate, picked her fork up and began eating. Silence fell over the table as they all started, too.
Murphy hadn't been exaggerating. The food was quite tasty.
The chatter eventually picked up. Clarke tried to focus on the food. She couldn't remember the last time, if any, that she'd been part of a group like this. They talked about things she didn't understand. Mentioned people she didn't know. Picked on one another. But for some reason, she didn't feel left out.
Maybe it was because they briefly glanced at her while they were talking, like they were trying to make her feel like part of the group.
"So, Clarke" Raven said from down the table, "what's it like on the other side of the wall?"
The others went quiet and looked to her, waiting for her to answer.
"Is it really just dirt and rocks?" Murphy asked.
Raven reached forward and pinched his nipple.
"Ouch!" Murphy whined, "What? Let's not pretend like we're not all imagining that it is."
"It's not" Clarke said, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks. "It's not just dirt and rocks. There are....woods and villages. Animals and rivers."
"What was your home like?" Raven asked, "Your village?"
Clarke realized that this was the first time since she'd crossed the wall that anyone had asked her what the mortal realm was like.
"Poor" Clarke said, "nothing like what you guys have here."
"So what your saying is..." Murphy began, "Dirt and rocks?"
Octavia picked up a roll from the basket sitting on the table and threw it at him.
"Alright, alright" Murphy said, "so it's rivers and villages and animals."
"And dirt and rocks" Clarke added, feeling one corner of her mouth lift. Like she wanted to smile but didn't think she should.
Murphy smirked at her while a few of the others giggled.
"What did your parents do?" Octavia asked.
"They were...healers" Clarke said, glancing back down at her plate. She ate a little more, not wanting Murphy's hard work to go to waste. She left out the part about them being fanatics. They must have picked up on her hesitation because they started other conversations between one another.
Clarke glanced at Bellamy, a few times, throughout the rest of the meal. For some reason, it was hard to grasp the fact, the idea of him living like this. Like a normal person and not a High Lord. As someone who had friends. Family. A home in the most beautiful place she'd ever seen.
A couple of them finished eating and rose from the table, going back into the living area. Clarke waited, unsure of what to do with herself.
By the time that most of them had left, she rose from her chair and picked her plate up.
"I've got that" Raven said, taking the plate from her hands, "it's my turn to clear the table. And it's Miller's turn to wash the dishes."
"What?" Miller asked, "it was my turn three days ago!"
"Then who's turn is it?"
"Octavia's!" Miller yelled.
Clarke listened as Octavia sighed, making her way back towards the table.
"Damn" she said, standing beside Clarke, "I was hoping they'd forget."
She moved to the sink while Raven continued clearing the table.
"Can I help?" Clarke asked, mostly for something to do. She wanted to occupy her hands, her mind.
"Sure" Raven said, "just take everything to the counter beside Octavia."
It was like Murphy made just enough for everyone to have some but for there to be nothing left over. Clarke grabbed the plates, the cups and silverware and brought them to Octavia's side.
When they were finished, Raven wiped the table clean and made her way to the living room where all five boys were lounging.
Clarke watched them for a few seconds, feeling her stomach coil.
They were a family.
"I-I'm going to my room" she said, waving at them before turning to leave.
"Clarke, wait" Octavia called out.
She turned back around.
"Your gonna need clothes and stuff" Octavia said, "necessities. How about we go shopping tomorrow?"
She felt something inside of her grow tense. Like a barrier to separate, to protect herself formed in her mind.
"Thank you" Clarke said, "but I don't think so."
The rest of the room went quiet and she turned back around and made her way down the hall.
She was halfway up the stairs before Bellamy called her name from the bottom. She turned to look at him, trying to get used to the idea of being around him by her own choice.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine" she said.
He was quiet for a couple of moments.
"I'll give you space if you need it" he said, "but if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. You're welcome to stay here for as long as you want to."
"Thank you" she said, finding it hard to look at him, "but I think you've done enough."
She'd said that to him before. But this time her words weren't laced with sarcasm. This time, they were sincere.
"It's alright to accept help" he said. And she could have sworn that he looked worried.
She didn't respond. Instead, she turned her back and went to her room. She got in bed and closed her eyes, feeling tired enough to fall asleep again.
It's alright to accept help, he'd said.
But the reason she was here, in this situation, the reason she was here- at this terrible part of her life- was because she'd accepted help from others. She'd needed it. She'd sought it out, after crossing the wall. And they had offered it to her. Only to watch her wither away until she felt nothing, nothing, nothing.
"Sleeping beauty" she heard, "it's time to wake up."
She opened her eyes, squinting as Octavia pushed the curtains aside, letting the daylight in. Clarke sat up, rubbing her eyes.
"Get up" Octavia said, standing in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips.
"Why?" Clarke asked, feeling a little groggy with sleep.
"Let's go outside" Octavia said. She tied her hair into a messy bun at the top of her head. "Let's go for a run."
"I don't feel like it" Clarke said, laying back down.
Octavia sighed in frustration.
Clarke felt her plop down into the bed.
"Then what do you feel like doing?"
"Nothing" Clarke said, keeping her eyes closed.
"That's not an option."
She opened her eyes. Octavia was staring at her with pity in her eyes.
"Stop looking at me like that" Clarke said.
"Then get out of bed."
"I don't want to" she said, closing her eyes again. Wishing Octavia would leave.
"Clarke" Octavia said, "look at me."
She did.
"That day we came to get you" Octavia began, "have you ever felt worse than that?"
Clarke thought about it for a few minutes.
"No" she said. And if she could, she would probably cry at the memory. But didn't think she had it in her.
"So you are at your lowest" Octavia said.
"And?"
"And it's time to pick yourself back up" she said, rising to her feet. "I know you don't want to go shopping with me, and that's alright. I'll get you a few items and bring them here tonight. But you are getting out of this bed" she said, "even if I have to pull you from it myself."
She left after that.
Clarke could feel frustration building in her chest. But she knew that Octavia meant what she had said. She would seriously pull her out of bed, if it came to it. So she grudgingly threw the covers back and went to the bathroom to wash her face.
She made her way downstairs, a little surprised to find that Octavia was the only person there.
"Where is everyone?" Clarke asked, "Where's Bellamy?"
"They're out actually doing things" Octavia said, lacing her sneakers. "Working."
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"I brought you a pair of my shoes" Octavia said, nodding towards the extra pair of sneakers by the door, "I hope they fit."
Clarke rolled her eyes again. But she put the shoes on all the same. They were a bit large for her feet. But not enough for it to be a problem.
"Do you live here?" Clarke asked as Octavia opened the front door.
"No" she said, "this is Bellamy's home. I live with Raven."
Clarke stepped outside, taking in the view. Breathing the fresh air.
The day was sunny and cloudless. And it was already well into the afternoon. Bellamy's home sat on top of a small hill. The yard stretched forward and down, with about a dozen steps that led right to the pavement.
Octavia made her descent and Clarke followed, staring at the city. At all the life around her.
The pavement went in all directions, leading to more homes and buildings. Thick stretches of it led in different directions, like she was in a maze.
Octavia waited for her at the bottom.
"I can't run for long" Clarke said, already feeling a little winded.
"We'll go as far as you can go in one direction" Octavia said, "and then we'll come back."
"Fine" Clarke said.
She didn't want to run. She didn't think she had the energy to. But when Octavia took off to her left, she didn't think she had a choice but to follow.
She ran after Octavia, the other homes located around Bellamy's flashing in her peripheral vision. She passed people who didn't look at her twice. She even spotted a man walking a dog.
And all the while, Octavia kept running. She didn't even look back.
After what felt like ten minutes, Clarke stopped.
Her lungs burned. Her legs ached. She put her hands on her knees and bent forward, trying to catch her breath.
"Clarke, come on" Octavia said.
"I can't"
"Just a few more feet" Octavia said. "Let's go for a little longer, just until we reach that blue house" she said, pointing ahead.
"You said as far as I could go" Clarke snapped.
"You can go a little further" Octavia pushed, "just a few more feet."
"Fine!" Clarke yelled, "But I am walking back."
Octavia only rolled her eyes.
She sat halfway down the flight of steps leading to Bellamy's house.
Octavia had left hours ago.
After a short argument where Octavia implied that there would be a next time, Clarke started towards the house. But halfway up the stairs, she grew too tired to go on. So she sat down, and even when she stopped feeling so tired, she didn't move from her position.
She spent the next few hours watching the city. The people. Imagining what their lives were like. It gave her comfort, knowing there were so many people out there living normal lives.
Eventually, she spotted Bellamy walking towards her. He smiled a little, making his way up the stairs before sitting down beside her.
"What are you doing out here?"
"What's it look like?" she said.
He mumbled something about being glad that she obviously felt better. They sat in silence for a little while, watching the city. Watching as the sun made it's way closer to the horizon.
"Where is everyone?" she asked.
"I told them not to come over tonight" he said, leaning back.
"What? Why?"
"I just figured that you might want a day or two of quiet" he said, smirking at her.
"Do they come over every night?"
"Usually" he said, "we try to have dinner together every night. But sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes we meet somewhere else. It just depends."
She nodded, thinking about the people she'd met the night before.
"How long have you known them?"
"I met Miller, Lincoln, Murphy and Ilian while we were training" he said. "And Raven only after we'd finished."
"Training?"
"It's complicated" he said, "but basically, we have war-camps where we are expected to train while we are still young. We practiced using our gifts, but we mostly focused on fighting. Hand to hand combat. Mental and physical training. Gotta keep up that Night Clan image" he added with a smirk.
"How long?"
"Depends" he said, shrugging a little, "usually until we reach the age of maturity."
She nodded. It didn't really make sense but she didn't care enough to ask him to elaborate.
"We've been friends since then," he said, "hundreds of years."
She didn't bother starting another conversation. Instead, they listened to the life around them and watched the sun set.
"Lets go inside" he said, "I'll make dinner."
He offered her his hand but she ignored it, making her way up the stairs. She didn't say anything else as she went to her room and took a shower. And since she had nothing else to wear, she got into the bed completely naked and fell asleep.
When she woke up, it was completely dark in her room. She turned until she felt the lamp that stood on her bedside table and turned it on. She rose from bed and peeked outside. It was night time. Possibly just a few hours before dawn. She got back into bed, trying to think of anything besides the Spring Clan and thinking of nothing else. She didn't want to go back. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But she couldn't help but wonder what they were doing. What they were thinking. How he felt.
She felt a lump in her throat, thinking about him.
And when the tears pooled in her eyes, she let them fall. And they weren't tears of love. Or longing.
She didn't miss him. Not at all. The heat in her stomach, something like liquid rage, was unlike anything she'd ever felt.
For the first time ever, she let herself think about every single shitty thing he'd done. From the countless no's and it's not your place's to the way he'd sent her crashing into walls. The way he'd completely ignored her in Mount Weather. The way he made her feel hopeless, faithless in herself when he didn't reach out like the other Fey had done.
The way he expected her to act, to dress, to think.
The times he'd made her feel like she was below him. Like she couldn't possibly be gifted. The way he'd insult her intelligence, over and over. Treated her like she was too dim to understand things. Too useless to help him.
The way he'd expected her- convinced her, even- that a life like hers was meant to be spent wearing dresses and painting flowers.
The way he acted on his own needs, his wishes, but made it seem like it was all for her benefit. Her safety. Her well-being. Her happiness.
The disapproval in his eyes when she'd question him. When she'd ask for something other than what he wanted to give her. The way he shot her down, time after time, when she voiced her concerns.
The way he watched her sadness and did absolutely nothing to help her.
And finally- the way he'd locked her away like she was his property because he had found her past that wall and offered her his help. Starting with the night he told her to stay in her room on Spring Solstice, to that final awful day where he'd trapped her inside of the house to keep her from leaving.
She didn't understand why she'd ignored it for so long. She couldn't remember when she had decided to settle. To stop pushing. To stop being herself and be who he wanted her to be.
As she laid there with tears streaming down the sides of her face, thinking about all the ways he'd turned her into the person she was- she felt something in her chest collapse.
As much as she'd begun to hate him...the only person she hated more was herself.
She hated herself for being a witness. An enabler. She hated herself for letting him.
You are the same kind of person he is. No wonder you like him so much, Bellamy had said in Mount Weather.
She didn't understand the depth of the insult back then. And now she finally did.
When Octavia walked into her room just as the sun began to rise, Clarke was still wide awake. The tears had stopped at some point. The rage subsided. And again, all she felt was tired.
"Let's go" Octavia said.
Clarke tried not to get frustrated.
"I don't feel like it" she said.
"I don't care."
"I don't have anything to wear" Clarke said. A poor excuse. But one she was willing to use.
"Not true" Octavia said, "I told you I'd get you some things. You've got some clothes in your closet and dresser. The exercise apparel is in the bottom drawer."
She left without another word.
Clarke rose from bed, cursing Octavia in her thoughts. She grabbed a pair of black leggings and a shirt from the bottom drawer and put them to the side. Curiosity got the best of her and she looked through the drawers, finding soft and comfortable homey clothing in them. The top drawer held lacy undergarments and colorful bras. She didn't even want to know how Octavia knew her exact bra size.
She went to the closet, finding it full of more formal attire. Pants, blouses, skirts and even a couple dresses. And to her surprise, only a few pieces were black. The shelves in her closet were full of shoes. Heels, sandals and a new pair of sneakers. A couple handbags.
Clarke could feeling herself growing more agitated by the minute.
She grabbed the shoes and the clothing, along with undergarments and made her way to the bathroom. Her agitation only grew when she found her counter top littered with different beauty products. Makeup, shampoo, lotions and perfumes.
By the time she found Octavia waiting for her outside, she was seething with anger.
"You said only a few things" she spat, "a few necessities. I don't want all that crap."
"Most people just say thank you" Octavia said, descending down the stairs.
Clarke followed right on her heels.
"I didn't ask you to do that" she yelled, "I don't need any of it. Take it back!"
"I know you didn't" Octavia said, stretching her legs, "I wanted to do it."
"Well stop!" Clarke yelled, "Stop doing shit for me. I don't want your help!"
Octavia clenched her jaw. Narrowed her eyes.
"Then get rid of it yourself" she said, getting right into Clarke's face. "Throw it away. Burn it. I don't give a shit. I was trying to be thoughtful. Don't be such a bitch."
And with that she turned on the spot and ran off.
Clarke felt so angry that she followed.
Unlike the morning before, this time it felt good. This time, the burning in her lungs helped some of the anger subside. Pushing her body to keep going, keep running until she reached that blue house at the end of the street helped her work some of the anger off.
Octavia waited on the other side.
And when Clarke reached her, she only gave her a few minutes to catch her breath before telling her it was time to head back.
This time, Clarke ran back.
Octavia left her at the bottom of the stairs, running off in a different direction. Clarke knew that the run to the blue house wasn't long. Wasn't enough for Octavia. She figured that the girl probably ran a lot further. But she'd come by just to take her that far.
And even though she knew Octavia meant well, she grew angry again. Why were they helping her? Why was she letting them?
She made her way inside, raiding Bellamy's kitchen until she found something she wanted to eat. And then she took a shower and got back in bed.
When she woke up, she dressed in a pair of soft grey pants that went with a simple grey t-shirt. They felt a little weird on her body, since she'd grown used to her fancy Spring Clan clothing. Back there, even the stuff she wore to bed was thoughtfully designed and patterned.
The clothes Octavia had bought her were simple, comfortable.
She made her way downstairs and found Bellamy in the kitchen with the sun setting in the distance.
"Hey" he said, not smiling at her. "Are you hungry?"
"Sure" she said, not bothering to fake it. She was and she didn't feel like turning down another offer.
He didn't say anything in response. Instead, he moved around the kitchen and ignored her.
After a while, she made her way to the living room and browsed through the books lining the shelf on the left. She picked one at random and sat down on the couch. Her anger at Octavia hadn't subsided. She could feel her agitation only growing as more time passed. Eventually, he told her dinner was ready.
She walked towards the table, and sat down at the place she'd sat the first time because that's where he'd left her plate. He sat to her right, just as he had that first night.
She stabbed at her food, trying to shove it down her throat as fast as possible. The sooner she left, the better. If she stayed for long, she might start screaming at him.
It was good, the food. Simple. Sauteed vegetables and chicken.
"What is wrong with you?" he finally asked, after what felt like ten minutes of silence. "Why are you so angry?"
"Nothing" she said, shoving another forkful of food into her mouth.
"Really?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Because you're acting like I've somehow offended you with my hospitality."
She put the fork down and stuck her hands under her thighs to keep them from trembling.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
"Excuse me?"
"Cut the shit, Bellamy. What the hell do you want?"
"I don't want anything from you" he said, clenching his jaw. "I'm just trying to help-"
"I don't want your goddamn help!" she yelled, rising from her seat, "I don't want your fucking pity! I don't want you to take care of me! I don't want Octavia to buy me shit! I don't want you to be nice to me!"
He glared up at her. But he didn't look surprised by the outburst. He almost looked like he'd been expecting it.
"And what the fuck do you want?" he asked, rising from his own chair until he was glaring down at her, "Do you want me to yell at you? Be the asshole I was in Mount Weather? Want me to threaten you? Choke you?"
"That's not what I meant and you know it" she countered.
"No, I don't" he said. But then the tension left his body and he relaxed. He sat back down. "For all I know, you could be into that sort of thing" he said, smirking at her.
She felt her cheeks flame.
"That" she began through clenched teeth, "is not what I meant."
"Well, what do you mean?"
"I-I just-" she stuttered, trying to control her emotions, "I just need-"
"What?" he asked, his voice more gentle. "Just tell me what you need."
She glared at him, feeling her throat tighten.
When she said nothing, he sighed.
"Look, Clarke" he began, "I get it. You don't want to be here. You resent the fact that we helped you, even if you are thankful for it. You hate that we had to help you at all. But we did" he said, "and we don't expect anything from you in return. If you want to leave, you're free to go. I don't care."
She felt some of the anger subside. She sat back down, feeling completely and totally lost.
She had nowhere to go. Nothing to do. She was, for the first time in her life, alone. And she was lost. No one was there to guide her. To tell her the way.
"This place" he said, looking around, "this part of your life doesn't have to be like it was before. I don't want anything from you. You may not feel the same way, but you have become a friend to me. To Octavia" he added, "and we would have done that for any one of our friends. If you don't want our help, that's okay. I didn't bring you here to tell you what to do, how to live. I brought you because you asked me to. It's your life. Do with it what you want."
She looked away, unsure of how she was supposed to feel.
"I know that I can be a dick" he said, "but I'm not going to force you to get better. You can either continue wasting away until your even more of a ghost than you already are. Or you can do something about it."
When she turned to glare at him, at his words, tears prickled behind her eyes.
"How?" she asked, "What can I do?"
"How about you start trying for a change?" he said.
And then he rose from the table and left her sitting there, unsure of whether or not she was supposed to be angry at him.
The next morning, when Octavia walked into her room- Clarke was already dressed.
After her run with Octavia, she stopped herself from crawling back into bed.
She made herself go downstairs. Made herself eat. And then she picked up a book and went outside. She went to the backyard and sat down in the grass, letting the sun warm her skin.
Hours later, when she heard voices coming from inside the house, she made herself go inside.
She found Bellamy and the four boys sitting on the two couches, drinking from dark glass bottles and laughing with one another.
He took one glance at her before turning away.
"Hey Clarke" Lincoln said, "how are you? Would you like to join us?"
"I'm fine" she said, feeling a little weary. They were all staring at her, all of them besides Bellamy, probably wondering why she was standing there. "Uh, no" she said, shaking her head, "I-I just came to say hello."
They mumbled their hello's.
"Next time, then" Lincoln said.
"Yeah" she said, toying with her sweater, "Next time."
She spent the remainder of the evening in her room, listening to the voices and the laughter coming from downstairs.
And for some reason, the sound made her feel safe.
The next few days passed in a similar fashion.
She woke early every morning and ran with Octavia. And each day, they went a little further. Each run, she felt a little stronger. Her muscles ached but after months of living sedentary, it was welcomed. The others came by. Not all of them but usually three or four of them. And most of the time, she only came down to say hello before going back to her room.
But one night Raven showed up, and convinced Clarke to hang out with her, Bellamy and Murphy. And again, they asked her to tell them about the other side of the wall. Clarke felt herself opening up, recalling all the small details of her old life. They seemed to hang on to every word, like they were just as curious about mortals as she'd been about Fey.
She helped Murphy cook dinner and tried not to get too agitated by the way he scolded her for adding too much garlic or not enough salt.
And afterwards, she helped Bellamy do the dishes after Raven and Murphy left. They stood in silence. He washed and she dried. But when they were finished and he told her he was going to bed, she finally spoke up.
"I-I was thinking about going into the city" she said, "tomorrow. Do you...I mean- does anyone have time to go with me? I don't want to get lost."
He looked at her a little strangely. Like he wasn't sure why she was asking.
"Yeah, of course" he said, "I can take you after your run?"
He phrased it like a question.
"That would be nice" she said.
He only nodded before turning away.
She went to her room, wondering why he'd looked at her like that.
"I can't go very far" she said.
Even though she'd been running every morning, she didn't think she had the energy to make it all the way across the city.
"We'll go as far as you can go" Bellamy said.
"I've heard that before" she mumbled.
He rolled his eyes and closed the door behind them as she made her way into the streets.
They walked side by side into the city. Clarke stared at the buildings. The different shops and homes. She spotted jewelry shops, clothing stores, a bank, restaurants, a place that sold musical instruments, cafes with little metal tables crowded with Fey eating and drinking. Pretty much everything she could imagine, and then some.
They passed by countless homes of the people who inhabited the city and Clarke saw beautiful men and women leaning out of windows, talking to people on the streets. Sitting on their balconies, alone and in pairs. Music drifted from the windows of numerous homes.
And the entire time, she and Bellamy didn't stand out.
She figured that the Fey would show some sort of reaction to seeing their High Lord strolling through the streets with a stranger. But a lot of them passed by like he was just another citizen. Some of them smiled at him. Greeted him. A few even spoke to him like he was their friend and not their High Lord.
Clarke watched all of it, the city and the interactions, with wide eyes.
When they were almost halfway through the city, she stopped, inching towards a light pink building. Through the window, she spotted paintings and art supplies. Rows and rows full of color pencils, sets of pastels and charcoals. Canvases of different shapes and sizes. Brushes, easels, sketch pads. Anything an artist would desire.
"You like to draw?" Bellamy asked.
She nodded before she could stop herself.
"Do you want to go inside?" he asked, "Pick out a few things?"
"No" she quickly said.
"Clarke-"
"I said no" she snapped, turning to glare at him.
He clenched his jaw at the random outburst. But he only nodded and stepped away.
"I don't feel like walking anymore" she said, "let's go home."
Something in his face changed. But the change left as quick as it had come and he nodded again, turning around and going back the way they had come.
That night, Octavia and Raven joined them for dinner.
And Clarke finally thought of something that might begin to make her feel better about accepting their help. She waited until the four of them sat at the table with their dinner in front of them before bringing it up.
She still sat at the head of the table. Bellamy still sat on her right. Octavia took the seat across from him with Raven beside her.
"I've been thinking" she said.
"Uh oh" Bellamy said, his voice mocking.
All three girls glared at him.
"Go on, Clarke" Octavia said after kicking him underneath the table.
He only laughed.
"I've been thinking" she said, giving a pointed look towards Bellamy before turning to Octavia, "I need a job."
"A job?" Octavia asked, "What kind of job?"
"I-I don't know" she said, "but I need to do something. You all have something to do. I don't know what you do, but I know it's something. I don't do anything. I sit here and wait for you to come back."
"You can do what you want" Bellamy said.
"I know" she said, "but there must be something I can...something I can do. Everyone here has a job. A specialty. And I'm tired of having you guys get me things I need" she said.
"That's understandable" Raven said.
"What would you like to do?" Bellamy asked.
"I don't know" she said between bites of food.
"Well, what are you good at?" Octavia asked.
"I-I don't know."
The Blakes glanced between one another.
"What are you passionate about?" Bellamy asked.
Something about the question stirred sadness in her chest. She stayed quiet for a while, thinking about it. And the others stayed quiet, watching her. Waiting to hear the answer.
When she spoke up, she didn't look at any of them. She couldn't.
"Nothing."
The silence only lasted for two heartbeats before Bellamy spoke up. He reached forward and placed his hand on top of hers.
"That just means you haven't figured it out" he said.
"Yeah" Raven said, "it just means you have to find something you think is worth doing."
His hand had only touched hers for a couple of seconds before he pulled it away. But for some reason, she felt herself blush.
It felt like it was the first time she'd ever felt his skin on hers.
"How do I figure it out?"
"Maybe you could start training" Octavia suggested.
"How will that help me?"
"You should understand what kind of gifts you have, Clarke" Raven said.
It seemed like they had all discussed it before. Without her.
"I-I don't know" she said.
"We can help you" Octavia said, "all of us."
"How?"
"Lincoln and Miller can help you with your strength" Octavia said, "they can teach you how to fight. Maybe you'll like it and want to join the army or something. Join the guard."
"I doubt it" Raven said, "but you should still learn how to fight. You're not doing yourself any favors by avoiding it."
She considered it.
"Ilian has a few gifts of his own" Octavia said, "he and Bellamy have the most knowledge about the other High Fey. They can help with that. Help you find out what you might have gotten from them."
"And what about you two?"
"Raven is the smartest person in the city" Bellamy said, "she can teach you anything you want to be taught."
"He's right" Raven said, "I am the smartest person in the city."
But she smiled at Bellamy and he smiled back, like it was a joke between them.
"And I will be whatever you need me to be" Octavia said. "Cheerleader, ass-kicker, your choice."
"We'll help you" Raven said, "all of us. Your not a mortal anymore, Clarke. Maybe you should stop acting like one."
"I'll think about it" she said.
They dropped the topic after that.
A part of her wanted to. She wanted to become so strong , so powerful that she'd never have to depend on anyone else ever again.
But the other part wasn't sure if she had it in her anymore.
The next night, she and Bellamy ate dinner alone. And this time, she was the one who cooked. She nervously watched as he took the first spoonful of the soup she'd made.
"And?"
"It's-it's decent" he said, but then he immediately took a large sip of water.
She eyed him suspiciously, taking her own first spoonful.
She choked.
"Bellamy!" she yelled, "It's salty as fuck."
"Just take it easy on the salt next time" he said, smirking at her.
"It was different at home" she snapped, "the salt here is more..potent."
"I believe you."
She rolled her eyes.
"Well what are we going to eat for dinner?"
"Do you want to go out somewhere?" he asked, "To one of the places in the city?"
"Not really" she said, leaning back in her chair. After her run with Octavia, Raven showed up and took her out. They walked to another part of the city, different from the side Bellamy had shown her. "I'm kind of tired."
"Alright, well" he said, rising from his chair, "I don't feel like making anything so..."
He went to the fridge, looked through the cabinets while she cleared the table.
Instead of having anything substantial, they snacked on the items he had in his kitchen. Different fruits and pastries. Sweet and salty crackers shaped like animals. They sat on the kitchen counter with open packages and empty wrappers littered on the two feet of space between them.
"I know you haven't made your mind up, about training" he said, "but there is one thing I do need to insist you learn."
"What is it?"
"You need to work on your mental shield" he said.
"Mental shield?"
"You know how I can get in your head?" he asked.
"Yeah" she said, eyeing him a little warily.
"There are others that can do that" he said, "not very many of them. And they can't kill you through it like I can. But they do exist."
"And?"
"And you're here" he said, turning to look at her, "you've seen the City of Light."
"So?"
"So I can't risk you going off somewhere and encountering someone who can see it through your thoughts" he said. "Octavia told you that this place doesn't exist to the outside world. To the people who don't live here. That's one of the reasons why. I need to keep it that way."
"Why?" she asked. She'd been genuinely curious about it. About why this place seemed to mean so much to them. So much that they didn't want the world to know about it.
He looked away, seeming a little uncomfortable.
"It's the only place in this world where bad things don't happen" he said. "A place I know my people will be protected."
"So screw everyone else?" she asked, "But keep the people here safe?"
"That's not what I meant" he said, turning to glare at her. "I just mean that having this one place is better than having no place at all. My mother built this city for that reason. I'm not willing to risk it because of you."
She glared back.
They sat in silence for a little while.
"Your mother" Clarke began, "what made her want to build a hidden city?"
"She did it to protect the people she cared about" he said.
Clarke thought about the story Finn had told her shortly after she'd met Bellamy for the first time. About how his mother fell in love with a mortal. How it started the war.
"She built it for him" Clarke said, "for the mortal."
"Yeah" Bellamy said, staring straight ahead.
"But they killed him?"
"They had left the city" Bellamy said, "and Finn's father found them somewhere else."
Clarke recalled the tale, fitting all the pieces together.
"This is where Octavia was" Clarke said, realization dawning on her, "that's why he couldn't find her."
"At first" Bellamy said.
His voice and his face grew dark. His shoulders tensed up.
"But how?" she asked, "how did he find her?"
"The city hadn't been around for that long at the time" Bellamy said, "and Finn's father was one of the more powerful High Lords. I don't know how he got here. How he found her. How he took her without us knowing."
By that point, he was speaking though gritted teeth.
For some reason, Clarke didn't think it would be a good time to continue that particular conversation.
"So what about now?" she asked, "How are you sure that it'll stay protected?"
"It will" he said.
"How do you know?"
"Because after my mother died, I used my magic to fix her mistakes" he said. "One of the biggest ones was that she'd done it alone. I didn't have to. I did at first. But now I have my family."
Clarke stayed quiet. The words, the bond he so obviously had with the others made miss her parents. Her family.
He hopped off the counter and walked to the other side of the kitchen, opening a cabinet and pulling out a bottle of wine. He didn't even grab a glass. Instead, he opened it and drank straight from the bottle. She hadn't seen him look so angry, so agitated in months.
"Alright" she said, "teach me."
"What?"
"Teach me how to shield my mind" she said, "I need to protect myself from assholes like you that go in without asking."
He took another drink from the bottle. But when he pulled back, he was smirking at her.
"Come on then" he said, nodding towards the living room.
"What, now?" she asked.
"Do you have something better to do?"
He turned and walked towards the living room, sitting down on the floor between the two coffee tables.
She sighed before making her way after him. He set the bottle aside and leaned back onto his hands with his legs spread before him. She sat down, cross-legged, a few feet away from him.
"Do you want to see if you can do it?" he asked.
"Do what?"
"Get inside my mind?"
"I-I don't know."
"Come on" he said, "it will be easier for me to show you how to put up a shield that way."
"Alright" she said, feeling a little nervous.
She didn't think she possessed that particular gift. She couldn't imagine it. But she was willing to try.
"I'm going to think one thing" he said, "over and over. I'll conjure one image. You get inside my head, see it, and we'll go from there."
She nodded.
He took another sip before leaning back.
They sat in silence, looking at one another.
"Just picture it in your head" he said, "envision that you can see past my skull. Into my brain. Like it's one of your books, just waiting to be read."
She concentrated, staring at his head and willing herself to see what was inside of it.
He continued staring at her, a playful smile on his lips.
"I-I don't feel anything" she said.
"You're not concentrating hard enough" he said, "and looking at my forehead won't help you. If you're going to look anywhere, it should be my eyes."
"Why?"
"Imagine that my pupils are like holes you can crawl through" he said, "and at the end of those holes are my thoughts. My life. Everything I've seen."
She sighed but looked into his eyes.
After the first couple of minutes, she grew a little uncomfortable. She looked away, feeling herself blush. She wasn't sure why.
"Come closer" he said.
She sighed again.
"Bellamy, I don't think I can-"
"Just try" he said, "come closer and try."
He took another drink.
She crawled forward and grabbed the bottle from his hand, taking a long sip. The blush in her cheeks felt like it was only growing hotter. She hoped that the alcohol would help her relax. Help her look him in the eyes without feeling weird. She sat down, right at his feet, and looked into his eyes.
Nothing.
Nothing but dark brown irises and dilated pupils.
No story. No thoughts. Nothing.
"Why are you blushing?" he asked, smirking again.
"I-I'm not" she said, but she looked away. She had to. She took another drink.
"Focus" he said, "get inside my head."
"Well maybe if you'd shut up.." she mumbled, passing the bottle to him.
She looked back up, straightening her spine and willing herself to try. To envision herself crawling inside of his mind and seeing what was there.
She stopped herself from blinking. She didn't even dare to breathe. Instead, she focused all her energy on getting inside his mind.
And suddenly, she wasn't looking into his eyes anymore.
She was looking at herself, standing in the kitchen. Her back was turned. Her long blonde hair hung in waves over her shoulders. The back of her sweater was tucked into the elastic of her black tights, like she'd just bent down. And she heard only one thought:
Your ass looks great in those.
She closed her eyes and when they were open, she was staring at Bellamy's smirking face.
"You are such a pig" she said.
"So I guess you got through?"
She rolled her eyes, feeling herself blushing even harder.
"Try again" he said, "and this time, I'll show you how I shield myself."
"You better be thinking something else" she threatened.
He smiled.
She took a deep breath, willing herself to look him in the eyes again.
It didn't help that he was looking right back.
And after a few more failed attempts, she could have sworn that the temperature of the room had gone up. But of course, he looked totally relaxed. Staring at her with an easy smile on his face.
It pissed her off.
So again, she bore her eyes into his. Held her breath. And within seconds, she was looking at herself standing in the kitchen, same as before.
Your ass looks terrific in those.
And just as she heard the last word, she felt like she hit a brick wall in her mind.
She leaned back, almost like the ordeal physically shoved her out of his mind.
"See? You're out" he said, "You need to be able to do that. You need to perfect it so that you can shield your mind the very second you feel someone trying to get into your thoughts."
"So you felt it?" she asked, "You felt me?"
"Yeah" he said.
"What did it feel like?"
"Like...like my mind got foggy" he said.
"That's what I felt too!" she exclaimed, so excited that she forgot about what he'd been thinking, "That's what I felt when you got inside my head, too!"
He smiled at her. A real, genuine smile. One like she hadn't seen from him before.
Like maybe her excitement made him happy.
She rose to her feet, feeling something stirring in her chest.
"I-I think that's enough for tonight" she said, "I'm gonna go to bed."
"Alright" he said, but he was smirking at her like he knew exactly what she was feeling.
She turned on the spot and walked away.
"Don't stare at my ass!" she yelled, turning the corner and going to her room as quickly as she could.
She turned the lights off, got in bed and hid underneath the covers.
He was flirting with me, she thought.
And to her horror-
She liked it.
Notes:
This chapter was longer than the ones before...but honestly, you guys totally deserve it after the last one. I absolutely LOVED the reaction to the last chapter. I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate your thoughtful comments, your kind words and your encouragements.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH <3
What'd you guys think?? How do you feel about Clarke's progress? And the other characters? As for the Bellarke- it's a slowburn- you know what you signed up for. But things are definitely heating up!! Next chapter is called "The Calm Before The Storm"...any guesses?? :D
Thanks for reading <3
Chapter Text
"So, I've thought about your offer" Clarke began, "and I'd like to take you guys up on it. If you're still willing to-to help me."
She'd thought about it for a couple of days, after her ordeal with Bellamy.
Her gift, the one she'd gotten from him, the one that would allow her to go into other peoples minds- their thoughts- had convinced her. With that in her arsenal, it made her wonder about what other things she might have acquired from her creators.
And even if she had no other gifts, she still needed to get better. Stronger. Smarter. She couldn't be independent, she couldn't take care of herself if she didn't. It was the only was to ensure that she'd never have to depend on anyone but herself. The only way she could make sure she'd never end up at the mercy of another person.
She didn't train with Bellamy again, despite the fact that she was curious. She wanted to. But their last ordeal had left her...confused. And she wasn't really eager to look him in the eye again. Not unless she had to.
So she waited a couple days, letting herself think about all the possibilities. And even though it meant accepting their help, she knew it was her only option. She couldn't do it alone, despite the fact that she wanted to. She needed their help. For now.
So she waited until they had all come over for another dinner. And when they sat down to eat, she swallowed her pride and spoke up.
"Of course" Octavia said, "of course we're still willing to help you."
The others around the tabled nodded at her. She knew that they'd discussed it without her. She tried not to think about the other things they had probably discussed. She hated knowing that they talked about her while she wasn't around.
"So you two will help me train" she began, nodding towards Lincoln and Miller, "physically, I mean."
"We will" Lincoln said, looking at her with approval in his eyes.
"By the time we're done" Miller said, "you'll be able to kick Octavia's ass for making you run with her every morning."
He smirked at Octavia but she only scoffed.
"I'd like to see her try" Octavia said, raising a perfect eyebrow in challenge.
While her morning runs with Octavia still made her slightly miserable, she couldn't deny that they were helping. Each morning, she ran a little further. And even though Octavia's words of encouragement often left her thinking about all the reasons she should kick her ass, she was pretty sure that she wouldn't be able to. No matter how hard she trained.
"We should make a schedule" Octavia said.
"Here we go" Murphy muttered, earning a glare from Octavia in return.
"After our morning runs" she said, turning her attention to Clarke, "you can train with those two every other morning until you excel at hand-to-hand combat."
"And in between those days" Raven added from down the table, "you can train with me. I'll teach you everything you need to know about this side of the wall. About the City of Light and how everything works here."
"Like we said" Octavia began, just after Raven finished, "Ilian and Bellamy know the most about the other High Fey. They can help you harness whatever powers they might have given you."
"About that, what if-" Clarke began, but she was cut off by Murphy.
"What about me?" he asked, "Don't you think I have anything valuable to teach her?"
The others glanced around at one another.
"If anyone says cooking" he threatened, glaring at them, "I swear to the Mother I will lose my shit."
Silence.
"Murphy can teach you everything you shouldn't dabble in" Miller finally answered. "And he's the ultimate survivor. If you wanna learn how to be ruthless and cross lines you shouldn't- then I think he can teach you a thing or two."
"Fuck you, Nathan" Murphy said, while the others only laughed.
She waited for the insults to settle before speaking up again.
"I only have one condition" she said.
"Of course you do" Octavia said, rolling her eyes.
Lincoln gave her a disapproving stare.
"I don't want you guys to keep anything from me" she said, looking around at them, "I mean it. Nothing. Because they did and that's why-"
Her voice cut off, like she couldn't force herself to finish the sentence. She looked away, but she could tell that they were looking around at one another.
"I just mean" she said, "if I accept your help...I don't want to be in the dark about anything. If I suck at something, tell me. If I'm over-stepping my boundaries, tell me. If I commit to this, I need to know that you guys won't keep things from me."
They stayed silent for a couple of minutes.
"Clarke, if you suck, I will personally tell you that you do" Octavia said.
Clarke got the feeling that they were trying to make the conversation lighter. When really, they were probably all thinking about what Bellamy and Octavia surely told them about what had happened to her. How she'd ended up in Mount Weather. How she'd been locked away, on more than one occasion, until they saved her.
"If there's a threat you're concerned about-" Ilian began, speaking up for the first time she'd met him. He had a soft, gentle voice. One she hadn't expected to hear from his seemingly-hard exterior.
"What kind of threat?" Raven asked.
"The other High Fey" Octavia answered before Clarke could speak up.
"You're worried they'll be upset about you harnessing the powers they gave you?" Ilian said, phrasing it like a question.
They all stared at her, waiting for her answer.
"I-I don't know" she said, "maybe we can keep my training a secret?"
They glanced around at one another.
"But they know" Octavia said, looking towards Clarke, "the Spring Clan. You said that you showed them what you did with the water. You asked if you could train."
Clarke felt her face heating up.
"They might not tell anyone" she began, glancing around the table, "I-I mean, they don't really even know..."
"You should anticipate it" Ilian said, "especially if they find out you left by choice."
She stared at him in confusion.
"What?"
The others went quiet.
Ilian glanced towards Bellamy, looking a little guilty. Looking like he'd said too much. The others suddenly found their dinner that much more interesting.
"What does he mean?" Clarke asked, glaring at Bellamy.
Bellamy sighed, looking over at her with a nervous look on his face.
"With the way we came" he began, "with the way we left things...they probably assume that we took you."
"Why?"
"Well, for one thing- you destroyed more than just the study. And when we came to get you, we had to knock everyone out to avoid a fight" he said, "and it was different this time. I had a right to come there on Spring Solstice. I had a right to come there to get you because of our deal. And the only other times I've gone- I've had a premise. A reason to be there. But when we came for you, our deal was off. I had no reason to be there. So he probably assumes we came and took you."
"But that's not true" she said, feeling her stomach tying into knots, "they-they know I wanted to leave."
"Even so" Octavia said, "they could deny it. Or delude themselves into thinking that you didn't. They have every right to attack our clan for coming into their territory like that. And taking you."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" she asked through gritted teeth, feeling anger coursing through her veins.
"We just wanted-" Bellamy began.
"I swear to God if you say that you did it to protect me-" she began, closing her eyes and clutching her knife.
"We had bigger worries" Octavia said, tentatively placing her hand over the one clutching the knife.
"Like what?" Clarke snapped, glaring at her.
Everyone else stayed silent, watching their exchange.
"Like getting you out of there" Octavia said, seeming as angry as Clarke felt. "Like making sure that you got better. We didn't want you to worry-"
Clarke snatched her hand away.
"You sound just like them" she said, rising from her chair.
They didn't try to stop her when she left.
She stepped outside and sat on the top step leading to the street, trying to calm herself down. While she could understand that they were worried about her, after the state they'd found her in, they had kept this from her. As she sat there, she wondered how she hadn't thought of it before.
She had assumed that Finn and the others would have understood that she wanted to leave- she hadn't thought about their standing feud with the Night Clan. She figured, hoped even, that maybe they wouldn't have known who would have come to her rescue. But as she sat there, it dawned on her. They would of had to know. There was no way that they believed she'd done it herself. That she'd had enough power to destroy their mansion, break through the barrier, and leave the people who were there unconscious.
And who else would have come to her rescue?
She hadn't had contact with anyone who wasn't from the Spring Clan since she'd gotten back from Mount Weather. No one besides Bellamy and Octavia.
She put her head in her hands.
And something told her, despite that last day- despite the fact that she'd begged them to let her come with them- that maybe they really convinced themselves that she'd been taken. She couldn't put it past Finn. Someone who had watched her suffer and settled for a smile as conviction of her mental well-being.
She sat there, thinking about her options.
She didn't want to go back to Spring Clan. Not at all. She didn't think she was ready to face them. But what choice did she have? Especially if they'd resigned to believing that she'd been taken?
After a while, she made her way back inside. They were all still sitting at the dining room table. Their empty plates sat on the table. A few of them were eating dessert. A few just sipped from the wine in their glasses.
No one spoke as she sat back down at the head of the table.
"Have you guys heard anything?" she asked, glancing between them, "Do you have any reason to assume that he's telling people I was taken?"
"We haven't really had any contact with anyone outside of the Night Clan" Bellamy said, "and I didn't bother trying to send someone from here to tell him any different" he said, shrugging his shoulders, "because something tells me he wouldn't believe anything we had to say."
"Then I need to go" she said, "I need to tell them and put a stop to this."
The others glanced towards Bellamy.
"I don't think that's a good idea" he said, his voice careful.
"And why not?"
"Because you're not ready."
"You don't get to decide that" she snapped, "you can't make decisions for me-"
"I'm not making the decision for you" he spat, "I'm just offering my opinion."
"I don't need your fucking-" she began, growing angry again. But Octavia cut her off.
"Clarke, he's right" she said, "you're not ready. Not yet. You should train before you face any of them."
"Why?"
"Because" she said, "I don't think I need to remind you that he is a High Lord. A terrible one, yes. But he is. And he's a lot more powerful than you."
"I'm not scared of him" she said. But she could feel the unease settling in her stomach at the thought of facing them. Facing him.
"We know that" Ilian said from a few seats down, "but it's not about whether or not you're scared of them. It's about being prepared. We don't put ourselves in situations we might not be able to handle. I think you of all people should understand what happens when we do."
He didn't say it like an insult. But rather, like he knew exactly how much the situation at Mount Weather had broken her.
"So I train" she said, feeling some of the anger subside, "and then I go to Spring Clan."
"And scare the shit out of them" Murphy said, a smirk on his lips.
"And try to prevent a war" Octavia corrected.
"But what if it's unnecessary" Lincoln said, "I mean, we don't even know if he's actually considering it. We don't know if he's told anyone."
"Then we find out" Raven said.
"How?" Clarke asked.
"You could visit another clan first" Raven said, "see if they've heard anything from the Spring Clan."
"Either way" Bellamy began, "it wouldn't be a good idea to go anywhere until you get stronger."
"So you train first" Raven said, "and kick asses later."
At that, Clarke felt herself relax. A smile made it's way onto her face.
They were letting her decide. They would give her the knowledge, the ammunition she needed. But they'd let her decide on how to approach the situation.
"Alright, who's turn is it to do the dishes?" Murphy asked, rising from his seat. "I'm clearing the table- which, might I add- is a little unfair since I cooked again."
"It's Miller's turn" Octavia said, rising from her chair.
"No it's not!" Miller yelled, "It's Raven's turn."
"I did them five days ago!" Raven snapped, "It's Ilian's turn."
"No" Ilian began, "it's-"
"It's my turn" Clarke said, rising from her seat. They looked at her like they just remembered that she was still sitting there, watching them bicker back and forth.
They didn't say anything as she made her way towards the sink, filling it with water. She washed all the dishes Murphy brought to the counter, leaving them to dry on the metal rack beside the sink. And when she was finished, she joined them in the living room. They excitedly chattered about her upcoming training. And as the night went on, Clarke got the sense that they were more excited than she was.
It didn't make sense to her. She wasn't sure why they were so invested in her. Why they cared at all.
But as she watched them go back to their own homes that night, after making plans to meet Miller and Lincoln early the next day, she felt something like gratitude making her chest tighten.
She wasn't sure where her place was in their dynamic. Their little family.
But it seemed like they were trying to make room for her. Like they wanted her to be a part of it. Like they'd let her decide if she wanted a place with them. And even though she still wasn't sure if she wanted that place or not- she was grateful for the opportunity.
She watched them go before turning to face Bellamy. They stood outside by the front door. Alone under the moonlight.
"I'll give you a pass" she began, "about this Spring Clan thing."
He turned to look at her, a little wearily.
"But you better not keep anything else from me" she said, "I mean it, Bellamy. If it involves me-my life- and the things it may affect, I want to know about it."
"Alright" he said, but he turned away.
She wasn't sure if she could believe him. If she could trust him.
She grabbed his arm, making him turn to face her.
"Don't keep things from me" she said, "I won't forgive you again."
She didn't bother waiting for his reply. But she didn't miss the distant look in his eyes. Like maybe there was still something else he hadn't told her.
"I don't think I can move my legs if I tried" Clarke said, staring up at the clear blue sky.
"We'll give you a few minutes to recover" Lincoln said, staring down at her with a cheeky smile on his face.
"I think I'll need a few days" Clarke groaned.
After her run with Octavia that morning, Clarke asked the girl to show her where she was supposed to meet Lincoln and Miller for training.
Octavia only took her to another set of wooden stairs, built between two houses only a little ways away from Bellamy's. She pointed to the stairs built right between the trees and told Clarke that she'd be practicing at the top of the mountain. And despite the fact that she'd taken numerous breaks to curse every single one of them, she kept going. Kept climbing. The only thing she noticed was that at one point, about halfway up the mountain, the stairs veered off in two directions. One path led to the left, and even though she was curious about where they led, she stayed on her path and continued climbing up, up, up.
Until her legs felt like jelly. Until she fell onto her knees and rolled over onto her back, when she'd reached the top and saw a structure, similar to the palace Bellamy had taken her to. She assumed it was where she was going to be training. But she didn't think she had it in her to take another step.
So she laid on the ground, breathless and sweaty, until Miller and Lincoln found her laying there.
"Those steps are a bitch, aren't they?" Miller asked, smirking down at her.
She didn't even have the energy to answer.
"Damn, it's been a while" he said, "maybe we need to refresh our memories and take a climb, Linc?" he suggested.
"How the hell did you get up here, then?" she asked, feeling like her lungs were on fire.
"We have wings" Miller said, shrugging before he turned away.
"Just meet us inside when you're ready" Lincoln said, giving her a sympathetic smile before following after Miller.
She laid there for a while, letting some of the feeling return to her legs before rising on wobbly knees and making her way inside.
There wasn't much to see. She passed a few rooms with what she guessed was exercise equipment. Another with different kinds of weapons. She found the two boys in a room with an elevated area in the middle, boxed off by what appeared to be ropes.
They were standing apart from each other, hands raised and shirts off.
Clarke watched for a little while. Admiring the way their bodies moved, the powerful kicks and clean swipes of their fists. And maybe their sweaty, muscular bodies as well.
"We'll start off simple" Lincoln said. "The climb up here will help you gain muscle in your legs. There are weights and equipment you can use to strengthen your arms, your core. But in here, we will work on hand-to-hand combat."
After that, she joined him in the ring while Miller went off to do something else. Their first training session included mostly just talking. Lincoln showed her what parts of her body would do the most damage, like her knees and elbows. The proper way to throw a punch. The best way to make sure her kick would connect to the weakest part of her opponents body.
And despite the fact that she didn't have to use her body much, it took all of her effort to make her way down the stairs. The climb down was easier than the climb up, but by the time she opened the front door to Bellamy's house, every single part of her body hurt.
She didn't even have the strength the climb the stairs that led to her room. Instead, she only took her shoes off before laying down in the middle of the hallway.
She must have fallen asleep, or passed out from the exertion at some point, because when she woke up she was in her bed. A little blush made it's way into her cheeks. Bellamy must have found her passed out in the hall and carried her to her room. She wasn't sure how she felt about it, even though her bed was a lot more comfortable than the floor.
She fell back asleep and the next day, Octavia mercifully didn't force her to get out of bed. Giving her a once-over, she stated that she'd be running alone. And after leaving a bottle of water and a sandwich on Clarke's bedside table, she left.
Her entire body ached. Her legs hurt worst of all, but the soreness in her abdomen was a close second. It hurt to move. It hurt to lay still. She began questioning if she was cut out for what she had agreed to by the time she dragged herself into the shower that night. But the hot water soothed her muscles, her joints. And by the time she stepped out, she felt better than she'd felt in months.
She was sore but it was a reminder of the progress she'd made. Or at least that's what she told herself.
Dragging herself from the bathroom, she only grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of shorts-cringing while she lifted her legs to put them on- before making her way back into bed.
After a while, she heard a knock on her door.
"Come in" she said, pulling the comforter higher to cover herself.
Bellamy opened the door and leaned against the frame, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You look..." he began.
"Don't even say it" she threatened.
"I was just gonna say that you looked tired" he said, smirking at her. "Do you want dinner?"
"I don't think I have the strength to lift a fork at this point."
He laughed.
"Alright, well, I can bring you something and leave it on the table if you get hungry" he offered.
"I'd appreciate that" she said.
She'd decided that along with working on her body and her gifts, she'd work on her attitude, too. He was a lot kinder than she'd ever expected, ever imagined him to be. And, as it turned out, he really had been trying to be her friend all along.
"What do they do for you?" she asked, "Lincoln and Miller? I know you said they train the army?"
"They train it" he said, "and they command it."
"But why?" she asked, "I mean- why do you need one? And where are they? Do they live in the city with us?"
"No" he said, taking a few steps into the room. He sat down at the edge of her bed and looked over at her. "I mean, some of them do but for the most part, they have their own quarters. There aren't many of them. Not after-" he paused, "well, I'm sure you've heard the story."
She recalled what Finn had told her, all those months ago. About how his father attacked the Night Clan by surprise, killing the High Lady's lover and most of their army.
"So while we don't have the numbers we used to" he said, "we have the strength. The knowledge. Some of them have other things they do. Some have families. But for the most part, the army consists of men and women who have dedicated their lives to keeping our territory safe. They live in different areas. Patrol the borders. Lincoln and Miller decide on who does what. Who goes where. And of course, they keep them in shape" he added, giving her another smirk.
Despite the fact that she was more sore, more tired than she'd ever been- she had a feeling she had only scraped the surface.
"You must trust them a lot" she said.
"I do" he said, "I trust all of them. My family. That's why we're the most powerful clan out there."
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"Roll your eyes all you want" he said, "but it's true."
"I'm sure the other High Fey think the same of their clans" she said.
"But they don't have what I have" he said, rising to his feet. "Get some rest, you're supposed to train again tomorrow."
She groaned, rolling onto her stomach. She didn't even have the strength to flip him off.
He turned the lights off and left. She fell into a dreamless sleep only minutes later.
"The second time is always worse" Miller said.
"Easy for you to say" Clarke huffed out.
He'd found her, lying on the ground just as she'd done the first day after making her way up the stairs.
And again, her training session with Miller involved more talking than anything else. She wasn't sure if it was because he'd decided to take it easy on her. Either way, she was grateful. But the slow session gave her time to relax her aching muscles. He even taught her a couple of things about how to speed up the healing process. They were mundane things, things she'd known being the daughter of a healer. And no matter how much she asked, he told her it wasn't a good idea to use magic to make herself feel better.
Either way, she figured that it was because of magic that she felt a lot less sore by the time she'd gotten home. No way her mortal body could recover from so much over-use that quickly.
She had a quick meal before making her way upstairs to shower and get in bed.
The next morning, she ran with Octavia.
And afterwards, when Clarke asked her what was on the agenda for that day,- Octavia told her that she had a free day.
"It's the weekend" Octavia said. "No working. No training. So go home, relax a little. And tonight, we're going out."
"Out?"
"Yes Clarke" she said, motioning towards the city "we're going out."
Clarke felt a little weary about the look on Octavia's face.
And instead of going home to relax, she joined Octavia for the rest of her usual run. It was a lot more strenuous, a lot longer than Clarke usually went, but she had just enough momentum and energy to follow after the brunette.
"Where do you and Raven live?" Clarke asked, once Bellamy's home was in her line of site.
"Why?" Octavia asked, "Looking for a new roommate?"
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"That path" Octavia began, still smirking at her, "the one you take to train?"
"What about it?"
"The break in the stairs leads to our home" she said, "See that? Up there?"
Clarke looked to where Octavia was pointing. Halfway up the mountain, almost directly above where Bellamy's house stood, there was a large rectangular structure peeking out from between the trees.
"That's yours?" Clarke asked.
"Yep" Octavia said, "Raven and I had it built after we decided to move in together. Do you want to come over?"
"Maybe another day" Clarke said, thinking about those damn stairs.
"Alright" Octavia said, "you'll love it. You can see the whole city from up there."
Clarke nodded. She believed it.
"See you tonight" Octavia said, after they reached Bellamy's house. "Wear something pretty" she added with a wink.
Clarke rolled her eyes.
She still wasn't sure how she felt about having a night out with them in the city. She'd gotten closer to them, the group, since there was almost always someone over each night. But she wasn't sure how she was supposed to act around them with the entire city watching. What did they do, anyway? She couldn't imagine them just acting the way they did at home.
Their group of seven controlled the city. Ruled it. She couldn't imagine them acting like the average citizen on a weekend night.
"We meant today, Clarke!" Octavia yelled from down stairs.
Clarke bit her bottom lip, sifting through the clothes in her dresser.
Octavia and Raven had stopped by twenty minutes ago, telling her and Bellamy it was time to leave. That the others were already waiting for them in the city.
Clarke took one look at the two girls before going to her room to change. She'd agreed to go with them, despite feeling a little nervous. But then Octavia and Raven showed up, looking like the two most beautiful girls Clarke had ever seen. Octavia wore a short black dress, cute yet simple, with a pair of heels Clarke wouldn't dare step in. Her long brown hair hung past her shoulders, sleek and shiny as ever. She'd put on some dark eye make-up, making her eyes that much brighter.
Raven, on the other hand, had come in a red number. A flowy red dress that reached her mid-thigh, showing off her toned legs. The neck of the dress dipped to her rib cage, exposing the thin golden body jewelry that circled around her neck and went all the way down her chest, hidden underneath her dress. Her hair was down for a change, as well. Perfect light brown curls framed her high cheekbones and lipstick-clad full lips.
Clarke sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.
She'd never had a "night out". She didn't know it entailed wearing short dresses and high heels. She might not have agreed if she would have.
She searched through her closet. But every piece of clothing just didn't feel...right. Half of the stuff, she couldn't imagine herself wearing. And the few pieces she liked didn't look right. She either looked too casual, or like she was trying too hard.
You're being ridiculous, she thought to herself. Just pick something and go.
"Clarke!" Octavia yelled, "If you don't come down here in five minutes I swear I'm coming up there and dressing you myself!"
She knew better than to doubt it.
Sighing, she quickly searched through the closet again before settling for something she hoped was appropriate enough. It wasn't as flashy as the two dresses the girls had on. But it was better than what she felt like going in- her cotton pants and tanktop. She'd left her hair down after her shower, and she didn't bother trying to fix it now. She let in flow freely down her back, just as it had before.
She put on the outfit and stared at herself for a couple of minutes.
The shirt was simple. A soft white t-shirt that only reached to the middle of her rib cage. A crop-top, Octavia had called it. She paired it with a long, flowy high-waisted skirt. It was light blue at the top, but the color got deeper with the length. The bottom of the skirt was navy blue, reaching just a bit past her ankle.
An inch of the pale, creamy white skin of her waist was exposed between the two garments.
She didn't stare for too long, knowing that she'd end up changing her mind and force Octavia to come get her. She grabbed a pair of sandals and made her way down the stairs where the two girls and Bellamy were waiting for her. To her surprise, he wasn't in black. But a dark blue t-shirt that clung to his shoulders.
"Damn" Raven said, "you look great, Clarke."
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Compared to the three of them, she was pretty sure that she paled in comparison. Figuratively and literally.
"You do" Octavia said, "that skirt looks amazing on you. And you paired it with the crop-top! Such a good combination on you, Clarke."
Bellamy smirked, glancing her over from head to toe. She could have sworn his eyes lingered on the inch of exposed skin between the two garments for a little longer than necessary.
"Thanks" Clarke mumbled, feeling her face growing warm.
"Let's go" Octavia said.
Clarke followed after them, feeling a little self-conscious. A little worried about the evening. She couldn't really remember the last time she'd done anything like this.
They walked through the city, talking among themselves.
Clarke still wasn't used to it. Every time she went into the city, she found herself mesmerized by it. She let her eyes wander, staring at the buildings and the Fey. All of who seemed to be out, just like they were, enjoying the evening. She tried to return the smiles thrown her way. At some point, Octavia and Bellamy walked ahead of them and Raven lagged behind, putting her arm through Clarke's as they strolled down the street.
And eventually, they made it to their destination.
A small cafe at the very edge of the city. There were Fey everywhere. Sitting at the small decorative tables that littered the end of the street. A wall of short marbled pillars made a gate, a barrier around the edge of the area. The small fence-like structure only came up to her hip. And past it, only water. She could very well climb on one of the pillars and jump into the water if she wanted to. It wasn't a very large drop. No more than ten feet.
And it was beautiful.
The tables were spread around tastefully, giving the civilians room to maneuver through them without trouble. Some of them were shaded by large, bright red umbrellas- shielding the people sitting underneath them from the now-setting sun.
She figured it was the right place when she saw the others crowded around a large circular table in the very center of the crowd. She greeted the boys before taking a seat between Octavia and Raven at one end of the table.
Glancing around, she noticed that they weren't the center of attention like she imagined they would be. Instead, the Fey around them seemed to be in their own little groups. Couples and groups smaller and bigger than their own filled the area. Clarke watched them, talking to one another. Laugh with one another. Sip from glasses of wine and small cups of coffee like it was something they did every night.
And maybe they did.
But still. She hadn't seen anything like it, ever.
A handsome man came to ask them what they would like, holding a small pad and pencil in his hands. One by one, they ordered. Clarke just told the man to get her whatever Octavia was having. When he set down a small cup of coffee with something frothy and sweet on top of it, along with a large glass of red wine, she gave Octavia an approving nod.
She glanced around, too busy people-watching to pay much attention to whatever her group was discussing. The sun set, and still the people around her made no move to leave. Music played from the speakers that were protruding from the different buildings.
"Oh I love this song!" Octavia yelled.
Clarke watched as multiple women around them rose from their seats, maneuvering through the tables to get to the front of the area.
The music was unlike any she'd heard before. A beautiful male voice came from the speakers, singing in a language Clarke couldn't understand. More and more women rose and made their way, hand in hand, to the front where they began dancing. The music picked up as pretty, unusual notes came from the speakers.
"Let's go!" Octavia yelled, rising from her chair.
Clarke didn't even have time to protest before Octavia snatched one of her hands while Raven grabbed the other. They pulled her after them, meeting the rest of the women at the front of the group.
Clarke felt her cheeks flame, being around so many gorgeous females. And the crowd watching them wasn't helping, either. The two girls began to sway to the music, move their hips. Octavia grabbed both of her hands and began to dance, pulling at Clarke's arms.
The music and the countless beautiful women around her drew her in. Made her begin to move her legs, her arms. Her hips.
Something about the music made her feel powerful, even though she couldn't understand the lyrics. She closed her eyes, feeling the rhythm pulling at something inside of her.
It didn't make her want to join hands and spin in a circle, like the music at Spring Solstice had. But rather, it made her sway on her feet. It made her swing her hips a little provocatively, dancing around the women that were surrounding her. It made her feel wanted. Watched and loved.
At some point, the song changed and a few males joined them. They danced with the females, with each other. With their friends and with strangers. No one seemed to care, grabbing at whatever person was in their vicinity.
She glanced around, noticing that Lincoln had joined them. He and Raven danced around one another, moving almost in unison to the beat. Octavia and Miller danced hip to hip, smiling at one another.
When she felt a hand on her waist, she turned and met eyes with Murphy.
"Not who you were hoping to see?" he asked, a smirk on his face.
Clarke rolled her eyes. The music made her feel light. Happy.
Too happy to care about his comment.
So she only grabbed his hand and let him spin her in a circle. Her long skirt swirled around her before he pulled her close, swaying from side to side. And she felt so happy, so normal and carefree that she let a bright smile break across her face. She could feel eyes on her. But it only made her want to dance more. So she threw her shoulders back and moved her entire body, her long hair swayed from side to side with her hips.
The song ended shortly after that and the dancers, along with all those who still sat watching them, began to clap and smile at one another.
It was then that she looked up and glanced towards their table.
Ilian and Bellamy were still sitting, watching them dance.
And even though she was in the center of a crowd full of the most beautiful men and women she'd ever laid eyes on, Bellamy was staring directly at her. A half-smile on his face. His eyes bright. He was looking at her differently.
For some reason, she didn't look away like she usually did. She couldn't.
Instead, she smiled at him. A big, bright smile. Silently thanking him for bringing her to this city, full of laughter and dancing and love, in the first place.
"Why didn't you guys join us?" she teased.
They'd stayed well into the night, talking to one another. Clarke drank more than she should have, but she couldn't help it. The music and the scene had gotten to her. She found herself laughing for the first time in what felt like months. The smile on her face felt genuine. She didn't have to fake listening to the conversation. She even contributed to it.
So when they decided it was time to head home, she found herself walking at the end of the crowd between Bellamy and Ilian.
"The dancing, I mean" she clarified.
They'd gotten up and danced to a few other songs. And each time, Clarke felt herself relaxing a little more. Dancing her ass off and not bothering to feel embarrassed about it. It was probably all the wine she'd consumed, but still.
But Bellamy and Ilian were the only ones from their group that remained seated the entire night.
"Because" Ilian said, staring down at her, "bodies like these-" he reached past her and hit Bellamy in the stomach before placing a palm on his own chest "-were not made to dance."
His cheeks were flushed. Clarke was pretty sure that he was drunk. And he wasn't the only one.
In fact, every single one of them probably drank more than they should have.
Clarke knew her face probably looked like his. Her cheeks felt warm. Her entire body did. Warm and heavy, her vessels full of alcohol.
"No?" she asked, "Then what were they made for?"
"They were made to kill men lesser than us" Ilian said, "crush their skulls in our powerful hands."
"And-" Bellamy added from her other side, "to please pretty females."
He winked at her and Ilian laughed, reaching past her to shove Bellamy into the wall of the closest building.
"Jackass" Ilian said.
"I agree" Clarke said, rolling her eyes. "About the jackass part, I mean."
But when Bellamy only laughed and stepped back into place beside her, she could have sworn that her skin felt a lot warmer than it had when they started walking.
After that, she developed a routine of sorts. A schedule, like Octavia had suggested.
She ran with Octavia every morning. She climbed the stairs of hell every other day, to train with Lincoln and Miller. They were increasing the intensity of their training, their workout with every session that passed.
She met with Raven at different locations, letting the girl teach her about this side of the wall. The different territories, the different rules. They systems that made up the City of Light. The different positions of power that were hers for the taking, if she wanted them. She often left Clarke with stacks of books and paperwork, letting her do her own research about various topics. She'd begun reading about everything from trading, to finance, to other mystical creatures that prowled across this side of the wall.
She'd met with Ilian a few times. He decided that they would start with the seasonal territories first. With the gifts she might have inherited from Finn, Luna, Wells and Roan.
The first obstacle they decided to tackle was water, since she'd already begun testing her abilities with it already. After a couple of days, she made little progress. But he told her that she was still learning, that she had to practice more in order to harness the power Luna had gifted her with.
After the first week two weeks, they'd moved on from practicing with a cup of water to an entire pool.
By the time she came home after a four-hour long training session with Ilian, she was ecstatic. She'd gotten the water in the pool, the entire pool, boiling hot. After hours of concentration, she opened her eyes and saw the water bubbling in the pool. Wisps of steam rising from it. And Ilian looking at her like he was proud.
That night, she excitedly told the others about her progress during dinner. Ilian added a few comments of his own, about how much potential she had and she felt her cheeks flame at their congratulations. They all seemed as excited as she felt.
After they left, she spent a little time reading one of the books Raven had given her. She was sprawled across the couch with a bowl of grapes on her stomach when Bellamy joined her.
He was the only one she hadn't practiced with yet. She'd even met Murphy for a coffee date in the city, listening as he told her about all the things she shouldn't do now that she was one of them.
Somewhere deep down she knew it was because the last time they'd trained together left her feeling weird about their relationship. He was supportive of her. He asked her about her progress when they were at home together. They chatted, like friends did. But Clarke had started to avoid being alone with him for extended periods of time. Mostly because he'd occasionally flirt with her -like he'd done the night they trained and the night they'd gone into the city- and she couldn't understand why it wasn't bothering her. Why she secretly looked forward to it.
She didn't like the fact that her heart rate sped up a little, when she'd think about the little sly comments and the smirks thrown her way. She didn't like the way she started noticing things about him, his body. Like how he never ate bread with his meals. Or how the little dimple in his chin would disappear when he genuinely smiled, how it stayed when he smirked.
"So" he said, sitting down on the opposite couch, "when are we going to train again?"
"I don't know" she said, not looking up from her book.
"You need to work on your shield" he said, "especially if you're planning on visiting another territory."
"Why?" she asked, "Won't you be there to protect me?"
She couldn't help it. She peeked at him, fighting the smile on her face.
"You don't need my protection" he said, "but if you want my company...all you have to do is ask."
She rolled her eyes, setting the book down.
"Where do you think we should go first?" she asked.
"Wait, do you really want me to come with you?"
"I-uh, I guess I just assumed you'd want to?" she asked, feeling herself blushing again. She wasn't even sure why.
"Well, it'd be the smartest option" he said, smiling a little, "but it doesn't have to be me. You can ask one of the others to come with you. Octavia controls a lot of my...dealings with other clans."
"But how? Jasper and Monty said that no one has laid eyes on her since she left the Spring Clan?"
"Of course they did" Bellamy said, rolling his eyes. "They don't know that she's my sister. They just assume she's someone who works for me. I'm sure they've all got their own ideas about what happened to her. I don't think any of them expect her to be a fully functional being after what happened."
"No" Clarke said, thinking about Octavia, "I guess they wouldn't."
They sat in silence for a little while. Clarke wondered what was on his mind.
And before she knew it, she found herself glaring at him. Trying to get into his mind.
"Nice try" he said.
"What?"
"You can't get inside my head" he said.
She sighed.
"But you can get inside mine" she said.
"That's because I've had a lot of practice" he countered.
"Alright" she sighed, "let's practice."
He shifted until he was sitting at one end of the couch before nodding towards the other end, silently telling her to join him.
She did.
She crossed her legs and tried to remind herself that this was something she needed to do. A gift she needed to master. This was just like the training she did with the others. It wasn't any different.
But as she sat there, staring into his eyes, she felt that same feeling again. Nothing like she felt while she trained with Ilian, or Miller, or Lincoln or Raven.
"Before you can learn how to shield yourself" he said, "you need to perfect this skill. You need to get inside my mind."
"Well, I don't know how I'm supposed to when you keep distracting me with your words" she said, feeling a little agitated.
"My bad" he said, rolling his eyes, "I'm sure everyone you encounter will remain silent so that you can concentrate on getting inside of their head."
"Asshole" she muttered, glaring at him. Willing herself to push her weird feelings aside and get into his head.
After about an hour, she was ready to give up.
"Come on" he said, "you did it faster last time and it was the first time you'd done it. What's distracting you?"
"Nothing."
"I could get inside your head and find out" he said, "because I can concentrate. Unlike you."
"Shut up" she said, "and if you even think about getting inside my head I will boil your bath water."
"Alright" he said, "point taken."
She concentrated, feeling more agitated at herself than anything.
She glared at him, willing herself to crawl through his pupils and see the things his eyes have seen.
After a while, she wasn't looking at him anymore.
And just like the first time, she was staring at herself from behind, in the very same grey pants she was now wearing. Her hair tied in a messy bun at the top on her head. And she heard one thought:
It looks great in those, too.
When he pushed her out, she grabbed the pillow beside her and threw it at him.
"You are such an idiot" she said. And even so, her skin grew warm under her loose t-shirt.
"What?" he said, laughing at her. "It's a compliment."
"It's not the kind I want" she said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Alright. How about you try a little harder this time? Maybe I'll let you stay a little longer. See something else" he said, smirking at her.
"If it's anything inappropriate I swear-"
"Yeah, yeah" he said, leaning back, "you'll boil my bath water. I got it. Just focus. Get inside and when you feel me starting to push you out- fight it."
"Alright" she huffed, uncrossing her arms.
She sighed, moving a little closer. Determined to get in and stay in, this time.
She stared into his eyes, a little crinkled at the sides because for some reason he wouldn't stop smiling at her.
"Why are you smiling?" she asked through gritted teeth, her eyes still locked on his.
"Why? Is it distracting you?"
"Yeah" she said, "because it's making me think about slapping it off of your face."
He only smiled a little brighter.
"Cut it out" she snapped.
His smile was just yet another distraction she didn't need.
"Alright" he said, the smile dropping from his face. "Just concentrate."
"I could if you-"
"Shh" he said, moving a little closer. "Concentrate. You can do this."
She swallowed, feeling her nerves wake at his proximity.
She stared, willing herself to get inside his head so that they could finish for the night. So that she could go to her room and think about how wrong all of this was -all the things she was feeling- in the darkness.
And then she got in.
She saw her own face, glaring at him in his room while they were in Mount Weather. After she'd told him she would kiss him but then tricked him.
You are witty.
She saw herself, throwing her father's watch before jumping into the pond to retrieve the necklace at the bottom.
You are brave.
She felt him bringing the wall up, attempting to slowly push her out. But she wanted to stay. She concentrated on staying. She wanted to see the rest.
Again, she saw her face, her eyebrows knitted in frustration as she read a book on the very couch they were sitting on.
You are intelligent.
He pushed against her but she willed herself to stay. To see things through his eyes.
She watched her own hands handling the small vase of flowers that stood on the dinner table, carefully plucking the dead flowers and replacing them with fresh ones.
You are gentle.
She saw herself sitting beside Octavia, talking to her about something in the living room with a smile on her face.
You are kind.
And finally, she saw herself the night they went out. Dancing in the middle of the crowd with her skirt swirling around her, a bright smile on her face.
And to top it all off, you're not that bad looking either.
At that, she lost it. Her laughter brought her back into her own body.
As she rolled her eyes, trying to contain the smile that was making her cheeks hurt- she had a feeling he wasn't trying that hard when he began pushing her out. Like maybe he'd wanted her to see it all.
"You really are a jackass" she said.
"Was that better?"
She nodded, knowing that she was probably a deep shade of red by that point.
"Why were you looking at me like that?" she asked, her voice quiet. "When we were dancing, I mean. I looked at you and you looked-" her voice trailed off. Hoping she wouldn't have to elaborate.
"Because" he said, looking right at her "I think it's the first time since we've met that I've actually seen you look happy."
"I was" she said, "I-I am."
"Yeah?"
His eyes dropped to her lips and she realized just how close they were. Their bodies only separated by a foot of space. Space that had turned tense. For some reason, it felt to her like the calm before a storm.
She let her own eyes wander to his lips, feeling something stir in the pit of her stomach when he quickly licked his bottom lip. Leaving it wet and full and soft-looking. He was so close. All he had to do was lean forward, just a bit and-
"I-I'm going to bed" she said, rising to her feet.
"Me too" he said.
She tried not to think about the way the calm followed after them, while they made their way up the stairs and to their respective rooms without a single word between them. The way she could almost feel the heat radiating off of him as he walked behind her.
And even in the darkness, the safety of being under her comforter with a wall separating the two of them, she could still feel it. Like the calm was only moments away from becoming a full-on raging thunder storm. She decided then and there that avoiding being alone with him was probably for the best. But a part of her began to wonder what standing in the middle of a storm would feel like on this side of the wall.
Notes:
The slow-burn is heating up!!!!
Next chapter is called "The Storm" so...I'm sure yall can probably guess what it means for Bellarke ;)
And it will be the LONGEST chapter yet, because a lot of shit happens and well, you guys deserve it. Bellamy and Clarke visit another clan. And -spoiler alert- I'll be utilizing one of my favorite tropes: platonic bed sharing. I've been answering questions and stuff on tumblr, so you guys feel free to talk to me on there at and-so-we-meet-again.tumblr.com. Thank you guys SO much for your feedback and just for being so wonderful and kind to me. You guys make this so much more fun. Thanks for reading :) <3
Chapter 10: The Storm
Notes:
Finally able to surprise you guys with an early update. Thank you all for your kind comments. You have no idea how much I appreciate all of you!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Are you sure about this?"
"Yeah" Clarke said, "I'm sure."
She focused all of her energy, all of her attention on the body of water in front of her.
She stood in the grass, the pool of water that resided in the left wing of their training quarters only a few feet away from her.
Practicing with Ilian wasn't like practicing with the others. Training with Miller and Lincoln pushed her body to the breaking point. But every session, she got a little better. Fought a little harder. They were still far better than she was, but now, she got a few hits in. Now, she knew how to get out of their steel-grip. She anticipated what move they were going to make before they made it. She ran up the stairs without pausing to take a break. On one occasion, she'd even knocked Miller on his ass.
She bragged about it for days.
Her training with Raven and Murphy was mostly spent talking. Learning about this side of the wall. She now understood how things worked in the city and the continent. She could recite all of the names of the important Fey in the other territories. Their specialties, their talents and their weaknesses. She knew what creatures lurked in Luna's waters and Lexa's woods. What creatures could be found deep within caves and hidden under mounds of snow and ice. She understood the pyramid of power within the continent and the city.
But with Ilian, it was about focus more than anything. The first time she moved all the water in the pool, it ended up in the grass. The second time, she sent it down the mountain side. Octavia and Raven complained about their home being flooded with water for three days. They had no idea where it came from. And Clarke felt too embarrassed to tell them. Ilian secretly smiled at her when their backs were turned.
And finally, after weeks and weeks, she got all of the water from the pool out. And it didn't seep into the grass. It didn't go running down the mountain. Instead, it formed a perfect solid rectangle in the air. Suspended there, like an invisible barrier was keeping it boxed it.
She'd been so happy that she accidentally forgot about it for a moment. It fell back into the pool like she'd poured it back inside. And despite the fact that it splashed wildly, leaving both her and Ilian drenched, he was so excited that he ran to her side and picked her up. Swinging her in a circle, seeming as excited as she felt.
Now she stood, weeks later, glancing at the water she'd lifted from the pool.
Using all of her strength, her will, she focused on it.
Bellamy had asked her, more than once, if she wanted to practice some of her other skills with him. But after she turned him down for the third time, he quit asking.
They practiced before bed a few times, but Clarke stopped going into his head. Instead, she let him get into hers. She'd tell him to wait until she found something appropriate to think about, like a certain creature she'd read about- and she'd recite all she knew about in her mind. She would feel him getting inside, feel that familiar tingling behind her neck, and focus all her energy on shoving him out. She would imagine his presence in her mind like it was a physical thing. And then she would bring up her wall. At first, it was brick by brick. Slowly closing his entry to her mind.
But now, after weeks of practice, it came up like a solid barrier in her mind. He'd be out within seconds.
He was impressed with her progress. And sometimes he'd ask if she wanted to go a little deeper. Practice her own skill of infiltrating his mind. But since she was worried about what she would find, she declined.
So instead, she practiced with Ilian or on her own on a daily basis.
"Clarke, maybe you should-" Ilian began but she held her hand up, silencing him.
I can do this. I know I can.
She didn't tell him that when she wasn't practicing with him or the others, she was in Bellamy's backyard practicing by herself. Every single day. Sometimes she'd sit in the grass for six hours straight. Sometimes Bellamy would come home late and find her standing back there, practicing. He never pushed her. Never asked to join. Instead, he only told told her when it was time to come inside for dinner.
And now, she was finally ready to show Ilian. She wanted to impress him. She wanted him to understand that while she was grateful for his help, she didn't need it anymore.
Ever since she'd started training, now almost two full months ago, she felt something inside of her shift.
And it wasn't just because her muscles were getting stronger. It wasn't because she now ran beside Octavia instead of behind her. It wasn't because she'd had to go and get herself new clothes, because the ones Octavia had gotten her when she'd first arrived no longer fit.
It was power.
And it was radiating from her chest. From her heart. Running through her veins until her finger tips itched. Like her heart was pumping it into her veins, feeding her entire body.
"Just watch" she said, not taking her eyes off of the water.
She stared at it, feeling the power making her chest tighten.
One minute, the water was in it's perfect rectangle, completely still. The next minute, it shot straight into the sky. Like the wind carried it away.
Ilian's eyes widened.
She motioned with her eyes, bringing the water straight back into the pool. It sloshed inside of the encasing for a couple of seconds. And then, it stopped. Completely still.
Clarke kept her eyes on it, watching as the corners turned to ice. It spread towards the center, turning the entire pool of water into one block of ice.
She put her hand out, feeling it shake a little as she lifted the block of ice into the air. She risked a peek at Ilian from the corners of her eye. He was staring at the block of ice with wide eyes. Like he couldn't really believe what he was seeing. She closed her eyes, conjuring the strongest wind she could muster and lifted the block of ice higher and higher into the air. Ilian's eyes never left it. He didn't even blink.
And in an instant, she brought her hand down in one swift motion. The block of ice fell back into the pool, shaking the ground around them.
She closed her eyes again, imaging a crackling fire. Her fingertips felt warm as she stepped towards the pool.
She bent down, placing her hand on the block of ice in the pool. And where her fingertips touched it, it began to thaw. And then completely melt. The fire from inside of her radiating towards it, turning it back into water.
When it was in its liquid form once again, she glanced up at Ilian.
He was staring at her. And she couldn't really tell if it was admiration or fear in his eyes.
"I want to show you something else" she said, moving past the pool into the woods that led down the mountain.
She could feel him following after her.
"Watch this" she said, staring down the mountain side.
He stood beside her, completely still and quiet, with his eyes trained on the slope below them.
She glanced at him, once, before turning to stare at the land.
She didn't wait for him to say anything. Instead, she concentrated on the earth. The rock, the dirt and ground below her. And then she channeled the power coursing through her into her leg as she stomped down on the ground.
Within seconds, the mountain below them began to shake. Trees were ripped from the ground, their roots pulled from the very dirt below them. Rocks tumbled down the mountain side. She let them fall for just long enough for him to get the message. He turned to look at her with his still-wide eyes.
She brought her hand up, pulling the rubble back. Glancing around until all the trees were buried back into the earth. Until the mountain below them stood still. And then she turned to face them.
"Spring, summer, autumn, winter" she said, "day and night. All of them. I got a gift from all of them."
He still wasn't saying anything, staring at her with that almost-horrified look on his face.
She grew nervous.
"I mean" she began, "obviously my gifts are only a fraction of theirs. They aren't as strong. But I got a little bit from each of them and-" she cut herself off. Suddenly, she felt like maybe she shouldn't have shown him.
"All of them" he finally said, "you can control all of them. How?"
"Well I've been practicing, but their powers-"
"All of them" he repeated.
He shook his head, staring at the sky.
"What is it?" she asked, feeling nervous.
"Nothing" he said, glancing back down at her. A slow smile crept it's way onto his face. "I-I just didn't realize how powerful you were."
"I'm not that powerful-" she began, feeling her cheeks flame.
"Yes you are" he said. He stared into the sky for a long moment before adding. "The High Fey are going to be pissed."
"What? Why?" she asked, feeling her heart rate speed up.
"Because" he said, "they are supposed to be the most powerful beings in our realm."
"And?"
"And I don't think that's the case anymore" he said, looking back down at her. She could have sworn that he grew a little nervous.
"Don't tell anyone" she said, feeling dread coil in her stomach.
"What about Bellamy?"
"I-I'll tell him myself" she said.
They parted ways shortly after that. Clarke went home with worry in her gut, wondering if she'd made a huge mistake by harnessing these powers.
While she and Bellamy still lived together, after she decided to start avoiding being alone with him, they rarely crossed paths.
He did whatever he did as High Lord every day, and typically she was gone before he woke up. She wasn't home often, spending most of her time in the training quarters or with Raven and Murphy in the city. And when she was, she was usually outside.
She finally went to Raven and Octavia's house, built halfway up the mountain. The three girls would hang out, talking or swimming or laying outside letting the sun tan their skin.
So all in all, the only times she spent time with Bellamy was when the others came over for dinner.
But it was different now.
She sat at the head of the table, joined in on the conversation. Picked on Murphy or Miller. Laughed with Raven and Octavia. She didn't shy away from their questions, like she had done in the beginning. She told them about her life, her experiences. She listened to them tell their own tales.
One night, they were all at Raven and Octavia's house, eating dinner outside. The girls had a deck that Clarke often found herself on, staring down at the city. They kept a wooden table with benches in one corner, and that night they decided to host dinner at their house for a change.
Clarke sat wedged between Miller and Lincoln on one side, passing a glass pitcher of wine to Murphy when it hit her. Still, she waited until Bellamy rose to get something from the kitchen before speaking up.
"You guys weren't in Mount Weather" she said, staring around the group. She realized, just moments before, that she'd never seen any of them there. But they were Bellamy's inner circle. How come none of them had come with him when he'd gone under the mountain? "Why?"
All of them looked between one another, their glances varying from anger to shame to disappointment.
"Bellamy didn't let us" Octavia said. "He had a feeling that something would happen. So when he got the invitation, he forbid us from following him."
The air suddenly grew tense.
Clarke thought about the way she'd gone to Mount Weather, despite Harper's protest. Despite Finn's pleas for her to stay behind the wall.
"And you guys just listened to him?" she asked before she could stop herself.
She couldn't understand it. They were possibly the strongest group of people she'd met. The bonds between them were unlike any she'd ever seen before. They obviously cared deeply for one another. Loved one another.
"It's not that simple" Miller said with an edge to his voice.
"He is the High Lord" Murphy said, "so we have to listen to him even when we don't want to. He gave us orders to stay here as our leader. Not as our friend."
She didn't respond. And since Bellamy rejoined them, the others dropped the topic.
Clarke found herself studying him from down the table.
Something in her chest ached.
He was so different from everything she'd expected. It had been easier to deal with him when they were enemies. Back when all she knew about him were the awful things he'd done. Back when he was a dick to her. Back then, it was easier to understand what she felt.
But now, after her time with him in the Night Clan, it was different. He was her friend, she could admit that much.
He'd helped her through her trials in Mount Weather. And a part of her understood that her trials weren't the only things he'd helped her through. The nights he'd forced her to the parties, the nights when he'd come by just to talk to her, check on her...they'd been genuine. He left those oranges in her room so her hands would be sticky and smell of something other than blood after she'd taken that mans wings.
And afterwards, he'd extended his help when he saw her withering away after they'd come home. He gave her space. Offered to train her. He'd rile her up so that she would feel something besides numb.
She stared at him. The sun was setting behind him and he smiled at Raven, listening to whatever she was telling him.
Clarke was pretty sure she wasn't imaging the sudden warmth rushing through her. The way her heart skipped a beat, watching his eyes light up as he let out a short laugh.
He turned and caught her staring. It happened so fast that she couldn't look away, couldn't pretend like she hadn't been watching him. But he only smiled at her like he smiled at the others and for the first time since she'd come to the City of Light, she felt like she belonged.
Like maybe this was where she was supposed to be. With these people, eating dinner outside. Listening to the various chatter and the sounds of life all around her. Being smiled at like, maybe, someone else thought she belonged there, too.
When they came home that night, she didn't head straight for her room like she usually did. Instead, she turned to him and asked if they could practice.
After settling down in the living room, she swallowed her nerves down.
"Your shield is fantastic" he said, "so what do you want to practice?"
She brought her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. He was sitting across from her, looking a little tired.
"I was thinking" she began, "you know how you can channel your thoughts into my head? Make me hear your voice?"
"Yeah?"
"I want to try that" she said.
"Alright" he said, "we can start with words."
"Start?"
"Yeah" he said, "you can channel more than thoughts. Like, if I wanted to show you something from my memories, I could show you an image. A scene, if you will. Like how I showed you visions of yourself through my eyes."
"Show me again" she said.
"Alright" he said, smirking a little.
She closed her eyes, feeling the top of her spinal column begin to tingle. It took an effort not to automatically bring her wall up and push him out. She reminded herself that she wanted this. That she had to accept him being there.
She saw an image of herself through his eyes, smiling. Picking her glass up and taking a sip, from the dinner they'd had only hours ago.
That was it. Just a quick flash in her mind, like a memory that was his and now belonged to her.
"Okay" she said.
She hesitated for the fraction of a second before staring into his eyes.
Blink twice if you can hear me, she said, imaging like the words were a letter she was sending to his mind.
Nothing. He continued to stare at her. He blinked, but it was only the natural movement of his eyes.
Blink twice if you can hear me! she yelled, focusing all her energy into getting the message across to him.
And still, nothing.
She sighed in frustration, closing her eyes.
Bellamy, blink twice if you can hear me.
She opened her eyes to find him staring at her indifferently. She narrowed her eyes. She was trying, really trying. Why wasn't it working?
Blink twice and I'll let you touch my ass.
She sent the words down the bond that had formed between them, now that she'd freely let him into her mind.
A slow grin made it's way onto his face and he blinked twice.
"You asshole!" she yelled, grabbing the pillow beside her and throwing it at him. "I knew you could hear me!"
He laughed, grabbing the pillow before throwing it back at her.
"I just wanted to see if you could get a little more creative" he said, smirking at her. "Now what were you saying, about-"
"Don't even think about it" she threatened. "Let's move on. Let me show you something."
"Alright" he said.
She settled back down, fighting the nerves that were making her feel like she was on edge. She focused on his eyes again, willing herself to get inside of his mind so that she could show him what she wanted to.
When she felt like she was inside, she conjured the memory of her day with Ilian. The way she'd shown him all of her gifts. The look on his face. The memory of what he'd said about the other High Fey.
She watched him nervously. But he didn't give anything away. His face had a far-off look, like he was concentrating on remembering a detail he'd forgotten.
When she was finished, she looked down at her hands.
"That was amazing, Clarke" he said.
She looked up to find a fond smile on his face. His eyes bright with excitement.
"So that's why you've been turning me down" he said, "you don't need my help anymore. You've-you've done it. You've honed your powers."
"They're not that great" she began, "I mean- I've only practiced with the pool. I know it pales in comparison to what the rest of you guys can-"
"It doesn't" he said, "I honestly don't really know what to say. I mean, I knew you were powerful but I had no idea-" he cut himself off, deep in thought.
"Do you think they'll be upset?" she asked, feeling a little nervous about the answer.
"I don't know" he said, shrugging his shoulders, "I don't think they- I mean, we- were anticipating it when we made you. Nothing like that has ever been done before. They High Fey have never bounded together to make another being so...I don't really know, honestly."
"Maybe they won't find out" she said.
"Maybe" he said, "but they might. They might be able to feel it."
"Feel what?"
"You" he said, "they might be able to feel you using their power."
"Can you?"
"Sometimes" he said, shrugging again, "but it's not very noticeable anymore."
"How does it feel?"
"Like I'm tired" he said, "when you're practicing, using the gift I gave you, I feel more tired at the end of the day. But it's not as noticeable as it was at first. And they don't know about you. So they might not put it together."
"And what if they've been told?" she asked, the dread from before returning.
"Only one way to find out" he said, smirking at her.
She bit her bottom lip, considering her options.
"You can go to one of the other clans first" Bellamy said, like he was picking up on her hesitation, "like we talked about. Just to get a general sense of the situation. See if anyone's heard anything."
She thought it over.
"Did any one of the other High Fey make a good impression on you?" he asked, "Is there anyone you would feel comfortable visiting?"
"Wells Jaha" she said without really thinking about it.
Bellamy's smirk turned to more of a cringe.
"What?" she asked, "He's nice."
"He doesn't like me very much" Bellamy said.
"Well, who does like you?" she asked, "Who could we visit first?"
He thought about it but the look on his face didn't change.
"None of them like me very much" he finally said, "so I guess Wells would be an okay option."
"But they don't know you" she said, "not really."
"So?"
"So that's probably why they don't like you" she said. "I'm sure they would, if they got to know you."
He smiled a little shyly and she blushed, thinking about what she'd let slip.
"I-I mean" she began, feeling her face heat, "you're not as awful as I thought you were."
He let out a short laugh.
In the silence that settled between them, she tried to work up the courage to say what she'd set out to say. What she wanted to tell him, after feeling the warmth in her chest while she stared at him during dinner. But the words got stuck somewhere between her heart and her throat.
"I'm tired" he said, rising to his feet. "We should probably go to bed. You can send Wells a letter tomorrow and ask if we can come."
She nodded, feeling like her heart would burst if she didn't say it. Still, she remained silent as they made their way upstairs.
He stopped at the first door on the left like he always did, ready to retire to his room for the rest of the night. She moved past him, going to her own door.
But the feeling in her chest was almost unbearable by that point.
"Bellamy" she said, turning back around.
He'd already opened his door, moved to go inside. But he stopped in his tracks and turned to face her.
"One more thing" she said, placing her hand on her doorknob.
"What?"
She couldn't form the words. But she could think them. She stared into his eyes, sending the words across the space between them. From her mind into his.
Thank you. For everything. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for the kindness you've shown me. Thank you for saving me in Mount Weather. Thank you for bringing me here. Thank you for caring about me.
His eyes fluttered a bit, like he couldn't believe the words he was hearing.
She found it hard to look at him after that. So she nodded her head and opened her bedroom door, closing it behind her with a soft thud.
They were only words. Words she meant, from the bottom of her heart. But a huge weight lifted from her chest, like her thanks had been weighing her down.
She was pretty sure that he hadn't expected to hear them. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.
But as she laid in bed, thinking about the past few months of her life, she felt like he'd been at the center of it all.
Like maybe the light that had gone out of her life when her parents died had been reborn. Like maybe a strong, freckled hand had lit a candle inside of her and she was only now feeling it.
After that, it was hard to ignore the warmth she felt whenever he was around.
She found herself glancing at him more often than necessary when they were with their friends. She found herself thinking about him throughout the day. And when she came home for the night, the anticipation of seeing him again made her heart beat fast and loud.
She starting asking him to practice before bed almost every night, passing thoughts and memories back and forth. Telling him about her day without speaking a word.
For the most part, everything stayed the same while they waited for Wells to reply to her letter.
But sometimes his knuckles would brush hers when he passed her something during dinner. Sometimes she'd feel the heat radiating off of him when they sat across from one another on the floor while they practiced. Or when he walked behind her as they made their way to their respective rooms late into the night.
And the way he looked at her didn't help things.
Sometimes he'd look at her like he looked at the others. Like she was his friend. Like he cared.
But other times, she look up and find something dark in his gaze. Like maybe he was thinking about something he shouldn't be.
And his stupid little comments and inappropriate thoughts during training definitely weren't helping.
But sometimes when they'd go out into the city, he'd flirt with the pretty waitress who asked him how he was doing like she personally knew him. He smiled back at the various girls who smiled at him. And she would remind herself that she wasn't special. That he was a warm person. That he obviously drew others in that same way. That that certain part of him wasn't reserved for her.
Even so, she found herself looking forward to the hour or so they spent alone each night.
He helped her practice her other skills, be it outside in the middle of the night or in the comfort of his living room.
And he was more supportive of her than anyone else was. He pushed her when she felt like she was too tired to channel her powers. He shared her excitement when they seemed to grow. He looked at her like he believed in her. Like he had, all along.
So when she got a letter from Wells, telling her that she was more than welcome to come to the Autumn Clan, he was the first person she told. She hesitantly asked him to join her, if he wanted to, and he agreed with an easy smile on his face.
The night before they were supposed to leave for the Autumn Clan, Bellamy's house was full. Their friends came over for dinner, like they usually did, and Clarke sat at the head of the table listening to them share their excitement.
"You'll love it, Clarke" Raven said, "it's so beautiful."
"You've been?" she asked.
"Oh, she's definitely been" Murphy said, a naughty smirk on his face.
"Shut up" Raven said, rolling her eyes.
"Wells Jaha is practically in love with her" Octavia said, rolling her eyes.
"He is not" Raven said. But Clarke noticed the way her cheeks turned a little pink.
"In fact" Octavia began, "he's not the only one. Quite a few of the High Fey are smitten with our little bird."
"Shut up" Raven repeated, giving Octavia a pointed glare.
Clarke glanced at Bellamy without thinking about it, feeling dread growing in her stomach. He and Raven were pretty close.
"Like who?" Clarke asked, glancing the other way.
"Well, there's Jaha" Octavia said, counting on her fingers, "then there's Luna. Roan. Finn was in love with her at some point. Am I forgetting anyone else?"
Raven picked up a napkin and threw it at Octavia.
Everyone else laughed, recalling stories between Raven and her admirers.
Clarke hated that she felt relieved.
When they finished clearing the table, Clarke rejoined them in the living room after washing all the dishes.
"I can't believe Wells is letting you come" Octavia said.
"Why?"
"We aren't generally liked among the other clans" Octavia said. "The Day Clan is our strongest ally, but even they don't like us much. I'm pretty sure that the others resent the fact that they have to trade with us and stuff."
"How do you think he feels about it?" Lincoln asked, "I mean, from what I understand he's got pretty strong ties to the Spring Clan. I'm sure it must have come as a surprise that you're a part of our clan now."
Clarke felt something stir in her chest at his words.
You're a part of our clan now.
"I don't think he cares" she said.
"Or maybe he doesn't really believe it" Miller said.
"When he sees the tattoo he will" Lincoln said.
"Do all of you have one?" Clarke suddenly asked.
"Yep" Miller said, "every single one of us. We get them once we reach the age of maturity."
He flashed her his palms. She'd seen them during training. He and Lincoln both had the night clan symbol tattooed onto their each of their palms.
"Why did you get them there?" she asked. She wasn't sure why it'd take her so long to ask them. It was something she'd wondered about.
"Because" Miller said, glancing at his hands, "we do everything with our hands. And everything we do is for the Night Clan."
Clarke nodded, glancing around at the others.
"Where's yours?" she asked, glancing at Raven.
In answer, the brunette rose to her feet and lifted her thick ponytail, showing Clarke the mountains and crescent moon with a star on the back of her neck.
"My mind is my strongest asset" she said, "and since I couldn't tattoo my brain, I settled for that."
Clarke smiled at her.
"And yours?" she asked, glancing at Ilian.
In answer, he lifted his shirt, revealing hard muscle behind a huge tattoo on his abdomen.
"Always go with your gut" he said, "and my gut always goes with what's best for the Night Clan."
Clarke would have thought they sounded like crazy fanatics if she hadn't understood just how much they loved one another. How much they cared for their people, their clan.
"You know why mine is on my back" Octavia shrugged.
Clarke did.
It was there for what she'd lost for being part of the Night Clan.
Murphy showed her his, covering almost the entire top part of his back. Unlike Octavia's, his was simple. No designs. Just the symbol, branded into his back.
Because despite what everyone thinks, I would never turn my back on my clan he said.
She glanced down at her wrist. Her tattoo.
"You should get one" Octavia said.
"I have mine" Clarke said, raising her wrist. "Thanks to a certain someone."
Bellamy only smirked.
"Yeah" Octavia said, "but that wasn't by choice. That was because Bellamy's an asshole. You should get one for yourself, now that you're one of us."
You're one of us.
Again, Clarke felt that warmth in her chest.
"I'll think about it" she said.
When the others left after bidding them good luck on their trip, she and Bellamy made their way upstairs. They would be leaving early the next morning. She wanted to get some sleep, not knowing what to expect for the next day.
They stood across from one another, talking about their upcoming trip.
"Where's yours?" Clarke suddenly asked.
"My what?"
"Your tattoo" she said. She was curious about it. But she'd wanted to wait until they were alone.
"Just a bit above my knees" he said, leaning back.
She wanted to see them. But she couldn't really think of an appropriate way to ask him to take off his pants.
"Why there?" she asked instead.
"Because" he said, "I am the High Lord. And I don't bow before anything besides my title."
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"It's symbolic" he said, "we High Fey answer to nothing and no one besides our crowns."
"But you made Finn bow to you" she said, recalling how all those months ago he'd made Finn get on his knees and beg.
Bellamy smirked.
"I shouldn't have done that" he said, "but that was personal. That was just me being an asshole. I couldn't help it" he added with another smirk, "I just like asserting my dominance over those weaker than me."
Clarke rolled her eyes again.
"I sincerely hope you would never make your people actually get on their knees for you" she said.
"No" he said, "I wouldn't do that."
He pushed off the wall and stepped towards his room.
"But who knows?" he added, "Maybe in a different situation, you'll want to."
Clarke felt her cheeks flame. And he smirked like he knew exactly how she felt.
Heat pooled in her stomach, but because two could play at that game, she only stepped towards her own door before glancing back at him.
"Maybe" she said, "or maybe you'll be the one on their knees."
She stepped into her room, glancing at him once more before closing the door. She locked it behind her. Not to stop him from entering. But to stop herself from leaving.
They didn't speak at all the next morning. Instead, they met in the kitchen where they shared a quiet, short breakfast. And when he stood, she followed him outside.
He offered her his hand, and when she took it, she realized that they hadn't touched at all since she'd carried her out of the mansion when he and Octavia came to get her.
Her heart beat wildly in her chest.
All throughout the morning, she could feel the tension between them. Like it was a living, throbbing thing in the space that separated them. She could still feel it while they traveled. Not even the feeling of being pulled in every direction could tame the tension in her stomach.
When she opened her eyes, they were standing at a gate. A large metal gate, surrounding what she assumed was Wells' estate.
She pulled her hand from his, glancing around the area. The estate seemed to be built just like Finn's was. She could see the mansion from the gate. A beautiful cobbled path led right to the front doors.
And all around them, the woods were teeming with life. Trees thicker and taller than any she'd seen before. Bigger than she thought trees could grow. Everywhere she looked, she saw yellow and orange. Dark brown and deep red.
A guard in armor opened the gate and wordlessly let them through. Clarke glanced at Bellamy and he nodded, letting her take the first step inside. They walked to the front door of the mansion. The people working in the vast gardens before the mansion stared at them with various expressions. Some looked curious. Others looked down right angry.
Wells, clad in a beautiful yellow tunic and brown slacks waited for them at the front doors. A small group of people waited behind them.
"Clarke" Wells said, showing her that warm smile, "welcome to the Autumn Clan" he said.
He glanced beside her at Bellamy and the smile disappeared.
"High Lord" he said, nodding at him.
"Wells" Bellamy said, "always a pleasure."
"Why don't you two come inside?" Wells said.
They followed after him.
Bellamy lagged behind as Clarke walked beside Wells. He asked her a few general questions about her well-being, not prodding too deep. She answered and asked her own questions in return.
Something about him was warm. Welcoming. She could see herself becoming friends with him.
"Do you want a tour?" he asked.
"Sure" Clarke nodded.
After that, they spent hours following Wells as he took them around his estate. To Clarke's surprise, he took them alone. His guards didn't follow. He was either comfortable enough to be alone with them. Or his guards were secretly watching.
She didn't care.
She took it all in. The large gardens. The rows and rows of fruit trees and fields of corn. The people, staring at their High Lord with fondness.
After a while, Bellamy left to talk to some of the people who resided in the mansion. Apparently, he had friends here too.
So Clarke walked with Wells, laughing at his jokes and listening as he told her about his territory. The places that lied beyond his estate. The people.
By the time the sun began to set, they were walking back to the mansion.
"So" Wells began, "the Night Clan?"
"It's a long story" Clarke said.
She wasn't sure about how to approach the situation. She and Bellamy had discussed it, deciding to play it by ear. To get a sense of how much Wells actually knew about her before offering any information.
"I hadn't realized you'd left by choice" he said.
"Why?" she asked, "Have you heard something different?"
"People talk" Wells shrugged, "last I heard, Bellamy made you come to the Night Clan. It was a pretty hot topic among the busy-bodies that reside in each territory" he said, rolling his eyes. "From what I hear, the last time he took you- he didn't bring you back."
"It's not true" she said, feeling a little embarrassed. She wondered what other types of wild rumors were spreading through the lands. "He brought me back."
"But?"
"But the last time he took me" she said, "I wanted to stay."
"That's understandable" he said, "I wouldn't know for sure- but from what I've heard, they've got some beautiful places in the Night Clan. Not that they'd ever let any of the rest of us there to see them."
Clarke nodded.
"Maybe you could visit" she suggested, "pay me and Raven a visit?"
He turned to look at her, eyes wide.
"You know Raven?"
"Yeah" Clarke said, fighting a smile, "we're pretty good friends, actually. How did you meet her, if you've never been?"
"She came here on business a couple of times" he said, smiling a little, "long ago. We still trade between clans. Bellamy barely ever comes to our meetings but he sends a representative. Usually it's a sour brunette. But a few times Raven came."
"And?"
"And nothing" he said, "I haven't seen her since the last time. And she hasn't answered any of my letters" he added with a smirk.
"So come" she said.
"I would" he said, "but I think that's something you'll have to clear with the High Lord. He may not share your enthusiasm. No one from the outside is invited to the Night Clan."
"Maybe I can persuade him" she said.
"Yeah" Wells said, raising an eyebrow at her, "maybe you can."
Clarke felt herself blush for some reason.
She quickly changed the subject. She suddenly remembered Harper, and how the last time she'd seen the girl, she'd been on her way home. To the Autumn Clan. Wells told her that he knew Harper, that she lived in another part of the territory. That she'd gotten home. That she was safe.
The found Bellamy in the study, sitting at a table with five other Fey. Clarke didn't recognize any of them.
"You guys should stay the night" Wells said, "we're actually having a party in a couple of hours. You're more than welcome to join us?" he suggested, looking at Clarke.
She looked at Bellamy, waiting for him to answer.
He looked back, raising an eyebrow in question. The others in the room watched their exchange. When it became obvious that he was waiting for her to answer, the others looked at her. They all seemed a little puzzled, even Wells. Unsure of why the High Lord of the Night Clan was obviously letting her decide.
"I'd like that" Clarke finally said.
"Great" Wells said, smiling at her. "Do I need to prepare two rooms?" he asked, glancing between her and Bellamy. "Or one?"
Again, Clarke felt a blush settle in her cheeks.
"Two, please" she said.
Bellamy only smirked.
"Alright" Wells said, "let me show you to yours."
He led her through the mansion, stopping at one of the guest rooms. They exchanged a few parting words before Clarke went into her room. It was, much like the rest of the mansion, quite fancy.
She took a bath in the huge bathroom and when a servant brought her a gauzy dark red dress, she put it on without protest. It was beautiful, fitting her in all the right places. The neckline was modest, but the tight fit of the bodice accentuated her curves before pooling at her feet.
She brushed her hair, leaving it falling down her back in soft waves. She could hear the music, the voices coming from the lower level. She stepped into a pair of flats before joining the party.
Instead of shying away like she used to, she talked to the various people she encountered.
She spotted Bellamy across the room and noticed that he was wearing a light tan shirt instead of the dark colors he usually wore. She tried not to stare too long at the way it hugged his broad shoulders. The way it complimented his skin tone. She talked to the various guests, asking them about their lives in the Autumn Clan. She drank the wine and listened to the music. And it wasn't like it had been in the Spring Clan. She wasn't gawked at. And the people who talked to her did so like she was one of them. Asking her questions about her life in the Night Clan.
At some point, a handsome male cornered her at one end of the room.
"Clarke Griffin" he said, taking her hand and placing a warm kiss on it, "so nice to finally meet your acquaintance. I've been itching to talk to the mortal who saved our High Lord."
Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes.
But after spending a few minutes talking to him, it was hard for her to feel annoyed. He gushed about how wonderful everyone said she was. How brave her encounter with the Kappa had been. How witty everyone thought she was, after she'd solved the riddle during her second trial. He complimented her on everything from her trials to the way she was wearing the dress on her body.
She felt Bellamy come up beside her, and to her surprise, the male only seemed to grow more excited. He didn't shy away from Bellamy. Instead, he began raining compliments down on him as well.
"After the dinner" the male said, glancing at Clarke "you are more then welcome to come to my estate. It's only a few miles from here. I would love to get to know you better."
He was, without a doubt, one of the nicest people she'd ever met.
Clarke found herself nodding, smiling at the man.
"I would love it" he said, glancing at Bellamy, "if you would join us as well."
Bellamy only smirked before the man turned on his heel and went to talk to the other people surrounding them.
"He was so nice" Clarke said, grabbing a glass of wine and taking a large sip. "Should we go?"
Bellamy grabbed a glass for himself before turning to face her.
"I'm probably going to regret this" he said, "but I need to make sure you understand what you just agreed to."
"What?" she asked, glancing at the man now across the room. He looked up and smiled at her, raising his glass. She smiled back.
"He was inviting us over after the party" Bellamy said.
"So?"
"To join him" he said.
"Yeah? And?"
He looked at her like he was waiting for her to understand something.
And then she did.
From the way he'd complimented her and him, to the way his eyes had trailed over Bellamy's body.
"Oh my god" she said, feeling her cheeks burn. "Why the hell didn't you stop me?"
"I didn't think you'd actually agree" he said, "and when you did, I was too excited to say anything."
"Asshole!" she yelled, punching him in the arm.
"So I take it that we're not joining him later?"
"Of course not!"
Just then, Wells called her name. He motioned to the dining room table, where a few guests were sitting down for dinner.
"We could find someone else" Bellamy said, a playful look in his eyes, "if you don't want it to be him. I know a few females who-"
She cut him off with another punch.
Bellamy laughed, following after her as she made her way towards the table.
She couldn't even look at him, or the man whose invitation she'd accepted not knowing what it actually had entailed.
Bellamy pulled her chair out and she glared at his smirking face as she sat down. He pulled his own chair out beside her. But just before he took his own seat, he bent down until his lips were at her ear.
"That's alright" he said, "I don't like the idea of sharing you anyway."
He sat down with a wicked smile on his face.
Clarke crossed her legs, biting down on her lip. She found it hard to pay attention to anything besides the tension between them throughout the dinner.
She avoided him for the rest of the night.
The next morning, they spent a few hours talking to Wells over breakfast before going back home.
When they parted, Clarke promised that she would return to visit. And she meant it. Wells was genuinely one of the kindest people she'd ever met. He was smart and funny, and she could see herself spending time with him in the future.
Once they were home, they parted in silence. Clarke felt like they were on the very edge of something. She wondered how long it'd be before the fall.
That night, they ate dinner with their friends again, catching them up and telling them about their time in the Autumn Clan.
Besides the little comment about Bellamy not bringing her back, it didn't seem like Wells had heard anything.
"He could have just been pretending" Miller said.
"I don't think so" Clarke said. Something in her gut told her that if Wells had heard or suspected anything about her having powers, he would have mentioned it.
"So they haven't told anyone about your powers" Octavia said.
"They haven't told Wells" Raven corrected. "That doesn't mean the others don't know."
"I don't think anyone knows" Clarke said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Why?" Raven asked.
"Because" she said, finding it a little hard to look at them, "they didn't think I had any real gifts."
Silence fell over the group.
"Then I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out that you do" Bellamy finally said. She looked up and found him smirking at her. "I can't wait to see the look on his face when he finds out that you're more powerful than he is."
Clarke felt a smile pulling at her lips.
"So what are you going to do?" Octavia asked, "He's obviously sticking to the story that we took you."
"Maybe you should visit another clan?" Lincoln suggested.
"But if they don't know anything" Murphy said, "that might tip them off."
They began talking over one another, arguing about what her next move should be. Clarke stayed quiet, considering all of her options. She tuned them out, thinking about the smartest choice. And then it dawned on her.
"There's another way" she said, "another way for me to find out."
"How?" Bellamy asked.
"I could ask a Truth-Teller" she said.
Every head in the room turned to look at her.
"A Truth-Teller?" Raven asked, raising an eyebrow.
"That's a good idea" Ilian said, "but they're extremely hard to find. Even harder to capture."
"Yeah" Octavia said, nodding in agreement, "none of us have ever even seen one. Much less captured the damn thing."
"I have" Clarke said.
"You what?" Murphy asked, his eyes wide.
"I have before" she said.
"Seriously?" Octavia asked, "You've caught one?"
"What? Like it's hard?" Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah" Octavia said, "extremely hard. They avoid our kind."
"Maybe it's because I was a mortal at the time" Clarke said.
"Or maybe it just liked you" Bellamy added.
They began assaulting her with questions about the creature. Asking her about what it looked like, how she caught it. What it told her.
She only left out the part about it telling her to stay with the High Lord. She still wasn't sure to make of it. But she would ask it if she got the chance.
"Do you want to try again?" Bellamy asked after she finished telling them about her encounter.
"Sure" Clarke said, "but we need to go somewhere where we can find a willow tree. Are there any in your territory?"
He and the others thought about it, recommending different parts of the Night Clan where they might be able to find one.
"We'd have to search the woods" Bellamy said, "it might take a while."
"That's alright" Clarke said, shrugging her shoulders.
"When do you want to go?" he asked.
"How about tomorrow?"
He nodded.
After a while, the others left. They cleaned up the living room, making plans for the next day.
"We can start in the west" he said, "the furthest from home. Raven thinks that might be our best option."
Clarke tried not to think about the fact that they'd be alone for more than an hour or two.
The next morning, they ate breakfast and discussed their plans. Bellamy would take them to the woods that resided in the west of the territory, so far from where their city lied at the corner of the east. They decided that their best option was to search the woods from higher mountains and hill tops, seeing if they could spot a cluster of willow trees in the valley's below them.
Clarke packed a small rucksack with a bit of food and water, along with a nice black cloak that Bellamy bought in the city, before they set off.
She'd been worried about being alone with him, but after the first few hours, the nerves settled down. They traveled for hours. Bellamy took them from one mountain to another, and after no luck, she grew a little agitated.
The hiking wore her out after a couple of hours. And Bellamy grew tired too. The hike, along with the exertion of using his magic to take them from one place to another took it's toll on him. By the time the sun set, they were dragging their feet.
Clarke grew a little discouraged.
She considered asking him to bear his wings. Fly through the skies and see if he could spot any. But she quickly shot the idea down. She wasn't sure if she was ready to be that close to another pair of wings. And since he never mentioned his ability after telling her he had them in Mount Weather, she figured he didn't want to either. She kind of wanted to ask him about it. But for some reason, she got the feeling that she shouldn't. That it was a topic that was private for him.
By the time that night completely fell, she could taste the bitter disappointment on her tongue. She captured the creature within a couple hours the first time. She needed answers.
"We can't look in the dark" she said, leaning against a tree.
"I know" Bellamy said, taking his own pack off to find a bottle of water. "What do you want to do?"
"We can't stay here" she said, glancing around the unfamiliar woods.
"I know that much" he said, rolling his eyes. "Do you want to go home?"
"How will we remember which areas we've already searched?"
He shrugged.
"Is there any place around here where we could stay for the night?"
He thought about it for a couple of minutes.
She was ready to yell at him by the time he finally spoke up.
"I think there's a small place a few miles to the north" he said, "but it's not pretty."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, it's mostly just a trading post" he said, "probably full of all kinds of people. But there should be an inn or something of the sort for us to use. Typically there are, since so many people are just passing through. Unless you want me to find the closest village and ask one of my people if they'd be alright with having their High Lord as a guest?"
Clarke rolled her eyes.
"Let's see if we can find a place first" she said.
He was right.
It wasn't pretty.
Just a couple shacks and vendors with stalls. But there weren't many people around. And towards the edge of the small area, there was a lop-sided wooden building with a sign that read Bed and Breakfast.
"I hope they mean dinner" Clarke mumbled as they made their way inside. She hadn't packed enough food and her stomach was grumbling, making her more agitated by the minute.
Bellamy walked towards the front desk where a surly-looking older woman waited. Clarke glanced around the shabby place. It looked like a strong gust of wind could knock it over.
When Bellamy returned, he handed her a key.
"The room at the very top of the staircase" he said. "Why don't you go up while I go try to find us some dinner?"
"One room?" Clarke asked, feeling herself grow nervous in an instant.
"Is that going to be a problem?" he asked, "Would you rather sleep outside?"
She narrowed her eyes at him before stalking towards the staircase.
The wooden steps creaked under her weight, winding up and up and up until she reached a door barely hanging on its hinges.
She sighed, using the key to open it and stepped inside.
It was small. Her room at home was twice as big. And the only thing inside was an old bed and a small table that held a simple white lamp. She dropped her backpack onto the ground and glanced around the room.
Despite being shabby, it was clean. She couldn't find so much as a speck of dust on the table or the headboard of the bed.
She glanced at the bed and wondered if it would take their combined weight.
An uneasy feeling coiled in her stomach as she thought about sharing the bed with him. She bit down on her lip, pondering how dangerous it would be if she actually went to sleep outside, when she heard the door opening behind her.
Bellamy walked inside, holding a few items in his arms. He closed the door behind him and walked a few steps, reaching the table before setting the food down on it.
"This is all I could find in this dump" he said, nodding towards the food.
She only nodded, too hungry to care.
"I feel like this whole fucking place will collapse if I take a deep breath" he mumbled, shrugging his jacket off.
"Well then" Clarke said, peeling her boots off, "just try not to breath."
He rolled his eyes.
She took her own jacket off, grateful that she'd decided to wear a loose-fitting shirt and soft pants for their trip. She'd be able to sleep comfortably, at least.
She grabbed one of the apples and a sandwich before crawling into the bed, trying to keep her eyes on anything besides him.
But it didn't seem like he felt nervous, or uncomfortable.
He sat on the edge of the bed and ate in silence.
"There's a bathroom down stairs" he said, "I'll be right back."
"Let me go first" she said, quickly rising from the bed. He only shrugged.
In the tiny bathroom, she washed her hands before splashing water onto her face. Willing the blush to leave her cheeks. But if anything, her cheeks looked even pinker than before. She would think the color was pretty on her skin tone, if it weren't for the sheer embarrassment she felt. She hoped he wouldn't notice.
Once she was back in the room, he left without a word. She crawled into the bed, getting underneath the covers before going to the very edge. If she moved at all in her sleep, she'd fall right off the side.
It wasn't until he came back, just a few minutes later, that she realized it was cold.
She hadn't felt it before, because of the stupid warmth in her cheeks, but as he turned the light off and crawled in behind her, she felt her teeth begin to chatter.
"Can't you do something?" she asked in the darkness, "It's kind of cold in here."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Use your magic or something" she answered, still facing the wall.
"It doesn't work like that" he said, "and besides, you're the one who can play with fire."
"Great idea" she said, "I'll light you on fire to keep myself warm."
He let out a short, low laugh.
"I mean, try to use your powers to warm the blanket" he said, "like you did with the water."
She thought about it for a while in the silence that settled between them. But no matter how hard she tried, she only grew colder.
"Anything?"
"Obviously not" she spat, feeling frustrated with herself.
She couldn't concentrate. Not with the way the bed dipped under his weight. Not with the way she could hear him breathing beside her.
"Come closer" he said, "we can share body heat."
She rolled her eyes even though he couldn't see it.
"Does that line usually work for you?" she asked.
And again, he laughed. Low and deep. She felt the heat from her cheeks seep into her chest, her belly.
He didn't say anything in response. Instead, he reached forward and looped his arm around her waist before pulling her back from the edge. She was so surprised she couldn't think of something witty to say. Her words died in her throat when he scooted closer, keeping his arm draped around her waist.
Now that they were lying in the center, she tried to tell herself to relax. To let the heat radiating off of him warm her skin. And it did. But not in the way she wanted it to.
He settled down, getting comfortable. He slipped his other hand under her pillow, making a softer cushion for her head with his forearm. His hand went from her waist to her hair, gently swooping it up so that it wasn't in his face before draping it around her waist again.
And he did it all with such ease that a part of her grew a little agitated.
Was he completely un-phased by her closeness?
She could feel his chest on her back. His even breathing tickled the back of her neck and sent a shiver down her spine with each breath. The heavy arm around her waist was making her skin itch with want. With need.
Was his heart steady in his chest? Or was it thrashing wildly like hers?
She closed her eyes, willing herself to relax.
But he was so close. And she could feel the warmth of his skin through her clothes. She couldn't smell anything but the woodsy male scent that she always smelled when he was close to her. And before she knew it, she was scooting back. When her body made contact with his, she grew warmer. Maybe even too warm.
She could feel him behind her with every inch of her body.
His body felt warm, solid.
Without thinking about it, she pressed closer.
For a second, his entire body went rigid. But the he relaxed and his arm tightened around her waist.
She arched her back as an invitation, hoping he'd get the message.
He didn't do anything for a little while. The heat in her body was turning from lust to embarrassment by the second. She'd just decided to pull away when she fell the slow thrust of his hips digging into her.
He pulled back, waiting for her to make the next move. She could either push back and finally slip from the edge they were tethering on. Or she could go back to her side of the bed and remove herself from the edge of whatever they were standing on. Back to safety.
But she didn't feel like being safe.
So she arched her back, pushing into his hips. She wiggled them a little until she felt something twitch against her bottom. The heat in her body felt like fire as she felt him grow hard at the contact.
His hand went to her hip.
"What do you think you're doing?" he whispered.
She only pushed back even harder in response, feeling a thrill run down her spine.
He groaned in her ear and it went straight to her core. A deep throb built between her legs, matching her heart beat in intensity.
"You have no idea how much I want you" he mumbled, placing a tentative kiss on her neck.
It took every bit of self control she had not to turn on the spot and fuck him right then and there.
But he obviously wasn't planning on it, not with the way the conversation was going.
"Regardless if we catch the Truth-Teller or not" he began, his voice low and raspy, "I'm taking you home tomorrow night."
His hips bucked into her from behind and she fought the urge to moan.
"And I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk straight" he said, gripping her hip so hard she wondered if she'd wake with bruises. "But for tonight...just let me touch you."
A part of her wanted to tell him to take her home now. Or just fuck her tonight. She didn't care about the fact that people would hear them. Or that the very walls might collapse.
But instead she only nodded the darkness.
The hand he had under the pillow moved to her chest, his fingers going into her shirt from the top. He didn't hesitate for a second before roughly palming her breast. And then he slipped his fingers into the cup of her bra, placing warm kisses on the back of her neck while her touched her.
She let out a small, needy moan before arching back into him.
The hand on her hip grabbed the soft waistband of her pants, shoving them down past her knees along with her underwear.
The throb between her legs grew painful as he cupped the back of one knee and pushed it up until her legs were parted. His fingertips trailed it over the back of her naked thigh before grabbing at the soft flesh of her ass.
His fingers made their way between her thighs from behind and she felt too turned on to be embarrassed about how wet she'd grown. He grunted a little when his fingers made contact with the heat gathered between her thighs. And he didn't tease her like she thought he would. Instead, he bit down on the skin just above her pulse point and thrust a finger inside of her at the same time.
She felt her entire body shudder with want.
She didn't think about it. She turned her head a little and felt his lips on hers in an instant.
He didn't waste any time, licking into her mouth so deep and dirty she moaned against his mouth. He continued kissing her and added a second finger, slowly pulling out before pushing them back in.
She felt like all her senses went into over-drive. She wasn't sure what she should focus on, from the way his tongue brushed against hers. To the way he lightly rolled one of her nipples with one hand and thrust his fingers inside of her from behind with the other.
The muscles inside of her began to coil in anticipation. She could feel her orgasm building deep inside of her with every stroke of his tongue. Every thrust of his fingers, now pushing into her deeper and faster than before.
He crooked the tips of his fingers a little and brushed a spot inside of her that she hadn't known existed until that moment. It made her toes curl. It made her reach back for him and weave her fingers into his curls, pulling his head down until she could feel his lips on her neck. On the sensitive skin behind her ear. Her jaw.
And just when she felt like she was ready to let go, he pulled his fingers out and they went to her knee instead. He didn't give her time to protest, grabbing her leg and pulling it back until it rested over-top of his.
His hand snaked down her stomach until he was touching her where she wanted him to. He rubbed tight, deep circles into her and she finally felt her body give way to her orgasm. She clenched down, feeling the heat gushing through her entire body as her lids fluttered in the darkness.
A deep, low moan was drawn from the back of her throat and he silenced it with his mouth. Kissing her so deep she was pretty sure she would be able to taste him for days.
And when she finally came down, he withdrew his hand and pulled her pants back on.
And to her surprise, he kissed her on the lips, gently and slowly before draping his arm around her waist again and pulling her closer.
She fell asleep within minutes.
"Maybe we should split up" she finally said.
She'd been trying to avoid it. But after four hours, and no sign of the Truth-Teller, she began to wonder if she'd have more luck alone.
"You think I'm the problem?" he asked, a crooked smile on his face.
"Well, I caught it without you the first time" she said, "so maybe you are."
"Fine" he huffed. "I guess I'll just go take a walk."
"A long one" she suggested, "I think you should walk for about an hour or so. Just to be safe. And if I catch it, I'll send you a message."
"Do you think you'll be able to reach that far?" he asked.
"I guess we'll find out" she said, raising an eyebrow, "but if I don't hear back from you, I could always yell really loud."
"Great plan" he said, moving onto a lower branch. "How long should I wait?"
"I guess a couple more hours" she said, shrugging her shoulders. "If I don't catch it by then, we can just..." she trailed off, feeling her cheeks flush despite the chill in the air.
He jumped down from the tree before looking up at her, still perched on one of the thicker branches.
"Go home?" he finished.
She couldn't read the expression on his face. So she only nodded.
"Sounds good" he said. But his voice wasn't light. Instead, in it she heard everything they weren't saying to one another. What he'd told her the night before hung in the air between them.
He left without another word.
When she'd woken up that morning, the first thing she felt was embarrassed. And the unfamiliar feeling of his arms around her didn't help the situation. Still, she waited until she felt him stir behind her before getting out of bed.
At first she found it a little hard to look at him. She worried about how what they'd done before might have affected him. Changed him. She wondered if he'd regretted it.
She hadn't. But it was foreign territory for them. They'd fallen off of the edge they'd been walking on for months.
She worried that he'd look at her differently.
But after they ate a short breakfast and got ready, they set out again like nothing had changed. He talked to her like he did the day before and all the days before that. He looked at her the same way. He didn't seem phased by the change in their relationship. He didn't seem like he regretted it.
And within minutes, she felt comfortable again.
She smiled back at him. Teased him like she typically did. Snapped at him when he was making too much noise in the forest.
But then they found the cluster of willow trees and he looked at her with excitement. They set the trap quickly. And when he grabbed one of the lower branches to lift himself up, she got a little peek at the skin between the hem of his shirt and his belt.
And when he reached down to help pull her up, putting her hand in his felt different.
Probably because now she knew what they felt like on her body.
And when she tried to climb a little higher, he put his hands on her hips and hoisted her up.
Her skin burned.
When she looked down at him and noticed the look on his face-a look that reminded her of the fire burning in her gut- she felt her heart pound in anticipation. And knowing that he was feeling the same way she was only made it that much better.
As they sat there, talking back and forth for hours, she had to remind herself that she could wait. That finding the Truth-Teller was important. More important than going home so they could finally act on the tension between them.
But every so often his eyes would drop to her lips. Sometimes lower. And her resolve would be tested.
After she told him to go, she watched him disappear into the woods and finally felt like she could breath again. Like she could relax.
Because even just being around him was making her tense. Drunk on longing. Yearning to know what his skin felt like underneath her fingertips.
And sure enough, only about an hour after he'd left- she saw the creature walk into the small clearing. To her surprise, the first thing she noticed was the magenta cloak on its frail little body. It was dirty and worn down, but Clarke was sure that it was the one she'd given it.
They'd left the cloak close to the trap. But it wasn't paying any attention. Almost like it wanted to be caught. Within minutes, she heard the pop of the snare they'd set and the Truth-Teller let out a quiet, short scream. Once Clarke was sure that it's legs were bound, she jumped from the tree and made her way towards it.
The Truth-Teller stood completely still, completely quiet as she picked the cloak up and walked until she was standing only a few feet away.
"Do you remember me?" Clarke asked.
"Of course" it croaked, it's voice sounding about as frail as it's bones looked. "Of course I remember you, Clarke Griffin."
For some reason, Clarke smiled.
"Ah" it said, staring at her. It's face, like the rest of it's body, was skeleton-like. It didn't really even have eyes. Just two black pits that were facing her. But Clarke didn't feel frightened this time. "Becoming one of them suits you well, Clarke Griffin."
"I guess so" she said.
"I know so" the Truth-Teller said, "I can feel the...power....radiating off of you from here."
"Why did you show yourself? You knew it was a trap" Clarke asked, genuinely curious.
"I will always show myself to you" it said.
"But not the other Fey?"
"No" it said, "I haven't, for a long time."
"But why?" Clarke asked, stepping a little closer. "Why me?"
The creature stayed quiet for a long time. So long that she began to worry. But just as she prepared to speak up, it finally answered her.
"You are different" it said, "you are kind."
For some reason, the answer made her sad.
"I'm not kind" she said, staring down at her feet. "I was, before. When you first met me. But since then I've-"
Her voice cut off.
She was a completely different person.
"Ah" the creature said, "I was worried that what you did under the mountain would change you."
"It did."
"Yes" it said, "it did. But perhaps not in the way you think. Your heart is still good, still kind, Clarke Griffin."
"How do you know?"
"I can feel it" it said. "That is why I came to you. People, mortal or not, are cruel in this world. And when I am caught, I am beaten and tortured for information. But you" it paused, "you were different. You were worried that I would kill you. And still, you let me go before fleeing. You even left the cloak."
"I-I'm sorry" she said, "I'm sorry that happened to you."
"As I said, it's a cruel world" the Truth-Teller said, shrugging its bony shoulders. "What do you need, child? Ask me your questions."
"I need to know if Finn has told anyone about me" she began, "about my powers. Or anything else that could bring harm to me and the people I care for."
It stayed quiet for a while. Clarke felt her heart rate speed up in the silence.
"No" it said, "he has not."
Relief washed through her.
"But it may not stay that way for long" it said, "for the High Lord grows more angry by the day, Clarke Griffin. And he knows it is because of you that he goes to bed more tired at night."
She clenched her fists.
So he hasn't told anyone. Not yet. But that didn't mean he wouldn't.
Still, it was more than she was hoping for. All she really needed was time. Time to put a stop to everything before things got out of control. All she needed was time to visit the Spring Clan before the others found out about her.
"Thank you" she said, feeling herself relax.
In all her relief and anger and wonder, she'd completely forgotten about Bellamy.
"Do you think you can stay for a little longer?" she asked, "My friend would like to meet you. Don't worry, he's-he's kind, too."
She felt her anger disappear and excitement replace it. She wanted to see the look on his face. She wanted to hear what he'd have to say about her catching it without him. A smug smile made its way onto her face while she waited for the Truth-Teller to reply.
"Ah" it said, "so you did take my advice."
"What?"
"To stay with the High Lord" the Truth-Teller clarified.
"Bellamy?" she asked, her eyes wide, "He was who you were talking about?"
"Of course" it said, "and look at you now. Tell me, does your heart know peace?"
She thought about the question. And the past year of her life, staring with her parents death. And her trials. To that horrible period of time where she wasn't herself. To the past couple of months. Months that made her feel like she was alive.
"It does" she said.
And she meant it.
The nightmares stopped weaving their way into her dreams. She could look at her hands without thinking about the wings she taken and the innocent hearts she'd stabbed. She still thought about the things she'd done, of course. Those things would stay with her forever.
But somewhere along the way- she'd found hope again.
And a lot of it had to do with the family she was now a part of.
"To find a family," the Truth-Teller began, "to find love in such a cruel world is a wonderful thing."
"It is" she said, feeling her cheeks flame.
"And with a mate!" it exclaimed, clapping it's bony hands together.
"Excuse me?" Clarke asked, "What did you just say?"
"Oh, my" it said, bringing it's hands to it's chest "-has the High Lord not told you? Me thought him an honest man."
"Told me what, exactly?"
For some reason, she felt beads of sweat gather at the base of her neck.
"The High Lord" it said, "he is your mate. Why else do you think he sought you out in the first place?"
Notes:
So the truth is out. Please don't kill me.
Thoughts?? Questions or concerns?
How did you guys feel about the smut? Was it too much? Not enough? I have some things written for the next chapter and since smut is NOT my strong suit, I like hearing from you guys. Also, idk about the rating. Do I need to turn it to explicit? Idk how these things work.
As I said in beginning, thank you all for the many kind messages I've received here and on Tumblr. You guys are the best.
Chapter 11: By My Side
Notes:
Please note the change in rating ;)
For those of you who like smut, here's a little gift. For those of you who don't...read fast and skim the second half of this chapter. Thank you guys!!! You're the best.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Clarke gaped at the creature, repeating it's words in her mind.
"My-my mate?" she questioned.
"Oh, I've said too much" it said, "please let me go."
"What do you mean he's my mate? Why-what-" she stuttered.
"Please" it said, "it is not my place. I should not have spoken."
"He knew?" she asked, "And he-he didn't tell me?"
"It appears so" it said. And then it sighed, slumping it's shoulders forward. "I am quite disappointed. But I imagine you are, as well."
She shook her head, trying to form words. Trying to make sense of what the creature just told her.
"He is near" it said, "and I do not wish to be present for what is about to happen. Let me free, Clarke Griffin."
She felt too numb, too dumbfounded to do anything but release the Truth-Teller and stand there as it made it's way out of the trap and towards the cloak now lying at her feet.
But as soon as she felt its bony fingers latch around her wrist, fear coursed through her veins and she remembered Harper's warning.
"You have nothing to fear from me" it said, "you have nothing to fear from anyone or anything. You are the most powerful, the most dangerous thing in existence."
And with that, it left.
And only minutes later, she spotted Bellamy at the edge of the woods.
Everything the Truth-Teller told her was running through her mind, including it's parting words.
You are the most powerful, the most dangerous thing in existence.
But one look at his face and it all came crashing down.
"Clarke?" he called out, "Are you alright? Why are you out-"
"Take me home" she said, feeling her blood turn to ice. "Right now."
He must have picked up on the chill in her voice. Her stature. Because when she walked towards him and took her hand in his, he didn't speak a word.
And a few minutes later, they were back in the City of Light. Right at the gate that lead to his home.
She yanked her hand from his and made her way up the stairs.
He followed.
After he closed the front door behind him, they stood across from one another in the hall. And there was a different kind of tension between them.
She could feel the anger building in her chest.
"What is it-" he began.
"I told you not to keep anything from me" she said.
Her heart was beating so fast it almost felt a little painful.
"What are you-"
"We're mates?" she questioned, her voice cold.
She knew the answer before he opened his mouth.
She found it in the way his eyes fluttered. The tense stance of his shoulders. The way he seemed to shrink under her scrutiny, her anger.
"That's why you found me in the Spring Clan" she said, "that's why you helped me in Mount Weather?"
"Clarke-" he began, reaching for her hand.
She pulled away and made her way up the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from him.
"Clarke, please-"
But she stopped in her tracks. Another thought crossed her mind.
"The others" she said, turning to glare at him, "do they know?"
His silence was his answer.
"That's-that's why they've been so nice to me" she said, "that's why they wanted to help me."
She knew the words were true even before they left her mouth.
"It's not the only reason" he said, "they care about you. They-"
"Shut up!" she yelled, and she could have sworn that she could feel the mountain behind them begin to shake, "Shut the fuck up! I asked you not to keep things from me and-"
"What the fuck was I supposed to do?" he yelled back, moved to anger himself. "Come to the Spring Clan and say 'hey, I know you don't fucking know me, I know you're in love with the person I hate most in this world, but I'm actually your mate so come with me'?"
"I understand that!" she yelled back, "But why not-why not a month ago? A week ago? Yesterday?"
"I didn't want to pressure you" he said.
"Of course!" she yelled, "You did it for my benefit. For me, right? How fucking thoughtful of you!"
He clenched his jaw.
"I'm sorry that you're angry" he began, "but I didn't think I could tell you."
"But why?" she yelled, "Don't you think that's something I deserved to know?"
"It is" he said, "but I wanted you to feel like you had a choice-"
"But you knew!" she said, "You fucking knew! So, what? You didn't have a choice? You came to find me because you-you think you have some sort of claim on me?"
"That's exactly why I didn't tell you" he snapped, "I don't have a fucking claim on you."
"I asked you-"
"Yeah, yeah" he said, rolling his eyes, "I'm sorry, alright? But I can't take it back and I wouldn't if I could. Why do you think I made you coming to the Night Clan a condition of our deal?"
She didn't know what to say in response.
"I wanted-" he began, but then he sighed and looked away like he was uncomfortable. "I wanted it to be your decision. I wanted you to give me a chance. And-"
"My decision?" she asked, "So you kept it from me so that I could, what? Fall in love with you or something?"
"So that it would be real" he said, "so it wouldn't be just about the mating bond."
"But that's what it was for you" she countered, "that's why you came to find me. That's why you helped me through my trials. That's why you brought me here. Because I'm your mate. Not because of who I am."
"That's not true" he said, "I barely knew you. I wanted to give you a chance-"
"Get out" she screamed. "Get out!"
Maybe she was overstepping her boundaries. It was his house, after all. But knowing that she'd been lied to, for months, by him and everyone else was filling her chest with rage.
"Fine" he snapped, "whatever."
He slammed the door behind him and she stood there, her chest heaving, and thought about everything that had happened until then.
Everything-from the moment he'd found her in the woods to now- finally made sense.
She couldn't understand why he'd shown interest in her. She didn't know why he helped her. She didn't know why he cared, at all.
She didn't know why he'd made her come to the Night Clan as part of their deal. Couldn't understand why he and Octavia were kind to her. Didn't know why he came back to help her. Wasn't sure why his family was so eager to help her, to accept her. Why he brought her to the City of Light.
She hated to admit it but somewhere along the way, she'd convinced herself that all of it had happened because she'd been special to him. Like maybe he saw something in her.
But it wasn't because of who she was- but what she was.
A mate.
He said he wanted her to have a choice. But he hadn't had one. He'd been bound to her before she knew him.
He'd been hers from the start.
He didn't come back after he slammed the door behind him.
She kept waiting, listening for the door to open. To hear his footsteps coming up the stairs. Or maybe a knock on her door. But none came.
So she fell asleep and woke up alone. And the next day, he was still gone.
None of the others came by, either. She figured that Bellamy had told them about what had happened. They knew she knew. So maybe they were too embarrassed to come see her. Or maybe they were scared. She didn't know.
She lied in bed, roamed around the kitchen and the living room. And all the while, she was alone.
It seemed like they wanted to give her time to herself. And she appreciated it. In their absence, in his absence, she had only herself. Time to think. To dwell. To analyze and over-think everything that had happened since she'd met him in the woods what felt like a lifetime ago.
And even though her anger burned hot and heavy, eventually it became more of a simmer than a raging forest fire. Her sadness replaced it.
She found herself thinking about every encounter she'd had with them, with him, wondering how she hadn't realized it before. Why else would they have helped her? Cared for her? Come for her in her time of need? Why would have they been so insistent on her learning to train? Making a life for herself?
After days of feeling angry, used and deceived- she felt something else.
Longing.
And it was longing that finally made her get dressed and go into the city. Longing that made her go to the art store she'd often glance at when she walked past it. Longing that made her purchase a sketchbook with thick paper and a box of color pencils.
It was longing that made her go home and start drawing for the first time since she'd left Mount Weather.
She drew their faces, one by one. Some of them were harder to capture than the others, like Lincoln and Raven, who's unique features only made them all the more beautiful. And after she'd drawn them individually, she drew them in a group.
By the time she heard a knock on her door a full week later, she practically ran down the stairs to open it.
And when she saw Raven standing on the other side of the door, her disappointment lasted only a few minutes.
He hadn't been the only one she'd missed.
She missed Octavia's fire. She missed training with Lincoln and Miller. She missed the calm Ilian brought. She missed Raven's friendship. Her wit and her strength. Hell, she even missed Murphy.
And it'd only been a week.
"Can I come in?" Raven asked.
She didn't look nervous or hesitant.
Clarke stepped to the left, giving Raven a clear path inside as her answer.
They slowly made their way to the living room, where Raven sat down at one end of the couch. Clarke took her place on the other.
She didn't feel angry. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to.
"So" Raven began, "have you finished plotting our deaths yet?"
"I'm still thinking about it" Clarke answered.
"Well, I'd prefer fire over ice" Raven said, "something for you to take into consideration."
Her tone was light but Clarke didn't find it that funny. They sat in silence for a little while before Raven spoke up, letting out a long sigh.
"Look, Clarke" she began, "I'm sorry we didn't tell you. But we couldn't. Not really."
"Because he told you not to?"
"He didn't have to" Raven said, "we all understood. It's not something you can just-"
"If it was you" Clarke interrupted, "wouldn't you have wanted to know?"
"Well, yeah" Raven said, "but it's more complicated than that."
"How?" Clarke snapped, "All you had to do was tell me."
"Tell you what exactly?" Raven shot back, moved to anger herself, "How you just happened to be his mate? After everything you've been through? You would have lost your shit and you know it."
"So?" Clarke asked, "I'm losing my shit now. How is that any better?"
"Because now" Raven began, "now you can think about it with a clear head. When you came here..." she paused, "you were like a ghost. We all knew it. Bellamy told us about what happened in Mount Weather. But we didn't know about all the stuff in Spring-"
She paused, considering her next words.
"We didn't know how bad you were off" she said, "and we didn't want to throw something like that at you. We all knew that you came to the Night Clan because he made you. And when he stopped, you came because you had no choice. We wanted to give that to you. We pushed you to train and we helped you because we care, Clarke. I'm not going to deny that you being his mate didn't have anything to do with it. It did. But we would have helped anybody. None of us were born together. We didn't develop this sort of bond by growing up with one another. We found each other. And we're as close as we are because we helped one another. Because we saved one another."
"I understand that" Clarke said, "but I've been better for months. Why not then?"
"Because" she said, "it was Bellamy's choice. It has nothing to do with the rest of us. He just- he didn't want you to feel like you belonged to him. He knows what you've been through. Do you honestly think you would have been able to handle it?"
"He didn't give either one of us a chance to find out" Clarke snapped. "I had to hear about it from the damn Truth-Teller!"
"I'm sure he would have told you anyway" Raven said, rolling her eyes.
"Why? He hasn't, all this time. Why now?"
"Because" Raven said, and then she looked away like she was uncomfortable "you're you again. And maybe because you actually know who he is now. Who we are."
"That doesn't make it okay" Clarke said. "I asked you guys not to keep things from me. And he-he lied about it. Since we met."
"How about you think about it from his point of view?" Raven snapped. There was an edge to her voice that Clarke hadn't heard before.
"Excuse me?"
"You think it was easy for him?" Raven asked, "Do you think any of this was easy?"
"What the hell is that supposed to-"
"It happened out of the blue" Raven began, cutting her off "one day he just started dreaming about the Spring Clan and he couldn't make sense of it. He would tell us that he'd see visions of it in his sleep. Never you. Just whatever you were doing. He told us all about it and we guessed that it had something to do with the bond. And of course, he showed up only to find out that you were a mortal who was in love with that-that-" she paused.
"And then in the mountain" she said, "how do you think he felt? He tried to help you because he cared but you couldn't even look past all the shit that they filled your head with. And still, he tried. While you were too busy confessing your love for Finn. Have you ever been in love with someone who loved someone else? Do you have any idea about how much that hurts?"
"That's not true" Clarke began, "he wasn't in love with me. He was curious. He wanted to see-"
"Well, you must've made a great fucking impression cause he continued to risk his ass for you" Raven spat, "and then he brought you here to try to help you. He let you stay. Tried to help you train. Tried to help you get better. We all did. And you have the nerve to be angry because we kept an insignificant piece of information from you?"
"Insignificant?" Clarke yelled, "How the fuck is that insignificant?"
"Does it change anything?" Raven countered, "Do you feel differently about him now that you know?"
Clarke bit her tongue. She didn't know the answer to that question.
"Exactly" Raven said, rising to her feet, "it doesn't change anything because you gave us a chance. If we would have told you before- it would have changed everything."
She reached in her back pocket and took out a piece of paper.
"Here" she said, handing it to Clarke, "it's from Bellamy. Read it when you're over your little tantrum. The real reason you're mad is because when they kept things from you it was for themselves. But we are different. I think you know that. You're just too damn stubborn to admit it now."
She left after that.
Clarke stared after her, feeling ten different emotions rising in her chest.
She walked to her room and stuck the letter in one of her drawers. She didn't think she could read it now, not with her conversation with Raven running on repeat in her head.
But the longer she sat there, thinking about everything Raven had said, the less angry she felt.
It was a shitty thing to do. He of all people knew how much lying hurt her. But then she began thinking about it from his point of view.
It must have been confusing, having those visions Raven described. She wondered what all he saw in them. And it explained why he'd found her in the woods.
I've been looking for you.
And maybe it had been hard for him, trying to convince her that he genuinely cared. That he'd bet on her in Mount Weather because he wanted her to succeed. And convincing her that he wasn't the enemy hadn't been pleasant. She thought about all the rude things she'd said to him. The way she'd fought his help because she couldn't trust him.
She thought about how he helped her through her trials. How he'd left her alone for three months and just happened to show up when she wanted to leave. How he made her come to the Night Clan so that she could see a different side to him. The way he noticed that she'd begun withering away and the way he'd extended his help afterwards.
Octavia, she realized, had come with him for that reason. She'd tried to get through to Clarke, despite the obvious wall she'd put up, because he'd probably asked her to. He noticed how bad off she'd become. And maybe he figured that a little friendship from another girl would have helped her.
And then, after that awful thing she'd done when she'd threatened Octavia- he still must have been listening. Waiting. And when she'd called for help, they both came to get her. It couldn't have been easy coming there. Especially for Octavia. Especially since it could very well have given the Spring Clan all the excuse they needed to wager war. And still, they came.
They came and they brought her to the City of Light. And ever so slowly, they all brought her back to life.
She thought about the countless runs and training sessions. The way they answered her questions and pushed her when she felt like giving up. How they watched her come into her own. Instead of how, in the Spring Clan, they'd watched her give up. The dinners and nights in the city.
And maybe it was because she was his mate. But if she'd been a lost cause, they would have given up. He would have given up.
She thought about the night she'd asked him to help her see Finn. They way he seemed to grow distant. Closed off. Maybe it had been because she wasn't paying attention. Wasn't seeing him for who he was.
And now, she finally saw him.
Now, she knew.
After what felt like hours, the feeling in her chest was too hard to ignore.
He'd been her friend when she needed one most. And through it all, he'd stayed. No matter how many times she had tried to push him away.
She rose from bed and opened the drawer, taking the letter out with shaky fingers.
"Clarke,
I know that I can say all of this to you, but I'm pretty sure that my face is the last one you want to see right now. And it looks like it might be that way for a while. I guess I could think them down the bond, but I don't want to force you to listen. So I'm writing this letter to give you a choice as to whether you want to hear them or not. If you are reading this- thank you. And if you're not...well, I guess this letter is somewhere in the trash and all of this is pointless. But I figured it was worth a try.
I'm sorry if I've upset you by keeping the mating bond from you. But I didn't really think I had a choice. When I found you, and for a while after, you hated me. You were in love with someone else. And I didn't think it would have made a difference. If anything, it might have only pushed you further away.
And it's no secret that you didn't like me even after we began working together. And I can't say that I liked you much, either. In all honesty, you were kind of a bitch. But I wanted to try. So I made you coming to the Night Clan a part of our deal. If you would have refused, I still would have helped you anyway. Not because you are my mate. But because you are the kind of person that wants to save everyone- even those you hate. I was a little surprised when you made her freeing us part of your condition. I was expecting something more along the lines of "everyone except Bellamy"...but you surprised me. And I decided then and there that I would help save you in return.
Please don't be upset with the others. They didn't really have a choice. And don't think they did this for me. If they didn't care about you, I couldn't have made them even if I wanted to. They care.
I won't lie and say that I regret it because I don't. If I would have told you, especially at the beginning, I doubt you would have given us a chance. Maybe I am wrong, but I did what I did and now I will live with the consequences. And I know you may not forgive me for this. Maybe after this you'll never feel what I do, but I can live with it knowing that you are happy.
Even if you hate me (again) after this- it was worth it. Because you are still the girl I first met before she almost broke you. Before they almost broke you. I know you did it all yourself but I'm glad that you let us help you and take part in your life.
I'm going to be gone for a while. I haven't visited the other parts of my clan because I've been avoiding being too far away from you, but now seems like the perfect time to go. I'll be back in three weeks, and if by then you still don't want to see me- please tell Raven or Octavia so I don't show up at home and face your wrath. And if you're not reading this, you won't know about the message and I'll show up anyway. I guess all I can do is hope that you take it easy on me.
PS- I know you went into the mountain for him.
But I only came out because of you. And it's not about the mating bond. My heart has been yours ever since that day you promised to kiss me but lied about it. Yeah, I still remember. Technically I guess you didn't lie, since you really did kiss me. Later than I'd hoped- but the wait was worth it.
If you have given me yours in return- please don't take it back."
She read and re-read the letter again and again, feeling some of the sadness leave her heart.
And in it's place, warmth and affection washed though her.
Affection for the person that's been by her side through trying times. Through the darkest parts of her life. Affection and something that she guess could only be described as love.
He'd been her friend, her partner. Someone who believed in her when she hadn't believed in herself. Some who'd cared about her when she hadn't cared about him. Someone who'd witnessed her bring harm and death to others, and still stuck around for whatever good he saw in her.
She wasn't sure when it had happened. But somewhere along the way, she'd given him her heart. And sitting in her bed, reading his letter again, she was sure that more than anything- she wasn't going to take it back.
He'd only been gone for a couple of days when Raven had given her the letter. And it had taken a lot of self restraint to keep herself from asking the others about where he was. Where he'd gone. Sometimes she forgot that he was more than just Bellamy. She had to remind herself that he was a High Lord. That he had people to take care of.
So she waited.
And the three weeks without him only seemed to intensify whatever had bloomed in her chest. She felt his absence like it was a physical thing she could hold with her hands. But she pushed her wants aside and continued on with her life.
Instead of arguing or talking about it with the others, she simply invited them over for dinner one night. And after a few tense moments, they seemed to realize that she wasn't angry with them. So they relaxed and Clarke helped make dinner. They sat down at the dinner table and had a night just like any other.
As she glanced around the table, staring at all of their faces, the affection in her heart only grew. Bellamy had been the first. But he hadn't been the only.
All the people around her helped her in their own way. Cared for her, in their own way. And she finally accepted the place that had been made for her all those months ago. They were her family.
She continued with her training. Spent time with Raven, thinking about all of the options before her. She still wasn't sure what it was that she wanted to do here. But it didn't frustrate or scare her, like it used to. She told herself that with time, she'd find her purpose. Whatever it was.
One night, she joined them for dinner at Octavia and Raven's house. And while they sat around, Clarke tried to push the thought of Bellamy from her mind. He'd be coming home the next night. Octavia had told her when she'd asked and it was making her fidget with anticipation.
She asked the others if they'd had mates. She didn't think they did, but then again, she didn't know much about mating bonds in general.
After they told her that none of them had, she began to wonder.
Since she'd been with them, she'd noticed that both Lincoln and Ilian seemed to care for Octavia differently from the others. And she cared for them, in return. But while she and Lincoln seemed to constantly gravitate towards one another whenever they got together, she and Ilian sometimes exchanged glances that made Clarke wonder.
But Ilian was different. Harder to figure out. And before Clarke knew it, she found herself staring at him from down the table. She wasn't sure when she made the conscious decision to go into his head, but she did it.
And for a little while, all she saw was Octavia. Visions of her talking, laughing, training, running, dancing.
And in a matter of seconds, she was shoved out of his mind like he'd physically pushed her. After that, it was his angry and hardened eyes she was staring into. Her cheeks flamed with embarrassment. She avoided his gaze for the rest of the night. He seemed angry but he didn't make a scene. Or say anything about it.
But later, when she began making her way down the stairs to go home for the night, she heard footsteps coming down behind her.
"Don't ever do that again" Ilian said, grabbing her arm to make her stop. "Bellamy didn't teach you that so you could get into our minds."
He didn't wait for a response and her apology died between her lips.
The next day, not even her guilt for going into Ilian's head could make her nerves subside.
She went for a long run with Octavia, hoping to work some of the energy off. But if anything, she only felt more shaky afterwards. So she decided to distract herself, hoping that keeping her hands busy would take her mind off of his upcoming return.
She cleaned the house, went into the city for groceries. Took a long bath. Spent a little time drawing. Even so, by the time she heard the knock on the door, the anticipation was making her hands shake.
She walked towards the front door, feeling like her legs were made of jelly instead of muscle and bone. Before opening it, she took a deep breath hoping to settle her stomach. She didn't really know what to expect. She wasn't even sure about what she was going to say. All she really knew was that she wanted to see him. Hear his voice. Be in his presence again.
When she opened the front door and found him standing there with the sun setting behind him, she felt like her heart would burst.
"Can I come in?" he asked, his voice quiet. Testing the waters.
"It's your house" she said, stepping to the side.
"Yes and I like it" he said, "so I'd rather not see it burn to the ground tonight."
She rolled her eyes and beckoned for him to step inside.
And when he did, she fought the urge to step into his space and kiss him like she promised she would, all those months ago. They stood across from one another in the hall, both leaning on opposite walls.
"So..." he began, seeming just as nervous as she felt.
"So" she said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Should we talk about it?" he asked, "Or do you not want to?"
Talking is the last thing on my mind.
"And what's the first?" he asked with a little smirk.
She felt a little horrified when she realized that she'd accidentally sent the words to him instead of just thinking them.
"I-I-" she stammered, feeling heat crawling up her chest.
"I like it when you blush" he said, taking a step towards her.
"Why?" she asked, feeling her heart rate speed up and her lungs fight for air.
"Because" he said, brushing a little strand of hair from her face, "it makes me wonder where the blush in your cheeks settled."
And just when she decided that she couldn't wait anymore, that she was going to make the first move- the front door opened and Bellamy took a step back.
"I knew your ass had finally come home" Murphy said, barging into the house flanked by the rest of the boys, "I felt a general sense of self-loathing and brooding in the air."
He punched Bellamy as a greeting and Miller threw his arm around Bellamy's shoulders, pulling him down the hall.
"We've missed you, man" he said, "what's new? Where did..."
All five boys turned the corner and disappeared into the living room. Clarke gave herself a few minutes to cool down before she joined them.
She sat around, trying to pay attention to what they were saying. But she found it hard to focus on anything besides the heat that seemed to be radiating from Bellamy, even though he sat across the room.
"It's been a long day" he said after a while, "I'm gonna go shower."
Clarke figured that would be their cue to leave. But to her dismay, Murphy only stated that he'd get started on dinner.
Bellamy left the room and Clarke tried not to look to disappointed. And afterwards, when she joined the boys at the dining room table, she had to physically restrain herself from reaching over and touching his hand. Feeling his skin under hers.
While the boys continued on with their chatter, completely oblivious to the tension between the two, Bellamy sent her a message.
I'm sorry about this. I could tell them to go home if you want.
Clarke smiled a little, turning to look at him before replying.
That's alright. We'll have time to talk after they leave.
When he glanced back at her, he wasn't smiling.
Talking is the last thing on my mind right now.
She swallowed thickly, feeling like her eyes were glued to his. And the fact that he continued to stare back, not shying away from the challenge only made her that much more tense. She felt like the air around them would explode any second.
"Get out" she said before she could stop herself.
The boys stopped talking long enough to look up at her.
"What?" Murphy asked through a mouthful of food.
"Get out" Clarke repeated, tearing her eyes away from Bellamy's long enough to glance at the rest of the boys, "all of you. Leave."
They glanced at one another, looking a little confused.
But when she glanced back at Bellamy, his eyes were still on her.
And ever so slowly, the boys began to feel the tension in the room. Clarke could tell they did, because they hurriedly began to grab their plates and make their way out of the kitchen.
"We'll bring the plates back later" Miller said, and when Clarke only glanced at him, he coughed before adding "I mean, tomorrow."
They left, all shuffling feet and quiet giggles.
Clarke figured that she should be embarrassed. But she wasn't. Mostly because Bellamy was still looking at her and she saw her own need reflected in his eyes.
As soon as they heard the front door slamming shut, he was on his feet.
And when she felt his warm lips on hers, she lost the little bit of self control she'd been able to keep. She quickly rose, feeling him lifting her until she could wrap her legs around his waist.
One hand went from her waist to the table behind them and she heard the clatter of the remaining plates being pushed off of the table. He set her down on it without breaking the frantic kisses they were trading. He pulled away long enough to lift her shirt up and she raised her arms, letting him pull it from her shoulders.
His tongue was back in her mouth in an instant. His hand on the back of her neck.
Before long, he was unclasping her bra and pushing her down onto the table. As soon as she felt the cool wood behind her back, his hands went to her tights. She lifted her hips as he pulled them down her shaky legs. And when they were finally off, his mouth was back on hers. Deeper and slower than before.
His lips moved from hers to the underside of her jaw, her neck. She let her hands trail up his waist, slipping them underneath the hem of his shirt. His skin was hot beneath her fingertips as she let herself trace the strong muscles of his abdomen.
His mouth moved lower, leaving warm wet kisses down her chest. He kissed the soft parts of her lower stomach as she resisted the urge to buck her hips. His hands went to her knees, parting them as he moved to the edge of the table. He sank down to his knees, rocking back on his heels as he draped her thighs over his shoulders.
"Should we talk first?" he mumbled, trailing kisses up her inner thigh.
"Later" she huffed, feeling his warm breath right between her thighs. She gripped the sides of the table for support, sucking in a deep breath as he placed his warm lips on her.
A shiver ran down her spine as he licked into her, stroking his tongue up and down her center. She bit down on her bottom lip as he grew more enthusiastic, not holding back as he kissed and licked and touched the most intimate parts of her body. The muscles in her core, in her thighs grew tight as he held her down with one hand.
His lips circled around her, sliding two fingers inside of her.
After a few more strokes of his tongue, his fingers, she felt the tension leave her body as she shuddered, letting out a slow throaty moan as her she clenched around his fingers.
Her breathing slowed as he rose on his feet, wiping his mouth before extending a hand to her. She took it in her own, letting him pull her on her feet. She could see the excitement in his eyes as she took in his fully clothed form, staring up at him with hungry eyes.
This time, her lips were on his first.
"Upstairs" she mumbled against his lips, letting him lift her until she could wrap her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.
He moved with urgency, trying to maneuver through the kitchen. His lips stayed on hers, licking into her mouth as she weaved her fingers through his hair. He stumbled a little and Clarke sucked in a deep breath as they slammed into the hallway walls. The frames shook but his mouth stayed on hers, returning each of her kisses.
He continued down the hallway, his arms tight around her.
"Hold on" he mumbled.
She let out a little short giggle as he threw her over his shoulder, taking the steps two at a time as he made his way up the stairs. She bit down on her lip, feeling excitement bubbling in her stomach as he pushed the door to his bedroom open.
He threw he down on the bed and she let out a short laugh, feeling a lip-cracking smile on her lips as she settled down on the bed, staring up at him.
But the smile vanished from her lips as she took him in, staring down at her.
She squirmed, missing the heat of his body. His hands went to the hem of his shirt, pulling it from his shoulders. His eyes stayed glued to hers but she let her own trail over the top half of his body, realizing she'd never seen this much of him before.
His fingers went to his belt and she felt so nervous, so excited that she grabbed at the soft, silky black sheets beneath her.
Once he was finally undressed, she parted her legs as an invitation and he crawled onto the bed, moving until he was positioned right between her thighs.
He seemed to hesitate for the fraction of a second before quickly leaning down and covering her body with his.
She pulled him closer, tangling her fingers in his hair as she kissed him hard and deep.
His hands roamed over her body, not leaving a single inch untouched. He filled all her senses. All she could smell was him. All she heard were the little groans building in the back of his throat as she sucked on his pulse point, leaving it red and bruising. All she felt was the warmth of his skin, the hard muscles of his arms beneath her fingers and his strong back as she crossed her ankles around his waist. And all she knew was she wanted him close, wanted to find her home in the heart she could swear was beating as fast as her own.
His lips moved to her neck, biting and kissing the soft flesh. She bucked her hips, searching for friction. Wishing she could feel him on every part of her body.
Please don't take your time she thought, channeling the words to him.
He let out a short, dark laugh against her neck as he pinned her hips down.
His fingers slipped between her thighs, spreading the heat gathered there around with his fingers.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who's excited.
She bit down on her lip, grinding down against his palm.
You will be if you don't stop teasing me, she thought to him.
He laughed again, thrusting a finger inside of her.
Maybe I want to make you beg for it, maybe I want you to know how I've felt the past few months.
Trust me, she said back, I feel it.
She moaned in his ear, feeling him insert a second finger. She gently bit down on his earlobe before whispering in his ear.
"Or maybe I'll make you beg for it" she whispered.
She placed both hands on his chest, pushing him back and using the strength in her thighs to push him off of her until their positions were reversed. Until she was straddling his waist, pinning him down with all her weight.
He stared up at her with a devilish smirk on his lips as she thrust her hips forward, positioning herself until she could run her center up and down his length.
He groaned, gripping her hips with his hands and pulling her down onto him harder.
She let out a little moan, coating him in the heat that had gathered between her thighs.
"Fuck, come on" he mumbled, trailing one hand up her waist until he was palming her breast before softly pinching her nipple. "Come on."
"Come on what?" she asked, grinding down onto him.
"Fuck me" he said, moving to sit up.
She placed both hands on his chest, pushing him back down.
"I don't think so" she said. She stopped moving, cocking her head to the side as she stared down at him. He licked his bottom lip, growing tense below her. "You know, I don't think I'm in the mood anymore. I kind of want to talk now."
He groaned, closing his eyes and clenching his jaw. She noticed the way his Adams apple bobbed in his throat as he threw his head back.
"I really hope this is you being funny again" he said, tightening his grip on her hips.
She let out a little laugh before wrapping her hand around his base and pushing up on her knees. He opened his eyes and the smile vanished from her lips as she sank down onto him.
They moaned in unison and she let herself get adjusted to the unfamiliar feeling of having him inside of her. And after a few minutes, she moved her hips, experimenting with the unfamiliar position.
"Fuck, you feel so good" he mumbled. He reached up until he was cupping the back of her neck, pulling her down until their lips met once more. "I can't tell you how many times I've thought about this" he said against her lips. He kissed her slow and steady, letting her set the pace.
But after his words, so unlike anything she'd heard from him before, she couldn't settle for slow and steady. Her kisses grew frantic and messy, her tongue tangling with his.
"Faster" he mumbled against her lips, "harder."
She began to move faster, sink down harder with no rhythm or pace. The heat spreading through her was unlike any she'd ever felt and she bucked against him, losing the last shred of self restraint she'd been able to keep. He hit a particularly good spot inside of her and she threw her head back, letting out a noise that had never been drawn from her lips before.
He seemed as eager, as feverish as she felt. He pushed against her until he flipped them back the way they'd started. All the air left her lungs as he grabbed the back of one knee and pushed it up, thrusting into her hard and deep.
"My turn" he said.
She lost her bearings, so unused to being treated anything other than gently, carefully.
He let go of her knee, taking her hands in his. He laced his fingers through hers, lifting her arms above her head and pinning them down. His tongue was back in her mouth, wet and warm. He silenced her moans with his mouth and the only thing she heard in the silence was the snap of his muscles into hers.
She felt her insides begin to coil, pushing her towards the edge with every thrust of his hips.
He moved until he was pinning both wrists down with one hand above her while the other went between her thighs, rubbing deep circles into her as his thrusts began to slow. He dipped his head until his lips circled around one nipple, gently biting down on it as she bucked against his hand, feeling a loud moan being drawn from the pit of her stomach.
He let go of her wrists, grabbing her hips to lift them and pull her towards him to meet each thrust. She covered his hands with her own, holding on to him for support as he set the pace.
They continued on until her muscles began to ache in a different kind of way, until the throb between her legs began to pound in her ears. And when he let go of one hip to rub his thumb into her, the release she'd been chasing since they began washed over her. Made her body shudder as it washed over her in waves, one right after another as her eyes fluttered and she clenched down around him.
As soon as the whiny moan, sounding a lot like his name, came from her lips, she felt him throb inside of her. He let go of her hips and pressed his forehead to hers, slowly thrusting into her as they both came down.
And when they were both panting, covered in sweat, he rolled off of her and laid on his back.
Their shallow, rapid breathing began to slow. The chilly night air cooled their bodies as the wind ruffled the curtains from the open window on the other side of the room. What little light shone into the room made the sweat on their bodies glisten.
Clarke stared at the ceiling as her heart rate began to slow.
As she lied there, the lust and heat from before left her body. She began to feel raw and open and cold. Feeling more exposed than ever, she turned to face him.
"When did you know it was real?" she asked, "The mating bond?"
He rolled onto his own side until they were facing one another in the semi-darkness.
"I guessed that it was real after I found you in the Spring Clan" he said, his voice low and thoughtful. "Since I'd been having the visions. But I didn't really know...I guess I wasn't completely sure until-until you died."
"I remember" she said.
"Remember what?"
"When I died" she began, "I saw it happen through your eyes. I saw the whole thing. I watched her kill me, I watched you kill her. I saw the fight. I was there. I-I was there when you brought me back."
He looked a little confused by her words. Like it didn't make sense.
"Your heart" she said, reaching forward and placing a hand on his chest, "I felt it. When you found me...it felt like..." she trailed off, recalling how it'd felt to be in his body. The heaviness in his heart when he'd found her. The way it began to lighten when he realized they'd saved her.
"I remember" he said.
She placed her forehead on his. She wondered how he'd done it. Continued to try, to care for her when she'd made it clear the sentiment wasn't returned. She stayed quiet for a while, thinking about all the things that had led to that moment. Lying there with him.
"I can leave if you want to sleep alone" he said.
He sounded a little worried. Probably because her silence made him think she was hesitating.
"Stay" she said, placing the palm of her hand on his cheek. "I want you to stay."
She leaned forward and placed a warm kiss on his lips. She didn't think she was ready to say everything she'd been thinking, been feeling for the past few weeks.
"I'm not ready to talk about everything" she said, "not yet. But I want-I'd like it if you stayed with me."
"That's alright" he said, "we're kind of immortal so we've definitely got time to talk."
She opened her eyes to find him slightly smiling at her, trying to lighten the conversation.
She smiled back. Never more grateful for him, for who he was, than in that moment.
"It's a little cold" he said, "we should probably get under the covers if you want to sleep."
"I never said anything about sleep" she said, "and besides, I'm pretty sure that I can still walk straight."
His eyes dropped to her lips, then the rest of her body. And ever so slowly, they trailed back up until he was looking her in the eyes once more.
I was hoping you'd say that.
When she opened her eyes the next day, she couldn't recognize where she was. The sunlight streaming through the window told her that it was well into the afternoon.
The steady, even breathing she felt tickling her neck made her realize that he was still asleep. She could feel the warm skin of his chest on her back. His arm around her waist. The simple sheet covering her tangled around her legs.
She'd never been in his room before.
She studied the side of the room she was facing. Other than the window, there was only a crammed bookshelf. A little loveseat sat right underneath the window. And on it's other side, there were only three small shelves built right into the wall. On them sat various frames with different pictures. Two very old looking books. And nothing else.
Closing her eyes, she thought about the night before.
There was an unfamiliar ache in her muscles, her thighs. But not like the kind she'd had when she began training. This one was warm and sweet.
The fact that she could feel him hard against her lower back didn't help the situation. Within minutes, she felt a throb building between her legs. Intensifying the ache in muscles of her thighs, her abdomen.
She recalled the way his voice had sounded, deep and throaty in her ear. The things he'd said. The things he'd done with his body, his hands. His tongue.
She arched her back, pushing into him. Wiggled her hips a little, hoping to get a rise out of him. Hoping to wake him up because she was selfish and she wanted him to be thinking about it, too.
The arm around her waist tightened and she smiled.
He pulled her closer, lowering his head until his face was nuzzled in the crook of her neck.
"Good morning" he mumbled, placing a warm kiss on her neck.
She only pushed back a little more in response, moaning a little when his hands began to roam over her body.
As soon as his fingers made contact with the heat gathered between her thighs, he groaned against her neck and thrust his hips forward. She bit down on her bottom lip, feeling eager and excited.
He rolled onto her, pushing her forward until she was lying flat on her stomach.
"You could have woken me earlier" he said, pushing her hair to the side. He pushed her legs apart with his knees, leaning forward. He began placing warm, wet kisses down her back and she grabbed at the sheets below her.
He stopped once he was halfway down her spine, leaning back on his knees. She whined, missing the heat of his body. She lifted her hips a little, giving him better access.
She was just about to turn and start yelling at him when he pushed inside of her in one swift, hard thrust. She took in a sharp, deep breath as he leaned forward, covering her body with his.
He set an agonizingly slow pace, taking his time. Working her up until she was writhing and moaning beneath him.
After a while, he finally grabbed her by the hips and hoisted her up until she was on her knees. He reached forward, taking her hand in his before slipping it between her thighs.
"Touch yourself for me."
His hands went to her hips, pulling her back to meet each thrust. Her muscles burned, her core tightening with each snap of his hips. Her fingers rubbed frantically between her thighs, chasing release.
And when she felt it, her inner thighs began to shake as she muffled her moans in the pillow underneath her head.
He followed shortly after, pushing her back down onto her stomach with his weight.
Once he rolled off and got control of his breathing, he turned to look at her sheepishly smiling at him. He leaned forward, kissing her slow. And when she finally tore away from him, she stayed laying on her stomach. Watching him. Relishing in the warmth, the calm of his presence.
"We should probably get up" he eventually said, "the others will start to worry."
"Okay" she said. Still, she made no move to get up. Content with just laying there, studying him in the afternoon light.
She'd always thought he was attractive. She could admit that much. But now that she knew him, really knew him, she couldn't stop looking. Couldn't help but smile at him as she stared, letting herself appreciate everything that made him different. Made him special.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked as he sat up.
Instead of answering, she only smiled harder.
He shook his head, but she could see the corners of his mouth tilting slightly, like he was fighting his own smile.
"I'm gonna go shower" he said.
He opened the door to the bathroom and disappeared for a little while. She wrapped the sheet around her body and rose from bed, studying his room. Curiosity got the best of her and she looked around, opened a few drawers. Much like the rest of his home, his room was simple. Homey. And again, it reminded her of life beyond the wall. In the mortal realm.
By the time he emerged, she was standing on the other side of the room. Studying the few pictures he kept in his room. Unsurprisingly, they were mostly pictures of Octavia and the others. There were a couple of her as a child. One of them together that looked recent. A picture of Bellamy, Ilian and Lincoln with their arms around each other's shoulders. A picture of him and Miller. A random one of Murphy in the kitchen, pointing a knife at the camera. One of Bellamy with Octavia and Raven at each side, standing on what Clarke guessed was a balcony. The city bright and lively behind them.
"I've been thinking" he began from behind her, going to his dresser in search of fresh clothes.
"Uh oh" she said, turning to face him.
"Okay, I guess I deserve that" he said, rolling his eyes.
She let out a short laugh.
"What have you been thinking?" she asked.
"I think I know what you should do."
"What?" she asked, walking towards him, still wrapped in her sheet.
He'd just buckled the belt at his waist when she came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his hips from behind.
His back was still wet, little drops of water sliding down his shoulders. She placed her lips on his back, her tongue darting out to catch a particularly large drop.
"Rule with me" he said.
Her hands dropped from his waist and he turned to face her.
"What?"
"Rule with me" he repeated, reaching forward to push a strand of hair off of her slightly sweaty forehead.
She wasn't really sure what he was getting at, staring at him in confusion.
"You're a leader, Clarke" he said. "You crossed the wall. You saved us in Mount Weather. And you're just as powerful as the rest of us. Probably more so. You should take your place beside me."
"As what, exactly?" she asked. For some reason, her heart began to pound in her chest.
"As High Lady of the Night Clan" he said.
Notes:
Any questions or concerns? Will Clarke accept the proposal?? What'd you guys think about Bellamy's letter?
Next chapter we learn a little more about Bellamy. Some of your questions about him will be answered. Also, Clarke and Bellamy take a trip to the Spring Clan....dun, dun, dun. What do you guys think about Finn's upcoming come-back? I'm excited.
Thank you guys for your unbelievably kind feedback. Your enthusiasm for this fic makes me so, so happy. Thank you for reading. I'm so glad I decided to start this fic and share it with you guys. <3
Chapter 12: To Protect Her
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Her eyes widened. She still couldn't really grasp the idea of what he was proposing. What he was offering to give her.
"But I-I thought that you six were the only ones who could rule" she said, "I-I mean, I was told that High Fey are born. Not given the title or made or anything."
"Well, you know me" he said, "breaker of rules and traditions and whatnot." He smiled at her and she shook her head, wondering what the hell he was thinking.
"Bellamy, I'm serious."
"So am I" he said, stepping closer to close the distance between them, "you're not a soldier, Clarke. You're not a regular citizen. You shouldn't be limited to their options. You should rule with me."
She opened her mouth to say something, to tell him just how absurd the idea was. But he leaned down and kissed her, slow and deep, making her head spin. And when he pulled away, she couldn't remember what she'd wanted to say. He let go of her and turned away, grabbing a shirt out of the dresser.
"Is this some weird Night Clan way of asking me to marry you?" she joked. But her head was still swimming. Repeating his words, his suggestion. Missing the feeling of his tongue against hers.
He only glanced at her for a second before rolling his eyes and pulling the shirt on.
"Don't get ahead of yourself" he said, his tone light. But Clarke could see the pink tinge to his cheeks. Something she'd never seen before.
She smiled, shaking her head a little.
"I'm gonna go get ready" she said, glancing at him once more before leaving to go to her own room.
While she showered, she thought about what he'd said.
It was completely ridiculous.
Yeah, she was confident enough to admit that she'd never been much of a follower. Back in the mortal realm, she was quick to give direction and orders even when she was just a child playing a game with the other children in the village. She'd learned to stand up for herself, for others. She never had a problem speaking her mind. Voicing her ideas, her thoughts. Even when they weren't pretty. She'd gone to Mount Weather because she didn't want to sit by. She wanted to save the human race as well as the Fey she'd cared for at the time.
And yeah, maybe she didn't want to be a follower. Maybe the idea of having a boss, a leader made her a little reluctant to pick any of the jobs that had been offered to her.
But she hadn't even been on this side of the wall for that long. In fact, she was pretty sure it hadn't even been a full year yet. Who would accept her as their leader here, even if she did possess powers from the other High Fey? Even if the Truth-Teller had told her that she was the most powerful being in existence? That didn't mean anything to people who would still see her as an outsider.
What would it mean, anyway? Being a High Lady?
The only thing she was sure of was that it meant something completely different than what they'd wanted her to be in the Spring Clan.
Hey, just so you know- we're meeting the others in the city for an early dinner.
She heard Bellamy's voice in her head.
Sounds good. I'll be down in a minute.
She searched through her dresser, pushing Bellamy's proposal from her mind. She could think about it later. Now, it was time to meet her family for dinner.
They strolled through the streets with the sun low in the sky. People greeted them at every corner. Clarke smiled back. Waved at strangers to said hello as they passed.
For the first time in a long time, she felt light. Like the things she'd been through weren't weighing her down anymore. They were still there of course. Somewhere in the back of her mind. But they didn't feel like heavy stones tied to her ankles anymore.
Bellamy glanced over at her while they made their way to the restaurant where their friends were waiting.
You look really nice.
She blushed a little, rolling her eyes like she was brushing the comment off. Even so, she couldn't hide the smile on her face.
Thank you. You don't look that bad yourself.
He laughed at her message. At her raised eyebrow. They passed by a little storefront and she glanced at their reflection as they walked by.
We look good together, she thought. She kept that one to herself.
He was in his black attire as usual. A color that definitely agreed with him. And she'd opted for a short black dress for a change. Nothing too fancy. A casual one. It was tight at the waist but the skirt fanned out, stopping a few inches above her knees. She'd done something different with her hair. The loose blonde braid hung down her left shoulder. She'd even put on a little makeup.
When they were spotted by the others, she could tell that they'd been talking about them.
It showed in the way they fought the smiles on their faces. The way Miller hit Murphy, effectively shutting him up. Preventing them from hearing whatever he was about to say. And once they approached, they all went quiet. Something Clarke was pretty sure had happened only a handful of times since she'd known them.
"Hey guys" Clarke said, feeling a little awkward.
She and Bellamy sat down at the same time, glancing around the table at their friends. Most of whom were still trying to hide their smiles.
"Hey yourself" Octavia said, cocking her head to the side.
"Go ahead" Bellamy said, glancing around the table, "say it. Just get it out."
Five people spoke up at the same time.
"I knew it!"
"I told you they-"
"I swear I called it-"
"Miller, pay up. You said it'd be-"
"I fucking knew it!"
Clarke felt her cheeks flame, turning to face Bellamy who looked almost as embarrassed as she felt.
Better to just get it over with, he said.
"Who made the first move?"
"Wait, how was-"
"Don't even finish that sentence, Murphy."
I'm going to kill you.
You're the one who was all "get out of my house" last night. Don't blame me for your lack of self control, he retorted.
She reached over and pinched him.
"They're totally having a conversation without us" Raven said from across them.
"Oh great" Murphy said, "it's already started."
"Shut up, Murphy" Octavia, Raven and Bellamy said at the same time.
"Can we talk about something else?" Clarke asked, glancing around the table.
"Wait, how-"
"But-"
"Did you ever catch the Truth-Teller?" Ilian asked.
That finally made the others shut up. Made them think about something besides the obvious change in her relationship with Bellamy.
"Yeah" Bellamy said, "Clarke caught it."
They asked her to tell them the story of what had happened. How she'd done it and what it had told her. She left out the part about it's final words to her, though. For some reason, it felt like something that belonged only between her and the Truth-Teller.
"So he hasn't said anything?" Raven asked, "About your powers to the others? That's good, right?" she glanced around at the others.
"Yet" Clarke said. "The Truth-Teller basically warned me that he's just growing more and more angry. And that he knows I've taken some of his powers."
"So what are you going to do?" Octavia asked.
"I don't really know" Clarke said. "I mean, I guess I need to go there and talk to him."
The others stayed quiet for a little while, pondering her words as they ate.
"You should" Raven finally said. "I think you're more than ready to pay them a visit."
"But you probably need to tell him beforehand" Lincoln said, "warn him that you're coming."
"And you shouldn't go alone" Miller said.
"Yeah" Octavia agreed, "you can totally handle it alone. But having someone with you is always better than being alone."
"I'm not going alone" Clarke said, glancing at Bellamy.
"Are you sure about that?" he asked, "Might provoke him."
His tone was playful. But even so, she understood that the warning was real.
"I don't care" she said.
And she didn't. It wasn't about Finn, either. Or how he might feel. It was about Bellamy and what he'd become to her. A partner. An equal.
Someone who would bring down mountains with her.
After dinner, they made their way towards the small cafe at the end of the street under the moonlight.
Clarke banished the thought of Finn, of their upcoming trip and enjoyed the company of her friends. And this time, when she heard that same song through the speakers in the cafe she rose first, taking one of Octavia's hands in her own and Raven's in the other.
She let the music relax her, take her to a place where she wasn't the girl who'd brought down Mount Weather. Where she wasn't the girl who'd stayed at Spring Clan when she knew she hadn't belonged. Somewhere where she was simply a young woman, dancing with her friends on a warm night. Being stared at by a man she was pretty sure loved her.
She watched him as she danced. Watched as he was pretending to listen to whatever Miller was telling him. His eyes were on her and her only.
So she danced, thinking about how good he made her feel. Staring back at him like he was the only person there.
Stop looking at me like that, he said.
Why? Is it distracting you?
She moved her hips, turned in a circle.
Yeah, it is. Wanna go home?
She smiled at him over her shoulder, liking the idea she had that much of an affect on him. Miller punched him in the arm, effectively taking his attention from Clarke.
Later, she thought to him, now pay attention to your friends. And eat your dessert.
He glanced back at her, scanned her from head to toe before turning back to Miller.
I'd rather eat you.
She smiled to herself and turned to bite down on her bottom lip so he wouldn't see.
The song finished and the people around them cheered and clapped before they joined their friends once more. She sat down, crossing her legs. Fighting the urge to ask him to take her home. Instead, she picked up her tiny cup of coffee as she tried to pay attention to whatever Raven and Octavia were discussing.
When she turned back to take a peek at Bellamy, he was already staring at her. He reached forward, running his thumb over her top lip.
"You've got something..." he began.
She blushed a little, realizing there was a little foam from her coffee on her top lip.
She parted her mouth before she could stop herself, running her tongue over his thumb. Taking it into her mouth and sucking the bit of foam off of it.
Now you're just being cruel.
She laughed, releasing his thumb before quickly peeking at the others to make sure they hadn't been looking.
I had no idea you were so naughty, he said.
I didn't, either.
He looked away, shifting a little in his chair. She wondered if the others could feel the tension between them. But glancing around, they were too busy having their own conversation to pay them any mind.
I hope you know that I'm fucking you as soon as we get home.
She turned to look at him but he was talking to Miller.
So how about you take me home now? she suggested, watching him so she could see his reaction.
"Well, I think it's time to call it a night" he said, rising from his chair almost as soon as she'd sent the message. "I'll-uh, I'll see you guys tomorrow for dinner."
She tried to suppress the laugh bubbling in her chest as she rose to follow him, bidding the others a good night.
They walked home side by side, a little faster than they usually did. With no words between them. As soon as she closed the front door behind her, he pushed her against the hallway wall.
His lips were warm and wet and ready against hers. He licked into her mouth, sending shivers down her spine as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
Their kisses were messy and urgent. It only made her feel hotter, knowing he wanted her as much as she wanted him. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. She pressed her cheek against the cool wall, feeling her need growing by the second.
His fingers slid up her thighs, quickly grabbing her panties and pushing them down. She stood on her toes, parting her legs and arching her back in excitement. She listened as he quickly undid his belt before he pushed the skirt of her dress up, letting it pool around her lower back.
Putting both hands on the wall, she braced herself as he pushed her legs further apart with his knees, fucking into her from behind. She moaned louder than she meant to. Her hands raked down the wall as she tried to concentrate on remaining upright while he fucked her in earnest.
He reached forward, wrapping her braid around his hand before giving it a little tug. Making her turn and lean back until he could kiss her again. Her legs began to tremble when he let go of her hair and cupped her neck instead, keeping her steady while his hips snapped into her from behind. He picked up the pace, keeping one firm hand on her hip while the other snaked between her thighs.
When he finally let go, she pressed closer to the wall, unable to keep herself upright without it's support. And it did nothing to muffle the low, drawn out moans that came from her lips as her orgasm washed over in her in waves. He fucked her through it before turning her back around to face him. He lifted her until she could wrap her legs around his waist. His lips went to her neck and she let her head hit the wall with a thud as he lost his rhythm and bit down on her shoulder as he came.
By the time her heart rate came back to its baseline, he was still holding her up, panting a little against her neck.
"I should tease you more often" she huffed.
And when he pulled back to look at her, they stared at each other for a couple of seconds before they both began to laugh.
Being there, in that moment with him, listening to his laughter and knowing she'd been the one to draw it from him made her want to share her thoughts with him.
This is it. This is what it's supposed to feel like.
Later that night, she found herself tiptoeing to his room only a few minutes after she'd bid him goodnight and went to her own.
She knocked on his door, shifting from one foot to the other. Feeling a little nervous.
He opened the door, smiling at her a little.
"Hey"
His smile relaxed her.
"Hey" she began, "uh-so, I don't think I can sleep. Can we, uh-"
"Come on in" he said, moving the the side to let her through.
"So I sent the letter" she said, "I told them I would be coming for a visit next week."
She flopped down onto his made bed, crossing her arms over her stomach. The thought of going back to the Spring Clan, even with Bellamy by her side, made her a little nervous. She wasn't sure how her arrival would be awaited. What they'd say to her. How they'd act.
He laid down beside her, turning on his side until he was staring at her profile.
"And? How do you feel about it?"
"Kind of nervous" she admitted, "I-I don't really know what to expect. I don't know what they'll be expecting, either. I was- I was different, then."
She swallowed thickly, thinking about how much had changed since she'd been in the Spring Clan.
"You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready" he said, "we don't have to talk about it at all."
"I kind of want to" she started, "I mean, I was so different. Looking back, I just- I feel like I don't even recognize who I was back then. Like it wasn't really me" she said, "but I know it was. And now when I think about it, it just doesn't make sense to me. Why I- how I could have-" she paused, staring down at her hands.
It wasn't anger she felt. Not anymore. Not like she'd used to, when she thought about her time in the Spring Clan.
She looked over at him. And he was looking at her like he'd been looking at her all along. Like he cared. She decided that she did want to talk about it. With him.
"When I first crossed the wall" she began, staring up at the ceiling, "I was expecting something totally different. I mean, my parents had just been killed. Honestly, I didn't really care about what I would find. But then I met him and he was-" her voice cut off, she turned to look back at him. Drawing strength from the look in his eyes. "He was nice to me. He offered to let me stay with them. He bought me pretty things. Seemed to care about my well-being. And he was just- just everything I thought I'd wanted. What I needed. He made me feel light in a way, you know?"
He nodded his head, staying quiet. Giving her time. She took a deep breath.
"And the others there, they were so nice to me. I mean, Jasper and Monty were the first real friends I'd ever had" she said, "At first I understood. I mean, I was a mortal living on the wrong side of the wall. Even so, I still had the-the nerve, the fire to do what I wanted. So I snuck out, a few times. And then everything changed."
"In a weird way" she started, "I kind of convinced myself that it was okay, what he did in Mount Weather. I kind of felt like it was my fault. Like the reason he didn't believe in me was because I was just a helpless mortal. One he'd taken in. But then when you let me see him, he told me that he believed in me. That I could do it. And somehow I convinced myself that he'd had a reason all along. And then, when we came home-" she paused, recalling the months after Mount Weather, "well, you saw me. At first I liked it. The safety. But I don't know. Eventually it started feeling like it was more for him than me. No one would talk about what happened, what I did. I had nightmares every single night. I couldn't stop thinking about it. But when I tried to talk about it, they would just act like it was something that had happened a long time ago. Like it wasn't relevant. And maybe it wasn't. To them, anyway."
She paused, taking a deep breath.
"They didn't have to kill anyone" she said, "they didn't have to do anything. And he just-he sat there and let it all happen. And I feel like if the situation was reversed, I would have done something. Anything."
"Of course you would have" he said, "you went to Mount Weather for them."
"Even you coming to get me set him off" she said, "and I don't think it was because he was afraid you'd kill me or anything. But because I'd be gone. And despite everything, I still kept trying. I still wanted to make him happy. Then he wanted me to threaten Octavia and-and I hated it so much. I couldn't believe he actually had the heart to suggest it. After everything his father had done. But I still did it and-" her voice cut off, thinking about that horrible day. She still felt ashamed about it.
"And I'm sorry" she said, "I-I don't even know why I did it. I didn't want to. But me coming with you was causing problems with them. So I had to try. And after that things just-"
After that, things only went from bad to worse.
"It's alright" he said, his voice quiet.
He reached over and took her hand in his. She hadn't even realized she'd clenched her fists.
"Go on" he said.
"After that I got worse. I stopped caring. I don't even know why. But part of me felt like, like it was supposed to happen. Like I somehow had to pay for what I'd done under the mountain. But one morning" she paused, "one morning, I thought of my parents. I thought about how much they loved me. How lucky I was. And after that I tried to do something, anything besides sit there and pretend like I was living. And then he locked me inside and I-I felt like I was back in Mount Weather and-"
She felt the anxiety rising in her chest just thinking about it. Both Mount Weather and the Spring Clan. And right then and there, she realized just how truly fucked up it had been. Fucked up enough for her to be comparing the two.
He squeezed her hand and she looked over at him.
"I want to apologize" she said, "I wasn't fair to you. Not there. Not here. Not for a long time. I'm sorry for pushing you and Octavia away. I'm sorry for threatening her. And those first couple of weeks here...I was-I was completely ungrateful. It was hard for me to accept the help you were offering because everything that's happened, happened because I'd accepted help from them. I'd relied on them. It made me weak in their eyes and I didn't want you to think that."
"Clarke" he started, "when we met, I found you in the woods. A mortal, considering facing three Reapers. And on Spring Solstice, you were afraid but you stared right at me. You didn't back down. You came to Mount Weather to save others knowing you might not make it out alive. You are many things. But weak is not one of them."
She looked down at her hands. She was a lot stronger now. A lot more than she was.
"I need to apologize, too" he said "for the things I did."
"What do you mean?"
"My methods in Mount Weather were..." he paused, "questionable. I was a dick. I shouldn't have-"
"Your intentions were good, though" she said, "no matter how questionable your methods."
He smiled a little.
"Even so" he said, "I'm sorry. And I know a part of you still believes I did what I did soley because I suspected you were my mate, but that's not true. Sometimes mating bonds don't fit. Sometimes they're suited better for other people. A lot of people don't even feel it. Some people chose to ignore it and pick another partner. So it wasn't about that. I helped you because you deserved it" he said, "because you're a good person."
"Becoming one of us, having the abilities you have is not what makes you strong. It helps, of course" he added with a little smirk, "but none of it would have been possible if you weren't just a strong, stubborn mortal girl."
At that, she cracked a small smile.
He scooted closer, placed a hand on her jaw.
"I don't want you to be my partner because of your powers" he said, "I want you because you have a good heart. Because you care about everyone. Because I trust you. Because you're the type of leader that our people deserve."
She leaned forward, closing the space between them.Kissed him slow. Wrapped her arms around him.
Because he'd been on her side all along. Because he cared. Because he'd believed in her when she hadn't believed in herself. Because he'd helped her when she thought she way beyond help.
Because he had a good heart.
And before long, her clothes lay in a pile beside the bed. His head between her thighs. Her fingers in his soft hair, biting down on her bottom lip.
"Rule with me" he mumbled against the soft skin on the inside of her thigh, "be my High Lady."
When she finally said it, the yes was drawn from her lips like she'd been waiting to say it all along.
"Tell me something" she said.
"Hm?"
She traced her fingers over his bare back. The moonlight coming through the window provided enough light for her to trace patterns between the freckles that covered his shoulders. The outline of his shoulder blades. The muscles and soft skin.
"How come you never bare your wings?" she asked, "How come you don't fly?"
She'd been curious about it for awhile. During her time with him and the others, she'd learned that every one of them, besides Murphy and Octavia, had them. She knew Lincoln, Miller and Ilian all flew to the top of the mountain to train. She knew that Raven and the rest of them flew to the other parts of the Night Clan whenever they had to leave the City of Light.
But he'd never, not once, said anything about it. She only knew he had them because of his confession in Mount Weather. Since then, he'd never mentioned having them at all.
He was lying on his stomach with his arms wrapped around the pillow at his head. At her question, his back tensed. His arms tightened around the pillow.
"You don't have to tell me" she quickly added, "I mean- I can tell that it's kind of private for you. I just- I was curious. We don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry for asking."
He smiled a little.
"Don't apologize for asking" he said, relaxing a little. "You can ask me anything."
She hesitated a little, turning onto her back.
"I used to love it" he said.
"What?"
"Flying" he said, closing his eyes like he was imagining it. "We typically get our wings at a young age. As soon as I'd learned how to control them, I flew everywhere. Sometimes I'd even do it inside the house. And of course I'd break things and my mother would get upset."
He smiled a little, opening his eyes to look at her.
"I loved it even more when I grew older" he said, "when they got bigger. Sometimes I'd just leave in the middle of the night and fly over the city for hours" he paused a little and the smile on his face faltered, "Octavia loved it too. Almost as much as I did."
He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.
"She was so eager to learn" he started, "and even before she had them, she'd make me hold her in my arms and fly around the city. I'd hold her by her sides and she'd put her arms out like they were wings. As soon as she'd been able to form her own, she wanted to learn how to fly. Typically kids are a little afraid. And even when they do start trying, they tire quickly. But not her. No, she made me train with her for hours even though she was just a child."
Clarke had figured the lack of discussion about his wings had something to do with his sister. With what had happened to her.
"It drove my mother mad" he said, smiling a little, "she didn't think it was safe. But more importantly, she believed that two people with our status should be more concerned about other things. Training. Learning how to rule. So most of the time, we kept it from her. We waited until she fell asleep and then we'd jump from the windows of our palace. We'd stay in the sky for hours. A couple of times, we even left the City of Light. One night, my mother caught us. And we expected a lecture, a punishment" he paused.
"But instead, my mother only told us to go on. And once we'd jumped from the window and gotten high into the air, we looked down at our palace and saw our mother climbing through the window. She'd never flown with us before. But that night, she did. For hours" he said, "it was probably one of the best nights of my life."
Clarke could almost imagine it. A younger Bellamy and Octavia, flying through the clouds with a woman she didn't know. A woman she imagined was beautiful and fierce.
"After I found her" he began, "I didn't know at first."
He didn't need to elaborate. She understood what he was saying. After he'd found her in the cellar. After 20 years of torture.
"She wouldn't talk to me" he said, "she wouldn't say anything at all. Not a single sound. After we got home, I got a healer to look her over. And after she'd told me I-I didn't know what to do. Wings can't be repaired, can't be healed once they're completely taken."
His voice sounded distant. Like he was recalling something he could barely remember.
"She wouldn't do anything" he said, "she wouldn't leave our palace. She wouldn't go into the city. She wouldn't talk to me. I tried, over and over. Brought different healers from around the continent to look at her. To try and help me figure out what I needed to do. But nothing I said or did made any difference. So eventually, I just decided that she needed time. I backed off a little, as much as I could. But I gave her space and then one night, almost a full year later, she came to my room in the middle of the night."
"She pointed at the window and finally spoke to me" he said, "all she said was fly. I was nervous, but happy. Happy that she'd finally said something. Done something. So I did what I did when she was little, before she'd gotten her wings. I took her outside and flew. She didn't say a single word the entire time. But I kept flying, even when I grew tired because I was so excited. I knew she loved it so I flew around the city. Above the clouds. And then I went out past the water, like she always used to do. So that she could see the entire city, the mountains behind it. I stayed in the air for a couple of minutes, waiting for her to say something."
"I finally felt drops of water landing on my arms. And when I looked down, her face was hard. Angry. And it wasn't just a few tears. It was like a stream, coming from all four corners of her eyes. She didn't say a single word. She didn't make a sound. But they kept falling from her eyes. Kept landing on my arms" he paused, shaking his head a little, "and I don't think I'd ever felt as scared as I did, right then and there."
"After that, she started coming back to me. She started talking. Eating. She left the palace. Went into the city. Made friends" he said, "but she never asked me to take her again."
He turned on his side, putting his head on his hand, staring at her.
"I tried to make myself go" he said, "I tried to convince myself to leave the palace at night when I knew she was sleeping. And one night, I finally did. I flew by myself but it didn't feel the same. I kept thinking- I kept feeling like she was watching me. Like she could see me in the air. Like she was watching me from her window or something" he paused, shaking his head a little, "I know it's stupid but I just- I felt like I was betraying her or something. After that, I felt too guilty to ever go again. I don't even remember the last time I bared them. Much less flew."
He didn't sound sad. Like he'd longed for it. Like he resented her for it.
"I didn't think I could" he said, "it didn't feel right. Why should I get to have mine when she'd lost hers? It wasn't fair. It still isn't. So I just- I don't know. It still doesn't feel right. It feels like I lost mine along with her."
"I'm sorry" she blurted, hating how unfair the whole thing seemed.
"Don't be" he said, "I don't long for it, like I used to. I don't think it would bring me any joy anyway. Now they're basically a reminder of what she's gone through."
"How do you think she feels about it now?" Clarke asked.
"I don't really know" he said, "it's still something she doesn't talk about. Those 20 awful years. But since then, throughout the years, I've seen her face whenever she'd see a pair. And it's always the face that she'd made that night. I've never seen her cry about it. But whenever she sees them, sees someone flying...she closes off. Gets angry. I hate that look. So I don't want to give her a reason to look that way. She's had too many disappointments in her life. I don't want to be another."
Clarke stayed quiet, thinking about everything he'd just told her. Sorrow for Octavia, for him, filled her to the core. She thought about the wings she'd taken.
"Let's go to sleep" he mumbled, rolling onto his stomach, "we've got a busy day tomorrow."
"What are we doing?" she asked, curling up next to him.
Maybe she couldn't find the words to soothe him. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it anymore. But she hoped that her presence would help.
"Your training begins" he said.
"Training?"
"Yeah, High Lady. Training."
It turned out that there was a lot more to being a High Lord than she thought there was.
She figured there was a lot she didn't know, since the only time she spent with him was focused on her. When he was around, he wasn't the High Lord. He was Bellamy. He was her friend. And when he was around, it was her he was focused on.
She knew that he had things to do outside of helping her. But she didn't really know what being a leader had entailed. Even when she'd been in the Spring Clan, with Finn, she didn't know much about what he did for his people. Other than patrol borders and help those people who'd lost their homes.
In the next few days that passed, Bellamy told and taught her about all of his responsibilities as a High Lord.
She realized just how much he trusted, how much he relied on his family.
While Lincoln and Miller were in charge of his army, Bellamy still made his rounds and knew exactly who was doing what. Which groups were in charge of patrolling the border between the Night Clan and the Day Clan. Which groups went to various parts of the Night Clan to make sure all was in order. Which groups were summoned to areas where different creatures lingered.
She realized there were a lot more magical creatures that roamed their lands than she'd thought. Creatures like the Truth-Teller, like the Kappa. Some of them not nearly as mild-mannered. Some that made the hairs on her arms stand up. And even though they were organized according to ranks, Bellamy was always at the end of the chain of command.
Octavia was responsible for negotiations made with the other clans, but she ran things by Bellamy before making deals with any of them. Trading food, weaponry and other goods, even certain skills, was something she dealt with. Bellamy told her about the various deals they'd had with other clans throughout the past few centuries. Everything was written on paper, kept in old files and books in his palace on top of the mountain. He'd taken her back and she spent hours pouring over the pages, learning more about the other clans in the process.
He had people appointed to settle disputes and other more legal-like issues. Ones who dealt with the ones that developed between the people in the Night Clan. Ones who dealt with the ones that developed between the people on the outside. And still, a lot of them had to go through him. He had the final say in whether a punishment that was dealt was fair. If the outcome of a trial between two people, or more, was justified.
Those who needed something from him that didn't reside in the City of Light wrote to him or scheduled meetings at his palace. The ones in the City of Light that required his approval or say approached him directly when they could. And even though he could delegate some of the smaller issues, like a dispute between two neighbors, to Raven or Murphy, sometimes he'd have to settle whatever issue it was.
He had a group, led by Ilian, that kept order in the city. Made sure people paid their dues and followed the few laws they did have. At least those were simple. Other than his strict no-killing-one-another law, the others were things she could have guessed. Treat equally, no discrimination, not acting on behalf of the clan in the name of revenge if another clan was involved. No mistreating any kind of creature, including mortals. Paying their dues. Keeping order. Things of that nature. Laws they'd had in the mortal realm.
As his partner, his equal, she'd be responsible for overseeing the various spokes in the wheel that was the Night Clan. She would assign and delegate. Hand out rewards with one hand and punishments with the other. She'd be the person at the end of the chain of command in any given situation. Her word would be law.
And no matter how much she tried to deny it, she liked the idea that she would answer to no one. But they would all answer to her.
She knew it was partly because of what she'd been through. Being at the mercy of others took her to a place she never wanted to be in. Not again. And being the High Lady would ensure that she'd never have to take orders from anyone. She'd never again be a possession. Something to place on a shelf. Something to use for entertainment. Something to put through trials or lock in a cell. In a room. Someone who'd be told to paint and read in her free time.
And she knew it was partly because what Bellamy had said was true. She was a leader. She'd never been a follower, even when she was a mortal. And maybe if she'd still be one, she wouldn't be fit to lead on this side of the wall. But she was one of them now. And the spot was hers for the taking, even though she'd never expected it to be.
She wasn't sure if she could live up to the title. But she figured it was worth a try.
"So how will you tell them?" she asked.
They'd finished going over the basics of the monetary system in the clan. Although there was still more to learn about being a High Lady would entail, but she felt like she'd gotten the gist of the title. And while she was nervous about it, the unease she felt about taking the title had more to do with how it would be perceived. Would the people really be okay with having her, an outsider, as one of their leaders? A mortal who had recently been turned? Would anyone be okay with that?
She wasn't sure how the people in the Night Clan would feel about it. And she couldn't even imagine how the High Fey would react to the news.
"Well, I guess we should tell the others first" he said.
Since they'd done most of her training in his more casual home, the palace on the mountain, they hadn't had much time to waste. They hadn't had an opportunity to run their plans by their closest friends.
"And after that?"
"I don't know" he said, "but I'm sure we can figure it out."
"When will we tell them?"
"Tomorrow" he said, "after we get home."
Tomorrow.
Another source of her unease.
It'd been days since she'd sent the message to the Spring Clan about her visit. They'd be expecting her. And since they were finished with most of her training, Clarke decided it was a good time to visit the Spring Clan. She didn't want to wait any longer. Mostly because of the Truth-Teller's warning about Finn growing more angry by the day. But also because she didn't want to give herself an opportunity to talk herself out of it.
That night, they stayed in the palace and talked late into the night. Clarke asked all the questions she could think of, mentally preparing herself for her new position.
But in the morning, as she searched her closet for something to wear, her fingers began to shake at the thought of being back in the Spring Clan within the hour.
She picked out an outfit unlike any she'd worn before. Sturdy dark pants and black boots. She found a holster for her dagger and strapped it around her left thigh. And after she put on a thick black jacket, made of strong leather and some other sort of material, she glanced at herself in the mirror.
She recalled how she'd looked the last time she'd been in this very room. Now, she looked like the complete opposite of how she'd looked then.
Her hair had grown a lot, so she tied it in a high ponytail, leaving her face exposed. She'd put on a lot more weight. Muscle and fat. Her thighs were fleshier, stronger. Her face was round. And instead of distant, her eyes were clear and piercing.
"You ready?"
He came up behind her, studying her reflection in the mirror as he placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I am" she said, bringing her own hand up to place it on top of his.
And while her own reflection, the strength she saw in herself, filled her with confidence- she was grateful for his presence.
They'd faced a lot worse together.
It felt strange, arriving in the Spring Clan.
It was nothing like how it'd been the last time they'd come. When he'd simply been returning her. When he told her he wouldn't be coming back for her after she'd threatened him.
This time, when she let go of his hand, they made their way down the hill side by side. She couldn't even tell if she was doing it on purpose, but every step she took was in sync with the ones he was taking beside her. And she could only imagine how they looked, walking in enemy-like territory together. He'd dressed similarly to her. She wondered what they'd think when they saw them.
As soon as the got close to the mansion, she saw them.
Finn, with Jasper and Monty on each side, flanked by more than a dozen men dressed in armor. Spring Clan colors, of course.
They stopped when they were about twenty feet away from the small group. Clarke could see various servants staring at them around the estate. A few of them were even huddled around the windows of the mansion, staring at ordeal going on in the front yard. And unlike in Mount Weather, Finn was staring directly at her. He didn't even glance at Bellamy. The others, however, didn't show as much restraint. Their eyes darted from her to Bellamy and back.
She was a little worried about how seeing his face, looking into his eyes, would make her feel. But as she stared, she could feel the anger simmering in her chest. Invading her mind. She resisted the urge to clench her fists.
We're here to talk. To make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.
She heard Bellamy's voice in her head.
But we can leave as soon as you want to. We can leave now, if that's what you want.
She looked over at him, giving him what she hoped was a reassuring nod.
No, let's just get this over with. We need to make sure this ends on a good note. Well, as good as it can be.
He nodded back.
"Can we speak privately?" she asked, glancing back at Finn.
It took a lot of strength to keep her eyes glued on his. She'd missed Monty and Jasper more than she thought she would. And despite everything that had happened, she still considered them friends. And she was pretty sure they felt the same way.
Finn nodded before turning on the spot.
Jasper and Monty followed after him but the others stayed behind. Clarke and Bellamy followed suit, trying to ignore the looks the guards were throwing at them. At her, mostly.
They walked until they reached the study, the same room she'd been in the first time she laid eyes on Bellamy. The same room Octavia had found her in, that horrible day. But all the books were in their places and all the furniture she'd destroyed had been replaced. It was, of course, pristine and polished.
Finn stopped in the center of the room with Monty and Jasper only a few feet behind him. Clarke left a good ten feet of space between them as she stood across from him. Bellamy closed the door behind him and walked until he stood about a foot behind her.
She stared at Finn and he stared back. She felt some of the anger she'd felt when she first laid eyes on him dissipate. There was no point in being angry, not right now. She needed this meeting to go well. She wanted to leave on good terms. Mostly because it was bigger than her feelings. Bigger than her anger at him. It was because she would become a leader, and the last thing their people needed was another feud. Another battle. Or worse.
She wasn't sure how he was feeling, or if he'd speak first. Or what thoughts were running through his head. She kept her face as impassive as possible. She'd just opened her mouth to speak when he reached into his pocket and took something out, extending his hand to her. Her words died in her throat when she saw that it was her father's old watch. The one she'd lost by using it to trick the Kappa in her first trial.
"I was waiting for the right time to give you this" he said, "but now I'm starting to think it'll never come."
She took a few steps towards him before reaching out and taking the watch from him. Her eyes wide in surprise.
"I-I thought I lost this" she said, "how did you even-"
But her voice cut off as she ran her fingers over the watch, touching the worn leather and the glassy face. It felt heavier than she remembered. She clasped it around her left wrist like she did the day she'd taken it from him. The others stayed silent.
She glanced back up at Finn.
"Thank you" she said. And she meant it. The watch meant more to her than anyone knew.
He only nodded.
Jasper and Monty glanced between one another when she looked past him to try and make eye contact with them. When they finally finished their silent exchange, they met her gaze. Both boys tried to smile. But it was weak. And there was something about the way they were looking at her that she couldn't place.
"So what did you come to talk about?" Finn asked.
She turned her attention back to him.
"I came to tell you that I left by choice" she said, "that I wasn't taken."
He said nothing. Instead, he finally tore his eyes from hers and looked at Bellamy for the first time since they arrived.
"Maybe we should discuss this alone" Finn said, his eyes hard and angry. "I mean, how do I know he isn't-"
"He's not" Clarke said, moving to block Bellamy from Finn's line of sight. The last thing she wanted was for his feelings towards Bellamy to make the situation worse. "And I have no problem discussing anything with him here."
He finally glanced back at her. Studied her from head to toe, taking in the obvious change. Everything about her was different. Everything from her stature, to the way she looked. To the hardness in her eyes.
The look on his face changed as he glanced between them, so obviously put off by the way she was standing in front of him.
"I thought you said the stuff in Mount Weather was an act" he said, narrowing his eyes.
"It was" she said. She stopped herself from continuing. She shook her head, wondering why the hell she was explaining herself to him. "That's neither here nor there. And frankly, it's none of your business. I came to tell you that I left by choice, something you should have known already, so you've got no reason to even think about attacking the Night Clan. And you need to stop telling people that they took me."
He glared at her, clenching his jaw in anger.
"And one more thing" Clarke continued, feeling a little agitated. He had absolutely no reason to be angry. She was the one with all the reasons. And yet, she could see him growing more angry by the second. His hands were clenched in fists at his sides. His shoulders were tense.
She took a step towards him, making sure to keep her eyes glued to his so he'd know just how serious she was.
"I don't know what you think you know about me" she said, "and the powers I may have acquired- but even if I do have them, it's none of your business. It has no affect on you."
"Oh, I think it does" he said, glaring at her, "considering it's me you're getting your power from. It's my power you've taken."
"I'm sorry but I can't help it that you gave me your power when you saved me."
"Do you think the others would have saved you if they would have known you'd take their powers?" he snapped, "Would he have?" he pointed at Bellamy.
"I saved all of you in Mount Weather" she said through gritted teeth, trying to control the anger rising in her chest. "You wouldn't even be-"
"Yeah, I know" he said. "But that's not who you are anymore, is it? You're one of them now."
She clenched her fists, taking a deep breath before retorting.
"Finn, I just came here to ask you to keep the information-"
"To myself?" he said, cutting her off. "And why would I do that? When you betrayed me by-"
"I betrayed you?" she spat, "You're the one who locked me in the house! You're the one who wouldn't let me go anywhere! You're the one who consistently put me down and made me feel-"
"And you're the one who fucked the guy that killed most of my clan" he yelled back, "including my father! And all that shit about pretending to work with him in Mount Weather, pretending like you wanted to break the deal-"
"You're fucking father deserved it!" she yelled, "He tortured a child! And you let him! Just like you did nothing to help me in Mount Weather! You're a fucking coward you piece of-"
She was so consumed with her anger that she hadn't noticed the way Jasper and Monty stepped closer. She hadn't noticed the arm on her shoulder. She'd completely tuned out Bellamy's voice in her head.
Clarke, maybe you should-
"I don't give a shit what you think" Finn said, narrowing his eyes at her. "You can call me and my father all the names you like. You're not who I thought you were. Ontari was right when she said mortals have no sense of loyalty. Fey you may be. But you will never be one of us."
He glanced past her at Bellamy for a second before glaring down at her.
"You and your master can leave now" he said, "I'm sure you fit right into the Night Clan with the rest of his whores."
She couldn't help it.
She blew up.
But she'd had a lot of practice at channeling her power into just one object. Or in this case, person.
He flew across the room and hit the wall behind him with a loud crash.
Jasper and Monty stared at her with wide eyes and gaping mouths.
But the last words he'd said to her were coursing through her veins like they were the source of her power. And even though she was angry, even though she had eyes solely for Finn, she heard Bellamy's voice in her head.
I'm glad you did that. Now I don't have to.
She only took a couple of steps forward, keeping her eyes glued on him.
"What did you say?" she asked, narrowing her eyes. Challenging him to say it again.
He laughed like he found her amusing.
"Guess your new High Lord has taught you a few tricks" he said, rising to his feet.
"A few" Clarke said.
The anger that had been building felt like it was seeping from her pores. Flowing from her fingertips. Her heart began to thrash in her rib cage.
When he tried to take a step towards her, he hit the wall she'd put up. He turned in each direction, but he couldn't go anywhere. She'd placed him in a tight, invisible box.
He put his hands up, smiling at her like she was a child who'd just done something for the first time.
"Good one" he said, "I'm gonna go ahead and guess that you got that from me?"
She couldn't even find her voice to retort. Her anger felt like it was burning her tongue. She set the floor in the closed off space on fire.
His eyes widened as he slammed his back on the wall behind him, trying to get away from the fire she'd started in his confined space. It grew hotter, bigger. She could see beads of sweat forming on his forehead. And he wasn't looking at her like she was a child. No, not anymore. He looked scared.
She took another step forward.
"Something wrong?" she asked, letting the fire grow taller. Closer. "Getting a little warm in there?"
"Clarke" she heard Bellamy say from behind her. He place a hand on her shoulder, trying to get her attention. But she shrugged his hand off. She ignored him.
"Need to cool off?" she asked, but only once the fire got dangerously close to his skin. The fire vanished and the walls of the box she'd put him in began to turn to ice. He panicked, punching at the walls. Trying to break out. But of course, he couldn't.
She smiled at him when she noticed the panic on his face. Yeah, he was definitely scared.
She shattered the box.
In a matter of seconds, shards of ice were raining down on him. He covered his head, but the shards fell like icicles and tore at his clothes, his skin. A particularly large, sharp piece left a deep gash in his right cheek. His clothes were torn. He was bleeding.
She put her hand out and forced him onto his knees.
"I wanna show you something" she said, taking a slow step towards him. Relishing in the fear she saw in his eyes.
"That's enough" Jasper snapped.
"Yeah" Monty agreed.
They strode forward until they were blocking her path. Shielding him.
But she was so angry, so consumed by it that it was with no guilt at all that she sent them flying across the room. They crashed against the furniture.
As soon as she made eye contact with Finn again, she sent the thoughts, the images into his mind.
She showed him the night before, when she'd straddled Bellamy. Pinned him down onto the bed with her legs. The look on his face when she sank down onto him. The way he'd rolled them over and pulled her onto her knees. How much it'd turned her on to glance over her shoulder and stare at him while he fucked her.
She smirked at Finn, at the confused look on his face, probably wondering how the hell she'd managed to do it.
"Want to see another trick?" she asked, stepping closer to where he was still kneeling on the floor.
He looked terrible. His face was cut up. His clothes were tattered. The furniture behind him was toppled over. The paintings barely hanging on their hinges.
And when she was standing directly in front of him, he stared up at her with fear. He looked scared. Terrified, really.
And just as she was about to show him how she could make the very ground beneath them shake and rumble, she felt a large hand closing around her forearm.
"I said stop" Bellamy said, pulling her back. "That's enough, Clarke."
She realized that she'd been ignoring him. That he'd been trying to talk to her.
There was a hard look on his face. Not exactly angry. But not like he'd been looking at her before they'd come.
She finally glanced around the room, taking in the mess she'd made. She spotted Jasper and Monty, rising to their feet from where they'd hit the wall. They were staring at her like they were scared. And unlike the look on Finn's face, theirs didn't make her feel good.
"I-I'm sorry" she said, glancing between them. "I-I.." she trailed off, not really knowing what she wanted to say.
"We're leaving" Bellamy said. He grabbed her hand, pulling her from the room and out of the mansion. On the way out, she noticed the various servants and guards around the estate. Some of who had surely watched her torture their High Lord.
Bellamy didn't say anything. And when she opened her eyes they were standing in the hall of the palace on the mountain, back in the Night Clan.
"What was that about?"
"I-I don't know" she stuttered.
"Clarke, we went there to try and prevent a war" he said, "not give him a reason to start one."
She swallowed thickly, feeling a little defensive.
"And I know what he said was horrible, trust me if you wouldn't have hit him I would have" he said, "and I was okay with that. And I know he hurt you, but that wasn't the right time. You shouldn't have-"
"It's not like he didn't deserve it!" she snapped.
"I know" he said, "I'm not saying he didn't. I just- I thought you'd have a little more self restraint so that we could talk to-"
"Excuse me?" she asked, "Are you really talking to me about self restraint? Yeah, I hurt him a little. But you killed their army and-"
She regretted the words but it was too late to take them back.
He didn't look angry. Just a little frustrated. She could see the guilt in his eyes as soon as the sentence was out.
"I know I fucked up" he said, "but that was a long time ago. I've-"
He cut himself off.
"Why did you show him those things?" he asked, "Like I'm some sort of revenge fuck for you?"
"You know that's not true" she said, "and since when do you care about what Finn thinks?"
"I don't" he said, "I just- I don't think getting revenge is for the best right now."
She wanted to say that she hadn't meant to do it. But the words wouldn't cross her lips. She'd meant to hurt him.
"I'm gonna go change before we go home" he said, turning away from her.
She stomped to her own room, changing out of her attire. She glanced at herself in the mirror. The anger in her eyes, her face, surprised her.
She thought about the way Jasper and Monty had looked at her when she hurt them. The way Finn had looked at her. It didn't feel as good anymore.
It reminded her of the way she used to look at them.
She changed out of her clothes and made her way to the sitting area. While she waited for Bellamy, she glanced at the watch on her wrist.
It felt heavy. Foreign. Maybe because she was a completely different person now. It would never fit her the same again.
"I'm sorry" she blurted as soon as Bellamy stepped into the room.
"You don't have to apologize" he said, extending his hand. "Let's go home. We can talk about it then."
"But I made things worse" she said, "he's-he's definitely going to tell the others now."
"And?"
"And what if they try to kill me?" she asked, rising to her feet, "What if they attack our people?"
He smiled at her. A sweet, kind smile. He placed a hand on her cheek and she leaned into the warmth, hating the panic beginning to bubble in the pit of her stomach but loving him for being there. For taming the fire burning in her chest.
"You will protect our people" he said, "and I will protect you."
Notes:
Angst ahead!! What'd you guys think of the chapter? The visit to the Spring Clan? Bellamy story? Clarke's? Anyone notice anything suspicious??? I set up something very deliberate...very important to what happens in the next chapter.
The fic is slowly but surely coming to a close. I anticipate just a few more chapters. That being said, I'm not done writing. I've got an idea for what happens next and all that, but I haven't written much. I will try to update as I have been, but I'm hoping that the closer we get to the end- the faster my updates will come because you guys have just been so wonderful to me. Thank you all for taking the time to read this fic, I appreciate every comment, every kudo and every message I receive. You guys are amazing.
Chapter 13: The Messenger
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"So what does that mean?" Octavia asked. "Do you think he'll tell the others about what he saw?"
"What he felt is probably more like it" Murphy added with a smirk.
Clarke didn't find the comment amusing.
In the hours since they'd come home, she'd had time to think about what had happened in the Spring Clan. The longer she thought about it, the worse she felt.
Bellamy had tried to reassure her that it was okay. That he understood why she'd done it.
And even if Finn had deserved it, her timing couldn't have been worse. They'd gone to Spring Clan to try and prevent a war. She'd gone to make sure he knew that she'd left by choice. She had wanted to go and talk, to leave things on good terms so that he would keep the information he had to himself. But instead, she'd only given him more. More information about her, about her powers. She'd used them on him, tortured him to prove a point. She used Bellamy and what had happened between them as a pawn to make Finn jealous, angry. She hurt Jasper and Monty. And now, it wasn't only Finn who knew about her powers. Anyone who'd been watching knew.
How the hell was she supposed to lead an entire clan when she couldn't even control her own need for revenge?
"Everyone makes mistakes, Clarke" Raven said, like she sensed the emotional turmoil Clarke was in. "And really, it wasn't even a mistake. The asshole deserved it."
"The timing could have been better" Ilian added, "but then again, I don't think playing nice could have changed his mind. Not very much, anyway."
"What do you mean?" Clarke asked.
"Well, if he's already been telling people that you've been taken" he began, "I'm sure that's what he was hoping had happened. You showing up there as one of us probably destroyed that hope."
"Even if you didn't hurt him" Octavia began, "the only way you could have convinced him to keep quiet was to give him a reason to. A short of staying with him and being his wife or something, there's nothing else you could have offered, or done."
"But he'll definitely tell the High Fey now" Clarke said, "and that's only if someone else doesn't beat him to it."
"Then we should get to them first" Bellamy said.
"What? Why?" Clarke asked.
"So that we can make sure they know whatever he tells them will be biased" he said.
"So we tell them? About me? About my powers?"
"It seems like they'll find out anyway" Bellamy said, shrugging his shoulders.
Clarke considered it.
"But what if he doesn't?" Lincoln asked, "I mean, what if he's too frightened?"
The others stayed quiet, thinking about the mess they were in. Wondering what the next step should be.
"I don't think that's very likely" Bellamy finally said. "The look on his face.." he trailed off. "What I mean is, he'll mostly likely tell them. And who knows what he'll say. He could make it seem worse than he believes it is. It's better if they hear it from you."
The idea of facing the other High Fey and telling them that she possessed some of their powers frightened her. No matter how much she wished it wouldn't. It was a little comical. She'd saved them from a woman who'd taken their powers. And in return, they saved her. Unknowingly giving her some of their power.
"So how would we do it?" she asked, looking towards Bellamy.
"I guess our best option would be to hold a meeting" he said, "between all the High Fey. If we try to get to them one by one, it could take too long. And this way, they'd know our intentions are pure. That we are telling all of them the same thing."
"Where?"
"Not here" Bellamy said, "I don't think many of them would be comfortable with that. Probably some place where we can be sure a fight won't break out."
"How about the Autumn Clan?" Clarke suggested, "I mean, I think we can consider Wells more of an ally than any of the others."
"I agree" Bellamy said, smiling at her.
"So what about the other part?" Miller asked, "Will you drop the High Lady bomb on them at the same time?"
When they'd told the others, they weren't surprised by the news. Like they'd been waiting to hear it. Like they'd been expecting it to happen. Clarke blushed a little as they took turns kissing the palm of her hand or her cheek, bowing their heads and swearing loyalty to her. Promising to protect her and treat her as they treated Bellamy. It was too formal for what the people in the room had become to her. They were her family.
But now, they were also her subjects. She was the High Lady. Their leader.
Afterwards, they went back to talking. To teasing. To behaving like they'd been behaving all along and Clarke loved it. Loved them for being who they were. Loved them for accepting her into their group.
"That's up to you" Bellamy said, nodding towards her.
She thought about it. It didn't seem like a good idea. Almost like the title itself gave her power she shouldn't have. But they would find out eventually.
"Maybe it's better to be upfront about it" she said, "maybe being honest will work in our favor?"
"Or maybe your honesty will only make them angrier" Ilian added, "I mean, you having their powers gives them enough reason to want to kill you. But add in the fact that you'll be using said powers for the Night Clan and..." he trailed off, glancing around the group.
Clarke looked around, noticing the worry, the unease on their faces.
"But they'll find out eventually. It'll make it seem more suspicious if they find out without us telling them" Raven said, "so maybe Clarke is right. Maybe it's better to be upfront about it. That way they can't accuse you of keeping it from them when they do find out."
"I'll leave that part up to you" Bellamy said. "We can ask for a meeting. And if you feel comfortable enough, you can tell them. If not, we'll figure something out."
"I-I don't think we should invite him" Clarke said. "I don't know if I can control myself. I don't know if he can control himself. I think we should talk to the others, alone."
The group stayed silent for a little while.
"They might see his absence as a reason to doubt your story" Lincoln finally said. "Especially if you plan on attacking his character."
"I won't" Clarke said, "I won't do that. We'll tell them about me. We won't say anything about him other than the fact that I chose to leave Spring Clan."
"Then it's settled" Raven said, rising to her feet, "I can go to the Autumn Clan, ask Wells to host the meeting and invite the other High Fey."
"You should consider asking for some sort of regulation, some rules" Ilian said.
"What do you mean?" Raven asked.
"Well, if things go south, having the other High Fey there with their strongest warriors wouldn't work in our favor" he said, "especially since it'd be our clan they'd be banning together against. You should ask Wells to make specific rules for this meeting. For example, the High Fey can only bring one other person of their choosing. That way, it'll be a small group and not an army."
Clarke bit her bottom lip, hating the nervous energy building in her gut.
"Just in case" Ilian added, glancing towards her.
"I'll leave in the morning" Raven said, "and I'll be back as soon as we've formed a plan."
"Want some company?" Murphy asked.
"Of course" Raven said, smiling. "Let's go home, Octavia. We've gotta leave early."
The two said their goodbyes, giggling all the while. Hoping to lighten to mood. But the prospect of seeing the other High Fey after all that had happened was weighing Clarke down. There were so many things that could go wrong. Just because they'd been kind to her once didn't mean it would happen again. Back then, they needed something from her. They wanted her to save them.
They didn't need her anymore.
"I'm going to let you lead" Bellamy said, "but I will be here to oversee the case. Since this is your first trial."
Clarke took a deep breath as the descended into the mountain underneath the palace. The place he'd told her about, so long ago. She had hoped she'd never have to be under the ground again, but since the largest court was built into the mountain, she didn't really have a choice.
As the cold beads of sweat gathered on the back of her neck, she reminded herself that this was what she'd signed up for. She was a leader. A High Lady. And High Ladies didn't cower from their duties because they were uncomfortable. No, they pushed through their protest and did their jobs.
They eventually made it into a chamber of sorts. At the front of the room, there were two thrones made from the very rock inside the mountain. The entire chamber was empty. Clarke sat down on one of the thrones, glad that she'd decided to wear her sturdy armor instead of a dress.
They waited in silence. She had a hundred questions, but she stopped herself from asking Bellamy to tell her more about the situation. To give her an idea of what she'd have to face.
After a while, they heard footsteps making their way towards the chamber.
Miller entered the chamber, pushing forward a man whose wrists were bound behind his back. They walked until they were at the front of the room. The man looked a little younger than Bellamy and Miller. His face was bruised and Clarke could see something like regret, like fear in his eyes.
"High Lady" Miller said, "this is Sterling. He is a soldier stationed in group Mecca, lead by my father, David Miller. Sterling's transgression is abandonment. The first case happened one year ago, where Sterling abandoned his post patrolling the border on the western edge of the Night Clan. He was found by his fellow soldiers, intoxicated, at a village in close proximity of group Mecca. He was let off with a warning, as all first cases of abandonment are."
Clarke tried to focus on the scenario, but it was a little difficult. She was used to easy, laid-back Miller who made jokes and liked to fight when he was drunk. Not soldier Miller with a hard face and an unwavering voice.
"The second case happened only six months ago. He was on duty, set to patrol the border to the Day Clan when he disappeared. His overseeing officer found him asleep in a pub a full six hours after he'd abandoned post. Following his second transgression, he was punished per our commander's protocol. Extra shifts, confinement to one part of the territory, chores and strenuous physical exercise. However, last night he was found at yet another pub with a companion, when he should have been with his team doing monthly checks through the villages his team is responsible for."
The boy, Sterling, kept his eyes glued to the floor. And when he did peek up and steal a glance at her, at Bellamy, Clarke could tell that he was afraid.
"Since this is the third transgression, commander Lincoln and I have both agreed that the next step should be the Sky Box" Miller said, "and we have come here for your approval."
At the mention of the Sky Box, Sterling's head snapped up, glancing from Miller to the two people sitting in front of him.
"Please" he said, "I-I'm sorry. I won't-"
"Be quiet" Miller snapped. "You've been warned, twice now. And now you must pay for your desertion. If the High Lady concedes."
Clarke tried to recall all she'd learned about the military portion of the Night Clan. The lessons with Miller and Lincoln. The various books and papers she'd read. And while the term Sky Box was pulling at a memory, she couldn't remember exactly what it was.
Miller stared at her, waiting for her to approve. To speak.
Sterling stared as well, nervous and fidgeting. Pleading with his eyes, begging her not to approve whatever Miller was suggesting.
"Can you give us a minute?" she finally asked. She didn't think she knew enough about the situation to make a justified decision. She remembered learning that if members of the army behaved disapprovingly, there was a series of warnings and punishments before the final one. Banishment.
Miller nodded and left the room, pulling Sterling behind him. As soon as the door closed, she turned to Bellamy.
"What's the Sky Box?"
"It's the final punishment we give out before banishment" Bellamy said. "It's a place further north-"
She remembered.
During one of her lessons with Miller, he told her about the Sky Box. A place further north where repeated offenders were sent. Sometimes it wasn't just the repeated offenders. Sometimes it was one-time offenders that committed a crime worthy of being in the Sky Box.
"Don't you think that's a little harsh?" Clarke asked, recalling what Miller had told her. The Sky Box was essentially a hole in the ground. A trap of sorts. Built deep in the thick, cold woods that surrounded the upper part of the Night Clan. A place where it really was always dark. The perpetrator was thrown into the hole and isolated for three weeks. One week without water, two without food, and three confined in the small space with nothing but the woods and the night sky for company. Unless the creatures that roam through the Forrest decided to visit, that is.
"No" Bellamy said, "I don't. Do you?"
"Yeah" Clarke said, "I mean, all he did was abandon post for a few hours."
"More than once" Bellamy added, "despite past warnings and punishments."
"Still" Clarke pressed, "he was only gone for a little while-"
"A little while is enough time for something to happen" Bellamy said. "We keep our borders secure for a reason. And you know our army is a lot smaller than it should be. We can't afford for the limited number of soldiers that we do have to abandon post and slack off. He knew what he signed up for. He's been warned. Now he needs to be punished."
Clarke swallowed thickly.
"I know it seems cruel" he said, reaching over and taking her hand in his. "But we must maintain the strength we have. We can't make any exceptions. This is our way and it's worked. Our rules and adherence to the law is what helps make up for our numbers. If we start letting people off easy, we lose the control we have to maintain bit by bit. I know it's not what you personally would do, but as a leader you must make decisions based on what's best for our clan."
She understood the importance of following the rules, the law. Maintain order through punishment and reward. But the part of her that still remembered what it had felt like being alone, locked in a cell with no company, hated the idea of doing that to another person.
"It's not always easy" he said, "being in charge."
She watched as the front doors opened and Miller stepped through, pulling a now terrified Sterling behind him.
I will leave this up to you. It's your decision and I will stand behind what you decide. We need to maintain a united front in public. In front of friends and enemies. It's the only way this will work. We can argue behind closed doors, but in the public, we are one. Okay?
She gave him a subtle nod as she thought about what she was going to say. She met Sterling's gaze while her heart argued with her head. She knew that the countless men and women before him suffered through the Sky Box. And from what Lincoln had told her, they were better for it. But she hated the idea of handing out a punishment that hit so close to home.
But Bellamy was right. He couldn't be let off easy, not after making the same mistake despite being warned. And it was dangerous. People were counting on him. If the Reapers had still been alive, one could have easily slipped past whatever part of the border Sterling was responsible for. And just because the Reapers were gone didn't mean there weren't other creatures, other people who wanted to bring harm to those in the Night Clan.
"As punishment for your desertion" Clarke began, keeping her voice devoid of all emotion as she stared right at Sterling, "you are sentenced to two weeks in the Sky Box. I am shortening the sentence out of mercy, not kindness."
Sterling swallowed thickly, bowing his head and accepting his punishment.
"But know that this is as far as my mercy will get you" Clarke said, "if you continue to break the rules we have set forth, you will be banished."
He nodded, looking a little less frightened than he had when he'd entered the room. Miller led him away and as soon as the door closed behind them, Clarke let out a sigh.
"Is that okay with you?" she asked, glancing towards Bellamy.
"I told you that I would stand behind your decision" he said, rising from the throne, "I trust you, Clarke. Next time you need to come here, you'll come alone."
"Where are we going?"
"I think you need to get away for a couple of hours" Bellamy said, slinging a backpack over his left shoulder.
"But what if they get back or-"
"They'll still be here when we get back" he said.
Clarke sighed, leaning back in her chair.
Two days.
Octavia and Raven had been gone for two whole days. Clarke had expected them to come home the night they'd left. Or at least the very next morning. But it'd been two days since they'd gone. She hadn't heard from her friends in two days. Friends who were off in another territory, trying to make peace on her behalf by organizing a meeting with the other High Fey.
She'd barely slept, worrying about how things would play out. If Raven and Octavia would come home and tell her that Wells said no. If Raven and Octavia would come home and tell her that Wells said yes. What that would mean. How she would face them. What would she say?
"Just a few hours" he said.
"Alright" Clarke sighed. He was right. She did need to get away for a little while. All she'd done for the past two days was worry. Drive herself mad with possibilities of what was going to happen.
When she was dressed and ready, she found Bellamy waiting for her in the garden.
"Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise" he said, smiling a little.
"I don't really like surprises."
He rolled his eyes as his smile deepened and reaching forward, he took her hand in his. Clarke felt that familiar feeling, like she was being pulled in all directions, for a shorter time than she expected.
When she opened her eyes, they were in an unfamiliar place. From where she stood at the edge of a forest, all she could see was a large field of lavender. It went on for miles and miles, in all directions, with the forest surrounding it a good distance away. There was a large tree with thick, low hanging branches right in the middle of the field. The sun was lazily sinking towards the horizon. And the flowers were swaying back and forth in the wind.
The scenery and the calm it provided loosened the knots in her stomach. She glanced around, taking in a deep breath and closing her eyes.
"This is beautiful" she said, opening her eyes and glancing beside her. "What is this place?"
"Just a small part of our clan" he said, "not far from home. Sometimes my mother would bring O and I here."
She smiled, a little shyly, sending him a thank you for sharing another piece of beauty with her.
"You're welcome" he said, "now let's go."
He began walking towards the field, pulling her behind him. As they made their way towards the tree, Clarke let her other hand graze over the flowers they were walking through. The scent wasn't overpowering, despite the quantity. No, it was fresh and sweet. For some reason, it reminded her of home.
Once they made it to the tree, Bellamy unzipped his backpack and pulled out a red and white checkered blanket. She stood to the side as he spread the blanket over the grass, smiling a little when he shrugged off his jacket and kicked aside his boots before sitting down. She followed, taking off her own boots before joining him. He reached into his backpack, pulling out a bottle of what she assumed was wine and various little containers.
She watched in silence as he opened them, placing the various containers in front of them on the blanket. Clarke watched, a smile playing on her lips, as he clumsily set everything up for them. Once he was finished, she noticed he grew a little nervous.
He ran his hand through his hair and let out a sigh, determined to keep looking straight ahead. Like he wanted to avoid her gaze. Clarke found it amusing. The smile on her face grew bigger, brighter.
"Look, I-I'm not.." he stuttered.
It was so unlike him that she couldn't help but laugh a little.
"Why are you nervous?" she asked.
"Because I'm not really-" he paused, considering his words, "I'm not like-like romantic and shit. I don't know, I just wanted-" There was an unfamiliar pink tinge to his cheeks, his ears.
"Bellamy" she said, reaching over and placing her hand on his knee, "this is perfect. Thank you."
He finally looked at her, giving her a half-smile. And suddenly she felt a little out of place. A little nervous. Like she was thirteen again, holding hands with her first crush.
She opened the bottle of wine and that helped. He seemed to relax, laying down on the blanket and turning on his side. She joined him, laughing as she attempted to throw grapes into his open mouth.
And as the sun began to set, Clarke realized that she was in love.
That she had been, for a while. That being with him in a lavender field, drinking wine and laughing with one another as the sun set ahead of them felt right. Like she was supposed to cross the wall, supposed to go to Mount Weather, supposed to find her way here.
"How did it feel afterwards?" she randomly asked.
They were both laying on their backs, staring up at the patches of the sky they could see through the leaves above them.
"After what?"
"You said you felt the mating bond form when I died" she said, "how did it feel after it formed? After it set in? How did you feel about me?"
"Well," he began, pausing to take a long sip from the bottle they were passing back and forth, "by then I'd already started to...like you."
"Why do you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Get all flustered and uncomfortable when you talk about your feelings?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. She'd noticed it before.
"I don't" he said, right before taking another drink.
"Right."
"It's not my feelings" he said, turning on his side to look at her, "it's you."
"What about me?"
"You make me nervous" he said.
"Why?"
"I mean, I want you to...like me as much as I like you" he said, "you know, romantically." He motioned to the little picnic.
"I-I do" she said, finding it a little hard to look at him.
"I know you do" he said, "I just find it hard to accept."
"Well, accept it."
"Oh, wow" he said, rolling onto his back, "I'm magically cured. I've accepted it."
"Shut up" she laughed, feeling light and giddy and confused. Of course she liked him. How could he not already be sure of that? She moved until she was on top of him, straddling his hips between her thighs. "You never answered my question."
"Which was?" he teased, running his hands up her thighs.
She grabbed his hands, laced her fingers through his.
"How did it feel? After that?"
"Different" he said, all the amusement from before now gone. "More intense. Like, I don't know. Like I needed to see you. To make sure you were okay. Like the thought of you was what kept me centered."
"So why did you wait three months to come get me?"
"You needed time" he said, staring up at her. "I knew you didn't want to come. So I waited. And I would have kept waiting but you asked for help and I heard you."
"What about when...when you broke the deal? Why'd you come back for me? How did you know?"
"I didn't want you around because I knew you were feeding information to Finn" he said, "I knew you told him about Octavia. I figured the threat was his idea and I didn't want you around her. I came back because you needed help."
"But how'd you know?"
"The tattoo" he said, running his finger over her left wrist. "With Raven's help, I managed to keep some aspects of our deal even after it was over. I didn't hear your voice in my head because of the mating bond or my gift. It doesn't work like that. I knew something was wrong because of the tattoo."
"So all that time" she started, "you were just-just waiting? Listening in case I needed help?"
"Well my life didn't revolve around it" he joked, smirking at her, "but yeah. I just- I guess I was just waiting."
She smiled, unable to stop herself from leaning down and kissing him.
You have no idea how much I like you, she thought, sending the words to him as his hands began roaming over her body. You have no idea how long I've liked you.
Like was too simple of a word to describe it. Maybe love was too simple, too. Maybe there wasn't a word to describe it.
"How will I know?" she panted against his lips.
"Know what?"
"How will I know when I feel it? The bond?" she asked, raking her nails down his back.
"It's different for everyone" he mumbled against her neck.
"But how will I know?"
"Trust me" he said, "you'll know."
"Do you think they'll be back tomorrow?" Clarke yelled from the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel.
"I hope so" Bellamy yelled back.
She slipped on a soft and silky pajama set before stepping out of the bathroom. Bellamy was already in bed, leaning against the headboard with a book in his lap.
"Well, how long did you think this would take? I mean, is this even normal?"
"They're fine, Clarke" he said, closing the book and placing in on the end table on his side of the bed. "I'm sure we will hear from them by tomorrow."
"Are you just saying that to make me feel better?" she asked, reaching for a little tube of lotion she kept on the end table on her side.
It'd only been a few weeks and she'd already began spending every night in his room. Sleeping in his bed. Leaving a couple of her items in his bathroom and on his bedside table.
Suddenly, something on the table caught her eye. She reached forward, taking her father's watch into her hands and bringing it closer. Inspecting it.
"What is it?" Bellamy asked from behind her.
"Nothing I-I.." she trailed off, "I could have sworn I saw the hands in the watch move."
"Yeah?"
"It doesn't work" she said, staring at the watch. But the hands stayed where they'd always been. Pointed at four and ten. "I think it was just me."
She placed the watch back onto the table, turned off the lamp on her table and got underneath the covers.
"We can get it fixed, you know" Bellamy said, scooting closer.
"I don't want to" she said, turning to look at him. "My father wore it even though it was broken. I-I don't want to change anything about it."
Bellamy nodded, silently telling her that he understood. He reached behind him and turned off the lamp on his side. They laid in semi darkness across from one another.
"You never talk about them."
Clarke remained silent, feeling sadness weaving it's way back into her mind. It felt unfamiliar. She hadn't felt sad in a long time. And since she'd come to the City of Light, the moments she did feel sad were few and far between. Mostly because she'd learned to be grateful for what she had. Tried not to mourn over what she'd lost. Those things were gone. Dead. But there were others to replace them. Not in the same way. But in a way that could make her happy. Make her want to keep going.
"You don't have to" he said.
But for some reason, despite the sadness, she wanted to tell him. She wanted to share another dark, lonely piece of herself with him because she knew he would understand. That he would accept it. That he wouldn't try to make her feel better about it because he couldn't. No one could. But he would be there with her in the darkness.
"My dad's name was Jake" she began, "and my mother's name was Abigail. But she went by Abby..."
Hours later, he held her close as the tears dried on her face. He didn't say anything, just like she knew he wouldn't. But he held her and his embrace lifted some of the burden from her shoulders and sadness from her heart.
Octavia and Raven did return the next day. As soon as the others heard, they came running. And once they were all piled in the living room, staring eagerly at the two girls, they finally told them about their trip to the Autumn Clan. Wells had agreed, just as they'd hoped. And after hours of planning, it was decided that the meeting would be held only four days later.
Learning that she would only have four days to prepare, Clarke felt panic prickling on the back of her neck. It was a late notice, that much was true. But it was also their best option. The longer they waited, the riskier the situation became. Finn could reach them first. Or he could find out about the meeting and join them. And even though the idea of facing Roan, Lexa and Luna made her nervous, she knew it was for the best.
In four days, she would meet them in the Autumn Clan. And that was assuming they agreed to come. She didn't want to think about the what if's. What it would mean if they didn't come, or if they didn't believe her. What it would mean if they'd already heard. Already found out about her and formed their own opinions.
The only thing that reassured her was that there would be at least two other people who were on her side. Bellamy would be going with her. And she was pretty sure that Wells was already on her team. He didn't seem like the type of man that would be upset once he learned about her powers. And in that situation, if worst came to worst, it would be an even fight. Three against three.
She hoped it wouldn't come to that.
Even so, she and Bellamy spent the next four days training together. Learning how to fight as a team in the short amount of time they had.
And the night before they left, she opened her mouth to say it.
To tell him how much he meant to her. To tell him that she loved him. Because of course he would stay by her side through this and whatever followed. By her side, where he'd been all along.
She almost said it.
Almost.
Walking through the gates that led to Wells' estate, Clarke resisted the urge to wipe her palms against her dress.
She tried to remind herself that wearing it was for the best. Another calculated move.
If she arrived with armor or her black leathers, she'd look like she came ready for a fight. But in the dress Octavia had picked out for her, she looked charming. Charming and kind. Clarke supposed that was the purpose of the beautiful garment. It it was long, with a wide skirt and sheer sleeves. And in a way, it reminded her of the Night Clan.
The fabric was dark, specked with little small flecks of light and glitter, resembling a star-lit night sky.
Her long hair was wrapped in a intricate up-do. Another gift from Octavia.
When she looked in the mirror shortly before their departure, she liked what she saw, even though the dress made her feel a little uneasy. Running in a skirt was never a good idea. Even so, there was something powerful about the softness in her reflection. Like the woman staring back at her had gone to hell and come back stronger. Wiser. Better. The ordeal with Finn at the Spring Clan told her that she still had a long way to go. But she was so far from where she'd been. And she would try to get better. To be better. To do better.
She hoped they would be the first to arrive. Mostly so she could have a few minutes to psych herself up. She hadn't seen the rest of the High Fey since Mount Weather.
Not gonna give me any last minute advice?
She noticed the quick, playful look he threw her way as they followed one of the mansion servants through the halls.
Don't set anyone on fire.
And despite the nerves, she felt the corners of her mouth reluctantly lifting at the thought he sent.
The servant led them through the mansion until they were standing at two beautifully crafted doors. Once they were open, the first thing Clarke registered was they were in his study. After stepping through the threshold and glancing towards the left, she felt her stomach sink.
The area to the left had been cleared out. And in the open space, there were five thrones gathered in a circle. Out of the five thrones, only one was empty. Wells, Lexa, Luna and Roan stared back at her with varying looks of interest. As she and Bellamy made their way towards the group, Clarke tried to keep her face impassive. She didn't want them to know that she was nervous. That she was afraid. That she felt out of place and the fact that there was only one open throne had only a little to do with it.
She glanced at Bellamy, wondering what thoughts were running through his head. Wondering if he was thinking about their time in Mount Weather. Wondering if he knew how much it had bothered her, pretending to be his pet.
Once they were only inches away from the empty throne, he stopped walking. When she glanced back at him, he motioned towards the throne. Silently telling her to take it.
He doesn't know that you're a High Lady, he said, if he did, I'm sure he would have had two. I've had my time on the throne. Take it.
When she did, he perched on the armrest of her throne. It felt so different, being the one in the chair. Having him sit to her left. As equal as they could be, in this kind of situation.
She noticed the response quickly. Wells looked curious. Lexa and Luna seemed a little suspicious. And Roan looked like he had something judgmental to say.
"Thank you for joining us" Roan said, "at this meeting that you apparently requested."
"We-" Clarke began.
"Bellamy, it seems like you've forgotten your place" Roan added. "Or is there a reason she's taken your throne?"
"Can you stop?" Wells asked, glaring at Roan. "We have more important things to discuss."
"Yes, like why you've summoned us here" Lexa said, nodding towards Clarke, "go on."
Clarke glanced around, trying to reassure herself that they would understand. She saved them. And it wasn't like she planned on using their powers unless she had to. In the City of Light, she didn't need them. They would understand. They had to.
"I would like to start by thanking you all for coming" Clarke began, "I-we've called you here because-"
She was cut off by the sound of the doors being pushed open. The entire group glanced towards the doors. And as soon as she saw that full head of thick brown hair, her heart rate automatically picked up. Her body tensed and adrenaline rushed through her veins. Her body in fight mode.
"Is there a reason I wasn't invited to this meeting of the High Fey?" he asked, glancing around. "Well, the High Fey and Clarke?"
She felt her nails digging into her palms.
"Yes" Roan began, "is there a reason he wasn't invited?"
Clarke took a deep breath, nervously glancing at Bellamy.
Finn strode through the room like it was his mansion they were in. He walked until he reached the fireplace behind Wells and leaned against it. To Clarke's annoyance, he smiled at her as he crossed his arms over his chest.
I've got you, the look in his eyes said.
Roan looked smug as he and Finn exchanged a glance.
"What is going on here?" Luna asked, glancing between Finn and Clarke. "Why have we been summoned? And why was the Spring Clan not expected at this meeting?"
"I just-" Clarke began.
"She just wanted an opportunity to talk to you all without me" Finn said, glancing around the room. "Isn't that right?"
"No, it's not" Clarke snapped. "This has nothing to do with you."
"Then what does it have to do with?" Lexa asked. Clarke could tell that she and the others were getting agitated.
"I called you here because I-"
"Because she stole your powers" Finn interrupted.
The air in the room seemed to shift. It became a little more tense as the High Fey looked around at one another before settling their eyes on her.
"What?" Luna asked.
"She stole your powers" Finn said. "All of us. She has all of our powers."
Clarke could feel Bellamy tensing up beside her.
"Give her a chance to explain" Bellamy said.
"Explain what?" Roan asked, "That she took our powers?"
"I didn't take them" Clarke said, "you gave them to me."
She looked at the others, her eyes pleading for them to understand.
"When you saved me in Mount Weather" she began, "you gave me some of your powers. They aren't as-as strong as your own. But I do have them. All of them. And I've called you here so that I could tell you about them."
"That explains why I've felt so drained lately" Luna said, narrowing her eyes.
"And you just happened to be with the Night Clan now?" Roan accused.
"I've been with the Night Clan for a long time" Clarke said, glaring right back at him. "I know that you've probably heard otherwise, but I left Spring Clan by choice."
"How convenient" Roan said.
Something about his response to the news made her sure that it didn't come as a surprise. That maybe Finn had already told him. That would explain why Finn was with them. Being Winter Clan's strongest ally had it's perks. Clarke felt momentarily frustrated with herself for not thinking about it sooner.
"Can you give them back?" Lexa asked.
"Guys, come on" Wells said, staring around the group, "she saved us in Mount Weather."
"Yeah, from a woman who wanted to steal our powers" Luna said.
"But she didn't'" Wells shot back, "because Clarke saved our assess. So what if we gave her a little power?"
"I never agreed to that" Lexa said.
"Neither did I" Luna added.
Clarke felt the air growing more tense at their accusations. At the turn the conversation had taken.
"I never wanted any of this" Clarke said, "I-I just wanted to save my friends. I didn't ask for your powers. I don't want them. But I have them and there's nothing I can do to change that. I'm not going to use my powers to do anything that will bring any of you harm."
Bellamy placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. His touch reminded her of his presence. The calm it always brought, knowing he was with her.
"I called you here to tell you about them before you found out" she went on, feeling more confident, "because you deserve to know. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm taking power from you, but I didn't have a choice. And I apologize if you have been tired because of me, but I did have to train. Mostly so that I could protect myself after Mount Weather and everything that happened afterwards. I promise all of you that this will in no way bring harm to any of you or your people."
She stared at their faces, silently begging for them to understand. To show her the kindness they once had.
A slow, mocking clap came from the back of the room.
"What a wonderful speech" Finn said.
He's trying to provoke you.
She knew the words were true before Bellamy sent them to her.
"It won't bring harm?" Finn questioned, "Why don't you tell them about how you tortured me instead?"
He wants you to blow up. To mark yourself as a threat. Don't.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you" Clarke finally said, staring Finn right in the eyes.
"You say this won't bring harm to us our our people" Roan began, "and yet you have taken all of these powers and now they reside in the Night Clan. Furthermore, we are the only six of our kind right now. We rule because we have the birthright to do so. You have no right and all the power. What will the people think?"
Something in her gut told her that no matter what she said, she would never get through to Finn or Roan. So instead, she turned her attention to the remain three.
"I saved you" she said, "and in return, you saved me. You saved me for a reason."
"Yes but we never agreed to make you one of us" Luna said, "we never agreed to share our powers with you."
Clarke looked at Bellamy, hating the way the hope she'd walked into the room with was disappearing.
"But you did" Bellamy said, "we did. We saved her and now she has some of our power. Short of killing her, there's nothing any of you can do take it back."
"So we kill her" Roan said.
"I'm not gonna let that happen" Bellamy said, staring at Roan but staying in his place.
"Yeah? You and what army?" Roan asked.
Bellamy kept his face impassive, but Clarke noticed the way he clenched his jaw.
"You Blakes and your love for mortals" Roan said, "didn't your mothers weakness teach you anything?"
Clarke wanted nothing more than to set the very coat on Roan's back on fire for the comment. But she restrained herself. They wanted her to blow up. So she couldn't.
"Giving up your throne" Roan accused, "siding with her against all of us? You've changed, Bellamy. You're weak. You don't deserve to rule. Not that it matters, right? From what I hear you've given up your right."
"What is he talking about?" Wells asked.
Clarke felt beads of sweat gathering on her palms, her neck. How did he know? No one besides those who resided in the City of Light knew.
"Clarke is the High Lady of the Night Clan" Finn said.
"So tell us again how this won't affect us?" Roan asked. "Not only do you have all of our powers, but you've taken the Night Clan as your own. For a woman who never asked for power, you sure do seem to be acquiring a lot of it."
Based off the look on Bellamy's face, Clarke could tell he felt as surprised as she did. She felt like the space was closing in around her, like the air was being sucked from the room.
"I don't get it" Roan said, rising from his throne, "what's so special about her? She can't really be that good, can she?"
"She's not" Finn said, "I would know."
"Maybe I should take a turn" Roan said, eyeing her from across the room
Clarke felt her cheeks heat in embarrassment from the way they were discussing her.
"Either one of you say one more thing like that" Bellamy said, rising to his feet, "and I'll rip your fucking heads off."
Roan and Finn stood across the room, eyeing Bellamy. Luna and Lexa exchanged silent glances. It seemed like they could all sense the tension in the room. It felt like a fight would break out any minute.
"She shouldn't have our powers" Roan said. "She isn't even one of us. She's a mortal. She can't be trusted."
"She is one of us" Bellamy said, "she's the High Lady of the Night Clan. She's my mate. If any of you want to bring her harm, you'll be making an enemy out of our entire clan. Including me."
"I think that's a sacrifice we'll have to make" Finn said.
Bellamy clenched his fists and Clarke knew it was time to go. She didn't get through to them. She couldn't. There were more of them. It wouldn't be a fair fight. If one did break out, they could very well die in that room.
She stood and walked until she was in front of Bellamy, shielding him.
"If you want to attack us" she began, "we can't stop you. But our army is bigger than you think. I am the High Lady of the Night Clan. He is the High Lord. None of you would be here if it weren't for us. My powers are not worth going to war over."
She turned around, glancing at the one person who had been on her side all along.
Let's go home.
She took his hand in hers before facing the others once more.
"We don't want to fight any of you" she said, "and I meant what I said about not bringing harm to any of you, or your people. I hope you can accept that. We don't want a fight, but if that's what any of you are after..." she glanced around the room, using the coldest tone she could muster, "then that's what you will get."
They didn't wait for a response.
Days later, she received a letter from Wells. Since all of their official business happened outside of the City of Light, the letter was brought to the palace on the mountain.
Clarke opened it with eager fingers and a thrashing heart.
"Clarke,
I'm sorry the meeting did not go as planned. But I hope that you understand that I am on your side, now and always. If it's any consolation, the meeting didn't last long after you two left. I tried to get through to them and I think I did. To Lexa and Luna, anyway. While they aren't your biggest fans, they seemed reluctant to attack you. As for Roan and Finn, I really can't say. They have a strong alliance and Finn's hatred runs deep. I hope that it goes without saying that I, as well as the rest of the Autumn Clan, will stand by you. If you need our assistance, please don't hesitate to ask.
Sincerely yours,
Wells Jaha.
PS- for what it's worth, I think you will make a great High Lady."
Clarke read the letter out loud to Bellamy and the others. It reassured them more than it reassured her. While she was glad to hear that Wells thought Lexa and Luna didn't want a fight, she knew it didn't have anything to do with her. But they were smart enough to want to avoid a war. Roan and Finn didn't seem to car about how awful a war with the Night Clan could be, for all of Arkadia. They were threatened by her.
But what bothered her more than anything was the fact that they knew. They knew about her being High Lady before she told them. Only the people in the City of Light knew. Bellamy refused to believe that anyone there would have passed the information to an outsider. Clarke understood. She didn't want to believe it, either. But what other explanation was there?
It ate away at her for days. And when she wasn't thinking about how they'd found out about her, she was obsessing over the idea that they would be attacked. So much so that she spent almost every day at the palace. She knew it'd be the first place any member of the clan would try and reach her or Bellamy. And it was easier to get reports from Lincoln and Miller about the army. Reports from the border.
A full week passed and there was no sign of attack. No one lurking on their borders or flying in their skies. Nothing. For some reason, it only made Clarke feel worse. She felt more nervous with each day that passed. She and Bellamy put aside their pride and wrote to both Finn and Roan, asking for their understanding. They didn't get a response. Not that Clarke thought they would.
After the first week, the others seemed to relax. Tried to help Clarke relax, as well. One afternoon, Bellamy made her leave the palace early.
"If I hear anything" he said, "I'll notify you right away, I promise."
She tried not to argue, to ask to stay.
"Go" he said, "Raven and Octavia are waiting for you. I'll join you guys for dinner."
After spending the afternoon laying in the sun and day drinking with her two friends, she had to admit that it was much needed.
She and Octavia got started on dinner while Raven ran into the city for a few items. Clarke realized that she'd been so busy with her own life over the past couple of weeks that she hadn't had much time to check in with her friends. Octavia caught her up on things that had been going on in the group over the past couple of weeks. And since most of their time had also revolved around the meeting with the High Fey and possibility of war, there wasn't much else to talk about.
"So you and Bellamy seem to be hitting it off" Octavia commented.
Clarke felt a slow smile creeping it's way onto her face.
"Yeah" she said, "we are."
Octavia stopped peeling potatoes to turn and give Clarke a genuine smile.
"I'm glad" she said, "I'm happy for you. Both of you."
While they went back to preparing dinner, Clarke tried to work up the courage to ask Octavia about Ilian. She still felt guilty for going into his head, but she couldn't deny that she was curious.
"Can I ask you something?"
She figured it was worth a try.
"Hm?"
"Lincoln and Ilian..." Clarke trailed off, hoping Octavia would get the question.
For a while, Octavia stayed silent. Concentrated on cutting vegetables into small pieces. By the time Clarke moved on to gathering plates and silverware, she figured Octavia just didn't want to talk about it.
"Not many people know about me" Octavia began, "not even here. I mean, they know me but most of them don't know who I am."
Clarke set the plates down and turned towards Octavia.
"I didn't want people to know" she said, "mostly because it would change the way they saw me. They'd either resent me for being born. Or all they would see when they looked at me were those twenty years I was gone."
"So that's kind of my way of saying I don't have very many real friends" she said, smirking a little, "and that's okay. I have you guys."
Clarke waited, wanting to hear more. Wanting to hear the rest of the story, the explanation. But Octavia stopped talking. And Clarke couldn't really tell what thoughts were running through her head. Her eyes had a far-off look to them. Her mouth set in a hard line.
"It's alright" Clarke finally said. Mostly for something to say. To fill the strange silence. "You don't have to talk about it."
"I know it's selfish" Octavia said, "I know. But I don't have very many people who love me in this world. And the ones I do have, I'd like to keep."
They heard the front door being slammed shut moments before Raven walked into the kitchen with a couple of bags in tow.
Octavia helped Raven with the bags. She didn't finish the story. But Clarke didn't need her to. For some reason, she felt like she understood. Even if she didn't know the entire story. The history behind what she saw in Ilian's head or Lincoln's gaze. Real, genuine love was a hard thing to come by. Regardless of what side of the wall she was on.
She stepped inside to grab another bottle of wine when Bellamy finally joined them. As she reached for another glass, she felt his warm arms wrapping around her waist from behind.
"About time" she mumbled, pouring him a glass.
"Miss me?"
She set the bottle down, relishing in the warmth running through her body. The feel of his lips on her neck. And she wished, in that moment, that she could freeze time. Listening to Octavia and Raven's laughter, glancing out the window at the beautiful city below them, feeling the warmth of his embrace.
"Something came for you" he said. "A letter."
"Who's it from?"
"I don't know" he said, "it just says Clarke."
She turned to face him as he pulled the small envelope out of his back pocket. He handed it to her before reaching for his glass.
"I'll give you a little privacy" he said.
Clarke stared at the letter, the unfamiliar hand writing, as he placed a soft kiss on her temple. She watched him walk outside and join Octavia and Raven. For a couple of minutes, she stared at them. Listened as their voices blended together. Listened to their laughter. Smiled when she saw them smiling.
A strange sense of calm washed over her as she opened the letter.
"Clarke,
We don't know if this will reach you in time. Or at all. But we had to try. They are coming."
Notes:
Dun, dun, dun.
I know, I know. Cliffhanger. I'm a terrible person!!
I must sadly say that this story is coming to a close. I have not written the last part of this fic yet, so I haven't decided if I should do two more (shorter) chapters or one long monster? I don't know. Please bear with me while I decide. Any questions or concerns? Anything you're hoping to see for the end? I really hope I can give you guys a satisfying end to this fic. Thank you all for reading and your support <3 <3
Chapter 14: Tomorrow With You
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Her mind was racing as they half-walked, half-ran through the streets. As they searched for their friends, trying to keep a calm demeanor, Clarke could see it clearly wasn't working.
Those they passed saw the worry, the anticipation on her face, as well as Bellamy's, Octavia's and Raven's. They didn't want to alarm the people. Especially since they themselves didn't really know what was going on.
But trying to keep a calm demeanor was not very high on her priority list.
They're coming. They're coming. They're coming.
Who? From where? To where?
They were questions she couldn't answer. But she had a good idea of at least one person she should be expecting.
The letter, though ominous, must have come from Monty and Jasper. She was sure of it.
"There!" Octavia yelled, pulling Clarke from her thoughts.
The group stopped short and stared to where Octavia was pointing. The rest of their group, Lincoln, Miller, Murphy and Ilian stood only a few feet away. They were talking among themselves, smiling. Laughing. Oblivious to the fact that they were all in danger. Octavia called out and they finally noticed. And as the two groups moved towards each other, Clarke could tell they knew something was wrong even before Bellamy spoke up.
"We have a problem."
"What's going on?" Lincoln asked, glancing between Bellamy and the others.
As Bellamy explained to the rest of the group about the letter, about what they thought it meant, Clarke worried her bottom lip.
The messengers, Jasper and Monty, had hoped the letter would reach her in time. It could only mean one thing: their enemies were fast approaching. And that was assuming they weren't already somewhere in the Night Clan territory.
"We need to get to the border" Miller said.
"But Wells said that Lexa seemed reluctant to attack?" Octavia questioned.
"Reluctant to attack doesn't mean she wouldn't let others pass through the Day Clan to get to us" Miller said, "others like Spring and Winter."
"We need to prepare the army" Ilian said, "we need to get them to the border."
"But what if they aren't attacking at the border?" Raven asked. "I mean, they could get us from the east or the west? They do have boats?"
"We can't afford to split up the army" Ilian said.
And as they all began to argue about the possibility of where the threat would come from, Clarke couldn't shake the feeling that she was missing something. Something important, something vital.
"Enough!" Bellamy finally snapped. "We don't have time to argue with one another. We don't have time for this shit. We need to come up with a plan."
"Bellamy, we can't split the army up" Octavia said. "There wouldn't be enough people to secure each side. We need to choose."
"We need to get to the border" Lincoln said, "now."
As they all looked to him, waiting for a decision, Clarke's own eyes traveled to his. She could see her own worry reflected in them. Like he too knew there was something they weren't seeing.
"Ilian" Bellamy began, "get to the border. I'm sending you to scout, not to fight. Report back as soon as you lay eyes on it. Lincoln, Miller and Murphy" he said, turning towards the three, "get to the mountain. Tell the other commanders to get their respective groups ready. Raven, go to the Autumn Clan and tell Wells. He's the only ally we can count on. I expect you back here within the hour, with or without him."
The people he'd picked out nodded, already itching to leave and carry out their duties.
"Octavia" Bellamy said, "you will stay here. I need someone to watch over the city while Clarke and I go to the palace. It's the first place we'll hear anything."
Octavia looked like she wanted to protest for a second, but she quickly changed her mind and gave her brother a nod.
"We meet back here" he said, "in this exact spot in one hour. Got that?"
After they voiced their understanding, the group began to part. The fear that she was missing something took a back seat to anxiety as they parted ways. She felt worried. She hated that they were being split apart, even if it was for the best. But she was the High Lady now. She couldn't only think about those closest to her. She had to think about the clan. The rest of their people would be in just as much danger as the people she held closest to her heart.
As she and Bellamy arrived at the palace, she tried to push her worry aside. To do what needed to be done. To summon random leaders from random places in the Night Clan. To ask if everything was alright. To question if they'd heard anything, seen anything suspicious.
The hour passed faster than she thought possible and before long, Miller showed up to tell them it was time to go back to the City of Light.
Clarke was only half-listening as the others reported. Mostly because she knew what they would say.
"Nothing" Ilian said. "Not a single disturbance."
"I don't get it?" Octavia said, "The letter seemed pretty urgent."
"Wells said that he hadn't heard anything" Raven said, once she finally arrived to join them. "But he's getting his people ready."
"What if it's not true?" Murphy asked, "I mean, what if it's a hoax or something?"
"It's not" Clarke said, finally speaking up.
"Then where are they?" Murphy asked.
"If they aren't here already" she said, "then they're close."
None of them protested. Like her word alone was enough to convince them.
"We should get ready" Ilian said. "I've left a few soldiers to watch the border, but we should-"
Clarke didn't hear the rest of his sentence. Not because he didn't finish it. But because she tuned him out. As soon as he said it, to watch the border, it hit her.
The watch.
The fucking watch!
"Bellamy-" she started, reaching for him, feeling bile rise in her throat.
"What is it?"
She opened her mouth, ready to tell him when Octavia grabbed his attention.
"Bellamy" Octavia said, reaching for her brother. She stopped in the middle of the street and grabbed his forearm. When he turned to look at her, when they all did, she was staring at the sky.
Clarke lifted her head, wondering what Octavia was looking at.
All she had to do was look straight up. And once she did, she saw it.
The sun was setting behind them. The sky was painted with various shades of pink and blue and orange. But it wasn't the color of the sky that got her attention. But there, in the very center, little black cracks began to form.
Clarke looked back down at her friends, trying to figure out what was going on but they were all staring at the sky. When she looked around, she noticed that the city had gone quiet. That all those in her vicinity were standing, motionless, and looking up at the sky.
When she looked back up, she could see the tiny fissures in the sky begin to deepen. To grow. To run down the sides like the were all in a globe. A circular, glass globe. One that was cracking from the center.
And then, in no time at all and all at once, the sky exploded.
She expecting something like glass to rain down on them. But nothing came. She stood, watching as the fissures and the breaks disappeared. Like they were made of black smoke. Black smoke that was carried away with the wind.
It didn't make sense. She didn't know what was going on. But when she saw the look on Bellamy's face, she knew. Even before she heard the shouting.
Suddenly, everything seemed to move very fast. The citizens in the city began to panic. Her friends yelled over the chaos, trying to talk to one another. Trying to form a plan.
And as she stood there, dumbfounded and not know where to look or what to say, one particular thing did catch her eye.
A woman, just a few blocks down, standing on her balcony and screaming at the top of her lungs. Pointing towards the sea.
Once Clarke noticed her, it seemed like the others did, as well. Ilian ran towards the store fronts on one of her sides and scaled the closest building. He climbed and climbed. And even though it wasn't the highest building, not even close, Clarke knew it would let him see all the way across the city. To the waters.
The look on his face told her what he saw before he jumped from the building and told them.
"Ships" he said, "maybe about fifty of them, from what I can tell. Spring and Winter clan flags. No more than thirty miles off shore."
As she ran after her friends, headed straight for the shore, she couldn't get the voice in the back of her mind to be quiet.
I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not ready.
They'd run out of time.
Lincoln went for the army because they needed all the soldiers they could get. Since not all of them could transport, their numbers would be even worse. Murphy and Miller went to rally the citizens in the City of Light. To tell them it was time to fight. Raven went for Wells.
Clarke ran after Bellamy, Octavia and Ilian. The people behind her, those who were ready and going to fight, ran after her. Every couple of feet, others would join in. Running from their homes with swords in their hands, knives on their belts. Some had enough time to put on full body armor.
She didn't have time for that. A lot of them didn't.
Like most of the people with her, she only had enough time to grab a weapon from one of the many emergency storage areas and make her way towards the shore.
We have to hold them off for as long as possible, Ilian had said.
Holding them off meant making sure they didn't reach the shore. That they didn't reach the city, where the people who were too young or too old to fight now hid or watched from rooftops and doorways.
I'm not ready, she desperately thought. Her lungs burned. Her legs ached. But she followed after Bellamy. She imagined she was chasing him. Like, at the end of the chase, she'd catch him and they would laugh and hold hands and go home to their family.
But instead, when he finally stopped and she walked up behind him, she knew they wouldn't be going home for quite some time.
The ships, a countless number of them, were slowly but surely getting closer. An armada, full of their enemies. Headed towards their home, their people.
"We have no choice" Ilian huffed, "we have to get to them before they get to us."
As the people around her began to ready themselves, as countless men and women bore their wings, Clarke felt a sense of dread coiling in her stomach. She glanced beside her expecting to see her own fear mirrored in Bellamy. But his face was hard. Determined. He gave orders in a loud, clear voice. He showed no sign of fear. Not a trace of worry or doubt in the steady way he spoke. Clarke watched as the people around him listened. Watched the way his words affected them. Like, somehow, they were stronger after he finished talking. Like his words fueled them. She finally understood why it all seemed to work in the City of Light.
It was him. He was the type of leader who led with his heart. One who gave them hope and one who inspired them.
"Bellamy, I-I need to tell you something" she said, grabbing his arm to get his attention. No matter how much she wished his words could soothe her like they did the others, they couldn't. Suddenly, she was overwhelmed with the need to tell him. To let him know that she loved him.
"What is it?" he asked, shedding his jacket before grabbing the closest sword he could find.
"If I don't see you again-" she began.
"No" he said. He stopped, putting off whatever he was about to do, and took a step towards her. Closing the distance between them. "You will."
"Bellamy, if something happens to me-"
"Nothing is happening to you" he said, "we'll get through this. Clarke, you-"
But whatever he was going to say was cut off by a scream. They whipped towards the sound, coming from their left and saw a woman pointing towards the sky. A few people from each ship were taking to the sky. Heading towards them, towards their city.
"Lets go!" Ilian yelled.
In a matter of seconds, his beautiful wings erupted from his back.
"I have to go" Bellamy said.
"What? No, I-I'm coming with you" she said.
"Clarke, you can't fly."
"So take me with you" she countered, "you have to take someone. Why not me?"
"Clarke-"
"I'm coming with you" she said, lacing her fingers through his.
He sighed and she knew she'd won. He would never leave her behind.
As he glanced around the group, telling those who could manifest wings to find someone who could, Clarke noticed Ilian securing his grip around Octavia.
When Bellamy turned to face her as countless people around them took to the skies, she only had a moment to stare in awe at the wings he now had. Large, beautiful black wings. Smooth, thick membranes that somehow seemed like they'd been there all along. Like they fit perfectly with who he was. And as he picked her up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and took a deep breath as he shot into the clouds, following after his people.
She closed her eyes, relishing the the warmth of his body. The air was cold around them, whipping her hair in all directions. She tightened her hold on him, knowing they were headed right into the chaos. Knowing this moment of peace was perhaps the last one.
He didn't want to listen. Couldn't bear the thought of this being it for them. But she'd learned the hard way that when things happen for the last time, they're never taken as the last time. So she'd force him to listen.
Thank you for keeping me alive, she thought, thank you for saving my life. Thank you for making it one worth living.
When he glances back at her, she finally see's the fear.
Just in case.
"Bellamy, I need you to know-"
His eyes flutter but the flight is unaffected. He keeps taking them closer to the chaos.
"I-"
But he never hears whatever it was that she was going to say. In that moment, three arrows emerge from below them. And while two of them miss them completely, the third nicks across Bellamy's thigh and he falters for a second.
As they look around, the fighting is everywhere. In the skies around them. On the ships below.
"Ready?" he asks.
I'm not ready.
"I am" she says instead.
He drops towards the closest ship, flying faster than Clarke thought possible. And even though she's scared beyond her wits, even though the adrenaline pumping through her veins makes her fingertips itch, she can't help but be grateful that he's by her side for another fight.
When they hit the deck with a loud crash, the looks of horror from the soldiers on the ship fills her with an unhealthy amount of confidence. They must of been scared for a reason.
And then the fight begins.
When she thought to herself that she wasn't ready, it wasn't because she was scared for herself. It was because she was scared for her friends, her people.
Hell, she was even scared for some of the soldiers that were attacking them.
They all knew a lot of those men and women weren't there by choice. But by requirement. It was for that reason that Bellamy didn't want to use his gift. Not unless he had to.
Clarke figured it was only a matter of time before he'd need to.
But fighting there with him, with their enemies and allies all around, she realized just how not ready she was. She could hold her own in a fight but she couldn't necessarily win. And whatever advantage she had with her gifts were thrown out of the window. All those times she'd practiced, she'd never been in the midst of a fight. And the one time she used them on someone, she had been fueled by revenge. Even so, that single time was calm. She hadn't been in any immediate danger.
But now, with chaos around her, she couldn't muster one ounce of concentration to actually use one of her gifts.
Her heart was pounding in her ears but it didn't tune out the yelling, the screaming coming from every direction. The sound of metal on metal. Metal on flesh. It sounded exactly like she'd imagined a war would sound. Her eyes darted to every person, every weapon within her vicinity. But no matter who she fought, she glanced behind her every couple of minutes. Just to make sure she hadn't lost them. Behind her, Bellamy fought to the left and Octavia to the right. She would catch glimpses of a familiar face, here and there. Miller, in the sky with his powerful wings. People she recognized from her various trips to the city. She tried not to think about the fact that she hadn't seen the rest of them, the rest of her family, since the fighting began.
Her muscles began to ache from over-use. Her senses weren't as sharp. She was slowly but surely growing tired. Not even the adrenaline rushing through her veins could mask her growing exhaustion.
The worst part was that there were always more. Soldiers clad in Spring Clan colors. Soldiers in Winter Clan colors. And even though she could spot her allies in black among the chaos, their numbers couldn't compete to the onslaught of enemies.
She wasn't sure what was going on on the other ships. She didn't have time to worry for them. All she could do was keep pushing, keep fighting. She kept telling herself that it would be just for a little while longer.
Just hold them off. Hold them off until the army gets here. Until our allies from Autumn get here. Just hold them off.
So she slashed and slashed, blocked and deflected. All the while, going for disabling moves instead of killing blows. The soldiers weren't her enemy. Their leaders were.
A particularly large soldier set their eyes on her and she had just enough time to raise her sword to stop his. But he was stronger, his sword bigger. And the clash of the metal went rippling down her arms and up to her shoulders. Her fingers slackened around the hilt of her sword and it was all the Winter Clan soldier needed.
Suddenly his foot was in the air and slamming into her stomach. She felt herself being thrown back a couple of feet before her head hit the deck. Pain shot through her skull as she fought to get a little air back into her lungs.
The soldier took two steps towards her, easily reaching her with the long strides, before bringing the sword down. She rolled to the left as the sword dug into the wooden deck. When she looked back up all she noticed was bloody dagger sticking out of the man's heart.
"We don't have time to play nice!" Octavia snapped, extending a hand toward where Clarke still sat on the ground.
But even as she took Octavia's hand and rose to her feet, even as she retrieved her own sword, all she could think about was that fucking dagger. That horrible dagger that found it's home in a beating heart.
Her hands began to shake. Not in fear of the enemies around her. But because of a memory, one she tucked away that now brought itself to the forefront of her mind and refused to leave. A memory that demanded attention.
She saw her own hand holding a dagger. She saw her own hand plunging it into a live, beating heart. Saw the light go out of Maya's eyes and the five men and women before her. As the tears pooled in her eyes she spun in a circle, looking for him. And there, almost at the very rear of the ship, she saw him.
A raw, visceral need to be by his side overtook. So she gripped the sword a little tighter and fought and ran and clawed her way towards him.
His shirt was torn and she wanted to scold him for forgetting his armor. His skin was glistening with sweat and blood. Some of it probably his own. And his dark, strong wings fluttered behind him. Like they were enough to shield him from his enemies.
"Bellamy!"
She'd yelled his name before she made the conscious decision to do so. The same need that sent her running towards him was telling her to do it. To yell his name and see him. To really, truly see him. Because that gnawing feeling deep inside of her was telling her that she was running out of time.
And even though he was another bit of chaos in the chaos, he looked.
His eyes found hers even though he was still a good distance away. Even though the fight was still going. His eyes found hers as men and women and angels and demons fought in the space that separated them.
He looked.
And there, in the middle of a storm, she felt it.
Like her heart would explode from the outpouring of emotions washing over her. Happiness, peace. Love and longing. And for a second, she let herself feel it.
Grateful for all of it. The companionship he provided in Mount Weather. The distraction with the oranges and the dancing and the parties. The brutality of the truthful words that spilled from his mouth when he voiced all the things she couldn't admit. The patience in the palace as he read his book in silence. The waiting. How he'd come back for her, again, when she hadn't deserved it. How he had stayed after she pushed him away, further and further. The way he'd believed in her in spite of the way she hadn't. And again, the patience and friendship he'd offered as he watched her get better. Grow back into herself. Never pushing, never underestimating her. Always understanding. Always there to put a smile on her face and shoulder some of the weight she thought she had to carry on her back. All of it.
"Bellamy, I-I love you" she said.
She didn't yell it. She knew he would hear. Even with the yelling and the sounds of war around them. She knew.
She said it because she wasn't sure if she'd ever get another opportunity to tell him. And she didn't want to leave this world with those three little words stuck in her throat. They were true and they deserved to be heard.
He opened his mouth to respond but within seconds they were split apart by the bodies around them.
As the fighting grew in intensity, she knew something was wrong. The army was taking too long. Their allies still hadn't arrived. Those who'd come with them from the city were being slaughtered. A lot of the bodies on the floor and a lot of the bodies floating in the waters were dressed in black.
Suddenly Ilian dropped from the sky, the deck beneath him shaking under his drop.
"We need to get out of here!" he yelled, "There are too many of them! We need to get back on shore!"
He reached forward, grabbing her arm. She could see him firmly planting his feet on the ground, ready to take them into the air.
"Wait!" she yells, "Bellamy's still here!"
"I know, Clarke" he said, "but you're the High Lady. I've got to get you out of here."
"So is Octavia" she added, yanking her arm free.
She sees the conflicting emotions crossing his face as he fights to make a decision.
"Come on" she yelled, "they're over there!"
She doesn't wait for a response.
Somehow, with Ilian by her side, she manages to get back to the rear of the ship a lot faster than she'd been able to by herself.
They find the two Blakes, fighting back to back, and Clarke tries not to look too closely at the bodies littering the floor.
"Bellamy! Octavia!" Ilian yells.
Bellamy only nods and Clarke knows he understands. He knows they have to leave. That getting back to shore was vital.
For a couple of seconds, fear coils in her stomach as she looks him over. There was no doubt in her mind that he'd been a popular target. He was the High Lord of the clan they were attacking. There was a deep gash across his chest. She could see it through the tear in his shirt. It was at least half and inch deep. Blood was pouring down the side of his mouth. Octavia looked no better. But she knew it was time to stop fighting, so she did.
And just when Clarke thought that he would stop, too, he didn't. As he tried to reach her, he noticed one of their own losing the fight they were participating in. He intruded. He helped his fellow soldier. And then another. And another. At one point, the first two he'd helped out came to stand in front of her. To guard her and to protect her from the others on the ship.
She screamed his name over and over, feeling so fucking angry. No, she didn't want to abandon the others. But they had to leave.
He fought and fought and told whoever he helped to leave, to take to the skies. And even though she loved him for it, she only grew angrier at his recklessness. He wasn't thinking with his head. They were the leaders. They had to stay alive.
Even so, when he finally stopped and reached for her, she wrapped her arms around his neck seconds before he took off. She knew something was wrong right away.
For one thing, he wasn't flying nearly as fast as he had been when they'd arrived. And where before his wings spread evenly and worked with fluidity, now one seemed to be working harder. Trying to compensate.
When she peeked over his shoulder to see how far they'd gotten, she noticed a steady stream of blood flowing down his back. Falling towards the water, towards the ships that were growing smaller.
"Bellamy-"
She started to warn him about the blood, to tell him to drop her. To tell him she could try and swim back. Anything. But the words died in her throat as he took a fast dip. An arrow whizzed past them, just a couple inches from where they'd been flying.
She glanced around. There were men and women, friends and foes alike, fighting in the sky. And there were others in the boats shooting arrows at the Fey in the sky in various directions.
She'd never felt more exposed before.
The threat seemed to register to Bellamy at the same time. He tried to fly faster. The stream of blood grew thicker, wider. Clarke clung to his neck, keeping her eyes on the shore. The deep gash in his chest was seeping into her own clothes. She felt the warmth of his blood soak her jacket. Taint her skin.
Just a little further.
Just a little further.
Just a little further.
The shore was getting closer. But she couldn't shake the dread steadily building in her stomach.
A scream was torn from his lips only seconds later. His left wing spasmd in the air as they dropped towards the water.
Clarke peeked over his shoulder and found a second arrow at the very center of the left wing. It was hard to tell with the blood now gushing out of the punctured area, but it looked like the entire arrow head was buried in the spot where his wing met his flesh. There was no way he could get them to shore. He was losing too much blood. He had no strength.
A third arrow tore through the veiny membrane at the top of his right wing and Clarke loosened the grip she had around his neck.
He held her tighter. He tried.
But the shore was still too far away. She knew he'd never make it with her in tow.
He kept trying but they were losing altitude. They were slowly but surely getting closer and closer to the waters below. They were losing the little bit of protection that the clouds had offered. And some of the ships that had been behind them were closer to the shore now. If they fell into the waters, they'd only be a few feet away from the closest one.
She let go.
He'd lost a lot of his strength. By the time he regained the grip he had on her, it was only her forearm he was still hanging on to.
"What are you doing?" he yelled. He grit his teeth and tried to keep flying forward. But the usual tan color of his cheeks had gone pale.
"We'll never make it" she said, "let me go."
He had to. He'd never make it their with her weighing him down. And she was still relatively injury-free. She could at least attempt to swim to the shore. But she knew if he dropped into the current now, in his state, he'd never make it.
But his fingers only tightened around her forearm.
"Bellamy" she pleaded, "you have to let me go."
She tried yanking her arm out of his grip. And for a second he faltered. But he kept trying. He wouldn't let go.
"Bellamy! Please!"
Her legs dangled in the air. Her whole body did. If he would only let go of her arm, she could drop into the water and he could make it. He could.
He glanced down at her and for some reason, she thought back to the night they really met for the first time. How scared she'd been when he found her in the darkness. How he'd been one of the reasons why.
"I can't" he said.
And it was the way he said it that made her heart ache. Like it was a truth she should have known. Like the words were laced with a little sadness.
"Miller!"
Clarke hadn't even noticed Miller flying towards them with urgency. He was at their side before she knew it. And she felt herself being passed in his direction. Felt unfamiliar arms around her waist.
Now she tightened her hold on Bellamy's arm, just as he finally let go of hers.
"No, no, I-" she stuttered.
"I'm right behind you" he said.
And he pulled his arm from her grasp just as Miller pulled her away from him.
"I love you, Clarke."
Something about the way he said it bothered her. Something about the way he said it made her reach forward. Try to hold on. But they were pulled apart and Miller flew towards the shore. She watched his figure grow further away while he struggled to keep up with them.
Arrows flew past her body, her head, but Miller wove his way through the clouds with precision and pretty soon, she couldn't even see Bellamy anymore.
"Stop!" she yelled, "We-you have to go back!"
"I can't, Clarke" he said, "I have to get you back to shore."
"But he's in trouble! We have to go back!"
"His orders" he said, "not mine."
A little while later, her wobbly knees made contact with the shore. For a couple minutes, she let herself be selfish.
She didn't think about the people behind her. Or the people headed her way. Instead she searched the skies, looking for him. Hoping he'd emerge from somewhere and land beside her on two feet. She stared and worried and ignored the world going to hell around her.
And finally, finally she saw him.
"There!" she screamed, pointing him out to Miller.
He was close now. Just a few more minutes.
Come on, Bellamy. Come on!
She was still pointing when a spear, pointy and heavy and aimed just right, tore through the top half of his right wing. She was still pointing when an arrow, sleek and sharp, found its home in his abdomen. And even though the world was louder than it'd ever been, she couldn't hear a single thing. Everything went quiet. She watched as he finally dropped, like a stone, into the waters below.
She couldn't believe her eyes. One minute he was there. Struggling, fighting to get to her. To his people. And the next, he was gone. Swallowed by the waters and the ships and whatever else was out there.
She hadn't even had time to yell. To scream. To weep.
Nothing.
She realized what it was about the I love you that bothered her. He hadn't said it like a confession. He'd said it like a reminder.
I love you, Clarke.
He'd said it so she wouldn't forget.
She could never accept it. Not like that.
So she closed her eyes and gave herself ten seconds to feel all the fear, all the anger in her heart. And when she opened them, a strange sense of calm washed over her.
"Miller" she said, "go find Bellamy. Bring him back to the shore. To safety. He needs medical attention."
"But he said-"
"I don't care" she said, turning to glare at him, "I am the High Lady of the Night Clan. And I just gave you an order. Now go."
He didn't wait a second before taking off. The slight tilt of his lips made her sure that it was exactly what he'd been hoping to hear.
She had to leave. She knew she did. She couldn't do anything for Bellamy, not right now. She had to save their people. It was what he expected of her. What he wanted of her.
She stormed towards the group gathered on the edge of the shore, waiting for command. The ones who'd gone out to fight were coming back. The ones who'd made it, anyway. She took in their faces, now eagerly staring at her. Waiting for her to tell them what to do.
As she went over her options, she glanced behind her, hoping to see others coming to their rescue. She didn't even know how much time had passed. Everything had happened so fast. She doubted it'd been more than an hour.
But they were coming, weren't they? The seal around the city was broken. They should be flying in any time. But even those with the gift of transporting couldn't come without a guide. None of them knew where the city was.
"Look Clarke, I-I know that we all agreed to try a different approach" Ilian said, leaning down so no one else would hear the words between them. "But if we don't do something quick, a lot more of our people will die."
She couldn't think straight. There was too much going on.
"I-I don't know" she said. She felt like she was running out of time. Their allies still hadn't arrived. Their enemies were getting closer. She couldn't locate her closest friends. Bellamy was lost somewhere in the chaos.
"Clarke" Ilian said, "you're the High Lady. Our High Lord is...he's not here. You're all we have left. Your people need you."
She turned in a circle, finally noticing that a lot of the people behind her had gone quiet.
They're waiting on you, she realized. They stood behind her, waiting for her command.
"But Bellamy..." she trailed off, turning back towards the water. Hoping, praying she would somehow be able to see him.
"Our people are the priority now" Ilian said.
"I need you to send someone to find Miller" she said, glancing at him, "and tell him to take Bellamy somewhere safe. To find a healer. And then to leave him and join the rest of us."
Ilian nodded. She could see the approval in his eyes.
She gave herself another five seconds. Five seconds to be afraid. To acknowledge the fear and the sorrow in her heart.
And then, remembering his words, she turned to face their people.
I don't want you to be my partner because of your powers. I want you because you have a good heart. Because you care about everyone. Because I trust you. Because you're the type of leader that our people deserve.
He'd never forgive her if she gave up now. If she let their city fall and their people die. He was out there somewhere. She was sure of it. But she couldn't be selfish.
"You need to use your powers" Ilian said.
"I know."
He was out there, in the water. All she could do was hope that Miller had found him already. That he'd gotten out.
She turned to face the water again, knowing that she was their last hope. They needed to hold Spring and Winter Clan off for as long as possible. Fighting them on their territory wasn't helping. If anything, it only made the Night Clan lose more soldiers.
She knew it was up to her. She had the gifts. All she had to do was use them.
She drew strength from within, from all the terrible things that had happened to her. She drew strength from those she'd loved and those she'd lost. From those she'd hated and those she'd killed. All the while knowing that she had to do it. Had to make another sacrifice.
The people behind her became almost eerily quiet. The only thing she could hear was the water sloshing against the shore. The sounds of a still going battle somewhere in their waters.
She willed herself to concentrate. To blow up, like she'd done in the Spring Clan mansion what felt like a lifetime ago.
But she wouldn't do it out of anger this time. No.
This time, she wanted the explosion to be fueled by love and not hate. Love for all of the good she saw on this side of the wall. For all of the people who were counting on her. For the land and beauty. For the family she'd chosen. For the mate who had healed her weary heart. The I love you that had broken it.
The gratitude for the little amount of time they'd gotten to spend together.
She felt her power running through her veins like fire. Fueling her. She opened her eyes and let them roam around the chaos. Bodies fighting in the sky. Blood pouring down like rain. People, her people, fighting for her. It didn't matter, whether they knew it or not. They were fighting for their home, their clan.
She had to do the same.
Pushing back the little voice in the back of her head, the one telling her she wasn't ready, she focused on the site before her. Heat built in the pit of her stomach. Not rage-like, like the one she'd felt before. But a burning need to protect the people behind her. The city that had offered her solace when she needed it most.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes.
I love you too, she thought. If, by some miracle, he was listening, she wanted him to know.
The loud scream traveled up from the pit of her stomach. And when she opened her eyes and let it out, the ground she was standing on began to tremble. The waves suddenly retreated like she'd physically pushed them back. Withdrawing, the tide grew by the inch the further away it went from the shore. Her scream ricocheted off of her surroundings. The buildings in the city shook but she kept her feet planted firmly on the ground, watching.
The tide going towards the ships grew from every side and pretty soon, she couldn't even see them anymore. The water became a wall that separated them from her beloved city.
Everyone and everything went quiet. The only sound she could hear was the trembling of the land below them. She, like every single person behind her, took a deep breath in anticipation.
She put her hand forward, raising the water higher and higher into the air. And when the wave was so tall she couldn't even see the setting sun behind it, she let it fall.
Only a few seconds later, the silence was replaced by the sound of the single wave crashing forward. The sound of water sloshing, wood breaking, men and women screaming all developed into a terrible chorus that followed the wave. She didn't wait to see the damage. Instead, she turned to the people behind her.
Even though she was reluctant to send them back to battle, she knew she had to. They couldn't risk letting their enemies make it onto the shore. Not when they had so much to lose here. She hated knowing that she was about to give a command that would surely send more people to their deaths. But she was their leader. She had to think about the greater good.
As soon as she opened her mouth to give the order, she saw them.
Men and women pouring into the city from the sky. Some dressed in what she recognized as the armor from their army. Some in deep shades of brown and red. Lincoln was at the head of the first group. Wells, at the second.
Seeing their allies finally, finally arriving sparked something in the people waiting with her. They began to grow excited, screaming their thanks towards the skies. Sensing their revamped energy and feeling the same sense of hope they felt, she turned to look towards the boats again.
Where before there had been some order in their armada, now there was only mayhem. Some of their ships had been split in two, some were sinking. There were distraught soldiers on some of them, gasping for air and trying to find weapons that the wave had washed away. A lot of them were in the water, trying to stay afloat as the sea turned on them. As it became a threat instead of an opportunity.
The ground beneath her shook as hundreds of people landed, joining the army at her back.
"Sorry we're late" Raven said, walking up to stand at Clarke's left.
"What now?" Ilian asked from the other.
"Now we fight" she said.
Before addressing the army as a whole, she turned back to the water.
It wasn't enough. The wave was a temporary fix. Not a solution. Some of the ships were virtually unscathed.
"Listen up" she yelled, finally turning back to the army. The faces looking back at her looked eager, their ears straining to listen. No one wanted to miss a word.
She wished Bellamy was by her side. He was a lot better at dealing with crowds. But he was hurt. Maybe dead.
No.
She shook her head. She couldn't think about that now.
"Our plan is to capture" she said, "not to kill. Tie them up, knock them out. I don't care. But do not kill unless you have to. Those of you who can fly, take to the air but wait for my signal to attack."
She put her hand up, signaling for them to wait before taking off.
"One more thing" she said, glancing around the group, "bring me Roan of Winter Clan and Finn of Spring Clan."
Her hair whipped from side to side as hundreds of men and women took to the skies, flying towards the water. She watched as they stopped in mid air, staring down at their enemies. They moved only to avoid arrows and spears being shot into the air.
"Wells, I need you" she said.
He walked to to stand beside her as she faced the water again.
"To the rest of you" she said, "gather around the edges of our city. We will need to capture all those that either wash up on the shore of try to seek refuge within our walls."
"But most of them are still on the ships" someone said from behind her.
"Not for long" she said, "now go."
After they received their orders, the army and the citizens alike carried them out. She watched as they disappeared into the city, as the lined the shore with weapons and ropes.
"I need to destroy those ships" she began, glancing at Wells, "will you help me?"
It took him a second to make sense of her words, her request. But he nodded, albeit a little somberly. She didn't like the idea much, either. But her choices were pretty limited.
With Wells by her side, she picked the ships at random starting at the left side. Wells began on the right. And one by one, the people around them watched as the ships burst into flames. Even from the shore, she could hear the screaming. The soldiers on the ships began to jump off the sides. Some tried to extinguish the fires but to no use. Clarke just made the flames hotter, taller.
Even though she knew it would help save her city, her people, the site brought tears to her eyes. Fey with scorched wings and burnt skin sought refuge in the waters. And once there was nothing in front of her but a wall of flame, she looked towards the sky and gave Ilian the signal.
And when the attack began, she turned her back. She took comfort in the fact that she had tried to spare as many lives as possible by telling them not to kill their enemies.
It was more than enough. Wasn't it?
They were the ones who had come looking for a fight. They should have expected to find one. She did warn them, after all.
Hours and hours later, the dark red stains in the water finally began to dilute. The waves crashing towards the shore were tinged with a soft pink instead of a deep burgundy.
And no matter how much she wanted to leave, she stayed.
In the chaos she'd found Octavia and sent her to look for Miller. She had to know what happened. But she couldn't leave. She couldn't leave because they were all still looking to her, hours later, for orders. Some were looking at her with admiration. With love.
The fight didn't last very long after all the ships had been set on fire. And having the advantage of a army in the air as well as around the city's border sped things along. The few who could escape did, including Finn and Roan. Seeing their leaders retreat broke whatever resolve was left in a lot of their soldiers. After that, they were easy to capture. And if they weren't easy to capture, they were killed.
She had to remind herself, multiple times, that she'd tried to spare as many lives she could. But there was no war that didn't leave hundreds, if not thousands, dead.
It was unreal, seeing that many people captured. They were barricaded on all sides at the edge of the city. With her army at every side, she knew the captors wouldn't be going anywhere.
For the most part, the city was fine. A few buildings were destroyed. The waters were filthy with wreckage and blood and bodies, but she would leave that for another day.
No matter how much she wanted to go find him, she couldn't. Their bond went a lot deeper than the love they had for one another. He'd picked her for a reason. He trusted her for a reason. She didn't want to disappoint him.
She finally understood the burden of being a leader.
When Octavia finally found her, Clarke felt her stomach seize up in fear.
"Bellamy?"
"He's alright" Octavia said. "He's at home."
Clarke nodded, trying to control the emotions washing over her. There were so many people watching her. Going by her example.
"Come on" Octavia said, "the others are waiting for us."
They pushed through the crowd and when Clarke finally laid eyes on the rest of her family, she felt some of the unease in her stomach disappear. They were bruised and bloody, like the rest of the city, but they were okay.
She went through the plan one more time.
The Winter and Spring Clan armies were being detained at the very edge of the city, under careful watch thanks to their own soldiers as well as the ones provided by Wells. The citizens of the city were combing through it, locating anyone who might have gotten away. Another group was tasked with retrieving the dead from the waters. And the final group was identifying and gathering those of their own that were now gone.
She prayed that the list was short.
"You should go home" Raven said.
"I-I can't" Clarke answered, "the people, they expect me to-"
"Fuck the people" Murphy added, "if you ask me, you've done more than enough for them."
"You should go" Octavia said.
"We've got this" Raven said.
She nodded, never feeling more thankful for them than in that moment. Even though she was the leader, she knew that she would have never succeeded without them. The reason they were successful at all was because of the very people gathered around her.
The only reason she was successful at Mount Weather was because she hadn't been alone. Bellamy had been there, by her side. They'd freed the others together. And now, now with him hurt and gone, her friends had taken his place and helped her save the city.
She tried to remain calm as she walked through the city, trying to get home. The others knew where to find her in case they needed her and that part at least gave her a little comfort. She tried to return the smiles thrown her way. She tried to repay the gratitude. But she couldn't deny that her heart was hammering in her chest. Fear for what she might find at home washed through her and made her walk a little faster.
The strange thing was, once she stepped through the threshold, it all seemed like a distant memory. The house still looked the same. The kitchen where they had their dinners was undisturbed.
The only sign of war were the clothes on her back. Her torn jacket with blood spattered across the front. The sword across her back that was coated with dried blood. The sweat that had dried on her forehead and the tangles in her hair.
She quietly walked up the stairs and opened his door. An older woman, one she vaguely recognized, was tending to him.
He was laying on his bare stomach in the center of the bed. Various parts of his anatomy were covered with and wrapped in sterile white bandages. He looked young, so young, with his eyes closed and his mouth slightly parted. His cheek flattened against the bed.
But the part that pulled at her heart strings was his back. His wings, taking up so much space around him, were out. And they were a little less beautiful now than when she'd first seen them.
They were torn and ripped and parts of them were still bleeding. Dark red blood dripped onto the covers, the floor. The healer had removed the arrow heads and whatever else had damaged them so. There were patches she could see through. The site was strangely beautiful, even if it was devastating. Kind of like a fine piece of art that had been torn and damaged. Like, even with the destruction, the piece of art was still beautiful.
The healer noticed her standing in the doorway. She placed the bowl of whatever she was holding onto the bedside table. It was littered with different bottles.
"I'll give you privacy for a few minutes, High Lady" she said, bowing her head before leaving the room.
Even though she knew she shouldn't, she let the healer go without protest. She wanted to be selfish this time. She wanted a few minutes alone.
She walked towards the bed, sinking down onto her knees beside it. She took his hand and stared. It was obvious that he wouldn't be waking up any time soon.
"You fucking idiot" she whispered, "you just had to be the hero."
She finally let herself feel it. Everything she'd been bottling since the fight began. The love, the fear, the anger. That terrifying moment when they'd been ripped apart. All of it.
At some point, she began to cry.
He didn't wake up for a long time. The healer told her he wouldn't. She told her that, in order to spare what she could, he had to stay down for quite some time. Especially since his wings weren't the only thing he'd damaged.
So long that she eventually had to leave his side so she could check on the city. The others. While she was gone, she fretted about not being there when he finally woke up. But she reminded herself that it was a childish thought. The important thing was that he was healing. The first face he was when he finally did wake was not.
After a few days and various meetings with those she trusted most, she made a decision. She wanted to wait until she could talk to Bellamy. He was the High Lord, after all. But after a few days, and no sign of stirring from him, she decided that she couldn't wait anymore.
The city had to heal. The people had to heal. They had to get back to their lives. They had to bury their dead and weep for their loved ones. They couldn't do that with a sizable portion of the Winter and Spring Clan armies on their shores. The hostages were getting antsy. As were the men and women guarding them.
So she made the decision after hours of consultation with her closest friends and hoped that Bellamy would be okay with her decision. That he wouldn't be like Octavia and Murphy, both of who were unsatisfied with her final decision.
When she addressed the hostages, she could see the surprise on their faces when she told them that they would be let go. Sent home to their own clans. She wasn't sure what they'd been expecting. But their lives and their freedom obviously weren't it.
It caused quiet a commotion among their people for the next few days. Even though the hostages were sent from the city under heavy guard, her decision was criticized. Some people, even in her own council, didn't think it was enough.
She listened to the arguments and the counter arguments. The accusations of weakness from angry citizens. The cries of those who still wanted justice for what they'd lost. And even though she internally questioned the decision she'd made, she stood by it under scrutiny.
Peace is easier than war. Revenge and justice are not the same. Forgiveness is easier than hatred.
She would bear the burden of their anger and disagreement. But she couldn't bring herself to fully regret the decision. Every life she spared was a reminder of all those that had been lost.
Once all the hostages were gone, a few days after the battle, their army left the City of Light. The allies that had come from Autumn Clan left, as well. The citizens of the city were left to clean up the damage.
When she wasn't dealing with the political outcomes of the battle, she was in the city helping. And when she wasn't helping, she was at home. The others basically slept there with her. They were almost as eager as she was.
On the night that he finally woke up, they were all there. They'd just finished their first real dinner since the battle and Murphy had gone to check on Bellamy. When he called down for the others to join him, they practically beat one another trying to get to the stairs first.
Octavia was the first person to burst through the door. Clarke let the others go inside, craving a minute alone to reign in the emotions washing over her.
They were crowded around the bed but they parted when she finally reached them.
Her heart felt like it skipped a beat when she looked at him and found his eyes staring back into her own. Not a second later, her resolve crumbled. She had been trying so hard to be the kind of leader that her people could look to. And for the most part, she'd succeeded at keeping her emotions at bay.
But in that moment, she lost it. Her eyes pooled with unshed tears and a throaty cry made it's way from her lips. She dropped to her knees beside the bed, not bothering to hide the tremble of her fingers or her lip.
The others quietly filed out of the room. She couldn't find it in herself to be embarrassed for the weakness she had shown them. They knew.
For a little while, she didn't say anything. She only took his hand and clasped it in both of hers. Her tears tasted salty and dripped onto her hands. She couldn't look away. So grateful that he was finally looking back. So happy that he finally saw her.
Eventually her tears dried up and she climbed into bed, curling into his side. He was the one, maybe even the only person she didn't have to pretend to be strong for. The one who she could be herself with.
No words passed between them for the next couple of hours. Instead, they laid beside one another with their foreheads pressed close together. So glad that they were alive. That they had more time.
Eventually she let the others back in. And even though she could tell that he was tired, he listened as they told him what happened. Every detail, from the fighting to the current state of the city.
After a few hours, they let him go back to sleep.
It was harder than it should have been, trying to keep him in bed so that he could heal. Despite her protest, he left home the next day. Insisted that he could help. That he could work. And together, they dealt with all the little outcomes from their short war.
She told him about everything she'd done during and after the battle, including her decision to let the others go. And when she was finally finished, she turned to find him slightly smiling at her.
"What is it?"
They were walking home. It was taking a lot longer than usual since he couldn't go very fast and needed occasional breaks.
"Nothing" he said, "I'm just really proud of you."
She blushed despite herself.
"I mean it" he said, reaching over to lace his fingers through her. "You're a good leader, Clarke."
"Thank you. But there is one more thing" she said, "there's something I couldn't decide without you."
"What is it?"
"How do you feel about adding two new members to the Night Clan?"
Days later, she put the pen down and read the letter one last time before sealing it in an envelope and handing it to one of the servants in the palace. She found Octavia and Raven waiting for her in the study.
"Did you send it?"
"Yeah" Clarke said, "you guys ready to go home?"
"Yeah, let me just grab my things" Raven said.
Clarke sat down, wanting to rest a little after another busy day.
"Remember when you first came here?" Octavia asked, glancing around the palace.
Clarke smiled to herself. How could she forget?
"You were so different then" Octavia said.
"I know."
"You hated us."
"That's not true" Clarke said, "I just didn't like you at all. There's a big difference."
"Can't say I was a big fan of yours, either" Octavia said, smirking a little.
Clarke rolled her eyes, recalling the first few times she'd came to their palace because of the deal she'd made with Bellamy. How rude she'd been to them both. How different things had been for her. How much they'd helped her.
"Alright, I'm ready" Raven said.
"Lets go home" Octavia said, extending one hand towards Raven and the other towards Clarke.
"What did you say to him, anyway?" Raven asked as the three girls joined hands.
"Nothing important" Clarke answered.
When they finally got home, the found the boys waiting for them in Bellamy's kitchen.
"About time" Murphy said, "the foods getting cold."
"Did you get the extra chairs?" Clarke asked.
"Yeah, yeah" Murphy mumbled.
She stood by in the living room as the others took their seats and began filling their plates, yelling at one another from across the table.
"Everything okay?" Bellamy asked, walking up to stand beside her.
He was still pretty weak. He walked with a limp and at night he still winced whenever she put the healing salve on his wings. But his bruises were fading and he didn't need to rest as often, now.
She glanced from her friends to him. The sunlight streaming through the window colored half of his face in a golden hue, leaving the other side bruised and dark. But his eyes were warm and the slight smile on his face was the same one she'd seen the first time they met.
"It will be" she said.
She stood on her toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips, ignoring the chatter coming from their full table.
"I love you too, you know" she said, pulling back before smiling at him.
"Finn,
I'm writing to let you know that Jasper and Monty won't be coming back to Spring Clan. They have decided to stay with us and Bellamy has accepted them into our clan.
And I'm writing to let you know that I forgive you. I sincerely hope that you can be as happy as I am, one day.
Have a good life.
PS- I know about the watch."
She felt a sense of relief once she knew the letter was gone. She didn't want to hold on to the anger. There'd been too much of it in her heart.
After dinner, they gathered in the living room like it was just another night. Clarke listened as her friends told Jasper and Monty about the City of Light, about how things worked here while she washed the dishes. She thought about how, a year ago, she'd been in their position.
She could only hope that they would love it as much as she did.
They left later than usual that night. Clarke said her goodbyes, thanking Lincoln for agreeing to let Jasper and Monty stay with him for now. She made plans with Octavia and Raven for the next day.
And as she stood at the door, watching her friends disappear into the darkness of the city, she couldn't help but think that her life was as close to perfect as life could get. She had a home she loved. A family. Great friends. Her life was full.
As she got ready for bed, she thought about the person who had been at the center of it all.
She got underneath the covers, waiting for him to join. Wondering what the hell their future held in store. Whatever it was, she was excited for it. But for now, all she wanted to do was sleep next to him. They had barely had any time for one another since the battle. But things were finally calming down and Clarke just wanted to spend a little time by his side.
"I want to try something tonight" he said, stepping into the room.
"I told you already" Clarke teased as he got ready for bed, "you're not ready for that kind of physical exertion yet."
"Very funny" he said, peeling off his shirt.
"What do you want to try?"
"I want to see if I can fly."
"Oh, uh-" she stuttered.
The idea made her nervous. For one thing, he was still very weak. For another, she knew how he felt about flying.
"I want you to come with me."
"But what if-"
"If I start to feel weak, I'll tell you" he said.
"I don't know, Bellamy. You're still not well enough."
"Come on" he pushed, reaching towards her and pulling her from the bed. "I promise I won't drop you."
"Fine" she huffed as he pulled her down the stairs, "but I swear if you just get hurt again, I will hurt you."
He laughed and she wondered if she would ever get tired of hearing it.
They stopped once they reached the garden. He glanced towards the sky before baring his wings. They were still not as strong as they used to be. The healer's salves and concoctions had helped. The pieces where the membrane had been completely torn were coming back together.
But they were still dark and beautiful. They reminded Clarke of a night sky.
"Maybe I should change" she said, glancing down at her body. She'd put on a simple white slip. It was a little racy with the short length and lace embellishment.
"Why? You look great."
"Well, shouldn't a High Lady be more....professional?"
"Live a little."
"Bellamy-" she started, but he quickly closed the distance between them. He put one hand under her knees and the other around her back, lifting her from the ground and pulling her close to his chest.
She resisted the urge to scream as he shot into the air without warning. She wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes, feeling her hair and her slip ruffling in the wind. The air grew colder the further he went.
She knew he felt better. A lot better. She held on tight as he flew higher and turned and wove his way through the clouds.
"Open your eyes" he said once he finally stopped.
"You jackass!" she yelled, slapping his chest while he laughed.
But she couldn't stay angry even if she really had been, because he was laughing and he looked so much better than the last time she'd seen him in the air. And his smile only made her want to smile harder. Made her want to keep seeing it, keep making him smile.
He let go of her knees and wrapped his arms around her waist instead, keeping her in the sky with him. He'd flown past the city, towards the sea. The moon was large and creamy behind them, reflecting off of the water.
Other than the moon, there were no other lights. Nothing but the darkness. She'd never seen the city from that point of view. All of the lights were off. She couldn't hear any music. If it weren't for the moon behind them, she wouldn't be able to see anything.
"It's tradition" he said, "to grieve for an entire moon cycle after loss. No light, no music. No celebrations."
She nodded. She knew that many in the city were still grieving. They'd lost over a hundred people during the battle.
"You know" she began, recalling when she had first learned about the Night Clan all that time ago, "one of the first things I learned about the Night Clan was that it was a place of darkness. That you were the darkness."
He tightened his grip around her waist, turning them around to face the water and the moon instead.
"Yes" he whispered, "but look at that."
My moon, he said.
The moon was there, like it'd been all along. Shining down on them, on their city. Reflecting off of the water and making it glisten in the night.
"Ever since my parents died" she began, "it hasn't felt the same in here."
She placed her hand on her chest, over her heart.
"But being with you..."
She hadn't felt mortal for a long time. But being in that battle, watching her friends in danger reminded her of it. Watching him fight and fall reminded her of it.
He was special. He was important to her. She loved him and he deserved to know it. They were never going to be guaranteed a long and happy life. All they had was that moment.
"I know the others healed me" she said, "but you brought me back to life."
She turned in his embrace so that she could face him. She wrapped her arms around his middle and placed her head on his chest. And then she listened for the heartbeat that had become like a home to her. Familiar and comforting. Music that only she could hear.
"I don't care about what happens tomorrow" she said, "or the day after that. I don't care if we have to fight or run or live in peace. Whatever it is, I...I want it with you. All of it."
And in the peace they found in the middle of the night, they held one another and watched the moon, the light in the darkness, knowing that together they could face whatever it was that tomorrow would bring.
Notes:
The End!
So sorry for the wait. I've had a couple shitty weeks so I got SUPER behind on finishing the fic. I hope you guys can forgive me!!
Thank you all so much for the past couple of months. Your encouraging words, kind comments and general enthusiasm for this fic has made me so, so happy. You guys are the best!!! Bellarke hugs to you all. I promise I will reply to everything soon.
I don't know what my next project will be, but you can always keep up with me on Tumblr at and-so-we-meet-again.tumblr.com.
Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for reading.
May we meet again.
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