I'm not a sparkling!

by Delinka

Summary:

Prowl thinks Tony Stark is just the cutest sparkling.

Drabbles/snippets about Tony, his adoptive father and everyone surrounding them.

Notes:

The chapters will be in no particular order.

There will be more incoming, though it will be in drabble format. I can't really focus on longer plot lines, even though I can think it out a lot in my head.
There will be no pairings, romance or smut. While I do read those I'm kinda bad at writing it. There might be hints, but nothing concrete.

Constructive criticism is very welcome!

Chapter 1

Nick Fury stared at the scene before him.

Blink.

Covering his his face he turned to the man beside him. "So, will I need to find some other engineer?"

A barked out laugh was his response.

The two were currently standing in the NEST base hangar. Before them was a busy scene, humans and Autobots alike moving along and doing their business. Which consisted mostly of looking at the event taking place in the centerfold of the hangar. The humans had at least the decency to look like they weren't paying attention. The Autobots however were all peering at the scene before them.

A stoic mech stood there with a datapad in servo, reading and making adjustments where needed. His doorwings twitched in seemingly random directions. Occasionally he directed an order to a member of NEST or one of the Autobots.

While this mech had reason enough to have Autobots stare at him, he was after all a good looking mech, he wasn't the only thing stared at. Or rather, his looks weren't the reason. No, the reason for the staring was the struggling human in his other servo.

Trying to break free of the grip the mech had him in was none other than Tony Stark. A very ruffled looking Tony Stark.

"Hey man! Let me free now. I'll have you know that it's time for coffee. Y'know, coffee? Also known as the black gold? Oh wait, that's oil. That doesn't make sense, coffee is more awesome than oil. Remind me to tell Jarvis to order some coffee machines for here. I've seen the sludge that's available here. Never mind, I'll create some myself. Maybe I'll even make a machine for you guys so that you can experience the awesomeness that is called coffee! Maybe with Bruce's help. Yeah, I'll ask him. FOR SCIENCE! So let me go? C'mon buddy, you've been hugging me since that fight in New York. I keep telling you that I'm fine. I am. Honestly! And if I wasn't, shouldn't you bring me to medical? Nevermind, I'm fine. Totally fine. Jeppers! I'm fine. I really am, I mean, have you seen anyone as handsome as me? Will you let me go now? I do have work to do y'know. I might not be the CEO of S.I. but I still have to invent stuff! And Avenger business. Should probably be getting to a debriefing. On second thought, that's such a bore. I still want you to let go though. Let me go? Prowl. Prowl. Prooooowl. ProoooooOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOwl. Prowl. Prowl. Prowlie. Prowlie. Prowler. Let me go? Steve is probably wondering where I.... Hey? What are you doing? Stop that!"

While Tony had been ranting the mech, now identified as Prowl, had put his datapad away in his subspace and started walking to one of the many Transformer height tables littering around the hangar. Ignoring the human’s protests he put him down on the table before sending a ping to Ratchet.

Prowl had long since learned how to pick up important parts out of rambling, courtesy of Bluestreak and Blurr, and one thing Tony had said had stuck a cord. After all, Tony *had* been in a fight before he was picked up by Prowl. That thought made him frown. Sparklings shouldn’t have to fight. While he did admit that Tony had done a great job, sparklings were supposed to have a carefree time during their sparklinghood. It made for a better functional mech when they eventually upgraded into their next frames.

In one thread Prowl processed that while Tony was indeed still in his sparkling years in terms of Transformer aging, he was well into his adult years as a human. It was disregarded as fast as it came up though. The human had a spark. Therefore he was no longer a human and instead a Transformer, a mech. With his armour on he even looked like one. And oh his armour. So cute. Anybody who knew Prowl would be horrified at the out of character squeels the mech made inwardly. It was a good thing that his face didn’t show this, Tony would’ve long run for the hills if he had. Never mind the fact that he had been trying to escape ever since Prowl had caught him that is.

Chapter 2: How Tony met Prowl

"Hawkeye, 3 o'clock. 4 approaching."

"Roger, Rogers."

Sigh. "We went over this Hawkeye. Codenames during missions."

"Roger, Rogers."

"Tony! Stop the idle chit chat and focus on maintaining the perimeter. I don't want to see a single civilian inside it!"

"Ha! Who's the one using personal names now, eh?"

Tony chuckled when he heard a groan over the com. It was a refreshing chance over the first few missions of the Avengers. On the third one after the invasion, a situation like this had resulted in a shouting match. In the middle of a fight. In a fountain that was for some reason the focus of the villain of that week. Months later SHIELD still hadn't gotten a clear answer from the villain in question as to why it was *that* particular fountain was his focus. Personally Tony thought that the guy was just cuckoos. 

Tony had offered lodging when the team had barely managed to assemble for the fourth time in a row. Living together meant less time traveling to the quinjet since the Tower had its own platform. A side effect of living together was getting to know each other better. Seeing Black Widow in her pajamas really helped reduce the scare factor. Actually no, she was still scary in those. Tony knew for certain that even in her pajamas the Black Widow had at least 7 knives and possibly other lethal weapons hidden on her. And that was only the ones he could confirm.

Woops, during his day dreaming Tony had been flying around in his Mark 32 suit on auto-pilot. Zoning in on a figure casually walking into the perimeter, that he was supposed to have been maintaining damnit, Tony dived down and grabbed him.

"Personal Iron Man transport. You have walked into a contained area and will be safely deposited in a designated safe area. Do remain calm and do not flail around lest you lose an arm. Thank you for choosing Iron Man transport and have a nice flight!"

That resulted in a laugh from the figure, which seemed to be a male,  while still remaining calm. Not even a little bit of wiggling. That threw Tony off a bit. Even Clint, a trained SHIELD agent, wiggled a bit whenever he got a ride. It was like this guy was used to it. That made Tony pout a bit. It was no fun to fly people around if they didn't even seem the least bit impressed or scared.

"Tony! Who's the civilian you're playing taxi for?"

"Damnit Hawkeye! I told you to use the codenames. This is your last warning before you get extra cleaning duties!"

"Aaahw, but Cap! Everybody knows who Tony is!"

"No matter. Extra cleaning duties for you. Also, Iron Man. Report."

"Sure Cap. Saw some guy walking inside the perimeter, snatched him up and now I'm going to deposit him inside the safe zone. Anything else or can I concentrate on keeping him alive by not crashing into one of those freaky balloons?"

"Sigh. Of course. Go on. I'll have Thor cover you, hurry!"

It was eery. How the man in his grasp was completely still. Tony would be glad when he was rid of him. On the screen he could see the designated safe area only being 20 seconds away.

"Stay here" came out of his voice modulators when he finally put the civilian down. Staring with suspicion at the civilian he began taking off again when suddenly he couldn't move. 

He couldn't move. He was immobilized. But how? Jarvis sprouted off numbers and statistics, running analysis processes while Tony tried to make sense of it. Suddenly he moved up into the air.

"Sparkling!"

The voice sounded kind of, but not quite, like his Iron Man voice module. He tried to make sense of the situation when he was turned around and faced a giant... face? It seemed like a robot. A big robot. That had him in his hand. Which didn't make any sense. The Iron Man suit was strong, it shouldn't have been able to be contained by a robot no matter how big. Tony had Jarvis keep an eye on all robotics in the world and only his own technology should've been able to do this. So who made this big robot with its blue eyes. Blue eyes almost the same colour as the arc reactor...

"Iron Man, come in! I repeat, Iron Man, come in! Robots have been reported on the site. Return to us immediately!"

"I know Cap... I'm looking at one very closely right now."

That was the last thing Tony managed to say before being hugged against the giant robot's chest. If Tony was honest, it felt kind of nice. At least the robot didn't seem to want to destroy him. Because honestly? 1 freaky invasion per day is enough, thank you very much. 

Chapter 3: Protect the sparkling!

Summary:

Steve has a meeting with Prowl.

Stare.

Blink.

Glare.

Confused blink.

"Uhm, Mister Prowl..? Can I ask wha-"

"Quiet."

Steve Rogers had no idea what was going on. It was after a mission and instead of taking the quinjet he had been instructed by a stern looking SHIELD agent, then again when did their agents ever look like normal emotional humans, to take the sleek looking police car. Who knew the police had cars as nice as these, it looked like one of the cars Tony kept in his garage. After an uncomfortable ten minute ride they had arrived not at Avenger Tower but at what seemed to be a military bunker. 

A soldier had escorted him to an office before leaving him alone. The office had been large and had an even larger desk with a smaller on in front of it. Steve hadn't had time to wonder about the size before the door had slammed open however. A serious looking man had strolled in and sat at the desk. The human sized desk, not the giant looking one. 

After the man had stared at him for a few uncomfortable minutes he had introduced himself as Prowl. No last name (or was that his last name?) and who on Earth would name their child Prowl. Then again, Steve was getting used to weird names. Such was life being in the Avengers.

"..you will do your best to keep Tony Stark out of trouble. You will protect Tony Stark. Failure to do so will end problematic for all those involved. Dismissed."

Clearly Steve had missed a bit of the monologue, there had been no opportunity to say something himself, and was currently being dismissed. Which was clearly taking too long, looking at the annoyed face of the man currently staring at him. With a salute and a "Sir! Yes Sir!", the man was obviously military and old habits die hard, Steve left.

It was only in the wide hallway that the last sentences had caught up with him. This had been about Tony? He groaned. What the hell had Tony done now.

Chapter 4: The escape

Summary:

Vorn is about 83 years.

"You have a spark. You are under a vorn old. You are a sparkling."

"First of: this is an arc reactor. Created it myself. In a cave. With scraps. Second: a vorn? I don't know what a vorn is, but rest assured, I'm an adult! I drink, I own my own multi billion dollar company, I have sex..." Eyebrow wiggle.

"The way you got your spark is irrelevant. It resonates as a spark, thus it is a spark. You might be an adult in your world, but not in ours. You are merely a babe in ours. Your.. sex seems similar to interfacing. You will refrain from such activities for at least another 4 vorns." Prowl stated. Carefully he loosened his grip on the stubborn sparkling a bit. While the outer armor was stored away, and how fascinating that a sparkling would create its own armor to protect itself instead of waiting for it to grow on, the sparkling was as squishy as a human fleshling. Logically Prowl knew that the sparkling was a human. The Praxian core coding inside of him refused to let him think about the sparkling that way though. There hadn't been a new sparkling within countless of vorns. In the past there had been enough sparklings for each Praxian to satisfy their core programming and spread their attention. Now however Tony got the brunt of all that attention. A Tony who wasn't exactly thrilled with that fact...

"Oh HELL NO!" With that scream Tony finally let it out. At first the attentions of the giant robot had been confusing, then amusing but now it was getting old. Tony was a big, mature man who needed no damned babysitter. Pepper so didn't count. And neither did Steve. Tony had gotten along just fine before either of those had come along. It wasn't his fault that trouble seemed to find him. Ha! Now he was talking (thinking? Sometimes his mental ramblings weren't so much mental as muttering under his breath) like that teenage wizard kid that he totally wasn't a fan of. There was no secret project to create flying brooms and wonky automatic flying balls. Or a side project of the electronics department of Stark industries to make lifelike owl animatronics. Nope, no Harry Potter fan here.

During his internal rant Tony had called his suit to him which had arrived at the end of it. Before Prowl could do anything, Tony had gotten into the suit and was already flying away, though not before giving Prowl a salute.

Prowl just sat there grinning. The sparkling was just so cute! And it wasn't like he could get into trouble anyway on the base or get out. The two biggest troublemakers were still on a mission that should take another week and Wheeljack hadn't arrived yet. So let the sparkling think he had 'won' this round. Nobody would come between Prowl and the safety of **his** sparkling.

"Hey Prowl! We're back from the mission! And you'd never guess what we just found flying in the rec room..!"

Groan.

Chapter 5: Iron Fishbowl. It's a thing.

"Tony!"

"Hmm? What?" Tony looked up and lowered his safety vigor, only to put it back in place again when he saw Steve walking to him. "Sorry Cap! No time to chitchat, important stuff to do, you know how it is! Or maybe you don't, since you only ever go out on missions and have no other work unlike me who manages a company," "Pepper manages it for you" "is head of Research, have countless of projects, private and for SHIELD, and has to create all the fun stuff for Avenger purposes!"

Steve sighed. He had went down to Tony's lab to get the story of why Tony was suddenly the focus of the big robot, he had been informed by a nice soldier that the robot was called a 'Transformer' and belonged to the 'Autobot' faction, Due to the recent developments, read: Tony getting kidnapped by the Autobot's second in command, SHIELD had decided to collaborate with the army division named NEST handling the Autobots. Which of course meant more paperwork. Some times Steve longed for the simpler times in the war. Except that there had been paperwork back then as well. A lot more actually since nowadays you could just use the computer.

"Tony," Steve grabbed the tool Tony was holding, it looked like an ordinary hammer but you never knew with Tony, and put it on the workbench. "we need to talk. About your new adoption father."

Tony made a face. "I haven't been adopted! I'm a grown ass man, I'm pretty sure that I can't legally be adopted. Or do robots have special treatment? If so, I want to officially adopt my kids. And JARVIS. JARVIS, want to be my kid?"

"Certainly not Sir. If anything, I should be the one to adopt you. After all, I'm the one who takes care of Sir and not the other way around."

"JARVIS! So sassy. I should reprogram you" Tony glared betrayed at the holoscreen in front of him. It was a conspiracy. A conspiracy against him. It would be just a matter of time before it was Steve or worse Fury trying to adopt him. What was it with people and wanting him as their kid! He clearly wasn't a great son if Howard couldn't even manage to give him even one compliment for his accomplishments.

"Quit it Tony. And no, I have no desire to adopt you and neither does Fury." Startled Tony looked up at Steve. "Did you get hit by a strange beam recently? Have you developed telephatic abilities?? Stop reading my mind! Maybe a tinfoil hat will actually help... JARVIS, make a note of that. Figure out what will stop telepathy. Might have to contact Xavvy for that. Haven't seen the dude in forever anyway."

"I just know you Tony. It was either Fury and me or Doctor Doom. Basically a 50/50 guess. But don't try to talk your way out of this. We're going to have this talk. And we will have it now." Steve crossed his arms and looking at his face Tony didn't think he could get away from that awkward talk. Sigh. "Fine. But I want dinner first. Chinese."

"Sure, but don't think you'll be able to escape when the delivery guy comes. None of them will be able to be bribed anymore. Last time was bad enough. That poor guy still hasn't recovered from that whole Loki ordeal. You're just lucky that it was him Loki had mistakenly targeted instead of you. I'm not sure if you could've fit in side the suit with...well...with breasts."

"Oh come on! That was one...twice...okay, five times, stop glaring at me already! After that I did create a few suits suitable for the more female gender though. And one for a dog. And cat. I even have a Iron Fishbowl, want to see? Okay okay, Chinese first and then talk, geez..."

Chapter 6: Double trouble

"I do not agree with this." Tony glared up at the two Autobots in front of him. "You desecrated my suit! You. Will. Pay!"

"Aaahw, don't be such a sour sparkling FeMale. Though you do look cute when you pout like that. Sunstreaker, doesn't he look cute like that? I just want to pinch those little fleshy cheeks of his!" Sideswipe grinned at Sunstreaker, who was currently cleaning his brushes.

"Yes yes Sides, he's cute. He should be, after getting a paint job from me. He did match us though, with the red and gold.A mini-Prowl pranching around should be fun though."

That's right. With the help of Sideswipe he had painted Tony's suit to match that of his adoptive father Prowl. While Tony was sulking, Prowl was sure to find the paint job suitable. Maybe they could keep one of his suits in this colour scheme!

Tony got into an even bigger sulk when Prowl finally caught him and refused to let him change suits. Or let him go. Tony was getting used to that last one though. Thanks to Pepper, who found all of this just hilarious, he even had access to a personal lab here in the NEST base. He did have to share space with Prowl, who forced him to build his lab in Prowl's office, but he did have more access to Transformer technology this way! And according to the rumors floating around NEST he would have a new science bro soon.

Tony grinned at his place besides Prowl. Soon..

Chapter 7

"FEMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!"

Bumblebee blinked and looked at the red streak flying through the corridor. He tilted his head. Since when did they have Seekers? And such a small one at that? Shaking his head he concentrated on the report he was mentally preparing to give to Prowl. He would need to make one on a datapad as well, but Prowl liked to have a verbal one as soon as a mission was finished. Something about details missing when it was only the datapad report.

Just as Bumblebee was about to reach Prowl's office did he notice the sudden quietness. That was wrong. There was always activity going on in the base, be it day or night. And just earlier he had heard someone yell about a female.

"I'M GOING TO SLAG YOU, YOU FEMALE! YOU RUINED MY PAINT!"

Ah. There it was. 

With interest Bumblebee watched as Sunstreaker appeared from around the corner. Followed by Sunstreaker. Wait.

Bumblebee blinked. Two Sunstreakers? Had Wheeljack arrived and cloned their resident vain twin? If so, it was a surprise that the base was still standing.

"I know you're in there FeMale! Get out so that I can give you a slagging!" the first Sunstreaker growled out. Now that both mechs were closer by Bumblebee could hear the difference in the voice. The first one was Sideswipe, not Sunstreaker.

"Pranked the wrong person Sides? Guess that whoever it was decided that you should be more sunny."

That earned him a growl from both twins which just made Bumblebee chuckle.

Sideswipe was about to respond when the slide door (all doors had been replaced by heavy metal slide doors after the 15th broken door) opened and a red and gold helmet stuck out.

"Your own fault Sides. I did tell you about the suspected properties," you could hear the smirk in the voice "and to leave Bruce alone. At least now we know what the fountain does. You helped save hours of research needing to be done!"

"I never wanted to look like Sunny though, I don't want people to confuse me with that grump" "HEY!" "Well, it's true brother dear. You're a grump. I saw even Mirage turning the other way when he saw you yesterday because he didn't want to deal with your grumpiness. But seriously. Please Tony! Change me back! Sunny tried to give me my old paintjob back and the paint just glided right off! You HAVE to help me!"

"No can do. Got things to do, people to see, company to manage, coffee to drink, inventions to create, mechs to direct here from space, Prowl to harass and vending machines to cuddle. No space in there for turning back paintjobs on local pranksters who should be using this to prank." With that the helmet disappeared back into Prowl's office with the door sliding back with a small clink.

"Sunny! Why didn't we think of that?!" "I did. You ignored me." "Let's go prank Hound!"

Bumblebee stared after the two yellow afts excitedly walking away. It seemed he had missed a lot while away on his mission. Why did the exciting things always have to happen while he was away?? Shaking his head he turned towards the door. It was when he was sending a ping to Prowl for permission to enter when he wondered which mechs the helmet had been talking about. Did it mean that there would be other Autobots landing on Earth soon? Oh, if so he hoped that one of them was Bluestreak. He had missed the fast talking Praxian.

"Come in Bumblebee. I have someone to introduce you to. This here is Tony Stark. Otherwise known as Iron Man. He's my sparkling."

Bumblebee hesitated with one foot inside the office. Prowl's sparkling? What? That was when he noticed the human on Prowl's desk who started waving at him when he noticed Bumblebee looking.

Well. Look at that..

Chapter 8

Summary:

Forget the suit and his intellect. Tony's eyes are his real power.

"Starscream,"

"Yes my Lord?" Starscream spread his wings a bit. It was never a good sign when Megatron called him to the command center during what was supposed to be his recharge cycle. Inwardly sighing he prepared himself for a slagging. Stupid Megatron. 

"I have been informed of a tiny tidbit of information. Something to do with you my dear Starscream and a filthy little fleshling. "

"A fleshling? Why would any of those dirt monkeys interest you oh great Lord?" Starscream was getting a bad feeling on where this was going. But he had been careful! Even his trine mates didn't know the specifics.

Megatron just glared at him. Seems like he didn't buy anything the Seeker said. Oh well. It's not like Starscream wasn't used to that. He had just thought he'd have more time. Slaggit, now he had to move his plans up. Observing Megatron with a keen eye Starscream decided that it had to be done this cycle. Any more and he couldn't guarantee the safety of his trine. Besides, it wasn't like he had planned to wait a lot longer. This was just... a minor setback. Nothing to be worried about.

"Yes Starscream. A fleshling." His receptors pinged several Decepticons moving in behind the door. And now that he was paying attention it seemed that Soundwave and at least one Cassette was in the command center. Good. He had, privately and with enough security to even hold off Jazz, talked about Soundwave about this. At least he knew that he was getting out of this with his spark intact.

"It seems that you've been withholding some information from me. Care to explain yourself?"

That was not a request but an order. 

"Well, my dear and oh so Glorious leader,"

"Quit the sniveling and tell me why you have been hiding a sparkling from me! I have been informed that this sparkling came artificially into existence," Megatron's eyes glistered with dark intent "you are supposed to be a scientist. If you haven't found out yet how this sparkling was created then you *will* find out. By any means necessary.*Any* means."

If Starscream had been a human he would've gulped. He knew what that meant. Outwardly he kept his body expressionless. Inwards he was just twitching to tear Megatron apart, limb for limb and bolt for bolt. The slaghead wanted him to dissect the fleshy sparkling that he had befriended. It had really been a coincidence. Starscream had been letting out some frustration by flying in his alt form pretending to be an ordinary Earth fighter plane. Let's just say that the fleshling in a red and gold suit had been almost canned when he had popped in front of Starscream and asked him for a race. Which the fleshling had lost of course, after Starscream had gathered his wits, Starscream was a premium Seeker of Vos! Of course he would not lose to a tiny fleshy sparkling.

"Of course my Lord. It will be done. I will need some resources however." Hopefully Megatron would call his bluff. If Starscream was seriously defecting, and just a few cycles ago Starscream would have slagged anyone for suggesting that he become an Autobot voluntarily, he might as well cripple his current faction. Less change of them incapacitating him right away...

"Take what you need. I want the sparkling soon. Dismissed."

---

"Seekers! We're under attack! Shoot him down!"

Panic at the Autobot base. During their daily practice outside, after having been banned by Ratchet from having practice inside after the last time Four Autobots had ended up needing new optics, Three Seekers had appeared in the sky. Falling back into a defensive formation, they were about to attack until they noticed a fourth smaller figure flying along the Seekers.

"Tony! Get down here and explain yourself!" Prowl did not normally lose his cool. In fact, with the exception of the recent developments with Prowl's adopted sparkling, most Autobots had never heard Prowl yell. Not even in the midst of battle. To see him looking frazzled now surprised them even more than the three Seekers currently hovering above them.

"Oh uhm.. Hey Prowl! Did I not mention this? I was sure I mentioned it. I did talk about this. Did I not JARVIS?" 

"You did Sir. Though that was to me. Or yourself. Prowl had left his office 4 hours previous to that monologue."

"Ah, that explains the quietness. But okay. I've brought home some Seekers." Tony opened the helmet and directed big brown eyes to Prowl. "They followed me! Can I keep them pretty please with an energon cherry on top? Pleassssssssse? Pepper already said yes!"

Blank stare. "We went over this Tony. Pepper has no jurisdiction over this base. She is not your mother. It is illogical to have asked her." Prowl gazed at the Seekers and the other Autobots who were still at the defensive. "Let's bring this inside and to Optimus' office. And afterwards to Ratchet. I will have to defrag. Again." This last bit was mumbled.

Chapter 9

"So..."

"Yes, I'm apparently the adopted son, or 'sparkling', of a giant robot from space. And yes, I've also been given a curfew and bed time. Somehow Prowl has figured out how to hack into the suit and force it to bring me to bed. Whether I'm actually in the suit or not doesn't seem to matter. Personally I suspect that JARVIS has something to do with that. He's been getting crummy with that Teletran from them. I swear that he's a bad influence on my poor little JARVIS. He never did that before! Well... Maybe only on Pepper's orders. And Bruce's. And Steve's. And for some reason Fury's. I swear that I've never given him any access to JARVIS. I think he's employing an army of interns to try to hack JARVIS 24/7."

Blink.

"Uhm, Tony.."

"It's not fair!" Tony stood up from the couch and waved a finger in Clint's face. "JARVIS is mine and Fury has no right to get into him! He's a precious little baby and needs to be protected."

"Sir, if I may..~"

"I give SHIELD my all! I do projects for them, pro bono at that since they would never be able to afford me, and I Avenge for them. Kind of weird that they named our team the Avenger by the way. Like... Were they planning to fall? For the Earth to become so ruined that it had to be avenged? Why not something like Justice Leage. No avenging there since the name implies that any kind of justice will be done. Not just avenging. Avenging is for when it has already happened. Better to prevent than avenge! Maybe we should be called the Preventers? Though we're not Seers. Maybe one of the X-Men could help with that? Or like in that Futurama episode where the cops prevent crimes from happening. Maybe I could invent that. Think I might need to contact Strange for that though. Or Reeds. Though I'd prefer not. Last time we met with the Fantastic Four it didn't go so well..."

"TONY!" Tony looked up from the Starkpad he had been fiddling with. "Yes?"

"I was just going to ask you if you wanted to play some Mario Kart. You're the best option since Hulk is on a mission right now. The others..." here Clint started whispering "aren't really great losers."

*Bleep* Natasha: I know what you just said. You. Me. Mario Kart. NOW.

"Oh crap."

Tony just shook his head as he saw Natasha enter silently and sit besides Clint while he had been talking. The two SHIELD agents were weird.

Chapter 10

Tony sat back in his chair and looked at his feet propped up at his desk. It had been two months now since he had been abducted and apparently legally adopted by a giant alien robot. He still had no clue how that last one had happened. It should not be possible for a man in his prime to be able to get adopted. Let alone by an alien. Then again, Prowl was a decent father. Much better than Howard had been. It wasn't even that Tony came running to Prowl to show any new inventions in search of acknowledgement. No, Tony might have daddy issues, but they weren't that bad (shut up Pepper). Instead Prowl seemed to have an instinct for whenever Tony had created something new. Like the new improvements for the Stark Pad. That day he had gotten a big hug and a careful pat on the head. Tony wasn't a toddler! Though secretly Tony had to admit that he liked the attention. Not that he'd ever admit that to Prowl or anyone else but JARVIS. JARVIS who very probably was behind Prowl's 'instinct'. Tony didn't have it in him to ask JARVIS to stop.

Still looking at his feet he wiggled his toes. It had taken a few all-nighters, but he had finally been able to incorporate the metal he had received from Ratchet, while the mech was a doctor to his people he was very much an engineer in the eyes of Tony, into retractable armor. It was just a week ago that he had accidentally managed to somehow absorb some metal into his hand. Being Tony Stark he had immediately run tests. It was as if there wasn't any metal there. Like it had just disappeared. Even after he had sneezed and suddenly had the metal wrench in his hand again. After that event it only took Tony a small amount of time to figure out his new ability. Where that ability had come from was still a mystery though. It might have been the Arc Reactor (doubtful), the close presence of the Autobots (nobody else had the same symptoms and some of the army men had been closer to them for years and not one had mentioned this ability) or *shudder* magic. Maybe this was Loki's idea of a prank. He wouldn't put it past him. 

"Sir, I have to remind you that you have been staring at your feet for the passed twenty minutes and you have a meeting in 10. Do you require any assistance?" Startled Tony looked up. 

"Ah, no JARVIS. Just lost in thoughts. Thanks for warning me about that meeting though. Pepper would have my hide if I miss this one, Again."

Sighing Tony stood up. He might as well get the meeting over with. If he recalled correctly it was about the new improvements to the Stark Phone. "JARVIS, what is the meeting about? The Stark Phone?"

"No sir, it seems to be about Public Relations."

At that Tony groaned. No doubt they would ask about Prowl. He had forgotten, intentionally, that a brave photographer had somehow managed to take a picture of Prowl and himself in an embrace at the NEST base. It must have been an analog camera since the Autobots would have noticed a digital one.

Making his way down to the office floor that he needed to be on, and wasn't it great to have a big tower so that he didn't need to travel for these meeting, he made some calculations in his head about the reactions of the board of directors. 92% would probably call for him to take a step back from Stark Industries. Again. It was like they wanted Stark Industries to fall apart. Which it would. Because he was Tony Stark damnit. 
Tony only vaguely remembered the elevator ride downstairs. He might've at one point greeted Thor who for some reason had a goat on his shoulders? Tony blinked. Wait. Had he really seen that? Calling up the video feed of the passed 5 minutes on his tablet he confirmed that yes, Thor had been in the elevator. He had gotten off on floor 36. And he had a goat on his shoulders. Two goats even. How did a goat even stay still like that. As far as Tony knew that wasn't normal goat behaviour.

It was only when he heard a polite cough meant to grab his attention that he realized that he was standing in front of the meeting door. 

"Glad that you could make it Mr Stark. And on time as well!" Tony pouted at that. Pepper was the devil incarnate smirking like that. He wasn't that bad! ...Yeah, even Tony didn't believe himself.

"Get in, everybody is already seated except for us two."

The following three hours were only tolerable because of Tony's phone. He might have to sit in on the meeting and have people yell at him for being a little shit, being irresponsible and other crap, but he did not have to take all the insults. You'd have thought the board members would have learned by now not to underestimate Tony Stark. Especially by insulting him to his face, not that behind his face would work any better, when he is bored and has access to the Internet. Heh. Some would be unpleasantly surprised when they arrived home. And others would be arrested and since when did the background checks on SI related people become so lax. Privacy was one thing, but participating in highly illegal activities would not be tolerated. Smoking pot is one thing, but actually hurting people... 

Tony was almost sleeping when Pepper finally laid her hand on his shoulder. Funny, he hadn't even notice her stand up. Or, as he looked around, the meeting room being empty apart from them. That made him grin.

"What a nice meeting Pepper! Should do this more often. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go meet with dear old (really, he's old Pepp. He's older than old! Ancient!) daddy," giving a quick chaste kiss on her cheek he was gone before she could keep him any longer. Or make him do paperwork. 

"You won't escape the paperwork!" 

Sometimes Tony wondered if Pepper was a telepathic mutant.

"I'm not a mutant Tony!" could be faintly heard before he entered the elevator.

Pepper was definitely telepathic.

Now, time to get to the Autobot base and figure out how to get Ratchet alone. No need to freak out Prowl and be banned from experimenting with his new found ability. 

Chapter 11: Goats

"Ehm, Thor?"

"Yes lady Darcy?"

"Why do you have two goats over your shoulders? Did you rob a petting zoo? OMG I read about this on Wikipedia! Are you going to eat the goats and puke them back up and eat them again?!" Darcy got more and more enthusiastic while speaking. It just figured that Jane had hooked up with a goat eater. Well, Darcy's third boyfriend had also liked goat, but y'know... Dead ones. And cooked. And Jon did NOT puke them out again just to eat them again. That was just gross.

"FAIR NOT LADY DARCY!" Ouch, Thor always spoke so loud. Darcy tried to relieve her ears by wiggling in them with her pinky. Nope, just more verification that she needed to clean her ears better. Yuck. 

"The man hidden in the wall provided me with Snerp and Gerp. I just picked them up from the lowest floor from the lovely mail lady. I am not ashamed to say that I had gotten homesick. Snerp and Gerp remind me of Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr! Though why do you ask me if I would eat my pets?"

"Eh," Darcy sheepishly put an arm behind her head "I guess that part of the lore is false. Don't worry about it!"

Thor cheered up a bit at that. It would do no good if people thought he would harm his own pets. He was a protector and a mighty honorable warrior!

"So, does Tony know about your new pets?" Darcy asked curiously. As far as she knew Tony Stark had never had pets if you didn't count his own built robots. Which she knew that Tony didn't. His robots were far superior to simple minded animals (his words after Darcy teased him about maybe being a cat person).

"Verily! The Man of Iron looked approvingly when passing us in the elevator! Now please excuse me Lady Darcy. We have some training to do."

With that Darcy watched Thor walk away. She wondered what training. "Hey J? Know what training Thor was talking about?"

"Yes Miss Darcy," and Darcy never could get enough of that voice, "one of the other... acquisitions that Mr Thor requested was a chariot. I believe he is on his way to the 87th floor now where the chariot and track are located."

Of course the former Stark Tower had a track. She really should stop being surprised at every new thing she found out. Especially after finding out about the holo deck Tony had built (something about insomnia and a Stark Trek marathon, though Darcy hadn't been listening because: holo deck. How awesome. She heard that Tony had made another one for the X-Men to train in.).

Darcy's life was awesome.

Chapter 12

"You tell him." A glare was exchanged.

"No way! I'm not suicidal" was the response.

The group stared at each other. Nobody wanted to be the one to report to Prowl that his 'sparkling' had never made it to his meeting. Tony missing a meeting was not that unusual, the fact that it was a R&D meeting was. Tony loved those. One particular time he even escaped the hospital and went to one with a catheter still attached. That did cause a tiny boost to the funding of the healthcare division of Stark Industries though. 

"Not it!" Called Clint. More "not it!"'s followed and left Steve staring at the group. 

"Looks like the good Captain of America volunteers for this honorable duty!" Steve glared at Thor. How come Thor had known about it and he hadn't? It was probably Darcy. Or Clint.

"Now now Steve. Prowl really *pfft* likes you." Clint almost doubled over laughing, relaxing now that he was in the clear. For some reason Prowl seemed to have a grudge against Steve. Which seemed unfair since he hadn't taken the time to get to know Steve, but he guessed that everyone had the freedom to either like or dislike someone. Even big alien robots. What even was his life.

"Fine. I'll talk to him. Try to find out anything about where Tony has gone in the meanwhile." With that he walked to the elevator. While annoyed that he was the one to inform Prowl, he was concerned for Tony. 

--------

It took surprisingly fast to get to NEST. In the back of his mind Steve wondered if JARVIS had anything to do with that. It wouldn't surprise him in the least since it was Tony who was missing. 

Nodding to vaguely familiar people and Autobots (with the occasional Neutral. The defected Decepticons refused to be called Autobots) it only took him a few minutes to get to Prowl's office. Hesitating only a little he pressed on the doorbell. With all the Transformers walking around knocking was not really an effective way to announce your presence.

"Enter." was the short answer. Steve gulped. He just hoped that Prowl was in a better mood than last time.

"Captain Rogers. What a pleasure. Have you come to inform me about Anthony?" Prowl mentally snickered at the now gaping Steve. Silly little Human. Like Prowl wouldn't keep track of his sparkling. He was a Praxian, not one of those silly mothers on the reality shows Sunstreaker liked to watch. Not that the others didn't, it was just that Sunstreaker was more... enthusiastic about it. There was no place to hide if you were the cause of Sunstreaker missing 16 and pregnant.

"Anthony is as... safe... as can be. Last I checked he was racing Starscream. They should be nearing Australia by now."

That answer was something Steve wasn't expecting. And frankly it made him a little mad. Leave it to Tony to go missing to go racing a big, evil plane robot from space and not tell anybody. Wait...

"If you know, does JARVIS as well?"

"Indeed Sir," Steve jumped a little to the delight of Prowl when JARVIS answered from the intercom, "I was informed by Mr Starscream to send a suit because, and I quote, 'it's time to teach the Sparkling some real flying'"

"So why not inform us? You only said that Tony was missing!" Great, the throbbing in his head was back. So much for 'pinnacle of perfect health'. Stupid serum.

"It wasn't asked."

Sighing Steve just left the office without saying anything to either one. Times were so much simpler without AIs and robots. Back in his day only humans could talk!

Notes:

I'm writing these as I go, so there might be some discrepancies.

Feel free to use anything from this. The idea, snippets or the chapters. Last time I really wrote was years ago with others. Bit of a round Robin/rpg forum. Or write a chapter yourself. I'm just kinda winging this.

Any constructive criticism is welcome. Very welcome.