Work Text:
It’s a splendid evening, all told— delicious food, lovely conversation, Alec grinning and rosy-cheeked after downing a bit too much champagne. Jace and Madzie are facing off with Luke and Clary in a high-stakes game of Candyland— the version that Magnus has “upgraded” so that relevant treats pop into existence when players land on certain squares. Catarina and Raphael are creating a special Twitter follow list for Downworlders, and Izzy is putting on a fashion show of Magnus’s own clothes while Alec giggles helplessly.
“Do you use magic to make this type of brocade feel so soft?” Izzy exclaims, running her hands down one of Magnus’s most glamorous shirts as she twirls to show it off. The sleeves are ridiculously long on her, and the hem comes down almost to her knees. “Most clothes that look like this are so scratchy, but this one feels like a cloud.”
“Maybe,” Magnus says, smiling down at where Alec is tangling their fingers together. “I’m a very powerful warlock, you know.”
“Can you help when t-shirts have itchy tags?” Alec asks, tipping his head onto Magnus’s shoulder. “I hate that.”
“The hardened warrior, who has faced certain death so many times for so many years, taken down by the unfairly itchy tag. I will certainly do my best to defeat your greatest sartorial enemy, angel,” Magnus promises. He swirls his fingers, and Izzy’s outfit shifts into one of his tuxedos. Given the size of his shoulders, she’s drowning in fabric.
“If you bespoke me, will that ruin the tailoring when you switch it back?” she asks, flapping the sleeves hiding her hands like a little runed penguin.
“Ye of little faith,” Magnus sighs. Another wave of the hand, and Izzy is wearing the same look like a second skin.
“I wish I could stay tonight,” Alec murmurs, nestling closer. “Stupid early morning meetings.” If the early meeting was Alec’s, then it wouldn’t be a problem— but Magnus has to be in London for an 8:30 am appointment, and with that being 3:30 am New York time, they had decided it would be easiest for Alec to head back to the Institute.
“I’ll be back before you know it,” Magnus promised, pressing kisses to Alec’s temple, ear, nose.
Madzie and Catarina leave first, and then Raphael and Luke, and eventually the Shadowhunters reluctantly gather their things.
“Alec, we’ll wait for you downstairs so you can say goodbye properly,” Jace says, laughing when Izzy shoves him out the front door.
“Thanks for having us!” Clary waves, pulling the front door closed behind her.
“Do you want me to bring you anything back from London, Alexander?” Magnus asks, winding his arms around Alec’s waist.
“You,” Alec sighs.
“No crumpets?” Magnus asks, pressing his lips against the arch of Alec’s cheekbone. “No tea?”
“I thought we didn’t want to encourage the excesses of imperialism,” Alec says, before turning his head and kissing Magnus fiercely. Magnus pushes up into him with a sharp inhale, opening up gladly.
When he finally pulls back, his chest heaving, he feels almost shy. “I can’t believe you were listening to my Brexit rant,” he confesses, smoothing down the front of Alec’s shirt.
“I listen to everything you say,” Alec smiles, pressing one last firm kiss to his lips. “Okay, text me when you get back. I love you. I’ll miss you.” He holds Magnus’s hand all the way to the door, and squeezes a final goodbye before slipping out.
***
Magnus is in his study twenty minutes later, making sure all of his supplies for his meeting are in order, when he hears a sound from the living room. When he walks out, he sees Alec’s phone wedged down between two cushions of the couch, and a ridiculous text alert from Jace lighting up the screen— I WON THE BET SO YOU OWE ME A BURRITO THE LAW IS HARD BUT IT IS THE LAW I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LOST YOUR PHONE AGAIN
Magnus laughs. They had all turned down his offer of a portal back to the Institute, but he figures he can use one himself to drop the phone off in Alec’s room. Maybe he’ll leave a burrito alongside it, let them figure that out on their own.
When he steps through the portal into Alec’s room, the lights are already on, and he hears conversation in the hallway just outside. He’s just setting the phone down on Alec’s nightstand when he hears Isabelle laugh. “I’m glad to see you so happy again, big brother. If anyone deserves it, it’s you.”
“I’ll take it for as long as I can get it,” Alec agrees, but something in his voice gives Magnus pause.
Izzy too, since he hears her make an inquisitive sound. “So, forever? Happily ever after?”
Alec hums dreamily. “I just want to remember every moment I’m with him— burn them all into my memory. So I’ll never forget what it was like.”
Magnus waves a hand so he can see through the door without them glimpsing him inside the room, and sees Izzy reach out a hand in concern. “What do you mean?”
Alec nods gravely. “You know. Before Magnus leaves me again.”
Magnus feels his hands go cold.
Izzy looks taken aback. “Alec, that isn’t going to happen.”
Alec shrugs. “I think it probably will. I’ll screw it up again, somehow. Remember what Mom used to say? “Alec can find a way to ruin anything,” and she was right. It sucks, but there’s no point pretending otherwise.”
“Mom doesn’t think that anymore, and she was wrong when she said it then. Magnus loves you.”
Alec nods. “Yes, and I love him, more than anything. But I screwed it up before, and I’ll manage to do it again. It won’t be his fault. It will be mine. I just need to come to terms with it, and try to keep it from happening as long as I can.”
Magnus sits down at the end of Alec’s bed, his pulse hammering in his throat.
“I thought I was doing the right thing, with the Soul Sword— and look how that turned out. I still can’t believe he forgave me— for that, for the DNA testing, for not believing him when he was stuck in Valentine’s body, for getting caught up in work and missing dates— for so many things. How long until the next time that my best judgement just isn’t good enough, or my thoughtlessness makes the whole thing a chore for him? I just have to be grateful for what we have, for as long as we have it.”
Isabelle looks horrified, her eyes wide. “Alec— that— that isn’t—“
Alec holds her hand between his own. “I love him, Izzy. I don’t want him to be stuck with someone who keeps hurting him, even if that person is me, even if the hurts aren’t on purpose. Whenever he decides he’s had enough will probably be long after I deserve it. I mean, I’m trying, and I’ll keep trying. But it would be stupid to pretend that I can make him stick around forever. He deserves better than that. He deserves everything.”
It’s unbearable. Magnus clutches his hands together, remembering a conversation he had been having with Ragnor once. It had seemed so reasonable, at the time, to explain why Camille was right to leave him, if he couldn’t make himself into the person she wanted on any given day. Magnus listens to Alec calmly explaining the ways he isn’t good enough and his head spins with deja vu. His voice had trembled despite his certainty, when he spoke to Ragnor on that day so many years ago. He watches Alec smile bravely while he plans out a desolate life after being left behind by his only love, and Magnus can hardly breathe through it.
He wonders how small Alec is willing to make himself, for Magnus’s sake. He remembers trimming away all the parts of his heart that Camille had found ludicrous, certain that it would at least buy them some time. He wonders what Alec has carved out of himself, gladly, in the hopes that Magnus would never have to see it. He wonders if it was beautiful.
He's still sitting on the bed when Alec comes inside, and Alec stops suddenly in surprise. "Magnus-- is everything okay?"
He looks up at Alec and shrugs. "I suppose not, if you're just waiting for me to get tired of you."
Alec pales. "You heard that?"
"I stopped by to drop off your phone," Magnus explains, gesturing at the nightstand. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but--"
Alec comes closer, biting his lip. "It isn't-- it doesn't have to mean-- please, I'm sorry that I--"
"Sorry for what? What do you have to be sorry for?"
Alec remains silent, his expression uncertain.
Magnus stands up, hesitantly placing his hands on Alec's shoulders. He tries to think back, summon up the words he had longed to hear for so long. He tries to come up with the words that Alec will believe, instead. "Alexander, I'm in love with you, and I want to be with you for as long as you'll have me. I understand why you have trouble believing that, and I know that it will probably take time for you to take me at my word. But I need you to hear me when I say this-- nothing less than the potentially total extinction of my people would lead me to take such a step, and even then I'd probably just try to take you with me. And I have faith that we will be able to prevent such an event from happening again."
Alec won't meet his eyes. "You can't be sure of that, Magnus. How long until the next time the Clave puts us in the same position, or I just screw something up? I can't ask you to make promises--"
"Yes, you can," Magnus says, insists. "You should. Ask anything of me."
Alec clutches at the lapels of his jacket suddenly, frantic. "Don't leave me, Magnus, please, stay with me, I couldn't bear it if you--"
Magnus kisses him wildly, reaching up to curl his fingers into Alec's hair and pull him closer. "Never," he vows. "Couldn't if I wanted to, do you understand? You're stuck with me, Alexander. The rest of your days."
Alec heaves out a breath that sounds suspiciously like a sob, his mouth fervent and tender. "Magnus," he pleads, pressing closer. Shaking, his hands hot.
"Come with me," Magnus gasps against his jaw. "Come to London, darling. We don't need the sleep. I want to be with you right up until my meeting, and again as soon as it's over. Dearest, oh--"
He presses Alec into the portal without either one of them opening their eyes.
***
When Alec gets back to the Institute from his impromptu trip late the next day to find his cell phone forgotten and left behind yet again, he discovers several more messages from Jace, and his burrito debt has increased considerably. He's tired but he feels weightless, less terrified and resigned than he's felt in months.
He's in the middle of a rude response to Jace when a new message appears from Magnus--
I'll never have enough of you ♥♥♥
Alec isn't very good at optimism, but he's trying. He sends back words so tender they make him blush, and then looks up when Jace pokes his head in the room. "Phone in hand, really? I can hardly believe it!"
Alec smiles, glancing back at Magnus's message. "Yeah, I know the feeling."