Chapter 1: Pain
Chapter Text
I flinched slightly at the cracking of bone, but didn’t look up. He always liked to test the bones of his prey, snapping them with his fingers or crushing them under his fangs. You’d think after almost a week I'd have gotten used to the hunter’s eating habits, but I still clamped my hands over my ears when he jumped his prey. I never knew such fierce predators as mountain lions and wolves could literally scream in fear.
I felt tempted to look up as I heard a deep, contented hum. I restrained myself though—the last time I’d almost lost what food was left in my belly. I don’t think there was anything left in there now though. It didn’t matter, I knew all I’d see would be a huge ruby tongue licking splatters of blood off of ivory claws.
“aaaaah, a whole pack. that was nice.” I lifted my head just a little bit, enough to see the thick translucent tail as he turned to me. Through the jelly-like tissue, I could make out the shadows of enormous ribs. Right above the base of the chubby, red snaketail a scarlet sweater struggled to stay over his rounded belly, black parka jacket hanging open around his frame with one skeletal hand in his pocket. I already knew the other one was reaching out for me.
I didn’t dare to meet his eyes though.
Long claws wrapped around my waist, almost delicately plucking me away from my spot against the redwood. I was lifted up higher and smoothly tucked into one of the giant, warm pockets. The hand stayed to rest there, still wrapped around me. I had given up trying to shove it away a long time ago. I didn’t have the energy for it. With my lower energy level I also felt colder, and even though it was hard as rock, sharp, and belonging to someone I was terrified of, the boney hand was also very warm.
“good job runt, that was quite the satisfying meal.”
‘At least I’m not the meal.’ I thought to myself in an attempt to cheer myself up. It didn’t help much though. ‘Well, at least, not yet.’
My stomach gave a deep rumble, and I curled up as much as the giant hand and my paralyzed legs allowed me to. Honestly, I had thought I was done for when I fell off the cliff. Then, when I woke up with all sensation from my lower back down gone, I thought I would die slower from hunger or dehydration. When a bear came lurking over my weak body, I entertained the thought that it might maybe be a quick death after all. And when the hunter shot out of the trees and crushed the bear’s bones with his tail, I prayed it would be over instantly.
Naga, lamia, monster, call it whatever you like, I was certain I was done for after the bear slid down his throat. Instead though the creature had ducked down to get a better look, deep scarlet eyes watching me thoughtfully. After just staring at me for a few minutes, his mouth had pulled into a wide smirk, showing off sharp, curved teeth and fangs the length of my entire body, one of which gleamed golden. He proclaimed he still could have use of me and whisked me away deeper into the forest, where no sane person would dare to tread.
I hadn’t protested, I couldn’t. My voice had been robbed from me even before the day I was born. Mother always said I didn’t deserve a voice, that even the gods knew I would never have anything important or worthwhile to say. I didn’t deserve to have any opinions, I could never call out for help, I could never tell anyone what was wrong.
I was never allowed out into the village, but I did go into the forest a lot. Father owned a successful pharmacy, most famous for his potions and lotions containing the magical Golden Flowers. They had the power to cure any ailment that the human body didn’t have since birth, and soothe those that had always been there. They only grew out here in the forest, where they fed off the strong magical presence of the monsters that roamed in the dark depths. So no one dared to go find them. No one but me. It was the least I could do to earn my keep at home, at least that’s what they told me.
“hey, brat, you okay? y’re shaking quite a bit.”
I was drawn out of my near-sleep state to realize that I was. My stomach was hurting from hunger, and as I was now fully awake and focusing on it the pain suddenly got worse. I didn’t have a voice to groan, but a sharp breath did manage to leave my mouth.
The hand around me grasped a little bit tighter, pulling me out of the pocket and up to his face. The thick ridges above his eyesockets furrowed as he inspected me.
“yo, you okay human? ya look like, really pale.”
My vision started going fuzzy and I felt dizzy and sick. My stomach gave a lurch, but I tasted nothing but slime and slight acid in my mouth. Why? Why was it all suddenly playing up now? Why not before? My stomach suddenly gave the loudest rumble I’d ever heard, and I would have been embarrassed if it wasn’t for the pain. It was as if the bulb of a mace had been put into my belly, and my stomach was desperately clamping down on it, trying to see if it could digest the object. Another sharp breath left my body in a tiny, high-pitched wheeze.
“wow, wait, w-when did you last eat?”
I must be going crazy now. He almost sounded worried, bringing me closer to his face and his eyes going a bit wider, as if their darkness would swallow me up. Or maybe that was just me blacking out.
“hey runt, ar̷̺̪̖̐̈é̸͖͉͆̉̕ ̶̨̢̘́̇ŷ̵͖̞͕̔̅͂o̷͚̙͓̯̿ȕ̴̮́̑͘ ̷̆̽ͅȯ̵̯̘̗͜k̷̡̨̤̘̿a̵͖̿͆̃̐ͅy̵͇̏̓̂̕?̷͇̮̮̤̎ h-hum̵̘̊̏̊͊ą̵̜̝̪̠̪͈͖̪̇͊̅͆̑̂͂̒̚ņ̷̣̣̉̏͝?̵̧̛̹̔̽͌̈́̓…̴̻̞͓̺̔̈́̾͌̉…̷̨͉̲͔̏͒̆̚...kid!?"
I felt a little less terrible waking up this time. Still far from good, but at least not so miserable that I’d rather drown myself in a pond than open my eyes. And a lot of my pain was gone. Not even the irritating gnawing in my stomach that I had gotten used to was there.
I was sitting up, I noticed. How I was doing that in my sleep and with a broken back I didn't know, but it hit me like a sharp icicle through my chest. I was slightly leaning forward on large claws interwoven in front of me, with what I guessed where his thumbs firmly rubbing up and down my back on each side of my spine.
A steady rumble sounded behind me as my breathing quickened.
“don’t. move.”
I wanted to shudder, but tried to keep as still as I could. What was even going on? Why wasn’t I just back in his pocket? What was he trying to do now?... What was in my stomach?
I wasn’t as hungry as I had been before, my stomach no longer tense and empty. What did he do? What did he make me eat? I think he asked me when I ate last before. Did he make me eat something that could be poisonous? I was feeling sick again, worry twisting my stomach and making me gag slightly. In an instant one of the large claws was at my throat, tilting my head up and pressing down slightly.
“don’t you dare throw that up, human! that stuff actually took me energy to make, so don’t waste it.” He warned.
I quickly screwed my mouth shut, swallowing heavily to keep whatever content there was in my stomach down. I still felt like throwing up though, my fear crawling underneath my skin and making me want to shudder, to shake those claws away and run as far as I could.
But I couldn’t. My legs wouldn’t work. I was completely at the mercy of this monster and I had no idea what he wanted with me. I was completely helpless. My energy from getting so worked up suddenly depleted and was replaced by exhaustion. It wouldn’t matter anyways, whatever was going to happen to me was entirely controlled by this creature. I had no say in this. I never had, ever in my life. Tears started to gather in my eyes and I choked on a soundless sob. It didn’t really matter, no one could ever hear me cry.
… until someone did.
The rubbing stopped and I felt dread wash over me once again. It felt strange to have energy for all these emotions again. I took a deep breath to try and control my sobs, hoping that he wouldn’t suddenly lash out at me. Up until now his emotions had been pretty stable, but with how angry he had sounded, I feared his rage. It didn’t come though; instead he was deadly silent, listening as I tried and failed to control my breathing.
After a few chilling seconds a warm breath of air washed over me. One of the claws moved away from my back to brush along my head, his touch feather light.
“i’m sorry, kiddo, didn't intend to make it sound that harsh.”
I blinked and did a doubletake, though the large hands prevented me from turning much. His voice was so...soft? It was still a deep rumble that made me feel tiny and insignificant, but just now he sounded so… calm, and steady, talking neither past or down on me.
“the stuff I gave ya isn’t dangerous, not to anyone. ‘s just somethin’ nutrient rich that won’t upset yer stomach too much, and it’ll help yer belly get used to digesting solid food ‘gain without making ya sick. speakin’ of which...”
One of the hands was removed from me entirely, moving behind me. There was a rustle of fabric and the dirty blanket that he used as a handkerchief was lifted into view and plopped down in front of me. He let the corners fall open and my mouth started watering.
Inside the handkerchief was the whole collection of foods. There were some apples, entire berry bushes, a fish, a bunny, mushrooms… bugs… some grass?... worms? Okay, maybe I wasn't that hungry anymore.
“ain’t really sure what humans eat, so I just gathered a few things I’ve seen animals hunt and eat. But that also brings me to a question.”
The large hands around me loosened, but stayed close to keep me steady. I heard gravel and sand shift as his enormous body moved around. I flinched slightly as his red, slit eyes came into view, but he looked calm, casual even. He lay to my side so I only needed to turn my head slightly to comfortably look at him.
He met my eyes, smile pulling into a grimace. “sooooo, how many times each month do humans tend ta eat?”
My jaw literally dropped. He didn’t know? He had been starving me without even knowing it? Well, he’d always taken me to the rivers each day and let me drink as much as I like. But he hadn’t really offered me food until now. Had it been just because he didn’t know? The thought that he might not have intended to torture me made me feel a tad bit better.
I quickly gathered my thoughts and tried to count on my fingers. My parents never taught me math, except to count how many flowers I had to bring back. Okay, so two meals each day, and one moon was 27 days, I think… I didn’t have that many fingers. I dared to sneak a glimpse of the monster’s face, hoping that he wouldn’t be mad I took so long. Instead he actually looked… horrified? His eyes were wide, eyebrows raised high on his forehead and he even looked a little queasy.
“ah, ‘kay? shorter amount of time. how many times each week?”
Oh, that was a little bit easier. I slowly started counting on my fingers again. As soon as I passed 6 though, he interrupted me again.
“how many times each day?” His voice was slightly higher pitched now, shoulders hunched up as if he were trying to hide his face in his enormous jacket.
Relieved that he had made the question easier once more, I held up two finger.
“...2 times a day…” His voice was shy of a whisper now, eyes seeming to stare through me.
The scarlet orbs suddenly flashed back to the handkerchief and with a delicate pincer movement he snatched up the dead rabbit, laying it into my lap. “eat something kiddo, ya really need it. must be starvin’.”
I looked down at the dead animal, feeling my stomach give an uneasy turn at the thought of eating raw meat. Would he be mad if I– ?
“it’s okay, if ye’re a herbivore you don’t need to eat it. I thought since ya have those tiny fangs ya humans might be scavengers or somethin’. Just eat whatever ya like, i’ll try ta remember.”
I lay the rabbit down and reached out for one of the apples, a sharp claw pushing it within my reach. I took the fruit within my hands, throwing a hesitant glance up at the monster to see if it was really okay to eat, and then took a large bite. The apple was sour, but at least it wasn’t rotten or otherwise bad, so I hungrily took another bite. Seeing that I was eating, the giant creatures gave a lazy grin and moved back to lie behind me, hands starting to massage at either sides of my spine again.
“by the way kiddo, why don’t ya sign? i’m fluent in the public signing, but I think i’m pretty okay at the local dialect.”
Signing? Public? Local dialects? Was this something I was supposed to know?
“ya know, signing?” as he said so I was carefully wrapped up and kept in place by the tip of his tail. His hand slowly let go and started to… do something in front of me where I could see it. What was he even doing? Whatever it was, I didn’t understand, so I shook my head.
“no? what tha-? never mind. how about writing? can you write your name for me?”
Once again I shook my head. My parents could do it, but I didn’t know how. All these things I couldn’t do. Was I supposed to be able to, even if I couldn’t speak? Was I really that broken? I flinched as the creature suddenly let out a sound between a snarl and a hiss.
“what kind of fuckin’ idiot doesn’t teach a mute kid ta-! okay, just relax kiddo. i’ll try ta teach ya a few signs while ye’re with me. how about whispering? just push some air out of yer lungs and form the words with yer mouth.”
The side of his skull suddenly moved really close to my face, nearly touching me. I was a little surprised by his sudden closeness, until I noticed a little hole just behind his jaw, roughly in the same place where….his ears could have been. If I was never supposed to be heard, why was he trying so hard to understand me somehow? It felt… kinda nice though.
I slowly leaned a little bit closer and followed his instructions. ‘Can you hear me?’ The words left my mouth like a breath, but somehow the words were still there, like a whistle of the wind on leaves.
“hm, ‘kay. i’m certainly hearing something, but not enough to hold long conversations. with signing we will eventually get there, but how about we keep it at your name for now?”
I felt a little excited that he somewhat heard me, even if it was dampered by the disappointment that he couldn't hear me well enough. Nonetheless, I leaned forward and told him my name. I had to repeat it quite a few times and the monster tried to do a few wrong guesses, I understood why long talks would be hard like this.
“frisk?” The monster guessed after many tries. I smiled and nodded my head. He chuckled at that, and for once it didn't sound mocking.
“frisk huh? nice ta meet ya. the name is sans, sans the skeleton. now how’s about ya go back to eating, i won't keep you from it this time.”
I decided to just eat the apples and berries, the rest was either inedible, risky to eat, or a risk I didn’t want to take if it wasn’t cleaned and cooked. But I had more than enough with just those, my belly feeling full and a bit pained from being stretched. So I just leaned into Sans’s warm hands, letting him do…whatever it was he was doing to my back. Now that I wasn’t so scared anymore it felt kind of nice, the thought that I could maybe trust him filling me with renewed Determination.
“‘kay kid, you’re gonna have to bite your teeth for a second.”
Before I really processed what he just said a sharp pain suddenly shot up through my spine, accompanied by a loud crack and a pop. My mouth opened wide, air rushing out in what should be a shrill scream, but only came out in a whistling wheeze. Before the pain could continue besides its initial sting though, a deep warmth seeped into my back and soothed the muscles. There still was some painful throbbing, but it wasn’t as bad as it should have been.
“sorry kid, had ta do that. now, everything is gonna be okay. all i want ya to do now is relax.”
The hands around me let go, but one of the large claws came back to lay the sharp tip against my chest, pushing gently. I didn’t really have the strength or mobility in my lower back and legs, so I didn’t give any resistance as I was pushed backward to lie down. I sighed in relief as my back met a warm, soft surface… and froze again when I looked up and my eyes fell on sharp fangs and the roof of a red maw.
In a panicked moment the remembered sound of tearing flesh and cracking bone echoed in my ears, but before I could move to try and escape I was entirely pulled inside. Jaws closed behind me with a sharp, scissor-like snap and I was bathed in a dim red light. The tongue underneath me started moving, wrapping around me and licking all over. Tears sprung up in my eyes and dread filled my entire being as I reached out my arms and tried to push the strange appendage away.
“hmmm, tasty,” the heavy voice hummed around me. At that point I went into a full-blown panic and I tried to thrash about, arms flailing in a desperate attempt to find an escape.
The tongue suddenly pushed up, effectively trapping me in a little air pocket at the roof of his mouth.
“wow, easy kiddo, easy! Ye’re gonna hurt yerself, shhhh. i just said ya were tasty, not that i’m gonna chew ya into bloody bits. ya’ll be fine frisk, shhhhhh.”
I felt a little bit better that Sans still answered me, though the mental image of being ‘chewed into bloody bits’ made me whimper silently. Still, if he wasn't going to eat me, why was he doing this? Just for a taste? If I was so tasty why would he even bother trying to help me? Had he even been helping me, or just fattening me up a bit before he ate me? But he had been so nice. Was that a trick? Then why would he bother to ask for my name?
Fear and hope were throwing questions through my head like a tug of war to make me either keep struggling or trust the huge skeletal snake. I just felt so confused, and at the feeling of another sob coming up, I sniffled loudly.
There was a deep sigh around me. “sorry kiddo, got a little carried away. maybe i shouldn't be bullying ya like this. jus’... don’t be scared.”
The large tongue loosed its grip on me and I slowly started to slide—the wrong way. My blood suddenly turned cold in my veins as I slipped into the waiting, pulsating throat. Another scream, this one from pure terror instead of pain, tried to escape my throat. But just like all else I ever tried to say, it went unheard.
The throat closed in on me, squishing me into flexible flesh and pushing me down the red tunnel. I distantly noticed that I didn’t seem to be going straight down anymore, but chalked it up to the rest of my confusion and disorientation though.
I felt icy cold despite my warm surroundings. The trip down his throat was relatively short, and within a few seconds I was squeezed into a larger space, sliding in with ease. I didn't even try to fight anymore. I was trapped, no way out, and even trying to make my captor sick didn't seem like an option. This monster ate large predators. What chance would a tiny little child even have compared to that?
The giant creature around me shifted, causing me to slide around and settle at the pit of his stomach. A deep, satisfied sigh echoed all around me, the sound like a death bell—like the ones that sounded through our village when an elderly lady, or someone that couldn't afford Father’s medication had passed away.
Tears started to stream down my face. I wrapped both my arms around my body, as if that could keep me together. It didn't though, and I started to shake.
This is it, this is the end. The end of my useless life, of any hope I had I might get out okay. I shouldn't have tried to trust this thing. I should have walked more carefully. I should have been a better child. I should have tried harder to be normal, be a contribution to mankind. If I had been a normal child and just talked, none of this would have happened. Mother and Father wouldn't have been ashamed of me. I would have been able to call out for help. I would have been able to refuse when the monster took me. I wouldn't be….
A harsh sob shook my entire body.
“kiddo?”
I flinched at his voice, a much more violent shudder wracking through my frame.
“hey! don't be scared, hush. ye’ll be fine.”
A sudden wave of rage made me want to thrash around, scream up at the giant that ‘No, I will not be okay! You ate me and now I’m going to die! I’m not stupid!’ But all I could manage was a weak punch, the bit of energy I regained suddenly gone.
“okay, this may look bad, but i’m not gonna hurt ya kiddo. i-”
The monster seemed to choke on his next words. He grunted and took a deep breath.
“i promise kiddo.”
I didn’t react, tears still leaking from my eyes. There was a very long pause before he spoke again.
“i’m sorry, maybe i should ‘ave explained first. hoooookay…. well first of all, ye’re not in any danger right now. i don’t wanna hurt ya, i’ve done enough of that already. but then ya may be wonderin’ ‘then what the hell am i doing in this guy’s gut, didn’t he just eat me?’”
Despite myself, I had to fight down a snort when he said that, his voice suddenly going way higher pitched than I had imagined it could go.
“and well, yes and no. ya are inside my stomach, but i’m not gonna kill ya. because ya see, i’m maaaaaagical.”
This time I did actually snort. What the hell, why was he talking like that? Somehow I could tell he was relaxing at my amusement.
“no, seriously. not sure if ya noticed, but i’m literally a skelly with a red jelly noodle instead of legs. but other than that i can use my magic to decide when something is not food, which would include you. and believe it or not, but i can also use that magic to heal. although, ta be honest, i’m not that good at it. something as complicated as a broken back to your degree would take months to heal. but while you are in there i can concentrate my magic into a confined space and keep it there, like warmth in an incubator. and that’s why you’re in my belly.”
I silently thought over what he told me, taking in his words and tone of voice. Before today he had always sounded gruff, talking down to me as if I was an animal that couldn’t really understand. Now, though, his voice was kind and genuine, even if it still held that deep gravelly quality that made me want to cower away. But he sounded like he was being honest, as if the realization he had been hurting me had really made him feel sorry.
‘Yeah, only now he does. Why now suddenly?’ I felt hope trying to tug me out of my pit of despair, but a cynical voice tried to keep me there, just in case it was all still a trick.
“heh, guess ya don’t really trust me, huh? can’t blame ya after everythin’.” another long pause and a deep sigh. “i’ll make ya a deal. for this one time ya’ll stay in there. back when ya were still outside, i first got yer muscles and nerves back in place, and after i popped yer spine in shape i put a magic brace along the vertebra. i just want to set that break back together so you don’t need the brace. after that i can heal the rest out here, without having to worry about any accidental damage from moving ya. it might take longer, but i’ll do my best ta take good care of ya, sweetheart. but for now, just relax and sleep, it’ll make ya feel better.”
I relaxed just a little bit. At least it seemed like he meant well. Maybe… maybe it would be fine. Just for now, I just had to brave through this one time and I wouldn’t have to be in here again. If I could trust him, everything would turn out okay. Maybe I was gonna be able to walk again. If he kept his promise, I might even get a way to communicate. If he was lying and was going to kill me anyway though….well, at least I wouldn’t wake up to find out.
With a sigh I lay my head down on the soft floor, curling up as much as my paralyzed legs would allow me. I might have imagined it, but it seemed as if the stomach around me moved, making a slight depression to lie in and slightly pushing my legs up to my belly. It was at that point that I really felt the warm stiffness on my spine, probably the brace he talked about. I smiled slightly and nuzzled closer. At least he didn’t lie about that, and if it was still a trick he was trying way too hard.
My eyes closed and I surrendered myself to the hope that everything would turn out okay.
I didn’t mean to hurt them, really. I admit I can be a glutton sometimes. Animals: sure. Molesters and murderers: with pleasure. Thieves and smugglers: maybe, depends on the goods. But an innocent, scared little child? Never! I might be a knuckleheaded asshole, but I ain’t a monster. Well, I am, but you get the idea.
When I saw the kid for the first time, I saw bait for easy food, nothing else. I’d just keep them around for a while to catch me some easy meals, nothing big, no torturing, maybe a little bit of terror though. Some healthy fear would teach a small kid like that not to come into such dangerous territory. And on top of that they couldn’t talk, so they wouldn’t be able to tattle. But then again, just the legends were usually enough to keep people out.
I first thought that the paralyzed legs were a birth defect, just like their missing voice. Maybe I should have wondered how a paralyzed child had gotten so far into the woods, or noticed how strange that bend in their spine looked. But what was done was done, I’m an idiot. And after seeing just how hungry, and sickly and goddamn helpless they really were, I couldn’t bring myself to keep being a bully. Even I knew my limits, and this was just breaking my heart… well, metaphorically.
I wanted to shift into an easy position to get comfortable and take a nap myself, but then I remembered the kid. The tired, scared, sleeping little kid. I didn’t want to shift and throw them out of their comfortable spot, waking them up.
Ah fuck! Oh well, such is life.
I sunk lower instead, making myself as comfortable as I could. Welp, I’m gonna be here for a while. At least the kid felt nice. Not really a ‘full belly’ kind of nice though, this feeling was new. Their tiny warm form laying in there, all vulnerable and dependant on me. It made a wave of warmth wash over my soul. I lay the hand that had been idly tracing shapes down, its twin joining to intertwine the fingers protectively over my belly.
I really hoped I could convince them to trust me, so that they would see that being inside there would be the most comfortable option.
Chapter 2: Fear
Summary:
How to get used to big snakes that wanna eat you, and how to tell kids that you're 'just kidding' without sounding like a douchebag of monumental proportions.
Notes:
7 people asked me to make more, and I got inspired. So yeah, it's gonna be 4 chapters now.
Chapter Text
I tried to scoot away from the huge claws. Every day he asked, every day I told him no. But every day he asked at least once. It wrecked my nerves. What if he lost his patience and just did it? Maybe he wouldn’t hurt me, but I just didn’t want to.
After a little less than a week, feeling returned to my legs with painful pins and needles. I had cried in both pain and relief, though Sans’ warm tail soothed most of it. Yesterday my toes twitched, but my legs were just too heavy to move. It was frustrating how long it was taking, but at least I was making progress.
There was some sniffing behind me.
“huh, ye were right kiddo. a bath really does wonders. yer natural scent is coming out again, much better than all that grime.”
There was some more sniffing and I could feel the air moving around me. At first it was just annoying. But then I felt a huge tongue press against my entire back and the irritation was replaced by fear. He hadn’t licked me before! Not since…
No
I twisted myself to the side and dropped to the ground so I was away from the red muscle. I lifted my hand again, tapping my index and middle finger against my thumb, signing once again: No
A chuckle sounded above me. “aw, don’t worry, ‘m just teasing ya kid. that’s what ya get fer smellin’ so nice.”
One of his hands moved over and a thumb rubbed at my head, tips of the other claws trying to ease underneath me so he could pick me up.
My fingers furiously started to tap together again, repeating the same sign as I squeezed my eyes shut.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no don’t
It seemed to get the message across, fingers hesitating and then pulling away. Oh no, he was frowning. Was he mad? Would he actually yell this time?
He didn’t though, and after about a minute I was starting to doubt he was even mad. He just sat there, staring at me for a long time. His hand reached out to me again, before he seemed to think better of it and put it to his mouth as he looked down in thought. One more last look, and his huge body slithered away to give me some space.
My nerves were crackling for the rest of the day, up until he brought dinner. And the fact that he was staring at me again wasn’t helping. After throwing away a last pear’s core, he finally spoke.
“ya wanna lie down and relax for a bit, maybe converse?”
I was thrown off guard by his question, but I did nod. I liked the moments where I could relax with Sans. Just laying there and enjoying the warmth of his body and his hands petting my back. That and the moments when he taught me sign language, more specifically signed puns.
It was when he got moody or ‘playful’ that I got a bit scared.
He grinned at me, that weird sharp grin that managed to look both kind and deceivingly malicious somehow. Maybe it was just those fangs that gave the impression of an ill intent that might not actually be there.
I flinched when one of the giant claws moved towards me, fingers nimbly wrapping around my body. I started to shudder as soon as I left the floor and was lifted up, closer to his face.
“shhhhhhh, ‘s okay. yer not gonna get any closer to my mouth. just relax.”
I was still shuddering as his enormous form moved, unable to shake this feeling that he could do whatever he wanted at any point. But he just propped himself up against the den’s wall so he could comfortably look at me. As soon as he sat comfortably he gently deposited me on top of his giant belly. Even though his powerful tail might easily crush me if he wanted to, I always found it pleasant to lie on top of it. The magic gel was smooth and soft, and when you added pressure you could sink away into it, forming a tiny nest with more surface area to transfer the comforting warmth.
I didn’t feel entirely comforted though, lifting my head to throw a confused (and slightly frightened) look at the snake. He just smiled at me. A long claw brushed against my head a few times before it gently but firmly pushed me down against his body.
“nothing bad is gonna happen minibones. jus’ lay down, relax, and listen.”
Listen? Why listen? What did he want me to hear? Nonetheless, I did as he asked. It was a small request really, and if he wanted something from me I couldn’t exactly fight him over it.
It was strange to listen to the sounds his body made, nothing of it sounded natural. There was no heartbeat and even the rush of air in his chest sounded fake. His belly also didn’t make stomach noises…which was actually a bit of a relief to me. Right underneath my ear there was a steady rushing, like hearing the blood in your ears.
“so, what do ya hear?” I lifted my head to see the naga looking at me again. I lifted a hand, thinking what I could answer.
Air
“breathing,” He corrected me, signing out the word as he said it. “good, anything else?”
I thought a bit longer. Rush
“i think that might actually be my magic moving through my body, not sure though. And what else?”
What did he want me to hear? Was there something specific he was looking for? I lay my head down and made sure to concentrate extra hard.
I could hear this deep hum underneath all the other noises, growing stronger and then fading every few seconds. Even though it sounded weird, the rhythm was also kinda soothing. Like an extra slow, buzzing heartbeat. My head shot up to look at him as I signed.
Strange pulse
He grinned at that, seeming to be pleased with my observation. “that, kiddo, is mah SOUL.”
A soul? With a curious frown I put my head down to listen some more, pushing my head down into the soft gel in the hopes that I could hear better.
“a monster’s SOUL is a bit like a human’s heart and lungs. if they get a bit damaged it diminishes the quality of your life, but more severe damage leads to a swift death. while humans are made of physical matter, monsters are made of dust and magic. a human’s body and SOUL persist for quite a while after death, but a monster’s SOUL and body disappear the moment the life leaves our body.”
Oh, that made sense, I think.
There was a long pause before he spoke again. “kiddo, let me tell ya a little thing about violence.”
I instantly grew tense, trying to subtly look at the beast from the position where I was lying.
“when someone kills, they gain EXP, which is an acronym for ‘execution points’. when your EXP increases, your LV or LOVE increases. and that ain’t love as ya know it. it, too, is an acronym. it stands for ‘level of violence’. the higher yer LV, the easier it is to distance yerself, the easier it gets to harm and kill. but the amount of EXP you gain can also be influenced by yer intent.”
He shifted slightly, thinking about his next words as his red tongue slid slowly over a golden fang.
“if you kill an animal out of necessity, when you need its flesh for food or it’s fur to keep warm, the increase in EXP is barely noticeable. a hunter caring for his family will struggle to even reach LV4. if you kill to kill or just for the profit, you’ll gain much more, but never as much as when you kill something highly sentient like a human or monster.”
“when you kill a person, you can gain quite a bit more of EXP. if you kill one to protect yourself or a loved one, if there was no other option than to do so, it’s a little more forgivable. you still gain significant EXP as you distance yourself from your ‘enemy’, but it was absolutely necessary and you wouldn’t ever do it again in your life if you have that luck. kill purely out of revenge though, and it will be a lot more.”
“and then there is stuff like senseless murder, torture, manipulation, betrayal…those scar the SOUL the most. if you do it enough it’ll warp yer SOUL beyond anything recognizable.”
Long claws slowly curled over my back and landed softly against my skin. I startled a bit, looking up at his face. He was looking back at me, his enormous red eyes soft and tired.
“you do realize i’m not gonna hurt ya, right?”
I just nodded. I was pretty sure by now Sans didn’t want me dead. He had been making sure I got food, my legs were actually slowly getting better. Maybe he wanted help hunting again like before as repayment, but I don’t think I would mind that much. It was the least I could do.
He just kept staring at me for a while. His eyes looked almost… sad. Pained?
“you do realize that with ‘hurt’ i don’t just mean ‘kill’? i also mean in the sense of the body and mind.”
I frowned. What did he mean with that?
He seemed to notice, clarifying, “i’m not going to hit ya, or cut ya. i’m not going to strangle ya when I get impatient or ye don’t do what i want. i’m not gonna crush or break yer bones because you get scared of something I do. and i don’t want to manipulate or guilt trip ya into doing things either. i don’t want ta scare ya kiddo.”
I felt a bit angry at those last works. My hands were shaking in frustration, and then in fear as I gathered my courage. It wasn’t easy ‘speaking’ up… but, he just said….
Taking another deep breath and fuelled by sass alone I lifted my hands. I had to restart 3 times, scared of what his reaction would be, but I managed.
You scared me today
As soon as I was done his eyes were everywhere but on my face, mouth pulling into a nervous grimace.
“errrrrrm…yeah, right, that uhmmmmmmm. erhum, how to explain this?”
His hand was removed from my back to instead tap his long claw against his lower jaw in thought. He sat like that for a bit, thinking about it.
“when my brother was younger, he was a tiny, frightful noodle.”
I relaxed at the mention of his younger brother in the past tense. He always seemed calmer and got this fond look when he talked about him and his younger brother and their childhood.
“he scared really easily. whenever someone threatened him, he would freeze up and become unresponsive. i always had ta save him when that happened. i tried to tell him many times he had to try toughen up or else he would become a target, but he was always so upset i could barely even say anything to get him to calm down.”
“we also know this water serpent, her name is undyne, she met mah bro when he wandered off into the wetlands. i don’t know what caused her to spare my bro in the first place, but they became close friends pretty quickly.”
“this one time i came to pick up my bro a bit early from his playdate with undyne. i got the scare of my life when i saw his tail dangling from between her jaws. lucky for her she immediately threw him back up fast enough because i would have torn her open myself in that moment. to my surprise though, paps not only recovered very quickly, but he also came to undyne’s defense.”
“they introduced it to me as ‘fear training’. the gist of it is that you get someone used to fear by getting them scared without any of the actual danger. what undyne would do is hunt papyrus down and try to eat him, and meanwhile paps just had to survive, run and fight like his life really depended on it. it helped him to get stronger and think of better strategies when in a pinch. but because his body experienced the stress of being hunted without his mistakes having any fatal consequences, he also got used to that stress to the point where he could shake it off. after a little more than a month he started to look only slightly put off before he could bounce back.”
His eyes moved slowly to meet mine. “i…i guess i was trying to-…i hoped that if i gently kept teasing you that you would figure out i wouldn’t actually do anything. and that you would- that the stress wouldn’t be so bad anymore, just like with papyrus.”
“never meant to actually terrify you. i’m not gonna lie, it’s kinda amusing to see you jump, and those tiny little gasps when you startle are downright adorable. but i don’t like….I didn’t mean to make you feel unsafe with me. we made a deal I’d only eat you that one time. but if ya’d ever wanna dare it again, that’s entirely up to you kiddo.”
Giant claws moved over my back again, the smooth, curved side slowly brushing along my spine.
“i’m sorry i don’t…pick up on these things. we weren’t exactly raised on subtlety when it comes to emotions. usually it’s just ‘make sure your allies at least meet your level and if they’re not allies beat them until they break’. i don’t know how…—what you did before, signing me to stop, that was great. but you always keep your hands so silent unless i’ve asked you something. i know you don’t feel safe talking freely, that’s probably because of yer ‘upbringing’.” There was venom in his voice at that last word.
When his eyes looked back at me they softened again though. Two giant hands came back up to cup around me, lifting me off his belly and bringing me closer to his face.
“but i would really like it if you told me when ah’m really scaring ya. i’ll do my best to be gentle and considerate, but I need you to tell me when i’m doing something wrong. i won’t get mad at you for it, p-…promise.”
This was only the second time he used that word. Every time he has hesitated to say it, as if he hated to say it out loud. Maybe he just hated making promises, which felt a bit strange since so many people threw the word around carelessly.
Sans sat me down again.
“ya know what? quick sign lesson, repeat after me.”
Sans held his left hand in front of him, palm up. He brought his index finger and thumb together to form a circle, keeping the rest of his fingers straight, and shook his hand firmly. Fumbling a bit, I repeated the sign, just like he asked.
“ya think you can remember that?” I smiled a little and nodded. The sign was fairly easy after all.
“okay, good. now that, kiddo, is how you call someone an asshole.”
….. oh
I could feel my face heating up as I slapped my hands over my mouth in mortification. Sans snorted and after an angry pout from me he promptly burst out in aggressive laughter, forcing me to drop down against his belly to prevent myself from being shaken off. After a little while he seemed to be regaining control over himself.
“hehehehe, okay, eheh, right, beheh huh, b-back to the point.” He started, giggles dying down.
“so kiddo, if ya don’t feel safe, if ah’m going too far, or if ya just don’t feel up to any games, ya just call me an asshole. it’ll be like a codeword, and i’ll stop whatever I’m doing immediately. does that sound like an alright deal to ya?”
I wrung my hands nervously. It seemed a bit strange and dangerous, insulting a creature that—quite literally—had my life in his hands. But on the other hand (heh) he hadn’t really given me any reason to think he was untrustworthy.
I looked up at those giant, relaxed, red eyes and signed a single letter back to him.
K
It was one of those nights. Cold and damp and dark. There was the harsh howling of the wind and the rushing of a rainstorm outside the cave. Sound was the only real proof it was there though, as everything was pitch black. Not even a lightning bolt to light up the place.
And yet I was warm, wrapped up in a giant coil. The glow was only dim though and cast an early red light around me. And every time its owner would breath out, a deep, rattling sound would leave his fanged mouth and roll around on the cavern ceiling.
It was a strange mix of both dreary and soothing.
It had only been four days after Sans had changed tactics. For one he warned me before he started his games. It was nothing more than narrowed eyes, a sharp grin, and rapid clicking at the back of his throat, but it was easy to pick up and a warning to either react or brace myself.
I had called Sans an asshole seven times up ‘till now. The first time I was too scared to react at first, but as he noticed how stiff I was he had asked me if I was okay. I signed to him as soon as I could think straight again, and he let me be.
The next three times I used it were right as he gave his warning, and he passively flopped down on the floor with a simple ‘k’.
At the fifth time, I allowed him to start his game. I was still scared, but the knowledge that I could make him stop made me feel a little more confident. A little bit more curious than scared. He had hesitated for a moment, maybe trying to figure out if I was maybe petrified. But as he saw I was actually awaiting his next move, he had moved in. I still had to call quits after a few seconds, and still he didn’t get mad. Maybe a tad bit frustrated, but he did mumble reassuring nonsense at me to help me relax.
And the next two times went down in a similar fashion, but every time I would last just a little bit longer.
I shuddered a little.
Sans was warm, but that didn’t mean the rest of his cavern was. If the wind outside turned just right a blast of cold air would manage to sneak in, settling around my tiny form. I snuggled a bit closer to the snake, struggling to wiggle my still stiff feet between the warm coils. Every day I felt a little bit stronger, but I still couldn’t move my legs much. And compared to how quick my broken back had been fixed it was getting a bit frustrating.
I took me a moment to realize I was in the focus of two red spotlights. I turned to meet Sans’ half-lidded eyes and lazy grin.
“yanno, s’a lot warmer in there.” He drawled.
I flinched in a knee-jerk reaction, but as he hummed lazily and closed his eyes, moving his coil so I was a little more sheltered, I actually started to think about it.
It was warmer in there, and very soft. And what was really wrong with it? Despite my fear and uncertainty that first time, nothing bad really happened. If anything it was quite the opposite.
Pushing down what I slowly realized was unnecessary fear I gathered courage. He’d been asking me to do this again, of course he would assent. Just calm down. Just-
I lifted a hand and patted the red tail underneath me. Sans eyes opened again, blinking a few times to focus. His jaw opened wide in a huge yawn. “wha’s wrong kiddo, still too co-” He blinked owlishly at me before his eyes suddenly turned worried. “kiddo, you okay? ye’re shaking.”
I lifted my hands to tell him that I didn’t feel that bad, only to notice that I was. Why was I shaking this bad? It wasn’t like I was gonna give in to death or something. I had done that before, before Sans actually started telling things were gonna be okay. Why was I so scared over something that wasn’t even that bad?
I could even scramble back at any point. …Could I really? Sans had been wanting to do this for a while. What if he was gonna go through with it anyways as long as I said okay one time. ….No, he had said and proven that I could back out at any point.
But I didn’t want to back out. Strange as it felt, I wanted to trust Sans. I wanted a stability, to feel safe no matter what. To know someone would want to take care of me unconditionally. Like Sans said my parents were supposed to. Like… Well, like Sans has been since he started healing me.
As I looked down at my hands again, they were shaking less, but my vision was slightly blurry with tears. Looking back into Sans’ worried eyes, I signed to him.
K
Worry turned to confusion.
“…‘okay’ what?”
I felt embarrassed, and the fear of finality was still there. I didn’t trust myself to sign a full sentence without chickening out. So I just pointed at him, myself, then brought all my fingers together and taped my mouth twice.
It took only a second for Sans to figure out what the limited communication meant, and his eyes widened. He looked shocked, but there was also this shine of excitement in his eyes. And yet the first words out of his mouth were: “are you sure?”
I hesitated a long moment before swallowing my nervousness and nodding.
“kid, i am not gonna eat you while you’re this scared.”
My hands were fumbling. I didn’t know what to do or if this really was the best way to go about it. But I was sure of what I wanted.
I don’t want to be scared
Silence stretched for a few seconds.
All there was was my own breathing and the patter of the rain outside.
It took me a moment to steel myself before looking up at his face.He was frowning, but a thoughtful frown. No doubt he had been studying my body language and now he was searching my eyes. For what? Fear? Weakness? Resolve? Determination?
His eyes softened and he stretched out his hands.
“c'mere, kiddo.”
Hard, chipped bone claws tenderly wrapped around me, and I allowed it. I was lifted off the soft red flesh and upward, towards those sharp fangs that I had been avoiding for days. I closed my eyes and tried to focus to keep my breathing even and calm. But instead of a slimy tongue, I felt smooth bone carefully pressing against my upper body. I curiously opened one eye to see the flats of his fangs gently pressed against me. He didn’t need to open his mouth to speak, so I felt the deep timbre of the words behind those teeth vibrate through me as he spoke.
“i’ll go as fast or slow as ya want kiddo, take all the time you need. but it’s completely up to you if you want to push forward, or back.”
I was very carefully tipped into one of his hands, the other now free hand coming back to pinch the back of my sweater.
And with that, his maw opened.
The split tip of his enormous tongue slithered out of the cavern of his maw and lay itself against the palm of his hand. At the same time, the hand that had hold of my sweater pulled me up, carefully positioning me onto it. I took a deep breath to steel myself, waiting for the red muscle to draw back and pull me in along with it like last time.
It didn’t though. Sans held perfectly still.
I was confused for a good few minutes, staring into the red-lit maw. Was he waiting for me to calm down? But I felt pretty okay right now. Maybe he was waiting for me to tell him if I wanted to go on, or back out? How was I even gonna sign to him from here? Though, this wasn’t one of his games. He was completely focused on me and I was pretty sure if I showed any panic he would spit me out.
And then his words sunk in. Push forward, or back.
The way I was positioned on his tongue, perfectly balanced, one decisive shove in either direction would make me slide either forward into his maw, or back into his hand.
I seemed a little cruel, making me have to get into his maw by my own doing. But, then again, I didn’t have to. I could decide to go either back or forward. The power to make that choice, and to actually execute said choice, it felt kinda… nice to have that control.
So I just stayed there for a bit, tearing my gaze away from the back of his throat and towards those sharp fangs. They were kinda scary, but since I had some time I just… wanted to look.
I remembered the first time I ended up in his mouth, when I had been staring up at his fangs from where I lay on my back, just like right now. They really did like like they could snap me into two pieces, like a guillotine. Or at least turn me into a shish-kebab.
I shuddered lightly, but even though there was a nervous twinge in the pit of my stomach I didn’t exactly feel afraid yet. It was just this strange feeling of your instincts telling you that you were in mortal danger, but beeing contradicted by your thoughts telling you that everything would turn out okay. The feeling only seemed to grow a little bit stronger as Sans reacted to my shudder, opening his jaws a bit more so those fangs were just a bit further away.
So I forced myself to relax just a bit more, laying myself flat against his tongue as I looked around. Sans was drooling quite a bit. Now and then the back of his tongue and his throat would move to swallow the excess saliva. Maybe it was because he had his mouth open for so long. Maybe…
I remembered his words though. I knew I was tasty, to him at least. He was eager to have me in there. And yet, he was waiting. Waiting for a moment that might actually not come. I actually felt a little admiration and relief for how patient he was being with me. So I took one last breath, lifted myself from his tongue slightly and pushed. With how slimy his tongue was, I slid in easily.
As I came to a halt in the middle of his maw, Sans’s tongue twitched slightly. Surprised maybe? Nonetheless, he kept his maw open for a few more seconds before closing it very slowly, probably giving me time to freak out and try to escape. I didn’t though, so I lay still as his jaws shut with a soft little click, cutting me off from the cold and dark outside, bathing me in a soft red light.
There was another moment of hesitation as he made sure that I was really comfortable instead of frozen in fear, but then his tongue curled up around me and eagerly started to lick.
Okay, this was maybe a little more overwhelming than I expected. It was scary to go from choosing what happened to me, to beeing prodded and pushed and rolled around. But still, it wasn’t like Sans was hurting me. He was quite a bit stronger than I was, and he did seem decided to lick every inch of me…and those sharp, rock-like molars….oh please no!
I thought I had this. But in that moment my mind went blank. No no no nonononono, please. I desperately started to shove against the giant muscle, tears starting to blur my vision as desperate silent whimpers clawed at of my throat.
“frisk?!”
It took me moment to realize Sans was talking to me, the stern rumble of his voice pulling me out of my panic. I had been moved back to the safety of the middle of his maw, mouth slightly open. It was a bit cold. I noticed that I’d curled up, my grip on my own arms painful.
“kiddo, c’n ya hear me? did i hurt ya?”
No, he hadn’t. He hadn’t done anything to hurt me, not even threatened me really. This was stupid! I was being stupid! Of course Sans wouldn’t hurt me, he told me so himself, he had proven that wasn’t what he wanted! Why was I being so stupid and scared?
I patted his tongue as an answer. Sans let out a soft sigh.
“would you like to come out again?”
I bit my lip. I had been scared just now, but after Sans snapped me out of it I felt fine again. I was ready to go on. But if I was caught by surprise again, if I freaked out again… I shook my head sternly. I would cross that bridge if I got there. Plus it was just stupid, I didn’t need to be scared. And if I panicked Sans could snap me out of it again.
Letting out a determined huff I wiggled myself so I was into position, facing his throat. There was another pause and the sides of his tongue curled upward, gently pressing against my sides.
“you can stop at any moment sweetheart. if ye’re scared i don’t want to push past your limits. ya don’t need to be scared, but I understand if you are. i wasn’t exactly tactful about it the first time.”
But I didn’t want to be scared! That first time had been scary but it wasn’t bad. Why couldn’t I get that through my head? I didn’t want to give up now.
“ya know kiddo, I once asked undyne why she wanted to train paps, why she didn’t see my scared little bro as a weakling. she told me that he had a strength you don’t see often, and she wasn’t just talking about his magic. she said it would be wasted if my brother died before he could even use it. denying fear is hard, but being brave is the hardest thing of all. she said that papyrus was incredibly brave and that if he could master his overwhelming fear, that he would be able to achieve the greatest feats.”
“the points where she tried to eat him were safe, but she did intend to scare him. but I don’t want ya to be scared of this. i want ya to feel safe, so that maybe we can do this again? if it’s possible I want you to feel nice and safe. but if yer too scared, ya don’t have to do this. ya don’t have to do this ta prove anything to me, or to yerself. you must do this because you want to, and if ya want to but are scared we can stop and try another time. we’re only doin’ this if ya want to kid.”
I just lay there for a while, digesting his words….heh. It made me feel just a little bit better, that it was okay to be scared, that I could scramble back and Sans wouldn’t think less of me.
I knew for sure that I wanted to stop being scared. But, did I really want to achieve that this way? Did I want to be eaten? Why would I want to be eaten? Well, like he had said it would be warm. And soft. But that was a bit superficial compared to these fears. Even if it was safe I couldn’t help that deep-rooted fear, that memory of terror… that feeling of helplessness.
But then there was also that healing aspect… my spine had been healed after just a good rest, imagine how much faster I would be able to walk if I just… But I had been getting better out here just fine too. Much slower, but it worked… just…..
As my mind couldn’t find anything else to think about I became aware of a sound. It was a soft ambient that had been there in the background, but now that my own mind and heartbeat weren’t drowning everything out I could hear it. A deep hum, growing stronger and softer every few seconds. Like deep breaths, or an extremely slow heartbeat.
His soul, he has said.
The sound echoed up from his chest through his throat, being audible in his maw. It must be much louder in his belly. Why hadn’t I heard it back then? Or did I and I just hadn’t taken notice? I had been pretty scared after all. And afterward I had been so tired of being scared and feeling alone for so long. I had felt such relief that my bad luck had given me a little break. That for a little while, I got just the tiniest little taste of…
….safety.
It would be safe down there. And not just that Sans wouldn’t hurt me. He wasn’t going to digest me, but there was a bit more to it than that.
He had been caring for me for a little more than a week now. He had fed me and kept me warm. He had scared me, but he had meant well. He just didn’t know how to deal with people that didn’t have such thick ‘skin’ as him. And yet he was trying. And he apologized when he realized he had messed up. It was more than I ever got from my own p-…
I pressed myself closer to the tongue, cuddling a little closer into the warmth for comfort. As far as monsters went Sans looked the most like one, but even though he wasn’t perfect he acted the least like one. If anything the people I had been most dependant on had acted more like those evil creatures from stories whispered late at night.
Making up my mind I used my arms to move as much as I could and lined myself up with his throat again. I gave his palate a soft pat to tell him I was feeling better.
“ya sure kiddo?”
I answered by laying myself against his tongue, letting him feel my muscles loosening up as I allowed myself to relax.
There was a slow tilt of the room around me, making me slide closer towards the throat. For a moment I had to fight to keep calm. It wasn’t as bad as before though, I would be okay. Right before I dropped into the waiting throat though, Sans leveled his head again, bringing me to a stop.
I pushed myself a little more upright and looked around, confused as to why Sans hadn’t swallowed me yet.
“ye’re taking over for a moment here kiddo. you decide when ye wanna go, and i’ll take care of the rest.”
Oh, so this was another ‘push forward or push back’ moment, hu? Okay then. I looked forward again, taking a curious peek down the snake’s gullet.
Despite myself, I shuddered. It was unnerving to stare down the monster’s throat. Everything was a deep, dark red and it looked slimy. And on top of that everything seemed to be rippling slowly, as if the tube had a mind of its own. At least it wasn’t dark though, my entire surroundings lit up by that soft scarlet light. Nothing was hidden from me.
I tried a few times to push forward, but the sight of the drop and movements within the throat were just a tad too unnerving. So I did the next thing that seemed logical to my mind. With a bit of wiggling I managed to turn myself over and sit up some more. I shuffled backwards a little, until I could feel that I was balancing on the edge again.
I had to take a few more steadying breaths, closing my eyes and focusing on that deep hum far below. And then, allowing my mind to go blank, I leaned back. I startled a little at the drop, but it wasn’t that far though. Within less than a second, my back met a soft, slimy surface and powerful muscles took over.
I whimpered again as soft tissue squeezed around me, but I didn’t black out this time. I moved my arms up near my face so I wouldn’t get a mouth or nose full of slime and concentrated on my breathing. In and out, slow and steady so I wouldn’t be tempted to hyperventilate. The grip Sans’ throat had on me was surprisingly gentle, strong enough to force me down but I slid along the smooth surface easily and the pressure never got too uncomfortable.
And since I wasn’t panicking I could actually tell for sure that Sans was tilting his body, and it was clear why as soon as I entered his stomach.
Instead of dropping down to the pit of his stomach, I slid in. And as he tilted his body upright again I want sliding even more until I finally came to a stop at the bottom. I silently thanked him for that. With my legs not working, and especially with my spine broken back then, I could have gotten even more hurt.
I just lay there silently, taking in the situation. I did it, I was here. I was maybe a little bit stunned, but I wasn’t panicking or blacking out or feeling sick. If anything I felt some relief. Maybe even accomplishment.
“kiddo, you okay? if you want out just punch me, alright?”
Punch him? Okay. But I was feeling okay, so I just lay still and relaxed. I decided to close my eyes instead to listen to the sounds around me. …Yep, there was that hum of his soul…why was it starting to speed up?
“kid?!” Why did he sound so frantic? “can ya hear me?! one tap fer ‘no’ and two fer ‘yes’!”
Oh, right. I had been lying completely still ever since I got here. For all he knew I had actually fainted. So I shook myself out of my little stupor to lift my hand to give him two pats. Instantly the humming calmed and the gel around me turned a bit softer.
“huff, okay. still feeling okay though?”
I patted twice again, using the same code as before.
There was another, calmer sigh, followed by a soft chuckle. Still strong enough to make my surrounding bounce slightly though.
“hey, kiddo, guess what? you actually did it.”
I chuckled too, little huffs of silent breath leaving my own chest. Yeah, I guess I did. I must be crazy. I tapped twice again, still feeling a bit in a daze.
“heh, now tell me, was it that bad?”
Well, yes and no. I tapped trice. I was starting to feel much better now, but still…
“yeah, okay. i guess that scare before must still have been pretty emotionally draining at first. but, are you feeling more comfortable now at least?”
I smiled, tapping twice. I was happy that Sans had picked up on that at least. It had been pretty…pretty…..
I stretched my arms high over my head and yawned. It was just so warm in here, and soft. And with the feezy wind and clatter of rain and the fuss over being eaten was gone I felt sleep start to tug at my eyelids again.
He let out another chuckle, this one even softer, and fonder, than the last.
“say, how about we get some shuteye? it’s still dark out, the rain is coming down quite hard. at times like this little babybones like you should be floating around in the dream realm.”
One of my stretching arms came down in two pats. Maybe I should be more cautious. Maybe my mind should have jumped to millions of worst case scenarios. I should have felt an uncomfortable wringing in my chest at the knowledge of where I was. But they never came. Maybe there was an anxious voice buzzing at the back of my mind, but I was just so tired and it was being completely overwhelmed by how calm and safe I was feeling.
“just a sec.” The voice outside spoke, before my surroundings started to shift and role. Slowly though, so I wasn’t thrown around to much. After a bit he stopped and everything settled down with a satisfied sigh.
“there we go, now you just find a cozy spot to sleep. I bet there’s more than enough options. and if at any point you wake up feeling scared or uncomfortable, just punch me. i know how i look in the morning, but i’m a light sleeper. just wake me up and i’ll spit ya out right away.”
After hearing him out I did as he asked, wiggling around a little bit until I found a little indent in the stomach wall that was just to my liking. And with a few little shoves the soft gel shifted and molded more snugly around me.
Content with my sleeping arrangements, I nuzzled my cheek into a soft bump. It was a bit slimy, but as long as it didn’t get in my nose or mouth it wasn’t uncomfortable. Closing my eyes I yawned one last time. And then I allowed the darkness to sweep over my mind.
Before my mind became oblivious to the outside world, a soft baritone voice rumbled through the darkness.
“goodnight, sweetheart.”
I only had enough wakefulness left to answer with a little rub.
Chapter 3: Bruises
Summary:
I'm a little messed up, you're messed up....with some work this could work out.
Notes:
Scarlet also wanted more Sans POV soooo, more Sans POV! Yeeaaaaah!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I put the acorn cap back to my lips and blew as hard as I could, listening as the whistling echo faded between the trees. I was back again, here where no sane human treads, only this time of my own free will.
As my vision turned blurry I lifted a hand to wipe away the tears. I was completely distraught, I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go. I had been so excited when I got home. Maybe I couldn’t really talk, but now I finally had some way to tell others what I wanted to say. As the back door opened I had lifted my hands to greet my parents, only to be met with a red hot sting to my face.
The shop had been suffering financially while I was gone. Customers wanted the flowers, they didn’t pay for less. People had been outraged. Mom was hysterical, dad was furious. I had tried to talk, using my hands to promise I was going to be better. Before my mind could even properly process what happened, I was abruptly thrown into my room, pain in random places and my head stinging where my hair had been pulled and screams still ringing in my ears.
I had no right to talk. I should not disobey the will of the Gods. They didn’t want me to act as even more of a broken freak than I already was.
It only got worse when I heard they had fired their maid. Toriel was a lovely elderly lady. She would go out for groceries and help cleaning around the house. She would also sneak me some extra meat for dinner. And on weekends, when dad worked a bit longer in the pharmacy and mom went out shopping, she would show me how to make pies. She was only there for a few short hours in the afternoon, but she made me feel better.
I once overheard mom and dad talking behind her back, calling her a failure in everything a woman was supposed to be. Having lost her child and left her husband, she must have done something to displease the gods to deserve that. We were alike in that, failures to the gods. She didn’t mind that I didn’t talk, but she would always give me this...look. I liked Toriel, but I hated that way she would look at me, which somehow hurt me even more than any mockery. Pitiful, even in her eyes I was broken.
And when I disappeared she started asking questions, so my parents sent her away. So there was no-one there to comfort me that night, no-one I could show my new skill.
The next morning I was thrown out into the woods again with a large basket, to make up for my sloth. Two times five flowers in a bouquet tied together, only the flowers that were bigger than my hand with the shiniest golden leaves. Five times five bouquets, only then could I come home.
I had been crying ever since I started picking the flowers. I couldn’t help it, I panicked. I felt rage and frustration and complete helplessness grasping around my neck and chest and squeeze until I couldn’t breath. I threw the basket as hard as I could. I tore at the flowers as I felt like tearing out my own hair, tearing open my chest. I wanted it out. The pain, the sorrow, the fear and hopelessness, I wanted it all OUT!
The basket was damaged, the flowers destroyed. I didn't dare return home. They would be mad at me, they would scream and beat and…. I couldn't go home, so I turned the other way, deeper into the darkness of the forest. A logical part of my brain told me how stupid this was. That instead of going home, where I would be hurt but alive, I instead risked death within monster territory purely with the hope that I would find this one individual. But I was Determined.
I just wanted Sans.
The first week seemed like a descent into hell, the second was a bit uncertain, but my overall stay with the snake had been kinder than the rest of my life.
Sans didn't unexpectedly explode with rage and lash out at me, the resulting wounds burning hours after the fire was put out. At least, not that I ever saw, not near me. Sans could be impatient, but his anger was like a simmering pot of water. You see the danger and know not to touch it, but it’s still safe to be around. And once his anger cooled he had never failed to mumble a soft ‘sorry’. It scared me at first, but then I learned to wait it out.
After the fear loosened its grip, Sans had become a source of comfort. He wasn't perfect, he could get angry and irritated, he would pull slightly mean pranks, but he didn't hurt or terrorize me and always made sure I knew I would be safe. He made me feel safe. After a while his games didn’t even shock me as much anymore. A few days before I left I’d even silently giggle when he gently nuzzled against me, growling a soft ‘om nom nom’.
I wanted to laugh and giggle again, even if it was at Sans’ terrible puns. I wanted to stop feeling scared, even if just for one more day.
I was hurting everywhere, some caused by my parents, some by me pushing my own body. My legs were cramping, my side burning. I was cold and hungry. I decided that just a few minutes of rest wouldn’t hurt. Just a little while so I could catch my breath and rest my muscles. I sat down against one of the massive trees in this forest and closed my eyes. ‘Just for a little while, then I’ll feel a bit better and continue looking for Sans with fresh Determination. Just gonna close my eyes for a minute….’
One of my hands was pressed against the serpent’s soft, red tail, ready to grasp at it if I stumbled. The coil had been layn in a circle so I could keep on walking as long as I wanted without ever having to leave his side.
Sans had put his giant head down on top of the tail so he could ‘watch’ me. He always had his eyes closed, but he always seemed to know when I was about to fall. My legs had been healing much faster, and he had redoubled his signing lessons. I guess he wanted to teach me as much as he could before I had to go.
I was looking down at my feet as I bit my lip in concentration. I didn’t stumble as much anymore and I didn’t get tired as fast, but still my legs were starting to ache. I still wanted to push a little bit further though, just a few more steps.
“ya can take it easy ya know. I won’t be dropping you off that far from the village. I mean, you’ve been at it for like, what? 2 hours? And rest is just as important as exercise.”
Oh, okay.
My legs actually buckled as I turned my back against the tail, sliding down until I was sitting. I wasn’t exactly out of breath, but now that strain was off my legs they were really starting to cramp. I quickly reached for them and rubbed along my thighs in an attempt to sooth the pins and needles.
Behind me I could feel Sans shift.
“what did i just tell you? what is it with you and pushing yourself? there’s no rush, you can rest as much as you need and practice as long as you like.”
I knew. He told me that a few time already. But I had overstayed my welcome. I liked being here, but Sans had to expend energy and resources to take care of me. I didn't want to be a burden on him too. It was best to leave as soon as possible, before it started becoming painful.
Biting my lip, I turned back to the giant serpent.
I think I'm ready though
He gave me one of his long looks, those that made me wonder if he was looking straight into my soul. Those that made me wonder if he could maybe see what was truly going on in my heart.
Eventually, he blinked slowly and shrugged.
"k, if you say so. ‘s fine by me. but i warn you though."
When his left eye opened again, the normal soothing red was replaced by a burning dark orange.
"if i find you wandering this far into the woods again, i will not let you go back home a second time.”
"Well well, w-what's this?"
I woke up with a start at a strange voice so close. I quickly wiped my head in the direction the voice came from...and sucked in a frightened breath. There, above me and curling around the trunk of the tree, was a serpent. Not in the same way that Sans was, this creature looked more like an actual snake than the red naga.
A long, serpentine body was completely covered in sunset yellow scales. It had 2 short legs in the front that she used to cling to the trunk above me like a gecko, so that most of her body was hovering above, coiled up and ready to strike.
Her head had 5 thick horns and her snout ended in a curved point, sharp and broken teeth peeking out past her chipped, scaly lips. Her giant orange eyes peered down at me, squinting as if she had trouble seeing me clearly.
"Oooooh, l-looks like a t-tasty little- Hey!"
Wait, I was running now? Okay, guess I'm running!
"C-come back here!"
The command was accompanied by a heavy thumping, clawed feet chasing after me. Yeah, no thank you! Goodbye, see you never!
Remembering those short legs I started zigzagging, weaving in between the trees in an attempt to win this race with agility. For a second it seemed to work, the sound of a crash and stuttered cursing behind me. But instead the thumping was just replaced by the sound of foliage and earth being shoved around violently.
Oh great, she's slithering. I knew from experience that she was way faster than me like this. What do I do what do I do what do-
Trying to take a sharp turn around a massive redwood I flew straight into something big and solid. I was disoriented for just a second but it was enough for something large and heavy to slam me against the trunk. A loud crash and the protest of wood were all around me and for a moment I thought I was dead.
...
And then there was a snarl. A very familiar snarl, but much deeper and more threatening than I was used to.
"S-Sans!"
That single name sent waves of relief and just a tiniest twinge of fear through my body. One of his hands was cupped around me, trapping me between it and the bark of the tree with his pearly white claws acting as bars, digging deep into its trunk. From this position I couldn't really see his face, but I could recognise patches of his red tail and his black jacket. I pressed myself against his palm, eager for some comfort.
"heya alph."
"N-no! This is n-not fair! I saw this one f-first!"
I turned to see my pursuer again. She looked peeved and frustrated, and now that Sans was here and I knew I was safe from her, it even looked mildly funny.
"oh? is that so?" He drawled slowly, and I could imagine that lazy smirk on his face.
"honestly i think i saw this human waaaay before you did."
"T-then you should have tried to catch it w-way before I did. I did most of the work here!"
"yo, aplhys, we're...sorta allies right? with my bro and Undyne and stuff. you wouldn't mind me taking this one, right? i mean especially considering..."
It might have been my imagination, but the air suddenly seemed to turn cold. When Sans spoke again, his voice suddenly sounded much darker than I could ever remember it being, sending a shiver down my spine.
"this case is a little more personal than 'who saw it first'."
The yellow serpent, Alphys, was silent for a long moment, staring at the naga before her. She was clearly taken aback by his words and I could tell that whatever was making the air so thick was affecting her much worse. She looked down at me for a moment, and then back at the snake.
"F-f-fine." She spat softly, starting to slither away without breaking eye contact. Sans' hand was obscuring my vision after that, but I could hear the shuffle of her paws and giant tail.
After a few moments the hand around me started to move, claws pulling out of the wood with a sound like the tree was groaning in pain. Then those huge fingers wrapped gently around me, a strange feeling of equal parts relief and fear raging within my chest.
I was lifted up to meet two giant red eyes, and a grin that looked more like a grimace than a smile.
"jeesh kid. i was wondering how soon i'd see you again, but i didn't expect it would be this soon."
Without me wanting to, tears started up again. The adrenaline was starting to fade and I just wanted some peace. Selfish as it was, I just wanted someone to tell me it'd be alright, that they would take all of my problems from my shoulder and just let me lay down and wallow in self-pity for a bit.
I didn't even notice being moved. All I knew was that the next moment I was gently being pressed into warm fur. I needed a moment to regain my bearings, but another wave of relief swept through my body. So I snuggled closer. The light touch of something hard told me he was either pressing his teeth or his chin to my head.
"shhhhh, just relax. you're safe. big ol' sanzy is here."
A weird sounding cough left my throat, a strange mix between a sob and a laugh, and it lifted a huge pressure off my chest. That was the catalyst though, and my sobbing quickly started anew. Only this time it wasn't pure helplessness anymore. With Sans' gentle rubs along my head and shoulders, and his deep voice humming gentle nonsense into my ears, waves of relief were starting to sweep through my chest.
I didn’t really pay any attention, but it must have been a while before I felt him starting to move and heard the crunching of foliage under his tail below. I felt another slightly sharper flash of fear in my chest. I hurriedly scrubbed away the tears and tapped his jaw until he was looking at me.
What are you going to do with me?
Instantly all his movement stopped, his face looking stumped. Then he tilted his head, confusion and worry flickering in his eyes, accompanied by a simple: “what?”
I blanched for a few seconds. A memory of that same single word, hissed by a much more spiteful voice, played through my mind. Instinctively my hands flew up to protect my face, a few more tears springing to my eyes.
But instead if a hard impact, something hard and warm brushed down my shoulders and back.
“easy there kiddo. i’m not mad, i’m just a bit confused. please tell me what’s wrong so i can fucking do something about it.”
I flinched slightly at his words. I was so used to cursing being accompanied by pain, even when Sans did it. Even if he never lay a claw on me when they came pouring out of his mouth like venom. Even when his voice was so soft and almost desperate as now.
In a way, this was the softest way he could be outwardly frustrated.
So I forced myself out of the ball I had curled myself into and lifted my hands. It was the least I could do for him when he was trying to be so patient, even if it brought the tears right back to my eyes.
Back when…
My hands faltered for a moment, nervously fluttering in place. Did he even remember what he said?
You said that if I came back, you would…
Honestly, I didn’t know what he would do. He just said I wouldn’t be going back, and all the thoughts and uncertainty about what he could and would do were terrifying me.
My lackluster explanation seemed to be enough though, as recognition flickered across his eyes, before it was replaced with a sharp grin that I had come to associate with his ‘games’.
“ah yeah, i did say something like that, din’t i? but indeed, what would i do? well…”
He put a long claw against his teeth and tapped it a few times slowly, making a hollow, deep ‘tick’ sound every time the bone landed against the sharp fangs.
It was absolutely nerve-racking. There was this thing twisting in my gut as it was very clear Sans had already decided what he was gonna do, but he was just toying with me and taking his sweet time revealing the information. But at the same time, those signals that I had come to associate with teasing me, borderline predatory behavior that had never before gotten me hurt, it was kinda soothing.
“ah! i know just the thing i can do with an adorable lil’ human like you.”
He suddenly pulled me closer and gently smushed me to his cheek, where the bone was smooth and soft and even slightly pliable.
“i can feed you, i can hug you, and i can call you my lil’ frisky bits.”
I was paralyzed at first. Sure I was relieved, but I was kinda still…processing it? Once it clicked though, I gave an angry stomp to Sans’ cheek. Then I spread out my arms as wide as I could and did my best to hold on for dear life, waterworks starting all over again.
“aw, again? shhhhhhhhh, please don’t cry kiddo. it’s okay, i’m sorry for scaring you. i’m…..i’m sorry.”
He let out a defeated sigh. Even though his words started with a hint of humor in his voice, he did seem to mean it. He gently nuzzled me after another brief pause.
“heh, then again maybe i should have gotten used ta scaring ya, whether i intended to or not. i-i am really sorry though. i did mean to scare you this time after all.”
I let go of his face for a moment to sign.
Why
There was a slightly softer sigh.
“kid, i literally can’t see what you’re saying from thing angle. i’m gonna pull ya away now so i can see, ‘kay?”
Even though I was still upset, and a little angry, I giggle softly before tapping his cheek twice. So I was pulled back enough to see me, and I repeated the question.
Why did you want to scare me this time? Did you really want me gone that bad?
Looking into his eyes, I could see the exact moment his heart broke. His eyelights flickering out and a flinch shocking through his shoulders. He was silent for a long moment, head tilting down and the lines under his eyes seeming to turn darker.
“kid,” He started in an impossibly soft voice. “if i had my way i’d stuff you in my pocket and never let you go… but i can’t. you have a life of your own, and seeing you unhappy…i’ don’t think i could have handled that for long.”
My mouth dropped open. This proud predator, always towering high and mighty, always on top of everything, always with a confident, teasing, or mocking grin on his face, never shy to show off just how big or strong he was, even if he was being gentle…had completely wilted under a single question.
His shoulders sagged, his tail curled in a ball close around his belly, that faux mouth he had was turned down and almost closed, showing off barely any fang. It made something ache in my chest. Something that made me feel more in control than usual, but also so much more exposed to outside danger. I had never seen him make himself so vulnerable before.
“y-…you just talked about needing to get home…so often. that your family needed you. and from everything i saw, i just couldn’t imagine why you would want to live like that again. that you would pick that kind of bullshit over me, when i had tried so hard to be kind to you. and i got so frustrated because of that. but i knew it isn’t healthy to think that way. i know it’s all the LV talking, because i wasn’t just being nice to bribe you.”
Red liquid, looking almost like blood in water started to bead at the edge of his eye sockets. He tried to scrub at it with a shoulder before they fell, but that turned out to be a useless endeavor. So he gently shifted me into his right hand, while he pushed the palm of the other nearly into his socket. It left the other starting to drip through.
“i don’t want to think like that, but it just pops into my head. but every time you looked happy or genuinely relaxed it made me feel so much better about everything. and i wanted more of that. but i didn’t want to force you to stay because it would scare you, and the thought just made me feel horrible. and i didn’t want to give mahself a chance too... oh stars i’m so selfish.”
He was starting to shake, lowering his entire body to the ground until his hand was low enough to let me slide to the ground. As soon as I stood steadily on my feet, he withdrew his whole upper body into the ball of his coils as well.
“i’m so sorry. this isn’t good, this isn’t okay. i don’t know what to do. you didn’t deserve this. i’m sorry. i’m s-so, so sorry.”
He repeated the words multiple times until it drifted off into heavy, shuddering breaths. I just stood there for a while, stunned. Did I really just see that happen? Did I just really see the powerful, confident, and kinda obnoxious Sans I knew just crumble down into a crying, blubbering mess?
Yes, I had, and I was just standing here. So I cautiously walked up to the gigantic tangle of red tubes. I stopped right in front of the place he had disappeared into though. Because honestly, I was a bit scared. The things he had talked about, they were not good, not healthy. And for a long moment I was actually contemplating if I should be worried, if maybe I should walk away before something bad happened?
No, I decided. Sans, had been open about it now. I now kinda knew what was going on in his mind. So if he were to start acting on it, I could see the warning signs. And I could leave if I thought things were going south.
But if it was just that I might have walked away.
What kept me firmly in front of the serpent, was that he never acted on said thoughts before. I remembered what he told me about LV, the effect killing had on the soul. Back then I just thought it was him convincing me that killing me would only make him worse. But his mind had already gone to those dark places.
And still he reeled in his temper every time. Still he told himself to back off when he was having fun teasing me but I was scared, even if it was just a little bit. Still he let me go when I asked, even if it made him…frustrated? Angry?…Sad.
Toriel once told me about intrusive thoughts, and how people worried about having them. Even though Sans had not done anything really wrong since his moment of realization, he was obviously worried about having them too. More than anything, he was in pain.
And with that thought, I stepped forward into the mass of coils.
It wasn’t that hard to find him. There weren’t exactly many places he could go. He was just lying there on his belly with his tail curled on top, forming a sort of shield on top of him.
He was still covering his left eye with his palm, though there seemed to be a wild flickering of red and orange behind it. The other eye was staring off and away into the ground. It looked like a distorted version of his usual little light ball, constantly shifting and even letting out soft buzzing and popping noises as it did.
The thing that broke the disturbing image though, was the red, transparent liquid dripping down from his eyes. He was still sobbing and letting out low whines, but it sounded like he was cold with how much he shook. Now and then he seemed to murmur some broken words, but I couldn’t really make out any of it.
Deciding I’d seen enough of this, I reached out and touched his face.
He froze instantly, his eye flickering out completely. I thought I somehow broke him at first. He was so still, not a sound, no movement. I started second guessing if it really was a good idea to disturb him. I had seen him angry, I had seen him deep in thought, and I know it was best in those cases to just let him ride it out. I had no idea how to handle this though.
“ ’m so sorry.”
I flinched, not expecting the sound of his voice. It sounded even more overwhelming in such a small space and so close to him, even if he spoke softly.
“ya deserve so much better than these old bones. i’ve messed mahself up for a long time now. and these thoughts…they ne’er bothered me much but…i don’t want ‘em. i don’t want ‘em to turn on you. tha way they do has changed, and I actually kinda want to follow through with them but i can’t. i c a n ‘ t hurt you. i wouldn’t be able to live with mahse-”
I stopped him there, insistently tapping his cheek to get his attention. I couldn’t talk to him if he didn’t look at me after all. A tiny red spark flickered on in his socket, focusing on me.
Those are called intruding thoughts
Maybe not the exact right term with my still slightly limited vocabulary, but I think I could get my point across. It seemed to catch Sans’ attention at least.
They are normal even in good people. It’s like that mean version of where you look down a cliff and feel like jumping but know that would kill you. And everyone has them, and that’s not bad.
The light in his socket flickered on to a near normal state, but there was still a deep frown on his face and he looked skeptical.
I know because…
I hesitated for a long while. Toriel had told me it was okay, as long as I didn’t act on it ( ‘even if they somewhat deserve it’ she had softly mumbled under her breath). It was normal, especially in my position. Talking about it with someone who could understand would make me feel better.
But there was still this slimy feeling of guilt crawling on my back.
There have been times…back home…nights I lay wide awake from hunger or pain…when I thought of a heavy rock outside or the knives in the kitchen. And I thought of just taking them…going into my parents’ bedroom while they slept……and…………
I couldn’t continue. I always prided myself in that I always tried to be kind and see good in people. And the fact that those thoughts pop up in my mind had caused me to cry a lot in the past. After telling Toriel, and having her tell me that everyone had those thoughts and only the weak minded acted on them, it had gotten better. Telling someone out loud still made me feel disgusting though.
I guess I knew how Sans felt in that regard.
His hand had dropped and his sockets widened at my confession. He didn’t look judgmental though, just shocked. Maybe even a tiny bit proud? I didn’t know how to feel about that?
And if my parents gave me so many reasons to be mad, I’m absolutely sure you won’t hurt me.
This seemed to dumbfound him even more. I thought that might have gotten through to him for a moment. But then he averted his eyes back to the ground, frowning and balling his hands against the dirt.
“i’ve killed humans before.”
I could have guessed
“not all o’ them out of self-defense or anything.”
Probably
“…i don’t…i don’t want…”
He looked lost for words. What kind of things were boiling through his mind that he wanted to say? Don't want to hurt me? Don't want to scare me? Don't want to make me unhappy? Don't want to be a bad caretaker?
I tapped his face to get his eyes on me again.
Then you won't
I did my very best not to let my hands waver. I know that if I put my full trust in him, that he'd be even less likely to do anything that might hurt me. I was still a bit scared, hard not to be when looking a killer in the eye, but I did believe in his good will towards me.
He seemed a bit taken aback.
"how are you..so absolutely sure about that?" There was just a tiny hint of a threat in his voice, even if it was almost ruined by that little waver in his words.
Trying to push me away again? Better shut that idea down before it took roots.
Because you never have before. And if you don't want, I trust that you never will
He looked flabbergasted at my words, longer than any of the other times I surprised him. But then a watery smile crept back onto his face and he let out a wet, ugly snort. Still the nicest sound I heard today.
"jeesh kid, how could I ever be good enough for someone like you?"
I smiled back.
Well, if you'll do so as you said and feed me, hug me, and call me your Frisky bits, I think you'll be just right.
Another laugh, this time fuller and more relaxed.
“geeze kiddo. ye’re impossible, ya know that?”
Oh really? Are you dreaming me up then?
He grinned as one of his clawed hands lifted up and curled behind my back. He gently pulled me closer to the middle of his face. His nose bone nuzzled into my belly, so I pressed my own face and hands into the space between his eyes, trying my best to hug back without shoving my hands into his sockets.
“i’m pretty damn sure it’d break my soul if i was, babybones.”
There was a note of sadness in those words that caused an uncomfortable tug at my chest. Yet at the same time it made my chest feel like it was going to explode and tears to prickle my eyes, but in the best way possible. I was wanted.
After just leaning there against the giant naga for quite a while, I slowly felt his tail starting to uncurl from around us. Sans let out a long sigh and loosened his grip on me.
“heh, sorry about all that kiddo. i shouldn’t have fallen apart on ya like that. ‘s not your problem to deal with. but…i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t grateful…f’r just…being here.”
I was gently scooped back into his hands and he cradled me to his chest as he rose back up.
“Le’s just go home, okay? How’s that sound?”
I just nodded, snuggling close. The hum deep inside his chest sounded strong and steady.
I was pretty content with the quiet for a while. Just me and my kiddo in companionable silence. No predators, no other monsters or humans, no worrying about their safety where I couldn’t see them. Hell, even those stupid thoughts had decided to shut up for longer than a minute.
It had been like I’d been sitting in the dark for so long, my back turned to a tiny hole of light in the invisible walls. Part of that darkness was violence, justified by thoughts of ‘only taking the bad ones’. Another part of it I created myself, chiding myself when those thoughts surfaced at the sight of innocent travelers or hunters.
And then suddenly there had been this tiny arm poking through the hole, waving around and trying to push itself back out. And then, when I finally realize they needed help and decided to give it, I tore that hole further open.
The flood of light had been strange, maybe even a little painful. And yet I found myself tearing at it a little more. Every time they relaxed in my grasp, every time they looked scared, and every time they smiled I scratched with a frenzy. And after a while the light wasn’t as strange or painful anymore. Just bit by bit getting used to it again. Telling myself I could deserve just a little bit more.
Sure, sometimes that darkness would creep at the edge of my vision, and some of it would always be part of me. LV can’t be un-gained. But I felt better, just a tiny bit happier, every day.
I had my bad moments, though. Moments where emotions would get too bad to contain. And now that I was trying to connect to my…’slightly softer’ side again, not everything came out as the rage I had used to defend myself with. I knew I became an easy target there. I really had not meant to put both of us in danger, or to make Frisk deal with my filthy mess of a mind. Crying…did feel pretty good though.
I wasn’t completely okay yet, I could feel it. But I could deal with it once Frisk was asleep. Their words would be excellent motivation to drag me through though. But still, I HAD to ask.
“what i said back there is true though, kid.”
They looked up a little startled, though also confused about what part I was talking about.
“when we get back to my den, i won’t let you go back to your village. it’s to dangerous here for you to just casually visit, and it’s dangerous for me to stay close to such a crowded border for too long. i’ll gladly take you in and do anything I can to make you happy, but i won’t let you either of us get hurt. so you have to pick one.”
Their eyes went wide, with both hope and fear, a weird mix I couldn’t quite understand. It was a choice between having their own species to defend them if one of us, or even me, were to turn on them. But if I could control my own temper and selfishness enough, they might be treated better than they were by their parents. At least that’s what my mind saw as logic.
I don’t know if…I feel like I’d be abandoning them. They need me. But…you…
Ah shit, this again?! Why was this kid so fucking selfless?
“frisk, look at me.”
They dutifully met my eyes, and I could feel magic starting to buzz right behind my sockets. Monsters didn’t call me ‘The Judge’ for nothing after all.
Not only could I read the LV and EXP of the soul, but some magic cast through direct eye contact and they’d speak truth and only truth. I had made my victims practically sing to me the horrors they caused before bringing their grizzly end. But this was for a different cause.
Poor little Frisk, always frightened to provoke another’s wrath. Always trying to say what they thought you wanted to hear, because the truth might bring more pain. Believe me, I knew what it was like being dependent on someone fickle that was much more powerful than you. But I needed to know what they really thought, what they truly wanted, otherwise we couldn’t solve our troubles.
“tell me. if for a moment you could be completely selfish, no responsibilities or consequences or judgment, what would you want?”
They lifted their hands at my ‘command’, but stopped for a moment. Easily mistaken for hesitation, even in their own mind, but truly their soul.
I’d want to stay with you of course
‘Of course’. I’d have turned into a pile of warm goop if I was physically able to.
Mother and father just need me to survive. I hate what they do, but they have to live too. And they work hard and have to deal with a lot, so I understand…but it’s not fair. They’re not fair to others. And I’m so tired of all the…
Snap.
Their soul, distressed and frightened about my potential reaction, struggled until it broke the magic on its own. So pale and shaky when I first met them, but slowly shining brighter every day with the warm red of Determination. I could only imagine how powerful they would be at full confidence, and maybe with a bit of conscious training.
Their hands dropped to he held tightly into their lap and they looked down with a blush of shame.
I grinned down at them.
“well, good news for you, kiddo. you don’t have to be selfish. i’ll be selfish then. i’m officially gonna keep you now. unless maybe ye’d wanna fight me over it?”
If they actually were desperate enough to try and fight me over it, I’d let them go. But as it was now, there was a relieved little smile creeping up under that blush.
So I just slithered on, making a beeline for my den this time instead of just idling around between the trees. And for a while I kept going like that, mood improved a little bit more. I just let Frisk be for a bit longer so that they could cool down and relax. But when I looked down to check up on them, they looked to be deep in troubled thought.
Ah no, now what?
I brushed along their hair to get their attention. They startled a little, squinty dark eyes turning to look up at me.
“goldpiece for your thoughts, frisky bits?”
The nickname worked, making their face light up with a surprised snort-chuckle. It dropped again as they lifted their hands, but the humor didn’t leave their face quite completely. I considered it a little victory.
What if my parents came into the forest themselves to look for golden flowers, and they found me? Will they even survive without my help?
I huffed in disdain.
“whatever happens they’ll get what’s coming to them.”
I might have grinned just a little too sharply, because they got a look of worry on their paling face.
If you ever meet them please don’t kill them
I scoffed.
“if they show their ugly faces in my neck of the woods, i won’t be giving them any special allowance kiddo.”
Promise you won’t kill them
If I needed to breathe, I’d have choked on it. My jealousy flared sharply.
‘unbelievable, this fuckin’ kid. such a hypocrite for asking that of me when they told me they fantas-’
Darkness started creeping up in the corners of my eyes, thoughts sneaking in again. I ground them to a halt abruptly, trying to calm down again. Looks like I hadn't recovered as much as I’d like.
I answer short and coldly.
“no.”
I could see them deflate slightly and shrink back. Nonetheless, they straightened themself back up again and steeled their resolve.
‘for them ?! after everything they’ve done to you?!’
My body felt like it was going to burst into flames. I saw nothing but red in my left eye, but I could feel tears starting to prickle in the right.
They signed more insistently.
Please promise you won’t kill them
Something on my head felt like it exploded.
“i w i l l n o t-!!!”
Pure terror flashed across the kid’s eyes, giving me a small moment of clarity to act. I shoved my tongue between my teeth and biting down HARD! Hard enough even that I yelped at the pain and I could start to feel magic drip into my mouth. It’s a good thing I was immune to my own venom.
I held like that for a moment, literally holding my tongue so the words wouldn’t continue coming out. I was hard at first, but I could force deep breaths in and out of my ribcage. I might not need it, but focusing on the action itself and the feeling of it helped me calm down.
Eventually, I felt well enough to open my jaws again and pull my tongue back inside. It hurt and I had trouble moving it. ‘S a good thing I didn’t really need it to speak either, and it would heal quickly anyway. I realized I had screwed my eyes shut as well, so I first relaxed the area around the sockets and then slowly opened them. I could feel half dried magic clinging at the edges. Gross.
Frisk was still seated in my palm, curled up into a small ball. At least they were looking more surprised than scared now, just barely though. But I was relieved they didn’t try to jump off and all the way to the ground below at least. Didn’t stop this filthy, slimy feeling from crawling up my back though.
Of course they would be basically begging for their parents’ lives, they were just a kid. It was a miracle they were still so kind and untainted. But exactly because they didn’t let themself be corrupted, they wouldn’t want their parents to die. Of course on some messed up level they still loved those bastards. And even if they didn’t, their gentle soul wouldn’t allow the violence if it wasn’t necessary anymore…in their eyes.
“ ‘m…sorry kiddo. ah think i’m gonna need a little time to myself after this, heh.”
I felt a little wisp of relief in my chest as they uncurled, just a little bit. They still had a firm grip on their knees, but at least they were sitting up more and not pulling them to their chest so hard.
“still, i absolutely refuss to make a promise for the sake of those pieces of sssssssshit.”
I tried not to, but the hiss slipped past before I could correct myself. They flinched at the sharp sound, but now they looked more disappointed than scared. At least it didn’t cut as deep as the other. But the way they sat there looking off to the side, rocking back and forth a little, was far from desirable. Wonder if I was getting soft or if this was what being a responsible and compassionate adult was like.
I let out a deep sigh.
“okay kid, let's make a little deal. if they dare to set foot into the forest to get flowers, i’ll not fly completely off the handle. i won’t kill them at least.”
They were slow to do so, stopping and stuttering a few times on the way, but they did look me in the eyes.
No promise though?
“no promises for their sake, but i will do my best not to maul them on sight, just for you.”
If those words made them feel better, I wouldn’t have been able to tell. They looked off to the side again and I couldn’t see what emotions flickered there, so the drop in their shoulders might have been either them relaxing or defeat.
So for now, I just held one of my hands to their back for comfort and started slithering forward again. They avoided the contact by holding still at first, which hurt.
I wanted to reassure them more, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t chew those irresponsible breeders into bloody chunks, but they were just NOT worthy to be part of my promises, even if I made said promise to the kid.
Ah fuck. I soured the mood again, didn’t I? Should I ask again if they were really sure if they wanted to come with me? But maybe if I did, they might feel like I wouldn’t want them all over again.
After some time though, maybe they just needed some, they slowly started to lean in, even snuggling against my palm. I turned my eyes down towards them to see their own were hooded and vaguely pointed to where we were going. It lifted a little bit of the weight off my soul, and I decided this might be a good time to take our minds off of our argument.
“hey, sweetheart?”
They blinked up at me, eyes weary.
“what would you like to do when you’re a bit older?”
Another blink.
A bit older?
“yeah like,…” It took me a moment to really think about how I was going to say it. “you can stay with me for as long as you like, heck your whole life if you want. but who knows, maybe one day you’d like to, ya know, interact with your people again. maybe you just wanna play with kids the same age as you. young monsters don’t really like coming close to adults like me, so maybe at some point you’d want to get out of the forest near a smaller, safer village and play with other human kids. make some friends, ya know?”
“or later on when you are an adult yourself, like, maybe you’d want to find yourself a nice mate and start a nest? or find a job and help other people?”
There was this spark in my mind that instantly improved my mood, a little nugget of revenge without any need to do it myself. Though I could help keep the supply low.
“oh, the old bastard that called himself your father made healing potions from golden flowers, right?”
They shrunk inward a little bit, but I pushed past my own discomfort hoping that my next words might plant an idea. If I worded it the right way, the idea might just make them feel better about it and themselves.
“you could live in one of the small villages near the forest and do the same, ya know? i could get you the flowers and we’ll regularly meet at the border, and then you can go and make the medicine. you could help all sorts of people and save lives. and you could ask for much less, heck, if people are in need but have nothing you could even exchange trades for it.”
Their eyes widened a bit more at that, even as they nervously chewed their lip. Jackpot! The kid would be sure to never struggle financially or have no shelter. And they would get a pretty respected place in the hierarchy of humans, because people would want them to do well and keep getting more medicine. They wouldn’t even have to ask that much for any potion, I could get them all the stuff they’d need and other people would aid them to keep the supply coming.
There might be a few flaws in the plan, there might be people out for their skill or fortune. But if they decided to stay close I could take care of that. I knew this little village that had a few farms and fields nearly touching the forest. If I gave them subtle little pushes towards that place and the people cooperated and were nice to them, this might work out just fine.
Maybe
I put a little more focus on my kid as their hands moved.
But…I’d also really like to make…
They seemed to struggle to find a word, most likely one that I hadn’t taught them.
Crunchy with sweet filling food
I snorted slightly. “crunchy with sweet filling?”
I don’t know the sign (looks like I was right there) but someone I like taught me to make it. It always made me feel better, so if I do the flowers I also want to make other people happy my way.
Hmmmmmm. I tapped my chin.
“ya know kid, golden flowers are slightly sour tasking. but maybe if we can make it sweet…we should visit my bro one of these days. he experiments with preparing food, maybe he knows of a way to make them a little sweeter. or maybe a little more tasteless so they can be mixed in with something else.”
They gave me a wide grin.
I can meet Papyrus?
“sure as hell you can meet paps. i’ll have to talk to him and warn him you’re human, but after that, we can visit no problem.”
They smiled even wider and even bounced slightly, hands giving an excited little wave. But about halfway in their tiny outburst, they suddenly made a weird face. I was a bit worried at first, but then their mouth opened in a huge yawn and their eyes were drooping. Poor kid went through too much today already, and I had no idea how long they had been awake or moving around. I couldn’t blame them.
I brushed a claw along their hair again, smiling.
“ ‘s gettin’ pretty dark, ain’t it? how’s about ya close them little peepers and catch some Zs?”
They were able to look up at me for only a few seconds and nod before their eyes unfocused. They pressed their palms against their eyes and let out the tiniest pathetic little sigh, desperate for rest.
So cute.
Should I press my luck? It had been a while after all, and getting reunited hadn’t exactly gone off smoothly.
“would ya be okay if i said those Zs are plentiful inside the ol’ belly?”
They seemed to startle just a little bit, eyes momentarily snapping up at me. But then they quickly started to sag down again. They nodded, no reluctance or fear in sight. That was a relief.
I lifted the kid up to my face, nuzzling them affectionately against my teeth.
“we’ll get through this kiddo. big ol’ sanzy is gonna do his best to make sure of that.”
Little huffs of air left their mouth as they nuzzled back. So I wasted no more time to gently tip them into my mouth.
I wanted to shudder at the feeling of their small form sliding onto my tongue. They just felt so tiny, and even if I wasn’t gonna hurt them it was a huge power trip.
Many monsters in this wood, including myself, liked to scare and manhandle smaller creatures. Most of us started life being hunted and fearing to get eaten ourselves. So the ones of us who survived to adulthood relished in the feeling of finally having power over others.
And yet, while caring for my kid, I discovered something…pleasant. Sure, having this power over others gave such a rush. But not doing anything that could hurt them softened it to something warmer.
I could shover them between my teeth and sever something important, but I wouldn’t. Because I loved them. Part of it was probably those ‘intruding thoughts’, but that afterthought gave me this feeling of control. Not only over others, but also myself. It was comforting to think about that.
It had been kinda funny sometimes to see them freak out when nothing bad was gonna happen to them. But now that they were so calm and trusting, nuzzling closer to my tongue and letting out a breath that might have been a tired hum or squeak, it made me want to wrap my arms around myself and wiggle like a startled worm.
I kept myself under control though, and lightly wrapped my tongue around them instead. To slick them up for the travel down of course. And I swear, the tip of my tail did not flick around like an excited wolf’s!
I practically melted again as their tiny hands grabbed for the split tip of my tongue. I let them hold it for a little longer to squeeze, until they let go and tapped twice to let me know they were ready. I slowly tilted my head slightly back, letting them slide into the entrance of my throat, and swallowed.
I really shuddered this time. So tiny. I was used to much larger prey. Bears, wolves,…adult humans. It still felt a little strange to send something I wasn’t planning on eating down to my belly, and it still caused this cold flash of concern in my chest. But I knew well enough the kid would be perfectly fine, and the reward was so worth it.
I angled my body slightly so my chest was a little lower and slightly shifted my insides. After being able to stand on their own feet at least, they had actually expressed amusement at dropping into my belly and bouncing against the soft interior. But since they were so tired I thought they might not appreciate the drop too much.
I smiled as I felt them slide in safely. I didn’t even need to tell my magic to be gentle with them anymore. As soon as it brushed against their kind little soul it instantly turned from offensive to tender, gently snaking along their skin to find and sooth a wide array of bruises that I hadn’t been able to see underneath their gigantic sweater.
I frowned at this newfound information, but it was hard to stay angry for long as I felt the kid relax more and snuggle closer. I shifted the bumps and folds just a little bit more, arranging them in just that way they seemed to like most for their naps, and was rewarded by a tiny hand running along the smooth surface.
Stars that was the good stuff.
For a little while, I could do nothing else but sit there and rub back at my own stomach. I knew if I tried to move any more than that I’d collapse and just lay there purring until I wound down. I’d never get over the feeling of their small hands exploring or just petting the slimy surface of my stomach.
After a few measly minutes though, they lost their strength and started to drift closer to sleep. I hummed back at them affectionately.
“ya just take a nice long nap, babybones. i’ll get us home.”
I felt their cheek slide along my pseudo-flesh as they nodded, followed immediately by a huge yawn and a last snuggle. After that their entire body went still except for the rhythmic movements inside their chest and the slowing flutters of their soul.
I just sat there for a bit longer, just enjoying the quiet of the moment. Eventually, I forced myself to move again, making my tail push and pull to propel myself forward. Time to get back to our home.
Our home…now that sounded like a great idea.
Notes:
Yeah, fair warning to everyone for chapter 4...... *puts on safety helmet and goggles* Blame Samurai and Scarlet for it, because it’s not quite as fluffy as the other 3.
Pages Navigation
Stardustly on Chapter 1 Thu 02 Nov 2017 12:57AM UTC
Comment Actions
UltimateGamer101 on Chapter 1 Thu 02 Nov 2017 01:42AM UTC
Comment Actions
CorruptedNightshade on Chapter 1 Thu 02 Nov 2017 04:45PM UTC
Comment Actions
fanficfan (Guest) on Chapter 1 Thu 02 Nov 2017 06:55PM UTC
Comment Actions
keybladekittykattonks on Chapter 1 Wed 29 Nov 2017 03:10AM UTC
Comment Actions
KnittingSamurai on Chapter 1 Tue 20 Feb 2018 05:26AM UTC
Last Edited Tue 20 Feb 2018 05:27AM UTC
Comment Actions
KattraBlake on Chapter 1 Wed 19 Jan 2022 01:52AM UTC
Comment Actions
cyan difference (Guest) on Chapter 1 Thu 25 Apr 2019 11:27PM UTC
Comment Actions
KattraBlake on Chapter 1 Wed 19 Jan 2022 01:51AM UTC
Comment Actions
Underlust_Sins on Chapter 2 Mon 16 Apr 2018 09:22PM UTC
Comment Actions
Sumire37 on Chapter 2 Tue 17 Apr 2018 04:45PM UTC
Comment Actions
KnittingSamurai on Chapter 2 Fri 20 Apr 2018 05:10PM UTC
Comment Actions
Paperjam_girl (Guest) on Chapter 2 Fri 20 Apr 2018 11:15PM UTC
Comment Actions
VOID_OF_INSANITY on Chapter 2 Mon 23 Apr 2018 02:40PM UTC
Comment Actions
AmyScarlet on Chapter 2 Thu 03 May 2018 06:35AM UTC
Comment Actions
AmyScarlet on Chapter 2 Thu 03 May 2018 06:52AM UTC
Comment Actions
Sans (Guest) on Chapter 2 Sat 11 Aug 2018 12:35AM UTC
Comment Actions
sansdoesntwearsilkydreses on Chapter 2 Thu 08 Nov 2018 04:20AM UTC
Comment Actions
thelibrarbian on Chapter 2 Wed 13 Feb 2019 08:33PM UTC
Comment Actions
Eve_Eternal on Chapter 2 Sat 06 Apr 2019 12:17AM UTC
Comment Actions
KattraBlake on Chapter 2 Wed 19 Jan 2022 03:11AM UTC
Comment Actions
MaeAce on Chapter 3 Wed 10 Apr 2019 04:09PM UTC
Comment Actions
Pages Navigation