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In which Martin is a jealous only child who resents his father-figure’s boyfriend.
8. “Why are you so jealous?”
Martin couldn’t quite remember what his life was like before the incident, just that it had been himself and his parents, and that they had loved him very much. Now he only had one parent, but Oswald still loved him very much. They had a bond of loyalty, a bond stronger than the one between some families. The blood of the covenant was thicker than the water of the womb. Oswald had told him that. A family you found was worth more than a family you were given, because you chose them.
So when Edward Nygma began spending more time at their home, Martin had some concerns. One, that Oswald only had so much love to give, and now Edward was siphoning some of it away from Martin. Having only one parent was already a reduction in attention, but now that attention was being split two ways, and Martin could already see Oswald drifting. He was spending more time staring into space and thinking about that man than he was with Martin.
His second concern was related to the fact that the bond between Oswald and himself was based on loyalty and trust. Oswald had claimed to prize that above all else. Yet Edward had apparently betrayed Oswald before, just as Oswald had done to him. Why would Oswald betray someone and break that bond if he didn’t intend to kill them and be rid of them? Why would he want to associate with someone who had then in turn betrayed him? It didn’t make sense. Even if Oswald loved Edward, how could they trust one another? Oswald had once told him that he needed to know he could trust Martin, and Martin had not failed him. What had Edward done to show Oswald that he was loyal? Had he been tested as Martin had been?
Then there was the final, and most simple reason: Martin was jealous. It had little to do with having to share Oswald’s attention, or whether Edward was loyal, and everything to do with whether Oswald loved Edward more. That was why Martin was going to get rid of him.
The key was to let Edward know that Martin didn’t want him, and that he would be an adversary to him for as long as he was in Oswald’s life, while also making sure that Oswald didn’t catch on. He was attached to Edward, and certainly wouldn’t approve. No, Martin needed to be covert.
His first attempt was not very successful. He’d made the kitchen floor very slippery, putting himself into a position so that he could subtly let Edward know he was the culprit without Oswald picking up on it. Edward was always the first into the kitchen in the mornings, his plan was foolproof.
Just as he predicted, Edward came into the room. It was Saturday, therefore he was casually dressed in loose flannel pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt. He strode into the kitchen towards the patch that Martin had sabotaged, his heel slipping out from under him as his momentum caused him to fall backwards and hit the ground hard. Edward made a pained nose and didn’t get up. A moment later Oswald entered the room at a markedly slower pace, wearing his favourite robe. Martin’s eyes widened. He hadn’t expected him so soon, how would he warn him?
“Ed,” Oswald said, noticing his position on the floor. “Are you okay?” Clearly alarmed, he hurried over, right into the danger zone. Martin couldn’t see Edward, but it sounded like he was moving on the floor, perhaps turning around.
“Oswald, be careful. I slipped—” Oswald fell forwards, and Martin grimaced. He was surprised to hear giggling a moment later, carefully leaving his hiding place and going to investigate. Oswald was on top of Edward, brushing his hair back and murmuring to him.
“Are you okay?” Oswald asked again, voice much softer.
“I think I bruised my tailbone,” Edward said, grimacing. “That really hurt.”
“I’ll have Olga clean the floor,” Oswald assured him, kissing Edward’s forehead. “Come on.” Oswald stood, offering Edward both hands and pulling him to his feet. Edward slipped again and clutched at him, the pair giggling once the danger had passed. They carefully navigated out of the room, neither having noticed Martin’s silent presence. He’d just have to try again.
***
It was two pranks later that Edward seemed to catch on, but rather than telling Oswald or getting angry, he only seemed to try harder to get Martin to like him. He’d brought candy and games, and had also enrolled the three of them in an evening ASL course at a local high school.
Martin was steadfast in trying to maintain his mistrust and jealousy, but it was no easy task. Especially so when Edward cooked him his favourite breakfast before school, puttering around the kitchen in a t-shirt and boxers, singing old songs like Martin’s mother had once done. Oswald would always come in a little while later and hold him from behind, swaying in time with Edward to the music, the two of them laughing softly and exchanging sweet good morning kisses over Edward’s shoulder while he cooked. Martin’s father used to do the same thing, though he had been taller than his mother. Oswald seemed to make it work. Usually, he’d make coffee and pour Martin’s orange juice while Edward made breakfast. On one fateful morning, he’d deviated slightly from their routine and delivered a loud slap to Edward’s backside. Edward had jumped about a foot in the air, then proceeded to pitch a fit about Oswald doing that in front of Martin. It hadn’t happened again, and Martin would be lying if he said he wasn’t grateful.
Martin had yet to attempt another prank, and he soon reached a breaking point. Edward had been lounging on the couch reading, his bare feet propped on the arm rest. Martin was doing his homework at the table, head snapping up when he heard the front door open. Oswald came into the room, smiling fondly at them both and going to Martin.
‘Hello,’ Martin signed, unsure how to sign ‘welcome home’ just yet.
“Hello, Martin,” Oswald said, dropping a kiss on his forehead. “How are your studies?”
‘Good,’ Martin said. ‘Math is hard. He doesn’t explain.’
“Perhaps Edward could help you with your assignments,” Oswald suggested, something fake and affixed in his smile, like he was demanding more than suggesting that Martin allow it.
“I’d love to!” Edward answered too quickly, tipping Martin off that he’d been listening in. He shrugged, and Oswald’s smile fell.
“Think about it,” Oswald said, patting his knee. He went to the couch to greet Edward, sitting on the edge beside him while Edward reclined. Oswald bent down, whispering to him. Martin knew they were kissing. He couldn’t see them, but he watched as Edward’s toes flexed and curled on the arm of the couch.
The more Martin thought about it, the angrier he became that Edward had somehow weaseled his way back into Oswald’s life. Everything Oswald had taught him, every lesson on friendship, was based on the mutual betrayal between himself and Edward. It didn’t make any sense! Edward shouldn’t be so nice, he was supposed to be someone that Martin could bond with Oswald over hating. Oswald seemed to have forgotten that. No matter. Martin remembered.
He wished he could shout in Edward’s face, or that he knew the sign for ‘hate’. Instead he angrily scrawled in his notepad, tore out the page and crumpled it into a ball. He stomped around the couch and threw the paper into Edward’s face even as they were still engrossed in kissing. Edward was startled by the impact, then gave him a sheepish smile. Martin didn’t wait for him to read it, instead storming away to his room.
When Oswald neglected to appear in his room to confront him about the message, Martin grew tired of waiting. He snuck back downstairs to eavesdrop on their conversation.
“He just told us in plain words that he hates me, Oswald. What am I supposed to do?” Edward said.
“He doesn’t hate you,” Oswald assured him.
“I just can’t seem to connect with him,” Edward went on, almost like Oswald hadn’t spoken. “I’ve read so many guides… but I still don’t understand him.”
“Martin has had a difficult life, and for a while I was all he had. Now you’re in the picture, and— Edward, please stop crying, you haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I’m sorry, I did stop for a little while. There must have been something, Oswald.”
“Children don’t always have good reasons for their feelings, I think you should talk to him,” Oswald suggested. Edward sniffled.
“You’re right. I’m going to freshen up and then talk to him, I don’t want him to know I’ve been crying. He might view it as a manipulation.”
“You’ve been obsessing about trying to win him over for weeks now, don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ll be waiting in the bedroom when you’re done, alright? Just be straightforward with him.”
“Alright.”
They were kissing again, and Martin chose that opening to creep back up the stairs. Fifteen minutes later, Edward knocked on his door.
“Can I come in?” Edward asked, opening it a crack to see Martin’s answer. He nodded. Edward’s face was no longer flushed, his eyes only a little bit pink from crying. If Martin hadn’t seen it, he wouldn’t have guessed. “Do you mind if I sit?”
He shook his head no, and Edward sat cautiously on the end of the bed.
“Martin… why do you hate me?” It appeared that Edward wasn’t taking Oswald’s suggestion to be straightforward lightly. Martin took out his computer and began typing a response.
Oswald told me you betrayed each other so you should not be together. Edward read it and frowned.
“It’s not always that simple, Martin. People make mistakes. Oswald and I are no exception,” he explained, laying a hand over his chest, above his heart.
How do you know it won’t happen again?
“I don’t,”’ Edward said. “But I’m willing to accept that risk.”
Why? Edward took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he looked intently into Martin’s eyes.
“I love him,” Edward said, as though willing Martin to understand with his gaze alone. Martin couldn’t deny that it seemed to be true, not after seeing the way he acted around Oswald.
He loves you too. Martin morosely typed. Edward read this several times, his eyes narrowing.
“Does that bother you?” Edward eventually asked.
It used to just be us.
“And you didn’t have to worry about me?” Martin nodded.
He said you were his weakness and now you’re here. Something bad might happen. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose.
“I mean it when I say that I love him, Martin,” Edward insisted. “As for other people hurting him… that might happen anyways, with or without me in the picture. He might get hit by a bus or shot by a robber tomorrow, but he’s not going to stop living his life out of fear. Does that make sense to you?” Martin contemplated this for a moment, then hesitantly nodded.
“Okay, is there anything else you want to talk to me about?” Edward asked. Martin frowned.
I’m jealous of you. A lot.
“Why are you so jealous?” Edward asked, shifting on the bed.
He loves you more than me.
“Martin!” Edward exclaimed. “That is not true. Oswald is… he has so much love to give, Martin. It’s vast, bottomless. His love for me is as endless as his love for you. Do you know how I know that?” Martin shook his head.
“You’re his son, Martin. He loves you like his own child. The love he gives to us isn’t the same. There’s no need to be jealous,” Edward assured him.
He already pays less attention to me. Martin typed, feeling tears well in his eyes. Ever since Edward had started coming over, he felt like Oswald didn’t even want him around.
“If you’ve been feeling neglected… I understand completely. Oswald is the only parent you have. But Martin… I want to make up for the deficit I’ve caused.” Edward said, smiling tentatively.
‘How?’ Martin signed.
“I want to help Oswald raise you, Martin. I want to be a father to you, if you’ll have me,” Edward said, something pleading in his gaze. Martin felt his tears begin to spill over. All this time he’d been so focused on losing one father, he hadn’t even realized that he was rejecting another. Edward didn’t want to steal Oswald away and leave Martin behind. He wanted them both. It had taken all this for him to realize that he wasn’t going to be left fatherless…
He was just going to have two fathers instead.
It was a little different than having a mother and a father, but Oswald and Edward already did the same things together. Martin couldn’t believe he’d missed it. Looking back, it was so obvious. Edward had wanted to be a part of their life, not disrupt it. Martin did the only thing he could to apologize. He put his arms around Edward’s neck and hugged him, letting his tears soak into Edward’s soft sweater.
“I’m sorry, Martin,” Edward said. “I never meant to make you feel like I was coming between the two of you. I love you so much already, Oswald loves you so much. We’ll always take care of you.” Martin whimpered and held him tighter, and Edward carefully hugged him back.
“Do you want to stay in our room tonight?” Edward asked. “I don’t want you to feel alone.” Martin nodded against his neck. Edward picked him up and stood, carrying Martin to their room as he clung to Edward.
“Martin is going to sleep in here tonight,” Edward said, approaching the bed. He climbed onto the mattress, kneeling, then shuffled a little ways onto it before laying Martin down. Oswald drew back the covers to help, covering them both once Edward had laid down.
“I’m guessing you had a good talk?” Oswald asked, kissing Martin’s temple. Martin nodded. “Good, I’m glad we’re all getting along now. Goodnight, Martin.”
‘Goodnight.’ Oswald leaned over him and briefly kissed Edward before lying down. Edward turned, leaving his glasses on the nightstand. He settled into his pillow, and Martin tapped his shoulder. Edward roused and sat up, squinting at him.
“What is it, Martin? Do you want a glass of water?” Martin shook his head, instead pointing to his temple. “Your head hurts?”
Martin huffed, pressing the pad of his finger to Edward’s mouth, then his own temple.
“Oh,” Edward whispered. “Of course.” His voice cracked, some raw emotion there that Martin couldn’t identify. Edward ever so gently pressed his lips to Martin’s temple. When he pulled away, Martin noticed that he was crying again.
“Goodnight, Martin,” Edward whispered, dragging his hand over his eyes and rolling over, burying his face in his pillow. Martin turned to Oswald.
“Don’t mind him,” Oswald told him. “He’s just happy.”