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The first time Carol referred to Ezekiel as ‘Your Majesty’ was the first time she ever met the man. She was so in awe by the kingdom he had created, the tiger kept at his side, that she couldn't yet see the real man behind his King facade, and neither could he see the real warrior behind her meek old woman facade. The first time she referred to him as such, she was frankly laying it on rather thick, trying to impress him in her own way, trying to make him think she was impressed too, and that he had nothing to fear from her.
The first time it was a lie.
The second time, Carol was simply trying to get rid of the man. The King had brought his entire brigade to her little house out in the outskirts of the kingdom in order to deliver her a cobbler. It was very much extra and not necessary at all, but it seemed to fit his extraordinary style. Carol wanted to get rid of him that day when she uttered the words ‘Goodbye, Your Majesty.’ But it wasn’t that she didn’t feel happiness or some sort of comfort when he stopped by. On the contrary, she did enjoy seeing him, and loved when he stopped by to give her cobbler or even the slightest of gestures, she lived for those moments in particular.
So yeah, the second time was a lie too.
The last time Carol would ever call the man ‘Your Majesty’ was the one that hurt most of all. It was the one time that the two words she spoke – barely a whisper in that moment, so much so that she barely heard them under her own breath – were the truth rather than some lie she made up for whatever reason. They weren’t said to deceive him in any way, to make him think that all the stupid tactics he used to charm her weren’t working, they were used to call to him in that moment, to tell him that she did care and wanted to see him alive and well and wrapped in her arms for the rest of eternity.
But the last time was when she was too late.
And now, Carol sat in a cramped bedroom that she had managed to set aside for herself somewhere in the midst of all the chaos at the Hilltop. Those from all three communities who had made it out of the initial backfiring of the plan had come to seek refuge here, the only place not burned down or overtaken. It had truly been chaos, everyone worrying about if they would be followed and what would happen next, everyone taking a moment to fully have their own panic before moving on and settling down like nothing had happened.
For the time being they were in a secure place, they had hostages so Negan couldn’t make anymore unwarranted moves, and everything seemed to be okay with adequate space for the survivors. There was a shortage of food with all of the new people, and all of the old resources gone, but slowly over the past three days they had been making it work. Rick, Maggie, and herself, had been formulating a plan to house and feed everyone, while continuing to strategize their next move.
It was all Carol could do not to think about how Ezekiel had locked himself in The Kingdom three days ago and hadn’t made it back to the Hilltop since then. She tried not to think about if he had been executed shortly thereafter, or if they had let him suffer long before they put him out of his misery, if they had stuck his head on the fence post like they said they would. Carol had tried to make it out to go and see if she could retrieve him, whether dead or alive, but had been held back since then. Rick had assured her that there would come a time where they would go and see what they could do for him at the Kingdom, but that now it wasn’t safe, and now wasn’t the time. He had assured her that Ezekiel could handle himself, that he would be fine. But she knew better, she knew Rick was trying to make her feel at ease and believe that there was still hope that he made it out alive.
And she knew she was foolish for believing it.
Carol looked up when she heard a knock on her door, her heart skipped a beat as the sound reminded her of the one Ezekiel would make during those relentless trips everyday to her little house. It seemed as much as her mind might work to forget those little things, her heart never could.
Maggie stood at her door frame instead, looking in at her, probably wondering why she was in such a state. “Hey Carol.” The woman began in the southern drawl she never managed to get rid of after all this time. “Just came to see how you were doing.”
“Fine.” Carol said firmly. “As always.” She hated when people made the excuse that they ‘came to see how she was doing’ they meant they thought she was going nuts and wanted to make sure she hadn’t lost all shred of sanity and self control. Checking up never meant anything good, it always meant people doubted her strength and ability to check up on herself.
Maggie seemed to sense the tension building up by the second. “Carol, I know what it’s like…” she began, not knowing what she really meant to say or where this conversation was going.
“You know what it’s like to what?” Carol didn’t understand why Maggie had come to talk to her, what the purpose was. “Did Rick send you to make sure I haven’t completely lost it? Does he really not trust me after all this time?”
“No, god no it’s not that Carol.” Maggie shot that idea down, not wanting Rick to get involved or wanting to get Carol worked up at all. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.” She clarified, feeling the oxygen that she had building up escape her lungs and into the air.
Carol was taken aback for a moment, looking up at the woman and realizing that she had made her way further into the room and was almost nearly in front of her now. “I didn’t love Ezekiel.” She didn’t know what else to say, denial had always been her strongest rebuttal.
Maggie raised an eyebrow at this, “You can think that all you want, if denying your feelings makes it easier to cope then don’t let me stop you.”
“What do you mean, denying my feelings? I’m not ‘denying’ anything!” Carol nearly shouted, remembering suddenly that they weren’t alone in this nearly bustling building.
“Whether you like it or not, you fell in love with Ezekiel, and you tried to hold yourself back, and you did, and then you realized that you shouldn’t have when it was too late.” Maggie could see right through the woman, she could’ve told Carol that since last week when she saw her walk through the Hilltop gates, all of the kingdom folk by her side except for the one person who mattered most to her. “You always vowed you wouldn’t love, and then you did, but you can’t admit it.”
“Yeah, okay, so what if I did?” Carol exploded now, sick of hearing Maggie reiterate the fact that Ezekiel was gone and she had missed her chance and it was all too late. “What if I did love him? He’s gone now so what difference would it make whether or not I loved him?” She couldn’t handle this anymore, this was the exact situation she didn’t want to end up in again.
Maggie sat down on the bed next to her, breaking the silence after letting the air sit stagnant for a few moments. “Doesn’t that feel a lot better? Getting it all out and off your chest, admitting it?”
Carol wiped a tear she could feel slipping slowly down her face, “No, not really.”
Nabila came running into the room suddenly, completely out of breath and without warning she began sputtering a jumble of words. “I’m so sorry to interrupt I didn’t mean to break up anything–“ the woman looked as if she would nearly pass out,
“Nabila.” Maggie stood up and clasped a hand on her shoulder gently, trying to calm her down. “What is it? What’s going on? Why the rush?”
“It’s Ezekiel.” The woman barely managed to breathe out, and before Maggie could even turn to see Carol’s reaction, the woman was out of her seat and shaking the poor heavily breathing woman.
Carol had both arms grasped on the sides of Nabila’s shoulders, “What about Ezekiel?” Thousands of different scenarios played out in her head, they found Ezekiel’s body, they only found Ezekiel’s head, or the one her heart ached for the most...
“Ezekiel’s back, he’s here, he’s alive!” The woman exclaimed, fulfilling the one wish that Carol had still been holding tightly in her heart, the hope she had secretly been holding onto.
And before anyone could speak another word, Carol was down the stairs and out the door as fast as her aging legs could carry her. Maggie broke into a sprint after her, leaving a still heavily breathing Nabila behind, who didn’t bother to run after them.
Carol closed her eyes as she neared the eyeline of the main gate, she didn’t want to get her hopes up any higher just in case this was some sick joke that her mind was playing on her, some scenario she was dreaming in her sleep, she couldn’t really believe Ezekiel was back until she saw him, touched him, breathed him in herself.
But then there he was, not a scratch on his body as he strode into the Hilltop with nothing but a bag around his shoulder and a smile on his face. He greeted his people with kindness, the people he had been willing to sacrifice his life for, the people he somehow made it back to. Carol fought the urge to run to him in that moment, waiting for him to greet the others before greedily keeping him all to herself.
When he turned, they locked eyes, and it was all Carol could do not to yell out, “Your Majesty!”
The smile on Ezekiel’s face grew twice as wide when he heard the voice he had dreamed of hearing for so long, the one woman who kept him going, who kept him alive, and it was all he could do not to yell out, “Carol!”
And the crowd of women and children parted like the Red Sea as both King and Queen came barreling towards each other like a scene out of a fairy tale, both aching to finally meet in an embrace again after never imagining they would so long as the world kept decaying.
On impact with Ezekiel, Carol wrapped her arms around the man and held onto him tightly, not daring to let him go again. She had taken his presence for granted, his love for granted, she had let him go and that is what she had regretted the most in this last week. But now she had the chance to change all of that, and now she would hold onto this man she loved and never let him go.
“Carol I–“ Ezekiel began to speak but stopped because no words could properly describe the intense emotions he felt in that moment.
“I love you, Ezekiel.” Carol finished the sentence for him, stroking his face softly at first before pulling their lips together into a soft embrace, something she had only dreamed of doing for such a long time. But this was the time she was going to do everything she was once too afraid of, because everyday could be the last and she was not going to make the same mistake twice. When their lips finally separated, Carol still held onto the man tightly, “Don’t ever scare me like that ever again.” She scolded him, tears welling in her eyes.
“I’ll endeavor not to, Queen Carol.” Ezekiel responded with that wide smile and deep kingly accent that made Carol want to do a lot more than just kiss the man in that moment.
Maggie cleared her throat from behind them, seeing that the intimate moment was nearly over and now seemed like the perfect time to interject, “Welcome back, King Ezekiel. Rick left on a supply run an hour ago but I know he will be overjoyed to see you’ve returned to us upon his arrival home.”
“Thank you, Maggie.” The King returned her respect with a slightly less enthusiastic smile. “It’s good to be back.” He squeezed Carol’s hand lightly which caused her to smile as well.
Nabila came from behind the crowd, “I can show you to your room if you like.” She offered shyly, never having addressed Ezekiel this closely before the war had started.
“That would be lovely, thank you.” He moved forward to walk with the woman but not before turning back and giving Carol one last wink that displayed more of a message than Carol thought she’d ever get in her life.
As Carol watched him walk off, her cheeks still bright red and her lips still aching for more of his gentle caress, she realized finally that he was really alive, he was really back, and he was really hers, once and for all.
“Not in love with Ezekiel, really?” Maggie taunted her one last time.
“I don’t have to listen to this, I’m royalty now.” Carol joked, socking Maggie on the arm and watching as the woman burst out into a laughing fit.
“I apologize, your Majesty.”
And suddenly, Carol was laughing too.