Chapter Text
You were feeling like shit. You were having trouble with the choreography for your next show, PD Bang wanted you to think about releasing another single soon. And just this whole month had been filled with interviews and talk shows and everything in between, the whole nation making up for letting your talent fly under the radar until you did a joint show with your BTS sunbaes. And you were grateful. So grateful. But you wanted sleep.
But what topped it off was a call from your parents. You had been practicing for almost 4 hours straight when they called and you were too tired to actually check the caller ID. It’s not like you thought they’d actually call you after they kicked you out 8 years ago. And let’s just say it went as horrible as you always imagined a call from your parents would be. They were elite company owners and expected you to inherit the company with your older brother. So it was expected that they wouldn’t approve of you pursuing dance and music. At first they thought it was just a phase, that it would pass. But when they realized you were serious, they kicked you out and froze all of your accounts. They left you broke and without a family for the first time in your 14 years. And now you were living your dream in BigHit and loving your job no matter how stressful it was.
But the words they spit out were still as sharp as you remembered in your nightmares. They called your dream a childish fantasy. That this fame would dwindle away and you will be back where you started at. The bottom. They told you to grow up and come back to inherit the company, to be the proper child they raised you to be. And it all hurt. Because you loved your work and you had all the mind to go through every up and down of the job. And now you weren’t sure with their words putting you down in your mind.
“Y/n? What’s wrong with you today?” Your choreographer stopped the music and gave you a slightly annoyed look but the moment he saw the tears welling up in your eyes, he softened immediately. You never cried about how hard his work load was. Never once did you cry about music or dance. It had to be something else. “Y/n? Is everything okay?”
You quickly rubbed away your tears and looked away. You didn’t want to show him you were weak. “I’m fine. Just everything is building up I guess.”
“We can stop for today.”
“No, let’s go another hour. I still can’t land that flip.” You didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Not again. You didn’t want to lose another family because you didn’t live up to their expectations.
“It’s okay, Y/n.” He rested a hand on your shoulder. “I know how much you’ve been working lately and you deserve a rest. Go and wash up. I’ll clean everything up.”
You nodded with a heavy heart. “Thank you for your hard work.” Heading to the showers, you stand under the scolding water replaying everything in the last hour. You knew it wasn’t good to dwell on their words but it was so hard. Their sharp echoes clouded your mind and you hated it. You hated how much they affect your mentality. How much you let them affect it. Slowing putting on your clean clothes, you thought of the cold, empty dorm room waiting for you. You were scared of being alone.
To RapGenius: Are you in the Genius Lab ?
To Prodigy: Yeah, need something
Walking to his studio, you quietly enter not wanting to disturb his work and curled up in the corner of the couch. You stared into space and didn’t realize Yoongi had gotten up and grabbed a clean towel from his shelf. “What are you doing, idiot? Do you want to catch a cold?” You looked up at him with guarded eyes as he dried your hair with a frown. Why was he being nice to someone like you? Someone who couldn’t do what everyone wanted you to do? “I thought you still had dance practice?” Yoongi was your closest friend. Not because the two of you were close in age, you were closer to Jimin in that aspect, a few months older. But because you both liked your quiet time, preferring it over the boisterous activity of the others.
“We ended early... I can’t get the flip right...” You tucked your head on your knees again. “They probably think I’m an idiot for not getting it even after 4 hours... Why am I so bad at this?” You felt your chest tightening and a weight slowly dragging you down, threatening to swallow you whole.
“Y/n. You’re far from bad. I mean have you seen Jin-hyung?” You didn’t laugh at his joke and he felt awkward. How could he help you? He hated seeing you like this. “Y/n, I don’t know how to help you unless you talk to me. You know I’m here for you through anything.” You nodded but didn’t say anything as he sighed. “Whenever you want to talk, I’m here. So don’t hesitate.” He wrapped the blanket he uses when he stays the night around her, hoping it made her feel a little better before going back to his work.
You sat staring at his back as he formulated melodies and pieced together beats. You let his music wash over you, release some of the anxiety and brightening some of the depression. “My parents called today.” He quickly saved his work so far and came to sat next to you. You had yet to move from your fetal position but you were talking at least. “I guess they heard one of my interviews or something.” You shrugged, curling deeper into yourself. Yoongi was the first person you opened up about your past and he was so supportive as he had gone through a similar thing. The two of you both created a bond that was hard to break and yet you still had trouble relying on it. “They...” He quietly waited for you to collect yourself. “They said I was just wasting my energy. That I didn’t have much talent anyways and once it ran out, my career would fail. And I would be left begging for them to take me back. They told me to just give up with dignity when I could and just be the proper child they raised me to be.
“And I have half the mind to believe them.... I can’t get this simple flip down. Bang PD wants another single soon and I’m not a mastermind music generator like you are. I don’t have much of a presence and I’m just bitching about my own problems when everyone has their own problems that are probably bigger than my stupid anxieties.” You were crying now and you hated yourself for being reduced into a mess like this.
But you felt arms wrap around you, pulling you onto his lap. “You are nothing they say you are. You can learn choreography almost perfectly after a single session and the next day you are perfect because you give it your all and practice your ass off until you’re exhausted.” You held onto his words like a lifeline, willing your mind to rewrite their words with his. “Yes, you can’t produce music as quickly as I can. But that’s because that’s what I specialize in. What I’ve trained myself in. And don’t think for a moment your songs any less of a masterpiece than mine are. Your lyrics were flawless and speak from your heart. Your melodies could heal wounds. You are so much more than what they give you shit for. And you are going to show them how amazing you are. I know you can climb to the top of the charts and stay there easily. And if you can’t, so what? You’re doing what you love and if you don’t make enough, your Billboard sunbaes will take care of you.”
You finally laughed, hugging him back. Your anxieties, depression, and self-hatred weren’t complete gone but he helped a lot. Enough that you wanted to keep trying. To break through the limits your parents tried to lock you in. “Thanks, Yoongi-oppa.”
“Don’t forget who beat me in a rap battle two weeks ago, Y/n-ah. Be proud of yourself because for damn sure, I am.” He let you stay like that on his lap for a while longer.
“Who are you and what have you done with my hyung?” The two of you looked up at the new arrival, Taehyung with a betrayed look. “Why don’t you hug me~?”
The unique guy quickly tried to get into the hug fest, climbing onto Yoongi’s other side to his distaste. “Aiiish~ Get off of me.” He shoved the younger member onto the ground as you couldn’t stop laughing.
“Why are you so nice to her and not me?” Taehyung pouted as he nudged them with his foot.
“Because she’s having a rough night and my favorite.” Yoongi kicked him with a little more umph.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Tae quickly recovered from the kick and stared up at you with worried eyes. “Do you need anything? Can I help in anyways?”
You were so grateful for having these boys as your closest friends. “I just don’t want to be alone right now...” You admit as you tuck yourself into Yoongi’s shoulder with a soft voice. “I--I’m scared of what I would do on my own.” You quietly whisper with a fear you rarely expressed.
“Y/n?” Suga and Tae glanced at each other with alarm. They didn’t know she had such thoughts and Yoongi hated that he didn’t realize she thought about such things. Especially when he had those same thoughts just a few years ago and hid it just like her. “Do you want to come to our dorm? I don’t want anything happening to you, Y/n.”
“Are you sure? Will the others mind?” You didn’t want to impose on them and cause trouble.
“We don’t mind, Y/n-noona. If it makes you feel safer, you can stay with us.” Taehyung immediately hugged you, feeling horrible. Y/n had become a big part of the Bangtan life. You were there when the band was on the verge of breaking up, trying to convince them to keep going. You were there cheering them on during their first comeback. You had been one of their main supports and #1 fan. Hearing that you had thought of hurting yourself, it hurt so much.
“Thanks, Tae.” You smile at him. He was so sweet. They both were. And you were thankful for it. “That would be nice.”
“I’ll text the others about the plans. I want to finish this sketch but I’ll finish as quickly as I can.” Suga carefully extracted himself from the pile, letting the two of you fall onto the couch. Taehyung curled up on top of you, keeping you grounded, physically and mentally.
The sounds of his music filled the room and the two of them quietly whispered to each other. “Did you really think that kind of stuff, noona? Why?”
You were quiet for a while. You never told anyone but Yoongi about your internal struggles. But Tae was so warm and open, and you didn’t want to hide anymore. He and the other Bangtan boys were like your family, the ones that actually cared. “My parents didn’t like the idea of me continuing music... They wanted me to be the perfect heir. I was taught to be perfect and I wasn’t allowed to be anything but perfect. Even before I came here, I had a plethora of mental disorders I didn’t want to talk about.” Tae didn’t say much and just curled against your chest listening to your story with sympathetic pain. “When I told them I wanted to continue music, they kicked me out. I haven’t opened up to many people about this and... I bottled everything up until I met you guys.”
You idly played with his hair. It felt like just the other day you stared at those sleeping pills and wondered if anyone would care. “I was clouded by my depression especially. I was alone for a long time, trying to survive on my own. There were many days I just wanted to stop everything. Once I actually almost did... But it was the night of you guys winning the #1 song on Music Bank for the first time and you guys invited me to celebrate. If you guys had been a second later...”
“But we weren’t. And we’re here for you, noona.” You felt your shirt dampen just as your own tears flickered down your cheek. “If you ever think something like that, please talk to one of us. I don’t like you suffering alone.”
“You’re too nice, TaeTae.”
“Only for my favorite noona. Even if your only 5 months older than me.” You chuckled and the two of you fell into a companionable silence as Suga finished up.
“Come on, you two.” Yoongi gentle woke them up. “Let’s go home. Jin-hyung made dinner.” You followed them with a small smile. Where would you be without them? “We’re home.”
“We just set the table. Come on.” Hoseok brightly greeted them. “I’m so so so so happy to see you, Y/n. We haven’t seen you in so long.”
“We’re both been quite busy.” You laugh as he tugged you in. Already you could feel the tension flake off your shoulder as the chatter and laughter of the Bangtan boys filled your ears.
“I can help with that.” You offer to Tae and Jongkook as they start washing the dishes.
“No~~ you need to come here and cuddle with us, noona~” Jimin called out, patting a spot between J-hope and him on the couch. And how could you say no to that angelic smile.
Settling between them, Yoongi came over and drapped a blanket around them. “You feeling better?”
You nod with a smile. “Yeah, thanks.”
“Anything for you.” He gave you a genuine smile that made your stomach flip before settling on the floor to the side, waiting for the movie to start.
The movie was good. It felt like forever since you actually let yourself relax and just watch a movie for pleasure. And with the commentary from the others, there was never a dull moment. But you should’ve realized things always seemed to go wrong. You felt your blood freeze as the protagonist was arguing with his parents for wanting to go for his dream. You felt your heart start racing as venom spit out of his parents mouths. Unconsciously, you reached out from under the blanket towards Yoongi.
Jimin and Hoseok shared a concerned look over you when you tensed up all the sudden from being literal mochi. The others glanced over when they saw you lean closer to Jimin to reach for Yoongi and what was more, he held your hand and rubbed circles on the back of your hand as your gripped his with a deathly tight grip. But you didn’t notice as your eyes were glued onto the tv. They didn’t say a word until the end of the movie and you had moved to sit next to Yoongi with your head lying on his shoulder in obvious support, hands still clasped tightly together.
“Y/n? Do you want to talk?” Jin gently asked, not wanting to stress you out more. Tae glanced at the pair with a painful look but let you take your time. He wanted the others know because he knew they were just as concerned about you as he was. But he didn’t want to overstep just because you opened up to him.
“It’s okay. We’ll never leave you, Y/n.” Suga whispered encouragely, squeezing your shoulder. “They are just worried.”
“I know.... But I’ve never told this many people about this.” You looked up at him with fear in your eyes. You didn’t want them to hate you.
“It’s okay.” He kissed your forehead. “You’re safe with us. With me.”
You nod and look down at your lap where you played with his slender hands. “My parents kicked me out when I was 14 and before then I suffered under their pressure to be the perfect heir. I wanted to continue in music and dance but they said it was childish and thought I was joking. But when they realized I was serious, they called me useless and ungrateful. They told me to go and waste my life if that’s what I wanted to do. They didn’t let me take anything but the clothes on my back. I was homeless for a few weeks before Bang PD heard me singing in a subway station for money. He helped me get a place and start training. I never understood why he would want someone like me. I strived to be perfect because I couldn’t be more grateful for him giving me a roof over my head and food on the table. But in the process, I develop anxiety issues and depression as well as some other disorders. I wasn’t fat but I wasn’t as skinny as the other trainees and I didn’t want to fail the man who gave me a second chance. I still have trouble getting myself to eat properly sometimes but I’m trying...” Jimin felt his heart sink knowing she was still going through the same things he was. How could he let this go unnoticed?
“I reached my low when I released my first single. I wrote it about my wishes for the future, of how my past shaped who I was. But I made the mistake of reading the antis comments and criticisms. I really thought I was useless and a waste of space. That I didn’t have any talent.” Jongkook opened his mouth to intervene but Tae hit him and shut him up. You had to get through all of it. “I made plans of suicide almost every night.” Those that didn’t know quietly gasped in horror. How didn’t they know? “I almost went through with it but Hobi-oppa called me as I had the pills in my palm. You guys saved my life. So I tried my best to get through everything because you guys genuinely liked me and I didn’t want to make you guys sad.” You gave them a smile that was small and painful but also thankful.
“I talked to Yoongi-oppa a lot more. About what happened to me, what I was going through. He helped me create less destructive outlets for my thoughts. And I can’t start on telling you guys how much you all have helped me since without you guys even knowing....” You looked down again. “I got a call from my parents today during dance practice.... They saw me on an interview and wanted to congratulate me.... But really, they wanted it as an excuse to try and get me back to being their perfect heir. They told me that I might have some talent now but it wasn’t enough to last and once it was gone, I would be living in the dirt and begging for them to take me back. They told me that I would never be good enough to stand with the top stars. That I was just playing a pop star. I would never last.” You hid your tears in his shoulders as Jimin sunk down to hug you from behind with his own tears rolling off his cheek.
“But I don’t want to stop! I want to keep singing for people! I want people to watch me dance! I want to do what I love! Why can’t the world just let me do that? Why does it want me to suffer like this?” You cried in broken sobs as Yoongi never let you go.
“Y/n.” You heard Jin’s voice next to you, it was soft and gentle and so warm. “You are talent. You have no idea how much charm you have trapped inside of you waiting for you to let it free.”
“You can rap better than hyung and create the deepest lyrics I’ve ever listened to.” Jongkook whispered as he rested his forehead on the top of your head.
“You’re fluent in English and so many other languages because you want to be able to communicate with all of your fans . You are courteous and know how to be professional when you need to be. Your work ethic is only rivaled by maybe Jimin.” Namjoon said as he felt horrible for not realizing your internal struggles.
“Your dancing skills are out of this world!” J-hope exclaimed, “even I can’t get the choreography as quick as you can. And even with the things you think of on the fly, they’re breath-taking and ingenious.”
“Y/n, you are amazing just the way you are.” You could feel Jimin muttering into your back as his tears soaked your shirt. “I know how hard keeping your image can be under the pressure. I know that and I also know that we both are perfect the way we are. What others think about how we look shouldn’t matter so much that we suffer like this. Y/n, we could slay a whole room for strictly straight people into turning bi.” You couldn’t help but chuckle at his words, smiling at the feeling of his own smile forming. You hated to see the resident mochi crying.
“You are my best friend, Y/n. I hate to see you like this and I just want you to be happy again. Please don’t hid these things from us again? It hurts more to know you suffered alone.” Tae whispered as he wiped away his own tears.
“Y/n. I want to end whoever says that you are not good enough.” Yoongi’s deep voice tickled your ear as he held you tight, conveying his love for you. “You are the most talented, selfless, amazing person I’ve been graced to meet. You don’t take any of my shit and aren’t afraid of speaking up when I’ve been more of a dick than usual. Don’t let what those people said ever let you forget everything we said. Even if your parents never accept you. BTS is your family. BigHit is your family.”
Your heart soared with their words as they washed away your insecurities and worries away. You knew this wasn’t the end but for now, you would survive. With 7 amazing guys standing behind you to support you. You could continue to look forward. “I love you guys. Seriously. I love you guys so much.”
“Now enough tears!” Hobi cried out, trying to elevate the solemn atmosphere and get everyone to laugh and smile. “KARAOKE~~~!!!!”
“Dude, we have a schedule tomorrow...” Namjoon said as the ever vigilant leader.
But he was too late.. “KARAOKE!!!!!!” Jongkook and Tae jumped up hiding their tear streaks by starting up the machine.
“Aish... Really? It’s past your bedtime, idiots.” Suga growled but didn’t move. He was enjoying having you on his lap as you laughed at their antics. Jimin was still hugging you from behind but egging the three on.
“Leave them be, oppa. I want to watch them make a fool out of themselves.” You gave him a cheeky grin. “It’ll be fun.”
“Fine fine.” He sighed leaning against the sofa. “Let me know when they’re too much and I’ll put them to sleep.” You laugh with a nod.
“Yoongs~~~ be nice to us too.” Hobi pouted, giving him a wiggle with his finger hearts.
“Ugh... that’s just gross. Stop it.” He kicked out at the red head who just laughed as he jumped out of the way. “Aigo~ so creepy.”
“What if it was Y/n who did that?” Jimin felt playful as he poked at your abs, making you squirm.
“Shut up.” Yoongi shoved the younger vocalist away. “And get off of her and play with them.”
“Awww~~~ is Yoongi-hyung jealous?” Jimin rubbed his cheek affectionately against your hair as you laugh at his antics.
“Wanna die?” Yoongi was not amused... but there wasn’t much fire in his words.
“No killing anyone, oppa. It’ll make it harder for me to cuddle with you if you’re in jail.” You reason as Jimin squeals in embarrassment finally joining the others.
“Not if I don’t get caught.” He smirked and kissed your nose.
“Aish~~~ Get a room. So gross.” Jongkook pretended to puke.
“That sounds like an excellent idea.” Yoongi smirked, picking you up.
“Hey! I sleep there too!!” Jin cried out in protest.
Yoongi gave him a withering look as he settle the two of you actually on the couch. “I was just joking.”