Chapter Text
The nauseating smell permeated throughout the small room. Although a light flowery aroma accompanied the scent, it did not help. If anything, it made Seokjin feel worse. He squeezed his eyes shut, tears continuing to slowly roll down his cheeks. A pastel head of hair and a gummy smile appeared in his mind, and he felt his stomach lurch. He barely had enough time to move to the edge of the bed and tilt his head off to the side before blood and orchid petals were propelled into the air and splattered across the carpet. He heaved once more and, again, the rug was stained. Another sob wracked Seokjin’s body at the sight of it.
Seokjin curled into himself as more coughs shook his body, wrapping his arms around his midsection as he did so. He weakly lifted up a hand and covered his mouth. The brunette could feel the flower petals and blood slowly rising in his windpipe, burning his already raw throat. He heaved and spat out more flower petals coated in blood and saliva. Some of the purple petals stuck to his throat, and he continued to retch in an attempt to get them out.
When he finally was able to stop coughing, he looked down at his blood-stained palm. In his hand laid small, round, purple orchid petals. Seokjin felt more tears prick his eyes at the sight of them. He knew whose flowers they were, but he refused to believe it. Seokjin couldn't be in love with him. Not anymore. He tilted his hand and let the flower petals fall from his clutch. He watched as they fell, one by one, softly floating down until they littered his already stained bed sheets.
He slowly rolled onto his back and let out a ragged sigh. ‘ It feels like drowning. ' He closed his eyes and rested his arm across his face. ' Like I'm drowning, but I just won't die. ' Seokjin paused before he rolled his eyes and huffed to himself. "So dramatic.." He muttered to the quiet room, wincing at the use of his raw throat. The brunette removed his arm from across his eyes and opened them slowly, staring up at the ceiling.
Min Yoongi. He was the one causing this, right? Of course. There wasn't anyone else. It's always just Yoongi, isn't it? It's by no means his fault though. No, Seokjin was the one stupid enough to fall in love with someone he could never have. Shouldn't ever have had in the first place. Jin closes his eyes again, his brain already replaying a memory he's had on repeat since the day he and Yoongi broke up.
When Seokjin arrived the shared flat, it was quiet and dark. He silently hung up his coat and nudged off his shoes, looking around for any sign of the other man that lived with him. His bag slipped off of his shoulder, and he winced at the loud 'thump' it made when it collided with the floor. The brunette frantically looked around the room again, his heartbeat loud in the silent room, hoping that the noise didn't alert Yoongi of his presence.
Tiptoeing towards the kitchen, Seokjin froze when he saw Yoongi standing in the entryway, his hands on his hips. The light from the hallway cast a yellow glow upon the shorter male's features. His eyes were sharp and unforgiving, but the underneath of his eyes was red and puffy, as though he had been crying. He probably had been.
Yoongi's breath hitched in realization, and he began to reach out towards Seokjin subconsciously. He quickly dropped his hand when he realized, his gaze immediately hardening once again. Seokjin let out a soft breath of relief. He didn't deserve comfort right now.
"Where..." Yoongi began, his voice cracking at the end. "Where have you been..?"
Seokjin had many things to say, but he choked up. A knot formed in his throat causing all of the words to become trapped within the walls of his throat.
Ignoring his internal struggle, Yoongi continued. "I have been up all night waiting, hoping, wishing you'd come back. I had no idea where you were. Hell, I didn't know if you were even still alive!" The pastel-haired male covered his mouth with his quivering hand. "Seokjin..."
That was it, Seokjin couldn't take it anymore, couldn't listen to it any longer. All of the words that were trapped before broke free, all spilling out.
"Yoongi, I-I'm so sorry for everything. You never deserved this. I just, I can't do this anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I can't be in this relationship anymore."
No, wait, that wasn't right. That's not what Seokjin wanted to say at all. His mind was screaming at him, telling him to take it back, to pull Yoongi into his arms, to reassure him that everything would be fine. But his lips felt as though they were sewn together and wouldn't budge. The words were trapped again, and this time, they wouldn't be able to break free.
Yoongi was silent for a very long time; each second felt like an eternity for Seokjin. He stood, his eyes glued to his shoes. He couldn't look at Yoongi. He didn't deserve to.
At first, Seokjin almost didn't hear the soft, broken sob that Yoongi let out. His head immediately snapped up to look at Yoongi, all hesitance gone, his heartbreaking when he finally made eye contact. Yoongi was shaking like a leaf in the wind at the force of the sobs that wracked his body, hot tears rolling down his flushed cheeks, and his fists clenched so hard that his knuckles were beginning to turn white. Seokjin ached to take it all back at the sight of him.
When Yoongi finally spoke, Seokjin almost didn't recognize the sound. "You mean, you worried me to death all night, and you want to just end it like that? No explanation, no trying to work it out, no nothing?" His voice quivered the entire time he spoke.
Heart aching, Seokjin opened and closed his mouth a few times, attempting to speak, but the words were still stuck. Yoongi looked away and squeezed his eyes shut, pointing at the door as he did so. "Just leave then." He muttered softly, voice still shaking. "Why did you even come back if that's all you wanted to say? Get out."
After that, Seokjin couldn't remember much. It was all a blur. A long walk to a friend's house. Pitying looks. False reassurance. But that wasn't even the worse part. It was all his fault. He ruined everything just because he was a coward who couldn't speak his real thoughts. Yoongi was gone. All because of him. Yoongi didn't love him back anymore.
Seokjin felt petals and blood rise in his throat from the memory. From just thinking about the boy he loved. The boy who didn't love him back anymore. He moved onto his side and spat out another few petals, blood dribbling down his chin. Seokjin sighed again, wiping the blood onto his bedsheets. He wrapped his arms around his stomach, curling back up.
Something wet dripped onto his shirt and he looked down in confusion. He realized he was crying. Why was he crying? He was the one who broke it off in the first place. He was the coward too afraid to speak his thoughts. He was the weak one who still loved him, even after all this time. Even when Yoongi had probably moved on. He was the one who-
Suddenly there was pounding at his door, interrupting his thoughts. Who could that be? None of his friends mentioned coming over. Well, he hadn't checked his phone in weeks, so it's not like he'd know. But he didn't want to see anyone. He especially didn't want anyone to see him in this state. So, rather than getting up, he curled into himself further and covered his ears, hoping to block out the loud noise.
Eventually, the banging ended. Seokjin sighed in relief, removing his hands from his ears and uncurling slightly. That was when he heard it. The sound of the door being unlocked, the sound like a gunshot in the silence of the apartment. He attempted to get up, but he felt too weak, too fuzzy. He curled back up, hoping whoever it was, they'd just leave.
Those hopes were crushed when he heard soft footsteps pad around his apartment, heading towards his bedroom. Seokjin squeezed his eyes shut when he heard the door handle begin to turn, the squeaky noise sounding much too loud in the quiet flat.
Finally, the door was open. A soft gasp. More footsteps. Shaking. Soft voice. Colored hair.
That was all he remembered before it all slipped away, everything going black.