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It’s not easy being a defender of the world when there are still age restrictions on what you can legally do, where you can go, and when you can go and do it. The living, breathing proof of this is Peter Parker aka Spider-Man. Working with Spidey means a lot of thinking ahead, second guessing, and triple checking. For example, the time they needed him in Berlin because Cap had gone off the rails. Somehow, everybody forgot the kid is in fact a kid and literally can’t leave the country on his own, even by private jet. An unintentional hiccup in the anti-child trafficking laws. A little wrangling and they were able to get around it. May hesitantly signed the documentation granting permission to travel and temporary custody (to Happy’s exasperated chagrin) and Happy chaperoned the boy (he was aiming for a promotion). They’d remembered at the last minute to create an alibi for all the school the boy would be missing. A pain, but worth it. What Peter lacks in age, Spidey makes up for in pure enthusiasm and athleticism.
Still, there are times when a time machine or aging potion would really make their Avenging so much easier. For example:
1) Peter Parker doesn’t know how to drive. Which Natasha forgets when she lets go of the steering wheel and snakes out of the driver’s side window onto the roof to get a better shot at Mephisto. The wild weaving of the car as she tries to balance nearly sends her toppling out of the window on to the highway pavement.
“Take the wheel already!” she yells.
“I did!” Peter screeches back in an even higher octave than his normal pubescent high tenor. “I don’t know how to control this thing!”
Luckily, Karen, as Peter calls his suit system, takes over and guides the car. When they get back, Cap questions them wanting a full report on the mission.
“Kid’s not bad, but we gotta get him in driver’s ed,” Natasha said with a wink at Peter. She didn’t narc him out to the team, so it’s no wonder:
2) He has a huge crush on Black Widow. Not saying that any of the guys are completely immune to Natasha’s skin tight, black bodysuit, but Peter literally loses his train of thought and stops dead in the middle of what he’s saying or doing any time she passes through which even causes him to fall on his head once as he forgets to maintain his web link while dangling from the ceiling.
Sam thinks the spider connection is cute (“Baby Spider loves the Lady Spider!”). Natasha mostly ignores it and treats him like a kid brother, which probably eggs him on as the kid interprets the friendly affection however best fits his wishful thinking. Regardless, it’s hilarious to watch. Until it gets to the point, they’re literally worried he might get hurt if he catches sight of her in battle. But the worry proves to be baseless. Peter gets so wrapped up in fighting with his favorite heroes and seeing real bad guys and all the things that go pew-pew and Ka-pow that Natasha’s the furthest thing from his mind while fighting.
3) Everything has to be kept kid friendly. Steve’s already the naughty word police, but Peter joining the team cranks his ‘that’s a no-no’ censor to eleven and broke the lever off. They’ve been chasing Doctor Doom and MODOK’s path of destruction all day. The chaos that erupts in the pair’s wake even attracts some outside help: Wolverine and Deadpool. Those two can fight like nobody’s business and they aren’t afraid to take risk because they can literally walk off any injury. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. And with the pain comes the big boy words. Tony doesn’t see exactly what happens but he heard the sharp ZING of a blade slicing through the air before Deadpool paints the air blue with some language that makes even Wolverine raise a brow. Something about a kumquat doing very illegal sexual favors.
“Language!” Cap barks as he slaps his hands over Peter’s ears, not noticing that Peter flinches on impact.
Apparently, it doesn’t matter if Steve forgets his strength and nearly hairline fractures the boy’s skull as long as he protects his delicate sensibilities. Public school and teenaged boys must have been very different when Steve was a kid.
But it’s not like Cap is the only one looking out for the little guy. They have to make sure there are still rules in place, like:
4) He still has a bedtime. It’s not unusual for the Avengers to be fighting evil at random times in weird places, but what happens when a member of your team is usually in bed by eleven on school nights? Well, sometimes it means waking him up in the middle of the night, like when Loki decides to hit New Jersey at two in the morning and you need somebody who can lasso and wrangle hordes of brain-washed flying gremlins. Other times it means watching him fall asleep a little past midnight on the heli-jet once the adrenaline of fighting a team of mooks has worn off. It was undeniably adorable watching Thor carry Spiderman to bed and they all swore not to tease him. Tony may or may not have taken pictures for later blackmail, though. But Peter sleeps like a rock because:
5) He’s still growing. Like a weed. Tony’s tempted to mainline him coffee before the kid manages to outgrow him and make him the shortest member of the team other than Black Widow. Because of his growth spurts, every few months, all of his gear has to be refitted, all his moves need to be adjusted and the only person who eats more in a single sitting is Thor.
No matter how many accommodations they have to make for Peter, it’s still worth it to have him around. Cap is often described as the soul of the team, Tony the brains, Thor the muscle. If that’s true then Peter’s the unendingly optimistic heart. He still sees the world with an amazing sense of wonder and optimism. Sometimes with all the omni-looming threat of HYDRA, the clash of personalities, the never-ending blame game, they can all get jaded, even Cap. But Peter… He’s always wide-eyed and expecting the best because he’s still a kid and the world is an unopened gift box waiting to be explored. His mere presence reminds the team exactly what they’re fighting for.