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NOW PLAYING: U Got the Look - Prince
Lyrics [show]
you got that look
color you peach and black
color me taken aback
crucial, i think i want ya
It’s a dull day when they move into the new apartment, the lack of sunshine washing New York in swathes of cool tones. Alec’s used to it. This is how the city always looks to him - a palette of grays, blacks, browns and blues. Subdued. Boring. Corporate. He stands on the pavement and looks up at their new home: an old warehouse now converted to yet more city apartments, square and strong with brown bricks and black-framed windows stretching up towards the overcast sky. It’s a pretty cool building actually; it has a certain industrial vibe that Alec likes. It’s not like he can complain about the location either - in the gaps between buildings he can spot sections of Brooklyn Bridge, and he doesn’t doubt the view from the upper floors is amazing.
“A little help, Alec?” Jace asks, huffing as he pulls a box from the back of the removal truck into his arms. There are a few removal men milling about - one moving boxes to the end of the truck whilst also minding the remaining furniture so it doesn’t get stolen from the sidewalk, and another two sharing the load of a leather couch Izzy had insisted buying second-hand on the internet as they carry it through the building’s doorway.
He sighs. He appreciates the help - because god knows he and Jace would end up squabbling from either end of the heavy stuff as they took it up to the new place - but he wishes that his parents had given the three of them the chance to coordinate move-in day themselves instead of organising everything for them. Or better yet, maybe they could have bothered to come down and help themselves, like a real family.
But well, there’s that old Lightwood motto: why do something yourself when you can pay someone else to do it for you?
Alec grabs a box and scolds himself for being so ungrateful as he follows Jace into the building. His parents are right when they tell him he’s lucky to be part of such a privileged family; to have parents that are more than just comfortably wealthy, that make it possible for him and his siblings to live on their own, even as college students, their rent covered. Alec and Jace had shared their last place, whilst Izzy had followed Alec’s footsteps in spending the first couple of years at college in dorms, to get the ‘full experience’ and more crucially, to meet people.
This year - with Izzy further along in her pathology program, Alec beginning his business Master’s at Stern, and Jace continuing with whatever unusual and not particularly long-lasting jobs he finds interesting - seemed like the perfect time for them to all pile back in together; to be close and spend time with each other before jobs and life and relationships would begin to pull them further away. Whilst their dad had looked a little concerned at the fact Izzy wanted to move in with her brothers this school year rather than with friends or stay in dorms, Alec thinks their mother had been secretly relieved. She’s always been a little more highly-strung where her only daughter is concerned - probably because Izzy is vibrant and excitable - but Alec is skeptical of the idea that Jace is going to be anything other than what their mother would consider a bad influence. Maryse would likely never notice; Jace had always been the golden boy in her eyes. Blonde, magnetic and charming. Basically the opposite of Alec in every way.
Alec doesn’t mind. If Jace shines and Izzy’s busy having fun that means Alec is able to avoid attention on all sides; keep his head down and work hard. He’s in a different position to the other two as the eldest sibling: he has duties and expectations to uphold. And he’ll shoulder that weight if it means his two favourite people in the world can enjoy themselves. That’s just how it is. How it’s always been.
With the small team of professionals their parents hired to help them move, the whole endeavour only takes a couple hours. Once Alec has tipped the guy in charge they’re left alone in their new loft, the first space they’ve lived in with just the three of them, and definitely the largest apartment they’ve had since they moved out from under their parents’ thumb. Blessedly, they each have their own bedroom, though Izzy had called dibs on the master with the ensuite (her right as the only female, apparently), leaving him and Jace to share the other bathroom. The rest of the loft is an open, communal space with a kitchen area divided off in the corner. They have a set of French doors at the far wall, leading to a concrete balcony, though he doubts they’ll use it all that much.
With the exception of bedroom furniture, what other furniture they had to bring over has been dumped in random places - it’s very clear now that they’re definitely going to need more to furnish the space properly. Their mother had offered to call an interior designer, but Izzy had been adamant that she wanted her first cool New York loft to be personal, to be theirs. Alec wouldn’t have minded either way (likely neither would have Jace) but he’s learned over the years to give Izzy small wins where he can.
But also he’s just a sucker for making her happy.
Observing the space now, hands on his hips, he finds himself actually kind of excited. Yeah, their parents as the owners of the loft are renting them the place for cheap, but he can’t exactly see them taking the time out of their busy schedules to check on them much. They’re the kind of people that think mandatory monthly dinners and a monetary allowance is good, supportive parenting. Izzy derides them at every chance, with that tone and look in her eye that speaks hints of vulnerable disappointment, but Alec thinks they do their best. It’s a hell of a lot more than most people get, he knows. Lightwoods just aren’t very good with expressing emotions, that’s all.
He should know.
Jace comes up to stand beside him in the middle of the room, fiddling with the phone in his hands.
“We need a TV,” he says gravely, as if its integral to his existence. Knowing Jace and his weirdo work hours, it probably is - he loves shows where there’s paternity tests and screaming, and could watch them all day. There’s a pause. “And something to put it on. And a rug.”
Alec nods. He hadn’t really thought of it before - he’s just a dumb college kid, still, and until now he and Jace had been renting an apartment (again, thanks to his parents) which already had all the stuff they’d needed. He glances over towards the kitchen and finds himself glad for the fact that his parents had at least had that fitted for them.
“And a whole bunch of other stuff,” he adds to Jace’s list pointlessly. “At least we have beds. And closets.”
Izzy appears in the small space between them, slapping the two of them on the shoulders just a fraction too hard. “This is going to be so much fun!” She’s been marathoning home makeover shows for the past couple of months. Strangely enough, Alec has felt an oncoming headache for around the same amount of time.
A couple of hours later finds them eating pizza, Izzy and Jace on the couch (still at the random diagonal angle it had been left in by the movers) with Alec on the floor in front of them. Izzy and Jace have been distracted from the lack of electronic entertainment by bickering over how to decorate the communal space - there’s a bunch of color swatches Izzy had picked up from god-knows-where scattered on the cushions between them, and Alec has been watching each of the cards get more and more shiny beneath the bare lights as the other two put their greasy fingers all over them as they argue for their chosen paint color. From the sounds of it, Jace is an advocate for Smokey Blue but Izzy keeps swinging between a purplish color Alec thinks is called Rosewine and an offensive coral shade with the ever-alluring name of Dark Salmon .
Alec’s just taking a bite out of a fresh slice of pepperoni pizza when the two of them take a break from aggressively pitching their color choice at each other to bring him back into it. “What do you think, Alec?” they ask, slightly out of time but still creepy in their exact same choice of words.
He rolls his eyes. They don’t really want his opinion - he knows that, they know that, the whole city knows that - but he’s still expected to say something.
“I am vehemently against Dark Salmon,” he declares at last, rounding it off with a shrug. “Sorry, Iz. I don’t think it should be anything too bright. I guess a blue would be okay--” Jace fistpumpts and Izzy immediately starts to complain that Alec always takes his side, but Alec just raises his brows and continues over it all, “but nothing too dark. I think we should just go for something simple. Like.. can’t we can just keep it cream and be done with it?”
This time Izzy and Jace are united in their outrage. Jace says keeping that cream is surrendering and Izzy tells him that it’s the colour of all safe and boring real estate agents and therefore completely unacceptable.
Alec switches off after that, happy to let them fight it out, and after twenty more minutes of mutual complaining it seems Izzy has come round to blue and they’ve compromised on a lighter shade than Jace previously wanted. Apparently it’s a cool colour, which Izzy doesn’t approve of in general, but she agrees that it could be stylish and calming. It would seem Blue Willow has emerged the victor - and though Alec doesn’t particularly care as long as it’s not ridiculous, he’s happy they’ve gotten it over with.
They finish the pizza and Alec pins the swatch with Blue Willow on it to the wall, a decree that this is their final choice and they will not be changing it. While Alec is in the bathroom, the others apparently move into a discussion about what size TV to get. They’re scouring online retailers for the cheapest prices on their phones when Alec returns and the three of them hear the muffled sound of movements and talking out in the corridor.
Izzy looks frighteningly like a meerkat with the way she perks up, craning her head to the door. The building had quite a few empty lots when it’d been brought to their parents’ attention during its renovation, allowing them to snap up a couple of apartments on different floors as investments, but here at the top of the building the two other apartments on their floor had already been long-since claimed. Even so, no one had come out to say hello when they’d been moving in earlier. Izzy had been endlessly curious about who their neighbors might be, but they were New Yorkers, and such weren’t about to bother a bunch of strangers by randomly knocking on their doors with a hope to become friends.
Or so Alec had thought. Apparently, catching them out in the hall is totally fair game, since Izzy is hurrying over to throw open their door, a streak of dark hair in Alec’s vision as she flies past him.
“Hi!” he hears her greet and he hovers, caught between wanting to run interference for his at-times overly friendly sister, and avoiding the whole situation altogether. Jace sends him a look from the couch and Alec sighs, turning to head towards the door. Must be the right decision, because by the time he gets there she’s already apologising sheepishly.
“Sorry,” she says, twisting her hands behind her back. Alec is more than familiar with that tone from her - it’s the one she uses when she realises she needs to reel herself back a little. “I didn’t realise you were on the phone.”
“Don’t worry about it,” comes the reply from a soft, masculine voice. Alec feels himself pulled towards the open doorway more. “My new neighbor, I take it? I’m Magnus.”
“Isabelle. And neighbors plural,” she clarifies, just as Alec reaches her back, not having much difficulty looking over the top of her head.
His eyes immediately catch on sparkles . The man is wearing a dark blue shirt with what looks to be a high sequined collar, tucked into tight black pants. His jacket is the same colour as his pants, though shiny black and silver beads are stitched into it creating a swirl pattern all over. It may well be an outfit made of the same dull colours of the city, but here they’ve become something exciting, interesting. Magnus, he’d said? A flashy name for a flashy person.
Alec finds it hard to tear his gaze away from the way the clothes glitter, but eventually his eyes make it to the man’s face, and oh. Just as flashy as his outfit, really - he’s wearing makeup. Alec isn’t sure if he’s ever seen a man so made up before. Magnus’ eyes are neatly lined in black, with what might be pink or peach eyeshadow subtly blended into his lids.
“-nice to meet you,” he’s saying to Izzy, though he’s already meeting Alec’s gaze without hesitation. “And hello. Who are you?”
Alec gapes, feeling trapped by the look in the man’s eye - like he’s just heard the funniest joke, or maybe like he’s just been served the most delicious meal. Maybe a mix of the two.
Isabelle cranes her neck to look up at Alec where he looms at her shoulder and rolls her eyes. “This is my socially-awkward big brother, Alec. Alec, this is our neighbor, Magnus. I just accidentally disturbed his phone conversation,” Alec’s eyes swing down to the cellphone held loosely in Magnus’ hand. It’s got a pink bedazzled case. Alec’s head spins. Izzy nudges him, “So be friendly and say hello.”
“Hello,” he says immediately, dumbly, just as he’d been told to. He forces his eyes back to Magnus’ face - and ah, that look has intensified.
“Honestly don’t worry about it, it was nothing important. But my goodness - what a good-looking family,” Magnus says, leaning forward with a fist under his chin as if he’s inspecting them. Alec feels his cheeks get hot and he shrinks back a little. He’s not like Izzy or Jace, he doesn’t draw people’s gazes; he’s not used to that kind of attention. Especially not from another guy.
“If you’re talking looks, you haven’t seen anything yet,” croons a voice from behind Alec, and he’s not at all surprised to see Jace insert himself into the space left in their doorway. Jace is very good at detecting opportunities to be complimented, or at least fish for them. It was only a matter of time before he’d have gotten curious and decided to come over, too. “Though I’m adopted, so they can’t really be expected to match up to this,” Jace says. He’s not being serious, thank God, but it still makes Alec snort quietly.
Magnus pulls his eyes away from Alec to look him over. “Not bad, but not my type I’m afraid.”
His smile and tone says he’s only teasing. Then his gaze flickers pointedly back over to Alec, who blinks in confusion.
Jace raises his brow as he looks Magnus over, but then seems to take it in stride, shrugging. “It’s happened before. Not often, but still. Anyway, I’m Jace. Nice to meet you.”
Magnus nods gamely and introduces himself again, not seeming particularly put out when Jace excuses himself to go unpack. Izzy doesn’t seem to care whether he sticks around, either. To her, a new person is so much more interesting.
“So how long have you lived here, Magnus?”
Alec is too busy examining the immaculate sweep of dark hair styled on Magnus’ head to realise he’s still hovering awkwardly - there’s a flash of white hidden among the dark strands and he’s wondering if the texture of it is different to the rest of it.
“A while,” Magnus says, somewhat enigmatically, shooting a coy look at Alec before settling his attention back on Izzy. “It’s nice to have friendly neighbors. Are you college students?”
Social propriety indicates Alec should follow Jace’s example and wander off if he’s not going to involve himself in the conversation, but he finds he doesn’t want to. So, he just continues to stand there, half listening to Izzy as she explains that she and Alec are, but Jace is taking the time to work while he decides he wants to do. He can’t help the way he smiles proudly behind her back as Magnus coos over her chosen career path of forensic pathology; he can see her preening a little under the attention and Magnus’ comment on the fact that of course she has brains too (beauty heavily implied) .
“Both of you,” Magnus croons, dragging Alec back into the conversation. He resists the urge to fidget under that heavy, dark gaze. Magnus’ grin widens.
“Well, hopefully as college students you won’t mind the fact I have little... get-togethers occasionally.” Alec thinks that’s a rather heavily-downplayed way to say he throws parties, which makes him suspicious. He doesn’t want a disruptive neighbor at this point in his and Izzy’s studies. “Actually - I was thinking of throwing one next weekend. You should all come!”
Alec’s not one for parties, really, especially not one full of annoying people he doesn’t know, but Izzy is an accomplished socialite, and before he can even think about refusing the invitation she’s accepting for all three of them, before proclaiming that she should probably stop holding Magnus up in the hallway. She says her goodbyes, then pushes Alec back into the apartment and shuts the door behind her.
“Well he’s nice,” she says with a genuine smile as she prances back into the living room, excited at making yet another friend.
Jace’s laugh floats from his open bedroom door. “Yeah, when he’s not too busy checking Alec out.”
Alec freezes for a second, horrified, before clenching his fists at his side and disappearing into his room.
And that’s the first time he meets Magnus Bane.
⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭
NOW PLAYING: Delirious - Prince
Lyrics [show]
i get delirious whenever you're near
lose all self-control, baby just can't steer
wheels get locked in place
stupid look on my face
It’s amazing what can happen in a week. He and Izzy start classes, which don’t start off too bad but Alec still finds himself pretty uncomfortable around all the new people. Jace finds a new job at some hipster coffee shop apparently popular with attractive young females - so, you know, he’s in his element.
They paint the living room and kitchen the color they’d decided on, Izzy gets her pretty Rosewine bedroom and Alec just goes along with the cool, light grey Jace had selected for himself. The couch is now settled in a place that makes sense and, over the last few days, has been joined by a rug, coffee table and a squashy old armchair. Jace ordered a TV online though they still need a stand for it - right now it’s balanced atop boxes of kitchenware they haven’t unpacked yet. It’s a low priority for them. Subsisting on take-out for the last week isn’t the best feeling, but Alec would take that over succumbing to Izzy’s ‘cooking’ any damn day.
The point is, the loft is becoming a lot more like home. The bedroom Alec has here is the best he’s ever had, and even if the furniture is simple, it’s already starting to feel like his own haven. He has a double bed for the first time since he moved out of his family home, a desk where he can do his grad school work without interruption, and a wide bookcase already half-crammed with a mix of literature and college textbooks. He’s sitting in front of it now, establishing a sorting system, which first splits their overall purpose - school or leisure - and is then again broken into sub-genres that probably only he can decipher.
It’s getting towards late evening, and even if he’d managed to forget it’s supposed to be the night of Magnus’ party, the muffled sound of music from across the hall and the footsteps and laughter of arriving guests that started up recently would have soon reminded him. He feels ridiculously nervous about it all, hence the irrationally determined organising. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms, and this one has worked for Alec for years .
There’s a knock on his bedroom door and he sighs, knowing exactly what (or who) is on the other side. He barely manages a reluctant ‘come in’ before Izzy cracks the door open, peeking her head in through the gap.
“Things are getting lively over there now,” she announces, sounding way too happy about the very thing that’s had Alec so wound up. “I wanted to check you were wearing something actually suitable for a party and not boring before we head over.”
Alec thinks she was probably hoping he’d be struggling so that she could use him as her very own Ken doll, but unfortunately for her he’d already fretted over it extensively before settling on an outfit and moving on to mess with his bookshelves. With another quiet sigh he lifts himself up from the floor, half-heartedly twisting his body to face his little sister. Her dark eyes scrutinize him from head to toe, from his denim shirt to his pants and shoes. “It’ll do,” is her final judgement, a smile on her mouth and in her eyes, before she waves at him to follow her out of the room.
In the hallway he sees Jace already by the door, dressed in his usual attire of black jeans, black t-shirt and black leather jacket. He bets Izzy never checked on his outfit. As for her, now that she’s not just poking her head around his doorframe he can see she looks as amazing as usual, clad in a nice, simple dress to show off her curves and high, high heels to top off the look. Alec rests his hands on his hips as he looks at his siblings and wonders why on Earth he hadn’t been blessed with the same confidence as them.
Jace literally slaps him out of his thoughts when he swats companionably at his shoulder. “A loud party full of strangers, your favorite,” he murmurs with a grin, shoving Alec out of the door after Izzy as she declares them ready to make the three or four steps across the hall to Magnus’ door.
She glances back at Alec with an amused look before she raises her hand to knock on the door. It only takes a few moments for it to open from the other side, and standing there in all his glory is the unmistakable spectacle that is Magnus Bane.
“Hello, Lightwoods,” he greets with a smile, waving around the cocktail in his hand.
Jace raises his hand. “Technically a Herondale.”
“Noted,” Magnus responds with an affable smile.
“Hey, Magnus. Thanks so much for inviting us.” Izzy’s making nice, saying all the right things as usual. Alec is rooted to the spot behind her, Jace still with his arm heavy around his shoulders.
Today Magnus is wearing a black collarless silk shirt tucked into tight navy pants. The numerous silver necklaces lying on the lustrous black fabric over his chest glint in the light as he sways, and his pointed boots are polished to perfection. Magnus smiles at Izzy and then at Alec, stepping back and giving a dramatic sweep of his arm to usher them inside.
Alec has no choice but to follow Jace and Izzy inside, instantly getting swallowed up in the music and chatter. There’s a lot of people around, and Alec tries not to stare at anyone too much. He’s used to seeing a wide variety of people - he’s done a full stint at a NYU already, after all - but never has he seen a selection of people quite like this. It’s quite literally a rainbow of a crowd, like the three of them have entered a magical world full of fascinating creatures - all fashionable and interesting in their own way.
Magnus directs them to a table hosting a vast array of drinks before someone calls his name and he vanishes. Jace, in his infinite bartending experience, starts making them drinks with a relish in his eye that makes Alec a little nervous, but he has more important worries. Izzy’s already soaking it all in, and she looks excited to wade right in and socialise. And that’s just not acceptable.
“Okay, so this is how it’s going to go,” he begins seriously, stepping close to the other two and bowing his head towards them a little, like he’s about to give a team pep talk. “Neither of you leaves me on my own.”
And that’s all he says. It’s an order, clear as day, but it’s a desperate one. Alec knows the two of them too well - they do much better in these scenarios than he does. He’s not very good with new people, usually devolving into a snarky asshole because he just doesn’t get people he doesn’t know nor how to talk to them, which makes a bad impression and halts the whole socializing process. It’s a whole thing he’s been trying to work on, though admittedly with limited success.
“Relax, Alec,” is Jace’s breezy placation, handing Alec a drink that has him coughing on the first sip. “No one’s going to abandon you.”
Predictably, he gets abandoned.
Still, they’d stuck with him for close to an hour, which is more than he’d expected. It’d been enough for him to finish a drink and a half; enough alcohol mixed in to loosen him up a little. He spends a torturous ten minutes or so stood against the wall scrolling aimlessly through his phone, glancing up occasionally to awkwardly acknowledge someone who moves too close to him, though blessedly no one approaches him.
Inevitably he ends up drifting away from the densely-packed living room, instead opting to linger in the empty entrance hall, near the front door. This way, if he decides to just call it a night he can leave unnoticed. For the moment though, he’s content to look through the huge shelving unit that spans the wall between two doors.
There’s a fascinating collection of possessions on display on the shelves - some framed photos he doesn’t feel are appropriate to examine, pieces of intricate pottery and other random knick knacks. A lot of books too, stuffed to fill all the spaces between the curious artefacts. Alec leans forward to examine the titles of untouched and cracked spines alike, not really daring to actually touch anything that isn’t his - one hand is shoved in his pocket while the other clutches the same drink he’s been nursing for at least half an hour. He’s never seen such an eclectic selection of titles; most of which he’s never even heard of.
Magnus has quite a few biographies of a medley of celebrities and historical figures, and there’s even a section of books that clearly aren’t in English; Alec spends a moment trying to identify the script printed on the spines of some before he inevitably gives up and moves on. He eyes catch on what looks like a truly battered paperback copy of Oscar Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray , the cover wearing away at the top of the spine, the snatch of the pages he can see from here yellowed from age. He’s just reaching out to examine the book further when he feels a presence behind him.
“You’re not very good at the whole social gathering thing, are you?” Magnus proclaims, voice light and easy and yet with the gravitas Alec is coming to associate with him and him alone.
Alec whirls around, flustered at being caught being both nosy and antisocial at the same time, brows raised in surprise.
Magnus Bane holds himself like a rockstar who knows he has his audience in the palm of his hand - confidence seems to radiate outwards from his graceful gestures and his flashy clothes. Kohl-lined eyes twinkle at Alec, who wonders if Magnus always looks like he’s in on a secret. It’s both disconcerting and, Alec is tipsy enough to admit at least to himself, a little exciting. Whenever he’s near him, Alec feels he’s on the precipice of… something. He just doesn’t know what’s at the bottom of the fall yet, and that’s a little worrying. Alec Lightwood doesn’t deal well with uncertainties.
He must still be staring - whoops - because Magnus’ gaze turns serious as he tilts his head to the side slightly, like he’s considering Alec right back.
“Is it because of the people here?” he asks, tone somewhat guarded now.
It’s impossible to miss what he’s implying. Not only are most of the people elsewhere in the loft almost as unique as Magnus, but Alec had seen a common thread among a lot of them - the way they were loud and confident in their flamboyant dress, the way girls would dance with guys and other girls, the way some men talked to other men off to the sides of the room, maybe standing a little closer than a casual conversation between friends would necessitate.
Alec feels his cheeks grow hot. “No!” he blurts, horrified at the thought Magnus would think he was… bigoted, or something. That’s not it at all.
Yeah, it had been a little overwhelming maybe, but he hadn’t been disgusted. It was more just being there alone that made him uncomfortable, honestly. He wants to say more - explain himself maybe - but he doesn’t have the words, which is unfortunately not unusual. Instead, he mentally curses his shortcomings as he turns back to the shelves, feeling completely awkward.
Realizing where his hand still lingers at the copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray , he pulls his hand away from the book as if burnt. It feels like he’s been caught.
When he turns back to look at Magnus the man is watching him, clearly having noticed where his attentions had been before he’d sprung up the rather one-sided conversation.
That pensive expression again.
“I see,” he murmurs cryptically, gaze thoughtful before it snaps back to Alec and his expression is back to it’s warm, half-amused default. “This place isn’t usually so crazy,” is his chosen detour of topic, tilting his head back to gesture at the party happening through the double doors. The music is still playing, though it’s muffled out here. Someone on the other side of the door laughs loudly at something another person says, and Alec’s glad that other people are able to enjoy a party, at least. Magnus’ lips quirk a little: “Probably not the best introduction to my acquaintance, admittedly.”
Alec huffs. “I’m sure Izzy and Jace are handling it just fine,” he comments, and Magnus’ smile curls upwards.
“Ah yes,” he agrees, folding his arms over his chest. “I talked to Izzy a little while earlier, she seems right at home in a crowd.” The twinkle in his eye grows as he leans over towards Alec, all exaggerated conspiracy. “She told me Alec isn’t your actual name. I must say, I do like Alexander much better.”
“No one calls me that, though.” Alec isn’t sure why he’s blushing.
Magnus tilts his chin up as he gives a smug smile. “They do now, Alexander .”
Alec’s gut twists and his fingers tighten around his near-finished drink. He has no idea what to say in response to that.
It’s just as well that Magnus seems more than comfortable with keeping a conversation going, then.
“So you’re a big reader, too?” he asks as he comes to stand next to Alec, looking over the shelves and prompting Alec to do the same once more.
Alec just shrugs. He does enjoy reading, but he wouldn’t call himself a fanatic nor particularly knowledgeable. As a boy he preferred being active over staying inside and reading; back then his familiarity with literature ended with whatever he had to study at school. Once he entered NYU though, having met a whole bunch of people he’d never been exposed to as a boy in private school and suddenly with a lot more free time, he’d turned to books.
He wasn’t good at socializing, or pursuing the kinds of relationships and connections he wanted, and he’d thought that maybe through reading other people’s experiences, he might get a little better at it. Not that that’s happened yet, but reading has become something of a comfort to him anyway.
As Magnus’ arm brushes against his, he thinks maybe these are the kinds of encounters people end up writing stories about.
“You’re more the ‘talk less, listen and observe more’ type, hm?”
Alec shrugs, feeling a familiar embarrassment at his lack of ability to be a normal, friendly person. Standing beside Magnus, as dynamic and charismatic as he is, makes Alec feel so inadequate. Magnus turns his head to face him, and when Alec looks at him it’s to see him smiling.
“Or maybe you just need a little practice in saying the things you want to say?”
Alec doesn’t know what that means, but he feels like it’s important.
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NOW PLAYING: Little Red Corvette - Prince
Lyrics [show]
i guess i should've closed my eyes
when you drove me to the place where your horses run free
'cause i felt a little ill when i saw all the pictures
of the jockeys that were there before me
They become… friends, after that. Or something close to it.
It starts with bumping into each other at the mailboxes in the building’s lobby, or in the hallway between their apartments. Alec might be a little awkward, but Magnus is relentless , and the younger man soons finds himself relaxing into it, and decides to relinquish himself to Magnus’ current. It doesn’t hurt that Alec, who’s usually happy with Jace and Izzy being the extent his social circle, finds that he wants to get to know him better. He’s usually suspicious of other people, or unwilling to let them in and change the way things have always been, but… Magnus is just so interesting. He’s bright, quick to laugh (even when Alec isn’t even really being funny) and always happy to talk if he’s got a spare moment.
They’re stood in the space between PH1 (Magnus) and PH2 (Alec), trading pleasantries when Magnus tilts his head towards his own door. “Do you want to come in?”
Alec pauses. He’d just returned from class, messenger bag with his laptop and textbook inside slung over his shoulder - but he doesn’t have anything planned for today apart from doing some assigned reading in front of the TV.
“Sure,” he says, following Magnus across the threshold when the man smiles and unlocks the door.
It feels strange to be in here without extra bodies and loud music filling the space. Strange, but more manageable to Alec, who doesn’t have to worry about talking to anyone but Magnus, being watched by anyone other than Magnus. This time around, he can admire the warm yellows and reds of the walls, the mismatched furniture that still manages to look stylish. There are paintings and various other oddities mounted on the walls, bold fabrics draped over the back of the couch or hanging as curtains on either side of Magnus’ balcony doors. The sun cascades in, warming the dark wooden floor and the rugs positioned at random points on top of it. The whole place feels welcoming and warm, with that dash of unique style that is particular to its owner.
“Hope you don’t mind if I put something on,” Magnus says as he bustles across the space, approaching the side wall where there’s a record player sat atop some upturned plastic crates next to an old bronze drinks cart. On the other side sit messy stacks of what Alec sees are vinyl records when he follows Magnus over. “I do better with background noise, which is a terrible habit of mine. A friend once said something about extroverts being more productive with a soundtrack.”
Alec hadn’t heard that, but it’s not like he’d know, hardly being an extrovert himself. He sets his bag down with only minor hesitation, and sits on the edge of the nearby yellow armchair when Magnus waves at it in invitation.
He tries not to stare too much as the man sits on the floor to rifle through the piles, muttering to himself all the while, before letting out a triumphant ‘yes’ when he eventually finds something he’s happy with. Lifting the plastic lid of the record player, Magnus rotates his wrist so that the black vinyl circle tips out of its protective cover into his waiting other hand. He sets the cardboard sleeve to the side as he sets about placing the record on the mat, flipping the switch and picking up the needle.
Alec isn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but he’s not at all surprised to see a Prince album resting on the ground beside Magnus’ hip when he cranes his neck to look.
The music starts up at a non-intrusive volume and Magnus lifts himself to his feet, smiling contentedly now he has his backing track. He drops the square cover in Alec’s lap as he passes him, heading into his kitchen to grab them both a drink.
Alec looks down at the portrait of the flamboyant musician which acts as the cover art, hands suspended in the air halfway to grasping the cardboard sleeve for a moment of indecision before he carefully wraps clumsy long fingers around the straight edges. He flips it over to examine the tracklist, unfamiliar with the album and the artist, besides what’s common knowledge.
“I adore him,” Magnus admits when he returns, setting two glasses of water (yet still each with a slice of lime because apparently Magnus can’t leave anything plain and simple) on the coffee table.
He collapses in the teal chair beside Alec’s, twisting in the seat so his back is leaning more against the opposite armrest, allowing him to face Alec a little more. His elbow comes to settle atop the low back rest, his chin resting in his palm as he watches Alec.
Alec resists the urge to shift under the gaze, and just continues to study the back cover of the sleeve intently. Or at least pretends to, since every cell and nerve-ending in his body is alight, attuned to Magnus.
“Of course he did some questionable things,” Magnus continues with a wave of his hand, undeterred by Alec’s silence. “But he was wild and out-there and painfully stylish for the majority of his time.” It almost sounds like he’s gushing - Alec isn’t at all surprised that Magnus feels an affinity with the flamboyance of the musician. “As a young bisexual man, his subversion of gender tropes and his brazen attitude were really important for me. Whether he wanted to be or not, he wasn’t just a fashion and music icon, but a true gay icon, as well.”
Alec freezes. Magnus has never referred to his sexuality - especially not so explicitly - in all their chats. Of course, Alec had assumed-- Well, Magnus never really broadcasted ‘straight’ with his makeup and his intent looks and his… shininess, but to hear it dropped in so casually is jarring.
“He converted to religion towards the end,” Magnus continues, either oblivious or choosing to be. “Carrying around his bible and such, which is fine, but he said a few things that disappointed the community that so respected him. It just goes to show that the people you look up to aren’t perfect, and that maybe if you build someone up in your head enough, it ceases to be the actual person. A lot of people felt and feel abandoned by him, I think.” He sighs. “But you know, art is art, and you can’t erase what it means to people even if you don’t identify with them. Not even if you’re the one who created it.”
Alec’s hands turn the sleeve back over so he can look back down at the man in question. “I don’t know much about him,” is all he can say, glancing over at Magnus, who shrugs and smiles in a way that tells Alec it’s fine; that it doesn’t matter.
“Different things stick with different people,” the other man comments, bringing his bare feet up onto the seat cushion. “One of my exes - Camille -” Magnus says the name like it leaves a sour taste in his mouth as he rolls his eyes, “hated him. But another, Imasu, he was a musician, too. Fancied himself a bit of a second coming of the man.” He chuckles at a joke Alec isn’t privy to. “Anyway, how were the delights of grad school today? Tell me everything, I’m sure it’s riveting.”
Magnus might make fun of it a little, might pull faces when Alec mentions what complicated business courses he’s taking, but he’s actually supportive of his studies, quick to give Alec encouragement if he senses he needs it. Alec indulges the request almost as if on auto-pilot - his head’s spinning, full of thoughts about how confident Magnus is, about the exes he’d mentioned and the others that undoubtedly exist - both female and male.
Alec has always been a little wary of Magnus, feeling a little thrown off by him, but never has he felt so intimidated in the face of his experience and openness.
They talk for a little while longer, Alec only half in the conversation, until he manages to make an excuse about needing to study. Magnus agrees easily, uncurling his limbs with the grace of a feline and walking him over to the door. Alec’s slinging his bag back over his shoulder when Magnus rests a hand on his arm.
“I have a book recommendation for you,” he says, before pulling away to the shelves and leaving Alec to puzzle over the warmth still lingering at his bicep. “Here.”
Magnus turns back around, pushing a paperback to his chest. Alec looks down at it as he places his hand against the cover to save it from falling to the ground when Magnus withdraws his.
He doesn’t recognise the name or title on the front, so he just nods and mumbles his thanks, shuffling out the door and across the hallway.
“Talk to you soon, Alexander,” Magnus says, and Alec cranes his neck to look behind him once he’s unlocked the door to see the man standing there watching him with an intent look in his dark, dark eyes.
Later that night, Alec sits in his room, sick of constantly casting glances over to the book resting so innocently on the navy covers on his bed. With a harsh exhale he pushes himself out of his desk chair and snatches it up, lowering himself to the floor so that he can lean back against his bed frame. His rough fingers trace over the glossy cover as he furtively flicks his gaze over to his closed bedroom door. For some reason he feels guilty, fearful of getting caught doing something he shouldn’t be. Izzy or Jace could easily just barge in--
But they won’t. And even if they did, it’s just a book. It doesn’t mean anything.
He opens it up. It’s a poetry anthology.
Curious, he flicks through the pages, not settling on any particular one yet but noticing the pencilled annotations on more than a few as he passes them. Alec’s not a poetry person himself - he lacks the way with words, the appreciation of them, to really enjoy it he thinks. The spine is well broken-in, the book naturally falling open to a specific page when he deliberately loosens his grip, revealing the one read most often. Plenty of sections of this poem have been underlined in soft graphite, small notes here and there, and Alec flicks over the next few pages to see it’s much the same for the rest of the poem, which is long.
Alec trails a fingertip over the fluid loops of what can only be Magnus’ handwriting.
Why start from the beginning when this is clearly the most important poem in the book? Howl is its title, and Alec’s finger traces over the single, bolded word before he starts to read.
It’s nothing blatant per se, but it feels monumental.
Alec hunches over and reads the poem with his heart pounding and the walls whispering a chorus of he knows he knows he knows.
⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭
NOW PLAYING: Let’s Go Crazy - Prince
Lyrics [show]
dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
to get through this thing called “life”
electric word, life; it means forever and that’s a mighty long time
but i’m here to tell you there’s something else
Alec doesn’t sleep well that night. He wakes with the early morning sun and the knowledge he won’t be able to retreat back to slumber again today. Pushing himself out of bed he forces himself to shower - thankful it’s too early for Jace or Isabelle to be up just yet - and then returns back to the safety of his room.
As he dresses for the day he catches sight of himself in the full-length mirror that Izzy had insisted he mount on his wall. He’s only gotten so far as to dress in pants, his arms pushed into the sleeves of his henley ready to be pulled over his head, though he stops at the sight of himself before he can do so.
What is it that makes him him?
What is it that makes him uninterested in the smart, refined girls at college? That makes him unable to find a nice girl and settle down like his parents want him to? That makes him hyper-aware of every single part of his body and every word he says whenever Magnus is around?
What makes him g --
He’s barely present the rest of the day, or the ones that follow after.
He waits in line to buy ridiculously expensive coffee, sits in a lounge at Stern with his laptop burning his thighs, watches TV with Jace, all the while amongst a cloud of thoughts he’d been able to hold back until that night in Magnus’ loft.
He tries to imagine what would be different, about how people would treat him, if he was Out.
He thinks about Ginsberg and about Howl and the social messages Magnus had underlined when he’d read the poem what must have been years ago now.
He thinks about that copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray on Magnus’ shelf, and about Oscar Wilde and all the other people he’s read about on the internet late at night, who were shunned and repressed for being who they were.
He thinks about Magnus and all his exes and all his happy, interesting friends.
Thinks more and more about what makes him who he is.
About what would make him proud to be who he is.
Alec finds himself staring at the PH1 inscribed on Magnus’ door before he’s even really thought it through. He curses under his breath - but well, he’s here now, right?
He knocks on the door, shifting his weight from foot to foot.
“Alexander,” comes the somewhat bemused greeting when the door opens. Magnus looks confused, probably because Alec has never come over unannounced. Still, he seems to take it in stride, stepping back so Alec can go inside.
Which is what he does, striding into the apartment without waiting for Magnus to follow. There’s a soft thud as he throws the Ginsberg anthology onto the coffee table, and Magnus eyes it cautiously as he rounds the table himself, sitting on the couch on the other side and looking up at Alec.
“Okay, so,” Alec says, resting his hands on his hips and pacing just a little.
Magnus rests his hands on his knees, for the first time looking somewhat reserved - like he doesn’t know what’s coming next - as he watches him.
Alec licks his lips. Opens his mouth to say something - then cuts himself off before he can make a sound, shaking his head.
He stops his pacing. Turns to Magnus. Presses his fingertips hard into his hip bones to try and ground himself.
“I’m gay.”
It’s not the controlled announcement he’d wanted, his voice shaky and hesitant, but - it’ll do.
Magnus says nothing. Only for a few moments, but it’s enough to make Alec nervous, watching as the older man presses his lips together, looking thoughtful.
“Am I the first person you’ve ever said that to?” he asks eventually, and Alec turns his heated face away, nodding once, jerkily. “Is that the first time you’ve ever said it out loud?”
Alec’s just about numb with adrenaline and the instinct to run , but he forces out another nod.
Magnus stays quiet for another couple of moments. When Alec dares to glance over at him, there’s a small, soft smile on his face. The twinkle is back in his eyes. “Say it again,” he prompts, like he knows something.
And that’s… Alec’s a little baffled by the response. Does Magnus doubt him? Does he think this is like, a phase, or something Alec has decided because he wants to be Magnus’ friend, or--
“I’m gay.” Of course he does as he’s told.
“I’m gay,” he repeats again, his voice sounding more solid, growing in conviction with each utterance of those two terrifyingly monumental words. For so long Alec has felt like Atlas, bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders - and while this one moment with Magnus doesn’t erase all of the expectation placed on him by himself and others, it does liberate him of the largest weight of all. He feels it lift and dissipate with a sense of awe.
Magnus’ smile is even wider. Suddenly Alec understands what just happened. What Magnus has enabled him to do.
“Thanks,” Alec says, blinking. He nods once, like he’s satisfied at a job well done though he doesn’t quite know how to feel. “I’ve gotta go now.” And he turns on his heel and heads out of the apartment -
-straight to his own, though he heads to Izzy’s bedroom instead of shutting himself away in his own room. He knocks on the door; starts to lose his nerve when he hears a ‘come in!’ from the other side. He slips through as soon as the gap is big enough to let him, shutting the door softly behind himself and taking a breath to calm himself.
When he turns around, Izzy’s atop her light bedspread, twisting her inky black curls into the intricate braid she likes to wear for bed. Her pyjamas are the opposite of her usual attire - an oversized band t-shirt she stole from some asshole ex Alec almost punched a few years ago, and cotton sleep pants with cartoon sheep on them. He feels affection swell in his chest for his little sister, and then feels the cold flush of panic washing it all away when he thinks of how she might react.
But only for a second, because he knows her better than that.
Directness worked well enough for him before, so he just looks down at her and announces it: “So I just came in to tell you that I’m gay.”
As Izzy blinks up at him, for once in her life speechless, he thinks that maybe he needs a better approach. Just to make the aftermath a little less awkward, maybe.
In the blink of an eye she scrambles off the bed and launches herself at him, rising to her tiptoes to sling her arms around his neck in a tight hug. Alec exhales in relief, not having to think about wrapping his arms around her in return, pressing his face into her soft locks.
“I always thought that maybe-” she’s saying into his chest, before she pulls back to look up at him. “I’m so proud of you, Alec,” she tells him, eyes earnest, and his hands squeeze at her arms in gratitude. “Thank you for telling me.”
It’s him that needs to thank her, but she just smiles in the way that tells him she knows already, and he’s helpless to do anything but return it.
“Is this about Magnus?” is what she asks next, expression curious.
That’s… he hasn’t really thought about it. He does so now, taking a second to mull it over.
“It’s a little because of him, maybe,” he allows after a while. “But it’s not about him. It’s about me.”
That’s when Isabelle really looks proud of him, her smile speaking volumes.
Alec scoffs, embarrassed now, and tugs at her braid once before opening her door and leaving the room without another word.
He ends up hovering in the middle of the apartment. He knows Jace is home; he should go tell him too, but - it just feels so stiff and awkward to do so. It doesn’t feel natural, to go around to every single person he knows one at a time and announce he’s gay like it’s going to change everything about who he is. He’s the same person he’s always been. Always will be.
So, he just takes a breath, and - “I’m GAY!” - announces it loudly to the whole apartment. Which actually feels really good. Maybe he should find a rooftop somewhere.
The door to Jace’s bedroom opens, and the man himself pops his head out, looking ruffled and bemused.
“Okay,” he says after a beat. “Are you also cooking dinner?”
And that’s pretty much it.
⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭
NOW PLAYING: I Wanna Be Your Lover - Prince
Lyrics [show]
there ain't no other that can do the things that i'll do to you
and i get discouraged 'cause you treat me just like a child
and they say i'm so shy, yeah, but with you i just go wild!
i didn't wanna pressure you baby, but all i ever wanted to do
i wanna be your lover
Surprisingly enough, life out of the closet continues much like life inside it did. Alec spends the few days following his coming out hyper-aware of every single interaction between himself and Jace and Izzy, but after that he realizes he’s trying to see something that’s just… not there. He takes that knowledge and uses it as fuel to come out to his one friend at school - Lydia.
They’d actually been more like rivals for the first half of undergrad, but apparently trading barbs and engaging in debates during classes was more like a long-term flirtation with the prospect of friendship between them. Soon they had conceded that maybe they were better off on the same figurative team rather than as opponents. Having her there had made school bearable, and rather than discussing what they were going to do after graduation, they had just wordlessly decide they’d enter grad school together.
So he tells her he’s gay, trying to do it a little smoother than he had with his siblings by awkwardly giving a warm-up monologue about relationships and how her friendship was important to him and such. Once Lydia realized that it wasn’t an attempt to ask her out (which, looking back, Alec could sort of understand how she’d gotten to that conclusion but no ), she was pretty cool with it, and not entirely surprised.
Alec wonders just how many people around him already know, or at least suspect, that he’s gay.
He’s just returning home from a study session with her (and eschewing her “helpful” offer to introduce him to this random other gay guy she knows) when he sees Magnus again. The man is standing in the elevator - a cool feature of the building that’s a callback to the space’s previous carnation as a warehouse, with a textured metal floor and scissor grates instead of the usual doors. The other man has just shut the outer grate when they notice each other, and Alec watches his eyes twinkle through one of the diamond-shaped gaps before he’s pulling the divider back open, inviting him inside with a sweep of his arm.
Alec ducks his head in thanks as he slips into the space, pressing the button for their floor once Magnus has secured the elevator once more.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Magnus comments as they begin to move upwards, rocking on the balls of his feet and sending another mirthful glance Alec’s way. “How are you doing?”
Alec feels his insides swoop at the look but determinedly stamps it down, facing forward and watching the elevator’s progress upwards. It’s not like he can say something bold like ‘much better for seeing you’, or anything else to that effect.
“Good. Apparently me being gay isn’t much of a surprise to people who know me, so.”
Magnus chuckles. “Well, you’re somewhat of an open book, Alexander,” he allows, “- but that’s a good thing, trust me.” That’s probably just to console his rapidly-pinking cheeks, but Alec still feels a little embarrassed. Is he really that transparent?
He needs a change of topic. “So how have you been?”
Stellar conversation skills Alec, he thinks to himself. Very stimulating.
Magnus rests his hands on his hips and gives a dramatic sigh. “Busy,” he states mournfully. “As much as I wish I could live my life as an unemployed genie with untold ancient riches, I too am a slave to the capitalistic forces running this country.”
Alec raises his eyebrows at the man’s dramatic tendencies as the elevator lurches to a stop on their floor, a small ‘ding’ announcing that it’s safe to disembark.
“What is your job, anyway?” he asks as he steps out, waiting for Magnus to do the same. “You never said.”
He gets overtaken in the hallway by the flamboyant man, who turns fluidly and sends him a wink as he continues to walk backwards without a misstep.
“I’m aware. It’s all to maintain my carefully-crafted aura of mystery,” is his glib response, and his expression when he turns away is his default of endless amusement.
That’s no sort of answer, and they both know it. Alec can’t even be mad at the blatant manoeuvre because Magnus is just too charming. He doesn’t even need to consider following him when Magnus drifts to his side of the hallway: Alec’s body just does it.
He’s not sure if Magnus has an aura of mystery per se, but there’s definitely something about him that’s hopelessly magnetic, at least to Alec. Magnus unlocks the door to his loft and doesn’t bother to say goodbye, because it’s not even a question at this point whether Alec will follow him inside or not. Of course he will.
So, he trails after Magnus who saunters into the living room, stopping still the moment the other spins elegantly on his heel, boots clicking with the graceful movement. Once again Alec feels stuck beneath the weight of Magnus’ attention as dark eyes stare across at him.
“I’ve been thinking,” Magnus declares, and upon hearing that Alec suddenly gets a bad, bad feeling, eyeing the other suspiciously as he sets his messenger bag down by his feet. This time he doesn’t wait to be invited to sit, but just collapses into the chair with a sigh.
“Suddenly I feel like I’m about to age ten years,” Alec quips before he even hears the other out. He had thought only Jace and Izzy were able to make him so concerned with what should be simple lead-ins to conversation, and yet here he is going through exactly the same thing thanks to Magnus. Apparently Alec aligns himself with questionable company on all fronts. It keeps his life interesting, he supposes.
Sending him a reproachful side-eye, Magnus rounds the coffee table and drops neatly onto the couch. He spreads his arms across the top of the backrest and crosses one leg over the other; the ultimate picture of a man at ease and in his element. Alec gets distracted by his shiny black boots and the figure he cuts for a moment until Magnus speaks again:
“I was going to invite you to come out with me and some friends this weekend, but I’ve a mind to rescind my offer now that you’re apparently starting to give me attitude. ” And yet, the smirk on his mouth says he’s anything but displeased.
To be completely truthful, Alec is sent reeling from Magnus inviting him anywhere , especially out with friends that are infinitely more entertaining than he ever will be, that he misses the implication of what kind of night it’d be. Magnus throws that into stark relief when he continues: “Since you seem to be doing really well, I thought you might want to finally get a feel for the scene.”
Oh.
The scene.
The gay scene .
Alec licks his lips, thoughts buzzing. Beyond coming out, he’d never really thought about how his life could change by being openly gay. Like, he always just imagined that his life would continue the same as always, just with everyone on the same page re: him liking guys. He’s always felt isolated from the LGBTQ community - or rather, there’s always been a sort of self-imposed exile from it, sponsored by worries over what other people, his parents, would think of him if they ever caught even a hint of him being gay. It’s always felt off-limits to him. Though maybe that’s not true any more.
Unfortunately, Magnus takes his elongated pause for hesitance.
“If it’s too much, too soon, I understand-” he’s quick to add, looking a little chastised.
“No!” Alec feels like he can’t get the word out quick enough, and it comes out a little more intense than he’d meant it to. Magnus blinks at him, and Alec clenches at his knees with nervous hands, shoulders hunching over at his own outburst. “No, it’s not that - I just hadn’t ever imagined, you know, being involved…”
Halfway through saying it he realizes how embarrassing that is to admit out loud, causing him to trail off in a mumble. Once again, Magnus displays the patience he has with Alec that almost seems at odds with the rest of his personality, though it really isn’t. He might be gaudy and a bit of a showman, but Alec is starting to see that he’s genuinely caring, too. It puts him at ease.
“I think it would be… fun,” Alec manages eventually, eyes darting around tentatively. “I’d like to go.” He takes a breath, and then smiles down at his lap as a thought hits him. “I’m sure that Izzy would love that kind of thing, too.”
There’s no response from Magnus, so after a moment Alec lifts his gaze to seek him out, wondering if he’s said something wrong. There’s a serious expression on Magnus’ face, the slant to his mouth considering.
“I’m sure she would,” Magnus concedes, the words slow like he’s picking them carefully. “And if you really want her there, of course you can invite her. Especially if it’d make you feel comfortable. Jace, too. But you know, you’re allowed to have things in your life that don’t include them. After all, this is your journey, Alexander.”
The words make Alec pause, and he resists the urge to shut down the suggestion out of reflex, and actually considers it. Magnus has never tried to micromanage him; he’s always only given him the slightest of nudges and then plenty of space to make his own decisions. And what he’s saying isn’t unfounded at all. Izzy and Jace both have their own social lives outside of their sibling triangle, obviously still close but perhaps less dependent on it than Alec is. And sure, Alec has Lydia but they don’t tend to hang out outside of school. Why is that, Alec wonders. It’s not like being social with people other than his siblings would be a betrayal, or make their relationship any less. He doesn’t know why he always needs to close ranks so hard.
“Maybe you’re right,” he muses, still thinking it over. It’s not like he’s purposely shutting them out by not inviting them along, and it’s not selfish - at least not in a negative way. It’d be nice to be able to define himself outside of his family for once. That’s already started with this thing he has with Magnus, and he’s learnt a lot about himself in that short time.
He wonders what else he has left to discover.
Of course, it makes him nervous to think of going out with a bunch of people without the crutch of his siblings there to put him at ease, or smooth his occasional prickliness over, but he’s an adult now. It’s about time he put himself into uncomfortable situations and gave himself the space to grow instead of waiting for it to be given to him.
“I’m in.”
So that’s how Alec finds himself meeting a bunch of Magnus Bane’s friends on a street corner in Chelsea. He’s already feeling a little loose thanks to Magnus’ insistence on pre-game cocktails before they left, not quite tipsy but finding himself far more at ease around these new acquaintances than he would be normally. Though he can’t deny that he’s just felt better ever since the night he returned the book to Magnus.
He thinks that maybe he’d underestimated just how much coming clean about his sexuality - whether it had been necessary to say it aloud or not - would alter how he felt day to day. Maybe he wasn’t as weird or awkward or as much of an asshole as he’d thought. Maybe it was just that ugly fear lingering in the back of his mind that made it so damn hard for him to get close to people.
The group Magnus had gathered is a curious one, with as much variety as Alec had expected, having attended the party weeks earlier. Though he has to admit that he’d built up Magnus’ friends up so much in his mind that being presented with the reality of them as regular people had been a bit of a shock to his system. Ragnor is a little older than Magnus, but within a couple of minutes he’d already made a couple of sarcastic quips that had made Alec smile and put him at ease, so he’d quickly decided he likes him.
Will, Tessa and Jem seem nice enough, greeting him warmly and introducing themselves, but more wrapped up in each other, which is actually somewhat of a relief. That left Raphael, who hadn’t done much other than stand around and look done with them all already, though Alec could tell in the way Magnus interacted with him that the two were close friends and that Raphael wasn’t such an unwilling attendee after all.
He tries not to be too obvious about the way he’s observing everything closely. It’s like seeing a majestic, rare creature out in the wild, seeing Magnus outside of their apartment building and interacting with other human beings.
“Well, if we’re going to pop Alec’s gay club cherry we really should get a move on,” Magnus announces with a clap once he’s had enough of catching up with his friends. He looks far too happy with what’s to come, and Alec can only hope he won’t make too big a deal of the whole thing. Magnus had drank a little quicker than Alec back at the loft, and he might be a little tipsier as a result, but it’s pretty hard to tell. “First round’s on Ragnor, let’s go!”
Ragnor grumbles but doesn’t actually object as the group moves on, Will slapping his back and calling out an outrageous order as they trundle up the street.
Something slithers between Alec’s arm and torso, and he looks down to see familiar silver rings glinting under the streetlights as Magnus’s hand curls loosely around his bicep. “How are you feeling?” he asks quietly, considerate as ever, as they bring up the rear of the group.
“Good,” Alec says, because he does. It might not be the most descriptive word, but he’s never been the eloquent type. Of course he’s a little nervous, a little excited - but overall, he has a positive feeling about all of this. It feels like making progress. It feels like being brave.
And with Magnus here it feels okay . Like none of this is taboo or wrong like he’d maybe worried or told himself in the past. Even just three weeks ago, going to a gay bar felt forbidden; like it wasn’t even worth considering. Since then, he’s allowed himself to accept a part of himself he’d always tried to suppress and with every person that accepts who he is and still loves him the same, he’s learning that it’s okay to be who he truly is.
Magnus makes everything feel okay, and Alec hadn’t really felt okay in a while.
When Alec chances a sideward glance his way, Magnus looks pleased. He squeezes Alec’s arm, and says “let me know if that changes,” in a way that promises he’ll be there for him if it happens.
Alec’s not really the type to do that, but having it offered is still a balm on his nerves. He nods as they approach a building, a neon sign and a rainbow flag suspended above the peeling purple door, the others disappearing through it ahead of them. Alec looks up at the flag hanging proudly for all to see, takes a breath and then Magnus is tugging him inside.
The music is much louder once they pass through the inner doors; Alec can feel the bass through his shoes as he tracks across the slightly sticky floor towards the bar at Magnus’ insistence. It’s already pretty busy inside, with people talking or standing around in the bar area. Towards the back Alec can see the dancefloor and he’s temporarily distracted by the numerous male bodies twisting under the flashing lights.
In fact, all of it is distracting. It’s a mixed bar from what he can see, with women here and there, but the general population is definitely male. It’s not like he’s never seen guys standing at a bar before, but the simple fact that they’re here , in this bar, changes everything.
Most of these people are gay , Alec thinks to himself in amazement as his eyes sweep over the crowd of patrons. It’s why they’re here, a place they can gather together freely. This is a safe space and that alone makes it beautiful.
He hears a laugh to the side and he turns his face to see that Magnus has been watching him the whole time, still holding on to him.
“Aren’t you just the sweetest,” Magnus coos when Alec raises an inquisitive brow, patting at Alec’s chest with his free hand. Then suddenly his mischievous eyes turn soft. “Welcome home, Alexander.”
Home. Alec feels like he needs a week at least to wrap his head around that concept. This is a place for him , too. It’s somewhere he can belong.
“Come on. If I know Ragnor at all then he’s using his round to start us all on shots.” Magnus is already dragging him across the remaining space to the bar as he’s speaking, and Alec can only go along with it.
Magnus is, of course, absolutely correct. When they rejoin the group it’s to the sight of Will gleefully liberating the bartender of shots as soon as they’re poured, careful not to dislodge the slices of lime balancing on the glass’ rims as he brings them over to their side of the bar. The more quiet Jem is rearranging the glasses in a straight line as soon as Will’s fingers leave them.
Alec watches as Ragnor trades a crisp bill for a salt shaker and immediately starts to psyche himself up. He’s not a huge drinker, and he’s even less fond of shots. Tequila has not been a friend to him over his student years - there’s a night involving Jace and a bucking bronco machine that he’d really rather forget - but he at least knows it’ll make a marked difference to his sobriety level, and he figures he could use a little Dutch (or in this case, Mexican) courage.
Once Will (the self-appointed party supervisor, it’d seem) gives them all the signal, Alec is swiping his tongue over his salt-covered hand and knocking back the shot, grimacing until his teeth bite into the slice of lime and the juice kills some of the taste. His stomach rolls in immediate reaction to the sudden influx of liquor, and to distract himself he seeks out Magnus. Who apparently can’t help but show off, sending a wink his way before downing the shot straight with ease, using neither of the crutches Alec relies on so heavily.
Alec rolls his eyes at his antics and Magnus just grins, turning to slap on the bar. “I told you last time, you need better tequila!” he hollers at the curly-haired bartender, who must know him if the way he’s shaking his head in amusement is anything to go by. Alec thinks that everyone in this city must know Magnus Bane. How could anyone miss him? “In the meantime I’ll take a martini and a bottle of beer for the tall boy, here.”
The guy behind the bar turns his gaze to Alec at Magnus’ wave and tilts his head. “I’ve never seen you here before,” he says over the music, and Alec just shrugs. He doesn’t exactly want to announce it’s his first time here to everyone he meets. Instead he offers his name, holding a hand out across the bar for the man to shake, which he does with a smile, reciprocating the introduction with a concise “I’m Underhill.”
Alec can’t help but raise a skeptical eyebrow, which makes Magnus laugh and nudge him in the side. “Underhill’s his surname. His first name is a well-kept secret - people keep trying to find it out, but no one’s been successful… yet.”
Underhill rolls his eyes as he uncaps Alec’s beer, placing it down in front of him with a small nod. “And now that I know there’s a reward going for whoever gets it, it’ll be a secret forever.”
Magnus pouts at Underhill as the man puts together his martini, clearly unsatisfied with the refusal to pander to his wiles.
“I pride myself on knowing everything about everyone. One day that knowledge will be mine ” is his earnest vow, holding his hand up at Alec in a sign he’s covering their drinks this time when he catches Alec reaching for his wallet.
As soon as the exchange for money is over, Underhill wanders further down the bar to serve someone else, and Magnus holds up his drink for a toast. Alec clinks the neck of his bottle to the rim of the delicate glass and then raises it to take a pull, eager to get rid of the lingering aftermath of that god awful shot.
When he lowers the bottle back down, Magnus is watching him with his chin in his hand and a knowing smile on his lips. Before Alec can even ask him what he’s thinking, he chuckles.
“You have no idea how much attention you’re going to get tonight, do you?”
It’s not the kind of question that actually requires an answer, and Magnus seems more amused than anything, so Alec just flusters under his gaze, glancing around himself. He doesn’t believe him for a second.
Even with the loud music Alec can pick out the sound of Magnus’ laughter.
The drinks keep coming, the rest of the group taking their turn to buy a round except for Alec, who is forbidden from doing so because apparently first-timers get their drinks bought for them all night. He doesn’t know if this is a community thing, or a Magnus’-friend-group thing, but he’s bowled over by their kindness anyway. He never thought he’d meet people like this, dynamic and engaging and kind; never thought he’d be accepted as one of them. The sense of inclusivity and welcome he’s experiencing tonight is beyond his belief, if he’s to be totally honest.
He sticks to beers and is thankful to himself for making that decision - his tolerance is shit anyway and the tequila has definitely started to kick in. He’s leaning with his back on the bar, the others a loose cluster around him, the swirling rainbow lights that are cutting through the darkness of the bar becoming a little hazy the longer the night wears on. Currently, Magnus is stood between Will and Jem with an arm slung around each of them, smile as blinding as the lights above.
Tessa returns from the bathroom and after teasing all three men with her exaggerated deliberation, eventually selects Magnus as her next dancing partner, taking him by the hands and dragging him over to the dancefloor. Alec takes a sip of his beer, trying his best not to stare too much as Magnus throws his head back in laughter, the dotted light refracted from the disco ball sliding over his jaw and down the expanse of his throat.
Alec’s mouth goes dry.
“He’s been a little happier lately.”
Startled by the voice, Alec stiffens, heart beating fast with the possibility he’s been caught staring. Glancing to his right he sees that Raphael has come to stand beside him, though the man’s gaze is on Magnus as he spins Tessa across the floor, both of them giggling.
“Magnus?” he has to confirm, because his fuddled mind can’t seem to picture Magnus as anything other than happy.
Raphael nods. Even stood at the bar a little ways from the dancefloor the music is still loud, so Alec strains to listen as the other continues: “His job can get pretty intense, and occasionally it can really stress him out, which has been the case of late. But since around the time of that party a few weeks ago, he’s been able to loosen up again pretty quickly. Usually it takes a while.”
Alec looks down at the half-empty bottle cradled in his hands, scraping at the corner of the label with his thumbnail. He’s not stupid, he can see what Raphael is getting at. Maybe. The tequila could be making him hallucinate the whole conversation. “It’s nothing to do with me,” he mutters, refusing the temptation to scoff at the very idea. “I don’t even know what his job is. ” He just can’t take the insinuation that he can make a difference seriously. Alec is… He’s nothing special, not to anyone. Especially not to someone like Magnus. “I don’t even know if we’re friends.” There’s been a few nights, the more fragile nights, where Alec has wondered if he’s not just some puppy overly eager for attention that Magnus takes pity on.
Raphael, Alec has learnt, has a very expressive face. Right now he’s wearing a totally unimpressed look that tells Alec he thinks he’s an idiot. “He works at a record label,” Raphael explains with little inflection, apparently not willing or perhaps just not caring to elaborate much further. “That’s how he knows Tessa and Jem.”
Alec isn’t at all surprised to learn that Magnus works in the music industry: after all, he has piles and piles of old records in his loft; always seems to prefer to have something playing the background and had spoken about Prince almost reverently that one day in the loft. Without a doubt, music is something he’s passionate about. Not really sure what to say in reply, Alec just keeps his mouth closed, instead daring to try and seek Magnus out again even with Raphael standing next to him.
Apparently the conversation isn’t over just yet though, because Raphael speaks up again. “And you are friends. Yeah, Magnus is friendly with a whole bunch of people just because he’s a nice guy, but he wouldn’t have introduced you to us if you weren’t friends.” Serious, dark eyes turn to Alec and he drunkenly wonders if everyone Magnus surrounds himself with is just as intense as he is. “He wouldn’t have invited you into his home or tried to help you out this much if he didn’t like you,” Raphael tells him, and all Alec can do is nod dumbly, forced to accept it as fact under that heavy stare. Apparently satisfied, Raphael nods and pushes off the bar to talk to Ragnor.
Feeling a little like he’s been split wide open at the revelation that he might not be as much of a bother to Magnus as he’d thought, Alec downs the last of his beer, setting it aside when he turns around to lean his forearms on the bar. He needs a drink, but it’s late now and the place has really filled up, so he’s forced to wait to be served. The bar is L-shaped, wrapping around a jutting corner of the room’s unusual perimeter, and as Alec lingers there in the hopes of catching the eye of the nearest bartender, he gets that odd, instinctual feeling that he’s being watched. Without really thinking he raises his gaze from the staff member working the register and locks eyes with a guy waiting at the edge of the bar perpendicular to him. If Alec were to turn just the slightest bit, they’d be pretty much directly opposite from each other, both in the other’s direct line of sight.
The man doesn’t look away once he’s been noticed, adding an undeniable weight to the gaze and Alec has a moment of panic because what is he supposed to do? His brain isn’t working as fast as it might normally, and it takes him a moment longer to remember where he is; that this sort of thing isn’t unusual. Maybe it’s even expected. Alec isn’t sure whether he wants to look away or not, his heart pounding, and a slow smile comes across the stranger’s face as their impromptu staring contest continues. He’s handsome, Alec thinks - in an approachable way. He looks like any good-looking man Alec would pass on the street and never even consider he might not be straight.
Alec is nervous; he feels his neck and face grow hot as he starts to sweat. It’s as if the space and obstacles between them suddenly disappear, the connection far too intense for what it should be. To look with intent and to be looked at in return, that’s what somewhere like this allows. A safe space, Alec remembers. Still, he’s never experienced this kind of attention before and nothing’s even happened . He’s never learned what to do in this situation - moreover, what does he want to do? Inexplicably, his thoughts turn to M--
“You should go and say hello,” a familiar, lilting voice murmurs into his ear as if summoned and Alec shudders with his whole body in response.
He’s already keyed up by whatever the fuck is happening, and now Magnus is here? There’s warmth at the left half of his back where the other man is leaning close, and even though Magnus is right here , attention back on him finally , Alec still can’t tear his gaze away from the stranger across the bar.
The stranger who has lifted a brow at him at question, probably at the appearance of another attractive man leaning so close to him. Alec just swallows, feeling too much like a deer caught in headlights. What is happening? What should he do?
Magnus’ earlier words come back to him: you have no idea how much attention you’re going to get tonight, do you? And sure enough, this hasn’t been the first curious or flirtatious gaze he’d been on the receiving end of tonight, but it’s the first one he’d had to face alone, without being able to use Magnus or one of his friends as a distraction; as a way to deny it was happening at all.
Alec doesn’t know what it is to be desirable. He doesn’t know how to handle interest from men, even if it’s something he’s always daydreamed about. Nor, he thinks as he finally forces himself to snap that connection and instead turn his head to look at Magnus who looks drunk and happy and devastatingly gorgeous, how to express his own interest.
He’s got a long, long way to go.
“Alexander?” Magnus asks, his voice tipping from near-sultry teasing to something closer to concern. Alec feels the warmth on his cheek before he even realizes Magnus has lifted his hand to cup him there tenderly. “Are you alright?”
Magnus’ dark eyes dip to the bartop, and Alec follows his gaze to see that at some point he’d pulled his hands back towards himself to clutch at the edge of the bar so tightly his knuckles and tendons stand out stark against his skin.
“Is it too soon after all?” Magnus implores, eyes back to tracking over Alec’s face. His free hand comes to rest atop one of Alec’s - soft and calming over the tight, aching grip he has on the wood, encouraging it to loosen.
Mourning the loss of the touch when Magnus drops his hand from his face, Alec shakes his head. He can see the guilt already starting to cloud Magnus’ countenance - and he just can’t have that.
“It’s not that,” Alec insists, straightening up and trying to give the other a reassuring smile. “I’m having a great time -” Magnus looks like he’s doubtful of that, but Alec just shakes his head. “I am. It’s just…” He licks his lips, struggling yet again to actually verbalize what he wants to say, his eyes halfway through the motion of looking back over at the stranger before he stops himself. “I’m just, not used to the-- the attention.” It’d been fine mostly, but that whole thing at the bar and then Magnus coming along had just made everything more complicated. Alec feels like he just needs… a little time, maybe? He just feels all mixed up. “I don’t want--”
He cuts himself off, feeling embarrassed and juvenile, but Magnus just nods, looking a little grave. “I’m gonna get us an Uber,” he decides, leaving no room for argument.
Alec wants to feel disappointed - in himself, mostly - but more than anything he feels relief. He doesn’t doubt most of that is because of the fact Magnus had said us , not you. Like he wouldn’t have even considered not heading back with Alec.
Still, Alec isn’t used to being the one getting looked after. As the eldest sibling he’s always brought it upon himself to take care of everyone else. He’s never had friends older than him, and his parents had careers that demanded the majority of their time and attention. Magnus is older than him, though, someone Alec can relate to more than any other mentor-figure he’s had in his life. And even though Magnus has never made him feel immature or inexperienced, the fact remains that Alec is those things, in some ways at least.
As they make their excuses and say their goodbyes to the rest of the group, Alec wonders if their relationship isn’t mostly based on that fact. What if Magnus thinks he’s too naive, too innocent? What if he sees this as less of a friendship and more of him doing something nice for a younger, fledgling member of the community he so strongly identifies with?
Even if it is just that to Magnus, Alec should still be flattered, or grateful. But the reality is that it just leaves a sour taste in his mouth.
All too soon, Magnus is taking his hand and leading him outside, sending a soft, supportive smile over his shoulder that leaves Alec dazed and helpless to do anything but follow.
The late night has brought its familiar chill to the city streets and as they move a little ways from the club, Alec watches as Magnus wraps his arms around his own waist, holding his jacket tighter around himself in an attempt to stave off the cold. He thinks about how nice it would be, to step up behind him, hold him close and keep him warm like he’s seen plenty of homebound lovers do on nights just like this.
A soft ding cuts through the quiet between them, and Magnus pulls out his bedazzled phone to check his texts.
“Should be here any moment,” he says, and when he sends Alec a smile it looks almost… conflicted. Alec is about to ask what’s the matter all of a sudden, but he doesn’t get the chance to before Magnus is answering anyway, forcing casualness by turning away to face the street. “You know I never want you to be uncomfortable, right, Alec?”
Alec shoves his hands into his pockets and stifles a sigh. “Magnus, I didn’t lie to you when I said I wanted to come here. And I’ve had a great night-”
When Magnus turns back around, his expression is almost guilty. He shakes his head and takes a step closer. “No, I believe you. But back in there, you said you didn’t want the attention. And I can say things like ‘I’m naturally flirty’ until my face goes blue, but it’s not the complete truth. So if anything I do makes you uncomfortable, I--”
Okay, so, Alec can’t actually believe this. “Magnus,” he implores, closing the gap between them and taking Magnus’ hands. “ No . I wasn’t talking about you, I just meant like… I’ve never been a situation where I’ve been on the receiving end of openly interested people, like how it was in there. Strangers, and that whole-”
He thinks it’s probably pretty obvious that he’s a virgin. He’s only just managed to admit to himself and the people around him that he’s gay at the tender age of twenty-two, so he doesn’t imagine many people think he’s been busy going at it with guys. Maybe some people do while they’re still in the closet, but Alec had just… ignored the whole issue.
It’s not like he puts a lot of value in his virginity - he doesn’t think it’s a precious thing he needs to keep for the right person, but he also doesn’t see it as something he needs to get rid of at the soonest possible moment. It’s just a thing. Having sex has never been the primary goal for him - when Alec thinks of his sexuality, of being gay , for him it’s more about imagining himself in a stable, loving relationship with another man. And, of course, hopefully there’ll be lots of awesome sex, but that’s not what he’s preoccupied with.
He knows enough about himself to recognise that he’s the kind of person who wants tenderness, love and trust along with that physical intimacy. He wants a relationship; he wants love. That’s what he wants to find. So the overt sexual nature of the attention he’d gotten in the bar had been… uncomfortable. He hadn’t really considered that experiencing that for the first time would be part of his coming out journey; hadn’t prepared for it.
“That kind of attention was just... new,” he reveals, hoping that’s enough to express what he’s thinking for now. Alec dips his head a little so that he can look Magnus in the eyes. “You, on the other hand, make me feel the opposite of uncomfortable. It’s different in every way that matters.”
There’s a certain vulnerability painted across Magnus’ face that Alec would have never expected of him. But that too, had been naive of Alec. Magnus might be flashy and entrancing, but he’s also just human. His makeup and his shiny clothes and jewelry are a more flamboyant version of the armor everyone wears to protect themselves from the hurts and uncertainties of life. Alec squeezes Magnus’ hands and gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile. Magnus spends a moment searching his eyes for something, and then he slowly smiles back. It’s the same small, soft one he’d given him when Alec had said he was gay out loud for the first time.
So maybe Alec can return the favor and take care of Magnus a little, too.
A car pulls up at the curb beside them, and Magnus turns to it with an ah-ha! and a smooth “that’s our Uber, darling.” The moment dissipates when they separate, Magnus stepping closer to the vehicle to double-check it’s their guy. Alec wonders what they’d looked like to the driver when he pulled up. Wonders if they’d looked like one of those pairs of homebound lovers after all.
He climbs into the back of the car after Magnus, shutting the door behind himself and then immediately making sure the other fastens his seat belt as they pull away.
“So protective, Alexander,” Magnus scoffs once he’s safely strapped in, but doesn’t really seem put out by it.
The driver has the radio on low, unintrusive to any potential conversation but still doing its job to fill the silence. Now that they’re moving through the city streets headed in the vague direction of their building, Alec feels relieved. He finally allows himself to relax, sinking a little lower into the seat and staring out the window at the tall, lit-up buildings they pass.
He misses the movement of a hand crossing over the narrow middle seat between them, but he turns his head to look at Magnus when it curls around his own in a loose hold.
“Did you really have a good time tonight?” Magnus asks, and now that his biggest worries have been assuaged Alec can see the slightest notes of his intoxication in the slump of his body. The man really does have a fantastic tolerance, because he’d never seemed to err past happily tipsy despite his penchant for martinis and his nonchalance in knocking back shots. Maybe it’s catching up to him now, though, because his dark eyes look satisfied but sleepy whenever the unique warm tones of street lights at night shine through the car window and paint his face in intermittent swathes of light.
He looks exquisite, like a work of art.
Alec doesn’t think infatuation covers it, not anymore.
“I always enjoy myself when I’m with you,” he murmurs in the back of that anonymous Uber. It’s the truth, but it’s not what he really wants to say as he takes in Magnus’ beauty, breathless and aching.
⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭
NOW PLAYING: Kiss - Prince
Lyrics [show]
you don't have to be cool to rule my world
ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
i just want your extra time and your
kiss
The next day sees Alec a little hungover but blessedly nothing major. With Izzy in labs all day it leaves just him and Jace at home, and by 1pm Alec is feeling twitchy enough that he goes and seeks out Jace’s company, knocking on his bedroom door and barely waiting before he opens it. There’s very little Jace could be doing that he hasn’t walked in on before, unfortunately.
Thankfully there’s no trauma to be had today - Jace sitting cross-legged at the head of his bed, macbook in his lap. As Alec spins and falls back onto the bed to lay across it sideways, long legs bent so his feet still rest on the floor, he wonders if Jace is trolling local politicians on Twitter again.
“Hey,” Jace finally greets, barely sparing Alec a glance over the top of his screen as he types something out with frightening speed.
“Hi.”
Alec stares up at the ceiling, linked hands resting on his stomach, and says nothing else. He lets the silence and Jace’s familiar presence wash over him as he just exists for a few moments. A little while later, he feels the exact moment Jace’s curiosity wins out and he redirects his gaze from his screen to settle instead on the side of Alec’s face.
“So how was last night?” he prods as he sets his laptop on the bed sheets next to him, sounding like someone who knows good gossip is incoming. “Alec Lightwood’s first gay bar experience.” He says it like he’s trying to sell that latest cirque du soleil tour and Alec scoffs. “So, were the dudes falling all over you or what?”
It’s impossible for Alec to not respond to that, and he turns his head to look at Jace in disbelief.
Who just shrugs. “What? You’re an attractive guy, Alec. Did you get anyone’s number?”
Alec hesitates, winding his thumbs around each other nervously. His romantic (or sexual?) endeavors have never been a topic conversation with Jace, mostly because he hasn’t really had any. He’s always been private - even with Jace - probably because of the whole gay-and-in-the-closet thing. It’s yet more new territory to discover now that’s he’s being more open, and it feels a little awkward for him. He supposes it’ll take a while for it to feel more natural.
“There was a guy,” he starts, slow and uneasy, eyes trained back on the ceiling. Even so, he can feel Jace’s interest.
“Was he hot?”
“Was he--” Alec chokes, face going red. “So what, we’re gonna gossip about guys now?” he asks, even though that’s basically what he came here for in the first place.
The mattress dips, springs croaking, and then Jace’s face is looming over him, blocking the light. “Why not?” he implores, face deadly serious. “I talk to you about girls all the time.”
Alec supposes it’s Jace’s way of telling him this is normal and not weird. Even as he pushes his brother away roughly, he still considers it.
“I guess he was okay-looking,” he allows, though that might be an understatement. To be honest, he can’t really remember the stranger’s face anymore - just the sickly concoction of emotions his interest had elicited. “Nothing happened. He just sort of looked at me from across the bar.” He’s expecting Jace to snort or poke fun of him for mentioning something so inane, but Jace is perceptive where it matters and so stays quiet for a moment.
“It freaked you out,” Jace eventually guesses with frightening accuracy.
Alec turns over and smashes his face into Jace’s bedsheets. He knows Jace and Izzy are mostly just poking fun when they call him dorky and antisocial, but it’s also pretty true.
Both of them remain quiet for a few moments, and while Alec’s despairing over how freaking weird he is Jace swivels his body around so he can lie on his back, using Alec’s side as a pillow. “That’s kind of a normal response though, right? Izzy’s always telling you that you have no idea how hot you are. Makes sense it would be weird for you.”
“Please shut up,” Alec begs.
Jace laughs. “It’s kind of true though, Alec. You never realize when girls stare or flirt at you because you’re awkward.” There’s a pause. “And gay, or whatever.”
Alec really, really wants him to stop talking but also… is that true?
“Like, it’s a gay bar, right?” Jace continues, oblivious. “So if a dude gives you a look, then it’s a look, you know? So it’s attention, but also with the possibility of something actually happening because you’re both more likely to be interested in it,” he explains.
Alec lifts his face up from the bed, folding his arms to rest his chin atop them. “Yeah,” he agrees. That’s kind of what he felt while he was there. The scariness of something he’s only thought about briefly becoming a real possibility. “It hasn’t really been an option for me, you know? It felt weird to be looked at like that. To be… wanted, like that” - he hopes that doesn’t sound obnoxious. “Not that I really wanted anything to happen. I wasn’t really interested, just kind of startled.”
Jace is silent for a long while, but the heat and weight of him against Alec’s side assures Alec he’s still there. Just like he always is when Alec needs him.
“Because you want something to happen with Magnus.”
“...Yeah.” Even Alec thinks his voice sounds defeated. “That’s lame, right? Like, I meet one cool guy who isn’t straight and I decide to come out of the closet and develop this huge debilitating crush on him.”
Jace makes an angry noise and sits up, twisting to look at Alec. “I think it makes perfect sense, actually.” Alec’s skepticism must show on his face because Jace rolls his eyes. “No, really. It’s not like you saw him and suddenly decided you were gay, right? You’ve known for a while. So you’re gay already , and then you meet this incredible guy who’s maybe a little weird but also pretty cool. So you meet him, and you decide to come out because he’s proof that you can be out and survive and be this successful, popular person still. Not only that though, you’re also really attracted to him, so you want to come out because maybe you want a real chance with this guy.”
Alec tracks his eyes over Jace, trying to look for any signs that his brother doesn’t believe anything he’d just said, but there’s nothing. So he lets himself think about that. It’s true that deep down, he’d always known he wasn’t straight. Magnus didn’t make him gay, even if he did give him the courage to come out. So maybe it really is less about him projecting onto Magnus and more about finding strength in how he feels for him.
That changes absolutely everything.
Sharp, multi-colored eyes meet Alec’s with no hesitation. “I think that it must be really hard, to not conform to what people think is the default. To feel different. So, of course meeting someone a little older and more experienced would be both comforting and appealing. It probably happens that way for a lot of people.” Alec can’t help but avert his gaze and fidget a little. It’s not the first time Jace has given him good advice, but now he knows so much more about Alec and where he’s at, this time it’s like he’s telling Alec exactly what he needs to hear. “You always overthink everything. It’s probably not as complicated as whatever you’ve decided in your head.”
Alec’s starting to see that.
“So,” he starts slowly, sitting up and looking Jace in the eye. “You think I should…”
He doesn’t even know how to finish that sentence.
Even so, Jace just grins. “I think you should go for it.”
Still, even with Jace’s blessing, things are hard. He and Magnus text back and forth as usual, though Alec can’t help himself from second-guessing every reply he types up before he sends it. It’s worse when they bump into each other in person, Alec’s mind in overdrive as he wonders if he’s being obvious about his feelings, hyper-aware of every part of his body even when they just trade hurried greetings in the hall before rushing off elsewhere. Even so, not spending time with Magnus is just.. inconceivable.
On the way home from his evening class, Alec texts Magnus about the fabulous old lady with bubblegum pink hair he sits across from on the subway, to which the other man responds with multiple exclamation points and then a few moments later, a request for him to come over when he gets home.
Of course Alec heads straight there despite his apprehension, finding the door propped open with the most ornate-looking umbrella he’s ever seen once he arrives. It’s not unusual to find something weird wedged between the door and its frame, since the apartment doors lock automatically and sometimes Magnus gets distracted with something while he’s waiting for Alec to come over. He scoops the umbrella up and carefully sets it back in the misshapen ceramic holder he’s pretty sure Magnus made himself - there are colourful plastic rhinestones set into the clay which seem to support his suspicions.
Making sure the door has closed behind him, Alec drops his bag at the base of the copper coat rack in the corner and heads further into the loft. As usual, there’s music playing, but when Alec steps into the heart of the loft, he doesn’t seek out the record player to examine what album is currently spinning atop it like he usually does.
Instead, his attention is captivated by something much more interesting - Magnus is on the couch, dressed adorably in an oversized linen shirt and his usual slacks with the hems rolled up. His bare feet rest on the edge of the coffee table, apparently so he can reach them more easily with the nail polish brush he’s brandishing in his hand. By the looks of things though, he’s too busy bopping around to what Alec is now pretty sure is Madonna to really paint his toenails, since when he looks down at slim brown feet he can only see a couple of nails painted on one foot. It’s so oddly domestic to see Magnus not entirely put together. Plus his feet are cute as they wag in the air.
Madonna sings ‘it would be so nice!’ as Alec stares at the picture Magnus makes, and he thinks: yeah, it would.
Magnus looks up and notices him there, a grin spreading across his face. “My darling Alexander,” he coos, warm and welcoming as always, “that was quicker than I thought! I assumed I’d have time to finish these little piggies before you got here.” He wiggles his eyebrows and his toes for emphasis. “Work was an absolute drag and I felt the compulsion for a little self-care in the form of -” he pauses to twist the open bottle in his other hand to read the sticker on the bottom “- Coral Candy.”
It’s too endearing, and it’s all Alec can do to give an amused scoff and roll his eyes. The sight emboldens him to eschew his usual chair and instead plant himself on the other end of the couch, closer to Magnus.
“Busy day?” he asks, taking the opportunity to begin a conversation about Magnus’ life for once instead of his own classes.
Magnus pulls a face and falls back into the couch cushions even as his feet continue to tap out the beat to the Madonna song that’s just starting to taper off. “More tedious than anything - endless paperwork. Sorry if you had plans for after you got home, but I needed a pick-me-up.”
It’s a flattering thought, that Magnus would seek him out after a rough day. It’s enough to make Alec’s cheeks warm. “I don’t mind being that for you,” Alec says with a shy smile before his gaze tracks over to the record player. “Along with Madonna, apparently?”
Slotting the brush back into the small bottle, Magnus’ mouth curls upwards and he nods. “Old-school Madonna for the best of moods or an attempt to get there. Her new stuff only when you’re in a gay bar or seeing her live and therefore have no choice.” Magnus leans forward so that he can attempt to stretch his back and roll his shoulders, a look of discomfort on his face. “I’m seriously debating the merits of one of those standing desks, like they have at trendy startups. Paperwork plays havoc on the old spine.”
Alec frowns. He can’t help it - seeing anyone he cares about in discomfort or difficulty initiates an immediate response of ‘how can I help’ in him. Surely bending over to paint his nails isn’t good for Magnus’ already painful back; especially since the strain could have been going on for a while. Even as close as they’re getting, Alec still doesn’t know the extent of Magnus’ work life, but he knows it’s stressful enough to take a toll on him. His hours don’t seem to follow any sort of standardised schedule, and once they started keeping in regular contact Alec discovered he often stays hours later than he really should.
“Here,” Alec says, holding his hand out for the small glass bottle before he can even really think about it. “You shouldn’t be hunching over like that it if it hurts, you should be resting. Let me.”
When Alec glances up, Magnus face is open and slack with surprise. “Really?” he asks, the same emotions coloring his tone. Alec doesn’t allow himself to waver even as he realizes that the offer he just made might have been a strange one, nodding once.
Slowly, Magnus places the nail polish in Alec’s waiting palm, ostensibly still checking whether Alec is going to rescind his offer or not.
He doesn’t. Instead, he lifts the bottle up to eye level to inspect the glittery coral color with interest. It’s really pretty, though much different to the sleek, dark palette he seems to stick to on his finger nails. Alec has to wonder if Magnus’ toes are always more cutesy in comparison; he can’t recall ever thinking about it before. Still, it feels personal to see it - even more so when Magnus swings his legs around so his feet can perch on Alec’s thigh before lying back on the remaining length of the couch. He can’t see Magnus’ face for the man’s bent knees sticking up between them, which balms his nerves a little.
Twisting the lid of the bottle so he can pull it and the brush out of the polish, he tries hard to recall all the times he’s seen Izzy do this. You’re supposed to wipe the brush on the inside of the bottle neck, he thinks, to make it less goopy or something. Alec does so with extreme care, looking down at the cute, crooked little toes pressing into his pants leg and then at both his own occupied hands, floundering for a second. He’s never done this before, but it can’t be too hard, surely. As long as he takes his time.
So Alec takes to the task with the same determination he takes to everything, dipping his head to better observe his awkward, overly-careful strokes as he tries his best not to mess it all up. Magnus doesn’t say anything - in fact, he stays perfectly still and quiet as he lies there. Even with the soundtrack playing in the background, his silence is a little unnerving. It makes the moment feel so much more charged than Alec had thought it would. It feels intimate.
He clears his throat. “I never thought coming out would lead me to a situation like this,” he says, an attempt at a joke to break the tension he feels, gesturing at the situation in general with the hand still clutching the bottle of polish. Magnus’ legs part and fall a little to the sides, the man raising his head to look at Alec through the gap with a raised brow.
“I suppose painting another man’s toenails to a Madonna album could be considered a rather homosexual endeavor,” he agrees with some amusement, bringing his legs back to the center and wiggling his toes so that the nails on his by now almost-completed left foot sparkle.
And it maybe is a cliche of gayness. Alec would find it funny, but as he thinks more about what he’d said, maybe it has a much more profound meaning: he can’t believe that coming out led him here, to a formative friendship with an amazing person that is all his own. To a level of comfort with someone outside of his family where they can hang out and do nothing, where they can be physically affectionate, and it just feels natural. To experiencing what it’s like to develop feelings for a man, who is a real, living and breathing human being, and not some blurred face or hazy existence in a daydream. To be able to be close like this with said man.
Lost in his thoughts, his hand veers off and he accidentally brushes cool polish onto Magnus’ skin, causing the man to twitch and snort at the ticklish feeling. Alec feels affection bloom anew in his chest at the reaction, and swipes his mistake off with the side of his thumb before it can dry and mar the paint job. It’s minutiae in the scale of things, but Alec will do the best he possibly can just because it’s Magnus.
The right foot goes a little quicker once Alec gets used to the motions and develops a (sort of) technique. He finishes the last nail and screws the cap back on the bottle with a flourish. “All done,” he announces, unable to stop the irrational pride he feels from leaking into his voice.
Magnus wiggles his toes again at the news and Alec smiles as he sets the polish on the floor.
“And I’m sure you’ve done a marvelous job,” comes that familiar smooth voice from the other side of the mountain of Magnus’ bent legs standing between them. “However, I am fantastically comfortable and therefore refuse to move.” Except to straighten out his legs across the entirety of Alec’s lap, apparently. Alec meets Magnus’ smile with one of his own.
“Wouldn’t want to jeopardise the invalid’s recovery,” Alec intones playfully, feeling bold as he drops a hand to drape around Magnus’ knobbly ankle.
“Or jeopardise your masterpiece before it’s dry,” is Magnus’ response, his eyes twinkling in mirth.
They delve into casual conversation from there, talking more about their days. Magnus asks for an update on the wellbeing of a classmate Alec had told him about a few days earlier, whom he’d ended up unwillingly coaching through a minor meltdown during a group study session. Alec assures Magnus that the guy seems fine now, and apparently felt much better after his ‘freak-out’.
In return, Magnus tells him about some of the people that work in his office, with special attention paid to the old cleaning lady who always leaves no more and no less than three toffees on Magnus’ desk after she cleans his office twice a week. Apparently, no one else gets such special treatment, and Alec gets a lecture on how important it is to talk to anyone and everyone at your place of work because you never know what benefits you might reap.
The album is long since finished, and after a while Magnus sits up, finally inspecting his sparkly toes. His lips curl upwards, pleased, and he turns his eyes to Alec. “A wonderful job, Alexander,” he says, patting at Alec’s cheek. “You’ll be a pro in no time.”
Alec can’t help it - he smiles. The idea that Magnus is comfortable enough with him to allow him to do something so simple and yet so intimate means so much to him. Magnus’ smile grows in response, eyes crinkling at the corners before he leans in to leave a swift peck on Alec’s other cheek. “Thank you, sweetheart.”
And that’s--
Something zings through Alec’s whole frame, head to toe, an electric buzz that consumes him and yet feels concentrated at the exact spot Magnus’ lips met his skin. He feels that traitorous blush bloom on his cheeks again and casts his gaze downward, equal parts taken aback and embarrassed by the strength of his reaction to such a simple, sweet gesture.
Warm fingers press gently to the inside of his wrist; another intimate touch.
“Was that okay?” Magnus asks quietly, something fragile and maybe just the slightest bit hopeful in his tone.
Hearing it bolsters Alec somewhat, and he nods. “More than okay,” he replies, looking back into the earnest, dark eyes watching him in anticipation. He sounds surprisingly calm, and distantly he supposes that he is. This is just something he feels completely sure about. There’s no reason for him to feel afraid.
“Magnus, I--,” he pauses to lick his lips, to try and put his clumsy words in order. He’ll be frustrated with his lack of eloquence later, but right now he has something he needs to just get out. “I think about you all the time.”
He hopes it conveys a lot more than its face value.
Alec watches as Magnus’ eyes widen the slightest bit, and then soften.
“I’m honored to be your friend,” he continues, because he’s always been good at forcing himself to say what he thinks when it counts, even if he’s not the best wordsmith out there. “And maybe this is just me, and that’d be fine too, but I feel like that’s not all there is between us - or it shouldn’t be, at least.” And maybe Magnus doesn’t feel the same; maybe it is just him. But Alec doesn’t think that’s the case, eyes studying the other man intently, desperate for some sort of sign.
“Are you sure?” Magnus asks after a moment. It’s a simple question, and Alec knows he isn’t asking it with the aim to discourage him.
The strange calm of certainty grows within Alec, soothing his pounding heart. “I’m sure,” he says. He’s never been more sure about anything in his life. And it’s funny, because this is all confidence he’s gained since meeting Magnus over his sister’s shoulder in the hallway.
Magnus smiles, and it’s nothing like Alec has ever seen before. It’s wide and completely unselfconscious, flashing pearly white teeth, pushing his cheeks upwards and nearly forcing his eyes to close. His hand slides down Alec’s wrist to curl around his hand, and it’s the same feeling as every other time Magnus has ever made the sweet gesture before but it’s also so, so much more.
His other hand wraps around the back of Alec’s neck and pulls him forward. Their noses are almost touching they’re so close, but Magnus still stares steadily back into Alec’s eyes. “Me too,” he whispers against his lips, and then they’re kissing.
And it’s nothing like Alec had ever imagined it could be.
He’d always rolled his eyes at the rom-com depictions of a first kiss; sneered at a female character’s leg pop or the fountains or fireworks setting off in the background. He’s kissed a few people before, girls, when he’d either been desperate for a straight awakening or drunk out of his mind enough to just not care. It’s never been anything like what the books or movies promised - it’s never been anything special. Kissing is just lips against lips, at the end of the day. Flesh against flesh. And yeah, that is what Alec feels now - Magnus’ lips are soft and warm against his - but there’s also something more there. Something indescribable, but it feels like the connection he’s always longed to share with someone; it feels like home and like a promise.
Alec really, really likes kissing. Or maybe he just likes kissing Magnus.
It’s only a few lengthy presses of lips, gentle and nervous but growing heated with each repetition, and then Magnus breaks the contact. When Alec opens his eyes, worried he’s messed it up with subpar technique, warm brown eyes gone liquid stare back at him.
“Oh,” is all Magnus says, soft and on a shaky exhale, but Alec knows then that whatever he’d just felt, Magnus felt it too.
“ Yeah,” is his own sighed reply, steeped in a heavy, slow bliss. It’s good. He wants more. “Again,” he half-suggests, half-demands, his own clumsy hands anchoring themselves on Magnus’ hips to pull him closer, mouth already hungrily seeking out Magnus’ once more.
The pace picks up from there, stoking the embers in Alec’s belly. Magnus parts his lips, Alec’s bottom lip slotting between them so that the wet heat of Magnus’ tongue can stroke across the flesh. Alec can’t help but gasp at the foreign feeling, prompting Magnus to give him more . More tongue, more heat, more pleasure. Alec’s cheeks are already burning through a blush by the time Magnus shifts closer, and before he knows it, there’s the very real weight of a man in Alec’s lap. He can’t help it - he groans, tightening his fingers where they’re wrapped around Magnus’ hips, tugging him closer and tilting his own chin up to chase Magnus’ mouth as they adjust to the new position.
It’s a deadbeat cliche, but it could honestly be mere moments or endless minutes they spend like that. It’s hot and heavy and charged, but both of them seem content to just luxuriate in the act of kissing so intimately. Magnus’ hand has slipped from the back of Alec’s neck up into his hair, where he alternates between tender petting and tugging, and Alec - he really likes that. The warmth of Magnus’ lower back radiates through his shirt to Alec’s palm, and maybe it’s the lack of oxygen getting to his lungs but Alec is light-headed and dumbstruck. He’s just having so much trouble processing. He knows Magnus is real, that he’s beautiful and imperfect and human , but at the same time, he just can’t quite believe it. That he’s made it here.
Magnus groans and pulls away, immediately ducking his head to rest on Alec’s shoulder. Alec might not be able to see his face, but he watches the way his back heaves with his quick, labored breathing. He turns his eyes to stare blearily across the room, not really seeing anything at all as he rubs up and down the other’s spine gently.
“That was my first time,” he says softly, amazement threaded through the words.
Immediately, Magnus tenses and then slowly pulls back, looking at him in surprise. Alec blinks at him, and then apparently catches up to the conversation he started.
“That was my first time meaning it,” he clarifies, rubbing Magnus’ now-tense back to try and soothe him. The shocky look in Magnus eyes fades somewhat, and then his expression softens. Alec can’t help but let his gaze slide down to Magnus’ lips, red and glossy from all the kissing.
He looks amazing.
“I didn’t know it could be like that.” It’s wonder and embarrassment at his own experience and naivete wrapped up in one whispered sentence.
Magnus presses forward to press a kiss to Alec’s eyebrow - the one he knows is bisected with a scar he got fighting with Jace as a kid. It’s such a tender gesture, the kind only a lover can give, ripe with affection. Alec had spent years thinking that he might ever know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of something like that, and it blows his mind just a little bit more.
“My darling,” Magnus says, pulling back and smiling at him. His usual alluring mischief is still there - is present in everything Magnus does, probably - but it’s saturated by soft heat in his gaze, all satisfaction and affection. “I’m not sure I knew it could be like that.”
His hand comes to cup Alec’s face, and Alec grins up at him. He knows Magnus is more experienced - he’s not ignorant of that fact. He’ll admit it’s a little intimidating, so to know that Magnus feels as stupefied by the moment as Alec does is a great compliment, not to mention a testament to the fact that something special is happening here.
There’s no doubt the two of them are still a little keyed up - their breathing isn’t back to normal and Alec’s body is most definitely interested in taking proceedings a little further, even if his mind already needs about a million years to catch up . It’s clear neither of them is going to make a move to take things further, and despite how amazing it all is, Alec’s pleased.
It feels like something precious. Something they need to cultivate with care. Something that’s worth taking slow.
Apparently in agreement, Magnus climbs out of Alec’s lap with great care though he doesn’t go far, settling next to him on the couch with his head falling to Alec’s shoulder.
“I was worried you didn’t see me that way,” Magnus confesses after a moment or two of them just sitting there, and Alec can’t help his surprise. He can’t see Magnus’ face from here, so he settles for watching black-painted nails trail lazily up and down his forearm, leaving warm, ticklish trails in their wake which spread and dissolve across his skin. “Here I was, trying to help you whilst also harboring the biggest infatuation possibly ever. I felt a little like I was taking advantage.”
It’s so, so strange to hear that Magnus was warring with his own feelings and his desire for something between them at the same time that Alec was. They might have been concerned about different things, but it’s strangely reassuring to know Magnus was struggling too. To him, it’s a sign that they’ve both thought over it a lot; that even their friendship is precious enough to the both of them that they were reluctant to risk it.
“You’re not,” he ensures, calm. Then it’s only fair to respond with his own confession: “I was worried you’d think I was this immature kid with a crush on the first out guy I met.” This way, they’ve both bared a share of their insecurities where the other is concerned.
Alec knows better than that now, though. The conversation with Jace had helped clear it up, but being with Magnus, just being around him, had shown him all he needed. “But it’s not - it’s more than that. I do look up to you,” it’s impossible not to look up to Magnus Bane, knowing him, “but - you make me feel confident. Calm. Just… better. And I want to be that for you, too.”
Magnus sighs, a relieved, happy thing, and then turns to kiss Alec on the cheek again.
“I’d like that.”
⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭
NOW PLAYING: I Would Die 4 U - Prince
Lyrics [show]
you’re just a sinner i am told, be your fire when you’re cold
make you happy when you’re sad, make you good when you are bad
i’m not a human, i’m a dove; i’m your conscience, i am love
all i really need is to know that you believe
They take it slow and easy, never trying to force or push anything. It’s an unspoken agreement to keep it to themselves at first, to refrain from putting any kind of label on things, and that’s fine with Alec, even if he has a feeling that this is it for him. Despite his clear inexperience, something in him just knows that Magnus is The One. It doesn’t scare him. It doesn’t make him wish he’d met Magnus later so he’d been able to mess around with other people before getting serious. Why would he want to waste his time when forever is right there?
They go on dates, when they can. It’s amazing.
Magnus takes him all over the world without ever leaving New York City - he seems to know all the best independent restaurants in the city. They eat authentic Lebanese, Ethiopian, Greek, Vietnamese, and French cuisine as they learn more about each other and laugh at each other’s jokes, legs tangled beneath the table. They amble along the street in Chinatown, the red lanterns strung up above them joining the bright signs on buildings in illuminating the evening. They spend hours roaming Central Park in the early morning Sunday sun. Alec holds another man’s hand out in public and no lightning bolt is sent from above to strike him down. Most people barely even spare them a glance. He sees where Magnus works for the first time, gazing up at the gleaming tall glass building as he waits for the man to finish work and come down to meet him.
All of it feels like living. These days, Alec exists with a vitality he’s never had before. The city stops looking so boring; instead he starts spotting interesting and beautiful things he’d never noticed before. He speaks up in class more, feeling confident in answering questions and engaging in discussions, and improves his performance. There’s even a change in his relationships with Jace and Izzy, as if they’re even closer now, able to talk about more things, more easily.
It’s like he’s finally settled into his own skin. Being more sure of who he is has in turn improved every other aspect of his life. It’s so liberating , and even after weeks of it he still hasn’t quite managed to stamp down his wonderment.
What’s even crazier is that someone as amazing, as vibrant, and as hot as Magnus Bane wants to date him.
Especially after he tells Magnus he’s still a virgin. Just for full disclosure.
Magnus takes it well. He’s a lot less surprised than he was when he thought he’d been Alec’s first kiss. Which makes sense, probably.
“You think it’s weird,” Alec says anyway, because it’s not like Magnus looks totally unbothered.
“No, I don’t,” Magnus is quick to counter, swivelling slightly on the couch so he can lay a comforting hand on Alec’s knee.
Innocent gesture or not, Alec can’t help the way his heart starts to beat a little faster at any contact between him and Magnus. He’s been conditioned by the (many) make-out sessions they’ve had since the first time to react to any touch. Alec hadn’t known you could kiss long enough that you actually started to lose feelings in your lips.
He’s fallen down the rabbit-hole of thinking about kissing Magnus now, too busy staring at the other man’s lips to pay attention to the words that might be leaving them. Magnus slaps him gently on the knee to bring him back which does the job perfectly - when Alec refocuses, Magnus is smiling as he rolls his eyes.
“Now that you’re back in the room,” he intones with only a partly-judgemental lilt to it, “I don’t think it’s weird. Besides the fact there’s no set age you’re supposed to have lost your virginity by, it’s often different for people who aren’t straight. Especially those who have difficulties with that.” There’s a comforting pat to his knee, and Alec wonders how Magnus can be so supportive without coming across as patronising. He’s just so earnest, seemingly especially where Alec is concerned. It’s nice.
Still, even if Alec doesn’t really feel ashamed for still being in possession of his V-card, he guesses he is a little embarrassed by his lack of experience. It comes from a place of wanting Magnus to see him as an equal, and not someone who’s just younger and more inexperienced.
“It’s not a big deal,” Magnus insists. “We can take our time.”
It’s reassuring. It is. But Alec thinks about how much he likes kissing Magnus, and thinks sex could be like that or much more , even if he doesn’t know if he’s - if they’re - ready for the next step.
He nods. “I just wanted you to know. I figured you might already, but I wanted to be clear.”
Magnus smiles, the soft one he’s taken to showing Alec when they’re alone together. “And I appreciate it, sweetheart. Look at this healthy foundation of openness we’re building on, which I suspect is new for both of us. Now, do you mind if I turn on the TV? American Idol will be starting.”
They swap keys to each other’s apartments. Magnus hands Alec a copy so that he doesn’t need to keep propping his door open with weird stuff, and so that Alec can come over when Magnus isn’t around if he needs some quiet. Alec gives Magnus a key in return because it seems only fair. Even if he does have two sibling roommates who make hanging out at his place a little more tedious, Magnus seems happy enough with the offering when Alec presents it to him a couple of days later.
Alec doesn’t abuse the power that comes with the extra key hanging on his ring: even if he would like to be across the hall all the time, he holds back. It’s weird to be at Magnus’ place without him there, and he doesn’t want to monopolize his time, either. He still hangs out with his siblings most days, gets coffee with Lydia between classes and studies in the library or his bedroom. So it’s still a novelty when he gets to use the key when Magnus texts him that he’s home, or that Alec’s welcome to come over whenever he’s done with studying. Alec feels ridiculous at how much of a thrill it is to put the key in the lock of the door to PH1 and have it work.
It’s Saturday night and Alec receives such a text, stepping across the threshold to Magnus’ loft and shoving his keys in his pocket as he looks around for the man. He walks into the living area, which is empty. There’s no record playing either, but Alec supposes that Magnus had only just gotten home a little while earlier.
“Magnus?” he asks into the seemingly empty space, tracking back towards the entryway and the bedroom connected to it. “You here?”
There’s the sound of an inner door opening, soft footsteps, and then Magnus is appearing in the bedroom doorway. “Sorry, one of my musicians came to a meeting straight from a bender and it was all I could smell; I had to step into the shower right away.”
Alec’s brain checks out, ditching its duties and heading out on vacation.
Magnus is fresh from the shower. He’s in a towel - just a towel. His skin is peppered with water droplets as they fall from the wet tangles of his dark hair - longer than Alec had thought, now that it’s flat - and slide down the divots of his collarbones, over the smooth skin of his chest and down his flat abdomen. Alec’s simultaneously thankful for and cursing the very existence of the towel held around Magnus’ waist as his eyes linger there.
Suddenly, Alec realizes what he’s looking at, which is a squeaky-clean Magnus. His eyes dart back up to Magnus’ face, free of makeup. Alec has been dying to see him without it since they met, wondering how different he might look. He appears younger, more innocent somehow. His skin is smooth and clear, and it’s so strange to look at his eyes without their usual ring of dark liner accentuating them.
He looks soft, but also hot like burning . Alec can’t help it as his eyes dip back down to Magnus’ torso.
“If you’re quite done, Alexander.”
Alec snaps back to attention immediately, standing up straight and heat blooming on his cheeks at the amused reproach on Magnus’ face. He brings his hands up to rest on his hips just to do something with them, and then immediately drops them again because it must look so dumb.
“Uh - sorry.”
Magnus grins, and it’s the worryingly mischievous one that made Alec feel so caught when they first made each other’s acquaintance. Now it holds real promise, and it does nothing to derail Alec’s less-than-pure thoughts. Alec scoffs at it all and runs a hand back through his hair, trying to recover.
“I’ll just go and put some clothes on, and let you calm down a little.”
His eyes practically flash as his smirk grows, giving Alec a purposeful once-over before Magnus disappears back into his bedroom, deftly shutting the door behind himself and leaving Alec blinking at the wooden surface.
“Dear god,” is all he can mutter as he turns to head back into the living room, collapsing onto the couch and willing himself to calm down.
It doesn’t take long for Magnus to reappear, now (regrettably) covered up in loose pants and a tunic. His face is still delightfully bare though, and even if Alec has gotten ahold of himself, he can’t stop staring.
“You look great with no makeup on,” he blurts as Magnus sweeps over to join him, curled up at the other end of the couch.
Magnus laughs, loud and light and filling the entirety of the space. “Thank you,” he says magnanimously, resting his head in his hand.
Alec scrubs at his face. “I mean, you look amazing all the time, just-” He feels like such a loser , but like, wow. “This is my first time seeing you like this.”
“Who knew going au-naturel would drive you so wild?” Magnus croons, poking Alec in the side with a foot.
Alec glances away, mumbling “I think it was more the partial nudity, actually.” To which Magnus laughs out loud again.
“Either way, it’s doing wonders for my ego,” is Magnus’ reply, tone relaxed and laden with easy amusement. It makes the cooling heat in Alec’s stomach stir once more.
Then Magnus is uncurling his limbs, stretching out languidly across the couch so his feet end up in their favorite position - in Alec’s lap. Alec doesn’t need to think about it, immediately putting his hands on the one closest to rub it. Magnus was supposed to have a day off today, but had been asked to head in at the last possible moment, according to his texts to Alec. He’d worked hard to remedy whatever crisis he’d needed to deal with, Alec didn’t doubt, and deserves a little TLC. He focuses on the task as he massages Magnus’ sore feet as he often does. Today, his toenails are painted turquoise - a new color. Alec looks down at the way it sparkles under the loft’s warm lights, and thinks about how he’s never felt this kind of affection for anyone before.
Alec is attracted to Magnus; that much he can say without any amount of doubt whatsoever. He wants him, in every way. He also cares for him as a person, because he’s kind and charming and just good , and that’s maybe the most important thing, but there’s something else too.
Alec is pretty damn sure he’s falling completely in love with him.
⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭
NOW PLAYING: 1999 - Prince
Lyrics [show]
i was dreaming when i wrote this so sue me if i go too fast
but life is just a party and parties weren’t meant to last
war is all around us, my mind says prepare to fight
so if i gotta die i’m gonna listen to my body tonight
They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but Alec is learning to be more transparent with what he wants. The method that works best for him in achieving this is a refusal to think too much about something (as he’d been so inclined to in the past) and being blunt enough in his words that he doesn’t have time to change his mind before he’s spoken his piece. It’s something that’s worked out pretty well so far, with the whole coming out to his siblings thing, and even more recently, the whole ‘I have feelings for you and want to date you’ thing with Magnus. Both were successful experiences. He’s 2-0.
He’s going to go for a 3-peat.
Alec’s had an amazing month or so. Like, seriously incredible. He and Magnus are dating – a certified ‘thing’ – and it’s better than he could have ever imagined. And it’s not just about having a boyfriend (he’s pretty sure that’s what he is, anyway), but also that said boyfriend is Magnus. He likes pretending to be exasperated with the man’s music choices, he likes being his first choice for company, he really likes kissing him. Alec likes being with Magnus; likes getting to know him. Because they are getting to know each other better, he can tell. Each day they grow more comfortable with each other, working on a relationship that’s deeper. That’s loving and trusting and comforting. He wants to get to know him even better though, in all ways.
One morning, when Alec is lying in his bed and daydreaming about Magnus, he decides he’s ready for the next step.
The sex step.
He’s sure he’s ready, because whatever nerves or anxiety he has about it is far outweighed by the excitement, the desire, and that’s not like Alec – the boy who needs to plan ahead and vet everything, person, place or object.
Sex. It’s not the only intimate way to know and be with a lover, but it is one of the ways. And once the thought enters Alec’s head, it just won’t leave. He’s not a prude. He watches porn. He’s seen enough to know how to imagine Magnus: above him, beneath him, pressed against the wall in the entranceway of PH1. All of it works for him – he’d happily have Magnus any and all ways. It’s like being a teenager all over again, except for the first time Alec has a very vivid subject for his fantasies... It makes him feel a little weird maybe, like maybe he’s objectifying his boyfriend, but they’re together. It’s acceptable. He thinks.
Of course, it’s not like Alec can turn his back on every aspect of his own personality. Alec Lightwood likes to approach things with a researched basis of knowledge and a plan.
So he researches.
This does not only involve watching a lot of porn. If anything, now he’s watching it with a critical eye, he’s less inclined to rely on it – he knows it’s not so realistic. No, instead he scrolls through blogs and information sites and maybe watches a few videos on YouTube. It’d be embarrassing if it wasn’t completely helpful. Alec learns what to expect, and how to prepare for... certain parts of it. So he take a little longer than usual in the shower, just in case. And then he goes over to Magnus’ place.
“Hello,” Magnus croons, leaning against the doorframe after answering Alec’s knocks because naturally, he got so swept up he forgot his damn key.
He looks beautiful. And mischievous in that enticing and yet still mildly threatening way. His eyes, though, they shine with affection and genuine pleasure in seeing Alec. Alec thinks that look might just be for him, and that bolsters his resolve even more.
He rushes out a breathy “hi” in reply, stepping forward to take Magnus’ biceps in his hands and guide him back into the loft. It’s awkward, Alec’s usually long strides blocked by Magnus’ surprise and delay in going along with it, their progression stilted and making them both stagger. Alec doesn’t let Magnus get a word out before he’s kicking the door shut behind himself and pressing a kiss to the other man’s lips, too caught up in his own excitement.
It’s a fleeting kiss though, Alec pulling away a moment after to see Magnus’ surprised expression.
“What’s the occasion?” Magnus asks, blinking up at Alec – not at all put out by the enthusiastic greeting, just a little bemused.
“The occasion,” Alec murmurs, brushing a thumb under one of Magnus eyes as he admires the glittery eyeshadow he’s wearing today, “is that I’m ready.” He’s ten steps ahead of where they’re at already, eager and excited, heart thumping as he smiles down at Magnus.
“Ready?” Magnus only echoes the single word, and by the time he reaches the end of it he seems to have already caught on to Alec’s thinking. Or maybe he sees something in Alec’s face, or the way he holds himself. Alec has never felt like anyone could read him as easily as Magnus seems to. He proves it the next moment: “you’re talking about sex.”
It’s not judgemental, but it’s not all in, one hundred percent ready to go, either.
Alec forces himself to pause, to return to the moment, remembering a little late that as well as Magnus can read the signs he gives off in his expression and posture, he’s not a mind reader. Alec supposes it could be seen as coming out of left field.
“I’m talking about sex,” he confirms with a nod, large palms covering the sides of Magnus’ neck tenderly, thumbs resting along the firm lines of his jaw. “I’d really like to have sex with you – if you’d like to, too. Please.” He doesn’t know why he tacked on that ‘please’ at the end. It’s a bit much. Possibly a bit weird.
Magnus scrunches up his nose a little and laughs. It’s adorable and Alec’s heart thumps.
“Okay,” Magnus allows, dragging the vowels out a little. “Are you sure?”
It’s not a topic they’ve talked about extensively. Alec always had the feeling Magnus was giving him time, willing to wait until he was ready.
“Yes, I’m sure. What about you?”
Another laugh. “Alexander, darling, are you asking me if I want to have sex with you?” Alec nods, taking a step closer to eliminate any space between them. Magnus’ head cocks to the side, and Alec can almost see it all coming together in his mind. “Are you asking me if I want to have sex with you right now?”
Alec can’t help his bashful shrug, or the way his lips quirk up at one side. It’s not the most tactful approach, he acknowledges, but he’s learning he’s maybe not the most tactful person, so.
“If you’re amenable, yes.”
Magnus’ dark eyes glitter. “Sweetheart,” he murmurs low, sending a shudder through Alec’s frame as tan fingers stroke his chest. “I am a little more than amenable when it comes to you.”
Alec is just about to tilt his chin and kiss him again when Magnus’ expression smoothens out, stopping him in his tracks.
“But you know,” Magnus continues, “this is something that warrants a little more discussion than that. Especially when it’s your first time.”
With that, Magnus takes his hand and guides him over to the couch. Alec’s a little put out, he can admit that, having planned to get right into it before doubt or nerves could come into play. Even so, there’s a reason he trusts Magnus so much, a reason he’s so willing to give the other man this, and it’s because he cares so much. Because he wants to do things right. It’s the first time Alec has ever had another person put so much consideration into how they treat him. Magnus makes him feel comfortable and safe.
“I guess you’re right,” he concedes, mostly to clue Magnus in on what he’s thinking.
Magnus sits close to him on the couch, but twists so they’re facing each other. He smiles.
“I thought you’d be more disappointed,” Magnus says, amusement in his eyes.
Alec scoffs and glances away. “Well you did just say you’re willing to have sex with me, so disappointment isn’t really on the cards right now.”
Magnus’ laugh is bright and loud; a purely joyful sound.
“Oh sweetheart,” he coos as he strokes Alec’s cheek, “I’m so much more than just willing. Don’t sell yourself short.”
Heat blooms beneath Magnus’ fingers as a pink blush spreads up across Alec’s cheeks and neck. It’s true that Magnus is rather up-front, but the fact remains that they’d held back on sexual stuff for the most part. Being desired and having that openly expressed to him is still totally new for Alec – but also completely welcome when it’s coming from the man sat beside him.
The hand drops from where it had been brushing short, wayward locks of dark hair behind Alec’s ear to instead rest over Alec’s hand resting nervously on his knee.
“So sex,” Magnus says, his tone calm and coaxing.
Randomly, Alec recalls something he heard on a TV show once: “if you can’t talk about sex then you aren’t ready to be doing it”. There’s something to that maybe, he thinks, so he forces his shoulders to relax and does what he always gets around to eventually – facing an issue head-on. This time, that’s looking Magnus in the eyes and nodding.
“As previously stated, I’m excited for us to do anything so long as you are ready. But you know, there’s lots of different things that fall under that umbrella term, so I think it’s important to draw clear lines between what you would and wouldn’t be comfortable with doing ahead of time. It can be a big step, and I certainly don’t want you to feel pressured, or like you rushed into anything-“
Alec shakes his head, turning his hand beneath Magnus’ so he can slot their fingers together.
“I appreciate that,” Alec begins, looking into those dark, soulful eyes he’s so endlessly fond of. “But I’m ready. For everything – I want everything with you.”
Alec could probably try not to be so intense with how he feels for Magnus, and what he thinks this relationship can (and will) be, but really, what’s the point? It’s probably his maturity and higher degree of experience when it comes to relationships, but Magnus has put a lot of effort into making sure Alec knows he can speak his truth freely. Alec is learning that relationships are about baring that vulnerability, about appreciating each other and fostering an environment between two people that allows for open communication.
The look on Magnus’ face isn’t at all sceptical, it’s just considering. Alec can tell he’s being taken seriously, and it’s so reassuring. He’s been really lucky, he knows, to find someone like Magnus.
“That’s a lot for your first time. Wouldn’t you rather ease into it? Or just see where it goes?” is what Magnus responds with.
Alec could do that, sure. But he doesn’t want to. Why would he, when he has the chance to have everything with Magnus, to fulfil that connection right now?
“I don’t want us to have to hold back or force ourselves to stop. We care for each other, and I trust you.”
He looks down at their intertwined hands resting atop his thigh, marvelling at the sight for a moment, before flicking his eyes back up to Magnus’. They have time, he knows. Forever, in fact, if he has it his way. But they can use that time to discover all the other amazing, mind-blowing ways they can be physically, sexually intimate with each other; Alec doubt it’ll ever get boring, if it’s with Magnus.
“This is something I want to give to you, if you’ll accept it. And I don’t want to wait any longer.”
Magnus studies him, face serious, for a few long moments after. Then he nods.
“You know, we could start with a shower, just to—”
Alec cuts him off, eyes darting to the side before he decides fuck that and sets his gaze back to Magnus. “I think we’re good,” he says in a rush and without preamble. “ I have a rather, ah, intimate shower experience in the bag just now that says we’re about ready to go.” He forces himself to continue, the goal of transparency and open communication still at the forefront of his thoughts, “And I want to be on bottom.”
Surprise on Magnus’ face now. Slowly, ever so slowly, he runs his fingers through the front of Alec’s hair, fingering the slightly damp strands for the first time.
“Oh wow,” he comments, huffing a laugh and dropping his forehead to Alec’s shoulder. “You really are ready, aren’t you, dearest?”
He’s not upset about the other man’s amusement; it is funny. Alec presses his own smile to Magnus’ temple. It might take him a while, but when he commits to something, he’s all in.
He’s been all in with Magnus for a while already.
Magnus is apparently ready too, because the next thing Alec knows they’re stumbling into Magnus’ bedroom – somewhere he’s never really needed to be before, besides the most fleeting moments. The walls are the same warm shames of red and yellow that can be found elsewhere in the loft, it offers the same calm and comfort and yet feels far more intimate. It’s an element only highlighted by the golden-yellow silk sheets (because of course) that he’s spied before but will soon get to feel under him.
Right now though, the two of them seem far more preoccupied with undressing the other, laughing into each other’s mouths as they stumble whilst removing their shoes, mouths pulling away reluctantly when shirts get tugged up and off, landing in far-flung corners to be hunted down later.
Alec can’t help himself, sweeping large palms over wide shoulders, the tan skin beneath warm and soft like he’d always imagine. Magnus is stunning – while he might subvert gender tropes with his application of makeup and nail polish he is decidedly all man , broad and strong and solid, and Alec loves it. Adores every aspect that makes up the finished product of Magnus Bane.
“Alexander,” Magnus gasps wetly against Alec’s cheek as Alec gets caught up in his thoughts, ducking his head so he can track his own hands as they sweep down Magnus’ chest, fingertips trailing interestedly over chain and string necklaces and then dark nipples on their way south. Magnus’ hands clench tighter where they’re set over Alec’s ribs as his breaths hitch again when Alec’s fingers reach his abs, and Alec adores him.
“Okay?” Alec asks when his hands reach Magnus’ fancy belt, because even if by all accounts he should be the one overwhelmed, Magnus is the one shuddering under both his touch and his gaze.
It makes him feel confident, powerful,but in a way that leaves him very conscious of his responsibility.
“Yeah, just-” It’s one of the few times Alec has seen Magnus Bane at a loss for words. He thinks that’s a good sign.
Surging forward, he engages him in another mind-melting kiss, fingers somehow obeying his hazy command to figure out the puzzle of Magnus’ gleaming belt buckle, freeing the leather strip from the metal constraint and then heading straight for the button and zipper below. The new obstacles force him to pull away again with an annoyed sound, tucking his chin towards his chest so he can watch what his hands are doing.
Magnus huffs out a laugh, his arms coming across Alec’s bare shoulders, bringing both fiery warmth and a wave of goosebumps in their wake. “If I’d had some prior warning I might have worn something a little less troublesome,” he teases, and Alec doesn’t need to glance up to see the man’s raised eyebrow.
“I like your clothes,” is Alec’s immediate, earnest reply, even as he pulls down the zipper.
Magnus pauses, and when Alec glances up to check on him, he sees a tender expression on his face.
“I know you do.” He says, and then he’s back to shucking off his pants, and all Alec can see are smooth, toned limbs. It’s all he can take, and he can practically feel his mind warping and blurring at the sight of all that skin.
“That’s it,” Magnus declares, but Alec only registers the words when the other gets a hold of him and pushes him down onto the bed, jolting him from his stupor.
Falling against those soft, silky sheets, Alec’s breath whooshes out of him and he stares up at Magnus hovering above him.
“I can’t control myself when you look at me like that, darling,” is what Magnus says next. And it should be smooth, pitched just right to make Alec’s stomach curl, but it’s just earnest and intense; all the more seductive for it.
They seem caught in each other’s gazes for a moment, before Magnus snaps back into action, all but ripping Alec’s pants off him, tugging them free and throwing them behind him, where they hit a lamp with such force it almost knocks it over, the plastic gems hanging from the bottom of the lampshade tinkling against each other loudly. It’s enough to jolt Alec from the singular insecurity of being bared (mostly) in front of Magnus, and he’s pleased for the break. It isn’t until Magnus runs a hand over the dark hair of his chest with an appreciative hum and darker eyes that he really relaxes, glad his body is acceptable.
“You’re so beautiful,” Magnus whispers against his lips once he crawls back up the sheets, his hands planted on either side of Alec’s shoulders. As he leans over him, his signature collection of necklaces hang down, the skin-warmed pendants skimming Alec’s chest and making him let out a shaky breath. “You’re so gorgeous to me,” Magnus asserts again, and it’s all Alec can do to let his eyes flutter closed, placing a hand to Magnus jaw so he can draw him closer, closing that unbearable gap so they’re kissing again, mouths hot and eager, pliable to the other’s ministrations.
It’s backwards though. Because Magnus is the beautiful one here. He’s absolutely stunning – every single thing about him. Inside and out.
All Alec wants to do is give him the pleasure he deserves. To make him feel good. To feel it together; be brought together by it. The hand that he’d had on Magnus’ back to pull him close slides down, over his cloth-covered behind in a smooth sweep that has Magnus sighing at the corner of his mouth. Alec lets his index finger trace the bottom hem of the other’s underwear for a tantalizing second before he’s cupping his hand around of the back of Magnus’ thigh, using the strength in his arms to drag his knee forward in the sheets, hitch Magnus up so they’re closer, at a better angle when Alec rolls his hips up.
It’s an explosion of sensation.
Besides the undressing, this is where they cross the line of things they’ve never done with each other. For Alec, it’s the first time he’s done this period , and he tries his best to commit to taking in every single new action and reaction he experiences from this point. They both moan, each spurred into motion by that first surge of sensation. It takes them a couple of moments to sync the rolls of their hips, so that they’re moving with rather than against each other, and when they manage it the pleasure increases by tenfold.
“Sweetheart-” Magnus gasps against Alec’s jaw, cutting himself off to press kisses there, and then further down his neck.
The fact they’re no longer holding back, no longer clinging to that boundary standing before sexuality, makes the kisses feel so different to before. Heavier, as warm, gasping breaths brush against the damp patches Magnus creates with his kisses before moving on. Somewhere along the way the fingers of Alec’s right hand end up tangling with Magnus’ left, and he holds on as they continue to push up, down, against each other.
“I have to-“ Alec starts, struggling to formulate his entire thought as his dick jolts in his underwear. “Magnus, I have to touch you.”
Magnus doesn’t – can’t, maybe – offer anything other than a moan in response, so Alec just moves his hand from where it had been clenching at the other man’s hip and instead slips it past the waistband of Magnus underwear. His mind is far too clouded with pleasure to devote any measure of energy to something as inane as nerves; there’s only relief and satisfaction for Alec to feel when his fingers brush the firm heat of Magnus’ erection. The reaction is instantaneous, as soon as he makes contact Magnus’ entire body locks up into a violent shudder, the man cursing under his breath between gasps as he does so.
“Wait, wait, wait-“ Magnus insists in a garble, and Alec pulls away quickly, worried. “No,” Magnus says, patting Alec’s chest clumsily. “We just need our underwear off. Like right now. Well, five minutes ago, probably. If not the moment we met.”
And Alec hadn’t ever really imagined doing so in the hot and heavy lead up to sex, but he laughs. It’s not something he’d expect, but the break in intensity is nice, and he feels a little more clear-headed, able to watch Magnus twist and squirm atop Alec to shuck his own underwear impatiently. Then he moves onto Alec’s with the same determination, Alec shimmying and lifting his hips to help him.
And then they’re naked.
Being naked with another person, Alec finds, is terrifying and exhilarating. Kind of like a skydive, he imagines, in that you have to overcome that fear block before you can experience the thrill, but also completely different because as nerve-wracking as sex is, it doesn’t exactly have you fearing for your life. And there’s all that pleasure to be had from the act, too. Alec watches Magnus lean over to his bedside table with a knowing sense of anticipation, and takes a moment to study the stretch and pull of the muscles beneath his flawless skin.
Magnus naked is a sight to behold, and Alec orders his brain to immortalize the moment that Magnus hangs back over him on his hands and knees with not a single stitch on him. The only thing he wears is that intensely focused yet entirely blissed out expression, heat and desire turning his warm eyes molten.
“It’s your first time,” he says, the words seeming to curl into the air between them, slick and smooth like the liquid he’s drizzling on his fingers. “It’s my job to make you feel good.” And then he’s reaching down, wrapping that slick, warm hand around Alec’s length, pulling up expertly, twisting just the slightest amount.
A curse leaves Alec’s lips and he drops back into the fluffy pillow beneath him – when had he surged up? – at the feeling, hissing between clenched teeth and barely able to catch the dark amusement all over Magnus’ face, like he’s enjoying every single reaction he wrings from Alec with his movements.
“Baby-” he forces out after a fair few more attentive strokes. Magnus is driving him so far out of his mind that he’d fail to recall any use of the endearment, except for maybe the way Magnus responds to it, eyes wide and shocky as his own erection twitches obscenely. “Need you. Please get inside me.”
Magnus has to hunch over Alec, pausing to collect himself at the order, before he’s letting out a breathless, disbelieving chuckle as he flicks his eyes up to meet Alec’s. “We’re not even there yet and you’re already starting to get demanding.” Alec thought he’d been pretty polite about it, actually - at least he’d said ‘please’. Magnus looks at his frown and rolls his eyes fondly, muttering “I should have known,” to himself under his breath. Alec lands a light swat on his thigh in reproach even as he watches Magnus apply more lube to his fingers, causing his heart rate to skyrocket.
It’s a strange feeling, when the first finger slides in. It’s not a complete surprise to Alec, having had a couple of fumbling attempts himself in the past couple of weeks, but it’s a slightly different sensation, still new. Having someone else do it feels so much better, and Magnus definitely knows what he’s doing when he distracts Alec with hot, open-mouthed kisses to across his abdomen and hip bones while he adjusts. It’s deeper than he’d been able to go, and once Magnus slides in a second finger, Alec feels the beginnings of the foreign feeling of stretching.
Magnus moves smooth and easy, confident with each slide, curl and stretch. It doesn’t take long for the pleasure to overtake the slight discomfort and general strangeness of the intimate touch, coaxing stuttered sounds from Alec’s lips and leading him to chase the feeling, rolling his hips to coax more pleasure. Magnus whispers encouragements against his skin, gaze shifting from watching what his hand is doing to Alec’s face, ever attentive, ever attuned. It’s possible Alec doesn’t deserve such treatment.
“Look at you,” Magnus whispers, wonderment ringing clear in his tone and Alec’s already damp skin blushes anew, burning hot and pink against Magnus’ sheets. “Alexander, you’re mine .” It’s said in pure disbelief – he isn’t possessively reminding Alec; it’s not a show of dominance. It’s Magnus needing to say it out loud in his attempt to comprehend the fact.
Alec isn’t sure there are any words that are appropriate to encapsulate just how that makes him feel.
“You’re mine, too,” Alec forces out, brow furrowed as he concentrates on seeking out more pleasure. By now though, it just isn’t enough. “Magnus, I don’t want to wait any longer-”
And that’s all he can manage to say, because it’s all he can think. All Alec feels is the overwhelming need for more ; it crashes over his consciousness in a determined wave, wiping out every other thought that could distract him from getting what he needs right now. Magnus, thank god, seems to comprehend that the time is now , pulling out gently but then struggling to rip open the condom packet with clumsy, desperate movements that are so at odds with how he usually does everything.
Alec watches him, and even as he heaves breaths and shudders in pleasure, he’s still able to think that’s me, I do that to him . Magnus is more experienced, yes, but it doesn’t matter who came before, because right now, the person making Magnus lose his latent charm and grace is Alec and Alec alone. If he has any choice in the matter, he’ll be the only one doing that for a very, very long time. If not forever. His heart beats faster at the very thought.
Then stillness, a much-needed five-second recess amongst it all. There’s a wordless question in Magnus’ pause and Alec catches his eye, answering with a single, deliberate nod even as he spreads his legs a little more, heels pressing into the sheets.
A hand, sticky and warm, cups Alec’s bent knee, Magnus using the hold to stabilise himself as he shuffles closer. “Pillow,” he says and Alec nods, tugging one of the many against Magnus’ headboard down awkwardly until he can shove it under his own hips, giving Magnus more room to find a better angle.
With an arch of his spine, Magnus leans forward to sloppily kiss Alec’s eyebrow, his cheekbone and then his lips in reassurance. “I’m so glad I get to be this for you,” he whispers as he guides Alec’s legs around his waist. And Alec knows exactly what he means – because even if Magnus isn’t the last or only person he ever sleeps with, he’ll always be the first, and no one can take that away from either of them. It’s a connection they’ll share forever, Alec thinks to himself as Magnus pushes inside.
It’s a lot. An insistent pressure eclipsing the fingers that had been inside of him first, Magnus’ girth stretching and pulling him almost to the point where he thinks it might be impossible. It isn’t though, and Magnus stutters out soothing whispers, even as his eyes flutter and the tendons in his neck stand out at how it must feel to be on the receiving end of that pressure.
Much like before he adjusts, lube and Magnus’ careful, coaxing movements doing wonders to ease the way until Magnus is able to roll his hips in a smooth, full thrust that reaches deeper than Alec had ever imagined. He gasps, the sound punctured by the tail end of Magnus’ quiet hiss, and Alec reaches forward to grip Magnus’ shoulder, his hip.
“Move,” he demands, eager to see where this can go, how it’ll feel.
He isn’t disappointed.
It’s a singular, unique feeling, and it serves as the perfect complement to the pleasure of Magnus’ hand curling back around his cock. Magnus has an innate rhythm to everything he does, Alec knows, and this is no different. He has no problem finding a rhythm for his movements, and Alec can only hold on and do his best to move with it, even if he is completely at mercy to the hot, electric flushes of pleasure rolling through him.
“Magnus-” he calls out, and he feels the man’s hand tighten around him in response.
“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” comes Magnus’ stilted reply – and Alec distantly thinks oh thank god he’s into this as much as I am . “I’ll always have you. Come on.”
And it doesn’t take long for him to get there, toes curling and one of his heels digging into the base of Magnus’ spine, his entire body stiffening into a bow, the pleasure building to a crescendo before it just... snaps. The dam breaks and Alec lets go, his orgasm slamming into him and taking everything he has, leaving him to flop back into the sheets.
When he tunes back in, he catches the end of a curse leaving Magnus’ lips, the man hunched over and still full inside of him. It only takes a few more thrusts, Alec’s hand stroking at the short, shaven hairs behind his ear in encouragement before Magnus reaches his own peak, choking on his own breath. What’s the most bizarre (and the most amazing) is that Alec feels the moment it happens, feels all of it, even with the condom. It leaves his mind reeling.
They both take a minute, staying still – staying connected – as Alec tries to gather the jumble that his brain seems to have become, and they both regain their breath.
“Next time,” his mouth feels slack, the rest of his limbs light and heavy at the same time atop the mattress, and he wants to laugh at how fucked he sounds. “Next time, I promise I’ll be a more active participant.”
They both laugh at that, the movement jolting both of them, still so sensitive and connected, so Magnus takes the time to pull out with a hiss, speaking as he snaps off the condom and ties it with efficiency. “If you’re worrying it wasn’t good for me, don’t. ”
Alec grins at how Magnus’ usual emphatic speech is still unmistakably covered by the exertion, his voice a little hoarse. When Magnus climbs off him he shifts, burying half his face into the pillow as Magnus stumbles across the room on unstable, coltish legs to throw the used condom into the bathroom trash. Whilst the man is still deliciously naked, Alec feels entirely sated, turning the sight into something endearing and intimate rather than seductive.
Ever the gentlemen, Magnus starts running a bath, and Alec sighs at the thought of warm water simultaneously washing him clean and soothing his sore muscles. He’s still thinking about how lucky he is to have met someone so willing to care for him like Magnus is when the man himself re-emerges from the bathroom, the somewhat muted echoey sounds of running water a calming backdrop of noise for the moment.
“The first time is always a lot, don’t worry,” Magnus soothes as he climbs back onto the bed, collapsing beside Alec and turning onto his side so they can face each other as they wait for the bathtub to fill. “It’s all downhill from here, I’m afraid.”
Alec just looks at him and grins, his fingers tracing idle patterns over Magnus’ bare waist. He really, really doubts that.
⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭ ⏭
NOW PLAYING: Diamonds and Pearls - Prince
Lyrics [show]
there will come a time when love will blow your mind
and everything you look for you'll find
that will be the time that everything will shine
so bright it makes you colorblind
And Alec was right to doubt it, because things continue to get even better.
Of course, life is never smooth-sailing one hundred percent of the time; there are some lows interspersed through the many, many highs Alec enjoys. His parents don’t take it too well when he comes out to them initially, but he understands that it mostly comes from the shock - of Alec not being who they thought he was, and of his life not going the way they always thought it would. It’s hard, but he doesn’t begrudge them.
His mother is the first to come around, apologising for her coldness and asking for his forgiveness – which she had right from the start. She meets Magnus and yes, seems a little surprised by this effervescent, flamboyant man her son is in a relationship with, but over the course of that first evening seems to comprehend this thing they have between them. She leaves with a kiss to the cheek for each of them, and seems to be satisfied - and maybe a little relieved - at the man Alec has chosen to be with.
Because Alec has chosen Magnus, and he’s the luckiest man on Earth because for some reason, Magnus chose him right back. And they continue to choose each other every day. Alec can’t imagine a time in his future where he’d ever want anyone else.
Classes continue. Alec becomes a TA for one of his professors and joins an LGBT group on campus. It opens him up to a whole new community at the school he’d never even known existed before, and he finds himself making new friends, helping out at events and with fundraising. As a grad student, he’s encouraged to join the mentor program the group runs which pairs older, more experienced students with (primarily) younger undergrads who might be questioning their sexuality or struggling with coming out.
He meets so many kids who are just like who he had been a year ago, and even if he’s awkward and as blunt as ever, it makes him feel good that he might be able to help their personal journey in some way. He recalls how it had felt to walk into Magnus’ party that first time and see all those different people, comfortable and happy together; how much of an impact it had been to talk to Magnus and to hear him mention his sexuality so easily, and thinks that even just being present and visible at school as a gay man now comfortable in himself can make a difference. He gives advice when he can, but mostly he just listens. He knows just as well as the next person that sometimes, you just need that one person to give you an opportunity to speak.
Alec’s excited to graduate. He has no idea what the hell he’s going to do with his degrees, but he and Magnus have agreed that once he finds a job, they’ll move in together.
Until then they’ll do what they’ve been doing all this time – go on dates to obscure restaurants, listen to Magnus’ eclectic record collection, and trade soft kisses amongst silken yellow sheets. They’ll love each other and continue to grow.
There’s nothing Alec wants more, and he smiles at the thought as he uses his key to unlock the door to PH1, dropping his battered messenger bag by that crooked umbrella pot to the left. There’s music already playing deep within the bowels of Magnus’ loft, and as Alec moves further inside, his ears eventually pick up what it is.
It’s a Prince record spinning atop the player, because of course it is.
When Alec reaches the doorway, Magnus stops his idle dancing, a stack of magazines still in his hands, to turn his head and give Alec the most blinding grin over his shoulder. He looks stunning as always, and Alec’s heart flutters the exact same way it did the first time.
“I was just thinking of you,” Magnus says, eyes twinkling with that mixture of amusement and adoration that Alec still can’t quite believe is just for him.