Work Text:
Furious over the tattoo.
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--
Loki awoke still very tired. He felt Stark curled up against him and jumped out of the bed.
Reason raised its ugly head. He felt nauseous, he’d had sex with the man whore. A man he’d known for less than a day, only having met him once while not in his right mind. This arrogant man was sure to use it against him or treat him like something pulled from the trash. He ran into the spare room and took everything off the bed and threw it out of the room onto the floor. Then he shut the door to the small room and locked it. He found the spying eyes in the room and smashed them. Then to be safe he jammed a chair under the knob. He was not at all willing to admit to himself he might have felt compelled to go alonglast night and had enjoyed it. He lay down and after chewing himself out thoroughly for being so stupid and eventually fell back asleep.
Loki woke again later to a pounding on the door. “Hey princess, wake up, let me in,” Stark was saying as he knocked.
“No, I told you I was not going to be your whore. You got me drunk and took advantage of me.” Loki, who was already clutching his pillow, tightened his hold and curled around it.
“Takes two to tango princess. What did you do? Friday can’t see into the room and it feels like you have something up against the door,” Tony said through the door still not fully awake. He was looking around at the partial projects that he had kept on the spare bedroom bed to work on when he was being locked out of his lab. They were strewn all over the floor, most likely broken. Oh well, they weren’t really important anyway, if they were they’d have been in the lab.
“Go away and be quiet!” Loki wailed and buried his head under the sheets covering his ears. His head ached and he figured he deserved it as punishment for drinking to much and going with Stark.
“Aw, got a headache? I thought you and Thor could drink everyone under the table.” Tony laughed but his insides were starting to feel upset. That’s right he was always more of an asshole before he had his morning coffee. He was starting to think about what Loki had just said.
The thought of being the same as Thor pushed one of Loki’s buttons, he’d had enough. Through the mind link he said. “I am not like Thor! I’m sorry if you wanted some big muscle-bound blond. I am not that nor am I a woman. You are stuck with a monster. Now go screw someone else as you have had your one- night homosexual experiment with me and leave me alone in my misery.” He was hungry again too and his stomach growled.
Tony’s mind was starting to clear a little more now, why was Loki so angry again. Then it dawned on him, ‘Shit, I’ve messed up big time.’ So he changed his tone to helpful. ‘There is aspirin in the drawer next to the bed. It will help the headache,’ he telepathed back.
‘I can cure a headache without your stupid Earth medicines, mortal. Go away!’ Loki replied coldly.
Tony left and didn’t say anything more, fearing he’d make things worse. Reflecting he thought, he’d made it what? About four hours after re-meeting Loki, most of them spent being drunk, before he’d messed up this relationship. It was serious too, what he’d done was borderline rape. He couldn’t help it though, this bond or link or whatever it was, it was tempting him, making him want Loki. It wasn’t his fault that at best he had a hard time with self-control. This link only made it much worse.
Now he needed to figure out how to grovel to Loki in order to get back in his good graces. Apparently, the bond made the idea of Loki being mad at him extremely unsettling. Damn it, it was worse than with Pepper. At least with her there were always new designer shoes.
Somehow Tony knew Loki was hungry. Tony thought and yes it was from the link, and the stomach growling was verified by Friday’s sound monitors. Maybe he could bribe his godling with food.
He came back a short time later and said into Loki’s head. ‘I’m going to tell you something and I want you to listen, please.
First off, this bond has effected me in ways I don’t understand. I really hope we can work together to figure this out soon. That counts as number 1.
2, You are not a monster. I wouldn’t care if your skin was green with purple polka-dots, had red eyes and tentacles for hair, you would still not be a monster.
3, If I wanted a big muscle-bound blond, I would have chased Spangles long ago, that type has never turned me on, in fact it turns me off. So, don’t assume I want Thor over you because that’s a disgusting thought no matter how I look at it. For a partner I’d rather have brains than brawn anyday.
4. I was not trying to compare you to Thor. While I don’t know you very well, I can gather from the stories Thor has told that you are nothing like him.
5, In case you didn’t know, I like men sexually and have had sex with them too, not just women and you, my tall friend who I’m now linked to, are really hot. If not for the fact you were killing people during the invasion I would have hit on you then, almost did anyway when I offered you a drink.
6, You are not a one night-stand if I have anything to say about it. For god’s sake we have to live together, do you think so little of me that I’d be so stupid as to start us out as adversaries? On second thought, don’t answer that.
7, For your information, right now, the thought of being naked with anyone but you practically turns my stomach for unknown reasons but I’m definitely blaming this … link your Death-Mommy put on us.
8, The sound sensors still work in your room I can hear your stomach growing through them.. Our link is making me want to feed you.
9, Because of point number eight, I have food: bacon, scrambled eggs and sweet rolls. So, you know, I AM, capable of making eatable breakfast food, even if I do burn popcorn.
10. ….Damn it,… I forgot,….please, just please come out and eat.
There was a pause before,
Wait I remembered 10 and it’s the most important. I’m really, really, sorry for last night. I didn’t plan on taking advantage of you. I know I was being influenced but that shouldn’t have made a difference. I’m sorry I’m still a dick. I’ll even get down on my knees and grovel if you’ll forgive me. Now, please come out and eat.’
Well Stark wasn’t going to go away any more than this asinine link was, and he was hungry. Loki who had already used a small amount of the magic that had regenerated to remove his headache, decided to get up, remove the chair from the door and open it.
Looking at Tony’s sad eyes, with a tray containing breakfast for two, he said. “Fine, I’ll eat, but we are eating in the other room and not in your bedroom area, because you have no self-control, unlike me,” and headed back to where they had eaten the day before leaving Tony to carry the tray.
Tony followed feeling sad and annoyed. Loki was a spoiled princess with the self-control of a puritan or maybe an unmoving rock. After Loki’s comment Tony was firmly blaming last night on the link pushing them together. Unfortunately Loki didn’t sound like he was the forgiving type either, hell he wasn’t sure the other man was even experiencing this the way he was. Tony was sure he was never going to have sex again because of this stupid bond.
They ate in silence for awhile until Tony could not longer stand it and broke it, deciding to apologize again, holding his coffee cup in his hands, saying. “Sorry again for everything last night. I didn’t mean to compare you to Thor. Also, so you know, I don’t usually push for sex like I did, I just couldn’t help myself. If you imagine that I have an evil devil sitting on one shoulder and a good angel on the other who normally argue about what I’m going to do, usually the angel wins... Well last night the angel went on a an extended vacation. Now I can see by that look that i’m not getting through. You see normally my partner is pushing for sex as much as I am. In fact, I stop if they are not actively responding back, just a CYA sort of thing.”
“What is CYA?” Loki asked, still looking like he was plotting to peel Tony’s skin off the next time Tony let his guard down, as he grabbed another sweet roll out of a box that was sitting on the table.
“Cover your ass, making sure you don’t get into trouble. Sexual assault is a criminal offense here. So, if I’m with someone and they even hint at not wanting to, I stop and get the hell out of there. When I’ve gone out looking for sex, I’d take my hookups to a place where we both knew Jarvis could record us to prove it was consensual and that I used a condom, I don’t ever watch them, I just had to do it to avoid lawsuits. Last night was different, in fact ever since ‘Death Mommy’ whammed us with the link all I want to do is touch you. Don’t you feel it too? Surely it’s affecting you too, it just doesn’t seem like you can feel it.” Tony was finding himself dwelling on the thought that he wasn’t the only one feeling it. That would really suck and mean ‘Death-Mommy’ was having a grand laugh having fucked him over. She was probably laughing anyway.
“Hm,” Loki looked off into space as he chewed a bite of the roll. Stark was right in that there was a strong pull. If he was really, honest, he had a lot of self-discipline that helped him ignore the pull. Stark seemed to have very little impulse control and just went with it. “I do feel the need to be close. Thusly, I am willing to forgive you for now, as long as you behave. I will not be drinking for a while and I suggest you don’t either. Whatever is going on is going to take a while to figure out and right now I am still fairly drained of seidr and am not willing to try much until I have enough back to protect us.”
Stark tilted his head while holding his fork up waving it at Loki. “How gracious of you to forgive me, conditionally,” Tony snarked rolling his eyes. “How long until you have enough of your sadar…seedy…hell, mumbo jumbo whatever it is, back to do science, so we can figure things out? Wait does that mean you’re a sadist?”
“Stark, does your mind ever leave the gutter? I believe you guessed right the first time, Seidr is what powers my magic or mumbo jumbo as you called it.” Loki looked Tony directly in the eyes snarling with an evil look when he said mumbo jumbo.
Tony responded quickly, “Never really leave, total gutter mind here, maybe when I’m doing science. Now answer the question princess.” Did being honest count for anything?
“None of your business to the gutter question. As for my seidr, at most, a couple days until I’m up to full power. It wouldn’t be an issue except the gauntlet sort of put me in the negative. Until then we need to be alert to anything unusual. Thanos maybe gone but I am sure he had lieutenants who might seek revenge.” Loki replied ignoring the Princess nickname.
Tony listened feeling frustrated, “Fine, I’m going to my lab then, to work. Feel free to go wherever and do whatever you want, just don’t wreck anything. Friday, give him full access to the place.” Tony then got up and walked out of the room wondering why he had given Loki such liberties with his home.
Loki picked up the box of sweet rolls and did what he wanted. For some reason, what he wanted was to follow Tony to his lab, he did this as if on automatic. Once he got there he laid down on a sofa to take another nap. Tony didn’t say a word but inwardly was glad he followed.
-
A couple hours later Friday announced. “Boss, Director. Fury is on the phone and demanding to speak with you. I have already tried to tell him you weren’t here, but he claims to know for certain you are here.”
“Tell him I’m out chasing cats and feeding candy to strangers,” Tony said thinking ‘Damn, I’m going to have to sweep for bugs again.’
“He seems rather insistent.”
“Tell him I’m in the middle of a very sensitive test and if he doesn’t want a large crater he needs to go away.”
“Boss, I’m afraid he says he doesn’t believe you and that you are probably just tinkering with your suit. He is very angry.” Tony wondered how, by who and when Fury’s latest bugs had gotten in.
“Tell him I’m having sex with Loki and if he doesn’t want the godling to turn him into a wombat, he’ll leave us alone.”
Loki who wasn’t as asleep as Tony thought, raised his head, scowled at Tony and started to sit up.
“Director. Fury says ‘good’. He wants to talk to and I quote ‘that cock-sucking motherfucker too.”
Tony’s brain stopped short and veered off at an angle suddenly thinking about Loki cock-sucking or rather sucking his cock.
Until Friday added, “If you don’t pick up, he says he is going to storm the place and bring Pepper with him.”
What a cock-blocker, “Fine put him through,” Tony sighed, at least the bugs didn’t seem to be in his lab. Damn-it though his mind had just jumped to sex again, ‘bad brain, behave yourself’ he mentally scolded himself.
A screen appeared, with Director Fury’s extremely angry face looking back at Tony in the lab. “Is Loki really with you?” was the first thing growled out of his mouth.
“Yes, he’s sitting over there on the couch,” Tony said taking note of how his already angry mood shifted to much more angry..
Fury’s was shaking with anger, his face dark, eyes had the glare of a killer. “You let a fucking wanted criminal into your lab. You don’t let anyone in that lab.” He was not exactly yelling, no it was loud and cold, you could feel the ice rippling off him. Winter was going to be early this year. On a scale of one to ten, Fury’s anger was about twenty-five.
“First off I do let people in Rhodey, Pepper and Bruce. As for Loki, he did raise half the universe and yes, he’s here too, thus I don’t have to go searching for him. You should be happy that he’s available to be yelled at by you. Now what’s so important that you have to talk to us about, get to the point, we have other stuff to do.” Tony didn’t want to deal with this.
Fury closed his eyes trying to calm himself. “Loki can you hear me?”
Loki was sitting sprawled out on the sofa like he owned it. “Yes, director, it would be hard not to, you make more noise than a herd of Bilgesnipe in heat.”
Fury grit his teeth. “Good. I suppose I do owe you a thank you for raising the dead. Thank you, now don’t expect me to say it again. I would like to hope you would have done it anyway given the opportunity without this Lady Death telling you to. Now, get this God-Damned-motherfucking-cocksucking tattoo off of my ass!”
Tony snorted, sputtered and finally burst out laughing. “So, you died too. It’s only a small tattoo, most are close to the hip, live with it.”
“It is not small and not at all on my hip. It covers my whole ass. Your face is on one side and real power over there is on the other side. Now get it off.”
Tony was holding his side and covering his mouth, shaking with laughter, trying not to laugh over whatever response Loki was about to give.
Loki’s eyes were twinkling, amusement spread across his face. “Why Director, I didn’t know you cared about us so much. I’m afraid I cannot do anything long distance. You are going to have to come here for me to do anything.” Loki beamed. This was what he lived for.
“God Damn-it. If I find out you are lying to me.” Fury’s face was as sour as extra strength vinegar.
“Why haven’t you tried Strange?” Tony said between giggles.
“I tried. They told me he was not on Earth, off looking for some fucking eye that he lost because of some fucking hidden possible future, instead of staying here to help with the fucking fallout. I’ll be there within the hour.” Fury snapped.
“Hey, bring lunch when you come, we’re hungry,” Tony said barely controlling his laughter.
“Boss, I believe he hung up without giving you an answer,” Friday announced.
After Tony had gained a tiny shred of control he turned to Loki. “That was beautiful. I bow to your exquisite and amazingly well-placed prank. Peter’s is pretty small and closer to his hip like the ones we saw on TV last night. How did you manage to get Fury’s bigger?” He walked over to where Loki was seated and plopped himself down next to him.
Loki smiled delightedly. “Actually, it was partly you. I loved your suggestion and when I cast the spell, I couldn’t resist adding it as part of the raising package. Somehow, I found myself privileged to several thoughts about the tattoo you had rummaging through that brain of yours. One was that the more someone knew or thought about us the bigger the tattoo would be. I loved the idea, but I was feeling benevolent and moved it closer to the hip on anyone who was a child or who didn’t know either of us.”
“God what I would have given to see his face when he noticed it.” Tony folded his arms, turned, and leaned his back into Loki.
Without really being aware, Loki put his arms around Tony. “True, you can still watch his face as he shows it too me though.”
Tony turned to look at Loki, he was delighted. “What? No, you mean he’s going to have to drop his pants down for us. I’m not sure this can get any better, unless you think he needs a butt probe? Please tell me he’s going to need a butt probe.” He grabbed Loki and gave him his best puppy dog eyes.
Loki tilted his head, blinked a couple times and then smiled. “Perhaps I could slip a magical one in.”
“Friday get the cameras ready. Dum-E, U, get that table cleared off in my testing lab. I want Fury to have something to bend over on!” Tony burst out in giggles again and hugged Loki tight as he buried his head, laughing into Loki’s chest.
--
Fury arrived, decidedly without lunch, and was directed to the less secure testing lab that Tony used when he needed to work with others such as testing new equipment he’d made for them, or for the occasional bigwig demonstration.
Tony’d never been happy with anyone but Bruce, Pepper, Rhodey and now Loki entering his real lab, it was the reason he had the second lab. Tony kept thinking about how fast he had jumped to fully trusting Loki. If Loki decided to betray him, the world was screwed. Loki could get access to all his secrets and had probably used his magic to study his suits while pretending to sleep. This link had quickly dug deep into Tony’s soul, he hadn’t even tried to fight, just accepting his sudden near total trust for Loki. If he was honest he didn’t want to fight it and trusting Loki enough to go into that lab, damn, it meant the link had permeated so deep they’d need to build new seismic equipment just to hear vibrations from his scream.
Fury had calmed down some, he was now only a seven on that one to ten anger scale. One being just a little bit angry and his most common state, ten being angry enough that he was unable to do anything but yell. threaten and shake his finger in anger.
“I’m here. Now use your mojo and make this fucking tattoo disappear,” was the first thing he said.
Tony looked up from whatever he’d busied himself with and teased. “Wow, love the greeting and small talk. I’m doing fine, could be better, last day's been rough. I don’t think it’s going to rain today. Now that’s that’s over Godzilla, think you want to give us a hint about what you want?”
Loki who was not in the room but was listening through the use of Friday, thought “What is Godzilla?”
Tony responded “Big angry monster that loves destruction.”
“I didn’t realize you and Fury were related?” Loki said smartly.
“Shut up, asshole.” Tony thought back.
Fury was looking around the room searching. “I’m not here to make small talk Stark. Where’s Loki?”
“You didn’t bring lunch. He’s getting sandwiches for us from the kitchen.” Tony said innocently.
Fury squinted his eye at Stark. “I don’t need lunch and you can wait until I leave.”
Tony tilted his head. “I disagree. Nicky, how do you know what we need or don’t need? I’ve been slaving away all morning in my lab without any sustenance. Loki used up most of his mojo raising people yesterday. He ate a whole pizza last night and a big breakfast including a dozen sweet rolls this morning. The man’s magic is requiring huge amounts of food to regenerate. I’m sure you want him to have enough magic to figure out how to remove your cute fuzzy little inking.” Tony wasn’t sure if that excuse was why Loki was eating so much but it sounded good..
“And you purposely waited until I was here to get food, don’t bullshit me,” Fury shot back.
“Well we thought you might bring it until Friday announced you hadn’t, but don’t worry he won’t be gone long. Maybe I should ask for some sugar? I think if we squeezed your face we’d get lemon juice. Nothing like a good lemonade.” Tony gave a cheerful smile.
“Stark! Get Loki in here now.” Fury was actively gritting his teeth as he said it.
Tony was tempted to make a joke about cows chewing their cud but decided he valued his life at least until he came up with something else. “What are you to afraid to go to a doctor to have it removed? Or are you just trying to hide the fact you enjoy needle play?” Tony teased, probably doing a good job of raising Nicky’s blood pressure. Maybe he should get Friday to measure it and see what jokes got under Fury’s skin the most.
“STARK! They are not made with ordinary ink,” Fury growled as Loki walked in.
Loki walked in to hear the last comment. He was holding a plate full of sandwiches. “Oh, I’m so glad you had that checked out, I’d been afraid that my work had been shoddy. Now I can rest assured that my magic didn’t use some cheap method to mark people. Magic can be so unpredictable at times.” His eyes twinkled as he walked over to Tony and handed him a sandwich. “Here… my little ham...sandwich?”
He turned to Fury. “Why director, are you a turkey… sort of person or perhaps you are a bit more… chicken today since I’ll be working on you.” Loki grinned holding the plate of sandwiches that had several meats including turkey and chicken..
Fury refused to even look at the offered food. “I don’t want any of your fucking sandwiches. Just wave your hands and make it go away.”
Loki set the plate down on a side table and picked one up to eat. “Why, I need eat a sandwich first. I’m biting beef today.” He gave Tony a pointed look and took a bite showing his teeth, that looked a bit sharper than usual, as they sliced through clearly visible meat.
Tony cringed inside just a bit and set his sandwich down. Loki was clearly not ready to let his drunken actions be forgotten yet.
They stood in silence watching Loki each the sandwich. After the first bite he took smaller bites, savoring the flavor. His face glowing with pleasure, a lot of pleasure, licking his fingers, wait he was teasing Stark.
How could he do that to him? Loki was sending mixed signals here. Making Tony wince at that first bite and now he felt himself reacting to Loki’s unbelievable ability to make eating a sandwich sensuous. The way his tongue licked his fingers afterwards should be illegal. He was not only never going to have sex again, but he was going to be sexually tortured for the rest of his life too.
“Enough! Stark, if it were anyone else, I’d say I wouldn’t believe you’re already fucking they guy who tried to destroy New York, but unfortunately I know you. Now cut the horseshit and do it on your own time.” Fury bristled.
“What did his show turn you on too? Should I be jealous?” Tony grinned.
“I think he likes to watch, Stark.” Loki teased and if licking his fingers was sensuous before, his last lick and accompanying suck was almost enough to cause an orgasm.
“That’s it then, I’m jealous. It’s official. Put out a press bulletin Nick Fury caught oogling Loki. Tony Stark, jealous, threatens to make Fury’s peeping tom fetish public,” Tony announced showing off the fact that he was adjusting himself because…well, had needed to do it anyway. Never miss an opportunity to mess with Fury.
“Shut the fuck up Stark,” Fury said standing there with his arms folded, glaring..
“Don’t be such a stick in the mud. Now pull your pants down and bend over for me.” Loki attempted to sound very doctor like despite having so much fun.
“Hell no. What the fuck do you mean by that?” Fury snarled.
Tony just stood back and acted like a mouse for now. This was going to be a show and he wasn’t going to miss it. Inside he was already laughing, thinking to himself, ‘Stick in the mud. Well, Fury’s skin coloring was closer to some muds he’d seen, wonder how long the stick was?.’
“Why that should be obvious, I need to examine the delicate artwork on your derriere before I can determine what I have to do to remove it. Is that so hard for you to understand?” Loki chastised Fury, sounding like the man was an idiot for even asking such a question.
“Don’t bullshit me. I’m sure you’ve looked at someone else by now,” Fury snapped.
“Actually, I really haven’t. The only people here are Stark, Banner and myself and neither of them died to have one of the tattoos,” Loki smiled nicely.
“I’ll get someone else here.” Fury pulled out his phone.
“Do you really want someone else to know about the size of your tattoo. I’m not trying to threaten you, just questions will probably be asked, and secrets are bound to come out, I’m sure I’ve seen hairier derrieres before.” Loki grinned again.
“Besides, since it is so much larger than most, it could easily be different magically and I’m quite sure I’ll have to examine the edges for the same reason. I need to see my work up close as it clearly has had a magical effect making it expand well beyond most of the tattoos.
Who knows what this could mean long term, I’d hate to think of you being rushed to an emergency room were everyone would be forced to judge the quality of the artwork when I could have examined the quality myself and removed any nasty side effects without that public hospital embarrassment. Now if you’ll please lower your pants and bend over.” Loki sounded like a comforting policeman after an accident talking to the person who was clearly not at fault explaining the accident with a side of art expert thrown in.
Tony raised his hand to his mouth to hide and bit on a finger of his fist to keep from laughing too loudly. Loki was piling the shit on so thick.
Fury continued to glare at Loki. Finally he said,“If you fucking tell anyone about this, you won’t know what hit you.” Then he looked at Tony who quickly removed his hand making it look like he was coughing. “You are leaving and turning off your AI on your way out.”
Tony wanted to stay. He needed to do something quick and convincing, Fury could tell when he was lying. He reached for the bond and thought really hard about having to be separated from Loki forever, and stuck in a deep dark cave with the tub they used to waterboard him. It worked, it was enough to make him start shaking, he could feel the edge of panic.
It was just what he wanted, it all came through in his voice. “Um, that’s a problem. Lady Death said I was supposed to keep an eye on Loki and sort of bound us together. We both start having problems if we are apart for more than a few minutes. I still haven't recovered from when he got lunch…Please, don’t make me leave.”
“Don’t bullshit me Stark. You don’t need to be here,” Fury spat out immediately,
Tony was pushing it, maybe he had gone too far. He realized too late that he had pulled the trigger, a real panic attack was starting to work its way through his system. He pulled his arms in as he felt his muscles tensing up.
Loki added, “I can feel it already. I might not be able to control my spells if he leaves.” Loki could feel Stark starting to panic. So, he said mentally. ‘I know this is an act but if you could refrain from inducing a real panic attack I would appreciate it. Now come here.’
Loki’s telepathic voice in Tony’s mind was a ray of light. He found the strength to move to Loki, lean against him, touching him, arms going around him, lifting his shirt just enough to ensure skin contact where his hand clasped together. Immediately Tony could feel the panic receding as Loki put an arm around him. He sent back. ‘Thanks, please don’t kill me yet. I really need to touch you right now. It helps.’
Fury looked really hard at Stark. “Fuck, I can normally read you Stark. Either you’ve suddenly gotten better at acting or you’re telling the truth. You can stay but if I find you’re lying or you tell anyone about this you will find your ass behind bars in The Raft. Now turn off your AI.”
Loki decided it was time to move things along. Sounding exasperated he said, “Director, your threats are not appreciated. I will not allow Stark to shut down our security when there could still be threats because you don’t like it, anymore than I will allow you to punish him for being here. You will do as I ask or I am afraid I will not be able to help you. Now either take your pants down and bend over that table or leave us as we have other things to deal with.”
Fury’s anger went up, then again, just being with these two raised it higher. He lowered his pants and bent over the table.
Tony of course noticed and thought loudly because he had to say something. ‘Now I know why they say once you go black you never go back.’
It was not exactly directed at Loki, but the physical contact and the force of his thought pushed the words to Loki, who dropped his arm from around Stark and turned away in response. ‘Really? You expect me to trust your words when you are thinking about another man’s cock already? Barton was right you are a man whore.’
Tony had lost skin contact but was glad Loki didn’t force him to move away and still held his shirt. The panic was mostly gone but he was pretty sure it wasn’t far, and he didn’t want to think about rejection from Loki. He had to defend himself though. ‘I was just looking, I can’t help it. My mind is usually in the gutter or doing science. I bet you looked too. He’s probably a shower not a grower anyway, I couldn’t believe how much you expanded last night and you were drunk. I can’t wait to see what happens when you’re sober.’
Loki gave Tony a nasty look. ‘Well man whore, I see you don’t need me to give you a shovel to dig your hole deeper.’
“Can you two fucking stop talking with your damn eyes. I, unlike you two, have important things to do,” Fury said.
The tattoo on Fury was huge. He hadn’t been lying saying Tony was on one cheek and Loki on the other. He had fail to mention that in the image Stark was looking at Loki with fond adoration while Loki faced forward with a delightfully mischievous smile on his face. It was sharp, bright and colored, as good as any photo, unlike what you would see from a real tattoo.
“Beautiful work. I should get an award. Are you sure you want it removed?” Loki asked as he carefully poked at an edge near Fury’s waist.
“I wouldn’t fucking be here if I wasn’t fucking sure. You are enjoying this way too much you motherfucking asshole,” Fury snarled back.
Tony looked at Fury’s ass again, it was the center of attention after all. Then he saw the lines, tan lines, THONG tan lines. What was Fury doing with thong tan lines? After having a short war with himself in his mind, he decided not to make comment now but save it for another date when there would be more people around to enjoy it.
Loki was looking at the tattoo touching the edges a little more with just one finger. Then he suddenly had both his hands on Fury’s cheeks and gave a squeeze.
“God-damned mother-fucker, I didn’t give you fucking permission to touch me like that,” Fury growled.
Tony snorted and lost it. He let go of Loki to hold himself again.
“Director, did you really think that I wouldn’t need to touch you? You didn’t strike me as being that stupid, but even I am wrong on occasion. I squeezed only as a test to see if there were any effects that went below the skin making it hard or leaving any nasty surprises. I am happy to tell you that your skin around the artwork is pure as a … baby’s behind, even if the rest of you is an old dried out prune.” Loki drawled as green magic glowed from his fingers where he still touched the tattoo.
Tony whispered to Loki, repeating, “Skin being hard leaving nasty surprises, no, that’s the front side.” He kept looking at those tan lines moving a bit to get a better look..
Fury chose to ignore Loki who was hopefully getting somewhere, instead he addressed Tony. “Stark, I want you to turn your fucking self around and stop watching.”
That did it. He lost his war. “But I see tan lines Nicky, really small thongy ones. I gotta ask, what you do to get them?” Tony was gasping for air.
“None of your fucking business now shut your fucking trap before I shove in a fucking electrical circuit board and plug it in.”
“Aw, spoil sport. You have such a nice picture of us though, really captures us both don’t you think?” Tony said still giggling.
“I swear I’m going to make your life miserable for this,” Fury threatened.
Loki broke in, “This is far from a normal tattoo director, I cannot remove it today. I’m going to have to develop a spell specifically to remove this. I can tell you that it is not at all dangerous.” Loki said, he was still poking and prodding Fury’s butt.
Tony was having a field day watching Fury’s winces, grinding teeth, lips snarling, eyes shooting daggers and other fun expression filled with hate and anger, as Nicky did his best to hold his tongue and kept his head turned as well as he could to watch while Loki was examined the amazing artwork on his ass. You would think the guy didn’t trust Loki.
“I hope you’re fast because I want this fucking thing gone today,” Fury said as he clenched his teeth.
“I am afraid that is not going to happen. You see I am not yet back at full power, I am not willing to spent what little I have trying to create a very difficult spell to remove something created through infinity stone use. I have other things that I am going to have to use it for, that are to be honest, much higher on my priority list.”
Tony snickered again. “Like everything.”
Before Fury could respond with another biting threat Loki continued on, “I can however cast a spell that will give the illusion it is the small tattoo that most people have until I have time to research a removal spell if you wish me to.”
“Yes, I goddamned wish you too,” Fury barked out.
“This is going to feel a bit uncomfortable when I cast it.” Loki said and cast the spell.
Fury’s eyes got big as he screamed with a loud high-pitched sound. One could even say it sounded like a little girl as Loki cast the spell and added Tony’s butt probe for fun. “YOU GODDAMMED MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING BASTARD!!” was the next thing out of Fury’s mouth.
Tony was leaning against the wall laughing not even trying to hide his laughter, even Loki’s normal smirking poker face was openly snickering at Fury’s reaction.
The spell did indeed make the tattoo look like the smaller version as Loki had said. Fury snarled as he got up and pulled his pants up. “You fuckers did that on purpose.”
Loki answered trying but failing at innocent because of his laughter. “I said it was going to be uncomfortable. Just stay away of anti-magic spells or areas, unless of course you want me to do that again?”
Fury gave them a dirty look and then broke into an evil smile. “Paybacks are hell.”
Later that day Tony got a text from Fury:
‘Expect Potts to be calling you in a couple days. Colonel Rhodes will probably call first though, after his superiors are through with him. Have a good fucking day.’