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“No, wait, come on, Covey.” Peter says. He swings his legs over the bench and leans across the table. “No kissing? My friends aren’t going to believe it if I just never kiss my girlfriend.”
Her pen stills over the paper, halfway through the first s in kissing. “I don’t want all my firsts to be fake.” She says, more to the table than to Peter. The last thing she needs right now is him making fun of her. She’s been embarrassed enough for the rest of her life, thank you very much.
He points at her with his Gatorade bottle. “A) Our first kiss was real, so the fake ones after are not firsts. B) We can keep it simple. You know. Nothing you’re not comfortable with. And only in extreme circumstances.”
She knows her cheeks are probably about as pink at her dress right now, and she very desperately would like to move past this. She doesn’t want to bring up 7th grade, or their first kiss, or the letters.
“Define extreme circumstances.” She says, pushing past the past and pulling out a new piece of paper.
“I don’t know, Covey. Say Sanderson is coming down the hallway again, or Gen is being too handsy at a party, or one of her friends is staring just a bit too hard.” He shrugs.
“So, like, within reason?” She asks.
Peter nods. “Yeah. Kisses within reason.” He pauses, chewing on his lip. “And with permission.”
“Okay. No more surprise kisses, and if they happen at all, they need to have justifiable reason.” She writes it down, adds the rest of their stipulations, and then she hands it over for him to sign.
“Alright, let’s do this, Covey.”
xXx
The first time it happens, they are at a party. It’s the second one she’s ever been to, and it’s still a little overwhelming, but Peter has not left her side, and for the moment, she’s actually enjoying herself.
They’ve been doing this thing for a about 3 weeks. Long enough that she knows his friends, that they know her, that people in the hall will smile and say hi at her even without him around.
His arm is casually around her shoulders when he leans in close, his lips almost brushing over her ear. “Can I kiss you?”
Her heart skips.
She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Why?”
“Gen has been trying to catch my eye all night.”
“Okay.”
She tenses for some reason, when he pulls back, easily slipping back into the conversation around them. He reaches out and takes her hand.
“Relax.” He whispers, just before he leans in, lightly taking her chin and leading her mouth to his.
It last for only a few seconds. Soft and short, and maybe just a little bit of a life ruiner.
He pulls back and lets himself drop back onto the couch.
“Good?”
She beams at him. “Good.”
xXx
Josh is sitting on his curb when Peter pulls up to drop her off. His head pops up when he hears the car, and Lara Jean wants to run.
But she can’t. She hasn’t spoken to him in like a month. He probably deserves an explanation of some sort, but the thought of talking to him makes her feel almost sick to her stomach.
Peter’s hands grip the wheel a little harder. “Do you want me to walk you in?”
“No. I have to deal with this sometime, right. And you have to get to practice.” She unbuckles her seatbelt, and then, impulsively leans across the car to press a kiss to Peter’s cheek.
It takes him until she’s opened the door to react. “Catch ya later, Covey.”
She waves to him, and grabs her bookbag, staring straight ahead, trying to prepare herself for what she’s going to say to Josh.
Lara Jean makes it halfway up her walkway, when arms wrap around her waist, and she’s spun, straight into someone’s chest.
Peter’s chest.
She glances up at him, and he’s smiling at her. “You forgot something.” He says.
“Did I?”
He nods. “Can I?” His eyes dart back to where she assumes Josh is.
“Sure.”
His hands gently pull her closer to him, forcing her onto her toes so she can reach him. This kiss is longer. Harder. It feels like there’s something behind it this time.
When she pulls back, he’s breathing hard.
“He looked pissed when you kissed my cheek, so I thought if he was going to be dick, we might as well give him something to mad about.”
“Good idea.” She says. His arms around still around her waist. They are close enough that she can feel the metal of his belt pressing against her stomach. “You have to get to practice, Kavinsky.” She says. Because she doesn’t really know what else to say.
“I do.” He presses a quick kiss against her forehead. “I’ll call you when I get out.”
She nods, waiting until he’s back in his car and pulling away to look at where Josh is, but he’s gone.
Fine by her. She can figure out what to say to him next time.
xXx
“So, this is like the biggest game of the year, right?” She asks. Kitty’s passed out on the other couch, and Peter’s head is currently in her lap. They’re on their 3rd Disney movie of the night, and she’s seen Cinderella so many time she can quote it.
“Sort of. There’s going to be some recruiters. And like, if we win we’ll be the top team in the state.” He says.
“Well, if you want, I could give you a good luck kiss before the game.” She says it like it’s not a big deal, like it doesn’t matter either way, but her heart is pounding so hard she’s almost afraid he can tell.
So far, the within reason clause had been used rather sparingly, and almost always by him.
Peter stills under her hands, and she feels like she’s messed up. Pushed this too far, over stepped her boundaries.
“You’d do that?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’ve seen other girlfriends do it, and I thought maybe it would be nice. Keep the boys off your back about our lack of PDA.”
He flips himself over so he can look up at her. “You sure?”
Lara Jean nods, and forces herself to look at the TV instead of him.
“Alright then, Covey. I’ll be prepared.”
“You better be.”
xXx
“Hey Kavinksy!” She calls, standing on the rungs of the fence, halfway hanging over the side.
It’s quite similar to when she told him she would fake date him, but this time she has his number painted on her cheeks and is wearing his letterman jacket like they are in some high school tv show.
The team is still warming up, some of them chatting to friends on the sidelines or reviewing plays, so he has the chance to jog over to her.
“What’s up?” He says, pulling off his helmet. His hair is sticking up in all directions, and the second he’s close enough, she slides her hands into his hair, and pulls him close enough to give him a quick peck.
“Good luck.” She whispers. He opens his mouth to say something, but she surges forward and gives him a real kiss, the kind where he has to wrap his arm around her shoulders, so she doesn’t fall off the fence. The kind where she forgets this is pretend.
The kind she wouldn’t mind repeating later, alone, without half the school watching.
The coach blows the whistle and they break apart. Peter’s staring at her like he wants to say something, but the coach blows the whistle again, and Lara Jean releases him.
“Go make me proud, Kavinksy.” She says, before jumping off the fence and making her way back to Chris and Lucas.
“Well,” Chris says, passing her the popcorn. “That was something, LJ.”
“That was more than something.” Lucas says.
“Shut up.” She tells them, hoping the numbers on her cheek hide the blush creeping up her face.
xXx
He’s nice. Very nice, almost on the edge of too nice, but Mark is only a freshman, and honestly, Lara Jean remembers what it was like, wanting to be liked and accepted by the older students.
He asks her questions about her classes, and if she likes lacrosse, and then he gets a little too close for comfort.
“So, what are you doing this weekend?” Mark asks, and there’s suddenly a bit of tension in his stance.
And oh, oh. He’s a freshman. Just recently moved up onto the varsity team. He has a different lunch period than them, and he quite obviously does not know about her and Peter. Which suddenly makes this entire situation ten times more awkward.
“Well, you see…”
“We’re going estate sale this weekend, aren’t we, Covey?” Peter says, basically evaporating out of nowhere and slinging an arm around her shoulder.
His free hand reaches out and squeezes hers twice, their new unspoken way of asking for permission to kiss.
“All weekend?” Mark asks, and he tries to stand a bit taller, and Lara Jean almost feels bad for him.
She squeezes his hand back. “Yeah. It’s also our month anniversary, isn’t It?” She says, pushing herself up on her toes and turning to Peter.
She was just making it up on the spot, but now that she thinks about it, in two days it will be a month since they signed the contract and this whole thing started.
The same thought seems to cross Peter’s mind, and then he leans forward and lets his lips melt against hers.
“Oh.” Mark says, and then he promptly leaves the conversation, and Lara Jean feels slightly bad, until the kiss becomes a little harder, his hands pulling a little bit tighter around her waist.
Someone wolf whistles and it pulls them apart. Peter tosses them a middle finger and then he slips his hand into her back pocket and leads them away.
Her cheeks are bright pink, and she wishes that she could keep kissing him.
But she doesn’t have a reason.
xXx
Gen walks into school on Monday with a giant purple bruise on her neck.
And honestly it should have absolutely nothing to do with Lara Jean, but at lunch, Gen walks over to their table, sits right across from Peter, and pulls her hair up so it’s on full display.
Lara Jean can feel Peter’s hand tense where it is resting on her thigh. So, she pulls out all the stops.
She takes a few seconds frantically looking through her bag for something, and then leans over to Peter, pressing her lips against his cheek.
“Babe,” She says, adding the smallest amount of pleading to her tone. “I forgot my homework in my locker.”
Peter turns to her. She knocks her nose against his. “Wanna come with me to get it?” She purposely drags her teeth over her lip, and his hand over her leg slides the slightest bit higher.
“Yeah.” Peter says, his voice cracking.
She beams at him, pressing the quickest of kisses against his lips before saying their goodbyes, and sliding her hand into his. She can feel Gen’s eyes burning into her back.
Lara Jean leads him out of the lunch room at to the other side of the school, to where her locker is. And then she plops to the ground and pulls out a tuber ware container.
“Did you actually forget your homework?” Peter asks, sliding down the lockers until he’s sitting next to her.
She shakes her head. “Nope. Gen was just being a harpy, and I took girlfriend liberties to get you out of there.” She struggles with the top of the container for a moment, before it pops off, and she triumphantly holds it out to him. “I was going to save these until later for your game, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”
They are his favorite cookies, freshly baked last night. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t proud.
“Thank you.” He says, eyes trained on the cookies. “You are the best.”
“It’s all a part of the job.”
She takes a cookie herself and leans back against the lockers. They are silent, too busy munching on their cookies, and it gives her just the right amount of space to overthink.
“Peter.” She says, once she’s finished her cookie. She brings her knees up to her chest and rests her head so she can look at him. “Don’t laugh at me okay?”
He dusts the crumbs off his shirt before crossing his heart.
“Do you —maybe — I don’t…” She stops and takes a deep breath. “Do you want to give me a hickey?”
He chokes.
Apparently, he had not completely finished his cookie, and he was now coughing up a lung.
“Jesus, Covey.” He says, once he gets ahold of himself. “Ya gotta give me some warning before you ask shit like that.”
She hides her face in her knees, hoping he won’t see how warm her cheeks are. “Shut up. You promised you wouldn’t laugh.”
“I’m not laughing.”
She still doesn’t look up. His hand finds her jaw and he lifts her head until he can see her.
“Hey. I promised. I was just unprepared.” He tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “What prompted that though? I thought you wanted your firsts to be real?”
“Never mind.” She mumbles, trying to hide her face again, but he sticks his hand out across her knees not allowing her too.
“Woah, woah, woah, this relationship is based on truths and reasons, you can’t just say something like that and try to take it back.”
“I just thought, she did that to make you jealous. To make you want her, right? So what better way to get back at her than to show you don’t care. I mean, I could give you the hickey if you think that would work better…”
He leans forward, until his forehead is pressed against hers, and she may or may not forget how to breathe.
“You’re something else, Lara Jean.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Yeah. It really is.”
xXx
She knows it was her idea, but this is bad. It’s very, very bad.
His room is completely different from how she thought it would be, but it’s so very Peter. His hair is still wet from practice, and he’s just in a pair of sweats and a tee shirt, and it’s doing terrible things to her heart.
She should turn around and go home. She should change her mind.
But then, he smiles at her, and she can’t leave. Because deep down, she knows she really wants to do this. And it’s not because of Gen.
It’s because she’s Lara Jean, and he’s Peter, and there’s this small part of her that keeps forgetting this is fake, and a bigger part of her that actually wants to make out with Peter Kavinsky.
“You sure about this, Covey?” He asks, his hands musing with his hair.
She nods. “Show me how it’s done, Kavinsky.”
He grabs her hand and leads her to the bed. “Do you want to sit on…”
He’s flustered. They’ve been fake dating for a good amount of time now, and this is the first time she’s ever really seen him flustered.
And surprisingly, she’s calm. Yeah, her hands are sweating, and her heart is beating too fast, but she’s able to roll her eyes and push him onto the bed, swinging her legs over his until she’s settled in his lap.
His eyes are wide, and his hands instantly fall onto her waist. And he just stares at her.
Until she reaches out and grabs his hand and squeezes it twice.
His mouth drops to her throat.
“What’s our reasons?” He whispers.
“Give Gen a taste of her own medicine. Teach me how to be a functioning girlfriend.”
He laughs, and she can feel his breath against her skin.
“You already are a very well-functioning girlfriend.” He says.
Then his lips meet her skin before she can respond, and most intelligible thoughts fly from her mind.
He starts slow, just brief kisses along her pulse point, until he gets a little more daring and licks her skin.
“I’m going to bite you now.” He warns, kissing her softly, before his teeth dig slightly into her skin.
She moans.
It just completely slips out.
He stills beneath her, hands gripping her waist slightly tighter.
“Sorry.” She says, squeezing her eyes shut.
“Don’t apologize.” He says. “It’s supposed to feel good.” He pulls back so he can look at her. “I wouldn’t want to do this if you didn’t, okay?”
She nods, and lets her hands slide up his arms. “Okay.”
His eyes dart to her lips, and then he leans forward, catching her mouth with his. He kisses her until she relaxes again, and then moves his way down her face, pressing kisses along her jaw, behind her ear, until he finds the spot on her throat where he was working before.
She forgets this is fake, and let’s herself enjoy it.
xXx
After that, things become a little more reckless.
xXx
“Come on!”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’s Chris’s birthday weekend. Our friendship deals in delicate transfers like I will go to one music festival a year with her, and she will drive 3 hours away with me to the state’s biggest baking convention.”
“Ugh!” Peter drops his head onto the lockers above her shoulder. “I can’t believe you are going to make me go to Gabe’s Halloween bash by myself.”
“Peter. He’s having two this year because Halloween is on a Wednesday. I promise I will go to the second one with you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
He sighs and pushes himself up, still hovering over her. “Fine. You win.” He presses his lips to hers quickly, before he shoulders his bag. “I’ll catch you after practice.”
It takes her until she’s outside Kitty’s school to realize there was no one else in the hall.
xXx
Their spot in states is pretty much secured, but at this point it’s a fight to death for first place. There isn’t much time left, but if the other team scores, they will be able to tie it and bring the game into overtime, and it’s already been a rough one.
There’s a commotion as the other team passes the ball, and Lara Jean can only watch as the ball flies from player to player, until they are close enough to shoot.
Close enough that it will be even hard for Peter to save it.
But he does.
The entire Adler High section of the bleachers erupts, and Lara Jean can see Peter being lifted onto his team mate’s shoulders, and before she knows it, she’s making her way out of the crowd and toward the field.
One of the team’s managers sees her and opens the gate for her, letting her run out onto the field. The boys let Peter down and then, she’s rushing into his arms, and her lips are connecting with his, and his arms are circling her waist, and she never wants this moment to end.
But it does.
And she doesn’t have a reason.
xXx
I’m sorry. About earlier.
About what
I didn’t ask first.
don’t worry about it, LJ
It’s in the contract.
i saw you coming. i took that as you asking
Do you want the reason?
(…)
(…)
(…)
I thought people would be suspicious if I didn’t kiss my boyfriend after the biggest play of his career.
that’s a pretty damn good reason
xXx
She’s almost bouncing with energy waiting for Peter to show up. He had been out of school for the past two days with a pretty nasty cold, and his mom had quarantined him to his room, with no visitors, especially no girlfriends allowed.
Lara Jean hasn’t seen him in two days, and she knows she shouldn’t be this excited to see her fake boyfriend, but she can’t help herself.
She hears his car alarm beep, and she’s throwing open the door before he’s halfway up the steps.
“Hey, Covey.” He says, light and easy, a stupid, confident smirk on his face.
“You’re better.” She says, bouncing on her toes once he’s within reach.
“Clean bill of health.”
She attacks him with a hug, and his arms wrap around her and she feels safe.
Which is bad. Very, very bad, but she’s going to ignore those terrible feelings for now, and instead lead him to the kitchen, so she can stuff him with baked goods and the good kind of tea her dad keeps in the closet, too high for her to reach.
“So how were classes this week?” He asks, mouth full of cheesecake.
“Good.” She reaches into her bag and pulls out her folder. “Look! I got a 100 on the English project you helped me with.”
“That’s amazing!” He says. He reaches out and pulls her into him, and before she knows it, they are kissing, hard enough that she forgets about the paper and everything else that isn’t Peter Kavinsky.
She loses herself.
She loses herself in him, and his warmth, and his smile, and everything about him.
This is why she wanted no kissing in the contract.
Because she’s falling in love with him, and he’s not even really hers to fall into love with.
She pushes him back and takes two steps away.
“Within reason.”
Peter’s face falls. It almost breaks her heart.
“Shit, Lara Jean —"
“We should stop.”
“Lara Jean, wait.”
She shakes her head. “We don’t have a reason Peter. That’s why I put it in the contract. We can’t keep doing this.”
He almost reaches out to her, but he thinks better of it, and his hands drop to his sides.
“No more kissing. I promise. Please.”
Her hands are shaking, and she hates it. She hates that she’s let it get to this point, that she worked so hard to protect her heart from this, but there was no turning back.
“Okay. But we need to figure out how much longer this is going on.”
“Okay.”
She walks to the other side of the island and pours herself a glass of water.
She’s running out of reasons to keep them together, but she doesn’t know how to say goodbye.
xXx
She kisses him on the bus even though she’s mad at him. Because he went all the way to the Korean Super Market.
Because he attempted to make her favorite cookies.
Because she doesn’t want the memory of their last kiss to end in a fight.
Lara Jean still has no idea how she is going to end this in a way that she won’t hurt herself, but it’s pretty much all she can think about on the ski trip.
She stays inside and hangs out with Lucas, and eventually reveals everything while hiding under a Korean face mask.
“Why don’t you tell him?” Lucas asks.
“Tell him what?”
“That you want this to be real.”
It stops her for a moment. “Do you think he would want that, too?”
Lucas rolls his eyes at her. “Girl, I bet you he is sitting alone in the hot tub right now, waiting for you.”
There must be something in the mountain air, because somehow, she finds herself in nothing but her pajamas and her jacket making her way out to the hot tub.
He’s there, staring at the water, looking way to beautiful for her heart to take.
“Hey.”
He turns to her, and there’s a smile on his lips, and it makes all the fear inside of her melt away.
“Hi.”
She positions herself along the edge and sticks her feet in.
“I think, we need to talk.” She says.
The smile on his face dims and he splashes the water in her general direction.
“Before you break up with me, I need you to know.” He stops, swallows hard. “I need you to know that I’ve been wanting us, you and me, to be real since like week 2.”
His words stop her short. She had planned out this elaborate speech, with reasons and evidence, and so much more. And he summarized everything in two sentences.
“Say something.” He pleads. He’s staring at her, and her heart is pounding a mile a minute, and she sheds her coat so she can slip into the water.
He watches her as she makes her way across the water. She can’t chicken out now.
“I like you Peter Kavinksy. I don’t want to have a reason to want to kiss you anymore.”
He sighs happily, and reaches out, pulling her onto his lap.
“There’s no one like you, Covey.”
His lips meet hers, and she feels like she’s been hit with an electric spark.
She’s kissing Peter Kavinsky, for real.
She has no idea where this is going to go, or what this really means for them, but they have this moment. This moment that she never wants to end.
This moment doesn’t have to end.
Because she can kiss because she wants to.
And for now, that’s good enough for her.