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When it was over, Albus never felt the satisfaction that he should feel. He should feel victorious, right? After all, he just defeated the most famous dark wizard in a one-on-one duel.
His fingers were shaking, as he closed them around the Gellert's wand. No, this was not Gellert's anymore. If it ever really had been. The elder wand. Albus would've sold his soul years ago, to hold this thing in his bare hands, to wrap his fingers around the crafted wood. He would've sold his soul, would've given his everything, to get his hands on this thing, only to see the joy and awe on Gellert's face, when he would've shown him the wand. Another step closer to the dream they had shared as young boys.
But now? Now they were not boys anymore. Not even friends anymore, if they ever had been.
“Are you satisfied?”, asked a voice, so full of mocking and disdain, that Albus felt his whole body shake for a few seconds. There on the dusty ground sat the man, that had once been his closest friend. No, more than that. He had loved him with all his being. And still did.
His mouth felt like he swallowed a ton of sand. Dry. No word left his lips. And in that moment - when Gellert actually sat back on the ground, spit a bit of blood into the dusty dirt and still looked so smug, even after everything - Albus snapped.
Young Gellert from years ago, probably would've been shocked to see the ever so gentle Albus Dumbledore give in to rage and fury, feelings so alien to Albus back then, that he never even thought about them. But the man Gellert had become now, just smiled, when the Albus slammed into him, raising his fist and hitting the blond square in the face. Once, twice and a third time.
He only stopped, when he suddenly heard a laugh. And it took him a few seconds to realize, that it was Gellert, blood on his face, lying beneath him, that was laughing like a madman.
“Now THAT is what turns me on. Where has this side of you been all our lives?”, he almost screamed, laughing like he finally turned insane.
Gellert only stopped when something wet hit his face. Drop after drop. First his eyes went to the sky. But there was not a cloud up there. Just endless blue. And then his eyes fell on the face of his friend and he realized, that Albus was crying.
“Shut up...”, came a slight whisper. It wasn't a command. It was a plea. Pressing his hands into the dirty ground left and right next to Gellert's head, Albus looked down at him, looked the red hue of blood in golden curls of hair, spreading around the other man's face like a halo. Gellert had never looked any less than an angel, no matter how cruel he was.
“I loved you.”, was all that left Albus's lips. It was a statement, but sounded almost like an accusation. And Albus was sure, for a few moments, he saw Gellert flinch.
“'Loved', huh?”, he only said and raised his bloodied hand, using his thumb to wipe away the drying tears on the high cheekbones of his former friend.
“Are you sure, that you actually did? Or was it just the image of me that you built in your mind, you were in love with? If you love me, why did you leave then? Why did you abandon me? Why did you betray what we had, Albus?”
Albus did not have a chance to answer. Because several aurors apparated around them
“Sir?”, one of them asked, when Albus let his head hang low, wiping over his face with his sleeve, before finally standing up. Gellert did not even have a chance to move, before he was in chains and taken under the care of four aurors, their wands pointed at him.
“Sir, should we take him to Azkaban immediately?”, another auror asked. Albus shivered slightly at the thought of the Dementors and looked at Gellert again. The look the other gave him was completely void of any emotion and he wasn't sure, if that was just an act in front of the people who surrounded them or if Gellert really cared that little for what was to happen to him from now on. Maybe he did not care, but Albus still did.
“No.” I won't let you rot away in there like my father had to.
“Sir?”
“I will take care of this. Take him in custody until I come back. And don't let anyone near him.”, Albus said.
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For the greater good
The words, written at the entrance of the old fortress of Nurmengard, were mocking Albus, when he set foot into it a week later. Ironic how Gellert Grindelwald's fortress was now his prison, highly guarded by skilled aurors and secured with the strongest charms. Of course, not even 24 hours after the defeat of Gellert Grindelwald, people were all over Albus. Suggesting how he should handle the dark wizard that terrorized the world for such a long time.
Cut out is tongue. Kill him. Torture him just like he tortured others.
He did nothing of those things. He let him live – a mistake as many said – but deep down in his heart, Albus could never kill him. Not with everything they had shared, the dreams, the visions. Not with how heavy his heart felt, when he walked the corridors of Nurmengard, or how every intake of breath was like choking with lack of oxygen.
He looks terrible. That was the first thing he noticed, when they let him into the room that Gellert was kept it in a cell. He still wore his black pants and a white dress-shirt. His hair messily tied up. He was clean, but he looked like a phoenix kept in a far to small cage, away from sunlight, away from any kind of affection. A sight that hurt Albus in a way he never though could hurt him.
“Look at you! All dressed up and looking dapper in your tie and dress shoes. I feel ashamed that you have to see me like this.” Mocking. But there was no poison or anything in Gellert's voice, when he said it. Instead he sat there on a small chair in his cell, thick enchanted bars between him and Albus. He could see the chains around Gellert's wrists. Probably to keep him from working any kind of wandless magic. Gellert Grindelwald never needed a wand, to hex you. His bare hands were enough.
“What's wrong, love. Did they take your tongue, when you came here?”
“How are you?”
Gellert seemed actually surprised to hear those words. He blinked a few times and looked at Albus. Then he laughed. Not the almost insane laugh from a week ago. It was the laugh that Albus had heard so many times, when they had still been nothing but boys with big dreams, hunched over ancient books about folklore and fairytales, sharing their plans in hushed voices.
“I live. I get food and the opportunity to wash myself. Not much sunlight, sadly.”, Gellert said, shrugging his shoulders as if he was talking about the bad roomservice in a Hotel instead of being locked up for the rest of his life in a prison. As if he did not kill hundreds and thousands of people.
“Leave!”, Albus suddenly said and turned to the aurors who guarded the cell. They looked at Albus and then at each other. “Now!”, he said, almost coldly. And surprisingly they did after a few seconds of hesitation.
Gellert took in a deep breath, probably to mock him again. But his eyes widened, when Albus pulled out the elder wand from his sleeve and with a few mumbled words, the celldoor opened, long enough for the auburn-haired wizard so slip inside.
“What are you~”
“Do you have ANY idea what you did? To those people? To the world? To me!?”, Albus raged and in a moment of fury he raised the elder wand to press the tip of it against Gellert's neck. They stood there in the small dark cell, with only a small gleam of sunlight shining in through a small cracks in the wall, Gellert with his back against said wall and Albus in front of him, with fury in his gorgeous blue eyes, wand raised high. It could be so easy. Just two words and he could end this misery.
“Why don't you do it, Albus? Relieve the world of the man that terrorized it for so long.”
“I can't. I could never~”
“COME ON AND DO IT, ALBUS!”
There was no curse, no bright flash of green. Only silence and the sudden sound of hands almost slapping themselves against the brick wall behind Gellert, when Albus smashed their lips together forcefully. The kiss tasted of blood and tears, yet no one pulled away. It was the first time the auburn-haired man had ever kissed anyone. He was not a teenager anymore, but never in all his life, had he wanted to share this with anyone else than the man in front of him. It was despair, that drove him on when he started pulling at the white fabric of Gellert's shirt. This might be the first and last chance he ever had. And with the way he felt the other man's nails dig deeply into his sides, Gellert felt like this, too.
“I love you.”, he breathed between deep kisses and soft sighs when he felt lips on his neck, while hands lost their grip on his sides and pulled at the tie around his neck to loosen it.
“I know.”, was all Gellert said as he changed their positions and now it was Albus, who had his cheek pressed against the cold, hard prison-wall. He felt hands wind their way around his middle, opening his dress-pants and pulling them low enough to reveal his milky-white thighs and behind to Gellert's hungry eyes. Albus had imagined what it would be like to have his man as a lover.
In his teens he had dreamt of soft kisses and gentle touches on his skin, of soft moans and passionate lovemaking. The reality was kind of different. It was cold and dark, but still he was shaking with excitement, when he felt Gellert press close to him from behind and then there was a sharp pain twisting through his body. He supported his arm on the wall and bit into the sleeve of his suit-jacket in a desperate attempt not to moan.
It hurt. But in a good way. Albus was sure, he would feel the pain in the following days. But for him, that was okay. It meant he was alive. It meant Gellert was alive, even if he was locked away in a cell at the end of the world.
Hurt me. Make the pain last. Carve it into my body and my soul.
He could feel the breath of the other man on his neck, felt one or two almost soft kisses there and somewhere between Albus's desperate try to keep silent as Gellert was thrusting into his body from behind, he felt a hand on his own and fingers locking with his where they rested together against the wall. It was over far to soon for Albus's taste. He felt a hot rush shot through his body, felt it tighten around the length of the man behind him and heard a choked moan from Gellert.
Then silence followed as they rested against each other. Albus ignored the milky seed on his thighs when Gellert took a step back and pulled out of his still shaking body. He turned around to look at the man before him. The man he had loved. The man he still loved, even after all of this.
With the last bit of strength his trembling hands had, he pulled Gellert against him, hugging him for dear life, while they slowly slid down to the floor. It was silent in the cell, except for their breaths slowly coming more evenly again. Gellert had his head buried in Albus's shoulder and they stayed like this for a moment.
Then the auburn-haired man felt something wet slowly sink through the fabric of the suit.
Wet. Tears.
He wanted to pull back and look at Gellert, but the death grip the blond had on him, along with the simple command of a “Don't!”, made him stop in this attempt. He inhaled shakily and put his hand into Gellert's tangled blond curls.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I don't want to leave you here in this hellhole.
“You should go. They will come back soon to check if you are still alive and if I am still in this cell.”, Gellert said. And that did it for Albus. The spell was broken. The aftermath of their act was gone. He was back in the cell, back with the realization that this could never last. It was never meant to last or work out. The first sob was only a choke, the second was louder and all he could say was “Why? Why? Why!?” He was angry. Angry at what Gellert did in his quest to rule over the world. But mostly, Albus was angry at himself. For not stopping this madness earlier. And for leaving Gellert, hiding behind the thick walls of Hogwarts, watching on as the man he loved murdered innocent people, soaking himself in their blood and sealing his fate and that of Albus with him. He slowly got up, when Gellert ended the embrace, to fix his clothing, while Albus tried to fix his own.
He looked somewhat presentable again, when he noticed Gellert standing in the middle of the cell, holding the elder wand and turning it in his hands. He stopped breathing for a small moment, when a mismatched pair of eyes turned their gaze towards him. And for a few seconds, Albus though that Gellert somehow broke the enchanted chains on his wrists and would simply kill him with a curse.
But nothing happened. Instead, Gellert walked up to him holding out the elder wand for Albus to take him.
“We could've been great, you know. I was willing to share everything with you and only you. Everyone was just a pawn. But you, you were my king. The last one to fall. I guess this is the checkmate now.” Albus took the wand from Gellert and gasped slightly, when the blond took his hand and raised it to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of Albus's hand.
“Goodbye, my love.”, he said. And Albus barely had the time to quickly get out of the cell and set the charms to the locks in place again, when the aurors entered the room again.
“Is everything alright, Sir?”, one of them asked and Albus closed his fingers tightly around the elder wand in his hand.
“Of course. Lead the way.”, he said and nodded to the door, letting the aurors go first. The hesitated a few seconds, turning back to Gellert who stood there in his cell, not saying a world. But he raised his hand, kissed two of his fingers and reached out to Albus, his arm barely long enough to slightly touch his lips with his fingers. It was a final goodbye. They both knew that, as the heavy doors slammed shut behind him but it felt like they were worlds apart from now on.
It was only at home in his room behind the tick walls of Hogwarts, that he broke down again, trashing his office and bedroom to a complete mess throwing things and smashing glasses. In the midst of his chaos, he sat after that, his head against the wall while his blue eyes were fixated on the mirror across the room, that not only showed his reflection, but also that of a blond man, dressed all in black, a playful smirk on his handsome face, framed by golden-blond curls.
It was the slight peck of a beak against his cheek, that woke him from his daydream and Albus slightly turned his head to see Fawkes sitting next to him, softly nibbling on a few strands of auburn hair.
“I´m sorry, old friend. I know it does not do to dwell on the past.”, Albus said and closed his eyes, when he caressed the fire-red feathers of the phoenix.
“But for today, just let me stay here a little. Tomorrow, I will be fine again.”, he promised and Fawkes gave a small melodic sounds as answer, before settling next to his master and friend on the floor amongst glass shards and ripped pages of books about the hallows.