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“Hey, Seb, can I ask you a question?” Kay says one day when they sit on the couch in Mr Shields’ office, her legs tucked up on the seat and her head resting on Sebastian’s shoulder.
Sebastian smiles at the use of a nickname (she called him Seb a few weeks ago, and it has stuck) he has grown fond of. “Of course.”
“Well, I was just wondering… you graduated from Themis last month, but you’re still wearing your uniform. Is there a reason why? I mean, most people want to burn their uniform after they’ve finished school.”
“You know, that’s a good point,” Sebastian says, smoothing wrinkles out of his white gloves. “Uh… I suppose… because I associate Themis Legal Academy with good times in my life. Even when my home life was… bad…” His voice falters and Sebastian swallows hard, but it helps when Kay puts her arms around him. “Well, school was a safe place for me. And it’s a highly prestigious school as well, so… I guess I’m not ready to cut my ties with Themis.”
“Fair enough,” Kay says. “I just wanted to know. But it’s okay. And… well, that uniform makes you look really fit, Seb.”
Sebastian blushes deep red and says, “Uh… thank you, Kay.”
She giggles and gives him a kiss – but they spring apart when Mr Shields walks into the room.
“Hey, what’s going on in here?” he says, grinning.
“Nothing, Uncle Ray,” Kay says, but she giggles and he rolls his eyes.
Despite the embarrassment, Sebastian smiles.
Sebastian adjusts his now redundant uniform, and pulls his gloves onto his hands. He gives his reflection a glance and smiles slightly, before picking up his baton and gripping it tightly. Sebastian breathes slowly in an attempt to calm his racing heart, and sits down to put on his shoes. He has been dating Kay Faraday for seven months, yet preparing to meet up with her makes him as anxious as it always has. Will he ever not be a nervous wreck?
Throughout his entire journey across the city, from when he leaves his apartment and wants to run back inside, to his car trip in which he gets stuck in traffic and spends the whole time worrying someone might crash into his car, and to the moment he arrives at Kay’s apartment and hovers by the door, hands trembling, Sebastian’s panic rises until he thinks he might be sick. It doesn’t matter that he knows Kay well and trusts her than almost anyone else (the other being Mr Edgeworth); Sebastian’s anxiety is illogical, so there is no reasoning to it.
He wraps his arms around himself, longing his heart rate to slow down. It would be nice if he could greet his girlfriend without looking a sweaty, trembling mess for once. Although the fact that he needs the bathroom doesn’t help calm him down; Sebastian always gets panicky when he needs to urinate, scared he’s going to wet himself.
“Come on, calm down,” Sebastian mutters, straightening up and swallowing hard. He doesn’t going to wet himself, he isn’t going to have a breakdown, and Kay won’t care if he looks a mess when she opens the door. Can he just stop doubting himself for once?
Finally, Sebastian rings the doorbell, and tucks his hands behind his back. A few seconds later, the door opens, and Kay smiles at him. The smell of toast wafts out of the door, and Sebastian remembers that he’s actually quite hungry.
“Hey, Seb!” she says, and she wraps Sebastian in a hug.
Sebastian relaxes into the embrace, and kisses her when they pull apart. “Hello.”
“How are you? Was your journey okay?” Kay throws questions at him as she lets Sebastian into the apartment, putting a hand on the small of his back.
“Um, I’m all right,” Sebastian says. “And so was the journey.” He hates talking about himself, so directs the conversation back to Kay. “What about you?”
Kay grins and tells him all about the events of the last few days, leading Sebastian into the small living room. He smiles and sits on the couch, but feels a twinge in his bladder and gets back to his feet.
“Uh, Kay, can… can I use your bathroom?”
“Of course you can,” Kay says, not adding anything sarcastic about him not needing to ask stupid questions, which he appreciates.
Sebastian nods his thanks and wanders past her, heading for the bathroom. Another ache in his bladder makes him pick up his pace, terrified that he might end up wetting himself. Sebastian crosses the hallway and puts his hand on the bathroom door, but when he does…
An agonisingly loud bleeping sound invades his ears, and he gasps. It is a smoke alarm. A smoke alarm. Smoke…
And then all he can hear is the alarm and all he can hear is this father’s mocking laugh and all he can see is that cigarette lighter flickering… and the world closes in on him.
---
“Shit!” Kay splutters, hurtling into the kitchen when her smoke alarm starts blaring.
Smoke flickers from the toaster and makes her cough, and Kay switches the toaster off before it can burst into flames. She grabs a dishcloth and waves it around below the smoke alarm, trying to get the irritating thing to shut up. When it finally goes quiet, Kay sighs and wanders back into the living room, rubbing her eyes to stop the smoke prickling them.
Wait, smoke?
Smoke makes Sebastian panic, mainly because he associates the smell with his father’s lighter.
Oh shit. Is Sebastian okay?
Kay darts out into the hallway, and that’s when she sees him. And she wants to cry.
Sebastian hunches on the floor on his knees, arms wrapped around his chest and his head bowed. He breathes too hard and too fast, breathing shuddering when he inhales and spluttering when he exhales. Tears run down his flushed face, his eyes screwed up. And… a huge damp patch spreads across this groin and legs, and Kay realises he’s wetting himself.
“Oh, Seb,” she whispers, crouching down beside him and putting a hand on his back.
She has seen poor Sebastian have panic attacks before, so she kind of knows what to do. She knows he finds someone rubbing his back comforting, and that he doesn’t want to be alone. But she’s never seen one quite this bad before; the poor thing is going to be so embarrassed when he realises he wet himself.
“Seb, I’m here, it’s okay,” Kay says, rubbing circular patterns on his back.
Sebastian sniffs and manages to look at her, eyes open a fraction. “K-Kay… sorry.”
She doesn’t know what he is apologising for, but that doesn’t matter. “It’s okay. Just focus on your breathing and try to calm down.”
It takes over five minutes, but Sebastian starts to calm down. His breathing slows and he opens his eyes, but his cheeks burn with humiliation and tears still leak down his face.
“Kay… I’m so sorry,” he says, looking down at the massive wet patch on his pants. So that’s what he was apologising for.
“It’s okay, Seb,” she says. “It wasn’t your fault. And, well, it happens to us all, doesn’t it?”
Sebastian tries to smile, but just sobs harder. “I’m so sorry. I just… I heard the alarm and…”
“You had a panic attack. I get it. I understand. And it’s okay, really.” Kay smiles and gives his sweaty forehead a kiss. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”
Sebastian sniffs and wipes at his face with his gloved hands. “Th-Thank you.”
“Right, are you able to stand up?”
“Think so,” Sebastian says, voice weak.
Kay holds out her hands and, when he grasps them, she helps Sebastian to his feet. He stumbles, and the sudden movement causes lots of urine that he had been sitting on to cascade down his legs, making the damp patch spread all the way down to his knees. A bit drips onto the floor, and Kay is glad she doesn’t have carpets.
Sebastian whimpers, screwing his eyes up. “I’m so sorry.”
“Seb, it’s okay,” Kay says. “Let’s just get into the bathroom, okay?”
He nods, and lets Kay lead him into the bathroom. Kay switches on the shower and turns to Sebastian.
“Just get yourself undressed and have a wash, and I’ll get you something to change into. Uh, it’ll probably have to be a skirt, ‘cause I don’t think my pants fit you, but… yeah.”
“That sounds fine,” Sebastian says. “Thank you.”
Kay turns around and listens to Sebastian undress, pulling off his sopping pants and underpants, and holds a towel out behind her. Sebastian takes it, and when Kay turns around, she finds him naked except for the towel, his clean clothes on the closed toilet seat and his wet clothes on the floor. His face burns and he looks away.
“It’s okay, Seb,” Kay says. “Now, the windows of that are frosted so is it okay if I keep coming in and out to tidy up and stuff?”
“Y-Yeah, that’s fine,” Sebastian says.
She smiles, and turns around again. The towel drops and Sebastian gets into the shower. Kay turns her head when the door slides shut, only able to see a vague outline of her boyfriend through the frosted glass.
Whilst Sebastian showers, Kay dashes around the apartment, sorting everything out. She bundles up his wet clothes and shoves them in the washing machine, she cleans traces of urine off of the floor, and she gets Sebastian her biggest skirt, a pair of leggings (hoping they might function as underpants) and a clean towel, and leaves them on the counter in the bathroom. And when her tasks are done, she throws away the burnt toast that caused this whole fucking mess and slumps on the couch in the living room.
Poor Sebastian. Why did this have to happen to him? Why was his father such an asshole? And why did their date have to be ruined?
After quite a while, she hears the bathroom door open. Kay jumps to her feet and watches a nervous Sebastian wander into the room, wearing her clothes and face burning with embarrassment. The leggings only come halfway down his shins and the skirt looks like it’s slipping down his hips, and he looks like he might cry again.
“Do I look…?”
“You look fine, Seb,” Kay says, grasping his gloved hands and kissing him. “Are you feeling better now?”
“A lot better,” Sebastian says. His eyes shining with tears, he squeezes her hands as he whispers, “Seriously, Kay, thank you so much. I love you.”
Kay smiles. “I love you too.”