Chapter Text
I have never been one who was good at keeping secrets, especially big ones.
The worst thing that I have ever done, that anyone else knows about, is when I was twelve, I went to get some batteries from the junk drawer in my father's workshop and took the lighter to see if I could make it work. I kept flicking it on until it ran out of fluid, but I didn't know that. So, when my father came home from work, I was the jumpiest person in the whole town. He instantly knew something was off and he'd barely asked me what was wrong before I burst into tears, told him happened, and begged him not to hate me for breaking his lighter. I was grounded, after he stopped laughing, and he explained to me what had actually happened.
I've never been that smart either.
Whenever I try to do something cool, I always mess it up. I'll try to bake a cake for someone and I'll make the three stooges look like chefs. I can make Homer Simpson look like a genius sometimes. I'm always so slow when it comes to understanding school work. I almost have no redeeming qualities.
I get by in life because I'm really good at reading people, and I'm able to make a social interaction go my way.
But, no matter how much I want to talk, and no matter how hard it is to keep hidden, I can't let people know my biggest secret...
I stare across the room, seeing her sitting there. Her electric blue hair is shoulder length and she is wearing ripped jeans with a band tee.
"I don't get what the boys see in her. She's just some punk girl that moved here from out of state. Besides, I heard something about her." I look over at Sharen and raise my eyebrow, waiting for her to continue. She looks around (which is pretty unnecessary in the almost empty lunchroom) and whispers in my ear, "I heard someone say that she's...one of those kind of girls."
My heart beats faster. I try my best to keep from dropping my sandwich, raising my other eyebrow. I swallow the bite of my sandwich in my mouth and Marcy leans over, whispering to us. "So you're telling me, that we have a dyke in our school!?" Sharen nods, disgust written all over her face.
uugh, why do I have to live in a place where this crap is normal...
I groan and shake my head, pretending to be upset with them. "What is the world come to...." I grumble, loud enough for them to hear.
...what has the world come to where someone can't love someone else without being turned into the anti-christ?
I stare over at her, seeing that she is winking at one of the skater guys that's talking to her. "We have to start taking defensive measures." I look over at Sharen, seeing the fire of hate in her eyes. "We can't let that thing spread it's disease. We have to keep it away from the girl's locker room and we have to make sure to stay away from it. No telling what it could try to do to us..."
We're not talking about an it you close minded imbecile, she's a person. A living, breathing, thinking person...
"I think that we should try and gather information on it, see what we can do to keep it away." Marcy speaks up, crossing her arms over her chest. "We need to know if its planning anything."
"Don't worry, I got this." I take the last bite of my sandwich, grabbing my tray.
"Maxine, are you sure about that? You don't know what it could try! Let one of us come with you, safety in numbers!" Sharen looks like she might pop a blood vessel and I have to pat her shoulder to get her to calm down a little.
"Don't, you might scare it away. Let me do this, I still remember some things from self defense classes if it comes to it." I give them a fake grin, praying to God that they don't see through my bullshit.
"Well, okay. But be careful Maxine, I don't want you to..." She looks around, which is still unnecessary, "...catch the gay."
I try to put on my best serious face and I nod, turning away and walking to the table.
I can't let people know my biggest secret... I'm gay...
I walk over, smiling at her as I take my seat next to her. "Well, I can't wait to see what you can do on your board man, let's make sure to go hit the skate park sometime."
"Yeah, that sounds great!" Justin smiles, getting up and glancing at me from the corner of his eye, his lips tilting up ever so slightly. I can feel the looks of disgust focusing in on him as he walks away, turning in his food tray.
Well, we both know it's the price he agreed to pay when he came out of the closet in a small hick town like this...
"Hi, my name's Max. I haven't seen you around here before, are you new?"
They Mystery girl nods and looks at me, smiling as her eyes make contact with mine. "Yeah, my name's Chloe. Pleasure to meet you."
Those blue eyes, much deeper than the blue in her hair. I think I've died and she's just the angle who's going to let me know. Damn, she's smoking hot...
"H-hi Chloe, the pleasure is all mine..." I feel myself begin to blush, making sure that I'm facing away from the other girls. "S-so, I've heard some interesting things about you."
Chloe raises an eyebrow and her lips turn up ever so slightly. "Oh? And what might you have heard about me, Max?" My heart starts thumping harder.
Oh God, she actually called me Max without me having to correct her, and she's hot, and I sooo need to get to know this girl...
I watch as she takes her sandwich, taking her final bite and swallowing it, flicking her tongue out and licking her lips, glancing over at me as she does so.
CODE RED, CODE RED, CODE RED!!!
I freeze in place for a moment, a lump in my throat and the entire world watching me like I'm a bug under a microscope. "Well Max? Are you just going to drool over there are did you hear something?"
I swallow and clear my throat. "How about we take a walk. It's something kind of... sensitive. But I think that you should know what people are saying about you. Plus I'm kinda curious about what the truth is."
She nods and smiles. "Okay, let me just turn in my tray and we can take a walk. I nod, getting up and walking behind her. I can hear her mumbling to herself, just barely. "A woman of initiative, I like it...." I swallow and try to keep my mind on track, struggling to keep up my poker face.
Oh please let her be gay, please let her be gay, she can't be straight, she just can't be, please let her be so so very gay...
We begin walking down the hall, walking out the side door and making our way to the edge of the courtyard. "I hear you're gay."
"Hmm?" I turn to Chloe and see that she has her hands in her pockets, a smirk on her face. "What was that Max?"
"I said, I hear that you are gay. Is that true?"
"Oh, goodness no! I'm straight as an arrow! I swear on my mothers grave!" I nod slowly and feel my heart begin to crush in on itself.
Damn it...I was hoping so badly...
She holds her arms out and smiles. "Thank you for letting me know. I hope I cleared up the confusion." I nod and hug her, feeling her hot breath on my ear. She whispers barely loud enough for me to hear, "Your friends followed us. But it would seem that we're both in the closet." I feel my heart skip a beat and then thud wildly against my chest.
Holy shit, she really is gay...and she's in the closet, just like me.
"Gotta cut this short to keep from being suspicious. Tell them what I said loudly and I'll be in the parking lot this afternoon if you wanna go somewhere and talk for real. See you around, beautiful..." She pulls back and puts on a happy face, her smile not reaching her eyes. "I'll see you around Maxine!" She waves and walks away, going back towards the school.
Okay, poker face!
I shrug and turn around, walking back towards where I came from. I see Marcy and Sharen looking at me curiously, suspicion in their eyes. "What are you guys doing out here?"
"We came to make sure it didn't try to do something Maxine, you should be happy that we care about you so much. Now, what did you learn?"
Fuck you, Marcy.
"Well, I learned that she's straight." Marcy immediately relaxes and smiles.
"Are you sure about that?" I look at Sharen and see that she is still very suspicious. "Why was she talking to the fag if she isn't...one of them."
"She didn't know, I warned her though. She said she'll be careful."
"Is that what you two were whispering about when she hugged you?"
"Yeah. I brought her away from the others so that, if she was one of them, she might fall for confessing. But, she told me that she was straight as an arrow." As the words come out of my mouth, I feel dirty. I feel like I'm throwing Chloe under the bus somehow.
"Well, that's all a relief. Now, let's get back before class starts. You just have to get a good seat in the middle. You might even get to see Robby Henderson's handsome features from up close today!"
Oh boy, how fun...
We walk inside and I find a seat in the back of the classroom. "Aren't you sitting with us, Maxine?"
"No, I'm going to sit back here. I still have work to do for Johnson's class and I don't want to get caught not paying attention by sitting in the front of the room." I pull out my physics book and take out my assignment, already finished, and pretend to work.
"Fine, suit yourself Caulfield." Sharen and Marcy sit right behind where their crushes sit everyday, making me feel a little sick inside.
I know I should be happy that they have people they want to be with, but I just can't stand knowing that those bigots have someone that obviously crushes on them back when I'm just sitting back here, pretending to work so I can have some peace and quiet from the homophobia-
"Is this seat taken?" I look up and see Chloe, standing next to me and pointing at the desk that is touching mine.
Of all the pairs of desks in this classroom, the hot as hell punk girl had to walk up to mine...
"No. No, go right ahead." I move a book I have sitting on her desk and drop it into my bag on the floor. "So, you have this class too?"
"Yeah, I would have taken the other English class, but they insisted that I should be in this one."
"I mean, getting into College English as a High School senior is great. You don't have to take it next year and you skip English 12"
"Yeah, but I'm just bored with English, I mean come on, I already speak the language."
I giggle and shake my head. "True, true." I look back at her and feel myself almost get sucked into her deep blue eyes. I blink a few times, looking back at my book and sighing quietly.
Oh my goodness, this is going to be a long class...