Sense-memory

by Esselle

Summary:

'After living in the wilds alongside darkness and magic both for a very long time, his people know the eyes can be fooled; but learn something with your hands and you know it for life.

Learning with his mouth, however, is something Izuku never considered.'

--

Katsuki teaches Izuku about kissing. [Barbarian!Deku AU]

Notes:

• Translation into Русский available: Sense-memory (Сенсорная память) by darkche

This is for one of the prompts me and RC are filling on our collab twitter! I got carried away ^^

Katsuki has never been at war before.

He's been hungry for it since he was young. Dreamed of battles, of fire, of blood. While other children play-fought, he had scared them all away with his intensity, never able to curb the burning inside him, the wild magic and the thirst for adventure mingling together, snapping from his fingertips in searing sparks.

He'd run off the first chance he got, and found himself mixed up in adventures the kind he'd only ever dreamed of—rescuing (and on occasion being rescued by) certain red-headed princes, tangling with great big pain in the ass demi-guardians, being taken in by one of the legendary barbarian clans. Now he has explored the wilds alongside all of them, wandered through sleepy towns and fairy-lit forests, big cities and towering mountains. He's seen for miles and wants to discover more.

He discovers war is different.

Katsuki thrives on it; on the thrill of battle. It's a different kind of adventure, less open-ended, more final. There are winners and losers, there's a clear objective, and he likes that. The northern giants want to overrun the barbarian territory to keep expanding their own, and because food (humans, and their livestock) is abundant. The barbarians need to push them back at the border of their lands or risk further advances by the emboldened forces.

Katsuki fights with the barbarians, who consider him one of their tribe, now. It's been that way since he fell in with Deku, since Deku took one glance at all Katsuki's combativeness and frustration and inexperience, and decided—for some dumb, Deku reason—that he liked it. Deku had looked him over and decided he was "Kacchan," not Katsuki. Not a novice townsperson, but the adventurer-mage he'd always wanted to be.

That had been all it took, for Katsuki to fall. And that's why, in the end, war is not quite what he'd always imagined. It is dangerous and exciting and grand, that much is true. His friends are strong, and he is sure of their victory. Until the moment he sees Deku, fighting across the field, cornered by two giant berserkers, their heavy clubs bashing him to his knees. And then, war frightens him.

One giant would be no match for him. Two… as it turns out are still overpowered, but Katsuki doesn't know that, not when the dust is flying, and the barbarian is obscured from view by towering figures made of muscle and madness.

Katsuki blasts a hole straight through the enemy ranks to get to them, and the next few moments are a whirlwind of fire and blood. But when the chaos has died down, the giants' two most formidable warriors are slain, their forces are finally starting to fall back at the barbarians' show of might, and Deku emerges from the encounter beaten and bruised but the victor nonetheless, sword raised in triumph.

And it's this that makes Katsuki lose his head entirely, because he was so scared for a moment. But Deku is okay, more than okay; standing sure and strong on the field, his scarred, sweat-drenched skin nearly glowing in the afternoon sun. And what Katsuki has always longed for most is strength, and the will to conquer it, make it his own. And he wants Deku to be his.

"You son of a—" He stops there because he's met Deku's mother, and the tiny little barbarian woman is lovely, and even Katsuki won't say a word against her. "DEKU!"

Deku turns toward him, and calls out in return, "Kacchan!" Blood runs down one side of his face, but his grin is bright despite it. Maybe because of it—the adrenaline. There's probably blood in his mouth. 

The adrenaline high has Katsuki in its hold, too, and he strides across the field and Deku reaches for him.

"You fought well—"

Katsuki grabs him by the front of his cloak and yanks him forward, smashing their mouths together in what is, undoubtedly, a very unexpected first kiss.

*

Kacchan is doing something very strange this time, Izuku thinks.

This in itself isn't unusual. Kacchan frequently does things he doesn't understand, because the mage is cityfolk, and they have their newfangled ways. In fact, Izuku has been able to learn quite a lot about the cities from him! He usually just lets Kacchan get on with it, often watches him fondly, because he is very precious when he bustles about all self importantly. 

What he's doing now, though, seems to involve Izuku rather directly. Kacchan had even been trying to get his attention beforehand.

He stares at Kacchan, wide-eyed. He can't move, because Kacchan is holding him tightly by his cloak, and has pressed the whole of their faces together, lined up nose to nose and mouth to mouth. He definitely would have remembered Kacchan doing something like this before, with him or anyone else, because he's wanted to be close to the mage like this for ages. He's ached to touch his forehead to Kacchan's, trace the beautiful shapes of his face with his fingers so his sense-memory never forgets. After living in the wilds alongside darkness and magic both for a very long time, his people know the eyes can be fooled; but learn something with your hands and you know it for life.

Learning with his mouth, however, is something he's never considered. Lips are far less effective at discerning shapes than fingers, and although what Kacchan is doing currently doesn't feel bad, Izuku is confused by it. It doesn't really seem like he's angry, so Izuku is fairly sure it's not some kind of retaliation, but his eyes are shut tight, brows furrowed severely.

"Kacchan…?" he finally murmurs, against the mage's lips. That feels strange. Kacchan's mouth and his breath are warm. He doesn't pull away immediately.

"What are you doing?" he asks. Every word he speaks buzzes against Izuku's mouth. It feels pleasant.

"I'm… wondering what you're doing?"

Now Kacchan jerks away from him. His face is red, maybe even more so than when they'd been in the midst of battle. "Shit," he mutters, avoiding meeting Izuku's eyes. "You fucker. Never mind, I was—forget it—"

"Wait," Izuku says, because he knows the signs of Kacchan getting angry via embarrassment well by now. "I'm not saying don't do it, I just don't understand."

"What the hell do you mean you don't understand?!" Kacchan seems like he wants to yell, but also like he doesn't want to attract attention, so it comes out as a loud hissed whisper.

"I don't know what you want," Izuku says, trying a different tactic. "When you do that, what do you want me to do in return?"

Kacchan gapes at him like a fish that's been caught and reeled in. "I want you to kiss me back, you dumb sack of muscles!"

Izuku blinks at him. "How do I do that?"

This stalls the tirade, temporarily. Kacchan looks stunned, before he starts angrily muttering something. Izuku thinks he catches the phrase weird fucking tribal shit, before he looks at Izuku again. The blazing expression on his face steals Izuku's breath away.

"Have you never kissed anybody before?" Kacchan demands.

Izuku shakes his head slowly. "No. Kissed? What—"

Kacchan does it again. He grabs Izuku's face this time, heedless of the blood, and this time when their mouths touch it feels less clumsy somehow. Perhaps he was rushing before, but now it's clear that it wasn't accidental. He doesn't bump into Izuku's nose, and he turns his head slightly to the side so their lips line up perfectly.

It's warmer than before. Izuku can feel Kacchan breathing, feel how soft his lips are now that he's not caught totally by surprise, and it makes his head swim. He realizes blood is rushing to his face and he reaches out without thinking about it, to grab Kacchan's waist and pull him in even closer. He likes that Kacchan is touching his face—that makes sense to him, at least, and he raises a hand to cup Kacchan's cheek in return, rubbing his palm over the curve of his jaw, his cheekbone.

Kacchan makes a low noise, his lips parting further, and suddenly, Izuku thinks he gets it. This strange city thing.

When Kacchan breaks away—breaks this kiss—they're both breathing harder than usual. Izuku feels like his heart is pounding even harder than it had fighting the giants.

"Do you get it now?" Kacchan asks him. His voice is low and rough. It sounds nice.

"Um," Izuku says, distracted, because he's still thinking about kissing and how it feels. "I liked it, but I still don't know what it means." There are things he hopes it means, but he doesn't want to assume.

"It means—" Kacchan says, exhaling exasperatedly, "I li—I want… you. To—belong… to… me."

Izuku's breath catches. "You… Kacchan? Do you mean—"

"Yes," Kacchan says, even though admitting it sounds like it pains him. "I know it's what you want, because you've made that fucking clear enough—"

That much is true. Izuku has wanted him since the moment they laid eyes on each other. When he gave him the name "Kacchan," Kacchan became his—part of his tribe, and very quickly something deeper than that. Izuku would fight to protect him, would die for him, would give him anything.

The thing is, he's never been sure if Kacchan feels the same way. But now…

"Kacchan!" he yells, grabbing the mage around the waist to hoist him into the air. This earns him a startled yell and a fist to the top of the head, but he barely feels it and anyway, he's too happy. "I want that."

"I know, Deku—"

This time, it's Izuku who kisses him quiet. It's remarkably effective, and he combines tradition, pushing his forehead up against Kacchan's, which is easy when they're already so close.

"I already belonged to you, Kacchan," he murmurs.

Kacchan's breath hitches, a little hiccup. "Fuck," he says, voice a little ragged.

"Alright there, friends?"

Kacchan jerks away from him at the sound of others approaching. Izuku doesn't feel quite so ready to separate, yet, but he turns toward the voices. Prince Kirishima approaches, along with Shouto, still in his huge tiger form, prowling gracefully in the prince's wake. Shouto had stuck quite close to him throughout the entire battle, Izuku had noticed. He had become very protective of the prince; but as he was the one who had the biggest hand in nursing Kirishima back to health after Kacchan had brought him to the village, that was probably to be expected.

"We're uninjured!" Izuku calls to them. "But even with the losses they took, I'm sure that won't be the last we see of the giants…"

Shouto purrs loud enough to rumble the ground at their feet, but it fades as he starts to shrink down smaller and smaller, until he's slightly shorter than Kirishima save for the two striped tiger ears peeking up through his hair. He looks them over, his expression suspiciously neutral.

"You two appear to be celebrating already, though."

Kacchan growls almost loud enough to match the tiger, and Shouto's ears twitch. But Izuku just beams at him.

"Yes," he says. "Kacchan finally said I belong to him."

Shouto's ears flick again, very tellingly, and Kirishima looks at them both with a bright, delighted smile. Kacchan looks horrified.

"Deku—don't just tell them that!"

Izuku just grins. He knows Kacchan is embarrassed by this kind of blatant show of familiarity—it seems to be a cityfolk thing, judging by the way Kirishima always goes redder than a tomato when Shouto nuzzles under his chin. But the people of the wild are more open about these things, so they'll both just have to get used to it.

"Shall we return to camp?" Izuku proposes.

There is much to attend to when they arrive, and it isn't until much later that he finds himself alone with Kacchan again. His tent has emptied, the other war generals filtering away to start up the nighttime revelry, now that they are victorious for the moment. Of course, the giants will be back, but that is another fight for another day. For now…

"What do you—do?" Kacchan asks him, a hand catching in the folds of Izuku's cloak to make him pause right before he starts to exit the tent. Izuku isn't sure at first what he's referring to, it's been hours since they stood under the hot sun together, but then Kacchan mutters, "Since you don't… don't kiss each other."

Izuku can barely contain the excitement and joy that starts to fizz about inside him. "Can I show you?" Kacchan nods. Izuku reaches out to touch him, and he goes very still, unmoving. Izuku laughs softly. "Don't worry… it's not that different."

It had seemed, in a strange way, similar. The proximity, the focus on each other's faces… the parts of Kacchan he wanted so badly to touch. Kacchan still closes his eyes when Izuku first brushes his fingertips slowly over the line of his jaw; this is unusual, because Izuku has only ever seen his people touch like this with their eyes open. But, seeing has always been secondary in this. He closes his eyes, too.

He feels Kacchan's jaw relax under his caress, but doesn't linger there, either. He sweeps his hands up, turning them over to feel how soft Kacchan's cheeks are against the backs of his fingers, before feeling with the pads, climbing toward his temples. He runs his thumb in a slow line from one side of Kacchan's forehead to the other—especially carefully, here, because beneath the flesh and bone is the mind. The thing that makes up all that he loves about Kacchan.

There is Kacchan's heart, as well, but Izuku won't try to feel it beating yet. Not until Kacchan is ready, has made it explicitly clear that it is his to have.

Kacchan's golden eyelashes flutter like hummingbird wings when Izuku traces over them as light as air. He finally touches a finger to Kacchan's lips, outlines the shape of them, before swiping over the lower, indenting the soft, giving flesh, dragging it just the slightest bit down. He can feel Kacchan trembling—his mouth wobbling, his whole body shivering.

"Is this okay?" Izuku asks him.

That's when Kacchan bites him—not hard, but he nips at the finger Izuku has against his mouth, sharp teeth catching on callused skin.

"You're hardly even doing anything to me," Kacchan says, but his voice is so hoarse Izuku wonders if that's really true. "I'm fine, so keep—keep going."

Izuku smiles. "Okay. You can, too. If you want."

It turns out Kacchan does want. He wants to discover Izuku's face with his hands, and he wants to kiss him quite a bit more, as well. And Izuku is willing to go along with all of it, let him do whatever he pleases.

His heart is already Kacchan's, and when Kacchan asks for it, Izuku will give him that, too.

 

 

Notes:

Please do check out RC's art for this fic, it's so gorgeous. I blame her for the fact that this spiraled out of my control XD

Not sure which of my stories to read next? Check out my guide to my fics on Carrd!

[Multishipping at Esselle on Dreamwidth, @esselley on Tumblr, @Esselle_hq on Twitter]

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Uncharted Territory