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Glee Season 4 Episode 6 AU: The One Where Kurt Is Right And McKinley Really Is Not Home:
It was over. He had broken up with him on a freaking official level now, they were done and it didn`t look like anything would ever be able to change it again. He felt the black heart in his chest shatter into a million pieces, crumbling into dust until it was so messed up, no one would ever be able to piece it back together, he felt the air leaving his lungs in one painful heap of breath, that shook his whole body and he fought against the sob threatening to tear him apart. He closed his eyes as the pain shot through him like blazing flames again, setting every bone and every vein on fire, one single tear fell over his cheek, there was just nothing left inside of him, no tears, no screams, he was just too exhausted.
It was over.
He was gone.
And he would never come back.
He could still hear his words in his ears, could still hear his heart falling apart upon seeing those blue eyes that had once filled him with joy and warmth, but now they had only been filled with hate and disappointment, with pain and betrayal. He was still standing in the middle of the corridor, his eyes still staring at the spot, where Kurt had vanished around the corner, his hands were still shaking by his sides, needing to hold onto something, but knowing that there was nothing to be held anymore.
I don`t trust you anymore. Rachel was right, this isn`t home anymore.
"Blaine? Are you okay?" The smooth velvet like voice reached his ears, and for a second it really pierced like a torch through his insides, threatened to slash him out like the monster he was. Like the monster he had made himself become, the stupid jerk that had destroyed one of the most amazing people on the planet, let him turn into a traitor, a liar. Where had all those promises gone?
Hadn`t Kurt been the one to tell him he would never say goodbye? But this, just right now, that had been the most terrible goodbye ever! He had walked away, right when he had finally been able to explain everything, was there really no right for him to explain himself? Why he had done it, why it felt like the most horrible mistake he could ever make in his life? Why couldn`t he tell him how much he had been hurt, when he was left alone, when Kurt took his life to New York and left him behind, left him behind without ever taking a look back.
Why was there only pain for Blaine, couldn`t Kurt understand how miserable he felt, how much he had gone through in the last weeks, how much he had hurt, how much it had hurt to know that he had destroyed everything. Where was justice now? Kurt left, never wanted to talk with him, treated him like some unimportant dust spot in his boring past, once the bright lights of New York had engulfed him. He had forgotten him, he had forgotten that Blaine had a life of his own, he had been miserable, he had wanted so bad for Kurt to tell him that everything would work itself out.
That no matter how many miles they were apart, they would always love each other, always be there for each other, but Kurt had left him alone, he hadn`t been there. Hadn`t been there in the last months, not for one point of it, not when his doubts and fears had creeped back at him, when he had bolted awake from the nightmares again. He had left him alone! Alone!
He balled his hands into fists, still aware of the presence behind him, still aware of how fucked up and miserable he looked, how his freaking emotions had once again betrayed him and made him believe that he had a chance to make things right. He wasn`t the bad guy, at least not the only one in this, maybe he had done something unforgivable, something he regretted with all his strength, but why couldn`t anybody see what had driven him to do this?
Why could nobody see how much it pained him to take even one breath while knowing that Kurt would probably not care if the jocks had started to push him into lockers again, would probably not care if becoming president was important to him or not, because Kurt had just not listened to him anymore. He just hadn`t been there, he had been gone. And Blaine had just needed someone to tell him it would be alright, that somehow he would live through it.
A scream ripped through his gritted teeth and he was just about to whirl around and punch his fists againt the lockers, when strong hands gripped his arms and pulled him against a broad chest, and he threw his arms around the other body, pressing his face into the soft fabric of the jacket and letting the sobs break free. Those warm hands stroked over his back, being so comforting and soothing, and for the first time in over two months, Blaine finally felt able to shake his fear aside for a moment. To stop pulling the brave mask over his face, to let the emotions rule him. He had lost him, he had lost his first love just because he had been too weak to withstand the first obstacle that life had thrown in his direction.
"It`s gonna be okay, Blaine."
Why did it have to be him? Why couldn`t have Kurt said those words weeks ago? Weeks ago, when he had still believed they would somehow make it through these months? Why couldn`t he have just stuck to his promise of never leaving him behind?
"Shh, you`re gonna be okay."
"Did you hear all of it?" Blaine rasped out, his voice muffled by the cotton fabric of the other boy's jacket, the hands on his back stopped their rhythm and held him closer.
"Yeah, I did... And I`m sorry, we encouraged you to talk to him. We didn`t want you to get hurt even more... We had hoped it would all turn out right in the end." Blaine sniffed and slowly pulled away from the other boy, who reluctantly pulled his arms back until they were just standing right in front of each other.
Blaine wiped his hand over his eyes, before looking up at his savior. Hazel eyes smiled down at him, not able to hide the worry for him, but trying to give him some sign of comfort. Blaine knew it wasn`t pity, his friend really cared for him, he really was worried that he would do something stupid now. Now, where everything was over.
"I`m the one who is sorry, Jeff. Sorry for myself that I believed this would really have a chance of a future." The blond boy in the blue jacket and the green shirt gave him a sad smile and Blaine gave it right back. He felt empty, crushed, finally broken beyond repair, but somehow it felt good. It felt good knowing that there was no way back now, that he had to live a life without Kurt.
"You want us to take you away from here?" Jeff offered and pulled Blaine back against his side.
"Yeah, I would really love that..." He didn`t bother about still being in costume, even if it had been his own clothes, he was too far gone to care about something like that anymore, he leaned against Jeff and appreciated the arm that he pulled around his shoulders, "Where are Nick and Sebastian?" He felt Jeff frown for a second as they fell into step next to each other, with Jeff's left arm still draped around his shoulders, walking towards his locker, so he could quickly snatch up his satchel before anyone was able to see him like this.
It would only lead to questions he wouldn`t want to answer, to awkward looks being exchanged, to accuses and bitter thoughts they wouldn`t say, but he would see it in their eyes, the blame being put on him, the disappointment radiating from them.
"I locked them in the car, before I went looking for you... We had a short run in with Kurt right after the show, and it wasn`t pretty. Nick was really close to losing it, but that only edged Kurt on even more, and suddenly I had to hold Sebastian back from strangling him or punching the shit out of him. And Kurt just couldn`t shut up. If it hadn`t been for Sugar, I`m sure someone would have gotten hurt. She took Nick outside and I dragged Sebastian along... Just so, you`re in the right light, Finn and Artie just looked on and did nothing." It came out much more calm than Jeff really felt on the inside, but Blaine knew he had never liked being angry or anyone being angry, and he preferred to not let a lot of people see how angry he could get, when his friends got insulted, especially when one of those friends was his best friend, who had suffered from enough anger issues in the past.
"I`m sorry your evening here ended like that... I would have invited you for another day if I had known Kurt would be here, it was clear from the start that it would only end in trouble." Jeff sighed next to him as they reached his locker and Blaine jammed in his code.
"Well, beside from that episode, the show was really amazing. You were amazing. And none of us regrets coming, we were really happy you invited us." Blaine spared a short glance into Jeff's once again smiling face as he pulled his satchel from the locker, the door empty now, he had taken down all pictures.
"Thank you, it really means a lot to me that you came. All three of you." Blaine said and managed the tiniest of smiles in Jeff's direction.
"Well, then, come on, so you can say the same thing to Nick and Seb. They like to be appreciated." Blaine managed a small chuckle, full on knowing that whether Sebastian's, nor Nick's ego needed any more boosts. He slung the satchel over his shoulder, slammed his locker shut and turned towards the exit doors, Jeff fell into step with him again.
"I`m really glad you are willing to take me away from this. I just don`t wanna be alone tonight." Blaine admitted and Jeff squeezed his shoulder.
"You won`t be, trust me, Blaine. You`re not alone. I`ll drive you back home tommorrow night, and by then, I`m pretty sure you`ll feel a little bit better." Jeff promised and clapped a hand on his shoulder as they heard steps running towards them, they both stopped and turned around.
It was Sugar, having changed into her trademark pink outfits, her blond hair pulled up into frizzy pigtails, she only stopped when she was standing right in front of Blaine. And with one look at him, she had her arms thrown around him and hugged him. Blaine smiled against her neck and hugged her back, regretting to having put all of McKinley's residents into one kettle. They weren`t all glaring at him and blaming him for Kurt's misery.
Sam was still sticking to his side, but most of the time, he was just too damn oblivious to see how Blaine was really feeling or how everyone else was treating him, and he was fighting his own problems, with his family so far away, still turning around every dollar. But there was Sugar, right here in his arms, brave enough to get involved in a silly fight that had never been her business, never had her involved, but she cared for him and she cared for his friends. She was the only one understanding him, the only one who knew it wasn`t solely him to blame for all this mess, she only wanted him to be happy again.
Sugar pulled away, and Blaine let his arms fall back to his sides, as she smiled and cradled his face in her hands.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly and Blaine didn't even think about lying any longer.
"No, I`m not, but I just need to get away from here." He answered her, putting as much honesty into his words as he felt capable off, let them see how tired and exhausted he was, he knew he could trust them, could be himself with them. Sugar let go of his face and turned to Jeff.
"Is he going with you?" Jeffe nodded, "Are Nick and Sebastian okay?" Blaine was once again surprised how easy the brunet Warbler's name rolled from her tongue, she had to be the only person in the New Directions, former members included, who was capable of it.
"They will be." Jeff responded to her question, "Thanks again for getting a hold of Nick. I really had my hands full with Sebastian, and I didn`t want any of them to do something they would regret later."
"Sebastian wouldn`t have regretted hitting Kurt." Blaine butted in from the side, Sugar rolled her eyes, but Jeff smiled a rueful smile.
"Yeah, maybe, but Nick would have. And I couldn`t let him do this to himself. So thanks, Sugar." Jeff smiled at her and she smiled right back.
"Wasn`t a big deal, Jeff... Just take care of Blaine for the remainder of the weekend." She told Jeff and patted Blaine's cheek one last time.
"No problem." Jeff promised her and Blaine could already see him plotting in his head.
"I`ll tell everybody you weren`t feeling so good. I hope they will understand, and if not, it`s their problem. See you Monday, Blaine." She hugged him again, before she pranced away, Blaine shook his head as they watched her disappear behind a corner.
"She is really awesome." Jeff told him, placing his hand on the door handle and pushing it open, Blaine rushed outside, willing to leave this whole disaster behind him.
"She is really amazing. Maybe she isn`t the smartest girl on this planet, but she has a big heart and her mind in the right place. And she is never too shy to tell you her opinion, she speaks her heart." Blaine told him as they walked towards the dark blue car Nick and Jeff shared since almost two years now. Jeff chuckled next to him, closing his jacket as the chilly night fell over them. Blaine was still too riled up from his conversation with Kurt, if you could call it that, to feel cold, his blood was still racing around.
"I could see that when she told Kurt to fuck off to where he came from. I`m pretty sure even Sebastian was taken back by her tone." Jeff explainend and they reached the car before Blaine could question Jeff about whether or not his sudden interest in said blond girl was anything serious or not. They had met some weeks back, two days before Blaine had found himself on the doorstep of doom, he had already been miserable and Sugar had dragged him to the Lima Bean to talk, not about Kurt, but about everything else, just so he could be distracted for a while.
They had ran into Jeff and Nick, who had been more concerned and ridden with worry than Blaine had ever seen them once they had spotted him. And before he had really known what had happened, they had all sat around a table, laughing their asses off, at least until Sebastian had approached the table, out of breath and excusing his delay to Jeff and Nick, who had waved it away, but had thrown awkward glances towards Blaine. Whereas Blaine had been on old friends forever status with Nick and Jeff again after Regionals last year, had seen them sometimes during their remaining school weeks and basically spent every minute of his summer holidays with them whenever Kurt had worked in his fathers shop to heave up money for New York, said show choir competition had been the last time he had seen Sebastian.
The last time he had talked with him. But trust Sugar again to take her ever chippy self and blast the awkwardness into nothingness by complimenting Sebastian on his shirt, having them all stare at her in utter confusion, until Sebastian and Blaine had cracked up at the same time and the taller boy had slumped down in the booth next to Jeff, soon enough, they had all been laughing again.
Whether Nick, nor Sebastian looked like laughing as Blaine looked at them right now, standing outside of the blue Sedan, both of them glaring at the grinning blond boy next to him, arms folded over their chests. Jeff dangled the keys before their eyes three times, before he pressed the button and the doors clicked unlocked, Nick had the door open and was chasing after a laughing Jeff quicker than Blaine could blink.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Nick shouted after his best friend, Blaine turned around again as Sebastian stepped from the car, rolling his shoulders to get rid of the tension, but then he looked at him and the uneasy glare in his eyes melted away, giving away for worry.
"Everything alright?" Sebastian wanted to know and Blaine sighed and leaned against the side of the car.
"I don`t...No, nothing is alright." Blaine confessed and dropped his head against the side of the car.
"What happened?" Sebastian asked him, taking the satchel from him and throwing it onto the backseat, Blaine pushed a hand over his face.
"I tried talking to Kurt... Didn`t work out, or maybe it did. I really don`t know what I`m feeling right now... It`s over, we´re not coming back together. It`s really official now. But surprisingly I`m more angry and furious at how he is treating me than sad about it." Blaine tried to explain something and Sebastian gave him half a smirk, as somewhere behind him, Blaine saw Nick tackling Jeff to the ground.
"He is an ass. You`re really better off without him." Unsurprisingly, Sebastian had been the one not too shocked about him cheating, he had waved it away like it was just a mistake humans did. He had been the only one. Blaine hadn`t told his parents, because he was too scared, Cooper had wanted to get him admitted, everyone in McKinley had been shocked speechless. Blaine still remembered Jeff's and Nick's faces, he would probably never forget the look in their eyes, and he would surely never forget the horrible silence on the phone that had lasted for a whole minute after he had told Wes.
Then his oldest best friend had sighed so deep and long that Blaine had once again felt bad for presumbly giving him one more premature grey hair. But just as he was, Wes had let him talk about it, had listened until Blaine had gotten it all from his chest, and then he had promised him he would come down for Thanksgiving, to fix things, kill someone or just hold him, whatever he wanted. It had shown Blaine again who he could really trust, especially once Wes had told David and then called Thad, and both of them had instantly gotten in contact with Blaine and assured him that he would be okay again.
And about twenty minutes after Blaine had ended his conversation with Thad, Nick and Jeff had stood in his door, grinning from one ear to another and pulling him away for a trip to the music store.
"You know what." Blaine started as he looked up to meet Sebastians intriguing green eyes, "I`m beginning to think you`re right with that. Maybe I am better off without him."
"At least, you are much more yourself without him." They both startled a little upon hearing Nick's voice this close, he was presenting the keys to Sebastian, Jeff mumbling something under his breath behind him, rubbing his left arm. Blaine smiled at them, "Now, let`s get away from here, before this place really sucks the happiness away from us."
Nick walked over to the driver's side, Sebastian and Jeff made a dash for the shotgun seat, which Jeff won. Sebastian groaned and flopped himself onto the backseat, Blaine shook his head about their antics and sat down himself, closing the door behind himself.
Nick started the car and was about to set it back to cut out of the parking space, when something banged against the back window, Jeff shrieked and Nick cut the engine.
"What the fuck?" He growled out, whirling around in his seat to face whatever had stopped them, Blaine froze up, when Sebastian cursed next to him in the following two seconds, "I freaking can`t believe this! He just doesn`t know when it`s over." Nick cursed and was already unbuckling his seatbelt again.
Blaine who had until then tried to just shut himself out and fall into some non stress relieving semi conciousness while they were driving, he tended to do that a lot these days, snapped from his thoughts and saw Jeff holding back Nick as Blaine turned around in his seat to look behind them. It was Kurt, a pissed off Kurt, his eyes glaring daggers at all of them.
"Nick, stay put! I`ll deal with this!" Jeff yelled as Nick tried to rip his arm from his best friend's hold, "Just take a breath and stay put!" Jeff had unbuckled his seatbelt and had already opened the door. Sebastian was eerily silent next to Blaine, his eyes only focused on him now, and when Blaine looked down, unable to hold his gaze any longer, he saw his trembling hands. Why did he have so much fun torturing him? Why couldn`t he just for once stay true to his words?
"What are you doing with him?" Blaine could hear Kurt shriek as Jeff got from the door, but then the door closed again and their voices were muffled by the car. But he could still hear them yell at each other, could still see them gesturing wildly. He was surprised as the first sob racked through him again, and a whole new wave of fresh tears ran over his face. He had thought he had run out of them, he had thought there wasn`t anything more to lose, but now here he was, with the only people still caring for him being dragged into such a nasty war. And Blaine had started it all.
As Kurt's voice got even more shrill, Blaine clapped his hands over his ears, he couldn`t stand it anymore, he just couldn`t do this anymore. Why was everything falling apart right now? Why did Kurt try to take everything away from him? Was there nothing he could keep? Not even the people Kurt didn`t like? He just wanted to sleep, to run away from it all. His body shook with tremors he couldn`t hold back any longer, and as arms reached around him, he just let himself fall to the side, crashing against Sebastian's chest.
"Why is he doing this? Why does he do this to me?" Blaine hiccuped into the soft fabric of Sebastian's blue shirt, taking his hands away from his ears and they grabbed the other boy's shirt.
"Shh, don`t listen to him. Just don`t listen to him." Sebastian tried to soothe him, but Blaine was losing the battle, he had been so angry just some minutes ago and suddenly here he was, breaking down again. Why couldn`t he ever be normal? Why couldn`t his emotions stop being so damn freaking complicated? He wanted to get away from it all.
--
Sebastian pulled Blaine closer, one ear against his chest, and the other one shielded from any sounds by Sebastian's left hand, the right one was holding Blaine to him.
"Do you have a blanket, Nick? He is shaking, and I don`t think it`s just the crying." Nick whipped his head around and stared at him for a second, taking his eyes away from where they had previously been starring at Jeff slightly hovering over Kurt, his index finger pressed into the other boy's chest.
Blaine was hugely shaking in Sebastian's arms, clutching his shirt as if it was his only lifeline. He was so angry, so furious at Kurt about what he had done to Blaine, alright, his boyfriend had cheated on him, but it wasn`t like Blaine had been the first human to fall into the flames, and Kurt had already chased him away, neglected him. What did he expect? That Blaine would swallow the pain, every day, every week, every month, until they would see each other again, leading two different lives, and him slowly fading away, the pain eating him alive. God, he could kill him, and now, now where he had completely crushed him, where he had drawn the last weapons and punched Blaine down to his last breaths, he still couldn`t stop.
"Blanket. Yes, of course. It`s gotta be under my seat." Nick unbuckled his seatbelt and halfway stood up, so he could reach under his seat from behind, pulling out the grey woollen blanket. Nick helped Sebastian drape it over Blaine, just as Jeff came back, pulling the door open and turning around to face Hummel one last time.
"Stay away from him! And I mean it, Kurt! He doesn`t need you anymore! He doesn`t deserve you anymore, and frankly, I believe, he never deserved you!" Jeff snapped and then fell back into the car, slamming the door shut, "Drive, just go, go, go." Jeff was breathing heavily and Nick took one look into his furious face, before they both got settled again and Nick started the car from anew, they backed out without disturbances this time and drove by a still fuming Kurt, murderously looking at them as they pass.
"You okay, Jeff?" Sebastian wanted to know, feeling Blaine slowly relax in his arms, he knew Jeff hated anything that had even slightly to do with fights and violence, he only wanted everyone to be happy, and as halfway expected, he got no answer. Jeff leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes and let his head fall against the window, Nick threw a worried look at him, as he turned the car onto main street, but nobody said anything.
It wasn`t until they left the outskirts of Lima some minutes later, that Sebastian realized that Blaine had fallen asleep in his arms, tugging the blanket closer around the smaller boy, he leaned back in his seat and tried to take a deep breath.
"Is he asleep?" Nick asked quietly, throwing a look at them through the rearview mirror.
"Yeah, he is. I think he ist just too exhausted. He bottled up way too much anger and pain, he just doesn`t know how to cope anymore." They both looked at Jeff, as the other boy still didn`t react to anything they said, Nick took one hand from the steering wheel and clasped it around Jeff's left hand that had been resting on his knee.
"Call Wes, Jeff, or Thad if you think he`ll be the better one... We have to tell them sooner or later about what happened... And it`ll do you good." Nick prodded him gently and Jeff moved, taking his head from the window to look at his friends, tired, ashamed. Nick smiled at him encouragingly, and Jeff nodded, fumbling for his phone in his jacket. Sebastian leaned his head back against Blaine's smaller one, as Jeff dialed a number and then softly began speaking to Wes.
--
In the following weeks, Sebastian spent a lot of time watching Blaine.
Watching him in those first days after returning to Dalton, that shell of a boy he remembered to be so confident and full of positivity, full of energy to make the world a better world. That boy who had laughed over his stupid jokes, who had snarked right back, who had forgiven his worst mistakes, that boy was the same boy who flinched at loud noises now, who despite their best efforts didn't want to take up anything more than a background role in the Warblers.
After refusing to join back in for three days.
Blaine was hurting, swallowed by his own guilt and despite what Nick and Jeff kept on telling him, Sebastian had no idea how to get Blaine out of this.
He listened a lot, made sure Blaine knew that someone was there willing to listen, willing to hold him while he cried.
Sebastian watched as Dalton, as the Warblers, as Nick and Jeff, all of it together slowly began to stick the pieces of what had made Blaine Anderson Dalton's star back together. They would never really fit seamlessly together anymore, too much had happened, that light inside of him would always have cracks, but Sebastian knew just as well that if they just gave him time, Blaine would shine again.
Stronger. Better. A flashing supernova. Bright sunshine on a warm summer day.
And if Sebastian had only clue on how to do it he would get to supporting Blaine to that point any day now.
--
It wasn't until a very long skype conversation with Thad in the middle of the night that Sebastian got it though.
"Oh boy." Thad said once Sebastian had been finished with his dilemma and Sebastian looked at him as his college turned best friend dragged a hand down his face, "Okay I see the issue."
"You do?" Sebastian wanted to know in surprise, because he had spent more hours on this than sleep in the last three days and he had no idea what to do.
"Yes." Thad hissed at him, pinned him in place with a piercing look, "Of course I see the problem here and you're so afraid to listen to your heart again that it makes you blind. And stupid apparently." And Sebastian scoffed and opened his mouth to protest but Thad just barrelled on, and maybe his blunt unforgiving honesty had been missed more than Sebastian liked to pretend, "Stop treating him with kid gloves."
What?
"Stop treating him like he's going to break apart at any minute. Blaine is hurt but his skin is thicker than you think, thick enough to take your thick head anyway." Thad told him and leaned back on his couch, "What he needs right now is not the weird Sebastian comfort package, he can get that from Nick and Jeff, is used to getting it from them. What he needs from you is for you to be yourself." Sebastian snorted in reply to that.
"I doubt that." He said and shifted on his bed, "It would chase him away, right back to..."
"No." Thad interrupted him, no heat, just calm, "He won't run. Listen, Seb, I know how you feel...unless anything has changed?"
"Nothing has changed." Sebastian answered but looked away, catching sight of the numbers on the watch on his nightstand, it was shortly after three in the morning. He was tired, but his head was still too loud to sleep, "I don't think anything will ever change when it comes to him."
"So great, then stop being Jeffrey Sterling 2.0, and get back to being Sebastian Smythe, the less slushie throwing kind. Flirt with him, snark at him, joke with him. If he wants you to take a step back, he will tell you. Blaine is polite but he is also honest." Thad explained with the level-headedness that the storm inside of Sebastian needed.
"You make it sound easy." He still complained and Thad laughed.
"That's because it is, buddy. Why would being yourself not be easy? Seb, do I need to come down there again?" Thad pressed and Sebastian groaned, shaking his head.
"No, you don't. I just need some sleep. Thank you, Thad, for listening." Sebastian told him and Thad smiled.
"Anytime, Seb, anytime. Get some sleep, get that head of yours cleared up and then you'll figure Blaine out as well." Thad assured him and then they said goodnight.
And then when he laid in his bed five minutes later, lights out and the silence of the dorms no longer freaking him out but calming him into sleep.
--
The next day he made a casual comment about Blaine's ass during Warbler rehearsal and Blaine laughed so hard he fell against him.
And Sebastian's world already looked so much brighter.
--
They gradually returned to their old dynamic, only that with Blaine no longer taken, it made him way more responsive to Sebastian's advances.
A game they both enjoyed.
--
Sebastian liked to make Blaine smile.
--
Blaine liked to see Sebastian laugh.
--
They won Sectionals against the New Direction by a landslide.
Because Blaine had made that first step out of the shadows and took his place at Sebastian's side up on that stage. With them working, singing, dancing and performing together, no one stood a chance.
And Sebastian felt great upon seeing that look on Finn Hudson's face as Blaine jumped into his arms as Nick and Jeff raised the trophy into the sky.
--
Blaine loved to see Sebastian laugh. The way his eyes light up. The way he leaned against Blaine.
--
Sebastian loved to make Blaine smile. The way his eyes light up. The way he leaned against Sebastian.
--
Blaine was a miracle.
--
Oh god Sebastian.
--
As winter came around with the first cold storms, Blaine was back to knowing the guy inside his own head and body.
And ready to look into his heart.
--
Blaine pulled his jacket closer around him and rushed up the stairs to huddle under the roof of the stands, where Nick held out a cup of hot coffee for him, hat pulled down as much as possible, face nearly hidden behind a navy blue Dalton Kings scarf.
"Thanks." Blaine said, sitting down and pulling his legs close, it was freezing, how could they still take training outside.
"You`re welcome." Nick told him, pulling his scarf down just enough that Blaine could at least see some facial expression.
"How can you stand the cold?" He wanted to know but the smile on Nick's lips while he watched the boys chasing around the grass, told him enough.
"It`s still unbelievable to see Jeff play again. No matter the weather, I`m always out or inside to watch them." Nick told him and Blaine had to smile himself, he still remembered the sadness in Jeff when his knee had forced him out of playing for months. The fear and anxiety over not feeling ready to try out for the team again when he was fit again at the end of their sophomore year.
He let his own eyes search for number six, his eyes following Jeff's graceful moves on the field, chasing after the ball, even playing Lacrosse he looked like a dancer. Nick continued speaking, "I still feel so relieved, whenever he comes back from a game, his face still flush with excitement and adrenalin. It`s just unbelievable what Seb achieved, Thad tried his best for so long, and Jeff always backed out, but Sebastian never gave up." Blaine smiled, his eyes searching for number two on the field, making out Sebastian as Jeff scored another goal and both boys high fived each other, enjoying every second.
"He can be very persistent." Blaine agreed, grinning when Sebastian gave the team a short moment to catch their breath before calling them back into order.
"He likes you." Nick surprised him, not taking his eyes from his boyfriend, even when Blaine whipped his head around, "He would probably never agree to it, but you got him whipped. He cares a lot about you, and I would be lying if I say the sexual tension isn`t obvious."
"It`s too early." Blaine defended himself quickly, maybe too quick, just a kneejerk reaction, because Nick turned around to look at him, his honest brown eyes so strong.
"You`re lying. I know you long enough to see it, Blaine, so don`t play pretending with me..." Nick argued, voice dropping into more serious tones as he went on, "Look, you`ve been hurt, I get it. You are still blaming yourself over how things ended with Kurt. But he is the one who made you happy again... Please, just don`t lie to me... It`s not easy between you, you have a past, but if I may give you one piece of advice..."
Nick waited until Blaine nodded, a little bit too shocked to where this conversation had led to, he had always appreciated Nick for his bluntness, but this was turning into awkward rather quickly, "Jeff and I danced around each other for three years, we`ve been happy, but it`s nothing compared to how I feel now... Invincible. Sebastian and you are friends, friends who are attracted to another... I know you don`t like hearing it, because it scares you, but Kurt is out there somewhere. He is not gone and I`m pretty sure he hasn`t stopped plotting against us. You need someone to be strong for you, when you can`t. Sebastian likes you, I even dare say he is crazy for you, and I for a fact know you are crazy for him."
The coach called a quit on training and Nick stood up, pulling his jacket closer around him as the wind got stronger, "Just think about it from this point: It took Jeff and me three years, time the two of you don`t have together in one school anymore... Give love a second chance, Blaine." Nick patted him on the shoulder, before he walked down the stairs again, meeting Jeff at the bottom for a quick kiss, before the taller boy went to take a shower in the locker rooms. Blaine looked onto the field, Sebastian had taken off his helmet, talking to their coach for some instructions, catching his eyes, when he turned around to get changed himself, he waved up at him, and Blaine was happy when his heart skipped a beat.
He welcomed it.
--
On the evening of the same day, after finishing up that entire week's load of homework and tidying him his room into a neatness that was uncomfortable again, Blaine stopped ignoring the question running around his head and walked over to the dorm room across from his.
He softly knocked on the simple wooden door, twice, just to make Sebastian aware that it wasn`t some stranger (they knocked once), or an overexcited Nick or Jeff (they didn`t stop knocking). In their crazy world and Sebastian's small social circle, that only left him and Skylar, but the sophomore was trying to finish a book report.
"Come one in." Sebastian's voice called out as happily as therefor expected and Blaine took a last deep breath, before he pushed the door open, he could do this, he was ready for this. Sebastian wasn't Kurt, he wouldn't hurt him. He spotted Sebastian on his bed, leaning against the wall, laptop and Calculus book on his lap. Sebastian looked up at him, sending him a playful smile, and Blaine needed a huge amount of inner determination to keep himself from blushing. He was just so damn attractive. He closed the door behind him.
"Can I help you with something?" Sebastian wanted to know, pushing notebook and book to the side and patting the space beside him, they had sat together on that bed so often, watching movies, playing cards. But now Blaine couldn`t move, was frozen at the door, Sebastian hadn`t seen his hesitation until now, eyes still fixed on his laptop, "Or did you just come over to spend some fun time until curfew?" And then he looked up, "Blaine?" Blaine kicked himself, because Sebastian looked so worried suddenly.
"I need to talk to you." And perfect, that came out rather cold, and Blaine shortly closed his eyes, before looking at Sebastian again, "I would really like to talk with you about something."
"Is everything alright?" Sebastian asked, frowning and Blaine couldn`t really give an answer to that, maybe it would be okay in ten minutes. Unless he died from nervousness.
"Do you have time? I could come back tommorrow..." He offered up because his throat felt too tight suddenly and he really needed to keep talking.
"Blaine, sit down, please, you`re starting to scare me." Sebastian stood up to put his book and laptop on his desk, Blaine used this chance and sat down on the edge of the bed. His senses were on overdrive, this room smelled like him, this room was him. Sebastian turned around again and slowly walked up to him, sitting down next to him, his eyes focused on his face, while Blaine opted to look at his hands, but he could already feel that Sebastian had realized how serious this was, how much this meant to him.
"Talk when you`re ready." Sebastian quietly said, and Blaine took a breath, he had to get this over before Sebastian started believing something bad had happened.
"What I`m about to tell you, is not easy for me, so please... just let me get it done and listen." Blaine began carefully and Sebastian nodded, immediately. And with one last deep breath Blaine opened the gates to his heart that he had kept so well protected since leaving New York all these long weeks ago, "Okay... I`m really, really grateful for what you have done for me those last weeks. You`ve been patient with me, and never gave up, even when I yelled at you to leave me alone, you kept stubborn and staid with me. I could never redeem myself, I owe you so much. You helped me get up out of the worst hole of my life, you defended me... protected me even... We have become close friends again, and I feel safe around you, I trust you and I care a lot about you... We didn`t have the best start, but I would be lying if I say that there hadn`t been attraction on my side. I mean, you`re good looking, you´re brave and confident."
Oh god, now he was rambling, and bit his lip to stop, taking another deep breath, he looked up into Sebastian's green eyes, watching him with patience and something that Blaine couldn't name so he pushed on, "I like you, Sebastian. And it`s just not the physical need anymore. I like being with you, bickering with you, just looking at you and hearing your voice... I know you`re scared of commitment, that you don`t do relationships, but I am willing to go slow, to be patient and give you space and time... I just can`t let you go, not again."
Once the words were out, Blaine stopped talking, instead he chose to watch Sebastian's reaction. He had expected a lot of consequences, Sebastian throwing him from the room, yelling at him, gently telling him that no he couldn`t do this, he didn`t feel like this anymore, what he hadn´t expected was to see so much relief fill his friend's eyes, his right hand carefully reaching up to cup his cheek.
"I won`t go anywhere. Never again, Blaine." Sebastian promised almost, his voice so soft and gentle, Blaine's heart was doing somersaults as Sebastian spoke, "You have no idea how much this means to me, how much you mean to me."
And then he leaned down and when their lips touched for the first time, Blaine knew he had never felt this happy. It was short, promising, but way too short for his liking, after so much time thinking about it, dreaming about it, imagining it. Sebastian pulled away, but kept his hand on his face, "I can`t promise you I won`t make mistakes, but if you really want it, I`m more than willing to try this... try being your boyfriend. I want to, I want to leave this life behind me. I had enough of running away from the pain, from the loneliness... and it all changed with you."
"Seb..."
"No, let me talk now." Sebastian begged him and Blaine could only look at him, nothing else eisted in that moment, "In the beginning it was just attraction and curiosity. Jeff and Nick never shut up about you, and yeah, you fascinated me, you looked absolutely sexy... still do." To see Sebastian in a nervous ramble was quite endearing, "But once I got to know you, I wanted to be by your side. I wanted you, not just your body, but you were taken and I led myself be pulled into my jealousy..."
And Sebastian took a breath, frowned for just a split second of memory of the things he had done and Blaine didn't know what to think now where it was out in the open that it had been in jealousy after all. It made him feel wanted and he hadn't felt like that in a long time. Sebastian went on after a small pause. "When you reached out to us and we became friends again, and when you actually came back to Dalton, I told myself to not lose hope, to just give you time to get back to yourself before starting the flirting up again... I just couldn`t give you up... I saw how happy Jeff and Nick are, how much it made them stronger. I want what they have, knowing that someone would always be there for good and bad times. If that someone is you."
Sebastian smirked at him in the end and Blaine noticed the blush creeping onto his own face, felt the tingling in his hands, the itch to reach out and with a finger on his lips, he shushed Sebastian before he could lose himself in mindless babbling like Blaine had before.
"Kiss me again." And Blaine knew it was the answer Sebastian had hoped for, because the long lost fire jumped into his eyes and he crashed his lips onto Blaine's, pulling his arms around him and holding him close to himself.
Blaine crawled onto the bed, moving to kneel on it, so he could tangle his hands in Sebastians hair, the black spots in his mind cleared up, giving in to this amazing warmth spreading through his veins. As if his body had longed so long for a drug and could finally relish in it. Sebastian tenderly pushed him back until he led himself fall onto the bed, moving up after him, the brunet boy never broke their kiss, placing his hands right and left from his head. Blaine moaned into their kiss, this was his dream coming true.
--
Epilogue:
Eight months down the road, Sebastian grunts while dragging another box out of the back of the truck their parents have rented for them for the day. It's glaringly hot outside, as if the sun is honest to god trying to compete with Blaine's impeccable mood.
"Why do we have so much goddamn stuff." He mutters and jumps down from the truck again, reaching out to take the box into his arms. With the furniture already up and halfway to being completed while their fathers bickered over the correct way of handling a screwdriver and Thad, Cooper and Blaine did most of the actual work, Sebastian had started with the boxes.
The really annoying part of moving into your college apartment.
Because there just never stopped being just one more.
Sebastian huffs and walks up to stairs to the apartment building, theirs is situated on the top floor but he had claimed the elevator for himself, note and all, already loaded with boxes. He is so not walking up three flights of stairs for every single goddamn box of so much fucking stuff.
How had they ever survived in a dorm room?
When the elevator stopped on their floor and opened its doors to the small corridor in front of their apartment, he was greeted with his boyfriend's bright smile. And Blaine's happiness wiped every kind of annoyance right out of his system again, as it always had.
"Hey." Blaine said and pulled him down for a kiss, rubbing his nose against Sebastian's as they pulled apart again, "My Mom called, they found the coffeeshop Thad recommended, and they're gonna bring coffee back." And Blaine laughed over Sebastian's sigh of utter relief. "Come on, Coop and I are done with the bedroom, we can store the boxes there for now. Are there still a lot?"
"Don't even ask." Sebastian whines and bends down to grab a box, smirking when he feels Blaine's hand stroking over his ass. "And I fear that will have to wait until the parentals and big brothers are gone, pseudo and real." Sebastian quips at him and together they walk past their fathers setting up the entertainment system in the living room, Thad with a few nails held between his lips while hammering the last piece of Sebastian's new desk into place.
This was going to be their home.
Right in the heart of New Haven, Yale campus just around the corner and with Thad a dear close friend living right across the street from them.
When the time had come to apply for colleges, New York had been in both their lists, Columbia and NYU, even though Blaine hadn't really made a secret out of not wanting to come face to face with Kurt for a long time still. Sebastian had assured him that he wouldn't be alone, that whatever they would decide on, they would make it work.
They had both also made it very clear to each other the choice of which colleges to apply to and which one in the end would end up being the chosen one would be a decision everyone made for themselves. And if that had ended up with them in long distance, Sebastian knew they would have made that work as well.
And still they had chosen Yale. Both of them. Independent of each other. Nick and Jeff had went off to Boston to join Wes and David in Harvard. Trent had chosen Columbia.
They are both looking forward to college, to new challenges and experiences. Together.
And as they are standing on the balcony that night, watching the sunset in their furnished new apartment, ignoring the what seemed like billions unpacked boxes, Sebastian knows they are going to make it work. Good and bad times, they'll be a power to be reckoned with.
Blaine sighs deeply, exhausted but so happy, and the sound settles so very deep in Sebastian's bones and as he wraps his arms around Blaine from behind, leans his head against Blaine's and presses a kiss into his curly hair, he thinks back to a conversation he had almost two years ago.
'Odds are by the end of the school year, I'll have Blaine and a Nationals trophy, and you'll have khakis and a Lima Bean apron, and that gay face.'
Turns out, he had just picked the wrong school year.
It hadn't been Junior year, it had been Senior year.
And Kurt had chased Blaine away by himself, had hurt and pushed a wonderful person away, because he hadn't been worth it, because Blaine had deserved someone better than a wannabee diva with a moisterizing fetish.
And as for the second part?
If Trent was to be believed and Sebastian has no reason not to, then it's not a Lima Bean apron but there is an apron and khakis involved, and a failed stint at NYADA.
Kurt Hummel had nearly ruined Blaine, and karma has taken its bitch into payment.
And meanwhile, their lives can't be better, especially because Thad had been right, that coffeeshop down the street was awesome.
"Why are you laughing?" Blaine whispers and turns around in his arms, looking up at him, framed by the golden light of the setting sun. It makes him look like the saving angel he was for Sebastian.
"Nothing important. Just happy." He tells Blaine who grins up at him, leaning up on his toes to give him a kiss.
"Me, too." Blaine agrees and then leans against Sebastian's chest, sliding both arms around him.
They have their happy ending and it couldn't feel better.