Work Text:
November 1st
I do not have many friends. Being a servant, there is not much time to socialize with other people. I admire many people, but I never have anyone to confide in about my infatuations. So, I have started to write in this book. Although my penmanship is horrific, along with my spelling, I think it will help. I have often overheard Romeo say that he enjoys talking to himself to mull things over. However, this would be frowned upon if I did this, so it is better that I write it down. I pray to Venus that this book is never looked upon.
November 6
Often, I find myself staring at Romeo as I do my menial tasks. Sweeping the floor, dusting statues, I watch him speak to his parents and read or write. It is not often I am allowed in his room, but when I am, I savor my time. I enjoy looking around his chambers, and try to imagine him in there, and what he does in his free time. Sometimes, in my darkest hours, I even imagine myself in there with him.
November 8
Romeo rarely speaks to me, but today he has, and I feel as if this momentous occasion should be recorded. So, for when I feel down, I will be able to read this entry and remember my elation and ecstasy of when he graced me with his presence. I was sweeping, as Master Montague had instructed me to do. Romeo came up to me and asked,
“Hadden, have you ever been in love?” I nodded my head, for I was too nervous to speak. He sighed quietly, and then walked away, with a skip in his step. I like to imagine he was asking me for himself, to imagine if I was in love with him. My existence is a sad one, and I know this. However, I take whatever I can to make it brighter.
November 12
Romeo has found a new love, and has obviously been scorned by this love. He has been hiding in his room, with all the curtains drawn, in the dark, sobbing so much it seems as if he could flood a river. His friends, Benvolio and Mercutio, have not figured it out yet, but they are fools. I have watched Romeo enough to know his mannerisms, and I know when he is sad or in love, which is currently both. Nobody knows Romeo like I do. I wish I could help him, but, unfortunately, we are not close enough, and will likely never be. I could only dream.
November 15
Finally, Benvolio and Mercutio have figured out why Romeo is so sullen. I have overheard that they are going to the Capulets’ party to try to relieve Romeo of his sadness. It is a masquerade party, so perhaps I could don a mask and find my way in. Maybe even approach Romeo, for I will commit his mask to my memory. I could speak to him, as a person, and not pining servant to master. It all depends on whether or not I can sneak away from Montague tonight. I should get to planning my escapade.
November 16
Oh, it is terrible. Romeo has found a new love, and it is not me. Just as I was to approach Romeo, he approached a girl instead. I slinked into the shadows, to watch this exchange with burning jealousy threatening to rear its ugly head inside of me. However, I have mastered the art of cloaking my emotions. Romeo spoke to the girl, obviously no more than fifteen, with admiration like no other. It was obvious from the first word he was taken with her. Oh, how I wish I could rid of this girl so I would have been able to talk to Romeo last night. The worst part was the kiss. I could not bare to watch this anymore, so I fled back to my chambers. The rest of the night was spent in tears and sorrow.
November 18
O, sad day! Romeo has been punished for the murder of Tybalt of the Capulet family. I care not for Tybalt, for he was a unimportant Capulet. It is Romeo’s punishment that sorrows me. I will never be able to bask in his radiance as I once did. For all I know, Romeo has been killed by Prince. I cannot simply imagine what would happen if I were to be without Romeo. Anything would be better than his death, even his banishment. Banishment, although much like death, means that Romeo would at least still be alive and well, which is all I ever hope for. It is all I allow myself to hope. I think, perhaps, I will go to Friar to see if he will be able to counsel me.
November 18
Usually, I do not write this much, but so much excitement has been happening lately I feel as if I might explode if I don’t reveal this to someone! When I went to visit Friar, I saw Romeo as I was walking in! I was overcome by nervousness, so I simply decided to watch through the doorway instead of approaching the two. However, it was a good thing I decided to listen! I am now sure Romeo is in love with someone, and it is Juliet of the Capulet family! This is simply impossible! Juliet, of the family that he despises and has recently slain a member of is his one true love? They are also married, which made me so jealous I had to return back to my chambers, or I would have interceded the conversation and revealed myself. It has also been revealed that Romeo was simply banished, thank the Lord. Although I have no idea where he travel, I will pray for safe passage to his new home. Among my jealousy, I try to find a person to blame for Romeo’s banishment. As I will not dishonor the dead, my thoughts fall upon Juliet. Wicked Juliet, whom has stolen Romeo’s love for me. I wish there was something I could do to rid this world of the villainous Juliet.
November 19
There is a thought inside me to end my life now that Romeo is gone. However, it would be useless. What good would it do? Romeo would not even love me in death. Romeo, found dead in Juliet’s tomb with her, Paris found dead outside and Juliet stabbed days after her death. There is talk that there was a scheme by the Friar, and it does not surprise me. I had learned Romeo was banished through my visit to Friar, after all. Perhaps it is good Romeo is gone. Maybe I will be able to get over my love for him, now that he will no longer be in my vision. Out of sight, out of mind, after all. Maybe I’ll be able to pine after someone more realistically. Yes, it is good, I have decided. Because, after all, a boy in love with a boy, what’s worse than that?