Chapter Text
Finn grunted slightly as he opened the door to the locker room and looked around. He knew he was getting there late, but he was still surprised to find it practically empty. A part of him had been hoping someone would be waiting for him. He sighed as he located one of the few remaining empty lockers and dropped his bag in it. Expecting anyone to be waiting for him was ridiculous and he knew it. He had been asked to do some media that morning to promote Summerslam, as the massive event was only a week away, and had no idea when he would be at the arena that day. So how could anyone else have known? Still, he had to take a second to shake the creeping insecurities away before heading back out of the locker room.
His heart fluttered as he heard the unmistakable cackle of Seth Rollins echoing down the hall as he neared the catering area. He picked up his pace a little as a smile grew across his face, looking forward to seeing the younger man despite them having driven the three-hours to their hotel after the previous night’s show together. Finn didn’t know what their relationship was, neither man had yet acknowledged openly any feelings they may have had for the other. What Finn did know, was that no one else made him feel the same way Seth did. And if he could spend every waking moment with him, he would. Seth was funny, kind, and as excitable as a puppy. He was also unfailingly supportive, and always made sure to be there after the shows where Finn had a rough go of it. Finn returned the favor, remembering spending hours with Seth after he lost the Intercontinental Championship a few weeks prior, holding him and letting him vent out all the frustrations of the night.
If Finn was honest with himself, he was completely and incurably head-over-heels in love with Seth Rollins. However, he was okay letting things play out slowly if that was the other man wanted. As long as he got to continue to spend so much time with Seth, he was happy.
As he came within a few feet of the door to catering, he began to be able to make out voices and words. “Come on,” he heard Seth spit out with a laugh. “You don’t really believe in all that supernatural occult shit, do you?”
Finn froze, his heart dropping into his stomach. Instead of entering the room he leaned up against the wall next to the entryway, allowing himself to eavesdrop.
“What, angels?” Bayley replied, her voice sounding a bit confused by Seth’s comment.
“Angels, demons, ghosts, whatever. You can’t really think any of that stuff exists, right?” Tears stung Finn’s eyes at Seth’s words, and the harsh tone they were said in. It felt like he’d been slapped in the face. “I mean seriously, it’s all a load of bullshit.”
Load of bullshit… Finn had to close his eyes as he repeated Seth’s words in his head. Please tell me he doesn’t actually think that. Please…
“Doesn’t Finn believe in the occult? I mean, he’s got the whole ‘Demon King’ thing, right?” Bayley asked.
His heartbeat started racing while he waited for Seth’s response, and he had to fight to keep from hyperventilating. He felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack. “I don’t know, we’ve never really talked about it,” Seth answered plainly. “Look, Finn Bálor can believe in whatever weird Irish myths he wants to believe. But until a scientist comes and drops a research paper in my lap that proves it’s all real without a shadow of a doubt, I stick by what I said. It’s a load of shit.”
Finn felt like his entire world was collapsing in on him. He hadn’t yet shared his secret with Seth, in fact he hadn’t shared it with anyone since joining Raw a couple years prior. He had been planning on letting him know, and was strongly considering telling him next weekend, after Summerslam. He had always assumed that Seth would be accepting of it, or at the very least be understanding. If nothing else he’d thought he would simply because it was a part of who Finn was, and he knew Seth trusted him enough to believe him when he’d promise to make sure nothing happened because of it. Now he knew otherwise, knew that he could never share that side of him with Seth. And to say that it hurt would be an understatement.
Fighting back the tears that again threatened to fall, Finn changed his mind about going to catering. Turning on his heel, he headed back down the hallway to try and find somewhere he could be alone instead.
*****
The smile on Seth’s face was contagious. He had practically skipped backstage after Raw went off the air, the combined feeling of having Dean Ambrose back and the crowd’s reaction to seeing the two of them together making him almost giddy. It had been a great night at work. Well, almost great, he thought as he began to make his way back towards the locker room finally. He hadn’t seen Finn all night, almost as if the Irishman had been avoiding him for some reason. He had, though, seen Finn’s match that night and the attack by Baron Corbin that had followed it. Thinking about it made his blood boil, especially because it happened during the brief time that he wasn’t even in the arena. The whole thing had transpired while Seth was on a bus in the parking lot, trying to coordinate with Dean for his arrival to the venue, causing him to be unable to run out to the ring and help his friend.
Friend. That word didn’t feel like it fit anymore. To be honest, it hadn’t for a long time. He and Finn’s relationship had turned into something so much deeper at some point, and he knew he wasn’t the only one who felt that way. It was almost silly, he mused, how they’d been dancing around their feelings with neither one of them admitting it yet. To him, the timing had never seemed quite right for that kind of declaration. He knew it would happen someday, though, as soon as he knew it was the right moment.
His dark eyes lit up for a second as he opened the door to the locker room and spotted Finn, but concern soon took over as he looked over the man. Finn was sitting on the small bench that sat in front of the lockers, hunched over so that he was leaning his arms down on his thighs, his head down almost on his hands. He was wearing just a pair of track pants and his shoes, his shirt barely hanging onto the bench next to him as if he’d simply given up halfway through getting dressed. His short dark hair was messy like he’d run his hands through it repeatedly, and an icepack had been taped across one of his shoulders. “Hey,” Seth said softly, and when Finn looked up at him a few moments later the red rimming his eyes gave away that at some point during the night he had been crying.
Seth immediately plopped himself down on the bench next to him, grateful that they appeared to be alone. “Hey,” he said again, placing one of his hands on one of Finn’s. “You okay?”
Finn took a deep breath and started to sit up a little straighter, wincing a bit as he did. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” he muttered, his gaze floating back to the floor. Even though he knew he was trying to hide it, Seth still noticed how defeated he sounded when he answered.
Seth gave Finn’s hand a squeeze. “I saw what happened after your match,” he told him, and Finn let out an exasperated groan at him for bringing it up. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be there.”
Finn shook his head, bringing his eyes up to meet Seth’s briefly. “Don’t worry about it, mate. I know you had a lot going on tonight.” Finn saw the warmth in Seth’s eyes, his big beautiful eyes, and emotions of all sorts started swirling around his head. “I bet it felt good to beat the shit out of those two tonight,” he added to change the subject, a small grin crossing his face as Seth started laughing.
“Oh man, it felt amazing!” Seth replied. After Dean had finally arrived at the arena the two of them went to town on Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre, the two men who had been trying to make his life miserable over the past few months. “You’ll get your chance on Sunday,” Seth grinned. Finn gave a small laugh in response and looked away again, and Seth gently reached over and cupped his chin, directing Finn’s eyes back into his. “I’m serious, Finn. With all the shit he’s put you through, Corbin won’t know what hit him when you step in that ring at Summerslam.” Seth paused, gently stroking Finn’s beard with his thumb as he again found himself admiring how beautiful the man was. “You’re amazing.”
They sat there like that for a while, quietly drinking in the moment. Then Seth took a deep breath, and without allowing himself to think any further he leaned in and planted a deep, passionate kiss on Finn’s lips. Finn returned the kiss almost immediately, and Seth let out a small whimper as one of Finn’s hands began to tangle itself in his hair. As Finn finally pulled away quite some time later, Seth allowed the relief he felt to show on his face. “I’ve wanted to do that for months,” he whispered, looking deep into the Irishman’s eyes. “I love you, Finn.”
Finn bit his lip, the rush of euphoria he’d felt at finally getting to have that moment with the man he loved so much fading almost as soon as it arrived. He sat there for seconds that felt like ages, quietly searching Seth’s eyes, his heart slowly breaking as he realized what he was going to have to do. I wish I could be the Heaven you deserve, but if you’re looking for Heaven it sure as Hell ain’t me. He knew Seth would hate him, Hell he would hate himself for it, but he didn’t see any other way.
Seth backed up a little, the joyous smile he’d had slowly fading into a concerned frown. “Finn?” he questioned, never losing eye contact with the man across from him. “What’s wrong?”
Finn smiled sadly, his blue eyes filling with the ache his heart was feeling. “I love you, Seth. Fuck, I love you so much it’s killing me,” he began, the confusion and longing in Seth’s eyes making this even harder than he’d imagined. “But I know this won’t work. We won’t work.” His voice cracked as he spoke, and he stood quickly and started to walk away so Seth wouldn’t see him cry.
Seth felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. “Wait, Finn, please” he begged, grabbing Finn’s wrist to keep him from leaving. His eyes watered as Finn stopped, but didn’t turn to face him. “At least tell me why.”
Finn sighed and turned around, no longer caring about the tears as they began to flow down his cheeks. Because I’m dangerous, Finn thought dejectedly, I’m dangerous in ways you can’t even imagine, but I can’t tell you because… “Because you don’t believe in me,” he answered, so quiet Seth almost didn’t hear him. He leaned down and placed a small kiss on Seth’s forehead before removing his wrist from Seth’s grasp. Then he grabbed his shirt and bag quickly and walked out of the room without even a backwards glance, leaving Seth stunned and devastated.