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More than You'll Ever Know

Summary:

After getting hurt and captured Satya realizes she has an important choice to make, Jamison has a lot to think about, and both realize just how much they love and need the other.

A gift for prongsie on tumblr for the Symmrat Gift Exchange

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When Satya slowly came to she felt like her head had been stuffed with cotton. Everything sounded so distant. For a few brief moments she felt unnervingly numb.

But as she woke back up so did all the pain.

Crying out, her eyes snapped open and she struggled to look down at her leg, to figure out what on earth was causing her so much pain. Everything was dark around her, even with her eyes open but she was desperate to see.

She felt so disjointed it took her a moment to realize she couldn’t curl over because someone was physically holding her back. That’d she’d actually been sleeping in someone’s lap before her pain woke her back up. They hugged her close, refusing to let her move. And she realized they had been saying something… And she recognized their voice.

“Easy darl, easy. Still alive. We’re fucked up but we’re still alive…”

“Jamie,” She managed to rasp out. Her throat felt miserable. She must have screamed herself hoarse earlier. “What happened? Where-”

Junkrat was quick to cut her off. “Dunno the where. As for what and why, we we’re in Oasis. You remember that?”

Everything hurt. It almost hurt to even try thinking. But slowly, breathing through her nose and gritting her teeth, Satya was able to recall their mission. The massive battle with Talon.

And almost immediately she felt a pit grow in her stomach.

“The girls! Where are they! Hanna, Brigitte, Efi-”

“They got away. Got through that portal you made” Junkrat said, keeping his voice low before grimacing at their current situation. “Can’t say the same thing about us though…”

Satya could remember now. The bridge was about to fall, her plan had originally been to open a teleporter so their teammates, their temporary charge Efi and they could get through back to safety. Hana’s meka had to be abandoned after it was fried. Brigitte’s shields had been completely depleted, she’d insisted on spending the last of it protecting Satya as she opened the pathway. They’d managed to get all three girls through before a massive explosion rocked the entire bridge and sent the entire thing crashing down, with Junkrat, Symmetra and countless others still on it. Free falling surrounded by debris.

“Jamie?” Satya groaned. Ignoring Jamison’s worried noises as she tried to sit upright. “Jamie? What happened to my leg?”

“Nothing good I’m afraid. I ain’t Mercy so I don’t know what’s wrong exactly. But I patched you up best I could.”

Satya finally looked down and sure enough she saw her leg. Jamison had taken the time to wrap a huge portion of her left thigh and both of her calves in bandages. From what she could see though there was deep bruises peeking out from under those bandages. And when she shifted her shoulders Satya realized she must have hurt her arms as well.

“Just don’t put any weight on it. Relax. Don’t want you hurting yourself anymore...” Junkrat tried to keep his normal inflection, but he couldn’t hide how worried he must be because Satya can hear it clear as day and it hurts her heart a little.

She’d rather not think about that. Instead she leaned back into Jamision’s arms and just thought. And quickly it dawned on her what was bothering her about their current story. Besides her getting so badly hurt and the giant gap that seemed to exist between the bridge falling and now.

“Did anything else happen? Before the explosions?” Satya asked. “If we fell off the bridge from the height we were at we would most likely be dead. Not hurt.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Jamison agreed. “I remember the girls getting through the pathway. And I remember you and I falling down. But after that it gets fuzzy. Dunno what happened exactly.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean my brain’s telling me we saw this neon purple glowing! Then it all went black. And I woke up here with you, just before some Talon blokes locked us away. But I’m not sure how real any of that is!”

Satya tried to recall but if there was any sort of technology developed that utilized a neon purple light, she hadn’t heard of it. At least none that was used for matter suspension or teleportation like she was thinking of.

Jamison continued when Satya wasn’t able to give him an answer. “Don’t know how they did it, or what they want. But they got us Sym’. And they got us good. I swear it’s like-”

Jamison suddenly cut off and yelped when Satya tried to shift and bumped up against his leg.

“Jamie! Jamison, I’m so sorry! What did I do?”

Trying to ignore how Jamison’s whimpers stabbed directly into her heart, Satya looked back down and realized he had taken off his home-made leg and thrown it a few feet away. And not only was Symmetra suffering from wounded legs but Junkrat had been as well. And she noticed how he’d used ripped clothes over his own wounds rather than the proper bandages that had been used on Satya’s own legs.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt too?”

“It ain’t a big deal.”

“And why didn’t you use proper bandages on your legs?”

“Used them all up on your wounds. But it’s fine, ain’t a big-”

“It is to me!” Satya said, louder than she originally intended. Continuing, she tried to lower her voice. “How can you stand even holding me in this state? If you’re even in a fraction of the pain I’m in right now you should be miserable.”

“It’s fine.” Junkrat said again with a huff. “I’m use to the pain.”

Satya heard enough. Trying to ignore the twinge in her shoulder she looked over her hard-light arm. Thankfully her hand hadn’t been confiscated by whoever took them. And just like she’d expected, there were two healing charges left from their battle before. While nowhere close to the healing powers of Mercy each of Satya’s own charges could aid a little in rapid regeneration and healing. Two charges shared between them wouldn’t be enough to heal all their wounds. However, two might be enough to heal at least one of them completely.

Ignoring her own pain, and ignoring the dread of having to suffer on her own without painkillers for who knew how long, ignoring her own self-preservation and selfish fears, Satya used her last two charges to completely heal Jamison.

For a few moments his whole body shivered. And then as if a string had been cut he finally sagged in relief. When he realized what she’d done, he turned to her. Livid.

“What the- The hell’d you do that for!?”

“I only had enough power to heal one of us.” Satya explained slowly.

“Yeah? And you wasted it all on me!?”

“It wasn’t a waste Jamison.”             

“You should’a used it on yourself!” Jamison groaned, exasperated. “Just look at you! You looked like you’re crawling away from death’s door! Why didn’t you just help yourself?”

“And just leave you to continue suffering silently?” Satya asked with a raised eyebrow. “Jamison I care about you! I love you! And if I have any power in the matter than I refuse to let you suffer!”

Jamison wanted to retaliate. But at first there was nothing he could say. So he let out a frustrated groan that practically turned into a scream. “I hate this!” He said, while mad he only hugged Satya tighter. “This is so messed up!”

“You’re acting like I ruined everything.” Satya huffed.

“Cause you did!” Jamison snapped back. “If I was hurt I could grit my teeth, muster through like I usually do!”

Satya tried to turn around to glare at Jamison, gingerly turning her body. “And you don’t think I can… Muster like you said?”

“I don’t want you to have to Satya! I don’t want you to be in pain! I don’t like seeing you hurt like this!” Jamison practically cried out.

“And I feel the same way about you.” Satya stated plainly, though talking so much was beginning to take its toll on her. The longer she talked the hoarser and weaker her voice got. “Now at least one of us has been healed and in my opinion it’s for the better that it was the person risking infection because they dressed their open wounds and broken bones with dirty tatters-”

Jamison grumbled, in a way he knew she had a point, even if he hated it. And he could tell that all this arguing was becoming too much for her. “Alright, alright, calm down. You’re gonna hurt yourself even more if you keep this up.”

For a while things grew quiet once again. The silence of their dark cell was almost deafening. Jamison assumed Satya had fallen back asleep when he heard her voice come back in a hushed tone. Her eyes closed softly and her breathing finally evening out.

“Jamison?”

“Darl?”

“I don’t regret my decisions.”

“Yeah, I figured that much-”

“Because I believe in you.

Jamison fell silent, surprised, and let her continue uninterrupted.

“I know you. I love you. And I know if anyone can figure out a bad mess it’s you. I have no doubts that together we can find a way through all this…”

Jamison shook his head sadly. “You shouldn’t say that. I’m stuck in the dark here just as much as you.”

“Even if that’s true you still have me… I’m not sure how much help I can be physically-”

“And who’s fault it tha-”

“But I’m still here.” Satya said, firmly. And you were right we’re both still alive. We’ll find our way. And when we see our opportunity we’ll take it and leave all this behind.”

“You really think so?” Jamison couldn’t hide his worry. “What if we never see an opportunity? What if we’re stuck here, left to die? We have no idea where we are and you’re too weak to move, and I don’t wanna break anything else on you carrying ya’around!”

“Exactly when did you forget we are the teammates of trained scientists and military specialists?” Satya asked, her voice only having a small fraction of her normal dryness it normally had but still being effective even while struggling to stay awake. “I’m sure somewhere outside of here the team is waiting for us. Looking for us. No matter what either we’ll go to them or they’ll come in here and help us. Jamison, you aren’t alone in here. We aren’t alone…”

“You really think that?” Jamison asked. She knew he already doubted her and himself.

“What else can we believe in?” Satya replied lightly. Whatever willpower Satya had to stay awake ebbed away and she fell back asleep for real.

Jamison continued to just hold her. Hugging her close. And brushing a few strand of hair away from her face as her body went slack and her head turned. He held her like she was one of the most precious things in his world. And whether she knew it or not she truly was. Never had he ever met a person like Satya Vaswani. A person who turned all his expectations upside down, caught him by surprise, and managed to steal his heart from his chest. He already knew he’d never meet another person in his entire lifetime quite like her…

And he still couldn’t believe her. That the Symmetra, paragon of logic, reason and wisdom, had done something so reckless. So stupid! Throwing all her strategy and smarts to the wind and wasting her power on someone like him. Someone who was use to pain. Someone use to dragging himself away on bloody hands and lick his wounds. Someone who knew how to take care of himself for the most part.

She knew all that and still she choose to heal him over himself.

And it was the reasons that caught him off guard the most. She did it because not only did she love him, but she believed in him. She trusted him. She trusted him so whole-heartedly that she refused to even heal herself because she had faith that he would be able to look after her. That he’d be able to form a better plan to get them out of here.

And Jamison “Junkrat” Fawkes would be a dead man if he failed Satya now.

So gently readjusting himself so he didn’t jostle Satya, he moved her to rest on his healed legs and began to actually look around their cell. He’d been so caught up in Satya when he first woke up he’d hardly even paid attention to where they were. It just as dark and dreary as he’d assumed but when he let his eyes adjust he began to notices the edges of the room, where the walls met the ceiling and the floor. And where they met a door as well.

“Don’t you worry, ‘Metra.” He whispered, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead. “I’m gonna figure this mess out and spring’us before you know it.”

Almost as if replying, Satya murmured something in her sleep before sighing and slipping away again.

She was right, Jamison thought with a small smile, time to stop dawdling and get to work! No point in waiting for the rest of the team find them first!