Chapter Text
It’s been two years; two years of flashes into the future, into the past, both of them blending together one on top of the other in a tangled weave until Keith can’t tell them apart. It feels like going mad.
He sees himself as he falls in love with Lance, sees himself leave, watches as they come back together again. He sees their first date, their wedding, their lives together. Two years of a lifetime filled with love and pet names and a tenderness so deep it makes him ache.
Two years is a long time to get used to calling someone by terms of endearment more often than their name. So long it’s hard to stop.
Keith falls deeper in love with Lance at every wave until by the time they’re free of the Quantum Abyss, it already feels like Lance is his; until he hails the Castle of Lions and everything comes crashing down around him.
That first night is the hardest. He has to struggle through the jealousy and hurt and tangled, thorny memories in his head. It’s hard to call Lance by his name when he has a thousand others darting around inside him.
Keith spends that first night in the castle on the observation deck. It’s hard to sleep in his room. He can’t stand the darkness, can’t sleep without the stars anymore, can’t stand the feeling of the bed under him. It’s soft and forgiving and uncomfortable after so long sleeping on the ground.
He falls asleep with the cold steel under his back with nothing but Kosmo at his side and a thin blanket. When he dreams it doesn’t hurt anymore. Maybe that’s why, when he hears his name being called, it’s so easy to slip up.
“Keith?” Lance is standing in the doorway, a cup of something steaming in his hands and Keith blinks blearily up at him.
“ Mi vida ? What are you doing up?” He sits up on one elbow, rubbing at his eyes. “What’s wrong?” He shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind. “Insomnia again?”
Lance is staring at him, his face ashen.
“Lance?” Keith comes fully awake, his heart giving a hard thump at that look on Lance’s face. He startles at the name.
“W-What did you just- call me?”
Keith scrubs another hand over his eyes, frowning. “Your name, dummy. What’s going on?”
Lance’s eyes dart around the room and he looks terrified. “You-” His breathing is ragged. “You called me-," He strangles on the words. " mi vida. "
Now he’s awake. Keith’s eyes fly open, his heart giving a heavy kick in his chest. No. No no no. This isn’t supposed to happen.
He can’t form the words to deny it and they’re left staring at each other, Keith’s heart breaking at that look on Lance’s face. He can’t stand it. Keith drops back down to the floor with a groan. His head bounces off the metal and he winces, covering his eyes with both wrists.
“Damn it…” His voice is little more than a rasp. He’s trying so hard not to cry. Kosmo whines beside him and Keith runs an idle hand over his head.
They haven’t even had a chance to start and he’s already ruined it.
“What the hell, Keith.”
“Go back to bed.” Keith crosses his wrists over his eyes, clasping them with his hands. He doesn’t mean to beg, but he’d give anything to erase the last few minutes.
“What does that mean?”
“It means you need sleep.”
“ Keith. ”
His jaw flexes at Lance’s tone, desperate for answers Keith isn’t sure Lance really wants to hear. Keith’s arms fall back into the floor behind his head and he stares at the ceiling.
“What do you think it means?” He sounds so defeated, glassy ey a fixed on the ceiling.
“No, don’t do that,” Lance snaps, “don’t deflect. Answering a question with a question isn’t an answer.”
“Why not?”
“You’re still doing it!”
Keith’s head snaps around to glare at Lance.
“It means I’m in love with you alright? Jesus, Lance I spent two years drowning in memories of you, seeing flashes of the future and there wasn’t a single memory you weren’t in, okay? How could I not-” He swallows thickly, trying to force back the tide of emotion he’s drowning under.
“How could I not love you?” The words drag out of him, burning as they go. “Before or after that?”
Lance looks like he’s going to drop the mug in his hands. It’s tipping dangerously to one side and Keith can see the liquid inside creeping ever closer to the rim.
“What am I supposed to do with that?” Lance sounds desperate for answers.
Keith shrugs, hurting and scared. It feels like someone’s ripped half of him away.
“Whatever you want.” He can feel his heart crack. Giving Lance the chance to walk away is killing him.
“The future isn’t set in stone.” He hopes Lance can’t hear the tears in his voice, see them sliding over his temple under his hands which he’s dragged back over his eyes.
“It never was. I had a long time to come to terms with being in love with you.” His voice sounds like gravel. God, he really needs to shut up.
“I know you haven’t had the same amount of time.” Keith's fingers tighten around his wrist until the bones grind together. “I don’t expect anything from you. I never did.” He takes a jagged breath, trying to make his voice level.
“And try switching to ginger tea. It’ll put you back to sleep.” The words are thick in his throat, the memories flashing behind his eyes. “Always did.”
Keith rolls over, turning his back to Lance, trying desperately not to think of a little girl with dark hair and bright eyes or her little brother, the two children he loves so deeply and hasn’t even met yet. Their children. He hadn’t even realized how badly he wanted them until now, until he realized he may never have them.
It’s a long time before Lance shuffles out of the room.