Chapter Text
Sitting at the Wild Pony and nursing a beer as he took in the crowd around him had become a weekly routine for Michael. Either he would get himself drunk enough to go home and pass out, pick a fight and end up at the drunk tank in the Sheriff’s department or take a random, nameless woman back to his truck and try to forget everything for a few miserable minutes. Ever since Alex walked back into his life a few weeks back, Michael found himself unable to go about his weekly routine any longer.
Three incredible nights was all he got until Alex decided they were through again. He tried to keep a mask of indifference with everyone around him when deep down, he was gutted at losing the only person he had ever loved for a second time. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t see Maria come to a stop across him behind the bar, watching him with a frown.
“You doing okay, Guerin?” she finally asked, and he snapped his head up.
It took a few seconds, but his charming smile made its appearance as he leaned back in his stool. “Hey DeLuca.”
“Something’s up with you lately,” she said, crossing her arms at her chest.
“You been paying attention to me? Got to say, I’m flattered,” he replied with a wink.
She narrowed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to get a read on him. “Usually by now, you’re flirting up a storm with whatever available girl you can find in here.”
“Maybe I just need a drink first,” he said, losing a bit of his façade as he lifted his beer.
“No, it’s more than that. The past few weeks, you’ve been different.”
“I think you should pay more attention to the rest of the customers instead of nagging me,” he mumbled, looking away as she laughed.
“All I meant is that the girl over there has been sending you serious heart eyes for the past hour and you’re sitting here, completing ignoring her,” she said, motioning down the bar.
Michael tilted his head to the side and noticed three women seated at the end of the bar. The blonde was giving him a seductive smile, waving her manicured fingers his way. He turned back to Maria and shrugged, unfazed by the blatant display.
“Maybe I’m just not feeling it tonight.”
“More like you haven’t been feeling it for the past two weeks, maybe even longer than that. Do you need a pill?”
“Don’t you have people to serve?” he snapped, rolling his eyes.
She laughed again and made her way towards the other end of the bar. Sighing heavily, he stared down at his half-drunk beer and closed his eyes. He could still feel the press of Alex’s lips on his own, the feel of his arms holding him tight as Michael buried himself inside him. With everyone else, sex was an escape from his bitter reality. Michael would do the deed and leave as soon as things were done, never lingering. Only with Alex had he ever taken his time. For them, sex was never a chore. The passion and desire between them when they came together was an expression of their deep love for one another, one that even the most famous of poets could never transcribe.
Before he could lose himself in the bittersweet memories, he felt a hand grip his arm and turned to see the blonde taking a seat on his empty side.
“Hi there, baby,” she purred, leaning in to reveal her cleavage.
“Hey,” he found himself saying, unable to find the energy for anything more.
“I saw you across the bar and I thought to myself, there’s a cowboy who can show a girl a great time,” she said, suggestively licking her upper lip.
He watched her for a moment, trying to will himself to accept the distraction she was offering but his heart quickly betrayed him as thoughts of Alex returned to his mind. He remembered the way Alex had looked when he was under Michael in the small trailer bed, crying out in pleasure on the night before the drive in. As Michael had thrusted into him, harder and deeper with every move, he had found himself staring into the eyes of the only person he had ever so desperately loved. In that moment, flushed and unguarded, Alex had been the most beautiful thing Michael had ever laid eyes on.
Sensing his distraction, the woman leaned in and brushed one of his loose curls behind his ear. But her move had the opposite affect as he remembered all the times Alex had played with his curls. The feel of her hands on his face felt wrong.
“How about I give you a few minutes to think about it, baby? I’ll be over there with my friends.”
Rising to her height, she pressed her chest in his face before walking back to her seat, her curvy hips swaying as she moved. Michael turned back to his beer and sighed. Even drinking didn’t feel the same anymore. Knowing that he wouldn’t take her up on her offer, he spun to his right to flag Maria and call it a night when he saw Alex walk inside. His breath caught in his throat, seeing him for the first time in two agonizingly long weeks.
Unaware of Michael’s gaze, Alex took a few steps inside the bar, stopping at an empty table when someone suddenly bumped him from behind. He leaned forward on his crutch, gripping the side of a chair as his face scrunched up in pain. Michael jumped to his feet out of reflex, ready to rush towards him when he saw a pair of hands reach around Alex from behind. As Michael watched from across the bar, Kyle came into frame, one hand on Alex’s back to steady him as the other reached for the soldier’s arm.
“You okay?” Kyle asked, the concern in his voice obvious.
“I’m fine,” he replied through gritted teeth.
Alex took a deep, calming breath before standing straight and nodding at Kyle. Michael watched as Kyle dropped the hand on Alex’s arm but the one on his back lingered, pressing against the fabric of Alex’s shirt. A feeling of unease filled the pit of Michael’s stomach as he watched them from across the room.
“Alright, I’m going to head to the restroom and then grab us a couple drinks. You good?”
“I’m fine,” Alex repeated, this time with more of an edge.
Once Kyle disappeared, Michael watched as Alex limped towards another table closer to the end of the room, away from the obnoxious laughter of the rowdy crowd at the pool tables. Before his mind could catch up and stop him, Michael was on his feet and making his way over, reaching Alex before the soldier could sit down.
“You’re hanging out with Valenti now?”
Alex spun around and froze, his gaze going from surprise, to happy and finally growing sad.
“Doctor’s a pretty good step up though, right?” Michael found himself asking, ignoring the confusion in Alex’s eyes. “You can’t be with a criminal so a doctor’s definitely a better choice.”
"What are you talking about?” Alex asked with a frown. “Do you think I’m with Kyle?”
“You seemed pretty close from where I was sitting with Valenti getting all handsy with you like that.”
Alex let out an incredulous laugh at the words. “Guerin, Kyle and I are not together.”
“Right,” Michael said, dragging the word out, unable to hide his bitterness.
“Are you jealous?” Alex asked, a gleam in his eyes.
Michael had missed seeing that spark in Alex but couldn’t bring himself to engage in flirty banter. He was still too raw and heartbroken from their last falling out.
“Why would I be jealous? You broke things off again and I’m all the better for it,” he said, but lowered his voice so other patrons wouldn’t hear their conversation. “Just surprised that you’d be so up close and personal with that douche after everything he did to you in high school.”
The gleam quickly left Alex’s eyes, replaced by a hard look that Michael hated seeing.
“I think I remember better than anyone how he treated me back in high school,” Alex said, his anger showing through his words. “If for one second, you think I would turn around and so easily forgive let alone be with someone who hurt me like that, then you don’t know me at all.”
Michael's own anger swiftly disappeared, his shoulders sagging.
“Why are you here with him, then?”
“He’s attempting to make amends. Slow going, though,” Alex replied, reigning in his own irritation.
They stared at each other for another few seconds until Michael took a small step towards him.
“Can we talk?”
Alex’s eyes grew wide at the vulnerability behind Michael’s quiet words.
“Guerin…”
Before he could say anything more, the blonde from earlier slid her arm through Michael’s and tapped her fingers against his chest.
“Was wondering where you went, baby.”
Michael quickly glanced at Alex and saw the sudden hurt in his eyes. But as quickly as the pain had surfaced, it swiftly disappeared, replaced by a mask of indifference Michael himself recognized too well and had long ago perfected. Before he could untangle himself from the blonde, Kyle reappeared beside them.
“Hey, what beer do you want?” he asked Alex, tipping his chin at Michael in acknowledgment.
“You know what? Can we go, actually?” Alex asked in reply. “Not really in the mood for the bar scene right now.”
Kyle looked between the three for a moment before nodding. “Sure, dude, we can just head back to my place.”
As Alex turned to leave, Michael reached out and grabbed his arm on instinct, forcing the other man to stop.
“Can we please go somewhere and talk?”
Alex stared at him before looking at the impatient woman standing a couple feet away.
“Wouldn’t want to keep your date waiting,” he replied, removing his arm from Michael’s grasp and following Kyle towards the exit.
“Now you’re all mine,” she giggled.
“Look, if I gave the impression I was interested,” Michael exclaimed as he faced her, “I’m sorry because I’m not.”
Ignoring her incredulous scoff, he moved past her and rushed outside.
“Are you sure you’re okay? That’s seemed a bit tense back there,” Kyle noted as they slowly made their way to his car.
“It’s fine,” Alex said with a shake of his head when he suddenly felt a hand grab his own.
“Alex, just wait, please,” Michael said, releasing his hand before Kyle could notice.
“Look, why don’t I wait in the car. Take a minute,” Kyle offered and waited until Alex had nodded before he left them in the middle of the lot.
Once Kyle was out of earshot, Alex spun around heatedly.
“What do you want, Guerin? I thought I made my feelings clear at the drive in.”
“Yeah, you did,” Michael agreed and swallowed the hurt he felt at the reminder. “But I don’t buy it.”
Gripping Alex’s hips, he pulled the other man close until they were chest to chest, the sudden closeness making Alex gasp.
“You can’t deny the way I make you feel, when you’re under me, when I’m inside you,” Michael whispered, smiling when he saw Alex’s eyes flutter and his breathing quicken.
Michael took the distracted moment to slide one of his hands behind Alex’s lower back, pressing him in even closer.
“Don’t go with him,” he whispered. “Please come home with me.”
“That won’t solve anything,” Alex argued weakly and moaned when Michael bit lightly at his collarbone.
“It will feel good,” Michael said, leaning back to meet his eyes. “Come home with me.”
Alex took a deep, steadying breath and untangled himself from Michael’s arms, taking a step back. “I have to go. Goodbye, Guerin.”
Before Michael could reach for him again, Alex limped as quickly as he could towards Kyle’s car, getting in and silently pleading with the other man to drive. They were several minutes on the road when Kyle finally spoke.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really and not with you,” Alex said with a sigh.
“Look, man…,” Kyle started.
“No, you look,” Alex cut in, turning to face him. “You said you want to repair our friendship and for better or worse, I said okay. But we need to get something clear. We are not friends for good reason, Kyle, and saying you want to make it up to me is not something that will happen overnight if it happens at all. So, whatever advice you think you want to give, keep it to yourself.”
Kyle took a moment to digest his words before taking a left down another road.
“I get it, I really do,” he began. “But I’m still going to tell you anyway. Whatever the tension is between you and Guerin, I think you need to talk to him.”
Alex shook his head and looked out the window, taking in his surroundings.
“What are we doing here?” he asked just as Kyle pulled to a stop, Michael’s trailer in plain sight.
“You can hate me for it if you want but I think I’m helping you by doing this,” Kyle said as they looked at one another. “If I’m wrong, well, you can’t hate me any more than you already do.”
“You’re really going to make me get out?” Alex asked.
“I’m not going to force you, man,” he said and sighed. “But I think you need to.”
Alex watched him for a long moment before he opened the door and climbed out. Crutch in hand, he made his way towards Michael’s trailer, falling into one of the chairs scattered outside. Kyle hesitated for another few seconds before pulling back onto the road and driving off. Tipping his head up to look at the stars, Alex lost himself in the vastness above him.
Twenty minutes had passed when the sound of screeching tires dragged him back to the present. He looked down just as Michael made his way towards him, head lowered. When he finally looked up, Michael stopped dead in his tracks.
“You’re here,” he managed to say, staring down into Alex’s soulful brown eyes.
“Kyle kind of stranded me,” Alex replied with a dry laugh.
Michael made a slow approach towards the other man, afraid that any wrong movements would make him leave. Alex stared down at the ground, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts as Michael lowered himself to the chair beside him. They sat together in silence, taking comfort in one another’s closeness. As the seconds ticked by, Michael watched the fight slowly drain away from the other man.
“I missed you so much when I was overseas,” Alex suddenly confessed, his words breaking Michael’s heart all over again.
When Alex lifted his gaze, tears were welled in his eyes.
“Did you miss me?”
“More than anything,” Michael breathed out before reaching forward to touch Alex’s face, making him turn away from the caress.
“This won’t solve anything, Guerin. All it will do is make it that much harder in the morning.”
“Then don’t leave in the morning,” Michael whispered, his words forcing Alex to meet his gaze again. “Stay with me tonight and stay in the morning. Stay always.”
The quiet admission lingered in the air between them,
“Our problems will still be there,” Alex finally said.
Michael moved from his chair until he was kneeling between Alex’s legs.
“I know and I want us to hash this all out but for right now, will you come inside with me?”
Alex stared into his eyes and finally nodded. Standing up, Michael outstretched his hand and pulled Alex behind him to the trailer door. Once they were inside with the door securely locked, Michael pinned him against the kitchen counter, making sure his prosthetic leg was free from any weight and pressed their foreheads together. Their fingers locked below their waists as they closed their eyes and breathed each other in. Leaning closer, he captured Alex’s mouth with his, the immediate peace he felt allowing the rest of the world to fade away.
Untangling their fingers, Michael’s hands traveled down Alex’s torso, caressing him softly as Alex tipped his head back and sighed. Bringing his hands up to the collar, Michael began unbuttoning the garment, their gazes never breaking. The air between them was charged as Michael pulled the shirt off Alex’s shoulders and tossed it aside. Lowering his head to Alex’s chest, he lavished over one nipple, making Alex gasp, before he moved on to the next. His lips traveled up his neck, leaving a mix of kisses and bites against the tender skin until he stopped his travels over Alex’s heart. Closing his eyes to keep his emotions at bay, he pressed his face against him and listened to the rapid beat. They stayed that way until he felt Alex wrap his arms around him, running his hands up and down Michael’s back in comfort.
“You almost died,” Michael whispered, unable to stop his voice from breaking. “You were overseas, in the middle of the desert, alone, and you almost died, and I couldn’t do anything about it.”
“Shh, it’s okay, I’m right here,” Alex spoke softly in his ear, comforting and soothing Michael in a way that only he knew how.
When he was younger and things became intense at his foster homes, strumming a guitar was the only way Michael found peace in the chaos around him. Then Alex had walked into his life, dressed as a rebel with his eyeliner, nose ring and punk style, but carried a heart of gold and a gentleness within him that touched Michael to his core. Despite the heartbreaking abuse he suffered at his own father's hand, he still managed to show compassion to others and kindness to Michael. Kissing Alex for the first time that day at the UFO Museum was the best decision Michael had ever made in his twenty-eight years. With his hand mangled from the brutality of Alex’s father, the guitar had become an impossible escape, but Michael had realized after that first kiss that he no longer needed the instrument. Holding Alex in his arms, kissing and loving him always gave Michael a feeling of safety and peace that remained unmatched to present day.
Their grip on one another tightened until Michael lifted his wet eyes to meet his gaze. As the emotional connection between them intensified, Michael crashed his lips against Alex’s, slipping his tongue inside to savor the taste of everything he ached and longed for. Lifting Alex into his arms, he carried the other man towards his small bed and manhandled him down much like he had their first night a few weeks back. That night had been about discovering each other’s bodies again. Tonight, all Michael wanted was to make them both forget the heavy heartache that existed between them. Straddling his legs, Michael took in the breathless, flushed man beneath him and smiled.
“Beautiful,” he exclaimed before he covered Alex’s body with his own.
******
When Michael woke hours later, alone in his bed, a crushing disappointment filled him. Pushing the covers away, his eyes fell to a note pinned to the wall above the pillow.
This isn’t me running away. I had an early day at the base and didn’t want to wake you. I was afraid I’d never want to leave the bed if I did. I’ll call you tonight. Alex
Smiling as he reread the words, Michael fell back onto the bed, unable to squash the hope that jolted in his heart.