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Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before.
Tremble, little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your scores.
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck.
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck
~Little Lion Man, Mumford & Sons
Magnus doesn’t remember how he gets to the top of Brooklyn Bridge, or how long it actually takes him to get there, all he knows is he’s in a daze the entire time. Only pulled from it when he finds that his destination isn’t as abandoned as he’d thought.
“Oh, hey man, I’ll get out of your hair in a minute.” The young girl assures him, on an exhale of smoke. She can’t be more than eighteen, if that. “Just having a final cigarette and a drink, a toast to the future that will never be, you know?” she tells him, holding up her bottle of vodka. Magnus opens his mouth to ask what she’s doing here, but swiftly closes it, because that’s stupid, he knows exactly why she is here, the same reason he is.
“Got another cigarette?” he asks as he sits down beside her. It’s a habit they all kicked centuries ago, before the mundanes had even figured out just why cigarettes were bad, but by Lucifer, he needs something tonight.
“Help yourself.” The girl answers, chucking him her newly opened packet and a lighter. She smirks at him when he lights up and takes a long drag. “So, you wanna talk about it?” she asks, with a laugh just the wrong side of hysterical.
“Not unless you’ll return the favour.” Magnus answers, expelling the smoke, relishing the burn in his lungs.
“Well.” The girl exclaims, opening the vodka and taking a swig of it, before offering the bottle to Magnus, who hesitates just a second before accepting. He came here for one specific reason, is he really going to hold on to his decision not to drink anymore? “Well, this morning, I found out why I’m such a freak, then my mom figured it out, too, and cast me out of house and home. Apparently, good Christian women don’t knowingly keep the spawn of the devil in their home, even if they’ll willingly sleep with the devil in the first place…” the girl states, with a bitter little laugh. “She fucked a demon and spawned a demon child, but somehow that’s my fault? I didn’t ask to be born!”
Magnus almost chokes on the vodka but forces himself to swallow, handing her the bottle back, wiping at his mouth and rubbing at his chest at the extra burn choking gives to the alcohol.
“You look pretty normal to me.” He says finally, quickly taking a drag of the cigarette to give himself a distraction, to try and get his thoughts in order. When he looks at her again, he startles for just a moment to find slitted, green-golden eyes staring at him, similar to his own but… different. It takes him a moment to realize that where his eyes are those of a cat, hers are of a snake, like he’s heard the children of Satanus often have. “They’re beautiful.” He states, sees the way she recoils in shock at his reaction, but it’s not as if he’s lying, her eyes are beautiful, and while it has taken him centuries to come to terms with his own eyes, while it took Alexander to show him the error of his ways, he doesn’t want that for this girl, if for some reason she survives the night.
“Why aren’t you surprised? Horrified? Screaming about the spawn of Satan, the Anti-Christ?” she asks, downing a significant amount of vodka before gently passing the bottle back.
“I’ve seen eyes like yours before.” He answers honestly, rolls the bottle between his fingers, before he sighs and takes another drink. “I used to have eyes like yours, my father took it all back.” He explains, looking into the bottle like it holds all the answers. “The magic, the eyes, the long life, everything.”
“Long life?”
“Our kind are immortal.” Magnus answers, looking up at her and holding the bottle out again. “Live forever so long as we don’t take a mortal wound.”
“Is that why you’re here?” the girl asks, reaching out to take the bottle and hug it to her chest.
“Hmm, I gave up everything for my boyfriend, you see, including my house, my magic, my job, my title, my immortality. Tonight, he broke up with me. Told me he didn’t realize the spark he fell in love with was gone for good. I’ve... well, I've got nothing left.” Magnus admits, taking another puff of the cigarette and breathing out heavily. “I’m too bloody tired to start again!”
“Your boyfriend sounds like a dick, dude, no offense.” She states, Magnus shrugs his shoulders, feels the urge to defend Alec rise, but doesn’t react to it, doesn’t have the strength. “If I had a powerful… whatever we are, who was willing to throw away everything just for me, well, I’d pretty much do my best to give him back the world, no matter what it took, no matter what I had to sacrifice. If someone loved me that much… well, the done thing is to give them everything you can.”
“Thanks.” Magnus answers, with a little smile. “We’re called warlocks, by the way, if you decide the world still has something to offer you, you should seek out my friend, Catarina, she’d teach you everything you could possibly want to know about magic, including how to portal from one place to another.”
“No fucking way! Are you serious?” she exclaims, wide eyed. “Dude, I came up here because I figured there was literally nothing left for me, I mean my mom won’t even fucking look at me, and I got kicked out of school last week, I don’t have a job, I don't have anywhere to live, and I can’t really figure out how to control my freakish ways, but now you're telling me that I'm... not alone? It’s all real, and there’s more people with magic than just me, that they can help me?”
“There’s so many people in the world with magic.” Magnus tells her, shaking his head. “There’s a whole community here in the city. Have you heard of Pandemonium or the Hunter’s Moon?”
“Pandemonium is like… the most popular club in the city, but also the most exclusive, everyone’s heard of it, dude. But I’ve never heard of Hunter’s Moon?” she answers, shaking her head.
“Pandemonium is my night club. If you go there, speak with security and ask to see Lorana, tell them Magnus Bane sent you. Lorana, well, she won’t be happy about it, but she’ll help. If you go to the Hunter’s Moon, I imagine anyone in there would be able to help if you told them I sent you, but Maia's probably your best bet for a run down on the Downworld.” He explains, thinking it over. “You could also go to the local hospital and ask to speak with Catarina Loss, she’d help you, too.”
“Why can’t you just come with me?” the girl asks, at the question Magnus breathes in deeply and looks down over the side, at the water below. “If you’re going to end it all, anyway, what’s a few more hours? Unless… don’t tell me, your asshole boyfriend will be around?”
“No, he’s not like us. He’s something else entirely. They hang out in this old supposedly abandoned church in Manhatten. You have to be careful around them, they’re our world’s equivalent of law enforcement.” Magnus points out, smiling at the disgusted look that forms on her face.
“Oh, yuck, you dated a cop, and you thought that wouldn't end badly for you?”
“What can I say? Love makes fools of us all.” Magnus answers, shrugging his shoulders, she laughs and nods her head in agreement.
“Yeah. Hey, you said Pandemonium was your club, right?” she suddenly asks, Magnus frowns.
“Yes?”
“So, I’ve never been able to get in…” she tells him letting herself trail off, Magnus narrows his eyes at her, and glancing at the vodka bottle they’ve been passing back and forward, that's now just resting between them.
“Do you want me to ask how old you are? Because, I’ll feel an obligation to throw the bottle away if you tell me.” he points out, smiling sweetly when she narrows her eyes.
“Seriously?”
“Apparently I might have just saved your life, so that makes you my responsibility now.” He answers, shrugging his shoulders and stubbing out his cigarette. “I don’t make the rules, my dear.”
“Sure, sure. Can you at least teach me the portal thing?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.
“I would love to, but I-“ he cuts himself off, feeling suddenly nauseous and lightheaded and he presses his fingers to his temple and closes his eyes, sucking in a shaking breath at the wave of power that suddenly rushes through him, mingled with pain.
“Hey, are you alright? I mean, if you jump, that’s something totally different than just full on dying in front of me!” her frantic voice sounds in his ears, then just as suddenly as the pain and nausea came, it’s gone and he breathes in deeply and opens his eyes. “Whoa!” she exclaims, laughing. “Shit, dude, your eyes are pretty!”
“What?” he asks, blinking at her in confusion.
“You said you had eyes like mine, but wow!” she scrambles closer to look at Magnus, who frowns, realizes the warm feeling he suddenly has in his chest is his magic. He considers the girl’s words to him earlier in the evening and realizes exactly what’s happened. ‘If I had a powerful… whatever we are, who was willing to throw away everything just for me, well, I’d pretty much do my best to give him back the world, no matter what it took, no matter what I had to sacrifice.’
“Oh, Alexander.” He mumbles burying his head in his hands.
“Hey, are you okay?”
“Just figuring out that my boyfriend is not as much of an asshole as I thought.” He answers, his voice muffled against his fingers.
“He gave the world for you, huh?” she asks, amused. “Typical boys, can’t communicate.” She tells him, with a laugh. “How about you teach me how to do this portal thing, then go find your stupid lover boy?”
“Somehow, I think it would be a bad idea to teach you how to portal, without introducing you to the laws, first.” Magnus answers, a grin forming on his face as he looks up at her. “It really wouldn’t be a good idea to introduce you to the Shadow World just for you to immediately break the law and get arrested. Since I’m currently homeless, I’ll see if you can crash on my friend’s couch… hey, what’s your name, anyway?”
“Oh, Hope.” She answers, rolls her eyes at the look Magnus throws her, against his wishes. “Don’t even mention it!”
“I wasn’t going to say anything!” he argues, holding his hands up in surrender. “I swear, let me just see if my friend is able to watch you for the night. Please don’t tell her I let you imbibe alcohol in front of me!” he pleads, pulling out his phone.
“Why did you?”
“Uh, I figured if you were up here, you had more immediate concerns than underage drinking?” Magnus asks, raising an eyebrow as he dials a number he knows off by heart. Hope considers this point before nodding her head in agreement.
“Right.”
“Exactly.” Magnus answers, before he hears the sudden sound of loud party music in his ear, from his phone, and frowns. “Dorothea, are you not supposed to be resting?” he questions, the music suddenly cutting off.
“You have no proof that I’m not.” Dot answers, laughing. “What do you need?”
“I have found a new warlock, her mother has kicked her out, she’s-“ Magnus pauses and frowns at Hope. “How old are you?”
“Do you want an honest answer or do you want me to lie my ass off right now?” Hope asks, raising an eyebrow, Magnus snorts and rolls his eyes.
“She’s, uh, almost of age, I guess. I’d put her up for the night, but I’m currently homeless, plus I have to go and yell at my idiot Shadowhunter for breaking up with me so I’d get my magic back, so…”
“So, you need someone to baby warlock sit?” Dot asks, Magnus hums in response, frowning at Hope, who has once more picked up the vodka bottle that they abandoned a little while ago.
“Hope?” Magnus questions, she shoots him the thumbs up, and proceeds to pour the vodka out over the side, into the water below. Magnus nods his head in agreement with her decision, though he does wonder what affect, if any, it’ll have on the local wildlife. When the bottle's empty, he banishes it to the ether, amused at Hope's excited giggling.
“Oh, alright, Magnus. Send her over.” Dot finally agrees, before terminating the call.
“Right, Hope, my friend’s name is Dot, she’s probably going to teach you a thousand and one things about being a warlock, have fun with that and I’ll possibly see you in the morning.”
“Will you actually take me to Pandemonium at some point? I can’t believe I met the owner and I don’t even get a night at the club out of it.” Hope pouts at him, Magnus laughs.
“On the day you turn twenty-one, you come find me, swear on your magic that you really are twenty-one, and I’ll take you to Pandemonium.” Magnus promises, smiling when he sees the way her eyes light up, but before he can do anything else, she’s bounding forward to give him an excited hug, giggling in his ear before pulling away. “Now, really, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He tells her, forming a portal.
“That’s so amazing! I can’t wait till I can do that!” Hope exclaims, as she stands up and all but throws herself at the portal shouting “Yeet!” as she goes. Magnus stares after her in confusion, long after the portal has closed, and wonders just what is becoming of today’s youth. Before he pushes himself to his feet and portals away.
He’s not really sure where Alec will have ended up, but figures going to Alec’s bedroom to wait for his lover would be a good place to start, which is good thinking on his part, because he’s not there for very long before his stupid fool shows up, turning on the light.
“Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out?” he asks, the moment the room is suddenly bathed in light, startling Alec so dramatically the Shadowhunter lets out a yell and reaches for his bow.
“Magnus! For God’s sa-! What are you doing?” Alec exclaims, breathing heavily and putting down his bow, shutting the door behind him. “By the Angel!”
“Did you think I wouldn’t figure out why you broke up with me?” Magnus questions, ensures his cat’s eyes are showing, so Alec can’t deny it. “Did you think I wouldn’t question why and how my magic suddenly came back?”
“Don’t.” Alec states, shaking his head. “If you say the words, you’re going to lose your magic, again.”
“So be it.” Magnus answers, shaking his head. “If I can’t have both, I already made the choice to have only you.”
“But you’re not happy.” Alec replies, crossing his arms over his chest and sighing heavily. “You said, and you might never be happy.”
“Sadly, that is a part of life, Alexander.” Magnus tells him, stepping forward, while Alec tries to step backwards, his back hitting the door. “Do you know how I’ve spent my evening?”
“I couldn’t guess.” Alec answers, though Magnus is certain that’s a lie, since he can still smell the smoke on himself at the very least.
“After you left me, I wandered the city for a little while, then found myself up on top of the Brooklyn Bridge.” He explains, looking away when Alec’s breath hitches. “Of course, I was fully intending on jumping, but there was someone else up there, intending on the same.”
“Magnus-“
“Oh, don’t be so worried. We saved each other, as you tend to do when these things happen.” Magnus says, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I saved her and while we were talking, my magic came back and I figured out what fool thing you’d done, thus saving me.”
“You were really going to-?” Alec cuts himself off, shaking his head with grimace, like the very thought is painful to him.
“I told you… you were the only thing I had. You were… everything.” Magnus explains, shaking his head. “I don’t know how much clearer I could have been, Alexander.”
“I’m so-“
“I don’t want your apologies.” Magnus says, cutting him off. “I want you to tell me that you want me back, I want you to tell me that you’ll never do something like this again. I want you to tell me that you still love me. I want-“ Magnus’ voice breaks and he sucks in a shaking breath. “I want you. I don’t care about the loft. I don’t care about my magic. I don’t care about being High Warlock. I don’t care about any of it. I just want you. If I never get any of the rest of it back and all I’m left with is you, then that is everything I want, everything I will ever need.”
“But you wouldn’t be happy.”
“It’s not your job to make me happy! It’s something you want to do because… because you love me, but it’s not your job. If I’m unhappy, be at my side and let me know you’ll support me, but it’s not your job to make me happy. It’s not your job to fight all of my battles. It’s not your job to make all the bad things in my life suddenly go away, to make them all better. That’s not what I need from you, I just need you to be there for me, willing to support me while I figure myself out.” Magnus exclaims, rubbing his hands over his face. “By Lucifer, it’s just my luck to fall in love with the most self-sacrificing asshole I’ve ever met!”
“Hey!”
“Do you want the break up to stand?” Magnus asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m happy to go and remove my memories of you, if that’s the case.”
“What?”
“I’m not going to survive without you, Alec. So, if you don’t want to be with me, anymore. I’m going to go and get my memories erased and figure out how to restart my entire life.” Magnus shrugs his shoulders, knows there’s no other option, because he’s just so tired, and doesn’t want to start over from nothing, not when he knows he had everything and he gave it up... for nothing.
“And if I don’t want to break up?” Alec asks, visibly resisting the urge to reach out.
“Then we pretend like this all didn’t happen. If I lose my magic, so be it. I’ll find a way through, Alec. If I get to have a lifetime with you, that’s everything.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to resent me, Magnus. Ten years down the road, twenty, thirty… fifty. I don’t want you to wake up one morning and realize that you threw everything away for me, and you want it all back.” Alec replies, rubbing his eyes. “I love you, but I couldn’t bear it if you hated me for losing everything.”
“Never, I-“ Magnus pauses, as a fire message appears in front of him, he frowns, plucking it from the air.
Hehe! This is so much cooler than texting!!!
He stares at the message in confusion, when he notes there’s no signature, until another message appears and he plucks that one up, too.
You didn’t tell me you’re the one who invented portalling!! You can just invent spells?! Sweet!!
Then another message.
Oooohh, are you talking to asshole boyfriend? I’m so sorry!! Tell him I said hi!!
Well, that more than any of the other messages, definitely answers who is messaging him, and he’s going to murder Dot for teaching her.
“Right, uh, where were we?” Magnus asks, when he’s sure no more fire messages will appear, Alec’s staring at him with a raised eyebrow. “My rescuer/rescuee has discovered fire messaging under Dot’s guiding hand.” He explains, rolling his eyes. “She says hi, by the way.”
“Dot?”
“No, Hope, my rescuee/rescuer… hmm, saviour/savee?” he answers, frowning, before he shakes his head. “Anyway, despite never meeting him, she’s apparently got Jace’s knack for spoiling the moment.”
“Yeah.” Alec agrees, sighing heavily. “Do you think we can work, even if you lose your magic again and you never get it back?”
“Yes.” Magnus answers, emphatic. “I will never resent you. I gave up my magic of my own free will, no I didn’t really handle not having it very well, but I just needed time.”
“Okay.” Alec finally says, shoulders slumping. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“Yeah, I know.” Magnus acknowledges, stepping forward, hesitating before yelping in surprise when Alec reaches out and pulls him into a crushing hug.
“You almost died.” Alec whispers into his neck, Magnus’ feels the tell-tale wetness of tears and he sighs.
“I wouldn’t go that far, Alexander.” He murmurs, wrappings his arms around Alec and promising not to let go. “I was just… don’t think about it.” He finally says, doesn’t know what else there is to say, because if Hope hadn't been there, he's not sure he'd still be here, either.
“So, I owe this Hope chick like anything she wants?”
“Oh, no, don’t say that. Her current desire is to go to Pandemonium, but considering I doubt she’s even eighteen yet, you’re not telling her she can have anything she wants!” Magnus argues, laughing.
“Oh my god, she’s eighteen?!” Alec exclaims, Magnus shrugs against him. “Wait, am I even allowed to thank her for saving you, when the only reason she was there to save you was because she was planning on killing herself, too? Is that allowed? Or is that like... reinforcing the idea of-”
“You’re thinking too much into this, Alexander.” Magnus states, stealing a kiss. “Stop thinking about it at all, actually.”
“Well, you’re just going to have to distract me, because I’m pretty stuck on the thought of you dying, right now.” Alec points out, clenching his fingers in Magnus’ shirt. “Fuck, you nearly died.”
“O-kay! Time to re-acquaint you with Thank-God-You-Didn’t-Die sex…” Magnus states, pressing another kiss to Alec’s lips and all but dragging him to bed and proceeding to do just as he said. In the morning, they'll actually have to speak, but for now, Magnus just wants something resembling peace.
But it was not your fault but mine,
And it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time,
Didn't I, my dear?
But it was not your fault but mine,
And it was your heart on the line.
I really fucked it up this time,
Didn't I, my dear?
~Little Lion Man, Mumford & Sons