Work Text:
There used to be two parts of Pepper’s life, before Tony and after Tony. After Thanos, it became before the Decimation, and after the Decimation. Then it was before Morgan and after Morgan. And now— now it was before Tony and after Tony again. But this time— this time it wasn’t because of his entrance into her life, no, this time he had left.
It’s been three months since the funeral. Three months since the man she loved sacrificed himself for the universe, for his son, for her. Three months since they said goodbye.
A few days after the funeral Pepper found her and Tony’s wedding photo, the happiness they felt that day, promising to love one another forever, Tony had been so excited for their wedding, gleefully presenting her with “Mr. and Mrs. Potts monogrammed on every item imaginable, not listening when she reminded him he would be keeping his last name. The pure joy emulating from his smile was too much to handle, and she cracked.
That's where Morgan found her, leaning over that old photograph. The look of sorrow on her daughter’s face when she found her mother with tears streaming down her face, sorrow a five year old never should possess, was enough to snap Pepper out of it. Morgan was still too young to understand where her father went, young enough to be spared from pain. Pepper hadn’t cried since.
Slowly life began to return to normal, she returned as CEO of Stark industries, after a leave of absence, she signed Morgan up for summer camps and researched the best schools for her young genius. Morgan had playdates with Clint’s son Nathaniel, and Pepper, Happy, and Rhodey went out for dinner every week. Last week Friday had ‘accidentally’ showed Morgan footage of Peter’s less heroic moments, and the little toddler went around imitating Peter’s Thor voice. Pepper hadn’t laughed that hard in forever.
Life was better, but she hasn’t been able to bring herself to enter Tony’s makeshift garage lab. She had removed the painful memories of Tony from the house, but she couldn’t bring herself to enter the space that was so uniquely Tony. To clean it out would be to remove the one piece of him that was left. It remained untouched, armors left unfinished, as if he could return any minute. But today, it was time.
The door to the garage stood in front of her, a portal to a simpler time. It’s just a room, Pepper thought it’s not really him. Pepper placed her hand on the cool doorknob, turned, and pushed, stepping into the lab.
“Welcome Ms. Potts,” Friday greeted in her usual cheerful voice. The familiarity was enough bring a smile to her face, some things would never change. The lab remained unchanged, multiple holograms coming from the workbench in the middle of the lab displayed projects in various states of developments, an AI-powered coffee maker-toaster hybrid for them, modified gauntlets and boots for Rhodey, and even the beginnings of a strengthened version of the shield for Steve. A huge computer screen with designs for various new buildings lit up the wall, if Pepper closed her eyes she could still imagine Tony at work. Feeling his presence around her, the special buzz he got when he was in his work mode, the smell of his greased stained clothes surrounding her.
“Ms. Potts,” Friday’s voice brought Pepper out of her trance.
“Yes Friday,” it must be something important for the AI to interrupt her.
Friday hesitated, “There’s something you should see, boss warned me to never play it to you, but now—” not since Jarvis did Pepper think an AI could sound so human, “now it seems right.”
A new hologram appeared in front of her, but it was different from the rest, it wasn’t a blueprint it was a man,
Tony
His shoulders were slumped, large bags hung from his eyes. He was so skinny you could count the bones on his chest, but it was him, her Tony.
“Friday,” Pepper’s lip trembled as she forced herself to get the words out “wh-where is this clip from.”
“From after boss’s first run in with Thanos,” she explained. “During his time in space boss recorded a message for you, in case he didn’t make it. I didn’t have access to it until he got back, and even then boss didn’t want you to see it, something about causing you enough pain already.”
Yep, that was her Tony, always looking out for her.
“I think you should watch it,” Friday continued.
“Yeah,” Pepper breathed. Nothing happened, Friday couldn’t hear her. Herrrhem, she cleared her throat. “Yeah play it.”
The hologram began to play, Tony eyes looked up at her, staring into her soul, tears held back only by the allusion of bravery
“Hey Ms. Potts” Tony began. “Pep,” his voice cracking on the familiar nickname.
He was so young, he still carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, the death of Peter still fresh in his mind. This was before it all, before their marriage, before Morgan, before the lakehouse, before five years of complete bliss.
“Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning, and that’ll be it. Don’t feel bad about this, part of the journey is the end.”
How could he tell her not to be broken over his death, when he himself was broken over the deaths of the world! How could he ever tell her not to feel for him, to ignore the ache in her chest, the feeling she had in each waking moment that the world was missing something, that she was missing something, that she was missing him. How could he act as if him not being there was okay, that the world wouldn’t mourn.
“When I drift off, it’ll be like everything lately, I’m fine I’m totally fine.”
Pepper’s heart broke for this broken man, the broken man who tried to mask his pain. Who didn’t know the joy that approached him. Who hadn’t experienced the pure love of a child, the unwavering love and adoration Morgan had for him. Who hadn’t yet found his peace, his happy ending.
“It’s always you.”
The happy ending the world stole from him.
The happy ending Tony would never again experience, he had been so close, so close to a life of complete euphoria, only for it to be taken right out from his grasp by a cruel unforgiving world.
And she wept, she wept for the broken man who thought his end would be alone, who thought his death would go unnoticed. She wept for the man who thought he was never going to be happy, never going to be wholly and fully loved, even when the evidence of that love was staring him right in the face.
And she wept for the man that did know he was loved, the man who died surrounded by his friends, his family, his joy. She wept for the death of the best man she had ever known, who had never known how good he was. She wept until there were no tears left to weep.
She looked into the haggard eyes of the man she loved, and she did love him, cracks and all, and she wept.