Her Eyes

by scifiobsession

Summary:

More than eighteen years have passed, but that doesn't change the way that Snape feels about Lily. Never in his life did he think he would see so much of her in her son. The two start to bond over the loss of her when something else seems to spark.

Notes:

This story takes place in an AU in which Harry learns Snape’s history with his mother without him dying.

Chapter 1: Her Eyes

“Page 42 will give instructions on how to increase and decrease the potency of all potions that include bear claw,” Snape said, pacing the room as his students stood sweating over boiling cauldrons. “Use that information carefully and you may just be able to get this one right.” He strode around, peering over the shoulders of each student to gauge how they were doing.
Harry stood over his cauldron, a look of frustration on his face as he cut the root he was trying to add to his cauldron. “Damn!” he whispered under his breath as he restarted each time after the potion refused to take his cuts. He looked around the room, watching multiple others struggle with the same issue. The class was advanced potions, and it seemed to him that its content was living up to its name. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and grabbed a new root to cut. He studied the text book, searching for alternatives to his previous methods. He wiped off the knife and turned back to begin to cut it again.
“Vertical cuts, Mr. Potter,” a voice mumbled quietly behind him.
Harry turned around to see Professor Snape, standing behind him and watching carefully.
“Vertical,” he repeated.
Harry responded, “Thank you, professor.” Before quickly turning back, making several vertical cuts along the root. He added them to the cauldron, perfectly completing the potion.
It had been nearly two weeks since Professor McGonagall confided in Harry about the history between his mother and his professor. She explained to him that, despite his mothers passing, and roughly eighteen years, he had never taken interest in another soul. Naturally, Harry was shocked, having believed all along that Snape’s attitude towards him was either malicious or some form of humbling. A few days after processing this information, he confronted his professor.
*flashback* “Professor?” Harry called softly, walking to Snape’s desk after everyone else had filed out of the room.
“Yes, Mr. Potter?” Snape’s head was down, reading from a piece of parchment that he was holding.
Harry had paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and preparing himself. “I’ve recently spoken with Professor McGonagall. She gave me some information I was hoping I could discuss with you.”
It became clear that the professor had stopped reading, though he was still in the position as though he was. “Go on.”
“Sir, she informed me that you were very close with my mother.”
He stood up and slowly walked across the room, looking out the window. “How much did she tell you?” He asked slowly, vocally not letting on to his discomfort, but physically allowing it to just barely show.
“I believe she told me everything.”
He still refused to look at Harry, thus letting on further to his discomfort. “I see.” He waited a moment before he turned and returned to his desk, sitting down and finally facing him. “And you have come here to,” he paused once more, “mock me? Interrogate me?” He asked, never fluctuating from his relatively monotone, yet somewhat voluptuous tone of voice.
“No, professor, not at all,” Harry had begun, quickly trying to cover himself. “I would just really love to know more about her,” he finally sat down in the chair that sat to the side of Snape’s desk. “It seems you’re one of the only people who knew her that well aside from my father.”
*end* Harry had described the conversation as one of the most uncomfortable experiences in his life. Despite that, Snape had agreed to meet with Harry after classes briefly to tell him as much as he could about his late mother. While uncomfortable to start, each meeting became slightly less so. Harry was desperate to learn more about his family, aside from what they were know for; their deaths. He listened to his professor’s stories and tried to imagine what he would do in certain circumstances. Snape became more comfortable as he finally had an outlet to discuss his memories of Lily. The two were bonding over her late memory.
It had gotten to a point where each of them started to look forward to their meetings. Harry couldn’t help but let go of most of his past anger. Now, Snape was helping him with his potions. They both seemed a bit confused by their new relationship, but neither thought to question it.
“Well done,” the professor said, looking at Harry’s potion. He remarked about each of the students’ final products, many of which were failed do to improper use of the root the professor had helped Harry with.
Class ended and the room cleared. Snape stood at the door, watching each student leave. In the meantime, Harry seated himself at the front of the desk. Snape turned around after the last of them were gone, shutting the door. Harry watched the door shut heavily. It was so ornate; a fact which never ceased to amaze Harry despite his years at the school. The difference between his life before and his life now was incredible, and he couldn’t seem to shake it.
“I was thinking about something for the past few days. I’ve been eager to share this one with you,” the professor remarked, not making anytime for a transition or greeting. “I believe it was the summer before our first year, because your mother was having a falling out with her sister,” he paused. “Jealousy likely drove it. Petunia was a wretched little thing anyway.”
Harry laughed shortly. “Not much has changed.”
Snape rolled his eyes. “She was about to –,” he was cut off as an owl flew in the window and dropped a letter right in front of him.
He picked it up and read it. “Wonderful,” he remarked sarcastically. He turned to Harry. “This will have to be put on hold. I have a mandatory meeting in ten minutes.”
“Not much notice,” Harry responded.
“It never is.” He tossed the envelope aside and looked at Harry. “We can continue this after next class.”
Before he thought twice, Harry blurted out “you could tell me over dinner tonight.”
Snape looked up at him immediately. Harry’s heart jumped a bit. “Wh-”
“That didn’t come out how I meant it,” Harry said quickly, cutting Snape off from questioning him. “I just meant I am very interested in hearing this story, and it is a Friday so I don’t have class for a few days. Obviously you’re very busy, though, so I would love to pick this up next class.” Embarrassed, Harry went to stand up.
“There’s a room a few halls down from the Slytherin Common Room. Would you like to meet there at seven?” Snape asked, his gaze once again away from Harry.
Harry was taken aback at first, but smiled slightly. “That would be fine. I’ll see you then, professor.” He struggled to hold back the grin that was forming on his lips as he stood up and opened the door. He walked back to his dormitory to put his things away.

Chapter 2: Severus

Harry was dressing in his dormitory when Ron walked in. He was wearing his house sweater and a pair of black trousers, tying his shoes against the bed frame.
“Are you almost ready, Harry?” Ron asked, grabbing Harry’s comb and running it through his own hair.
“Damnit, I totally forgot, I’m so sorry, Ron,” Harry said, completely having forgot his plans to go to dinner with Ron and Hermione. “I can’t make it tonight.” He apologized again. “I promised a couple first years that I would help them study for their potions exams,” he lied.
“What the hell are you doing that for?” Ron asked. “You know they’re helpless in Snape’s class no matter what,” he joked. “You sure?”
“Yeah, tell Hermione I’m sorry, okay?”
“Yeah, alright. See you,” Ron replied with an eye roll. He turned to walk out before Harry loudly cleared his throat, causing Ron to turn back. Harry grabbed his comb out of Ron’s hand and started on his own, shutting the door behind him.
His heart was pounding slightly. He wasn’t quite sure why, but he was anxious. His relationship with his professor was changing, and meeting outside of the classroom was one step further. He walked to the washroom and brushed his teeth, checking his hair again in the mirror before finally leaving the room and heading out.
Meanwhile, Snape was already waiting in the room. The “room” was more of a staircase behind a door, leading up to a fairly hidden balcony. He stood with his hands on the railing of the balcony, looking out into the darkening sky. His face was flat as he was trying to figure out what he was getting himself into. He was developing friendly relationship with a student from his house’s biggest rival house. He couldn’t help himself, though. Harry reminded him so much of his mother. Harry was like a glimpse into his own past with the only woman he had ever loved. So, a table sat behind him, two plates and glasses and sets of utensils covering the tablecloth.
Harry made his way to the room, opened the door and climbed the stairs. His heart jumped a little when he saw Snape standing there at the railing; his cloak blowing in the breeze. He cleared his throat in order to get the attention of the professor without seeming like he was sneaking up on him.
Snape turned around and looked at Harry. “Oh, hello Potter.”
“Good evening, professor, have you been waiting long for me?” The sky was a light purplish color as the sun was setting.
“No, hardly at all. It wouldn’t matter anyway. I like to come up here to organize my thoughts. It is perfectly secluded.” The professor made his way over to the table, motioning for Harry to do the same.
Harry seated himself across from Snape, intrigued by him saying he frequents the location. It was an area of the castle in which Harry had never been before. In fact, he hadn’t known it existed. It was a space with a melancholy feel to it; likely ideal for putting together one’s thoughts, or separating oneself from others for some alone time. Harry was curious why he had never seen it before from the outside.
Before either of them went to speak again, Snape lifted his wand, waved it over the table, and made their dinners appear. Their plates were filled with chicken and vegetables and potatoes, their glasses were full, and two small dishes of fruit appeared.
“Wow,” Harry remarked. “This looks lovely. Thank you, professor.”
The two began to eat as Snape continued to recall the story from before. He told Harry of a time he and Lily went on an adventure through a nearby forest. He recalled that they made the situation significantly scarier in their heads, as it was a small forest in the middle of the day. He said that they had climbed a tree and had a picnic lunch together on the branches. Lily had packed a couple sandwiches and he had brought some milk. He continued from this story onto one that happened a few years later. He discussed that she had been there as a support for him; possibly his only one.
“And that is one of ten thousand reasons that I could never forget her, and why I will always miss her,” he said, his voice breaking just slightly. Harry was as shocked as Snape about the professor opening up to him. Snape sat back a bit in his chair and regained the composure he had allowed to crack slightly. He cleared his throat and picked up his napkin to wipe his mouth.
Harry felt empathetic for him. He had always longed to know more about his late parents, but it hadn’t quite occurred to him just how it could affect Snape; being forced to relive memories he had been struggling with for what was going on twenty years. His stomach knotted up. He leaned forward and put his hand across the table and onto Snape’s, whose eyes darted up at Harry instantly upon the touch.
“I’m so sorry, sir. I shouldn’t have forced you to relive that.” Harry tried to meet his eyes.
Their hands were still touching, neither acknowledging it, but neither pulling away at the same time. “You aren’t forcing me to do anything,” Snape responded. He just sat there for a moment, allowing the silence to be as awkward or uncomfortable as it desired before he finally looked up and met Harry’s eyes. “I see so much of her in you, Potter. You look like your father, but you have a lot of your mother’s qualities.”
“A lot of people say I have her eyes,” Harry remarked. His professor’s skin was smooth under his hand, and he suddenly found himself not wanting it to leave his hand.
“You do,” he responded. “You have her compassion as well. That sense of empathy for people, even if they didn’t deserve to be given empathy. I see that in you as well.” With that comment, he stood up and slowly returned to his place at the balcony railing. The sun was even lower, and the night shadows were covering most of what was around them. He seemed to be looking at something beyond the balcony, but it wasn’t discernable. “I apologize for unpacking all of that on you, Potter. Thank you for having dinner with me tonight, though. It is nice to relive past memories sometimes. It is just important to know how much or how little to share.” He was still facing away from Harry.
Harry stood up and slowly made his way over to the balcony railing as well. He wasn’t sure what was coming over him, but he felt full of adrenaline and didn’t intend to do much to stop it. In a moment he was standing right beside Snape. “Don’t ever feel the need to apologize,” he said, putting his hand over his professor’s once again.
Snape turned and looked at him, meeting his eyes in a curious manner. Harry pulled their hands from the railing and took the professor’s in his own. His stomach was in knots, and he felt he might be sick, but something was urging him onto Snape. He felt drawn to him. They spent a moment just looking at one another before Harry took his other hand in an instant and wrapped it around his head, bringing them together. He kissed Snape gently with one drawn out kiss. In his head he was asking himself “what the fuck are you doing?” but on the outside, he could not help himself. He was just about to pull away and worry about the repercussions of his actions when he slowly felt Snape start to kiss him back. They kissed a moment longer before the professor pulled away.
“Wait, this is not right,” Snape said, pulling himself away. “I should go.” He turned and started to leave.
Harry grabbed his sleeve. “Wait!” He didn’t quite know what else to say. “Just, wait a moment.”
“There is no ‘wait a moment,’ Potter. I am a professor. You are a student. This never should have happened. We never should have met here.” He was tense and he would not meet Harry’s eyes.
“It doesn’t matter,” Harry responded, tense as well. “I’m an adult and you are an adult. Titles are irrelevant.” He was stumbling.
“Titles are not irrelevant. This could get me fired and you expelled. You are eighteen years old. I am far to old for you even if we had met under other circumstances.” He tugged at the sleeve Harry had hold of.
“Trust me, it won’t,” Harry said. His heart was racing a mile a minute, and his breaths were short. “And age is most certainly an irrelevant title.” He grabbed Snape by the cloak and pulled him close to him again. Only this time, he didn’t kiss him. They stood there, centimeters apart, able to feel each other’s breath against their cheeks. Harry leaned his forehead against the older man’s. The moment was tense, and a feeling of want and desire was palpable. “Please,” he whispered.
Snape’s mind was whirling. Harry could practically see him working through his options of what to do in the situation. It was obvious that Snape wanted to kiss him, but he knew that the repercussions significantly seemed to out way the rewards. He felt himself pushing against Harry as well, and felt desire start to take over. He closed his eyes, cursing himself internally for making the weak decision. Quietly, he whispered, “we need to get out of the public, someone might see us.”
“Where?” asked Harry, adrenaline still coursing through him.
“That’s just it, there is nowhere,” Snape responded.
Harry thought a moment. “Your quarters. We certainly can’t go to mine.”
“No.”
“It will work. You have your own private space.”
“No.”
“Please,” Harry begged quietly.
Snape felt his adrenaline rising as well. “Fuck it,” he whispered under his breath before making a clean break for the door. The two of them walked quickly to the Slytherin Common Room; the entrance of which shared an entrance way with Snape’s quarters. He went in first and looked around before pulling Harry through the door and locking it quickly behind him.
The moment he heard the door lock, Harry pushed himself on his professor; this time with significantly less resistance. He kissed him swiftly, one arm around the older man’s waist and one hand in his hair. Snape put both arms on Harry’s waist, feeling the movement of him swaying as they kissed. They spent a few moments like this, experiencing the utter newness of the situation.
Snape broke away from the kiss and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. Harry followed, letting his professor take him by the waist and pull him down on top of him; laying kisses on his lips the whole way. Harry had managed to pull Snape’s cloak off before the two laid on his bed. Harry let his hands run over the fabric that covered Snape’s chest as he went along trapesing kisses down his neck. He was unexperienced but knew what felt good to someone else. He stopped right around Snape’s collar bone and nibbled there slightly.
“Oh, Harry,” Snape gasped quietly in a low tone before Harry retraced his kisses back up the man’s neck and to his mouth. It was the first time that Snape had referred to Harry by his first name. Snape reached out and grabbed his wand, waving it quickly and tossing it away again once some soft music started to play.
The two made out a while longer; agreeing they wouldn’t have sex, despite being well aroused, but not ready to leave each other just yet. There was so much adrenaline and testosterone between the two that they could hardly breathe; arms around one another in a desperate sort of way. They had already learned so many of each other’s trigger points. Snape grazed his teeth on the edge of Harry’s earlobe, causing the younger of the two to gasp.
“Oh, sir”
“Call me by my name,” Snape growled softly, rubbing a circular pattern on Harry’s hips and once again focusing his teeth on that sensitive spot on his ear.
“Oh, fuck, Severus,” he hissed, hardly able to control himself.
Snape smiled gently and kissed him again on the cheek. The two spent a while longer laying there together, trying to process what they had become. The talked quietly in the low light of the room; Snape sharing more stories from his past and Harry discussing his future.

Chapter 3: For the First Time

Summary:

THANKS FOR READING! Make sure to comment what you think!

It had been a few days since Harry’s night with Snape. Harry knew it would be strange if he didn’t turn up to his dormitory that night, so he eventually slipped out into the corridors and rushed to his house’s common room. He had tried to walk as quietly as he could, but Ron was waiting for him. He slipped into some more comfortable clothing.
“Where were you, Harry?” Ron whispered across the room.
“I told you, I was helping those first years,” he whispered back.
“There’s no way you were studying all that time,” Ron responded, catching Harry’s bluff. “Seriously, what were you doing?”
Harry was trying to think quick on his feet. “I uh, I met up with this one girl from Hufflepuff, okay? But you can’t tell anyone about it, swear?”
Ron laughed quietly. “Alright, Harry! Who is she?”
“She made me promise not to tell,” Harry said, lying more. “We can talk more later, I’m tired okay?”
“Okay, good night, Harry.”
“Night, Ron.”
Harry turned over, a small smile on his lips as he tried to fall asleep in the dark. Everything had happened so fast. He knew it wasn’t okay, but he wished it was. He had no idea what to expect from the upcoming week.
Harry paused before entering the potions classroom. It would be the first time he had seen Snape since that night. His heart was beating through his chest, and he felt beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He took a deep breath in and walked into the room, keeping his head down and heading to his desk. He kept his head down through the entirety of the lecture, doodling amongst his notes and paying less than half of his attention toward the words. When he did look up, though, he noticed that the professor seemed to be looking away from him as well.
Harry was conflicted. He felt like everyone around them would know. Besides that, though, Harry found his cheeks getting hot every now and then as he thought about Snape’s hands on his hips, and them sharing one another’s heat as they got closer to one another.
When the lecture was over, Snape dismissed the class. Harry stood up and gathered his things. He looked up to see Snape standing at the door, letting the students out as usual. Without saying a word, Harry set himself in the chair in front of the desk his palms were getting so sweaty that he felt the need to repeatedly wipe them off on his trousers. While the professor was likely only standing at the door for a minute or so, it felt like hours; waiting to see what he would say and/or how he would react. When he finally closed the door, he turned towards the window and started to speak.
“When we were ten years old, Lily and I had a picnic lunch on a hill that was somewhere between our houses.” He fidgeted with the edges of his cloak. Harry remembered what his cloak had felt like up close; the fine fabric slipping through his fingers as he pulled it from the man’s body. “I was able to bring some-.”
Harry cut him off. “Professor, I will be honest. I don’t want to talk about my mother today.”
“You’re free to go at any point. It has never been mandatory for you to stay late,” Snape responded.
Harry stood up and turned toward his professor. “Sir, I think you know what I would rather talk about.”
With that, Snape broke out of his false composure for a moment. “Harry, you know that what transpired a couple nights ago between us was inappropriate. You have every right to report me to Professor Dumbledore or simply pretend it never happened. No matter what, it was wrong. I am not sure we have anything left to discuss.”
Harry crossed the room and stood a few inches behind Snape, who was still facing out the window in an attempt to not be forced into eye contact. They were relatively the same height. Harry felt like he was a different version of himself altogether, feeling both assertive and full of want. He bit his lip as though to encourage himself to speak.
“If it is really, truly that wrong, why is it the only thing I have been able to think about for days,” he asked Snape. The was no quick response, so he continued, bringing his lips close to the professor’s ear and starting to whisper. “Why can’t I think about anything except your skin on my skin, your hands on my hips; close enough to breathe each other in?” Finally, Snape turned around and looked at Harry, lust in his eyes as well, just slightly better masked. “Why can’t I think about anything but your arms around me?”
They were inches from each other. If someone else was to walk in, there would be no way to hide the fact that they were both clearly lusting after the other. Harry had intentionally put them into this position. He knew full well what he was doing to his professor.
“Why are you trying to make me so weak?” the professor asked, looking between Harry’s lips and eyes.
Harry leaned in even closer until their lips were almost touching. Very, very softly, he whispered “because that’s what I want you to do to me.”
Within moments, they were speeding down the corridors once again, heading to Snape’s chambers in the middle of the day. It was lunch time, so the common room was meant to be empty. Even so, Snape made sure to enter first; pulling Harry behind him and locking the door.
They looked at each other once they were in; both donning slight smiles.
“Honestly, Harry,” Snape said. “This is very, very wrong.”
Harry grinned a lustful smile. “Oh, I know.” With that, he pulled Snape away from the door and finally kissed him. Both of them grabbed at each other; neither well experienced, but wanting to be able to take one another in. Harry ripped his own robe off his body and tossed it across the room. Snape helped him pull his sweater over his head and toss it away as well. Once his chest was bare, Harry pulled them back into a kiss.
Snape broke it away for a moment, and pushed Harry down onto his bed. Harry held onto him, causing the two to fall into the bed together. Snape’s hands started to explore Harry’s bare chest, trailing kisses down his throat and collar bones along the way. As he did so, Harry’s fingers fumbled gently at the buttons on his professor’s shirt. They were attached tightly, and he found himself struggling. He went to take a break from that when he heard Snape mumble “just fucking rip it open.” He instantly did what he was told, watching a couple buttons go flying as he tore the shirt.
Soon the two were fulling undressed, taking moments between stolen kisses to just take in the sight of each other. Harry was a bit shy, thinking about the fact that his professor was looking at him fully undressed and vice versa. Most of the shyness left, however, when Snape whispered in his ear “you’re so beautiful.” Snape spent a while holding him, brushing soft fingertip strokes along his spine.
Finally, Harry whispered “Okay,” signally to Snape that he was ready to take the next step. Both of them were fully aroused, and Harry had managed to convince Snape to indulge in that wanting feeling. “Go slow.” Snape nodded, Rolling him over.
Snape pulled a tube of lube out of the drawer beside the bed. He liberally applied it to himself as well as Harry. He quickly said “let me know if you need to stop.” Harry nodded, before wrapping his hands around the bed posts.
Slowly, Snape started to push against Harry’s lower half, allowing himself to enter him bit by bit. He steadied himself by grabbing Harry’s waist. Harry was cussing under his breath. It was his first time, and it was a such a strange yet ethereal sensation to have his professor’s dick splitting him up the middle. He felt lightheaded, the amazing pain bringing him closer and closer to the other man.
When he was finally as far into him as he could go, Snape stopped for a moment. He sort of laid atop Harry; fully inside of him, and grabbed his shoulders. Snape began to use the strength he would receive from pushing and pulling on Harry’s shoulders to slowly begin a rhythmic movement. Snape’s breathing was heavy and staggering. He slowly pulled himself out almost all the way out before pushing himself back into Harry at a much quicker, more forceful rate.
“Shit, Severus, yes” Harry moaned, digging his head into his pillow and bracing himself more. Snape’s rhythm slowly became quicker and harder, and Harry felt himself arching his back against the pressure. Everything hurt so much, but he was loving every second of it. One particularly hard push made Harry yell out loudly and inaudibly. He threw his head back and bit down on lip hard in sheer ecstasy.
Throughout the entire affair, Snape was whispering in Harry’s ear; his voice stumbling over his own moans. He ran his hands through Harry’s hair, tugging gently.
“Oh god, Harry,” Snape groaned.
The two continued for a few minutes until both finished. They laid there, panting and soaked in sweat. Harry rolled his head from side to side, his eyes closed as though he was replaying the event in his mind. Snape ran a hand through his longer hair which was damp from sweating. They laid in silence for a bit, reveling in what they’d done, before Harry rolled to his side and faced Snape. Snape turned his head to look at Harry, who had a smile on his face.
“Damn,” Harry huffed. “Damn.”
“You would be correct,” Snape laughed under his breath. “That was incredible.”
Harry scooted over closer to Snape, who held him in his arms for a while. They laid there, kissing and resting, forgetting all about the rules they were breaking. In that moment, each of them was solely thinking of the other.
After resting a while, Harry leaned away a bit to look at the older of the two.
“I’m starved,” he said. Snape agreed, so the two of them got cleaned up and headed for the dining hall; Harry trying his best to walk straight despite the pain.

Chapter 4: Anticipation

Harry walked into the great hall to get some lunch. He and Snape had spent a while longer laying down and talking before they got up and got cleaned up. Harry’s hair was flat; an attempt to get the mess out of it. If someone was curious of him, his robe was a wrinkled mess; a sign to one in search of a sign.
After a while, he located Ron and Hermione who were sat at the end of the table. He joined them and started to scarf down his lunch; clearly exhausted and starving. Ron was going on about the upcoming quidditch tournament and talking about the odds being that Hufflepuff would win. Hermione had been listening, but once Harry had shown up, it was clear she had some curiosity about where he had been. Suddenly, she cut him off.
“Harry’s just had sex,” she said. It was quiet enough that it was obvious she’d only meant for the three of them to share, but loud enough to show she hadn’t given that much consideration to it.
“What?” Harry asked, startled. Ron echoed him a few seconds later with another “what?”
“Look at him,” she directed to Ron. “His robes are all wrinkled and he looks as if he’s just wet his hair down.” She pointed. “Plus, look at his face. He’s had a shag.”
“I have not!” Harry responded sharply.
“Oh god, Harry, not one of the first years you were helping the other night-” Ron began
Harry jabbed Ron in the side with his elbow. “I am not shagging any first years,” he hissed.
“Well come on then, Harry. Who is she?” Hermione asked, eager and anticipatory.
Internally, Harry laughed to himself at the ‘she.’ Externally, however, he simply replied, “I’m not shagging anyone. I have just been spending some time with a Slytherin. She and I kissed. That’s all.”
Almost as if on cue, Severus walked through the doors of the great hall. His course was set for the professors’ table up front, and he was glowing. Not literally, of course, but he looked so much more at peace than he usually did. Once he had sat down, the two made very brief eye contact before once again involving themselves in their respective groups. Harry couldn’t help but let a small smile rest on his lips for a moment as he was once again reminded of the afternoon’s prior activities.
Ron and Hermione had gone back to chatting again until Hermione happened to look up at Harry for a moment. She saw the way he was smiling to himself as he ate his lunch. She couldn’t help herself.
“Look at him,” she nudged Ron, bringing up the topic again. “Look how happy he looks.” She took a brief pause. “You know I’m not just trying to mock you, Harry. I’m just happy to see you so happy.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “I know, Hermione, but it is nothing, I swear.”
Harry proceeded to promptly finish his lunch and head out of the great hall. He’d come late and left early, but he had an advanced spells class to get to. He said goodbye to his friends and left, sparing one final glance in Snape’s direction.
***
Harry was sitting in his spells class, paying only half of his attention to the lecture his professor was giving. He was lost in thought about the developing relationship between him and his professor. Thoughts and fears of being found out flooded his mind; along with whether or not he should admit the truth to his two closest friends. Dozens of reasons as to why he should drop his advanced potions class and avoid Snape at all costs started to come to mind. It made no sense to take such risks in a place he did not want to risk losing.
At the end of that all, though, a few thoughts came into Harry’s head and cleared a bridge between the bad and good. He thought about how safe he had felt wrapped in Snape’s arms. He thought about the sensation of him running his fingers softly down his spine; giving Harry goosebumps and making him feel all warm. Finally, he thought about Severus’ words to him; calling him beautiful and making him feel weak in the knees. He knew he could not just pick up and leave that. Snape was the security he had lacked for so much of his life.
So, that decision being made, he spent the rest of his class period writing out a beautiful calligraphy of a letter. The message was simple, but the writing was beautiful. It said,
“Severus,
I will meet you for dinner tonight on our balcony. Eight o’clock.
-H”
After class, he walked quickly to his quarters and sent it with Hedwig, before rushing to his next class. He thought about what to wear, knowing he didn’t want to go to dinner in his house robes again. Any opportunity to forget the negatives about their blossoming relationship would prove helpful.
His class finished and he returned to his dormitory where he found Hedwig sat on the window ledge. She had a letter beside her and was resting peacefully with her eyes closed. Harry opened the letter.
“H,
I would love to. Bring a sweater. We can take a walk after dinner.
-S”
With that, Harry put on a different shirt and followed it with a tan jumper; both comfortable and nice looking. He took a comb to his hair, styling it more than he usually did. Finally, he re-brushed his teeth; trying his absolute hardest to look as nicely put together as he could.
Upon arriving to the balcony, Harry stood back for a little while; watching Severus from a distance. Snape fumbled with the edges of his cloak as he paced back and forth slightly by the railing. He seemed deep in thought and possibly even frustrated, but Harry was entranced by him. Snape was a mystery and Harry was eager to try to figure him out. He was attracted to him, but it was not just sexual. He was attracted to his demeanor, his way of carrying himself, and the way he talked. Everything had moved quickly from a physical standpoint. Now Harry wanted to get to know him better.
He finally walked out onto the balcony to meet Snape.
“Severus,” he said, approaching the man.
Snape turned around. “Harry,” he responded, a slight smile on his face. “You look nice.”
“Thanks,” Harry responded. When the two met in the middle, they exchanged a somewhat awkward hug; not due to discomfort between them, but not knowing how to greet one another.
That night, Snape had a tabled donned with white linen. A candle was lit in the center of the table beside a single long stem red rose in a vase. It seemed like the professor had set everything up to make it as obvious as possible that the dinner was a date. The two chatted and ate as they sat down together. Both were happy and comfortable; perhaps too comfortable.

Chapter 5: I'm Not Gay

I’m Not Gay
“I’m not gay, Harry,” Snape whispered.
It was not the first time that Snape had said this. In fact, he had made this statement to Harry several times over the month since they first kissed. So, that night, in the lowlight of Snape’s quarters while the two lay heaving for breath on the bed after having had sex did not come as much of a shock to Harry. Harry never knew how far to push the idea, seeing as Snape always seemed to say it shortly after having been in situations that would prove him pretty gay.
“I know, Severus,” Harry said back, wiping the sweat off his forehead.
“I mean I really don’t think I am,” Severus responded, turning on his side and looking Harry in the eyes.
“And that’s okay.”
Harry saw Snape go to say more, but simply laid his hand on the other’s cheek and said in a gentle voice, “you don’t need to worry about that right now.”
Severus smiled. “You make me happy.” He closed his eyes to rest. A moment passed before another look of nervousness passed on to his face. “Does that make me gay?”
“No,” Harry said, gently again. “You make me happy, too.” He leaned in to Snape’s face and kissed him softly. Harry gently rubbed his hand along his professor’s chest; trying to soothe him.
“Shouldn’t you be getting back to your house?” Snape asked, leaning over to catch a glance of the clock beside his bed.
“I’ll go back late-”
Harry was cut off as a knock came from Snape’s door.
Snape suddenly sat up. He looked at Harry who bore a similarly shocked expression. He jumped out of bed and quickly began to throw clothes on.
“Seve-”
“Shhh,” Snape cut Harry off abruptly. “Hide.”
Harry did as he was told, rolling off the bed and hiding behind it. Snape walked to the door as another knock rang out and opened it slightly.
“Professor.” It was a Slytherin. Harry guessed she was either a first or second year based on how young she sounded. “Suzie’s not looking well. She won’t wake up and she’s gone awful grey looking.”
“Miss Bentley?” Snape asked. The girl must have nodded as Harry heard no response. “Go back to your quarters. Make sure everyone is dressed. I will be there shortly.”
“Yessir,” she responded, running off.
Snape turned back and began to tie his shoes. “Harry,” he whispered.
“Yeah?”
“Stay hidden.”
“Severus, I need to get back soon.”
“You can’t now. Someone will see you. I’ll talk to professor McGonagall later. Just stay in here.” Snape didn’t give Harry a chance to say anything else, as he ran out the door.
Harry was somewhat agitated, but settled himself in the bed anyway. The bed smelled of Severus; his cologne, as well as the natural smell of his skin. After a few moments, he got up and began to look around the room. Their moments in Snape’s quarters had been moments of passion, giving Harry good reason to be distracted. Because of this, he had never really looked around the room. The space was not very big, but likewise not very small. The room was long, not wide, and was dimly lit even when all of the lights were on. A couple pieces of artwork littered the free space on dressers.
Harry pulled open a drawer to find Snape’s undergarments folded smoothly and perfectly lined up. They were folded in such a way that there were virtually no wrinkles in the fabric. Harry smiled, noting the man’s fickleness about these things. The series of odd objects and such things were interesting to access, knowing his professors’ mysterious attitude/personality. He pulled open the wardrobe to find the man’s robes lined up perfectly as well. They were in order of shortest to longest with the exception of one traditional three-piece suit hung at the end. He continued to look around for a while before settling back in the bed.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
About an hour later, Snape returned to his quarters, closing the door gently but quickly behind him. He turned towards the bed to find Harry curled up beneath the duvet. His head was pressed against the pillows, and the tips of his toes were curled up as though every part of him was snuggled tightly.
Severus couldn’t help but smile at his form. He quietly removed his shoes, removed his robes, and slid into bed beside Harry. He laid on his side, just watching the boy as he dreamt. His eyes moved beneath his eyelids and his breath made his body rise and fall ever so slightly. After a few minutes, he put his hand gently on Harry’s cheek.
“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered as Harry continued to sleep.
He let himself watch the boy a while longer before finally waking him up by rubbing his arm and softly calling Harry’s name. Harry snuck out when the coast was clear and retreated to his dormitory. He could rarely sleep well after spending time in Snape’s, as he simply lay there with butterflies in his stomach. After a couple restless hours or so, Harry pulled a quill and a sheet of paper from the drawer beside his bed and began to write.
S,
I am so much more comfortable when I am with you. Tonight I miss the feeling of your hands on my waist, keeping me safe. I also miss the way your eyes see right through me. This used to terrify me, but that was before I noticed just how beautiful your eyes are.
Will we ever be able to get away? I hate to leave you at night. X
-H

He tightly rolled the letter and tied it off with ribbon. Hedwig took it and flew out the open window, promptly placing it on Snape’s window and returning with a quiet hum in her vocals.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Days had passed between them seeing each other. Harry’s classes were getting more and more difficult, and he found himself being forced to focus more on them. So, once again, sitting in potions class, he found himself incredibly distracted. This time, however, it was not due to the thoughts about his professor’s strong arms and soft chest. It was about his other classes.
Snape took notice of this midway through his lecture.
“Mr. Potter,” he said. Harry’s eyes instantly snapped upwards to the professor. “Am I boring you?” Snape had on his taunting professor look, teasing Harry the way he always had.
“No, sir, I-”
“If I recall, Mr. Potter, you did not do so well on your most recent examination.”
“Well, sir, I-” He was cut off again. This time a look of shock was plastered to his face, wondering why Severus would be acting this way, suddenly.
“Perhaps you should meet with me after class and we could discuss your options for extra credit.” His face was stern and unmoving. Harry was utterly confused. He heard a couple people snickering behind him.
“Yes, sir,” Harry responded quietly, looking down.
Harry spent the rest of class searching Snape’s face, trying to figure out what was going on. Snape, however, did not look at Harry once throughout the rest of his class. Instead, as always, he finished his lecture and waited for all of the students to walk out the door. He proceeded to shut the heavy door and lock it behind the last student.
“Professor, I don’t know what I-” Harry began, stuttering out in confusion.
Snape cut him off, turning around abruptly and pushing him up against the wall. He pushed his lips against Harry’s and began to kiss him ferociously. He put his hands on Harry’s hips and pushed their bodies tightly against each other. Harry could feel how hard his professor was against his thigh, and wasn’t sure whether or not he should let his feelings overcome him. Severus started grinding against him and Harry felt excitement turning him hard as well. Harry’s hands fell on the small of the other man’s back, rubbing from the base of his spine to the fullness of his ass. He could feel Severus’ hardness grinding against his own, creating a feeling of ecstasy.
Suddenly, Harry pushed away. “You said I could make up some credit for my examination. Maybe we ought to work on that before we get… distracted again,” He said.
“Shhhh,” Snape hummed, pulling Harry back against him. “I could think of a few ways,” he whispered.
Harry’s eyebrow popped up and a small mischievous grin spread on his face. “Well tell me what you’d like me to do then, sir.”
Severus grabbed him by the jaw and pulled his ear close to his lips. “Well, you could start by getting on your fucking knees.”
Harry instantly dropped to his knees as he was told and started pushing aside the professor’s robes to find the button on his trousers. He pulled them down, followed by his underwear and took his professor in his mouth. He was unexperienced and, therefore unpracticed, but he found a rhythm that seemed to please Severus; who put his hands in Harry’s hair.
“oh, fuck,” Severus gasped. He pushed his own head against the wall.
Harry stopped and pulled Snape out of his mouth. He looked up at his professor. “Am I doing alright,” he asked.
“You are doing amazing,” Severus marveled, leaning down and kissing Harry on his lips before he continued to suck him off. He thought about how he could hardly look at Harry without losing his train of thought. The sex was fantastic, sure, but it was so much more than that. Harry always looked right into his eyes when he was talking. He heard him and listened. He spent time with him and even initiated it. Harry made him happy.
When he finished, he knelt down face-to-face with the other.
“You are… incredible,” Severus said. Harry, tired as well, blushed. “Not just the sex, Harry. You… You are incredible.”

Chapter 6: Dancing in the Dark

Dancing in the Dark

Harry sat beside Ron, eyes fixed on the floor. Professor McGonagall had called together the boys of the house and informed them that they would all be required to bring a date to the ball at the end of the month. Many of them groaned, while others started discussing who they'd be bringing. Harry, however, felt sweat start to bead on his forehead. Harry didn't want to go, especially knowing he would be expected to bring a girl with him.

"Well, Harry," Ron said, poking Harry with his elbow. "I guess I'll finally get to meet that girl you've been sneaking out at night to see."

"Well, she's not really one for dances," Harry replied, wiping his hands on his trousers to dry them from sweat as the meeting concluded. He stood up. "She's a bit shy."

Ron laughed quietly. "Doubt that, Harry. Girls love dances." With that, he ducked back into the dormitory. Harry considered following, but instead decided to stop professor McGonagall on her way out.

"Professor," He called.

"Yes, what is it, Potter?"

"I am going out to the infirmary, I don't feel well."

"This is becoming more and more frequent, Potter. Is everything alright?"

"Yes, ma'am, just stomachaches."

She just looked over him for a moment, as though she wanted to say more. "Very well, Potter. To the infirmary, then straight to bed."

Harry nodded and stepped out the door before taking off down the corridor. Without thinking twice, he found himself at the Slytherin house entrance. He whispered the passcode that Severus had told him and ran to the door of his quarters. He burst in without knocking and shut the door quickly behind himself.

Severus was lying on his back, one knee up and one leg stretched flat along his bed. He had a book in his hands, and all lights except the one directly to the side of his bed were off. He had on his typical black button down, but the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. Harry hadn't caught what he was reading, but the professor had looked to be deeply entranced by it. When Harry jumped into the room, however, Snape laid the book down beside himself and turned to face the door.

"Harry?" he asked, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Harry walked to the edge of the bed and sat next to Snape. In an explicitly overdramatic fashion, Harry put a hand over his face and laid his head on Snape's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"McGonagall's just had a meeting with us. She says we've all got to take girls to the ball at the end of the month."

Severus chuckled a bit. "Well Harry, I think you can survive one night with a girl at a ball."

Harry sat up straight again. "But see, that's just the thing. I can physically find a date and take her to the ball and probably have a less miserable time than I am imagining, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I don't want to." He made eye contact with Severus. "I mean there's only one person I would want to go with, and that person-"

Snape cut him off. "Harry, you know that I can't do that."

"I wasn't going to ask you to go."

"You know that in any other circumstances, I would-"

"I know."

Severus saw how Harry was hurting, but wasn't sure how to make it better for him. "Come here," he whispered, pulling Harry over with him. The two laid there, Harry in Severus' arms.

Harry felt foolish, knowing full well that even bringing up such an idea was ridiculous, but it was how he felt. Severus would be the only one he would want to bring to such an event, but not only would it be forbidden, he knew it would be embarrassing for the both of them. He kept quiet and decided to just lay there for a while, resting in the arms of his lover.

"Who do I take then?" He asked after a while of pondering.

"Well what about Miss Granger?" Snape asked.

"I would love to, but I know that Ron's already gone off and asked her. Besides, I told them that I've been sneaking out to see a Hufflepuff girl so that they wouldn't suspect us." Harry sighed. "I don't know why McGonagall is forcing us all to go anyway. Shouldn't a ball be something to look forward to?"

Snape turned to face him. "Minerva is a traditionalist. She loves the idea of boys and girls dressed up dancing into the night. She has her reasons."

After a while longer, Harry slipped out of the room and back down the corridor. He made the trip back to his dormitory before quietly sneaking in. Everyone seemed to be fast asleep. He crawled onto his bed and sat against its frame. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them, crying silently. He hadn't much realized before this event how much he cared for Severus and how he didn't want to spend a night with anyone but him. He realized the trouble he had gotten himself into now; his feelings for his professor genuine and led by more than just his adolescent sex drive.

He sniffled a couple times, wiping the back of his hand across his face to shed any evidence of tears.

"You alright, Harry?" Ron whispered from the bed beside his.

He cleared his throat quietly. "Yeah, I'm alright Ron."

"Where were you?"

He wished he could tell him. He wanted to so badly, to have someone to share his worries with, but he knew that Ron wouldn't understand. "I can't tell you," he whispered quietly.

"What do you mean, Harry? You're my best friend. You can tell me anything." Ron crawled up onto Harry's bed and sat beside him. "Seriously, what is going on?"

Harry considered it a moment, knowing that there was always a chance that Ron would understand. He knew he couldn't tell him everything, though. He clenched his jaw and finally whispered, "I'm gay, Ron."

"Blimey Harry, is that all?" He laughed a bit and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "You had me worried that you'd gotten yourself in some sort of serious trouble."

"You aren't bothered? That I'm gay?"

"No, I'm just glad that it was nothing worse than that." Ron paused a moment. "What's got you all worked up, though?"

"Its this damned ball. I'm upset that McGonagall is making us bring girls." Harry pushed his hair out of his eyes, noting that he would be needing a haircut soon. "But honestly it feels a little easier being able to tell someone about it."

"Sorry, Harry, that's got to be hard. Good thing is its only one night – you're not committing yourself to anyone."

"That's true."

The two talked a while longer. Harry thanked Ron for being so supportive and then they went to bed. Harry felt a bit better having been able to at least share some of the truth with his friend. He fell asleep thinking about who he could go with, before deciding he would ask a third year in one of his classes. She was always sweet and a bit shy. Of course, though, he wished that he could spend the night dancing with Snape, or even be able yo find significant time to spend with him at all. Their nights were beginning to feel too short.

Chapter 7: Hermoso

Hermoso
The air was dewy and heavy as Harry trudged outside the castle. He’d need to get a few things together before the ball, but with just as much urgency, he needed time to clear his thoughts. He found himself best at working things out when he talked about it; whether it was to himself or an audience. This time, however, he knew it was best to keep the problems to himself. So, he walked around a bit, mumbling to himself.
“Well you’ve gotten yourself into a right mess,” he said to himself. Everyday he woke up, he knew it would be best to stop seeing his professor. He knew that their regular meetings and obvious tension would become suspicious and that their intimacy leaking would lead to his expulsion and Severus’s termination. And that was just within the school. God only knows the legal issues it would bring. Everything he could think of told him to stop, to step back, and to look at how terrible this situation is for everyone involved. Despite this, ever inch of him kept pulling him back to Severus. He felt like he was at the mercy of his own desires. Likewise, though, so much about the situation saddened him; his inability to go out in public with Snape, his inability to share it with his friends, and most of all, the fact that they could never find any significant time period to share with one another.
After a while, Harry began to get cold. He turned back into the castle and started to walk down the halls. It was between classes and Harry had none for the next hour-or-so. It was passing period, so naturally the majority of students were walking down the corridor. Snape stood outside his classroom’s door, watching the students in silence as he waited for his classroom to fill. Harry passed him quietly and made brief eye contact with him.
“Good morning, Mr. Potter,” Snape said calmly, and unwavering.
“Professor,” Harry responded, nodding his head, but not stopping for a minute.
Their forced interactions like these were what hurt. Harry wanted to be able to stop and talk with him for some time, but it would not seem typical for the professor. Harry walked towards his dormitory, deciding to spend most of his day in until he was ready to meet up with his date, Jenny.
A few hours later, a fourth year popped into the common room to grab something. “Oh, Harry! You going to the party after the ball tonight?”
“Yeah, I suppose so,” Harry responded, “what about you?”
The fourth year chuckled a bit. “I might stop in for a minute or two, but I’m planning to sneak into Cindy’s room tonight.” With that, he pointed in the general direction of the girls’ dormitories. Harry smiled back at him.
A few hours later, Harry emerged from his dormitory donning a suit and tie. The ensemble was composed of a white shirt, white suit coat, and black tie. He wore black trousers and his newest pair of shoes. He’d gone out to buy it, knowing full well he would be expected to look nice, yet not owning many fine clothes. Ron joined him, and the two walked side-by-side to the ballroom to pick up their dates.
“So are you actually seeing someone? Or have you just been hiding the fact that you are gay?” Ron spoke in a quiet voice so as to respect Harry’s secrecy.
Harry felt a bit of a pit in his stomach as he thought how to answer. “I’ve been seeing someone from Slytherin. It’s nothing official, though. Just messing around, you know?”
“Yeah, but who is it, Harry? I have to know,” Ron replied, playfully elbowing harry in the side. He stopped for a moment and his face fell flat. “Oh god, Harry tell me its not Malfoy.”
Harry smiled. “No, its not Malfoy, Ron. I’ll tell you when I’m ready, alright? It’s a difficult thing right now for the both of us, okay?”
Ron wanted to continue, even going as far as to open his mouth, but the two had approached the hall. Hermione stood before them, wearing a stunning silver dress. Ron’s mind instantly left Harry and moved towards her. He ogled at her, complimenting her excessively before they swept out of Harry’s earshot. She was stunning, as always. Harry, who stood searching the crowd for Jenny, began to feel nervous. Jenny was a sweet girl, and Harry didn’t want his own discomfort to ruin the ball for her. He decided to swallow his fears and move through the crowd; a smile on his face so as to be able to greet her.
Finally, Harry laid eyes on her. She was stunning. Her dark skin was glowing in a shining golden dress. A thick black braid trailed over her right shoulder and spilled down her chest. She smiled brightly.
“Harry!” She reached out her arms and grabbed his hands. “Isn’t it beautiful?” She pulled him through the corridor so that he could see the hall. Hundreds of candles adorned the walls; so many of them that they felt more like stars than candles. The ceiling was charmed to look like a deep purple mist. With the music, Harry had to admit that it was stunning.
He complimented the decorations before adding, “You look so lovely, Jenny.” He earned a bright smile from her. Harry was happy he had chosen to ask such a kind and positive minded girl. He knew she would help him feel more comfortable. “Thank you for coming with me tonight.”
The next few hours were filled with laughter, loud music, and a lot of dancing. At some point throughout the night, Harry had accidentally spilt some punch on Jenny’s gown. He felt truly awful about it and was apologizing up and down. Jenny, however, laughed it off. “It’s just a gown, Harry,” She said over the music.
“Yes but it is a lovely gown and I’ve ruined it.”
Jenny had grabbed another cup of punch. She looked at it a moment before turning it upside down over Harry’s head, drenching him. He jumped at first, but couldn’t be upset when she smiled and said, “Now we are even.” It was no matter, though. They’d dried off by the end of the night, having danced themselves off their feet. Harry even found the courage within himself to ask her to dance a couple slow dances with him; something he had been nervous about for a while.
She was a lovely girl inside and out. She was pretty, and fun, and sweet. Harry knew that his life would be a billion times easier if he were to be with someone like her. He knew he would have fun and be well cared for. Each time he thought about this, though, Harry felt a pang in his chest. There was one thing, one person he wanted, and it was someone who he knew he shouldn’t have. Regardless, though, Harry tried to have the best night he could.
When the even came to an end, a final slow dance played, and the two of them smiled at one another. “Jenny, I was invited to a party tonight after the dance. Would you care to join me?” Harry said, finding good company in the girl. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to the party, but wanted to keep himself in good spirits.
“Oh, Harry, I’d love to, but I promised a few girls from my dormitory to spend time with them tonight. One of their boyfriend’s just gone and broken up with her right before the ball. She’s taken it rather hard.” Jenny looked sincere and apologetic.
“That’s not a problem,” Harry smiled. “I’m just so happy you came with me tonight.”
She smiled back and said, “So am I.” The two spent another moment-or-two saying good-byes before parting for the night. The music had gone significantly quieter, urging the students to leave and part ways.
Harry walked back to his dormitory, intending to change out of his formal wear into something much more comfortable. After checking the clock on the wall, he found it was half-past one. The night had gone long, and while he’d had a nice time, he felt a sense of sadness. He hoped that the rest of the night would help remedy that. Once he reached his quarters, Harry slipped the jacket off his shoulders. He unbuttoned his shirt, and let it fall as well. Looking at himself in a mirror, he wondered why he couldn’t have been born a few years earlier. He reached into his trunk and pulled out a green sweater. He didn’t own much that was green, but it was a soft knit pullover that was a bit too big for him. It was comfortable. He slipped out of his dress shoes and into some trainers as well before heading for the door.
As he went to pull the handle, however, Harry heard a coo from Hedwig. He turned to find her flapping her wings as she perched on the window sill; a small red envelope in her beak. Puzzled, Harry walked over to grab it; rubbing Hedwig’s small white head as he did so. The envelope was plain, sealed with a blank, red wax seal. Across the front, however, ran a beautiful, hand-written letter H. His fingers broke the seal, and he pulled out the small card that was enclosed. It read,
“H,
Nights are never long enough. If longing could heal, I would be unwounded. Meet me at quarter-past-two if you can.
-S”
His smile was incapable of being hidden. He’d written out some dramatic letters to Severus, but to receive one made him grin. Harry was curious as to why he wanted to meet so late when the next day would likely be better. He looked up to the clock on the wall to find it already two. He grabbed his coat and started out the door.
Somehow Harry managed to slip out unnoticed, despite the fact that many people were occupying the common room. They were all busy discussing the night and sharing stories and plans of their dates. Harry ran down the corridor as quietly as he could, making sure to keep watch for any sign of anyone else in the vicinity. He walked down the stairs and followed the trail he was getting more and more used to taking. He went past the Slytherin common room and straight to the corridor that led to the balcony on which they’d shared some of their first intimate moments together. The letter hadn’t stated where to meet, but Harry knew.
When he entered the first door and hopped up the short steps toward the second door that led to the balcony. Harry was stopped in his tracks, however, by a sign on the door. The sign simply said “knock.” Harry was confused as to whether or not it was meant for him, but he chose to be safer than sorry. He reached out his hand and knocked three times. A moment passed in silence before the door swung open slowly. Harry stepped out on the balcony.
Instantly, he found the balcony transformed. Fairy lights danced around the edges of the balcony. Candles were clustered in each corner. Rose petals covered much of the ground. Soft music was playing. It was like a different world. He stepped out further, instantly awestruck. Severus stood with his back to Harry, looking out over the night. When Harry took a few footsteps, Severus slowly turned around. He smiled softly and pulled off his cloak. He laid it on the railing of the balcony. Beneath the cloak he wore a crisp black suit, waist coat, and tie. He approached Harry and took his hands.
“Good evening, Mr. Potter,” Severus said, pulling him out further onto the balcony.
Harry smiled, still awestruck by the scene before him. “Good evening, Mr. Snape,” he responded with a bit of a giggle. “This… all of this is incredible.”
Snape looked him in the eyes, pulling him a little closer. “You deserve the night you want. I wanted to try to make it happen as best as I could.” He paused for a moment. “If I had a few more hours, I would have done a bit more.”
Harry let his arms drift around Severus’ waist. “This is the kindest, most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you.” He reached up and laid a kiss on Severus’ lips. Severus parted his lips and welcomed the kiss. Harry had a way of melting him in all the right ways. It was wonderful and terrible all at once; a mixture of attraction and vulnerability and care that he hadn’t felt in ages.
A moment passed before Snape pulled away. He led Harry to the railing to look out at the stars. They stood there, listening to the music and letting the light breeze of the night sway them ever-so-slightly. Harry recounted his night to Severus. When a moment of silence passed, Severus stepped out. He stretched out a hand to Harry and bowed slightly.
“May I have this dance?” He asked.
Harry took his hand. “Always,” he responded.
The two stayed out for hours. They danced into the night; not necessarily talking constantly, but just enjoying one another’s company. In each others’ arms, they both felt safe; safety and disconnect from everything else.

Chapter 8: i like me better

Harry rolled onto his back and stretched as he woke up. It had been about two weeks since the night of the ball and Severus’ act of surprising Harry. The night had been magical, and he got to spend it the way he wanted; dancing with the one he cared about. Snape had shown Harry just how much he cared. They had danced the night away before spending time just holding one another under the stars.
Since that night, they hadn’t had much opportunity to see one another. Classes were getting harder making schedules busier for both students and professors. Harry had visited Severus a couple times, but there simply wasn’t enough time in the day for them to be able spend together. It was hard, but they had gotten keen about sending each other notes on the regular in order to still be able to talk. Now, however, it was lunchtime, and Harry and Hermione were walking down the corridor together, headed for the great hall.
“I don’t feel too good about that exam,” Harry said to Hermione, referencing the exam in their advanced charms class.
“I’m sure you did fine, Harry.”
“I swear I only knew about half the answers.”
“Well, you have seemed a bit distracted lately. Did you have much time to study?”
Harry began to answer, when Professor McGonagall swept into the corridor and called his name. “Mr. Potter!”
He spun around to greet her. “Professor,” he responded.
“Congratulations, I just heard the news,” She said. “I think this will be an amazing opportunity for you.”
Harry’s face looked puzzled. “Sorry, Ma’am, but what news?”
“Oh, good heavens, I assumed he’d come to talk to you first. Professor Snape was invited to attend the annual Convocation of Aurors at Durmstrang next week. He has offered to take you with him, knowing your interest in becoming an Auror in the future.” She paused. “I know professor Snape can come across somewhat harsh, but this is an incredible opportunity for you, Mr. Potter.”
Harry’s face broke into a grin. “Has he really?” He asked. She nodded in response. “This is incredible!” He turned and looked at Hermione, whose face did not match his in excitement. He composed himself a bit before remarking, “I just think this will be an amazing opportunity for me to get a better look at the field.”
After they parted ways with professor McGonagall, Hermione leaned in closely to Harry’s ear. “Are you really going to spend a whole week with Snape at Durmstrang? Won’t that be a bit weird?”
Harry still had a bit of a grin plastered to his face. “Perhaps, Hermione, but think about how great it will be for me to get to learn under some of the best Aurors out there.” He left out the part about his excitement to spend a week alone with his lover.
“Yeah, but still, its Snape. He still gives me the creeps. Doesn’t he?”
“Hmm not so much anymore,” Harry replied.
The two ate lunch before Harry found an excuse to run off. Snape hadn’t been at lunch, so he’d assumed he was either in his classroom or his quarters. He bolted down the stairs and ran straight into the classroom, opening the door and quickly pulling it shut behind him. He turned around eagerly to talk to Snape before the realization hit him.
“Se-,” The classroom was full and Snape stood at the front, mid lecture. Harry had completely forgotten to check the time and was now stood in front of a full class. The room had gone dead silent, and even the professor stood with his mouth half open, as though he had stopped mid-sentence. Harry froze in his place.
“Can I help you, Mr. Potter?” Everyone’s eyes were on him and he found himself genuinely speechless for a moment, running the past minute through his head to see if there was anyway their cover could’ve been blown. “Is everything alright?” Snape asked a bit quieter.
Harry inhaled, turned to Snape, and said, “Yes, sorry sir.” He turned and left the room awkwardly, retreating to Snape’s quarters. He laid down on the bed and laughed in embarrassment to himself. “Holy shit,” he whispered to himself. He just laid there for a minute before he reached under the right side of the bed and pulled out a book he kept there. He started to read a while, figuring Severus would likely assume he had gone there.
About a half an hour later, Severus walked in the door. He locked it behind himself before turning and looking at Harry. He laughed a genuine, whole-hearted laugh. Harry put his hands over his face before sighing “I’m so sorry,” with a laugh as well. Severus walked over to the edge of the bed and grabbed Harry’s chin, pulling it up to him and planting a kiss right on his lips. He then proceeded to pull off his cape and hang it up before joining Harry on the bed
“So, tell me what had you running into the middle of my beginners potions lecture today, love.” Harry melted when Severus called him “love.” They hadn’t told each other they loved one another, but Severus had begun referring to him with this nickname.
“I had a chat with professor McGonagall,” Harry responded, a grin crossing his face once again. “She informed me that you had some news for me about a bit of a trip.”
Severus looked at Harry with a smile. “Thoughts?”
“Did you see me burst into your classroom? I can’t believe we will actually have some time alone! Not to mention the fact that we will be able to attend the convocation.”
“About that…” Severus began. “What if I told you that I only got invited to one day of the convocation, but told everyone here that we would be staying the week?”
Harry’s smile only grew before he rolled on top of Severus and began to bury him in kisses. “I can’t wait,” he whispered, trapesing kisses down his professor’s neck. The two were a pile of smiles. “Do you have any more classes today?”
“In a few hours,” he responded. Severus got up and grabbed a glass of water from the sink in his quarters. Harry followed suit.
“So you have a few hours…”
Before Severus could respond, Harry knocked into him. He got ahold of the buttons on his shirt and began to pull them open, his fingers working quickly and expertly. Sloppy kisses interrupted him, as his superior pulled off his robes. Layer after layer came off before the two of them stood in nothing but their undergarments. Their ferocity had turned to care, and the music Severus had put on led them to sway in each other’s arms. Severus poured them each a glass of wine as they laid down on the bed.
Harry took a sip of his before setting it on the table next to him and laying kisses along Severus’s chest, who ran his hand through Harry’s hair. Harry was eager to go further, clearly aroused, and dragging Severus’ hands down past his waist. He pulled the other man’s hands inside the waistband of his undergarments while his kissed his neck, but Severus’ mind was elsewhere. Harry could tell he wasn’t getting anywhere with him. He kissed his way back up to Severus’ lips before looking him in the eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong at all, love. I’m just thinking.” He kissed Harry back.
“What are you thinking about?”
Snape brushed his hand on Harry’s cheek, who was still hovering above him. “I like myself a lot more when I’m with you,” he responded. “I feel like I have a bit more of a purpose now. I feel happy when I make you happy.” He stopped and tilted his head a bit to the side. “I have never met anyone who makes me feel that way.”
Harry rolled to his side and turned so they were face to face again. He kissed Severus on the forehead in a soft, long drawn out kiss. “I love you too, Severus,” He responded, before laying his head down on his senior’s chest, feeling absolute happiness and bliss.

Chapter 9: Interrogation

“Harry, are you sure you’ve packed everything for this convocation? Some of the world’s brightest minds are going to be there. You can’t go looking like you’ve just stumbled out of bed,” Hermione said, having been lecturing Harry on how to behave for quite some time. She had been begging him to let her pack his trunk for him, but he had told her off, making sure he could plan for the week’s true events.
“Yes, Hermione, I’ve packed dress robes and I am even bringing the new suit I bought in case Professor Snape and I go out for dinner.” Harry had no clue what the week would hold, so he had packed for a multitude of events. He’d minded the weather of Durmstrang, though.
She nodded in approval. “Good.” She paused for a moment. “I really can’t believe how comfortable you are with the idea of going alone with Snape.”
“I know he can seem to be a bit unapproachable, Hermione, but really, he isn’t that bad.”
“I don’t know, he’s creepy. He always walks around like he thinks he’s better than everyone.” She started to laugh a bit, getting more enthusiastic with her remarks. “I bet his quarters are dingy and gross, don’t you?”
“I don’t think h-”
“And for a man his age, you’d think he could cut his hair, I mean it’s not the same as Hagrid or Dumbledore who have grown their looks with a reputation. He’s getting much older and he should know he’s outgrown the long hair.”
“Hermione,” Harry tried to start again before he got cut off once more.
“And I know that no one really believed it when Rebecca said so, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he was preying on students. He just kind of has that feeling to him, doesn’t h-”
“Shut up!” Harry yelled, standing up quickly and looking at her angrily. She stopped, mid-word, and seemed confused. Harry knew she was only messing about, but he couldn’t bear to listen to it anymore. He was desperately trying to think of a good excuse as to why he had gotten so upset that wouldn’t tip her off, but he was still so livid that he couldn’t think.
“Wh…” She couldn’t seem to figure out the question she wanted to ask. Another moment passed. She just watched him as he still racked his brain.
“I’m sorry for yelling,” he stated. “But Professor Snape has been helping me a lot lately. I can’t listen to you say those things about him.”
“Helping you how?” She asked, much quieter.
Harry considered telling her everything. He knew she wouldn’t tell anyone, but he also knew that he couldn’t bear the judgment she would give him. He wanted his friends to know; to be there for him through this. He also knew it wasn’t fair to put them in such a difficult position. They wouldn’t understand, either. Severus and Harry had been through such unique and difficult lives that they felt they could only share with each other. Like he had done for Ron, Harry decided to tell her some truth, hoping it would both alleviate some stress for her, and cover some more for him.
“Believe it or not, Professor Snape and I have had some similarly difficult experiences in our lives. Plus, he grew up with my mother. We have been spending a lot of time together and he is helping me work through some things. He is teaching me what he knew about my parents.” He looked up at her to gauge her reaction. “All those times I’ve told you that I’ve been seeing a girl, I’ve been having meetings with Professor Snape. He is helping me figure things out.”
“Oh Harry,” Hermione started. “I had no idea how hard things were going for you. If I had known how much he was helping you, I never would have said those things…”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m just sorry I’ve been lying to you.”
“It’s okay, really. If I’m being honest with you, I knew some of it wasn’t true. Ron’s told me you’re gay.”
“Bloody hell, Ron, of course he did,” Harry responded with a laugh. That wasn’t something he thought he would do, but he could tell she hadn’t taken it poorly.
They chatted a bit more before Hermione set the tone seriously once again. “Okay, but Harry, I’m just going to ask this once. Is that it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, is that all that there is? You going and talking with Snape?” Hermione looked at Harry seriously. “You know what I am asking.”
Harry ground his teeth and looked straight into her eyes. “I don’t have the slightest idea as to what you are referring,” he said. He stood up abruptly and patted himself to make sure he had everything he would need. “I have to get going.” He headed towards the door before turning back just long enough to say, “thanks for helping me get ready.” He closed the door loudly behind him.
Not much later, Harry and Severus were in a carriage together on their way to the train station. It was a rainy day, but the weather had never bothered them less. They were talking quietly to one another. It was not out of fear of anyone hearing them, as they were alone. It was simply out of habit. They had never been able to talk normally with one another. Harry decided not to tell Severus of Hermione’s interrogation yet, knowing it might upset him at the start of their trip.
“Where are we staying at night?” Harry asked. “You’ve told me so little about what we are doing.”
“I have a few things planned; a couple surprises. Mostly, though, I am excited to be able to spend more than an hour at a time with you.” Snape smiled at Harry. They were sitting across from one another, but Harry shifted across to sit on the same side as the other man. He took Snape’s arm and wrapped it around his shoulders and leaned close to him. He looked down at Harry and smiled at him. “Maybe we should make a stop at our hotel before we go anywhere else tonight. What do you think?”
Harry smiled and looked up at him. “That sounds perfect.”
The ride to the train station took a while, but once they were there, everything went so smoothly. No one stopped them or questioned them. Hardly anyone even looked at them. They simply made their way through, found an empty cabin, and promptly shut the door and drew the curtains. They stowed their luggage and sat down with a bit of a huff. Harry knew the ride would be long, and Severus wasn’t fond of trains. They made him anxious. So, about ten minutes after they had taken off, Harry decided to distract him.
Severus was reading a book. They shared a mutual love for reading, and often recommended books to one another. Many nights that Harry would come to visit his quarters, the two would just lay next to one another, reading.
Harry gently grabbed the book from the other man’s hands and set it on the storage shelf above. He knelt on the seat beside him and gently rubbed his thumb down Severus’ cheek, who leaned in softly for a kiss. Harry kissed him back, sweetly, leaning into him until Snape leaned back far enough that he was laying on the bench. Harry repositioned himself so that he could lay mostly atop the other man, still kissing him.
He couldn’t help but think about all the times he had witnessed Snape rip open carriage doors, toss open closets, and stop lock spells that students used to have a quick snog. He was not one to just let others be. He was a rule follower to most extents, stopping students from their wrongdoings and such. He knew Snape might be thinking it too.
By the time their stop came, it was closing in on evening time. Severus led the two of them out of the station. Their hotel wasn’t far from the station, so they decided to walk. Snape did something that was a first for their relationship. He reached out his hand and took Harry’s. The two walked hand-in-hand the whole way, excitement pulsing in their veins.

Chapter 10: A Night Alone

The two had stopped at their suite to drop their bags off before going to dinner. The suite was at the corner of the building, so two walls were entirely windowed. They could see out over everything around them. Lights from the city surrounding them seemed to glow brighter than they did while they were walking down the street. A dark four-post bed with a sheer red curtain played the focal point of the room. A deep red couch made of thick plush sat against one of the windowed walls. A large vanity and chair sat against one another. The bathroom had a glass shower and a large claw-foot soaking tub. Everything was extravagant. It was clear to Harry why Snape had chosen it.
“I hope that this room is okay for you,” Snape said. “We can always ch-”
“It’s perfect.” It was. It was elegant and romantic.
The two went out to dinner at a restaurant near the hotel. Harry was surprised by the casualty of the restaurant. Severus seemed to be one for the classically extravagant. He was a man of simple pleasures, but he loved class and elegance. The casual café-style restaurant was unexpected, but more than welcomed. Sandwiches and coffee added to the comfort that Harry felt with Snape. It wasn’t just comfort. It was warmth and normalcy as well.
They finished eating and walked back to the hotel. The air was crisp, but not uncomfortable. Snape held Harry’s hand as they walked, as though he wasn’t scared of anyone seeing them. He undoubtably was, though. The streets were nearly empty that night, so there wasn’t much need to be careful. Before long, the crystalline doors of the hotel were before them, and the two walked in towards their room.
Severus pulled off his cloak and jacket and stretched out on the bed. Harry followed suit, letting Severus lay his head across his lap. They laid there in silence for a while, clearly both lost in thought. Harry closed his eyes – not to fall asleep, but just lost in thought. A moment later, the silence was finally broken.
“I’m scared.”
Harry opened his eyes and looked down at the other man.
“I’m so scared about this,” Snape reiterated. He tilted his head up a little to look Harry in the eyes. “I feel so guilty.”
Harry’s brows furrowed slightly. “What do you feel guilty about?” The two were speaking in a low tone as though someone could hear them. They were alone, but they were far from feeling used to being truly alone together.
“I feel guilty about this situation that I have put you in.” He looked vulnerable. Harry could see such emotion in his eyes. “Harry, I am so happy to be with you right now and whenever we can be together, but for every part of me that feels happy, another part feels guilty. I have put you in a terrible situation.” As he said this, he moved off of Harry’s lap and sat up. He turned away, as if he was scared to look at him.
Harry reached out and grabbed Snape’s arm. “Hey.” He continued to look away. “Hey, look at me.” He finally complied. “You did not put me in any situation. You didn’t put me anywhere, okay? I put myself where I want to be.”
Snape looked fragile in that moment. He hadn’t opened himself up to anyone in a while. He had been emotionally shut off for years. He remained fairly secluded and kept a small circle. He had been fairly content, but not he was vulnerable. He was fragile. He didn’t know quite what to do with the emotions he was feeling.
Harry scooted a little closer to him. He pulled him against his chest and whispered reassurance to him. He didn’t want the other man to feel guilt or frustration. “Please don’t feel guilty about anything. I will tell you if I am uncomfortable. I promise.”
Snape allowed himself to be held a while longer. He didn’t say anything for a while until he finally whispered, once again, “I’m just scared.”
“Why are you scared?” Harry asked. They continued speaking in whispers.
There was a pause before the answer. “I’m scared because of how much I want you,” he responded.
“Oh, Severus,” Harry whispered, turning the man so that he would finally look him in the eyes. He tilted his head and kissed him sweetly. “You certainly shouldn’t be scared of that.” In reality, Harry was scared too. Every moment they spent together his feelings got stronger. Every minute his feelings got stronger he knew it would be harder to break away from them. Ultimately, he did not care. He was falling hard.
Harry pushed him over on the bed; the crisp linen wrinkling beneath them. They kissed for a while; sweetly, not hungrily. He wanted Severus to know that, even though he was scared too, everything would be okay. He whispered words of reassurance to After a few minutes, Severus got up. He looked much less distressed, and even offered a smile to Harry. He pushed his hair out of his face and pushed it behind his ear.
“I’m going to go draw myself a bath,” he said. He began to unbutton his shirt as he disappeared into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him. A few minutes passed as Harry listened to the sound of the tap filling the tub. Harry leaned back against the headboard, smiling to himself.
His mind slowly began to drift to his conversation with Hermione before he left. “Is that all there is? You know what I’m asking.” Her words rang in his head. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to hide his feelings for Snape from everyone forever. He knew that it was becoming apparent that his relationship was closer than professor-student relationships often were. Why did she have to point it out? Why couldn’t they just be left alone? He understood the curiosity, but would’ve preferred to never have to be questioned.
Hermione was one of his best friends. He could trust her. She was also a strictly by-the-rules student. He worried that she would feel responsible for reporting them. He wished that he could tell his friends everything. He wished they would understand, and that, if they didn’t, they would choose to just respect his relationship. He knew that it was unrealistic, but it hurt him so much. It hurt Snape as well.
For the amount of time the two spent thinking about the difficulty of their relationship, they sure didn’t talk about it much. Every now and then it would get brought up, but they tried to steer one another away from the topic. Harry knew he would need to bring up his conversation with Hermione to Snape, but he knew he couldn’t do it yet. It was clear that it was too sensitive of a time.
He thought back to a couple months ago. He never would’ve seen Snape in a romantic or sexual fashion. He would’ve been horrified by the notion. Their relationship, their attraction even, had grown so strong so quickly. Now, he felt comfortable with him. He didn’t care about the age difference either. If anything, he found it kind of sexy. And sure, the sex was great, but the mutual feeling of care was above that. They both cared so much for each other.
Harry stood up and quietly walked to the bathroom door. He pulled it open and shut it behind him. He turned around. Severus was reading a book while sitting in the large claw-foot tub. He looked up at Harry upon his entrance but didn’t say anything. The tub was filled and had bubbles. Harry smiled at the thought of the man who was once just his professor filling a bubble bath.
Harry slowly pulled his jumper up and over his head. Severus bookmarked his page and tossed the book to the floor beside the tub, watching Harry carefully. Harry tossed his jumper to the floor, his chest now bare. He started to unbutton his trousers, maintaining eye contact the whole time; neither of the men saying a word. He pulled his trousers and his undergarments down and tossed them aside as well. He slowly walked towards the tub. Harry stepped into the tub. Severus spread his legs apart making room for Harry to sit. Harry did, laying against the other man’s chest.
Severus rested his arms around Harry’s chest and whispered quietly in his ear. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”

Chapter 11: Upset

Upset

Harry woke up the next morning still wrapped in Severus’ arms on the big bed of their hotel suite. He opened his eyes, but didn’t move, savoring the sweetness of the moment. It was the first time he and Snape had woken up together. Though they had been able to spend a few nights together, they were never able to share a full night. Harry couldn’t help but smile a bit as he felt the warmth of the other man’s arms.
He laid that way for a few minutes more before shifting slightly so that he could look at Snape. The man usually had his eyebrows near constantly furrowed and almost always wore strictness on his face even when he wasn’t meaning to, but in his sleep, Severus’ face was relaxed. The wrinkles of his brow were softened and he bore what could only be described as a contented expression. Harry pushed some of the other man’s hair out of his eyes and tucked it behind his ear. He continued to watch him for a while, thinking about what his dreams were like, and whether or not he was in them.
“Hasn’t anyone ever told you its impolite to stare?” Snape whispered; eyes still closed. A small smile crept across his lips before he finally opened them.
Harry smiled back. “It’s hard not to stare at something so beautiful.” He meant it, too. Harry could hardly keep his eyes off Severus. “Besides, I wasn’t just staring. I was trying to guess what you were dreaming about.”
Severus repositioned himself a bit so that they could better face each other. “Well, my love,” Severus began. “That is between me and my dreams.” He grinned at Harry, who felt a shiver go down his spine from the professor’s tone. “Besides, the real dream is getting to wake up next to you.” Severus leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Harry’s forehead.
“I was feeling the same way,” Harry said with a smile. As he said it, though, he felt a pang in his chest. Guilt had been bubbling up inside him for not telling Snape about Hermione’s comments the day prior.
The two got dressed and headed for the carriage that would take them to Durmstrang for the convocation. The ride was short, and the two chatted quietly on the way. Neither knew quite what to expect from the convocation. It was both of their first times there, and it was Harry’s first time at Durmstrang. Severus had been asked to present at a panel discussing the importance of basic potion knowledge as a defense against practitioners of the dark arts. Harry sat in the crowd, trying to mask his feelings of proudness.
His presentation was met with a roar of applause, and he spent a while after standing around and answering questions from students, professors, and other dignified guests who had been invited to attend. Harry hung back so that he could watch and offer support to Snape without anyone becoming suspicious of them. Snape glanced at him every now and then, clearly appreciative of the emotional support he was being offered.
Harry smiled at him, but each time they made eye contact, Harry felt that same pang in his chest. Guilt. The guilt was also being met with fear, and the two were dancing together until they were joined into one big pain. He knew he needed to tell Severus soon. He decided that he would bring it up later that night and would focus on enjoying his day at the convocation for now.
When Severus was done greeting people and answering questions, he and Harry moved on to the next panels. They attended various lectures throughout the day, covering a wide range of topics relating to defense against practitioners of the dark arts. Harry took notes, but soon found out he hadn’t brought nearly enough parchment with him. Even if he had, it would be no matter, as he was writing so much that he had nearly dried up the inkwell he was using with his quill. Luckily, Snape came prepared, and lent Harry his own parchment, as well as his inkwell.
Severus was enjoying watching Harry’s enjoyment of the convocation more than he was enjoying the convocation himself. To see Harry so engaged with something about which he was so passionate was beautiful to him. He watched the fervor in eyes and watched the rate at which he wrote his notes; rapid and without pause. He could not believe how quickly he had fallen for the boy. He tried not to think about it too much, as it made him feel foolish to have such emotions. He couldn’t help it, though, and he knew those foolish feelings were reciprocated.
 

Chapter 12: The Beginning of The End

Beginning of the end

Their day at the convocation ended with a massive feast put on by Durmstrang. The tables were filled with food, and various bottles of wine were placed strategically across the tables, encouraging visitors to try them all. The moment people stopped eating, trays of chocolates, pastries, and cakes seemingly flew before them out of nowhere. It was a night of decadence, and Harry and Severus certainly did indulge.
The two had eaten well more than their fill, but even more than that, they had drunk much more than their fill. The two found themselves stumbling more than they should at an event of such stature. Out of nerves, they had decided to leave early so as to not be looked down on. “Let’s get out of here,” Severus had whispered secretly and seductively into Harry’s ear.
The voice made Harry shiver, and he mustered a small nod. Severus did his best to walk in a straight line to one of the organizers of the convocation in order to thank them for inviting him to speak. As soon as he was done, Snape made a B-line back to the table, collected Harry, and set a course for their carriage. The two hopped in, shut the doors, and pulled the drapes closed over the windows. Both melted into their seats, having has a long day, and being drunk as all hell.
“Three,” said Snape, seemingly out of nowhere, a small smile on his lips.
“Hmm?” Harry asked in response. He was rocking his head from side to side trying to loosen his muscles.
“I believe tonight marked the third very inappropriate thing I have done in my career.” He shifted, still smiling. ‘First, engaging in a sexual relationship with a student, second, taking a leave of absence to attend a weeklong convocation to which I was only invited one day, and third, drinking excessively with a student.”
Harry smiled a bit with him too. “Well, it seems I am the root cause of all of those. I think I owe you an apology.” While he joked, Harry did feel the guilt that lay in his stomach about the position in which he had placed his professor.
“I’m sure there are ways you could make it up to me,” Snape said quietly. The comment made Harry’s cheeks flush. He didn’t know how to respond but agreed to himself that he probably could.
The carriage ride back to the hotel was quick and comfortable. Once they got out, the two men stumbled into the hotel and up the stairs to their room, dizzy and full of lust. From the moment Severus had asked Harry if he wanted to “get out of here,” Harry had been fighting off arousal and lust. He assumed it was likely that his professor was feeling the same way. Neither made physical contact with the other in the carriage.
By the time Severus had gotten the chance to shut and lock the door, Harry had already torn open his own dress robes and shirt and tossed them aside. He did the same with his trousers until he was standing in nothing but his undergarments and undershirt. When Severus turned around and saw him, he looked him up and down as if he was sizing up his prey.
Snape swiftly walked across the room and took Harry into a kiss. Meanwhile, Harry pulled his professor’s robes off, and ripped open his shirt, making sure not to pull any buttons off. Then, he broke the kiss and sunk down to his knees, looking Snape directly in the eyes. Keeping that eye contact, he unbuttoned his trousers, then took the zipper of Snapes trousers between his teeth and slowly unzipped them. He did the same thing with his undergarments and pulled them down by the waistband with his teeth. Snape shuddered lustfully and pulled Harry to his feet, once again engulfing him in a kiss.
Harry placed one arm around Severus’ back and on his ass. The other hand reached down between them and gently took hold of his professor’s dick. The two continued to kiss, and Harry could feel Severus getting harder and harder. Severus reached between the two of them as well, gently pulling Harry out of his undergarments. He matched the rhythm, each stroking the other gently, but with purpose.
After a while, Harry could tell by the soft sounds Severus was making that he was fully hard. Harry was close to being fully erect as well. So, Harry pulled his professor’s ear to his lips and whispered, “fuck me.”
Snape whispered back, putting on a non-caring act and said, “Hmm, I’m not sure.” He licked one of his fingers and then moved the hand into Harry’s undergarments. He used that finger to circle Harry’s asshole slowly and gently. Harry flinched slightly, not having expected the contact.
Harry closed his eyes. “Please,” he whispered again. With that, Severus’ whole finger dipped into Harry, slowly beginning to move in and out of the hole rhythmically. Harry could tell that he was enjoying it, but he needed Snape. He felt desperate at the other man’s mercy. Despite that, he loved it. He loved every second of it.
“Please, what?” Severus asked. He slowly pushed a second finger into Harry. He began to move the two fingers in and out a lot quicker than he had before. “I think I need a little more convincing.”
Harry looked him in the eyes and could see that he was experiencing so much pleasure from this. Severus was smiling a lustfully sadistic grin. Harry wanted to give him what he wanted. He too was overcome by lust and wanted nothing more than Severus inside him at that very moment. To appease the both of them, he looked his professor in the eyes. “Please fuck me. Please. I’m begging you. I need you.” He kissed Snape’s neck, hovering over some of the places he knew to be Snape’s most sensitive spots. He peeled his own undershirt off and removed his undergarments the rest of the way. “Please,” he whispered a final time.
“You should have just said that’s what you wanted, love,” He replied with a devious smile. With that, Severus pushed Harry onto the bed. He scooted towards the pillows and started to turn onto his stomach.
“No,” Snape said sternly. “I want you to look at me.” Harry returned to his back and stared up at him with a smile. He wanted Severus so badly. He felt a physical ache and needed him now.
“Good,” Snape praised Harry.
Harry reached over and started to stroke Severus again. Despite the few minutes without contact, Severus was still very erect, clearly turned on by Harry’s desperation for him. Severus planted a sweet kiss on Harry’s lips before pulling away from him and kneeling on the bed beneath him.
“Spread your legs,” Severus demanded. Harry did as he was told instantly. He spread his legs and grabbed his thighs with his hands, pulling them further apart. He hoped that this would even further encourage Severus to hurry up.
It seemed it worked, as Snape spat into his hand and rubbed it over his dick and Harry’s asshole. Then, he finally moved his hand aside and slowly pushed into Harry. Harry groaned and tried to pull his legs further apart. Snape pushed slowly until he was halfway inside before stopping. Harry opened his eyes and looked at Snape.
“Is this what you wanted?” he teased. “Do you want me to stop?”
Harry’s breath was labored, and his body was tense. “No, please.” He begged. “More. Please.”
Snape finally quit his taunting and gave in, pushing himself the rest of the way into Harry in one swift, aggressive push. The motion made Harry groan louder, and he reached for his own dick to stroke. After that, Severus’ movements and words came much more gently. His rhythm slowed to one that was less forceful and more passionate.
As the rhythm continued, Snape leaned down and started to suck and nibble at the middle of Harry’s chest. He left a series of love marks along the way, freckling Harry’s skin in pinks and purples. After a while, he stretched upwards so that they were at eye-level of each other. Severus could see Harry’s eyes wince with every stroke.
Despite this, Harry reached up and pushed some of Severus’ sweaty hair out of his eyes. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, trying to read one another. Finally, Harry tilted his head slightly and whispered, “You’re so beautiful, Severus. I love you so much.” He knew he did. He knew that the way he felt with Severus was unlike anything he had felt before. He felt his safest, happiest, and like his most authentic self with him.
Severus tilted his head too. “I love you too, Harry.”
Not too much later, Severus finished. After he had pulled out of Harry, he leaned down and stroked Harry’s dick to help him finish as well. Then, he grabbed a towel and cleaned them both off, kissing Harry’s soft skin as he did so. He was so gentle and caring and was making sure to provide Harry with the post-intimacy care that he needed.
The two hopped in the shower together before crawling into the silky sheets of the bed. They told each other that they loved one another and spent a while chatting until the guilt started to grab Harry’s throat again. He was trying to spend his time with Snape in the moment, but that guilt and fear was making it nearly impossible.
Severus felt Harry stiffen and seem to be less and less present. He turned onto his side to look at Harry. Harry mirrored him so that they were face-to-face. Severus took Harry’s hand in his own and stroked at his thumb. “What’s wrong, love?” he asked; looking into Harry’s eyes. Harry did not meet his eyeline. In fact, his eyes were barely opened at all. A few hot tears made their way down his cheek. Severus pulled his hand from Harrys and used his thumb to gently sweep the tears away. “I feel guilty. There is something I should have told you.” No more tears came, but he looked withdrawn. Severus grabbed Harry’s hand again, but this time Harry held his tightly as well.
“Tell me. You can tell me anything. Did I do something wrong? If I hurt you, please let me know how I can fix it and what I can do,” Severus said. He was very calm, and Harry appreciated that. He just felt bad about being the one to disturb it. “Let me know so I can help you, Harry.”
Harry looked up at him. “I think Hermione’s figured us out. I think she knows about our relationship.” His voice was quiet.
“Did you tell her?” Snape asked. “I know she is one of your closest friends.”
“No, of course not.” Harry turned back and pushed into a sitting position against the headboard. “I mean it is really hard to not talk about you to my friends, but I have not said a word.”
Snape sat up on the edge of the bed and looked away from Harry. “Well, if you haven’t said anything, how could she know?” He asked. Harry did not care for the implication that he felt in his professor’s voice.
“I think she picked up on the fact that I was super excited to go on this trip with you. Plus, she has probably noticed me coming into the commons room late at night. She has eyes everywhere.”
“Then tell me exactly what she told you.” He had stated it as an order, not a request. Harry felt a sense of familiarity in the iciness of his voice. It almost reverted back to how he used to speak with Harry before the two of them had started meeting regularly.
“Well, she was saying some things that were proper awful about you and I asked her to stop. She was very taken aback by my asking that. I was worried I had blown our cover, so I told her how you were talking to me about my mother and helping me sort that kind of thing out.” Harry paused for a moment. Severus was still refusing to look at him. “Then, she seemed to understand for a bit. As I was leaving, she asked if that was all there was between us.”
Severus was silent still.
“I told her I didn’t understand what she was asking me and left. I couldn’t think of how else I could respond. I know I should’ve told you earlier but I was trying not to ruin our trip. I wish I could’ve kept it in more, but it has been eating at me. I’m so sorry.” In his mind, Harry was practically begging Severus to lean back on the bed, hold him, and tell him everything would be alright. “I’m truly sorry,” he said again.
Finally, Severus turned around and sat so he could look at Harry. His face was unreadable. Harry did not know what to make of it. “Oh Harry,” Snape said, reaching over and grabbing his hand. “It’s not your fault.”
Harry smiled a bit, starting to feel relieved that Snape wasn’t mad or too upset. He started to scoot closer to the other man and reach for him, but before he could do so, Severus continued.
“I knew better than to get us both into this mess,” he said. “This is my fault. I never should have let this go this far. I have spent so much time prioritizing Hogwarts and work that, in a moment of weakness, I prioritized my foolish feelings of attraction and want for intimacy.” He gave a half-assed smile to Harry. “I have appreciated your companionship greatly, but I think it is time that we stop this. We have let it go on too long.”
Harry watched in surprise and anger as Severus got up and grabbed a pillow from the bed. He walked to the couch and laid down. In the lowlight of the room, he whispered “Good night, Mr. Potter.”
 

Chapter 13: Turmoil

“Severus, please. Don’t do this. Even if Hermione was to be sure there was something going on between the two of us, which she isn’t, she would never tell anyone.” Harry’s eyes were wild. He jumped off the bed and knelt down beside the couch. “Please?”
Severus looked at Harry, pushing some of his hair out of his own eyes. “Even so, it is not fair to put that on her. Not on her or on you for that matter.” Despite his plain rejection, Harry did not budge from his spot. Severus had this façade about him, acting as if nothing the two had shared mattered at all. It made Harry heat up inside. He couldn’t believe that the same man who planned them a romantic week away and set up a romantic date for them on the roof one night was giving up on things one day into the holiday. It didn’t make sense. He knew Snape was shutting down.
“I’ve told you time and time again that I do not feel like you are doing anything to me or putting anything on me. What can I do to help you believe me? Please don’t push me out. I love you.” Harry grabbed Snape’s hands, but Snape did not hold his back. Instead, he pulled them away from Harry gently and laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Look, Harry,” he started much more plainly, “do you think I want to do this? I have told you how I feel about you. I have been more open with you than I have with anyone in years. It is obvious that I am attracted to you, but if people are already starting to put things together, we will be forcibly separated. I will lose my job. You may face being expelled. It is going to be easier to do this by our own accord. We will leave in the morning and return to Hogwarts.”
He didn’t understand. Harry didn’t quite know how to explain that Severus should’ve said his own accord. It wasn’t Harry’s decision. His mind raced as he thought about how he could salvage the relationship that had brought him his first sense of comfort and support in his whole life. “If we return tomorrow, people will ask lots of questions,” he said. It wasn’t a strong argument, but it was true. “Why would we be returning early from a place you were invited to stay the week?”
He watched Severus think about it. “Shit, you’re right,” he whispered. It was true. If Minerva was to notice his return, she would be angry with him for taking the opportunity away from Harry. Dumbledore would have questions as well, especially for having to find a temporary replacement to teach his classes in his absence. He started to sort through his options in his mind.
Harry watched him. He was still in shock and felt betrayal by how easily Severus had been able to break things off with him. Only moments before that they had said they loved each other. He knew Severus was being avoidant. He had an idea to try to convince him to stay with him.
Grabbing Severus’ hands again, Harry said, “Stay with me for the week. If you don’t want us to be together after this trip, we can pretend that nothing ever happened. Just stay with me for this week.”
“That will just make things harder.” Snape was clearly thinking it over. He rummaged through his brain to try to figure out what else they could do.
“That may be, but I would rather spend six more days with you than none,” Harry responded. Severus sat up and made room for Harry to sit beside him on the couch. “Don’t push me away.”
A few moments passed in silence. Severus stared at the floor. Harry had tears slowly leaking from his eyes but kept wiping them away as fast as he could, hoping Severus wouldn’t see them. Harry was still in awe by Snape’s decision and the ease with which the words had come out of his mouth.
The silence continued. It was obvious Snape was not going to say anything else. Harry stared at him a moment longer, no longer worrying to wipe his tears away. He stood up and walked back to the bed. Harry laid down and curled into a ball. He let the tears silently stream down his face.
There he was, laying on a beautiful bed in the most expensive suite in the hotel, and the one who had planned the romantic getaway had given up on him. He was angry, but most of all he was sad. His mind flickered back to Hermione, but this time not out of fear. If he had just been honest with her, he would have someone to go to for help. He thought about Ron as well. Ron was his best friend. He could use his best friend’s advice. Despite his thoughts, he was, ultimately, alone.
He finally closed his eyes completely and decided to try to sleep. Tears were still streaming down his face and his heart was pounding. He didn’t know what to expect from the next day or from anything at all at that point. He pulled the duvet up higher as if to mask his face from Severus seeing him. He was confused, sad, angry, and incredibly embarrassed. He felt like a child.
A few moments later, Harry felt some movement at the other side of the bed. Severus slipped onto the mattress next to him. Harry didn’t dare move for a bit. The air in the room felt thick and stiff. Severus moved closer to Harry and reached out a hand and placed it on Harry’s arm. Harry took it as a sign to turn around and face him.
“You’re right, Harry. Six days with you is so much better than none,” Severus said. Harry looked up at him to see tears flowing from his eyes as well. Harry reached out and wiped a few of them away. “I wish it could be longer, but I will take 6 days.” He held Harry’s eye contact for a bit. “I just don’t know how we could keep it a secret when we go back. It is far too dangerous.”
Harry had practically instantly melted. “Let’s not worry about that for now,” He whispered. “We have six days.” Harry moved closer and allowed himself to be held in Severus’ arms. “That’s all we need to focus on for now.” Harry still felt hurt and confused by Snape’s actions, but he knew that he couldn’t let himself focus on that. He kissed Severus gently on the lips before closing his eyes for the night.

When they woke up in the morning, neither knew exactly what to say. They both stayed silent for a while, holding one another. The sun was rising outside their room, casting a pink and orange tone over the room. The bedsheets were smooth against their skin. Everything about the situation was beautiful and perfect aside from what was raging through both of their minds.
Harry was secretly hoping to wake up to Severus apologizing repeatedly and taking back what he had said the night before. He knew the man was right. The idea of someone having found them out was frightening, but somewhere in Harry’s foolish mind he had rationalized things in an everything-will-turn-out-just-fine way. Severus had grown out of such an adolescent mindset.
“Good morning,” Snape finally whispered to Harry. Harry’s head was resting on one of his arms.
Harry rolled onto his side. “Good morning,” he responded. “Can we just pretend that nothing happened last night? Just for now?” he asked.
Severus nodded. “Besides, I have a big day planned for us.” He leaned over and kissed Harry gently before hopping out of the bed and heading for the bathroom.
Harry tried his best to push his feelings aside, letting excitement about the upcoming day take the lead in his emotions.

Chapter 14: Saying Goodbye

“Fuck, Severus, just slow down,” Harry groaned. It was the last night of their week away, and he’d meant to be taking a legitimate shower. Severus had followed him in and promptly began to escalate the situation. Harry had come into the shower only moments after the two had finished having sex for the second time that night, but Snape was seemingly insatiable. He was tired, and he knew Severus was trying to make up for what would soon be lost time.
Severus instantly took his hands off Harry and stepped back a bit. “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
Harry grabbed Snape’s hand and pulled him a step closer again. “You didn’t,” he said reassuringly. “I just said slow down, not stop.” He kissed Severus again, this time encouraging a much gentler pace. The heat from the water had created a steamy fog in the shower, making the glass door of the shower nearly translucent rather than clear. “Although we probably should get some rest. We have a long ride home tomorrow.” He spun Severus around so that he was the one under the shower stream. He started to gently scrub at Severus’ hair with shampoo as it got wet.
“I don’t care to think about that right now,” Severus whispered, leaning down and kissing Harry’s neck and collar. His hands situated themselves on Harry’s lower back, just barely above his ass. Harry continued to gently wash Severus’ hair.
“I don’t either, love, but we are going to have to.” Harry had done his best to come to terms with the reality of their impending separation. It hurt him, and he truly believed that the two could continue to make their relationship work, but he felt foolish fighting so hard against someone who would never give in. The two hardly talked about it since the conversation on that second night. They chose to spend the week as comfortably as they could. Severus had planned various activities for the two, made dinner reservations at multiple stunning restaurants, and even arranged for a massage. Now the reality was upon them. They were to be separated the next day.
They had briefly discussed how best to go about it. Harry would try to be one of the first out of the classroom after his potions class so that they wouldn’t even have the opportunity to be alone together. Severus was to no longer call Harry by his first name, nor was Harry to call Severus by his. If either needed help, they could ask each other, but they knew they needed to avoid each other as much as possible. They struggled to behave around one another and knew they could only make the break if it was a clean break.
Once Harry had washed all the shampoo out of Severus’ hair, he kissed him gently on the lips. The gentle flow of water continued to stream down on them and kept them warm. Harry pulled back and held the sides of Severus’ head with both hands. He smiled as he looked at him. Severus returned his smile with one of his own.
“I’m going to miss kissing you,” Harry said. Both of their smiles dropped. “And your arms of course. I’ll probably miss your arms the most.” Snape’s arms were wrapped around Harry’s waist.
“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that,” Snape whispered. He tightened his arms ever so slightly around Harry’s waist. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”
“It doesn’t,” Harry replied plainly.
“You know it does,” Snape responded.
Harry tightened his jaw a little bit. “If it’s the way things must be, then it’s the way things must be, but do not say things like ‘you know’ because I have told you I do not.” Harry hadn’t said it bitterly or harshly. It was more matter of fact than anything else.
Severus nodded, accepting Harry’s statement but not knowing what else to say.
A moment passed in silence. Neither of them really moved. The water was hitting them both comfortably and they didn’t want to leave its warmth. They stood there and just looked at each other for a while.
“I’m going to miss having someone to talk to,” Severus said after a while. It was true. He had friends at work, but no one who he was very close to. In honesty, most of those who worked at Hogwarts took their jobs far too seriously; himself included. If they weren’t working, they were at home or in their chambers. Harry was positively the only person Severus had opened up to in years.
After a while, the two got out of the shower and toweled off. The entire bathroom was steamy and hot. When Harry opened the door to the bedroom, the steam wafted out and began to dissipate. Each of them donned a robe, compliments of the hotel. Harry looked as though he was going to lay on the bed but changed his mind and sat on the plush red velvety sofa that sat before it near the fireplace instead.
Severus was about to sit down beside him when there was a knock at the door. Severus smiled as if he had been expecting someone. He got up, opened the door, thanked the man who was standing there, and then turned around. He was holding a silver platter full of chocolate covered strawberries. They looked lush and delicious. Harry couldn’t help but smile.
“Chocolate covered strawberries?” He began. “A bit more cliché than I expected from you, sir,” Harry said as Severus sat down beside him, placing the platter on the table in front of them.
“It may be cliché, Mr. Potter, but it is something classic.” He paused a moment. “Its romantic.” He smiled a bit more.
“It is romantic,” Harry responded, picking up one of the largest berries from the platter. He raised it gently to Severus’ lips and watched him take a slow bite. Harry then reached out and grabbed Snape’s chin, gently bringing it down to his height and closing the gap with a sweet kiss, tasting the chocolate and strawberry as it melted between their lips. “You’re very romantic.”
He proceeded to bite the rest of the berry he had given to Severus and leaned back into the couch, appreciating the sensuality of the moment. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Not just for this, but for this week. It has been lovely.” He reached a hand out to Snape and held his.
“You are the reason this week has been so lovely,” Snape said. “Regardless of tomorrow and the days that follow, you should know that I truly, truly love you.”
“I love you too, Severus.”
Snape picked up another strawberry and took a large bite out of it, causing a mess of bits of chocolate and strawberry juice to fall to his exposed chest. He reached his hand up to wipe it away, but Harry grabbed his hand and stopped him. He stood up, walked directly in front of him, straddled the man’s thighs with his knees on the couch, and slowly began to lick at his chest, following each movement of his tongue with a light kiss.
Once he had finished cleaning him up, Harry began to kiss his neck and jaw line. He finally settled at Snape’s collar bone, leaving three deep purple love bites in a row. He knew what he was doing. He was leaving something for Severus to see in the days that followed. The marks were low enough to be covered in public, but prominent enough for Snape to see them when he was alone in his chambers. Harry thought that, perhaps, if Severus were to see them in the days ahead, he would be forced to think of Harry. He was still, perhaps foolishly, believing he could change something about the situation Severus was forcing him into.
The two stayed on the couch a while longer, intertwining kisses with chocolate and strawberries. The moment was beautiful and loving. They had done their best to show each other that they truly cared about one another. They loved each other.
That was why it hurt all the more when Harry woke up the next morning in an empty bed to Severus already dressed and packed, waiting for him in the chair near the door; a passive look on his face.

Chapter 15: The End of the Word As We Know It

The carriage ride was as awkward as it was nerve wracking. The two men hardly spoke to one another for the entire trip. They simply sat there, hand in hand, staring out the window, watching their time together dwindle with every passing kilometer. Severus’ hand held Harry’s as tightly as Harry’s held his. Their palms were sweaty against each other, but neither pulled away to wipe them dry.
Before long, the two could see Hogwarts approaching in the distance. They finally looked at each other. Harry could practically hear Severus’ mind reeling, but couldn't tell what the thoughts going through his head were. He was too scared to ask. Breaking the silence felt like shattering a glass window that kept him safe from hurt. This silence, though, was deafening. He hated it. Finally, Snape spoke up.
“I suppose it will be nice to see your friends again.” It was clear he was only trying to fill the silence.
“Mm,” Harry responded, nodding his head slightly. “And I imagine you will have a lot to get caught up on with work.” He too didn’t mind trying to fill the silence.
“It’s true,” Severus said. “I have no idea who has been filling in for my classes. I imagine everything’s been left a mess.” He looked down at his lap. “In other circumstances you would traditionally have work to make up in my class.” Harry looked over and saw sweat beading on his forehead.
“That’s fine,” Harry said. “I can catch up. You’ll just need to tell me what I need to do.”
“I think that, due to our circumstances, I will just mark your work as complete. We ought to limit the time you spend in my classroom after class is over.” Severus was once again avoiding eye contact with Harry.
“If that’s what you’re most comfortable with,” Harry responded. The comment ended the conversation and left them both in silence once more.
After a few more minutes, as the two rapidly approached Hogwarts, Harry looked over at Severus again. He couldn’t see much of his face as the other man looked out the carriage window, but Harry could see a single tear rolling down Snape’s cheek. It left a thin, wet trail behind it. Harry pulled his hand away from the other man’s and gently wiped the tear away. He leaned over and gently laid a kiss where the tear had fallen before turning back to face ahead. Neither acknowledged the gentleness of the moment nor did they speak of how it would be last time Harry kissed Severus.
Minutes later, the carriage arrived at the gate, and the two men got out to collect their things. Hardly anyone was outside the castle. The sky had an eerie greyish blue cast, and it seemed it might rain. Harry thought to himself how fitting it would be for it to storm that night.
Severus lifted Harry’s trunk from the back of the carriage before grabbing his own. The carriage began to leave on its own almost instantly. Once they’d collected their trunks, they looked at one another. Neither quite sure what to say. Harry’s face felt hot.
“Well, Mr. Potter, thank you for accompanying me on this trip,” Severus said, offering a small smile. “I truly enjoyed our time together. I hope you found it as pleasant as I did.” The cordiality stung, but Severus wasn’t trying to be rude or smug.
“Thank you for inviting me, professor,” Harry responded. “I’m glad to hear you enjoyed your time.” Severus reached out a hand to shake Harry’s, but Harry turned away and headed inside the castle. “Have a good night,” he said.
Severus retracted his arm and watched Harry enter the building. He followed soon after, making his way to his own chambers. The halls were rather quiet as most students were at dinner. Severus’ footsteps echoed quietly down the corridor.
A first year Slytherin was returning to her dormitory as Severus approached the Slytherin door. When she saw the professor, her eyes lit up and she smiled brightly at him.
“Welcome back, professor! We’ve missed you. Did you enjoy your trip?” She asked.
Snape looked down at her. “Thank you, Miss Carter. The convocation was very nice. It is good to be back at Hogwarts, though.” He’d never tell anyone, but he loved the first year students. They were dreadfully impossible to work with, and always needed help in class, but they were always the most eager of his students.
The first year ran into the Slytherin commons as the door opened. Severus walked into his quarters, shutting and locking the door behind him immediately. He set his trunk down near the foot of his bed. As he leaned down to begin sorting through the trunk, he caught sight of the book Harry kept under his side of the bed. He turned his head away and tried not to think about it.
Instead, he began sorting through the things in his trunk, tossing aside what needed to be washed, and refolding what needed to be put away. He hung his dress shirts and cloaks in his wardrobe, neatly folded his socks, and opened the drawer for his undergarments. He moved a few of his undergarments aside to make room.
In doing so, however, Snape found a piece of parchment stuck to the bottom of the drawer. He peeled it up. The ink was a bit smudged, but the lettering was easy enough to make out.
“I love you - H.” That was all that was written. Harry had left the note when Severus was in class one day, not knowing when his professor would see it, but wanting to leave something sweet for him later. Severus had no clue that it was there until that very moment.
Severus felt frozen in time. He could feel tears starting to well up in his eyes. He dropped the note on the floor and wiped at his eyes; a feeble attempt to remedy the situation, as the tears were already flowing faster than he could wipe them away. His teeth were clenched and he found himself overcome with emotion; anger leading them. He felt a pang in his chest, and his head felt as if it was about to explode.
“Fuck!” He yelled, slamming his fist against the wall. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He continued to yell, punching the bricks of the wall harder and harder with each word. After a few seconds, he stopped yelling and turned to slide down the wall. He put his head in hands and continued to sob, a slow stream of blood dripping down his right hand from his now busted knuckles.

Chapter 16: WTF Am I Supposed to Do Now?

Harry opened his eyes. He could hardly bear laying alone in his bed. He would wait up until the last minute so that he would fall asleep instantly upon getting into bed. In the mornings, the second he would wake up, he would get out of bed. The longer he would lay in bed alone, the more he would be forced to think about how much better he’d feel with a warm body pressed up against his. He did his best to ignore thoughts like these, and the best way to ignore them was to avoid them.

Ron stirred in a bed nearby. “Bloody hell, Harry. You’re up early again,” he mumbled. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Harry responded, pulling his boots onto his feet and throwing a jumper over his sleep clothes. “It’s nice to get some exercise.”

The reality wasn’t, of course, that he was in search of exercise. It was the first day he would be back in potions class; the first time he would see Severus since they had last departed. He needed to get some fresh air so that he could begin to process the emotions he would be facing. So, he trudged out into the snow and began to walk along a trail outside the castle.

As he walked, he looked up the sides of the tall, ornate building. He thought about the time it must’ve taken to conceptualize the castle, and knew well enough he could never imagine something of that magnitude. The stones were intricate, and it was a building that could certainly not exist without the help of magic. It wasn’t the type of structure that could be created by muggle hands.

Something caught Harry’s eye as he walked. Up on a balcony far above him, he saw a figure in black. The figure was on its knees, hunched over on the ground as if in pain. Harry quickly averted his eyes, noticing far too fast that it was the balcony on which he and Severus had spent some of their earliest, most intimate moments. The figure was, undoubtedly, that of his professor. He knew that must be true before even having the chance to analyze it. Severus had said himself that he often frequented the balcony as a place where he could ‘sort his thoughts.’

Harry kept his eyes turned away and walked quickly, looping around to where he had started as quickly as possible. The air was crisp, and Harry’s cheeks were numb from the wind. He couldn’t help but want to go inside, even though it meant he was one step closer to having to see Severus.

The cold won, and he meandered back into the castle, finding his way to his common room without so much as a thought about where he was headed. He took to the showers as soon as he could. The hot water began to feel orgasmic against his chilled skin. As he lathered himself in soap, he couldn’t help but think about the last night that he and Severus had shared on their holiday. They’d hopped into the shower together and cleaned one another.

Everytime the thoughts of his time with Severus crossed his mind, Harry would do whatever it took to alleviate them, even if it mean finishing his shower well before he had hoped to in order to shake the lust he felt, not for sex with his professor, but for Severus’ arms around his, waist; his chest. He thought to himself that he would give up just about anything in order to make things go back to how they were. All he wanted was Severus’ arms wrapped tightly around him, making him feel warm and safe.

Once he was sufficiently cleaned up, Harry dressed for class. His robes were freshly washed and smelled lovely. He combed his hair and brushed his teeth. He did everything he could think of to make himself feel better; to try to cleanse him of the hold the other man had on him and his mind. Despite his efforts, the tingles of nervousness and fear still crept up and down his body, and he found himself quite nauseous.

He walked down the halls, knowing the path to the classroom well. He entered and sat down without looking up once. A student to his side asked to borrow a quill, which gave him an excellent excuse to continue looking down as he fished for an extra. After he found one, he turned his attention to the parchment before him and began to doodle, drawing small pictures of anything he could bring to mind.

The door to the classroom suddenly slammed shut with a boom. “Page 264,” the professor said. He gave no introductions or pleasantries and anything. In fact, he did not look up at the class at all until he was stood beside his desk. Harry’s throat dropped into his stomach at the sound of the professor’s voice.

Severus glanced up at the class briefly, making sure they were all taking out their books and beginning to find the page. His eyes instantly tried to lock themselves on Harry. The boy looked exhausted, as though he had hardly slept in days. In reality, Snape wasn’t too far off from that either. His nights felt long, but he hardly found rest in them. He continued to try to snap himself out of the trance; turning his eyes on students who chose to misbehave, and snapping at them to stop.

He began his lecture, walking the room and reciting the words as though they were a script, rather than something he had prepared. It was the only way he could think of to keep himself sane; to make sure that he could make it through the lecture. He found himself far more nervous than he had been to present at Durmstrang in front of some of the most intelligent scholars and educators in the entire world. His hands were shaky and he dropped his chalk when he went to write on the board.

Many of his students stared up at him in worry. The anxiety and instability that were present in his words and his body language were a polar opposite of the stoic, brash professor to whom they were accustomed. One could hear a pin drop in the room between his words, as none of the students bared to whisper to their classmates or talk amongst themselves. Instead they all just observed him.

The sight and sound of his professor was killing Harry. He could tell the man was hurting and conflicted. He had such an urge to jump up, walk to the front, and wrap his arms around the man. The thought of it made him feel nauseous, and he knew Severus would recoil from his touch if he did so. He made sure to keep himself glued to his seat so that he wouldn’t give into the urge. He didn’t even want to do it; he was mad at and hurt by the professor.

Harry looked up from his parchment for a moment to see him. Something so tiny, so minute, caught his attention instantly. At the very top of his collar, the edge of a love bite was visible on Snape’s neck. It was so unnoticeable to anyone else, as the visible part was so small. A hint of a smile licked Harry’s lips as he thought about when he had left the mark on Severus’ soft skin; his sweet smelling, sugared skin. He had been deliberate about it. He wanted his professor to have to look at it and think of him. He almost felt bad, but the memories danced before his eyes.

As he stared a moment more, Severus turned, continuing to walk the room. He looked up. Their eyes locked for a second, completely unintentionally. The words the professor was speaking slowed their pace for a flash of a moment before Harry snapped his head back downwards, returning his line of sight to his parchment. His stomach began to roll over itself, sickening him further and further. Every feeling he had for Snape came roaring back to him, crashing into his head like a stone, leaving him dizzied and unable to think clearly.

Severus’ stomach tied itself in one knot after another. He turned his back to the class. He took 3 deep breaths, regaining his composure. Finally, he turned back around, pushing all the false confidence to the surface as he could. He finished his lecture strongly, and as back-to-himself as he could.

“Class is dismissed,” he said, coldly.

Harry hopped up instantly and quickly walked out of the classroom, trying his best to be the very first to leave the doorway. He wanted to shrivel up into a little ball so that no one could see him. In fact, he made a sharp turn out the door and was ready to make quick work of getting back to his dormitory. The hairs stood up on the back of his neck as he heard his name called from across the hallway.

“Harry!” He turned on his heels quickly. It was Hermione. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Hermione, what are you doing here? Don’t you have your advanced charms class in a few minutes?” Harry walked towards her.

“Yes, but I don’t care.” It must have been something urgent, as Harry knew full well that she did not take lightly to being late for class. “Harry, I’ve been meaning to talk to you since you got back the other day, but I had to work up the courage.”

Harry started to walk with her towards the hall of her classroom, as he knew that she would be anxious to get to class, no matter what it was she needed to say. “What is it?” He asked.

“I feel just awful about how we left things before you left for the convocation, Harry. I could tell I made you very uncomfortable, and I really didn’t mean to. I was truly just worried for you, and I’m very sorry it came out the way it did. I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything.” She looked at him and Harry could tell that this had been weighing on her since he had left. They continued to walk down the halls.

“It’s alright, Hermione. I know you didn’t mean any harm.” He knew that the conversation with Hermione had ultimately led to the downfall of his relationship with Severus, but he did not blame her one bit.

“Truly, I am so sorry. I mean, obviously I know that you and Professor Snape would never…” She looked up at Harry, who stared straight forward; several tears pouring down his cheeks. He quickly tried to wipe them away so that she couldn’t see them, but it was too late. She had spotted his sadness.

She grabbed Harry’s forearm and stopped walking, forcing him to stop as well. He looked away from her as he didn’t want her to see his face. “Harry…” she whispered. “Harry, was I right?”

Down the hallway a ways, Harry saw the door to the balcony to which Severus had introduced him. He hated to cry in public. He grabbed Hermione’s hand and started to run down the hallway towards the door, dragging her with him. She went with him willingly, not knowing quite what else she could do at the moment.

Harry threw open the door. He dropped Hermione’s hand and ran up the stairs. He went out to the balcony and sat down against the bars. He brought his knees to his chest as he began to sob heavily. He punched his hand against the stone floor beneath him, using it to release some of his pent up emotion.

Hermione walked much slower up the stairs. She stood at the top of them, looking out at Harry and watching him carefully. She wasn’t fully sure what he was feeling. After a few moments, she finally walked out towards him, sitting beside him silently. He continued to sob, his face turning red, and his breathing staggered.

“Harry, have you been seeing Professor Snape?” she asked, calmly. On the inside, she was not calm. Her mind was reeling at a hundred miles per hour.

Harry did not speak. He just barely nodded his head, but it was enough for Hermione to see.

“He’s been taking advantage of you?” She asked. Harry shook his head silently once again. “How long has this been going on, Harry?” she asked, once again attempting to maintain a false calm composure.

He turned and looked at her. His eyes were bloodshot. “It doesn’t matter, Hermione. It’s over now.” He huffed his breath as a way to try to keep himself from hyperventilating. “I know you’ll judge me. You’ll think I’m disgusting. You’re probably very angry. Just please don’t tell anyone it happened.”

She was still stunned, but could tell that, above anything else, her friend needed someone badly at that moment. “Well,” she began. “Why don’t you tell me about it as if I weren’t to feel any of those things,” she said. She couldn’t think of how else to phrase it. She did feel judgment and anger, but she always tried her best to be as understanding as she could.

“Really?” He asked, looking at her again. She nodded in response.

It took him a moment to begin, but Harry did eventually start from the very beginning, telling her how they went from becoming acquaintances to noticing each other’s mutual attraction. He told her about their first kiss, and about the way that they both felt such total excitement about their first time being intimate together.

He told her about how they’d write each other little notes and have their owls bring them to one another when they couldn’t find time to sneak off together. He told her how painful the ball had been for him, knowing he could never attend an event like that with the one he cared about. He told her how Severus surprised him with a dance on the very balcony on which they sat, and how it was the kindest thing anyone had ever done for him. He talked about how excited he was to be having some alone time with Severus that he accidentally burst in on one his classes; how he was melted inside by the other man’s smile.

He talked about the gorgeous hotel room the professor had booked, knowing Harry would love the extravagance of the big tub and 4-post bed. He talked about the romantic surprises that Snape planned for him. Finally, he told her about when he told the professor that she had asked if there was more to their relationship.

“He gave up so quickly,” Harry sniffled through tears. “He was so scared that he was going to get me in trouble, no matter what I told him, that at the first sign of suspicion, he gave up. We were so happy. I never felt more loved in my entire life. He just thought there was no other way to keep me safe than to pretend it never happened.”

“Harry,” Hermione started.

“I know you won’t understand it. You don’t have to understand it, but Hermione, I was so happy. I felt so safe and cared for. I have lost that now.”

She reached out and took Harry’s hand.

“It doesn’t matter to me that he’s older. It doesn’t matter to me that he’s my professor. It doesn’t even matter to me that we had to be so secretive. I love him. I really truly love him.”

“Harry,” she began again. “Thank you for telling me.” Her mind was reeling again. Everything she knew was to follow the rules; to report wrong and encourage right. It was how she was raised. She knew the relationship was wrong. It was unethical by multiple standards. Harry was of age, but there was still a huge element of power imbalance between them. Every standard and moral within her thought to go straight to Professor Dumbledore and tell him everything.

Despite all of that, her heart was shattered for Harry. “I’d noticed how much happier you were in the past several months,” she said. It was true. He was smiling, much more sociable, more caring. “Was that because of him?”

“Yes,” Harry replied. “It was all him.”

“Every moral bit of me wants to say how wrong it is, Harry, but I know you know that. Despite that, I can’t help but want you to have what makes you happy.” She turned her body to face him. “I am so sorry, Harry - not only for what’s happened, but for the way that you haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it. You must have felt so alone.”

Harry looked up at her. “You think I’m disgusting, don’t you?”

She shook her head at him. “I don’t think you’re disgusting. I think you’re in love and in poor circumstances.” She leaned forward and pulled him into a hug. He willingly buried his face between her shoulder and neck.

“What do I do now, Hermione?” He asked, his words muffled against the fabric of her jumper.

She held him close and patted him gently on the back. “I don’t know, Harry.” A moment passed. “But I’m going to be here for you, no matter what.”

Chapter 17: I Could Never Stop.

A few weeks later, Harry dreamt of him and Severus. The dream was like flashes of images; the two of them holding hands, their kisses, smiles across the room when they made eye contact. He dreamt of one of their nights on their mini getaway when Severus ordered dinner to their room. They sat next to each other on the couch and joked with one another. For two people with grim lives, they made the most of every minute. He dreamt of how their cheeks would rest against each other between kisses, and how Severus would gently run his fingers up and down Harry’s bare chest when they laid together in bed. While his dreams gifted him beautiful memories and thoughts, they destroyed him.

Harry woke up angry in the middle of the night. He, Ron, and a couple other friends had been up late drinking. They’d drunk long into the night until each of them gave up and went to bed. Harry had only fallen asleep for maybe half an hour before waking up again; his mind livid and racing. He was drunk off his ass and couldn’t think straight, but fury built up inside his chest like a fire.

He stood up and walked into the common room. It was empty and after curfew, but Harry seated himself on the couch. He put his head in his hands and ripped a bit at his hair. In his drunken state, his mind reeled with anger about Severus. How dare he? How dare he do what he did to Harry? To get him comfortable and then rip that away from him? How dare he be so sweet and loving and then drop him as if he was nothing. He knew full well that Harry had little-to-no security in his life, but he didn’t care.

Harry couldn’t contain himself. He felt rage course through his veins and pool in his head. He stood up and pushed his way out of the common room. He had the door close quietly behind him, but didn’t really care if he was caught. He stormed down the halls at a rapid and relentless pace. He rushed down the stairs until he faced the door of the Slytherin common room and dorms.

He whispered the code for entrance to the door. When that opened, he rushed to the door of Severus’ quarters and whispered the entry code for there as well. The door allowed for key or code. Snape had given the code to him, likely thinking that when their time came to an end, Harry would forget it or not have any reason to use it. He was wrong, though. God, was he wrong.

Harry swung the door open and shut it loudly and heavily behind him. He was met with the room still lit and Severus in bed reading as he always did. The abruptness made the man jump and he threw his book to the side of him, standing immediately.

“You!” Harry shouted. His drunken anger dripped sweat down his forehead and temples. “How fucking dare you?”

Snape was well composed. “Mr. Potter, you cannot burst into my quarters in the middle of the night. That is comple-”

Harry cut him off. “Fuck you.”

Severus continued to hold his composure. “I beg your pardon? This is highly inappropriate.” He reached for his wand to place a soundproofing charm around his quarters. “You’ll wake the first years.”

“Cut the act, Severus.” Harry’s fists balled themselves up. He watched the man go to correct him, as he should be calling him Professor Snape, but the professor seemingly changed his mind. “How fucking dare you? You make yourself the only sense of security in my life and then you drop me like I’m trash? Like I’m nothing?”

“That was never my intention,” Snape responded, cutting his act for a brief moment before putting his defenses back up. “You should leave.”

Harry began to step forward, fists still balled. “I’m not going anywhere.” He walked straight up to Severus, who only let a twinkle of fear be present in his eyes. “You deserve to feel the pain I am feeling.”

“Are you drunk?” He asked, smelling liquor on his breath from several feet apart. He shook his head and began to speak again. “I do f-”

Harry cut him off with a swift punch to the face, landing directly below his right eye. His hands flew to his face, but Harry wasn’t done. Another punch flew to his face, striking his nose between the man’s hands.

“Aaagh,” Severus cried out, a bit of blood running almost instantly out of his nose. “Stop!”

But Harry didn’t stop. He grabbed Snape’s shoulders and pushed him to the ground. He stumbled as well, but only due to his drunken state and clouded mind. He tripped a bit as he awkwardly tried to land a kick to the other man’s abdomen.

“You don’t even care how much you hurt me. You pretend like we had nothing!” He kicked Severus again in the stomach. This time hurt worse, and Snape knew he’d be bruised. He would have to take one of his healing potions, or use a spell at the very least to get rid of the bruises. “Fuck you. We did have something. You don’t get to dictate that.”

The next kick, however, Severus grabbed Harry by the ankle, causing him to trip and fall to the floor. Even so, he didn’t give up. Tears streamed down his face as he blindly threw weaker and weaker punches at the other man. He shouted and cried. His arms flailed in any attempt to hurt him; to show him the pain he was feeling in a different way, since emotions didn’t seem to do enough for Severus to feel regret.

He tried to grab Harry’s arms to restrain him, but the pain in his abdomen caused him to be weaker than usual. He was usually stronger than Harry; not by much, but by enough that he should be able to restrain him. He begged Harry to stop, yelling that he “needed to calm down” and that they could “talk about it later,” but that wouldn’t do it for Harry.

Restraining his arms wouldn’t help, so Severus resorted to the last actions he could think of. He grabbed Harry into a tight hold. He wrapped his arms so tightly around the other man that his counterpart was forced to stop his hitting and kicking. He squeezed him into a hug that left him defenseless. Severus felt warmth in his chest at the first touch. He immediately squeezed his arms tighter, both in an attempt to stop Harry and an attempt to have just another moment of holding him again after so long.

After a moment, Harry had no choice but to calm down a bit. “You bastard!” he cried, tears dripping down his cheeks in rapid succession. “You have no idea how much you hurt me, you fucking bastard.” His breathing was heavy and ragged. He sniffled and shook from his upsetedness.

With their positioning, Harry couldn’t see that tears poured from the other man’s eyes and down his cheeks as well. Severus tightened his grip around Harry and gently brought his cheek to Harry’s ear.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I’ve been in so much pain too. I’m so sorry I did this to us.” Harry had stopped punching and kicking, but Severus refused to let go of him just yet.

Harry’s voice became a broken whisper as well. “You gave up on me so quickly, Severus. It was like it took nothing for you.” He continued to sniffle and shake, though his voice held less anger and more hurt.

“I tried, Harry. I tried to make it nothing. I didn’t want to see us get in trouble or to see you get hurt, but I only made it worse.” He began to rub Harry’s back in his hold. “Please know how sorry I am.” Severus began to shake as well; his silent tears stopping their mission of quietness as he sniffled. “It was something.”

Harry’s composure didn’t change at all with his words. Perhaps too hurt, he struggled to believe that “Sorry” meant anything. Was it “Sorry, I’ll never do it again?” Was it “Sorry, but I will do it again?” There were too many options and changes in those words. He didn’t even know where to begin with a response.

“I’d do anything for you to forgive me,” he sobbed. His voice was desperate and pleading.

Harry pulled back slowly and looked into the other man’s eyes to gauge him. He looked awfully serious, and his hair clung to his cheeks with his tears. He didn’t know what to say, but he put his hand on Severus’ cheek and slowly moved his fingers down it until they rested on his lips. He maintained the eye contact he held with the other man before whispering “I’m scared to forgive you.”

Severus opened his lips to speak, but Harry hadn’t finished.

“I’m scared to forgive you, but please, god, can I kiss you?” His voice was shaky and he looked like a scared little boy.

“I need you to, Harry. Please.” With that, the two crashed together in a mess of kisses; the tears from both their eyes melting together into one generic wetness.

They grabbed at each other’s faces and hair, trying to be closer than they already were. They kissed harder and more intensely. They didn’t have much else to say. The moment wasn’t even sexual. It was sensual and desperate, but it wasn’t sexual. The two just wanted to be as close as possible.

After a while, Harry pulled away and looked his professor in the eyes. “Do you still love me, Severus?” He asked. His hand reached out and grabbed Snape’s while they sat on the floor together.

He looked at him for a moment. “I could never stop loving you,” Severus responded. “No matter how hard I tried, I could never stop loving you.”

Chapter 18: The Better The Dam, The Less Chance of Flood

Harry’s eyes drifted open. The lamp next to his face instantly gave him a headache as the light filtered into his eyes. He groaned and rolled over to his other side; closing his eyes again. His stomach gurgled with nausea, and his hangover was instantly apparent. He knew he should get some water. He opened his eyes again and saw Severus beside him. Shit. He was in Severus’ bed and it was morning. He’d been absent from his dormitory when everyone woke up. Of course he felt comfort in the man being beside them and having made up, blurry as the memory might be, but he realized what trouble he would be in.

“Severus?” he called through a yawn. “Wake up.”

The other man stirred and awoke, a smile on his face as he opened his eyes to see Harry. “Good morning.” His voice was pleasant.

“Severus, what time is it?” Harry asked nervously.

He turned over on his side and looked at his bedside clock. He yawned. “Half past 8. We slept in.” It wasn’t registering for him the trouble they’d be in.

“Severus, you had a lecture at quarter-past and I didn’t turn up to my dormitory last night. We are fucked.”

Severus shot straight up. “Fuck, it’s Monday! My lecture… Why were you drinking on a Sunday night?”

“I don’t think that’s important right now. What are we going to do?” Snape had jumped up and begun dressing as quickly as possible. He threw his cloak around himself and began to comb feverishly at his hair.

“There’s nothing you can do. You have to stay here. The common room will be flooded with students. I’ll think of something to tell Minerva, but I have to get to class.”

“What about my classes?” Harry asked. “I have class with you today.”

“I’ll figure something out. I’ll come back after this lecture… if the students are even still there.” He flew out of the room in a flurry, the door slamming behind him.

Severus raced down the corridors, earning concerned looks from first and second years on their ways to their classes. His abdomen ached as he knew his ribs would be bruised from Harry’s punches and kicks. He slowed down right before entering his classroom so that he could compose himself and enter with confidence. The classroom was ablaze with chatter as students laughed amongst themselves with no concern for being in a lecture hall. Second years threw balls of parchment at one another.

“Silence!” he yelled, walking into the hall and demanding respect as though he hadn’t just arrived nearly half an hour late. The room went silent and still. Severus remembered his nose would be bruised, and he realized that the students saw it right away. He chose to ignore the thought. “I apologize for my tardiness, however that gives you no right to turn the classroom into a school yard. Turn to page 64.”

The students all quickly flipped the pages in their books; giving the professor the respect he had demanded. He watched one of the second years un-ball the ball of parchment and flatten it out to use for notes. Snape began the lecture immediately, lucky he’d been prepared in advance.

Meanwhile, Harry laid in bed in Severus’ quarters. His boredom quickly arose, and he felt anxiety pinging in his chest. So quickly he’d forgiven the man last night. Even through the cloud of his hangover, he remembered what had transpired. He’d been so desperate for his love. When the man had grabbed him and held onto him to stop his punches, Harry had struggled not to melt into the touch. He’d missed his walm, soft skin, and he could feel his biceps while he was being held.

He hardly cared that he’d dropped his convictions so quickly. Once they had calmed down, they’d moved onto the bed where they just held each other. Their hands were held tightly and they stared into each other’s eyes. Harry gently touched the other man’s nose, which he could tell would be purple by morning. The blood had dried, and he didn’t think it was broken, but sure came close to being broken.

“I’m sorry I hit you so many times,” Harry had said. “Are you going to be alright?”

“I’m not sorry that you did. You were right to. I was stupid and because of that I hurt you. I deserved to feel some of that.” While it was the sentiment Harry had shared only an hour before, he had softened. He didn’t want to see the man he loved hurting. “I’ll take a potion in the morning.”

“I was angry, but I shouldn’t have hurt you. Please forgive me for that.” He moved his hand to the side of Severus’ face and tucked his hair behind his ear. “I love you so much. You’re so beautiful.”

“All is forgiven,” he responded. “I love you too.”

Shortly after, the two men had fallen asleep; Harry turning over to his side, forgetting there would be a need to return to his dormitory. The other man didn’t think to set an alarm. Both were just happy to be back together.

Now Harry was stuck in the quarters, laying back down in hopes of getting a bit more sleep while he waited for Snape to return. He grabbed the pillow beside him and hugged it to his chest while he closed his eyes. The pillow smelled of Severus; a mild natural musk and a fierce, sharp cologne. Snape really needed to invest in some new sheets and blankets. They weren’t dirty, but there were parts of the sheets that were threadbare and the occasional hole in the blankets. Nevertheless, he pulled the blanket over himself and drifted back to sleep. It was a thick, dreamless sleep, interrupted only when Severus opened and shut the door behind himself.

He walked straight to the bed and sat on the edge of it as Harry awoke. “Harry, love, wake up.” He pushed his own hair behind his ear. “My lecture is over.”

Harry sat up and scooted next to him. “Is the common room all clear?”

Severus shook his head. “We’ve only got a couple hours until lunch, though. It will clear out by then and we can make it to class together afterwards.”

Harry breathed a sigh of relief; his mind relaxing after having reeled with anxiety. “Thank god,” he whispered.

Severus leaned over and playfully pushed Harry on his back. Leaning over him, he whispered “What? You don’t like being stuck in here with me?” He rubbed his hand up and down Harry’s chest. “You’re just dying to get away from me, hmm?”

Harry laughed and reached up to kiss Severus. “I’d much rather be stuck with you somewhere we can’t both get in trouble.”

Severus ran his hands under Harry’s shirt so that his fingertips would softly graze over his nipples. “You know,” Severus said. “I still have that soundproofing charm in this room.” He continued to run his hands up and down Harry’s abdomen. “And we do have a couple hours.”

“Professor Snape,” Harry began, catching a dissatisfied glare from the other man. “Are you coming on to me?”

“Well,” the professor started with a smirk. “It has been a while since I’ve come on to you, now, hasn’t it?”

“Quite the double-entendre,” Harry whispered with a grin before pulling Severus down onto him in a messy kiss.

The two indulged themselves in one another. It had been weeks since they’d had sex, but their bodies remembered what made each other feel good. Sex with each other felt like muscle memory; not in the way of mundaneness, but in how they didn’t even have to think twice. As Severus’ tenderness worked its way inside of Harry, the two felt like they were finally as close as they could be to one another.

A few hours later, the common room had cleared. The two slipped out into the hall in time for their next periods. Both felt warm inside, and were unbothered by their sweat-dampened hair.

Chapter 19: Back to Some Normalcy

About an hour later, Harry walked to the door of Snape’s classroom for his advanced potions class. As he entered the door, a hand reached out and grabbed the back of his robe, pulling him back out. He nearly assumed it was Severus, but spun around to see Hermione with a small smile on her lips.

“Harry,” she said. “I’m in a rush, but you’re having dinner with me tonight, okay?”

Harry was caught off guard and began to say something along the lines of “I’ll try to make it” before she cut him off.

“Not a request,” she corrected him. “I’ll see you at half past six.” With that,
she turned on her heels and walked down the hall quickly, leaving no time for protest, question, or clarification from Harry.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, perfectly happy to spend dinner with his friend. He turned around again and walked into the classroom. He hadn’t really any friends in this class, but he always sat next to the same 4th year girl with whom he was friendly. They hardly ever exchanged any words, though. She looked up and smiled at him as he sat down. He smiled back.

Snape entered the classroom with far more confidence than he had in the past weeks. His bruises were gone as he’d healed himself. He walked behind his desk, grabbed his book, and walked up to his podium where he began to write on the board immediately and instruct his students to turn to a page in their textbooks. His face was less scowled and scrunched. Instead, he wore a confident, calm expression and spoke with a less strained cadence.

“He’s looking a lot better,” the girl beside Harry whispered to him. “A lot more relaxed. I wonder what happened.”

“I agree,” Harry responded; a satisfied and proud look on his face.

Despite all his thoughts and feelings from the past 24 hours, Harry had no choice but to focus on the lecture. The reality was, he had actually gotten a bit behind in advanced potions in the past few weeks. He’d nearly failed their last examination and needed to make it up on the one coming up next week.

Severus took note of Harry’s feverish note taking and slowed the pace of his lecturing. He had promised Harry that their relationship would never impact Harry’s performance in his classes; positively or negatively. He had said that, by making sure not to give him favoritism in class, they were building a better case should they ever be discovered. Despite that, Severus thought a little help here and there wouldn’t hurt; especially something as small as this.

Harry noticed that his professor had slowed down and began writing more notes on the board as he taught. He looked up at Snape, made eye contact with him, and gave him a thankful nod. He put this head back down and returned to his note taking. He wondered whether or not asking Severus to help him study would go against their agreement. He planned to ask either way.

As the end of class finally came, Harry packed up slowly. Just as he used to when they’d first started meeting, he hung behind until he was the last one to filter out of the classroom. Severus usually stood by the door as the students left, but this day he’d gone straight to his desk. He was behind on his grading and needed to get caught up. Once the two were alone, Harry quickly trotted over to Snape’s desk, grabbed his hand, intertwined their fingers, and whispered “I love you” to him before popping out into the hallway and heading for his dorm to clean up.

Severus looked after him, an “I love you too” hanging on his lips, but not broaching reality. He smiled as he turned back to the parchment in front of him. Harry made him feel foolish sometimes; smiling like a teenage boy to himself in his office at the very thought of the boy.

—

Harry had washed up, combed his hair, and changed out of his robes. He donned something much more comfortable before making his way to the great hall. Hermione seemed to have intentionally sat herself with several seats between her and the next student. It was clear she had something to say to Harry, and his stomach clenched itself slightly as he approached her.

“Hey,” he said, sitting himself across from her. “How’re you doing?”

“Harry,” she said, looking up with a smile. “I feel like we’ve hardly seen each other lately.” It was true. Since the day Hermione found out about Harry and Severus, Harry had been subconsciously avoiding her. He didn’t want to address his feelings. So much had changed in the past 24 hours, though.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Hermione. That’s my fault. I’ve been trying to get caught up on my advanced potions work. I haven’t been making time for anyone in my life lately.” He grabbed a roll from a basket on the table and began to butter it.

“Is that it?” She asked. “Because Ron said you disappeared from your bed last night.” She looked at him intensely and sipped from the glass in front of her. “Spill it,” she said plainly, catching his bluff.

Harry looked embarrassed and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. He kept his voice very low and leaned in so only she could hear. “Ron and I and a couple others got drunk last night, and-”

“On a Sunday?” Hermione exclaimed, judging the decision just as Snape had while they were in bed that morning.

Harry looked up at her. “Yes. Can I continue?” He responded with an eye roll.

She put her hands up as if to apologize and then calmly said “continue.”

“I tried to go to sleep. I really did. But I got so angry.” Hermione watched as he clenched his jaw. “I’ve had so little security in my life. I’ve never known who I can trust. I finally had someone and it was ripped away from me.” He dragged his hands down his face. “Do you know what that’s like? To have your first bit of security taken from you?”

She looked at him sympathetically and shook her head no.

“I was so angry…” he repeated. He said the next bit with a sigh as he closed his eyes in shame. “I turned up at his quarters.”

Her eyes went wide. “Harry, you didn’t!” She exclaimed, shocked and not knowing whether or not she should reprimand him for something he surely already knew was inappropriate.

“I had the pass code to the common room and the one to his quarters. He’d given them to me in case of an emergency.” He took a deep breath. “I beat the hell out of him, Hermione. I kept going as hard on him as I could. I bruised his ribs and I broke his nose, and I left bruises across his stomach and…” Harry was beginning to tear up and covered his face the best he could so as to make sure it stayed between the two of them.

“Harry…” she said, not really knowing how to continue the sentence. She was astonished at what he’d done, but also felt a pang of sadness in her chest as she watched her friend recount his own actions with horror.

“Then he grabbed me and held me; first to get me to stop, but then just to hold me.” Harry’s face softened somewhat again. “And everything felt safe again. I couldn’t be angry anymore.” He looked down again. “And then we just laid together all night.” He looked up at Hermione and made eye contact with her. “I just missed him so much. I love him so much…” He trailed off, fighting off the tears that once again threatened to overflow from his eyelids with all his might.

Hermione studied him for a moment. She thought about her response thoroughly before replying, “Aren’t you worried he’s going to do it again? Then you’ll be right back in that bad place again.”

“If he does, so be it. I would rather have him now than not at all. At least I have another chance to be with him, even for a little bit.”

“Harry, it’s been killing me to see you so upset. I’m so worried you’re going to get hurt again, but I can’t help but feel somewhat relieved for you.” She reached a hand across the table and held Harry’s. “Thank you for telling me. I feel so privileged that you trust me enough to share with me.”

“You’re one of my best friends. Of course I trust you. I wish I could tell Ron, but I really think he’d judge me for it, and I’m not sure he’d be okay with it. I just want the two of you to know because I hate lying to you.” Harry looked sincere. He felt truly awful for not divulging and important piece of information to his best friend, but he didn’t know how.

Hermione looked at Harry and grabbed his hand. “I’ll tell him,” she said. “You know I’m the only one who can make absolutely sure he never says a word.”

It was true. She had Ron wrapped around her little finger. Harry wanted to oppose it out of fear, but he instead nodded. He knew that Hermione ultimately knew what she was doing. She would be able to make Ron understand, or at least make him lie well enough that Harry’d think he understood. Frankly, Harry didn’t mind a little lie if it made him feel better. He just wanted to feel one ounce lighter of guilt.

He thanked her before finishing his dinner and heading out of the great hall. He went up to his dormitory where he quickly wrote a note, sent it with Hedwig, and then flopped down on his bed for a nap. His mind felt strangely at peace knowing that he would soon have both his best friends’ support on his side. He closed his eyes and found himself at rest.

Meanwhile, Severus was finishing up his evening lecture. It was an elective class which only met every other Monday evening, and he quite enjoyed the group of students. Unlike his other classes, all the students were there of their own volition. They were all gathered together because they wanted to learn. That made Snape happy because he didn’t feel like he was serving as a babysitter for children who didn’t want to be there.

“Mr. O’Malley, can you please tell me why we do our best to avoid using mugwort in potions that contain artemisia?” Snape asked, directing his question to a student in the second row.

Just as the student went to answer, Hedwig flew to the window, dropped a note on its ledge, and flew away. Harry had instructed her not to enter the room in order to ensure that Severus was the only one to see whose owl it was. The student answered as Severus walked to the ledge and grabbed the note.

“Very good,” he responded to the student, not having honestly listened to the answer that was given.

He opened the envelope and pulled out the note. Simple as always, it said, “Meet me at our spot at nine o’clock. - H.”

Chapter 20: Facing the Facts

Severus wrapped his hand around the railing as he climbed the steps to the balcony on which he and Harry had shared so many intimate moments. He could feel the cool breeze flow over the top of the stairs and down towards him. When he got to the top, Harry stood in one of the far corners, arms on the railing of the balcony as he stared down over the edge of the castle walls.

He walked silently towards Harry, pulling off his cloak and laying it on the other man’s shoulders as he approached. Severus could instantly tell Harry had something on his mind, so he hung his arms around his waist and kissed his cheek from behind, whispering a “hello, Love” in his ear.

Harry turned around in his arms and gently pecked him on the lips. “I missed you,” he said.

“It’s hardly been 8 hours, Harry,” Severus said with a quiet chuckle.

“So?” Harry asked with a chuckle as well.

“Well, I missed you too,” Severus responded; another peck going to the other man’s lips. “You seem like you’ve something on your mind.”

Harry turned a slight frown. “You know me well.” He kept his back to the bannister and sat on the ground against it. Snape turned around and joined him, sitting right beside him. “There’s something I didn’t tell you,” he said.

Severus didn’t say a word. He instead gave Harry time to process what he wanted to say at his own pace. His heart began to race, though, in anticipation of what it was that Harry had withheld from him.

“I told Hermione everything about us.” Harry said it slowly as if he was fearing for what would come at the end of his sentence. He turned his head to look at Snape and then reiterated his point. “She knows everything.”

Severus silently nodded. Harry watched him closely. “Does she plan to tell anyone?” He asked.

“Only Ron,” Harry replied. He felt himself trembling and his eyes brim with tears. “I had to tell you,” he whispered. “Please don’t leave me again.”

Severus reached a hand over and took Harry’s. He took in a long breath and rested their clasped hands on his lap. His mind reeled and he felt the same guilt; the same shame he felt the last time they’d been confronted with something like this. His brain wanted to abort the situation and run. This time, though, he looked at the boy; terrified and ever-so-trusting of him. He knew that above all else, he needed Harry to be okay. Harry was the most important thing to him, and he knew he needed to treat him better this time.

“I’m never going to leave you again, Harry,” he started. He needed Harry to feel safe before anything else. He squoze Harry’s hand. “I promise you that.”

Harry looked at him again; trembling still and mentally begging for the words to be true. He didn’t say a word, though. He just stared at Severus.

“We do need to face the reality, though,” the man started again. “If we are discovered, you will be expelled and I will be fired. You’re 18, so we don’t have to worry about legality, but my name would be smeared on every screen, newspaper, and on the soured lips of everyone who knows of me. People would call me a pig; a paedophile even, and you know that’s not true.” He took a long breath once again. “I don’t think I’d be able to stay around here.”

Harry went to speak, but Severus gently shushed him.

“I guess what I’m saying is that I would rather lose everything; my job, my home, my friends, my reputation. I would rather lose it all than lose you again.”

Harry sprang on top of Snape, kissing him and tightly holding onto him. Severus held him back and gently brushed his hair back, saying, “I’ve got to find a way to stop making you cry.”

Harry shook his head. “These aren’t sad tears,” he said. “I don’t want you to lose anything. Soon I’ll graduate and we won’t have anything more to worry about.” He looked Severus deep in the eyes. “Won’t that be amazing? Being able to love each other without being afraid? We can tell everyone that we got together after I graduated.”

Severus looked back at him. “That sounds like a dream,” he remarked. “It won’t be that simple, but I’m willing to cross that bridge when we get to it.” It was true. There was no way for them to face the public without scrutiny and belief that the two had engaged in an inappropriate relationship prior to Harry’s graduation. People would put two-and-two together eventually, and Severus would likely face that same backlash.

Harry eased himself into Severus’ lap, wrapping his arms around his professor’s neck and gently kissing his lips. The professor draped his arms around the boy’s hips and leaned back against the railing as they kissed. His cloak still laid wrapped around the boy’s shoulders and flowed onto his legs as Harry sat on him.

Harry tasted of cinnamon and cardamom. His lips were soft as flower petals and as comfortable as a warm blanket on a chilly evening. Those flower petals of lips danced their way from his own lips to his ears and his cheeks and his throat. They’d pick a spot and pause before dancing their way to another spot and finding solace there. Severus loved to let them work their magic, feeling nothing but complete and utter bliss as the kisses made him feel loved and cared for.

It wasn’t just Harry who found a feeling of safety and security in their relationship. Severus had spent decades feeling alone and uncared for. He was nothing but the isolated professor of whom many students held fear. His only relationships were with his fellow professors, and they struggled to know how to help him. Before Harry, he’d come to the conclusion that he would live in that miserable loneliness forever. He’d ultimately tried hard not to think about it too much.

With Harry, he felt cared for. Harry showed him so much gentleness and love. His kisses were intentionally sweet, and it was as if he knew what Severus needed; comfort and lovingness. So, as Harry undid his buttons and slowly pulled off his professor’s shirt on the balcony, rolling him on top of his cloak, he did so gently and with care. His rose petal lips danced their way down his chest, too. They paused at his navel and left a kiss right on top of it; his tongue circling it gently before his hands worked their way lower.

Harry undid the man’s trousers’ button before softly guiding the trousers down his thighs and to his ankles. He climbed his way back up to Severus’ eyes and looked into them deeply. “Can I try?” He asked, insinuating his interest in trying to be on top for the first time in their relationship.

Severus had had interest in this potential change in the past, but he had always had his reservations. “I’m a bit nervous,” he said honestly. He grabbed Harry’s hand in his as he thought.

Harry placed a hand on his cheek and tucked his hair behind his ear. “I think you’ll really enjoy it,” he whispered, kissing him on the cheek. “I want you to feel what I feel when you make love to me.” He paused for a second before continuing. “I want you to feel me as close to you as I can be.”

“Does it hurt?” Severus asked.

“A bit at first.” Severus’ eyes were wide. “Do you trust me?” He slid a hand down under Severus, ready to prepare him, but waiting for the verbal consent he desired from the other man before making any further moves.

“Yes,” Severus finally said, taking a deep breath as Harry dipped a finger inside of him almost instantly.

Harry took his time gently and softly stretching the other man. He had never been on top before, but he followed the steps he’d felt his professor take so many times. One finger slowly became two. Those two worked their way in and out of him for a while before slowly becoming three. The three took their time as well. Harry didn’t want to chance Severus not being ready to take him in. He wanted him as prepared as possible.

When he felt Snape was fully prepped, Harry looked him in the eyes. “Okay?” He asked, once again making sure that the man was fully on board with each step of the way.

Severus nodded.

Harry shook his head with a frown. “I need to hear your voice. You can say no if you want me to stop. Do you want me to continue?”

Severus nodded again, this time speaking as well. “Yes, you can continue.”

With that, Harry lined himself up with Severus and slowly began to push himself in; spitting into his hand and using it as lubricant for himself. Severus’ eyes watered and he cussed under his breath, but he verbally insisted that Harry continue. Harry inched himself into Severus bit by bit, going still for a moment when he was fully inside in order to allow the man some time to get used to his size.

He slowly but surely began to move his hips, feeling the bliss of being inside his lover as tingles of pleasure radiated in his abdomen. His pacing was rigid and awkward at first, as he was feeling out the new sensations. As Severus became able to relax, his thrusts were easier to change. His pace was still slow, but his strokes became deeper and deeper as he desperately tried to graze his professor’s prostate.

Harry could tell the first time he successfully hit his G-spot, as one deep thrust caused Severus to bring a hand to his mouth as if to keep himself from making noise. He muffled a moan that couldn’t help itself but to escape his lips. Harry memorized that stroke, making sure to continue periodically hitting it. He and Severus usually talked during sex, but it was far too new of an experience for the both of them. Neither could do much talking.

That was no matter, though. Severus looked up to the sky, seeing the stars shining brightly above them through bleary eyes. Neither he nor Harry had ever made love outdoors before that night. They hadn’t even thought twice, though. That balcony held a host of history for the two. They spent nights upon nights there, dancing together, eating together, even just laying on the ground together staring up at the sky. They felt they could be open there. They could be together while seeing the world, so it was almost like they could be together in front of the world while they hid away up there.

Before long, the older man came completely undone under Harry; a mumbling mess of moans as he came from the stimulation alone. It was only a minute or two before Harry, too, was spent, but not before looking at the beautifully weakened mess of a man beneath him with satisfaction. He’d managed to make Severus come from fucking him alone, and he couldn’t help but think to himself that he did a pretty damn good job for his first time.

“You bastard,” Severus said, letting out a huffed laugh. “You were right.”

Harry rolled off of him and pulled his pants up over his hips. “Right about what?” He asked.

Snape rolled his head to the side to look at Harry again. “I did enjoy that.” Harry grinned and said something along the lines of “I could tell.”

The two spent a while more together before deciding to depart for the night. As they were hugging good night, Harry whispered “ah fuck,” under his breath. “I have to go face Ron now,” he said.

“He’s your best friend, Harry. I think you’ll be alright…” Severus said in an attempt to sound supportive. “And if not? Then we will just deal with that as it happens.”

Harry thanked him, kissed him on the lips, and then took off down the stairs and out the door. Severus was soon to follow, but he would hang back for a moment or two so that the two of them need not worry that someone saw them leave together.

*********

When Harry snuck into the common room and up to his dormitory, the area was silent and dark. He silently prayed that Ron would be asleep and he could go until the morning without confrontation. This thought was quickly cut short, however, when he rounded the corner and found Ron sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed.

Ron looked up at Harry immediately. “Blimey Harry, you sure took your time,” Ron mumbled as he scooted over to make room for Harry.

Harry walked to his bed and sat beside Ron. “Sorry,” he said. He settled himself. “Hermione talk to you?” He asked a bit shakily.

“Yeah,” Ron said plainly.

“You hate me now?” Harry asked.

Ron rolled his eyes at Harry. “I don’t hate you.” He was quiet for a moment. “It’s weird, though.”

“I know,” Harry replied. “I definitely didn’t expect it to happen either.”

“Thinking about it kind of freaks me out… I mean,” he lowered his voice to as quiet of a whisper as he could. “Snape? The one who made our lives hell for years?” He huffed. “Hermione told me about all the nice stuff he’s done for you though. It’s hard to believe.”

“Ron, no one has ever shown me care the way he has. I am not expecting you to tell me that you are excited about it, or even that you support it. I just needed you to know… You’re my best friend, and this is something huge in my life. I know you’re the only two I can trust about this.”

Ron was quiet for a bit. It was dark, and Harry couldn’t see much of him apart from the light that reflected on his face from the moonlight that shone through the window. His face looked plain. He didn’t look angry, but he didn’t look all that sympathetic either. That didn’t matter much to Harry.

“It’s gonna take me some time to get used to,” Ron said, putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “But I’m glad that you shared it with me - or at least had Hermione share it with me. Thank you.”

“I thought it would be better coming from her, y’know?”

“You’re probably right,” Ron laughed. “I do love you, Harry. Just give me some time to get used to this, okay?”

“You can have as much time as you need. I love you too, Ron.”

With that, the two of them went to bed. Harry was pleased with the fact that Ron did not hate him, and that he was open to the idea of becoming accustomed to it. He smiled to himself as he settled into bed, realizing how lucky he was to have two of the most understanding friends one could find.