Chapter Text
"So, this is what the Moon looks like up close. I hadn't expected her to be so... Voluminous." Rose mused, staring out the window of the unsteady vessel slowly ascending through space, as if the phrase ascent had any meaning in a space where up and down were meaningless. Even "in front" and "behind" lacked cohesion. Unlike her home, where she was mere hours ago, she could say with confidence that the Moon itself was behind her if she just turned around on her feet. Then, she thought about it a little more, and decided that her flowery line of thought didn't make much sense - one could say the Moon was "behind them" if they lay down on the ground with the Moon overhead, their ass to the heavens. Unlike her, whose ass was firmly planted on the ground when a hurtling meteorite (is that the correct term?) drew her attention.
The next strangest thing about the night was how she could so easily understand what were very clearly three aliens, standing around and arguing in the middle of the New York woods in English like poorly explained science fiction. The second strangest was their ship - something bright, candy red and shaped almost like a curved teardrop, or perhaps a Magatama, roughly the size of a small house. It was decked out in scratches and scars like a well-fought war veteran, strange symbols reminiscent of ancient runic text painted in teals and greens and blues, the occasional hint of bright white peeking out from underneath. Rose slipped inside while the three incredibly beautiful alien women argued only a couple of feet away, and avoided touching anything. She knew her genre cliches better than to accidentally make the ship start lifting off, and besides, her intent would require a little cooperation on their behalf.
She figured the slimy cocoon would be a great place to both hide and to ensure that their proper first meeting was with Rose naked. There was absolutely no way this could backfire -- she even made sure to keep her nostrils above "water" to breathe, and--
Rose awakened strapped to a table, the world spinning itself back into perfect alignment, still naked (yes!), still in the red and fuchsia interior of the mysterious spaceship (double yes!), and with a sexy alien lady standing - no, looming - over her. A marred eye scarred over with blue scabbing, long, messy hair, and a set of teeth that would've turned Rose on immediately were she not sedated beyond belief by her own hand. A quick round of gruff introductions got the idea in Rose's head that this woman, Vriska, was the captain of the little crew that she had decided to stow away with, and that were it not for the other two, Vriska would've been perfectly fine with killing her on the spot. Rose tried to introduce herself as Rose Lalonde, author, appreciator of women, and self-professed disaster, but her elegant First Contact missive was instead a guttural, incoherent groaning.
That more or less catches us up with the present day. Rose was given an oversized shirt made for someone literally twice her height, which could've described probably all three of these women, albeit with a couple of feet here and there distributed unevenly amongst them. A quick scrubbing through a steam shower to get the rest of the "sopor slime" off, and a conversation struck with the most immediately attractive one of them, the tallest, a woman named "Kanaya".
"Her? Does your kind typically ascribe gender to celestial objects?" Kanaya replied, her voice a sweeping, chittering murr of symphonic tones and staccato hard-stops from elegant enunciations. Pure poetry. As for how in the world they were speaking English, that line of questioning got nowhere - they insisted that she was the one speaking "Alternian", presumably their language of choice, and that was that.
"No, only the lesbians," Rose replied, with a slight smirk. While, from a passing glance, Kanaya looked similar enough to a human - same body shape, same amount of fingers, and so on, to a degree that couldn't possibly have been coincidental - there were a number of major differences once you looked a little closer. The huge, antler-like horns, the massive difference in size (and proportion - they all had longer limbs, proportionally, than Rose), the rough spiky "hair" existing only on their scalp, the dull, rhinocerous-like leathery skin, and so on. The Moon was their last major obstacle, as once they were out of its gravity well, they'd be able to engage their warp drive for the first time, a sentence that Rose absolutely, completely, and utterly could not comprehend as one that just actually, seriously flit through her mind.
"I'm not sure what a "Lesbian" is, I'm afraid." Kanaya pointedly responded, pulling a slightly exhausted chuckle out of Rose. Her eyelids were still a little heavy from the sopor slime bath, giving her a half-dazed, half-bedroom-eyes appearance to her face, one directed entirely upwards and Kanaya-wards. "Would you mind explaining the concept to me in further detail, so as to facilitate further positive interactions between us?"
Oh, Kanaya. How could she have possibly guessed that hearing elegantly spoken big words was the key to unlocking Rose's heart? She almost seemed innocent in a way that made the incoming snark volley Rose was going to fire in her general direction feel almost mean-spirited.
"A lesbian is the term they give to us humans who follow the teachings of the magnanimous goddess of beauty and poetry, Sappho. Not quite a cult, more like... A sect. Like any good religion, there are, of course, fractious divisions, each with their own, slightly different values, but referring to celestial bodies in the feminine is a practice that they all share in common." Rose replied with as straight of a face as she could muster, somewhat smeared makeup scattered almost clownishly around her rapid-fire loquaciousness. Please, naive alien beauty, indulge Rose's needs further.
Kanaya turned her head to face Rose's, making eye contact with those lovely Jade-in-ambers until Rose felt herself almost melting. "Is your species religious, or is this a more... obscure sect? I'm quite curious about your teachings - would you care to elaborate on them for me?"
Rose thought she saw some kind of spark in Kanaya's eyes, and grasped for words for a split second before grabbing hold. "Of course. We promote acceptance of all other sects under our larger religious umbrella, as well as open affection between members. The writing of poetry and usage of musical rituals is heavily encouraged, and we count among us a great number of such artisans in our ranks."
Kanaya raised an eyebrow and leaned in a little closer. "Religious poetry, you say? I must admit, I'm quite intrigued - do you have any on hand? If not, I'm sure that we'd be able to provide you with the materials to demonstrate. I'm a bit of a cultural custodian, you see, and I'm very interested in xenoculture." She spoke, her voice getting a little lower and lighter at the tail end of her sentence. Rose felt her heart slam in her chest while Kanaya encroached ever-closer, curling a wicked set of claws underneath Rose's chin and lightly pulling her head upwards. "In fact, I insist on a demonstration."
It was approximately then that Rose realized that Kanaya had been out-snarking her the entire time.