Chapter Text
A lot changed when Keith came back home from college. Probably the biggest thing was that his mom had a new boyfriend. They both worked together, and there was a connection between them. It felt weird, but Keith knew she deserved to be happy after years of being widowed. Meeting Kolivan was strange, to say the least. He supposed that the man thought he would’ve been this seven-foot-tall, buff Galra, with a hardened jaw that could cut through glass and a look that could kill.
Well, he had the latter, but he had more likenesses with his mother. Hormones could only change so much, and height was not one of them. But Kolivan was very accepting. Krolia in secret told Keith that if he said anything insulting or transphobic then it would’ve been a major dealbreaker. But Kolivan didn’t seem the type to have even the slightest Conservative bone in his body.
Another change: Krolia moved in with him. Somehow, all of his stuff from his childhood room was seamlessly transferred over to a room upstairs in Kolivan’s two-storied house. The neighborhood was quiet and small, and everyone in the area seemed friendly. It felt weird sometimes, though. From his room, he could see the entire backyard of a neighboring house. There was a large deck that led to an above ground pool, which of course was open in the summer. After about a week staying in this house, he found out through watching from his room who lived there.
There were two men, a little older than him but they couldn’t be any older than thirty. In this economy, of course no one would be able to afford a house like that on their own in their twenties. Besides, they didn’t appear to be lovers.
For one thing, the brunet always brought women over. But he really wasn’t the one that caught his eye. It was his housemate, a silver-haired Asian man that was straight out of his wildest fantasies. He had large, broad shoulders, and he never once saw a frown on his face. H ehad this wonderful smile that went up to his eyes.
He first saw him when he was mowing his lawn, and he tried to see him again and again with every chance he got. But he mostly just saw the brunet in the pool with a woman. A different one almost every time. One day his curiosity got to him.
He decided to bring it up one evening at dinner. “Hey Kolivan, are you chummy with your neighbors?”
He tilted his head in amusement. “I know them and often say hello to them when they’re outside getting the mail at the same time I am. I wouldn’t necessarily call that ‘chummy.’”
His face started to redden. “What about the neighbors next door? The ones that have that pool.”
“Ah.” He was relieved that Kolivan knew who he was talking about. “Matt Holt owns the house. Well, his father does, and he’s been living in it. His housemate is named Shiro. He moved in a few months back. No one really elaborates on why, but it’s none of my business, so I don’t question it.”
Matt Holt had to be the brunet, then. Now he had a name for the man that he’d deeply been admiring: Shiro.
“Would you like me to introduce you to them?”
“N-no!” He gasped. He was way too shy to just go up to them and say “Hello.” That made him uncomfortable.
This confused Kolivan, but he seemed to be shrugging it off. “Well, I think they’re in their mid-twenties. They wouldn’t mind if you introduced yourself.”
“Right.”
“Keith, he’s only trying to help,” Krolia tried to assure him.
“I know, Mom.” He stayed to himself regardless. The thought of going up to the man he’d essentially been staring at for over a week was daunting.
--
It was difficult for him to find a sense of community in this whole town. Krolia wouldn’t have moved in with Kolivan if this place was intolerant of people like Keith, but as nice as having allies was, he hoped to find others that had the same struggles he did. They didn’t have to be trans as well, but anyone that knew what he went through and went against the grain would help him feel more secure. He had this sense of community at his old home with his old friends, and he had it in college. It felt silly to crave this, but he was anxious.
He was very fortunate and privileged to have had access to hormones and surgery earlier than most people. His dad was the one that had everything arranged for him before he’d passed away. He’d been on T since he was a senior in high school, and he had top surgery at the age of nineteen. He was still worried, though. While he was much more confident in his body now, he stopped himself from having meaningful relationships with people because he wasn’t sure if the men he’d been dating would be with a trans man long term. In short, he was afraid to let his guard down.
But, this sense of community absolutely didn’t have to be all about him. That wasn’t his intention at all, but he wouldn’t be opposed to connecting with another man so that they could go through their journeys together. Or maybe there was someone younger that needed guidance.
In the midst of his aching thoughts, he heard something outside. He had his window open and looked through the screen to see what was going on. It was coming from the backyard of the other house. Shiro emerged from the back door and walked across the deck. He wore board shorts and a muscle tee, and it looked like he had another shirt on underneath. But Keith couldn’t really tell from this distance. He personally was more focused on his large shoulders and the way he seamlessly flexed his biceps that took his attention than his clothes.
But there was one thing that confused him. Without taking his top off at all, he jumped into the pool. Now, why would someone with a body like that cover his torso? Well, not that he was judging him, or anything. However, if Keith had a body like that, he’d absolutely show it off.
Shiro came up from the surface, shaking water out of his hair with a wide grin on his face. He looked content and pleased with himself. He spent most of his time in there at first doing exercises in the pool. Maybe he had scars on his torso, Keith thought to himself. But even then, maybe he could’ve done some showing off a little bit. That’d be cool.
Keith just couldn’t help but stare, watching him swim. It was a very hot summer, and Keith himself was craving a nice dip. Plus, Shiro was extremely good looking. After a while, Shiro started to relax in the pool, alternating between floating on the surface and wading in a tube. His eyes were shut and shielded away from the blazing sun. Keith’s throat was dry from just watching him.
Fuck.
“Shiro?”
Keith was startled when he heard Matt. He’d opened the back door and went up to the edge of the pool.
“Shiro, Pidge’s friends will be here in an hour. Shower’s free.”
“Aw man,” he groaned. “I haven’t been in the pool all summer.”
“It’s only June,” Matt teased. “C’mon, let’s hurry.” He then rushed back in the house.
Shiro climbed out of the pool and sighed, reaching for his towel to briefly dry his hair. Instead of walking straight to the door, he went over to the back of his yard towards a clothesline. Kolivan had one too, but there was nothing on Shiro’s. What was he going over there for?
Keith’s eyes widened as he watched Shiro pull off his shirt. He… he was wearing a binder! It was a nude shade, and it completely compressed him. Shiro wrapped the towel around his waist, and he took another deep breath as he started to walk back to the deck.
He knew that Shiro couldn’t see him, but he still felt terrible for spying. He quickly moved away from the window and took a shaky breath. He knew how personal it was for him to not have people focus on his chest pre-surgery. He felt like he was betraying his trust. And he didn’t even know him! But he definitely wanted to.
Who knows? Maybe he was searching for someone that knew exactly what he was going through, as well! But… how was he supposed to confront him if they were complete strangers? Wait. He shouldn’t worry about that right now.
He needed to stop this creepy staring phase now, and seeing Shiro take his shirt off sobered him up. Maybe he should take Kolivan’s offer and try to introduce himself to both him and Matt. After all, maybe he was right. Maybe they’d be happy to meet him.
--
The next day, Keith decided he was going to get the mail himself, taking Kolivan’s statement literally. He got outside as soon as the truck arrived, but there was no one else to be found. It was eight-thirty AM on a Friday. Surely, those two had jobs that complied with that schedule.
He was just about to go inside when he heard the front door fling open. Shiro rushed out, wearing what Keith recognized as a grocery clerk uniform. “Shit, I’m gonna be so late,” he groaned and ran to his car. Before Keith could open his mouth, Shiro started his car and sped off.
He hoped that his next attempts wouldn’t end in utter failure, but they did. As it turned out, spontaneity wasn’t something he was very good at. When he got off work one night about a week later, he’d heard people carrying on in the Holt house’s backyard. They had people over swimming. Keith didn’t quite feel like going to bed yet, so he just sat in his own backyard alone listening to the different friends laughing. There were voices that he didn’t recognize, but he definitely recognized Shiro’s sweet laughter. He always sounded so sweet, and he wanted to meet him so badly.
“Oh shit!”
Someone’s voice rang out when suddenly a volleyball went over the fence and into Keith’s backyard. He was startled because he was nearly hit, but he heard everyone arguing immediately after.
“Great, Lance! Now, go get it!”
“Me? I don’t wanna go.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I’m not gonna get it either!”
“Alright, alright, I will go and get it.”
Keith’s heart raced. That was Shiro’s voice! Was he going to the front door? He decided that before his mother and Kolivan could answer the door, he sped inside. Just as he suspected, he heard a knock. He took a shaky breath and waited a couple seconds to answer, not wanting to feel like a creep for just implying that he’d been right next to the door.
Shiro was soaked and stayed on the front step. He looked startled, and his eyes widened. “Oh. You’re not Kolivan.”
Keith’s heart was racing. “N-no, I’m not. Er, my name’s Keith. I’m his girlfriend’s son.” It felt so weird to say that.
“Oh, I love Krolia,” he beamed. “HI, Keith. My name’s Shiro. I live right next door.”
I know, Keith wanted to say. He was in awe at how polite he was.
“So Shiro, what can I do for you?”
“Right.” He bashfully glanced down for a moment. “One of my friends accidentally knocked our volleyball over the fence into your yard. Can we please have it back?”
“Oh yeah, sure,” he insisted. “You probably can’t go in the house, though.”
His face reddened. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m a little wet.”
That statement should not have affected Keith as much as it did. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll go get it for you.”
He stepped back to head into the backyard. The ball was right next to his chair, so he just grabbed it real quick and handed it back to him.
“Thank you so much.” Shiro grinned as he got it back from Keith. “Hey. Do you wanna come over to swim? You can meet my housemate and our friends.”
“Really?” He blushed. Was it really that easy?
“Sure,” he grinned. “Bring your swimming trunks.”
He gulped. He couldn’t believe it! “Okay,” he smiled. “I’ll be over in a few minutes.”
“Great! You can just let yourself in through the gate to our backyard.”
He was so nervous about this, even though this was what he really wanted. His worries were coming back to the forefront. He wanted to feel comfortable. This was the first time he went swimming in a long while, and he wanted to feel confident in the pool. It wasn’t that he was worried about how his surgery scars looked in relation to being topless in public, but he was also insecure.
“It’s gonna be okay,” he told himself. “This will be great.”
New friends, new opportunities… It was going to be fine.
He threw on a T-shirt before heading out. He followed Shiro’s instructions and came in through the gate. He heard people laughing and carrying on, and he took a deep breath and made his presence known.
“Hey, there he is!” Shiro grinned as he waved to Keith from the pool. “Guys, this is Keith. He lives next door.”
“Hey, Keith!” a shorter girl waved. “Thanks for rescuing our ball.”
“Hi.” He waved shyly and walked up to the deck. Shiro started introducing him to everyone.
Matt was excited to say hello. The short girl was named Pidge. The “Lance” character he heard from the other side of the fence was lanky and king of had shaggy hair. Then there was the big man Hunk, who looked even more like a ray of sunshine than Shiro did. They all seemed nice.
“Come join us,” Matt encouraged from the pool. “The water feels great.”
“Yes, it does,” Shiro grinned, wading on the surface. “I love being in here.”
Keith gave a shy smile and nodded. “Okay. Just gimme a second.” He stepped back to pull his shirt off, starting to shake a bit.
He was happy with how well he’d healed from his surgery, but he was afraid that everyone’s eyes would immediately be drawn to it. He was worried about getting so many questions about having top surgery, but fortunately no one seemed bothered. Shiro, however, was transfixed on him.
He could see this small light in his eyes, and Keith recognized that look. It was that relief people feel when they think to themselves… “finally.” Finally, there was someone that also understood.
“Wow…” Shiro mused. “Keith, it looks—f-fuck, you look great.” He blushed.
“Ooo, Shiro!” his friends were all teasing him as he hid his face.
Keith let the nerves officially run off his shoulders, and he stepped down into the water using the ladder. “Thank you.”
Shiro couldn’t take his eyes off him, and Keith started to enjoy himself with their friends. He could easily say that volleyball was their favorite game to play in the pool. And he was worried about being subjected to hundreds of rounds of “Marco Polo.” He hadn’t felt this confident in the water in a while, and everyone was so nice. But then the subject inevitably came up.
“So, when did you get surgery?” It was Lance that asked.
Keith frowned and wrapped his arms around his chest. “I uh… it was a couple years ago. I was very lucky my parents were so supportive.”
“But what was it like?” he gasped. “Is it expensive?”
“Lance, stop.” Shiro thankfully intervened before the questions could get way too personal. “Not everyone wants to be asked these types of questions.”
“But I was really curious,” he admitted. “Don’t you wanna know what it’s like, too?”
“Lance!” He looked so mortified.
“Just don’t ask people like that,” Pidge said.
“Lance, you went a little too far, dude,” Hunk told him.
“What did I say?” It took him a few moments for it to click. “…Oh. I’m sorry, guys.”
“Hey, it’s cool,” Keith assured. “I don’t mind if you’re curious, but sometimes I don’t like everyone trying to probe into my life. You wouldn’t like that either, right?”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m making literally the worst first impression right now.”
Pidge chuckled. “Lance sometimes just doesn’t know when enough is enough,” she explained. “He means well. He just talks too much.”
“It’s true,” he shrugged. “I’m gonna… go wait for Allura.”
He then got out of the pool. Keith heard them explaining that Allura was Lance’s girlfriend. Meanwhile, Shiro looked like he was deeply affected by Lance’s slip-up. Keith didn’t blame him at all. He himself hated being outed, especially when he was trying to be stealth.
Keith moved closer to him. “Shiro? Hey, I don’t know you very well, but I just want you to know that it’s okay. Even friends don’t know when to shut up, right?”
“I was just hoping that wouldn’t come up yet.” Shiro shrugged. “I know he was just excited. I don’t blame him for it.”
He smiled a bit and gave him a nudge. “Hey. If it helps, I just want you to know that you pass very well.”
“You think so?” He smiled, speaking a little softer to Keith. “It’s been hard. I’m trying to save up for top surgery, but y’know. One thing after another comes up.”
“I can understand that. You’re not any less of a man for not having surgery yet.”
He visibly relaxed. “Thanks, Keith.”
“Of course.” He the spoke up to change the subject. “Boy, it’s getting too sentimental. Do you guys play Marco Polo?”
“The pool’s too small for Marco Polo.”
“That’s not true, Pidge,” Matt grinned. “We can play.”
“I’m gonna have to side with Pidge on that one,” Shiro remarked. “Volleyball seems to be the group favorite, anyways.”
“I thought I was the only one that noticed,” Keith teased.
When Allura arrived, she introduced herself to Keith. She was one of the sweetest women that he’d ever met, and as the sun was setting, they all continued to spend time together in the backyard until it was starting to get late enough that they were worried about getting noise complaints.
--
Keith originally thought that maybe this was only going to be a one-time thing. That seemed possible enough. Shiro maybe only invited him as a “Thank You” for giving them their ball back. Well, Shiro did give Keith his number. Maybe just to text him to get the mail for him?
Despite Keith’s low self-confidence and his insistence on keeping his hopes just as low, Shiro happily invited him over to swim several more times within the past couple weeks alone. Sometimes it was with Shiro and Matt, and other times everyone was over again. He had a blast. And not only that, his mom was pleased that he was able to make new friends and socialize in this neighborhood.
“Marmora School of Science,” huh?” The two of them had been getting to know each other more with the time Keith spent over his house. Keith had just told him what school he went to.
“Yep. I have a double major in Astrophysics and Astronautical Engineering.”
Shiro let out a long whistle. “That’s quite the workload.”
“Yeah,” he grinned. “I’m graduating next year, but I’m going straight to Grad School.” He sat back. “So, what about you? College?”
Shiro looked hesitant. “Nah, I went straight into the Intergalactic Armada after high school. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do yet. This was in my past life… before I transitioned.”
He frowned. Maybe that was why he had a prosthetic. He didn’t want to talk about the war if it hit a sore spot for him. “So, you came back home after I got hurt?”
“Not exactly,” he said. “I stayed for physical therapy. And during that time, my brain was filled with less chaos, and… that’s when I knew. I mean, I always knew, but I didn’t have the words for it until then.”
Keith knew exactly what Shiro was talking about. “Were you able to tell anybody?”
“I was afraid to… I mean, I know the military would be more accepting and accommodating than they were in the past, but I was more worried about my fellow soldiers and what they thought. It’s dumb, I know.”
“I don’t think it’s dumb,” Keith assured him.
He shrugged. “Well, either way I got medically discharged. After that, I came out. I had to do everything on my own, though. My parents wouldn’t take me back in after I came home.”
“Damn…” He frowned. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I just… I should’ve had a better plan when I came back home from the war.” He was looking down at his metal arm, clenching his fist occasionally and watching it. “Matt’s family took me in. I knew them since we were kids. I couldn’t afford to go back to school, so I’ve been working at a supermarket and saving up. When I went into the Union, I used that opportunity to get health insurance. It’s not a very good insurance, but it’s helped a lot. I started hormones at twenty-three. So, it’ll be… three years in November.”
“Wow…” he grinned. “And you look great.” He quickly covered his mouth after he spoke, face a dark red. “I-I mean, with everything, you look terrific. Shit, that’s still weird.”
Shiro couldn’t help but laugh as he listened. “For what it’s worth, thank you. And the good news is I almost have enough for surgery.”
“That’s even better,” he insisted.
“Yeah,” he smiled. “I think then I’ll finally feel like I’m a man.”
He heard tires screeching in his brain. “Wait. Wait, no,” Keith started. “Shiro, what makes you think that you aren’t?”
Shiro’s face flushed in embarrassment. He shuffled his feet. “I mean, I dunno. I always beat myself up for knowing late and starting my transition late. And it’s been so hard trying to find someone that gets that. I’ve gotten other guys I’ve been with mocking me for not having top surgery yet. I never take my shirt off anymore, even when I’m home by myself. When I’ve been working out, my chest got a little bit smaller, and I thought it looked like I had passable pecs, but they’re not. I’d get clocked if I didn’t bind. I just can’t fucking wait for surgery. I bind almost all the time. Just when I think I’m okay, that I can get through the day, I’ll look down and be reminded that I’m not quite there yet.”
“Shiro… don’t ever tell yourself things like that.” He reached out to hold his shoulder, keeping it there when Shiro didn’t flinch away. “You’ve always been ‘there.’ It doesn’t matter how late or long it took, you’ve always been a man. In mind and in body. I know you’d probably not want to hear this from me, since I was lucky enough to start my journey earlier than most people, but not having surgery yet doesn’t make you any less of a man. And those guys you were talking about are all pieces of shit that didn’t deserve you. You’re worth so much more than what they think, and they’re just jealous that you’re still a handsome man inside and out regardless of how they feel. You never have to wait until you’re ‘finally a man,’ because you already are one. Always have been, always will be. Even if you lived your whole life as a girl before now. Even if you didn’t find out until you were fifty years old. And hell, you’re even manlier than I am! Have you seen yourself?”
He gasped as he suddenly felt the wind get knocked out of him. Shiro had pulled him into a tight hug. He could hear the man starting to cry into his shoulder, shaking uncontrollable while holding onto him. Keith hurried to hug him back, pulling him close to his frame, too.
“Thank you,” Shiro sniffled, talking once he finally was able to relax enough. “Thank you, Keith…”
“Of course,” Keith hummed and rubbed his back. “Don’t listen to what anyone else says. You’re a man no matter what, no matter how late you start or how early you are to making yourself feel more comfortable in your body. Okay?”
Shiro wiped his eyes and nodded meekly. “I really need to hear that. So, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” While they kept close to each other, their foreheads were pressed together. Deep down, he knew they were probably too close, but being like this with Shiro felt so natural.
“Shiro?”
That startled them enough to pull away and look up. It was Matt. He was giving them a knowing grin, which made Keith feel bashful.
“Shiro, don’t forget. It’s your turn to do laundry.”
“I never forget,” he chuckled. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Oh, don’t mind me,” Matt tears. “Go on, you crazy kids.”
Matt went right back inside, but the moment had died. It was okay. Keith appreciated the time that the two of them shared together.
“I should go,” Keith started gently. “If you ever need anything else from me, you know how to reach me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he smiled. “Bye, Keith.”
As Keith was getting up, he felt a brief kiss on his cheek. His heart stopped for a moment, and he stared at Shiro and held his cheek like he was covering the most sacred gesture in the world in hopes that the feeling wouldn’t go away. “…Bye, Shiro.” He had a helpless smile on his face.
He was over the moon as he walked home. Does this mean that Shiro liked him that way, though? After all, he wasn’t opposed to platonic cheek kisses if that was the case. That could totally be all that it was.
But that didn’t make it any less amazing.