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It was a normal Saturday afternoon and Aihara Mei was minding her own business. She was studying hard at her desk, per usual.
The student council president decided she needed a refill on her tea. Grapping her empty cup, she rose from her chair and walked into the kitchen.
She glanced over to the living room and saw that her stepsister's delinquent friends were over. She was going to ignore them, but Harumi looked up from applying nail polish on Yuzu's toenails and acknowledged her with a small smile. Matsuri didn't look away from her video game on the TV, but mumbled a 'sup Mei through a mouthful of flaming hot Cheetos.
Not replying to that degenerate, Mei continued preparing her tea in silence.
She was walking back to her bedroom when she heard something from Harumi's one-sided conversation with someone on the phone. It made her stop in her tracks.
"Okay, fine. I'm gonna bring my two friends, Yuzu and Matsuri to the goukon. But you totally owe me, Natsuki. All right. We'll be there at 6pm. Bye."
A dark frown pinched Mei's features as she lingered in the hallway that led to her room.
"We're going to a goukon, kids," Mei heard Harumi say.
"What? Why?" Matsuri whined, her eyes still glued to the TV monitor that was displaying her video game.
"So my really good friend Natsuki set up a goukon with this guy Jin, and she was in charge of getting 7 girls, but 4 of them couldn't make it last minute. Now she's scrambling to find girls to replace them."
"So? Tough titties. I ain't going to no mixer. It's fuckin dumb. I'm staying here and playing video games." Chomp chomp.
Mei could hear Matsuri still chomping on those Cheetos like a total heathen, but for once she found herself wanting to support what the pink-haired devil was saying.
"Oh come on, it'll be fun! I've only really been to a goukon once, and I wouldn't mind going again. It'll be nice to meet some new people? Besides, we don't have anything else to do this evening," Yuzu coaxed.
"Uggghhh….fine. There better be some good food at this thing. I want some karaage. Taniguchi-senpai, you owe me. Your friend owes me too. Okay, let's go."
There was some rustling and shuffling as the three girls got up from the couch.
"Okay but we actually have to like get dressed up for this thing, Matsuri," Harumi warned.
"Nah. I'm good. I woke up like this."
Mei was scarcely aware of stalking towards the living room, tea spilling from her cup. She demanded in her most authoritative student council president voice, "Where do you think you're going?!"
Yuzu's eyes widened at Mei's scary face. "Uh, we got invited to a goukon? Harumi's friend needs girls to cover the ones who cancelled."
Mei was about to let loose a that is not allowed it's against the rules a goukon my ass how dare but she was able to bite it back at the last second when she realized that it wasn't technically true.
At that moment Mei knew her whole evening was going to be a wash. The studying was just going to have to wait until tomorrow. Ugh.
Through gritted teeth, she asked, "Does she need one more girl?"
They spotted Harumi's friend as soon as they stepped into the low light of the izakaya. Natsuki stood near a long table against the far wall, beside two girls.
Natsuki's face lit up as soon as she saw their group enter.
So it begins. The muscles in Mei's stomach tightened and her shoulder blades pinched together. In an instant, she went into warrior mode. If she had any ancestors that were samurai, they would be proud.
Mei didn't even bother to plaster a smile on her face as Natsuki offered effusive gratitude for coming. Her resting bitch face was already entrenched when Natsuki glanced at her.
"Thank you sooo much," Natsuki cooed as she embraced Harumi. "You're a lifesaver, girl. You don't even know."
"She said there would be food," Matsuri deadpanned. "I'm hungry."
Natsuki didn't miss a beat. "Oh yes. We already placed a large order for the table. We've got tsukemon, yakisoba, kushiyaki, goma-ae, and yakitori coming."
Mei was going to need more than some pickles and noodles to get through this perversion of an afternoon. I could be studying right now, but no, I have to watch a clown show.
"Where are we sitting?" Matsuri asked, coming up on her toes.
"Yeah, we were waiting for you. Come on."
The boys straightened as they approached. Several of them were already raking their eyes over Yuzu's curves. It was because of her ridiculous outfit. Mei didn't understand why Harumi and Yuzu had insisted on getting dolled up for this bullshit, but clearly it was creating the desired effect.
Mei's hands curled into fists as she watched a tall boy very obviously checking out Yuzu, his eyes pinballing up and down her form. Unbelievable. It wasn't even a minute into the mixer and Mei was ready to throw hands.
As everyone made their perfunctory hellos and introductions, Mei quickly assessed the competition. There were seven boys in total, but it was only essential that she identify Yuzu's type. She appraised each male like she was flipping through a catalogue of the Fuckboy Store.
Fuckboy #1 was tall, blond with a roundish face. Despite the blond hair, he wasn't smiling or laughing at any of Natsuki's polite attempts at conversation, looking like he had a stick up his ass. Too serious.
The next one, dark haired, also tall, was a clown in comparison. His goofy personality was too over the top. No to the dad jokes.
The third boy was glued to his phone, but his clothes were top of the line and he looked like his skin care regime might be more intensive than Yuzu's herself. Too high maintenance.
Fuckboy #4 looked ready to bolt for the exit. Mei admitted—if only to herself—that he had a sweet face. But his eyes kept trailing toward the EXIT sign. The fact that Yuzu had said hello to him twice but had garnered no response was promising. An adorable nerd, but nah.
Fuck Bois #5 and #6 were standing close together, smiling and laughing at something the other had said. Then Fuckboy #5 put his arm around Fuckboy #6's shoulder. Mei had a distinct feeling they were more into each other than any of the girls here. There is no heterosexual explanation for the looks they're giving each other. She was slightly relieved by this, since objectively, they were by far the prettiest boys in the group.
But Fuckboy #7 was a close third in terms of attractiveness. With his man bun and easy posture. He had a low, melodious voice and a shy smile. He was what Yuzu would describe as a total snack.
That's the one. She hated his guts already. She had a hole in the ground with his name on it. Whatever his name was.
"Okay boys on one side. Girls on this side," Natsuki said, clapping once. We'll rotate to the right. Got it?"
Everyone began selecting their seats. It wasn't lost on Mei that Mr. Man Bun was watching Yuzu's movements closely, clearly trying to pick the seat opposite her.
Yuzu pulled out a chair and Mr. Bun pulled out the one across from her.
Mei drove her elbow into her sister's side, earning a short yelp from the blonde. "I'll sit here." She nudged Yuzu over a seat. This put Mr. Man Bun in the last position. It meant Yuzu would get her turn with him last. Hopefully, if they lost track of the time, her sister would get little to no time with this guy at all.
"Yeah, okay," Yuzu said, moving over to the empty seat on her left.
Mei considered Mr. Man Bun's face and saw a flicker of disappointment. She resisted the urge to kick him for it under the table.
"Okay, I'm thinking about ten minutes per round and then we shift, okay?" Natsuki said from her place at the end of the table.
To Mei's horror, Natsuki pulled out her phone and actually started a timer. Seventy minutes… seventy minutes and this carnage is over.
"Thank god," Matsuri cooed as the server appeared with plates full of skewers, noodles and tofu. "Right here, please."
She had her chopsticks in her hands before all the plates were even on the table.
The guy across from her gave a nervous laugh.
"So what's your favorite subject in school?" Fuckboy #3 asked Yuzu.
"She doesn't like school," Mei replied.
"That's not true."
"When do you study, if you love it so much?" Mei countered, taking up her own chopsticks. She had little interest in eating, but it was something to do with her hands. It restrained her from stabbing the utensils into the eyeballs of Mr. Man Bun, who was still stealing glances at Yuzu.
Yuzu rolled her eyes. "I just don't think school is everything."
Fuckboy #3 frowned. "It is if you want a good job after college."
Bam. One down, six to go.
The next round was even easier. Fuckboy's #5 and 6# were lined up with Mei and Yuzu respectively.
"Hey man, leave some kushiyaki for the rest of us," Matsuri cried and reached across the table, pulling the plate toward her. Her partner shifted nervously in his seat.
"We like to go to movies," said Fuckboy #5.
Yuzu looked from Fuckboy #5 to Fuckboy #6. "T-together? Or in groups?"
Mei suppressed a giggle at Yuzu's confusion over we.
Too easy. Two for one. Thank goodness for the gays.
"Taniguchi-senpai, try this. It's fucking delicious." Matsuri held a chicken skewer up to Harumi's mouth. To Natsuki she asked, "And order us some more would you?"
Harumi took a bite of the kushiyaki and hummed her agreement to Matsuri that it was 'fucking delicious.' Mei could tell the dark haired girl was doing her best to hide her boredom.
Fuckboy #2 with his dad jokes were even worse.
"So I told the turtle he was famous—"
"What turtle?" Yuzu asked. She was the only one who seemed to be trying to have a good time.
Why does she have to be so goddamn friendly? Mei fumed. Are they handing out Miss Congeniality awards for this thing, Yuzu? I don't think so.
"The one we found on the beach. I told him he was famous and asked, what do you call a famous turtle?"
"Are you gonna eat that?" Matsuri asked, pointing at Fuckboy #1's tsukemono.
"Uh, no," he said, pushing his plate toward her. "Have at it."
Yuzu took a dainty sip of her melon soda . "What do you call a famous turtle?"
"A shellebrity." His laughter shook the table. A pained smile stretched across Yuzu's face.
For a moment Mei wondered why she'd felt the need to come. Mei had never been to a goukon before, and she heard that the standard of the guys who attended these mixers could be pretty low. But the bar is on the ground and these chucklefucks brought shovels.
But then she saw Fuckboy #7, Mr. Man Bun himself, move one seat closer to Yuzu. One more move and it would be his turn. For now she was stuck with him.
He smiled that stupid shy smile of his. "I'm Tae," he said. "You're Mei, right?"
Mei huffed.
"You haven't eaten much. Do you want me to order you anything?"
I want you to please die, thanks. "No. I'm not hungry," she replied curtly.
Natsuki called time and the moment had finally come. Mr. Man Bun settled down in front of Yuzu.
They both straightened when they saw each other, big smiles. "Hey."
Yuzu wrinkled her nose. "Hey."
Fucking shoot me in the face. "Hey." Mei mimicked under her breath.
"What?" Yuzu asked, turning toward her.
Mei huffed. Maybe she should try to be less obvious? "Are you going to eat that karaage?" she responded to Yuzu.
"Oh now she eats," Mr. Man Bun said companionably. The smile fell off his face when he saw Mei's murderous gaze.
"So Jimi says you're top of your class," Yuzu said. "It must be nice to be so smart."
When the hell did Jimi say that? And which of these fuckboys is Jimi.
"I like school," Mr. Man Bun said with a smile. "But I care more about playing the violin."
"Oh you play the violin?"
"He's so good," the boy beside him said. It was Fuckboy #6.
No one asked you, dude. Mei cut down Fuckboy #6 with her glare. And whatever he meant to say next dried up on his lips.
"I wish I could play an instrument," Yuzu said.
"I'm sure you have many other talents," Mr. Man Bun said, cueing his cute smile.
"Like what?" Mei snapped at him. "What exactly are you implying she's good at?"
His throat bobbed as he searched for a reply.
"Man, where is the karaage?" Matsuri yelled across the table.
It was over. Everyone fought with honor and valor, but she emerged from the battle victorious. She saved her stepsister from the fuckboy army.
Natsuki and Harumi could say their goodbyes and then—wait. Where was Yuzu?
Mei searched the street corner and found that Mr. Man Bun had lingered behind after the other six guys departed. He was writing something on a small piece of paper and handing it to Yuzu.
What. The. Fuck.
"I'll take that," Mei's hand shot out and snatched the paper out of his hands. "Yuzu loses everything. This will never even make it home."
Yuzu gave a nervous little laugh. "She's right."
"Oh, okay." Mr. Man Bun frowned, his disappointment showing.
At least have the good grace to put your goddamn dimples away.
"But call me okay?" he asked. "Only if you want to."
"Bye," Mei said. She tugged Yuzu away by her wrist.
They caught up with Matsuri and Harumi toward the end of the block. As they waited for the light to change, Mei crumpled up Mr. Man Bun's number and tossed it into the trash can on the corner.
No one seemed to notice, though Mei thought she saw a small smile ghost the corners of Yuzu's lips.
"Too bad none of the guys worked out," Yuzu said.
"What are you talking about? I got two numbers?" Matsuri spoke around the skewer still stuffed in her mouth.
"Wait, what?" Harumi asked.
"Yeah, they were both like 'I like chicks who can eat' or some shit. And I was like, 'dude, you can take me out and feed me anytime'."
"Is that right?" Harumi said with an arched brow, crossing her arms across her chest. "And are you actually going to go on dates with them?"
Matsuri cackled. "Jealous? Cus you didn't get any dates from any of those K-pop lookin' dudes?"
"Oh please." Harumi rolled her eyes. "I was so bored the whole time. I had to pinch myself to stay awake."
Matsuri tossed Mei a look. "Mei, you were pretty salty during the whole thing. I saw at least three dudes who looked like their balls had shriveled up to their sacks by the time you were through with them."
"None of them were my type," Mei replied in a clipped tone.
The four girls made their way to the train station as the sky darkened.
"Mei?" Yuzu moved close to Mei's side.
"Hmmm?"
"Can I put my hand in your pocket? I'm cold."
"Mmmmm." Mei clasped Yuzu's hand and stuffed it into her pocket.
Yuzu pressed into Mei's side. "Thanks, Mei."