Chapter Text
“My name is Son Hyunwoo.
I joined the police academy the day I left school. I wanted to be a man of the law ever since I was a little kid. I wanted to help people and protect those who needed it. I wanted to be a force for good. The world is so simple when you’re a child. The law is good and criminals are bad because they break the law. Only bad people break the law. Good Vs evil. Simple and straight forward.
Obviously, I learned quickly that the world isn’t black and white. I wasn’t sheltered, so it was something I realised early on when my childlike innocence left me. Everyone grows into reality at some point, after all.
The world isn’t black and white. Good and bad don’t end where the other begins. A notion compounded in me when I made my first ever arrest.
I was fresh out of the academy. He was a young man who was selling his body to keep a roof over his head and care for his severely disabled sister. His crying from the back seat of the squad car haunted me for a long time. He begged me not to bring him in. He offered me services and money. Anything. He was so desperate because if he went to jail there’d be nobody too take care of his sister.
But my mentor was adamant I bring him in.
To make matters worse, I didn’t recognise the young man at first, with his face covered in makeup and wearing a long wig and a short dress. It turned out we had gone to the same school and grown up on the same street as one another. Not that we interacted much, my parents wouldn’t let me play with him because apparently he’d be a bad influence on me. Even though we weren’t exactly friends, it certainly made the whole situation hit a lot closer to home.
The guilt I felt as my mentor slapped me on the back and congratulated me on my first arrest still kicks me in the gut when I think about it. That young prostitute didn’t deserve being handcuffed and forced into a squad car. He didn’t deserve to be treated like scum by the booking Officer and being literally thrown into an overcrowded holding cell with nine leering men. He didn’t deserve the hefty fine he got slapped with, either. It would only mean he’d have to sell his body all the more.
Yes, technically he was breaking the law. But he was not a bad person and he wasn’t hurting anyone. He had just been dealt a terrible hand by the universe and was doing what he could to get by. Thank god he was spared jail.
Your first arrest is supposed to be a point of pride but for me it brought only shame. The congratulatory beers my colleagues bought me tasted bitter but they served to numb my brain from the guilt a little that night.
But this isn’t about my first arrest. It’s about the first case I took as one of the country’s youngest leading homicide investigators. A case assigned to me two days after my promotion.
It was something I’d worked towards for my whole career. I was proud and so determined my first case would be solved. I’d worked on a lot of frankly disturbing cases, especially since I’d joined homicide investigation. I’d seen humanity at its most tragic and at it’s absolute worst. I’d looked into the eyes of killers who’ve laughed at the crime scene images of their victims. I’ve been threatened at gunpoint and feared for my life. I’ve seen anguish and I’ve seen misery.
But this case will always stand out to me, not because it was the first in my new role, but because of the nature of it. Because of the people involved. Because of the people affected.
But above all, it made me do something I never thought I would.
Would I act differently if I had another chance? If I was able to do all of this again?
No.
No I would not. Even though my old self would probably condemn my actions. A lot of people probably would.”