Work Text:
„Will it ever be like before?“ I always ask myself. „I don’t think so.“ He always answers in my mind.
Badum - Badum - Badum.
The beat of Neil Watts‘ heart rings in his ears. It is an abnormally dark night, clouded with the hint of rain later. Wind ruffles his brunette hair, as he walks up to the building complex. It towers up high like a mountain, the knowledge he acquired feels like one as well. Weighing him down, unliftable.
From the double glass door at the front, comes a faint light. Neil knows that as soon as he steps closer the main light will spring on, triggered by the motion sensor he will activate by coming close. He has been here many times before…
Even though the place is warmly familiar, the sudden light makes the man jump. Nerves crawl up and down his back.
Uneasy he reaches for the door, forgetting like a stupid head that he has to ring first, of course.
So he immediately goes for Eva Rosalene’s name on the board and rings her doorbell.
The beautiful voice of Eva, the Memory Traversal Agent rings through the system.
“Hello? Neil is that you? It’s very fucking late.”
“It’s important...let me in? Please?”
As an answer the door gives that vibrating sound that indicates that it’s openable, so he pushes and steps in.
To his misfortune and his worst luck, the elevator is out of order. Meaning he has to climb up to the 3rd floor. Again Neil is so very thankful that Eva’s apartment is not on the higher floors. Unmotivated and to the bone exhausted, Neil starts to climb the stairs.
It’s not like he woke her up, she was enjoying herself by rewatching on of her favorite movies and scooping ice cream accompanied by a nice glass of sweet red wine. As she does on days where she felt bad during her work day. Or where her mood slides down like her niece on a sled down a hill. Afterwards Eva believes she deserves something to make it up. Like today. It was a boring day. Paper work. Demonstrations. Bad news. Climate change. Nothing notable happened and it dragged her down. Even her plants seem to be unmotivated and depressed.
So stracciatella ice cream it is.
It was inconvenient of Neil to come by right by the best part of the movie though. Filling up her stress meter right as it began to relax. With the deepest of sighs, the woman pulls herself off her couch and wanders to her door tomoperate the system that lets the ringer in. As Eva suspected, it is Neil, storming her apartment at 1 in the morning.
Whatever his reason for being here, he seems unusually serious. So she lets him in. Like she always does...
A few minutes later he is in front of her, looking like a wreck. Deep circles under his eyes, looking around nervously with his hair all over the place. It gets her worried. So she pulls him in, closes the door with all its 4 locks and moves to the couch. Though they don’t sit down. Just stand there in the middle of her living room. “I need to tell you something…” For a moment Eva’s mind jumps to a confession, feelings. Could that be it? Is the pining over? Then she mentally slaps herself as this makes no sense.
Neil’s long fingered hands twitch and his head bows down, intently staring at their feet.
“I never meant to see this. I - I want to forget it, really…”
Neil Watts’ voice is small, quiet and filled with all kinds of emotions. Very unlike Neil. So Eva reaches out and puts her hands on his shoulders. “Neil, listen. You can tell me.” It’s always still weird using a comforting tone with him. All these years of repression and hiding their feelings from each other don’t just go away.
“Okay well…”
All he needed was some spare parts, for some repairs on their machine. Nothing special. Only that day he had to go to the basement to get it. Quietly, with his thoughts far away he opened the door slowly. In retrospect he must have been blessed that the door didn’t make any sound. When he opened the door to the dark room, there were already people inside talking quietly standing around what looked like a bed. There was the normal hum of the memory machine filling the quiet pauses.
Neil didn’t move a centimeter. Something felt off, like these people shouldn’t be here. It was when the machine lit up that he got the full picture.
Shaking his head, Neil avoids Eva’s gaze. “What, Neil?” Confusion and the hunger to understand fills her voice. “I - I uh sorry I need - I need a moment.”
It seems like this information is heavy and weighing him down, physically. Naturally she pulls him closer into a hug. “Is it that bad?” Eva whispers into his ear. Only through his nod she understands that this is grave. This is serious, not something to take lightly.. Who were the people in the basement? Why would they use a machine there?
Now the Memory Traversal Agent hears his hollow, quiet voice right next to her ear.
Standing there, motionless, barely breathing, Neil saw through the machine light, the face of the men. Their faces are colored blue from the light, with deep shadows, skin grey in the dark.
Every face looks serious and official, they have long formal coats, who seem to have a navy color and silver or gold lining. The highest ranking agents in Sigmund. Those people only work on high profile cases. Politicians, International stars, criminals who can afford it.
Their business is highly confidential and never spoken about. It’s not rare that the government tries to buy the memories or information of it from these people.
So to see them there, at this place, at that hour...(It was very late, around 2 am). Everything about the situation was weird and wrong. Only two of the agents wore helmets, while the others stood around, gathering data.
The light faded again.
Panic was building up under Neil’s skin. All of his cells wanted to run, but he stood his ground.
The next time the light came up he focused on who was lying on the bed.
It was utter shook that flashed through him.
The person on the bed was young. Around their 20s or 30s. Bruised all around with deep sockets as eyes.
It took Neil a moment to process this scene.
They were gathering the data of the person lying there. He looked like he had been tortured before and now they were stealing his memories for whatever reason.
Eva’s stress is obvious in her arms tightening around him. “Wh- what?? In Sigmund?” It can’t be true, something so morally wrong, something that gives her goosebumps. With a painful gulp Neil whispers, with his voice like a breeze: “They….they were torturing him. In his mind, to access the memories they need.”
It’s all the agent can take. “I need to sit down. It’s too much.” So she does, plops right down on her sofa and groans. How did it come this far? Are the higher-ups the kind of people they had always denied them to be? Were the protestors right? No, they can’t possibly know about the shady things those agents do. Shaking her head Eva buries her face in her hands. Tiredness seeps through her, weighing her down, like Neil was through the scene he witnessed.
“I need a drink.”
So Neil gets up and moves to Eva’s liquor cabinet. The tech knows exactly where it is located, many awful drunk nights happened here.
After a painfully quiet moment he returns, with two glasses filled with a caramel colored liquor, reflecting the light of the lamp above them. Eva takes one of them from his hand and looks into his eyes. Well rather into his mirrored glasses. “Take off your glasses.”
So he does without arguing. The green of his eyes is like a warm light, when the suns puts spots on the leaves through the branches.
“To...well, uncovering painful truths.”
They clink together their glasses and gulp down the alcohol. The liquid burns Eva’s throat, taking the focus off the things they discovered.
It takes a few shots until their world gets fuzzy and blurry and the edge of the newly found knowledge is taken off. The Sigmund employees are muttering things to one another in their drunken state.
At some point their conversation leaves the scary scene Neil witnessed to soft muttering of feelings, true words rarely spoken.
“Neil, you don’t know how relieved I am that nothing happened to you, that these people didn’t see you. What would I do without you? Without my best friend?”
His head rests on her shoulder. She can feel his warm, alkohol stricken breath on her neck, sending goosebumps down her body.
“I love your smell Eva. It’s so Sweet and warm. Like home.”
Somehow his sweet words make her giggle like a little girl. “Thank you, Love you too”, she slurs giddily.
Another burning shot goes down her throat, not realizing the words she said, some she never dared to speak out loud.
Winding Eva’s arm around Neil’s back she pulls him closer out of instinct. It’s true. She loves him and cherishes him and yes he deserves only the best, peace after all the suffering he went through.
Exhausted she rests her head on his’. Soft sighs convey all the emotions she could never put into words. “I’m tired.” “Then we should go sleep.” “Yes. Let's do that.”
Neil weasels himself out from her embrace and stands up, shakily. “The bottle is almost empty. Shame to leave it like that.” With that the tech fills up their shot glasses all the way up. “Cheers, Dumpling.”
It takes two drunk doctors to reach one bed. Barely. But they made it. Together as they are they fall into bed cuddling. At peace they fall asleep. With soft good nights and well wishes, all the upcoming stress forgotten they drift into sleep.
The buzz Eva feels when she wakes up, isn’t as annoying as it usually would be. It helps her to not focus on the disturbing information. One of those is the knowledge that she woke up next to Neil again. In no way sexual of course. Just cuddly, snuggling tightly. It’s a blessing and pain in one. A loaded sigh escapes her at the moment she meant to entangle herself, instead Neil Watts Wakes up and opens his beautiful green eyes. Shimmering like dew drops on a green leaf in spring.
His mouth opens up and closes like a fish, Eva assumes that he isn’t able to come up with something to say either.
“Work.” Is all Dr. Watts can manage. “Yes.“
Awkwardly with soft quick glances Eva and Neil disentangle and stand up.
“Uh can I shower real quick, Eva?“
“Sure.“
While Neil rushes to get his things to shower, Eva pulls herself to the kitchen and puts on a coffee pot. What is she supposed to do now? Not with Neil but with the information? Will they keep quiet and forget? Pretend it never happened? Take action? She is still too exhausted to think about all of this. She needs coffee.
After the two of them shower, drink coffee and get ready, they drive to work. A heavy silence has set between them a few intersections ago, it gets worse every meter they get closer to Sigmund Corp. Every meter means that they have to decide what to do, how to live with the information.
Keeping silent they enter the building. Wordlessly taking the elevator and walking to their respective offices. Right before Neil can enter his, Eva tugs at his arm and pulls him into hers.
“We have to talk. About...you know,” The Memory agent has to gulp “about what you saw. And what we're gonna do now.“
Tightly closing and locking the door behind them, Neil softly pushes Eva further into the room. “What do you want to do?“
”I have thought about it. We love this job right? We depend on it...let’s…“ With her hair falling into her face she looks down on the ground. “Lets keep quiet. Forget it and keep out of trouble.“
The silence of Neil sends fear down her spine. Panicked she looks up. The green-eyed man’s hands are tightly clenched into fists. “Well...you are right.“ “Is that a yes, Neil?“ “Yeah…“
Eva watches after him as he leaves her office. It’s the right decision right? They can’t get themselves in danger. Just live with the truth. How hard can that be?
Days passed and Neil was hurting. With this, with everything Eva could see it. Lightly shaking she opens his office door, stepping in.
“You didn’t knock, Eva…”
“I know.”
With careful steps she strides in further. Neil is leaning exhausted against his desk, facing her. The technicians face looks tired and pale, his brown hair is ruffled as if he slept on his desk, face first. Everything about him looks tired, exhausted and completely done. It pains Eva’s heart to see him like this. Nothing she would tell him, though. It wouldn’t be right, wouldn’t be right to their friendship.
As she comes to a halt right in front of him, she puts her hand on his shoulder. “How are you holding up? You Look like shit.”
“Ah yeah, thank you very much.” Beaten he continues though. “I’m dying. All this? It’s too much…”
Something glistens under his reflecting glasses in the dim light of the cheap office lights. “Neil…” Just saying his name hurts her to the core. “I can’t give up though, right? I’d waste it all. So I won’t give up, Eva. I can’t.”
It’s the weirdest mix of hoarse and determined. His voice that is. “I know.” Barely audible comes the agents response.
Softly his hand comes up to caress her cheek softly. “How did we get into this mess, Eva. My Eva…”
As softly as him, she wipes away his salty tears from his beaten face and pulls him into a hug. It’s all she can do.
Her heart stings, no human deserves pain like this, all she wants is that this man is safe, that he is okay. He isn't hurting anyone and no one is hurting him.
Still there are many words unspoken here. Many feelings closed off. Sigmund is not the place for these feelings. Eva pulls Neil even closer than before, if that is possible. “I got you Neil, okay? We’ll get through this.”
The gardener would never admit that she can’t imagine a life without him, a life where he is even farther from her than he already is. The worst fear she has might be to become a stranger to Neil Watts.
The truth is, Neil does not got this.The decision was not a stupid one, the one on which the both of them agreed on but this is it. He is at the end of his rope. Now only a door and a few flights of stairs are between him and the Next Best Major News Outlet. Not only is he here to sell his information and give up the video tape he dug out, he has also booked his flight to leave the country. Who knows what will happen to him once the media finds out.
After he brings over the tape he will drive back to get his stuff. The resignation papers are already on the boss’ table.
Even the last straws Eva Rosalene is holding on to, can't bear her weight anymore. The Weight of her bleeding heart as her best friend and coworker packs his stuff. Everything might happen now. Especially with the company. But she needs this, she cant run off and see what the future brings. She'd loved to but this is for her family.
Little tear droplets run down her cheeks and suddenly she finds herself holding Neil close.
“I-I know- know you wont change your mind and I won't do so just...don't forget me. Neil. Please don't forget me.”
He places the softest kiss on her head and wordlessly nods. It seems clear that he isn't able to say anything anymore. With that he leaves his office and also leaves not only Sigmund but also Eva Rosalene, possibly the love of his life, behind.