Goblin Slayer funnies

by Shanejayell

Summary:

VERY silly shorts on GS.

Chapter 1

Guild Girl tries to 'get' Goblin Slayer!

A drabble.

"Goblin Slayer!" Guild Girl waved after she debriefed him on another goblin killing mission, "There's something VERY important I figured out about fighting goblins."

"Oh?" Goblin Slayer asked.

"Goblins reproduce incredibly fast," Guild Girl said seriously, "so in addition to killing them humans have to reproduce too! You MUST have children!"

"Ah!" Goblin Slayer looked strangely enlightened.

'Ha! I have him now!' Guild Girl thought excitedly.

Then shockingly Goblin Slayer wandered off where his friend was waiting. "Cow Girl!" he called, "You have wide, baby carrying hips, right?"

The country girl looked at him blankly, "WHAT."

'Noooooooo!' Guild Girl whimpered mentally.

End

Notes: Yeah, had a silly thought Guild Girl might get his attention if she suggested sex helped goblin slaying.

Chapter 2: Do Character names change?

Goblin Slayer: Do Character names change?

The group was advancing carefully under Water Town. In adition to the usual team, Sword Maiden was along.

"I thought you were terrified of goblins down here?" Priestess asked innocently after they had routed a goblin attack.

"Milord Goblin Slayer has helped me get over it," Sword Maiden said mildly.

"I BET he has," Dwarf Shaman snickered, but everyone ignored him.

"In fact I feel MUCH more confident," Sword Maiden noted, when suddenly she was surrounded by a bright glow.

"Sword Maiden has EVOLVED!" a mysterious voice came out of nowhere.

"What." everyone looked around in confusion.

It continued, ignoring them, "She is now: SWORD MILF."

"WHAT."

End?

Notes: As the title says. Does 'Apprentice Priestess' eventually become, I dunno, Junior Priestess? Plus, Sword Maiden isn't exactly a MAIDEN if you know what I mean. So do the gods just randomly pop up and go "You're now GOBLIN DESTROYER." Or what?

Chapter 3

Goblin Slayer!

Three

"Goblin Slayer is WHAT?" Sword Maiden asked her assistant in surprise.

"He's apparently decided that raising MORE Goblin Slayers is important too. And is looking for a partner."

WHOOOSH!

There was suddenly a Sword Maiden shaped hole in the air where she was standing, as the taller woman raced off.

"Be careful, ma'am!" the assistant yelled worriedly.

To be continued...?

Notes: Yeah, short, I know.

One wonders who else would be trying for the job. High Elf Archer, Priestess, Guild Girl, Cow Girl...

Chapter 4

Goblin Slayer Drabbles

Merry X-Mas, Goblin Slayer.

Goblin Slayer calmly followed the map, looking for the den of the 'Goblin Knight.' He reached the door, then cautiously pushed it open.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" three voices called out.

Three women were artfully laid out on the bed. Guild Girl, Cow Girl and Elven Archer were dressed in artfully placed ribbons, tied in bows.

"Come unwrap us," Cow Girl added in a purr.

Goblin Slayer swept the room with his eyes. "No goblins," he noted, turning and shutting the door behind him.

"HEY!" all three girls yelped angrily.

To be continued...

Chapter 5

Goblin Slayer Drabbles

Beware the Goblinette!

"Well hello, handsome," The busty goblin with pouty lips and long hair purred.

"DIE," Goblin Slayer cut it down.

"What was THAT?" Priestess blurted.

"Goblinette shortstack. It's a rare goblin breed," Goblin Slayer noted flatly.

"That is just disturbing and wrong," Dwarf Shaman muttered.

"Agreed," Priestess and Lizard Priest agreed.

"Oh goddess, more of them," High Elf Archer noted, shooting one in a bikini.

"And WHY are they all better endowed than me?!" Priestess complained.

Wisely, no one commented on THAT...

To be continued...

Notes: Yes, was inspired by seeing several 'sexy goblin shortstack' arts.

YES I know there are no girl goblins in canon.