Work Text:
“S-sh-she t-took the m-m-midnight train g-goin’ an-n-nyyyyywhee-eere.”
Reasons Phos was singing Journey lyrics through their chattering teeth on the side of the road at 3:13 in the morning:
- They had always been one to sing whatever song was stuck in their head. “Don’t Stop Believin'” had been playing in their brain for hours after they had first gotten on the bus at midnight for its Night Owl route. It wasn’t exactly a train, but it was close enough, right?
- Their teeth were chattering because it was fucking freezing out.
- The bus’s last stop would have been at 5 AM back where they started. Which was the last place Phos wanted to be right now. They figured at 3 AM they were far enough away from the city. They had waited until they could see more trees than buildings.
- It was a good song, okay? Fuck the haters.
Phos’s hands shook violently as they retrieved their phone from their coat pocket. No texts. No voicemails. No missed calls. They had expected nothing less and were still disappointed. Their thumb hovered over the call button. It was tempting, but the fact that none of them had reached out to Phos at this point should have been a clear enough message in and of itself.
Fine then.
“J-just a c-c-city b-boyyy…”
God, it was cold. Even with their gloves on and hands tucked into their pockets, their fingers stung. Their toes hurt. Their lips were chapped and frozen. With every second that passed, Phos felt less and less like singing, opting instead to pull their ratty old scarf around their mouth and nose. It didn’t actually help, the fabric itself as cold as the biting wind that whipped Phos’s face, but now Phos could pretend they were a ninja on a high stakes mission in Siberia. Wait, why would a ninja even be in Siberia? Whatever, they were too cold and too tired to care about whether or not their fleeting imaginations were historically accurate.
Phos checked the time again. 3:32. Fuuuuuck, this night was going to last forever. Then again, it was a very real possibility that they wouldn’t even make it through the night. Maybe the night wouldn’t last so long. Positive thinking, right?
Not even 5 minutes later and Phos’s legs refused to keep moving. The smart side of Phos’s brain said, “Hey, maybe this is bad?” The shit-for-brains part of their brain said, “Wow, I’m tired. Let’s rest for a minute!”
Well if it was just for a minute.
Not even bothering to take off their backpack, Phos collapsed against one of the wet trees and closed their eyes.
It would only be a minute…
…
…
…
“Hey, are you okay?”
Phos blearily opened their frozen eyelids. There was a person standing over them. Tall, lanky, short white hair, a concerned face surrounded by a halo of blinding light coming from a running white van behind them. Snow flurries danced in the air, clearly visible from the light of the van.
Phos tried to speak, but all that came out was a garbled mess of stuttering.
“I’ll take that as a no,” the stranger said flatly. “Okay, let’s go.”
Oh hell no. Phos would rather die in the cold than by the hands of some stranger with a white van and white hair. But try as they might, none of their brain’s orders to move were followed. After the stranger opened the passenger door, they returned to Phos, hefting them into the seat with ease. They awkwardly weaved the seatbelt over and under Phos’s non-moving arms and buckled them in, tugging on the belt for good measure, before slamming the door shut. Hmm. Maybe they weren’t a psycho criminal if they were taking the time to do Phos’s seat belt?
Suddenly thoughts about being murdered didn’t matter. You know why? There was HEAT. The heat blasting in the van was a welcome surprise that began eating away the chill in Phos’s bones. Although it did hurt to feel their skin again. Phos violently shuddered and tried to lean forward towards the vent that was pumping out that sweet sweet warmth.
The stranger got into the driver’s seat besides Phos. They reached down to the space in between the two seats and flicked a switch. The paranoid part of Phos wondered what the hell the stranger just turned on (or off?), but the primitive part of their brain could only focus on the warmth warmth warmth. Warm. It’s so warm. I was so cold, and now it’s warm. Snugly and warm.
It took Phos far too long to realize that the stranger was staring hard at them. Without turning their head, Phos met the other’s eyes. Such a light blue that they could be white. White and terrified. They glanced down and saw the stranger’s gloved hands holding a phone. The screen was turned on, the numbers 911 typed into the keypad but not yet dialed.
“I need you to tell me how long you were out there.”
Phos shut their eyes and leaned back into the seat. Now there was warmth rising from underneath their body, and Phos realized that the stranger had turned on a seat heater earlier. Ohhh yesss. This felt sooo nice.
“Hey! Don’t fall asleep!”
Phos just grumbled in response. No. No hospitals. Phos didn’t care if they lost all their limbs to frostbite. They weren’t going to a fucking hospital.
“Are you serious? You might really need to get medical help! How can you not want to go to a hospital?” Oh, Phos must be able to somewhat coherently talk if the stranger could understand their mumbling. “Fine! Whatever,” the stranger huffed as they shifted gears. “What kind of idiot doesn’t go to a hospital after almost freezing to death?”
“What kind of idiot can’t pass their classes?”
“Shud up,” Phos said. Their tongue felt heavy and swollen.
“What?”
“Not true. ‘M not an idiot.” Whether it was the near death experience or the fact that their life was falling apart or that horrible word the stranger called them, something made Phos tear up and sniffle.
The stranger ignored them, probably attributing their sniffling to the cold, and focused on driving. For 5 silent minutes, Phos worried that this person would throw them at the nearest hospital and drive away. They couldn’t muster up the strength to panic. They’d use this time to warm up, and if worst came to worst, they’d run. They were good at running. Third best on the track team.
They came up to a red light when the other spoke again. “I’m sorry I called you an idiot. You just freaked me out, okay? I thought you were dead when I pulled over.”
Phos shifted in their seat and peaked at the clock. 4:02. “Why you drivin’ so late?”
The light turned green. “One of my deliveries ran late.”
“Oh.”
More silence. Phos watched out of their window as the trees on the side of the road started to disappear, gas stations and factory buildings taking their place. They were heading away from the city at least. Phos didn’t recognize any part of this area. After a third gas station (seriously how many different kinds of gas stations did they as human beings need?) Phos could tell they had entered a town. A place where people actually lived. There were sidewalks and stores and streetlights and houses. It wasn’t cramped like the city though. There was room for grass. Some houses and apartments actually had lawns! Wow, when did they turn into a dog all of a sudden? Getting excited about lawns?
The van slowed as they turned into a skinny entrance between two shops that led to a dimly lit parking lot with a pavement that was crumbling and uneven. Still, the stranger was able to back the bulky van into a faded parking spot in one perfect maneuver. Jeeeeeesus. Phos had lived in the city their whole life, and even they still couldn’t parallel park without moving forward and backward a million times.
“Do you need more time in the heat?” the stranger asked as they undid their belt buckle.
Phos shrugged. They weren’t freezing anymore, but they didn’t exactly want to leave the pleasant warmth of the van. Couldn’t they just live in here for the rest of their life? Like a rock star minus the musical talent and financial success?
“You should stay in here for a little longer. I’ll get you a hot bath ready inside.”
Phos snorted. “Okay, mysterious stranger who picked me up in their white van in the middle of the night. You go do that.”
The other’s eye twitched. “You’re as much of a ‘mysterious stranger’ in this situation as I am, you know.”
“Mmmaybe so. But I’m not the one with a white van.”
“You do realize I probably saved your life, right?”
“Ugghhhhh.” Phos sunk into their seat, their body trying to eat up as much of the heater’s warmth as it could. They definitely didn’t want to get on this person’s bad side with their own obnoxious personality. Best to be as polite as physically possible for their sarcasm saturated brain. “Fine, fine. From one mysterious stranger to another, thank you.” They stuck out their wet gloved hand.
The stranger raised an eyebrow but accepted the handshake. “I’m Antarc.”
“Phos,” they answered in kind with shaky finger guns.
“Right,” Antarc said, not impressed. “I’m going to get that bath started. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”
Phos incoherently grumbled as Antarc stepped out of the van, leaving the keys in the ignition so the heat could still blast at Phos. If Phos was a shittier human being they could totally steal this thing and whatever else was in it. Then again, their entire body was still weak and shaking. Antarc must have figured Phos was in no condition to make a getaway. Besides, where the hell would Phos even go at this point? The weight of their phone in their pocket reminded Phos of all the missed calls and texts that didn’t exist for them. They were probably all celebrating without Phos. Shit sucked.
They must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing they knew, Antarc was gently shaking their shoulder. “Hey, let’s get inside. My boss’ll kill me if I use up all the gas.”
Everything hurt. Their legs especially. Walking was a bitch.
“If it hurts, that means you can still feel them,” Antarc simply stated when Phos complained about the pain. “It means you’re still alive.”
Huh. They hadn’t thought of it like that.
Still, even though Antarc had said that, they offered their own arm for Phos to hold onto, which Phos gladly accepted, clinging to the other like a baby lemur. Antarc looked like they’d be a cold person on principle, what with the icy white hair and pale eyes, but they were surprisingly warm when Phos leaned against them.
The building they entered was old, the back door wailing when Antarc pulled it open. “Watch your step. The one side of the stairs is a little sunken in.” Phos used these busted back stairs as an excuse to hug Antarc a little tighter. Who knows when they’ll ever get this close to another human being again?
Antarc didn’t bother turning on the lights once inside. They led Phos through the dark room, into another dark room, and then onto a staircase. These stairs were in better condition and carpeted. They had a wooden railing that Antarc guided Phos’s non-clinging arm to so they could hold on as they climbed up. Every stair creaked and moaned their own unique song with every step up. Phos was glad for the noise. Kept them from thinking about how toned and strong Antarc was under all those layers.
They took a right at the top of the stairs. Another right led them to the bathroom. The door was closed, but Phos could see light peaking through where the door met the carpet.
“I’ve got the hot water filling up in there. Just turn it off when it’s full. There’s two knobs: left for hot, right for cold. Pretty easy. You can pull the curtain shut when you’re in, and I’ll grab your clothes and dry them.”
“Sir yessir,” Phos said with a mock salute for Antarc’s marching orders.
“Shut up,” Antarc huffed. There wasn’t enough light to clearly tell, but Phos could’ve sworn the one side of Antarc’s lips were curled up.
While Phos was busy immersing themselves in liquified heat, the shadow of Antarc moved across the shower curtain as its owner went in and out of the bathroom, taking Phos’s wet clothes and returning with them in 20 minutes. They left Phos’s now dry and soft clothes folded neatly on the seat of the toilet with a fluffy white towel.
Phos hummed happily as they rubbed their face against the towel. It was warm. Antarc must’ve pulled it fresh out of the dryer along with Phos’s clothes. They cocooned their body in the softness and sat on the floor with their back against the bathtub, still reveling in the leftover steam that made every aching bone in Phos’s body feel warm and fuzzy. If only they could stay like this forever…
“Phos?” Antarc was knocking on the bathroom door. “You okay?”
Phos shot up from the floor, almost tripping over their own feet. “Ah, yea! Be out in a sec!” They hastily fumbled through putting their jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie back on. Their coat, scarf, and gloves were most likely still drying. They’d get them later. And then Phos went to put on their socks. Their fucking pizza socks. Phos flushed. Of all the goddamned socks in their drawer it had to be the pizza socks. Whatever opinion Antarc had of them, socks covered with pizza slices surely didn’t help make it any better. Oh well. At least their pizza socks were now warm and dry, as if the pizzas just got out of an oven.
The bathroom’s mirror was completely covered in steam. Phos wiped away a section with the palm of their hand. Staring back at them was a puffy-eyed red-faced monstrosity of a human being. Their hair was doing that thing when it dried weird too of course, some parts of it hanging flat and other parts flipping up and out and all over the place. Ugh.
“There you are. I was starting to worry I didn’t save you in time.” Antarc handed Phos’s backpack over when they stepped outside of the bathroom.
Phos chuckled half-heartedly. “Who knows? Maybe you did fail and I’m just a vampire now.”
“How does that make any sense?” Antarc said with genuine confusion. “Unless there was another vampire out there that bit you, you wouldn’t have become a vampire from freezing to death.”
“Hmm.” Phos didn’t have much of a response to that logic. Truth be told, the post bath sleepies were kicking in again. They tried and failed to stifle a yawn.
Antarc gave Phos a long look before they asked, “You sleeping here tonight?”
They said it as if Phos and them were longtime friends and this was just one of many nights that Phos would be spending overnight. As if they hadn’t found Phos freezing on the side of the road at 3 AM and saved them from an icy death. As if Phos belonged here. It made them shift awkwardly and look away from their stranger/savior.
“That’d be cool. Yea.”
Antarc’s bedroom was so orderly and minimalist that Phos felt like their very presence was going to cause the room to become spontaneously messy. Normally, in their own bedroom, Phos would toss their backpack against the nearest solid object, but being in Antarc’s close to godliness room made them gently set the bag against the bed on the floor.
“Alright,” Antarc said with their own set of droopy eyes. Guilt churned in their stomach at the thought of taking Antarc’s bed from them, but it wasn’t enough to make Phos offer to take the couch instead of course. “You know where the bathroom is. Sleep as long as you like. I mean, not forever or anything but—”
“Yea, yea. I’m fine. Don’t worry,” Phos assured Antarc. They briefly met the other’s eyes as best as they could in the dimmed light. “Um...thanks.”
Antarc nodded, their expression reserved. “No problem.” They walked out of the room, just beginning to close the door, before they looked back at Phos one last time. They opened their mouth, their chest rising with the intake of breath, but changed their mind at the last second and shut the door without saying a word.
The ice blue comforter and stark white bed sheets welcomed Phos with a warmth they’d never expect from such cool colors. Had Antarc thrown these in the dryer as well? Or maybe Phos’s body was still so frozen from tonight that everything else felt heated in comparison? Whatever the case, Phos found it far too easy to fall asleep in the bed of someone they just met that night.
Morning came and Phos couldn’t bring themselves to leave Antarc’s bed. Sunlight trickled through the blinds and tickled Phos’s closed eyelids. Nope, nope, nope. They opened one eye. Antarc’s digital clock showed that it was still the ungodly hour of 9AM. Phos never woke up before double digits. Or at least, they don’t get out of bed before then. They were usually great at lazing around, but this morning they tossed and turned for a good 10 minutes before kicking the covers off. Maybe it was the almost dying last night that wouldn’t let Phos get comfortable. Or maybe it was that they were sleeping in someone else’s bed. Either way Phos couldn’t stay in bed any longer.
They checked their phone’s contact history again. They plugged in their laptop and checked their email, their social media.
Nothing.
It stung more than it should, seeing as this was exactly what Phos expected. Why did everything have to suck so much?
In the midst of Phos’s sulking, they heard the clatter of pots and pans outside of their—er— Antarc’s room. Antarc or someone else who lived here was awake. Welp. Might as well get it over with. It’s not like their hospitality was going to stretch farther than this. Phos shoved their belongings back in their bag and slung it over their shoulder. Taking a deep breath, Phos left the room.
They walked down the hallway towards the sound of clattering and hushed talking, passing the carpeted stairs they had struggled up last night, and entered what looked to be the living room/kitchen situation. Their eyes immediately found the source of noise, the culprits not yet aware that Phos was standing within earshot. They were at the kitchen counter on the other side of the room.
“—might’ve died. I still don’t know why. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you first, but I didn’t want to wake you up.”
There was Antarc, looking spic and span in straight khakis and a navy polo shirt. Next to them was a tall, broad-shouldered man. Antarc’s father? His back was facing Phos, so they couldn’t get a read on his face. Was he angry about what Antarc was telling him? Phos waited for the man to answer so they could judge whether they should bounce or not, but the man was silent, leaving more room for Antarc to speak.
“I don’t think they were on drugs or anything like that.” There was a chopping sound followed by Antarc dumping whatever they had just cut up into a sizzling pan that the man was handling. “But something is clearly wrong, right?”
Something about what Antarc just said stung horribly inside of Phos. It felt like all the low notes of a piano had just been slammed on at the same time. They wanted to leave right then and there, but something kept them frozen to the spot. Before they could muster up the will to move, the man turned and made direct eye contact with Phos. Much like Antarc, his face was calm and betrayed no emotion. Antarc quickly followed the man’s gaze and blanched upon seeing Phos standing in the doorway.
“Phos! I didn’t—You’re awake?” For the first time since Phos met this person, Antarc was clearly flustered. It eased the hurt inside Phos to see them out of sorts.
“Y-yea. I’m up,” Phos mumbled. They adjusted their hold on their bag. “I just need my coat and stuff and...yea.”
Silence. The man turned back to the pan in front of him.
“Why don’t you have some breakfast before you go, Phos?”
Omelettes had no right to taste this delicious. Phos did their best to restrain themselves and eat slowly, but god it was good. Chopped ham, spinach, tomatoes, and creamy melted cheese? Yes please.
Antarc sat directly opposite of Phos and added two pieces of toast to Phos’s plate. “We’ve also got bacon and orange juice. You want some?”
Without thinking, Phos nodded, not even bothering to look up from their food. They continued to discipline themselves in eating slowly, savoring the taste and different flavors that were dancing on their tongue. Soon, two thick pieces of bacon were delivered to their plate. A tall glass of orange juice was placed on a coaster next to Phos’s plate.
They ate it all. Every single bit. When they finally raised their eyes from their plate, they met two pairs of eyes staring right back at them. Two icy blue, and two soft brown.
Phos opened their mouth to properly thank the pair for the meal but burped loudly instead. They slapped their hands over their mouth, feeling heat climb up their neck. Real fuckin’ nice, Phos. “Sorry, excuse me, really sorry,” they said as fast as they could, not even forming a real sentence. They glared down at their fists in their lap, now angry at themselves for eating in the first place. They should have just left when they had the chance.
There was a stifled snort. And then unrestrained laughter. From Antarc. They leaned an elbow on the table and covered their eyes with their hand but left their wide grin exposed as more laughter poured out.
It was amazing.
Phos glanced at the man and found that he was also smiling. Something fluttered in their chest, and they couldn’t help but chuckle themselves. They felt light and yet filled at the same time.
“I’m glad you enjoyed the meal,” the man said once the laughter died down. “Antarcticite was going to serve it to you in bed, but it’s good to see you’re up and moving instead.”
“S-Sensei!” Antarc hissed at the man, their pale cheeks blooming red. “It’s not—I just didn’t know if you were going to be able to get up,” they explained quickly to Phos.
Phos only grinned mischievously in response.
“Hey! Wipe that smirk off your face!” Antarc jabbed a finger in Phos’s direction. “You still haven’t told me what in the world you were doing last—”
“It’s so nice you meet you Phos,” the man who Antarc had called Sensei interrupted with a pleasant tone. “My name is Kongo, but most people call me Sensei. Either is fine for you to use.”
Antarc shot daggers at Sensei, but did not go back to the previous topic.
“Oh, thank you, uh, Sensei.” Phos felt weird calling the man something different than how Antarc had addressed him. “It’s nice to meet you too. I’m Phosphophyllite, but I guess everyone calls me Phos.” They tried to match Sensei’s slow and refined speaking voice, but it ended up coming out awkward and clumsy.
“Phosphophyllite,” Sensei said. “A wonderful name.” And then with no prompting whatsoever, Sensei explained his and Antarc’s situation.
Sensei owned this building. Though Phos didn’t see last night, there was a convenience store below this level where he and Antarc worked along with a few other part-timers. (Phos still couldn’t figure out the relationship between the two besides boss and employee, but whatever for now about that.)
Sensei looked at his watch. “I’d love to talk more, Phos, but we have to open the shop. It’s already 10 o’clock. Are you ready, Antarc?”
“Yes, of course,” Antarc said while clearing everyone’s plates and dumping them in the sink. Sensei got up after them and removed the black robe he wore around his shoulders, revealing khakis and a polo shirt just like Antarc. He carefully folded the robe and carried it out of the room.
Phos stayed glued to their seat while everyone else moved around them. Seemed like everyone always moved ahead of them. They watched Antarc’s back as the other furiously scrubbed the dishes in the sink.
“I’m going to go open up. Meet me at the counter when you’re done, Antarc,” Sensei reentered the room, grabbing a set of keys hanging on a key rack by the doorway.
“I’m ready!” Antarc hurried toward Sensei as they dried their hands with a white hand-towel, quickly folding it up and placing it on the table as they passed by it. They were clearly ready to leave, but Sensei stopped them before the doorway with a gentle touch to the shoulder. He whispered something to them, patted them on the head, and then left the room. Phos heard his heavy feet descend the stairs that they had struggled up last night.
Antarc still hadn’t left the room yet. Phos still hadn’t left their chair yet.
Phos swallowed a lump that had rudely decided to be in their throat right that second. It’s fine. It’s fine. I’m fine .
“Phos?”
Fine. Fine. Fine.
“Phos, I think you should rest more.”
Phos jumped in their seat. Antarc was standing right next to them, those icy blue eyes filled with concern.
“What? Oh, uh, no. No. I’ll be fine.” Phos shook their head free of any self pitiful thoughts and stood up, hoisting their bag over their shoulder again.
Antarc seemed to regard Phos carefully before they quietly said, “Where are you going to go Phos?”
Phos stared at their feet. Stared at their ratty old converse shoes that their mother had complained about Phos wearing last time they saw her.
“Don’t you have any common sense? You throw something out when it’s done being useful.”
“I’ll figure something out.” Phos didn’t have the energy to lie to Antarc at this point. They tried to walk past Antarc, but the other stepped in front of them. Phos’s heartrate sped up just from the way Antarc’s piercing eyes glared at them.
“If you don’t have anywhere to go, then you should just say so. Stop being so evasive.”
Phos’s hands clenched around their backpack straps. “Fine! I don’t have anywhere to go, okay? Why does it even matter? You don’t know me. You don’t care,” they spat out at Antarc. It was unfair of them to say such things after everything Antarc had done for them, but Phos was tired and frustrated. They wanted to get away from this place before it would be long enough for them to miss it once they left.
Antarc’s glare softened but didn’t disappear entirely.
“Like, what the fuck ever, okay? It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’m fine .” Phos felt like they were vomiting the words out, but they couldn’t stop themselves from being so terrible to the person who saved their life. Even when their voice started to crack. “It’s all fine . So just go open your dumb store with your dad or whoever the fuck he is and just get back to your happy life, alright?”
Phos had been hoping their rude word-vomit would inspire Antarc to kick Phos to the curb. For a moment it seemed like that would happen as Antarc’s brows furrowed further with every word Phos threw at them. But instead of yelling back at Phos, they closed their eyes and took a deep breath. When they opened their eyes, the angry eyebrows smoothed out.
“I don’t know enough about you to really care about you, so you’re right about that. If you really want to leave, I won’t stop you. It’ll probably bother me for a day or two, but then I’ll forget about it and move on.” They paused. The distant sound of a bell ringing downstairs came into the room through the floorboards. It was the same kind of bell any small shop had at their front door. “But that’s just me,” Antarc continued. “Sensei, on the other hand, is way too nice to not worry about some jerky kid. He’ll probably close the shop and go looking for you as soon as I tell him you left. And then if he doesn’t find you, he’ll blame himself and worry himself sick.”
Phos nearly socked Antarc in the face. “The fuck? Are you trying to fucking threaten me if I don’t stay?”
Antarc crossed their arms. “No, I’m just looking out for my boss. He’s too much of a softie for his own good.”
This was so ridiculous. Antarc was probably lying. Except...maybe they weren’t. Sensei was big and looked intimidating, but he had been so soft and slow when he spoke to Phos. His smile when Phos told him their name had been warm enough to melt the ice caps. Phos sighed and rubbed their eyes with the heel of their hands. Fuck.
“Look, you seriously don’t have to stay, but you should at least figure something out before you go. Sensei won’t freak out if he knows you’ve got a plan.”
A plan.
“He asked me to tell you you’re allowed to stay here as long as you need.”
As long as they need.
“I’ve got to go help Sensei. You’re coat and stuff is on the dryer by the back door.” And with that, Antarc left.
Phos numbly walked over to the long sectional sofa and collapsed at the closest end. Their chest hurt. Their legs hurt. Maybe they did need more rest. Phos flipped Antarc’s words over and over in their head as they kicked off their shoes and put their bag on the floor.
Fine. They’d rest. There was a wool blanket folded neatly in front of Phos on a low table, which Phos eagerly swiped and curled up with. Hey, if Antarc really meant that they could stay, then they’d make themselves at home as much as they liked. No guilty feelings here.
It had become a dreary day since Phos woke up. Clouds and rain muted the sunlight that came through the windows. But even with the rain, Phos could still faintly hear the sound of activity below them. People making idle chatter. The doorbell ringing. A cash drawer opening and closing. It wasn’t what most people thought of as relaxing, but for some reason these noises lulled Phos to sleep within minutes.
For the first time in Phos’s recent life, they woke up feeling mostly recharged. It wasn’t a surge of adrenaline or anything like that. It was just refreshing. It felt like they could actually get up and do things. Be a functioning human being for once in their life.
Phos sat up on the couch. They checked their phone. It had only been a few hours since they’d fallen asleep. Normally they could continue on a sleeping binge for another 4 hours or so, but something itched inside of them. They pulled their feet to the couch and looked around the room. Much like in Antarc’s room, the set up was very modern and minimalist. Out here in the living room/kitchen there was also seemed to be a touch of japanese aesthetic. A beautiful bonsai tree rested on a wooden window shelf. A second glance at the low wooden table in front of Phos made them realize it was a kotatsu without the blankets attached at the moment. On one of the walls was a canvas picture of a woodblock painting, a scene of snowy mountains in the background with a group of people (a family?) huddled together in the foreground.
The itchiness didn’t leave their body, so Phos got up and walked around. They walked through the kitchen area, taking note of how polished all of the surfaces were. Everything looked new and well cared for except for an old iron tea kettle and two ceramic cylinder cups. Both had small chips and were clearly used often. The one was a simple white cup with one black flower painted on it. The other was also white but had striking blue geometrical designs all over it. Phos had a feeling whose was whose, and they traced a finger over the second cup’s rim.
They weren’t stupid enough to go skulking around Sensei and Antarc’s rooms, so Phos elected to throw their shoes on and head down the stairs. It was an embarrassingly proud moment when Phos managed down them all by themselves.
The stairs ended and Phos was in a skinny laundry room. True to Antarc’s word, there was Phos’s coat and gloves and scarf folded up on the dryer. What was it with these guys and folding every single thing in sight?
Phos stared at their outerwear. They could still leave. Especially now that they were actually rested up. They could get on the next bus and get even farther away from the city. They could never look back. What did it matter if Sensei worried?
A sudden chorus of laughter jolted Phos from their thoughts. It was coming from beyond a heavy looking metal door that must have led to the actual store. Chewing on their lip, Phos took one more look at their coat.
They turned the handle on the door and pulled it open.
It was like stepping into a completely different world. The floor turned from wood to linoleum tiles. Bright fluorescent lights blinded Phos’s eyes. The temperature dipped down, and Phos was now grateful for their hoodie and the buffer it provided. Before them were now tall shelves and displays lined with all different kinds of products. Everything was perfectly arranged and in the right spot from what Phos could see at a glance. Did Sensei and Antarc really run this joint by themselves?
“Do you need a bag for those items?”
Speak of the devil, there was Antarc’s voice. Okay, devil was a bit harsh. Speak of the overbearing perfectionist? That sounded a bit nicer.
“Okay, thanks for shopping with us. Have a nice day!”
Whoa. That was a way perkier Antarc than the one Phos met last night. They peeked around one of the shelves to see if this was an evil Antarc twin they were hearing. Sure enough, there was Antarc at the checkout counter. They were handing a small plastic bag over to an older woman with the fakest smile plastered all over their face. A passing customer might not be able to tell, but Phos could. After all, fake smiling was one of Phos’s top 2 talents, the other one being sleeping, so they would know.
As soon as the woman walked out of the front door, Antarc’s smile vanished faster than Phos could blink. Hah. Called it.
“Phos?”
“Whah!” Phos screeched and twisted around.
Sensei stood there, at first with a surprised look on his face, but then he graced Phos with a happy little smile. “It’s nice to see you up, Phos. How are you feeling?”
“I, uh…” Phos stole a quick look over to where Antarc was and was relieved to see them busy with another customer. “I’m feeling...okay.” They ended the vague statement with a shrug. Just to make it vaguer.
Sensei didn’t falter. “That’s good to hear. I have to get back to my work, but feel free to look around. If there’s anything you need, feel free to ask Antarc for help.”
Phos had a feeling Antarc was busy enough as is, but they nodded anyway and said, “Will do.”
The man smiled again. And then he raised his hand and gently placed it on Phos’s head.
What.
The hand left Phos’s head. “Good. I hope you like it here,” he said before hefting a box from the floor into his arms and walked away.
Even after Sensei’s large hand was removed, Phos still felt the heat of the touch remain behind. Okay, that was...weird. Weird in a good way? They had seen him do the same thing earlier to Antarc, but they hadn’t imagined they’d get the same treatment. And what the hell did he mean when he said “here?” Phos forced themselves to believe he meant the shop. There was absolutely no double meaning hidden there. Nope.
“Thanks for shopping with us. Have a nice day!”
Phos’s head perked up at the sound of Antarc’s voice. They peered around the shelf again and found Antarc staring right back at them in an unimpressed manner. Well shit. So much for spying. They sheepishly smiled and approached the counter.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Um...Whatcha doing?”
“I’m working."
Well that didn’t give Phos much to work with. They stuffed their hands in the pockets of their hoodie and looked around at the store some more, trying to think of something else to say.
Antarc sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be short with you. Our usual cashier called out, and I’ve been stuck up here all morning saying the same 5 phrases.” They ran a hand through their hair and sighed again. “Normally there’s at least two of us so we can take turns being trapped behind here.”
“Jeez, you make it sound like you’re in fucking Alcatraz,” Phos said as they picked up a rainbow colored pack of gum and inspected its flavors. Cherry lemon? Gross.
“Hey! Hands of the product,” Antarc snapped and yanked the gum out of Phos’s hand. “And watch your language. It’s not professional.”
“Ah, sorry.” Phos leaned their elbows on the counter and watched people with umbrellas pass by the front windows. “What do you normally do when you’re not in register jail?”
Dingaling . The front door swung open. Two teenagers hurried in, huddled under one tiny umbrella and giggling uncontrollably. They continued to giggle and whisper to themselves as they wiped their boots on the floor mat and collapsed the polka dotted umbrella.
“Hey, Antarc!” The one teen with bright pink hair in a ponytail waved to Antarc. The other one, short silver hair, waved as well and tugged their friend along further into the shop.
“Hey guys,” Antarc said, this time with a real smile on their face. The teens nodded at Antarc as they grabbed a blue shopping basket and started to meandered towards the corner of the store that displayed magazines and newspapers.
“Friends of yours?” Phos asked.
“Regulars,” Antarc answered as they bent down to a box under the counter filled with different kinds of cigarette packs and placed each pack one at a time on the wall display behind them. “As far as your question goes, this is the kind of stuff I normally do,” they said as they placed each pack in its corresponding slot.
“You reinforce a wall of cancer in a box?”
Antarc shot Phos with a Look. “No. I mean stocking.”
“Like a Christmas stocking?”
“I know you know what I mean, so I’m just going to assume you enjoy being annoying and dense.”
Phos grinned. “Years of perfecting my craft.”
“Clearly,” Antarc said with a roll of their eyes. Even so, there was a tiny smile on their face. “I’m better at dealing with inventory and receiving than this customer service crap.”
Damn. That was the closest Phos might ever get to hearing Antarc curse.
“Aaaantaaaarc.” The teenagers were back, looking like forlorn puppies. “Do you have anything in here made from recycled material?” the one with the pink hair asked.
“We got a whole pile of newspapers where you guys just were, Morga,” Antarc said as they resumed their stocking.
“Noooo,” the pink one, Morga, whined. “Mr. R said we couldn’t do newspapers.”
“Well then, it sounds like you two need to do some thinking.” Antarc moved on to another box, slicing it open with a box cutter they had produced from their pocket.
The silver haired one looked away and rubbed the back of their neck. “Ah, the thing is…”
“Goshe!” Morga hissed, clearly not wanting their friend to continue speaking.
Goshe continued anyway. “The presentation is sort of due...after our lunch break.”
Phos couldn’t help but empathize with the two procrastinators. They had pulled stunts like this multiple times throughout the course of their education. Sometimes they had managed to wriggle their way out of it, but most of the time it had ended in a low grade and a promise not to do it again. But it would always happen again. That’s the nature of a true procrastinator.
Antarc, who probably never procrastinated a single task their whole life, was not so understanding. “Maybe you should have come in here for ideas when you were actually given the assignment, yea?”
“Aww,” Morga sighed. “What are we gonna do? Class starts in 20.”
It wasn’t their best idea, but Phos decided to offer the poor kids something.
“Maybe you guys can use some of the fruit they sell here?”
Antarc paused their stocking, but didn’t turn around.
Morga and Goshe looked directly at Phos for the first time since they entered the store. “What?” Goshe asked.
“Um, well. Over there they have some fruit.” Phos pointed towards the back of the store where they had first entered. The two teens stared blankly back at Phos. “Here, I’ll show you what I mean,” Phos started to explain as they walked back to where they had seen a cold display of apples and other fruits, Morga and Goshe thankfully following close behind.
“Did you know they sold fruit here?” Morga whispered to Goshe.
“We don’t usually come to this section,” Goshe whispered back. “All the candy’s up front.”
“Here, look.” Phos picked up an apple at random and presented it to the teens. “It might not be what your teacher was thinking of when he said recycled material, but think of it this way. This apple used to be a seed from another apple. Isn’t that kinda like recycling?” They were definitely reaching with the comparison, but at this point for Morga and Goshe, it didn’t really matter how accurate it was. As long as they had something to bring in, right?
Morga’s brows wrinkled in thought. Goshe tilted their head as they considered the idea. Finally, Morga smiled and clapped their hands together.
“Yes! This is perfect! Just close enough to the truth to not be total BS. Let’s buy some, Goshe!”
Goshe nodded. “It’s better than nothing. We’ll take it.”
Phos walked back to the checkout with Morga and Goshe as the two discussed fervently how they were going to present to the class. When they arrived at the counter, Antarc was bent down in front of it, stocking candy and other little treats on the shelves.
They looked up. “Find something?”
“Yea!” Morga said proudly. “Your new hire here really saved our skins! Thanks, uh...”
Phos blanched. “It’s Phos, but I don—”
“Yep. They just started today. Now they’re gonna ring you guys up,” Antarc said without a hint of irony in their voice.
“Uh—”
“Come on, Phos, I’ll show you how to use the register.”
And that’s how Phos found themselves standing in front of a cash register with Antarc leaning over their shoulder. The actual employee reached over Phos and tapped the black screen a few times to wake it up. Phos prayed to whatever god existed that the other didn’t hear Phos’s heartbeat hammering in their ears. A login screen appeared on the computer, and faster than Phos could comprehend, Antarc typed in some numbers.
“You don’t have a login yet, so just use my numbers for this transaction.”
“Okay?” Why the hell were they playing along with whatever Antarc was trying to do? And why was Antarc still in this position all leaned over Phos? Was this a hazing ritual for new employees?
“I’ll train you better later on how to talk to customers at the register. For now just take the items they’re purchasing.”
Goshe gave Phos a friendly smile and placed the two dark red apples on the counter. They were probably the same color as Phos’s face right now.
Antarc was so close, Phos could hear their intake of breath. “Most of the product in here is stickered and logged into our inventory, but for produce like this you have to manually input it into the register. Watch.” They watched. Antarc was a speed demon as they tapped through a few screens to get to one where they manually entered a code for the 2 apples. “See? Now you just hit the Total button here, and then you pick the payment method. But first, you have to tell them their total owed.”
Phos read the numbers and looked at Morga and Goshe. “$3.12.”
“Here you go!” Morga said, handing Phos a wrinkled $5.
Antarc nodded, the side of their cheek brushing against Phos’s hair. “Since they’re paying in cash, you choose this option and enter the amount they just gave you.”
“Okay.” Phos reached for the number pad at the same time as Antarc, inevitably colliding with the other’s fingers.
Antarc pulled away. “Sorry. Go ahead. You should do it.” With that statement, Antarc leaned away from Phos, and fuck did Phos actually change their mind about that hazing thought earlier. This was the real hazing. Getting Phos used to Antarc’s body heat and then leaving out of nowhere. Despite the disappointment, Phos still typed in the numbers and hit enter, jumping a little when the register drawer immediately slid open and hit Phos in the stomach. Well this was going swimmingly.
“Oh sorry, I forgot to mention you should stand a little to the side of the drawer.”
Phos turned around and pouted at Antarc as they rubbed their midsection. “I hope I receive my workman’s comp for this injury.”
“Don’t be a baby. Go ahead and put the bill in the drawer. Don’t forget their change. It’s on the computer screen for how much.”
Math wasn’t exactly Phos’s best subject, so when Antarc said this, Phos had a mini panic attack in the privacy of their own brain. But even though they were a little slow at making the calculations and grabbing the right coins, Antarc didn’t push them along or sigh passively aggressively behind them. They simply nodded and said, “Right. Good job.” when Phos handed the change to Morga.
While Phos was busy being frozen from the praise, Antarc moved to Phos’s side and bagged the two apples. “Here you go.” They thrust the bag to Goshe. “Hope you procrastinators at least get a C.”
“C+!” Morga refuted as they moved toward the front with Goshe.
“Thanks, Antarc! Oh, and thank you, Phos! Good luck with the new job!” Goshe called out as the two left the store with their apples and umbrella.
What the fuck just happened? Phos repeated this internal question out loud and uncensored.
Antarc didn’t comment on the cursing. They leaned back against the counter and crossed their arms, looking at Phos with a scrutinizing eye. When they had finished their assessment, they simply smiled at Phos and said, “How do you feel about making $12 an hour?”
Christmas had never been one of Phos’s favorite holidays. Working in retail easily made it one of their most loathed holidays. Seriously, what was it with the Christmas season that made people act batshit insane?
To be fair, 90% of the customers were friendly faces, and it didn’t take Phos too long to get to know some of them on a first name basis. These were the people that would come into the store, smile at Phos, and ask how they were doing before asking for help with shopping or checking out.
And then there were the assholes. People that Phos would probably only see once in their lifetime, but remember forever thanks to their dickish behavior. None of it had managed to get to Phos yet thanks to their ability to laugh about it with Antarc and Sensei and the other part-timers.
Phos had been living and working with Antarc and Sensei for almost a month now. It happened so fast and seamlessly. There was no discussion or debate about it. They immediately accepted Phos into their lives without any further questions after that first day. Nobody ever tried to bring up why Phos was on the road that November night, and Phos was fine with that. It was weird, but in a good way.
The more Phos worked at the store, the more they learned how it all worked. The register. The inventory. The receiving. The customers. Phos bounced around the store, dabbling in all different responsibilities with Antarc as their primary trainer.
“You’re good at this,” Antarc commented one day when Phos and them were putting together the last of the gift baskets. It was a holiday tradition for the store, one that Antarc had up until this year done on their own. As soon as December hit, Antarc would let customers fill out an order form for a custom made gift basket that they would deliver to whomever the customer wanted in the town. The store also made general delivers from time to time throughout the year as well, but this was the season when Antarc would be driving around the store’s van the most.
“Hmm?” Phos looked up from the card they were coloring for this basket. It was for a young girl who would be spending Christmas in the hospital. Normally Antarc had the same plain card for every basket, but Phos had insisted on making this basket’s card from scratch. “Oh, yea. I’m pretty damn good at drawing flowers aren’t I?”
Antarc playfully bopped Phos on the head with a tube of shiny wrapping paper. “That’s not what I meant. You’re good at this job. All of it. It’s been really helpful having you around this season. Thanks.”
Their chest was going to explode. Molten lava was streaming out of their facial pores. Well, that’s what it felt like when their face heated up from these kinds of comments from Antarc. Others like Sensei have praised Phos too in their time here, but it was something about Antarc’s praises that completely devastated Phos and left them more vulnerable than the day they were born. Normally, they’d respond with some snarky self deprecating joke as a way to almost mitigate the praise, but this time, Phos could only mumble their own thanks and continue coloring.
When they were finished wrapping the basket, Antarc logged its completion in their personal planner. “Okay, I’ll be taking this over to her tonight after dinner. I might stop by the art store on my way back.”
“Huh?” Whoa, wait. Phos always went with Antarc on their deliveries. They would spend most of the time fighting over the radio station and heat, but that’s what made it fun. So why was Antarc acting like Phos wasn’t coming with them tonight? “Aren’t I going too?”
Antarc looked up from their planner, their blue eyes meeting Phos’s for a hot second before they looked away and tapped their pen on the paper. Finally, they said in a quiet voice, “I thought you didn’t like hospitals.”
Didn’t like hospitals? Sure nobody actually liked hospitals, but where the hell did Antarc get the idea that—
Oh.
The first night Phos had met Antarc.
“No, that was just—” Phos racked their brain for a suitable explanation. Fuck. What were they supposed to say?
“Sorry, I just assumed.” Antarc shut their planner, still not quite looking at Phos. “Sensei already promised Cairngorm they could go home early. Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve, and they have to pack for their flight. So…”
So someone has to help out Sensei at the store tonight. God fucking dammit.
“I promise I’ll take a video of her getting the basket, okay?”
Sure, that’d be nice. Phos had definitely been looking forward to seeing this giftee. But the stabbing feeling in their chest was because of the time they wouldn’t get to spend with Antarc.
“Okay.”
Phos woke up on Christmas Eve the same way they woke up every morning since they officially started living with Antarc and Sensei: on a memory foam mattress on a naked box spring in Sensei’s old guest room that hadn’t been ready to use the first night Phos stayed over. They groaned and rolled out of bed, glaring at the clock as if it was the reason Phos was waking up early. 7 AM. Even after weeks of doing it, Phos hated waking up this early. They got to sleep in on Sundays when the store opened later in the morning, but every other day the store opened at 8 AM.
“Good morning, Phos,” Sensei cheerfully greeted when Phos dragged themselves into the kitchen. To this day, Phos still had no idea how early Sensei woke up every day. One of life’s mystical mysteries.
“Hrm,” Phos grunted in response as they sat at the table, their eyes barely staying open.
“Here you go, grumpy.” Antarc placed a bowl of rice porridge in front of Phos. “You want some, Honey?”
Phos’s eyes shot open. “What?” Did...did Antarc just say…?
Antarc gave Phos a confused look. “I asked if you wanted some honey?”
Holy fuck, Phos was tired. “Yes please.” Also can I be excused for the rest of my life?
“Alright, you two,” Sensei said as he set his and Antarc’s bowl on the table. “We have until 6 PM today, and then we’re off tonight and tomorrow. What do you want to do?”
“Sleeeeep,” Phos groaned as they dumped way too much honey in their porridge, ignoring the judgmental look Antarc shot at them.
Sensei chuckled. “Yes, we’ll be doing plenty of resting. I’m very thankful for all of your hard work, and you’ll deserve the time off.”
“Hehe. Nice.” Phos went to dump a fourth spoonful of honey, but Antarc slapped their hand away from the jar and stole the spoon.
“Oh, and Antarc. I purchased that tea you wanted to try, the ruby spice cider? We’ll all have to try it tonight.”
“That sounds great, Sensei.”
Phos stirred their porridge silently. While they were always included in Antarc and Sensei’s obsession with tea, they always felt like they were intruding on something that they didn’t belong to. Maybe it was those tea cups that those two had while Phos drank out of a plain white mug every time.
Breakfast always ceased 30 minutes before the store opened on the dot. Phos wondered daily how they managed to live in relative harmony with two punctual perfectionists.
On their way downstairs, Phos’s phone buzzed in their pocket. They pulled it out, thinking it was the video Antarc said they would send them from last night.
It wasn’t.
Phos had to stop themselves from screaming and throwing the phone at the wall.
Welp. Back in the pocket the phone went.
They had spaced out by the time they got to the bottom of the stairs. So spaced out they didn’t even register at first that Antarc had pulled them aside while Sensei went ahead.
“Phos? You okay? You look like you’re about to be sick.”
Did they really? Man, Phos hated throwing up. They looked down and realized Antarc was holding their hand. Oh shit.
“Phos?”
“Sorry, I’m fine. I think I overdid the honey.”
Antarc’s shoulders dropped and they breathed out a huff of annoyance. “That’s what you get for trying to drown your food in honey.” They loosened their grip on Phos’s hand and drew away, their fingertips electrifying Phos’s skin where they touched. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
Phos couldn’t agree more.
The store was rife with activity and last minute shoppers. There was hardly a moment to breathe with it all, and yet the day still dragged on. Phos was mostly at the register, much to their dismay. They now understood what Antarc had meant when they said they felt trapped behind here. It was fine for an hour or so, but anything beyond that was monotonous torture.
The closer it got to 6 PM, the more the traffic slowed. Almost there . Antarc and Sensei should be finishing up checking the inventory in the receiving area. Phos was flattered that Sensei trusted Phos to operate alone in the store, but it had been almost 20 minutes without any customers. Any human interaction would be good interaction at this point.
Dingaling .
“Hello! Thanks for stopping by. Let me know if you need help with anything!” Phos smiled and greeted the customer who had just entered. It was a gruff looking man who merely glanced at Phos and walked over to where the beverages were stocked. Okay then, asshole.
Phos drummed their fingers on the counter. 5:30 PM. So fucking close. They looked out the window. The sky was overcast, and while some weather stations were promising snow, Phos knew it was far more likely that it’d be slushy rain. Snow on Christmas Eve. Pffft. As if they lived in some Hallmark movie.
Slam .
Phos jumped at the sound of the man dropping a case of beer on the counter. The man said nothing, just staring at Phos with annoyance.
“Find everything oka—?”
“A pack of Marlboro,” the man grunted, completely ignoring Phos’s hospitality.
“Ah, sure.” As Phos turned around and pulled a pack off the wall, they heard the receiving door open. Thank God. Phos turned back around, still trying their best to smile at this douchebag. “I just need to see an ID and then—”
“Are you fucking serious?” the man barked at Phos. “Do I look under 21?”
Phos’s stomach flipped. “N-no, but it’s store policy to—”
“No, no, no. I come here all the time. Nobody’s ever pulled this shit with me,” the man claimed with rising anger. “Just let me buy my goddamn beer, and we’ll be good.”
Every lesson on irate customers that Antarc had drilled into Phos’s head flew out of Phos’s reach. Their face felt hot. Their legs were stiff. Their hands shook as they gripped the pack of cigarettes tighter. Why was this happening?
“Is there a problem?”
Antarc. Phos heard Antarc, but they couldn’t even turn their head to look at them.
“Yea, there’s a fucking problem,” the man said to Antarc. “This retarded ditz won’t let me—”
In a single second, the world collapsed around Phos and rebuilt itself.
“SHUT UP!” Phos screeched and threw the cigarettes in the man’s face. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP—!” One by one, they pulled the cans of beer out of their case and threw those at the jackass too, unable to stop themselves from screaming at and assaulting a customer. Two strong arms wrapped around Phos from behind and pulled them back. Phos continued screaming and cursing at the man as Sensei escorted him out of the store. Even when he was out of the store, they screamed, tears now streaming down their face. The arms hugged them tighter, a voice trying to reach them through all the yelling.
“—please! It’s okay! He’s gone, Phos. It’s okay!”
No. No, it wasn’t okay. It would never be okay.
Phos choked on their anger, and that was all it took for screaming to become sobbing. Their whole body shook, and they could no longer support themselves.
“It’s okay, Phos,” Antarc continued to repeat, never letting go of Phos even when their legs gave out and they sunk to the floor. Antarc held on and went down with them, their chest pressed against Phos’s back so that Phos could feel it rise and fall, their own breathing as erratic as Phos’s. They were upsetting Antarc.
“‘M sorry,” they sobbed, the realization of what they had done sinking in. “I didn’t mean—I didn’t want—”
“I know,” Antarc whispered behind Phos. “It’s not your fault.”
It was their fault. All of this was their fault. None of this would have happened in the first place if they weren’t. So. Fucking. Stupid .
“What?” Antarc said.
Phos didn’t have the energy to care at this point that they had spoken their thoughts allowed. “I”m a fucking idiot. Too stupid to work here. Too stupid to graduate college. I’m not cut out for this world,” Phos explained to Antarc through their sniffling.
Antarc was silent, simply running their fingers through Phos’s hair.
“I thought—I thought I’d prove them wrong. I thought if I did something different than school, something I was good at, it would mean they were wrong.” More tears poured out of Phos’s eyes. “But they were right. I’m just a stupid retar—”
“Hey!” Antarc cut Phos off and sat up straighter. “Don’t say that! It’s not true! If anybody’s stupid, it’s that jackass of a customer.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“I’ve just...never heard you curse. Can you do it some more?”
“If it’ll make you feel better, sure,” Antarc chuckled, their chest rising and falling against Phos’s back. “What words do you want me to say?”
“Say…’Phos, you’re a fuckin’ idiot,’” Phos instructed.
“I’m not saying that. Not unless you give me a good reason to.”
“Alright, here goes.” Phos took a deep breath. “I dropped out of college.”
They waited for Antarc to shove Phos off of their chest and criticize them for their poor life choices and lack of brains.
Instead, Antarc simply said, “And? What does that have to do with anything?”
Phos huffed. “What do you mean ‘What does that have to do with anything?’ It has to do with everything! I couldn’t pass my goddamn classes. I wasn’t smart enough to make it.” Suddenly, Phos didn’t feel like sitting against Antarc. They sat up and pulled their knees to their chest as a flood of memories came rushing in. All the tests Phos flunked. All the labs Phos couldn’t finish in time.
Antarc got up and knelt down in front of Phos so they could meet their eyes. They reached out a hand and gently set it on Phos’s shoulder. “Phos, why does it matter if you didn’t finish college?”
“I would have finished if I was smart enough. And if I finished, I would have had a place to fucking live .”
A look of horror and realization passed over Antarc’s face. “That night…”
Phos smiled grimly. “My parents told me the week before exams that I could continue failing my classes or I could continue living at home with them. Guess who got their grades back that night?”
Antarc’s face paled. The hand on Phos’s shoulder tightened its grip. “They...kicked you out?”
“No. I got my grades in the mail before they got home. I already knew what they were going to say when they saw, so I left. I left the letter on the kitchen table and thought maybe once they saw that I was gone, they’d change their mind and realize it doesn’t matter, but…” Phos reached into their pocket. “This is the first thing they sent me since I left.” Phos showed Antarc their phone, opening the text they received this morning on the stairs.
Antarc silently read it. As soon as they were done reading, they stood up and offered Phos a hand. Phos gladly accepted the help up, marveling at how easily Antarc hoisted them off the floor. Phos expected Antarc to let go once they were standing as well, but they didn’t.
Antarc was smiling, but Phos could see the smothered rage in their eyes. “Alright Phos, you wanted me to curse again so here it is.” They squeezed Phos’s hand. “Your parents can go fuck themselves.” Before Phos could even respond, Antarc pulled them in for a hug. The kind of hug where they had one arm wrapped around Phos’s chest and another cupping their head. The kind of hug where their chests touched. The kind of hug that Phos had never received in their life until today.
Phos realized Antarc was shaking, they were so angry. “That’s so disgusting,” they hissed. “I cannot believe your own mom said—God, that’s vile.” They hugged Phos even tighter. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”
“It’s...not your fault,” Phos whispered, slightly shocked at how upset Antarc was getting over this. They reached behind Antarc’s shoulder and gently patted them. “It’s fine. You don’t need to be sorry.”
“I know, it’s just—” Antarc pulled away and sniffed, their own eyes tearing up. They grabbed a few tissues from the checkout counter and dried their eyes. After tossing the wet tissue in the trash, Antarc took a deep breath in and out. And then they turned back to Phos.
“Phos,” they said as they set both of their hands on Phos’s shoulders. “You are so smart and creative and fun, and you always know how to make someone else smile. And every day I—” Suddenly Antarc flushed red and looked down. “I think about how lucky I am to have met you that night.”
Phos felt their chest tighten and they couldn’t stop more tears leaking from their eyes. Then they realized they were holding in their breath and exhaled with a shaky laugh. “Oh, wow. I...I’m trying really hard not to fuck this up by saying something sarcastic. Did me saying that fuck it up anyway? Can we go back five seconds ago and—?”
Antarc’s lips met Phos’s before they continue their awkward rambling. As far as methods of shutting people up went, it was one of the nicer ones. Phos was eager to respond and lean in, but Antarc pulled away in a flash.
“Oh God, I—I’m sorry I don’t know why I just did that. This is not a good time. You’re upset. I’m upset. I shouldn’t—”
“Um, do I get a say in this?” Phos interrupted Antarc’s mini panic attack.
“No! I mean, yes, obviously, but we can’t right now! We’re not in the right mindset to be making these decisions,” Antarc said hastily as they paced in front of Phos.
“What’ll it take to be in the right mindset? I can light a few candles and play my best seductive songs from my phone. I think I have some Hozier. Is that sexy enough? You wanna make out to the one about codeine?”
Antarc stopped their pacing and stared blankly at Phos. They they burst out laughing. Phos grinned and started laughing too. All the anger. All the pain and secrets that had been aired. Phos felt it all exit their body as they laughed and wrapped their arms around Antarc again.
Maybe everything would be alright.
“Phos? Antarc? The tea is ready.”
“Fiiiinally,” Phos said with all the patience of a two-year-old.
Antarc lightly jabbed Phos with their elbow.
“Sorry. What I meant to say was thank you ever so much for the tea, Sensei,” Phos corrected themselves with a mocking fancy pants voice. They grinned at Antarc. “Better?”
“Hmm. Maybe I shouldn’t give you your Christmas present,” Antarc said as they stood up from the couch.
Phos jumped us as well. “Whoa, wait! You guys said you don’t do Christmas presents! What the hell? I didn’t get you guys anything.”
Sensei set down the tea kettle on the kotatsu. “Normally we don’t, but Antarc wanted to get you something anyway, and the timing happened to fit.” He smiled at Phos as he placed his and Antarc’s usual tea cups on the table. “Don’t worry, they’re going to give it to you anyway. After all, we can’t drink the tea without it.”
Suddenly, Phos realized Sensei hadn’t set down one of those generic white mugs they had been drinking their tea out of. Antarc left the room for a moment and then returned with a box wrapped in white paper with reindeer dancing all over it.
“I thought you’d like this paper,” Antarc explained. “See? This one is dabbing.”
Phos snorted and accepted the box in their hands. Sensei and Antarc sat down at the kotatsu at their usual spots. Phos sat down too.
“Am I supposed to guess what it is?” They pretended to shake the box and held it to their ear. “Is it a bicycle? I’ve always wanted one ever since Queen sang about them.”
“Maybe you should open it before the tea gets cold so you can find out,” Antarc suggested in that voice they used for customers that couldn’t take a hint.
Phos’s heart fluttered as they peeled away the paper, making sure not to tear the dabbing reindeer so they could save him forever. The paper revealed a plain cardboard box. When they opened it—
“Oh my gosh,” Phos breathed, at a loss for all words, even curse words. It had been easy to guess what it was, but it still blew Phos away.
Their own tea cup. One with a beautifully painted sun and beams of light.
“I meant what I said earlier,” Antarc told Phos. “You make everything so bright here. I know the design's cheesy in that respect, but I still thought it looked nice. I had to pick it up last night, and I didn’t want you to know.”
Last night. Last night when Antarc insisted on delivering the gift basket alone. Ohohoho. Tricky, tricky.
“Do you like it?” Antarc asked hesitantly.
Phos opened their mouth, immediately ready to say something sarcastic, but stopped themselves. Instead they smiled and looked at Antarc and Sensei. The people who took Phos in before their own parents would.
“I love it. Thank you.”
Sensei nodded. “I think I speak for both of us when I say that it’s a joy having you here with us, Phos.”
Oh. Oh no. Phos was going to cry again. They looked over at Antarc, who stared right back at them, a soft look in those frozen eyes. Fuuuuck. How could they not cry?
Antarc was there before the first tear escaped. “Here.” They pushed a box of tissues over to Phos. Always prepared. Always ready to save Phos when they needed it.
Phos blew their nose and tearily handed out several more thank yous while Sensei poured the tea. As he was doing that Phos noticed that Antarc seemed deeply concentrated on something, staring at their own cup with a determined look in their eyes.
Sensei finished pouring Phos’s tea last. “Everyone ready?”
“Wait!” Antarc suddenly got up with their tea cup in hand. They stepped over the kotatsu’s quilt and squeezed themselves next to Phos on their side of the table, sitting so close that their legs were touching under the blanket. They set their tea down on the table with one hand and reached the other hand under the blanket to find Phos’s. “Okay, I’m ready.”
Jeez, could they be any more conspicuous about it? Phos glanced at Sensei, but found that he didn’t seem too thrown off guard by Antarc’s sudden position change. In fact, he seemed pleased.
“Then let us drink. Here’s to a wonderful year to come.”
Phos couldn’t help themselves. “Here’s to a tea riffic year.”
“Ohh my god,” Antarc groaned.
“Aww. You know you love me.”
Antarc sighed then smiled at Phos. “Well, when you put it like that I don’t really have a choice, do I?” They held Phos’s hand tighter.
Phos discovered that tea tasted a lot better when they drank it with family.