Chapter Text
3:20 am, Millennial Boiis (2)
Haniee: do you think there's a receipt for life? If so, when can I return this bitch?
FEELix: if life is a cup of tea then youre going to have to wait for morning bro.
FEELix: im yet to have come across a 24hr teacup shop.
Haniee: you're wise beyond your years bro
FEELix: thank
FEELix: I know that 'Thank' doesn't sound very sincere but I'm being serious here. After that European history test I'm truly regretting all my life decisions
Haniee: Wait European history?
FEELix: ...yeah?
Haniee: I swear that George Washington was American
FEELix: ...
FEELix: *softly* fuck
————
8:47 am, all my single ladies (5)
Daddyboy: so I've just consumed my third bowl of ramen and my will to live is rapidly decreasing
myCHILD: I think I can safely say that Chan's will to live is decreasing even faster
Daddyboy: bitch you wish
Daddyboy: bitch I wish
Bangaroo: don't bring Gretchen into this
myCHILD: G-Gretchen?
Bangaroo: did I fucking stutter?
Daddyboy: someone woke up on the wrong side of bed today
Bangaroo: bold of you to assume I was ever asleep in the first place
FEELix: naming your will to live. That really is an alltime low
Haniee: is he naming his will to live or is he naming the empty space in which his will to live should be?
Bangaroo: dude
Bangaroo: I felt that
myCHILD: can we please talk about how Felix and Jisung always enter the chat together? Like how? Are people that synched?
FEELix: he's my soul sister
Haniee: my brother from another mother
FEELix: my-
daddyboy: you can stop now. Please.
Haniee: the first time I've heard Seungmin say 'please' and he's being a sarcastic asshole
Haniee: what's new
daddyboy: hypocrite much
Bangaroo: fighting is NOT condoned in this chat room. I'm not afraid to kick anyone out seeing as I hate almost all of you
FEELix: who don't you hate?!?
FEELix: you know what, I doubt it's me so don't answer that
Bangaroo: good choice
Haniee: On a slightly different note there's an angel in my composing class
FEELix: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
daddyboy: Tell me you didn't get the Japanese keyboard just for that cursed face
FEELix: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
daddyboy: *disappointed but not surprised*
Haniee: O H
Haniee: M Y
Haniee: G O
Haniee: G O F
daddyboy: take your time
Haniee: G O D
FEELix: an abundance of amen
Haniee: THE ANGLE JUST WINKED AT ME（≧∇≦）
Bangaroo: Angle?
myCHILD: here we go again
Bangaroo: Was he acute angle?
myCHILD: ...
Bangaroo: anyone?
daddyboy: haha. Ha.
FEELix: well I thought it was kind of funny
Bangaroo: at least YOU appreciate me bro :")
FEELix: ofc bro. We Aussies gotta stick together
FEELix: like Shrek and Donkey
Haniee: like Shrek and Donkey
FEELix: askdjisbsja SNAP
FEELix: soul sisters I tell u
daddyboy: I would've thought Glue was the obvious example but each to their own I suppose.
Haniee: but back to my vague panicked gay crisis i
Haniee: oh shit he's coming towards me whst do i do
myCHILD: panic
daddyboy: yep, panicking usually works for me
Bangaroo: well that's some questionable advice
FEELix: speak from your heart, bro
Haniee: wow so many words were said and yet absolutely none of them were at all helpful.
Haniee: fuck me
daddyboy: Bitch you wish
————
The sounds of panic and regret filled the air as Jisung looked up at the boy approaching him. The new kid was a legitimate angel. When he smiled, his eyes closed and wrinkled at the sides. His blonde fringe was flopping over his glasses and his teeth were perfect and straight. (Because who can honestly say that they don't judge people's teeth, accidentally or otherwise).
"Lee Minho," the boy said smiling softly at Jisung, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes "but you can call me soon."
Jisung chocked on what little air and confidence he had managed to gather before.
That was so fucking smooth. Right I've got this.
"My name is Han Jisung- but you can call me..." Fuck Jisung's lack of preparation and overall uselessness.
"Yes?" Minho asked, an amused smirk on his lips.
"...Jisung."
Minho only smiled as he walked away.
Angel my ass.
————
10:51 am, Millennial Boiis (2)
Haniee: Angel? Angel my ass
FEELix: how the tables have tabled
Haniee: a smooth motherfucking snake is what he is.
FEELix: compliments all around I see.
Haniee: stay FAR away from Lee Minho
FEELix: Lee-
FEELix: this is so typical
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10:56 am, all my single ladies (5)
Haniee: um hi gays
Haniee: *guys
myCHILD: I feel that the use of 'um' while texting is unnecessary but carry on
Haniee: Jesus when did you become so literate
myCHILD: I just sat through a 2 hour lecture regarding sentence openers and the history of quotation marks
myCHILD: don't test me
FEELix: Google maps is a conspiracy theory
myCHILD: DON'T TEST ME
FEELix: No like seriously I typed in Google Maps and Nothing Came Up
myCHILD: shut your mouth or you'll be like Google maps by the time I'm done with you
daddyboy: aww Jeonginne is so cute when he's threatening people
Haniee: does that even count as a threat?
myCHILD: SHUT
FEELix: wait ill be a conspiracy theory?
myCHILD: I was going for non-existent
Bangaroo: Felix I've said this before but Wiki how isn't a browser
Bangaroo: you can't get websites like google maps on it
FEELix: i give you my love and you crush it like a soda can compressor. I can't believe you've done this
Haniee: well that was an absolute train-wreck of a conversation
————
11:03 am, Bros & Hoes (2)
MeanHoe: oh my lovely cousin
FEELix: what do you want?
MeanHoe: other than affection, money and a stable home-life?
FEELix: ... I'm an Australian not a genie
MeanHoe: Han Jisung
FEELix: ...
FEELix: I'll repeat this: I'm not a genie. Even I, the one true love doctor, would be hard pressed to make a squirrel fall for a snake like you
MeanHoe: I see where you're going with the squirrel thing
FEELix: he's my other half, after all. I would never let someone like YOU get within a MILE of him
MeanHoe: so recently I acquired the season 8 spongebob box set
FEELix: ...
FEELix: consider it done hyung
————
11:05 am, all my single ladies (5)
FEELix: wait everyone
FEELix: shut up for a sec
daddyboy: no one was texting, telling us to shut up was completely unnecessary
myCHILD: you've probably started a conversation that never would've happened had you not told us to shut up
FEELix: well I'm fucking sorry
FEELix: but back to me, I kind of have someone that you need to meet
FEELix: well, text-meet
daddyboy: ooh a boyfriend? Is my dumb Australian friend finally getting some action?
FEELix: omg he called me his friend
Haniee: peak Seungmin-attraction level
Bangaroo: you're cleverly ignoring the 'dumb Australian' bit, I see
FEELix: stop harshing my vibe hyung
myCHILD: that was a disgusting sentence
FEELix: but no, Minnie, he's not my boyfriend
FEELix: that would be incestuous and weird
FEELix: also I kind of hate him but he's new and doesn't have any friends bc of his shitty personality so here he is
FEELix: be nice
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11:09 am, Millennial Boiis (2)
FEELix: sorry bro
Haniee: what for?
————
11:09 am, all my single ladies (5)
FEELix added MeanHoe to the chat.
————
11:10 am, Millennial Boiis (2)
Haniee: ...
Haniee: I can't believe you've done this
FEELix: on the bright side, I just found a 24 hour teacup shop
———–
11:10 am, all my single ladies (6)
MeanHoe: Felix when I said I wanted friends I didn't mean I wanted to be your friend
FEELix: sujwhsksifeja
daddyboy: ATTACKED
myCHILD: SOMEONE CALL THE MIDWIFE
daddyboy: how's the midwife going to help?
myCHILD: ...
myCHILD: tell that to the midwife
MeanHoe: what the fuck have I gotten myself into?
Bangaroo: i ask myself that everyday
FEELix: well everyone this is my lovely cousin Lee Minho.
FEELix: wait this isn't everyone
FEELix: where's my boy Jisung at??
MeanHoe: oh Jisung???
————
11:16 am, Millennial Boiis (2)
Haniee: ...
FEELix: sorry :/
————
11:16 am, all my single ladies (6)
Haniee: #exposed
Haniee: Felix we're BREAKING UP
myCHILD: you literally weren't dating
Haniee: well NOW we aren't
FEELix: bro no :"(
MeanHoe: Jisung! What a lovely and unplanned coincidence to see you here!
daddyboy: sounds fake but ok
Haniee: hey Felix can you point me to that 24hr teacup shop you found?
FEELix: if I can ever find google maps again then 100%