Chapter Text
In the wee hours of the sleepless night following the incident at The Reef, Steven stared at his phone. He switched back and forth between scrolling his favorite channels on TubeTube, and trying but failing to compose a text message to Connie.
“I need to talk to you…” he typed, but that came off as too demanding.
“I’m feeling really messed up, and I almost hurt Pearl and Volleyball…” no, that would just make her worried and confused. He’d have to explain the whole story and he didn’t feel up for that.
“I feel wrong…” he erased that almost instantly. Too dramatic.
“Pink had destructive powers, and it turns out I do also. I’m scared of them…” no, that wasn’t quite accurate. It was more like he feared how much he liked his new powers. He wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone.
He finally decided it must be too late to wake up Connie on a school night. He looked over at his clock, squinting at the light emitted from the numbers reading 2:23. The clock was his second replacement in a month. He kept smashing them beyond repair when trying to hit snooze.
Connie needed her sleep, but Gems did not. The Crystal Gems were all counting on him to be the strong one, though. Their dynamic had shifted since Era 3, and he felt burdening them with his problems would only worry them.
Or at least, that was the reason he told himself he was not talking to them. The primary reason was because he was so tired of talking. He was tired of bringing up things that hurt over and over. Tired of opening up old wounds and not being able to do anything about them.
The image of Volleyball cowered and scared before him wouldn’t leave his mind. He could still see his face reflected and distorted by the cracks he’d caused, as well as by the untapped rage and hurt about the cracks his mother had caused in everyone else.
He thought about Pearl, poised to defend Volley and staring at him like he was an enemy. Shame twisted his stomach, but also hunger- and not a human hunger for food. He needed to feel that power in him again. He needed to learn to harness and control it.
He sat up in his bed and clenched his fists. They flooded with a glowing pink, and the energy that coursed through him exhilarated and awakened him like his diet of coffee and sugar never could. There was only one gem he knew he could embrace the thrumming destruction inside him around without fear or shame.
An hour later, he found himself cresting the top of the hill in the forest Jasper occupied, his breathing coming a little easier than it used to when he made the hike. The broad soldier was doing push-ups in the dirt, her muscles tensed and ready for a war long past.
“Back so soon?” she said, without looking up.
“Hi Jasper.”
“What do you want?”
“I want you to fight me.”
She jolted up so quickly that Steven had to back up to avoid being headbutted, “Really? The Pansy Pacifist Legend wants to fight with me? I’m honored.”
Steven had no interest in engaging in banter. His fists were already bubbled and swinging.
Jasper dodged the first jab, but the second caught her in the gut, eliciting a guttural laugh from her.
“What’s wrong with you?” she said, folding her arms across her chest, “The first fight I asked for, but I never thought I’d see you begging for one. Something happened, huh?”
“Why do you care?” Steven growled, frustrated that Jasper finally wanted to chat when he’d given up on that avenue with her, “All you care about is fighting, so let’s go!”
Jasper chuckled “No, I don’t think I will,” she turned away from Steven, “Isn’t it past your bedtime, little boy?”
Steven ran in front of Jasper, blocking her path, “You didn’t beat me the other day, you know! Don’t you want to prove you’re better than me? Huh?!”
“I already am."
“What are you talking about?”
“I identified the thing that would get under your skin the most was not hitting you. Because you’re still too sweet to use someone as a punching bag when they’re not punching back. You see,” she picked him up by his collar and hoisted him up until they were eye to eye, “I don’t only care about fighting. I also care about pissing weaklings like you off. I’ve already won this fight.”
Jasper released him and Steven collided with the hard earth.
“You think you’ve won?” Steven murmured, brushing off his jacket as he stood, “I should have known you’re just too afraid to lose.”
“Nice try,” Jasper said, in between the push-ups she’d already resumed.
“Fine,” Steven said, sitting cross-legged on top of Jasper’s back, “I’m not leaving this spot until you fight me.”
“Do what you want,” she grunted, her reps not at all slowed by his weight.
“And I’ll be singing the whole time,” he added.
“Wait, what?”
Steven plastered on his cheesiest grin and belted out, “Life and death and love and birth, and peace and war on the planet earth! Is there anything that’s worth more than peace and love on the planet earth?”
His song ended prematurely due to Jasper reaching up flinging him into the stone wall of her cave.
In the cloud of dust from the impact, Jasper didn’t see Steven’s glowing pink form launching back at her until it was too late. His shield bashed her in the jaw, sending her spinning.
Jasper cackled and blocked his next attack by grabbing his hands and bracing her feet into the earth.
“You really want to see who’s going to win?” she asked, “Then we go until one of us is poofed.”
“I don’t,” he heaved with the effort of pushing his opponent back, “I don’t poof!”
“Then you better not lose.”