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“Today is history in the making!” Cartman glanced up from his locker as Kenny announced his presence loudly, his eyes flickered over to see Stan and Kyle behind his blonde friend and he raised a brow at Kenny in question. Kenny grinned and leant on the locker beside his.
“We’ve finally convinced Kyley-B here---”
“I swear to god Kenny you call me that one more time and I will punch your lights out”
“To come out drinking with us later!” Cartman blinked at Kenny in disbelief before looking over to Kyle who was clearly getting more and more pissed off with each passing second.
Cartman loved it when Kyle was pissed off. Therefore, he deemed it his duty to help escalate the redness quickly growing on his frenemy’s face
“Whhattttttttttt? The uptight jew is actually coming out with us tonight? Is the world endinggg?” The scowl that Kyle sent his way sent a pleasant tingle down Cartman’s spine and he grinned at the red head
“Shut up fatass.”
“Guys seriously leave him alone before he changes his mind” Cartman rolled his eyes at Stan’s typical protective outburst and smirked at Kenny’s responding snicker
“Awww, we’re just teasing!” Kenny flung an arm around Kyle’s shoulder,
“We’re gonna have so much fun tonight boys!” Cartman caught the eye roll that Kyle directed to the ceiling and snorted to himself; Kyle’s eyes flickered down to meet his and the two shared a rare smile with each other before Kenny began to lead them out of the school.
“To Stan’s house!”
“Why my house?!”
“Because your dad has mountains of booze that we can ‘borrow’”
“And by borrow he means steal.”
“Kyleeeee, it’s only stealing if you get caught!”
“…That’s not how stealing works Kenny.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kenny was wrong. This was so NOT fun. Usually on these nights out Cartman had no problem drinking and dancing and having a good time but tonight was very different.
The main difference being the fucking annoyingly sexy redhead who was incredibly drunk and in the middle of grinding on the dancefloor with a tall handsome stranger.
Now, let’s get something straight. Kyle, was not. Cartman had known that for years though, Kyle had came out two years ago when they were fifteen; the redhead had of course told Stan first, Kenny had figured it out, and Cartman had overheard Stan and Kyle talking about it. Pretty much everyone apart from Kyle’s parents knew at this point.
Another thing that wasn’t straight? Cartman. He himself had officially came out when he was fourteen at one of Token’s house parties with a nice chant of, ‘I’m here, I’m queer, now where the fuck is the beer?!?’. Kenny didn’t stop laughing for about three hours after that.
Now, why, you may be asking, is this information of any relevance to the situation happening right now? Well, it just so happened that not-straight Cartman had a massive crush on not-straight Kyle. So, he was seriously starting to get pissed off with having to watch Kyle rub his ass up against another guy’s crotch.
He was also pretty turned on. But that couldn’t be helped with the way Kyle was moving his hips and laughing with flushed cheeks. Fuck. He needed to stop getting jealous over Kyle. It was at that moment that his bladder decided to alert him to it’s fullness and he quickly glanced over to see Stan and Kenny doing a few shots at the bar before shrugging and heading to the toilets.
~~~~~~~
A couple of beers later and Cartman was once again cursing his high alcohol tolerance. He was barely tipsy and while Kenny was still sober – curse of the designated driver - both Stan and Kyle were plastered and it was a lot less fun to be around drunk people when you were still sober as shit.
Cartman’s eyes scanned the dance floor once again for Kyle and the guy he’d been dancing with for the past hour and he frowned when he didn’t immediately spot that bright red hair. Where were they? He looked around once, twice more and although he knew that Kyle was probably fine – they were probably making out in the toilets and Cartman didn’t want to think about that nope thank you – he downed the rest of his beer and got up from his seat at the bar. He smirked slightly at the sight of Stan wailing to Kenny about Wendy and thanked the heavens that he was the asshole friend rather than the advice friend like Kenny was.
If Stan came to him crying about Wendy he’d just tell him to either break up with her or the shut the fuck up.
Cartman shivered as the cold night air hit him and he glanced around the dark outside alleyway of the club. He rolled his eyes upon seeing a couple making out up against the wall but neither of them had red hair so he shoved his hands inside his pockets and rounded the corner. His eyes were immediately drawn to movement and he slowed to a stop as he saw the guy Kyle had been flirting with all night standing next to a car. He was by the left back door and was leaning down into the car slightly, looking like he was moving something in the back sea—
That motherfucker.
Cartman could feel the anger overtaking him as he quickly stepped closer and the minute he saw Kyle – beautiful, fiery, intelligent Kyle – laying unconscious across the back seat with his pants pulled down to his ankles, he saw red.
“HEY ASSHOLE GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!” The guy turned, eyes wide with panic at being caught, and tried to run for it. Idiot.
Cartman grabbed him easily and threw him to the ground, the guy kicked Cartman in the stomach as he came closer and he staggered back with a gasp as he tried to get his stolen air back. The guy jumped up, looked at Cartman, looked at the car and then tried once more to get away. This time Cartman kicked at the guy’s leg and as the asshole went down Cartman followed him down to rain punches down on him. He felt a few punches land on him – one in particular that hit near his eye and stung like a bitch – but he had too much anger-fuelled adrenaline to care.
“Cartman? CARTMAN!” The asshole below him was looking more and more like something out of a horror movie and Cartman could just barely hear Kenny shouting above the roaring of his blood in his ears. He lashed out angrily as he was suddenly pulled off of the attempted date rapist only to growl in anger as the guy managed to stumble to his feet and make a break for it. He tried to lunge after him but Kenny was holding him still.
“FUCKER! THAT’S RIGHT YOU BETTER RUN ASSHOLE! NO-ONE TOUCHES MY KYLE AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! DICKBAG!” Cartman panted, slowly calming down from his struggles and it wasn’t until a few moments later when he felt Kenny’s grip loosen slightly that he realised what he had just said.
My Kyle.
He slowly pulled away from Kenny’s grip and turned to look him in the eye, Kenny looked back silently for a moment before glancing at the club behind them.
“I’ll go get Stan, you sort out Kyle so we can get the hell out of here.” Cartman praised the heavens in that moment for giving him Kenny McCormick as a best friend as the blonde didn’t say a word about Cartman’s protective rant; he just disappeared back into the building and Cartman let out a sigh. He glanced down at the blood on his knuckles and then headed over to the car.
Fucking hell.
Kyle was slumped across the back seat, pants down by his ankles and the first thing Cartman did was immediately pull them back up, he then set about getting Kyle out of the car as gently as he could, picking him up in a princess carry.
“Shit Kyle, fuck, if I had been a minute later…I wasn’t though, I wasn’t, it’s okay, I got you.” He couldn’t help but ramble as he waited for Stan and Kenny.
“Thank fuck that I’m such a jealous guy huh? If I hadn’t had been watching you two all night I might not have made it in time.” He shivered slightly in the cold, wondering what was taking Kenny so long, and his eyes dropped to the patch of blood on the floor from where he had been beating that asshole up.
“Fuck, I’m gonna kill that guy for touching you Kyle, gonna find out where he lives and burn his fucking house down” It was at that point that Kenny and Stan emerged from the building, Stan stumbling – still drunk – but clearly shaken as he rushed over to Cartman and Kyle
“Shit shit shit he is okay? Did he…?” Stan trails off and Cartman shakes his head, already knowing what he was trying to ask
“No, I got here before he had a chance to. Fucking dick, wait, here, hold Kyle for a second” Kenny by this point had unlocked Stan’s car – which he was driving for tonight – and Cartman handed Kyle to him.
“Huh, why?” Cartman didn’t bother answering verbally, instead, he took out his house keys and scratched one nice long word into the side of the asshole’s car.
RAPIST
“There we go, now the whole fucking world will know” Stan couldn’t stifle his snort of laughter, and Cartman caught Kenny’s affectionate eyeroll as he lowered Kyle gently into the back seat of the car. Stan immediately clambered in the back and laid Kyle’s head on his lap, leaning his own head back and closing his eyes. Cartman sighed and climbed in the front passenger seat next to Kenny. They exchanged a single glance before Cartman spoke softly.
“We can all go to mine. Mum’s out for the night.” Kenny nodded and started up the car, and Cartman took a minute to close his own eyes.
He couldn’t get the image of that man standing over a drugged Kyle out of his head. If he had only been a few minutes later then that guy would have—
“Eric, calm down. He’s fine” Kenny spoke quietly, interrupting Cartman’s destructive train of thought and the larger boy glanced over to him with a frown.
“Yeah, but if I had been even a second later—”
“You weren’t though, and neither me or Stan even noticed he was gone, if it wasn’t for you and your massive crush on Kyle he’d still be with that guy now”
“Kenny!” Cartman glared at his best friend at the mention of his crush and Kenny merely snorted and waved a hand at him dismissively
“Stan’s fast asleep, it’s just us dude.” Cartman glanced at the back of the car to see Stan was indeed fast asleep; his head lolled to the side and one hand still tangled in Kyle’s hair from where he’d obviously been playing with it.
“I’m serious though, if it hadn’t been for you---”
“Yeah, I get it Ken, but can you do me a favour and not tell Kyle I was the one who found them?”
“What? Seriously Eric? Why is it every time you do something nice for Kyle you want me to cover it up for you?” Kenny rolled his eyes as he turned the corner onto their street
“Because! I have a rep to uphold and saving Kyle? That would totally ruin my rep and not to mention Kyle isn’t stupid, he’d wanna know why it was me who noticed he was gone and not you or Stan”
“Eric come on—”
“Please Ken” Cartman watched as his best friend sighed and pulled up outside his house, setting the car into park and looking over at him with a slight frown.
“Fine. But you know you’ll have to tell him one day how you feel.”
“Nope. Nope. I’m good, we’ll go through the rest of high school and then he’ll go to some super smart college hours away and it’ll all be fine”
Cartman didn’t wait for Kenny’s reply, opening the car door to clamber out and immediately pulling open the back car door so he could gently manoeuvre Kyle out of it and into his arms. He chuckled in amusement as Stan gave off a soft snort in his sleep and he grinned over at Kenny
“Wake up golden boy while I get the door open” He then left Kenny to wake up Stan – the noirette was notorious for being a grumpy waker – and walked over to his front door, managing to juggle Kyle’s unconscious body in one arm while digging his keys out with the other. The door opened with a soft click just as he heard Kenny and Stan coming up behind him and he glanced back at the groggy Stan and sheepish looking Kenny with a roll of his eyes; chucking the keys to Kenny.
“Lock up after you come in, Mum won’t be home until some time tomorrow” Kenny nodded, ushering Stan in before him as Cartman headed straight over to the basement door.
“Dude, w’ere we gonna sleep?” Stan’s speech was slurred with drunken sleepiness and Cartman couldn’t help the slight smile that came over his face as he glanced back at Stan
“On my bed, it’s big enough for us all” Surprisingly Stan didn’t even put up a slight protest at the thought of sharing a bed with him and Cartman shrugged before heading downstairs; still holding Kyle.
When Eric had started high school he had complained to his mom about his bedroom not being cool enough, had told his mom he wasn’t a baby anymore and that he needed a bachelor pad. So when his mom had suggested he move into the basement and they turn it into a mini-apartment he was all up for it.
His new bedroom was amazing, they had brought a mini-fridge for him to fill up with snacks and drinks, he had a giant lava lamp standing in the corner, his own TV and sofa and his bed was the best part of all. It was huge, filling up an entire corner of the room; they could easily fit all four of them on there.
He went over and gently laid Kyle down on the bed, snorting in amusement as Stan just flopped down on the bed next to Kyle and immediately curled up in a ball to go to sleep. At least the noirette had remembered to kick his shoes off first. Cartman sighed and took off Kyle’s shoes first and then his own shoes, grabbing a pair of pyjama bottoms out of his drawer and changing into them as Kenny came down the stairs and he could hear the blonde boy shucking off his own trousers.
“Hey, are my sweatpants still here?
“Yeah.” Cartman grabbed the grey trousers and threw them over at Kenny just as he finished changing himself; snorting at the bright pink boxers Kenny had on.
“Seriously dude?”
“Hey! The ladies happen to love ‘em” Kenny stuck his tongue out at Cartman and the bigger boy merely rolled his eyes as he laid down on the bed next to Kyle and Stan
“Sureeeeee”
“They do!” Kenny hit the light switch – the lava lamp giving the room a soft blue glow – and clambered into the bed beside him
“Mhm, just go to sleep poor boy” Cartman closed his eyes, but could hear the smirk in Kenny’s voice as he answered
“Sweet dreams fatass”
~~~~~~~~
Cartman groaned as someone shook his shoulder, half-heartedly waving his hand at them
“Just a few more minutes mamm”
“I’m flattered but I’m definitely not a chick Eric” Cartman groaned and rolled over onto his side
“Go awayyyy Kinnnnyyy”
“Dude seriously wake up, there’s food upstairs” Cartman stopped groaning at that and sleepily blinked open his eyes
“Food?” Kenny chuckled and offered a hand to help him up out of bed
“Yeah, Kyle helped me make a fry up, him and Stan are both upstairs so if we don’t hurry it might all be gone” Cartman stood up but froze at the mention of Kyle
“Did he uh, did you talk to him?” Kenny gave Cartman a sympathetic smile
“Yeah, I told him everything, he’s…he’s as okay as he could be I guess.”
“Everything?”
“I said that I went out for a smoke and spotted them, you were apparently inside doing shots with Stan” Kenny gave Cartman a very pointed look as if to say ‘you should tell him the truth’ but Cartman sighed and pulled Kenny into a half-hug
“Thanks Ken” He heard Kenny sigh as he patted his back softly
“Yeah whatever, come on, let’s get some food” The two headed upstairs and Cartman could hear Stan and Kyle’s voices as they spoke
“You seriously don’t remember anything from last night?” That was Kyle, and Cartman tensed up at the topic
“Nope. I was so wasted man, the last thing I remember was those two tequila shots we did and then I woke up this morning in Cartman’s bed, which, by the way, never a sentence I thought I’d say” Cartman grinned as they rounded the corner into the kitchen; glad that the sentence had ended with an opening for him to be his usual shitty self
“Awww, don’t lie Marsh, you loved waking up next to me.” Both boys looked up as Cartman grabbed a plate and began loading it up with food and Stan rolled his eyes
“Morning to you too fatass, any particular reason we all ended up in your bed last night? I swear to god if you say we had a foursome---” Kenny immediately cut Stan off with a grin
“It was so hot Stan, shame you don’t remember it—”
“Kenny—” Kenny ignored Kyle’s protest and carried on, putting his hands down on the table and leaning closer to Stan
“---There was this one point where Cartman did this thing where he stuck his tongue deep---"
“Kenny stop, the hippy is going green” Cartman cut Kenny off before he could go any further and turned to look at the greening Stan
“And you all ended up in my bed last night ‘cause it made sense, you were too drunk to even walk in a straight line, Kenny drove us all here and would much rather sleep in an actual bed than on his shitty mattress and Kyle—” Cartman abruptly felt his throat seize up before he could finish, and the silence in the room was thick enough you could cut it with a knife
“And I was drugged” Aw shit. Cartman raised his eyes to meet Kyle’s deep green ones and was surprised to find they were oddly…kind looking?
“It’s fine Cartman, it happened, I’m just glad Kenny found us before the asshole got any further” Cartman blinked at Kyle, surprised at how easily he was able to speak about it
Well, Kyle always managed to surprise him.
“Yeah…” Cartman blinked before shaking his head mentally and recovering with a small grin
“A toast, to Kenny’s horrendous chain smoking!” He raised his orange juice with a grin and a nod to Kenny. The blonde smirked and raised his own glass
“To my chain smoking!” Stan and Kyle shared a glance, rolled their eyes and then raised their glasses as well
“To Kenny’s chain smoking!” They all took a sip, looked at each other and then burst out laughing and Cartman let a small smile slip onto his face as he looked down at his food, missing the contemplative look that Kyle sent his way as he did so.
~~~~~~~~~~
Bingo! Cartman smirked at his computer as he finally found the Facebook page of that asshole who had dared to touch Kyle. He was one step closer to tracking him down and making him pay.
“Cartman?” He jolted at the knock on his door, immediately minimising the page as he spun on his chair to see Kyle standing at his door way.
“Oh! Hey there Kahl” He watched as Kyle frowned at him suspiciously, glancing between him and his computer screen.
“What were you doing?” His tone was flat as he stepped closer and Cartman immediately jumped up, standing in front of it
“Nothing, nothing! Just uh…browsing online, yup, browsing!” Kyle took another step closer then and Cartman swallowed as the fiery red head came within touching distance of him
“Browsing? What were you browsing?” He was smirking now and Cartman’s fingers twitched with his nerves
“Uhhmm, trampolines! Yeah, I was browsing trampolines, ya’ know, thought it’d be cool to get a mini one for my room, hop into bed, it’ll be great!” Cartman was proud of himself for his quick thinking but it seems Kyle wasn’t fooled as he arched an eyebrow at him
“Oh really? Lemme have a look, I’ll help you pick a cool one” Cartman blanched at that as Kyle’s hand shot out to grab the mouse and he immediately grabbed Kyle’s wrist
“Kyle no wait!” Kyle was quick. He had opened up the screen and blinked when he saw the Facebook page of the guy he had been dancing with all night, the guy who had…..
He blinked and looked up at the very quiet Cartman, frowning
“Is that….? Why do you have his page up?” Cartman quickly swatted Kyle’s hand away and once again shrunk the page down, shrugging as he turned his back to Kyle
“I was just, uh, I just wanted to, uh” Cartman felt a gentle hand land on his shoulder
“You’re not gonna do something stupid are you?” He didn’t know whether it was the tender touch on his shoulder or the way Kyle’s voice had softened but either way he turned back around to look at the red-head with a small smile
“Stupid? Me? Come on Kahl, you know I plan every step.”
“Carttmannnn”
“Kyllleeeeeee” Kyle sighed at his responding whine, stepping back to frown at him
“Why do you even care anyway?” Cartman blinked, caught off guard again before his quick mind came up with an idea
“I don’t! It’s just….the asshole spilled a drink on me and I’m still pissed about it” Kyle looked at him for a moment, staring at him long and hard, before his frown turned into a sly smirk and he stepped closer again, putting a hand on Cartman’s chest
“Really? So this has nothing to do with how you threatened to, and I quote, ‘find out where he lives and burn his fucking house down’?” Cartman sucked in a breath at Kyle’s words; staring at him with wide eyes. There was silence for a few moments before Kyle chuckled, looking up at Cartman with those big green eyes
“Wow, have I finally managed to shut Eric Cartman up?” At that Cartman finally managed to find his voice
“You…how do you know that? Did Kenny say something?!” He went to go towards the door but his wrist was grabbed and he was spun back to face Kyle; who was rolling his eyes at him
“No, calm down fatass, Kenny didn’t say anything.” Cartman blinked down at Kyle, confused
“Well then…how?” Kyle sighed, letting go off Cartman’s wrist to rub at the back of his neck
“I uh, I was unconscious but I could still hear, it was muffled like I was underwater, but I could definitely still hear” Cartman’s eyes widened as everything he and Kenny said last night came rushing back
“Uh, you…could hear? Like…did you hear me and Kenny talking in the car?” Kyle raised a brow at him, stepping closer again
“Yup.” Kyle frowned at him then
“Why did you ask Kenny to lie for you? And what did he mean ‘every time’? How many times have you saved me?”
“Uhh well, uhm”
“Cartman” Cartman immediately felt his defences coming up, this could be it. This could be the moment when he reveals it all to Kyle, tells him how he always saves him because he’s secretly got this massive crush on him and then Kyle would be all flattered and awed by him and then he’d lean in for a kiss and it’d be absolutely perfect.
Except Kyle didn’t like him like that, couldn’t possibly like him like that, so instead he resorted to his usual tactic; divert and deny.
“Look it doesn’t matter! If you’re not here to help me burn down this asshole’s house then just leave!” Kyle blinked up at him
“Seriously? I just told you that I heard everything you were saying and you tell me to leave?” Cartman glared down at Kyle; not knowing how to process all his emotions
“Yeah, well, you interrupted me, I was in the middle of something” Kyle rolled his eyes
“Yeah in the middle of planning to kill a guy.”
“Hey! I wasn’t going to kill him” Kyle raised his eyebrows at Cartman and the brunette rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly
“Just, you know, find out his daily schedule, make sure no-one else lives there and then once he’s out of the house for a few hours, cover his stuff in gasoline and strike a match” Kyle just blinked at him before shaking his head and sighing, taking a step back
Cartman knew he should say something else, knew that Kyle knew now about his crush and that the red-head clearly had something to say about it, but he just wasn’t ready for that rejection yet, he had thought that he could have kept it hidden at least until Kyle went off to college and then it’d be fine because they’d be hours away from each other and he wouldn’t have to walk past him every day knowing that Kyle knew and was probably disgusted by him and---
“You’re unbelievable”
“Actually, the whole revenge thing is pretty standard for me Kahl, surely you’d know that by now”
“I’m not talking about your stupid revenge plot, fatass” Cartman swallowed, feeling like the walls were closing in on him as Kyle scowled up at him
“I’m talking about you not even acknowledging that I know about your ‘massive fucking crush’, Kenny’s right, we should talk about it Cartman”
“Nope, we’re not doing that, not now, not ever” Cartman pulled his eyes away from Kyle’s to look at the wall beside them; he didn’t think he could look Kyle in the eyes as the ginger rejected him
“Just…fucking hell Cartman” Cartman opened his mouth to tell Kyle to leave but was cut off by a hand firmly gripping his chin and forcing him to face his frowning frenemy
“You’re such a fucking idiot” He opened his mouth to retort angrily, but then Kyle’s lips were crashing against his so forcefully that it pushed him backwards into the wall behind them
At first Cartman didn’t respond to the kiss, still in slight shock as his brain tried to process the fact that Kyle – his life long frenemy who he’d had a crush on for years now – was kissing him. It was Kyle’s hands clutching his t-shirt and Kyle’s chest pressed up against his and all too soon Kyle was pulling away and it was like a dam broke inside Cartman’s mind at the action.
He felt the low growl that unconsciously came out of his throat as his hands shot up to cup Kyle’s face, holding him in place with a light pressure as Eric pushed back and deepened the kiss. Fuck he had wanted this for so long and it was finally happening.
He could feel Kyle’s smirk on his lips and he reluctantly pulled away for air, looking into the amused green eyes inches from his own, for once in his life, he felt lost for words as he tried to speak, tried to ask why Kyle had just kissed him, but all that came out was,
“I…what?” Kyle chuckled and Eric wanted to kiss the smugness away from the redhead’s mouth, but Kyle was opening it to explain and that was sadly more important at this moment.
“I’ve had a crush on you for two years asshole, I know you overheard me telling Stan I was gay, but I’m guessing you didn’t hear the part where I was freaking out because it was you I was gay for huh?” Eric’s mind almost came to a complete halt at that, Kyle had liked him for two years?
“You mean…all this time we could have been making out and we haven’t been?” Kyle let out an amused sound at that and nodded
“Mhm, guess we’ll just have to make up for lost time then” Eric loved when Kyle got that mischievous sparkle in his eyes, knowing that it usually would lead to him joining Eric on whatever crazy scheme he was plotting, and he was even more delighted to find that it now would lead to Kyle pressing up against him and kissing him until they ran out of air.
Also, the shocked looks on everyone’s faces at school on Monday when Kyle and Cartman showed up holding hands was definitely worth the two year wait regardless.