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"If we're not back by 4am, then we've run into Doom. Or Mandarin. Or someone," Tony told Jarvis as he shrugged a jacket over his shoulders. He glanced at his bedroom mirror as Jarvis promised to signal the alarm if they didn't return home on time. Leaning in, Tony rubbed a finger along his jaw, and decided he'd have to shave before heading out. It wouldn't do him any favors to be out in public looking scruffy with the way the press had been hounding him lately.
"You spend as much time grooming as women do," Loki observed, leaning against the door frame of Tony's bathroom. Tony grinned at his lathered reflection.
"More, actually."
"Shall I wait downstairs while you finish primping?"
"Sure. I'll be there once I powder my nose," Tony replied amiably. He enjoyed that line, but was close to overusing it. It was funny because it was true - a bit of powder kept the flash of paparazzi cameras from making him look all oily.
Strolling down the stairs minutes later, Tony was surprised to see Thor waiting with Loki near the door.
"Coming with us?" Tony asked, trying not to sound too put out. He figured an excuse for some male bonding would keep the others away - they'd all had more than enough experience with Tony and parties, especially ones with open bars.
"No," Thor answered tersely, "I wish to have words with you before you depart." His hand came to rest on Loki's shoulder and the younger brother shifted uncomfortably, staring straight ahead at some painting Pepper had bought for the Avengers mansion.
"Shoot," Tony replied, eyes flickering from Thor to Loki and back again. Something weird was going on.
"What are your intentions for my brother?"
"Uh," Tony stalled, glancing now at Loki, whose jaw was now clenched, "I just thought I'd take him to a party for some bonding time? New team mate and all, and Cap's been going on about second chances, so-"
"Fine," Thor cut in, "But you will not lay a hand on my brother."
"I didn't intend to," Tony lied, "Unless he went back to being evil, then I'd have to, you know, stop him. With my hands."
"He's past all that," Thor assured him, sounding more aggressive than perhaps he intended. His other hand found its way to Loki's hip, pulling him back towards his chest.
"Brother," Loki hissed, "It's fine."
"No." Thor's grip tightened slightly. "I want his word that he will not impugn your honor first." Loki and Tony's eyes both widened at that.
"Thor, ah-"
"You are a good friend and a great warrior, Tony Stark, but I will not have you laying with my brother. I know of your...reputation."
Loki's lips were set in a tight line and a blush was rising on pale cheeks. Thor's hand moved to the top of Loki's head, fingers tangling his hair in an affectionate gesture, but then continued to rest there, heavy.
"Thor, I, ah," Tony stammered, a bit thrown off, "I really have no such intentions with Loki." More lies. He'd had such intentions since the moment Thor and Steve campaigned for a reformed Loki to join the Avengers. No, even that was a lie, he'd had such intentions since their second battle.
"You will not manhandle my brother in a sexual manner?"
"No," Tony answered, perhaps a bit too quickly, surprised to find himself close to blushing. He hadn't blushed since he was 15. He just never expected to have this kind of conversation with Thor, ever.
"You will not contact him with your genitals?"
"What?!"
Thor pulled his brother closer to him, glaring at a speechless Tony Stark. It was a rare sight.
"Yes, Thor, I will keep my genitals away from your brother," he finally answered, flabbergasted. Thor's grip on his brother lessened by a pinch.
"You promise?"
"I promise," Tony swore, after a tiny pause. He'd begun to think the idea of fucking Loki was more trouble than it was worth. He shot a furtive glance at the younger brother, with his lithe body and almost feminine features and mentally cursed Thor for being the most outrageously overprotective brother in the universe. Life was so unfair.
Thor hesitated, but reluctantly released his grasp on Loki. His fingers ghosted across the back of his younger brother's neck as his hands returned to his sides. He nodded solemnly.
"Be safe," he warned as Loki and Tony left the mansion.
"Verily," Tony deadpanned, and shut the door behind him. He and Loki walked in silence to one of his cars.
"You know," Loki began in a voice far too innocent, "Thor didn't make me promise anything."
Tony smiled. He had the feeling this was the beginning of an interesting relationship.