Chapter Text
Clark was in a particularly foul mood after being assigned to traffic statistics at the Daily Planet, and the attack now led by Mxyzptlk did little to ease his temper.
All traces of the mild-mannered reporter personality which he'd spent years carefully cultivating dissipated into smoke as he punched a hoard of green bats with more force than necessary, sending them flying into the stratosphere with a trail of smoke. Still irked, he fought clumsily, taking tons of easily avoidable hits, which made him even more petulant.
"Focus, Superman!" Barked Bruce from over the comms. "You're fighting like a child!"
Clark snarled and kicked at a vampire chicken. "Shut up, I'm trying to!"
The battle crawled onwards, neither side gaining the upper hand for more than a second. Bruce grimaced as he threw another smoke bomb, only to be sucked up by a giant benzene ring. In the distant, Mxyzptlk roared with laughter as he made more of those ridiculous creations materialize out of thin air.
"Oh, if only I knew what fun playing with the Justice League would be like, I'd be doing this every day!" He clapped with glee, and a swarm of hornets flew out of his palms.
Bruce watched the hornets attack a screaming Green Lantern and signed. This needs to end now, before the league gets too confused to fight back, or Mxyzptlk suddenly decides to kill just for fun. He growled into his comm. "Clark."
"A bit busy here, Batman!" Clark snapped into his ear. Bruce tried not to recoil; he'd never seen the man of steel so annoyed before. He signed and tried again. "Clark. Come here at once. Just because you're the leader of the Justice League doesn't mean you can act like an idiot."
That got him. A second later, a dishevelled and red-faced kryptonian was standing in front of Bruce, trying to appear confident but failing miserably. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?! You still haven't gotten Mxyzptlk to say his name backwards after 34 minutes! And you fight as if it's your first day as a superhero, so, I ask you, what's wrong?"
Clark winced at the scolding and looked at his feet. "I guess I wasn't in the best mood today..."
"Well that can wait. Always prioritise the mission before your own personal feelings." Bruce flared, crossing his arms defiantly. "Take care of Mxyzptlk, or else."
"Wha-Why are you threatening me? And by the way, who's the person obsessed with contingency plans?"
Bruce glowered. "You think I have contingency plans for-" He gestured wildly to the chaos surrounding them, then more specifically at a super-powered unicorn trying to stab Wonder Woman. "-for this?!"
"Well, yes." Clark said simply.
Bruce glared at him for the hundredth time since the attack started. For some reason, the more he did that, the less Clark was affected, as if repeated exposure to the batglare helped him gain immunity towards its devastating effects.
Bruce was also aware of this, and it bothers him. Then Clark grinned, a huge toothy grin which encapsulates all the solar power ever to reach Earth, and Bruce felt the air leave his lungs in one swift exhale.
"Don't worry Bruce, I'm feeling better now. I'll take care of Mxyzptlk!" Clark said, still grinning like an idiot, then took off to the skies in pursuit.
"I'm sure you will..." Bruce muttered, confused on the sudden change in mood of his best friend. He silently filed away a theory that the man of steel has bipolar disorder to the back of his brain, before returning to the battle with Clark's smile etched into his mind.
As for Superman, he was doing great. The real reason why he was suddenly so energetic was because of Bruce's batglare, which he'd found adorable all of a sudden, not that he'd ever admit it, for the sake of being brutally murdered by the Bat. He punched through a dozen of Mxyzptlk's preposterous creations, and finally came face-to-face with the trouble maker.
"Aha, Superman, good to see you!" Mxyzptlk slurred, leaning on a turquoise cloud and sipping on a bottle of whisky. "Enjoying the party?"
"Not quite." Clark put on what he hoped was a disapproving look and crossed his arms. "This needs to stop now."
"Party-pooper." Mxyzptlk frowned comically, then noticed Clark's stern expression and burst into laughter. "HHAHAAHAHAHAA YOUR FACE!!"
"What's wrong with my face?" Clark frowned and unconsciously reached up to touch his cheek.
"Oh, don't worry Sooperman, I'll fix it for you!" Mxyzptlk snapped his fingers, and Clark suddenly felt a prickly addition to his upper lip.
Mxyzptlk shrieked out and doubled over, roaring with laughter. Confused, Clark felt his face, then noticed a moustache sprouting from where originally laid smooth and unblemished skin. “What the-”
As Clark fussed over his new appearance, Bruce silently crept up behind the pair, a syringe loaded with sleeping agent in hand. He only wished that Mxyzptlk was distracted enough not to notice his advance.
With an experienced flick, he threw the syringe at the unsuspecting villain perfectly, but wasn’t fast enough to dodge the counter-attack at the last second. Before he knew what’d happened, he was flung to the far end, hit the beam of a building and collapsed onto the ground.
“Batman!” Clark shouted and rushed over. “Oh my god Bruce, are you okay? I’m sorry for hesitating and... wait...” He stared at the smoking batsuit in front of him, unoccupied yet intact. Bruce was nowhere to be seen.
“Bruce, this isn’t funny. Come out now so we can we can take Mxyzptlk away.” No answer except the rustling wind.
Perplexed, Clark tried homing in on Bruce’s heartbeat, and was welcomed by unnerving silence.
“Bruce, where are you? I... I can’t hear you...” Clark tried not to panic as he scanned the area, tried not to break down as he dug through the layers of earth, hoping to catch a glimpse of his best friend. His hands worked mechanically as they tore through the soil, tears already threatening to drench his suit.
A nudge to his side brought his attention back. Heaving with breath, he wiped his eyes, silently composing himself. Finally, he turned around to see, not his teammates, but... a turtle?