Chapter Text
It was only eight-thirty and Midoriya was already having a bad day. He must have slept through his alarm, because it was meant to go off at five thirty. At this point he was meant to have completed his morning workout, got dressed and had breakfast.
He had done none of those things and he had to be in class in twenty minutes. On top of that for some reason his heart was beating slightly too fast, and the creeping feeling of ants crawling under his skin was back with a vengeance and he hadn’t felt it in months. It always meant he was going to have a bad day. Plus, no one ever liked waking up feeling anxious for no discernible reason.
Crap, now it was eight-thirty-five.
He almost fell as he scrambled out of bed and threw his uniform on, running a hand through his hair and pulling on his tie so it was even more uneven than usual.
And then there was hard knock on his door and even Midoriya wasn’t expecting himself to flinch quite as much as he did.
“Midoriya,” Iida’s voice filtered loudly through to his room. “Are you ready to go? No one has seen you all morning.”
He zipped up his bag and tripped toward the door before opening it and sending a slightly forced grin at Iida, ignoring the feeling of blood rushing in his ears. “Sorry, my alarm didn’t go off this morning.”
“You’ve got to be more organised if you want to make it as a hero Midoriya. If there was a villain attack you couldn’t excuse yourself by saying you missed it because of an alarm.”
He sucked in a breath through his nose and tried not to let the smile fall. He'd had a hard time sleeping last night. Probably why he hadn't gotten up. “I know Iida, sorry. I’ll be up tomorrow.”
“Good to know. Now let’s not be late.” Then as if he was seeing Midoriya for the first time he ran his gaze up and down him, and paused before he spoke. “Are you sure you’re ready to go?”
He swallowed and hoisted his bag up over his shoulder. Taking another deep breath and letting it out slowly, he could feel his heart rate begin to slow down at the familiarity, and his smile became a little smaller but a little more real. “Yep. Come on, we don’t want to be late right?”
The dorm was mostly empty by the time they got downstairs, apart from a few late stragglers who were bustling out the door yelling a quick ‘good morning’ over their shoulders.
Midoriya took a final deep breath, and felt slightly more normal, the ants retreating back from under his skin, the impending dread he’d been feeling since he’d woken up quietly retreating. He was going to be fine.
XxX
The classroom was even louder than usual and Midoriya really wasn’t in the mood for loud today, but he didn’t say anything, just smiled at Uraraka who waved back from where she was talking to Ashido. He sat down at his desk, dropping his bag at his feet.
He could admit he was slightly confused because most people were crowded around Kacchan’s desk in front of him, and he knew Kacchan hated talking to people in the morning so why?.. He could only hear snippets of conversation and the occasional ‘fuck off’ from Kacchan.
He frowned, and turned back to Mineta.
“What’s going on?” he asked, trying to keep his voice quiet.
“You haven’t heard?”
Midoriya shook his head. Mineta pulled out his phone.
“Really? There’s been this video going round online since pretty late last night. When Bakugo was on his run or something yesterday he saw this kid being bullied and stopped them. The guy who recorded it must have recognised him from the sports festival.” A phone was shoved in his face, and Midoriya had hardly caught up on what Mineta had said before he was affronted with the screen. “Look.”
The video played, it was hand held and shaky and a little out of focus but clearly Kacchan standing between a crying kid and a couple of others. He was turned away from the camera but he could tell his shoulders were tensed, hands squeezed into fists at his sides. Angry. The kids looked like they were about ten at most, and the three stepped back as Kacchan said something the camera couldn’t quite pick up. It must’ve been whoever was filming it that was adding the background narration.
“That’s the kid who won the sports festival right? Guess he’s not as bad as he seems, those kids were picking on the smaller one I think, and he stepped up. Respect right there, bro.”
And then the three kids turned and left, and Kacchan turned and said something toward the crying kid as he wiped his face and nodded and then the video cut off.
Oh.
Kacchan stepping in to help someone who was being bullied.
Izuku felt something ugly curl in his gut.
Mineta clicked on the video and shoved his phone back in his pocket.
“Crazy right? Good for him though. With all the free publicity and stuff I bet girls will be lining up to s-“
“Thanks for showing me Mineta.” The words sounded too harsh in his own ears but he didn’t take them back. He sank back into his own seat fighting to keep a neutral look on his face.
“Oh...No problem Midoriya.” Mineta's voice was slow and confused, like he wasn’t sure what he’d done which was annoying because he hadn’t actually done anything and Midoriya just felt weird for no reason and it didn’t matter and he was fine.
He sighed.
“Sorry, that was rude. Thanks Mineta.” Then he crossed his arms on his desk again and planted his head down trying to block out the noise around him.
He could feel the faint simmering of frustration in his veins and he didn’t know why, except he did. He just didn’t want to admit it to himself because it made him feel like a terrible person. And it was great Kacchan was helping people who needed it, it was amazing really, so why was he annoyed?
“Hey Midoriya, did you hear what Bakugo did? It was pretty manly right?”
He raised his head from his arms and Kirishima grinned at him as he shoved Bakugo’s shoulder, and Midoriya internally winced at that (and couldn’t help but imagine what would have happened if it had been him that had shoved Kacchan like that and the firework of scars on his upper left arm from that one time he accidentally walked into Kacchan in middle school suddenly hurt.)
“Yeah.” He forced out, and he ignored how Kirishima’s smile fell a little at that. Because really he knew Kirishima was happy because Kacchan was helping people willingly and being the person he always thought he could be. He still didn’t say anything else.
“Aww c’mon Midoriya. Look, big strong Bakugo actually really cares about people, ain’t that right Kacchan?”
“Fuck off, Dunce Face.”
“See he’s actually just so sweet.” Kaminari and Ashido cracked up. Midoriya forced a smile that he knew didn’t travel to his eyes.
And suddenly Uraraka was at his side and he had no time to think, and the feeling of ants was coming back.
“What’s up Deku? You look kinda weird.” Her gaze travelled to his uneven tie and then back to his face.
“Ah nothing, I didn’t sleep great last night and ended up sleeping through my alarm.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, glancing away from her, and also trying not to meet the eyes of anyone else in the room and for now out the window was the safest bet but that would look rude-
“Oh really?” she sent him a sad smile, everyone was smiling. “I’m sorry, if you can’t sleep tonight text me or something okay?”
And something warm welled up inside him for a second pushing away the spikes and wow he had really good friends.
“And Bakugo!” Kacchan’s gaze snapped from Kaminari and whatever he’d been arguing with him about to Uraraka, greeting her with a glare and a scowl. She held up a thumbs up. “I’m glad you helped someone! It’s really helping with your reputation after the Sports Festival and everything.”
And the spikes were back. Sharper and bigger and sore.
“What? Because he did something any decent person would do?”
And it took him a minute to realise it was him who had spoken.
He slammed a hand over his mouth, but he had nothing to defend himself with. (he didn’t want to defend himself, he was right)
“Midoriya,” And it was Iida again, and he sounded confused. “Your classmate acted heroically when he saw someone in trouble, are you not proud of him?”
He didn’t respond and he could feel Kacchan’s eyes on the side of his head and he didn’t turn to look at him.
“Dude, you’re not like, jealous or something are you? That this got media attention?” And that was Sero. When did Sero get here? He could hear his heartbeat again.
“What? No of course not.”
“Well that’s what it looks like.”
“It’s not very heroic of you to be treading on someone else’s achievements Midoriya.”
And the spikes got sharper, and blood was rushing in his ears. “Treading on someone’s- are you kidding? Yeah, it’s great he helped the bullied kid, I didn’t realise he deserved a medal when he-“
He stopped himself. The next words he’d planned on saying echoing around his head.
(-when he's bullied me for years.)
Idiot.
He looked up from his desk to find all eyes in the room on him, confused, narrowed, wide and Midoriya realised just what he was doing.
He looked back down at his desk. Deflated. “It doesn’t matter.”
“No, really Midoriya, tell us what you think. Was he not meant to help him or something?”
This was wrong. Everything was wrong. Of course, Kacchan should’ve helped. Of course, he should’ve. And he was glad he did. But it meant that he knew it was wrong, it meant he knew that kids shouldn’t do that to each other. He knew.
So why. Why. Had he done it to Midoriya? And why hadn’t he gotten an apology and why did everyone else look at Kacchan like he was perfect and like he was going to be the perfect hero who’d never hurt anyone and why did Midoriya feel a sudden rush of anger?
The others didn’t know.
They didn’t know about the bruises, or the scars or why he flinched when someone surprised him or why he was hesitant to let people see his notebooks. They didn’t know and he was angry. Even if it was him who never told them.
He never told them to protect Kacchan. Because he was going to be a great hero, he was already proving it by helping a kid that was being bullied, and Midoriya couldn’t get in the way of that, so why did it make him so angry? It didn’t make sense.
(He was angry because deep down he knew if he told poeple he wouldn't be getting in the way. Kacchan had made his own choices. Midoriya was aware he'd never done anything that warrented how he was treated.
But he still never told anyone.)
He should be happy that Kacchan was learning and growing but he couldn’t find it in himself. Not when the voice in his head that put him down every time he screwed up was his.
Not when he found himself muttering ‘stupid Deku’ anytime he did something wrong.
The back of his eyes stung. He hated that he cried when he was angry. It was something him and Kacchan had in common.
“I-“
“If you’re not in your seats in the next five seconds you’re all staying an extra half hour after class.”
Midoriya had never been so happy to hear Aizawa’s voice.
-
-
It was on the way out of homeroom that Kacchan shoved him into the wall on his way past.
-
He grit his teeth and let his shoulder’s tense.
-
-
“Midoriya, I’d like to speak to you after class.”
Shit. As if the day could get any worse. Midoriya had felt a weird mix of emotions all day, like he had somehow absorbed some of Kacchan’s anger and reverted back to middle school at the same time.
The day had been awkward, conversation with anyone outside of Uraraka and Iida was stilted and almost painful to get through, and even talking to them wasn’t as easy as it usually was. He couldn’t get the look on Iida’s face when he told him ‘he wasn’t being heroic’ out of his head.
He realised it was funny how it worked. When Kacchan stood up to bullies everyone treated him like he could do no wrong. When Midoriya did it, the way he’d done his whole life, he was hit for it. Ridiculed for it.
And he didn’t want praise or attention, that was never why he acted. But thinking about it still hurt. Still made the spikes sharper because how was that fair? Out of the two of them how was it Midoriya who wasn’t being heroic?
He was aware of the irony. Trying to stand up to bullies was one of the ways he found out that the world wasn’t fair in the first place.
And then the bell rang, and Midoriya realised he’d been zoned out for most of class. No one spoke to him as they packed up and slowly left the room, and the horrible feeling of isolation that he was far too familiar with was creeping up his throat.
“I’ll see you back at the dorms okay Deku?” Uraraka said and Midoriya felt like he could breathe again and the nausea faded slightly.
“Okay, thanks.” She squeezed his shoulder on the way past. It took effort not to wince at the touch.
And then the room was empty apart from him and Mr Aizawa. Midoriya left his bag by his desk as he made his way up to the front of the room.
He swallowed. “Mr Aizawa?”
Aizawa looked up from the papers in front of him, eyes pink and tired as per usual and he sighed. “What’s wrong with you, problem child?”
Oh. Maybe he hadn’t been himself today but he wasn’t that bad, right?
“What-What do you mean?”
“I mean that all day you haven’t been paying attention or talking to any of your friends. And as much as I hate it I'm responsible for your well being. So what happened?”
“I- Kacchan did something. And it just- it’s made me think about some things.”
“Is this about the video of him?” He nodded in affirmation. “Why would it bother you? I thought you’d be happy Bakugo was finally showing a softer side.”
And Midoriya snapped before he even realised what he was saying. “Why does Kacchan get away with being pissed all the time, and the minute I am everyone’s acting like I’ve done something wrong?”
“Problem Child-“
“My names Midoriya. Not Problem child or Deku or-“ He swallowed. Taking a breath. What was he saying. “Sorry.”
Aizawa frowned.
“Okay Midoriya.” And his voice had an undertone to it, but Izuku didn’t think about it. “Why is it bothering you so much?”
And Midoriya had a choice here. He could tell him the truth and finally get it off his chest or he could lie and keep Kacchan’s reputation and get over it- but right now-right now he couldn’t bring himself to care about Kacchan’s reputation.
“When someone hurts you for years, seeing them get praised by the media and everyone around you, for stopping a bully-” he paused trying to think of the right words. “Sucks.”
It was weak and underwhelming but it worked. Aizawa didn’t looked confused, but curious. Midoriya ran a hand through his hair. Emotions were hard.
“I’m-I’m allowed to be angry, right? I’m allowed to be angry.”
“You’re angry about the video because Bakugo has hurt you?”
And he let out a bitter laugh. This had been building since he’d woken up this morning. Scratch that. This had been building for months. Years.
“What? You think I’m just like this because of genes or something?” He gestured to himself. “That the scars really got there by me walking into a door or accidentally falling down the stairs? Or-or the name Deku, I just decided to start calling myself useless one day when I was four? Or I love burning things I’ve worked on for months?- and he-he just gets away with it every time. And for the first time in his life he stands up for a kid who needs help, who could’ve been me and everyone calls him a hero.”
And he’s pacing but he doesn’t care and he’s never said any of this out loud before but all he can think about is standing in front of that boy when he was four, Kacchan opposite him, hands flashing with explosions and Midoriya raising his own shaking fists even though he knows he has no chance of winning-
“And we both act like it's gonna be my fault if I tell someone what he did and he has to deal with the consequences of it but it’s not. It’s his because he’s the one who did those things, and maybe- maybe-“
Maybe he doesn’t deserve to be a hero.
-
Except that wasn’t true was it. Because he had helped that kid earlier.
-
He stopped. His eyes stung. His throat ached.
“And apparently now he knows it’s wrong.” He paused. “And he’s still never said sorry.”
The silence in the room was palpable until-
“You are allowed to be angry Midoriya.”
And Midoriya breathed.