Chapter Text
Louis was on the bus already when Liam climbed up and in. Liam made no effort to be quiet as he looked through the cabinets for cereal, not noticing Louis at first, his head hung over the mobile cradled in his hands. Once Louis' crushed face registered with him, though, Liam rushed to him, wrapping him up in a big hug.
"Hey, hey. What's going on?" Louis hadn't been crying but he definitely looked out of sorts.
"Me and El decided to see other people."
Liam squeezed him tighter. "Oh, no. No, she finished with you just like that? I didn't even..."
Louis cut him off. "No, no, not like that. We're still... together. Just, it's hard being apart all the time. And we're young. Instead of throwing away what we have, we thought we'd try... opening it up? Trying some new things? We'd been talking about it for awhile but that," he gestured at the phone, "was the official go ahead."
Liam sat back finally, still close but no longer smothering Louis. "What does that mean exactly?"
"Like, there was this girl El liked in her last soc lecture and she thought and thought about it. She'd even told me about it because she didn't want me to think she was cheating. It's not like she doesn't love me, Liam, she just wants to know. Well, they kept talking after graduation and it looks like she's interested in El too. So we had to figure out what to do with that."
Liam was baffled, Louis talking about it so matter-of-factly. Blokes make fun all the time about wanting to see their girl with another girl but it was different when it was actually happening. Especially when you're on the other side of the world over half the year. "Aren't you, I don't know, jealous?"
"Yeah, a little, but I'll deal. Look at me, acting mature." Louis laughed sarcastically. "And it does go both ways. She knows it's hard for us on the road, avoiding temptation and all that."
Liam made a bit of a face. "Groupies? Really, Louis?"
"No. If I did that, someone would leak something, and that would hurt El, agreement or not. No, anything that I... try out would be with someone I already know, probably."
Liam still wasn't exactly following since there weren't a ton of unattached girls on the crew. "Oh. Oh, you mean..."
"Well, maybe. If she's trying something different, maybe I should too. But there's more to it than that for me. There are some things I could only do with someone I trust." Louis had still been looking down at the ground for most of their conversation, even after he threw his phone on to the small banquette couch across from him. He chose now to look up at Liam. It was tentative, eyes shadowed by his lashes as he looked up, looking small next to Liam, curled in on himself.
Liam wanted to spill out a million questions, if Louis was really saying what he thought he was. But it was clear it was difficult for Louis to say whatever it was he was trying to say and that wasn't normal for him, so it must be serious. Liam nodded slowly and started rubbing his hand in a small circle on Louis' back.
Louis took a deep breath and started to talk, but halted. He paused and changed his posture, leaning back into Liam's hand. "You're the strongest person I know, you know that, Liam?"
Liam laughed and pulled his arm up around Louis' shoulders, leaning back with him. "Alright," he said, like he didn't believe him. "What does that have to do with anything?"
Louis brightened a bit when he heard Liam laugh and wriggled his back against him, shifting his weight to Liam's chest. "Not just physically strong, like, no duh. But you have control, you're grounded. I trust you more than anyone else in the world."
Liam's breath caught as Louis played with his fingers, trying to keep their conversation casual. Like he hadn't just said he was now in an open relationship. That he was available for the first time in a very long time. That he needed someone he trusted.
There had been midnight conversations when they were younger. That if they ever did want to try something with another guy, if the occasional nighttime fantasy turned into something they wanted to make a reality someday, the first time would be with each other. They had even wanked next to each other in the bed one night, reasoning that it wasn't cheating on their girlfriends if they didn't touch each other. Liam had still stared, stared and listened and tried his hardest not to come so fast from Louis' sounds but it was impossible to stop. It was something Liam thought about for a long time.
Liam thought about Sophia, but they were taking it slow this time. Not exclusive, no expectations. And this thing with Louis, if there was a thing and he wasn't jumping to conclusions, he was still with Eleanor for the long haul, just looking to... experiment?
Louis didn't go on and Liam wondered how long he should wait for him to drag his feet. Maybe he just needed a bit of encouragement. He leaned next to Louis' ear to whisper, something they did every day that had an extra charge right now. "Louis, what is it you're trying to say?"
Louis pulled again on Liam's hand, taking another deep breath but stopping before any words came out. Liam couldn't handle being on edge like this, Louis so nervous about whatever it was that he was facing away from him to say it.
He got even closer and pressed Louis into his side, trying to reassure him. "You know you can tell me anything," he whispered even lower, gravelly and warm as his lips brushed Louis' neck.
If Louis had asked, had moved away from him, anything, Liam would have respected his privacy or his need for time. But he could feel the tension in Louis' body against him, they way Louis' fingers gripped his wrists. If this was going to involve him somehow, Liam had a right to know.
Louis had left him with no choice. He wrapped his other arm around Louis' belly and held him in place. His voice was strict and deep. "Tell me."
Louis didn't get upset, or struggle to get away. In fact, at the sound of Liam's command, he had let out a little whimper. There was something distinctly sexual about it and it went straight to Liam's dick. He felt a bit guilty thinking about sex when he was supposed to be comforting a friend but he had gotten the impression that was what this whole conversation was about anyway.
Still, Louis stayed quiet and Liam couldn't deal with the frustration any longer. He had a very long fuse when it came to Louis but this was just too loaded a conversation for his patience to hold out. "You take some time – " Liam went to get up, but Louis' hands held his arms in place.
"No. I've had time to think about it, a lot of time. I just thought I'd have longer to figure out how to tell you. How to ask you." His voice was small and nervous.
Liam sagged back against Louis. "Lou, ask. Whatever it is, I'll do it." Liam hoped he was making a promise he could keep.
"You can't know that."
"I'd do anything for you, Louis Tomlinson. Try me."
The silence settled again and Liam squeezed to interrupt Louis' thoughts. Abruptly, Louis reached for his phone, which didn't make sense to Liam. He went into an app for password-protected hidden folders and opened a file for Liam, handing him the phone. Liam opened up the first file, an image, and proceeded to scroll through. He schooled his face not to react as he went through. It was porn, not surprising in and of itself, but it had a very specific theme. It was all BDSM-related, some more intense, some tame. Thin boys with their wrists tied behind the back or blindfolded. Some just kneeling or bent over someone's lap getting spanked. There were more intense images too, cuffed to special furniture, gagged and with red stripes across their backs. Liam wanted to shift in his seat, but stayed perfectly still.
When Liam looked up, Louis was curled into a tight ball in the opposite corner of the small couch, knees against his chest to separate himself from Liam, worry written across his face. Liam closed the phone and set it down. He really wasn't sure what he thought yet, but Louis needed reassurance and that he was always capable of giving. He pulled Louis back under his arm and didn't let him turn away this time.
"It's not like you're the first person to ever want to do those things, clearly," Liam joked, trying to get even the smallest smile from Louis.
"I know. But we tried and it didn't work for us, her dominating me," Louis responded, referring to Eleanor, "and I thought that was okay, that I didn't need it. But I think about it more and more, and." Louis took in a gulp of air but this time continued on. "When you use that voice, when you're cross with me or hold me down, I react, and... If you don't want to, it's okay. I can find someone else. I'll try to stop if it's weird or makes you uncomfortable. I just already know it works with you and I trust you and it doesn't need to be sexual just, say something." He ran out of words and clenched his eyes shut.
Liam curled his fingers around Louis' chin and made Louis look at him. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah, okay." Liam was surprised when he heard himself but some mix of protectiveness and possessiveness made Liam want to be the one to do this for Louis. "Let's try it. If it means you misbehave less trying to get me cross with you, it couldn't hurt, right?" Louis smacked Liam's hand away but was finally smiling, relaxed. It was all Liam had wanted since he sat down, to see Louis smile.
"Just, um, how far do you want to take this? Just so I can... prepare?" Liam's mind was finally processing those pictures a bit more, now with the idea in his mind of Louis as the one kneeling, the one bound, and himself as the one over him, controlling him. Some of it seemed too much for him but he was still getting stiff thinking about it.
"We can go slow. We should go slow, right? Just in case it's not okay."
Liam pulled Louis in closer to kiss the top of his head and tug a little on his hair, carefully keeping his legs crossed so that Louis wouldn't accidentally feel his semi. Funny how he had done that a hundred times before, pulling on Louis' hair to bother him and now, it held a completely different connotation to him, especially when he felt the way Louis leaned into him when he did it. "It's going to be okay."