Chapter Text
It’s all Sakura’s fault. If she hadn’t demanded they stop at Ninmart right that instant so she could replenish her medical kit, they wouldn’t have gotten into this mess. Even Obito offering to use kamui to send her there after dinner hadn’t gotten them out of the impromptu shopping trip.
Admittedly, it’s also Kakashi-sensei’s fault, for having such a terrible sense of humor.
“Why is it called Ninmart? Do they sell nin here?” Kakashi asks as they walk into the oversized store, aiming to get a rise out of his adorable chuunin.
The older they’ve gotten the more difficult it is to tease them, but he’s sure resorting to dad jokes will get a response.
And it does get him a response.
Just… Not the one he’s expecting.
Sasuke and Sakura merely glare at him, and Obito rolls his eye so hard Kakashi’s surprised it doesn’t fall out. Naruto’s the only one who really reacts.
“Daaad,” he groans, linking his arm through Sasuke’s. “That was terrible!”
He doesn’t realize that everyone else has stopped in their tracks until he’s yanked to a stop by Sasuke’s refusal to move.
“...‘Dad?’” Sasuke repeats, quiet and unsure, leaning around Naruto to peer up into his face.
Kakashi can just barely see Naruto’s face from where he and Obito have stopped dead in the doorway, and he can’t properly make out his expression due to the bad angle, but he clearly watches his student’s cheek turn bone white.
“I- Uh-” Naruto stammers, then bolts, dragging Sasuke with him and disappearing into the racks of clothing up ahead, Sakura hot on their heels.
Kakashi and Obito stand there for a moment longer. The automatic doors ding at them as they try and fail to close.
“‘Dad?’” Obito repeats, trying to surreptitiously glance at Kakashi to check how his boyfriend is handling this.
He shouldn’t have bothered being subtle. Kakashi’s eye is wide and unseeing, shock clear as day even on what little of his face is visible.
Obito springs into action. Slowly. So as not to alarm Kakashi even more.
“Let’s just go sit down,” he says, coaxing Kakashi into a stiff-legged march towards the NinDonald’s at the front of the store. Kakashi’s expression does not change.
“I’m going to get you some water,” Obito says patiently as he pushes Kakashi into a plastic seat.
When he comes back a few minutes later, Kakashi still hasn’t moved. He probably hasn’t even blinked, judging by the way his eye is reddening. Obito wants to stay with him, wants to calm Kakashi down, but he knows his boyfriend. Kakashi needs time to panic a little, and he would much rather Obito go check on Naruto first. He’s always made sure Obito knows their first priority is to their chuunin.
“I’m gonna go after the kids,” Obito says, long-since having accepted his role as co-parent to three powerhouse teenagers. “You just stay here and try not to freak out too much, okay?”
He kisses Kakashi on the small amount of forehead left uncovered by his hitai-ate, then whirls into kamui to track down their chuunin.
There’s a few more minutes of silence in the NinDonald’s seating area.
“Dad?!” Kakashi asks the empty air as he completely freaks the fuck out.
**
Kakashi finally snaps out of his panicked stupor and drains the cup of water Obito must’ve put in his hand.
He blinks repeatedly, his uncovered eye dry and itchy from staying open for so long.
He’s got to do something, anything. Obito’s probably gone after the ki- the kids, oh fucking shit he has kids, how has he not noticed until now- and he’d almost definitely get in the way if he followed.
Maa, what can he do to reassure Naruto, to support his kids - his kids - that’s not going to interrupt whatever Obito’s doing?
Kakashi's eye falls on the Customer Services sign.
...That’ll work.
**
Obito finds the errant members of Team Kakashi a few minutes after he leaves Kakashi to panic in peace, whirling out of kamui and sticking his face through the rack of clothes they’ve managed to all cram themselves into.
“Boo.”
Team Kakashi screams and falls out of the clothing rack. Well, Naruto and Sakura scream and fall out. Sasuke twitches violently and pulls a kunai. No one ends up bleeding or skewered though, so Obito counts it a success.
“You kids okay?” He asks, once everyone catches their breath and stops screaming at him.
Naruto immediately looks down at the hideously-patterned carpet beneath their feet, while Sasuke wraps an arm around his shoulders and glares at Obito. Sakura just sighs.
“Yeah,” she says, “I think we’ll be alright, but Naruto’s still worried about how Kakashi-sensei is going to react.”
Naruto just continues staring at the floor and doesn’t say anything, which is more telling than any denial he could’ve made.
Obito hadn’t thought he’d be giving father-son advice when he got up that morning. In fact, he’d been hoping that Naruto and Kakashi might actually sit down and discuss their family dynamic at some point soon, like the rational adults they supposedly are.
Unfortunately for him, emotional constipation seems to run in the family.
“Look,” he says, crouching and hobbling over to get into Naruto’s line of sight and maybe get him to laugh at the odd image he’s making.
Sure enough, when Obito looks up after sidling over like a demented crab, Naruto’s got a tiny smile on his face.
Time for an emotional laxative.
… He's never thinking that again. Gross.
“Naruto, Kakashi will probably never say it, because he’s terrified of both his emotions and everyone else’s,” Obito says, and he’s relieved to see that Naruto’s smile is widening. Sasuke snorts at Obito’s statement. The irony seems to be lost on him, but Obito decides that now is not the time to point it out.
Instead, he continues telling Naruto what he clearly needs to hear.
“Kakashi might never say it, but he loves you.”
Obito can see the doubt replacing the smile on Naruto’s face, so he presses on. “He loves all three of you so much. He’s probably panicking right now, yeah, but that’s mostly because he’s worried about you. He’s honored that you think of him as your dad, as your family, believe me, and I know for a fact that he thinks of you three as his kids. You’re his family, too.”
Naruto’s expression is fragile, uncertainty sitting oddly on a face usually set in determination, and his eyes are wide and glistening faintly. Obito feels his eye start to tear up in response, and he stands and catches both boys in a tight hug, tucking Naruto’s head under his chin in a move that the chuunin is almost too big for already. Sasuke is secured in one arm, and he squirms for a moment in an effort to escape, sure that he’s breaking out in hives at the emotional display. His struggles are in vain, because as soon as he feels Naruto all but melt into Obito’s arms he has to give in. If Naruto needs a group hug, Sasuke’s not going to deny him one. Obito opens his other arm and gestures blindly until Sakura joins them, wrapping strong arms around all three of them and squeezing tightly.
“You too, Obito-sensei,” Naruto whispers into his throat, and Obito doesn’t have a hand free to wipe away his tears. He’s pretty sure at least three of them are crying in the middle of a group hug in Ninmart, but he can’t find a single fuck to give about that. “You’re family too.”
He holds tight until Naruto takes a deep breath and pulls away, everyone stepping back to give each other some space.
“Should we go get Kakashi?” Obito asks with a chuckle, while everyone but Sasuke wipes at their tears. Sasuke’s eyes are suspiciously red at the edges, but since he doesn’t call them out on their tears they won’t call him out on his. “He’s probably worked himself up into a panic by now. I bet he could use a group hug too.”
“No more hugs,” Sasuke tries to say, but is drowned out by Naruto and Sakura’s laughing cheers.
**
It’s taken longer than some assassinations he’s committed, but Kakashi’s finally argued the snotty brat working at Customer Services into doing what he wants.
“What’s his name?” The little shit asks, bored and annoyed and even though he’s wearing the bland Ninmart uniform, he’s emo enough he could’ve matched Sasuke back in his genin days.
“Hatake-” Kakashi starts to say, wanting to show Naruto that he accepts him and is alright with Naruto calling him… With being Naruto’s… To show Naruto that he’s fine with what he said. But he also doesn’t want to take away Naruto’s heritage, his connection to his clan and his mother and his real father, and Kakashi knows he’s overthinking this, it’s not like Ninmart Customer Services has any binding legal authority. But he can’t help but feel that this is important, and he wants to get it right and-
“Hatake?” The annoyed and annoying jerk presses, raising an eyebrow, clearly laughing at Kakashi’s floundering, and his disdain over such and important moment pushes Kakashi over the line. He’s still coming down from his earlier panic, and he just wants to be back home with Obito enjoying a cup of tea and being past all this emotion and he blurts out the first name that comes to mind.
As the underpaid teen turns back to his work, Kakashi experiences a brief and sudden stab of fear.
What did he just say?
The teen speaks.
Oh.
That wasn’t what he meant to say at all.
**
The intercom dings above them, cutting in over the tinny music Ninmart always plays.
“Customer announcement,” a bored employee’s voice drones from the ceiling speakers, and Kakashi’s distinctive lazy drawl can just barely be heard in the background. “We have a lost child somewhere in the store.”
Obito grins at Naruto and raises his eyebrows, guessing where this is going. Naruto laughs and scratches his head, figuring it out right away.
They’re both wrong.
“Would Hatake Obito please make his way to the front of the store? His party is waiting for him there.”
The intercom cuts off, the tinny music returns, and Team Kakashi stands and stares at Obito.
Hatake Obito, apparently.
“Did Kaka-sensei really just propose over the Ninmart intercom?” Sakura asks without any inflection whatsoever, expression entirely deadpan, unable to believe her ears.
Obito’s eye twitches, and his face slowly drains of color.
“Ya know,” Naruto replies in a kind of horrified wonder as he watches Obito stop breathing, “I think he did.”
“Hn,” Sasuke agrees, watching as Obito’s face turns from sickly white to bright red.
His face feels so hot he should be steaming.
“Kakashi just proposed?” Obito squeaks in a whisper, and when Sakura slowly nods, his eye twitches again.
Then his eye rolls up and he passes out into the clothing racks behind him, setting off a domino effect of cascading clothing racks in an unholy cacophony.
**
Kakashi hasn’t moved an inch since the announcement rang out over the intercom, and the teenaged worker is a bit freaked out.
He creeps back behind the Customer Services desk and slowly pulls down the shutter in Kakashi’s face.
That’s fair.
Kakashi would like to pull down the shutter to his entire life right now.
“Obito’s going to laugh so hard at me,” he murmurs to himself. And now he can’t even announce Naruto as his lost child, like he’d wanted.
“Maa, fuck.”
**
“Any revelations you’d like to spring on me, Sakura?” Sasuke asks in a dry monotone as he and Naruto lift Obito carefully off the collapsed clothing racks. “We’re the only two who haven’t panicked today.”
Sakura blinks at him for a moment. “I figured out I’m a lesbian?” She tries, wincing a little, because she’s been meaning to tell the boys for months now. It’s just never managed to come up, what with training and preparing for exams and shadowing Tsunade at the hospital and…
She’s sure she’s got a good excuse somewhere in her brain.
Naruto flails and flushes and drops Obito’s head, leaving Sasuke to scramble to catch him before he hits the ground.
“You’re a lesbian?!” He shrieks, and now Sakura’s blushing too.
Sasuke just sighs and kicks at Naruto to take some of Obito’s weight.
“You only just figured that out?” He asks, dry as a desert. “I’ve known for years.”
“What?!” Sakura yells, then lowers her voice to hiss, “How the fuck did you know before I did?”
Sasuke looks her dead in the eye, hefts Obito’s legs a little higher, and rolls his eyes.
“Your rivalry with Ino?” He smirks. “Not a rivalry.”
Sakura’s blush deepens and although she opens her mouth a few times, she doesn’t manage to say anything to refute him.
“You would know!” She manages to spit out, but Sasuke only smirks even more.
“Whatever,” she finally sputters. “I’m going to go find Kaka-sensei. Dad. Kakadad? Whatever.”
She runs off, leaving Sasuke and Naruto to carry their soon-to-be-step-sensei toward the front doors.
“Man, I had no idea!” Naruto says, looking over at Sasuke with a grin. “Our team’s pretty gay, ya know? Kakashi-sensei and Obito-sensei are gay, and now we find out Sakura’s a lesbian. Guess that makes us the only straight people on the team, eh, Teme?”
He's expecting Sasuke to respond with a fond smile and one of his usual rude phrases, maybe sling a friendly arm around Naruto’s shoulders even though that would be difficult with Obito-sensei in their arms. Instead Sasuke just stares at him for a long moment.
Inside Sasuke’s head, Naruto’s comment is busily cementing a truth that Sasuke, in spite of himself, continually finds surprising.
He’s fallen in love with an idiot.
When Sasuke finally answers, Naruto almost doesn’t hear the single word he mutters under his breath.
“Unbelievable.”
**
Sakura sees their sensei before he sees her, for once.
Their poor, emotionally-beleaguered sensei is clearly still panicking, pacing in a swift, straight line in front of Customer Services, then spinning and pacing the other direction just as quickly.
“Dadkashi, that was so bad!” Sakura calls when she gets close enough, having finally decided on a name. “That was the worst proposal I’ve ever heard!”
Kakashi stills, then turns to her with the funniest expression she’s ever seen. He doesn’t even say anything, just kind of squeaks at her, confused beyond belief.
He clears his throat a few times, and she can see his mouth opening and closing behind his mask. “‘Dadkashi?’” He asks, when his voice finally returns.
He’d really like to stop resorting to single word questions, but his cute students keep saying things he never thought he’d hear. About fatherhood.
His voice is still squeaky, and Sakura laughs at him.
“I’ve already got my Dad, so I can’t just call you ‘Dad’ like Naruto can,” she explains. She grins with an evil glint in her eye as she steps closer. “Or would you prefer ‘Kakadad?’”
“Dadkashi is fine,” he manages, still dazed, but firm. Anything would be preferable to being called Shitty Dad, that’s for sure.
“‘Kakadad’ wouldn’t fit, anyway,” Sakura says, calmly derailing Kakashi from his second panic spiral of the day. “You’re a much better at being a dad than you were at being our Kaka-sensei.”
Kakashi’s heart warms in his chest. He can’t remember whether that’s one of the signs of a heart attack, but he thinks it might be. Good thing Sakura’s become such an accomplished medic.
Sakura’s medical prowess aside, Kakashi’s sure he’s forgetting to panic over something. There was something else Sakura said, but his ears had kind of stopped working after she’d called him ‘Dadkashi.’
What is it? What else is he supposed to be panicking over, on top of panicking over Naruto’s emotional wellbeing and his accidental fatherhood?
“Now, walk with me,” Sakura demands as she grabs his arm and starts pulling him toward the front doors. “I’m going to help you save your proposal.”
Ah, that’s what it is.
“My what?!”
**
“Watch it, Teme, lift him higher!”
“I’m not the one who already dropped him, Dobe!”
Kakashi hears the rest of his team before he sees them. He is not reassured by what he’s hearing.
The sight of Naruto and Sasuke carrying an unconscious Obito between them isn’t reassuring either.
“He’s fine,” Sakura says shortly, flapping a hand in his face to get his attention again and making him have to focus on dodging her. Sakura’s strength is something to be avoided at all times, and especially when she’s this agitated. “He passed out because someone very important proposed to him over the Ninmart intercom.”
Kakashi had given up on correcting her the fourth time she’d said that. He’s fairly certain he’s never going to live this day down. This is going to become some kind of bastardized anniversary where his entire team will drag him to Ninmart to make fun of his ability to ruin his relationships with his precious people left and right.
Kakashi mentally slaps himself and focuses. Sasuke and Naruto are bickering as they get closer, as usual, but are actually doing a fine job carrying his unconscious boyfriend out of the store. The employees are looking on in slight horror, and Kakashi’s pretty sure he can see Genma cackling from inside the NinDonald’s playplace, but again, inside the NinDonald’s playplace. Kakashi waves at him so Genma knows that mentioning any of this to their fellow jounin would result in mutually assured destruction.
He’s still waving mockingly at Genma’s retreating form when there’s a sharp sting to the back of his head, almost enough to make him see stars.
Ah, right, he took his eyes off Sakura while she was scolding him.
“I can’t believe you, Dadkashi!” She grumbles, and she hasn’t called him Kaka-sensei once since she found him at Customer Services. He isn’t sure what Sasuke’s going to call him, if he ever deigns to choose a moniker, but… If he’s being honest… And it’s really only to himself, in his own head where his thoughts stay safe and no one ever hears them… So if he’s being honest…
He’d really liked it when Naruto had called him ‘Dad.’
So when Sasuke and Naruto get close enough to hear Sakura’s scolding, and when Sasuke snaps at Naruto to make sure not to drop Obito again, and when Sakura laughs at them both and offers to help them with their workouts if that small amount of weight has tired them out, Kakashi listens carefully to Naruto’s reply.
“Sakuraaa,” Naruto whines, drawing out her name. “Don’t be so mean! We just got back from Suna and I’m tired.”
“Hi tired, I’m Dad,” Kakashi replies instantly, pouncing on the perfect opportunity to accept Naruto’s mistake as truth.
For once he’s not looking at his book, he’s looking straight at Naruto, and it’s worth it to see the way his head jolts up in shock. Kakashi watches the disbelief on his face fade and reveal a beaming grin that stretches so wide it has to hurt.
“Daaaaad!” Naruto laughs, playful but questioning. He’s cautiously testing how far he can push this new tie between them. “That was terrible!”
“Maa, that was funny,” Kakashi corrects him. He waits a moment, for Naruto to turn to face forward again, and then adds, “There’s a lot more where that came from.”
He expects Naruto to whirl around, or jump on him in surprise, or even to drop Obito in his excitement, but for once Naruto goes quiet instead. Kakashi worries for an instant, but then he sees the pleased look Naruto is trying and failing to hide by staring at the ground.
“I’m glad,” Naruto says, and there’s a tiny waver in his voice that none of them are going to point out.
Sakura and Sasuke have been quiet since Kakashi spoke, but when Kakashi reaches out and ruffles Naruto’s bright hair, they move. Sakura hums and bumps shoulders with Naruto, and Sasuke can’t quite reach him because of the way they’re holding Obito, but he looks at him over his shoulder with a fond huff.
They’re going to be alright, Kakashi realizes, finally relaxing for the first time since Naruto bolted into the store. They’re going to be just fine.
“Alright, Team Seven,” Sakura says into the peaceful quiet, not even a minute later. “We’ve got to help Dadkashi save his proposal!”
“You really don’t have to,” Kakashi groans into his hands.
It’s a lost cause.
**
Obito isn’t entirely sure how he finds himself in one of Konoha’s upscale restaurants with his boyfriend, on time for once, both of them dressed in very nice traditional clothing that he hadn’t realized they owned, but he’s pretty sure it has something to do with their sneaky little chuunin.
He should’ve known something was up when Sasuke showed up alone at the apartment. Not that they haven’t spent time with just the two of them together, they definitely have, Uchiha solidarity is important, but Sasuke usually doesn’t show up on a Friday evening when they’re all taking the night off from training. So he should’ve known something was up.
Unfortunately, Sasuke’s always had a strange ability when it comes to Obito.
Namely, the ability to tell Obito what to do and easily persuade him to do it.
Obito would like to say that he can resist his baby sort-of cousin, but he’d be lying through his teeth.
He’d also like to say that it’s due to Sasuke using the sneakiest genjutsu he’s ever had the misfortune of experiencing, but really it’s just that Sasuke has killer puppy eyes. He only employs them when Obito’s alone though, so it’s even worse because none of the rest of the team believes him. One day he’ll get photographic evidence and prove it, but that day is not this day.
This day, he’s in one of Konoha’s finest establishments - the odd almost-modern one with a mix of tables with floor-length tablecloths and traditional food - in a far-too-well-fitting formal haori and hakama combination that Sasuke had somehow pulled out of his closet, munching nervously on incredibly-expensive appetizers, all because of Sasuke’s puppy eyes.
He’s not sure what Kakashi’s doing here, however, especially when he hasn’t really seen him since their ill-fated Ninmart excursion.
Kakashi looks even more uncomfortable than Obito feels, which is a shame because he’s wearing a gorgeous haori that accentuates his broad shoulders and Obito’s pretty sure his wispy grey kimono shirt isn’t supposed to have that deep vee that calls attention to his defined chest but it definitely does and-
Obito swallows with difficulty and clears his throat, forcing his eyes away from his boyfriend’s chest. It’s been a while since they’ve been anywhere near each other, and Obito’s missed him.
Kakashi looks uncomfortable. Obito had never thought they’d ever set foot in a place like this.
They’re sitting like two very lifelike statues in the midst of all the glitz and glamour Konoha has to offer, and suddenly Obito can’t hold back his smile. It’s just so silly, and so incredibly them, to have to be forced into fine dining. Most of Konoha would literally kill to get in here. Most of Konoha’s shinobi have, in fact, killed to get in here, considering the rates of assassinations and the price of a dinner here.
He and Kakashi don’t eat out very often, and never anywhere this expensive.
Nearly every night, Obito comes home to Kakashi making one out of a million delicious dishes he’s taught himself over the years. Some nights Kakashi attempts to teach Obito how to make one of their favorites, which inevitably ends in them winding up at Ichiraku’s while the apartment airs out, both of them smelling faintly of smoke.
For them to be here, dressed so nicely, and to waste the night feeling uncomfortable?
It’s a shame, but it’s almost inevitable.
In spite of all that, it’s a very nice gesture on Kakashi’s part, and Obito suspects it might be an apology for his strange behavior over the last few days. He knows better than to point it out though. Kakashi would rather let Genma use him for senbon practice than discuss anything seriously. That is to say, he’ll do it when he absolutely has to, but he always looks like he’s bracing himself for something unpleasant.
Obito shakes himself out of his thoughts with a quiet laugh as he puts together a plate of appetizers and passes it over to his boyfriend. He might be dense, and they might both be uncomfortable, but there’s little sense in wasting the delicious food they’ve ordered. Besides, he knows Kakashi always finds it amusing to watch people trying to catch a glimpse of his face while he eats. Even knowing that it’s a genjutsu, Obito always plays along, staring hard and acting grumpy when he can’t see Kakashi’s face. It’s one of those little things they like to giggle about when they get home, and they keep a tally of all the people they’re overheard claiming that Kakashi doesn’t ever remove his mask, even for Obito. Even in bed.
They’re wrong.
Obito is very, very grateful for that.
Because while Kakashi definitely looks mysterious and gorgeous with his mask on, Obito cherishes the times when it’s just the two of them, when Kakashi feels safe and comfortable and lets Obito see his gentle smiles and sharp grins. The first time Kakashi lowered his mask, Obito used his Sharingan instinctively, without even realizing. He still thinks it was worth it, despite Kakashi’s smug teasing. Of course he wanted to be able to look back on that moment forever.
In addition to that captured memory, Obito now has a multitude of perfect recollections of Kakashi’s bared face, times when he’s smiling and sleeping and laughing at Obito, times when Obito’s Sharingan has whirled to life with barely a thought, just a need to save each flawless moment in time, to keep them all readily available for Obito whenever he chooses to think on them.
He’s so grateful Kakashi trusts him enough to give himself to Obito, free of any masks at all.
…Besides, if Kakashi didn’t remove his mask in bed, Obito wouldn’t know what his boyfriend’s mouth looks like when he’s desperate and pleading, writhing on their bed and gasping into the sheets, staring at Obito with half-lidded eyes, his Sharingan bloody-bright and capturing every moment Obito spends using his fingers and tongue to spread…
Obito tries to shake himself back to their dinner, but Kakashi darts a glance up at him through his lashes and then away, making him shudder as he remembers just last week, when Kakashi had been on his knees, gripping his hips and looking up at him through watery eyes as Obito thrust…
Obito shifts in his seat.
A lot of his favorite memories with Kakashi include the absence of his mask.
Obito wrenches his mind out of the gutter with a violent effort. He’d better at least attempt to make some conversation, or else this dinner is going to turn awkward for multiple reasons. Only one of which is contained in Obito’s hakama pants. They’re very nice pants, matching Kakashi’s perfectly, dark grey and very soft, and Obito is only now realizing that wearing them with the gentle silver-white kimono shirt he’d been given might make it seem like he’s wearing Hatake clan colors. Hopefully Kakashi won’t take offense, although Obito’s Uchiha-blue haori might distract him from that.
Even if Kakashi does point out Obito’s colors, his own haori is eggplant purple, just a few shades darker than Obito’s favorite cloak, so Obito can call him out on stealing his colors in return. He’d rather just keep looking though, because his purple looks lovely against Kakashi’s grey kimono shirt, and Obito’s eye is once again drawn to that deep vee and the skin it bares. He’s not sure who dressed Kakashi, but he definitely approves. He’s never seen Kakashi in anything so nice, and he is very much looking forward to peeling him out of his fine clothes once they get-
Mind. Gutter. Out.
“So I know how I got here, but how did you get roped into this?” He asks, hoping Kakashi will be too focused on the food to notice his strangled tone. There have been a few situations caused by Kakashi noticing exactly how far into the gutter Obito’s mind has gone, and he really doesn’t want to get banned from this restaurant. If only to avoid the gossip that will follow.
“Sakura.” Kakashi says, and does not elaborate.
...At least he didn’t notice Obito’s dirty mind.
So Sasuke used his puppy eyes on Obito and Sakura used her absolutely terrifying threats on Kakashi, just to get them here together. Why? Are they planning a prank? Doing something dangerous with their adult supervision out of the way? Having a party at the apartment?
Obito thinks back to waking up after their fairly disastrous trip to Ninmart and he vaguely remembers hearing Sakura making an old joke, something about Kakashi taking his husband out for a nice dinner, but at the time he’d been much more interested in hearing exactly what had been said between Naruto and Kakashi. By the time he managed to get a firm answer out of Naruto, Sakura had been grinning smugly and Kakashi appeared thoroughly cowed, and neither of them has yet explained why.
Every time Obito has seen Sakura in the last few days, she’s had that same “cat who stalked and out-maneuvered and then finally ate the canary” look.
Every time Obito has seen Kakashi, he reverts back to his age-old habit of substituting himself with a wooden log.
It’s a very strange and not at all welcome regression.
Obito hasn’t gotten to touch Kakashi at all in the last four days.
He isn’t even sure where Kakashi’s been sleeping, since his side of the bed has been perpetually cold. It isn’t incredibly alarming, since Kakashi sometimes freaks out or gets cold feet about their relationship after heated arguments or near-death situations. He typically vanishes for a few days, and then returns none the worse for wear. It isn’t unusual, no, but Obito is never very happy when it happens.
Even if the apology sex is a nice consolation prize.
Obito sighs as quietly as he can.
At least he has excellent apology sex to look forward to, because he isn’t enjoying this dinner one bit.
Obito waits a few moments more for Kakashi to start a conversation, to ask his opinion on a training method or an interesting theory or even start giggling over his latest novel, anything, any effort to converse at all, but Kakashi is silent.
It’s very odd. They’ve never had trouble talking before now. In public Kakashi might come off as aloof and silent, but in private he’s always contributed equally to their relationship, albeit in his own, emotionally-stunted way. He’s never simply been silent when they’re together.
Obito’s trying not to worry.
“What exactly did she do to get you here, dressed like that?” Obito presses, and he would say more, but Kakashi looks at him so strangely for a moment that he goes quiet.
Kakashi doesn’t say anything though, just blinks blankly first at Obito, and then at his plate. In another uncharacteristic move, Kakashi has absent-mindedly consumed most of his food and hasn’t made a single comment about it.
It’s not very promising. Kakashi has always enjoyed his food, and is usually raving or ranting about spices or textures or cooking styles after the first few bites. It’s not the first sign that something is seriously wrong, that was the constant substitutions whenever Obito approached. But it’s the second sign.
Actually, make that third, because Kakashi hasn’t said more than a handful of words since he appeared at Obito’s side at precisely seven o’clock for their reservation. The timeliness might actually be the second sign then, if he’s going in order, making the lack of interest in his food the third sign and the unusual silence the fourth.
...That’s a lot of signs. There must be some kind of manual for this. “What to Expect When Your Boyfriend Starts Behaving Oddly” or “Ten Steps to Recognizing a Breakup” or- Oh shit.
What if Obito’s embarrassing fainting spell was the last straw for Kakashi? He hates being the center of attention, and Obito’s heard their friends laughing at them whenever they’re out in public, and three separate times he’s watched Genma imitate how he was carried out of Ninmart by Naruto and Sasuke. Oh, shit. What if Kakashi has had cold feet the last few days because he’s been working up the courage to finally drop Obito for good?
…No, no. No. That’s silly. Kakashi wouldn’t just up and leave over a little fainting spell.
…But what about the joke Sakura made? Would he leave over that?
The look on Kakashi’s face comes back to Obito suddenly, his usual exasperated expression as he endured Sakura’s teasing. Obito had overheard her call him Kakashi’s husband, and at the time he’d been pleased and a little flattered, but had brushed it off to focus on Naruto. Besides, it wasn’t true, and it wouldn’t ever be true, Obito couldn’t possibly get that lucky, so he put it out of his mind.
Kakashi’s face though… As soon as Sakura said, “Husband,” Kakashi’s face had gone pale and his eyes had widened. At the time Obito had taken it for embarrassment or annoyance but what if it was worse than that? What if Kakashi really did get cold feet?
Obito tries to tell himself that that isn’t what’s happening.
Kakashi wouldn’t just up and abandon him over the thought of marrying Obito. He wouldn’t. He definitely wouldn’t be getting cold feet after realizing how they’re practically married already, living together and so closely intertwined. They’re so deeply integral to each other’s lives, and Obito has to trust that Kakashi loves that as much as he does.
He has to trust Kakashi to want to keep their relationship, to want to help it grow even more.
Kakashi’s going to respond properly now and they’ll talk and he’ll stop trying to escape Obito’s presence using those damned substitution logs and everything will be wonderful again.
And as Kakashi opens his mouth to explain exactly how he ended up in formalwear at a nice restaurant on time, Obito forces himself to be calm. Kakashi’s going to explain himself.
“Sakura asked.”
That’s all Kakashi says. Two words, not really an explanation, no effort put into the conversation, no desire to talk with Obito. Just two words.
“Ah.” Obito answers.
They lapse back into silence.
Oh gods, Kakashi’s breaking up with him.
Obito isn’t sure whether he wants Kakashi to just get it over with and leave him at least a little of his dignity, or whether he’d rather be pathetic and drag out every last second Kakashi’s willing to spend with him.
Kakashi glances up at him as they finish the appetizers, and he’s wearing that soft look, Obito can tell by the gentleness in his eye and the contours of his face under the genjutsu mask, and he knows exactly what Kakashi would look like if the genjutsu were to fail, all his kindness on display, his tiny honest smile and the little crinkles framing both eyes, the slight puckering of the skin around the bottom of his scar as his cheek lifts. It’s the face he always wears when he’s thinking about their past, and Obito can hardly breathe as he realizes Kakashi is fondly going through all their memories. Remembering the good times.
Kakashi is seriously breaking up with him.
Screw his dignity, he’s going to eke out every second with Kakashi that he can.
Kakashi’s face goes solemn, just as Obito’s trying to think of how to make this last, and they both take a deep breath.
“Kakashi-”
“Obito-”
Kakashi goes quiet, gesturing for Obito to speak, but he can’t find the words. He’s never known how to make Kakashi happy, not really. He’s always attributed Kakashi’s willingness to stay with him to luck and lack of options more than anything. After all, who would really want their old teammate, scarred and one-eyed, chock-full of PTSD and night terrors after his time with Madara, and the reason Kakashi lost his original eye?
He wasn’t even strong enough to stop Madara from setting the Kyuubi on Konoha. He’d managed to save Rin, sure, but after that…
Kakashi had been the one to nurse them back to health, him and Rin both, and the fact that he’s stayed with Obito this long has always been a welcome surprise and a wonderful gift that Obito has never deserved.
It looks like that gift is over now. His time with Kakashi has finally run out.
Obito wants to drag this out, wants to deflect and distract until Kakashi somehow forgets to break up with him, but he can’t speak. It’s starting to sink in, the understanding that he’s going to lose Kakashi after all this time, and he weakly gestures back at Kakashi to continue.
“Obito, I have something very important to tell you,” Kakashi says, and merely the fact that he’s speaking so plainly confirms all Obito’s suspicions. Kakashi has never met a serious discussion he didn’t want to escape, so whenever he’s direct like this, Obito makes sure to pay attention. It’s only happened a few times, when Kakashi first asked him out, when he asked him to get an apartment with him, when he asked him to officially help him train the team. Kakashi’s being even more direct this time, and Obito knows that he needs to listen.
Even though right now he’d rather fling himself out the very large window beside them.
Kakashi hasn’t said anything else, has just been watching Obito with that same serious stare. Oh gods, he’s going to have to participate in his own breakup.
The window looks more tantalizing by the second.
“I’m listening,” Obito finally says, the words grinding like gravel in his throat. He can feel his eye start to burn, but he holds the tears back as best as he can. No need to make this any more difficult for either of them.
It takes Kakashi a moment to speak again, and Obito can see the outlines of his mouth working as he attempts and discards a few openings to his breakup speech.
“It feels like I’ve known you all my life,” he finally says, and Kakashi’s voice isn’t its usual lazy drawl. His normally smooth tones are strangely ragged, and the longer he speaks the more it sounds like the words are getting caught in his throat. “We’ve been through so much of our lives together.”
This is torture. Obito can hardly stand it.
“You’ve almost always been by my side,” Kakashi says, and on top of the impending-breakup panic, Obito gets treated to a brief flashback to Madara’s cave, darkness pressing in on all sides, the one long stretch of his life when he and Kakashi weren’t together. Kakashi must see something in his face, hear a minute hitch in his breathing, because suddenly his hand is covering Obito’s on the tablecloth, his thumb stroking familiar circles on the inside of Obito’s palm, the same soothing pattern he’s used for years to remind Obito where and when he is.
Obito can feel tears gathering in his eye, both from the flashback and from their current situation, and he roughly pulls his hand away to wipe at them.
He wishes he couldn’t see the hurt in Kakashi’s expression, because he doesn’t want to be worrying about Kakashi’s emotional wellbeing while the man is breaking up with him.
Kakashi slowly draws his hand back to himself and continues, quieter now, not as sure of himself as he was.
“I know I haven’t always been there, haven’t always been able to help you,” he says, staring at his hands, and a small vicious part of Obito is glad to see his hesitancy. Good. Let him second-guess himself. He should- There’s no reason- Obito wants to-
Obito wants them to stay together.
But that’s no reason to be cruel, he tells himself with a sigh, reaching out and offering his hand to Kakashi, an unspoken apology for pulling away like he did.
Kakashi looks up at him through his lashes, a hesitant expression that Obito is far more used to seeing in the mirror, and takes Obito’s hand in both of his own. He steels himself, taking a deep breath to settle his resolve, and stands.
“But I want to. I want to always be there.”
…What?
Kakashi slowly kneels down on one knee, beside Obito’s chair, and their heads are almost level. Kakashi carefully takes a hand back, tilts up his hitai-ate and dispels his genjutsu, and pulls a small box from his pocket. He opens the box.
There’s a ring in the box, and Obito’s racing thoughts stutter to a halt.
“Uchiha Obito, will you marry me?” Kakashi asks, staring up at Obito with fear and panic and so much love in his eyes.
Obito gapes.
“What?” He says softly, and Kakashi doesn’t flinch outwardly, but Obito can see his eyes shutter. “What?” He repeats, because he’s pretty sure he’s going into shock.
He keeps glancing from Kakashi’s face, hidden from the restaurant by their bodies and chairs but entirely bare to Obito, to the ring, a spiraling twist of bright gold studded with tiny starlike diamonds and two colored stones, one bright orange and one a blue so dark it’s almost black.
This can’t be happening. There’s no way this is real. Any second now he’s going to wake up, and Kakashi won’t be in their bed, won’t be in his life, and the thought sends Obito’s tears spilling, choking his voice when he speaks.
“What?” He says again, because the only other thing in his head is a gibbering mess of half-formed words and a faint screeching. He moves. He doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to break whatever this is, but he has to check, has to confirm this is reality, and he moves his free hand to cup Kakashi’s bare cheek.
Kakashi leans into his hand with a trembling smile, tears gathering in his eyes, and that’s when Obito finally snaps out of it.
He hasn’t seen Kakashi cry since he woke in the Konoha hospital, disoriented and confused, and asked Kakashi when he’d gotten to the Pure Land.
There’s no way he’d be dreaming about his boyfriend crying, he couldn’t even have imagined the sight in front of him, never would’ve dreamed that Kakashi would propose when he’s been worried sick about-
Oh.
Oh gods.
Kakashi just proposed.
Kakashi just proposed, and Obito’s been sitting silently like an idiot and not answering and Kakashi’s about to cry oh gods.
“Yes!” Obito finally manages, shouts it, really, and Kakashi jumps in surprise.
The restaurant around them explodes into cheers, and Obito hadn’t noticed how quiet it was until suddenly the tables are laughing and congratulating them and he can hear someone ordering drinks for the whole restaurant but he really doesn’t care what everyone else is doing.
The only person he cares about is kneeling on the floor in front of him, shocked silent, mouth open and eyes still watery.
“Yes?” Kakashi asks, blinking rapidly, and Obito laughs, abruptly, deliriously happy.
“Yes,” he says, stroking his hand back from Kakashi’s cheek and gripping his neck to pull him in for a kiss. “Yes, of course, yes.” He means to make it deep and meaningful and find a way to fill Kakashi’s heart with all the things he wants to tell him, but they both end up laughing in relief, and Obito has to settle for tiny kisses in between chuckles, little chaste presses while the restaurant celebrates around them.